Member: Barry L
Location: Tech
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 6:14:04 PM
Hi I'm Barry and I am an alcoholic,
I must humbly apologize for the delay in the meeting changeover, it was my week to refresh the Meetings, I was on vacation on the Jersey shore enjoying the gifts of sobriety with my family, we were supposed to return yesterday, but extended our vacation one day at the last minute, I was computerless and did not have Glen's telephone number with me to ask him to refresh the site.
I'm sorry for neglecting my duties as a Tech.
Let the Meeting begin.
Member: Don R
Location: Savannah, GA
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 6:24:20 PM
I would like to know some defense mechanisms you use when you get a craving.
Member: Michael K.
Location: Chicago
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 6:50:59 PM
Hey Don, everyone I'm Michael K. and I'm an alcoholic...
As far as I can tell, what's worked the best for me is 15 minutes of meditation. If possible, when I have a craving (like last Friday after work), I find a quiet place away as many distractions as possible and relax. You know, deap breating with eyes closed. It works! I found that it takes some pactice though. Try to concentrate on someting simple like the sensation the air makes coming in and going out of your nose, or the way the tension in your shoulders and arms lets up a little more with each breath.
Another thing that I've heard quite a bit in meetings is "telling on your craving". Find someone who will understand (sponseor, fellow AA member, family, close friend) that you are having a craving to drink. You might want to tell them what you think triggered that desire and why you think it's a good idea to not to drink.
These two things have worked 100% for me so far. I will always bring it up in my mext meeting as well.
Member: nancy B
Location: North Carolina
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 6:51:22 PM
I would also like to know some defense mechanisms when you get a craving. I can quit eating fatty foods, I can excersize regularly, I can get to woork on time everyday(feeling the affects of the night before and hating every minute of it) but I can't quit drinking.
Member: Yvonne
Location: Scotland
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 6:52:31 PM
Its not often I feel I can contribute on here but I have just come through to the other side of a really bad craving. I find phoning someone is my biggest defence mechanism and often have to stay on the phone until I feel safe if there is not a meeting that night. I tell myself that it will have passed by the next day as experience has taught me that it always does. I try to distract myself by going on the computer and reading here and often play silly puzzle games on MSN for hours to focus my mind on other things. I walk the dogs,have a hot bath, drink sweet drinks and break the time that I am going to go without a drink down into manageable chunks...4 minutes at a time sometimes. I read the Big Book ( underlining everything that I identify with), the step 1 pages in the 12x12 and if its really bad I try to pray to a higher power to help me through. In short Dan I try do whatever it takes until the craving has passed. I think that working the steps and totally accepting my alcoholism are going to be the best defence mechanisms and I'm working on that now.
Lets hope we both succeed. Good luck!
Love Yvonne
Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 7:19:43 PM
One of the best ways I know of to get thru a craving is to "THINK THE DRINK THRU"...by this instead of physically taking the drink, mentally take the drink, then mentally take the next drink...keep going, taking the drinks, but also notice what else is happening...the consequenses...like falling down, throwing up, maybe a ticket for driving drunk, waking up next to a stranger, spending your money that was for the bills... Then maybe you can mentally take a day sober, then another day sober...keep going, taking the sober days but notice what else is happening... the consequense...like no hangover, no ticket, maybe having a real relationship with the person you wake up next to, having enought money to pay your bills... It can help. Keep coming back!!!
Member: Margaret L.
Location: the Rocky Mountains
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 7:45:03 PM
I agree that thinking it all the way through is a great way to handle the craving to drink. I have also found that talking with another alcoholic provides another layer of protection. I also get to a meeting as soon as I can and talk about the craving. I've been sober for awhile now, but I am not immune to a sudden, inexplicable desire to drink. When that happens, I try to figure out what triggered me and how I can avoid it happening in the future -- easier said than done!
Member: Amazingly "Grace"d!
Location: St. Louis
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 7:50:38 PM
Hello, "Grace" D here, Alcoholic and first time posting. What an awesome gift this is to be feeling crazy and be able to speak to and with other alcoholics! (Does this mean I am now a published writer?) Let me share my experience, strength, and hope and watch my crazies fade. No, I'm not craving at present, it's been a while since my last drink. Thoughts will pop up if I get uncomfortable enough, so here I am talking to you guys. Michael has it right--voice it, don't keep it secret!! It is NOT a sign of failure for anyone of us at anytime to have a thought or craving~ it's who we are and part of our disease. What matters is what we DO with it. In the beginning, my cravings were put on hold by saying Not Now--maybe Later, but not Now! Since it was always Now . . . Going through the BB stories always reminds me of what it used to be like for me. The highlighted ones, especially. The book Living Sober helped me alot, also. You can get it at most Newcomer meetings. It has a lot of tips for those cravings and the early stages of sobriety in general. Everyone of us understands cravings and everyone of us who has been able to stay sober had to surrender first. I was told to get on my Knees and ask to be kept from that first drink. Surrender is the biggest spiritual tool we have.It underlies our entire program and through it my HP does his absolute best work in my life! I'm so glad to talk with you guys!Thanks for listening!
"Grace" at thnx-hp@prodigy.net
Member: jose
Location:
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 8:04:55 PM
we forgive you this time barry!!!!
Member: patg
Location: Tucson
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 8:25:15 PM
God is your best defense against the first drink. If you focus on Him the obsession will not be returned and that keeps us from the first drink. To have a craving is still normal at least it was my experience in early sobriety - accepting it for what it is and going to a meeting, meditating, praying, eating chocolate, talking to other alcoholics will help to take the focus off the craving and it will pass. The more you focus on aligning your will with God's will the less frequently will you experience the cravings. That was my experience. I could not stop drinking this time and it was only God who finally took away the obsession. A nun once told me "Put it in God's hands it works it really does". The truth does set us free - we are powerless but He is not. Hope this helps.
Member: Steve K.
Location: Swan Lake, N.Y.
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 9:31:40 PM
Steve alcoholic. I agree with Sarah. What I do is concentrate on the misery that alcohol put me through and what I lost in the thirty five years of drinking and how alcohol poisioned my life and of all the things I can never get back. I sit alone and talk to my HIGHER POWER and I lose my craving because I never want to go back to that poision and misery and my HIGHER POWER gives me the strength I need.
Member: John S.
Location: Vermont
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 9:38:57 PM
What really helps me is the thought, and I believe it to be true, that cravings are always temporary. I let it wash over me like a wave, and then usually after just a few minutes the craving is gone. And I express my gratitude.
Member: Carol B
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 10:34:34 PM
Don't worry about the cravings, accept them as a reminder of where you came from. I have to always look back periodically to remind me where I never wish to go again. The Serenity Prayer is always in my thoughts, calling other AA's, meetings, walking and talking to my Higher Power have always helped me get through not only the cravings. Always remember, this too shall pass.
Member: Misha B
Location: TX
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 10:56:47 PM
Hi all. Thank you for being here. In July of 1999 in the Coffee Pot an awesome list was posted called "Tools for Staying Sober and Sane" I tried to find it in the archives but could not. Here are some very brief highlights of this list which keeps my butt in gear:
Stay way from that first drink, taking the 1st step daily. Do first things first. Eat at regular hours. Don't become too tired. Use the Serenity PRayer. Avoid loneliness. Easy does it. Face it! You are powerless over alcohol, people, places and things. Don't try to test your will power - give an alcoholic one shovel and pail and in hour he/she will need 100 wheelbarrows. Remember, alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful. Stay sober for you - not someone else - otherwise it won't work. Practice rigorous honesty with you and others. Progress is made ONE DAY AT A TIME, not 10 years in one day! Don't be afraid to share, as a problem 1/2 shared is only 1/2 solved. Be willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. Watch the EGO. Protect your sobriety at all costs. Keep the light on you. Let Go and Let God. Remember HOW IT WAS - your last drunk, the feelings, etc.
THere's more but for brevity's sake I only listed a few. Great topic.
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 12:53:29 AM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Greetings to the newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!
Among others, I really identify with the comments made by John S. of Vermont. When I had about two years of continuous sobriety, I decided to quit smoking, and I relied heavily on various tools of the AA program to stop smoking.
Perhaps most importantly for me in this regard was the AA suggestion to "think it through," when I had those awful cravings for a smoke. This suggestion and the strategy that John S. expressed has clearly helped keep me sober and without a cigarette for many years, thank God.
