Member: Larry  D
Location: California
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 11:06:12

Comments

Trying to find light at the end of the tunnel.


Member: Ryan H.
Location: Delaware
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 11:22:01

Comments

I think that for anyone with an addiction, my feelings are that I see the light at the end of the tunnel every day that I don't drink. It is a personal victory for me to be stronger than my need for a drink.That is my light at the end of the tunnel.


Member: Ryan H.
Location: Delaware
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 11:22:04

Comments

I think that for anyone with an addiction, my feelings are that I see the light at the end of the tunnel every day that I don't drink. It is a personal victory for me to be stronger than my need for a drink.That is my light at the end of the tunnel.


Member: Graeme B
Location: Jersey
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 12:01:59

Comments

Every day I dont pick up the light in my life increases. I recognise everything around me much clearer, and appreciate more the things the god of my understanding put on this earth for us to use and see. Today without a drink I dont need anywhere dark to hide, physically or mentally. The light at the end of my tunnel grows in brilliance every day I apply the program with honesty, sincerety and humility.


Member: Lyn F.                                    
Location: Midwest
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 12:34:58

Comments

HI, my name is Lyn, and I'm an alcoholic. My light at the end of the tunnel is, being able to see the light(if you Know what I mean). Getting up in the morning and knowing where I parked my car, or who I slept with the night before. Today my higher power is my light, everything I have, my life, my family, the gifts of recovery, have been given to me from my higher power. I have to remember that my light can always go out if I don't live my program !! Talk to ya!!


Member: Bruce N.
Location: Houston Tx
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 12:51:05

Comments

Hi....I'm Bruce ..Sober by God's Grace and an Alcoholic, I was remembering back to early sobriety (3 months or so) when I told a councelor I was seeing that I just wish I knew what it was like to be a year sober, or 5 years, or 10 years and he told me that I probably couldn't handle that much information right now and God will reveal his plan for me as time goes on. Boy, how right he was! Given all that knowledge at once I probably would've turned tail and ran for the hills like a bat out of hell. Today it is important for my program to know that God DOES have a plan for me, that a great deal of that plan is revealed when I work the steps, and that there is a part of life that will remain a mystery until I get to meet with Him face to face. Until that day the light at the end of the tunnel gives me direction on which way to go when I'm lost. My e-Mail is BNixon0455@aol.com if anyone wants to correspond. Love you guys...Bye


Member: JCP ^\^ dixyflier@usa.net
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 13:18:28

Comments

"I used to be ashamed of my condition and so didn't talk about it. But nowadays I freely confess I am a depressive, and this had attracted other depressives to me. Working with them has helped a great deal."--As Bill Sees It, p. 231

J here, a grateful alcoholic: Critics including some here in Staying Cyber have worked Bill over at times, along lines that being depressive discredited his work. But Bill is being named in various places is one of the pivotal people of the century, and they aren't. (Of course, neither am I.)

My image is Bill W. emerging from the tunnel driving the train -- best part for me is I'm on board. At other times in life it might be worth reflecting that the light at both ends of the tunnel is usually the same, which might tell us something about staying out of unnecessary tunnels to start with.

I know, it's not a word game, but the nearer we get to the end, the lighter the tunnel already is. Drinking, I was going deeper and darker into the tunnel, but emerging today is brighter than yesterday.

In fact I can share Bill's words in his own voice (if this infernal machine works!) -- a long URL to type, but cut & paste will do it:

http://www.pathfinder.com/time/time100/heroes/profile/wilson01.html


Member: Carol C.
Location: Metro Atlanta Area
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 13:23:10

Comments

My name is Carol, alcoholic. When someone asks a question such as the one posted, I ask if I have ever felt that way. In the darkness instead of the light. And, of course, I have, many times. It is so important for me to remember that my problem is a "spiritual malady" and that "without help it is too much for" me. So I don't depend soley upon myself to remove the obstacles that are standing in the way of my being in the "sunlight of the spriit". Expectations lead to resentments for me. I am frequently disappointmented in people, places and things, but day by day, as I don't drink and go to meetings I find that I am the one with the problem and that my Higher Power is the solution. Thank God for AA. I need the program more today than I did 13 yrs. ago.


Member: Pablo R.
Location: Midhudson Valley N.Y.
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 13:38:57

Comments

Hello everyone, I`m Pablo alcoholic and drug addict. Good topic, today I see a light at the end of the tunnel, and it`s not a speeding train heading towards me. Thanks for letting me share, your friend in recovery Pablo.


Member: Tammi C
Location: Georgia
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 13:50:40

Comments

Hi. I'm Tammi. I have been grappling with many dark things in me recently, kind of like digging in the garden of my mind, tilling up all the weeds, old dead roots, things that clutter up and keep the seeds I'm planting there from growing. I am making room for God's light to shine in so that these fresh seeds nutured by sobriety and God's love might take root and grow healthy. Everytime I think I've gone as far into the tunnel as possible, I discover there is yet a deeper level I sometimes stumble upon, sometimes fall into. But the light is there. I know in my heart and soul it is there and that God is there beside me even down in that deep dark tunnel. And even when I cannot see the light, at the darkest moments, I can feel it coming through to me from God. Alcohol pulled me down the tunnel a ways, but it is God and the love of others who help me back out again, out into the light.


Member: Geri W
Location: Va
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 14:03:45

Comments

Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. Hi folks.

I can honestly say that I am now out of that tunnel and into the sunlight that my HP whom I chose to call God led me. Of course, the entrance is still there, lurking, and hoping that I forget what got me here. It is through my daily contact with a power greater than myself that I don't ever have to go into the darkness again - and for that I am grateful.

It didn't happen overnight - or even over years - but the day came when I finally "got it". It was only me that kept me there. So I asked for help and it came. Steps 9 - 12 keep me there. It will you too.

I welcome you to share in the light with me. Stay sober, clean house, work the steps, trust your HP and help other alcoholics. It works.

in peace


Member: Lewis
Location: Traveling
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 14:12:53

Comments

Hi Lewis here, definitely an alcoholic. Thanks Geri for sharing, especially about helping others. Unfortunately, yesterday I was in the company of alcoholics who must have forgotten what they were like the first year! Not to take inventory, but they had plenty of help, and an abundance of forgivness! Anyway, today is a new day, I'm out of the tunnel, the sun is shining and thanks to my higher power I can spend the whole day with my loving family! AA works, keeping coming, sharing and HELPING others. All of us new folks need you help.


Member: paul
Location: uk
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 14:18:16

Comments

This is a really good topic, & everone's comments are very inspiring. Thanks all. I believe that my HP is the light at the end of my tunnel. I have given him the responsibility of guiding me through the more difficult times when temptation is too much. Thanks again for a really good topic & some inspiring shares. Love to all.


Member: Rick S.
Location: B.C. NV
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 14:48:28

Comments

Hi I'm rick and I am still an alcoholic. Most of my life was spent with the thought of "getting out of this", when this happens all will be better", if I do this deal it will get better". Everything was done looking to an end to the bad situations, none of which were my doing!! (Of course!) I do not look at my sobriety today as an end to situations...therefore I do not look for light at the END of the tunnel. for me there is no end to sobriety (the tunnelI) just a daily reprieve...contingent on my spiritual condition. I try to practice these principles to the best of my ability every day in all situations. The light I see grows every day...inside me if I am spiritually growing. I know this is true when my thought go towards helping others instead of myself, with out me having to struggle to do it. (If you come from where I did that will make sense to you.) Thank you....Seee Yaaa !!!


Member: Kevin Mc
Location: Lakewood N.J.
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 16:11:04

Comments

Hi Everyone Kevin Alcoholic Here New On The Computer just got it last week Right away got A.A. on My Favorites Good Topic and nice to listen to everyone share.

hi


Member: Kevin Mc
Location: Lakewood N.J.
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 16:13:11

Comments


Member: Ralph A.
Location: Midwest
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 16:14:50

Comments

Hi I,m Ralph I'm an alcoholic. This is my first meeting in quite a few years. I have not had a drink for 31 days and cannot bring myself to return to the tables. Finding A.A. on the net is a light to get me going in the right direction. Thanks for being here for me.


Member: Kevin Mc
Location: Lakewood N.J.
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 16:18:31

Comments


Member: Patt
Location: Oregon
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 17:33:15

Comments

Good Sunday, everyone. Patt, grateful, recovering alcoholic here. GOOD topic, thank you. Sometimes I don't even realize that I'm in a tunnel, then I go to a meeting, heed what I need, and there's the light. I need you all to show me the way--we need each other, and that's how and why it works IMHO.

I was thinking this morning (not too bad a thing to do, now that I'm sober) about the goodness/Godness aspect of my life, which must be as constant as I can make it. The AA part of my life is not a PART, it must be interwoven into it and it must be all one for it to work for me. That is the Light for me.

Thanks for letting me share. "Trust God, clean house, help others." Patt


Member: Silvan B
Location: Israel
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 18:09:59

Comments

Hi.My name is Silvan and this my first visit in this site.I'm an alcoholic.Really want to stop drinking but don't know how to do it.If you have any suggestions,i'd appreciate. Shemm@newmail.net


Member: Christa
Location: USA
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 18:27:39

Comments

Silvan,

One suggestion is to make yourself a pot of tea, turn on this computer and follow the coffee pot. Then there is also the big book to read. That would be a good start. Other people will probably recommend that you find AA meetings and go there every day. It works for a lot of people. Good luck. The light will come sooner or later.


Member: Geno W.
Location: Oregon
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 20:13:19

Comments

Hi to all. My name is Geno from Reno.(Don't live there anymore) On the subject of "the light at the end of the tunnel" it must depend from what perspective a person is looking. When I was new to the program I just wanted to get and be sober, and when the first of many firsts passed, a day, a week, a month, a year I was looking anxiously for any kind of light. At the time I came in to the program I truly thought I was going insane, and maybe I was, but I wanted a life line and AA threw me that line with the suggestion "this is how we did it, grab the line and we might just pull you along with us" I did, and they did. That was 35 years ago and I am still quite active in AA, but I can assure anybody I don't look for any light at the end of the tunnel, because that would suggest something to me that I reject out of hand, which is the slightest hint of an end to the program, a graduation of sorts, and I believe (for me) that day comes when I die, and not a minute before. Good luck to all


Member: Rocky C
Location: Earth
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 21:39:16

Comments

Hello, I'm Rocky..Alcoholic and ACOA. I quit drinking about 12 years ago. Although I have never once thought about drinking again, I know better than chance a drink. 12 years ago I asked God to help me stop drinking. He did. These 12 years have been an economic boon for me and my business. The trouble is, I have been about a miserable human as I have ever known! Nothing makes me happy! Finally, I went to a pychiatrist to see what the problem was. He said I was missing a spiritual side, that was keeping me from being a "Whole" person. He suggested AA. I have been going 2 times per week for 2 months. I can see that there is a light somewhere at the end of the tunnel. But right now it is very dim. I long so much to see that light. I long so much for happiness. I long so much to fill this "Void" that has haunted me for 12 years! I long so much to find that light I call, "Senerity"!!!

