Member: Matt
Location: MI
Date: 31 Jul 1999
Time: 22:28:16

Comments

Hello. Matt, alcoholic here. How about having a "spiritual awakening" and what this means to others in the group. I used to think it meant something instantaneous, or the "lightening bolt" event. It seems to happen to some people in this manner and not for others. Any comments? Thanks.

Matt


Member: Jennifer E
Location: Van Nuys, CA
Date: 31 Jul 1999
Time: 23:29:30

Comments

Hi, I'm Jennifer, alcoholic. Thanks for the topic, Matt. My spirutual experience thus far has been a mix of "the educational vareity" and mini-lightning bolts. When I first got to A.A. and heard people share on spirituality, I thought that they walked around in a spiritually-elevated state. Thus, I expected that once I got some God-conciousness, I'd always have it. My first spiritual experience in A.A. was fully conceding to my innermost self that I am an alcoholic and identifying with the description of the alcoholic in the Big Book. I feel it's very spiritual to identify with a group. Having the obsession for alcohol removed, which I know from experience I could never have done, was another gift from the God of my understanding. Taking the 12 steps and learning to practice the principles has also been a spiritual experience for me. The steps teach me how to live in the world in some semblance of harmony with it. I also believe that gift is spiritual in nature, when I was drinking (or fall into stinkin' thinkin' today), I am running on self-will and I am in collision with the world, and in misery. When I get to get out of myself and be of service or be loving and understanding, I am living in a fit spiritual condition.

My mini-lightning bolts are like little revelations I get. Sometimes, I'll be unhappy when something doesn't go my way. Heh, usually I get unhappy. That's human. I try to go to the program when this happens, sharing with my sponsor, going to God, writing, etc. Sometimes I pitch a fit. (Human!) The mini-lightning bolt comes in retrospect, when things generally turn out okay or for the better. I get a flash of "Oh, everything WAS being taken care of!" Another lightning bolt is when I find myself taking contrary action, or looking at my part in a resentment, and feel the victim-role slip away from me. Things like that, little revelations that floor me.

The biggest spiritual experience for me today is that I believe in God. I believe in my God, a God I trust with much more than I did when I was drinking! Being teachable, being humble, being willing, sitting down and praying, these are all things which I don't have every moment of the day, but I am really grateful for when I do have them. That's about all I have to share I think. Thank you for letting me share.

Jennifer


Member: Jeff  E.
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 31 Jul 1999
Time: 23:43:55

Comments

Im Jeff and im an alcoholic. My spiritual awakening was of the "Lightning bolt" variety. It happened for me durring my nineth step. I had a sudden realization that there is a God, he loves me, and is doing for me what I cannot. Thank you for the topic Matt, good luck and god bless. Jeff


Member: michelle m                           
Location: costa mesa ca.
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 00:16:04

Comments

Hi michelle alcoholic here, wow, spiritual awakening. I've had so many and thought I had a pretty good handle on what they were. God loves to surprise me. the common thread seems to be that someone is in charge and it isn't me. I have had some tragedy to walk through since I first got sober. My latest challenge is unplanned parenting of my grandaughter. I will legally adopt her sometime before Y2K.Each hurdle we have jumped together has connected us even more deeply to our God/Goddess. I was taught early on to spend more time on my knees than in my brain. I usually looked for the kind of experience that led to "God bumps". now, it is this way. I lay down with the now nearly 4 year old at bed time. we talk to God and a sense of peace rolls over me and I know that my God is in charge. Sound easy? no way.We live at the poverty line, yet the IRS wants a large, nonexistant sum from me. The little girl needs shoes again, she wanted a 2.00 toy today in the market and I had to deny her. I am so bone tired sometimes I think I'll fall asleep while hanging clothes on the line. somehow we manage month to month. I've had no luck job hunting. Yet we have a safe roof, clothing, and food. I've been told lately by those who should know that the little girl is exceptionally intelligent. My mind wants to screw with that and send me into a $$$$$$$tizy over how I'm going to send her to college!! God is kind once again, reminding me through her eyes that I must stay in the now. Matt I haven't thought about spiritual awakenings in a while, thanks for the topic.My understanding is that everything will be ok if I just stay out of it. God has never failed me. I just try to continue my love affair with HIM.thanks for letting me share. love michelle m.


Member: Ryan D.
Location: Montana
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 01:42:30

Comments

I'm Ryan D. and I'm a alcoholic. I don't know if my experience will help anyone but it's the only thing I have to offer. I'm a little different than most because I'm a chronic alcoholic with mental obsession and a phyiscal allergy. My spritial experiece came through strong sponsorship and working the twelve steps. It's not like I came into the A & A and God entered my soul and the sunlight of the spirit shined through and I walked on rose petals with a firm resolve to help others. It's not like that for me. It's more about WORK, WORK, WORK ,ACTION,ACTION,ACTION. I have to change the way I act before my thinking will change. When I developed a desire to stop drinking and became willing to do something about it is when I was directed to submerge myself into AA. I did anything to get me out of self. Only then, did I become a member of the A & A.

Live together or Die seperatly -

Ryan D.


Member: Stacey
Location: South Dakota
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 01:50:00

Comments

My spiritual awakening was the realization that I had nothing to lose by believing. I had the typical story of hating church because of all those "hypocrites", and sobering up while believing in nothing. A counselor where I went to treatment laid it out for me. 1)You can believe there is a heaven, and there is. 2)You can believe in heaven, and there is not such a place (haven't lost anything but some time). 3)You can believe there is nothing, and there isn't. 4) You can not believe, and miss out on heaven/spiritual growth, etc. Being the intellect that I am, this made sense to me. I had very little to lose by starting to believe; potentially a lot to lose by not being open minded. The spiritual connection itself took some time and persistence.

My heart goes out to Michelle. I too struggle with being a single parent, but not as much as you the way it sounds. I am grateful to have a decent paying job, a hometown that will give me credit and price breaks when needed, and parents that will jump in if I am absolutely desprite (they are running on about as much as I am). I just seem to have larger bills with traveling to work and school loan repayments, along with daycare expenses.

Lastly, Stephanie L, I did try to e-mail you. I could not get through. Please try me. stmyers@splitrocktel.net Any other females who want to talk are encouraged to e-mail me. Thanks


Member: Leo. E.
Location: Calgary
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 01:53:06

Comments

Hi, I'm Leo and I'm an alcoholic. My spiritual awakenings that were most notable in early sobriety were occasions when because I was trying to help someone else , I momentarily lost my extreme self centerness. I became God Conscious in a very dramatic way , as if I suddenly stepped into another world. It has happened to me many times since. I no longer believe it is another world, just part of this world that I was not able to access because of my illness and my self centerness. Today I know the direction to that place and understand the more self-less I can become , the happier I am.


Member: paul w
Location: anaheim
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 02:07:48

Comments

hi my name is paul my spiritual awakening was the reality that i could not do this thing alone so when i realized that i could call or just ask somebody for help there you were just waiting to listen and your always there service service thats the answer


Member: James Lupp
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 02:48:11

Comments

Hello, my name is James, and I'm an alky. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps......Up to step ten I had lots of rude awakenings, step-on-the-rake spiritual awakenings. I don't know where my spiritual path started, I have become increasingly aware of when I'm not on the beam. On a detour. Step eleven, prayer and meditation, open the channels of inspiration. The steps before that got me out of the way, preparing me to do the Fathers work; not the Fathers job. I remember the day I realized it wasn't me that put that last drink down. The day I realized my thinking was being put on a higher plane. I've come to rely on it. Everyday that I wake up, pray and meditate, that is a spiritual awakening. Every time I'm aware of God's handywork, I have awoke to spirituality. Those are my moments of divine sanity. Bill W. called it "Sunlight of the spirit" & "Fellowship of the Spirit" That Big Book was writtten so an ole drunk like me may find a power by which I could live. It's been a struggle, just like all births. I'ts designed that way. My sponsor always says, "Expect a Miracle" I wake up(many times a day) and put on my God and report for duty. Being a novice in things spiritual, I'm a better student in this spiritual kindergarden. I don't find it so strange anymore that all that booze would lead me here. To AA to God to life sober. Hope to see ya on campus. In the fellowship of the Spirit. Garden variety drunk. James L.


Member: GOD
Location: waiting room
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 02:53:36

Comments

I'm not lost.


Member: Jon
Location: Nor Cal
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 02:56:51

Comments

Jon, and I'm an alcoholic...So, I'm locked up in this psych ward. Never been arrested. Never been locked up before. I'm absolutely terrified of living Don't think that I can do it any more. Have not even made a connection between my drinking and my insanity. I'm asking myself, "How did I end up in this predicament?" When a voice says, "You know, you lied your way into this situation and the only thing that will get you out of it is the truth." I consider that my first spiritual experience. Without the intervention of something far greater than myself, I could not have entertained that notion.


Member: Dale C
Location: Houston , Texas
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 03:05:26

Comments

I dont have a problem in believing in GOD today,mostly because I created a hell for myself that only an all knowing all caring all understanding all forgiving scource of true power could get me out of.I have seen too many strange things that have unfolded right on time to teach me and guide me and protect me , not a doubt that it was planned by someone or some power far greater than myself.

I used to proclaim to be agnostic , on a bad day even atheistic,but in my worst hours of need even I would pray for help,and recieve it. Like when someone was shooting at me in a drug deal gone bad , or pointing a gun to my head after I got drunk and took advantage of their wife (who was also wasted), or when I would get so wasted on hard liquor that I became a total quadriplegic on the bathroom floor in some bar a thousand miles from home , worried my breathing would stop if I did not have GODs help to run me on autopilot after I was unconcious.

I know we all have had such desperate times, and so I wonder if there is really such a thing as a true agnostic or atheist , or if most of them are like me and called when I needed help , but never just called GOD to say , good morning , I am alive and well and just wanted you to know, that I know ,that if it was not for you , I would have never got this far.Thank you GOD I owe you more than I could never repay.It is too hard for humans to do that while still being so full of themselves that they believe they are the most intelligent life in the known universe. Gratitude and humility are things I never had before I slammed into the bottom.This is my experience , I cannot speak for anyone else.

The universe is just too vast and complex in a scientific viewpoint to believe it all happened without a master plan.Read up on microbiology or chemistry,or any other field of science and you will see what I mean.It would be easier to put all the parts to a 747 in a wind tunnel and see it come flying out the other end whole,than it would be to make this entire universe exist and run from day to day for a million years,God does a huge job, and today I just try to do the simple things he expects me to take care of,it is less stressful than pretending I am running the show.

GOD has a sense of humor though , he made me an alcoholic!!!! Not a saint.

I pray for all of you who have trouble finding your HP,keep looking,you will see him one day,as evidenced by the love around you if nothing else,Some wise person said "GOD is LOVE" I believe that to be true today.Don't give up.

I talked too long again,its a character defect I am not ready to let go of. :0)

Great topic Matt,Keep coming back!


Member: maryanne O.
Location: CT
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 03:21:54

Comments

hi, maryanne, alchoholic:

Spirituality is waiting for us to acknowledge it. God, as I understand Him is so present if I only ask for his help. New to sobriety, I am learning more and more from each slip and each meeting that I go to. When I am praying and going to meetings, it feel right. When I don't, it feels like I'm breathing poison, which is my will. The hardest thing for me was "letting go, letting God". But once I did, what a relief! Spiritual awakenings are daily as I awaken physically, my first thought is of my Higher Power and the daily need to do His will. We literally awaken everyday. Its a 24-hour program.

Thanks,

MA


Member: catherine
Location: palm springs, CA
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 07:33:32

Comments

hi, i'm an alcoholic an my name is catherine.

my spriritual awakening came during my first step....i was in a recovery home...and really missed my kids a lot...someone said to me that though i may have been therefor my kids i really wasn't....they said that God had been watching out for them all this time...and that he was watching out for them now....well let's just say that after that i was able to admit i was powerless over my alcohol addiction....it was a if i was hit by lightening.....i have many other such experiences....when i did my fourth step and fifth step..it was my higher power that helped to guide my pen....i have 100% faith and trust in my higher power....have lodt that burning desire for drink..and feel that i will not drink again.

thank yoy for letting me share


Member: John M.
Location: Ventura CA
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 09:54:39

Comments

My name is John and I am an alcoholic. After drinking as much as I could for as long as I could and suffering the consequences (nearly dying), did the hope of a different life become possible with exposure to AA. When I finally gave up on my life and said "OK God, my life is in your hands, I can't handle it anymore", did I have my first spiritual experience. It was wonderful. No longer in the drivers seat, I could relax. By admitting complete defeat, powerlessness, that I was weak (which I knew all along), could I let God into my life. What a change. The need to drink disapeared, not because I could now deal with my problems, but because I felt like a new person who did not have those problems. My pink cloud lasted long enough for me to get experienced with the steps of the program so when reality returned I had the tools of the program incorperated into my life. Although I no longer feel that spiritual high I don't need to, I know I felt it and I know God saved my life when I chose to drink myself to death, and my belief in God is solid.


Member: mike w
Location: okla
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 10:02:52

Comments


Member: Taylor W.
Location: Smyrna, Delaware
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 11:17:02

Comments

Hello, my name is Taylor, and I am a 19 year old alcoholic. This is my first time here and I am very appreciative of this site and for all of the wonderful people who made this possible


Member: Gloria J.
Location: Florida
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 12:14:19

Comments

Hi, thanks for the great shares! I'm Gloria, alcoholic. I had a spiritual awakening on 10/18/91, the day I took my last drink. I had been trying with & without AA to stop drinking for 9 years. I just could not or would not stop. I had decided that death was my best and last option. one minute I was drinking & plotting my suicide, the next I was on my knees thanking God for my life. I know that was divine intervention. I went back to my AA family that day & havent had a drink since.


Member: Tim W.
Location: Washington
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 13:05:41

Comments

This is just a test


Member: Patt
Location: Oregon
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 13:16:33

Comments

Good morning, all. Patt, grateful, recovering alcoholic in remission today by the grace of God.

My spiritual awakening is ongoing today. Gratitude for all my blessings brings humility to me. When I think of where I came from, drunk at home on my couch, trying to MAKE my life work with the power of my keen intellectual mind (sodden with liquor, for heaven's sake)I am overwhelmed with the goodness of God. God is as close as my next breath, he is what runs the show for me, all day, every day. I must remember that I can turn to him any time if I walk with him and follow his instructions. Fear can take me away from his path, but FAITH (Finding An Innocence That Heals) can bring me back. Trying (in my bumbling, human way) to keep him in my awareness, my inwardness, is my hope.

