Member: Ann
Location: MA
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 8:27:08 AM
Ann - alcoholic. Facing one's fears. Something I'd like to get better at. Thanks.
Member: Sharon Frey
Location: Portland, Oregon
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 10:05:04 AM
Good Morning Ann, Facing one's fears... I too want to get better at that. The only way I can do it is to remember that I'm not in charge, my Higher Power that I choose to call God is and that "I can't, He can and I guess I'll let HIM." With my life on the line and all the rest of the life slapping me in the face these past 2 years, I lean HARD on my God, and that saying. It DOES help me keep in focus. My God didn't bring me this far to drop me.. only I can drop HIM. Praying all is well with you Love, Sharon
Member: Barbara
Location: Sacramento
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 10:23:11 AM
I lived in fear all my life. God has release me from most of my fears, because I know I am powerless over my life. Today fear comes to vist me( to remind me of my powerlessness) but I do not let her make my decisions for me. I know that that I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God. So it is a done deal. I can live in fear or trust God either way the out come is his. It is much more fun to live trusting God. This is the best time of my life. Thank you God.
Member: Bernie S.
Location: Woodside, NS
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 11:21:40 AM
Hello. Bernie here. alcoholic. Fear, as the 12 and 12 states was not only one of my defects, but also the chief activator of my other defects. Fear that I would either lose what I had or fail to get what I wanted created self-pity and anger which led me to do things which created guilt and remorse. 4th step prayer helps me. I ask God as I understand Him to remove my fear and direct me to what he would have me be or do. It was usually self-reliance that failed me....reliance on Him hasn't failed me yet. See, I have a choice today. I can sit around and watch my troubles multiply, or I can break the cycle by asking God for help now. The only condition for getting well is that we Trust God and Clean House. Thanks.
Member: John H
Location: Indiana, USA
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 12:30:06 PM
John, an alcoholic here. Good Sunday to all and the week, August 18-24! Fear! As a great man said years ago, "The only thing to fear is fear itself". When I first came into the program, my greatest fear was after some sobriety I might pick up that first drink--go back to my drinking habits and behavior. That was a healthy fear and still is and is ongoing.An unhealthy fear is for one to use fear as an excuse to go back to drinking--that alcohol as a crutch would correct defects of character, solve one's endless problems. One may never overcome fear, but for certain, one can grow in courage to face fear, by staying sober daily,and by making a determined committment to working the program seriously and sincerely, with aids from the sponsor, the various groups and members. Hang in there everyone and the fears will be answered squarely with and ever diminishing level of fear. But always fear picking up that first drink!
Member: KathyH
Location: MO
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 1:11:53 PM
"Fear" generates most of my defects. I can run away from it or walk through it. Walking through it with my Higher Power,AA sponsor,and AA friends = courage. What an order, I think I'll go through with it! Happy Character Building.
Member: Bonny G.
Location: Hot Springs, AR
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 3:39:58 PM
Bonny, grateful recovering alcoholic, thanks Ann for the topic on "fear." This is me, I've read some great posts so far, and look forward to those to follow this week. I am always afraid of the unknown, even after 8 1/2 years in this program, I can still drop down into fear of events or situations that are ahead of me. I was once told that fear equals "false events appearing real." And that does help me a great deal. I hope that with God's help this topic helps others to realize that He is the one who can calm all our fears if we allow ourselves to trust in Him. Thanks for sharing.
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 4:04:30 PM
Facing my fears, this is right where I am (or I am trying to be) today. I am working the fourth step and dealing with resentments. There is a huge resentment against my father that I can't seem to deal with. I know I must turn and face this or it will probably kill me by sending me back out drinking. I've had one slip over it already. It is funny that something that frightened me as a little boy terrifies me as a man. Lord, grant the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference. I heard in a meeting once that carrying this type of resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. That is exactly what I was doing. My wife once said, "Your excesses to not hurt him (my dad), it only hurts you and your family". I got sober by the grace of God and friendship of this program. Now I must face the demons that have chased me most of my life. I am very afraid, but because of the strength I have gotten here, I am willing to believe that one day I will conquer this. Maybe even today. Peace
Member: Jeff
Location: Ne.
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 6:41:08 PM
Hi,i`m Jeff an alcoholic. Facing ones fears, this for me depends on what fears we are talking about. Being fearfull of that 1st drink helps me stay sober ,along with working the steps ,calling a sponser, reading the big book etc and all the other thing we have to do to stay sober. Not all fear is bad for me. This is were the "wisdom to know the differance" comes into play for me. This "wisdom" for me will take a lifetime of prayer & long talks with a sponser & other AA people. Fear can be both good and bad, it can keep me from doing right or wrong. I have to ask myself this, is it fear of the unknown or the outcome.
Member: Donnie M (D.O.S. 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va.
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 8:05:52 PM
Hi all Donnie here and I am an alcoholic. Great topic I have found a book titled, "Face the Fear and Do it Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. This book and our A.A. big book has the answers to a lot of what I believe most of us face each day and that is to relearn how to live in a drug filled world. I have found that I have to live the program instead of just working it because I am one to put thinks off if I think it requires anything to do with work. So as Dr. Jeffers says, "FACE YOUR FEARS AND DO IT ANYWAY!!!" Thanks for letting me share and God bless all.
Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 9:52:21 PM
Fear ... my 'fear' was always connectect to 'denial' and 'secrect'. My fear's were buried deep within my disease, my fear's were a 'secrect to me'. But when I came to A.A. the members were sharing their Experience, Strength and Hope about their fears, bring the fear's out in the open, looking at the fear's and sharing how they had new ways of dealing with the fears. The Experience, Strength and Hope, the steps and traditions have given me the courage today to deal with fear in soberity one day at a time. A real "Healing Power", compared to the "hopeless, fearful alcoholic power" Thanks for sharing, another day sober.
