Member: Lydia W
Location: Savannah,GA
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 8:11:44 AM
AA, I've been told . is a program of action. I constantly get confused- when does one act and when does one know to "turn it over?"
Member: Jenn P.
Location: Poconos,Pa
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 8:55:49 AM
Jenn here - good question Lydia! I try to use the Serenity Prayer, asking for the Acceptance, or the Courage to Change, if I am still not sure, I wait and use more prayer, meditation and my sponsor until I am clear on which is the way to proceed. Lots of times while waiting the situation resolves itself just fine without my help. My action is to use the steps to help me work out the answers on how to live my life. to go to meetings and ask for others experience strength and hope, to be of service, and stay out of my own way. Hope this helps! Have a great sober day!
Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 9:03:12 AM
Act vs. Turn it over
Lydia, I applaud you! This will cause much discussion.
IMHO, The serenity prayer tells us exactly when to do which. Why waste energy on those items that are inmovable? Why put up with those that are not? Now, how do we tell the difference?
I've found that the action stated in the AA literature is action that leads to recovery. If one believes it truly is one day at a time, then action is required every day. Each and every morning we need to set the mode for just that day, the mode being "I will not drink today". During the day, we each need to practice step 10 when required. (ever go through a day that you were not wrong one single time? not me) As the day winds down, it is a good idea to thank the HP for yet another sober one. Well, actions I take each day are described. Note that 12th step stuff is extra, pity pot not in evidence, Work, family, friends all fit into the picture as well.
I am not what most here would consider new. I do these things each day because I want to stay sober, and be reasonably serene. IT WORKS
Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: Dry in the Desert
Location: Nevada
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 10:15:53 AM
Good Morning Everyone;
My name is Walter and I am an Alcoholic.
Lydia, Thank You for a wonderful topic…..should make for an interesting meeting this week !!
Somewhere along the line, I have heard; “…do the footwork, and expect a miracle”, which reminds me of the Serenity Prayer line; “…change the things I can…”. In this way, when faced with, what I may consider a decision (HA ! How do you make God laugh ?? Tell Him YOUR plans !!), I can make plans and arrangements, but leave the RESULTS to God.
From my experience, this is a true proof of Faith and thus far, the Guidance I receive, has brought wonderfully unexpected and incredible turns in my Adventure of Sobriety.
Thank You for letting me share and Welcome to the newcomers !!
Member: JoeE
Location: OH, USA
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 10:47:17 AM
Hi all...Im' joe and I am an alcoholic. What has helped me each day has been to read the BB... LYDIA... your topic is right on what i read this AM. pages 86- 88 of the BB has a good suggestion.
Member: LeeEllen
Location: MI
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 10:55:26 AM
Hello All - LeeEllen here and a recovering alcoholic. Great topic, Lydia!!!
Like has been said, the Serenity Prayer has given me more insight to this than anything. But I must admit there have been times that I've been confused as to "the wisdom to change the things I can."
It's been my experience that if something bothers me more than a couple of days, it requires action on my part. That action might be just to talk it over with my sponsor or determine what part I play in the problem. It might be that the problem is something I just can't solve so I must turn it over. Maybe it requires I make amends or possibly it's something I must ask my Higher Power to answer for me. The beauty of the program is that we have so many options --- but first we must determine what the best path is to take, but help is there should we need it. I've yet to run into a problem that can't be solved one way or another -- whether it's action or turning it over. Works for me.
Thanks for letting me share---and again, thank you Lydia for a great topic. Peace, LeeEllen
Member: Jan
Location:
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 11:18:44 AM
I have that prayer on my refrigerator. I look at it every day. I haven't turned it over yet. I keep on drinking although I know it is the worst thing I can do. Right now I am so scared because I have tried to quit several times this year unsuccessfully. No I haven't attended a AA meeting yet. I feel so sick right now. I am tired because I drank so much last night. I want to turn it over. I feel today like a have hit my own personal bottom. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Jan
Location:
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 11:18:45 AM
I have that prayer on my refrigerator. I look at it every day. I haven't turned it over yet. I keep on drinking although I know it is the worst thing I can do. Right now I am so scared because I have tried to quit several times this year unsuccessfully. No I haven't attended a AA meeting yet. I feel so sick right now. I am tired because I drank so much last night. I want to turn it over. I feel today like a have hit my own personal bottom. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Jeff B.
Location: Northern CA
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 11:22:42 AM
Hi, my name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. Action and turning it over is a great topic -Thanks Lydia.
When I was drinking and trying to run the show like described on p.60 right after the abc's - I was a failure and getting worse. I had schemes and ideas of how my life should be and I got pissed off when it did not go my way. I drank with the intention of relaxing and finding the perfect babe; but usually ended up so drunk that I only found some kind of trouble. There were hospitals, jails, fights, black out vacations, and car wrecks.
It got bad enough that I knew that I had to stop drinking or else I would kill someone or myself with my car or in some other way while drunk. I had been to AA and had been sober for over a year while in school - (looking back it was probably the only reason I was able to finish). One day in August of 97 I was given the strength to not only see and remember that I needed help but I was given the courage to act - All I had to do was call AA and start again showing up at meetings. That day has become more special to me as time has passed.
I stuck around AA long enough to make some genuine attempts at the steps with the help of some very caring people. Today I believe that the 12 steps of AA can guide me to the correct actions.
The steps outline a way for me to change the way I was (and I still need to continue contine continue through 10, 11, and 12 and finishing all of 9). When I did a 4th step I found that I was acting on self-centered fear. My actions got me where I am. AA is very slowly teaching me how to live and act sober.
One of the coolest things I have learned from AA is that I am the sum of every action that I have taken to this point. What I will be is determined by the actions that I take today. Am I trying to run the show or am I trying to let some power greater than myself guide me and direct me? I know God will find a way for me. Some days I forget the questions. Some days I have the answers. When I forget, I go to a meeting or read the book. Sometimes the answers I think I have are very wrong and you guys and my sponsors help. For an alcholic like me living and taking actions sober is not easy - but I am getting some experience-I have never had it so good.
Thanks for being here.
Member: Carol H.
Location: Nevada
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 11:52:57 AM
This is a great topic, and I'm commenting here for the first time. To Jan, I can only say, that I spent a year looking at this site before I went to a meeting and started working a program. I'm approaching my first birthday of sobriety in September, and now I wonder why I waited, because I found the help I needed aws soon as I walked into a room of AA. I was able to turn it over through working the steps, through finding a higher power, and through the grace and good will of loving alcoholics waiting there to help me. I suggest you don't wait, or suffer, any longer. Go to a meeting! I couldn't make it to a meeting this morning (I still go every day sometimes twice), so I came to this site. This is a wonderful place to start, Jan, but don't be afraid of saying the things you said to real live humans in person. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Steve R.
Location: Delaware
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 12:02:02 PM
Hi. Steve here. Grateful Alcoholic.
Jan, I Pray that you will find the strength and will to attend just one meeting.
I'm still a relative newcomer, 39 days sober, 39 days of a new life, 39 days of AA.
That first meeting was very difficult for me. It was at noon, and I fought with myself all morning. I brought my adult son with me as a "crutch." I was 10 minutes late. I almost chickened out. I said very little, something like, 'Hi, I'm Steve, and I think I might be an alcoholic.'
Three fellow members approached me after the meeting with meeting lists, phone numbers, literature.
Every day has been better, thanks to AA, and the twelve steps, ever since. I am beginning to know peace, serenity and fulfilment.
If you'd like to talk more, e-mail me at steve@ce.net.
Member: connie w
Location: hutchinson, ks
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 1:56:09 PM
i think just because i turn it over im not done yet. what i have turn over is the outcome. it seems that there is always action. going to meetings, talking to sponcers, washing cups, helping others. theres always action.
Member: Ken S
Location: North GA.
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 3:07:35 PM
Everything I resist changes me, Everything I try to change resist Me. I pray for the wisdom to KNOW the differance. One day at a time, One event at a time. I don't believe that there will ever be a pat answer to the age old question of when will I know the differance. Time in sobrity or experiences of life in sobrity show me that when I think I am doing it right, time shows me I was wrong. But if I don't want to wait on time (which is usually the case) then I could always let my sponser and other close mentiors in on what I am doing or not doing and then I get feed back from others.I always seek more than one persons feedback. One just might be wrong also. Best of all I have learned that I never give up or get to down on myself, that is what I have others for. At the end of "How It Works" the "C" is the key. God could and would if sought. It is in the seeking and trying that I get better. Never in the knowing. I knew it all before I got here. The good days come when I wake up Stupid. Start learning about God and Helping others all over again for just one more day. Good topic. Helps me remember that I should never have it figured out, Just have someone around that has me figured out.
