Member: Titus
Location: Northern Canada
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 7:22:58 AM

Comments

I would like the topic to be about " our stories disclose in a general way what it use to be like." Back to when we woke up the morning after and said to ourself " Oh my God I really done it now." or some of the weird situations we found ourselves in when comming out of a black-out. I once heard it said that some of our stories would be hilarious if they weren't so tragic.


Member: Ron
Location: Phoenix Arizona
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 7:43:05 AM

Comments

Ron here and Im an alcoholic. I was brought out of a blackout once by the sound of a noise that was going BONG BONG BONG. When I came fully to I had my hand raise high in the air holding a large 16 inch tin frying pan. In front of me was a drinking pal of mine on his knees, To this day I don't know way I was hitting him on the head, I said I was sorry and that I was in a blackout and we sat down and polished off the booze as if nothing had happened. Drunks seem to understand each other the same as alcoholics in recovery do


Member: Mark
Location: Florida
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 8:24:09 AM

Comments

Thanks Titus, interesting topic. I always used to wonder when I heard that how come I also heard alot of others in AA say "just share your direct experience." It's a completely false notion that when I, or anyone, shares their "opinion," it's not experience, strength, and hope. It's not rocket science that those are all interrelated and even intertwined if you will. Plus, it also seems clear and obvious to me that sharing about myself in a general way in meetings directly coincides with the principle of anonymity as to NOT make my life an "open-book" for all in a meeting. There's much that's personal in my life that I only share with certain individuals, not at an AA meeting. My "stories," read experience, are just as hilarious and tragic without being more specific and keeping it general, as we are encouraged to do by the topic. I personally despise nothing in meetings more than when someone raves about the funny things they did that were anything but funny, or share their "war stories." That is the very definition of living in the problem, not the solution, we all know what it was like. This topic may very well turn into one war story after another, but as for me, I thank you Titus as in my experience, strength, hope, thought, feeling, and yes even opinion, it is great for the entire anonymity discussion as well. Funny how people in AA think it's a put-down to say "that's just your OPINION," and then proceed to simply tell your theirs, as if theirs holds more weight than yours as well as imply that your EXPERIENCE hasn't in part helped to form that very view. So, there it is and I thank you yet once more Titus.


Member: Jeff T.
Location: Ne.
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 9:31:24 AM

Comments

I`m Jeff, an alcoholic. Thanks, Titus for the interesting topic. The stories that led us to AA are very important. I had to do all the thing that i did to get here. Good or bad. I agree that our lives as active alcohlic can be quite embarrassing also. But after all they make up who or what we once was. Today i am not embarrassed or afraid of my past life & i wish not to shut the door on it. These "stories" my be of help to another alcoholics recovery. So what led me to AA....the last time i drank i woke up in jail, i remembered getting arrested for DWI once more but this time was a little different. Then it hit me, i was in an accident last nite, i ran in to another car that was at a stop light. Man i thought to myself i could have killed someone. My mind raced, all sort of thoughts or question flooded my mind. I was bailed out by my father, i will never forget the look on his face. I told him that i was drinking when i didnt want a drink, i was drunk when i didn`t want to be, that i could not control my drinking anymore. How can i stop? He said, "well you can give AA a try it helped me". Since that day i have never had the need to take another drink. In AA i found what i had been looking for ALL my life. I was 24 years old then. Today my life has changed 100%. I have a family, a good job, true friends, a God of my understanding, who i can turn to when in need. I hope & pray that some day i might be telling these stories to someone & some thing that i say will help them to not take a drink for just one day. What a gift that would be.


Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson Michigan
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 10:21:59 AM

Comments

When drinking I always bragged about the things I had done. Whether to get a laugh or be top dog in story telling I don't know. Now I look back on what I have done and cringe. So many times I should have died but didn't. My last experience landed me in the hospital with a reading of .447 on the breathalizer and missing my big toenail. I won't go into details but it woke me up to what I was doing to myself. Life is worth living. Learning how to live well is the biggest part. Today I am glad I am sober. It has not been easy but has been well worth the effort.


Member: DB
Location: KC
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 10:48:29 AM

Comments

My name is Dave I am an alcoholoc. I drank and thouhgt it was fun, made me somebody, that i am not. then it started to cause me problems, and trouble. I thouhgt i would taper off some, found that i still had problems and trouble, then I tried to quit had problems doing that, and tried to drink again had problems and trouble, well I heard someone say they dont drink I had problem believing that, then I went to AA and still had problem believing they didnt drink, because some of them did drink, because i went and drank with them, well I finally was convinced some didnt drink, and i thought I can do that I found I couldnt do that, so wondered why? tried drinking again same deal. I was hopeless and started to believe this, then I realized i couldnt control my alcohol, and they said i needed a Pychic change, what the hell was this, well it really was an spiritual awakening and the 12x12 explains pg 106 to 109 up to 2nd pararagraph. well thats exactly what happened, and i find others doing the 12 steps of AA and find this spiritual awakening. It is something I was not able to understand until i just quit fighting, Hope i didnt ramble to much.


Member: Jay
Location: Chicago
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 12:58:52 PM

Comments

My name is Jay I'm an alcoholic. Good topic Titus and very important. How else would the newcomer attending his first meeting ever know that our drinking got us into all kinds of predicaments. Its so important that he makes the identification.... My last drunk started on a Saturday afternoon, I had just enough money for a few beers and hoped that I would run into some body that I could borrow a few bucks from. I went into a black out and woke up laying flat out in the middle of the dance floor at a wedding reception. Everyone seemed to have circled around me and were looking down at me. I got out of there and found that I had $300.00 dollars in my pocket, and a wrist watch on my arm. That was my last drunk and ever since I've been waiting for some guy in the program to walk up to me and say " Your the guy who took my watch and money."


Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Key West FL
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 1:54:51 PM

Comments

Charlie Darling a very grateful recovering alcholic. Thanks for the topic, it has been awhile since I have been here. But today I was alone in the house and decided to check you out. Well when I was drinking and in blackouts I didn't want to know what I had done, as I know now it wasn't me but the alchol in me that made me do the stupid things I did. To tell you the truth today I have done silly things in sobriety, and at least I know why I did them, and can remember all of it. Like in 1999 I ran for King of Fantasy Fest, and had to eneter a contest in drag, and I said I don't do that, but we had to as all the money raised was for our campaign, well it was the corn queen pageant, and they gave you 5 extra points for missing teeth, so I took my teeth out and gave the judges a big smile, and I won that contest, and at least I can laugh about it, for I was sober, and we are not a glum lot. Peace and Love Charlie Darling kwduke_1999@yahoo.com


Member: joe bCh
Location: Charleston,WV
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 2:56:37 PM

Comments

hi gang, just bought a computer. My first online meeting. my dad said to me while growing up. Joe,dont ever forget your sense of humor. it has saved my life a few times, drunk or sober. will be back again....joe b


Member: Steve B
Location: CA.
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 3:57:49 PM

Comments

steve alcoholic, this is my first time at this mtg. I blacked out on the way home from getting some chichen for my self and mom, it happend as and I went through an intersection, I hit another car head on and my head and all the food hit the widsheild. thank god no one else got hurt. today my mom and I are both sober. thanks to AA I have a great life there are hills and valleys and life shows up but from working a programe I am able to walk through with dignity and grace. MOST OF THE TIME! Thanks you for letting me share, God bless.