Member: Curtis L
Location: Goliad, TX
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 10:38:04 PM
Quite frequently, anger is my overt action to my inner feeling of fear. Thus anger is the secondary result of the basic cause; fear.
Member: Oliviia G.
Location: Ontairo
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 11:23:55 PM
My biggest fear about being sober is sex. I have been married for over 18 years and our "best" has been when we have both been drinking. Now I don't want him to touch me when I am sober and he can longer "preform" anyhow. Sex can be great whether it is or not when you are doing, but once you are sober it takes on new look of where you are coming from ad what you are doing. I myself haven't quit drinking partly because I can't fathom having sex without being in never never land and doing it sober.
Member: Adam H.
Location: Chicago, IL
Date: 8/18/2002
Time: 11:27:26 PM
Adam, alcoholic. Big thanks to Kathy from MO for your comment. For years, I've heard in f2f meetings that "fear and faith cannot coexist" or that fear is "lack of faith" and I have a really hard time agreeing with that. I've gone through experiences that terrified me from start to finish and prayed the whole time for the strength and the courage to keep going and do the right thing. Isn't that a demonstration of faith...asking God for the courage to walk through what scares you even while you are going through what scares you? I'm just glad that someone pointed out to me that nowhere in the Big Book does it say that you can't have fear and faith at the same time...when you get to where it talks about fear in Step 4, it says "All men of faith have courage." Given that, I've got to trust that faith has to be measured not by how I feel, but what I do...and if I pray while I go through what scares me, then I still have faith...and the proof of that is courage. Sorry if I am preaching to the choir...obviously I feel really strongly about this topic. Grateful to be sober and that the gift of sobreity is courage.
Member: joyce j
Location:
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 12:52:29 AM
joyce an alcoholic bowling grn,ky I lv in fear everyday of my life and can't stop drinking and drink every nite and hv tried vast tings but harder and harder for me to stop.
Member: joyce j
Location: bowling glrn, ky
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 12:53:02 AM
joyce an alcoholic bowling grn,ky I lv in fear everyday of my life and can't stop drinking and drink every nite and hv tried vast tings but harder and harder for me to stop.
Member: joyce j
Location: bowling glrn, ky
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 12:53:22 AM
joyce an alcoholic bowling grn,ky I lv in fear everyday of my life and can't stop drinking and drink every nite and hv tried vast tings but harder and harder for me to stop.
Member: joyce j
Location: bowling grn,ky
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 12:53:53 AM
Member: John M.
Location: Eugene, Oregon
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 1:23:51 AM
Fear=fucl everything and run or face everything and recover or false evidence appearing real. I love acronyms in A>A There are many. Fear is real though and has been addressed niicely by some of us here alreadyd. It is something that can hinder us from making progress or venturing outside aour comfort zones, trying new things,etc. Prayer, meditating, sharing, inventories, and all of the things that we use as tools in our recovery can help with fear. We cannot microwave it though. LIke all defects of character, etc. it is one day at a time and that's all it is. Walking through the fear, one step at a time. Giving thanks each time. The path broadens. Hang in there!!!!
Member: Madelaine
Location: Texas
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 8:59:23 AM
I read somewhere that fear is the antithesis of God. If we place our faith in a Higher Power, why do we fear? Because we haven't learned to trust that HP. I live in fear daily. Learning to trust in my HP is what I'm striving for daily. Staying sober for today. God bless all.
Member: John H
Location: Indiana, USA
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 9:57:45 AM
John again, an alcoholic. Excuse the return. Second thoughts about fear. The illustrations in the Big Book dealing with the 4th Step show that in all cases of resentment and poor relationships that fear is the underlying cause. Fear pertaining to gain, prestige, position, status, financial security, health, love, you name it. I've had all that and still do if I forget the tools of the program, neglecting meetings, the Higher Power etc. After much time, effort and study, thru my thick skull and stubborn ego, the fact came that my fears were the result of not having FAITH, faith in a power greater than I or any human being. It was because I tried to overplease people and myself at the neglect and expense of the Higher Power.For years now I've been studying the books dealing with the Higher Power in addition to those of Alcoholic Anonymous. AA returned me to the Higher Power by its steps and traditions and reenforced my faith. Fears are at a minimal consequently, sobriety has been continuous and relationships are vastly improved.Keep the faith, in the program, in your Higher Power, and keep that first drink out of reach. God blesses us all!!
Member: Sarah
Location: UK
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 10:23:48 AM
Sarah Alcoholic This is in response to Rich I have almost 16 years sobriety and am going through similar stuff regarding my family of origin at the moment and find that I have needed professional help to deal with it. The coming to terms with it is hard but I still don't need to drink over anything but I do need to deal with this stuff I buried a long time ago. Love to you all
Member: Valerie M.
Location: Canada
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 1:16:02 PM
Good day, everyone! I agree with John H. - always fear taking that first drink. For me, it's the same as fearing jumping off a high cliff onto rocks! It's not the action to be afraid of - it's the end result! Facing my fears has been a daily effort. Staying sober forces me to deal with them head on. I can no longer "blot" out a situation or a feeling with alcohol. It's still hard to deal with fears - I've had panic attacks for most of my life - but I continue to see improvement the longer I stay sober. Each time I get through a scary situation, family crisis (whatever it may be) - and I do it sober - I feel that much better about myself.
