Member: denny b
Location:
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 11:09:18 AM
how about complacency??
Member: Shannon C
Location: Seattle
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 12:56:42 PM
Thank you for the topic, I'm on the same parallel at the moment. I have noticed my meeting attendence has been down and I've been feeling a bit too comfortable. Cunning, baffling and powerful is echoing in my mind.
Member: Peg C.
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 1:38:59 PM
So easy to fall into. There have been times in my recovery when I have pushed this to the limits. But somehow, I'm sure through the grace of God, I've managed to realign my direction and get back to meetings. With this disease of 'forgetfulness' I have to watch out for the signs of complacency. Usually, for me, it's missing a regular meeting and then another one and another one. Bad news for me! Can't afford to do this and sure don't want to go back to how it was. My life today is sooo good and sooo peaceful. Boy, what a change. Thank you AA and the God of my understanding.
Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 2:03:48 PM
Complacency, an easy trap for me to fall into, and one I must guard against. When I feel "I don't have to/need to" regarding AA meetings, steps, or the program, is really when I need it most. Frank
Member: Bonny G
Location: Hot Springs, AR
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 2:48:05 PM
Hello web friends, this is a great topic Denny. I just looked up complacency--"quiet satisfaction; contentment; often, specif., self- satisffaction, or smugness." This is me, if I do not do the steps of this program, out of me and into you. I can be satisfied that I am sober, but if I do not share this information with you, I will lose. I must work with other alcoholics, and they may not get anything out of what I say, or write, but I will be granted a gift. You, are the reason I keep coming back, whether it is a meeting face to face or on the web. Thank you for being here today for me, God bless you all.
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 2:57:10 PM
Lessa E here, very grateful recovering alcoholic. Great topic, denny, thanks. This was discussed at my morning meeting today, too, so I guess I need to hear it. It was suggested this morning that we look up complacency in the dictionary, so I did. In the American Heritage Dictionary it is defined as: "A feeling of contentment or self-satisfaction, especially when coupled with an unawareness of danger, trouble, or controversy" That SO describes what happens to this drunk when she gets complacent. I get very SELF-satisfied with my program. I get into my 'real' life. And I start gradually getting out of program things. Meetings start to slack. My readings/quiet times get shorter and less frequent. Phone calls? Why do I need to make phone calls? *I* am doing just fine. I become completely unteachable. The last part of the definition is what's so telling to me: the total unawareness that danger, trouble or controversy might be near. I have a couple relapses to prove to myself just how unaware I really was. I'm grateful today for the program. And for an HP whom I know as God who manages to make sure I can't get complacent. Very grateful I didn't have to pick up a drink today.
Member: Margaret M.
Location: Richmond, IN
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 4:50:41 PM
I'm Margaret, and I'm an alcoholic. Hot damn! This a good topic for me, and I need to be reminded of it daily. For me complacency and procrastination are pretty much the same things. Although I don't procrastinate like I used to (for instance by avoiding my fourth steps for three years before I relapsed, and then avoiding my fourth step for one year before I relapsed), it is still such an easy trap for me to fall into. For instance, yesterday I was supposed to go to an 8am meeting cause it was the only one I could make, when I was woken up at 7 I thought I'd just "rest" for an extra five or ten minutes, low and behold I wake up an hour and a half later! Since I missed a live meeting yesterday I was in a pretty selfish place all day, so that complacency stuff does get me in a lot of trouble. Thanks for the topic.
Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 5:10:55 PM
Complacency ... in A.A. terms to me it is a place where I am missing (P.30 of the 12 x12) "By their example they showed us that humility and intellect could be compatible, provided we place humility first." Insanity is returning in a quiet, self-satisfied way. Humility, that principle the program teaches so well needs to be the core of my program. Thanks one and all for your shares, it helps me to stay sober for another day.
Member: Jim C
Location: Albany, NY
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 5:32:23 PM
Hi, I'm Jim and I'm an alcoholic. It's so easy to become complacent, about many things, like working the steps. I think to myself, I'm not coplacent! But then, I reflect and I realize that I'm not working the steps, daily, like I am supposed to be doing. Thanks for the topic, I'm glad that I stopped by.
Member: David W
Location: Summit, NJ
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 7:20:20 PM
Hi, I'm David and I'm an alcoholic. It is so easy to get complacent and can be dangerous for an alcoholic like me. Lately, I've gotten more into AA, thanks to this site, and more into reading AA material -- feeling so much better, just because of that. My whole attitude has shifted, I am willing (trying) to be a loving person and making some progress - with the right attitude, I don't find myself bickering over every little thing with my wife and kids. But... if I'm honest with myself, after seeing the definition of complacency in the shares above - it looks like it fits me pretty well.... because you see I haven't been to a face to face meeting in a very long time (years!) . I know it would be a good thing to get my butt to a face to face meeting - I always feel better when I go to a meetings, but for some reason - maybe my disease trying to kill me - I am not feeling any urgency, I'm content to read posts on this site and read AA liturature at the moment. I think I should get active in a home group, like I had been in the past, before I moved back to NJ-- but that was 10 years ago, so it is safe to say I am having trouble making commitment to get to meetings. I read the ESM posts last week about picking a sponser and I have to admit I feel kind of funny not having a sponser at this point in my sobriety. It was easier to lose touch with my sponser when I moved than it was to find a new sponser. That's complacency! Thank you all for your sharing at this site - it never ceases to amaze me how great it is to read the thoughts of other alcoholics from all over the world.