Member: PhilySunshine
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 4:25:43 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm PhilySunshine and I am an alcoholic. Is this a men's meeting? Just kidding. Anyway, my drinking was very subtle at first and began to take off suddenly within a years time. Mostly to fit in because I was terrified of life, people, me. My last drink was at a bowling alley. Drinking shots & beers. Blacked out, however I believe I continued to play... have no idea. Never went back or spoke to anyone that was there, so don't know how much of a fool I made of myself. I do remember getting not-so-nice looks from people when I was leaving. Did most of my drinking alone, at home. Still today stay to myself alot. Some have mentioned here about a sense of humor. So important. I love to laugh, have fun.. AA helped me to be social and even now, believe me, I am no social butterfly. I can be honest and say that I do suffer from depression and be very sad at times. Put me around people that are fun and that helps sooo much. Sometimes in meetings I share about what is REALLY inside and usually a sad picture and think people see me that way, of course they do. But, it seems when I walk out the door of an AA meeting, I'm okay. Feel like a split personality. I know I'm only sharing the sick so that I can get on the road of healthy. I have to get it out or the committee will literally kill me. By the way, I read someone said "bad", "Good", no, no, no. We are Sick People working to Get Healthy. Very important to remember. We are not BAD people. Enjoy your Holiday Weekend. Welcome joe bCh


Member: Donna
Location: The Beaches
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 8:47:35 PM

Comments

Donna here and I'm an alcoholic. This is a great topic. At the start of my sobriety, when I was in treatment we had a speaker that told a great story of what it was like, what happened and what it was like today. The first part being the largest part of his story. It was the first time I had laughed in a long time. But when looking at the things that happened to me when I was drinking I didn't see anything very funny. My stories could never compete with some of these people so why bother. This kept me in my sickness for quite sometime. I finally started to open up after I did my step 4 & 5. Sure I had some ugly times. If I didn't I may not have gotten here. Like wearing a fur coat when it was 90 degrees above zero and going shopping. (I think I was going for a bottle). Everyone was rolling on the floor or giving me the Oh My Gosh look, what is she doing now. These episodes were humiliating and embarassing until I was able to look at the silliness of it all. When I wasn't able to handle these embarassments I just drank at home. Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories with me so that I could share with the newcomer.


Member: Bobbi J.
Location: KY
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 10:19:54 PM

Comments

My name is Bobbi and I'm an alcoholic, As I continue on my journey, as they say, more is revealed. Before my husband took me to treatment, he told me I was going and if I came home and drank again, I'd go right back. I didn't know anything about treatment, or AA or steps or any of it. I mean after all, why should I? At any rate, I did come home, stayed sober for 111 days, a miracle, then got drunk so decided to drive myself back to the treatment center. But, after I got there, decided I didn't want to stay, so I escaped somehow with the extra keys I had in my pocket, put the Suburban in 4-wheel drive and tried to sneek through the yard, making huge ruts there and backing into a tree along the drive. Several months after I had been sober again, I remembered that before I drove there, I went on past it to a local watering hole and vagely remembered singing on a stage with a guy playing a guitar and all these very old people clapping for me. That was May 9, 2002 and by the Grace of God I haven't had to have a drink since.


Member: Ray
Location: Cincinnatti
Date: 8/31/2003
Time: 10:23:30 PM

Comments

Nice topic, my Canadian brother. The discussion reminds me of a story I heard at a meeting last week that was very positive. A gentleman who visits our group from the West Coast once per year told about how he had a stroke at the first of the year. He told about how he quit drinking over 25 years ago, but failed to tackle his smoking problem. Well, his smoking finally caught up with him and he had a stroke. The doctor told him that he was lucky to be alive. He said he couldn't talk and was paralyzed on his right side. He had to go to rehab for six weeks. He said he kept his AA birthday coin in his left hand the whole time his did his exercises in rehab. It gave him hope and reminded him that since he beat his alcoholism, he could tackle anything. Well, there are no ill effects from his stroke today, he is off the smokes and finally fully clean and sober, and he's the happiest guy you ever met. It was a story that was enjoyed by all. God Bless to everyone.


Member: barbk
Location: w.coast
Date: 9/1/2003
Time: 12:36:06 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, good topic. I have been "sober" for a little over 3 months now and my last drunk was a doozy. My fiance and I went out to celebrate our 1 year anniversary and we got into a huge fight at a bar we were in. They called the cops so he had to leave and go home. I didn't come home until the next morning and was so sick I thought I was going to die. My fiance told me I needed to quit drinking and that I needed to get help. I didn't think I could ever stop drinking by myself so I admitted myself into a treatment center for women and for the first time I realized that the addict in me isn't who I really am. It's a disease and the treatment is AA and my higher power. I will always cherish the time I spent there and all my new sober friends....they helped to save my life. thanks everyone!!!


Member: John O'L
Location: DFW, Texas
Date: 9/1/2003
Time: 12:42:13 AM

Comments

This is John O'L, an alcoholic from Texas. Thanks to my HP and to the beautiful program of AA, I have not found it necessary to take a drink since May of 1982, and for that I am as grateful as I know how to be. Well, I remember that I was at a beer bust in college and we were out in the woods around a campfire. I was getting short on beer, too short for my comfort, as I went to the tree that served as our outdoor outhouse. I began to think of how I could obtain more of the wonderful quarts of beer of which I was so fond. At the time, they were only three for a dollar, so you could get a case of quarts for a little over four dollars, including tax, for a total of twelve quarts - sheer liquid heaven until the toilet hugging the next morning, when there was hell to pay!!! Anyway, to my delight I saw a quart stashed on my way to the tree, and I saw it was a bit over half full. This was a found treasure! So, I started to chug a lug this golden brew. I was very disappointed to find that it was only pee, and it was not beer. I was not disgusted, only disappointed, and it never occured to me at the time that a normal person would be disgusted by drinking this---I was not, I was only sad that it wasn't beer. I tossed the bottle down, and said to myself "This is useless" , and I went searching for something that had booze in it, that I craved and had to have. You understand, don't you??? I do, cause I'm an alcoholic!


Member: Wendy M
Location: USA
Date: 9/1/2003
Time: 9:31:11 AM

Comments

Hi all, Hi Titus, good topic, its always good to remember where we came from. Helps the newcomer to hear our stories. I like to use it to explain one of my favorite promises, one I couldn't comprehend in the beginning,"we will not regret the past, or wish to shut the door on it" Today I have 7 years sober. Holy cow! And what a long strange trip it's been. By the grace of God, today I'll have one more day. I drank from the age of 13. First black out 16 or 17. Drinking was mostly weekends then but I always got drunk when I drank. Daily drinking started at 32, after getting divorced from my first husband. Fear set in, and I medicated it well. That started about 14 years of sheer insanity during which I was raising two children and trying to hold down more jobs than I can remember. I won't go into details but there were many blackouts and any female alcoholics would identify with all the craziness that went on. On September 1, 1996 I had my last drink, my last drunk. I was out with a friend following a birthday party for our daughters, who are born 2 days apart. My big daughter watched her young daughter and off we went, bar hopping. Next morning found me home with a man I found in the last bar. Funny though, unlike other nights like this, I was not in a black out and nothing really happened with this man except a lot of conversation and coffee and by the time he got in his car to go, I was sober, well, hungover. Anyway, this was a behavior I hadn't experienced in a long time having met and lived with someone since 1988, but we had broken up a few weeks prior and I was lonely. So, I walked this guy, who I never saw before or since, who I now believe was my guardian angel in disguise, and went back in a started crying. I found myself looking into the mirror in my bathroom, looking rough I was, mascara smeared, hair frazzled and just a little nauseous. I said to myself, "you will not go there again." at that [oint it was the behavior, in my eyes, not the drink, that was the problem, but I told that face in the mirror, if you don't drink, you won't go there, you know better. And from that day to this, I have not had a drop of alcohol. Soon after I found AA, I was skeptical at first, but I kept coming back. Today, at least some days, I am truly happy joyous and free. But life is still life and it throws you curves. I have a higher power in my life today, and many good and sober friends in and out of the rooms. Most importantly, the obsession to drink has been lifted, I think from that day in the mirror. I've been told that was a spiritual experience, I don't know, I just know, I don't drink, one day at a time, and while I can still have insane moments, mostly I follow the path. Thanks for letting me share. WM


Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,IL
Date: 9/1/2003
Time: 10:27:36 AM

Comments

our stories disclose in a general way what it use to be like." Back to when we woke up the morning after being drunk" to me I just cant recall it just being another day after being drunk one time on new year i had to take a flight overseas to visit my family after a heavy night of drinking i was having a hangover i drove into a balck ice patch and lost the control of my vehicle scared i ran away thinking that if i stay i would miss my plane and from the airport got my car toed to a wreckage i had sustained several head injuries including concussion, I dont remember throughout my flight of`14 hrs how did i make it home. thanks god I am alive today. thanks to aa and alanon.


Member: mike
Location: mount forest,ont canada
Date: 9/1/2003
Time: 1:27:32 PM

Comments

Hi to all, I'm Mike grateful recovering alcoholic it is now going on my seconded time when I woke up from the night after I didn't remember the things I did or said to people or to myself there where times that I end up in the hospital with broken bones that I had caused to myself without feeling it til the next day . The cops even where sent out a couple of times to look for me end being a rested a few times and there where times they just brought me home. Plus there where days that I had even broken into the place that I was staying at waking up not remembering how I had made there in one piece. People had told me a few days later that I was going to kill myself one of these days but at that time I didn't give a shit what happened to me. My life has changed so much because of my sponsor and the fellowship of A.A and my higher power.


Member: russ b
Location: KY
Date: 9/1/2003
Time: 5:37:12 PM

Comments

hi, I'm russ alcoholic. alcohol took me to a place I never plan to revisit one day at a time. i grew up in CA as a surf bum type and just was going nowhere. there was death in my family related to alcohol, but this didn't slow me down. i started drinking in high school and in college really progressed. i remember waking up or being woken up in the bushes or fields after parties and i typically drank to get drunk, but if i just went out to party at the bars, etc. i always ended up drunk. an example of the alcoholic / egocentric, insanity i was living in, i was competing in amateur surfing and began to train for the surf olympics- of course my abilities never match my ego, but it wasn't untill i was sober 2 years or so and i realized there is no surf olympics. so i was picked up by the police in sunset beach CA for vandalizing some stuff and scaring some old people to make a long story short- spent 2 hours or so in jail, strapped down and sent to the nut ward, where I spent the first day or so screaming into my pillow- a living, screaming, hell- found AA, sober since Aug 85, I know who i am today, happy, joyous, free, russ alcoholic


Member: Pam B - Sobergirl91 at hotmail.com
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: 9/1/2003
Time: 5:55:19 PM

Comments

Hi, Im Pam an alcoholic. I never knew it was black-outs I was having thought I was developing some mysterious mental illness that Id better not let anyone know about. waking in the morning to find I had packed my entire house & had all the boxes neatly stacked along the living room wall ready to be moved out the door (wonder where I thought I was going. & why) another day I happened to look out the door at my car & wondered how the mag wheels had gotten all smashed up & dented (my hubby at the time told me that happened when I drove over the boulders outlining our neighbors yard on our way home from the club last night) another morning it was waking up to wonder why my hubby wasnt in bed w/me, why did I still have all my clothes on from yesterday, how did I get home, then looking out to see if the car is there & wondering how me, the kids & the car are home if my hubby isnt (later was told that Id driven me & the kids the 2 hr highway drive home but left my hubby there at the party) - one afternoon the guy next door asked whether Id been able to get the oil paint out of my sons new school pants when wed been helping to paint the trim on his house that morning (paint on my sons new school pants? painting trim on a house? - that morning?!) I was convinced that somehow the hubby was setting up all these things trying to make me appear eligible for permanent commitment to a mental institution or some sort of plot against me, till one Saturday afternoon I came out of a black-out while still drinking & was sitting in some ladys kitchen having rum & cokes with her had no idea who she was, where I was nor how long had I been there! To this day have no clue where I wouldve met up with her nor how I ended up at her house drinking with her. But, then I did know its me I do have some sort of mental illness happening! >>>> These are just a few of the numerous black-out incidents that left me really worried & terrified about myself tremendous fear Id be locked away forever if anyone ever knew! I always cringed at the thought of finding out what Id been doing while drinking last! During my 1st yr in AA I began hearing various speakers describe some of the black-out incidents they had experienced - & was SO relieved to find out that drinking alcohol not some mysterious mental illness going on was the cause! a further incentive for me to want to stay sober no matter how strong the cravings were at that time. Just to lose this fear of myself helped alleviate those cravings too. Thank God for this program & all of you who do share your ES&H : )


Member: mhg
Location: usa
Date: 9/1/2003
Time: 6:27:18 PM

Comments

I went to a picnic where there was a lot of drinking. I felt sick..went back to my car and threw up inside it. I left the car..spent a few more hours hanging around and got sober enough to get to my car again to drive home. The inside of the car I drove home was clean. I had crawled inside somebody's else's car and puked earlier. I pity the poor guy that opened his car sometime that evening and found throwup in it. That was the early on in my drinking career when I was just stupid. I finally went insane and wound up in the hospital. Today, I'm in AA, clean, sober and happy.mhg


Member: Ricky F
Location: pleasureville ky
Date: 9/1/2003
Time: 8:42:12 PM

Comments

jrfrank7@aol here just had 11 yrs .dinner meeting last fri. first online meeting .when i got sober i finally just got tired of being sick and tired. a lot has happened in 11yrs. but i have stayed sober by helping another alcholic.


Member: Diantha B.
Location: Houston, Tx
Date: 9/1/2003
Time: 9:32:26 PM

Comments

This is my 1st time to your group. What a great topic, Titus! I hopefully will never forget my last night of drinking, or the look on my 10 year old daughter's face, as I tried to hide us both from her father. She was terrified. Luckily, the next day I got back into recovery and A.A. and today have 3+years of sobriety with the help of God and my group. I no longer try to do it alone! My daughter and I have a great relationship, although she is just now finding her voice to say how angry she is about my disease and the effect it has had on her life. I hope that soon she finds help through Alateen or Al-Anon. Keep us in your all's prayers. I look forward to sharing on future topics.


Member: AZbill
Location: az-bill@mindspring.com
Date: 9/1/2003
Time: 11:33:34 PM

Comments

HI. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. I like this one. I was a black out drinker big time. I have woke up too many times to "Who are you and where are we?" I thank God they were all female type persons of the opposite gender. In the Navy I showed up for duty operations officer. About 4:00 pm a guy handed me a fruit jar of white likker. Took one sip. Next thing I know I came to 3 am in a joint in Mobile, Alabama some 50 miles away. Got back to the base. Barely got in my bunk when they called me to light the runway. They never knew I was even gone. Once, I was on hiway 98 going from P cola to Alabama. When I came up on the Lillian Bridge I saw three bridges, so I just closed one eye, picked the middle bridge and floor boarded it. Made it. LOL No telling how many black outs I have been in I drank for 33 years and 13 of them are still pretty fuzzy. Love you all Thanks for being here for me...