Thanks to all.... Rocky


Member: Gloria H.
Location: LaPorte,IN
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 21:48:09

Comments

Hi! my name is Gloria A and just now discovered the AA meetings here, thanks to my husband. I have been in the program for over 15 years and continue to cherish my friends and the tools that I have been giving through the program and the faith and direction of GOD but I didn't see the light until I was able to turn my entire self to God. I had a hard time trying to turn my self over to God. It wasn't that I didn"t want to but just kept taking control back again and again. That does'n work . All of a sudden I am letting go, letting God. I pray that I will always be able to do this, because now I can see that beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. I'a goner if I lose my faith. I will try to be more brief the next time I chat. Love you all.


Member: Joe C.
Location: Ocean City MD
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 21:56:24

Comments

Thank God there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes the light is very dim for those that are just in, or new to recovery. I think that it's our responsibility to let them know that the light gets brighter the longer they are in the program.


Member: Alison P.
Location: Lompoc, CA
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 22:37:05

Comments

Hi, I am Alison and I am and alcoholic. "The light at the end of the tunnel" to me means that you want to be reassured that things will get better. They got better for me as each day passed without a drink. I feel that it is important to realize that things sometimes get better in ways you never imagined before. I don't mean extrodinary things, but just lifes simple pleasures will become more precious and more meaningful. For some people extrodinary things do happen, but for most of us the extrodinary part is that everyday life becomes something to be thankful for and to look forward to. When I was drinking my hopes and dreams were much different than they are today after 8 years of sobriety. They are different than they were even five years ago. "More will be revealed", as we say in AA. You will discover things about yourself that you did not know was inside of you. Just remember, "never say never" and "be carerful for what you pray for" because you are about to experience things you never really noticed were happening before. Also, think of it that life is now a "tunnel" that ineveitabally has a light at the end of it whereas when you are drinking, life is a "cave" with no outlet. God Bless.


Member: Norm F
Location: U S A
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 23:22:41

Comments

Norm alcoholic U S A I have found the spiritual side but it was in gods time not mine i had to earn it with the help of a sponser i am very greateful my life is not in turmoile any longer keep comming back the people in aa loved me when i couldnot love myself Love Norm


Member: Loreena R.
Location: Saskatchewan Canada
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 23:50:50

Comments

Hi I am Loreena and I am an alcoholic. I am not sure what my light is - I guess not drinking - something that reminds me of my light is seeing my friends hungover. I feel for them that at their expense I am glad to be sobber today. I have problems remembering God is there for me and have problems with my everyday life especially the people I work with. If I remember to give it to God I do o.k. It has been over 7 months that I have been sober and no slips actually I cannot evern imagine having another drink because I take one day at a time and it is working for me. Thanks for reading what I had to say. Happy sobriety.


Member: Walter S.
Location: Amargosa Valley, Nevada
Date: 05 Sep 1999
Time: 23:55:35

Comments

Good Evenng Everyone...My name is Walter and I am an alcoholic !!

Tunnel? What tunnel?

Sobriety has opened so many doors of opportunity both in the spiritual world and the physical world, that there is no longer that narrow-minded tunnel of alcoholic thinking.

I am so greatful for the wonderful exciting life I've been given through sobriety and through the program of A. A.

Thank You for letting me share.

WJS


Member: Navyjoe
Location: mountain view, sunnyvale Ca
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 00:31:02

Comments

I'm Navyjoe. Light at the end of the tunnel. I honestly believe that we all lived in darkness when we were in our addiction. The prophet of doom people. Life is not fair etc.. etc.. When we get to the rooms of AA is when the higher power turned the light on. It is up to us to snuff it out by taking the first drink or mood altering chemical. The 11th Step is sought through prayer and meditation, not prayer and medication. His will, not mine will be done.


Member: Duane M.
Location: Auburn, N.Y.
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 00:35:56

Comments

Good morning family,my name is Duane and I'm a real alcoholic.I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel when I finally accepted that I had more than a mere drinking problem.It's when I forget that, and the spiritual part of the program the light becomes dim and I lose my way. (which I have a few times this year)I thank my HP for keeping the candle glowing for me so I can get back on track and live the easier-softer way of life.It's my faith that lets me know things get better and I must stay until the miracle happens. Thanks for letting me share


Member: Duane M.
Location: Auburn, N.Y.
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 00:36:42

Comments

Good morning family,my name is Duane and I'm a real alcoholic.I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel when I finally accepted that I had more than a mere drinking problem.It's when I forget that, and the spiritual part of the program the light becomes dim and I lose my way. (which I have a few times this year)I thank my HP for keeping the candle glowing for me so I can get back on track and live the easier-softer way of life.It's my faith that lets me know things get better and I must stay until the miracle happens. Thanks for letting me share


Member: Bruce G
Location: Memphis
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 00:37:02

Comments

'Lo friends, IB Bruce, an alcoholic. My "tunnel" is "self". My "light" is the little piece of God that I believe He has placed within each of us to find, nourish, and treasure. When I find the "light" and become aware of my spirituality and the presence and power of God in my life, then the true and meaningful journey begins. Thanks for the topic, sometimes think I've heard them all...should know better!

bg


Member: Jim E
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 01:48:55

Comments


Member: larry T / hermosatrout@yahoo.
Location: SOCAL on visit to DALLAS
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 03:17:19

Comments

Larry, ALCOHOLIC... I've been sober just over a year. I go to at least 7 meetings a week. I was so far out there and was in denial for 30+ years. I fought the possibility of getting sober. I was so numb that I thought I was still having fun. I was a dedicated partier, not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to AA. Not sure when I crossed that invisible line.... The fight was over. When I stood up the 1st time and introduced myself as a "alcoholic" a sensation came over me. Now my hindsite realizes what I felt was the obsession being lifted by grace of my higher power. I had surrendered to AA and surrendered my will to the HP. For 3 months afterwards I could not even find the tunnel. I would spin in circles and then go whatever direction I stopped and then start spinning again and do it over and over. Now i realize every day we stay sober we trudge through the tunnel. When we reach the other side we can lay our head down to sleep. We have made it another day, one day at a time, without a drink. Every day we wake up and take direction to the light at the end of the tunnel and we keep trudging. Or, we pick up a drink and then the light goes out and we don't know which way to go and our life is again unmanaged.

This is my 1st shareing on the net so Sorry for being so windy. I've had little rest this weekend and did not get to a meeting today. Will try to do 3 meetings tmrw.

Thank you for my new life.

God bless you all.


Member: Nick B
Location: Australia
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 07:20:36

Comments

I'm Nick For the first time last Friday I went to a meeting. i have not felt better since. I have only been sober for four days, but I can see the light as bright as ever.


Member: Bonnie Z.
Location: PA, USA
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 08:59:25

Comments

Thanks for the topic, Larry, and thanks to all who shared before me. It is truly full of light today, "the sunlight of the spirit". During my drinking days, it stopped "being fun" and was indeed very dark. It wasn't until I looked up(drunk) and said, "I can't do this anymore" that I started to move into the light. Even on down days, and they're not many anymore, that light says, "this too shall pass".

It has indeed been a wonderful journey, and I intend to stay in the light. Thank you ALL for being here. Lots of love to you.

JTBSFRIEND@aol.com


Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, Massachusetts USA
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 10:44:25

Comments

Steve F., alcoholic

Hello to Rocky. I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who didn't come to AA straight out of a detox center or right off a long bender. I didn't quit drinking completely for 12 years, but I had little or nothing to drink for about 3 years, then controlled my drinking tightly for another 9 years (all this after about 20 years of alcoholic drinking).

Last fall, after 12 years of heavy control, I very nearly had a nervous breakdown. Nobody recommended AA to me, because nobody thought I had a drinking problem. Then, "out of the blue", I went out one night and got really drunk. I blacked out, passed out, and didn't go home, things I hadn't done in about 15 years. I recognized this as a sign from God that whatever was wrong with me, alcohol had something to do with it. I also knew then I should go to AA. I've been going for almost 7 months now, and my mental health has improved greatly. I don't know about the light at the end of the tunnel, but I do feel as though I have embarked on a very exciting adventure into a sane and sober life.


Member: Darwin D
Location: Brandon, Mb, Canada
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 11:01:49

Comments

Hi everyone. My name is Darwin and I am an alcoholic. To me, the light at the end of the tunnel, is seeing God's love shining from the eyes of family and friends. I am talking about the people who knew me when I was a practicing alcoholic. When I had the guts to look them in the eyes back then there wasn't much in the way of love in their eyes. Thanks to all who have shared for their insightful words and motivation


Member: Frank T
Location: Dallas
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 11:44:04

Comments

I drank last weekend after about a year and eight months of sobriety. I'm still a little foggy. I'm not real sure how it came about. I didn't wanna drink. I kinda made myself do it. A friend is comin over to take me to a noon meeting today, so I can get started again. I've been comin in and out since 86, and this was the longest I'd been sober in quite a while. I don't know what else to do except start again, but boy do I have the blues. I don't wanna deal with the reactions of friends and people I've sponsored. I just have to grin and bear it. This is a road I didn't count on havin to travel again. I feel awful.


Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 12:44:55

Comments

Good Morning To Everyone on Staying Cyber's Discussion Group!

To Larry D. in California. When I read you post yesterday morning your suggested topic immediately brought to mind those who have had near-death experiences and I really didn't know how to respond. So, like any good alcoholic in AA, I shared your topic with our Peace of Mind Group here in Arkansas and some of the things they shared are similar to what has already been said, but one key point was that the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions will not only help you "find the light at the end of the tunnel." But will also lead you to that light.

As I have said before this is a suggested program of recovery, and at my first AA Metting one of the speakers said that "Any damn fool can stay sober for 24 hours" and that has been my credo since July 25, 1960. They also shined the light on these true facts that as a chronic alcoholic, I simply had three choices. I could continue to drink and I would find an early grave. I could continue to drink and I would end up in an institution with a wet brain. I could become a member of AA and practice this program on a daily basis and I would get sober. Thankfully, I chose to be a member of AA.