Member: Judi H.
Location: San Leandro, CA
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 7:59:28 PM
Good topic. Complacency is the worst enemy for me and my program. Missing meetings is the first warning sign. Since I have relapsed 6 times in 8 years I should have learned this long ago. But within those 8 years I had 2 years of sobriety. Had an operation and physically go to meetings and it took about 6 months of that and I relapsed again. Just out of rehab for the last time (I hope) and have 4 weeks clean and sober and working my program with my sponsor and involved in service as a part of my rehab alumni group. Just get moving and it will be the best action you can take. Love to you all.
Member: Chris D
Location: NJ
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 8:37:53 PM
Hi I am Chris an Alcoholic. I havent been to a meeting in a couple of weeks. I have been sober a long while, and I seem to be going thru changes. A while ago I tried to go back to a 90 in 90, and felt better in a week or two. But then i seem to fall back to just not wanting to go to meetings. I feel restless in them. I liked reading the above comments. I never thought of complacency to have a actual meaning that included imminent danger, but it certainly fits for me. I dont think I am feeling smug, but I do feel humbled when I do get back to a meeting after a few days or a week without them. I still talk to my sponsor at least three times a week, and I suppose I will get back into my usual 3 meetings a week soon. seems to me I do not sound very grateful. And no surprise to me that the first meeting is what I need to hear.
Member: Michele F
Location: Newport News, Va
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 9:06:46 PM
I am Michele and an alcoholic. This is my 3rd time in the rooms and complacency claimed me the first two times. This time, I REALLY hit bottom, lost everything......and am just now getting "my life back" after 4 years sober. I can see CLEARLY that the complacency demon is already there. He wears many disguises....thank God this time I have a sponsor who is up my butt and we talk every day. She says "Remember, you have what you have today because you don't drink and go to meetings...don't ever forget that." I liked what Chris said....whenever I get that "out of touch feeling", I do 90 and 90...gets me right back into "shape", spiritual shape.
Member: Barbara H.
Location: Dundee
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 9:07:43 PM
Hi I'm Barbara, Alcholic - The topic of complacency is very pertanent to me. I had 11 years sobriety on 8th June this year, but had previously more or less stopped going to meetings - with the excuse that I didn't like what was being shared or bad language or it was an "old man's club". The disastrous result of this was I got drunk on 22nd June and have had great difficulty getting back. I was too busy looking at others and not myself - was filled with sick pride, making excuses for not going to meetings then convincing myself that I was not like "them". This is is complacency at it's worst because I believed that because I had "worked" on myself maybe I could drink in safety. I am not trying to give advice (Iam not qualified or entitled to do that) I am only aharing my experience. Please...DO NOT get complacent... I am suffering for it now. People tell me I haven't "lost" my 11 years but now I wish I hadn't thrown them away. If this helps anyone I thank God for it. Stay safe and stay sober. God Bless.
Member: Rebecca
Location: Fl
Date: 7/21/2002
Time: 9:32:42 PM
Hi (((all)))!! I read in my library of self help books (LOL!) that becoming complacent is actually a means to resist or rebel-covertly or overtly...this is then, an effort to control. An EFFORT to CONTROL-which we cannot afford to do! AAAAArrrrggghh!!! It may be an unconscious reflex for things we don't like--I know I got complacent. I lost my sponsor within 3 months, attended one meeting a week max, went almost 6 months with no meetings,never completed the steps (no sponsor), my new sponsor says it's a miracle I didn't go out and drink...all my behaviors were still/are impaired--I'm starting all over again. Complacency equals comtrol to me now- can't risk it. love rebecca
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 12:32:02 AM
Right on Bonney. I took it one step further and looked up smug, "contented with one's own accomplishments, beliefs, etc...". In AA this could be a killer. It could lead to me thinking that not drinking is enough. Yet the longer I stay in AA, the more I believe it to be a start living program as opposed to a stop drinking program. If I where to believe only my ideas then that could lead to a closed mind and hampered growth. Yet in the 10th Step it tells me that my next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. One thing I have learned over the years is that there will always be those ahead of me in spiritual growth and always some behind me in spiritual growth. With that in mind, my job seems to be to stay openminded and willing to learn from those who have walked ahead of me. Put that into my own recovery. Then pass that on to those coming up. Thank you for being a part of my sobriety today. Bill az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Ron L
Location: Winnipeg. Man. Can.
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 6:30:07 AM
My name is Ron and Im an acloholic. I sobered up in Nothern Canada, at that time and in that northern place going to meetings, and reading the big book was more important than doing the steps. The fellowship of A.A. was most important. Having been brought up in A.A. that way, after many years of sobriety ( 29 ) I always attended at least 3 meetings a week. Last night I planned to go to a meeting as its been a week or so since I last went. ( this seems to happen in the summer months ) then I made an excuss can"t remember it, not to go. Glad I came here and read the comments, I will go to a meeting to-night Because for me to not go to meetings is the same as not belonging to A.A.
Member: Robert H.
Location: Columbus, OH.