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 3:57:18 PM
Fear was all I ever knew before I started drinking and while I drank. I was not good enough and feared you would find out. I abused drugs and alcohol and I feared you would know. I turned to the only resource available, alcohol and myself. The insanity and pain grew to insurmountable proportions. Thanks to the steps and fellowship of AA, I know that my fears are false. Today, when my fears arise I can look straight at them and say “my God is more powerful than you”.
Member: Mike B
Location: SC
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 4:54:13 PM
OK first off Mike here and i AM an alcoholic...was sober 11 years but have been drinking for the last 4...i was thinking of coming back but i dont think i can handle all the God talk..sorry but i cant trick myself into SAYING i beleive in something that i really dont...no offense to anyone...what i NEED is spitituality, not a religion based fire and brimstone kind of thing..to tie this into fear, since i dont believe in god i dont have the ability to "turn it over" and then hope everything turns out ok...its all too real for that!i know you all will say "HP doesnt have to be a god it can be a chair or the group" well that works fine until it comes time to do the steps then that just doesnt cut it anymore...poeple just say that to make you feel better until you "get with the program"...i really want to be in AA again or a group like it but does anyone know how to get around this problem?
Member: Joe P.
Location: Chicago
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 5:38:02 PM
My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. I really found out about my fear when I wrote out my 4th step inventory, when I discovered just how fear ran my life. I discovered that of my own accord, there was nothing that I do fearlessly, including writing my 4th step. Here I discovered the power of the “care of God”. I prayed for the courage to write my inventory, and God gave me that courage. Same today, to get through fear, I rely on the care of God. I believe fear is the emotion God gave us to signal danger, one of our basic instincts, survival. The question is whether the danger is real. Is there danger to me if I pick up the first drink? Absolutely, so I take proper precautions and ask for the appropriate help. Is there danger to me if others do not approve of me? No, as stated by others, False Evidence Appearing Real. How do I get through fear today? I get help from God and AA to have a proper perspective on what is real, and I ask God for the courage when there really is some danger to face. Thanks for all your sharing.
Member: Dan
Location: Middle East
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 6:36:04 PM
I'm dan alcoholic. Thanks Jeff & Valerie as I needed to read your posts today. I can still remember when I came to the realization after being dry for a while, that I really feared life without alcohol most of all. The fear caused me to hide out in AA until I saw a glimpse of what I wanted in those people and as a last resort I finally ditched my program and tried the one that has worked for millions. I'm grateful that I was a fortunate one. To Mike B - no I don't but if you find a half measure or shortcut that permanently works let me know. I'm always searching for the easier, softer way. Glad to be sober today.
Member: William
Location: North East
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 6:55:03 PM
My name is William and I am an alcoholic. Being sober for some time now I find myself still realizing that fear still plays a role each and everyday. All I can do is practice my steps and let God take care of the rest. When I do this those fears seem to slide away and out of my mind. Thanks all.....one day at a time!
Member: DavidH
Location: Nashville
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 7:19:58 PM
Fear, that evil coroding thread. I was eaten up with it for several months after I first started getting sober. However, I got a sponsor,went to lots of meetings, got involved, and did a fourth and fith step. I can still get caught up in fear if I slack up on my program and try to be ceo of the world. As long as I continue to live the steps and go to meetings, the fear seems to stay in check.
Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 8:08:23 PM
Dealing with fear is covered quite satisfactorily in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous,pgs. 67 - 68. The answer given, "We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves" has worked for me and countless others. In fact for every problem I've experienced since becoming sober the "Big Book" has provided a solution which has worked.
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 8/19/2002
Time: 10:25:26 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Thanks for the sincere shares. Welcome newcomers! Everyone has fears, alcoholic or not, but the AA program gives us Steps and suggestions to follow to mitigate all these fears. So, while I'll always have some fear or another, my God and the AA program have slowly but surely helped me overcome my worst fears.
Member: Pati B.
Location: MN
Date: 8/20/2002
Time: 12:26:16 AM
Hi, I am Pati and I am an alcoholic. Fear: I have been sober almost nine years and struggled for about five years before becoming sober mostly because I thought I would lose my "friends" well I have a whole new circle of friends and the old ones do not talk to me and now I really do not care but then I was so afraid of losing them.
Member: Duncan K
Location: Fayetteville, N.C.
Date: 8/20/2002
Time: 2:37:20 AM
Fear define is evil foreboding. Prove me wrong get a good dictionary. Translated, "Evil Foreboding touches about every aspect of our lives" What to do???? Answer in Big Book between pages 1-164. Don't give People I sponser this part, try pg 68 BB. They have to find it. Fear, false evidence appearing real. All the beste, Duncan. kilroy7d@netzero.com
Member: Barbara M.
Location: Florida
Date: 8/20/2002
Time: 8:15:10 AM
Barbara, an Alcoholic. For me, fear of so many things, including rejection, brought about such intense pain - I drank to try and mask the pain. Only by turning it all over to God have I been able to begin my recovery...and through His grace may I stay sober one more day, and continue to grow and help others. God bless you all.
Member: Louis LG
Location: Ottawa,Canada
Date: 8/20/2002
Time: 11:26:40 AM
Louis,Alcoholic.To Mike B. I saw a article in the french Grapevinethat said,"i'd rather beleive in a H.P then me and be happier then not beleive and be miserable like i was".I'm sure Mike that you beleive you felt better Sober.It's a start. "rarely have we seen a person fail who has THOROUGHLY followed our path".Give yourself a chance.
Member: Christa M.