Member: Mark B.
Location: Chicago
Date: 9/2/2003
Time: 7:58:30 AM

Comments

My name is Mark and I'm powerless over drugs and alcohol and it's my first time posting here. I got clean and sober the first time, 7 years ago, for 3 1/2 years, then went back out for 3 1/2 years and used the program as a revolving door. I'm now clean and sober 83 days. Before I came inthe program the first time, I was a heavy drinker and I owned my own business. I would start drinking after work and it got to the point where I would be in a blackout by the time I got home. I didn't realize I was a blackout drinker until I was 6 months sober and I related that it got to the point where I couldn't trust myself to listen to my answering machine when I got home because I never remembered the messages and I always deleted them after I had listened to them without writing the message down. I would have client calls or employees calling in sick and the next day, I never remembered. I would just get angry with the employees and fire them for not showing up to work. I need to remember this today so that I know what is waiting for me if I choose to pick-up a drink or a drug. This was the unmanageability of my life when I was drinking and using.


Member: Jennifer S.
Location: Chicago, IL
Date: 9/2/2003
Time: 8:32:05 AM

Comments

Good Morning! Jennifer, alcoholic here. H.P.'s irony is groovy! I was asked yesterday to speak at a meeting for the first time (next Tuesday). I said I would because I've been told never to say no when asked. I'm rather shy and somewhat apprehensive about this. I also reviewed my searching and fearless moral inventory with my H.P. I then tied it and my burden of self to a rock, and lobbed it into a private lake set on 350 acres that I shared with only my boyfriend and his daughter. Except now he is my fiance, and his children have given their blessing over our union. These are things the program has led me to instead of the vodka. Today I am healthy, vivacious, involved outside of self and experiencing daily peace patience and quiet confidence. I could especially relate to PhilySunshine's and Donna's stories. I started drinking about six year's ago. Four years ago, I found a half finished bottle of extremely potent liquor under my bed in a Manhattan hotel at 7:00 a.m.. I didn't see any reason for it to go to waste (I was still drunk). I polished it off, took the limo to LaGuardia and woke up being removed from an abulance at a hospital that made M*A*S*H* look like Club Med. I was left to die, no one checked on me during that night once they hooked my up. I saw horrible things there. But that did not stop me. I was hospitalized for treatment and/or detox nine more times within the next 1.5 years. I didn't stop drinking, just hovered on the free side of that fine line. Then I stopped and threw myself into service work, the old two-step. I burned out and drank. All these things I was warned about, but stubbornly ignored. I had to leave my boyfriend and our home to be alone with my H.P. and program. I was finally able to dump the pain and resentments which held me and crippled me. Today I have an H.P., friends, self-acceptance and a joy for living that I NEVER thought I could have. My priorities have done a 180 and I look forward to the future, enjoy the day. I do not regrett the past nor wish to shut the door upon it, for H.P. brought me to my knees and gave me compassion, empathy, a sense of humor, tolerance and love. I just have to do the footwork to nurture these attributes with His and the program's help. When I screw up, I can start my day over at any given time. So, Good Morning! Jennifer I never have to be alone again.


Member: Mary V.
Location: CT
Date: 9/2/2003
Time: 9:40:36 AM

Comments

Good morning. Great topic. I still have bad memories sneak back up to consciousness from time to time. The crazy thing is, there was probably a whole lot of worse things that we did that we don't even remember! Several months back I was chatting w/ a friend who was my closest friend in college- she recalled a particular night that we had gotten in an argument - I remember the night vaguely... but had no recollection of when she punched me in the face! LOL, guess it wasn't that hard as it didn't leave a mark! Mostly I recall the typical mornings of waking up, feeling so ill but needing to make sure everything was allright before going back to sleep more... First, am I at home? Next, feel around and make sure I hadn't wet the bed from consuming so much liqour before passing out. Next, is the car in the driveway, in one piece, not parked too crooked. Do I have my wallet. Is there any money left (never). Check pockets for random phone numbers from strangers. Try to recall the events of the evening, but usually head too fuzzy. Go back to bed and pray noone calls to tell me anything awful i'd done. ...and that was just a typical morning after. Bad enough! Don't miss that one bit! Thanks everyone for keeping it green for me today. :) Mary V.


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 9/2/2003
Time: 10:49:11 AM

Comments

Craig here another "real alcoholic" (page 21). In my last relapse I decided to drink myself to death. For eight days I did not eat, just drank amazing amounts of liquor. There was this guy from my office who would not leave me alone. I had already been fired and I couldn't understand why he wouldn't just let me alone to die. He kept coming by my apartment and knocking, leaving notes and even standing outside yelling into me. After eight days I was in a lot of physical pain, but I wasn't dead. I couldn't face getting myself together enough to go back to the liqour store, so I called Joe (Joe was not even an alcoholic). He was there in 20 minutes with the insurance person from the job which had already fired me. I have vivid memories of being checked into the hospital, but the next 3 days I came in and out of concsiousness. I often awoke to find "strangers" from my home group sitting with me. This was all so strange, people do not behave like that?? LOL. I spent 10 more days in a detox unit. When I got out of there, I came back and immersed myself in AA, where I stay grounded today. I woke up this morning with a wonderful feeling of awe, that God chose to save me and allow me to have a life today of purpose and Peace, thanks to the 12 steps and the program of AA


Member: KP
Location:
Date: 9/2/2003
Time: 12:46:45 PM

Comments

Hi, This is my first time here. I have been drinking since i was around 13 or 14. I would steal my Dads beer, it was easy because he drank so much he never noticed. I had no help from my family growing up, it was left to me. In school the only way i could talk to people was to drink.This was the way it went for the next 30 years. I knew i had a problem, but i always handled it. One year ago i started drinking alot. i drank alone and my wife really never know how much. Then things got bad real fast.i went from beers and a 1/2 pint a day, to a 1/2 gal vodka. i knew i was in to far but i was scared to say anything, i did'nt want my wife to know how much i was doing. i lied to her everyday about it. I went a week of drinking no food until i said to hell with it. I popped some sleeping pills. I woke up in the er, Doctors looking over me, how did i get there? The Doctor told me they did'nt think i was going to make it, my blood alcohol level was .6 They say i sould have died. Thank God i made it! I went to detox and started my road to recovery.It has not been easy, but with the help of my HP and AA I am sober ONE DAY AT A TIME.


Member: Joe J
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Date: 9/2/2003
Time: 3:51:13 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Joe, and I am an alchoholic. About 2 months before I decided to sober up, I went to a pig roast, about 1.5 hours north of here. I am in Ottawa, and this party was in Quebec. To get there, you have to take a ferry across the Ottawa River to Quebec, and drive north one hour. After 2 days of drinking, I blacked out, fell asleep, and in a drunken stuper, hopped into my car and somehow made it home. The first part of the journey was a twisting turning dirt road, ditches on both sides, then a winding paved road. The only thing I remember of that ride home was paying the ferry man. When I woke up, at home, in bed, I thanked God I was alive. I then went outside, and walked around my car to make sure I didn't hit anything. I don't know how I managed to make it back alive. I think I had a guardian angel driving the car. I guess I left my poor buddy Scott out in the country (he came up with me) Two months later (many beers, sex with strange bar women, bills piling up, couldn't cope with my job) I checked myself in to detox. I haven't had a drink since Oct29, 2002. My desire to drink is gone. Although my desire to socialise at the pub is not. I haven't allowed myself to make any friends in AA, although I do join the gang for fellowship. I'm going through some serious growing pains right now. Feeling depressed, and the "poor me's" syndrome. All this will pass. I know it is all part of the recovery process. I'm glad I don't drink anymore. But now, I think I need a sponsor, and start truely working the steps. Joe J Ottawa,Ontario