My name is Tom A., a joy filled sober alcoholic today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and the program of AA.

Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!

God Bless - Tom A., ate@gte.net


Member: Elaine C
Location: Texas
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 13:49:56

Comments

Frank T, I would have had 2 yrs sober the 11th of next month . But I drank again about 3 weeks ago. So I can relate to how you feel. For me it was a great dissapointment in myself , but at the same time maybe a good thing. It reminded me that I can never drink and stay in control of it. God is the light of my tunnel and when it gets dim I know its because I'm not putting him first in my life. His light is always shinning at the end of the tunnel but I choose to turn my back on it sometimes. And the things get to be a mess. Thanks for letting me share and for all of your comments. They really helped me today Elaine C.


Member: Katie A
Location: TN,USA
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 14:32:20

Comments

Frank, Elaine, et al.I'm 47 and have been in and out for at least 6 years if not longer.Logest period was three months, and drank AT the anger I felt when my boyfriend got jeslous ( I shouldn't have been dating anyway) Finally got back in serious like 18 days ago and was likng it. Thought I might really be getting it. Got a sponsor and was going 2-3 meetings a day. This weekend was first football game for my alma mater. Don't care much about football, but it's a trigger to drink. Fought against the obsessive thinking by talking to sponsor, praying and talking about it at meetings. It would subside, but kept coming back. I could remember and believe that it would make me miserable physically and mentally, but that knowledge didn't help. Yesterday afternoon, I just gave into it and drank 9 short beers. Didn't really get buzzed, but got relief from the nagging thoughts b/c i gave into it. Now I can't see the light ( which to me is hope).

I can see how some get suicidal from getting on and off the merry-go -round. What can a person do when the insanity kicks in that says "You must drink!"

Just came back from an AA picnic. Couldn't stay, b/c I had taken my dog along and there were 100 signs saying NO PETS allowed. Hacked me off so , I thought of drinking again, but was able to believe that I didn't really want to and didn't have to and that it was NOT a real big deal.

Why do you guys think you drank after so long a time of sobriety? What do you think of this white chip business? Don't know if I'll get another one. To me it's saying, "I'm a loser" to keep getting them over and again.

Thanks for listening. It helped me to think of this site when I was disappointed at the picnic. Knowing that this was at home.


Member: sherri r.
Location: IN
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 14:57:15

Comments

sherri here, JCP I really apprecciated what you said about being depressed leading you to other depressives. I was diagnosed with depression and what you said really made sense. Thank you...


Member: Michael H.
Location: Toronto, Ont. CANADA
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 15:15:50

Comments

Hi, my name is Michael and I'm an alcoholic just over ten months sober. After a particularly emotion filled day Saturday my light at the end of tunnel shone from within the rooms of AA and I immediately followed that light back to some soundness of mind contentment. Meetings and talking with my sponsor and my Higher Power are the things that keep me from picking up a drink. It's an inside job and the light always shines from within. Michael H.


Member: becky T
Location: AZ
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 17:26:23

Comments

Hi, After 9 years of sobriety and AA I quit going to meetings. Started drinking again one year later, that was 2 years ago and still drinking. I hate myself daily for it. Am ashamed to return to meetings. But I miss the God of my understanding and want Him back in my life, AA gave me that path and I chose to leave it. I did it all in AA, meetings daily, intergroup rep., convention work, sponsorship, had sponsers, read the Big Book and meditated daily. I think ego got in my way, I stayed in a clique and many of my friends in it died and I became unable to express myself in any logical way at meetings. At first I stopped all work, wouldn't sponsor anyone, or volunteer to help in anyway, I refused to give. Then I stopped daily meditation, then stopped meetings and BOOM, life no longer holds that precious feeling of hope and good will and love for others. Alcohol takes away our ability to think rationally and with our hearts. Pettiness, bitterness and self-centeredness take over our lives and we wake each morning without God's grace in us. I hope to overcome myself and return to the serenity I once enjoyed daily. God has shown me I can't do it alone so I'm writing this, we need one another, it's part of being fully human.


Member: DJ
Location: brooklyn
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 19:08:19

Comments

hi,my name is dj and I'm an alcoholic. thanks elaine c and frank t, for what you had to say. I went 35 days this last wensday and for stupid reasons I got this craving to drink and so I nursed the Idea and drank continuisly for 4 days.anyway I've been searching all day on this site a way back on the horse and not trying to kick myself to much, thanks for your share it helped me to go for that light again..


Member: Kent K.
Location: Willits, Ca.
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 20:30:26

Comments

Hi,Kent,an alcoholic. Good topic. I have found that in order to see that light at the end of the tunnel I need to choose to keep my eyes open and focused in the right direction! I do this by frequent inventories of where I am as offered by others in the fellowship who want the same thing I do-recovery. Also I very often read pgs. 86,87,&88 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I try to reaad this every a.m. Service to others also helps keep me aimed in the right direction. It is surprising how when I'm in the dark, it is the result of 'stinkin thinkin'. A meeting usually gets my head where it needs to be. Thank's


Member: JohnS
Location: tampa
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 21:31:02

Comments

hi all. johns of tampa alcoholic. Just found this site and glad to be here. Five years next month. My HP is the light in the tunnel, leading me toward the end. Took me long time to realize that its up to me to keep lookng for the light andto follow it. Thanks or letting me share.


Member: Eileen H
Location: NY
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 22:10:02

Comments

Hello. Eileen here and very much an alcoholic.

Welcome to all the newcomers and "retreads".

Thanks for the subject matter. I came out of the tunnel and into the light just about 5 months ago. I like the light and intend on staying in it . . . no matter what sick thoughts my brain might send me about how nice having a drink might be.

We didn't get to AA because we drank soda pop. We got to AA because we drank alcohol and because the alcohol we consumed was ruining our lives.

AA is a last resort to many of us. If you can't make it in AA . . . could it be that you weren't "painstaking" in that part of your development? I've heard it over and over and over at f2f meetings ". . . I've got one day back. I've got two days back. I've got three days back." These people are LUCKY to be back.

If you started drinking again and you really want a way to stop . . . go to AA. Whether you have been there before or not. I left AA in 1996. When I came back I was welcomed with open arms as you will be too. We're a bunch of drunks trying to stay sober. We're not here to take your inventory. Only to provide assistance on a one-on-one basis to those who truly want to stop drinking One Day At A Time.

It's up to you. You have to put in the work. AA is not a pizzeria. We don't deliver. If you want what we have you'll have to come get it.

I know that I don't want what someone still drinking has and that's anxiety, fear, no self-esteem, desperation and misery.

AA has offered the light at the end of the tunnel to many . . . and the doors are always open. Why not give it a try? After all, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

Sober & quite happy about it, Eileen


Member: katie A
Location: TN.USA
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 22:11:49

Comments

becky T. You've got a lot going for you and I hope you get involved again. Sounds like you've got a lot to give. I wish I hadn't felt the urgent NEED to drink yesterday and given in, b/c i know it will come again sometime. Thought about continuing today, but didn't, thank goodness. maybe haven't done enough paper work. Just don't know. Am grateful for this site and for all of you.


Member: Freddy the Photon
Location: It was the Singularity
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 22:46:10

Comments

Freddy here, alcoholic...Hi everyone. We've all been taught in school that 1/0 is undefined. That was always a dark tunnel for me. When I drank, this particular 'little' problem usually surfaced into my philosophical realm of alcoholism. After being struck down by a car while walking home from the liquor store (I didn't have a driver's license), I saw or experienced a VERY BRIGHT LIGHT that I have not seen since that time. During my recovery, after having decided that maybe I had better not drink, at least for a while, I had the sense to approach this problem from a physical standpoint. Using my 6 mo. AA medallion to draw circles, I noticed that if I used the inscribed triangle twice and rotated the resulting interior hexagon, a cube was generated. Two more revolutions and I had enveloped the idea, geometrically speaking...the generation of spatial dimensionality. After many measurements and much thought, I saw the light! The dilemma involved with the singularity in physics or 1/0 can be effectively resolved by first geometrically generating and arithmetrically ascertaining the inertial mass of the photon, 7.0972 x 10^-26 GeV/c^2. Converting this mass to electron mass units (emu) and multiplying by 24, this multiplication being geometrically necessitated, one arrives at a number of a physical entity that can be effectively substituted for zero. It is zero yet not zero, so to speak. No more infinite densities!!! This relationship is the constitution of 'my' light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know, maybe it's God's!


Member: DonF
Location: NH
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 23:23:41

Comments

Katie A (9/6 14:37 and once more) you will see the light at the end of the tunnel when you stop demanding to see it on your own terms. Your message somehow gives me the feeling that you have a strong ego...and this is not an insult, it's just the way we alkys are...because of your comment about the white chip and giving in to "urgent need". The disease will constantly tell us it needs a drink...our ego says that our feelings and wishes must be gratified. The tools of the program allow us to postpone response to those desires for just a day, each day, but "Left to our own devices we will drink again." In the 12/12 under 3rd Step it says something like (and I'm too tired right now to go upstairs and find it and quote it exactly) "Logic and instinct always conspire to bolster ego and stifle spiritual development". So we do what seems right to us at the time, leaving out our Higher Power, our sponsor, and our prospects for staying sober today. So Katie, tomorrow, get into HOW it works (Honesty Openness and Willingness) don't drink, go to a meeting, ask for help, and LET IT HAPPEN! You're worth it.


Member: Naomi C.
Location: New York State
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 23:28:09

Comments

Hi. My name is Naomi and I am an alcoholic. I haven't been to a meeting for months. My husband has been going to meetings so I'm home with the kids. In any event,as a result I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I have almost 4 years of sobriety and just stopped believing. The worst thing is school for my children begins in another day and of course I am anticipating the lonliness.


Member: Max H.
Location:
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 23:29:05

Comments

Hi group, My name is Max and I am an ALCOHOLIC, This is to Becky T. I have 50 days sober today. If I can do this anybody can. I was well on my way to hell when I walked into AA 5 Weeks ago, after getting out of Charter Hospital. I think I have grown a lot. But what really scares me is the people that "go back out" I hav seen it happen to I believe 6 or 7 people and as I said I have only been going to meetings for 5 weeks now. I am working on my fourth step, and hope to finish it this week. Please think about your life and the others around you that you are affecting. I know you probly think who the heck I think I am. Well I was out there for thirty years,and but by the grace of GOD made it into AA in time to save my life, and hopefully in the future I may save someone else. Thanks for letting me Share. Max H. in Texas


Member: Jennifer
Location: N.E. England
Date: 06 Sep 1999
Time: 23:47:16

Comments

silvan, one thing is sure, you must stop drinking or the drinking will stop you. I have just celebrated my first year of sobriety and it is wonderful. It does become a little bit easier every day. But you must get help, you can't do it alone. I finaly ended up in my doctor's office just cringing in total embaresment. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. But it was the best step that I ever took. He didn't treat me like a freak but made me understand that I have an illness and needed help. I have had counseling, and it was such a relief to talk openly to these wonderful people. To this day I have no idea why I am an alcoholic and why this illness hit me. I have a wonderful family who have stood by me so I am lucky. But Silvan you must stop and you must go for help. This site is wonderful but you need 'hands on' help too.