Location: Silver Spring, MD
Date: 8/20/2002
Time: 3:03:30 PM
Mike B in SC: I saw your post about wanting to come back to AA but not believing in God. Hmm, that is a toughie. You have to believe in something other than yourself, because obviously YOU can not keep yourself sober. I am definitely not religious and have nothing to do with organized religion, but I have a strong spiritual relationship with my higher power. Without it I could not stay sober. My suggestion to you is to keep trying your best - come back to AA, go to meetings, share your feelings honestly and follow the steps as best you can. Any degree of sobriety has got to be better than the pain you seem to be in now. The main purpose of AA is to help people stay sober NOT make people believe in God. Hold true to that primary purpose and see what happens. I wish you all the luck in the world. Feel free to email me at circelyn@hotmail.com to discuss further if you like. (sorry for straying off the topic people, but I think this issue is actually all about fear anyway).
Member: Kathy G
Location: Garden Grove, CA
Date: 8/20/2002
Time: 6:54:06 PM
I use "thy will not mine be done" to conquer fear or I ask God to "remove my fear and direct my attention to what he would have me be" When I do this: "it is then we begin to outgrow fear". However, I practice this still on a "daily" basis...Kathy
Member: Anne
Location: Roslyn, Washington
Date: 8/20/2002
Time: 8:48:30 PM
I think there is no way to deal with real fear than by yourself. Be that via trust in a higher power or grinning and bearing it. I do not believe that involving a cast of thousands, from a meeting to a sponsor, will cut it. It might make you feel better -- but will that really tackle the fear? Isn't fear something one should confront alone, ultimately?
Member: dont dare tell you
Location:
Date: 8/20/2002
Time: 11:16:28 PM
I believe in the MAGIC of the fellowship and it has become my higher power. I don't post my name here because Christians guffaw at people who say they don't believe in their GOD. I get shunned in meetings because I don't say the "Our Father" the Lord's Prayer in AA meetings. I firmly don't think that prayer belongs in AA. I have a FEAR of not feeling like I belong in AA and also have FEAR that the people I have come to know and love on this site will think badly of me if they know I don't believe in GOD. I have been sober for over 7 years now and I have worked all the steps to the best of my ability and my life is wonderful for the most part. I hate keeping secrets, but people don't understand "unbelievers". even people in AA.
Member: Serene Corinne
Location: BC, Canada
Date: 8/21/2002
Time: 1:34:06 AM
I read a great book called "Just Another Spiritual Book" by Bo Lozoff (recomended to all growing in this program and otherwise). Anyway, in it the author talks about fear and it's strengths and weaknesses. Fear has the power to get right up close and in your face and feel really loud, consuming your thoughts, it's weakness is is that it cannot really touch you, it just makes you think it can. Anyway reminding myself of this along with faith in my own version of Higher Power, the Sernity Prayer, help me to walk through the fears that come up in my life. ((((((Dont Dare))))) here are alot of people who don't believe in "God" in this program. Believe in whatever works for you. Your doing something right to have so many days back to back. Been there.
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, PA
Date: 8/21/2002
Time: 2:19:33 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. Facing one's fears is never easy.However today, I don't pick up that drink to give me the false courage I thought I needed to face my fears. I have found that God never gives me more than I can handle in any given day, and he does for me what I am not capable of doing for myself. An old timer once told me if I am going to pray, don't worry, and if I am going to worry, then don't pray. Faith without work, doesn't work. The answers to all my fears are in the steps. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.
Member: gasman
Location: USA
Date: 8/21/2002
Time: 10:26:23 AM
To "don't dare tell you" My first sponsor (also one of the men that 12 sepped me) was in his words "president of the atheist society" When i met him he had 42 years as a sober member of AA.He was the most active member I've ever met (to this date) and one of the truelly happy joyous and free people. He saved my life and started me on a path that I never could believe existed. The only thing he did differently than my current sponsor does (he died some time ago) is not talk about God and pray. We read the Big Book together. We worked the steps to the best of my ability together. We went on dozens of twelve step calls together. I believe that each of us has but one story to tell and that is ours. Somewhere there are others who believe as yoiu believe and when you share your story with them they will identify and get hope. Because an athiest introduced me to the 12 steps of recovery I was able to find a God of my understanding (my own personnal relationship) taht allows me to live the life I always wanted to. I understand your frustration with "Christians" but suggest taht when we share our experience strength and hope it is not up for debate or ridicule. It is simply that. Somewhere there is an alcoholic that needs to hear exactly what you have to say.
Member: trish
Location: ind
Date: 8/21/2002
Time: 1:21:30 PM
dont always look at fear as a bad thing i think fear is what keeps us logical and disciplined fear is always there to keep us in our places.if we were never araid we could do some pretty dangerous things and thats not just relating to drinking for an alcoholic
Member: Mark C.
Location: NYC
Date: 8/21/2002
Time: 5:07:48 PM
Hi, Mark C. here, an alki who doesn't drink any more from NYC. The fear thing has changed a lot for me over time. One of the long term effect of alcohol is to make people affraid. So being scared at two weeks sober or even six months sober is pretty normal and natural and getting through it one way or another is part of getting sober. Coming up to two years there are still things that I'm afraid of. There are way less things, and I feel way less intensely about then, but life doesn't suddenly stop being life, just because I'm sober. So I try to keep in mind that there is nothing that drinking can't make a hundred times worse. It's pretty easy, becuase it's pretty obvious. I get an awful lot of milage from SMART (http://www.smartrecovery.org/ when it comes to not letting fear get the better of me. Mark
Member: Pat S.