Member: Tom
Location: Florida
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 4:44:28 AM
Don't forget the really bad stuff that can happen while you are thinking through the drink EG. going into a blackout and killing someone with your car, then having the police show up at your door the next morning and you don't have a clue as to why they are there. The jails are full of people who did similar things while drinking. Another true oft repeated example: beating up your spouse, possibly fatally, and not remembering. There are many more examples, but I've got to leave for work. Thanks for the topic. Sorry to be a real downer but this is a serious disease.
Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 6:37:37 AM
My name is JC and I’m an alcoholic.
Barry you are forgiven, go in peace and don’t sin no more! And BTW, thanks for the wonderful job you and your fellow techs do on this site.
Misha, could it be
http://webhome.idirect.com/~avroarow/P6.HTM#TOOLS
Thanks for the topic, Don. Eat sweets, drink loads of water, orange juice, coffee, you name it. Remember your last binge, the hang-overs and how you used to make an ass out of yourself. Phone another AA, go for a walk, read some AA litterature, make a gratitude list, BUT DON’T TAKE THE 1st DRINK JUST FOR TODAY! ! !
That’s what they told me when I asked those AA for help. And it worked, I didn’t drink, one day at a time. Then I tried to work the program and slowly the glass in my head fade away.
Thanks for letting me share.
jctoller@hotmail.com
Member: Joe L.
Location: Phila, PA - USA
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 8:00:12 AM
Good Morning All; Joe here, definitely alcoholic.
BARRY L.: Thanks for the great work, as always.
DON R.: Thanks for the topic.
I think it's all been said - every think I can think of anyway. I think Misha sort of mentioned HALT - Don't get too hungry, too angry, too lonely or too tired. Mostly, I was taught to get a firm foundation. To ask a Higher Power in the morning, and to thank Him at night. To make a meeting every day. To stay away from people, places and things. Work with another alcoholic. I got sober with a lot of sick, young guys. One of their expressions was Some days you're the doctor, ans some days you're the patient." That was always helpful to me. Sometimes, I think because I have a few 24 hours that I should be immune to cravings. I don't think so. I believe there are certain activities that can make me very thirsty. I don't have to drink necessarily, but I can put myself through the emotional wringer. I do recommend beginner's meetings. I believe if you do all the right things, when things come up, you'll know what to do or who to ask. Oh Yes, my commercial for sposorship. He's your ace in the hole, but don't wait until you're in a hole to call him... Peace, Out - Joe L.
Member: Newcomer
Location:
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 9:23:09 AM
My cravings for alcohol come when I get home from work on Friday night. It has been a habit for a long time. I have only been sober for 5 days now. I also want to drink when I get very upset. I use alcohol to change the state of mind I am in. I spend a lot of time alone with the kids so it is really hard to fight the urge when it comes. My husband and his friends drink around me to which makes it really hard. I have found that keeping myself busy and going places helps. Going to the mall with the kids or out to dinner works on those Friday nights when I would normally be drinking. Doing things that I wouldn't be able to do if I had been drinking. It is scary it is really hard to resist the urge to just indulge. I just keep trying to remember how great I am going to feel that next morning when I don't have a hangover. I just have to get over feeling alone because I don't really hang out with my husband on the weekends because then I will want to drink. I find it hard to be around people who are drinking right now so I just really choose to stay by myself with the kids. I know it would be best to have friends who don't drink, that would be great. That will come in time I hope. I am trying to get to a women's meeting tonight if I can find a sitter, always a challenge for me. Have a good Tuesday. Newcomer
Member: David S
Location: Charlotte, NC
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 9:28:25 AM
The book teaches us that working with others will succeed when other methods fail. Get involved in your intergroup affairs, visit detox and jail, find someone to sponsor, become active in a home group. Get a sponsor, follow his instructions and call him before you take the first drink. While you are doing these things, continue to practice the steps as a way of life and your obsession to drink will be removed and you will become happpily and usefully whole.
Member: Joe L.
Location: PhilaPA
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 11:48:20 AM
Sorry for double-dipping.
NEWCOMER: You're on the right track. Good luck tonight. Pick up as much AA literature as you can get. This site is good. You can e-mail people, and once you get phone numbers, you can call them too. God Bless Ya - Joe L.
Member: Joe L.
Location: PhilaPA
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 11:53:26 AM
Sorry for double-dipping.
NEWCOMER: You're on the right track. Hope you can make the meeting tonight. Pick up as much literature as you can, and get phone numbers too. This is good, but it really does work best close to home. You can always e-mail people, too. Good luck and God Bless...
LeachFtown@aol.com
Member: Lydia W
Location: Savannah,GA
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 1:21:55 PM
I am right here on the topic having just consumed two King Size Chcolate bars this A.M. in an attept to stave off a craving. Physically,chocolate works for me, but it doesn't serve to plant me back on firm spiritual ground which is where I need to be. I have been in and out of A.A. for 20 yrs., am a periodic binge drinker. People(my family, myself) Expect me to relapse. I give It over to HP and then for whatever reason I take It back again. I feel extremely frustrated (9 days dry again) and am trying to hang in there before I fall again into the kingdom of What"s the Use. Sorry to be so negative, but I need to get honest and share.There have been some good suggestions given above, and I will take heed. I know in my heart that if I get out of the way, God"s grace will find a way to get through. I wish you all love and that you are not as hard-headed as I am.
Member: laura s
Location: mi
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 2:09:24 PM
Jose', i am new to this site. it wasn't until yesturday that i finally admitted to myself that i have a drinking problem. admitting this to myself was one of the most difficult things i've ever done. i have had this problem for years which i think is kinda said since i'm only 27. i've done my best to keep in control of all other aspects of my life. i'm a full-time college student with a good gpa, i work full-time, i keep close bonds with my family, and i do my best to be a good and true friend. however when it comes to drinking, i fail. it's difficult for me to accept such a weakness and if it weren't for those who have shared their stories on this site, i probably would have a more difficult time finding the inner strenght to keep sober for a second day. this isn't easy for me as i'm sure it's not easy for others to express themselves here. i'm asking you to please keep that in mind. i feel weak right now, i feel insecure. in a time when i'm finally trying to put my fears aside, i'd like not to hear demeaning remarks. normally, i think i have a good sense of humor and i'm sure you are probably a very funny person. but when it comes to this, i can't find any humor, just a strong desire to reach out to others who understand and might be able to help. Please, please stop. laura
Member: Von
Location: Ohio
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 2:09:38 PM
I feel so blessed because even after drinking daily and heavily for so long, when I hit a bottom that broke me and brought me to my knees, the massive cravings that always won out before, stopped. One day they were rampant and the next day, they were gone...just gone.
In the rooms I learned different things like HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired), to eat a lot of sweets (especially in the beginning), and to think it through to the consequences.
Through the past couple years, I've learned also that my problem centers in my mind, that way before I ever pick up a drink, something has already happened in my thinking. The last thing we do is pick up, and we're usually the last to know.
Without a doubt, I believe that "there will come a time when we won't have any defense against that first drink", and that our sobriety is "a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition".
This means to me that sobriety is no longer about just drinking. It is about becoming the type of person that will no longer need a drink for any reason at any time. I can't accomplish this alone (it never worked) but only by your truth and my Higher Power's Grace.
Thanks for the topic.
Member: Lisa W-D
Location: Canada
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 2:53:37 PM
Hi everyone! My name is Lisa and I am an alcoholic. I've found that when I have a craving to drink one of my best defenses is to 'run the movie to the end of the reel'. Invariably I would end up drunk, doing things that I would regret later. Even with the best of intentions - I'll only have one, this time I'll stay in control - I'd end up drinking until there was nothing left to drink and have a terrible hangover the next day. I too am poverless over alcohol and I need help, mostly from my Higher Power, to stay sober for this day. Remember, this craving will pass and with another day of sobreity life just keeps getting better!
Member: Bobbye E
Location: McKinney, TX
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 4:19:33 PM
Hey all great topic! I can not afford to forget what works!
Drink water! Lots, I goal as close to a 1/2 gallon a day as I can, and say the Serenity Prayer each time the water goes its way. Keeps me praying often enough, practice being sincere in my prayer life (hey its a daily start), and it takes a whole lot more 'willingness' to drink that much water than to pray.