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 10:20:44 AM
Hi...Rob an alcoholic. I think one of the most important things to remember, is when it comes to alcohol, none of us should trust our inhibitions. We all have admitted as the first step that we are powerless over alcohol. When we become complacent, this is another attempt to believe that we have gained power over alcohol, and we all know that this can never be accomplished. Complacency has no place in this program since we are constantly working towards spiritual progress, but can never reach spiritual pefection.
Member: John H
Location: ndiana, USA
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 10:57:22 AM
Howdy! When feeling complacent, it is easy for me to forget that it is necessary to remain alert, aware, that I could be slipping---slipping into a mind frame that one little ol' drink shouldn't be harmful. What should I do? Well, it is important for me to realize that I must get busy at something constructive--something to obtain balance, tho' it might be a little "painful". Like going to meetings, relating to a sponsor or other members, reading the literature, praying and meditating with the Higher Prayer. Complacent or not, 100% of the 1st Step is a must. The best to you all and thank you for being here!
Member: Jay L.
Location: Arizona
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 12:40:58 PM
Today, I'm not complacent about my recovery. I'm going to 5 face-to-face meetings per week, working with sponsees, working the steps with my sponsor and in general, staying close to the program. That doesn't mean that tomorrow will be the same as today. I'm reminded that I'm granted a daily reprieve and nothing more. Thanks for the topic.
Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Fort Myers via Key West FL
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 1:14:22 PM
Hi Family Charlie Darling a recovering alcholic, I used to say grateful recovering, but today my gratitude isn't has it should be, and the topic is just what I needed for I have not been to many meetings since moving to Ft Myers, from Key West. I know I shopuld get to more meetings as they say meeting makers make it, and today I know I am only sliding by. I do talk to my sponsor, and other alcholics on line but it is not the same as meetings. I guess I try to think of the meetings in Key West, and have to realize that us alcholics need other meetings to attend. Here in F.M. there are plenty of meetings and I have to get out of myself or I know I will be back in that bottle. Today I can't afford that. It is only with my HP that I am staying sober one day at a time, and this topic is just what I needed to get back to the basics and continue on my road of recovery. Thank you all for you comments and suggestions, and today I will get to a meeting and meet new fellowship as that is the biggest help for me the fellowship, and I can't forget where I came from and how much I have grown in the past five yrs. Thank you my family for helping me to see that today I am complaced. I Love You. Charlie kwduke_1999@yahoo.com
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 2:26:24 PM
To me, complacency is part of the "cunning, baffling, powerful" nature of alcohol. As soon as I think I have it licked and I can back off the program a bit, (I mean, c'mon I'm really busy) I start getting thoughts of drinking. The alcoholic part of my brain waits and when I feel the most confident, and thus justified in slacking off, it pounces. "One pint of good ole English ale won't hurt, you deserve it!" Then I am being loaded into a cab by some bartender. I can barely hold back puking until I reach the hotel room where I barf for an hour. I awake at noon the next day, missing a half day of sight seeing in London, wondering "What in the hell just happened?" Whenever you hear yourself saying, "I deserve it" run for meeting or pick up the phone, trouble is brewing. Trouble that could kill ya. Sober 52 days today by the grace of God. Thanks for being here. Peace
Member: Alan Y
Location: San Francisco
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 3:50:14 PM
So I'm an alcoholic named Alan. i really identify with the topic. For the past five years i worked in the field of substance abuse recovery and I lost touch with myself. I have seen others relapse or blow their brains out because the neglected their own program. I do not want to be like that. I know that if I do not get in touch with the basics again it could happen to me. So here i am, Thanks
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 4:14:33 PM
Complacency, great topic. When I first got here, I went to one or more meetings a day. I used to drink all day every day, so I didn’t know how to do anything else, but a daily meeting schedule gave me something to do instead. Once I hit the Holy Grail of one year, I felt I could start doing less AA and spend more time with church and fitness. My insane perspective quickly turned the world into an ugly scary place where only an a*hole could make it. Having had some serenity, I now find those old attitudes painful and pain is definitely the touchstone for my spiritual growth. When I turn to God, admit I’m an alcoholic and attend a regular meeting, I find myself on solid ground, when I don’t I’m moving toward annihilation.
Member: Monica C
Location: Philly, PA
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 4:15:35 PM
Hiya everyone, Monica alcoholic...I couldn't help resist quoting the BB, but when I hear of the word complacency I think I page 85... ".....That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." BB-page 85 Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee, Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.
Member: DS
Location: Panama Panhandle
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 6:22:10 PM
Complacency, hmm. I guess it occurs when I think I am doing all I need to do and am satisfied with the results. I do not go to many meetings, and have not for some time. I do online, but somehow I feel as if these don't count as meetings. I think of them more as meeting with sponsors, of course I can lie to folks online. And I can lie to sponsors. I know that in the beginning and during most of the early years the folks went to one meeting per week and some even one per month. I can imagine that these folks were further into their alcoholism than I was, as they were going into institutes and hospitals and having DT's. However, it seems that most of the behaviors they were practicing were not as morally and spiritually as those I was at the same age. I know that the moral and spiritual damage had increased far beyond the damage from alcohol. I know that practicing these principles in all I say ALL of my affairs is the ticket, and it matters not how many meetings I go to or how many times I bend my knees or whisper a prayer of supplication. Today I do a tenth step, 11th step and if possible do a 12th. When I become aware I do a 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th. I know when I go to meetings I love to hear the sound of my own voice, and that is an ego trip to hell, ladies and gentlemen. It is a show for me and I have great difficulty detaching from that behavior, did it long time before I even realized it, and at times when I do go to a meeting I do not share. Me, the egomonster. anyway, enuff Deena
Member: Valerie M.