Location: Ohio
Date: 8/21/2002
Time: 10:45:11 PM
Great comments on a subject most of us are familiar with. I once heard a long timer say she feared nothing at the moment she was in. She then added that if she were in a burning building she felt sure she would feel fear, and if she found herself facing a pack of rabid dogs she knew she'd feel fear. This is the type fear trish mentioned. Fear can be our best protector and a terrific motivator! Fear is not the absence of faith. Please don't let anyone convince you of that. A few years ago on a lovely fall morning while enjoying my coffee I suddenly heard a jet plane roaring like it was landing on my home. I wasn't afraid at all. I knew there was nothing I could do. I was at peace. That peace lasted until the plane came back two more times. The pilot had kicked on his after-burners which made the d***** thing sound like it was exploding on top of my home. Very loud. It turned out to be one of our beloved military pilots buzzing his kin (w/a million dollars of fighter plane I helped pay for). Well, not one to mess with underlings, I wrote to the President telling him I was real glad my city didn't have a ski tow line (just before this an oops of ours took out an Italian ski resort gondola when the plane snagged the line). Then the Sec.of the Navy contacted me with news of the pilot's consequences. Now don't get hyper w/me, nothing happened to his career. The point is, I had no power over what I thought was a grave (no pun intended) situation, but I had no fear! I've always used the Serenity Prayer--it works. Others in my neighborhood were truly shaking with fear, with what might have been,etc. I was ok, but mighty ******* when I investigated. A p.s. Perspective is everything. Folks on the golf course two miles from me said it was the greatest free airshow they ever saw!! Unity and love, Pat
Member: Carol E.
Location: North Carolina Coast
Date: 8/21/2002
Time: 11:48:10 PM
Thank you all for your comments on fear, the evil and coroding thread. My life has been shot through and through with it. That picture of a piece of cloth and a thread being shot through it is perfect. My life was the cloth and the thread was allowing it to come unraveled. My life was "fraid". I get scared still after 24 years of continual sobriety. But now I know where to go to get outside my own belly-button. Freedom from fear has one price tag - self-forgetfulness. Only in AA could I have ever found that way of freedom and I found it in the 12th step.
Member: Carolyn S.
Location: Vanc. Wa.
Date: 8/22/2002
Time: 12:08:15 AM
Short and sweet-Courage is Fear that has said its prayers. One Day at A Time.
Member: Michael M.
Location: New York City
Date: 8/22/2002
Time: 1:32:28 AM
Hello all. Michael, most definitely an alcoholic. I should start by saying I'm back 58 days and I feel amazing. I had been sober almost nine years and relapsed again, and again. Now I'm back and I'm doing things I haven't done in years, (attending LOTS of meetings, having healthy fun, writing, playing golf etc.) and I'm really excited about being sober again. As far as the topic goes, I recall somewhere in the literature where it says something like "only the self-deluded can claim complete victory over fear." As for me, if I look too far ahead and think about all the bad stuff that can happen, or about certain significant events, it's pretty much a sure bet I'll have some fear. Dealing with fear for me has a lot to do with living in the present. It also has to do with realizing there are about a million possible outcomes to any situation, and I and my finite brain will more than likely only come up with two or three! I indentify with the comments people are making about God and their belief or disbelief. I remember a long time ago, someone in the program told me the most important thing I should know about God, is that I wasn't Him. Everything else could be sorted out in due time. Anyway, it's great to be sober again! I'd be happy to hear from anyone anytime! Peace nyc_techy@yahoo.com
Member: V.
Location: Corn Belt
Date: 8/22/2002
Time: 7:25:25 AM
When I try to exert MY will I can't and then get angry. Then fear kicks in and if I don't immediately meditate on that I turn into a quivering, blithering mass of goo. Praying is talking and meditating is listening, a man once said. I don't have God per se, but I do have a Goddess and she is a little eight year old girl who lives inside me and I listen to her. Her will for me is way better than mine. Mike B., whatever blows your hair back. Keep coming back. We'll be here.
Member: The crazy world of Avril G
Location: Belgium via Barnsley UK
Date: 8/22/2002
Time: 10:13:47 AM
{{{{{{{{ROOM HUGS}}}}}}}}} {{{{MIKE B - SC}}}} MY H.P. (God some people call it) is a Group Of Drunks who taught me how to live sober. Many members of this Group Of Drunks are aetheists or agnostics, I am NOT religious myself, and don't have to be. I DID NOT create this universe, nor anything in it, so who/whatever did this is a power greater than any of us. I can access MY higher power by picking up the telephone whenever I am troubled. Religion is for those who are afraid to go to hell, spirituality is for those of us who have already been there. FEAR=Face Everything and Recover FEAR= False Evidence Appearing Real My biggest fear in early recovery was that my daughters would follow my path into destructive alcoholism. THIS fear recently became reality a couple of weeks ago, when my eldest daughter walked out on her husband when he created about the amount of money she was spending and the frequency of her drunken nights out, returning at 2-3am in the mornings. I have seen her behaviour gradually deteriorate over the past year or so, but she is now lying to everyone, borrowing money she has no intention of paying back, and is so in denial that it is killing me to see the way she is going. I have tried to speak to her about it when she is sober, even took her husband to an alanon meeting with me, but I realised that the DENIAL of alcoholism runs even deeper in the family of alcoholics. He really believes that one day she will 'come to her senses' and they will get back together again, he loves her so much, and is in so much pain emotionally. I have started to work the alanon programme and some days I am better than others, but the fear for me right now is feeling completely powerless over my dear daughter, who is alienating many people by her behaviour, and at the age of 24, she has a long hard life ahead of her, unless she accepts what the problem is. This is a girl who, when I got sober came to many conventions with me, went to alateen, even started an alateen group in our hometown many years ago, and even now, having recently made 12 years of sobriety, I am fearful. Thank God for AA, my sponsor and MY H.P, I have not found it necessary to pick up a drink TODAY!! ~~*SOBRIETY ROCKS*~~ goodallavril2000@yahoo.co.uk
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 8/22/2002
Time: 11:51:42 AM
Lessa E here, very grateful recovering alcoholic. Thanks for a great topic, Ann. And there have been some really terrific comments. Just what this drunk needed to hear. My life, since I came back to the tables over two years ago, has been more tumultous than ever. I've had some deep lows and very few (pardon the phrase) 'highs'. And with circumstances like these, fear has been a big part of my life. What has happened is that the fear is not paralyzing as it once was. And I do not HAVE to drink over it, as I once did. I suspect that is due, in large part, to an ever increasing faith. In the program, which miraculously is helping me to stay sober one day at a time, as long as I work it to the best of my ability. In the fellowship, which, when I open myself up and let others know just how afraid I am at times, lets me know I am NOT alone in this and that *WE* can overcome all kinds of obstacles. And, most of all, in an HP whom I've come to know as a loving God who sees me through tough times in spite of myself. Thanks again for all the great comments.