Member: Joe J
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Date: 9/2/2003
Time: 3:52:06 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Joe, and I am an alchoholic. About 2 months before I decided to sober up, I went to a pig roast, about 1.5 hours north of here. I am in Ottawa, and this party was in Quebec. To get there, you have to take a ferry across the Ottawa River to Quebec, and drive north one hour. After 2 days of drinking, I blacked out, fell asleep, and in a drunken stuper, hopped into my car and somehow made it home. The first part of the journey was a twisting turning dirt road, ditches on both sides, then a winding paved road. The only thing I remember of that ride home was paying the ferry man. When I woke up, at home, in bed, I thanked God I was alive. I then went outside, and walked around my car to make sure I didn't hit anything. I don't know how I managed to make it back alive. I think I had a guardian angel driving the car. I guess I left my poor buddy Scott out in the country (he came up with me) Two months later (many beers, sex with strange bar women, bills piling up, couldn't cope with my job) I checked myself in to detox. I haven't had a drink since Oct29, 2002. My desire to drink is gone. Although my desire to socialise at the pub is not. I haven't allowed myself to make any friends in AA, although I do join the gang for fellowship. I'm going through some serious growing pains right now. Feeling depressed, and the "poor me's" syndrome. All this will pass. I know it is all part of the recovery process. I'm glad I don't drink anymore. But now, I think I need a sponsor, and start truely working the steps. Joe J Ottawa,Ontario


Member: day day day
Location: chain chain chain
Date: 9/2/2003
Time: 4:52:11 PM

Comments

As the story opens: How old do you think I am he said, or rather what's your favorite song instead? One such as I who knew what he must do, told him true, of the song I new: "I'm just an ol chunk of coal I said, but I'm gonna be a diamond some day; I gonna grow and glow till I'm so blue pure and perfect, gonna put a smile on everybodys face; Yes I'm just an ol chunk of coal, but I'm gonna be a diamond someday, I'm gonna spit and pollish my ol ruffage self, till I get rid of every single flaw, Yes I'm just an ol chunk of coal, but I'm gonna be a diemond someday..


Member: S Andrews
Location: australia
Date: 9/2/2003
Time: 10:21:57 PM

Comments

Hi im Sue an alcoholic and addict.I take one day at a time. I havenot had a drink for three years and four months. I have'nt had a smoke of pot since july 1996. I am a very grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous.


Member: Angel G.
Location: Texas
Date: 9/3/2003
Time: 12:36:38 AM

Comments

I haven't had a chance to read all of the postings yet, but I thought I'd contribute a little something to the topic. I am bi-polar, or manic depressive as it used to be known, and I have done some strange things because of it both while sober, dry, and drunk. I knew I needed to stop fighting and come to AA because I seemed to forget the strong effects alcoholic always had on me, and the terrible consequences it had when my bi-polor disorder would be aggrivated further. Unfortunately I have done much sillier and embarrassing things since I've been sober than I ever did while drunk. I was not a very happy drunk and I usually isolated. I never blacked out, but I don't believe that it is a requirement of this program to black out-thank God. I just know that I am no longer so terribly sad, or out of control, and that my bi-polar is much more manageable now that I am not drinking while on my medications, and now that I am living a spiritual way of life. Thank God I don't have to hide behind the "well I never did that" statement to receive the gifts of this program. It's yours for the taking. I had a problem with my drinking, and my not drinking. Today those problems have been removed. Angel


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: 9/3/2003
Time: 12:36:48 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Kelly an alcoholic. Great topic Titus. Kind of reminds me of a speaker meeting. It is interesting to read what finally put the plug in the jug for all of us. For me it was New Years Eve 2002. A friend of mine was coming up from Mass with her daughters to attend a teenage New Years party. She asked me and my son to go. I said sure because she was driving. I brought my own stash just in case Tina did not have enough booze on hand. The kids were upstairs drinking from an assortment of bottles and us parents were downstairs getting sloshed. Looking back how sick was this party to begin with? Letting our kids get drunk in the next room??? Anyway the last thing I remember is we were having fun watching Tina write a phoney personal ad on the computer. One of the kids yelled down that my son was sick. I went upstairs and he was lying on a sleeping bag in his own puke. He was 17, the oldest there and was showing them how to drink. I took the sleeping bag down to get washed and it got tangled around my leg and I fell down the stairs and broke two ribs. My friends put me to bed and I just remember being in so much pain. The next day when I got home I was bedridden and full of shame for not only hurting myself but bringing my son to that party. I called a rehab and surrendered. This was the end of a two year long drunk where I was trying to drink myself to death. I did not eat anything except one bowl of Chex cereal a day so I could keep the 4+ liters of wine down. Contrary to popular belief dying from drinking was not as easy as in the movies. I felt bad pysically all the time but my liver would not shut down. I was bloated and just tried to keep ahead of the shakes and sweats for the day. It was a full time job having the dt's. On my way back from the liquor store once I got pulled over and the cop asked me why I was shaking so bad. I told him I had Parkinsons and he let me go...Lol!It took me until October to get the nerve up to go to the rehab but I have not had or wanted a drink since October 1st 2002. AA saved my life and I go to a meeting or more everyday and work a tough program. After 6 months in AA I started getting squirrely and my sponsor suggested a BB Step Study. I go to two a week along with regular AA. Going through the Steps as laid out in the Big Book has brought me so much peace. God is doing for me what I could not do for myself... Stop drinking/ Start living. The promises are coming true daily for me and I am so very grateful to just still be alive. God could and would.... (if) he were sought. Kelly :)


Member: Maggie M
Location: Aus
Date: 9/3/2003
Time: 6:40:59 AM

Comments

HI, Maggie M,alcoholic - what it used to be like for me was that it was always predictable, yet I always hoped that it would be different. I blacked out from my first drunk at 17, and suffered hideous hangovers, shame and remorse. i discovered the hair of the dog would make me feel better and daily drinking bouts were common by the time i was about 22. I tried everything I could think of to change my life - but nothing worked - until i came to aa and 'got it' - that it was the first drink that did the damage - I always knew that a hundred weren't enough - i also found a higher power, a way to live life with integrity, and a sense of belonging within myself and in this world. In order to maintain my sobriety I need to remember what it was like, to identify me as an alcoholic who is still, ten years from the last drink, just one drink away from a drunk!


Member: Laurie E.
Location: Mass.
Date: 9/3/2003
Time: 7:20:57 AM

Comments

Hi Laurie, alki. Yes i too was a black out drinker. I thought that was just the way life was supposed to be. Wow now Im sober this is really life. I overlooked or just didnt see, many things when I was drinking that I see now. I have goals today that I can pursue, unlike when I wass drinking I really felt they would never happen but I would talk about them!


Member: connie, c
Location: rochester, ny
Date: 9/3/2003
Time: 9:00:22 AM

Comments

Hello, this is my first time in an on-line AA meeting, let me start by saying, I am glad to be here and share...I have had some horrible experiences with alcohol, and I guess my biggest problem is I was never a drunk of choice, anything would do to numb the feelings I didn't want to face..today my biggest goal is to stay clean and sober, not just for me but for my son as well, he starts kindergarden today and I feel I need to be a positive influence in his life, and how can I do that when I don't like what I see in the mirror, I want to feel good about my self and face lifes problems head on without alcohol influencing my decisions...