As someone shared so beautifully earlier, ACTION, ACTION, ACTION. I must Pass It On, trying to give back some of the blessings I have received in AA. And, yes, there are dreadful LIFE things that happen to us all--they've happened to me, too. My insurance policy with God Life and Indemnity needs to always be current.

Thanks for the topic, Matt, and thanks to those who've shared and will share. This site is terrific.

To any out there who are struggling today, please remember that we're here for you.

Thanks for letting me share. Trust God, clean house, help others. Patt


Member: Albuquerque John
Location: Scotland (today)
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 13:22:29

Comments

Love the topic! That's why I have stayed in this deal! See my problem before I got to AA was that I could not stay drunk. If I could have stayed drunk I would not be here! AA was way down on my list of destinations - in fact last on the list!

See I am a selfish self-centred person. I loved to drink. That's what performing alcoholics do, don't they - drink?! And I knew deep inside my head what was going on. But when I got here I had passed into the stage of insanity. Not to have drink around wasn't an option. The "fears" were too great without it. Boy, did booze control my fears - the only thing that could.

Eventually though there came a time when my body couldn't hold the stuff, but my head wanted it. That's why I come to AA and have done so since that day many years ago. See I am still selfish in the sense that I want to hold on to that moment! I call it my "moment of clarity" - the moment when I knew the gig was up. I also like to think that moment was my Spiritual Awakening!

The moment when I knew to drink was to die and I knew I could not drink any more. Let's face it, while I'm remembering my moment you are remembering yours. So I guess maybe all of you out there could maybe just be selfish also? You must be remembering your moment. I have only heard one other guy in AA relate in the same way to the moment of clarity - and he stated he wanted to hold on to his moment too.

And the rest - well a lady in CA - Jennifer I think - tells the rest i.e. Spritual Experiences of the Educational Variety contained within the 164 pages of the Big Book.

For me these didn't come by going to 90 meetings in 90 days or staying away from the first drink as I hear in many meetings today. These experiences came through my change in thinking and decision to accept the Programme of Recovery of the First One Hundred Men and Women of AA. They, the first 100, via my group and sponsor, gave me the description of an alcoholic. Before, everywhere I went people were trying to define me as an alcoholic. I have learned through many years in this Programme nobody can tell an alcoholic anything! He or she has to suffer the experience of finding the solution for him or herself. I accepted AA's description and then started to use the prescription set out in the Programme of Recovery. The message they gave me changed my attitudes, values and opinions as to what life is all about.

AA gave me a new life - I go back regularly to the place where I was found, thousands of miles from home in what seemed at the time to be a hopeless state of mind and body. I have to - that moment is very precious.

God bless all you alcoholics out there.


Member: JCP ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 14:28:29

Comments

J here, a grateful alcoholic:

My spiritual awakening may be the most dangerous thing ever to happen to my sobriety. It seemed a long time coming -- well into my second year without a drink.

I was driving home from work happily (for a big change) when I was cut off near a tunnel. I just waved at the bum. He got so flustered he almost wrecked us both. I'm sure it was a Wednesday because that night at my discussion meeting I announced my spiritual awakening, in words something like: "Used to all I did was DRINK; now all I do is DON'T DRINK!"

I did not quit going to meetings, but I did set about "to get a life." Although friends I most value now look tolerantly sympathetic if I say this, and I know I got down to one a week maybe, if I missed that one it became one meeting in two weeks, etc. But I "got active elsewhere," even went to graduate school, and still feel I punched my clock in A.A. But maybe I was just damn lucky I didn't get lucky?

In this same hindsight, my "spiritual awakening" begins to look like the biggest menace to my sobriety so far -- which climaxed at a supper party the night before a family marriage in NYC, as I sat there wanting a drink badly but not about to give those inlaws-to-be any such satisfaction.

Outside later it was chilly, bars aglitter. I had no idea where any meeting might be, but that night A.A. came to me in the glow of Columbus Avenue. It was all I needed. So far.

Don't take it from me, find out yourself, but what was wrong here was not that A.A. came close to "failing me"; it was that my "spiritual awakening" is only a HALF-STEP!

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the (not "a") result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs."

dixyflier@usa.net


Member: Louise B.
Location: Alaska
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 15:14:58

Comments

I'm Louise and I'm an alcoholic. Step 12 says "having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps..." and then the Big Book also says that we get a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of a spiritual program...hmmm. Currently on Step 7!!! Again!!! The steps have always worked when I work them.


Member: Krishna I.
Location: Bangalore, India
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 15:34:34

Comments

Hi! I am Krishna and I am an alcoholic.As I sat in a chapel after a long talk with my spiritual sponsor one night at 4am it was a different 4am. I was in His presence, it was a different peace He like swirling energy, nothing was spoken nothing heard but I KNEW that the obsession had gone for ever. It was light and airy. I was filled with energy for three years. Now in my 15th year of sobreity I wonder why the residual defects of anger and a sex need surface. Possibly to tell me I am human, imperfect, to do a more fulsome surrender. Life is ODAAT. Let me be like the oyster that weaves a pearl around the sand particle of a defect. God bless you all.


Member: Debba
Location: n.e.
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 16:34:37

Comments

For me, spiritual awakenings happn when I suddenly realize things are not turning out as badly as I thought they were going to ......and that the way they are turning out for the better has NOTHING to do with my sad attempt to plan and add direction! My first awakening was when I knew the "show was over", my superficial surface self (all I was at the time) was disintegrating and I couldn't patch it up quickly enough anymore and something said I didn't HAVE to drink anymore(the idea that I could choose Not to drink was in itself an awakening).....where that thought came from I call my Higher Power. Before that time I thought my will was the safest thing, that my will was the only thing looking out for my best interest...then my will didn't feel so safe but it felt safer than anything else, then death began sounding safe...escape...permanent escape from some temporary feeling. That spiritual awakening helped me see my problems as temorary. I came to believe in a Higher Power when I realized how many close calls I'd survived when drinking and thank HP I didn't kill anyone drunk driving. Spiritual awakenings don't seem to happen when I pray ..even when I pray for someone else. That first awakening helps me on days I need gratitude. I struggle with extreme dislike of myself - old anger turned inward - even after 2 very thorough fifth steps which seemed to empty me of outer rage. I hope for the spiritual awakening when I like myself...until then I stay where I am loved until I can love myself - AA Thank Dale C. for your words....it was not too many words! Lisa C., hope to hear your thoughts too. Thanks again - your time spent here has given me much to be grateful for.


Member: Tim W
Location: Washington State
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 16:35:32

Comments

Hi, my name is Tim and I am (or have finally realized) that I am an alcoholic.

I have been reading the comments about spiritual awakening and it is beautiful! The energy is dynamic and touches me deeply. I hope that I can experience the same joy as all of you have.

May God Bless All of You!

Tim


Member: Lori D   
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 16:49:10

Comments

I am Lori and I am an alcoholic, A spiritual awakening as a result of working the steps. You see, I was raised a catholic and I did believe in God but was equally sure that he was out to get me. I turned my back on God at the age of 12. I denied god and was a very angry person growing up. I saw no point in a god that was out to get you. I came to the AA program out of despairation. It was a matter of life and death as it is for many of us. I cannot say that I had a bolt of lightening or that I spoke to a burning bush at the top of a mountain, but I can say that through the halls of AA I learned that there was loving God that wanted only the best for me. I was 7 months sober befor I went to my first step meeting and I do wish I had gone sooner because as a result of working those steps, my life became easier. I had that spiritual awakening. It was like putting down a burden. I am now never alone with a problem. I have that higher power to turn to. I am most grateful for my daily reprieve from drinking and grateful for the awakening that has made it all possible


Member: ..
Location:
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 17:17:28

Comments

... :)


Member: BRIAN
Location: RAPID CITY S.D
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 17:57:02

Comments

HI I'M BRIAN,ALCOHOLIC,I'm a drunk who never made it to high school,couldn't hold down a job,couldn't make it a year without getting in trouble with law,was completly disjointed from my family by the shame inside me and absolutly had to take that drink and keep drinking until i was in a blackout.Now i am a homeowner for last five years,have held the same job for ten years,haven't had a serious run in the law inthe last nine years and am once again a member of my family, and have been sober and clean since nov. 9 1990,longer want that drink and nl longer NEED that drink.how does this happen??? must have been something in life that wasn't there before,must have been some Good. Orderly. Direction. thanx.....MATHEM@WEBTV.NET.


Member: Chuck s
Location: Attleboro, MA
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 18:05:10

Comments

I'm analcohoic and I'n Chuck. Just surfing around looking for various recovery forums.This one seems nice. On spiritual awakenings, I never was struck by a bolt of lightning, but by very many minor little jolts. Like the time when I was three weeks sober and on whim asked God for a good nights sleep. Lo and behold, prayer Does work. Whenever I hear people talk bout the same old things at meetings,and finally it clicks for me, that is a spiritual awqakening for me. Have a sober and productive week.


Member: Baraboo Dave
Location: Madison, Wi.
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 22:03:31

Comments

Howdy, Dave here a grateful recovering alcoholic. Matt, great suggestion for a topic. Michelle the one day at a time approach will give you the anweres for your grand-daughters educ needs. Of course presently millios of $ are in educ grants are laying about unused. Opportunity takes investigation. It'll work out. The mini bolts of lighting is a nice way to put it, kind of like "mini pearls of wisdom" by the gradual reknewing of our minds and hearts. The bombastic instant bolt of light is the similarity that some share and that some don't. Welcome to the newcomers we need you too. Peace Dave


Member: Bob J
Location: Sun City CA
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 22:05:05

Comments

I'm an alcoholic and drug addict ( sorta redundant.. huh ).My name is Bob.

If I've learned one thing in on this glorious and wonderful road to recovery, it's this:

1. There is a God.

2. I'm NOT him.

....luckily I learned this 13 yrs ago.

carpe diem.


Member: TM
Location:
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 23:07:14

Comments

HI all Im new to this group so im not sure my comments are ok.Im really having a hard time,Im about at the end of my rope.Im really ready to give up but I know that I have to keep going for my kids.


Member: tom o
Location: ma.
Date: 01 Aug 1999
Time: 23:52:22

Comments

dear tm, it is at this time that we surrender to god's good grace. i believe he placed this feeling of weakness within in order that we turn to him for his strength in our emotional weakness.we ask for his help followeed by the serenity prayer, and allow him to enter you being with a moment of silence. please make this your practice, as needed.god works through people and he is working through me right now! i know of the desparation, i've been there. this is the first time i have responded to anyone "online", next month i will have attained 34yrs. of sobriety , doing what comes naturly " asking for god's help,and it seems to be working! try it ,your twenty-four hours starts now!we are all with you!go for it!you'll like it.it's ther for the asking!


Member: stacy m
Location: st.louis
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 00:18:26

Comments

TM...HI, I wasn't going to add anything to this discussion tonight. This is actually my first time here. I came here for the same reason as you TM...In Alcoholics Anonymous I find hope when there seems to be none....Hang in there...keep coming back


Member: stacy m
Location: st.louis
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 00:18:36

Comments

TM...HI, I wasn't going to add anything to this discussion tonight. This is actually my first time here. I came here for the same reason as you TM...In Alcoholics Anonymous I find hope when there seems to be none....Hang in there...keep coming back


Member: Tim W.
Location: Washington State
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 00:26:29

Comments

Dear TM, I agree with Tom O. Put everything in God's hands and accept the gifts He will give you. Try to stay focused on what you can do, now, in the here-and-now. As the saying goes, "Take life one day at a time." My rule of thumb is . . . when things get really tough, take it one hour at a time. May God Bless you and bring you peace and acceptance.

Tim W.


Member: Eileen H.
Location: Queens, NY
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 01:13:25

Comments

Hi, I'm Eileen. Alcoholic, ex-drug addict. Matt, great subject matter.

TM - - If you're ready to "give up" due to alcohol and/or drugs go to a face to face meeting and say just that. You will be amazed at how many people will come to your aid!! That's what I did, and most likely, just about the rest of the people who shared here. On-line meetings DO NOT take the place of face to face (or f2f) meetings.

We, too, "felt like giving up". That's when we went to AA. Guess what? It's a new beginning. It gives us back the hope we used to have before drinking and drugging robbed it from us.

Michele, your granddaughter is 4 years old. No need to worry about college today, LOL. If she's an intellect and does well in school, she may just wind up with a full scholarship. My daughter is entering college this year. Some of her friends have earned full scholarships because they were "minorities". Ya never know. But, first things first. She'll need to attend kindergarten <smile>.

I came into AA in 1996, and after 9 months I realized that I was "cured". Went back to drinking with a small start. Inside of two years I had surpassed my previous drinking bouts. I was so physically ill this March I knew, without a doubt, that I drank alcoholiclly and would not be able to put an end to it without AA. I had been in such denial . . . I just DID NOT WANT TO BE an alcoholic. Guess there's no choice on that one. I was and that was that. Coming back after two years, having had exposure to AA for nine months before, gave me a better picture of the "big picture".

January, 1999 was the first time I was on AOL. I met a lot of people. One person I met, in Florida, was really friendly. We conversed for 3 months on line. He and I spoke daily and at one point he told me he was coming to NY. We made a plan to meet. He gave me a phone number to reach him when he reached Virgina as his computer would be in the trunk of his car. Well, I called him. He told me we couldn't speak too long 'cause he was getting ready to go to a meeting. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather!!! You say meeting to me . . . and all I can think of is AA. But this guy had never mentioned AA to me in the past 3 months . . . so I said "Oh. What kind of meeting?" And he said "Didn't I tell you? I'm in AA". Well. Small world? How does a young lady (me) meet a man in Florida (him) who has two years sober while I'm still plowing the drinks away to the tune of blacking out every night??? If he had told me in the beginning he was in AA I would have stopped talking to him. Well, we met. We liked each other. He had said "I don't preach AA. If you want to drink it's not going to bother me". So naturally, I kept drinking. Why not? Then I got called into personnel at work due to all my absences. I had missed work 11 times this year from 1/2/99 to 3/2/99. Not wanting to lose my job, I just knew I couldn't drink in the morning before work. !!! How would I do this !!! I couldn't function without that drink !!! Well, I didn't drink. I left for work. I got so ill on the train on the way to work, that I needed to beg for a seat. When my heartbeat was finally on track . . . I said to myself . . . as soon as I get to work . . . IF I get to work, I'm calling him and asking him to take me to a meeting. I made it to work, I immediately called my friend and told him what happened and we made plans to meet that night and GET ME TO A MEETING.

