Member: Kelley C.
Location: Chicago
Date: 12 Jul 1998
Time: 12:40:07

Comments

Hi. I'm Kelley and I'm an alcoholic and an addict. I'd like to talk about being conscious in sobriety and continuing to grow. Quitting drinking and thinking about the steps as they relate to my drinking isn't enough for me. In sobriety I have been asked to "think" about the consequences of sober behaviors, to grapple with my "world views" and to reconstuct from the core upward. So much of what I believed about myself was faulty. Being conscious about the "real" me is incredibly difficult, I am constantly sifting through layers of beliefs I've had since I was a small child (like I'm inherently bad, or God is punishing or I don't deserve the same space on this world as others do). More than that I have had to learn to accept the reality of my chemistry (I'm just not wired the way non-depressives or perhaps non-alcoholics are). I have over-developed centers of knowledge (intellect) while others have remained scarred or under-developed (physical, emotional centers). Recovery, for me, has meant giving centers of knowledge within me an opportunity to grow (spiritual centers, sexual centers, social centers) when it is really frightening to do...i used alcohol and drugs rather than sitting with those parts of me. In short, recovery has been about trying to become whole and hitting different bottoms IN SOBRIETY. I have hit emotional bottoms, sexual bottoms, spiritual bottoms...all sober and I want to thank the universe for those bottoms. Quitting drinking was just a starting point...an opportunity to heal and learn. I think it has been really hard and at times I am so confused or hurt or scared...and other times incredibly grateful for the opportunity of this particular journey. Thanks for the opportunity to share. Love in recovery AND healing.


Member: Therese
Location: Spain
Date: 12 Jul 1998
Time: 12:40:16

Comments

Hi Therese here and I'm an alcoholic. Could this weeks topic be related to resentments. Thankyou, Therese


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 12 Jul 1998
Time: 15:39:02

Comments

Hi Michelle alcoholic-wow, two topics this week. Growing, and resentments. First resentments, I try not to have any, because to me it is the same as anger, and a dangerous emotion for me. Resentments can be countered by forgiveness and acceptance. Sometimes when I am convinced that I cannot forgive someone, I remember that God forgives me, and wills me to forgive others. As far as growing and learning in the program, or in life, growing is lessons and more acceptance. All I have to view the world today is my perception of it, which is unlike anyone elses in the entire world. I have learned to perceive things through a chain of events of cause and effect and experience that helps me predict how I will respond to new experiences. These are neither right or wrong, they are instead my view of the world. If I am at "dis-ease" with myself or others, its a pretty good sign that I need to change my perception of it. This is harder than it sounds as these beliefs, or my core belief system is something that is brought about my millions of thoughts that I have used to form my belief system, and does not change over night. I have learned to ask God through meditation for change and then practice small steps everyday that will eventually lead to change. I am fortunate enough to be able to go forward rather than backwards MOST of the time, but I do not punish myself for achieving slow change, or making mistakes, it is all part of growing. The most important thing I can do to promote growth is not to drink. Thanks for the two great topics ladies, have a good week.


Member: Mary D.
Location: Seattle
Date: 12 Jul 1998
Time: 16:20:09

Comments

Hi..I'm an alcoholic and my name is Mary. Like both topics, but will comment on learning and being in the program. What i've found aftera few 24 hours in these "rooms" is that if I follow directions, and do what is suggested, the learinging and growiang seem to happen without any interference from me. Like it says inthe 3rd step prayer...relieve me of the bondage of self"..If I stay out of my own way, and follow the steps of others, it works! I ususally don see the growth until I'm well past it. I'll suddenly find myself responding in a different way than my past patterns, or feeling a new feeling - and I'll realize that it's been there awhile and I simply didn't notice it. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly"...I fall under the latter group most of the time. There are times when I've gone for what seem like forever with no apparent change, only to find later that the chnage was there - I had chnaged and didn't know it. The Bog Book refers to us as "trudging the road". I hated that when I was new because I was in such a hurry to feel better. Today I am content to do what I know I need todo, and folow directions that may not seem to have anything to do with the pain I'm feeling at any given point. But always, ALWAYS, the road leads to the promises, if I just give it time. Keep on trudging, ladies..."surely we shall meet again".