Member: Violet
Location: France
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 3:21:40 PM
Thank you, it's a good topic. I have learned, after six years in the program relapsing and finally, gratefully, sober, that I must turn it over, every day, each action I take before I take it. I try to remember to turn it over throughout the day, whatever I am doing. This helps me to remain calm and evens my mind so I don't lapse into negative and judgemental thinking. I am never not in action so I just try to turn it over throughout the day. Thank you for keeping me sober.
Member: Kent H.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 3:23:42 PM
Hi, I'm an alcoholic named Kent.
A friend says that he stays on the action committee and lets God run the results committee. Works well for him.
I'm pretty good at acceptance, but I have trouble in the courage and wisdom departments.
All my emotional problems are rooted in fear. My level of fear is inversely proportional to my level of faith. My faith waxes and wanes. Funny thing-- it seems to have little to do with what's going on around me since my perception of truth is only partially based on reality.
Not much experience, strength, or hope to offer here....it just feels good to share with people who know what the hell I'm talking about.
I love you all.
Grateful, Kent
Member: Pat W.
Location: Burnaby, B.C. Canada
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 7:33:07 PM
hi, i'm Pat and i'm an alcoholic, a very grateful alcoholic an excellent topic, with the strength the fellowship has given me, i have learned that icannot be lazy and turn everything over but in working the steps and listening to my sponsor and my gut, i have learned when i need to turn it over and what is an action for me. the program is to work for us and through us. my will always got me into trouble in all areas of my life. for Jan, it has been my experience that the best time to go to a meeting, first time or not, is when you are feeling lousy. i know i will always remember my first meeting and how sick and sorry i felt. i was promised at that meeting that if i wanted what the people around that table had and was willing to go to any length to get, i could stay sober, also i was told that i could give AA a chance and if i didnot like what i heard or saw after 30 days that they would gracefully give me back my misery. i did go out and do some more research but i was right back into the program, i did not like the puke and misery, i was tired of it. that has been a few 24 hrs ago now, i just had my 19th birthday. but my first meeting and my last drunk are still fresh. i never want to forget where i came from. peace, love and joy from a grateful and sober drunk, one day at a time, love you all and the program
Member: CHERYL D
Location: PORTLAND OR
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 9:59:59 PM
HI I'M CHERYL AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. I REALLY WANT TO THANK JAN FOR SHARING, I'M RIGHT WHERE SHE IS. I'VE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL TWICE THIS YEAR, BUT YET I STILL DRINK, I GO TO MEETINGS TO. I KNOW THAT I AM POWERLESS, BUT I'M HAVING TROUBLE TURNING OVER MY WILL. HOW DO YOU DO IT?
Member: Norm P
Location: Indiana
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 11:08:10 PM
To put it simply,I need to let go of people,places and things I can't change. I need to act on what I can. The 12 Steps are full of action and that's enough to keep any of us busy and out of trouble.
Member: Mary H
Location: NH
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 11:13:00 PM
When does one act and when does one turn it over? Action - Going to meetings, asking for help, reading the Big Book, doing the steps, helping another.
Turning it Over - "God, please keep me away from a drink, a drug or a substitute. I can not do it on my own. Please help me, I am a drunk. I am powerless. Thank you."
When I am mentally hashing over an issue, worrying, fretting, not staying in the day, I need to turn it over. (I ask God for help) Then I do an action.
Member: jodi
Location: colorado
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 3:16:04 AM
hi you'all, a friend of mine turned me on to this site and i am so thankful right now...can't sleep. this is a great topic. i just got back from family week at the treatment center my brother is in. the action i will take is to keep my word to him and stay in contact no matter how scared i am. i will turn over the old messages in my head and any ways he responds to me. my only concern today is living honestly, with integrity and following through on my word...the big book is filled with the words "honesty" and "god".when i can be honest, i am in the present moment...and that is where god resides.i learned this week the ONLY thing i can control is me ...and i do that with lots of prayer to ask for help...i am a true alcoholic!!! thanks for the question and thanks to the rest of you for sharing. peace
Member: Joe F.
Location: Harrisburg, Pa.
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 3:18:07 AM
I recently received my three month chip so perhaps what I write here isn't worth the cyberspace that it's written in. But I did have a similar question recently that I posed to a more experianced AA. I asked that "When I have a question of my Higher Power, how will I know what the answere is?" The reply that I received was "You'll know if the answer is a definate yes or no but if there's still a question in your mind then His answer is WAIT!" I hope that helps.
Member: Jan
Location:
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 8:16:29 AM
Hello All,
Sorry to double post, but I thought for all of you who responded for me to go to a meeting I would like to update you. I went last night to a meeting at 7:00pm in my local town. I was so down yesterday. It was all the energy I could muster up to attend. At first I didn't say much they all told me their stories and I told them mine. It really wasn't hard. I come from a large Irish family. I had heard about the rooms. It was more of a relief to tell someone the truth - that I can drink a bottle of wine then even open a second. That I get sick many nights because I drank too much. That I hide the bottles on the bottom of the recycables so noone will know how much I am drinking. It wasn't new to them and they didn't judge me for it. I am the youngest of eight brothers and sisters. One of my brothers joined AA 15 years ago. I was never that close to him. Many times I just couldn't relate. I'm sure he will be happy that his baby sister found her senses. I know it has only been a day. But I don't want to drink again. The withdrawl last night was the worst one I ever went through. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am ready to "turn it over".
Member: Joe L.
Location: Phila, PA - USA
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 9:46:07 AM
Good Morning All; Joe here, definitely an alcoholic.
LYDIA W.: Thanks for the topic.
JENN P.: I think you said it all.
JAN & CHERYL D.: Good Luck & God Bless You Both...
There are a lot of reasons why I think the Serenity Prayer is the perfect prayer. When I say it, I'm usually flustered and begging for help. Secondly, it gives me a chance to look at the situation and figure out if it's something "I" can change. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. For me, this prayer is instinctive. I mean, I say it when I need it, and if something needs changing, I try. If I can't, I pray for acceptance. For me, that's the tough part. I guess noone like to hear "NO." I think someone did mention sponsorship, so when I'm not sure, I ask him. What I do know is that I'm not alone anymore, and no matter what the problem is - I have God and AA to help me get by... "Just For Today"
LeachFtown@aol.com
Member: george f
Location: new york state
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 10:19:59 AM
hey there, jan-----what a wonderful gift you gave yourself last night when you attended a meeting. for me, after many years of trying to learn how to drink properly and instead getting sick and tired, i accompanied a friend of mine to a meeting just to see what it was all about. then a few weeks later, i got really sick and tired of being sick and tired, called up that friend and said "please come and help me, i can't stop drinking by myself." He did come, i went to rehab and then AA and now have 20 years of sobriety. the moment i said i couldn't do it by myself was the moment i lost the compulsion to drink and it hasn't returned since thanks to AA. good luck and keep coming
od luck and keep coming.
Member: Susan
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 10:35:05 AM
Hi Jan,
I'm Susan, and I'm an alcoholic and an addict. Welcome.
I am so glad that you had the courage to go to a meeting yesterday. Hang in there; things will get better. If you would like to talk more, please e-mail me at cedar1015@aol.com
Member: magpie152@hotmail.com
Location: kansas
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 11:26:33 AM
hi jan. please dont give up on sobriety. its not aways fun or comfortable but it is life. and life is good. i would love to have you as a pen pal. i am a 45 yr. old woman and have been sober a few 24 hrs. please write me.
Member: Ann Z
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 12:02:25 PM
Great topic Lydia! I am coming back after a relapse and am new but I know that the Serenity Prayer helps me to know when to take action and when to let it go. Sometimes it is a mantra to me when i am struggling! I also like this prayer: THIRD STEP PRAYER: God, I offer myself to Thee. To build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties. That victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy will always.
This is on my bedroom mirror to help me!!!!!