Now this, to me, is a spiritual happening. To meet someone on-line, that you've NEVER known before in your life, who lives in Florida, who also has a house in New York City . . . 10 minutes from my house . . . who FIRST went to a meeting in my old home group . . . who is the one I call to take me to my first AA meeting . . . THIS is a spiritual happening. The world may be small, but it's not THAT small <smile>.

That was a Wednesday. On Sunday, I wanted to go to a meeting at 7pm. But I also had to cook for my kids. One thing ran into another and I missed that meeting. But I thought "Oh. I can go to the 8:30, I forgot about that one". Well, I kept hemmin' and hawin' about it and finally JUST couldn't get that 8:30 out of my head. So, pouring rain and all, I grabbed my umbrella and RAN to that meeting. Guess who the speakers were. The same 2 women who had given me a ride home from the very last meeting I had attended before I had decided to "go back out for more research & development of my story"!!! Now THAT is a Spiritual Happening!! Here is a meeting I NEVER go to, that has not one but TWO speakers who are together on the same day at the same time speaking at a group they NEVER go to. And on top of it, the EXACT same two women who had given me a ride home from the last meeting I had spoken at!!! ME ... The Speaker!!! It's a small world, but not that small <smile>.

I became Secretary at my new Home Group this June. I filled out the paperwork to send in to InterGroup with the names and telephone numbers of the officers of our group. Two weeks later I received a phone call from InterGroup. There was a young lady, just out of rehab who wanted to speak to another lady in recovery. Would I call her? Her name was XYZ. Her number was xxx. Well. I can tell you I was ready to fall on the floor. This name and this number WAS MY OLD SPONSOR!!!! Is this not a Spiritual Happening???? Of all the women in AA, of all the women in New York City AA, of all the women who could have been called by InterGroup . . . ask yourself . . . WHY WAS IT ME?? who was called to call on my old sponsor??? Now New York City is a pretty big place and we have upteem groups. How small is the world that my number would be picked to call MY sponsor??

This is not fiction!! These things happened. And I believe that they happened because there is a plan in action TO KEEP ME SOBER!!! G.O.D. is something I always have trouble with. I cannot argue with the things that have happened though listed above. Providence? Coincidence? My friends, call it what you will. I call it Divine Intervention. I am sure that I made the correct decision when I decided to turn my will over to the care of AA as I understand it.

Phew. Sorry I got so wordy. But I just needed to share this with those who would understand what I'm saying. These things are what we call Godincidence.

Thanks for letting me share. Eileen at Eileenth@aol.com


Member: Bruce G.
Location: Memphis
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 01:43:22

Comments

The power was always there but the bulb never came on til I flipped the switch. Had to study a big book and listen to a bunch of drunks to start to see the light.

Bruce, alcoholic


Member: LeeAnn W
Location: Kansas
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 02:27:46

Comments

Thank you so much for the topic and to all who've shared. I think it's one of those God-Things that brought me here to read all the wonderful things here. God is there for the taking, but I know from experience that He backs off and lets me run the show when I fail to turn my day over to Him. Life is much better when I let go and let God. Bless you all! XXXOOO :)


Member: David M.
Location: Clovis, Ca.
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 03:27:11

Comments

Hi. I'm David and a recovered alcoholic as the result of working the first eleven steps in the Big Book of A.A. I believe, from a thorough fourth and fifth step, that God has been there with me the whole time whether I knew it or not. Whether I liked it or not. I'm not going to bore you with a play by play account of God working in my life. What I would like to do is highlight justa few. On may 9, 1993 at 11:30 a.m. I opened my third beer of the day and didn't drink it. I wasn't in a psychiatric ward for alcoholic in sanity. I wasn't in the emergency room getting patched up. I wasn't at the bottom of a canyon after driving off the road drunk. I hadn't thrown around my girlfriend. I wasn't in jail. I hadn't been an absolute butthead to any friends or family. I wasn't coming to in the bed with a prostitue, or any of the other tragic, disgusting, and shameful things I had been known to do while drinking or chasing a drink. No! I had a voice inside say "David you are done drinking." The voice then said "all those old, wet-brained, fat, non-drinking alcoholics that I met in the short year I spent around A.A. were right. You are going to find a meeting today. Get a sponsor today, and ask him to take you through those steps." I was in a meeting by noon. I had a sponsor by the end of the six o'clock meeting. A few months later aftre studying the first two steps in the Big Book, I spent a weekend working steps 3-8. A few weeks later I was wondering first how I was sober, and then realized that i had not even thought about drinking since that vital weekend at my sponsor's house. The thinking of drinking had simply been removed. A few months after that during a little eleventh step work, it had been revealed to me that since I was fourteen I had been dancing with the devil. All the way to the point of somewhere between steps 3-9. It also came clear to me that if I had to believe in a Power greater than myself to restore me to sanity, the their had to be an equally powerful Power greater than myself restoring me to insanity everytime I picked up that first drink. The last spiritual experience I would like to highlight is the one of watching a fellowship grow up around me. Sponsoring, and working intimately on the steps with another alcoholic and feeling God use me as an instument as we are both on our knees doing that seventh step prayer for the first time. Anybody that has experienced that knows the electrical feeling of which I speak of. To look around one day and realize there are 10 sober people in my house watching movies and having a good time and not worrying about drinking. With the knowledge that God had enough love, strength, and confidence in me to use me as an instrument of His Power, His Love, and His Way of Life. This is all in the Big Book of A.A., TM. Thank you for letting me share. E-mail at Gunnerm249@excite.com


Member: Dee
Location: Virginia
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 04:22:09

Comments

I can'teven remember my spiritual progrm and my life shows it. I have enough recovery to see where things are heading and I am afraid. How can I remember what I can't remember?


Member: Lionel.C
Location: Campbelltown.Australia
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 05:35:24

Comments

Hi my name is Lionel Im an Alcoholic And grateful to know that today and by the grace of God and the AA fellowship which to me is the 12 step program and you people in it sharing and caring I have'nt needed to take a drink today.And by God that is a spirituall awakening.Love and need you all in recovery.Sydney Australia.


Member: Geri W
Location: Va
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 05:57:41

Comments

Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. Thanks for being here.

Dee, I am sorry that you are hurting. The simple truth is that all you have to remember is that God is here. All you need to do is ask for His help. In my experience, the trick is to pray and then sit quietly and wait for the answers from Him. It doesn't have to be complicated, just "help me".

I guess that is a summary of my spiritual awakening. Learning and trusting that His will for me is better than anything I can dream up for myself.

Eileen, coincidences are a thing of the past for me. I look at that type of thing as God working through other people. I accept that now and don't question His wisdom in putting those people in my life.

TM and Stacey, welcome to the discussion. An't it grand to be sober?


Member: Kit B.
Location: The Heartland
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 10:46:40

Comments

My name is Kit and I am an alcoholic. I have experienced several spiritual experiences in my life. I have been around AA for 15 years which include some slips. I have learned alot from my relapses. I have my Higher Power that has pulled me from the depths of hell. However, I have learned that the Higher Power helps those that help themselves. I have to do my part, which to me means aligning my self will with the Divine Will, to stay sober. AA can't do it all. I have to have discipline to say no to that first drink. I have been on pink clouds, I have relied on AA solely as my Higher Power. I feel I have tried every which way. Now I feel much more realistic about my alcoholism and recovery. I have a role with proper use of my will, my Higher Power has the ULTIMATE role, AA has a role and all these roles should be acted out ONE DAY AT A TIME. I just wish I had access to an AA meeting that is closed to alcoholics only. The meetings where I live allow everybody to come. I just feel conflicted with Al-Anons, OAs, NAs there at AA meetings. That is why I sought this site out. Thanks for listening. Always remember- Knock and the door shall open. Just remember to knock.


Member: Marilyn T
Location: So Cal
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 11:16:50

Comments

Hi my name is Marilyn and i'm an alcoholic i'm new to this so if anyone can help me out i would be thankful (amantieM@aol.com) thnx


Member: Dave H
Location: OTF
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 11:22:45

Comments

Hi, I'm Dave and I'm an alcoholic My spiritual awakening happened through my surrender. It took me about a year and a half to sober up after my last drink. It seems I spent that time looking for answers to questions that didn't exist. I was on an emotional rollercoaster and spent way too much time in my own head analyzing everything. There are many analagies but it finally made sense to me that I was "struggling for serenity". I try not to do that any longer.

Good topic Matt.

That's all I've got, Thanks.


Member: Patrick H
Location: Ireland
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 12:46:37

Comments

Hi. My name is Patrick and I need help. I find it very difficult to say that I am an alcoholic, but I am. I was lost in the world until I read a book called "Serenity. A 12 step guide to recovery". It has changed the way I feel about everything. I want to sort these problems out but I feel threatened by sharing my feelings to a group of people. In a town like mine there is no such thing as a stranger. I need to find out what it takes to make the change. Please help if you can.


Member: Jim M
Location: Ireland
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 13:38:34

Comments

Well, this was piece of luck. I found this site by pure accident. Does this qualify as serendipity? I've put a bookmark on it, as I find each of the messages uplifting and worth reading in its own way. I wasn't going to join in as I thought it was just an American thing, and then I saw an Aussie and even Patrick from my own country! Patrick, I know it's difficult in a small society to brave your friends and neighbours by going to a meeting in a town or village where there are no secrets, and I suggest you look up the red book and visit a meeting in another town until you get some confidence. When you do go to a local meeting, I guarantee you will be astonished by the faces you see there. If I can help, mail me at luckyjim@tinet.ie My own "spiritual awakening" is still something of a mystery to me, but I'm 3 years sober, and something must have happened, because I was a lost cause. Thank you all, and God Bless Jim.


Member: Jorge R.
Location: Costa Rica
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 14:56:29

Comments

Hi, I am Jorge. Is my first meeting in this Cyber AA Group, and I am very pleased to share with all of you. All the comments are very interesting. The theme "awakenings" sometimes are not well understood by the Newcomers, because they probably want to hear about all the things that Mr. Alcohol made in the life of someone like Me. I have to say that my obsesion to drink was so terrible that I can say that I know the bottom of the hell. However, GOD removed obsession from my mind in a perfect manner as a result of the practice of the 12 steps. (I forgot to say that I was agnostic). AA members told me in the meetings: better days are coming up! I kept in the meetings night by night, I did not leave AA without learn all that you told about the program. And six years later I still here ! Second step is clear : only in an AA meeting (face to face) We can get at the end of session a lot of sanity. Newcomers: Do not substitute face to face meetings, in my case that's the way I saved my life.I had my "spiritual awakening" in a slowly manner, not suddenly as others. Certainly, the only fact that I am Sober, in my case is a miracle. The first step, I think, is the only step that we can practice in a perfect way. The remaining eleven steps will show me the AA way of life, The rest of my life I will be trying to practice day by day. Today I know that I have to, If not my life will be a disaster. I think that spiritual awakening, is a direct result of practice this principles (12th step) After that process, I can say: I will never drink again, it doesn't matters what happens, thanks GOD. Keep in touch,

Jorge R. Costa Rica, Central America


Member: Muneer
Location:
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 15:07:27

Comments

The discussion has been enlightening


Member: Muneer
Location:
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 15:08:27

Comments

The discussion has been enlightening


Member: Bonnie Z.
Location: PA, USA
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 15:48:05

Comments

Thanks so much to all of you for sharing. My first awakening, although I didn't realize it at the time, was when I tried to walk straight down the street(I was drunk), hoping no one would notice. I looked up and said, "I have to do something about this." Ten years + later, I'm still sober. I used to ask God what he could do for me, now I ask what I can do for him. Used to look at things from a religious point of view, now it's the spiritual side. It gets more amazing everyday, and my spirituality is growing stronger. To me, religion is found in a house of God, spirituality is found inside you. The Creator blesses us all. Keep coming back, my email is JTBSFRIEND@AOL.COM


Member: George W
Location: Tampa ,Fl;.
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 16:14:25

Comments

A very good meeting. It is the first opne but not the last as I will be back soon,


Member: robert j.
Location: sunporch ne.
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 16:40:59

Comments

My name is robert I am an alcoholic,my spiritual awakening began Jan. 28th 1991,that's the date I entered AA...confused,scared,and full of self pity,people would share some heart breaking,gut wrenching stories and then go on to talk of a solution to there problems,a solution that they had found by going to meetings,reading our BB,and working the steps...my spiritual awakening continues each day that I don't take a drink,if your new get to a real live AA meeting and get honest,thanks for helpin me stay sober.


Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 16:42:11

Comments

Larry, alcoholic

JENNIFER E told my story. My first spirtual experience was surrendering to my alcoholism - that's when I started going to AA. A few weeks later the compulsion to drink was lifted...I can still remember the exact moment I realized I didn't have to drink anymore. Fast forward a few years when I finally stopped struggling with the higher power concept and realized my HP had been with me all along. I had another experience after my 5th Step - over the next few months I realized that all the demons that had been haunting me throughout my life -terrible memories of shame, guilt, rage, etc. - were gone, never to return. I had another experience shortly after my 5th Step, a mini-lighting bolt, when the full weight of my character defects became suddenly apparent to me. I realized how much they were imprisoning me and I was able to let go of them and take my 6th/7th Steps. I continue to have spiritual experiences as I reestablish healthy relationships with others through working my 9th Step. I also get a lot out of meditation and 12th Step work. Little miracles and "coincidences" happen to me all the time now. I no longer am surprised by them, in fact I've come to expect them. This faith has given me freedom from a lot of my fears.

TM: When you've reached the end of your rope...let go! That's not the smart-ass crack it might seem to be. We cannot fight our diseases and compulsions; we always lose. When we stop fighting them by letting go, or surrendering if you will, we begin the process of having them them removed. Good luck.

Thanks for letting me share.