Member: Linda P (Traveler)
Location: CA, USA
Date: 12 Jul 1998
Time: 19:10:50

Comments

Hi, Linda an alcoholic. Growth for me happened when I started looking inside, being honest with myself, and with you. The steps revealed the importance of honesty, and with the application of that principle in my life, I have had a remarkable change of character.

Resentments are the #1 offender of alcoholics according the the BB. In our 12x12 it states, "It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us." So it is important for me to look at my part in what happened between myself and another person. Sometimes I lash out due to fear and insecurities, or have unreasonable expectations of others, or have problems with trusting people. If there is any fault on my part, like overeacting, or for specific behavior of swearing at another, then I make amends. If not, I pray for the willingness to forgive that person, and if necessary pray for that individual so I can rid myself of the bondage of my anger. Usually my hearts softens as I pray for others, as I can recognize others are sick also. Thanks for letting me share.

Theresa, pop over to the coffee pot and get acquainted.


Member: Pat D.
Location: Canada
Date: 12 Jul 1998
Time: 23:48:43

Comments

Hi my name is Pat D. and I am an alcoholic. I know only two well the strain of hanging on to resentments. The countless hours punishing myself for what I percieved others have done to me. The wasted energy and sleepless nights thinking of how to get even. And all that happens is I hurt myself. A.A. has shown me a way to deal with this destructive way of thinking and that is to turn it over to a higher power. "Yes, as hard as it is I learned to pray for those who have upset me". I don't want to drink or punish myself in anyway anymore, as I have done enough of that in the past. Prayer is so simple, and me as an alcoholic have trouble with simple, "But it works". Thank god for AA and thank all who came before me who made it possible for me to recover and start real living. Wish you another 24...


Member: Peter M.
Location: Gippsland  Australia
Date: 13 Jul 1998
Time: 05:20:55

Comments

Resentments, good topic! I was full of them when I first came into the fellowship. I was angry and I hated everything and everyone. I was filled with the drive,the need to get even even though physically I was capable of very little. An older member realising that I was on the resentment or "get even" trail took me aside and spoke to me. He explained that I had to deal with my resentments, get rid of them. Not so that ( as I thought) I would get wings and go to heaven or wherever, not so that I would become good but because if I didn't they would eat into me, they would rob me of my peace of mind and threaten and eventually take away my sobriety. Really good reasons for doing something about them in my book!


Member: David F.
Location: Augusta, Georgia
Date: 13 Jul 1998
Time: 10:16:47

Comments

Hi everyone. My name is David and I'm an alcoholic and addict. This is my first visit to the site, and its nice to see a place on the net for sharing and recovery. I just rejoined the fellowship after trying it my way again. After 5 years of sobriety, I decided to do some for research. After 5 years of trying it my way, I knew that it was time to come back to what works, AA. Resentments and anger have always been 2 of my character defects. I pray daily for God to remove these defects of charater, and to help me to grow to be more compassionate to those that I come into contact with. If I have resentments, although I don't think that I will reach out for another drink, the resentments can definitely "eat my lunch" for me. Anger and resentments can definitely block my spiritual growth and contact with my higher power. As for growth, I believe if I'm willing and doing the footwork, God will bring me along as he sees fit. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. As I've heard it before, sobriety is a journey and not a destination. I didn't become a mess overnight, so why think that I'll become "cured" overnight? One day at a time.......Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Barry M.
Location: Villa Grove, IL
Date: 13 Jul 1998
Time: 15:47:50

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Barry and I'm an alcoholic and drug addict. I'm fairly new to this program, but I know that, at 35 years old, I must start growing all over again. This time I am willing to do that with the help of you guys and my Higher Power. I tried it my way until this point, and the result was, shall we say, less than acceptable. That's OK though. Today I can begin to accept who I am and live with that. I know that God, as I understand Him, makes no trash. That must mean thatHe loves me and will be there to help me in this growing process. I'm glad, because to be honest, I'm sailing uncharted waters an am kinda' scared. But, I'm in......Thanks for letting me share. love, Barry


Member: Gary V
Location: Boston, Mass.
Date: 13 Jul 1998
Time: 18:05:52

Comments

Hi, I'm Gary, an alcoholic. This is my first visit and I guess I'm having difficulty. Sorry to say this but I feel resentment about having to try A.A. I know I drink too much and want to handle it on my own, but haven't been able to. I resent that I can't just stop on my own. I don't know that I drink for any particular reason that I can think of, but know that I have to look at the problem and admit to it and grow, but I'm not sure how this works.