Member: Judy S
Location: Md
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 00:01:59

Comments

Hi everyone, Judy S. sobriety date 9-1-91. When I saw the topic I thought of the 2nd step. I was told a long time ago that was the Hope step.I know what it is like to not be able to think of doing anything without a drink. I remember what it was like to try to quit, but couldn't. I remember the feeling of hopelesness. If there was a light at the end of my tunnel back then, I was to numb to try to crawl to it, see it or want it. The second step told me that I could find a way to stop the insanity, there is a solution. That is when I began to see a light. I can remember the feeling of complete serenity when I finaly asked God for help. I got out of that tunnel, with the AA program. The light at the end of the tunnel for me, is living the life I have from doing all 12 steps. The spiritual experience that relived me from bondage of self.


Member: Loreena R.
Location: Saskatchewan Canada
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 00:37:22

Comments

Hi I am Loreena and I am an alcoholic. I shared last night and read some everyone's since then. You all touch on so much to make me think about me. I go through like alot thinking of others mostly and I need to think of me sometimes BUT not feel sorry for myself. My last night of drinking found me being raped by a man, my boyfriend (of three years), found this man, I blacked out(don't remember the rape at all), had to take a lie detector test to find out it showed I was lying and finally ended up in a treatment center on my own accord and have been sober ever since. The light at the end of my tunnel regarding my drinking days is dark, very dark. The light at the end of my tunnel being sober is very bright. I have not delt with my last night of drinking other than getting sober. I have alot of anger and resentment inside me. If I wanted I could feel sorry for myself and pickup that drink but why then this man would have won. I won because I am sober today. I thank everyone on here for so much possitive there is in your comments. It's awesome. I hope one day I can really deal with my last night but those memories help to keep me sober today. When you want a drink no matter how mad you are think about the horrible things that you have done or other people have done to you while drinking. It might help.


Member: Rob R.
Location: B.C. CANADA
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 00:48:35

Comments

Im Rob a recovering alcoholic...a very special thanksto all members at this site,and expecially those who are newcomers or coming back.Ive been sober almost 7 years now by the grace of god and the fellowship of the program.After all thats how this thing works is'nt it? It's so wonderfull to hear so many others sharing there experience, strength,and expecially there HOPE.


Member: Alkie Marie
Location: Arizona
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 06:41:26

Comments

Good Morning, My name is Marie and I am definately an alcoholic. Thank God and you for contributing to this site! I know that my sobriety (6 months) is by the grace of God and the help of the AA fellowship. My first meeting my sponser told me that "Meeting makers make it!" I have been to many meetings and God has already lifted the desire to drink. I have not done the ninety meetings in ninety days. Will contributing here when I cannot get to a meeting count towards the 90 in 90? Sobriety is absolutely the most precious gift I have been given! I have heard many times, "just don't take that first drink and your life will get better," it is true, most days my life is better. The tough days are now just that, tough days. The important thing is not to take a drink! Last night I heard my story completely, I was laughing because the speaker was using his words to describe my family and my day! My daughter (no medical backround) knows more than my doctor, imaging how much time and money I could have saved! She knows all the answers to my problems and the exact time that I should be doing a particular thing! When she doesn't like me following my doctors advise she takes away visits with my grandsons and tells me that I like things stirred up all the time! I love her and know that she doesn't know what she doesn't know, this to shall pass! For today I will allow myself to not live under her microscope, I will let God take control and I will pray for my family members who still suffer. Today I intend to not take a drink and just kick back and enjoy the beautiful sunshine from within, it's been a long time in coming. Thanks for letting me share and keep coming it was good to hear all of you.


Member: Ellen
Location:
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 08:18:04

Comments

Hi, my name is Ellen and I'm a recovering alcoholic.

When I saw the words "light at the end of the tunnel". My thoughts were, What light? What tunnel?". I guess that shows how much I've changed. There isn't a tunnel anymore. I don't think too much about the future. The light is here with me. Sounds so very strange to write it down. I take my spirtuality seriously and part of that is staying present focused.

Yes, Marie, I believe online meetings count. I have 11 years this month. There were times in my life that the only meetings I could attend were online! And sometimes these were the only meetings I wanted to attend! Build a good solid support group of people that love you, where you can be HONEST about your feelings. Pray a lot. Be kind. All those things that aren't cool. Watch, no tunnel - lot's of light.


Member: "Yawn"
Location: Gold Country, CA
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 10:10:02

Comments

My name is "Yawn" and I'm an alcoholic.

When I completed my 5th step (with tears and all), my sponsor told me that I now "walk in the light of the Spirit". Immediately after that moment, I felt a major change within my sole, my heart. I also knew at that moment, that I had reached the light at the end of the tunnel; however, my journey was and still is far from over. The path to serenity for me has always been a road, which started in a tunnel (darkness), but is now in wide-open space (in the light of the Spirit).

I have learned that life certainly does not get any easier in sobriety, but it does get a lot more serene as I continue to work the steps - kind of like 'rolling with the punches' with a smile.

Thank you God and AA for letting me share today.


Member: anne d
Location: opk
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 10:27:51

Comments

thanks so much for all the sharing. i've visited a few times and it seems like i lose touch and give in. i really want to stop drinking and do well most of the time, but i give in and then hate myself. glad to know that this happens to others too. i want to quit and have to learn to take it day by day. afraid to go to actually 'see' people (or have people see me?) so am trying to begin on my own. i know i'm a very strong person and have been thru alot on my own so i believe i can do this too,. know i need to have God in my life and i keep crowding him out cuz i think i can do without him. know i can't. i really want it to work out, for my own sake and for my kids. i CAN see the light of no alcohol in my life and i sure want to get closer to that. i will just have to remember to pray every morning for strength and pray every evening as thanks. i also have to remember 'one day at a time' and not plan for the next week, month, etc. worry about dealing with today, not how to handle the party next weekend. thanks for letting me share, please keep me in your prayers that i can do this. i just feel like crying because i feel like such a failure when i take a drink. figure that my kids will hate me and when i get old they'll say they had an idiot for a mom. i feel down cuz i feel stupid about doing it. going to try to take it just day by day, try to remember words of wisdom, just take it day by day, and try to remember why i'm doing this. even if i have to try to remember that my kids would think i'm an idiot - if that's what it takes to help me get thru the day. thanks so much again.


Member: Mike S
Location: La.
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 12:43:55

Comments

Hi,time for me to surrender to the fact that I cannot do this alone.I am an alcoholic and have been to one meeting in my life.I am very grateful to have found this site since my fear of never stopping drinking has grown stronger recently. At this moment I am shaking I think with relief to be typing this to all that have contributed to this page. I can recall that at times in my life I have felt blessed, guided and loved. These were times when I was sober. Thanks to you all for your sharing and pray for me to stop killing myself. I know that there is a plan for me but I have been too drunk and in pain to see it.Time to grow up !


Member: rowena
Location: newfoundland
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 13:09:19

Comments

hi I am a verry heavy drinker but I do want to stop and I dont know who to turn to my family doesn,t know and I am so scared that they will find out


Member: rowena
Location: newfoundland
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 13:09:36

Comments

hi I am a verry heavy drinker but I do want to stop and I dont know who to turn to my family doesn,t know and I am so scared that they will find out


Member: rowena h
Location: newfoundland
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 13:09:52

Comments

hi I am a verry heavy drinker but I do want to stop and I dont know who to turn to my family doesn,t know and I am so scared that they will find out


Member: rowena h
Location: newfoundland
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 13:10:51

Comments

hi I am a verry heavy drinker but I do want to stop and I dont know who to turn to my family doesn,t know and I am so scared that they will find out


Member: rita r
Location: austin, tx
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 13:21:15

Comments

to becky t in arizona: my name is rita and i've been in and out since dec. of 89. the light is still there. you just have to once again, be willing to go to any lengths to find it. i now have 6 days once again and i've given up on fighting and i'm currently happier than i've been in years. good luck sweethart!


Member: CJD
Location: midwest
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 14:39:39

Comments

Why wait til the end of the tunnel? I carry my "flash"light with me..12 Steps,Big Book,Phone lists,Meeting directory,etc. Just because we "feel" depressed, doesn't necessarily make it true. I am oftentimes suicidal and without hope when I refuse, forget, am distracted, whatever, and don't use the light I have been given. Let AA help you turn yours on.


Member: Cynthia A.
Location: Marietta, GA
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 14:59:43

Comments

Cynthia here, alcoholic. I really enjoyed Becky from AZ sharing. I had a year sobriety, was very happy and centered, felt very spiritually connected.... then began experimenting again. That was almost a year ago. I've seen myself going down the spindle in many areas, but kept my head stuck in the sand. I'm very scared right now, and want to return to the peacefulness and serenity I felt when I was actively working the program. I've learned that there really isn't any another way. Yesterday was my last day of drinking. I need to get a schedule for my area and go pick up my "new beginning" chip. Surrendering will feel wonderful in comparison to the pain I have been feeling about myself. Does anyone know how to find a schedule for your area online? Thanks for everyone sharing. I look forward to finding the light again.


Member: Richard
Location: Tampa
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 15:50:50

Comments

Hi, Richard, alcoholic, here. I'm very grateful to this on line meeting. I have 11 days sober now. Wouldn't have believed that possible two weeks ago. I logged onto this site 8/25 and went to my first meeting the next day. I now have a sponsor and have started working the steps. I guess I'm a typical alcoholic. Cynical, sceptical, mistrustful. All I know is that at A.A. I've met people who are sober. Some for years. I believe that if I want what they've got I have to follow the same steps they took. I haven't seen the "light at the end of the tunnel" yet, but I've met people who have. I believe that light is there, and with the help of my HP (whatever that turns out to be) I'll live long enough to see it for myself. Thanks for letting me share, pray for me.....