Location: Canada
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 8:52:50 PM
I'm so thankful I "tuned in" and read through all the shares tonight. Complacency is an excellent topic! I was especially touched by the remarks from Barbara H. in Dundee - thank you to you! What you said really hit home with me. I'll never take my sobriety for granted and realize it takes a lot of ongoing work and maintenance to keep me "level" and in the good place I'm in today. Thanks to all for letting me share.
Member: Dave A.
Location: Manassas, Va.
Date: 7/22/2002
Time: 11:19:18 PM
Hi, Im Dave, an alcoholic. I looked up the word complaceny too, and it also states "to be unaware of unpleasant consequences." I have been in the hospitable three times, detox twice, almost died once, and all because of alcohol abuse. I smell the roses now. Today was my first meeting at an Intensive Outpatient Program. Each time I have relapsed, I had stopped going to AA meetings. What does this tell me? Don't be complacent. Work the program and steps. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: david k.
Location: 29 Palms, CA
Date: 7/23/2002
Time: 12:33:44 AM
Hello everyone. I'm David and I'm an alcoholic. Just found "Staying Cyber." Complacency--good topic. Makes me realize that I am getting complacent. Have not been going to meetings regularly, using the excuse that I'm too busy. I will be three years sober tomorrow, July 23rd. and I don't want to go back. I do work the steps daily, talk and work with other alcoholics, but I seem to be forgetting about myself. Thank you for all your comments--they are putting me in the right perspective. Need to take care of myself before I can help others. Newcomers to AA--keep coming back! Thanks!
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 7/23/2002
Time: 2:16:41 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. Complacency is a good topic. I know I get the feeling at times, that I don't need A A, that I can do this by myself, and I resort back to the old way of living. Barstool Mentality. A A doesn't need me, I need A. A. Thru the Grace of God and our fellowship I have enjoyed over 14&1/2 years of continous sobriety, and complaceny at times has been a part of it, and I expect it will continue to be at times. This is a program of spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection. Thamks for allowing me to share and God Bless.
Member: Maureen
Location: oregon
Date: 7/23/2002
Time: 2:18:41 AM
What do I do when I am complacent? keep being complacent! I find that all creatures human and animals keep doing what is comfortable or uncomfortable, habit is an addiction or compulsion. We have got to want to change, and there better be a dam good reason for doing otherwise or we are not going to want to change. Ego or pride and comfort,it can be just a wrong thing to do.
Member: Dan D
Location: Chicago
Date: 7/23/2002
Time: 10:53:52 AM
Hi everyone,Dan alcoholic.When I'am complacent I am saying to myself that I know better than those AA people.I can make my own decisions about what I need to be doing.I am not one of those who feel that I have to ask my sponsor every little thing but I had better make sure that I am not making to many changes wihout consulting someone in AA.
Member: Anne M
Location: NY
Date: 7/23/2002
Time: 3:52:10 PM
Hi there, I'm Anne and I am an alcoholic. I go back and forth with my complacency and am learning that I need to remain vigilant against it. I go thru bouts of concern that I have not hit my own personal bottom -- that I wasn't "that bad". I had a very high bottom and that makes it easy for me to feel that I can do this on my own terms. I recognize this as very dangerous thinking, and luckily have been following the advice that has been given to me: don't drink, go to meetings, talk to my sponsor every day, call other AA's, read AA books, etc. I DO want to remain sober; I just need to remember that I have to work at it.
Member: Tony P.
Location: Brooklyn N.Y.
Date: 7/23/2002
Time: 4:01:22 PM
Hi my name is Tony Alcoholic: I'm a failure; I was sober for ten years when I started drinking what was advertised as non-alcoholic beer. Of course it was not long before my desire for the real thing took over. It's been sixteen years and I'm still trying to stop drinking on my own. We all know it doesn't work that way. I woke up today and decided to log onto the AA web sight and was touched by the so manny stories especially Barbara H. from Dundee it brought tears to my eyes eleven years is a long time. Your story helped me more than you can imagine. I'm going to my first in sixteen years AA beginners meeting tonight in hopes of finding a better tomorrow. I failed to stay sober because I did not use the most important and available tool AA. I would like to turn my failure story to a successful story one day at a time. "GOD BLESS US ALL"
Member: Donna A.
Location: California
Date: 7/23/2002
Time: 4:42:56 PM
I have definately been there. About two years ago I got down to one meeting per month. It was my H&I committment. I don't ever want to be there again. I didn't drink but I was sure miserable. I am now back up to about 5 meetings a week. Calling my sponser and being of service. I sponsor other women and taking them steps through the steps reminds me that I need to continue taking them with my sponsor. Life is still happening all around me but I am happpy a whole lot more then I am miserable. I have an awesome God in my life today and we do business together on a dailey basis.
Member: Susan S.