It was also told to me that the first 3 steps are decisions and that the remaining 9 are action steps. I know that in order to take the action I must first do 1,2,3 on a daily basis. I hope this has not been too long!
((Love & Peace)) Ann
Member: john l
Location: new haven ct
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 1:09:12 PM
hi all ihave just found this site and like it already.iread about it in the grapevine.thank you for the topic .it comes just when i need it.living life on lifes terms is not always clear or easy.thank you for sharing tools that can help.to all keep coming we are not alone anymore.to those that hurt this to shall pass keep coming. aa is the best thing that ever happened to me
Member: laura .s
Location: boston
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 8:43:53 PM
Hi I laura and i'm a drunk. i love the 3rd step prayer it has helped me so many times.I'm one of those people that if you don't know what to do don't do anything. and that isn't very often i alway have somthing in fact to much. bought a house with a sober friend and if has been quiet hard to not let it get the better of me see i need meeting and sober friends. I know doing nothing and forgiving myself are the two hardest thing i can do. I push when i should let go. i pull when i should hang on and i know AA work why then don't i just let it. laura
Member: Tom
Location: Florida
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 9:34:05 PM
Tom - Alcoholic. Turn it over, as best you can. Let it go as best you can. Then do the next thing. Examples: do the dishes (at home or at a meeting), vacuum the floor, balance the checkbook, pack your lunch for work, go to a movie, go to a meeting, do what ever needs to be done which includes having some (or lots of) fun. When the problem arises in your mind again, which it will for awhile, start this process over again. Thanks for the great topic. Tom.
Member: BARBARA S
Location: MIAMI E-MAIL SCHENCK@PEOPLEPC.COM
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 9:57:56 PM
TURNING IT OVER HAS FOR THE PAST 16 YEARS BEEN I AM NOT ABLE, I COULDN'T DO IT IF I TRIED, I AM NOT IN CHARGE ANYMORE, LET GOD DO IT. I SIMPLELY GET ON WITH THE DAY TO DAY TASK OF MAKING A LIVING, PAYING THE BILLS, HELPING ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC, AND BEING THE BEST I CAN WITH THE HELP OF MY HIGHER POWER, WHO HAS NOT LET ME DOWN, ALBEIT I COULD THINK OF MANY THINGS I DESIRE BUT I HAVE YET TO BE WITHOUT THE THINGS, THOUGHTS AND FELLOW MEMBERS I NEED.
Member: Jamie H.
Location: Fullerton, CA
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 10:03:07 PM
Jamie, Alcoholic. For me it's all about surrending on a daily basis. I normally spend way too much time thinking about what is my will, what is God's will. But the good part of that is in my drinking days I never once even considered what anyone elses will in a situation might be , let alone my HP. So at least now with a few years of sobriety under my belt, I am capable of Considering what God's will might be. One of my favorite little sayings that helps in time of struggle, "If it is important to me, most likely it is my will". Another one from our friend in recovery, Clancy I, that is the most apropoh saying I have ever heard about our will and surrending, "When we first get sober, we are done and we just throw in the towel, then after awhile we grab that towel back, and spend the rest of our lives tearing off little pieces and throwing them in" !! Love that one! Thanks for being here for me and keep coming back.
Member: Trevor
Location: Beijing
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 10:26:01 PM
Trevor Alcoholic as the day is long...
Great topic and as we often hear people say...what a coincidence I heard that because that is exactly what I am going through today...coincidence...I think not! We get what we need at the exact time something arises. I have been sober 11 and a half months...I would not trade my worst day being sober for my best day as a drunk...I for the past few days have been holding on to the idea of wanting to action things the way I use to...until I prayed yesterday...and before I realized it a few hours later I had a complete mood change...it was no less a miracle...I am sober today because I pray, don't drink, go to meetings and listen to my sponsor...that is all I need to do today...Lydia great topic...Jan I don't know you but you are rock solid sister...all the rest of you...thanks for this site and the fact I can have a meeting while I work!
Pray and Dont' Drink Trevor
Member: Donnie M (DOS 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va
Date: 8/13/01
Time: 11:22:51 PM
Hi, all I`m Donnie and I am a alcoholic. Great topic Lydia, for me I think I turned it over to god long before I quit drinking and never knew it. I sat on these church step`s and took my last drink I honestly did not know I was asking God to either help me stop drinking or take me out of this world. I have been asking him to help me through every part of my life since and it`s not been easy, but it has been better. I now attend that church and have been able to find a way that is " Let Go And Letting God " He is a truly forgiving being, cause for all I have done he should have forgotten me long ago, but all I had to do was ask for his help and he has. Thank`s for letting me share. GOD BLESS ALL
Member: Debi J.
Location: Maryland
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 12:25:32 AM
Hi my name is Debi and I'm an alcoholic
Wow this is powerful stuff. This is my first visit here. I found out about it on the Grapevine.
Lyndia....That is a great question and one after three months of sobriety I still wonder about. My life has'nt been great these last couple of weeks. Thoughts of drinking again are getting entertained, and dreaming about drinking are happening at least 3 times a week. I just got my 3 month chip last Monday and was on top of the world, nice green color too, but I can see that my "pink cloud days" are over for now and it's time to take action. Part of my action was going on-line to read some thoughts on Grapevine and in turn I read about this site. Then in turn this wonderful "question of the week". Like I said before this stuff is powerful. Reading through all the great post was very inlightening and reading about JAN and her going to her first meeting really helped me, and Trevor's post was perfectly timed being last. I really got alot from his post. Prayer is a major part of my life and I've been slacking lately.
Thank for letting me share....Debi
Member: MicheleS
Location: Seattle
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 1:05:51 AM
Last night I was laying in bed wondering why I gave in yet again to another day, drinking, it's totally against my beliefs, and goals. But at church last night I was reminded of my disease when a man shared with the pastor that he was a recovering alcoholic helping others by carrying the message of strength and hope. I really appreciate you guys, I was drawn to No.Calif.-Jeff's quote "I am the sum of every action I have taken" for me it's every action I have not taken. I know what to do, head knowledge from treatment in 94' Book knowledge from the B.B, Dr. Bob, Living Sober etc. It's a soul thing ya know, I'm a broken spirit and got soul sickness, I have trouble trusting anyone but my #1 problem is trusting my Higher power. It's that turnover thing that Beijing Trevor said. If I could just remember!! If I could just trust. God could and would if he were sought. My experience is that he always has anytime I've asked, it's remembering to ask, it's remembering that he's came through me before so I can trust. Sometimes If I remember I have to ask all through out the day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Somedays I forget to ask. Sometimes I remember to ask but that wouldn't allow me to do what I want. Please keep me in prayer cause I really can't let another year,month,or day go by again, I'm losing time being useful to others when I can't even get it together to be useful to myself. My new mantra "PRAY AND DON'T DRINK".. Amen. I've been in this since treatment in 94' at times I thought I had sobriety for the long haul but I don't think I really ever took the 3rd step. I have never truly turned my life over to God, I'm angry with him. A sponsor told me to change my concept of God. I could but my Higher power works for me, it's me that doesn't work. I think that I've been just living in fear like always and wanting to control and not let go. Not really anyway. I mean I've said it, at times maybe even done it, but I always take it back and find myself drunk and miserable. Every week I go to my home group and see the true friends that love and care about me and I feel so disrespectful,prideful and ashamed that I'm still drinking. My dad asked me why? I told him that A.A. was a meeting for those who have the desire to stop drinking not necessarily those who have stopped. I'm working on it through counseling, I'm one of those who needed to seek professional help. I've got to commit, I mean it's only my life and the quality of it could be so much better sober. I've experienced it, I know what to do-Sponsor, meetings, homegroup,take the steps, call before I drink. It's the let go and let God thing that I've had trouble with so I can take action, but what good is it if I've been unwilling (Scared) to turn it over. Help. Winters@concentric.net
Member: Len L.
Location: Oregon
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 1:14:03 AM
Hi Len, Alcoholic,--- Action or Non-Action? A dilema for an akie of my type. Serenity Prayer is a wonderful place to start. Wisdom, to me, is past successful experience. So I try to base future or current action on past successful experiences. Another self check I do, is ask the question, will the action benefit me more than anyone else? If yes, then I have to remember that "self centeredness" is my problem. So, if my action will primarily benefit me more than anyone else, I am very cautious. If the planned action benefits someone else, then I give it serious consideration. If in doubt, check with someone you admire - someone with a quality of sobriety and outlook on life, you would like to have. thanks for allowing me to share.