Member: J.R.
Location: Chicago
Date: 13 Jul 1998
Time: 20:44:55

Comments

GARY, no one person has an answer on how "it works". The good news is that If we're willing to take certain steps and follow the suggestions in the Big Book, go to meetings, and don't pick up that first drink - we can start to understand that it's easier to take on life one day at a time. I use to resent the fact that other people can handle drinking better than me... and it use to piss me off. Today it's easier for me understand I'm truly powerless over Alchohol, believe me I went back a few times to see if that fact changed, and I came back to A.A. to pick up the pieces. Guess what? - I was and still am powerless over alchohol. It does get better, however. The resentments subside and now, I really enjoy the fellowship and have found many true friends. I agree with Kelly about growth, and not being afraid to face life on life's terms. We all have so much potential, but it's up to us to develope that potential to it's fullest, whatever our individual talents are. Most of us weren't afraid to die all those years we were killing ourselves. All we have to do is to get over the fear of living. Yours in the fellowship, J.R.


Member: Tonia
Location: Vegas
Date: 13 Jul 1998
Time: 20:56:35

Comments

Tonia, alcoholic...just the other day I was thinking back to last year at this time, and was pleased to realize that I have found a spirituality that was always missing before in my previous non-sober life. AA showed me the way. I have grown as far as....now, I don't put on a front to people to make them think I'm more than what I really am. I've learned that I'm really okay as just me. I consciously deal with myself and others day-to-day using the principles cited in the big book. I am working on my moral inventory now, and I have already noticed areas where I don't think or act the same way as before getting sober...Thank God! Finding myself sober and not remembering who I was, if I EVER really knew, and trying to figure out how to live without alcohol has been overwhelming at times. I use "One Day AT A Time" like a mantra, and it calms me. I am truly thankful for all that I have received from this program, and am looking forward to being the best person I can be for TODAY.


Member: Charlie O'
Location: Medford, Mass.
Date: 13 Jul 1998
Time: 21:20:22

Comments

Hello, Charlie alconolic. Growth started for me I think the day I came back to A.A. By going to lots of meetings and trying to listen with an open mind I learned something about my disease and about myself.I found that I was self-centered and fear paralyzed me.Sober now over 9 years, I am still self-centered and have fears but not to the degree when I was active.I have learned some acceptance which has added greatly to some serenity. The 12 steps have made me aware of my shortcomings, something I never thought about. Humility was never a virtue I strove for. However, I don't think I could get sober without a tiny bit of it. Resentments are the #1 offender. It makes more trouble for drunks than anything. It is a soul sickness which eats away all good,positive feelings. We must try to avoid them as much as possible. Good luck and keep coming. Charlie O'


Member: Julie K
Location: Manchester UK
Date: 14 Jul 1998
Time: 05:18:03

Comments

Hiya my names Julie and I'm an alcoholic/addict Growing and resentment - at this time I'm doing more resenting and maybe thats one reason why I'm not growing much. Same as most people I could make a list of things i resent but top of the list is myself for not following the program. I have problems but the biggest is drinking and my "desire" to stop drinking is getting less. Following the AA way works, I've seen the proof and I want that. For the last few days I've been a practising alcoholic. Thanks for this page.


Member: Mark L
Location: S.I.,N.Y.
Date: 14 Jul 1998
Time: 10:20:09

Comments

Hi, Mark L. Alcoholic, Gary V.,glad your back! I know how hard it is to accept the fact that we are all alcoholics, but you know if we do work through our resentments,denial we will be OKAY. When I first came around I did not go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I might have made 15 if that many, but I had the support of my NEW friends in the program and just kept coming. Now I find myself going to as many as 12 meetings a week without even trying. This weekend I am going to an A.A.Convention up in Tarrytown,N.Y. at the Marriott Hotel. Its called the South Eastern New York Convention. Many meetings, alot of sobriety, they even sell tapes of the speakers. Last year I swore I would'nt spend a dime on tapes. Well I ended up hearing a Great speaker at the dinner and ended up buying a few tapes. In this program all I did was feel sorry for me. I resented admitting I was alcoholic, I did not want anyone to know me. I just did'nt want to be there. Today I LOVE reaching out with all my Heart to another Alcoholic because I would not be where I am today if it was'nt for someone doing the same to me. I know that you said your from Boston. I have family in Framingham.It took me awhile to go to meetings there but at Christmas they had a wonderful Marathon for 36 hrs. Steve I am glad that I see your here. If you see this I'll meet you over at the coffee pot. Hope all newcomers are doing well and everyone else that is here and have been here.