Truth when drinking beer or vodka 1/2 gallon was nothing, and I never drank that I didn't black out. So thinking thru the drink is living through the report of my actions. Yuck.
I use the line in the BB to 'trust God and clean house...' I straighten something, clean the bathroom, address dishes or laundry 'TODAY'
Participate in my recovery. Is my motto. Recovery is anywhere I am participating in my recovery today!
There is no craving that a Coca-Cola (not diet) and a Hershey Bar can not help.
I do not hang around places, people or things that are not safe for my sobriety. Especially when cravings occur to me. My disease will use the location and situation against me.
Finally, I seek out someone who IS HAPPY in their sobriety and I linger a while in their space. All I know is that this works for me.
Love yall, thanks for letting me share.
bobbyee@ivillage.com
Member: David S.
Location: UpState, South Carolina
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 4:20:50 PM
Hi, I’m Dave and I am an Alcoholic. I am new to this meeting….
Don R. , Thank you for a great topic. I use prayer as a defense mechanisms when I get a craving for Alcohol. It works every time.
I came into AA 22 years ago as an atheist. After all these years, and a wonderful spiritual journal made possible by my active participation in this wonderful fellowship of AA, I am still an atheist. And yes, I pray.
I came into AA willing to do anything to stay sober. I asked a fellow at my third AA meeting who later became my sponsor what the trick was in staying sober. I was having cravings and I really wanted a drink. He asked if I could stay away from a drink for 24 hours. I said I didn’t think so. And he asked if I could stay away from a drink for the next hour. I said yes, I thought I could but what about the cravings I was having. I could taste and smell the alcohol. I wanted the cravings to go away.
He told me to pray. I told him I didn’t believe in a god. He asked if I was willing to go to any length to stay sober. I said I was. He said I could use his concept of a God until I got my own and when the cravings came over me I could pray to his God. I was willing to do that and when the craving came over me for a drink, I prayed to his God. I prayed several times a day. Each time I prayed I was relieved of the craving to drink.
Hope this helpd!
Member: Tresha O'C.
Location: Irving, Tx
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 6:12:04 PM
Hey everybody, my name's Tresha and I am most definitely an alcoholic. Thanks to God, the 12 steps and sober drunks all over the world, I recently celebrated nine years of sobriety. Truly a miracle. I also recently had some surgery and had to be on narcotic painkillers for about a week, man, that set up the craving to drink ! After all this time, the same tried and true methods work... go to a meeting, work with another drunk,be honest, eat chocolate(can't believe this still works), take a walk, drink water/tea/DrPepper, think through the drink, pray, most of all, decide that I want to be sober more than I want anything else. Also heard something in a meeting a few weeks back that was really helpful, "tomorrow we drink like SOB'S, but today, we stay sober !" Get it? Live in today ! Thanks to the powers that be for setting up this site, what a blessing ! Peace and serenity to all !
Member: jose
Location:
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 7:11:40 PM
laura,
i love you too,please come over to see me,we talk.
Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 8:04:09 PM
Ed Alcoholic, My defensive mechanisms is my higher power and sponsor. I pray to my higher power who I choose as God. I'll call my sponsor and talk until that craving goes away. I'll also try to get to a meeting right away.
Member: Anne H
Location: NC
Date: 8/7/01
Time: 11:06:03 PM
Hi Don R, My name is Anne and I'm an alcoholic/drug addict. All of the things mentioned by othere members have been very helpful to me also. When I start thinking about taking a drink I take a strong hard look at myself in the mirrow. I look at myself and what I see is a 40 year old woman that looks to be in her 50's, thanks to alcohol. I stand there and look and I see a person that will surely die if I don't stop drinking. And Don I don't want to die.
Stay Strong' Anne H
Member: Larry w
Location: Lafayette ,In
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 1:18:31 AM
hi,folks my name is Larry and i am an alcohlic,I was told when I first got sober,That if i was to stay sober I had to turn my will and my life over to the care of the god of my own understanding steps 1 to 12. Lack of power that was are delema we must find that power god help us. If you dont drink you wont get drunk.
Member: Jeff R
Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 6:46:18 AM
Hi everybody! This is my first time posting here. This is a great topic to discuss. I was at a begginer's meeting last night and the topic there was ways to avoid taking the first drink. So, I think these two topics are related in some way. First of all, I have no defense from that first drink. My defense comes from a Higher Power, whom I choose to call God. After 6 and 1/2 years, I don't so much crave a drink, but every now and then I will think that a drink would be could about now. When I do that, I ask God to help me overcome that feeling. Second, when I was first sober, I went to 7 or 8 meetings a week, and was always around my AA friends. This helped me in two ways. By staying around sober people, I was less likely to take that first drink, and I was able to learn about staying sober from people who have done it.
Well, it's time for me to get ready for work now. I hope everybody has a great day.
Member: lionel-c
Location: campbelltown australia
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 7:39:59 AM
hello everyone my names lionel i am an alcoholic .when i got cravings for alcohol. i was told to look into the bottem of that glass of beer or bottle of wine. an in my case remember the degradation /an remorse i gave myself an family/also the guilt an shame i brought on myself from the nite before /an to ask myself if i realy want all that back.[i did'nt]do you.i want the beutiful life aa has on offer with all it's ups an downs.freeom from the bondage of self.it was also sugested to me to take all the fancy labels of the bottles of alcohol an put a poision label on instead because it is poision to an alcoholic.also to immagion the glass full of maggots some falling over the side of the glass.how u feeling.if that fails have a couple of chocolate milk shakes.you want feel like driking after that.also get to a meeting or talk to another member.love an need u all lionel-c.
Member: Joey C.
Location: Chattanooga, TN
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 8:44:16 AM
Hey everyone, I am Joey and I am an Alcoholic. I am new to this site and it has been a great meeting...I was unable to go to my seventhirty meeting this morning...In the midddle of moving to Charleston,SC...This topic is something I have been going through right now...in the past two and a half years I have been trying to work the program but I have always had this problem of telling someone or sharing with someone about cravings....i would ask for help in many other areas but when it came to wanting a drink, i felt ashamed...or i just wanted to be "OK"....i saw wanting a drink as a sign of weekness....as i have come to realize i had not completely surrendered.....As someone said earlier Surrender is what underlies it all...I can not let God be in charge when i refuse to talk to someone about wanting a drink....the moment i do that, i am back in control...and when i am in control i will drink...This has happened twice in two and a half years...It has taken until now but today I am ok being who I am...an alcoholic, who cannot drink like everyone else....an alcoholic who thinks crazy things sometimes and does not have it all together....but that is ok because today with God in control I should be able to stay sober one more day....thank you so much for being here for me when I needed you...this is truely the fith tradition at work...
Member: laura s
Location: mi
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 9:29:42 AM
good morning everyone. my name is laura and i'm an alcoholic. i've been sober for 2 days now. last night i had i difficult time fighting the craving. a friend came over last night to help my boyfriend hang drywall. he opened the refrigerator expecting to find beer but all he saw was soda pop. he made a remark and asked if i was quitting drinking. unwilling to announce to my friends that i am in fact becoming involved with AA because i believe i am an alcoholic i told him that yes i was quitting drinking, at least for a little while, because i'd like to loose the 10 pounds that i've gained and beer wasn't part of the diet. later, he and my boyfriend went to home depot and returned with more drywall and BEER! Bud light at that--my favorite. they wanted me to sit with them at the table and talk about how i wanted the lay out of the new room we are adding on. i couldn't even pay good attention to the conversation, i stared at the beer fighting my craving. thank god for cigerettes!!! i know that it isn't a healthy way to fight my craving but it help! so for now, lots of soda pop, water, cigs, and personal silent prayers are my means of fighting my cravings!
Member: jimmy
Location: at migels
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 11:18:00 AM
laura.,beer ciggerettes and drywall dust,oh what a combination..my my my its a very unstable combination..
Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon.IL
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 11:40:54 AM
I am an alcoholic I have cravings when I am flying in the plane and liquor is being served traveling to places find bars serving drinks parties here it all there and urges are present.I deal with it simply attend more meetings talk to my sponsor stay from these situations here I am liable to to make amistake carry a wrist band with 24beeds that reminds me of hour at a time and 24hrs a day. 24/7.live a spiritual simple life. Thanks to all AA members who have shared there experiances with me.