Member: Elsa
Location: PORTUGAL
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 19:56:37

Comments

one fine day GOD gave the chance to see the light and live in the spirit the gave to A.A.Five years ago I didnīt know what to do where to go,where I was comming from,who I was.I couldnīt cope with my life,whit my drinking,with myself,but i also got no solution to my problem,Iknew I had a problem,and that was named ALcoholism.After closing me up for three month,couldnīt face people nor myself,but sending my son to buy me licoor cross the steet,I stiil didnīt find a solution. Day one for LIFE was when I got down on my knees and beg GOD to please relieve me from that pain.Having the conscience about the problem and not being able to get out ,was a daily torture,phisicaly,mentaly and deep in my soul.Craying while drinking also didnīt help.BUT I HAD TO DRINK!!!!! After entering A:A meetingīs door,listening and watching all of that well looking people identifying themselves as alcoholics,I just thought it wasnīt true,but something keep teeling me to go back,and somebody told me it would get better.So I did ,so it happened. I kneew the light was there to guied me and everybody who was ready to give themselves to a simple program for complicated people. After 5 years I had a drink and I run to share it because only with honesty I could have a chance. I began from step one,and today I can see the light again. Thanks Albuquerque and thanks to all of you to be there for me Thanks to GOD to have given Bill the inspiration that got us to find and be able to live in the solution.


Member: Lisa LC
Location: Ventura County, CA.
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 20:28:09

Comments

Hi, my name is Lisa LC and I'm an alcoholic and an addict-

Once again, there is a great topic this week. The light at the end of the tunnel for me has been and still is when I inter into a hard part of something, someplace or even with someone. When I have that narrow closing in road feeling and are able to approach it, feel it, learn about it, experience it and deal with it and out of this comes a light. Wow, that is why I had to go through this darkness>>>All of a sudden I feel great to of been able to of walked through it. And, one thing is for sure, if your going through something tough-I've learned that there will ALWAYS be that light of the end of the tunnel. This is why I cannot get too upset about problems, etc. because I always get to the point. It is a real wonderful learning experience and you become grateful- unventually- for these times that come up. Life's in session and always will be. That's where God and AA come into, We are given tools help us cope. Great, uh?!!

Anyway, welcome to all the new friends here and for your sharing. And, thanks for letting me share. Lisa LC / LCRMOMX3@cs.com


Member: Tamara M.
Location: AZ
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 20:51:57

Comments

Hi, I'm Tamara, an alcoholic/addict recovering from a recent relapse. Say that 3 times fast. I've been waking up every morning and wasting time being angry at myself, playing those "old records" again. As the days go by, I do this less and try to appreciate the good things that have not been taken from me. The light at the end of the tunnel is my pride, self-esteem and awareness that I'm a good person. I'm getting closer!


Member: Allison U.
Location: Wadesboro, NC
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 22:45:28

Comments

Hi, I'm an Alcoholic named Allison. This is my first time at this site. I enjoyed reading everyone's comments. I especially liked "CJD's comment about taking the flashlight in the tunnel. I have been sober almost one year - the 28th of this month will be a year - and sometimes I think I can see light, and I know if I keep doing the things I am supposed to do the light will get brighter - one day at a time.


Member: Miss Celia W
Location: currently in Arkansas
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 22:53:52

Comments

hi Celia, alcoholic

what a great topic! I really liked what Bruce from Memphis shared. I agree 100%.

For me, the light at the end of the tunnel is love. As an alcoholic, that area tends to be a problem for me sometimes also, but only when I think it can cure me, heal me, take care of me.

I guess I think about ending it all as much as any alcoholic early in sobriety does. Love is what keeps me here. I can be feeling so terribly sorry for myself, and then I get a glimpse of my mom and dad, and sisters and brother, shit even my dog.

I know I would not be here today if it wasn't for the love I have been given in and out of these rooms.

Talk to you all later


Member: Danny P
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 23:10:28

Comments

Lord be a lamp unto my feet that lights my path. I try to use this scripter every day in my soberity to help me follow and stay on the right path to find that light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks to this program for giving me the little spark to light the lamp. Thanks for today!

peace.

danny


Member: Danny P
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 23:10:45

Comments

Lord be a lamp unto my feet that lights my path. I try to use this scripter every day in my soberity to help me follow and stay on the right path to find that light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks to this program for giving me the little spark to light the lamp. Thanks for today!

peace.

danny


Member: patrick M.
Location: E. Amherst NY
Date: 07 Sep 1999
Time: 23:12:27

Comments

Howdy there- My name is Patrick & I'm a recovering alkie myself!! So then for the last 3 years I've been living a lie-What i mean to say is that I've been drinking!(albeit not as much as i had been almost 7 years ago)But then again I have been drinking!! So then what does a person do when he doews not believe in a HP? Like yo-I've suffereed fron brain damage since i've been drinking but I can't seem to stop!! ever since my Carbon Monoxide Poisioning which i suffered approximnately 6 years ago- I've had a hard time beleiving in a God! Can you all help?? I sicerely want to quit drinking!But I've had a hard time dealing with the HP aspect of this program! So then please help me!!


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 00:43:04

Comments

tony alcoholic....aa,the people at the meetings,listening,reading the bb the 12 step book,the grapevine....thats my light.yes,today i have hope ,joy,faith ect...when i drank everyday i had despair,doom,confusion,anger ect...today i see a light,i thank God everyday for allowing me to see that light...the light i see is Him


Member: Dave C
Location:
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 00:45:50

Comments

I have 6 months next Tuesday. After my 3rd DUI something changed. It was just time. My light is the freedom I have now. I may "do time" for my DUI...but to know I can be free with God. (I'm still not looking forward to the "Graybar" Hotel) :) The darkness of losing my car, my insane actions, thick hangovers, my list goes on... it can get better. Pray.


Member: Big John M.
Location: Modesto, CA
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 00:50:50

Comments

Willingness was the switch that turned on the light at the end of my tunnel. After 11 years of going "in and out" of the Fellowship trying to do it my way, I ended up in a hospital bed sedated for 4 days so the convulsions of withdrawel wouldn't kill me. I had finally become "willing" to be open to the existance of a Higher Power, and, the prospect that He could restore me. I sat on the edge of that hospital bed and told Him I was "willing to accept whatever solution to my problem He deemed appropriate, including death. I didnt see a light or feel a wind like Bill W. but, from that day on, July 6, 1994, I have not had the compulsion to drink. I also became willing to work the steps and apply the primciples of the program to my daily living and it has grown, slowly but surely, better and better. The Promises are coming true. I apologize for the long-windedness. My first time here (just got the computor} and I am really excited about this site. Great meeting!!


Member: kjr
Location: Manassas Va.
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 01:03:08

Comments

Light at the end of the tunnel means I NEVER ever have to drink alcohol again!What a miricle!


Member: James Alky
Location: Montrose,Colorado
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 01:51:24

Comments

Go into the tunnel. We'll leave the light on for you. You will be relieved of the bondage of self at the moment of your death.

"What page of the Big Book were you reading when you decided to take a drink? What prayer were you saying when a drink looked like a good idea. What did your sponsor say that made you think one drink would not hurt? What meeting were you at that promoted the idea of being cured of alcoholism? What step were you working when you decided a drink would fix anything? What recovering alcoholic were you talking to on the phone, or in person before you took the first drink? What AA service were you involved with when the insane idea of a drink hit? If God's not in your life; Who moved?"

My relapse starts long before the drink. It begins for me in me thinking, when I let up on my program of action. When I was in a bar, I heard this old saying,"Snooze, you lose!"

My sponsor told me the difference between committment and participation was like having bacon and eggs for breakfast. The chicken participates in the breakfast, the pig is committed! Today I get to be a pig.

And the light at the end of the tunnel is not a grizzly bear with a flashlight. So, by the grace of God and this fellowship, and my home group, this drunk has been sober all day today. A miracle.

It's late, gotta go. Thanks for the inspiration. Hope to see ya around the tables. In the fellowship of the Spirit. James L.

drop a line anniel@ocinet.net


Member: Ben
Location: Oregon
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 01:54:15

Comments

Well, I haven't seen any light yet. I'm still walking through the tunnel backwards. All I see is the darkness I'm leaving behind. I here there is light though. I jsut hope I can get turned around to see it. I'm only sixty days sober so I'm not giving up. I just keep hoping for a lantern or something. For now the cherry on my cigarette is showing me the way.


Member: Jack B.
Location: Cumbola Pa.
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 05:11:02

Comments

HI, I am Jack and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic.First time I have ever heard light at the end of the tunnell used as a discussion topic, but it is a great way of looking what wonderful miracle that has occured in this alcoholics life.

The light at the end of the tunnell for me means quite simply what they told me when I came into this fabulous fellowship.They told me that if I made the 12 step program my way of life, I would be able to accept and deal with everything that comes into my life without picking up a drink one day at a time.Thru the Grace of God that has happened and God willing the 23rd of November will be 12 years that simple statement has been the beacon of light at the end of the tunnell.I have hope for a great today and God willing an even better tomorrow.Thank you and God bless all my friends in Alcoholics Anonymous.


Member: Emmie C
Location: Florida
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 06:20:37

Comments


Member: Mike S
Location: La.
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 10:54:03

Comments

Hi, Mike S. again from La.an alcoholic dry one day. Had nightmares and nit sweats last night but feel better this morning than in a long time. Sorry to break the rule of only sharing once a week, but see more light today. Again very grateful for this site and you sharing your struggles.Thanks for the prayers.Sincerely


Member: cassandra a dailey
Location: indiana
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 10:54:56

Comments

hello, my name is cassie and so far i have no light at the end, im scared, im tired of feeling the way that i do and i...i just dont know what to do. Im so sick of being late, calling in to work, not spending quality time with my duaghter, feeling guilty, being hungover ,needing a drink to cope or have a good time with my spouse..im sick of it all. Ive tried talking to people before , im lost in this world, and i wish i could find myself at the light of the tunnel. Please email me with comments...cassred@yahoo.com


Member: Darwin D
Location: Brandon, Mb, Canada
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 12:04:35

Comments

Just a quick note to Patrick M from E. Amherst NY. Your HP does not necessarily have to be God. When I first came into the program I used my home group as my higher power. If you have a hard time believing in a power greater than yourself then go outside and make the wind stop blowing. This was suggested to me by a counsellor of mine in treatment. Go to f2f meetings and work hard.