Peace & Serenity


Member: JCP  ^/^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 18:03:00

Comments

Jim of Ireland:

This number might help.

I've never been to Ireland (my loss) but I suspect you will find that Anonymous means the same there -- so give it a chance.

In my case, everybody who knew me at all, knew I drank anyhow.

Hang in there. dixyflier@usa.net

On this page: the number for main Ireland is the bottom line, which might save a second or two.

http://members.aol.com/aamolly/contact.html


Member: Betty S.
Location: NY
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 18:19:59

Comments

Hi, I'm Betty, an alcoholic. God, however you understand Him/Her has a direct line to each of us. I believe God can use me each day that I am willing. Just ask "how can I be helpful in this situation" & wait to see what the answer is (it is never what I imagined) and then ask for help to do the Divine Will. The results add up to a new spiritual awakening each & every day. Blessings, B.


Member: Mike T
Location:
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 18:26:57

Comments

Hi I am Mike! I am taking a graduate class on group therapy. We have been assigned to visit an online group to see what they are all about.


Member: "Yawn"
Location: Auburn, CA
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 18:35:52

Comments

My name is "Yawn" and I'm an alcoholic.

My spiritual awakening is pretty much like something out of 'Sightenings' or 'Unsolved Mysteries'. No joke. But I think what is really important is for many of us to understand is the drastic changes which will follow after doing the major action steps (5 & 9). For me, my Higher Power demonstrated his power to me within seconds after completion of my 5th step. Just thinking about what I witnessed brings the hair on the back of my neck straight up. It was just simply wild. Because of this, and many other "odd" instances, my life has changed forever.

Thank you AA and thank you God for always being there for me, especially during my darkest days. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.


Member: aa
Location:
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 18:37:06

Comments

Mike, you are welcome, but remember, who you see here what you hear here when you leave here let it stay here Please respect our anonymity, we are not "the zoo"


Member: Ann S.
Location: Silicon Valley
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 18:40:31

Comments

Hi. I'm Ann and I am an alcoholic. Great topic! I can't count the spiritual awakenings that I have had over the years, both sudden, and of the educational variety. The one that has had the most profound effect occurred at my first meeting, and I didn't realize it until much later. At that meeting I was granted the gift of wanting to stay sober. I drank that night, ane returned the next day. And by God's grace I haven't had a drink since. And I have never lost the desire to stay here! I really believe that we are granted spiritual experiences as long as we keep going to meetings, interacting with others, working the steps, and generally doing all of the things that we were taught in the beginning. I just happened upon this site when I was researching meetings in Alaska for a friend. I will be coming back!


Member: Bob St.Clair
Location: El Cajon, Ca.
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 19:05:36

Comments

Excellent topic and discussion all the way around. I certainly relate to a few folks. Chapter 3 tells us we had to concede to our innermost selves that we are alcoholics. That in itself was indeed a spiritual awakening for me. Everyone else already knew it. But when the total surrender came on my part, something changed, and then I knew for a fact I had to do something different, but I just had no clue. I just kept coming back to spite you because you told me you will love until I could love myself. Well, not being a happy camper, and surely not holding myself in high regard, you people had smiles and giving each other warm embraces, and that was something I so desperately wanted, but I was full of fear,guilt, and remorse, and I truly did not know how to get what you had. aaaanother spiritual experience was when I found out I no longer had to be anyone's doormat. Instead, I can still work with another alcoholic in a wide variety of issues that Together with my sponsor, walked through a tremendous amount of fear and rage. At five years sober and having the opportunity to go back to Chicago and make amends to my family, the experiences that were spiritual in nature were tremendous. The last thing my sister told me before I left her house was what ever you are doing in A.A. Bobby, keep it up because you sure are a lo different than you were. That hit me like a ton of bricks, and I can attribute that to A.A. and God as I understand him. That was truly a spiritual experience, for as of now, we still in communication with each other. Spiritual experiences in this fellowship are indeed great in number, and all we have to do is not pick up that first drink, go to meetings, call our sponsor, and work the steps. It is only after we do these things that we are allowed a spiritual awakening the 12th step talks about.And it all begins with willingness to do something different.I love you all, and I sincerely hope to meet some of you as we trudge this road of happy destiny. May God bless and keep you until then. Bob St.Clair


Member: Ella
Location: Florida
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 20:44:21

Comments

Hi- I'm Ella and I'm an alcoholic. I felt my first spiritual awakening the night I had my last drink. I was drinking and it just was'nt making me feel good. I was feeling worse and worse and I knew there was nothing else I could do to take the pain away. I was so depressed that I wanted to die and I screamed out "Help me I want to die!" I really made a scene and I was crying. I don't remember some parts but do remember resigning totally. I was manipulating my body so much up until then. What I thought was the end became the beginning. I then let go and instead of disaster I felt relief. I finally saw myself for what I really was. I was an alcoholic and in need of real help. It was the beginning of my recovery right then. I totally surrendered and I suddenly felt light. The monkey on my back was now off and standing in front of me. It was so much easier to admit my problem then to hide it. I truly feel that it was God who helped me that night. I've never felt such a thing before. It was definetely a spiritual experience that has changed me forever. It seems so strange that when you give up the control you benefit but it really does happen.

The buddists who speak about the experience of Zen say to "let go of all of your previous imaginings,opinions,interpretations,worldly knowledge... your mind is clean and naked and you are open to realization."

It's now my way of life to be open to spiritual awakenings. I feel much more in touch with my true self. I'm not always perfect and I forget that resource is there. I strive though to be more open and not hide from myself and my HP.

Take care everyone. Love to you all.


Member: neal d.               
Location:
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 20:48:13

Comments


Member: neal               
Location: Hawaii
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 20:59:17

Comments

Aloha I'm Neal and I'm an alcoholic. this is a great meeting, and I am also a first time sharer on line. When I first went to the face to face meetings members always suggested to me that if I wanted to share in the promises of the program that i should get a sponsor, read the big book of A.A. and the 12 X 12, go to meetings and not drink between meetings. Mahalo & aloha Neal


Member: Cindy
Location: N.H.
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 21:23:35

Comments

Great topic.My first spiritual awakening was the day I got sober. I was at the end of my rope ,in tears and fighting with my parents.The phone rang and it was someone I partied with 8 months earlier.I answered the phone and he knew I was crying and asked to meet me. I left and went to meet him.He wasn't there but had arranged i to have someone in the program be there. I've been sober since.That was 7 years ago.When I did my fifth step with my sponsor andlet go of all the garbage ,I had that "lightening bolt".Icame home a different person.The more work I put ito the steps the more spiritual I become and the better I feel.So let go and turn it over. It gets better and easier everyday! Thanks for letting me share.This is my first time onlne. Cindy


Member: JW
Location: Nashville Tn
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 21:45:22

Comments

Hi I'm JW an alcoholic. My spiritual ex. came in the bathroom of my home when I was about 4 months sober. I decided I couldn't do as ya'll were doing and decided to end it. I was screaming at God for not loving me as he did ya'll and not caring. (on a real self pity trip) I had every intention of killing myself. (then ya'll and my family would be sorry). To make a long story short God came into my life when I found out I didn't even have the courage to take my own life. Then and there I decided to turn my will and my life over to God. By the grace of God I will have 14 yrs this Aug 16 and my life has gotten better one day at a time. May God Bless all our AA Brothers and Sisters. I love ya'll Thanks for being here for me JW


Member: Terrie E.
Location: Alabama
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 22:16:35

Comments

I'm Terrie and I'm an alcoholic. My first spiritual experience was that moment of clarity when I realized I couldn't quit drink alone. I hit my knees and begged God for help. I was willing to go to any lengths. As time in the program has gone on, the spiritual experiences kept coming. I've seen other people come into the program and stay sober. I've seen the miracles. I've been through difficulties and was able to believe that, whatever happened, things would be okay. I've been able to keep going, no matter how fearful I was, because I was able to believe God was with me. (Okay, sometimes, I could only believe that other people believed.) It seems that even when people have a lightning bolt experience, there are other, subtler but deeper, experiences.

I'm a first time sharer in this meeting. I've been very grateful to find AA on the web.


Member: Susan CR
Location: Florida
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 22:18:38

Comments

Hi! I'm Susan and I am an alcoholic. I have totally enjoyed reading the comments tonight. I have vistied here before, but was unable to get posted. Spiritual awakenings is a greaat topic and I believe that I have spiritual awakenings on almost a daily basis. I definitely had one upon entering AA when I first realized that I really had a problem and alcoholism was a real disease for me. It explained a lot of the problems I was experiencing and some of which I continue to experience today. The difference is that I know that i have a Higher Power and he is there for me no matter what happens--a many things have happened along the path. Today I don't walk that path alone---even though sometimes I digress and feel that I am alone. "Feelings are just feelings" my sponsor used to tell me all the time and I never understood what she was talking about until one day (spiritual awakening?) I realized that I didn't have to live by my feelings and I certainly didn't have to act upon them and drink everytime I didn't like the way things were going in my life--to escape. Thanx to all who shared for helping me thru another 24 hours. I hope this goes thru tonite.


Member: Ehsan, M
Location: Pakistan
Date: 02 Aug 1999
Time: 23:58:23

Comments

Hi. I am an alcoholic who came out of a treatment centre. I live in Pakistan and to my knowledge there is no AA Group or meeting in Pakistan. Can anybody help me what to do? Should I use the internet for meetings and what are the recommended sites? How do I go looking for a temporary sponsor? Sorry to digress a little but I believe help would be a spiritual experience.


Member: Tacey C.
Location: Arizona
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 00:32:58

Comments

Hi. My name is Tacey and I'm an alcoholic. Man, what an awesome meeting this has been. And, it's only Monday!! I always love it when we get to share about our spiritual lives. I came into the program, the last time, on Oct. 26, 1982 and I had been around for years (about 7) and I didn't think the program would work for me. I couldn't say the word "God", it would get stuck in my throat. Kind of like some of us when we say we're "alcoholic." I received my first few glimpses of God's presence in my life during the first few months when I had been following my sponsor's directions of reading the Big Book and 12x12 each day, calling her each day, going to meetings each day, and praying each morning and evening. They came in the way of feelings. That feeling that "everything is going to be okay." I knew it was new and the only other time I had ever felt that was when I was drinking or using.

The last spiritual experience I had was today. I have been separated for almost a year from my husband. I got a phone call this morning and my husband asked me if he could bring me lunch at work. He did and after we ate he told me that he wanted to get sober, again. He had 13 years in September of last year and drank shortly afterwards. I don't know if he will or not. It's none of my business. What I do know is that God made it possible for me to be there for this man today. And, with no ulterior motives, I was able to hug him and tell him that I hoped he made a meeting soon.

Through the years, I have had to work at maintaining a spiritual condition. If I rest on my laurels for any period of time, I am in trouble. The results are always the same--restless, irritable, and discontented-- and I am living, once more, with untreated alcoholism. I chose to pray and meditate and journal this morning. I plan to pray before I go to sleep and do a quick 10th step. I hope that I will awaken tomorrow and do it all over. Just simple things that take very little time. But, the rewards are unbelievable. Thanks for listening. Have a great week.


Member: Doyne S
Location: VA
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 01:42:01

Comments

Im Doyne, I am an Alcoholic. After two and a half years without a drink, I find myself at a new level of soberity. I go through the big book and circle the word think and must and should. All the words and the directions I must follow to help me change my thinking. Its not about my drinking anymore. It's how I respond differently to the same people, places, or things that I belived I should drink over. I was living in a world where alcohol was the cure to all my problems. This is one of my spiritual awakenings. I can see past the end of my nose now. When some person, place or thing offends me, I pray and forgive instead of "throwing a bigger rock". Not taking a drink just for today and tryig my best to live just for today is a challenge. I can not do it myself. Through the help of my higher power and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have not had a drink today. I have a life I never dreamed of and better then if I had planned it myself. Thank you all.


Member: James Lupp
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 01:48:10

Comments

Hi, I'm James and I'm a garden variety drunk. Ehsan, M Tempory sponsors are for tempory sobriety I take it. E-mail anniel@ocinet.net On this thing(puters), we're just around the corner. But more importantly, there's plenty of drunks right in your town to work with. E-mail and I'll tell you what I did when I moved to a community where there was no AA group established. Mike, you want to study group therapy, read Yolum. You want to experience recovery, go to a meeting of AA. There's a book called Alcoholics Anonymous you might give it a read to help understand.

My sponsor explained to me that to get a better picture of spiritual to listen to the stories. It's like sitting around a bon fire with people all around it and as each member describes their view from their particular angle, the overalll group description gives each person in the circle a better understanding of the fire than what they see from where they sit. It all adds up. It's all spiritual, all I had to do was wake up.

In the fellowship of the Spirit,. James L.


Member: TRAVIS .A
Location: mfd. oregon
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 02:00:31

Comments

my name is travis and iam an alcoholic. by the grace of god i am sober today. thats one more day i get to spend with my kids. i relapsed last week tommorw i get to spend three days in jail but thats ok i am alive and sober to me that is sprituial


Member: TRAVIS .A
Location: mfd. oregon
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 02:00:56

Comments

my name is travis and iam an alcoholic. by the grace of god i am sober today. thats one more day i get to spend with my kids. i relapsed last week tommorw i get to spend three days in jail but thats ok i am alive and sober to me that is sprituial


Member: Dianne R.
Location: Maryland
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 02:09:04

Comments

Hi everyone! Dianne, grateful recovering alcoholic. This is the first time on the "Discussion" site, although I have been sharing on "The Coffee Pot." I hope to make this meeting site a priority in my week. However, I am going out West on Saturday and will be gone for a week. I probably won't be able to share anymore this week because I am so busy getting ready for my trip.