Member: Dave M.
Location: Woodstock, Il.
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 11:43:45 AM
Hi. My name is Dave,and I am an alcoholic.One of the people at my meetings said when a craving comes he says this little prayer: God, I am an alcoholic, please take this thought of drink away. Together withthe other things mentioned, I find this helps to make the thought of taking a drink go away. Everyone take care.
Member: Kate M.
Location:
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 1:16:10 PM
I am wanting to drink today.
Writing this message is the first positive step away from drinking today that I have allowed myself.
Even though I know the disasters of drinking, my mind is saying, "What difference does it make?" This is so dangerous.
From past experience, I know that if I drink today, besides losing my sobriety which is the most important thing in my life, everything else in my life will get worse.
Still, my mind is saying, "What difference does it make?"
My self-will and self-absorption anger and nauseate me. I hate myself for it.
My Perverse Streak is body slamming me. I have not called my sponsor, who I love. I stayed home from the meeting, knowing I needed to go and even wanted to go. And, I'm ashamed to admit that I will not pray . I can't break thru my own obstinancy even though I see it plainly.
This is baffling to me because yesterday I was grateful, strong in the steps, and loving recovery.
For some strange reason, I am willing to write to you. Already, I feel better.
Thank you, Carol, for "coincidentally" telling me about Staying Cyber when we were at the meeting yesterday.
Member: jenifer d
Location: england swings
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 1:52:36 PM
Von, well said and worth reading !!
Member: Krystal J.
Location: Columbia, SC
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 2:04:14 PM
Jeez, where do I start... I've been in and out of the program for 4 years now. Currently drunk, but don't be jealous if you've only got a short time in here. I AM IN HELL... I have no control of myself, my situation, my relationships, and I don't mean that in the good way. I truly have NO CONTROL...
If you take the time to read this, I would love it if you would e-mail me. I'm new to South Carolina and don't know a soul. Can you relate? Have you ever pulled a "geographical"?
KrystalJackson@compuserve.com
Member: Mary L.
Location: San Diego
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 2:50:01 PM
Hi. First, to Newcomer: hurrah, hurrah. "Only five days"? Hey, that's great - especially since those five seem to have included the weekend,which you've said is dangerous for you. I'm inspired. Also, Laura - it's great you didn't drink last night. Every time I get through a craving/tempting situation like that, my sobriety gets stronger. It's hard to live with people who drink or may not be supportive/understanding of our getting sober, but in my case I found that when I had the willingness to put my sobriety first, to take it more seriously myself, my Higher Power came in and cleared the path for me.
On the topic: For two days I have been in that place of anger/depression/resentments that can start me heading toward a drink. I have about four heavy resentments (to do with money, work, an abusive family, and the wreckage my boyfriend, who's now in a treatment center, left behind). I'll just focus on the work stuff here: I've been furious at the place where I do free-lance work for giving work they'd promised me to someone else on Friday, and angry at myself for not getting in there to pick it up sooner - although I suppose I could have gone in there on Fri. to find out it was too late, anyway, that they'd already handed it to this other freelancer. "Dysfunctional" seems to be the word for every place where I work! I also have a big resentment at a coffee house for which I did booking - they let me go last December, three weeks before Christmas, without warning, and since then have said a few times that they wanted to hire me back. Now they're using all the ideas I gave them for a measly amount of pay and and and... $#%!!!
A few hours ago I remembered about praying for someone at whom you have a resentment (In the Big Book, page 552). I thought, "Why should I pray for them? They have more money than me. They told me they couldn't afford my tiny salary and then bought a $1,000,000 apartment building!" But that's when I'm in trouble. If God has directed me to pray for someone I resent, that means that any number of things could result -once I let go, it's in God's hands (and I unburden myself). At the least, my ex-boss might awaken to the fact he treated me badly and grow as a human being/treat other employees better from now on; stop being so exploitative. Another tool: looking at things in perspective. If it weren't for my drinking on and off for years and for being too stagnant (dry drunks, etc.)when I have been sober, I might be in a better position regarding work - in other words, I wouldn't be in a place where I have no choice but to accept pretty much any work I can do as part of the process of rebuilding my life/resume. I have to look at my part in things. I knew the coffeehouse was dyfunctional when I worked there, and I didn't leave. BUT, knowing that the place for which I currently free-lance (mentioned first, above)does these wierd things,I AM looking for other work now. (And it's good to remember that these day it's usually not me who messes up, it's someone else!) I have to believe in better things. If I sit in my resentments I turn into an angry victim, and then I start really wanting to drink/use/harm myself/escape. I can start "taking my will back" 'cause I don't think God is doing a good enough job with things. Instead I'm doing my best to keep reaffirming the path of hope/growth/turning things over to God. A day at a time, I can learn to tolerate others as I'd have them tolerate me for my mistakes, etc. And stay sober, and keep building a better life. If I use or drink, the one I hurt most is always myself. Thank God for giving me a new chance every day - that's the beauty of the program.
Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 3:00:46 PM
Krystal, you are not alone, just unaware of how not to be. An AA meeting is probably a phone call away. Why that?, you might ask. Well, the gegraphical does not work, as the Big Book discusses. Meetings do. Besides, you know no one, and at a meeting that will change. You will then be in a group of new friends that do not drink, so a new start out of the old playground can begin. Where else could one be absolutely positively SURE that ALL others in attendance are there for exactly the SAME reason? You will be astounded by the level of acceptance you find at an AA meeting. The only requirement is the desire to stop drinking, so you are a perfect fit! Try it, you'll like it! Best wishes, Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: Joe D
Location: Edgewater Pk, NJ
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 6:26:43 PM
My name is Joe and I am an acoholic. My first mechanism for getting rid of a craving is to repeat what my sponsor has tried to drill into me many times. "Under any and all circumstances I can not take a drink. Drinking is the only option that I do not have today. I can say a prayer ( the serenity prayer works fine), I can call another alcoholic, I can read the AA literature, I can get to a meeting, I can run my H.A.L.T. checklist through and correct which one may be out of whack (usually a piece of hard candy helps), I can even make a gratitude list. I can do all of the above things but I CAN NOT take a DRINK." Usually before I get through the literature I find that things appear better for me. This topic just reminded me of how very lucky I have been. The obsession left me pretty fast and has rarely returned, but I remember the early days. For that I am grateful. Sobriety itself heads my gratitude list.
Member: Sheri B
Location: Centerville, Ohio
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 7:49:31 PM
My name is Sheri And I am an alcoholic. I have been sober going on 11 months. Bot have I been through soome cravings. See I not only had to fight acohol but I had to fight drugs too. My drug of choice was alcohol but that always led to much worse (consequences of drinking). What I always find helpful is a prayer and then I get into my big book. I always start off with Bills story and then jump right to how it works and into action. God knows I dont want to have to go do all that stuff again. I find that by the time I am done reading,(usually end with working with others) my craving is gone. See if I dont concentrate on the mental obsession I am pretty much ok. When I first get the thought I start right away trying to get rid of it instead of waiting until it gets to the point of a phenomenon of craving. Every action is born in thought. As long as you dont act on that thought it cant become an action. I also try to keep my last day "out there" first and formost in my mind. That way I never forget where I came from. If I never forget where I came from I will never want to go back. This is my first time posting here and I am glad that I got to share. If any one would like to talk please feel free to e-mail me. I am always up for conversation with another alcoholic. Lord knows that my mind is a dangerous neighbor hood and I never got there alone. What I cant do alone we can do together! Whopergirl1@aol.com
Member: gomez rodriqeuez
Location: fruitfarm
Date: 8/8/01
Time: 10:20:26 PM
sheri, why do you call dee whoppergirl?
Member: Jack B.
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 2:42:33 AM
Hi I am Jack a real alcoholic. What worked for me when I used to get a craving for a drink, is the shortest most powerful prayer I know. PLEASE GOD HELP!!! This powerful cry for help was always answered, and thru the Grace of God I have enjoyed continous sobriety since November 23, 1987. This prayer works today in all my affairs, God may not come when I always want him, but he is never late. Thanks for allowing me to share.