Location: West Michigan
Date: 7/23/2002
Time: 7:12:49 PM
Hi, I'm Susan, overcoming my disease of alcoholism. First, I thank God for leading me to Staying Cyber AA Group--this online site. I am on vacation and will be attending my first live AA meeting tonight in Southfield, MI. Thanks to everyone for your suggestions on getting to a meeting. Second, Tony from Brooklyn, NY -- you are not a failure. You say you are an alcoholic. Well, you are at the right online site and let us know how your meeting tonight goes. One fails when he continues to live in the madness; not when he returns to the program and accepts a better way of life. WELCOME BACK. Complacency kills, steals, and destroys my inner peace. I am a personal testimony that those who regularly attend meeting stay sober. When I came into the program, it was suggested that I go to as many meetings as I could and not drink in between. For me, this meant practically living at the Alano Club. Then, I could go home and return to the next scheduled meeting. Now, I attempt to go to a meeting daily; but I make approximately 4 to 5 a week. All I can suggest is what was suggested to me "Go to AS MANY MEETINGS as you can, and don't drink in between." If you do happen to drink, "KEEP COMING BACK". I did.
Member: jenn
Location: down south
Date: 7/23/2002
Time: 8:19:00 PM
Great topic. Obviously one many people can identify with judging from the number of shares. I struggle with the differences between serenity, apathy, and complanceny. I learned alot from the definitions and interpretations that people shared. I would like to THINK that I am leading a serene existince, but it is critical to acknowledge that "the beast" is over in the corner doing pushups getting stronger and waiting for my guard to be down - COMPLACENT. Yes, it is cunning baffling and powerful. Great reminder. I love meetings, my schedule is sometimes hard with kids to take care of and full time work, but I still make a few a week and keep in touch with others in the program and a sponsor. I read my daily thoughts and begin and end the day with a prayer, these are the basics for my life now, and I never want to go back to the apathetic world of drinking and using. I DO care, and I care about my sobriety, and I want to make progress, not just be comfortable. Thank GOd for this site and like minded people who just want to stay sober......
Member: Matt C
Location: California
Date: 7/23/2002
Time: 9:04:33 PM
Member: Jeff T.
Location: Ne.
Date: 7/23/2002
Time: 11:10:51 PM
Complacency? You got me there. I`m sorry to say that as of lately this site is the only AA i get too. I feel like any thing i could say would be just an excuse. I haven`t been to a meeting in months. As i was reading the posts i thought to my self, "gee" sounds like they are talking to me. You all got up sunday real early and talked it over & picked a topic that would be directed to me. LOL Man i must be nuts! LOL I can`t honestly tell you why after 12 years (13 now) i quit going to AA. I`m still sober, seem happy, joyous & free. I have no resentments that i`m aware of. Some times i think that i just got burnt out on AA. Not that i don`t love AA & all the people in it. I went from 3 months sober cleaning ash tray to 5 years sober & the DCM for my District, with alot of service work in between. I don`t know the answers to this one. I have seen some sober people with years of sobriety & active in AA get drunk & others with little time get drunk, active or not. I guess it comes down to this, it all depends on wheather or not you really want to STAY sober. We can`t hide from alcohol even if we tryed. If an alcoholic wants to get drunk he can surely find a way. Thanks...Jeff
Member: Cec H
Location: Cowtown
Date: 7/24/2002
Time: 4:17:10 AM
How can one be complacent, if one is grateful
Member: xx
Location:
Date: 7/24/2002
Time: 6:29:25 AM
xx
Member: BabetteR
Location: Jerusalem
Date: 7/24/2002
Time: 6:48:13 AM
This is a good topic. For me there is no middle ground. In the past the minute I got complacent, it led directly to a relapse. I've relapsed so many times I have enough white chips to tile my bathroom. When I start letting up on daily meditation, prayer and meetings trouble immediately follows. I am sick enough to need at least 3 meetings a week, contact with a sponsor and other AAs and a willingness to help other alcoholics. I've paid the price for complacency too many times and don't want to go through it again. Thanks.
Member: Sam L.
Location: U.S.
Date: 7/24/2002
Time: 7:59:32 AM
Hi! I'm an alcoholic and my name is Sam. Complacency is a very good topic. I have enjoyed reading the comments. I don't dispute the fact that resentment is the #1 cause of slips.(Just as stated in the big book). However, of the members I have known who have relapsed,I would I would have to rate complacency as a very close second. Every day I see people who get too comfortable with their progress. When I do I feel sorry for them because they are many times in for a fall. I hope I can continue to remain teachable and to realize how very little I know. If I ever get to the point that I think I have all the answers I know that I will be headed for a slip. Thanks for letting me share and God bless one and all.
Member: Teresa B.
Location: Elkhart, IN
Date: 7/24/2002
Time: 9:12:03 AM
Hi everybody, Teresa B. grateful alcoholic here. Denny, what a great and applicable topic. I whole-heartedly agree with Sam L. that complaceny runs a very close second to resentments in causing relapse. I had one myself recently and complacency (along with wanting an easier, softer program) was the major culprit. Barbara and Tony, thank God you both have come to your senses and have chosen to come back to AA. God literally only knows how many of us never make it back from relapse. Today, after my husband left for work, I got into a funk and didn't want to do my morning laid-off-from-work-what-keeps-me-sober routine. I thot, well, maybe I'm bored so lets see if I can do things in a different order and still get what I need to do accomplished. So, among other things this morning, here I am online. Then I read Rebecca FL pointed comment that complacency is "a means to resist or rebel, overtly or covertly." WOW! WOW! WOW!. So what's *really* going on is I'm kicking against the goads of spiritual discipline that keeps me sober one day at a time. Now knowing that it's rebellion and control that's behind this, I'll still try to mix it up every so often to keep sobriety fresh, but I can't use it as an excuse NOT to do the next right thing at all. Thanks for being here and letting me vent.