Member: bob
Location: uk
Date: 9/3/2003
Time: 10:51:59 AM

Comments

Hi Bob here - alcoholic. Now & for always. I echo whoever said (above) that this session is like a real meeting. I'm so happy I found AA. Like Kelly I'm only 10+ months sober - but sober in AA - and that's the difference. I have peace of mind and (I think) some humility - a sense of my own place and responsibilities in the universe. That surely is so much better than what I was - an irresponsible, self-important, self-pitying, selfish drunk. I took a fellow AA to his first step meeting last night - I don't know what was better, the meeting itself or the real rush he seemed to get out of it. That's what AA is - a bunch of us ex-drunks helping each other. Thank God for the people in AA.


Member: Rob R.
Location: Texas
Date: 9/3/2003
Time: 1:29:36 PM

Comments

My name is Rob and I'm an alcoholic, wow that's the first time I ever wrote that down, said it a thousand time is meetings. This is a first to do this online. I have been sober for almost 3 years (Nov2000) and my life just keeps getting better and better. Meeting have been kind of hard to get to here lately so a friend told me about you guys. Man, ain't AA great. I own a business and one of my top hands had a problem with drinking just like I did, he simply refused to go to a meeting, NO WAY, he said. After much discussion with my sponsor, I decided he needed a wake up call, I told him the next time he was caught drinking on the job I would have to fire him. Cops beat me to it, he was arressted recently for his 5th DWI, now he is in prison. I feel bad but I tried, I even was willing to pay him while he went to meetings at noon and would still give him time off for lunch. As my AA luck would have it, the day he was leaving a guy came in the shop to apply for a job, as we talked he noticed my Big Book on a shelve behind me. He said that book and life style saved his life. Needless to say I hired him.


Member: Jennifer S.
Location: Chicago, IL
Date: 9/3/2003
Time: 9:32:49 PM

Comments

Hi. Jennifer, an alcoholic, writing again. As I was posting yesterday morning, a friend of mine in the program killed himself with a gun. He did not die sober. None of us saw it coming. That makes this week's topic take on a new emphasis for me. Sorry, I just had to share. This is the closest the power of the disease has struck me since I came through the doors. God bless and be good to yourselves. Jennifer


Member: Ron L
Location: Winnipeg. Man. Can.
Date: 9/4/2003
Time: 1:47:20 AM

Comments

Ron alcoholic. spiritual physical and mentally bankrupted I came to A.A. It was the physical suffering that drove me here. at the end of my drinking I would find that some times I had gone as long as two weeks without food. my throat shrunk that only liquid would go down. I had red marks going up my legs and arms at varied times and a lump in my arm pit. I had those purple sores that throbbed with pain and they never seemed to heal they would only stop hurting if I drank. We had no running water in our house and I suffered from the sweats. She was an alcoholic and just as bad off. I only lived to drink and being the bootlegger and drug pusher made it all possible. I know what the dry heaves are when I could only bring up yellow flem. If I ran my hand across my forehead it came away greasey. I had the hebby jebbys. those bumps that came all over my body and I would scratch them til they would bleed, I never got the D.T.s When I finally got to A.A. I truly wondered if I was an alcoholic. The fact that I had lost a wife and five children house car good job self respect where good indicators. funny how alcohol took all those things from me but never touched my pride. Thank God I was able to set my pride aside and admit that I was alcoholic and defeated. Ive Been sober a long time now, but I find it so important to remember what it was like. Thank you Titus and thank you all for being here.


Member: Dan M.
Location: Hudson NY
Date: 9/4/2003
Time: 5:42:50 AM

Comments

Well Titus in a general way, It had to be Hell. Dan Alcoholic here. I can only reflect on the total loss of emotion. The total loss of self respect,self dignity,self worth,and self confidence to do the littlest of chores like bath, eat,work. All I had left was the committee talking...you know the Isolation,despair,loneliness and FEAR.Fear mainly of not having anything to take the edge off the next time I came too. It is a place I never want to go to.. ever. My ex-wife ( the plantiff)screamed one day "You don't love me". I answered "Are You kidding ,I don't LOVE anyone.". I could not feel at the end. Today God does for me what I could not do for myself.I am happyily single sober and sane.


Member: Bob
Location: UK
Date: 9/4/2003
Time: 8:09:31 AM

Comments

Very powerful shares guys. Bob, alcoholic, back again. Jennifer, I know how it feels. The guy who I shared a room with in rehab, and who I thought I knew inside out, is back out and in the very terminal stages of dying of this disease. I remember sitting in a parking lot with a bottle at 10am one morning trying to work out the best way of comitting suicide. Dan - my wife told me that she didn't love me and didn't hate me - she couldn't even pity me. But thanks to AA it's great today. Life ain't perfect, I ain't perfect - but I like both. It's like the 2nd step says. For me acceptance is the answer.


Member: Connie S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 9/4/2003
Time: 5:17:44 PM

Comments

Hi ya'll, Connie here, grateful to be clean and sober another day. My life (if you can call it one) was spent thinking about how I could get high and if I was high, how to get higher. I was never a daily drinker but the last year of what I hope was my drinking career, I got into trouble every time I drank. When I picked up, I never knew what would happen to me. Now the things that happend to me then don't happen today. My life is greatly improved though finding a God of my understanding and I found Him here, in the rooms of AA. My life is not what I want it to be, not what it ought to be, but I'm thanking God, it's not what it used to be.


Member: JennyM.
Location: Washington
Date: 9/4/2003
Time: 5:32:09 PM

Comments

Hi Connie I can totally relate. Life is not any every day bed of roses but it is always better than my best day drunk. Thanks for sharing and keep coming back.


Member: siobbhan
Location: washington
Date: 9/4/2003
Time: 6:40:31 PM

Comments

hi all. siobbhan here. before i sobered up, i would lose money. i would go to a bar with enough money to get me through the month (bills, gas, etc.)and return home with, usually, less than $10. i can also remember waking up to smoke. i had apparently been hungry the night before and had decided to cook something on the stove, but fell asleep before it was done. it is a good thing all my pans are cast iron. i am damn lucky to be alive. and yet none of that convinced me i had a problem. i had to get a dui with bac of .18. oh well, today i am grateful for that dui, it forced me to face my disease before it killed me or i killed someone else. thanks for letting me share.


Member: Theresa A.
Location: NE States
Date: 9/4/2003
Time: 6:55:12 PM

Comments

My name is Theresa and I am an alcoholic. I have quite an archive of blackouts and humilations from drinking to choose from. One time that comes to mind is about 5 years ago. Myself and two girlfriends were leaving a bar where we had gotten totally sloshed. I had even gotten on stage with the band uninvited and played the tambourine like a fool. We were looking for our cars so we could drive home (drunk of course). I made us jump a chain link fence to get to the parking lot. All of us fell and hurt ourselves. I woke up the next day with gravel imprints in my hands, skinned knees and two sprained wrists. I could not for the life of me remember what happened. Later that day I inadvertently drove by the same parking lot and it all came back to me. The funny thing was that only ONE side of the parking lot had a fence. The rest of it was open and if we hadn't been so wasted we would have realized we could have walked 10 feet to our cars. I have only been sober for 2 mos. and I am struggling. But I would never go back to that kind of life.


Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: 9/4/2003
Time: 8:46:01 PM

Comments

I just cannot bring myself to share a drunkalog. Because of the damage my drinking caused the one's I love none of it is funny nor is it wierd -- I am a common alcoholic.