Spirituality: This is my favorite subject. I kept relapsing, and one of the reasons was that I did not have a grasp of the spiritual part of this program. I was confusing religion with spirituality. I finally went to treatment at a facility on the beautiful Chesapeake Bay, and between the beauty of the natural world, the communion with all of my friends in treatment, and the wonderful ministering of a very spiritual priest, I finally felt in my heart the tug of spirituality. It was not an earth-shaking event; rather, it was a warm feeling that enveloped me. My attitude and my thinking patterns changed. I found myself focusing on the beauty of life and the A.A. program. Today, spirituality lives in me naturally -- it is always there. I heard a great A.A. speaker say something that I will never forget: "Religion is manmade; it tears mankind apart. Spirituality is God-given; it teaches the world to live." That quote says it all for me. Loving my fellow human; my bonded relationship with my husband and children, and their love and support; the feeling that I get when I walk into an A.A. meeting; the mysteries of the natural world -- I could go on and on. I think that I have gained such a sense of spirituality that all of life, whatever I do that is good and loving and aware brings out my spirituality. I have had a couple events recently where I was very nervous and when I turned it over to my Higher Power, I felt a rush go through me -- really like the high I used to get when I first started taking drugs/alcohol. But with this rush, there were no guilt feelings of doing something wrong. This rush only strengtened me and gave me hope and joy. Without the spirituality of this program, I would probably be back out there, relapsing over and over. Actually, the whole of this program is what I have to thank for my life today. When I finally learned how to turn my life over to my Higher Power, and to work this program with "full measures" instead of "half measures, and to make my sobriety the cornerstone of my life -- that is when my whole life changed. And something else that has made my life change is that my husband is a faithful member of Al-Anon and is working the steps and the program; that has added so much to both of our lives.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: jack b.
Location: Cumbola Pa.
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 05:35:27

Comments

Hi I Jack, I am a real alcoholic. I believe that the spiritual awakening for this Alcoholic was when the obsession to drink was lifted.It was when I honestly spoke fro the heart and asked God for help.Miraculously the obsession to drink was lifted. This miracle which has affected all of us in the wonderful fellowship of AA is truly an undeserved and unwarranted blessing.

I have experienced many spititual awakenings through the 12 step program of AA.This fellowship in my opinion is a direct gift from God.If my life does not work out from this moment on, I have been blessed, I am truly grateful for this fellowship and the wonderful life it has given me.

Through the amazing Grace of God, I have not found it necessary to pick up a drind since November 23, 1987 and that is an absolute Miracle.


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 08:02:45

Comments

hi,tony,alcoholic...with all of the changes that have happened in my life,i can't not believe in God.something very powerful came into me.today i have a willingness,and this transpires into a comfortable state,even when things are not to my liking.i have felt the power of a outside source,its incredable and i know it's God doing for me what i could not do for myself.sometime these feelings are very strong and unmistakable,i thank you and the people of aa who help me tune in to this spiritual program.


Member: Barbara
Location: CT
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 11:40:12

Comments

Hello my name is Barbara and I'm an alcoholic. My heart goes out to those who feel so isolated. The fellowship of AA saved me from despair. Through AA I began to consider God. I thought about what the slogans and steps could possibly mean.How do you "Let Go and Let God"? and what does it mean to "turn over your will?" As sobriety brings physical safety and relief from remorse,regret,angers and fears-as serenity actually become an identifiable phenomenon-then we can experience gratitude to Gad. Then living in the moment is good. I read the little black book Twenty Four Hours a Day each morning as well as a daily meditation from a similar Hazelden book. Today I experienced contentment. It felt good. This is a spiritual awakening. Thanks for letting me share. Keep coming back.


Member: Linda
Location:
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 13:40:16

Comments

Hi: I'm Linda, a grateful recovering alcoholic. During my first 14 years in this program, I thought I had a spiritual awakening; I truly knew God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. Having relapsed in the 15th year of sobriety and having to re-evaluate and re-think my past 20 year, I was hit between the eyes with a realization that I had never truly admitted to myself before....I have an illness called Alcoholism and I flat cannot safely drink. I have no shame, but a deeper understanding of the devastation it can cause and a promise of the beautiful recovery that is available. This was my true awakening like I never felt it before. Thanks. It's good to be "here" with all of you.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Colorado
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 13:50:38

Comments

Spiritual Awakening. I have had moments in the sunlight of the spirit, but right now I am confused. I have asked numerous sponsors about a situation I'm going through and have pretty much gotten the same advice, across the board. I've done 4th steps, 5 steps, and tried 9th steps etc. about my situation. I've listened to their advice, and acted on it. However, by acting, what I feel inside tends to conflict with what I've been told. Quite frankly, I'm miserable. I do not like feeling this way. I have to take responsibility for my actions, and that is just a fact. I know my choices. I have prayed endlessly about my circumstance, but have gotten no words other than, "its not going away." What the heck is that? I made a choice to act on their advice, because the way I had been doing things was leaving me in limbo, and got to the point it was breaking my heart. I couldn't continue the way I was doing things, because it got too hard to handle, but now, I am still miserable. I was honest with my sponsors, I prayed, I've done it all, and I am not happy. Are there circumstances in life that are losses no matter what direction you take? Will time cure my heart ache? Can someone out there give me a hint? I thought that by following my sponsor's direction, doing the steps, and praying to God, that things always got better? They have for me in the past. Am I just being impatient, and pressing for good feelings before their time, or is there something else I need to do? Did something change and I missed it? Isn't a spiritual awakening supposed to be the result of doing the program? I have been told that God puts people and situations in your life for a reason. I hope some of you can see something I cannot. I wish I had my AA act together and could offer other people my experience, strength, and hope, but right now, I don't have it to give.

God bless you all.


Member: Lisa C.
Location: Ventura County,CA>
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 14:26:54

Comments

Hi,this Lisa and I'm an alcoholic-

Great topic matt-Spiritual Awakening-makes me feel grateful one more time. It brings me to a place where I know its possible to stay sober even in the tough times. My first spiritual experience was when I suddenly knew I could'nt drink/use to help me through the death of my mother. I knew if I used/drank it would only prolong the enevitable-I would have to feel the pain at some point. Whether it be now or later or later could even mean death for me. Whatever-I did suddenly have that spiritual awakening and I asked God to help me get through the tremendous hurt in my heart. It worked-I had wonderful AA friends to help me through and to get me to the meetings-EVERY NIGHT! Eventually the pain got better-Isn't it a miracle?! This program does work-give it a chance!

I also had a very grateful experience this past Sunday-My 13 year old boy had a extremely bad head injury. I am so grateful that his memory has returned and he now knows who he is. Wow-God really had to help me from panicing when he hit those rocks so hard as he flew up the shore while wakeboarding. He now has a couple sets of staples in his head, but no permanent brain damage. He also severly broke his arm, sliced his other hand and arm WIDE open. Now he walks and has one very large cast and other arm all wrapped up in gauze. Thank you God for allowing me to have him here with me today!! Someone once told me-"Our children are only loaned to us by God". Sure hits home. I was a wreck-but never thought of drinking or using! I guess I had another kind of awakening.

I was reading other shares and Deb, your right by having others love you until you can fully love yourself. Your doing well. Isn't it a wonderful thing-Go to a meeting and get all the help we need to be on the outside helping us cope in our everyday lives. Thank You AA, God and all of you for reading and allowing me to share. Deb, if you want you may E-mail me at CallenC@gte.net


Member: Tom M
Location: Homosassa, Florida
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 14:58:12

Comments

Hi Tom M from Sunny Florida. I guess it took me comming in and out of various groups before I had any kind of spiritaul awakeing. I have been sober eight years six months and eight days and 12 hours. The fact I have been sober this long is a spiritaul awakening in it self. All I know is it works one day at a time. The spiritaul part is in the people you meet, and you know they care. So I just keep comming back. Sometimes I give, but mostly I receive thanks to you all.


Member: Tom M
Location: Homosassa, Florida
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 14:58:51

Comments

Hi Tom M from Sunny Florida. I guess it took me comming in and out of various groups before I had any kind of spiritaul awakeing. I have been sober eight years six months and eight days and 12 hours. The fact I have been sober this long is a spiritaul awakening in it self. All I know is it works one day at a time. The spiritaul part is in the people you meet, and you know they care. So I just keep comming back. Sometimes I give, but mostly I receive thanks to you all.


Member: Julia L
Location: Scotland
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 15:09:32

Comments

Hi, Julia recovering alcoholic.

To Chris H - the clue in your posting is "numerous sponsors". Some time ago I was given a piece of advice - that I should take a problem only to my sponsor, her sponsor or her sponsor's sponsor. Ten different people will give ten different opinions, each of which may work for that particular individual, but may not necessarily work for me. I have to be in close contact with someone who KNOWS ALL MY DEFECTS OF CHARACTER so that the advice - not command - given is based on who I am.

I have to do Step 3 on a daily basis before I can do anything else - hand my will and my life over to a God of my understanding and accept that what is given to me to deal with in the day is meant to be. Without that foundation I cannot be free to look at what part of self is affected in Step 4, freely admit in Step 5 or have any hope of KNOWING who should be on the list of people I have harmed.

What came to me as a Spiritual Experience of the educational variety, as a result of making the Programme of Recovery the basis of my life, is that the person I had harmed the most and to whom I had to make amends by self forgiveness was MYSELF.

In Step 3 I had to learn to let go of people, places and things that had been the part of my life that I had ALLOWED to harm me - if I hang on to pain I am still harming myself.

The areas which were most painful to let go of, because I really thought I had control over them, were employment, money and the opposite sex. In my self centredness I truly thought that I was making real judgements and decisions in these areas. Only by fully letting go can I see that I have no more control over these areas than whether the sun comes up tomorrow.

However, what I do know from reading the promises and experiencing them in my life is that the fears will go. Whatever it is that I'm hanging on to for fear of being less than, or not good enough, or not living up to MY expections, let alone those of anyone else, is just so much unnecessary baggage. In order to have the Spiritual Awakening and walk upright and free I have to let go of the past - not forget it, but learn from it. The past cannot be undone, but it cannot be allowed to overshadow today and the priority for today is to grow and make progress - just forget about perfection!

Some time member of the Isleta Group, Albuquerque. Keep coming back - it works if I work it!


Member: Debbie C
Location: Colorado
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 15:14:53

Comments

I have not posted on this system for a while, but felt compelled to do so after reading Chris H's comments....

This program is clear in it's teachings and one of those most important lessons comes in Step 3. The step does not read "turn our will and lives over to the care of our sponsors" It clearly states "turn our will and lives over to the care of God."

God lives within us as individuals and this program not only teaches us to trust God but to eventually trust ourselves as well. It is called being responsible for oneself. I have been told often by many fellow AAs that pain is a sign that I need to change or do something different! Grinning and bearing it is not a good solution. After all, we spent quite a bit of time during our drinking years grinning and bearing it and it got us nowhere until we walked into these doors and "DID SOMETHING DIFFERENT." I think we call that insanity (Step 2), "doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result." Isn't it odd, however, that whatever it is that is nagging at us always seems comes back in some form or another. And actually it never goes away until we go through it. Again trusting ourselves and God.

My spirtual awakenings have come many times in different forms. One of the most valuable awakenings for me was to "love" myself enough to trust that God loved me and would never let me walk alone as long as I remained willing and open to try! He has led me through the some of the darkest moments in my life and there have been many.

So Chris H. I wish you luck on your journey and will leave you with some very wise words from my sponsor......."You must do the footwork in order to prosper and that comes from within. God will not do it for you, but He most assuredly will be with you all of the way."

This has been another spiritual awakening for me as I am reminded that my will and life are much better managed if they remain in God's hands not my sponsor's or other people's....


Member: Donna M.
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 15:55:18

Comments

Hi, I'm Donna a grateful alcoholic. I get goosebumps when I see the kind of God incidence that brings Jim and Patrick together. Chris, I found out at nine years sober, that I was crazier than I had ever been. My heart was broken and I was full of rage. For a long time I had no peace, but I kept working the steps, going to meetings, talking, taking what action I could, it was a long road but I didn't have to drink or use. That is a miracle. And one day I woke up and realized it was over and the healing had begun. That is a miracle. My first miracle I'm aware of is when I walked into an ALAnon meeting in June, 1980 and they took me immediately to an AA meeting. Now I wasn't there to fix me, I was there to fix them. My God brings me in any way he can. I have often been amazed at who I find in AA meetings, sometimes, people I've worked with for years. Don't be afraid Patrick. As for the gentleman in Pakistan, try contacting GSO in New York, they have records of groups all over the world, and I don't think there is a country without AA. God bless you all. You bring me daily spiritual awakenings as I see the miracles this program causes. I was so miserable when I first got sober and I kept hearing this one man say how everything in his life just got gooder and gooder and I thought God must really hate me, then someone with 20 years said they lost everything when they were 11 years sober and they didn't drink. That year they didn't drink. That helped me so much. To know that life doesn't always get "gooder" but that through this program and with the help of God I can walk through anything. For that today I am very grateful. I could never have done it alone. God bless.


Member: Ray B
Location: Chcago
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 16:40:07

Comments

Hi all Im Ray and Im alchoholic. I find that God always seems to work things out, sometimes in his own time. It's after the fact that I see why things happen. I wish I would always have this frame of mind because i think I would worry much less about things. i guess its just human nature though. My awakenings seem to come in small lightening bolts 2wo. But even though they are small when I look back on them they are very moving.


Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 16:40:32

Comments

Larry, still an alcoholic

CHRIS H: It took me a long time to realize that there is a difference between things getting better and me getting better. AA doesn't promise that things will get better. It promises that we will get better. I've had to go through a lot of painful situations in recovery. What I learned to do is deal with them soberly. I learned that I can't always have happiness, but I can always have serenity. I no longer consider pain as being "bad". It's just another feeling. In fact, it's the touchstone of all spiritual growth, as the saying goes. Not everything that makes me feel good is good for me and not everything that makes me feel bad is bad for me. A couple of more sayings that help me in time of trouble:

- Pain is inevitable; misery is optional. - This too shall pass. - The Serenity Prayer (obviously)

Thanks for letting me share (again).

Peace & Serenity


Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 17:11:19

Comments

EHSAN: There are no Intergroup phone numbers listed for Pakistan. As far as online meetings, check out http://www.recovery.org/aa/#onlinemeetings

Sorry for triple post.


Member: Tacey C.
Location: Arizona
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 20:19:14

Comments

Sorry to double post. For Chris. My name is Tacey and I'm an alcoholic. I can relate to where you're at. I would just like to share what I heard a long time ago from another member--SLOW IS REAL. That has really helped me. My recovery has been very slow and there have been so many times when I just felt like I would never get it. Never be happy, joyous, and free. One of the things that I believe, for me, is that I came in here extremely sick--physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Bankrupt in all areas. The problem was that I had been that way since early childhood. So, it has taken me a long time to get a lot better (sorry for the bad grammar!). My only advice is to just hang in there. Perserverance has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I do know that I have followed the instructions in the book, to the best of my ability, and that the result has been that those dark times have always passed. They just didn't pass quickly. I hope that helps a little bit. The way I look at it is that I know, within me, if I'm doing everything I can to get better. If I believe I am, then there's no more I can do except stay open, honest, and willing. The answers come--they're just not often in my time. They're always right on time--in God's time. Thanks and sorry, again.