Member: I see!
Location: Everywhere!
Date: 7/24/2002
Time: 1:33:06 PM
Complacency? What can you truly be complacent about? Strictly speaking of avoiding euphoric toxics, getting complacent in one's thinking that I can indulge now and then and take it or leave it is the worst danger for a user and abuser of toxics! But if one has that beat I think any other kind of complacency is nowhere to be found! I might not be a basket-case any longer, but this world we live surely is! What on this earth can you have any kind of confidence in that things will get better? I see not any!!
Member: jim k.
Location: texas
Date: 7/24/2002
Time: 6:26:28 PM
I'm an alcoholic and my name is Jim. I just celebrated two years of sobriety on the 15th of July, and although I am extremely grateful to be sober today, life has gotten rough lately. I am recently married to a wonderful woman in the program, but in doing so my life has been completely displaced. I moved across the state, had to secure a new job, group, sponsor, and friends while continuing to reach out in service, apply the steps in my life, and work on this new marriage. Things are not going so well. I have a sponsor, new job, and home group. I have had many opportunities to be of service, and I have taken full advantage. My bills are paid and I focus on being grateful for what I have. However, as it turns out, the marriage is not working. (I realize this is a bit off the topic, but I need some feedback.) It is somewhat comforting, yet wholly frustrating to realize that I can still make poor decisions in recovery. I am human and I have made a mistake. I have done my very best to keep God in the picture, to not "rest on my laurels" and to stay active in the program, but for some reason our home has become a battleground. Taking these principles into my home has been the hardest thing I've ever done--even harder that getting sober!!!! I am at a loss, and being that my sponsor and his wife are friends of ours, and our home group is the same, I am having difficulty being honest and getting impartial feedback. I have had several near-misses with the bottle, and my behavior is regressing. I have hit a wall of incapacitating depression, and I need help. (How humbling to have to reach out for help all over again!!) If anyone has gone through a similar situation, or has any feedback I would greatly aprreciate it. astrokiseki@yahoo.com
Member: james w.
Location: lkld., fla
Date: 7/24/2002
Time: 7:12:39 PM
i called my sponsor tonight and to let him know that i wouldn't be going to our regular wed. night meeting any more.his immediate response was to go to this site if i wasn't going, and that it would be good for me."GEEE, you don't think he just might have known what the topic was do you!!!!!!!" i will be adding this meeting to my wed. nights now. its a welcome change to sit at home, read the sharing,and go back and re-read them if i need to. the computer is another tool that we can use to add variety. variety can be another tool to fight complacency just like i used to use anger to fight my fear.
Member: WilliamA.
Location: HighPoint ,N.C...
Date: 7/24/2002
Time: 7:18:07 PM
Hello. William Alkie. Great Topic. Really Great Topic. See You Next Time.
Member: Barbara H
Location: Dundee, Scotland
Date: 7/24/2002
Time: 8:08:16 PM
Hi, Barbara, alcholic here - again. Apologies for sharing twice, but Tony P, Brooklyn, I'm glad you're going to a meeting and you are most definitely not a "failure". I've had to get myself back to meetings big time. I wish you well, we all have to support one another - if we don't who else will? I was afraid at first to go back to meetings but all I got was support and love - I'm sure you will get the same. God bless. Thanks again all of you for being there.
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 7/24/2002
Time: 9:58:12 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Thanks for all the sincere shares. Welcome newcomers! I have been struggling with complacency ever since my surgery over two years ago. Sometimes, I really do feel too ill to do all that I'd like to with my AA program, while at other times I feel that perhaps I am becoming complacent by using my ill health too often as a reason not to do more in AA. I am relying on my God and prayers especially too help keep me sober during this personal struggle. It has worked so far, one day at a time.
Member: Rarely
Location:
Date: 7/24/2002
Time: 11:07:02 PM
My name is Rarely and I am an alcoholic. All those people who came to A.A. and got sober. And now never attend a meeting to give away that which was so freely given to them. Are sobriety thiefs.
Member: Dave A.
Location: Manassas, Va.
Date: 7/25/2002
Time: 3:00:47 AM
Hi, I'm Dave, an alcoholic. The topic of complacency really seems to be popular of late. I was attending a meeting tonight and it was brought up. I'm trying hard to work the AA program and not become complacent. I have watched (or NOT) enough of my life go by in a mind fog - like an edited film that I only remember parts of. It's time for me, as the back of my one month AA coin will say; Self Be True Thine Own, and enjoy what life I have left, SOBER. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: sober
Location: thief
Date: 7/25/2002
Time: 11:46:58 PM
Dear Rarely Read page 103 in the 3rd edition!
Member: Rachel R.