Member: PappyPaw B.
Location: Coldwater Michigan
Date: 8/22/2002
Time: 6:41:59 PM
I am PappyPaw, I am a grateful alcoholic..I was touched by Mike B. S.C. If one is drinking now then one was not 11yrs sober. Maybe dry, so dry that they were a fire hazzard! After the 1st step is successfuly completed it is impossible to drink again. Step 1 is that important to a continued state of recovery. Step 11 removes my lingering fears and puts me under the umbrella of God's protection as I begin my day. It is a daily maintainence task I must preform to live a sober life that has quality. Under God's protection I am free from fear. I spend my days trying to do His will for me. This has worked for me for 30 years now so I am going to try it again to day. Mike, Get step 1 right and the rest will follow and you too will enjoy quality living. There are no failures in A.A., however the path is littered with thoses who have quit trying. May you find Him now.
Member: PappyPaw B.
Location: Coldwater Michigan
Date: 8/22/2002
Time: 6:56:05 PM
PappyPaw and I am a grateful alcoholic. I am about to go to the Coldwater Thur nite AA. I just shared with Avril G of UK. I really enjoyed your comments and could identify. I have a family of five and am experienceing the same thing as you. One son has gotten a DUIL another is doing 15 ys and the other 3 are on there way to misery because they too are the exception. I know what to do. I musr remain sober and remain an example. He works in mysterious ways and it is fo me to wait and see the wonder of it all as it undolds in His way.
Member: jay j
Location: nm
Date: 8/22/2002
Time: 9:07:34 PM
jay, alcoholic. thanks, ann. lately i've been using the "pause when agitated or doubtful" a lot during my days. have lost everything for the third time in sobriety (this time material things, relationships, and health). once i pause, i begin by asking first that my fears be removed -- or at least that they get right size -- and then ask myself what the worst that can happen might be. it's helping. good luck.
Member: william p
Location: canada
Date: 8/22/2002
Time: 9:10:06 PM
alcoholic,always afraid of working i had nervous breakdown some years ago,afraid if i ever lost current job i would never be able to work again
Member: Mike P
Location: Houston
Date: 8/22/2002
Time: 9:50:03 PM
Mike,alcoholic. I new here but on the subject of facing ones fears, in my life it was the fear of not being with my wife. But the truth of the matter was the distructive relationship we had was the thing that made me want to drink. She kept on doing things that hurt me and that it was drove me to drink to deal with the feeling that I couldn't control the tings she did. The drinking started to destroy my life slowly and before I was totally overcome with this disease I told myelf that I needed help myself. Unfortantlly I'm seperated from my wife but life has gotten a lot better. thanks for letting me share
Member: Curtis L
Location: Goliad, TX
Date: 8/23/2002
Time: 6:51:58 AM
Hi Family, Les stated the solution to fear; "We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves". It's that simple. How do we do that? The Steps! As Step 12 states "Having had a spiritual awakening as THE results of the steps" (emphasis on the is mine). Learning to trust God will always remove my fear if I put my utmost trust in Him. It means letting go of the 'control', as if I had any when I was in my cups. Sponsor told me; make the plans; do the footwork, but leave the results up to your Higher Power. It works.
Member: Darren J
Location: England
Date: 8/23/2002
Time: 11:14:31 AM
Darren here, not an alcoholic thankfully (occassional drinker like most people out there). Hope you don't mind me butting in, but I read a scathing review of this site, and AA in general, in .net magazine (uk computer magazine) and wondered how you react to the growing negative portrayal of your organization? [The review said your discussion site was "filled with the same nauseating self-pity as those in the church hall, but minus the nicotine"]
Member: Mark D
Location: NH, USA
Date: 8/23/2002
Time: 5:40:44 PM
I recently got my 1 year medallion and will probably be sharing sometime soon @ a face to face meeting. (I've gotten by without doing it but a few times so far). Telling "what it was like" all seems to break down to FEAR. Fear of failure, fear of loss, fear of ? you name it. You can either let fear or faith run your life. I don't think that there's another choice. Non-alcoholics can , with some measurable success, put that faith in themselves. We alcoholics need to put that faith in a higher power or we're pretty much screwed. To Darren in England: (I realize that you're only the messenger here) If people trying to help other people work through real pain and problems in their lives strikes the reviewer as 'nauseating self-pity' I'd suggest he or she go back to reviewing porn sites as that seems to be the highest level of maturity and emotional conectiveness which they are capable.