Member: sonia and cat
Location: uk
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 2:30:46 AM
Hello World
It was only as i appraoched my first birthday, and steps six and seven, that i become increasingly aware that Action was not a well used word in my vocabulary. I appeared to have been ok at turning around my attitude towards others, as i agree, it is only my perception, and is not representive of the truth. lack of discipline is my major defect, and doing things i dont want to do, is still a very hard task for me. I became aware that i was very good at thinking this program. But also becoming aware when i fight my non action, and get on, i feel better about me. I pray for the answers, and they do come, not sure i will ever have the wisdom, but that is ok, because i know people that do.
Thankyou for being here
me.sonia@ntlworld.com
Member: ck
Location: ns
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 2:35:36 AM
CK here, an alcoholic. Nice topic. This one sure got me thinking. People keep bringing up the serenity prayer, and I guess that's for me right now. I was once told, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (other people) the courage to change the things I can (my self with help from my HP) and the wisdom to know the difference. I was further told that I am to live in the moment, and not the past or the future, to keep grounded in the now means I live life a day at a time. And, when things are really dicy and tough, "I pray to my HP, do the best I can, and go on." Eventually, through it all I end up on the other shore. Some days it seems like a breeze, and some days it's tough going. But, life on the other side is always a bit better. The take action part for me is in the showing up, doing the steps, and sharing my experience, strength, and hope. All I can really say is that people in the program, who have the desire to keep sobriety alive, have been in the trenches. They know the path isn't easy, but they share the way with me because in the sharing, they get to keep a bit for themselves. I am so greatful that a few people in this program took some action to do 12 step work, and help me when I faced despair. I am so glad that the only requirement for membership is the desire to stay sober.
Thanks for the great topic, a truly inspired question you ask, and one for which I have no direct response. Keep coming back!
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 2:37:32 AM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to all the newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!
Excellent topic, Lydia. I would like to add to the many good suggestions in response to your question that sometimes we just won't know the answer.
Bill W. mentions in "As Bill Sees It" that we will make mistakes, regardless of how we approach problems and dilemmas.
So, we should not let ourselves get overwhelmed because we're not sure how to respond to certain scenarios. After all, we're not God.
Member: patg
Location: Tucson
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 3:54:34 AM
I am having a perfectly rotten day and the only thing which is getting me through it is the Serenity Prayer. I have been sober for 11 months now and have been staying in Tucson to really slow down and get it right this time. New York City and all its dramas were just too much for me -- my love of that city almost killed me. And so now today after finding out that the State of Az won't hire me with a B.A. degree but will hire a GED because it's a cheaper hire and my brother has sold the house I'm living in out from under me and my brother thinks I should go back to the East coast all I can do is pray the Serenity Prayer or I will combust. The kicker comment was I should see if my girlfriend from college might help me -- this is a woman who wanted me dead in college -- I just was too polite to let anyone know except for one person and he knows who he is -- how I really felt about her. My brother is so clueless it's scary. The more current and helpful people in my life like men with money and ability to help me and who don't down the vast quantities of vodka like she does just escape him. As I said I am sober by the Grace of God and the Serenity Prayer is the only thing keeping me from screaming today not crying mind you but oh well it's better to feel the feelings than drink over them. I am extremely grateful for this site and am thankful for this very good topic today.
Member: Charles A
Location: Florida
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 7:30:48 AM
Ref PATG in Tuson, Tuson to New York, Tampa to Toledo, we just dont stay sober so long as we put material things in front of spiritual things. At 11 months whenever anything didnt go right I also wanted to pack up and move. I felt by moving I could escape the past which was catching up to me and kicking my butt. Working the steps and working with a sponsor was the only thing that helped and it took a while to settle down and learn the lessons God wanted me to learn. In early sobriety I found it best to just not drink, go to a meeting and talk with other recovering alcoholics. One more thing, its perfectly ok to cry and scream, just dont drink. It takes awhile to let go of our old ideas and remember half measures availed us nothing not half results. Hang in there and dont drink.
Member: Ger C
Location: Ireland
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 8:17:27 AM
My name is Ger and I'm an alcoholic. 1st time on the site and suddenly realised how long it took me to read all above. Good stuff! I'm new to AA and only out of treatment 2 weeks. I think I know what I should be doing and I know I don't pray enough - but then I didn't pray at all when I was boozing. But I'm not being hard on myself; I'm just trying to gently encourage myself to pray more and try to build up a better relationship with my HP. Have decided that more meetings are required. I still don't know why BUT THEY WORK!!!! Thanks
Member: jimmy
Location:
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 2:35:10 PM
i am lazy i no work i am jimmy
Member: Von
Location: Ohio
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 3:15:19 PM
When to act and when to turn it over. Great topic. First I have to clarify that there's a big difference between acting and reacting.
In sobriety my understanding of action has expanded tremendously. I believe that "action" is the last step in a process. Before I act (or don't act) thoughts and decisions have already taken place. That's why our AA slogan "Think, Think, Think" is so valuable. Often my first thought is instinctive or reactive, so I try not to act on it. Often my second thought is "defect-ridden", full of justification and rationalization, so I try to get anothers' advice and I pray and wait a little.
Eventually, I have to make a decision to act or not. I know that any decision I make is a choice...even choosing to do nothing becomes an action.
What it boils down to is what is the situation and is it really important? If not, then I move on (after all, wisdom is knowing which fights need fighting). If it is important then I recognize I have been presented with an opportunity to grow. I may be called to learn something else about myself or called on to learn to put some principles into action. It may have little to do with my actual action and a lot to do with how I handle it from the inside. Does any good come about? Maybe that's up to God, but if I choose to act, I pray that it is because I'm relying on an "infinite" God rather than my "finite" self and not because of my petty "plans and designs". My hope is that someday I can learn not to hurt and use people the way I've managed to do most of my life intentionally or unintentionally.
Member: Hilary E.
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 3:35:29 PM
hi, my name is Hilary, and I'm an alcoholic. I have never been to an AA meeting, but really need to go--I'm in the process of hunting one down in my area...
I'm really scared, because my life is completely in the toilet at this point, and it seems so out of control, I don't even know where to begin with it. I know I should just give it up to God and take the correct action, but it seems this first step in which way to go is so huge, I can't do it--not alone anyway. I understand the decision to act or not to act, just my fear (and some ludicrous lingering denial) seems to have me paralyzed. I desperately want to do what is right, but I scare myself lately with my lack of judgement, and lack of faith. I am so interested to read everyone's posts, and they are supportive for me, as I have no one now to discuss this situation with...
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 4:44:20 PM
Hey ((MichelleS))
I am writing only because you told my story and I related, not because I know what you should do. I've spent so much time feeling unworthy of my accomplishments, my beautiful family, my (fill in the blank). I don't know if I have let go yet either, or if I take it back again like you said. I want to let go, I need to let go, I have said the prayer to let go.
On topic: when I have to decide if this is something I can change or something I must turn over I do this. 1. Pray to God for his/her will to be done, NOT MINE. 2. Say the prayer again before I go to bed. 3. The next day or so I always know. It may take a couple days, but I get my answer.
((MicheleS) There are so many folks on this site with decades of sobriety who give great advice! Keep coming back!
Rich -Colorado
Member: Turlough
Location: Ireland
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 5:27:27 PM
Ger C, welcome to AA. Prayers and meetins both work. Drop me a line on Turloughquinn@hotmail.com
on the topic: if I dont turn it over it turns me over and I am sick of being turned over.
Member: M.L.
Location: San Diego
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 10:15:46 PM
Hi - time for me to check in with the meeting. It's being a pretty rough week again - one of those times when many things seem to be going "wrong"/difficultly like spending many hours trying to get DSL to work, and having to find a new home at the last minute for the poetry reading I organize. There's a heat wave here, and my air conditioner has stopped working. I have to turn it over about the air conditioning - ha, ha. I have food, am sober, am doing service, and since I'm sober have done nothing unduly embarassing that I can recall in... ages.