Member: Steve
Location: go ND
Date: 9/5/2003
Time: 1:08:32 AM

Comments

Hi Steve, recovering alky sober since 9/5/93. Celebrated 10 yrs with home group tonite (day early) but if I keep doing what AA taught me wont drink tonite. Its already past midnite as I write this anyway. What it was like was I got 2 dui arrests reduced to impaired driving and wreckless but Im not sure that was good for me. Drove drunk many times. Hit a sign in town weaving on the road, had cops wake me up in parking lots, went camping.. passed out under trees, yadda, yadda.. ad neauseum. Not to mention the feelings of impending doom, remorse, guilt, loneliness. Sobriety is a trip! Sure beats the alternative. Thanks to this online group for being here especially when I moved about 4 yrs ago and felt like newcomer all over again. Keep coming back... it gets better. Serenity alot more often now sober. Steve


Member: Babe
Location:
Date: 9/5/2003
Time: 1:29:09 AM

Comments

((To day day day , tame tame, chain chain say say , .. l-i-k-e u-h... s-w-e-e-t-heart... what's up with you?.. how come you rhyme things and make them sound like a doctor suess type thingy?.. how come you sound like that?.. why?.. how come?... why do you share like that?... why? why? why?... who are you? what are ;you? your really bugging me with all that wierd stuff. Is it a mental illness?.. how come... why?...((I had the wierdesst dream last night that i was in some big city in a car on the sreetway and out of a taxi cab behind us this big white sign was hanging out the window and flashing at all the other pep's in traffic, and the sign said in big huge black letters,, day day day.. tame tame tame or something... very strange...its got me wonderin...


Member: Tommy
Location: Scotland
Date: 9/5/2003
Time: 7:39:40 AM

Comments

tommy alcoholic, another "tommy alcoholic" visiting my homegroup last night mentioned web meetings and it seemed just what i needed. i picked up a drink last friday after 21 months sober and i'm still figuring it out. i didn't manage to talk about it even "in a general way" last night. I'm feeling a wee bit guilty about that, but i will talk when i'm less confused and less likely to upset myself by trying to deliver the "prefect, definitive version" at a meeting. Last night we also talked about "drunkalogues," and how that's not negative, but just one of the varied things we need to hear and contribute. We and our experiences are all so different. I've enjoyed this meeting, glad to be sober and here to take part. Thanks y'all, especially Titus and the Texan member who shared about bipolar disorder.


Member: Joe B
Location: Charleston,W.V.
Date: 9/5/2003
Time: 10:43:47 AM

Comments

Hi gang, greetings from Joe: My sponsor was sober 27 years and had a slip. It took me years to figure out he was DUAL ADDICTED and told no one in his home group about the slip. He did get sober again but doubt if he really accepted he was a druggie as well. it caused me a lot of anger to listen to his story of a divine slip. off to the beach on monday


Member: Kathy F.
Location: Texas
Date: 9/5/2003
Time: 11:11:17 AM

Comments

I'm Kathy, an alcoholic. My last drunk lasted a little over a year and was between meetings. The last 6-pack was purchased with money borrowed from a stranger on the lie that my child need medicine. It took me a while to be able to laugh at my drunken exploits and I was grateful to the group who helped me do that. This group had a reputation for being silly and not serious enough about the steps, however, were it not a part of my early AA diet, the burdens of my drunken behavior would have kept me in an endless state of shame. I came to understand that any once incident can be seen in both the light and the dark.


Member: Madeline S.
Location: Long Island NY
Date: 9/5/2003
Time: 2:18:46 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Madeline and I am an alcoholic. I think sharing our experiences is an important part of our stories. The first person I spoke to in AA I had called and I was trying to see if I needed AA. She told me about her drinking and I could relate to her drinking. Once in AA the war stories kept me coming as these were my yets and they scared me silly. I still like to just sit back and hear a drunkalog as it brings back the hell drinking can cause. In my own case drinking was an everyday experience and most of the time it was at home so I stayed out of trouble. I never knew drinking caused depression and at the end I was thinking about shooting myself. I thank God for AA everyday as without it I couldn't have stopped. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Karen S.
Location: Chandler, AZ
Date: 9/5/2003
Time: 2:25:20 PM

Comments

Hi. Karen here, an Alcoholic. I've been sober for 5 days now. Last time I drank I got violent. Usually was a happy drunk, but once again it came back to haunt me, got out of control. I hit my husband, then put a gun in my mouth. Now I realize I cannot do it without His help and the help of all of you. Thank you and please keep writing.


Member: Somewhere between
Location: here and there
Date: 9/5/2003
Time: 6:57:10 PM

Comments


Member: Babe
Location: on her bike
Date: 9/5/2003
Time: 11:44:28 PM

Comments

I don't get it! I just don't get it!.. one day i figure ive got it licked, next day im wondering when this addictive uneasyness will fricken leave<< for good please and thanx very much!.. its pissin me off!... im not drinking, i hardly smoke. i have my morning coffee, maybe a second, and that's all i can handle. But when it comes to all the wrong food groups look out!... today in the bank i see an old aquaintance. i stop on my way out to say hello, and she thought i was someone else, and that someone else is a major big booty ass, taco bell, kentucky fried chicken... well you get the pic.. so anyhow im totally fried over this,, that's it... discipline here we come. im in shock, really, this woman must be on drugs!... jee wiz man! im maybe 10 over par, but not obese. can't believe it, just turned me right off my super... i cant have it! i really cant' im attatched to my stunning good looks, i like looking good, i like being attractive! so rather than remain totally self absorbed about it, i'll just check out now and go do something else... oh well, love, peas, and no more chocolate ice cream for the fatties... ha ha.. bye now. brack brack attack!


Member: Im an alcoholic
Location:
Date: 9/6/2003
Time: 7:17:56 AM

Comments

BABE I think you logged on to the wrong web site. We try to keep our comments alcohol related. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN


Member: PS
Location: MI
Date: 9/6/2003
Time: 8:38:55 AM

Comments

Biker Babe, I enjoy your posts! You are witty and have much to offer. Keep on "Keepin On"!!


Member: RICHARD M
Location: BRADENTON FLA
Date: 9/6/2003
Time: 10:36:16 AM

Comments

hello my naame ism richard m...... im am an alcoholic.....my subriety date is dec 28, 1985.....yes and if we get the opportunity to write....our stories could help somem one else.......my gpal is to help anoyjer alcholic to get the message of the 'BIG BOOK" FIRST 164 PAGES OF COURSE..........AS A;WAYS DO NOT DRINK..........AND GO TO MEETINGS.....................LOVE . PEACE AND AHAPPINESS TO ALL..............


Member: Me
Location: Here
Date: 9/6/2003
Time: 10:48:11 AM

Comments

I love ya babygirl--much different and original take on aa is refreshing from all the canned garbage that nobody ever thinks bout and jus rattle off. most of your stuff is actually good too, i love your humor and appreciate all you bring to the table girlfriend. dont let the naysayers beat ya down, even if ya are a little on the heavy side, eh girl? youre stil pretty to us with na beer goggles on cause you got per-son-al-ity.......fer sure ya do honey--love it!


Member: Acoholic
Location:
Date: 9/6/2003
Time: 11:45:57 AM

Comments

Babe do you enjoy writting posts to your self??