Member: MaryJ
Location: Seattle
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 12:20:05

Comments

Hi,

I'm Mary and an alcoholic. The light at the end of the tunnel has many meanings to me, just as varied as what you all have written. Today the light at the end of the tunnel is being able to say that I am happy to be sober, that it is a beautiful day and I am happy to be alive. I have been trying to see the glass as half full, rather than half empty. I am trying to view life as a journey to be enjoyed and not to be feared.

As an alcoholic, I felt that I was always in a tunnel and there was no end to that tunnel. It's what alcohol does to me. There is always darkness and never any light.

Thank you all for sharing and letting me share.


Member: Lynn C
Location: Raleigh, NC
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 13:37:31

Comments

My name is Lynn and I am an alcoholic. I am not in a tunnel today but I was thirteen years ago. The light was unreachable to me. Today I know that the light is my higher power whom I choose to call God. He is not at the end of a tunnel, but right here inside of me and in each one of you. When I work the steps and give back what I got so freely, I can see His light. Patrick, I used the group as my higher power for a long time. Higher power just means that I believe something has more power than I do. When I came to AA that was the group (still is, but my experience of HP has expanded). I like the suggestion about going outside and trying to stop the wind. Hell, I couldn't make myself stop drinking or anyone do what I wanted. Then I got sober one day at a time in AA and now I can accept life on life's terms, as it is not as I think it should be. If you are willing to take the suggestions of the people who have gotten sober then you will experience this for yourselves. It really does work but you have to be willling to follow directions. It took me three years to follow the directions but once I did, the program began to work. That is what we promise you: if you do what we have done, one day at a time, you will experience a change and no longer need to drink. Best wishes and hope to see you at the meetings!


Member: Kelly A.
Location: Boston
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 14:35:55

Comments

Is there a light? I am new to this "not drinking" thing and to be honest it is very hard. I think about it everyday. It used to be the thought of drinking would consume me, now it is the thought of not drinking which consumes me. My life is very busy yet, at those very vulnerable moments, I find myself thinking of drinking. I have found a site that has the Big Book and have been reading it. A commonality that seems to be present in success is that of religion. I seem to struggling with that as much as I am the drinking. I said to myself in a rather nonchalant way "OK OK I accept this higher power thing just show me how to get over this" At that point a radio announcer I had been listening to announced that it was Alcohol and Drug awareness month and if you were sick and tired of feeling sick and tired then get help! Ain't that a HOOT! I haven't written on this site for a while but I have been reading and it helps. I look forward to the light at the end of my tunnel. Also I look to you who have been there with hopes that you can continue to inspire me. Maybe someday it will click. Have a great day.


Member: DAVID B
Location: WESTERN NC
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 15:59:09

Comments

FOR THOSE WITH REPEATED FAILURES WITH ALCOHOL: DO NOT GIVE UP. KEEP PRAYING AND KEEP TRYING. I HAVE HAD REPEATED TROUBLES WITH ALCOHOL, AND I AM THANKFUL THAT GOD DID NOT ABANDON ME. I AM A HEALTH AND SAFETY INSTRUCTOR. GOOD THINGS CAN COME FROM WHAT SEEMS BAD AT THE PRESENT. I THINK THIS WWW SITE IS VERY GOOD.


Member: Aldo B
Location: Bogota
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 18:08:37

Comments

Hello I am Aldo an alcoholic

I have had fun and enligthment reading your posts I thankyou all for them. To those with trouble with HP ( God for me) I want to share my experience. I got to my first meeting of AA in july 1990, I was wellcomed as I was never before at any place including my on house, I said to my self this is very nice people but I do not belive in God or anything more powerfull than my own 'very clever' mind. I stayed dry ( not sober) for 21 months and I relapsed, drank for seven years and God gaveme another chance. I suffered those 7 years as any alcoholic suffers of living a live with no meaning and feeling I could not get out. Today I know there is a way out, it has been given to me at treatment and now in the AA rooms. GOD does exist, he loves me and cares.

Although I had trouble 'beliving' in a Higher Power than myself I had great experience commiting my life to such a power, every time I pickedup a drink I was totally out of controll of when or where to stop, what to do or what to think and say, Alcohol hadme in its grip and I was totally powerless against it. Today I am still powerless against alcohol , so by the Grace of God, Today I do not give my live to it, but I try to give my will and live to an all loving all powerfull GOD, and you can take my word It is a better life.

Thanks for lettingme share, I thank GOD for all 24 hours I haved had, each of them is a miracle

Love

Aldo

PS excuse my english


Member: Cathy E.
Location: Oregon
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 19:49:35

Comments

I have been ten years sober and still look for a "light at the end of the tunnel" (i.e. where all my problems will be resolved). However, by the will of my HP, I am realizing one day at a time that it is the journey, and not the destin- ation that we should be enjoying on this planet. So, even though there is no end of the tunnel, we can still keep our eyes on the light. All journeys are better done sober, I think. Great discussion group. Saves me at work, where I need it most!


Member: Patt
Location: Oregon
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 19:52:38

Comments

Hi, everyone, Patt, grateful, recovering alcoholic. It occurs to me that tunnels are very useful--they take us through barriers we might not be able to surmount without them. They have a reason for being, they have a beginning and an end. I don't like them, I get claustrophobic when I'm in one, but I know that there is a place at the other end where I'll pop up, say, "Whew, glad that's over!" and go on my way. Moving forward, even when I'm afraid, toward the Light at the end which you have taught me is always there, even on the darkest night. Just KNOWING the Light is there gives me courage.

To those just coming in to this wonderful fellowship, to those who question and wonder whether or not this "Thing" will work for them, and for those who are so hurt and scared to come back, PLEASE reach out your hands to someone in AA nearby where you are. Have faith that there will be help for you. You CAN do it. There is no right or wrong here in this society of recovery that we are so blessed to have. I know that Pride and Fear almost killed me ("What will people think???) Just remember to take the step for yourself--not the judge, not the spouse, not the children--yourself. We would love to have you join us.

Blessings. Trust God, clean house, help others. Patt


Member: Paul C
Location: Antioch CA
Date: 08 Sep 1999
Time: 23:25:36

Comments

Hi Everyone,

For myself I finally realized that it is not "trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel" but rather "the tunnel is finally lite" I thank my GOD for this revalation.


Member: Jessie M.
Location: CA
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 02:20:18

Comments

Jessie here, recovering alcoholic. THe light in the tunnel is always there for me and others in recovery. My problem is I close my eyes, then I can't see it. IT's when I open my eyes, even to see the things I don't want to in life or in myself that I see the light also. My father once told me that I often go into the dark, and even with a flashlight I get lost. I know now through stumbling yet reaching to find my higher power that I don't even NEED that flashlight, because my higher power IS the light, if only I keep my eyes open.


Member: Jessie M.
Location: CA
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 02:21:13

Comments

Jessie here, recovering alcoholic. THe light in the tunnel is always there for me and others in recovery. My problem is I close my eyes, then I can't see it. IT's when I open my eyes, even to see the things I don't want to in life or in myself that I see the light also. My father once told me that I often go into the dark, and even with a flashlight I get lost. I know now through stumbling yet reaching to find my higher power that I don't even NEED that flashlight, because my higher power IS the light, if only I keep my eyes open.


Member: Alan S.
Location: Fife, Scotland
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 03:43:59

Comments

Hi, this is Alan, a grateful recovering alcoholic from Scotland. I think I know wht the "light at the end of the tunnel" means for me, because I put my family and myself into a very dark place for a lot of years and at that time I couldn't find my way out. A.A. kind of handed me a torch, and I used that to get towards the tunnel's end, i.e sobriety, which thank God I've managed to stay at for over 4 years now. Bless all of you out there in A.A. for helping me.


Member: Julia L
Location: Scotland (today)
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 05:11:33

Comments

Having been raised to fear God, obey Authority and generally make it look like I knew how to function and DO LIFE, it was relatively easy to play another game and take on the label “alcoholic”. I then looked for the light in various people, places and things and when the world refused to recognise the truly wonderful human being just waiting to be released I drank again. That was after 5 years of pain, faking it to make it – being a dry drunk going to AA meetings was more painful (I believed) than being a practising alcoholic.

Then came more pain – my head kept telling me not to drink, but the phenomenon of craving had been set up again and then would come oblivion – the remorse and shame got worse because the seed had been planted that there was another way – A WAY OUT.

Having experimented with most of the list in Chapter 3 of the Big Book I found myself physically and mentally in a place where I didn’t know the rules of how to function and nowhere to go except AA. But this devious alcoholic tried Al-Anon first – a last try to get another human being to make everything all right for me.

Floods of tears of self pity, much throwing up as I had spiritual experiences of the educational variety and many days later I recognised the light – not at the end of the tunnel but buried deep within me.

Finally I could take Step1 – both parts – for me. Finally I could FEEL the Programme of the First One Hundred working in me – it was no longer an intellectual exercise and THE result of Steps1-11 was that the light flooded in and around me and I could LIVE Step 12.

I used to think the way of faith was a cop out – a way to avoid doing life, avoiding the lows and losing the experience of the highs. Boy was I wrong. Letting go is the hardest and most rewarding experience I can ever have and on good days when I am in fit spiritual condition there are no words for the gratitude I FEEL for the peace of mind and contentment in my life.

Now, and especially on difficult days I have my mental defence in place – not just as a defence against drinking - thank God that obsession has gone. The defence is in place to stop me REACTING and allow “knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out” to filter through and enable me to PROGRESS. Simple but not easy - all I have to do is pick up the kit of spiritual tools and get on with life

Thank God for the human being who propelled me into Al-Anon – my visit was brief but rewarding because I knew where I should be. He and I are still together (many years and fights later!) although we found the common solution in different groups (a MUST from my experience). And it does get better – the promises are being fulfilled – winter in the sunshine beckons, with time to reflect and meditate, and the opportunity to meet with others who trudge this road of happy destiny.

Only a real alcoholic who ended up the only Scottish cowboy in Luna County NM with a horse called Camel (because it took the hump now and again!) and a dog called Cat could recognise someone special in Portugal who was looking for the solution with a dog called Dali. Just think about it – where else could we have met except in AA!


Member: Fred
Location: MD
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 07:08:07

Comments

I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic. Special prayers go out to those people who shared this week about relapses and not knowing how to turn back toward sobriety and the light. I know how I felt when I started drinking again after a long period of sobriety. I think now that my relapse meant I was not yet ready to admit defeat and turn the problem over to God. The relapse also made me humble and showed me the danger of forgeting God and relying on me and my "self control." My light is God and he's the only answer that has worked for me, one day at a time since Feb 19, 1979.