Member: Jeff
Location:
Date: 8/23/2002
Time: 7:28:35 PM
self-pity as those in the church hall, but minus the nicotine.... Mmmmm, My wife made a comment about a couple of meetings I took her to during a convention/workshop - she thought everyone was just sitting around talking on negative things in their lives. I realize there are a lot of sober people out there - But, how many are "real" happy...with that deep belly laugh my old sponsor told me I would eventually obtain. But again...who am i to say...I've only been dry myself - I'm just now getting sick and tired of being sick and tired and have gotton a sponsor and trying to live and work the steps and turn my life over to my higher power (this time not my wife) thanks for letting me share...
Member: Mark D
Location: NH, USA
Date: 8/23/2002
Time: 8:20:26 PM
Mark D--double dipping here. Darren- I'm curious. You mentioned a "growing negative portrayal" of AA. Outside of one article - probably written by a wanker who lives to bitch- what other negative commentary have you encountered? In the states over the past year or two I've heard some drug therapy being touted and complaints here and there about the "God" aspect of the program that tends to set certain people off - but haven't heard anything really NEGATIVE, in the way of being harmful. Please let us know. Thanks
Member: Lyle S
Location: Cleveland OH
Date: 8/23/2002
Time: 11:41:36 PM
High, I'm Lyle and I am an alcoholic. RE Darrens post on .net article. "We have no opinion on outside issues"... "Press, Radio and Films"... all that. I know is this... It works if you work it. Let them think what they think. When they come around, hold the door open for them. Fear is the topic. (F)orget (E)verything (A)nd (R)un. You can use another (F) word if you wish. That was one of my ways of dealing with problems. Hide from it. Run Away. Geographic Cure. When I did 4 & 5 I learned that fear was a major factor behind all the things I did. I drank to fill the hole in my soul. I learned that hole was left when I put God (the Higher Power of MY understanding) up on the shelf. Without my Higher Power, I could not face my fear. I used alcohol to mask the fear, to stuff it down and hide it. But the fear was still there and worse the next day. I did bad things. These made the hole bigger and bigger. That pit, that feeling of guilt, remorse, FEAR. The bigger it got the worse it felt. The worse it felt the more I needed a drink. The more I drank the more I did bad things. Whoa. Sounds like that merry-go-round, huh? The steps are where we learn to face our fears and what we need to do to make things right. Work the steps! Before we are half way through... I am walking proof that the promises come true. No whining and self pity here. Just a fearles and searching inventory, a desire to make things right, faith that things will get better, and a desire to help others find what I have found. Serenity, Courage, Wisdom... all from my Higher Power... a Higher Power that I call God.
Member: scott m
Location: Idaho
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 12:45:55 AM
Fear is something that I am working on a daily basis.The thing that blows me away about fear, is that the only way I can be rid of it is to ask God to help me get rid of it. I don't have the power in me to get rid of fear, I have to have gods help.
Member: Robert K.
Location: TN
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 1:14:16 AM
Hello friends.Robert here.To Mike B.,good for you.I want you to do one thing before you decide to give up hope.I want you to go to amazon.com or any other online or local bookstore and buy The Zen Of Recovery by Mel Ash.It changed my life.See I come from a "fire and brimstone"background.I was miserable in recovery until I found this book.It's written by a recovering alcoholic,and it explains the striking similarities between Zen Buddhism and the twelve steps.I was at the end of my spiritual rope and really close to relapse and the ideas in this book changed my life.Give it a chance it might save yours. teeter76@bellsouth.net
Member: Brett
Location: Indiana
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 1:25:08 AM
Hi Everyone! Brett Alcoholic Lyle- Thank you for pointing out what the founding members of this society had so much wisdom to percieve. I am so greatful today, that we do not have to have opinions on outside issues. As I have grown in sobriety, I have come to understand why the traditions are so important. FEAR. It has been said that it is not possible to have fear and faith at the same time. While I certainly think its human to get fears, it is my responsibility today to let go of those fears. I treat them just as I do resentments. By turning over my fears to God, who I choose to call my hp, I am able to move forward in life and spiritual growth. "The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritiual lines." This does not mean life always goes my way, nor does it mean that fears do not creep in. It means that when they do, I know who to turn to in order to rid myself of these fears. brett
Member: Jeff
Location: N. CA
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 2:24:39 AM
Hi, My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. Fear is a good topic. Fear is one of defects that showed up on my 4th step often. The book talks about alcoholics (me) being driven by 100 forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. p.62 When I was drinking I had the booze to rely upon to overcome my fears. Drinking helped me with my fear of trying to meet women, and talk, and have fun in the bars. I was not able to stop at that drink and I got to the drink where I was not really afraid of anything. I knew I could black out and it did not bother me what happened once I started. I was not afraid of getting arrested or getting in fights or crashing my truck or what could happen to someone else. Then I would wake up in the morning scared to death and peak through the blinds to see my crooked parking job. I did it again and again. I was out of control and I am so grateful that nothing worse happened than what did. AA is slowly teaching me to watch for my defects and rely on my higher power (God) to let me practice the opposite. Sometimes I am still afraid, I recognize it now. It is pretty good to have the fears I have today compared to what it was like in the drinking days. I can talk to someone about it and make a deliberate plan of action. Some of my fears are pretty stupid. Somewhere in the reflections book there is a thing that goes "fear knocked at the door - faith answered - and nobody was there." Some fears are real. Like others have been saying some fear is good - being driven by it is painful and sucks. There is so much good news in AA for alcoholics. There was a day when I wanted so badly not to drink that I called AA- from there AA is teaching me to live without drinking and sometimes be happy and free. That's a big deal. Thanks everyone for being here.