Member: Bonnie
Location: PA
Date: 03 Aug 1999
Time: 23:27:30

Comments

Ehsan-this is for you. I have a sober friend in Pakistan, he was originally from there, and moved back last year. I miss him very much. He said at the time he didn't know of AA there, but I would like to get you into contact with him. Please email me: JTBSFRIEND@aol.com

Bless you, we're all blessed


Member: Mike
Location: Az.
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 01:18:15

Comments

My H.P. Show's His Presence In My Life Daily If I Look For It. I Find I Just Have To Take The Time To Look. That Is My Spiritual Awakening.


Member: Mike
Location: Az.
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 01:29:02

Comments

Opps Sorry My Names Mike And I'm A Recovering Alcoholic.


Member: Marlo W.
Location: Idaho
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 11:48:53

Comments

My name is Marlo and I am an alcoholic, too. I like to say "too" because it reminds me that I am not special and I am not alone. It has been over a year since I have been to an AA meeting. I thought I had it all together until I read everyone's message on this board. Boy, have I realized that I have let myself get in the way again. I forgot how much spiritual awakening is a key to my sobriety. I remember the pink cloud feeling but that soon goes away. My awakenings come from the little things in life that are miracles. My most special miracle is watching my son grow up with a sober mom and the love and closeness that we share everyday. The awakening that my husband still loves me after the hell i put him through before I got sober. My most recent spiritual awakening came this morning when I realized that I have been away from AA too long and need too come back because to keep it--I have to give it away. This group has led to me reevaluate my program. I have never committed myself to a home group on a sponsor. I have had two sponsors and they move away. I have never sought out another one because i have "finished" the steps and I should be able to handle life. so far, I have committed my self to god, my higher power. I use god as my sponsor, my guide, and the person that makes everything ok. The situation is still there but I feel better about it. I have made my mistakes and I am not perfect... I dont ever want to be. But through god, I get to feel the spiritual awakenings that occur in everyday life--my family, achieving my goals and the love and respect of friends and family that I never had when I was drinking.

Thanks to AA and the people in it that keep me sober and sane.

Love and Happiness to everyone here. Marlo


Member: Rachael M.
Location: St. Pete, FL
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 12:22:48

Comments

Hello, my name is Rachael and I am definetly an alcoholic. Good topic. I have been stuggling lately to find a new and improved conception of God. My old conception from early sobriety still works but I feel a need for a deeper understanding. A closer connection. I try to feel God all around me not only in people but in nature too. One day I was driving down the road noticing a beautiful sunset and thought to myself "boy if i were going blind i would really be able to appreciate this sunset" then I got sad and thought "why do i have to be going blind to appreciate it? why not appreciate it now because there may not be a tomorrow" I stopped my truck and gazed at the sunset. God is the best artist there is. That was a spiritual awakening for me. I can appreciate what life has to offer now. I put it all off while I was drinking. Everything seems new now because its just stuff I never took the time to notice before. I love sobriety. Thank you for listening.


Member: Scott P.
Location: Hillsborough, New Jersey
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 14:45:04

Comments

Hi group!

I have a "spiritual awakening" every time I'm at a meeting no matter what the topic is. It is proof positive that God is doing for me what I couldn't do for myself.


Member: Don. P.
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Ca.
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 16:07:01

Comments

I have been in the programme for a while and my spiritual awakening came when I realised that the compulsion to drink had been removed. I was attending a social party,and talking with another guest when the host came by and ask, "would you like a drink?" Without hesitation or thought I replied, "No thanks." and carried on the conversation. Later I realised what had happened, I had not wanted yo drink, did not make any excuse why I did not want a drink, just that the compulsion had left. From that time I have been able to get on with mt life sober, thanks to my higher power.


Member: DAVEB
Location: PA.
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 16:41:20

Comments

Thank you all ofor sharing and allowing me to participate in this fellowship. I am a newcomer to the rooms. For me spiritual awakening is an active process.There have been times when I was drunk where things happened to me. My higher power would nudge me or knock me over with one of life disasters,ie. DUI's of other problems. I beleive this was his way of getting my attention, saying "you haven't talked to me in awHile." He knew I allways prayed in a crisis. I beleive I am in a spiritual awakening at this moment,but today, I''m initiating. I've allways learned from the crisis, but it's smoother when I can initiate the growth. I beleive AA and being sober will help me to know myself, discard the junk and fertilize the green Thanks.


Member: David M.
Location: Clovis, Ca.
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 16:43:16

Comments

Hi again. I'm David, recovered alcoholic. I don't normally post twice in the same week. However, Chris H., your plight stirred me up. I would like to make a few suggestions on your misery in sobriety, sponsorship, and the Big Book. Please bear with me. My first suggestion is while you are contemplating the many suggestions you have already received, grab a newcomer, or somebody that's sicker than you at the next meeting you go to and offer to be helpful. Remember you have done a 5th step which gives you the experience to receive a 5th step. You get what I'm saying. Get out of your self and self-pity.

Chris H. the directions you are trying to live by are in the Big Book. Not your sponsors. I always check my sponsor's, (singular), suggestions with the Big Book of A.A. If they do not match I pick the Big Book everytime. The Big Book directs us to quit playing God. That includes old-time sponsors playing God in a sponsee's life. Check out pages 62-63 in the 'Book'. The 'Book' also directs us to play the role that God assigns not our sponsors role. If we do that we match calamity, (even in sobriety), with serenity. Check out page 68 in the "Big Book". We are directed to ask God to direct our thinking every morning. Not our sponsor directing our thinking. Check out pages 86-87 in the "Big Book". Step eleven directs us to pray for God's will not our sponsors. Check out pages 98 & 100 in the "Book" also. It will become quite clear to you who's direction we want to guide us.

I would like to suggest also that getting direction by "majority vote", (i.e. numerous sponsors), can be very confusing. Try choosing a sponsor using the directions near the bottom of Page 18 thru the top of page 19 in the, you guessed it, the "Big Book".

Lastly Chris H., try reviewing your 4th & 5th step for anything forgotten in the writing or sharing with a sponsor. Review your 8th step list to see who or what may be left to make amends to. Either mistakenly or just plain old fearful and slothful. Try practicing the 10th and 11th steps outlined on pages 84-87 in the "Big Book". Finally when all else fails refer to the very first suggestion I gave in this posting. It works when nothing else seems to work.

I hope I haven't been to over-bearing or offensive. I apologize if so. My e-mail address is gunnerm249@excite.com.

Thanks and God bless.


Member: Dave S.                        
Location: Ventura County, CA
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 18:03:27

Comments

Hi everyone...first time visit for me...I have looked over the comments available, above and t I will begin participating beginning tommorrow. It is a comfort knowing you are out there...I will be celebrating God's gift of 21 years sboriety in a few days...and I still get a little "uneasy" when this time of the year rolls around...thank you all for the twelve step call. God Bless //Dave//


Member: Dominic K.
Location: Wexford, Ireland.
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 18:55:23

Comments

Hi, My name is Dominic, I'm an alcoholic.To-day is my birthday and what a birthday present to find an A.A. meeting on the internet. I have many spiritual awakenings, each time I am blessed by God to be part of the recovery of another alcoholic, to be ableand willing to carry this message to the still suffering alcoholic and then to have the grace of God to stand back and see God work his miracle in the life of this still suffering alcoholic. We who are in A.A. and attending meetings on a regular basis are blessed to be part of the greatest fellowship on this earth. May I always be grateful for my recovery on a daily basis and may I be always available to carry this wonderful message of love and hope. Thanks for the opportunity to share.


Member: Jane G
Location: Boston,MA
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 21:21:52

Comments

Hi I'm Jane and I am an alcoholic. Today is my first day of sobriety. I went toa meeting today. Its great to find a web site to to use to reach out.

I heard a profound statement at the meeting today. "Its not what you want to do or feel like doing that is important. Its what you actually do that counts."

Its those types of comments that I feel are spiritual awakenings.


Member: Kerry B.   3/21/80
Location: Idaho Falls, Idaho
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 21:42:36

Comments

Kerry, an alcoholic

The incredible sense of relief that I did not have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders any longer, that I was not totally alone in this universe, nor was I the ruler of this universe. That other people lived through more tragic circumstances than I had, and still were able to face each day without a drug or alcohol. That no matter what time of day or night all I had to do was reach out and allow someone else to know what was going on with me, and to be accepted and loved, warts and all. To be allowed to be just who I was, even though I didn't have a clue myself. The list is endless.

These were all just the beginning of a spritual experience that has been on going since the day I walked through the doors of AA.


Member: Michael M
Location: Minneapolis
Date: 04 Aug 1999
Time: 22:20:05

Comments

Hi, I'm Michael and I'm an alcoholic. My spiritual awakening came some time after I had found my way into the program. I was going through a particularly rough time with my daughter. She was 14, and constantly in and out of trouble, and requiring all kinds of mental health treatment. I felt like my world was spinning out of control, and here I was trying to get sober. Then one day, and I don't really remember the specific incident that triggered it, I was feeling especially helpless. I asked God for help, and I felt a sense of, not exactly peace, but comfort come over me. It was almost a physical sensation. I was filled with the conviction that no matter what happened, my higher power was going to be with me to help see it through. It was a powerful moment, and I have never lost that feeling that as long as I place myself completely in the care of my higher power, I will be OK. Thanks for letting me share. It works if you work it, sober.


Member: Jennifer L.
Location: Arizona
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 00:05:47

Comments

Hi I'm Jennifer and I'm an alcoholic. I think the first spriritual experience I really remember was when I had about 5 months sober and I was miserable. I had a sponsor but she had told me to wait until I had a year to do the steps. That was her experience. But I was so miserable and the thought came to me that if this is sobriety, I didn't want it. I started thinking about drinking again. Well, something came over me to go down the list of women's phone numbers I had and call every single one until I got an answer. Someone answered and she said she'd be right over. She came over and I knew right away that something was going to change. We read the big book that night and I just cried because I really felt that finally there was a solution. It was like a door opened in my heart. A couple of days later we got on our knees together and did the third step prayer. And then I continued with the steps. Things were going so great and I was feeling so good. Somewhere around the 11th step I pooped out, and I never did complete all my amends. I think I forgot that I am an alcoholic and that I was doing these steps not just to feel better but to save my life. Anyway, after being somewhat miserable for the last couple of months I have started at step one again, and I am beginning to feel a spiritual awakening slowly happening once again. I must not forget why I am seeking a Higher Power because as soon as my life starts seeming manageable again, I forget who made it that way! And then bam, everything starts tumbling down. And then I start thinking a drink would feel nice. I believe it is a miracle that I have stayed sober through the last couple of months, while operating on my own will most of the time. Well, that's enough out of me. But that first experience in my living room reading the Big Book with someone for the first time, I will always remember that. Thanks a lot. I really enjoyed reading all of your comments.


Member: Jason P
Location: Mission Viejo, Ca.
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 02:39:02

Comments

Hi everyone I'm Jason an Alcoholic, The spiritual awakenings have happened over a long and slow time. Sometimes the great feeling that come after last long and sometimes they last shortly but what ever feeling I get it does'nt matter, what matters is that I dont forget what cercumstances or events preceeded a spiritual awakening, that way I can maybe change a behavior in the future that I was originally going to engage in the created a spiritual awakening in the first place.

Thanks for letting me share?

seanpaul@netzero.net


Member: Rick K.
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 03:04:54

Comments

I just had a soiritual awaking as a result of working the third step. My inability to believe that God could restore me to sanity kept me busy for 17 years after I came to AA. Tonight, under the midnight sun there was no burning bush although there was a feeling that a huge load had been lifted from me. God bless the fellowship of AA !


Member: Ron L
Location: Winnipeg Canada
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 07:44:07

Comments

Just a great topic as you can tell from all the comments. I was wondering if we were all at a closed meeting how long the meeting would last if we were all given a chance to share...In the Big Book on page 63 after the prayer it says " an effect, sometimes a very great one ,was felt at once" At meetings that Ive attended once in a while I hear some members comment that " when I done my third step, I never heard no thunder, or seen any lighting " and I always like to suggest to those members, that if thats the type of effect that you want, do your third step during a thunder and lighting storm, and Im sure that you'll get your desired effect. on the other hand, have no expectations. and just see what happens.


Member: Pam March
Location: Australia
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 08:15:49

Comments

Hi, my name is Pam. I've just read some of the comments made during the past month on this site and I'm not sure about whether my message here is appropriate. But, I'm tired and after looking at some other sites - I figure this one might provide me with some help.

Well, yes, I am basically looking for help. I am an alcoholic and have been to Women for Sobriety and AA over the past 6 years. My problem is that I keep relapsing. I am now very angry and depressed about my drinking. I want so badly to give up but somehow I just can't. I have a fairly social life with work and friends, etc. and there is always something "on". I keep saying after this or that party I will give it up but the right time never comes along and I am so weak. Is there an angel out there who can direct me? Is there God who can help me? I have been to AA and to WFS but I can't seem to GET IT!!!! Someone please help me. I work as a secretary and I feel that my job is in jeopary because my concentration and ability is deteriorating and I am worried about where I am going. I am 47 and I have a husband of 27 years who is understanding - but not for much longer. I also have a 27 year old son who knows about my problem but of no help. Someone out there please help.

Pam

Pam


Member: Pam March
Location: Australia
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 08:16:25

Comments

Hi, my name is Pam. I've just read some of the comments made during the past month on this site and I'm not sure about whether my message here is appropriate. But, I'm tired and after looking at some other sites - I figure this one might provide me with some help.