I also feel a special bond to those just starting sobriety and not knowing how they will be able to get thru the days and months to come without alcohol. Early in my sobriety, I could not see how I could possibly face life without the "help" alcohol gave me. So, there were times when I had to break it down in periods much shorter than one day. I kept praying and asking for help just to get to noon, then the end of the work day, then bedtime without drinking. Then as time passed, I could ask for a day, then later, after some months, I could see that I might be able to go on without it. The key was turning back toward the light, and having a daily, hourly and by the minute conversation with God, asking for strength and forgiveness, and giving thanks for getting me this far. This is what I still do every day, and the freedom I now have is truly a miracle.

Sorry to be so windy. Love to all. Fred


Member: az-bill
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 10:37:54

Comments

Good morning family. I have been away all summer. Glad to be back. I had an exciting summer. Got a new son-in-law and lost and old one. Visited friends from Floral City Florida to Penetanguishene, Ontario, Canada. Ten Thousand miles of love, family, and fellowship.

The steps were designed to first get me right with God, then to get me right with me, and finally get me right with you. In the final three steps I maintain that posture.

Step nine was the step that got me out of the past, that I do not wish to shut the door on. At this point. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. At this point I am reasonably sure that it is not a train. It is the light of freedom. As I walk out of that tunnel, I walk now a free man. I can look you in the eye and walk proud and tall.

Finally;I am a member in good standing of the human race.

There is not much today that me and you and the God of my understanding cannot accomplish together. Thank you very much for being here and being a part of my sobriety today.

az-bill@primenet.com


Member: Aldo B
Location: Bogota
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 12:02:21

Comments

Thanks God, Thank you


Member: SANDRA B
Location: FLORIDA
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 12:39:38

Comments

This is my first time talking with all of you .Sober 3days.Not for the first time.Iam 48 years old and even though I know AA works I cant seem to getthe guts to walk into a room.Certainly have the guts to walk into abar tho .Is this site my light7 HO PE SO


Member: the scarecrow
Location: road to oz
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 13:40:39

Comments

"I'm not sure but, I think it gets darker before it gets light".


Member: Nelson
Location: Trout River, Ont.
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 14:29:10

Comments

Aloha, My name is Nelson and I am an alcoholic! Today I have actually witnessed the sun rise on my new way of life here in Hawaii. Lots of scabs and garbage in Honolulu, but I'm nestled in the 'hills' of Pinnacles where I intend to stay for some time. Getting away from it all, I really feel that this is my own way of 'seeing the light'. Serenity is something that I value (along with my 24 yr. old mistress). This is a beautiful setting to re-experience what I believe to be the essence of 'the Good Life'! By the way, I thought I saw Kris Kristofferson the other day. He's an alcoholic, you know. Aloha!!!!


Member: Gary L
Location: Florida
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 18:00:19

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm an alcoholic and my name and problem is Gary l.My light at the end of the tunnel is starting to get brighter. I've been sober 31 days. My wife left, I lost my home,my kids,my job,my selfrespect. But do you know what? I FOUND MY HIGHER POWER! I'm much reacher now than ever. God bless you all. glavely@htn.net


Member: Gary L.
Location: Florida
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 18:04:09

Comments

Hi guys, My name and problem is Gary l. I've been sober 31days!!!! Ain't it great to find out your an alcohalic? My light is getting much brigher. I lost my wife,kids home,job,etc., but you know what I'm much richer today cause i've got my Higher Power! Thank GOD for AA. You guys saved a sorry soul like me. Bless you all. glavely@htn.net


Member: Simone B
Location: Auckland New Zealand
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 19:40:14

Comments

Hi, my name is Simone and I am an alcoholic who is grateful for my disease and the wonderful jouney it has taken me on. Not to mention the awesome fellow travellers I have met along the way. I am grateful because today, at 18 months sober, I have come to know that the 'light' is not at the end of the tunnel, nor in the bottom of a bottle or in a new pair of shoes - nor a relationship. The Light is inside me, it is there for me anytime I choose to look for its warm, loving guidance and I call that light my Higher Power. Just as my addiction manifested in many more ways than just drinking too much, so is my recovery about so much more than simply putting down the bottle, and the rewards of my sobriety are better than just waking up without a hangover!!!! "A life beyond your wildest dreams" is what I was promised and today I can honestly say that is what I have. What a blessing to wake up every day and just think "Yes!! Another beautiful day in my life!!" To those who have shared of struggles with your own personal 'tunnels' I would just like to say that for me, faith was an action. I needed it most when I felt it the least - and at those times I really was being carried though I couldn't see it at the time. It was only later I could look back and see the miracles that were being brought to fruition in those dark moments when it seemed like the 'tunnel' would never end! Keep coming back - you are the furure of this awesome way of life. God bless


Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 20:53:35

Comments

I, like many others have written, find my light at the end of the tunnel of every day sober. Sometimes it feels like I will never reach it, but I know that if I just keep on track and follow my program, that I will eventually get there. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Michael
Location: AZ
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 21:34:07

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to all the newcomers! And great topic, Larry!

Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel was especially crucial for me in my early sobriety. In fact, in early sobriety or times of crises seeing some light or hope often meant the difference between me saying "the hell with it all" or sticking with the AA program. Thank God I can say that I haven't chosen the latter course yet.

More importantly today, I seldom see difficult times in the metaphorical context of "the tunnel." Instead, and in keeping with the way of life prescribed by the slogan "one day at a time," I typically just recognize good, mediocre, or bad days. Admittedly, I do recognize extended periods as being good or bad or whatever, as would be appropriate for the tunnel metaphor, but usually I recognize these trends in hindsight.

My experience has taught me that viewing things in terms of seeing light at the end of the tunnel amounts to nothing more than projecting today's misery into a future which I really don't know. And even though there may be some historical or experiential basis for viewing life this way, I have founnd that perspective to be a dead end street.

No matter how difficult the day may be for me, it's still eassier for me to see today's responsibilities as the main challenge for me. That can be difficult (and rewarding) enough!


Member: Shari S
Location: NW Missouri
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 23:01:26

Comments

I'm Shari a grateful recovering alcoholic. Nice to be here as it is my first time at a meeting on the internet. I do believe that untilyou fully accept you are an alcoholic and you are on that fence it appears that there is no soulution, because you cannot see or accept the problem, and if there is no problem there is no soulution. For you newcomers, it sound as though there are many people here that have been there. Your best thinking got you where you are, now it is time to listen to someone else and take some of there suggestions. The Big Book tells us "our problems are of our own making". Thank God for that because I can do something about myself today. When I finally took accountability for my life, and I do believe that is what the hardest part of early sobriety is is looking at yourself, your actions, and the effects of your drinking on you and others, then I looked at it as an opportunity to grow, and grow you will if you find yourself a good homegroup and a good strong sponsor to lead you through this journey. Grab a hand and take the greatest walk of your life. Your Higher Power will walk with you as soon as you surrender. Thanks for letting me share. jewel@compaq.net


Member: Benita e
Location: Calif
Date: 09 Sep 1999
Time: 23:30:24

Comments

When i first got sober i remember thinking-and sharing-that i was afraid the light at the end of the tunnel was thelight of an oncoming train! It wasn';t easy in the beginning - but that was because i was so rebellious and resistant. Now my light is my HP and the fruits of that light is a wonderful and fulfilling life filled with love, joy and serenity. If i can do it - anyone can. God bless.


Member: Danette R
Location: Mission, BC
Date: 10 Sep 1999
Time: 03:58:10

Comments

Thank you for sharing. My name is Danette, I am an alcoholic and I think I have a living problem. After finding and reading the wonderful experiences associated with the "light" at this place of unconditional love on the internet, I am going to find a good homegroup and a strong sponsor. I have never been to an AA meeting, I thought I could quit drinking on my own...I quit cocaine on my own, I quit marijuana on my own, I lost 80 lbs on my own. I am just fooling myself and doing a transference thing. I guess the light for me is knowing that I do have a HP that is always with me. It led me here and now I will use my intuition and start the program in person...I am grateful and I thank you all...

Peace, love, health, harmony In the east, west, north and south Above and below


Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 10 Sep 1999
Time: 05:54:44

Comments

My name is JC and I’m an alcoholic. Thanks for the topic, Larry. I was in a dark tunnel when I was drinkin’. When I came to AA I saw some light and helping hands who were getting me out in the open air. As long as I keep those hands in mine (and there are many more than in the beginning) and as long as I remember how dark it was, I don’t want to go back there and I am able to enjoy daylight, one day at a time. Thanks for having let me share.


Member: SandraB
Location: Florida
Date: 10 Sep 1999
Time: 11:03:36

Comments

Hello all,I dont have much to say on the subjectyet.I do want to say that I am thankful for all that take the time to help us.4 days today!Thanks again from a suffering alcoholic.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Colorado
Date: 10 Sep 1999
Time: 13:40:04

Comments

Hi, I'm Chris, and an alcoholic.

According to Murphy's Law, the "light at the end of the tunnel," is sometimes the headlight of an oncoming train. Joking aside, I have humility in my life now, as I've experienced this first hand a number of times, sometimes as a direct result of my actions, and sometimes not, sometimes as a result of other's interpretation of events, and I guess sometimes because events just happen. The moment of success, or failure for that matter, seem illusory for me today. When I have a firm contact with my HP, I do what comes next. If I have expectations of how things are to be, I am not living in the moment, and I need to ask God for direction. I know that in reality, many people don't get their direction from a HP, and I have to live in a world not of my making, but when I focus on establishing a conscious contact with God, I experience serenity and peace of mind, regardless of my expectations of others, and this gives me a measure of peace.

I'm aware today that I have some limitations, I do what I can to face these, and find better ways to deal with things, but I'm human, and have to do life at my own pace. Easy does it but do it. When I was drinking, I had no clue what my either limitations or strengths were. Today, I feel that patience and persistence usually result from my having and maintaining a good connection with my HP, and by doing the program the way it is intended, I get to see the light at the end of the tunnel comes from within.

I realize I sometimes have difficulty communicating things that really mean a great deal to me because I fear, and guard myself. Like everyone, I have needs, wants, and desires. However, my life is progress, and not perfection. I also realize life is not always easy, but AA gives me a chance to participate, and overtime I've come to realize the sunlight of the spirit comes down through my conscious connection with a HP, and not necessarily through what I expect the world to provide. What lays within is what counts in the end.

God bless all, and thanks for letting me share!