Member: Christine
Location: Westplains,mo
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 9:12:01 AM
Member: Christine
Location: WestPlains,mo
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 9:12:58 AM
Member: Christine
Location: WestPlains,mo
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 9:29:37 AM
Chritine,I am a alcholic.Fear has ruled all my life. Im not saying that sebriety has takeing it away,just saying that being sober has made it possiable to face them. Sometimes thats not easy,but no one said it would be.Ill share a small story with ya. I met a man in A.A. 5yrs. ago I feel madly in love, but he didnt. All those years I confessed my love and he confessed that he didnt care. Well, now 5yrs. later he loves me, and my love has never died. he was just told that he has Cancer.And the fear runs thru the house all day long. He tries not to let it show, but I have studied for years, so I can see the fear. But A.A. has taught me that FAITH will stop the fear. And that is how I keep from comeing apart.Faith that GOD will not had us come this far just to drop us. I believe we are all miricles, and with FAITH we cant loose.Even if I dont have it at times, I fake it untill I get it. GOD has brought me up out from my home under a bridge,and placed me in a house, gave my children back and gave me back my smile. How can I not have anything but faith. Everything is going to happen just the way he wants them to. I cant do anything about it except get down on my knees and pray, and have FAITH that he will hear me.
Member: Misha B.
Location: TX
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 10:08:04 AM
Hey Darren, I have been involved with AA and other 12 step programs for over 20 years. And you know, like all organizations, 12 step programs are made up of all kinds of people, with all kinds of problems, perceptions and personalities. The countless miracles,healings, life changing events and acts of love and hope and courage I have seen far outweigh anything one article can do. I feel blessed by the afflictions that brought me here and often wish others could experience the serenity and peace offered. The AA adage of "progress not perfection" really applies here. For every person I have met who might be indulging in self pity there are five who are quietly pursuing their sobriety with dignity, peace, and courage. One naysayer can't stop the awesome work that takes place in countless, anonymous ways, day by day, minute by minute all over the world. Take care, and thanks for stopping by.
Member: John P.
Location: Tampa Bay
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 10:38:38 AM
Hi John here... Alcoholic First Class... Just yesterday I was overcome by fear. Last night I made a pledge, as I have a thousand other nights, to stop drinking. As I lay in bed, I thought about how many times I promised myself, "This is it" But in my mind I knew, that tomorrow will be the the same as yesterday. I felt the tremendous fear overpower me. Then I did something I haven't done in many years. I got out of bed and got on my knees. Today I feel that God heard my cry for help. I found my copy of The Big Book, that has been packed away for eleven years. At the moment my fear is replaced by hope. I will try to get through today without a drink. Somehow I feel confident that with Gods help, I can make it till tomorrow. For now, I'm taking it one hour at a time. Wish me luck!
Member: Tom S
Location: NYC
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 10:57:59 AM
Tom, alcoholic. If I want to overcome fear it's imperative that I remain sober. It's also important that I take a moment to let the fear wash over me and come to some acceptance of it, how it makes me feel, what it's based in, if anything. Then, with the help of the program (my sponsor) and my higher power, I try to show up, move through it. Most times, when it's over I'm amazed to find how simple it all is, and how my mind turns my fear into something much greater than what it is.
Member: bb
Location: atlanta
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 11:17:56 AM
John P - I too am in your 'space', and I've prayed. I know that hope and help is right there when I decide to finally let it in. I was sober for 10 years. Guilt will surely kill me, but I have the tools and the faith that I can come back; I guess the self respect is the only thing I need to believe I can regain. Fear? Oh, yes! This is plenty fearful. Finding this site is awesome. You guys are awesome. Darrel is in the dark.
Member: James
Location: Where are all the AA meetings located in union county
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 6:28:03 PM
Member: tie why die
Location: sane dane dane
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 7:05:16 PM
No ones nuckles are white enough to face fear nor can any grimise make it the better we hope for strength from above to overcome our enemies for: without me you can do nothing said Jesus..
Member: Wanda S.
Location: Niles,MI
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 9:06:03 PM
Some of you make me realize I have only small problems.
Member: DB
Location: KC
Date: 8/24/2002
Time: 11:55:01 PM
My name is Dave and I am alcholic. Trust in God is the only way i know to deal with fear. How do we do this start with doing the 12 steps of alcholics Anonymous. This starts with chapter 5 How it works in the basic text of alcholics anynomous. I have to look at this every day and do these clear cut directions. It really works it really does, as we trudge the road to happy destiny.
Member: Syd.
Location: Australia
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 6:16:56 AM
Member: Syd.
Location: Australia
Date: 8/25/2002
Time: 6:23:13 AM
Hi,i'm syd,and i am an alcoholic. Interesting topic 'fear. It's been interesting reding this. But as lyle said,for me it's the basis of my fourth & fifth,and the basis of all my emotions. Because if i look under my anger,vulnerability,the base emotion for me is fear. I just pray. God has the end result for whatever my hassel & i need to trust & believe with some blind faith,that the answer will come in his time not mine. Trust the process. And his way is always 10 times better than mine anyway. And there's that saying,'if you pray why worry,if you worry why pray. But fear for me is about trust,wether it's myself or of god.After 7 years i realise it's all good,so i fear less. They say the best is yet to come. Thanks for letting me share. Syd