Member: Tom H
Location: Detroit (on Business from Naples, FL)
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 8:03:47 AM
Hi all, my name is Tom and I am an alcoholic. For me the craving was lifted early in my sobriety thanks to the advise I practiced from some of the old timers in our club. I asked God to remove the craving every morning and every night. All of sudden, I found that I could remember the last time that I drank, but I couldn't remember the last time I thought about drinking. I think that sponsorship is important. The purpose of a sponsor is not to just steward you through the steps, but to give you someone to talk to when a drink is looking you in the eye, to help you think it through and reinforce the concept that you want to remain sober more than you want to drink.
I would also like to add that I am on the road and just found this site. I normally attend a 7:00 am meeting and this gives me the opportunity to participate when I am otherwise unable to. Glad you are here.
Member: Adrianna
Location:
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 9:18:55 AM
It is nice to hear that the intense cravings pass in time. I am on day five and when I was driving home from work last night - I didn't think they would stop. I have to pass a liquor store every day on the way home. It is so hard some days to drive by and not buy a bottle of wine. I used to stop most nights for that bottle and it became my companion. I like myself better when I don't drink and I especially like myself better in the morning. My stategy last night was to say God I am an alchoholic - please help me get home and spend an evening without drinking. It really worked. I am very tired this week from the fighting the cravings. I spend a lot of time reading and praying. I am really concerned about my defense mechinisms next week because I am traveling to Europe for ten days with friends who like to indulge. I have no clue what to do there to fight the cravings. Thanks for sharing your ideas - I have put a few to work already. I am grateful for this week's topic. It couldn't have come at a better time for me.
Member: Linda S
Location: Chicago
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 11:49:11 AM
I used to get cravings early on in recover esp when the weather was nice outside and I would pass a beer garden, that use to be my favorite because I could bring my own stuff there.In the beginning my goal was to hurry up and get fixed so that I could be able to drink like a normal person it was not till later in the program that I knew that the time would never come. I have to argee what worked best for me is thinking it through, hey time goes by so fast just imagine how you will feel this time tomorrow if you drink right now. With me I know how I would feel still drunk and my family would be worried about me because chances are I would still be out.
Member: Amy L
Location: Iowa
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 2:20:17 PM
To the lady who posted as a newcomer, you are doing a wonderful job, it must be very hard for you to not drink when your husband continues on. Maybe you could ask that he not drink at home? Remember what a great thing you are doing for yourself and your children by not drinking.I wish you all the sucess in the world. and of course everyone else.
Member: Patricia M
Location: New York
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 3:53:27 PM
Hello to all my AA friends. This is a great topic. When I get a craving for alcohol, the first thing I do is think about what my last drink did to me physically and mentally. Not a pretty sight. I also HALT (See if I am hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. I then take out time to make a phone call to another recovering alcoholic, and rat myself out. Telling on yourself is the best way to make you think twice about the drink and the awful consequences that will follow. I have been sober for a few 24 hours, and I still carry 2 quarters in my pocketbook, in case of a sudden urge to drink, I can make a phone call. Also this sounds crazy but a chocolate bar and cocoa cola stops my cravings. Thanks for an excellent topic and for keeping me sober another day.
Member: Newcomer
Location:
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 4:29:33 PM
Amy L: thanks for your kind words, it means a lot to me. I needed to hear that today. Newcomer
Member: HELP PLEASE
Location:
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 4:41:11 PM
I would like to get any advise that anyone may want to give. PLEASE!!! My husband and I are both alcoholics he has been to AA before and was sober for 3 years and than started drinking again shortly before we met. WE have had a terrible marriage and lived an awful life, terrible fights in front of the kids and so on in large part due to the drinking. Many occasion he has pointed out that I have areal problem with booze and I always denied it, took me a couple of years to realize he was right, I do...Over the last few months I have been scared to face the fact that I need to stop!! I feel such shame, and guilt and remorse for all the partying that went on in house in front of the kids the terrible examples we have both set for them. I also became aware that the kids don't want to be with us,(we have no kids together, My 11yr old daughter lives with us and his 10 yr old son comes every other weekend) My daughter has spent most of the summer with her father and I know in my heart that she would like to stay with him but doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Everyone at our house is miserable. if our marriage can not survive sobriety than so be it. but I have to get sober for myself and my daughter so that I can try to salvage what childhood she has left and what is left of our relationship. My next difficult thing is our entire home and social life revolves around drinking. Everyone drinks.. family,friends etc. My husband does have one freind who has been sober 7 years he is always willing to take us to a meeting or help in anyway he can. but he is the only person that is sober. In all honesty everyone else is an alcoholic that we associate with. We are all very functional, but drunks none the less. I am not so sure that my husband is as serious about this as I am, which is also a concern any way we have picked a day as our friend did 7 years ago when he quit, our day is Aug. 17th first sober day (last day of drinking is Aug.16th) O.K. what are we suppose to do with ourselves when quit day is here?? Where do we find new sober friends, not at the bar I guess.
Member: connie w
Location: hutchinson, ks.
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 4:48:43 PM
nothing insures sobriety like working with other alcoholics. that means to me also working with the ones that have a lot to offer. its sad that the desire to be sober isnt something we can pass on. the pain of my past is what kept me sober in the early days. now its just the way things are for me. i go to a lot of meetings. i pray for the knowlege of his will for me and the power to carry it out. also living the steps in all my affairs helps. good luck to all.
Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 5:26:15 PM
Help Please,
Not that I am an authority, BUT in my humble opinion, meetings all day that day would be a start for both of you. If you are not feeling like joint meetings are a good idea, find some that are not. Example women's group for you, and men's for him. Keeping very busy, AND getting out of the playpen you've both been in couldn't hurt, and the people you meet that day may well save the life of one or both of you.
Don't quit before the miracle occurs !
Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: John S.
Location: Vermont
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 8:04:08 PM
Help please,
Mark W. sounds like a very astute person. I would listen to his thoughts. Can you try to just let it happen. Take a first step. Your one friend that does'nt drink may have a few ideas, and other friends like him. Ask God for help. All the best.
Member: Tim G.
Location: Hobbs, New Mexico
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 9:03:05 PM
With me it seems to help when I get a craving to eat a small snack, as this may be a result of swings in the blood sugar. Also, I like to take a nice walk or drive out into the country. I have found this to work very well for me. In addition, as my longivity in sobriety grows the less and less are my cravings. So with that, thats all I have. Thanks
Member: Tim G.
Location: Hobbs, New Mexico
Date: 8/9/01
Time: 9:06:58 PM
With me it seems to help when I get a craving to eat a small snack, as this may be a result of swings in the blood sugar. Also, I like to take a nice walk or drive out into the country. I have found this to work very well for me. In addition, as my longivity in sobriety grows the less and less are my cravings. So with that, thats all I have. Thanks
Member: Nicole G
Location: Florida
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 1:04:38 AM
Hi! My name is Nicole, and I am an alcoholic. i have been very blessed in the fact that the obsession for a drink left me rather early on, but it does have a tendency to stick its ugly nose out every now and then. It is usually when I haven't been to meetings, haven't called my sponsor, or I am just plain NUTS (Not Using The Steps).
In my earlier days of sobriety, i had to do everything I could to keep myself from taking the first drink. I changed my way home from work so I didn't have to pass the bars and liquor stores that I used to stop at everyday. I found out where and when meetings were all over town, so I never had an excuse not to go. I kept my purse filled with candy. But, I think the best tool that I had was remembering my last drunk.
For me, remembering my last drunk reminds me of how miserable I was when I first came to the rooms. I was filled with anger, confusion, sadness. Today I have so much to be grateful for. An oldtimer once told me that it is impossible to be hateful and grateful at the same time, and today, I know that to be true.
So, I guess the good old gratitude list is another thing that chases those cravings away. I know that I will lose all that I have today just by picking up that first drink. That first drink will take me back to that"seemingly hopeless state" that I was in.
Today, I am grateful.