Thanks for leeting me share

Mark L.


Member: Craig D.
Location: UTOPIA
Date: 14 Jul 1998
Time: 22:24:00

Comments

Craig D. Alcoholic/Addict. I like the millions And Web.tv , and i.q. Blessed Be.


Member: bill j
Location: Germany
Date: 14 Jul 1998
Time: 22:32:26

Comments

Hi. THis is my first time here. I have been drinking heavily for years, and an now afraid that I have liver problems. I have a great family which I love very much, but I can't stop drinking. I hate the fact that I can't conrol my drinking. I resent it that others can drink just one beer, and I need a hundred.The stigma of being labelled a drunk will hurt me professionally, and I am afraid my fear of that will keep me drinking. I am very afraid. So I resent my weakness, too.


Member: Carolyn L.
Location: GA
Date: 15 Jul 1998
Time: 09:23:13

Comments

Hi all, resentment, humility and growth. This is a good topic. Today I am beginning to see the true benefit of humility and the letting go of resentments in order to make room for growth. I recognize that in order to trully make progress and complete makeover is necessary. Happiness is the byproduct of living right. As we strive for humility we cannot help but to forgive and when we forgive trully from the heart we can hold no resentment. As I type this it seems so simple, I just couldnt figure it out on my own, thanks to God, the fellowship, my sponsor, Michelle G., and others, I am making the connection.


Member: chuck k
Location: twin cities MN
Date: 15 Jul 1998
Time: 14:20:46

Comments

HELLO, my name is chuck and I am an alcoholic. this is the first time i have done this. I like what has been said. It is always good to listen/read. Considering the topic at hand about growth, It can be difficult to live life sober. Then we get to deal with those messages we tell ouselves like, I'm not worthy..ect.. I don't give myself a fair chance when I listen to this message. I do not grow when I listen to these thoughts. I have been working with my sponsor on the topic of self-esteem. It is extremely important for alcoholics to build self-esteem. I feel that my recovery could be in jeopordy if I do not look at this topic. Things that help are praying for good's help. he did not get me sober so I could be depressed all the time. service work is extremely important. I need to get out of my head and help others. One last thing we can do is not let the one mistake cloud over all other positive accomplishments of the day. I hate when I do that. Thank god and all of you for being here. have a great day chuck k


Member: Jodene Alcoholic
Location: OKC
Date: 15 Jul 1998
Time: 14:22:34

Comments

There has been such good sharing here about how to deal with resentments and how the end result of that is growth. One of the blessings I've received is I just don't get as angry as often as I did when I was out there. It's amazing actually. The change has come as a result of many things. One is I'm clean and sober. Another is I've learned to look for the similarities between us instead of the differences. Oh, that demon anger still zonks me somtimes. But the anger isn't as intense or last as long. The reason it's so important to do certain things--pray, meditate, write, go to meetings, talk to your sponsor, etc.,et.al, and so forth, is that when a crisis comes, and it WILL come, you will have enough deposited in your serenity acccount to draw on. I drank at, because of and to avoid anger. Today, when it starts in me, all sorts of bells and whistles go off and I do something about it. I am so glad each of you is here. BILL J.: The group I sobered up at is in Lawton, Ok. (Ft. Sill). There are a lot of great recovering sober soldiers.


Member: Linda M
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 15 Jul 1998
Time: 14:32:53

Comments

Linda M, alcoholic, Hi everyone

Welcome to the newcomers and those still drinking. My prayers are with those of you still struggling with it.

Lately I'm realizing how my anger and tendency to hold resentments have dominated my life and how this has caused my own misery. My father is terminally ill and my family is going through hell right now watching him go downhill and suffer. This is what is making me see how insane I have been in this regard. This stressful time is making me realize how reactive I can be and how angry and intolerant I get with people. My expectations of myself and others are unrealistic. It's been good to read the previous posts regarding resentments and how dwelling on the "wrongs" done us, real or imagined, hurts me and puts my sobriety at risk. It's amazing how these difficult times cause us to grow and teach us to be more grateful for what we do have in our relationships--not what seems to be missing. This sounds like I have it all together but in truth I was just thinking of drinking and reading everybody's posts made me realize just how much I don't want to go back to that way of life and the misery I felt then. Don't want to take my sobriety for granted.