Well, yes, I am basically looking for help. I am an alcoholic and have been to Women for Sobriety and AA over the past 6 years. My problem is that I keep relapsing. I am now very angry and depressed about my drinking. I want so badly to give up but somehow I just can't. I have a fairly social life with work and friends, etc. and there is always something "on". I keep saying after this or that party I will give it up but the right time never comes along and I am so weak. Is there an angel out there who can direct me? Is there God who can help me? I have been to AA and to WFS but I can't seem to GET IT!!!! Someone please help me. I work as a secretary and I feel that my job is in jeopary because my concentration and ability is deteriorating and I am worried about where I am going. I am 47 and I have a husband of 27 years who is understanding - but not for much longer. I also have a 24 year old son who knows about my problem but of no help. Someone out there please help.

Pam

Pam


Member: Kerry B
Location: Idaho
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 08:50:52

Comments

Pam, my e-mail address is: alarmme@srv.net

Please drop me a line.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Colorado
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 11:02:29

Comments

I'm Chris and I'm alcoholic in recovery. Thank you "all" so much for your thoughtful experience, strength, and hope. I have a bit over 16 years of sobriety in the program, and again today, through this site, I get to see the miracle working in my life. I am overwhelmed at the support I received, and have much to think about. God bless you all.

This is my second post, but I wanted to respond.


Member: Tom M
Location: Homosassa, FL
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 11:36:41

Comments

Pam, as you are the next to the last posting at this meeting I am responding to your cry for help. The topic is a great one and I have commented on it eariler in this meeting. My question to Pam is, do you have a sponcer. If so are you talking to her. If not find one fast. Preferably a women. Also one who will tell you like it is.


Member: Eileen H.
Location: Queens, NY
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 12:17:07

Comments

Eileen, alcoholic here, with 4 months sobriety. For Pam, (and any other newcomer trying to get sober) can I offer a suggestion? You can't "control" your drinking. When you cross over that line from social drinker to alcoholic drinking there is NO GOING BACK to being a social drinker. It is an invisible line. You don't even know you have crossed it!!

Pam, you sound like you are at now where most of us were at one time. You may have been "around" AA . . . from what you have posted, though you did not participate in AA. Which is why you "can't get it" and keep relapsing. It sounds like you "think" you can still have a drink and that you'll be able to stop there. Take an honest look at that. Have you been able to stop yourself from drinking more than you wanted? Do you "think" about drinking? Do you tell yourself "I won't do that again?" Do you say "today I'll just have a couple of drinks and go home?".

Pam, I was in AA in 1996 for 9 months and went back to drinking again. Because I just didn't get it. I thought I was able to control my drinking. Seems like a reasonable thought. And, at first, I was able to just have a few drinks. Inside of six months I was right back to where I had been when I first went to AA. Once again I wound up drinking much more than I wanted to. I finally, finally, finally realized that when you cannot control your drinking . . . like it or not . . . YOU are an alcoholic drinker. It's not the end of the world. It's not a moral issue. It's NOT a control issue. We, who drink alcoholically, CANNOT "control" our drinking.

Pam, if you want to stop drinking then I would suggest trying AA again. This time though, don't just be "around" AA. Get a commitment. Go to 90 meetings in 90 days. Call people that you get numbers from . . . don't just stash the numbers. If you had called people before you picked up the drinks you would "have been working the program." It's NOT easy. No one here says it is. The obsession to drink is not going to be lifted just because you start making meetings. Give yourself a break. Try AA again. No one other than an alcoholic is going to understand the obsession you are under. Not your husband, not your children. Just you and another alcoholic. That's why AA does work . . . you just have to USE the program. You HAVE to make the call when you feel like drinking. Not after you drink.

Pam, if you want to stay sober, stay away from those social gatherings at work for a while. You know, if you were making a meeting after work you wouldn't have time to "party" after work :)

Only you will know when you're sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Good luck, Pam, and to all of you newcomers. I'm rooting for you. The best decision I ever made was going back to AA just four short months ago. My 18-year old and my 10-year old wholeheartedly agree with me. They are very, very, very glad to have their Mom back in their lives. And that's where I want to stay.

Your friend in Sobriety, Eileen @ Eileenth@aol.com


Member: Andy Mac.
Location: Somerset, Pa.
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 13:14:15

Comments

Pam not to long ago Iwas inthe same boat.I learned that if I row ,God will steer. Get To a meeting or call someone immeditatley help is readily available and willing,don't let todays dissappointments destroy tommorrows dreams.


Member: Marlo W
Location: Idaho
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 13:36:08

Comments

I don't like to post more than once... I am Marlo and I am an alcoholic. Pam, I would listen to Eileen's advice. IT makes sense. I did not stay sober for very long when I first began AA and I kept relapsing and thought I could control my drinking and I thought that this was the last time--after tonite I am going to quit. The problem with those statements is I kept placing "I thought" in the beginning of each statement. As a mentally sick person of Alcoholism I cannot think for myself, I have to find a way to have someone do that for me. I used the people of AA for the first couple of months then as I did my steps I let God think for me. I did the 90 meetings in 90 days, I came early and made coffee, I talked in every meeting whether I wanted to or not, and I took home one phone number every nite and called them the next day. I got a sponsor and started the steps It takes action,not words or promises that you cant keep to make AA work. I have been sober almost 4 years becuz I took my program seriously, I allowed my family to help me--my husband and son went to meetings with me so they could help me stay sober when I was not at a meeting. I have a lot of pride and found it hard to call another member of AA, my husband did it for me till I could do it for myself. Find someone in AA that has "got it" and stick to her like glue.

God bless you in your recovery. Smilemore28@yahoo.com Marlo


Member: Phil
Location:
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 13:59:42

Comments

Hi, I am Philip, alcoholic and I really need to share. Sorry it is so off the topic, but believe me, it is related to alcoholism if you just bear with me.

I have over 11 years sobriety and I just want everyone to know what can happen when when you you stray from the program and HP and look for quick easy fixes and shortcuts. As I learned, but later seem to have forgotten, the problem was never in the bottle or in any other thing-- the problem has always been me. Alcoholism is something inside of me, not inside of a bottle. My disease has learned to manifest in many different ways besides drinking and here is the latest:

I needed some money and became obsessed with it. Obsessed in exactly the same way I have been obsessed with alcohol in the past. I became prepared to do anything to get my hands on some cash. So I invested all my savings in an investment deal. I doubled my money.

That should have been enough, but because I have not been going to meetings lately, I needed more money to fill the hole inside of me. I have been so isolated and alone for so long that I had a huge hole in me. Since that hole could only be filled with spirituality, no amount of money would ever fill it. Just like no amount of alcohol could ever fill my spiritual hole. I kept trying to stuff money in the hole.

So I took all my money and went looking for the next deal....and this time I also borrowed money for an investment. The investment skyrocketed and I made a great deal of money. But just like with alcohol, the more I injested, the more I wanted. I refused to sell my investment even when it was plummeting in value. I wanted to wait until I had "all my money" back. I decided in advance how much I "needed" to be happy and refused to sell.

As the investment continued downward, I refused to see the reality of my situation. This was my old mate denial. I only wanted to see the investment go back up. I only let myself believe that it would go up-- in spite of all the evidence.

In the last few days, the particular part of the market in which I was invested crashed and crashed hard. I lost all my savings and all the money I had borrowed.

This is the price of looking for higher powers like alcohol, drugs, sex or money. All of these will fail you ultimately. Several years ago I knew that the path to true happiness involved a spirituality that I could only find in AA meetings and fellowship.

But I have strayed from the path so far and done myself great harm without drinking. So, all you recoving alcoholics remember that putting down the bottle is just the first step. Recovery is a daily process and you must be ever vigilent. If your disease cannot get in the front door, it will come in the back door.


Member: Lon T                                     
Location: BATH N.Y.
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 14:04:44

Comments

my name is Lon and i just moved to bath new york . i dont know anyone and i need some help and support pleas


Member: Jon
Location: Nor Cal
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 14:16:23

Comments

I'm Jon, an alcoholic. A note to Eshan M in Pakistan: I was unable to find a listing for an AA group in Pakistan. Try writing to the AA general serivce office in New York. PO box 459, Grand Central Station New York, N.Y.(USA) 10163 They may know of a group near you. They may also be able to make you a member of the loners and internationalist group. this is a mail group that exchanges letters and circulates a newsletter to AA's in isolated areas. I would be happy to correspond with you. You\ can write me at njon@neteze.com I'd like to hear from you Jon


Member: Jayme S
Location: usa
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 14:49:51

Comments


Member: Albuquerque John
Location: Scotland (today)
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 15:31:50

Comments

Hi Pam!

My Stewardship in AA is to pass the message that was passed to me. Hope you want what I have - it's called Peace of Mind.

First understand and please accept the Doctor's Opinion, Big Book pages X111. Secondly see if you are like Bill W, me and thousands more - Bill's Story. Thirdly - There is a Solution.

Fourthly, learn more about the "dis-ease" of the mind in More About Alcoholism. Fifth, if you have a problem about religion read the Chapter to the Agnostic and make up your own mind and find a God of YOUR understanding.

Sixth, find out how it worked for the ones before us who wrote the Text Book for people like me.

Seven - put it into action for just one day at a time for the rest of your life.

Basically it's about finding a power greater than oneself sufficient to enable people like us to recover from alcoholism. Then we clean house.

Best wishes from one who decided the First One Hundred wrote a Book for me.


Member: debra
Location: bc canada
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 15:48:52

Comments


Member: Amanda P.
Location: Crescent, Ia
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 16:02:16

Comments

Hi, family Amanda here, when coming to realize that a high power was there. It came in a time that I least excepted it. I was at a meeting early in my soberity that a spiritual awakening happened to me. It was not something big, it happened when helping out another member and explaining what a high power meant to me. I remember just a few weeks before that, I had no concept of a Higher Power. When explianing this some how I realized that there was something stronger then I. That is what I say to be my spiritaul awakening. Thanks, Amanda


Member: Michael M
Location: Minneapolis
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 19:21:57

Comments

Hi, i'm Michael and I'm an alcoholic. This is my 2nd post, but I wanted to respond to Pam from Australia. Don't give up on yourself. I was an active alcoholic from age 19 until age 46. I was 21 when I started trying to "control" my drinking, including a try at AA. It wasn't until I started working the steps and attending regular meetings that I finally achieved sobriety. That is what we seek - sobriety, not "control." And the first step is the admission that we are powerless over alcohol, and the best place to admit that is at a meeting of others who suffer as you do. So get to a meeting, tell them how you are suffering, and let God do the rest.

And keep coming back - it works if you work it - sober


Member: Tacey C.
Location: Arizona
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 20:31:28

Comments

Phil, thanks so much for sharing what you did. It is so true. Every day is a day I must carry the vision of God's will into all my activities. Hope you are alright and back on the right path. Looks like the crash may have been a "blessing in disguise."


Member: christine d.
Location: FL
Date: 05 Aug 1999
Time: 23:59:37

Comments


Member: christine d.
Location: FL
Date: 06 Aug 1999
Time: 00:05:01

Comments

Today i realized that faith is an action. Love is an action, peepole jugde us by what we do not by our intentions.I have to act my way into right thinking,Not think my way into right action. thats all for now.I wish all of you another day sober.


Member: Deb
Location: Ma
Date: 06 Aug 1999
Time: 01:13:23

Comments

CHRIS H -Colorado- when someone has a broken arm or leg it takes 6 weeks (or more) to heal - no matter how good the doctor or how well the patient follows directions....similarly, maybe your dilema needs a certain amount of time to heal and mend - ...somethings take more time than others to heal just like a broken bone? Having just spent a year contemplating a big decision (I even went to Alanon for more perspectives!)the broken bone theory helped me accept TIME - Things I Must Earn......and I like what somone just said about "just row, God will steer". Also, the confusion seemed to draw me closer to my Higher Power and I was able to be thankful for that by being grateful for anything that brings me nearer my HP I was able to find gratitude. I try to repeat the thought "help is on the way even if I can't see it yet"...finally, some other people prayed for me and their prayers somehow sent relief too..


Member: J-86
Location: Alaska
Date: 06 Aug 1999
Time: 10:01:34

Comments

J-86 & alcoholic... While I wait for that "Lightening Bolt" I miss the kid with the flashlight.


Member: Jane T
Location: MN
Date: 06 Aug 1999
Time: 10:14:18

Comments


Member: Janell T
Location: MN
Date: 06 Aug 1999
Time: 10:30:30

Comments

Hi, may name is Janell and I am an aloholic. These last few days have not been fun. I have been spiraling out of control and could not understand what was going wrong. I was full of anger and resentment, nothing anyone did pleased me, I was becoming obsessed with filling every moment of each day with work, work, work and why did I have to do all the work in this household, besides my new job I have become obsessed with. My husband watched helplessly and often the target of my negativity. He suggested I go to a meeting. That really pissed me off and I told him not totake my inventory. Well, last night we went to an open speaker meeting together and today I am serene and grateful for all the positives in my life. That is a spiritual awakening. Let Go and Let God. What happens when I neglect my daily readings and my weekly meetings, is that my self-will takes overand that brings nothing but headaches and trouble. You would think that 4 years in the program I would know that, as each time I get in the driver's seat, my life starts spiralling out of control and the more I try to control it the worse it gets. You'd think one could go from past experiences and learn this simple lesson. However, it also took me 30 years to learn that drinking didn't solve my problems either. Cunning, Baffling and Powerful is what it is, but once I slide over into the passenger seat and let God drive, all is OK. Each time I wander from the AA path and return is a spiritaul awakening. I also enjoyed all the other entries and your sharing of your spiritula awakenings. They come in many forms and strengths.

I also find myself saying quite often, "What a coincidence" "Wow, I can't believe that this happened like this" There are no coincidences with God. This was and is the plan. These are also spiritual awakenings. I am ever so grateful for this program, my sobriety and the fellowship. Thank you for sharing.


Member: Lisa LC
Location: Ventura County, CA>
Date: 06 Aug 1999
Time: 13:40:40

Comments

Hi - my name is Lisa LC and I'm an alcoholic.