Member: Newcomer
Location:
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 8:53:18 AM
Help Please, I to have issues with my husband and drinking. Our lives were surrounded by beer. Every occasion called for a drink. Sunday afternoons in the sun. Saturday afternoons for a football game. Saturday nights, especially Friday nights after the long work week (tonight, is a really hard one for me!!!)always called for a 12 pack. Now the difference was/is that I could drink the whole 12 pack in the early evening. My husband could make a 6 pack last all night with a few left over. I drink to get drunk, he drinks to just enjoy a small buzz he says, he hates the feeling of being drunk. I never could understand that. Anyway, I would end up wasted, puking in the toilet or going to bed early because mommy is "tired", ha, ha. The reality of it was I am an alcoholic. He can be whatever he wants. He has to decide for himself. I have been sober 8 days. I have been entertaining thoughts of drinking this weekend. Letting myself think maybe I am not really an alcoholic etc... my mind works wonders with me. But, the reality of that is that I will end up drunk and feel horrible, all for nothing. I need to be sober for me. I need to be sober for me. I am the only one that matters. He continues to drink around me, he doesn't really want to be around me because I am no fun anymore he says. That hurts and it is lonely but I am trying to just wade through the shit and get to the other side. I am facing the hard weekend that is excruciating for me. It's hard to get to meetings because I have 2 kids and don't really have any family support to watch them while I go. My husband doesn't think I need to go. He thinks it is just another "self-help" thing I am doing for the moment. I read alot of self help books all of the time. Anyway, I am sober now and am going to do my best to continue on mostly for me but also for my three little kids. I also have a 11 year old girl. I don't want her to see Mom with a beer in her hand all of the time. Much luck! Newcomer
Member: laura s.
Location: fenton, mi.
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 9:51:09 AM
oh heaven help.
i lived in denile that i'm an alcohlic for over a year. It was incredibly hard for me to admit to myself that I suffer from what i thought to be a humiliating disease. But than i thought it isn't the disease that is humiliating, it's my actioins when drinking that are humiliating. I'm only 4 days sober now. No one other than my mom, a dear friend, and those on this site know that i've admitted to be an alcholic. It's scary for me because i am tested everyday. All my friends drink too. i love my friends and i'm not going to loose them because i have a personal battle to fight. when i find the courage to admit to them, i'm sure they will be supportive and respectful of me. if they aren't than i suppose they aren't as good of friends i believe them to be. i've prepared myself for a life long battle against my disease. but i desire to enjoy all that life has to offer and don't want to miss out because i'm drunk. the cravings for beer are getting worse though. the first day i didn't have them at all. the second and third they started progressing. last night i felt the erge to get out of bed and pop the top off a bud light. i didn't, but i did go to bed thinking of nothing else but beer. i started to pray and i must have fallen asleep during my prayer. Thank God! i'm going to my first meeting tonight. i'm nervous.
prayers and hugs for everyone! laura
Member: Doug
Location: Tennessee
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 10:45:04 AM
Good topic. The urge to drink really hits me after the holidays (not during). I had a close call last year. Looking back on it, I was on the road headed towards a slip a long time before the holidays. Bottom line, I was too busy for AA and staying in fit spiritual condition was not a priority. The biggest mistake I made was staying in that frame of mind for several days before I even picked up the phone to call my sponsor about it. That is the biggest mistake of all. When I start to get uptight, that's when the urges really start to hit. The strange thing is that the urge in me is a very subtle voice saying that a cold beer will make everything better. Last week things got bad a work (bad in mind, remebering that I too have a thinking problem) and I had a drinking dream. Then 2 days ago the tobacco urge hit and I was sick all day yesterday after my first use of "smokeless" tobacco in about a year. As I was turning green in a restaurant with my family about to throw up God even put my dentist in front of me.
I don't want to drink and AA has given me the tools to expel the obsession with alcohol but I have to use them. Talk to your sponsor, pray, go to a meeting, get out of self. Even go workout, have a good meal and get some sleep.
Haven't been here for a while. Read the great article in the "Grapevine" and wanted to check in. I'm housebound for a few days so I'll be back. Peace!
Member: Doug
Location: Tennessee
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 10:45:49 AM
Good topic. The urge to drink really hits me after the holidays (not during). I had a close call last year. Looking back on it, I was on the road headed towards a slip a long time before the holidays. Bottom line, I was too busy for AA and staying in fit spiritual condition was not a priority. The biggest mistake I made was staying in that frame of mind for several days before I even picked up the phone to call my sponsor about it. That is the biggest mistake of all. When I start to get uptight, that's when the urges really start to hit. The strange thing is that the urge in me is a very subtle voice saying that a cold beer will make everything better. Last week things got bad a work (bad in mind, remebering that I too have a thinking problem) and I had a drinking dream. Then 2 days ago the tobacco urge hit and I was sick all day yesterday after my first use of "smokeless" tobacco in about a year. As I was turning green in a restaurant with my family about to throw up God even put my dentist in front of me.
I don't want to drink and AA has given me the tools to expel the obsession with alcohol but I have to use them. Talk to your sponsor, pray, go to a meeting, get out of self. Even go workout, have a good meal and get some sleep.
Haven't been here for a while. Read the great article in the "Grapevine" and wanted to check in. I'm housebound for a few days so I'll be back. Peace!
Member: Help Please
Location:
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 10:53:41 AM
I am afraid to go to that first meeting I feel like all the other people there have probably been going for along time and I will feel like an outsider my husband said he WILL NOT go with me, atleast at this time. He is a real ASS and this is going to very difficult.
Member: Michael M.
Location: Ohio
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 11:31:45 AM
Dear Help Please,
Call the AA Central Office in your town. It should be in the phone book or directory assistance. Ask them to have a woman pick you up and take you to a meeting.
Member: John H.
Location: Indiana
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 11:44:44 AM
John H. West Lafayette, In.
The only requirment for membership is the desire to stop drinking. (Third Tradition) The key word there is "desire". One's desire must overcome the lower power of craving the first drink, a moment at a time sometimes to get thru the first day.
If not yet a member, call AA and go to a meeting. As a newcomer you will be welcomed by applause, given a directory of local meetings, names of mmembers to call for support and free literature.
It is an opportunity to be introduced to the texts of Alcoholics Anonymous, starting with the Big Book. Go to at least 3 meetings weekly if possible. Call those you've met in the program, in time get a sponsor, talk your problems with alcoholism by sharing at meetings and conversations with members after the meetings.
When a craving is experienced, call someone and AA itself if necessary. Pray to the God of your understanding, your Higher Power.
Remember the bad experiences of your past bouts with alcohol and question whether you want that unhappiness as opposed to joining a dues and fee free fellowship that will guide you to continous sobriety if you work the steps and honor the traditions.
By all means, do not pick up the first drink. By following the above as well as I could, it has brought me continuous sobriety since Sept 2, 1986, fifteen years in 23 days. Hope this helps someone and more!!
Member: RobC
Location: Philly
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 11:48:51 AM
Help Please- You can only do for yourself. Post What city you are in and I'm sure if someone from this site sees it they'll offer to meet you at a meeting. Someone also mentioned your local intergroup, they will help you if you call. You don't have to say or do anything in the meeting. Even if they ask about if it's anyone's first time, people aren't going to know it is or isn't. Walk in, sit down, get up leave. You'll feel so much better because you will hear people talking and describing the exact same thoughts that you have. Your children deserve a sober mom.
Member: Caroline O
Location: North of Philly
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 12:21:10 PM
Hello Everyone,
I think I'm an alcoholic, and I'm in pain. I'm also afraid to go to meetings -- though several years ago I went for a month or so, then I moved and went on "functioning" while drinking. I'm afraid of going, getting sober, and then changing my mind, dropping out, and being humiliated.
I'm also afraid of what being sober might do to my marriage. My husband is dear, but most of our "fun" has revolved around drinking. He drinks a lot, but I don't think I'd call him alcoholic. He has more control than I do.
Does anyone one else live in a marriage in which one person is sober and the other can and does drink? It's just so hard to imagine weekends and meals without wine!
Thank you for being here.
Member: maureen
Location:
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 12:26:16 PM
Help Please
I went to my first meeting two days ago . I sat in my car too scared to go in . I was thinking just like you that they would all know each other and I would be the only newcomer . So I told myself just to go in and if I didnt like it I would leave after 10 minutes. Most of the people had been there a little while but not all . Within five minutes of being there , I told them this was my first meeting and I started to cry , I was very embarrassed but I was given a huge hug by the person sitting next to me and felt such compassion that I stayed .I didnt say very much but that was ok , I listened and realised that I was not alone in this.I left the meeting feeling emotionally tired but so proud of myself and had a sense of peace for the first time in a long time . Dont get me wrong , it is not easy and it wont be easy but I feel like I made the first step , me on my own and it felt good . I am going abck today to find out some more.