Linda M


Member: Mike C.
Location: Cottage Grove,  MN
Date: 15 Jul 1998
Time: 16:32:21

Comments

Hi my name is Mike c. I am an alcoholic. This is my first time in this site and, I like reading what has been said so far. My view on resentments is it's good to look at them, it helps me stay sober. It helps me loose a lot of my anger and feel better about myself. I am resentful for getting wasted and telling people, "we are not alike", "I don't care about you," etc. and not really meening it. After that happened I went to trteatment. Was resentful for having to go through treatment, but it got better, and I got to talk to my mother and we started talking better. It's good to not beat your self (or myslef) up and good to get your resentments out. I like the opportunity to visit this page and I WILL BE BACK!

Peace


Member: Viv L.
Location: Bristol, England
Date: 15 Jul 1998
Time: 18:13:20

Comments

Hi, My name's Viv and I'm an alcoholic. It's the middle of the night here in the UK and I got a resentment earlier during a phone call with a friend. I thought, I can't afford a resentment, let's see what is on the internet. This is my first time at AA on the internet and could not have found a better topic. Soon I can go to bed and sleep, not feed my resentment. Thanks for helping me to stay sober today.


Member: Pete T.
Location: N.Y.N.Y.
Date: 15 Jul 1998
Time: 19:00:09

Comments

Hey yous... I'm Pete, and I'm a Grateful recovering Alcoholic, sober today through the grace of God and Real A.A...

To Billy J.: > When I finally realized I was powerless over alcohol and surrendered my will to my Higher Power, God, I finally got it. Im not saying it's all a bed of roses after that... but it helps me one day at a time, no bullsh!t. Resentments... I had a few... cause I did it "my way"... unlike Franky... God rest his soul... That's what got me in some very deep trouble... you don't want to know what trouble I was in... I'd have to kill you... Today I see the change... others noticed it first, but you will see change, just get yourself to a real A.A. meeting and don't pick up that first drink... it's simple. Keep coming back Billy boy... Hi, Viv... That was my mother's name... I'll bet your as sweet as she was. Glad you got some peace of mind about resentments by coming to the site... it works... don't it? Let go and let God. I through... God bye! Billy J. and Viv,... Go over to the coffee pot and say hey.


Member: DIANE N.
Location: HALLANDALE FL.
Date: 15 Jul 1998
Time: 20:27:56

Comments

I NEVER REALIZED THE MEANING OF THE WORD RESENTMENT UNTIL I PREPARED FOR MY FOURTH STEP. I GUESS I DIDN"T WANT TO ADMIT IT OR ELSE I MIGHT HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. THEN MY SPONSER EXPLAINED I WAS FULL OF "SELF CENTERED FEAR" WHEN I TOOK A BETTER LOOK AT MYSELF, AND MY REACTION TO OTHER PEOPLE I UNDERSTOOD WHAT SHE MEANT. I RESENTED EVERYONE AROUND ME BECAUSE I THOUGHT THEY WERE MORE SECURE THAN I WAS,AND BETTER ABLE TO HANDLE LIFE. I STILL HAVE A PROBLEM WITH INSECURITY,AND COP A RESETMENT WHENEVER I FEEL THREATENED BY ANOTHERS PRESENCE,THE ONLY THING IS TODAY I SEE THOSE BEHAVIORS IN MYSELF AND AM ABLE TO CHANGE THE OUTCOME OF WHAT MIGHT OTHERWISE BECOME A DESASTEROUS SITUATION.


Member: Mark L.
Location: Seattle
Date: 15 Jul 1998
Time: 21:10:29

Comments

Iv'e never harbored much resentment. Growth on the other hand hadn't really stopped for me, it was just slowed down to an uncomfortable grind. Without picking up in almost 6 months now, I've been able to achieve more personally and professionally in that time than I had in more than 5 years.

Not much to resent, and rediscovering myself. I have much to be thankful for.

Thanks.