Location: So.Cal
Date: 7/26/2002
Time: 3:15:05 AM
My name is Rachel and I AM an alcoholic. I make one meeting per week and this was my 2nd week missing. Complacency is something that scares me stiff. I don't want to eat out of garbage cans again. 4 months before I took my 5 year cake, I returned to meetings after a 9 month "break". The first 2 months off, my program worked me. After that, insanity took over. I didn't drink, but sometimes I thought that I may as well since I was so miserable. I always kept in touch with my sobriety brothers and sisters, but now I'm back sponsering and working steps. Life gets better, or like the BB says, I'm able to match calamity with serenity when I'm working a full program (including meetings). Jim K--I too married an AA and he isn't working a program anymore. It's difficult, but JUST DON'T DRINK!!! If you stay clean, the hard times WILL pass. We've been through a lot, but stick tight to God. He'll carry you through. It's your program that you MUST work. All else will be taken care of. I promise. Tony P.--Welcome Home!! You'll make it if you put your all into the program. Michael B. my prayers are with you. I've been there and I've come through it. Keep up the prayers. They'll save your life. Sorry I was so long winded. God bless you all and thank you for sharing in my sobriety
Member: RobinF
Location: Detroit MI
Date: 7/26/2002
Time: 8:44:31 AM
What Complacency has cost me, As I think back over the years of sobrity I think of the hardships I have faced and cost my family to face. I was fired from my job for something I did not do. that was 2 years ago because I wont confront the "bullys" in my life. I refuse to get involved in arguments and turmoil. Before thinking this is good think about the other side of the coin. I refused to take on my mortgage company and then they tried to take my home, a lawyer well three lawyers made there money and one MOVED to aruba with my money from the lawsuit over my leaking heart valves ( diet drugs) This isnt a pity pot I have to become active from my complaincent nest and sell just about everything and move on. I just have to drag my husband and children threw this and PRAY that my heart valves will take it. My insurance company even through we paid into it for 2 TWO premium BC/BS policys left me with 17K in bills I found I had no NONE in disablity OPPS I stuck my head in the sand and did not think of how I was to feed my family! Guilt you bet but drink over it no way I just work and work and go on a work alcholic bender. Back to meetings and finding a lobster sponser to pinch me everytime I get back to not thinking like a responsable adult I should be.
Member: Mindy T.
Location: Long Beach, California USA
Date: 7/26/2002
Time: 10:45:17 AM
Mindy, alcoholic. I'm glad I decided to check this site again. Complacency is something I struggle with myself, sometimes. Y'know, I just took my first cake for 12 years, and it's amazing how my life is today compared with when I first got sober. I actually have a life today, as opposed to when I first walked into the rooms. A lot of that is due to following the direction of some very wise old timers, getting a sponsor, working the Steps-and going to as many meetings as possible. For 10 years, I went to 5-7 meetings a week. Then, the last two years, my meeting attendance HAS dropped to about 2-3 meetings a week. I've seen plenty of people with more time than me that only go to a meeting when they feel like it. Well, my biggest fear is that I'll end up like those people. I never want to take my happy, sober life for granted, like I've seen so many others do. If it wasn't for AA, I wouldn't have what I have, and I know it. Tony, hang in there. Relapses have a way of kicking you up, instead of down. And don't think of yourself as a failure. Instead, think of yourself as a potential success story. Iv'e thought of myself as a failure enough in my life; I now think of myself as a success waiting to happen. Everything I have and everything I am is due only to the grace of God as I understand God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank you for letting me share.
Member: carmela
Location: cleveland
Date: 7/26/2002
Time: 9:56:06 PM
Complacency sucks. It's not a good spot to be in. It is somewhat comforting to know that I'm not the only one in this spot. -Called my sponser today- for the first time in oh, a year. I'm buying a house, up goes the stress levels! I'm praying for willingness to get back on the"AA beam" Thanks for being here!
Member: anonymous alcoholic
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: 7/27/2002
Time: 3:54:16 PM
If I get complacent and start taking my recovery for granted, usually I'll have a relapse in one of my other programs. Luckily I haven't had a drink since my first AA meeting. Either I will bet, overeat, use caffeine or the Internet, compulsively. These are my signs that I need to turn things back over to HP and be grateful for the gifts I have been given. Thanks.
Member: Wanda S.
Location: Niles, MI
Date: 7/27/2002
Time: 10:01:49 PM
Excellent topic. Wanda here. I just got three years by the grace off God. All of you gave me a lot to think about. Thanks
Member: Keith K.
Location: Kingstowne, VA
Date: 7/28/2002
Time: 12:29:15 AM
I am a slow learning alcoholic and my name is Keith. I have had 3 trips into the doors of AA (’68, ’84, ’00) with 2 rather ugly adventures between, when I walked through them the wrong direction to add some pages to my story (’74 to ’84 and again from ’96 to ’00). Although I had one extensive period of sobriety which lasted nearly 12 years, I never completed a formal 7th Step. I worked all of the steps in an intellectual sort of way and gained great knowledge from AA and outside literature on each and every one of them. I even made an attempt at writing some of them down in a semiformal fashion. I know today just how much of a mistake these half measures truly were. THAT APPROACH DID NOT KEEP ME SOBER. I am now approaching a formal 8th Step and have thoroughly and completely concluded those seven steps that preceded it, to the best of my ability and in a formal fashion. Sanctification by my Higher Power through a formal 7th Step produced serenity within me that I just can not describe. What brought me back through the doors 744 24-hours ago was the heat placed upon me from within that box of despair in which there was no escape. That horrid maintenance drinking deathtrap which John Barleycorn and I had again placed me. All I can say is the burden lifted from me and the relief experienced through sanctification by the 7th Step was similar to that relief I experienced following my last detox when I again came back through those life saving doors of AA, this time to stay. It was similar to the burden lifted from me when I took the time to reveal to my sponsor and my Higher Power the contents of my 4th Step as I completed my formal 5th. I would like to hear from all of my AA family concerning sanctification through Step 7. Today I am eternally grateful that I have a Higher Power behind me so I can face anything before me. Thank you for letting me share.