I hear from old-timers like my sponsor (27 yeras) that turning it over and learning to trust God is an ongoing, never-ending process. As a human being, I may never have it down perfectly - I'll just have those occasional days when things go really well, I'm joyful, and I look back at the weeks or months leading up to all that synthesis and realize I've been doing my best to let things "flow," not to get in the way, to get through rough times with faith... that basically I've been doing the 3rd step to the best of my ability, consistently.
These days I'm doing more sponsorship/reaching out to people new to AA-type stuff. This is a perfect place for me to use the 3rd step. I can meet a woman who's at her first AA meeting here, realize she'd have to walk home through a bad neighborhood at night, have her over for a movie and give her a ride home, then not hear from her again. I can reach out and help someone get sober, and then realize they're doing fine but no longer need me for whatever reason, at least at this time. Oh, well. (Getting to be part of that process already feels miraculous.)
And then there's the issue of desire - for a lobster dinner on a hot summer night, for a recording contract, a better place to live, higher wages, whatever. As a human being I am going to always have those, I guess. I would love to purge myself of them (the Buddhists speak of this). The Promises (page 83, Big book) do, too: "We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows." The best I can seem to do is to constantly think of my own HEALTHY interests as a parent would (not with greed or grasping), to help others as much as energy will reasonably allow, and to watch my desires, which frequently seem to tie in with my addiction, like they're a funny little movie on a screen in my head. When I get the thought, "What am I going to get out of this?" I'm in fear and selfishness, not faith. At the same time, as an alcoholic who has treated my body like a sort of garbage disposal, kept odd hours and eaten too much or not at all, and who says "Yes" to too many things, overextending myself and being drained at times, I'm learning to take care of myself. It's a balance. I think the third step is about balance as well as faith. Sometimes the only action I can take (about someone who's drinking and miserable but not ready to get sober, or someone who's really ill) is to pray for them and send them good intentions. Thats' an action.
Oh, and yoo-hoo, new women to the site, especially ones who don't know where to start to get sober: there are a couple of great women's web/e-mail connections - if you go to the bottom of this page & click on "AA Links" you'll find a list of such resources - they help me a lot. If you sign up with those groups you are likely to get direct e-mail addresses of women and can do more one-on-one communicating if you want.
Member: jimmy
Location:
Date: 8/14/01
Time: 10:59:17 PM
i bee a sexoholic i bee jimmy
Member: Not Jimmy
Location:
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 5:00:46 AM
Jimmy, what do you do, get drunk and visit AA postings?
Member: Also not Jimmy
Location: earth
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 5:08:07 AM
Lol. Yeah, where do these guys come from? I think they're looking for a sex and love addicts website and there probably isn't one yet. Oh, well... our prayers for them, huh? Maybe they're really, really young. Give comic relief sometimes, though.
Member: TS
Location: seattle
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 8:21:34 AM
Hi, my name is terra and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time on the chat line. I have been obsessing off and on most of my shift about something someone said at a meeting I went to last evening. It was good to read everyones comments on step 3 and the serenity prayer. I sometimes forget to use the easiest tools I have been given to help me get out of myself. Hopefully with a few repetitions of the serenity prayer on this person, I will free my mind up for better thought processes. Thank you terra
Member: Jennifer B.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 10:25:16 AM
Hi my name is Jennifer and I am an alchoholic and an addict. I struggle with finding my Higher Power. I still try to do it all on my own, and as we know, that does not work. I was sober for 3 months after coming out of a rehab, but recently started to drink again. I know the steps I need to take to stop drinking, yet they just seem so far out of my grasp sometimes. I am afraid and alone and very, very tired. Does anyone have any advice on how they found their way to sobriety and happiness? I go to the meetings but feel out of place and almost numb. I don't feel as though anything is getting through to me at all. If I don't stop drinking and using I know I am going to die. How can I stop?
Member: Newcomer
Location:
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 11:49:57 AM
I have been having a very hard time lately. It feels like bad energy is swirling around me. Stress is unbearable at times. The urge is so strong to just take it all away. My 11 year old daughter is home from her Dad's from her summer vacation. She cries constantly for him. I smashed my finger in our old double hungs the other night. My 3 kids seem wilder than ever, the house is messier than ever. Work is pressuring me like crazy. Oh will it ever stop? I just seem to be filled with so much anxiety lately. I have to fight to make it through the night without picking up a beer. I just keep remembering that will not make it better in the long run. I just feel depressed like my "friend" that took me away from my troubles isn't there for me anymore. What will I do. I know all the right things to do, but I can't help being irritable about the change I am making myself make. Does anyone else go through this? I am only sober since the weekend (friday night). I can't usually make it through Friday night because I want to release my stress soooo bad by then. This battle is so hard. I feel like I am going crazy sometimes. My husband does think I am crazy because I go back and forth saying I am an alcohlic then I am not when I want a drink again.... I am a stress case.
Member: John H.
Location: Indiana
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 12:07:18 PM
Morning to all from John, an alcoholic. First act in the morning is to declare the committment, "no first drink pickup today"! If desiring a drink, call someone available to trust, a friend, spouse, sponsor, another member and talk it out. Go to a meeting, read the AA Big Book and other AA literature. Pray to your Higher Power. Declare your gratitude. Nothing new here and it doesn't cover all the actions available. But repetition on a daily basis and with an honest desire to remain sober with spiritual seeking is a sure way of staying on track during your journey to true happiness. Bon Voyage, Lydia, and best of luck!!
Member: Hilary E.
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 1:16:13 PM
Hi, Hilary here, a newcomer and alcoholic. I woke up today and swore the action I'll take is not to drink, and I don't worry so much (notice I don't say completely worry free) because tomorrow and the day after will be really hard, I know. Lately, I am foggy for at least a day after a good drinking binge, and don't want to drink (it must be my organs crying out for mercy). I read "Newcomers" post, and can totally relate.
I am going to try and take my day moment by moment at this point--I am really depressed, and didn't wake up (actually, force myself out of bed) until 1 pm--and that was a fight. I pulverized myself on an all night bender on Monday, and knew I would die if I kept up this way of living (actually, way of dying). I think I'm going to try and straighten my horrible house a little, maybe sit outside in the nice weather and read that Serenity/BB I shelved a couple of years ago, and try not to let every little thing freak me out and cause me to find an excuse to drink. When I was drunk the other night, I told my fiance I wanted this to all change, and he agreed--he is alcoholic, but just the beginning stages, not a pro like me (he was an athlete, and my whole adult life I was a bartender). Now I wait and see--I don't believe he'll ever pressure me to drink, he seems opposed to that, so I may actually be in a good position in terms of my relationship with him...one less worry. I am going to go to my Dad's house today and use his phone, to find out meeting times and places, etc. I recall there being a meeting right up the block from me (a couple of years ago)--I also recall sneering at the idea--the whole neighborhood would be blabbing your business, etc. I never was really friendly with the "neighborhood," so I realize it's not like I would lose anything, least of all any little self-respect I may have remaining.
Well, I just wanted to wish everyone a peaceful day, and hope to act appropriately by turning it over...easier said than done, but I'm going to give it my all (for today).
Member: jimmy
Location: lookin for love
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 1:19:07 PM
newcomer get a life and smoke some dope it will mellow you out somewhat..remember for medicenal purpose only
Member: Also not Jimmy
Location:
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 1:35:21 PM
hehehe...Jimmy, are you sobering up? Your comments of late are resembling coherent, although still vitriolic...
Member: JuliaH
Location: London
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 3:04:04 PM
Hi Julia here. Very much a Newcomer...Today is 28 days sober. I have not begun the Big Book yet, but I do know that my first 'act' was to call AA. Then I turned it over. And I keep having to turn it over. I've been going through much emotional/spiritual insight dealing with my situation the last 28 days and it seems like the day after I joined AA all my friends' lives had turmoil and they all came running to me for advice. I thought, if they only knew what I was going through! And I have to act upon whether or not I can handle dealing with their problems (and I think it's going to be 'not'). Then I have to turn the results over to God - very scary still. It's been scary and great being sober but being sober will only be as difficult as you make it. Act on your sobriety, hope, love, kindness and compassion. Act by giving those things back to yourself. DO NOT ACT ON YOUR FEARS!! Turn your fears, self-doubt, suffering, powerless-ness everything negative over to your HP. That's the best thing that has kept me sober for these 28 days. The next best thing is the meetings! Thanks very much for all of your shares. Glad I found the site. Could not attend a meeting today due to work, but I feel like I've been to one now!