Member: Jan. S.
Location: Alabama
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 12:48:33 PM
This is for "help, please". If you are serious enough to want to stop at all costs, then don't take that first drink, get to a meeting and get a sponsor. Your husband either will or will not, but you need to do this for you. And Lydia, I spent 10 miserable years of drinking and using AA as a revolving door before I completely surrendered MY EGO and started allowing God to work in my life. By Gods grace I just made 10 years 3 months and 2 days ONE DAY AT A TIME SOBER. Whats' the use? You will never know if you don't try "just one more minute" if necessary. Ignorance is prejudice prior to investigation. God bless all sober and those still searching.
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 3:31:28 PM
Hi all--chris here alcoholic/addict/bulimic---To all of those newcomers that are afraid to go to meetings//Almost 8 yrs. ago when I started to go to meetings I felt exactly the same way--I was so mortified that I 'had"to go to A.A....However, what I found was a wonderful group of people and a place where I finally felt at peace. Whenever , I am in a meeting my stomach begins to relax and all of the guilt and shame and anxiety that I have seems to disapear. I realize that I am not alone , and and all of the things that I am so afraid of and ashamed of don't seem to be such big deals after all. I guess that takes us to the topic. So often when I get a 'craving", it seems to be brought on by all of these thoughts roaming around in my head telling me what a stupid..idiotic person I am and how ashamed i should be for everything. When I get to a meeting and talk about how I feel , Everythings doesn't seem so bas. Even if I don't get to talk about it, I hear others share and I realizxze that I am not alone.....I hope all of this helps someone...Thanks for letting me share.
Member: lynn r
Location: e tx
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 4:15:04 PM
Hi, I lynn and an alcoholic.
Help Please, I've just been to my 6th f2f meeting in 4 days, I've also been sober for 4 days. I know how hard it is to get up the courage to physically walk through the door, but getting sober is more important than the fear, pride or embarrassment (sp?) of a first meeting. The first and second meetings were very emotional for me, but they are getting better (actually shared for the first time today). Please give it a try, I've found nothing but acceptance, love and caring. They all had to go to a first meeting too once, you know.
lynn r
Member: sherry
Location: ca
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 4:56:43 PM
hi sherry here, alcoholic 15 days sober. To the ladies talking about a drinking husband. I was the drunk one all the time, hiding liquor in the closet and acting like I was just having a couple of beers while going back to the stash and having more booze. Don't get me wrong, I'm functioning and a professional but when I got home at cocktail hour it was time for MY relaxation. The other half could have his cigs, antidepressant meds, a pain killer if he hurts, and/or a drink. He couldn't understand me having more than one. I focused to much on him,(resenting) and not on me and my health. I have been on this site everyday since 7/28 and its a godsend. I also connected to the womens links at the bottom of the page. There are 5 women sending me e-mails so that I may relate to us. I found that chocolate DOES HELP AT 5PM. I live in a small town and the women's meetings are few so this site helps. I do intend to go to f2f meetings so until that time thank GOD for this site and all these supportive people.
Member: Jay G.
Location: Raymond,Ms
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 7:31:49 PM
My name is jay. I am an Alcoholic. I have been sober for a very short time. I am have trouble with my cravings, and I am going to try some of the thing yall have talked about.I can see I need to be aware of myself and where I am at and what I am doing. I have two good sponsors that I call all they time. I try to go to my meetings when I can get there. I read my big book everyday. I know I need to pray everyday, but I have not been doing that. I am having a hard time staying sober, but will take it one day at a time. God help me!
Member: eileenj
Location: juneau alaska
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 7:44:23 PM
Hi My Name is Eileen and I'm an Alcoholic-sure like this computer stuff cause you can get loong winded and still have room for everyone else-yes I can remember my first few months in early sobriety-it wasn't easy-and I will not do my first year over again! I now have 5 years and I think I know it all-so I was told. But at that time I was told to put into my recovery what I put into my drinking and using-so I did and One Day at a Time I'm still coming back-but I live my life only One Day At A Time-I can no longer function any other way-I use to and it kept me high but not anymore-my life today is very simple-go to meetings - work the steps and pick up the phone and call other women in the program-do service work-help other women-and stay away from extra curricular activities-believe me-don't complicate your recovery more than it already is-if your not in a relationship stay out of one-if your married - don't get a divorce-simple. Believe me it works. I could say something else but I won't. Yes early recovery is hard I was on a pink cloud for the first 6 months then reality woke me up and I found out I was a real angry person so I got to go to anger management-it was part of the process of sobering up-I was toxic for the first 3 months-and thought I knew it all-will booohooo to me I didn't - I was also told to get off of my royal pity-pot and take the cotton out of my ears and stick it in my mouth-so guess what-I did-and because I took every ones advice YES! I am still clean and sober-and have just recently stopped smoking cigarettes too-and to you newcomers keep up the good work and keep coming back it does get better-I know it does-oh and I claim GOD as my higher power-not that you have to-but you can find whatever you think can help you have a spirituality in your life works can work-but I get on my knees sometimes not everyday-but when I need him most and it works but in my early soberiety I did every morning to ask him to help me stay clean and sober for the day-then at night I thanked him for giving me another day of soberiety-
Member: Lisa Z
Location: New Jersey
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 11:02:50 PM
Hi, I'm Lisa and I'm an alcoholic. I feel terrible today, because it has been two days since I went to my last face to face meeting, and I'm having trouble getting a sponsor. The trouble is, the man to woman ratio at my home group. There just aren't people who can take on more than one or two people at a time. I feel that a sponsor would help a lot because although I read the big book and am working my steps, I feel that something is missing without a sponsor. Thanks for listening
Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry. N.H.
Date: 8/10/01
Time: 11:58:00 PM
Hello I'm Rhonda and I am an alcoholic. Great postings everyone. For me it's as simple as Don't drink, go to meetings and ask my higher Power for help. I do use all the tools available in the Fellowship. All of them mentioned already talking to AAs, reading the Big Book (which I feel is God inspired) and helping other alcoholics. Newcomers don't try to figure it out just DON'T Drink, go to meetings and ask a HP for the obsession for alcohol to leave. "It" will get better I promise! dos ll/1/99 Thanks to God and AA.
Member: Jayne S.
Location: Racine, WI
Date: 8/11/01
Time: 12:09:22 AM
My name is Jayne, I'm an alcoholic. When I was new to AA the one thing I did, because I could never remember what people in meetings said to do, was to read the Big Book and pray somehow. It always worked in getting rid of cravings and just the anxiety from knowing I wasn't drinking. I'll have seven years of continuous sobriety Sunday. And I used to think three months was a long time!
Member: ML
Location: San Diego
Date: 8/11/01
Time: 12:24:21 AM
Hi, all - I've been having a very rough week and so am here again. I LOVE this meeting - got DSL service this week & for some reason all my "favorites" got lost - had to find this web site again. By the way, if any of the women want a temporary sponsor to get into the first step with, I'm here (learymar@aol.com). It would be a great help to me, too.
Anyway, I talked Tues. about having resentments. One of those was at my fiance/boyfriend/whatever, who's currently in a treatment center. Visiting him there last night didn't help much. I'm worried 'cause he doesn't seem into sobriety - just into what he'll get out of the treatment center, like help getting disability. He doesn't relate to the people in there (many ex-heavy-drug users) & their stories. I'm amazed - he's lived on the street on and off, been to jail, done meth, etc. The denial always kicks back in with him about 3 weeks after the last black-out binge, and here it is doing that again even while he's in treatment. I awoke this morning upset/confused/depressed. Will thinks we have a future together. Meanwhile Im experiencing the miracle of service & what it can bring, more & more. I want to be with someone who's on a similar path, not someone who's looking for what they can get out of situations. But I still love him in some ways. What a mess. At least I'm not having to do my sobriety while living with someone who's drinking or unsupportive - I've done it (that's why I kicked Will out a month ago & he ended up in a treatment center). I know what people in those situations are dealing with. I'm also grateful to Maureen for reminding me of that "sense of peace" - as upset as I've been today, I still have that underlying peace that comes from being sober and doing God's will as best I can today.