Pam, I don't mean to be cold, but maybe you have to go were I went. Straight down to the BOTTOM!!! Sometimes we have to loose it all before we can fully surrender to our disease and let go of the raines. You said that your job and marriage is in jeapordy? Well, guess what? Your about to loose those soon. God possibly wants to remove these from you along with your dignity. Maybe he thinks you need to see the light?! Pam, if you don't want to go there, get yourself to a face to face meeting and fully surrender to your disease, PLEASE!!! AA really does work, but it won't if YOU DON"T WORK IT!! You'll be in my prayers. But just know that you don't have to go through this alone. We're her to help. And I have read all the other shares that have been trying to help you here. E-mail me if you like help-

From someone who's been in your place-Lisa LC/ callenC@gte.net


Member: barbara d.
Location: oklahoma
Date: 06 Aug 1999
Time: 14:38:30

Comments

1 year sober today. been having a hard time the past week. doing better now. just want to thank everyone for sharing. lots of inspiration. love ya. barbara


Member: Bec
Location: US
Date: 06 Aug 1999
Time: 15:15:52

Comments

I'm Bec and I'm an alcoholic. At this moment in time, my spiritual awakenings are happening in little thoughts, realizations, or being open to the innocenct words of a child...The so-called mini-bolts, or better, seeing the kid with the flashlight. I'm taking it real slow, because on my roller coaster this is about the time I think I'm in control and start sabotaging all the hard work with drinking again. This morning I was struggling over a small issue: Whether or not to go with a friend to a lecture about a topic I'm interested in but would not normally go to. It was no big deal if I went or not, and I was trying to find out why it was such a struggle to accept or decline. Up to the last minute, I hadn't decided -

--and then the mini-bolt hit me after reading a certain paragraph in Iyanla Vanzant's book, "Yesterday, I Cried". I had to learn to love myself, to be good to myself. I really did want to go, but I was finding all kinds of excuses not to...company coming, laundry, the kids, my hubby. But what about me? I thought the desire to go was too selfish, that I had to many other have-to's. But no - at the last minute I said yes, I will come. And even though it's not till tomorrow and I am tired and don't know what to expect, I feel good that I have said yes to something inside of me. Like "Yes! I'm worth this, I'm worth taking care of and being nice to my Self".

I may not see the lightening bolt at the moment, but the flashlight says that this is part of my recovery: I need to love my self. I need to stop punishing my self (by drinking or depriving myself or whatever). That God, though it's not the God-on-the-throne judge I knew as a child, loves me. And in doing something loving for my self, I am awakened, if only for a moment. Let me remember this little moment, and when I have that urge to drink, remember that I love my self, and for me to drink would be unloving.

I hope everyone here has a little moment they can look back on at the end of the day and say "Hey, I saw that little flashlight, too".


Member: MaryJ
Location: Seattle
Date: 06 Aug 1999
Time: 17:48:40

Comments

Hi, I'm Mary and an alcoholic. Spiritual Awakening is an on going process. Some days I feel more awakened than others. Some days I don't get it. Yes, I too have prayed and asked for guidance and direction. I thought a lightening bolt would drop out of the sky and reveal God's plan for me. Now I realize that it is sometimes revealed very slowly, sometimes over a period of years. I try to remember "Be still and know that I am God."


Member: John T
Location: Fakenham, Norfolk
Date: 06 Aug 1999
Time: 18:39:45

Comments

Hello My name is John and I am an alcholic. I guess the first time I experienced anything like a spiritual awearness was when I was all alone and having reached my personal rock bottom reached out with a willingness that was all I had left and I was told to read the book, from then on although not everything goes to plan, i get little signs and nudges now and then, that allow me to continue to be sober and free. thank you all for being there, I am now just learning what love is. John. Fakenham


Member: Jennifer R.
Location:
Date: 06 Aug 1999
Time: 21:17:02

Comments

Hi, jennifer, alcoholic. A quick message for Pam, when I was hitting my bottom and my world was unraveling, (husband left and took the kids, address unknown, didn't have a job, tried to committ suicide and just ended up with a huge hospital bill...) a friend in recovery called me and said "You deserve to be happy".

She listened to my self pity and anger and despair and told me of her experience, strenght and hope. I did hit the bottom. It was sheer hell. Without even a change of clothes I was on a plane bound for treatment. And I was lucky, someone still loved me enough to loan me the money to get there. And I went and stayed. I got sober, and have 19 months.

I have a home group and a sponser and a lot of SOBER friends. My life IS happy. I found the happiness promised by my friend and the big book. The "sacrifices" of changing my types of socializing and people in my social circle have opened up huge new oppotunities for learning and growth, not to mention better health, jobs, marriage, parenting skills, but now I have DIGNITY, HAPPINESS, and PEACE. God Bless You


Member: Marisa N
Location: San Francisco Ca,
Date: 06 Aug 1999
Time: 21:31:35

Comments

Hello My name is Marisa and a very Blessed Alcoholic. I can definately recall "My Spiritual Awakining."I had just came into the program,approximatly 5months,there was a Special person,whom I strongly believe GOD put into my life to guide me,we were sharing on a public phone & for some reason this person asked me to look at the shiny part on the phone.then said Look who's Looking back at you.So I did as he asked,that was "The Very First Time In My Entire Life"that I could look into my very own eyes & not feel any kind of guilt, shame,or unworhliness.At the moment I felt such a high,I Started to cry from the intensity of it,No Drug could ever, ever give me that.Today I am a Greatful sober Alcoholic. Thanks to "GOD" of my understanding I For Saving me from the Bondage of Drug Addiction & Living each day as best as I can. Thankyou Everyone For your Shares.....YOU ARE WORTH IT.... Marisa


Member: Robin M.
Location: H.B.,Calif.,U.S.A.
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 01:20:25

Comments

HE is here now.We are part and parcel of the Lord.A living God.Change perception.Accept and surrender.Simultaneous in sequence.Happy birthday!A 1/4 turn of the human heart.There is no religion higher than Truth.Be honest.God loves you and so do I.


Member: Sam M
Location: tahoe city ca
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 01:42:02

Comments

Hi Im Sam Im an alcoholic, good topic good site. It took awhile to realize that there is a god. And that he loves us all was a real eye opener. But thats what I believe now. I am sober by the grace of god. If you are new keep coming back! You can be sober if thats what you want. Not drinking is a big part of my program. Remember,god loves you,get over it. god bless all Sam tcsamm@jps.net


Member: Tim W.
Location: Washington State
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 02:14:02

Comments

Hi. I'm Tim and I'm an Alcoholic. Do you really have to "hit bottom" to get better? All I know, is when I don't drink, I feel fantastic! When I do, I feel like hell, the next day. I'm a marathon capacity runner, but when I drink, I just stumble along and mutter stuff about 'runner's high' . . my mileage is reduced and my motivation suffers.

Any AA/Runners out there?

Tim


Member: Pam March
Location: Australia
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 09:44:41

Comments

Tom M, I found your comment about finding a sponsor and thank you - I will do that - it really is the only way. Thanks again!

Pam


Member: Pam March
Location: Australia
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 09:45:20

Comments

Tom M, I found your comment about finding a sponsor and thank you - I will do that - it really is the only way. Thanks again!

Pam


Member: Jody
Location: Illinois
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 09:58:09

Comments

Hi my name is Jody and I am new to this stuff. I want to first say sorry if I am off the subject here but I don't know what to do. I say that because I first came here and it stated to stick to the subject and I am new so I don't understand the subject. So I tried the 12 and 12 and they too said stick to the subject and again I don't know anything. So I went to the Coffee Pot and everyone there was attacking each other and being mean. So I thought I would try this meeting again and see if it would be OK to say that I am trying to get suggestions on how not to drink. I went to my first meeting the other day and a lady there directed me here and said this might be a good place to come and talk when I am not at a real meeting. I apologize again for not being on the subject but I just could not bring myself to go back to that coffee pot place. Thanks


Member: Andy Mac
Location: Somerset,
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 12:00:31

Comments

Jody this web site is very good,however there is nothing better than face2face meetings .I would suggest you obtain phone numbers from the people attending the meetings you attend and try and obtain a copy of the "little red book" or the blue book and read them.


Member: Andy Mac
Location: Somerset, Pa.
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 12:01:11

Comments

Jody this web site is very good,however there is nothing better than face2face meetings .I would suggest you obtain phone numbers from the people attending the meetings you attend and try and obtain a copy of the "little red book" or the blue book and read them.


Member: Albuquerque John
Location: Scotland (today)
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 13:23:23

Comments

To Jody

We who try to practise the principles of AA, i.e. not the programme of the Fellowship as it is today, but the Programme of Recovery of the First 100 of Alcoholics Anonymous, won't advise you how not to drink. What we offer you is a way of life that is unique and priceless.

I, like many thousands of recovering alcoholics who accepted AA's description of an alcoholic as written in the Big Book, don't find it necessary to even think about drink. What AA offers you is a solution to what you think is a drink problem, but first you have to want what we have - it's called "peace of mind one day at a time".

My problem when I came to AA as I understand it was not alcohol. My problem was how to stay stopped. Now having practised the principles contained within the first 164 pages of the Big Book I haven't found it necessary to contemplate even thinking about drinking. I have been able to face life on life's terms for some years now.

Get hold of a real recovering alcoholic, preferably female, who knows the Programme of Recovery of AA - not the programme of the Fellowship. That will require you to get to an AA meeting or telephone your area office. Terra Haute up there has strong AA - I believe that is not far from you.

I really want to tell you something special! Every time I pass through or cross over Chicago O'Hare my heart gives a little twitch - I owe my life to a lady from Chicago who passed the message of recovery to me through my home group in New Mexico. She wrote a chapter in the Big Book - it's called Keys of the Kingdom. Please, Jody, just lift one of these precious keys. The first set of keys is called the Twelve Steps through pages XIII to 164 of the Big Book.

Best wishes to all real alcoholics out there.


Member: jim g
Location: philadelphia pa
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 14:54:18

Comments

Is ther a page to add aa meetings like adding your phone number to bigyellow.com


Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 15:18:40

Comments

I first had a "spiritual awakening" after realizing that there was no other way to go but up. For so long I thought that I could just keep up the same lifestyle and keep covering up all of my mistakes, but once I realized that was not the answer, I was able to see the path to a better way. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Jody
Location: Illinois
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 17:27:27

Comments

Hi I am Jody. Andy and John - thank you so much for your very inspiring and helpful words. I am going to another as you call it face2face meeting tonight and will take your suggestions with me (and get a Big Book). My friend told me to use this site as a fill in during the day until I can get to the nightly face2face meeting here. I live in a small town so we don't have a lot of meetings to choose from. I was scared to post a message here because I thought I might be rejected (like what I saw on the coffee pot place), but you both have made me feel welcome and I am feeling much better about continuing on. I will keep reading and listening. Thank you again.


Member: Carrie S.
Location: California
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 17:54:36

Comments

Hi, carrie an alcoholic, I stummbled on to this page today. i have 4years 3 months sober now, this last week has proven to be a tough one. somee days my spirituality seems stronger than others. it helps just to let it out. thanks for letting me share.


Member: Misty G.
Location: Willmar,MN
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 18:25:42

Comments

Hi my name is Misty and I am a very greatful drunk.. whose sober today. ( six 1/2 months)but all I can count on is today. I feel my spirital awakining would have yto be reciently when I was in prayer and meditation at the church my parents and friends have gone. I am 17 years old and was in 7 different treatment facilities before I admitted step one... Well today I look back on my using experiences ( alcohol & drugs )as well as my spiritulity and have to giggle, not because it is funny at all ... but I wasn't willing to accept a anything of a Higher Power and I still struggle here and now with the concept but I have faith that there is something great out there and it is not me So I need to listen to the AA message and carry out the steps throughout the good and bad times. i have rambled on quit a bit... Back to the spiritual expereince...I was in prayer and just previouly completed my inventory well I didn't feel as cleansed as some have expressed they have in the group.. and while praying The God of my understanding Told me " I love you as who you are, and who you are becoming and I always will..." That Brought tears to my eyes as I looked at the pastor who I had long egnored and wispered thank you GOD! Thanx to whomever made this group. Glad to share. Keep coming back .. It works!!!!


Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, Massachusetts USA
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 19:23:02

Comments

Steve F., alcoholic

Sorry, no experience to share about spiritual awakenings. Just want to make a couple of comments.

Jody - John is right when he says that alcohol is not the problem - the problem is the disease of alcoholism. And millions of alcoholics have received a daily reprieve from the disease of alcoholism by working through the 12 Step recovery program suggested by AA. But in order to succesfully work the 12 Step recovery program, it is necessary for an alcoholic to stop drinking. Many alcoholics, me included, have found the book "Living Sober" to be a big help in this regard. It is available at most meetings, at least in my area of the country. It is not intended as a substitute for "Alcoholics Anonymous" (i.e., the Big Book), but it does contain a lot of useful advice for getting through the early period of sobriety. Good luck.

Congratulations to Misty G. on 6 and 1/2 months. God willing, I'll have 6 months on the 20th. Only difference is, it took me about 35 more years of drinking, after the age of 17, to find AA.


Member: Tim S.
Location: NSB Florida
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 20:58:09

Comments

Let me tell you how to stay sober, "listen up now people !" For starters some of you people ought to have a violin playing while you tell your little heart warming corny stories. "I just don't want to hurt anymore" cry baby talk and sissy talk may have got people sober but it didn't keep them sober. Some of you people should try and get a job working as a writer for a corny romance novel. An alcoholic has to stop looking for romance whether its with the bottle or AA or anything else. Real romance finds you ! Betty Davis said getting old ain't for sissys, well staying sober ain't either. Good old honest Abe said "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. <--made a decision. The big book says we are problem people. When an alcoholic is drunk he has trouble, when he is sober he has problems. We all know the difference between troubles and problems. Acceptance is the answer to problems, it's that easy. I may sound like a know it all and kind of angry well I am. Someone I knew with a lot of problems when sober went out drinking and got into trouble and comitted suicide. That was the only answer they could come up. I'm sad to admit but I agree with it. The last conversation I had with this someone I know they told me you don't know how good sobriety is until you loose it. stay sober


Member: Veronica P.
Location: CT
Date: 07 Aug 1999
Time: 22:04:34

Comments

Still a grateful alcoholic-Thanks Matt, for the topic, I needed to "hear" about spirituality today, since I've been forgetting it lately. Spirituality is something that continues, not just one spiritual awakening happens, kind of like working the program because we don't do the Steps once and are then "cured", but rather have to keep working them in order for them to work. the difference now is that when a spiritual awakening happens today, I am aware, as opposed to when I was drunk and didn't care. it's so neat to me to have one of these precious moments and realize it! Thanks & Stay Sober, definitely.