Member: Teresa A.
Location: New York
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 3:58:32 PM
Teresa here, a grateful alcoholic. Action vs. turning it over is a constant struggle for me. Over the weekend, I went to a funeral for a good friend of mine who died from this very powerful disease. It reminded me of how important it is to take the action to get to meetings, work with a sponsor and also be of service to other alcoholics. But I think that action and turning it over can go hand in hand. I pray to God for willingness and then I proceed to take those actions...sometimes I don't feel like going to meetings, working with a sponsor or helping others...but those are keys for me to hold on to my sobriety. I give to God what I have no power over, which is pretty much everything. However, in return I go out and try to do His will...and hope for the best. I watched my friend struggle for years, have everything, lose everything, create a path of destruction miles wide and long...took her to meetings, had her live in my house...did what I could do...prayed like crazy for her...but she wasn't able to get this program. I don't doubt that it is a gift. Sobriety is a gift. I used to hear people talk about the "revolving door" in AA. Though I believe the doors are open, I don't believe it's revolving. I am 30 years old and been sober almost 8 years and have buried a good lot of people. Anyway, taking action and turning it over are most vital to keeping this gift. Everything is in Gods hands...the footwork however, is in ours.
Member: Patricia M
Location: New York
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 5:28:02 PM
Hello everyone my name is Patricia and I am a recovering alcholic. This topic is just what I need in my life today. I am going through some trying times, with tough decisions to make. I say the serenity prayer on a daily basis, make meetings, talk to another recovering alcholic to try and find answers to problems or decisions that I can not solve on my own. To me, putting the footwork in the program, working the steps is taking action. Turning it over to me is when I am totally powerless or clueless to what to do, I turn my problems over to my higher power. I know in my heart I will get answers or see the right path to follow. Welcome to all Newcombers. You are in the right place. Just keep reading the postings, and share all your feelings honestly. Thanks for a great topic Lydia.
Member: Kim E
Location: KC
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 5:30:30 PM
My sponsor told me - when I was new - that if I don't know what to do I should do nothing. So, if I wasn't sure I should make that job change, I didn't. If I wasn't sure about that divorce, I didn't do it. I was sure I needed to quit drinking, I was sure I needed to quit screwing around, I was sure I needed to quit stealing and I HOPED that AA could help me. For me, the action is in reaching out to God and other AA's. Any time I can get out of myself I am better for it. After a while, I learned that I always know the best course of action; it's just that sometimes, I'm too afraid to take that course. That's ok, too, because I'll get the opportunity to take that course again! I get to confront my fears for the rest of my life. That prospect is not so frightening anymore because I know that, if I just reach out my heart/hand, other people and God will be there for me. Keep coming back...
Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 5:30:43 PM
I am an alcoholic and an addict I turned my self over to God after I had hit my bottom I thought it was too late but I was wrong it is never too late what God has planned for you nobody can Imagine.I got another chance and another life. I know there is life after death. God bless all greatful members of AA and alanon.
Member: richard m
Location: sarasota,florida
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 7:24:17 PM
hello my name is richard m **** i am an alcoholic...5709 days since my last drink.....i have turned it ( all of it ) over to GOD...Why do ou think he is GOD~? we turn it over as soon as we awaken..we get on our knees as an outward sign that we are letting go and letting GOD......we ask GOD to keep us away from a drink and any other substitute.... then we listen for his will for us as we pray and meditate....just to not pick up that first drink...heh?keep comeing back ...and have a nice week..
Member: higher power through the group
Location:
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 9:38:11 PM
Hey, Hilary
How's it going? Are you there? We care. Hey, if you broke down today, don't give up. You sound ready. A new life can start any time you like. We are all with you in spirit.
Member: Doug K
Location: Warm sandy beaches of West Michigan
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 10:45:32 PM
Hi everyone, my name is Doug and I'm an alcoholic. Ol' Fred gave me my program of action when I first walked in the door. It started with the first two, then expanded one at a time later on (don't know how long the list would be now...he passed away when I was 7 months sober) Don't drink; got to meetings; seek God; clean house; help others. For me the action is working the steps. Period. People, places, things, situations, those facts of my life....I turn over (well, try to). I agree with and was told the same thing as Kim...If I don't know what to do, then do nothing...after all that's what I did for years. I need to remember to be careful about my thinking, because what I think with is broke. Thanks
Member: Gary S
Location: North Carolina
Date: 8/15/01
Time: 11:09:24 PM
Hi this is Gary and I am an alcoholic.... I am from North Carolina. "Opinions need to become convictions. Our convictions need to be put into action because action causes self-actualization and realization. Also actions are objective." This is paraphrased from a novel by John Le Carre. I just wanted to share that b/c I found it fascinating and true... Thanks
Member: Norm P
Location: Indiana
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 12:32:04 AM
Sorry for the double post but had to tell Jennifer she is onto something-the Steps. Do,by all means,go to a lot of meetings but so many folks seem to think we can catch sobriety in there and we can't. Once upon a time,I had a desire to stop drinking but I couldn't stay sober because I hadn't surrendered yet. What worked for me was not something I did;I just gave up,decided I would die drunk but was going to do what I could to live. That meant going to meetings,getting a sponsor and working the steps to the best of my ability. It meant I had to stop fighting everything and everybody-including alcohol.This is a simple program and it starts with don't drink,no matter what. Put it off,don't fight with it as if you are never going to drink again. There were times I put it off for 15 minutes while I did something else first. This lessened the craving to the point I could think about what I was about to do and say,"No,not right now." I still wanted to drink,but I didn't have to. And that's just how it worked for so many of us. Fighting the steps doesn't work either-one of the things a lot of us have to quit fighting is God. Now don't think about religion here because AA is NOT a religion. Forget all about that and just ask for help for whatever God you think there is. I have found He is loving and forgiving,not harsh and judgemental as we have been brainwashed to believe. He is not out to get me for all the bad things I've done(and still do sometimes);He would like to help me if I'll let Him but He won't make me do it,either. We need to quit looking at his people(who are just as flawed as we are whether they know it or not)and start looking at Him and His will for us. What is His will? That we don't drink! It's so simple,but don't ever think it's easy. I don't know about anybody else but I don't want to die. It's been working for me for over a decade now and lots of others can tell you the same thing. So many can't say that for a multitude of reasons but all of us who have some kind of lasting, contented sobriety can agree on one thing we are still doing-We don't drink-one day at a time.
Member: Chris F.
Location: Dallas
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 12:51:19 AM
Hi, my name's Chris and I'm an alcoholic.
Great topic. What I do is: the next right thing, then go to a meeting. Then, the next right thing and go to a meeting. Repeat as needed.
Sometimes the next right thing is doing the laundry or something that seems lame, but by the time I repeat a few times, the problem has been taken care of by God. If I really don't know the next right thing, then I have ALWAYS without fail, found someone in AA that has been in my situation before, and they tell me what they did.
It's called working with others and it always works.
To the NEWCOMERS: I am so glad you are reading this site, I thank God constantly for AA meetings, they have not only saved my life, they have GIVEN me a life.
Member: VENDETTAW.
Location: CALIF
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 1:58:23 AM
HI IT'S ME.VENDETTA I AM JUST REMEMBERING THAT I AM AN ALCOHOLIC IN RECOVERY AND I AM TRULY HAPPY TO HAVE FRIENDS ALL OVER THE WORLD THAT ARE JUST LIKE ME. THANKS FOR SHARING.
Member: Kathy
Location: Northeast
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 4:38:13 AM
My name's Kathy - I am an alcoholic.
Great posts on here tonight - how did I turn it over in early sobriety? It was extremely difficult to give up control in the beginning, but each time I tried to let go it became easier. Over the years I have been able to see what God has been doing for me - miracle after miracle - blessing after blessng. I TRUST God finally. I work hard at my spirituality - mine,too, waxes and wanes, but I continue - even though at times I have to take a leap of "blind" faith.
Getting really sleepy - hope this helped someone. God bless.