Member: DALCOHOLIC
Location: PHX A.Z.
Date: 9/6/2003
Time: 3:56:42 PM

Comments

GOOD TIMES WEREN'T THEY ALL !!!!!! For they have led us, or at least me to a new found love LIFE!!! TO LIVE LIFE ON LIFES TERMS.GODS WILL IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN MY WILL. For my will only got me to another day of drinking and falling and my favoret INCOMPREHENSIBLE DEMORALIZATION. But yes I do believe we should not regret the past or shut the door on it. Because if for a second we forget what brought us to our knee's finally. Where will we be today 6' feet under or better yet still living in the nightmare. My last run was'nt much diffrent than most, spending time with my lady drinking than notice the time and lack of beer to get us through the nite out the door we go. Wheres my car she ask's I had hid it in the back so another girlfriend whouldnt know where I was.So we drive her car to my car in the parking lot. This is where things get out of control we get the needed product from the store and are heading back. HEY LETS STOP BY THE BAR for some weed to make the night more enjoyable. No luck lets try another out of the way home but it will only take a second. Right!!we close the bar,bartender gives us free shots of yegger for the road.BOOM,BOOM OUT GO THE LIGHTS next thing Iam standing in an intersection car totaled no friend sitting in car. but a cop looking at me ,, Wheres my girlfrind I ask "Running down the street " the cop says. that was it my third DUI Iam toast. But the thing is this hole time weve been out we left our 7yr old home sleeping!!!!! thats how powerful this disease is. What if we were to have Died in that accadent and she wakes up the next am to go the school and were not there. Will I was"nt off to prison I go. BUT today for the grace of GOD I and my girlfriend are sober thanks for the fellowship of A.A. and our HIGHER POWERS.... THANKS FOR SHAREING EVERONE AND WITH THAT I'LL PASS.


Member: DALCOHOLIC
Location: PHX A.Z.
Date: 9/6/2003
Time: 3:57:11 PM

Comments

GOOD TIMES WEREN'T THEY ALL !!!!!! For they have led us, or at least me to a new found love LIFE!!! TO LIVE LIFE ON LIFES TERMS.GODS WILL IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN MY WILL. For my will only got me to another day of drinking and falling and my favoret INCOMPREHENSIBLE DEMORALIZATION. But yes I do believe we should not regret the past or shut the door on it. Because if for a second we forget what brought us to our knee's finally. Where will we be today 6' feet under or better yet still living in the nightmare. My last run was'nt much diffrent than most, spending time with my lady drinking than notice the time and lack of beer to get us through the nite out the door we go. Wheres my car she ask's I had hid it in the back so another girlfriend whouldnt know where I was.So we drive her car to my car in the parking lot. This is where things get out of control we get the needed product from the store and are heading back. HEY LETS STOP BY THE BAR for some weed to make the night more enjoyable. No luck lets try another out of the way home but it will only take a second. Right!!we close the bar,bartender gives us free shots of yegger for the road.BOOM,BOOM OUT GO THE LIGHTS next thing Iam standing in an intersection car totaled no friend sitting in car. but a cop looking at me ,, Wheres my girlfrind I ask "Running down the street " the cop says. that was it my third DUI Iam toast. But the thing is this hole time weve been out we left our 7yr old home sleeping!!!!! thats how powerful this disease is. What if we were to have Died in that accadent and she wakes up the next am to go the school and were not there. Will I was"nt off to prison I go. BUT today for the grace of GOD I and my girlfriend are sober thanks for the fellowship of A.A. and our HIGHER POWERS.... THANKS FOR SHAREING EVERONE AND WITH THAT I'LL PASS.


Member: DALCOHOLIC
Location: PHX A.Z.
Date: 9/6/2003
Time: 4:04:39 PM

Comments

GOOD TIMES WEREN'T THEY ALL !!!!!! For they have led us, or at least me to a new found love LIFE!!! TO LIVE LIFE ON LIFES TERMS.GODS WILL IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN MY WILL. For my will only got me to another day of drinking and falling and my favoret INCOMPREHENSIBLE DEMORALIZATION. But yes I do believe we should not regret the past or shut the door on it. Because if for a second we forget what brought us to our knee's finally. Where will we be today 6' feet under or better yet still living in the nightmare. My last run was'nt much diffrent than most, spending time with my lady drinking than notice the time and lack of beer to get us through the nite out the door we go. Wheres my car she ask's I had hid it in the back so another girlfriend whouldnt know where I was.So we drive her car to my car in the parking lot. This is where things get out of control we get the needed product from the store and are heading back. HEY LETS STOP BY THE BAR for some weed to make the night more enjoyable. No luck lets try another out of the way home but it will only take a second. Right!!we close the bar,bartender gives us free shots of yegger for the road.BOOM,BOOM OUT GO THE LIGHTS next thing Iam standing in an intersection car totaled no friend sitting in car. but a cop looking at me ,, Wheres my girlfrind I ask "Running down the street " the cop says. that was it my third DUI Iam toast. But the thing is this hole time weve been out we left our 7yr old home sleeping!!!!! thats how powerful this disease is. What if we were to have Died in that accadent and she wakes up the next am to go the school and were not there. Will I was"nt off to prison I go. BUT today for the grace of GOD I and my girlfriend are sober thanks for the fellowship of A.A. and our HIGHER POWERS.... THANKS FOR SHAREING EVERONE AND WITH THAT I'LL PASS.


Member: Claire P.
Location: Toronto Canada
Date: 9/6/2003
Time: 8:21:25 PM

Comments

Well, Hi. My name is Claire and I am an alcoholic. Wow, that's the first time I have written that down and really I mean it. I'm coming back or have come back and if you had asked me a couple of weeks ago while I was drinking if i was okay, which people did i said i was fine. i truly thought and think i was but not until i prayed and came back to my faith and sobered up did i realise how truly AMAZING I can feel, I'm sober 7 days and feel better than I ever have in my entire life, This feeling is better than any high or drunk or sex i've evre had. Thank you to everyone for posting your messages, I could relate to all of them. I didn't get a dui, but I just didn't get caught. I woke up after a 3 day binge a couple of weeks ago to an older man, I'm 26 and he's probably 55, trying to have sex with me in a dirty motel room. I wouldn't have been there sober but I was drunk and that's where I ended up. That didn't stop me....it slowed me dowm for a couple of weeks buti went back to drinking again, Alcohol didn't take me to jail, it took me into shame based places, the world of adult entertainment. I stripped so I could drink on the job and I could hide my drinking. Just recently, I didn't want anyone to even see me in the clubs so I escorted to get the money for my alcohol or rather to drink secretly in hotel rooms with men I didn't know so I could drink all night long in hiding. Thank God for another woman who is 15 years sober who is cool enough to have talked to me openly about where she came from and how Incredibly amazing her life is today. It gave ne HOPE and it INSPIRED me b/c it seemed possible if she could do it so could i. I guess that's what they mean when they say, this is one alcoholic helping another. Thank you Bill.W and Dr Bob and everyone in the fellowship for being truly honest and loving me when I couldn't love myself. I am 1 week sdober, but I am sober today...people still piss me off and the internet is too slow, but how important is it? I feel beautiful and comfortable in my skin today and thank you for that. God Bless and Miracles do happen- I'm living proof!


Member: jules
Location: Iowa
Date: 9/6/2003
Time: 10:35:22 PM

Comments

greetings all, thanks for keeping me sober on a saturday night!!!! keep on keepin on!


Member: Babe
Location: .....conversations with herself.... ((Pray for me honey)))
Date: 9/7/2003
Time: 3:03:54 AM

Comments

Well hello self. how was your day? Did you drink today? NO? WELL DONE SWEETHEART!!... you know thats all that matters. everyone here will be so happy for you, and they'll all be so glad that you practiced the ever so important PRIMARY PURPOSE... these people are a very loving kindly and gentle bunch,,,true some of them are maybe a bit 'relaxed' when it comes to the logical thinking arena, but hey who cares?... ha ha ah ahahahahah. I love you alcholic... what's your real name then?... come on... don't be a secretive sally... a distant dan.... hello? friends?.... Mark? opps i meant bark bark bark...kay,, im very tired,,, way past beddie bye time for this catholic wanna be.... sheeeit.... im outa here