Member: Kim B.
Location: Northern New Jersey
Date: 10 Sep 1999
Time: 13:46:32

Comments

In order to see the light at the end of the tunnel I open my eyes, my mind and my soul. If I am not open...I will not be healed.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Colorado
Date: 10 Sep 1999
Time: 14:20:34

Comments

Chris H. here again.

rowena h, Patric M., and cassandra a dailey, I've been there too. My prayers are with you all. My experience is that the program works if you work it, and all it takes is the desire to stop drinking, one day at a time.

God Bless all, and thanks for allowing the double post.


Member: Margie K.
Location: Texas
Date: 10 Sep 1999
Time: 15:37:29

Comments

Hi! I'm Margie an alcoholic. This program saved my life and I just have to tell you that I'm so glad to see people reaching out on the internet. What a marvelous gift our Higher Power has given us. What a gift!

For those that are asking how to stay sober.. My suggestions are these: 1. Call Alcoholics Anonymous in the town/city near you or that you are in. Ask for the nearest meeting to you. And GO. You don't have to get good to go. JUST GO. What you will find there are other people just like you who have wrapped their life around self-destruction and pain, and have found a way out.

2. Realize that this isn't about not ever drinking again..it's about finding a new way to live. Living a life based on drugs/alcohol is not living. We don't know how to live without it. AA has taught me and given me tools to have a wonderful life. One I never thought was possible for me.

3. Get phone numbers when you are at the meeting. People that will be there for you and show you how to live sober. This isn't a bar, it's the last house on the block for all of us, the very place we have found that life is worth living.

4. Make a committment to go to a meeting every day for 6 weeks. No matter what. At the end of the six weeks, if you don't want to stay, you will get to get your misery back.

5. Pray that God will help you. Even if you don't believe in God. God believes in you. Ask for help.

Don't drink between meetings, and call people for help with the numbers you have. Another thing, men help men, and women help women. That way there won't be any sick games going on while you are trying to save your life.

I'm so pleased to see that this computer is such a tool and an instrument for help. WHAT A GIFT!

Thanks so much for being here, Margie 4/1/74 Texas


Member: Jerry A.
Location: midway,Georgia
Date: 10 Sep 1999
Time: 16:34:41

Comments

my name is jerry and i am an alcoholic, the tunnel has been clear for years and i have alot of good people that taught me the steps of AA, "in how it works it says here are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery". My sponsors have blessed me with some timely guidance to continue my recovery. I will close with my motto "Heavy Does It" at least until I learn easy does it.


Member: DJ
Location: NY
Date: 10 Sep 1999
Time: 21:10:11

Comments

this has been a very interesting topic, man I've read some powerful shares, like someone said before that helps me its not so much the light but the journey of sober success, blessed be


Member: Teresa M.
Location:
Date: 10 Sep 1999
Time: 23:34:01

Comments

I am also "in the darkness" today, and I expect it has to do with my regret and shame regarding alcohol induced behaviors, things I've done that run are horrible to look at in the light of day. I've done another fourth step, and I'm sitting on it, because I'm not sure who to inflict it on with my fifth step. I'm not very good at forgiving myself. This is one of the most difficult aspects of"doing sobriety" for me. I so deeply regret my sins. I truly wish I could overcome this block.


Member: Teresa M.
Location: North Idaho
Date: 10 Sep 1999
Time: 23:34:27

Comments

I am also "in the darkness" today, and I expect it has to do with my regret and shame regarding alcohol induced behaviors, things I've done that run are horrible to look at in the light of day. I've done another fourth step, and I'm sitting on it, because I'm not sure who to inflict it on with my fifth step. I'm not very good at forgiving myself. This is one of the most difficult aspects of"doing sobriety" for me. I so deeply regret my sins. I truly wish I could overcome this block.


Member: michael o
Location: new port richey, FL
Date: 11 Sep 1999
Time: 06:40:40

Comments

i'm a drunk. michael's my problem! Wow! The darkness was my friend for years. It made it harder to see ALL the really shameful things i was doing. I'm a third timer and KNOW about that darkness. It's NOT near me anymore. Thank you GOD and AA!!!!! My experiencees with... a) Forgiving myself- the second step meant getting out of the GOD job. If GOD hadn't forgiven me...I would NOT be here, still! Me feeling the need to forgive myself means michael has taken GOD's job back ...AGAIN! b) Coming back- Ralph, pride is a killer!!! I did something similar in '92 when i came back. Only went to one meeting a week. Obviously...got sober in spite of myself! Would not dream of doing that to myself anymore. I LOVE being on the firing line of life. From 5 to 7 meetings a week(real time) are my average. Twelfth Step work...everyday!!!! c) ALL returnees... Don't drink or drug. Bring the body. The mind will follow!!! GOD is with you...whether you like it or not...and guess what... We're NOT him/her!!! Thank GOD!!!! Today marks the completion of 7 years without a drink. Thank you to all the people that showed me how it works by their actions. Especially... sandy,bud,shirley a.,SquarePeg, Cy, MaryG, MaryG.Jr., and Virginia! AND...all the friends i haven't met yet! Love ALL of you!

Thanks!


Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 11 Sep 1999
Time: 15:48:08

Comments

I see the light at the end of the tunnel as soon as I stop living in the problem and start living in the solution. This is not always easy for this alkie, as it is easier to stick with resentments, sometimes, rather than face up to and do something about them, which is why I need a good sponsor who will hold the light whilst I do the digging. I usually get some flash of inspiration just when I reach the point of thinking, "What the hell is the point of it all?" Some little thing just comes my way which reassures me that 'This Too Shall Pass' Of course, even now after all this time (9yrs sober) I still have days when I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, HELL, there are SOME days I cannot even see the frigging tunnel!!!! I do have faith, though, no matter what, and I need the strength of the fellowship around me at some times more than others, and so far I have never been let down.

Goodie@cwcom.net

ICQ # 47039989


Member: Mark B.   Alcoholic
Location: Rockford Ohio
Date: 11 Sep 1999
Time: 16:00:55

Comments

light at the end of the tunnel is simple put as hope for in any situation that may arise as long as I'm grateful and positive there is always a light at the end of my tunnel no matter how far down things may seem as long as I don't drink and work the steps and ask god and my fellow alcoholics for help and do the footwork I'll stay sober.


Member: Carol
Location: Metro Atlanta Area
Date: 11 Sep 1999
Time: 20:08:34

Comments

To Cynthia A. from Marietta, GA. Go to atlantaaa.org for a schedule or call 404.525.3178. There are meetings all around you all of times of the day. Good Luck and don't delay.


Member: Eileen H.
Location: New York
Date: 11 Sep 1999
Time: 22:44:17

Comments

For those of you with America On Line type into Keyword AAOnline you'll be connected to AA meetings. If you're interested, they have beginners meetings Wednesday and Sunday at 9pm EST and other meetings too. They are sponsored by the GSO in New York . . . so it's REAL, okay?

So for those of you who CAN'T get to a face to face meeting you may want to check this out.


Member: katie A
Location: TN
Date: 11 Sep 1999
Time: 23:27:50

Comments

Thanks to the guy who said I have a big ego. I do want to have feedback in the form of "what are others hearing me say?" Since Aug 20, I've drank two times ( of course they are binge events). Both times sucked. Do NOT want to do it anymore. Have to get to work on the steps.


Member: Snow Y
Location: New Zealand
Date: 12 Sep 1999
Time: 01:35:16

Comments

Hi. Sorry if this doesn't fit the theme of the meeting but it's a call for some help. I've been dry for four months now but this doesn't concern me. It's regarding my 85 year old dad who has been dry for 51 years but is going through a rough patch at the moment. Eight months ago he had his first major surgery and since then has been severely depressed due to the post surgery drugs (morphine & antibiotics)- bad news to most alcoholics! This is a help call for any alcoholics who have experienced or who have knowledge of such circumstances, ie. alcoholics dealing with medication after surgery, etc. At the moment, he (Murdoch Y)is off medication and is trying St Johns Wort which looks hopeful but we would value any shared experinces of similar situations which could help with our fellow old timer. My email address is snowy@paradise.net.nz.


Member: Dan H.
Location: Glennallen Alaska
Date: 12 Sep 1999
Time: 02:28:56

Comments

Hello Everyone...Dan H., alkie and addict. Love the subject. Here in Akaska the tunnel is pretty long in the winter. The light for me is at the local library where we hold our meetings every week. Usually just two or three of us, but it's a light I can get warmth from. It has kept me sane and sober for over two years now and for that I am grateful. Keep coming back.


Member: Andy Mitchell
Location: Scotland
Date: 12 Sep 1999
Time: 03:56:36

Comments

People have a bit of trouble whith stopping but i felt like i couldn't but now i'm 16 and one month but im still not off cannabis but im doing something about that as well but it feels like an impossible struggle and i dont know if i really want to stop but i think i do it's a verry confusing thing especially because im 16 and its prety scarry when you realise your out of control but i must say i got alot from writing this and thanks very much for reading and i hope very much that I may have helped someone and if anyone has any problems or if anyone is struggling or even if someone wants to talk the E mail is SkyRabMi5@Skynow.net and speak to me andy 16 or if you prefer my mom helen 48 she is great she is 5 years and going strong but anyway thanks for reading this and glad to be here and sobber.


Member: Emmie C
Location: Florida
Date: 12 Sep 1999
Time: 07:01:16

Comments

Stay out of the tunnel. Don't go there.Toomany shouda, woulda, couldas. I just found this wonderful site and just got my 13 year medallion. Working real hard on staying in the positive and learning to recognize my disease always wants me back.Ninty meetimgs on ninety says always a good idea for newcomers. GEt a sponser and wait for the miracle. So many of us wonderful people trying to become the person we always wanted to be. Keep coming!!!!!


Member: Tonya M
Location: North West
Date: 12 Sep 1999
Time: 10:42:23

Comments

My name is Tonya and I am an alcoholic. Hello everyone, first time in this AA meeting. As I was reading I was thinking about the light in the darkness. To me faith in a higher power is about light. Trust in a higher power is the light in the darkness. I can know there is a higher power, but knowing that higher power will get me through in darkness I am in, even when self afflicted is the trust that i need.

For years in this program I believed that there was a Power Greater than me, but I didn't trust that it would do for me what I couldn't do for myself, it is an unspoken thing for me know that I trust I am taken care of no matter what.

I went to a wedding yesterday of two people in this program who were totally in the dark a year ago and believed that there was light somewhere and yesterday they stood before their families, God and each other and accepted eachother sober or not, healthy or not to spend the rest of their lives together. It was a powerful wedding and experience for me. People joined in sobriety and love.

I am married and we have a powerful connection, so I could relate to this wedding, and the light it shown on all who attended.

Thanks for letting me share.