Member: Nicole G
Location: Florida
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 5:54:24 AM
My name is Nicole, and I am an alcoholic. What a wonderful thing for me to be. I remember when I first came to the rooms of A.A. that I never thought I could say those words, mean them, and actually be happy about it. When i heard of people "letting go" I had no idea what they were talking about. The serenity prayer was nothing more than words at the beginning of the meetings. Then, I began working the steps. I saw how alcohol was a symptom, and I was the problem. Once I came to the point of working the steps in all of my life - alcohol, work, relationships, etc - I can truly appreciate how well the serenity prayer has worked ( and still does ) in my life even before I understood it.
In the beginning - I accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic, nothing was going to change that... I found a God that I understand, who understands, loves, and accepts me for what I am, and alcoholic. It was when I got to step 3 that it became easier and easier for me to get out of the way. The remaining steps helped me get into action on working on what I really could change - ME! Through working the steps, I learned that I AM THE PROBLEM! And the 12 steps has helped me change me.
I am so grateful for this program. For any newcomer - KEEP COMING BACK! It truly gets better with each day sober. You never have to drink again if you do not want to! Get to meetings and do not drink in between meetings.
Today, I am grateful.
Member: Casey C
Location: Dallas,TX
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 6:47:02 AM
Hi,my name is Casey & i am a grateful recovered alchoholic. Thanks for the topic.For me,AA is a program of action & more action,& i learn the answers to my questions from going to meetings,fellowship after the meeting,working with others,including my Sponser & Sponsorees,reading the BB & 12/12,cleaning house literally[When agitated,We Pause & ask for the right thought or action/then i go clean my house]figuritively.The answers will come if my own house[L&F] is in order.Yet i Must remember,Action in lieu of perfection, i learn through experience,mine & others.i have learned over the last 19 yrs what right action/Flow/God's Will feels like & what resistance/my will/my thinking feels like.And We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-- & i add to that,including my Thinking,because that's what my problem is today if i am not drinking.Dr Paul spent alot of time talking about Our Thinking.The words thinking & thought are mentioned multiple times throughout the BB for good reason & from their experiences.So to answer your question,'when does one act & when does one know'... doing what your Sponsor & others have suggested over time[Things I Must Earn] will yield the answers/feelings you are seeking. & remember It is insane to resist what is.To become insane,resist. Be patient with yourself & your growth.Our Sobriety IS a GIFT,[give into flow today],it's all about surrender & participating in The Program & your own sobriety & Passing It On to others what was so freely given to you. God IS Blessing Us. Thank-you
Member: Phil......
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 7:19:57 AM
Hi everyone, I am an Alcoholic and my name is Phil
I do not always get things right. As a human I will make mistakes. As an Alcoholic human that means I will make mistakes with regards to alcohol nd recovery. What I can tell you is I have become very much more comfortable with myself when I make mistakes. I have gone to many regular meeting of AA and found there are a good number of people that are JUST LIKE ME. Also I now have the ability to learn from my mistakes. If we wait for the wisdom to know the difference on one particular problem we my never get the life experence necessary in order to gain the wisdom we require. Keep going to meetings, talk to someone evn if it feels uncomfortable and live life dont wait for it. The life that I have been given by AA and my Higer Power is better than I could have imagined, I do not intend to waste any of this precious gift that I was granted. Remember no high balls, no low balls no fast balls and no curve ball, just throw it down the middle and if they hit it at you deal with it. Thanks
Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 8:50:59 AM
Hi I am Ed an alcoholic, Action and turning it over. After years of heavy drinking and unsucessfull solution to my many problems I turn myself to my higher powder and strating going to meetings. With the hekp of my higher powder I have the courage to go on each day with the knowledge that it will get better. And things will turn around.
Member: Darlene
Location: Ft. Myers
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 10:43:30 AM
For me, turning it over often involves action, too. My higher power is Jesus. In the bibble when he healed someone, he gave them a task. "Take up you bed and walk", not just you are healed and can walk. The blind man was told by Jesus to go and tell show others his healing. there are other examples. One of my problems is that I am inclined to take action first, but I continue to work on it. I have been sober more than ten years.
Member: sick 1
Location: above you
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 11:10:30 AM
look into my anus....the answer will soon be revealed
Member: CAROL
Location: BOCA RATO
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 2:28:48 PM
HI,I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. MY FRIEND AND EX-HUSBAND TOLD ME ABOUT THIS SITE. I HAVE BEER HIDDEN UNDER MY BED. I CAN'T PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE WILL POUR IT OUT. MY ROOMMATE IS MY EX-HUSBAND... TWO NIGHTS AGO I GOT VERY DRUNK AND DID AND SAID HORRIBLE THINGS TO HIM.. HE IS SOBER OVER 10 YEARS NOW... THANK GOD I HAVE HIM... I JUST CAN'T STOP DRINKING... I THINK ALOT OF IT IS I CONTINUE TO HAVE TO PAY NO CONSEQUENCES. I NEVER LET ANYONE SEE ME DRINKING, I'VE LEARNED NOT TO ANSWER THE PHONE BECAUSE THE PERSON ON THE OTHER END WOULD KNOW I WAS DRUNK.. I'M ALWAYS SO EMBARRASSET TO EVEN LEAVE MY BEDROOM THE NEXT MORNING TO FACE HIM OR MYSELF... I USUALLY JUST WALK AROUND CRYING AND WISHING I FELT BETTER AND SWEARING I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN. NEVER DOING IT AGAIN USUALLY LAST LONG ENOUGH TO FEEL BETTER FROM THE LAST HOORAY... I HAVE ATTENDED A.A. MEETINGS ON AND OFF FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS... I'M PAINFULLY SHY, INSECURE, AND NEVER SHARED IN ANY MEETING I ATTENDED. MAYBE THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE I CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE SHARING.. THANKS FOR BEING HERE....
Member: CAROL
Location: BOCA RATON
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 2:45:55 PM
HI,I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. MY FRIEND AND EX-HUSBAND TOLD ME ABOUT THIS SITE. I HAVE BEER HIDDEN UNDER MY BED. I CAN'T PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE WILL POUR IT OUT. MY ROOMMATE IS MY EX-HUSBAND... TWO NIGHTS AGO I GOT VERY DRUNK AND DID AND SAID HORRIBLE THINGS TO HIM.. HE IS SOBER OVER 10 YEARS NOW... THANK GOD I HAVE HIM... I JUST CAN'T STOP DRINKING... I THINK ALOT OF IT IS I CONTINUE TO HAVE TO PAY NO CONSEQUENCES. I NEVER LET ANYONE SEE ME DRINKING, I'VE LEARNED NOT TO ANSWER THE PHONE BECAUSE THE PERSON ON THE OTHER END WOULD KNOW I WAS DRUNK.. I'M ALWAYS SO EMBARRASSET TO EVEN LEAVE MY BEDROOM THE NEXT MORNING TO FACE HIM OR MYSELF... I USUALLY JUST WALK AROUND CRYING AND WISHING I FELT BETTER AND SWEARING I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN. NEVER DOING IT AGAIN USUALLY LAST LONG ENOUGH TO FEEL BETTER FROM THE LAST HOORAY... I HAVE ATTENDED A.A. MEETINGS ON AND OFF FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS... I'M PAINFULLY SHY, INSECURE, AND NEVER SHARED IN ANY MEETING I ATTENDED. MAYBE THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE I CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE SHARING.. THANKS FOR BEING HERE....
Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 4:03:57 PM
Carol,
I am positive you've heard it before. Until you allow your HP to be in control, this will continue. We all have different levels of degradation we need to sink to prior to the discontinuance of our constant expansion of the hole we dig for ourselves. From your description, you will stop at death. My mom stopped at coma from the alcohol. I wish you had the opportunity to see her prior to death. Perhaps you could then appreciate the horrid end this result is. On the other hand, liver failure with no coma could be described as just as bad. My dad was there prior to his death.
Note that I did not mention that I stopped drinking upon seeing this happen to my parents. That's because I didn't!!! Seems so foolish now, but it was a couple of years later before I decided that those ends were not for me. I can assure you that the life after the death of our friend John Barleycorn, (st least to US), IS better. It is now seven years since my dad died. I have been sober for most of that. My kids now want to know me, and life IS better.
AA works, IF YOU work it. Do it for YOU.
Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: Scott W.