But today got worse before it got better. Here in San Diego I can't just go to a neighborhood meeting 'cause they suck. I have to get in the car even if I'm tired (was on four hours' sleep today, serious HALT territory, but anyway...) & drive through nasty traffic to get to better meetings. I was spoiled by getting sober in NYC & being able to walk to meetings, lots of them. Anyway, today I went back to one of these bad meetings & left so angry that I wanted to drink. Got a lot of unasked-for advice - one bit coming from a woman who arrived at the meeting 10 minutes before the end & is known for her angry outbursts. Was told I wasn't in surrender enough. Now, that may be true about letting go of my relationship with Will. But I know I'm in surrender re: alcoholism more than I ever have been, and what more can I do? (The reason she said this is 'cause I shared about having drink signals & fighting denial that I'm an alcoholic - something I hear people in healthy meetings & on-line say often, whatever their sobriety date - but in these fundamentalist meetings there's this supposition that if you ever have a drink signal your sobriety isn't as good as theirs.) Anyway, I went to a recovery book store in the neighborhood - the woman there is in program & always shares with me. Since today is my sponsor's busy day & I was in a bad way I decided to go in & see if we could talk. What a help. She has such good program & boundaries. She knows what my family history is and she mirrored how much I AM doing re: recovery & growth. In San Diego we get these (I'm not going to mince words here) redneck fundamentalists who are very quick to cross-talk at others, push Christianity over other religions, rest on their AA laurels & give advice & unasked-for hugs (to members of the opposite sex). I just need to sound off about it.
But I'm still sober, and things get better, and insanity is doing the same thing over (going to a meeting I don't like) & expecting a new result. If I have to do cyber-meetings & phone calls & get enough sleep to be able to drive to better meetings in other neighborhoods, so be it. I turn it all over to God. Thanks so much, all of you, for participating in this great meeting & reading this long share. Congratulations, Newcomer and the woman who shared about being sober for four days. Fabulous.
Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 8/11/01
Time: 2:46:46 AM
I'm Chuck, an alcoholic
A short time after I started in AA the obsession to drink started (craving only starts after the 1st drink).
I believe that I operate on two levels, the concious and sub-concious. The desire to drink was from my sub-concious, old beliefs and habits. My concious was saying I don't want to get into that shit again.
Because I was denying that I wanted a drink(my feelings) when I did I was in conflict and could not escape thinking about it.
God (intuition) made me realize my problem. I believed that if I admitted I wanted a drink then I had to drink and it would be game over.
This is incorrect, I could admit yes I want a drink, you damn well right I do, but, I won't have one today. I am no longer in conflict. I have admitted my feelings but acted on my concious(rational) brain.
This went on for 12 days and I have never had the urge to drink again for over 20 years. Of course I did the steps as laid out in the big book, and live step 11 every day.
Two years later I stopped smoking using the same technique. I smoked 2&1/2 packs per day and 3 on a tense day. I smoked longer than I drank and it only took 5 days to be relieved of the obsession to smoke. I could hardly believe it.
I keep close to my God every day and when the thought of a drink or smoke comes I cut it off at the pass right away. My God sure has given me everything necessary to enjoy life.
Peace and Serenity
Member: VendettaW
Location: Calif
Date: 8/11/01
Time: 1:38:44 PM
Good morning everyone, my name is vendetta and I am a real alcoholic. I am very grateful to be in this meeting. this is my first time here and I am just so glad that my sponsor told my about this. well I was reading some of the comments and I like the very first statement. I know for me to take the frist drink would set off a craving that condem me to the alcoholic hell. The idea of being able to drink like normal people has not been an issue for me this year because I keep close to my memories of what it was like by helping others to get to meetings, going down on 5th street to meetings where the disease is wisiable and in full force. I also talk about what it was like for me to newcomers and I think mostly what helps me is telling another member when I think drink. It seems to take the power from it and after you talk about it for a while it eventully sounds insane and sort of ridiclous, ha ha ha. But prayer and meditation is another antidote. I only just began doing a fourth step and the reality of who and what I have become is also helping me not want to take that first one, I look forward to doing the fifth because the humilty that comes from being honest with another is vital in staying sober and free. thank god for a.a.
Member: Mark N
Location: Orange, Ca
Date: 8/11/01
Time: 2:16:00 PM
Hi Everyone,
I'm Mark, and I'm an alcoholic. First timer here.
In 1984 I realized I had a probelm with alcohol, went to a few meetings, decided I wasn't like you, and managed to go almost 3 years as a "stark, raving sober" drunk.
I crashed, went back out for 5 1/2 years, and came back in July '92. My first sponser, after I came back, went out, OD's and died before I had 120 days. It took that for me to realize that this is life and death stuff, here.
Still we get to laugh amongst ourselves...and at some pretty serious stuff, too! I celebrated 9 years a couple of weeks ago, and in about a week, I celebrate my first anniversary as a husband and step dad.
Like so many have said: If I had made a list 9 years ago of what I hoped to experience from this program, I would have shortchanged myself immensely.
Still not drinking, one day at a time. Turning it over to God everymorning is the key for me...the earlier the better.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Amy L
Location: Iowa
Date: 8/11/01
Time: 2:59:10 PM
I have posted earlier today several questions at the coffee pot where I guess no one other than one lady answered the sponsor question I had? I need someone to PLEASE answer my husband question. How do you do this with a husband who isn't really interested?? he says he will quit too but does not want to talk about it any further and says he will not go to meetings with me. Can Anyone get better living with someone like this?? and if so please tell me how?? He seems to be afended by my desire to stop drinking.
Member: rob
Location: west
Date: 8/11/01
Time: 3:35:50 PM
ml
get rid of that boyfriend or whatever he is,he is a looser and thats all he will ever be
Member: PATRICK F
Location: MANCHESTER ENGLAND
Date: 8/11/01
Time: 4:19:14 PM
IST TIME ON,ALCOHOLIC ,MY NAME IS PATRICK,ENJOYED THE SHARES,AA GAVE ME A SECOND CHANCE AT LIFE,GOD BLESSAND KEEP COMIN BACK...
Member: Jody M
Location: Maine
Date: 8/11/01
Time: 4:47:39 PM
Amy: You can get sober and stay sober with a husband who isn't interested. My husband didn't think I was an alcoholic and could never understand why I went to "those meetings". This is how I did it...I didn't drink..went to a meeting everyday..got a sponsor..and then did whatever my sponsor said to do..like read the Big Book..do the steps..get into service. I still do it today and I have been sober 22 years through the grace of God. You can do it too !
Member: Amy L
Location: Iowa
Date: 8/11/01
Time: 5:42:31 PM
Jody My husband is indermining me every step of the way, he knows I have a problem as well as he knows he has a problem, I want to get better he does not!! How does one do it in this situation?? Amy
Member: jimmy
Location:
Date: 8/11/01
Time: 10:08:24 PM
shoot em let god sort it out
Member: nick
Location: st louis
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 12:09:13 AM
your higher power will take it away (cravings)if you have enough faith in what you hear in the rooms, but in the begining you need to go to a meeting a day sometimes twice a day and its a guarantee, it will leave, and your life is going to get better, ask anyone after a meeting who has a little bit of time and they will attest to this,its part of your miracle
Member: ML
Location: San Diego
Date: 8/12/01
Time: 3:40:35 AM
Amy - you sound desperate. How about trying a meeting? In my experience, when I show willingness for God to change my life, things happen. I did a long post on the 11th which mentioned at least temporarily ending my living situation with my guy, who didn't honor sobriety as I did and who could get threatening, and worse, while drunk. I had to be willing to do that. Sooner or later, I was going to drink with my guy again - I could only white-knuckle it through so many of his stressful, black-out episodes. And I did. And then I got sober again, & I'm willing to do what it takes to stay that way. I don't want to do a long share 'cause I did that long one on the 11th. But if you stop drinking a day at a time, and go to a meeting, and hook up with some sober women, God is very likely to help you somehow. That's what has happened to most of us here. It's called "taking the action and turning over the result," and the results can be miraculous. I saw Will again today, by the way, and feel better about things (whatever the reason, he's working his butt off in that treatment center and he's sober - can't be bad!), and God has been bringing all this good stuff into my life. God bless.