Member: john a
Location: Mountain home
Date: 7/28/2002
Time: 1:09:35 AM
I read many of the comments. I have not been to a meeting for two weeks. I am very greatful that I have been sober for over eight years. In fact, God willing I will collect my 9 year chip this Sept 15th. I have too many blessings to count, everything I could possibly need. . . And yet I want more. A Relationship, more money. . . Bla Bla Bla! Thank you all for reminding me what is important. Meetings. Getting out of self. Action. Thank you all.
Member: Jay L.
Location: Arizona
Date: 7/28/2002
Time: 1:25:00 AM
As a new topic for the week...how about talking about what you do to maintain what would be a "fit spiritual condition" for you. I've been around about 18 months and I find this to be a most challenging task. I would find it extremely helpful(and hopefully others would as well)to hear what you do to maintain yourselves spiritually. Thank you.
Member: Angela P.
Location: Dallas
Date: 7/28/2002
Time: 1:48:11 AM
I am not sure what the topic is but I am really feeling restless, irritable and discontent. I have not been clean 30 days yet, only 15 but I just got out of treatment and I am really not handling everyday stresses the right way. Any advice??
Member: Kathy
Location: NE
Date: 7/28/2002
Time: 4:21:13 AM
I'm Kathy - an alcoholic - very thankful to all of you for your posts. I celebrated my 17th anniversary yesterday. It continues to amaze me that I haven't felt the need to pick up a drink for so long. I never thought I could stay sober 17 days - let alone 17 yrs!! Barbara H. - thank you for your post -it helped me a geat deal. Especially "Please DON'T GET COMPLACENT"...I needed to be reminded of that. Monica C. - Thanks for quoting pg. 85 of the BB. The longer I'm here seems the more I forget to turn to the BB. Tony P. - please do not call yourself a failure - you are an alcoholic - remember we're not bad people; we're sick people trying to get well. You have 10 years under your belt. I know you can find sobriety again. It will be so helpful to others seeking sobriety if you return to meetings and tell what it's like out there. Please keep posting. Angela - welcome - keep it simple - don't drink - go to meetings - get a sponsor -ask for help - please keep posting - you might find the Early Sobriety page helpful. My heart is so full of gratitude to my HP whom I choose to call God for giving me a second chance at life. Truly a miracle!! Thank you all for reminding me of the danger of complacency.
Member: Curtis L
Location: Goliad, TX
Date: 7/28/2002
Time: 8:28:31 AM
I'm an alkie named Curtis. Grateful as I know how to be today. Still growing. Complacency caused me to lose my spiritual connection somewhat, and to escape to another addiction/compulsion about three years ago. As a result, I ended up in Gamblers Anonymous also, and found a bunch of other alcoholics with 15 to 30 years soberity. Taking a drink, is not the only danger of complacency because insanity, irrational behavior, harmful behavior, and self will can damage me in many ways other than drinking. I am extremely grateful to have found my way back into active AA work instead of the one meeting a month business that got me in trouble. Just my experience. Love and Hugs in the fellowships, Curtis
Member: curtis
Location:
Date: 7/28/2002
Time: 8:30:23 AM
P.S. Kathy, I've also been sober over seventeen years.
Member: ASL
Location:
Date: 7/28/2002
Time: 8:43:36 AM
Novena to St Jude: (pray the following prayer 9 times a day for 9 days..publish and your request will be granted) May the sacred heart of Jesus be adored, glorified, loved and preserved thoughout the world now and forever. Sacred heart of Jesus, pray for us. St. Jude worker of miracles, Pray for us. St. Jude helper of the hopeless, pray for us. (State your request here (such as please St Jude hear my prayer and help me to stay/get sober..ect.)repeat 8 more times for a total of 9 times each day for 9 days.)
Member: ASL
Location:
Date: 7/28/2002
Time: 8:49:14 AM
Prayer to St. Claire: 9 Hail Mary's each day for 9 days..ask for 3 miracles and promise to publish. Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou amoung women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb. Jesus, Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen (State your request..sobriety ect. repeat 8 more times for a total of 9 each day for 9 days.) YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE CATHOLIC TO PRAY A NOVENA!
Member: ASL
Location:
Date: 7/28/2002
Time: 8:49:24 AM
Prayer to St. Claire: 9 Hail Mary's each day for 9 days..ask for 3 miracles and promise to publish. Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou amoung women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb. Jesus, Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen (State your request..sobriety ect. repeat 8 more times for a total of 9 each day for 9 days.) YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE CATHOLIC TO PRAY A NOVENA!