Location: Salem, Oregon
Date: 8/16/01
Time: 11:00:37 PM
Hi, Scott, a raging alcoholic and drug addict, who happens to be sober after finally learning to turn it over...and has it ever been a fantastic 9+ years!! i decided that MY best thinking got me homeless, jobless, friendless and in detox...so since i figured out that i had a problem, at my second AA meeting and fifth day in detox(LOL!!), i have focused on doing what is in front of me without expectation of results..and most of the time i am able to do that, and when i am not, i can go to a meeting or call friend..that is the action i can take when i don't know what else to do...i call that doing the living part of recovery...and with that comes more recovery and more 24 hours..i have the kind of peace in my life today that i never could have dreamed about before i took the steps...and living in the third step has been a life saver for me as well..thank you AA and AA members for my life...Scott
Member: roberto rodriguez
Location:
Date: 8/17/01
Time: 4:19:43 PM
sick 1,
i tried but you have too many hemroids hanging out all over the place,you really should get that mess fixed.i can tell you have been in the joint a while huh?
Member: Julie H.
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 8/17/01
Time: 9:32:51 PM
Hi! My name is Julie and I am an alcoholic. I see by reading the other comments that a lot of people like me found out about this site through The Grapevine (my 1st issue). I joined AA about 5 months ago and am beginning to understand how to turn it over to my Higher Power which I call God. It really works and so does this program. I am so glad I gave up 20 years or so of my "drinking career." I am also glad I found this site. Jan, good luck and keep going to meetings. Cheryl, I will pray for you. I really hope you soon get what the people in AA (myself included)have gotten through the program.
Thanks for letting me share and God Bless!
Julie
Member: jamie b
Location: ks
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 12:35:48 AM
action happens in steps 4 through 11 in the big book. am i willing to do these steps (4 thru 11). the action steps seem minor when ure still drinking oh to give it to GOD. Why would u care about me ? Why would i want action if I'm still drinking(drowning) is there any hope?God I suck so where does the action happen get a sponsor work through the steps.A sponsor is there to help u work through the steps ,anything else is extra and thats also why if u call anyoneelse they wont be pissed. I know im dying from alcoholism,who will put up with me?Am i going to be one of the ones in the program that die or commit suicide?Working the steps is action and also doing something different than when u was drinking ,calling alcoholics,doing something different than when u were drinking!
Member: Jonathan L
Location: New York City
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 1:46:55 AM
Hi, My name is Jonathan and I am an alcoholic. I've been sober now for the past two weeks, and hope to make my way to an AA meeting in my area someday soon.
To start, the past few weeks have been very difficult for me. The transition to the sober way of living has been such a challenge. For the first time, I've discovered many of the reasons behind me wanting to have a drink. Every day I can find a few reasons, but have yet to give in.
I've noticed that with my newfound sobriety comes a completely different way of living. I thought I would challenge myself, and actually decided to go to a bar last night with two of my friends. All night long they pressured me to take a drink, and I wouldn't. I put my faith in God, and refused to give in to the temptation.
For the first time ever, I realized how ignorant these guys could be when they are drinking. I also noticed how I felt out of place, and actually left to go home early. I didn't have a good time in the least bit. In the old days I would have stayed out until the early morning hours. Then I would go to work and face the dreaded hangover.
After last night it has occured to me that I will probably have to make all new friendships and leave these other friends behind. I feel alone, and a bit frightened by the idea, but know it has to be. I'm glad I was able to share my thoughts here. I'm also happy to be able to read everyone else's thoughts.
Jonathan
Member: Mike W.
Location: Pa.
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 9:42:46 AM
Jonathan For me getting sober on my own was impossible. Like you said it is a whole new world and to try to get through it on your own is a difficult task. Meetings are where you get the EXPERIENCE,STRENGTH AND HOPE that shows you how to deal with this new world.We share a common bond as alcoholics that will amaze you. I sit at a meeting and here people talking about my life.You do not have to be alone. Today I have true friends in A.A. who will do anything they can to help me and expect nothing in return, people who genuinely care about me and understand me.Being sober is a wonderful way to live and I learned how to do this by constant attendance at meetings.
Gateful to be Sober Mike
Member: Eric S.
Location: Pittsburgh PA
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 10:32:44 AM
Hi, my name is Eric S. This is my first time on this site. Thank God for AA. Thank God for the strength I have today to not be afraid to announce in front of countless people the fact of my higher power being GOD. I am coming up on 6 months sober & clean--> Sep 1. It hasn't been easy for me. But it has been easy when I stop trying to figure out what to do, & simply do what I feel in my heart. I know, from the experiences of my past, every time I have made a decision based upon my reaction to what I 'think' is right------> my life becomes a mess. TODAY, I pray & try to run ALL information through my heart before I make a decision and react. Thanks for listening/reading. I would love to hear from my 'WE'. My e-mail address is < eric_070@hotmail.com >
Member: Eric S.
Location: Pittsburgh PA
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 10:33:11 AM
Hi, my name is Eric S. This is my first time on this site. Thank God for AA. Thank God for the strength I have today to not be afraid to announce in front of countless people the fact of my higher power being GOD. I am coming up on 6 months sober & clean--> Sep 1. It hasn't been easy for me. But it has been easy when I stop trying to figure out what to do, & simply do what I feel in my heart. I know, from the experiences of my past, every time I have made a decision based upon my reaction to what I 'think' is right------> my life becomes a mess. TODAY, I pray & try to run ALL information through my heart before I make a decision and react. Thanks for listening/reading. I would love to hear from my 'WE'. My e-mail address is < eric_070@hotmail.com >
Member: luu
Location: bugaboos box
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 10:56:09 AM
tee he he
Member: Lydia W.
Location: Savannah,GA
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 11:16:14 AM
I just wanted to thank everyone who shared their experience,strength and hope this week and helped me "answer" the topic I suggested at the top. I can "see" more clearly now, am going to stay in prayer and out of my head as much as possible. T hat is where ALL the trouble begins. Have a great sober weekend all. Lydia
Member: robert foreskin
Location:
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 11:40:14 AM
remember the alamo
Member: Steve
Location: New York
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 12:55:59 PM
Steve alcoholic. Yesterday my probation oficer told me my C of O came back. Does anyone know what this means. I don`t know what this means, and I did`t ask. Thanks!
Member: lt.dickerson
Location:
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 1:00:54 PM
correction oficer=c of o
Member: Joe S.
Location: Scotland
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 2:05:08 PM
Hi My name is Joe and I am an alcoholic. I am struggling out here in Ayrshire in Scotland. When I drank I did not realise how angry I was. Now I am sober and living with the anger.I am a bigot and I am full of fear. It hurts.
Member: migel
Location:
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 2:08:28 PM
yes you are joe
Member: chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 3:47:25 PM
I'm Chris --I'm an alcoholic/addoct/bulimic---Hi all...great meeting..On the topic, I just read a devotional that explained action vs. turning it over pretty well..it said that there are certain things we are powerless over and that only our HP can do, but that doesn't mean that we are to sit and do nothing. We can prepare ourselves for when the miracle happens..we can go to meetings, work the steps, talk to our sponsor and others, help others and on and on. I find that when I sit and stew over a problem that it becomes bigger and bigger. But when I decide to do whatever I can about ot or to help others , or to talk to someone about it, it doesn't seem so big. The program has given us many tools to use, and I find that when I busy myself using these tools, that the problem often "solves' itself (inother words--my Hp takes care of it for me)...I have also found that so many of the things that I have spent SOOO much time worrying about...never happen. When I can 'turn over" these future events to the care of my loving HP, He takes Much better care of them than I ever could. He is much more creative than I could ever have dreamed to be. I'm not saying that that is easy. But I am saying that the more I try to to it, the more I see that He does take care of these things better than I could have ever dreamt possible. Thanks for a good meeting...serinity to everyone!!
Member: ken w
Location: saint john new brunswick canada
Date: 8/18/01
Time: 5:16:15 PM
ken saint john new brunswick canada ive enjoyed reading other peoples views this is my first time here, i thank you all for having this site, knowning the difference is when ya get egg on your face trying to do it your way,thank for being here
Member: janine.s
Location: pa
Date: 8/19/01
Time: 1:08:00 AM
thanks for passing me the message neededit tonight
Member: Turlough
Location: Ireland
Date: 8/19/01
Time: 10:30:40 AM
Joe in Scotland At least your feelings are coming alive. that much is an improvement