Member: Ciaran S.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 15 Jul 1998
Time: 22:59:01

Comments

Hi, Ciaran, Alcoholic, Cross Addict. I'm unconcious in semi-sobriety. Need help. Had 3.5 years starting 3/92. Had triplets. Stress put me out. Subsequently in and out. Last was 1/6/98 to 5/98. I want this sobriety so bad. Read the Big Book every day, pray to HP, read the lits. Went back in 7/6/98 - out on 7/15. I'm periodic, can have a few but he anvil drops without advance notice. Tonight had blowout with wife. Had 3 beers before home, told her, 'cause I don't want to live a lie. She blew up. Threatened to take the kids (4th on 2/98, trips 4/96). I wasn't even drunk but that's not the point. She says she can't live with the worry of when will I come home trashed. I'm trying my hardest, but as a periodic, Dysthymic, with stress of supporting Fam of 6, that 1st just steps in unannounced. She never read Big Book, no Al-Anon, no comprehension of my position. I need, and she needs advice. E-Mail me at Swiftzip@earthlink.net. This is ugly crisis, please help. God Bless.


Member: Karen C
Location:
Date: 16 Jul 1998
Time: 07:51:07

Comments

Hi I'm Karen, an alcholic. these are great topics. I try to get rid of resentments as soon as possible - I find praying for the person does help. As for growing, Ive had a lot of growth experiences since the time I came in a little over two years ago. I am constantly being tested and each one seeems worse - but after I work through it I find I have grown and learned from my experiences and become even stronger for them. The last one lasted almost a month and I just kept going to meetings and talking about what was going on and eventually got through it. I too have always followed all the suggestions. I still go to seven to nine meetings a week and I have a lot of serenity even though things arent the way I might like. I just keep living the steps everyday and in spite of myself I get better.


Member: Ken F.
Location: Ashford, Al.
Date: 16 Jul 1998
Time: 11:10:28

Comments

Resentment is our number 1 offender. The Big Book says at the end of Step 3 that our drinking was but a symptom, let's get down to conditions and causes. Steps 4 thru 9 are about change in your life. I have to practice Steps 10 & 11 daily to maintain this change and when I find these character defects creeping back in I have to inventory them and as my sponsor says I have to see where I fit in. The biggest help I find is in prayer and meditation, and rectifing my wrongs. Try to practice humility, read the Big Book, use your sponsor, and go to lots of meetings


Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 16 Jul 1998
Time: 13:47:45

Comments

Hi everybody, I'm Steve, a grateful alcoholic.

I can remember resentments going back to grade school and I form new ones each day, especially as I drive to and from work. These people I don't even know. But with the people I do know, I have much more "justified" resentments.

I like what Linda P wrote recently in that she doesn't allow anyone to get away with taking advantage of her or doing or saying something to put her down. She addresses that person as soon as possible to clear up whatever the issue was. That way, resentments (or un-addressed misunderstandings) don't get a chance to simmer.

I have a choice. I can make a decision to either address the person whose actions I resent, and settle the issue then and there, I can decide it's not worth the time and effort to pursue the matter, or if important do nothing and let a resentment form. Option 3 is for me the worst but one that I do most often. I can change that by listening and talking to people whose opinions I trust and taking appropriate action. That is my assignment: Simple but not easy (just like the whole program).

Ciaran, if I can offer some advice. If you really want to stop drinking and will do anything to stop, work the steps, make it to step 3 where you can let go and let God. And take advantage of whatever kind of help is available for taking care of your family. Also keep things in perspective. A large family means a lot of support and happiness down the road( I know it's hard to imagine now).

Bill in Germany, there is a better way. If you really want to stop drinking and will do anything to stop, AA works. Keep on reaching out for help. AA will help you.

Thanks for letting me share.

Steve D


Member: Wendy S.
Location: Bethel
Date: 16 Jul 1998
Time: 14:54:29

Comments

Hi all, I really like coming here and seeing what you all have to share. Just like live AA, there is always something to learn. Growth and resentments. Good topics, they sort of do and then sort of don't go together. Resentments, for me are more likely than not the results of self centered fear, our worst enemy. A resentment, if I look at it closely, without reacting, is about how this person, place or thing is going to affect me. Put in the proper perspective, such a resentment can and will resolve. Funny, I never thought I had any resentments until I got sober enough to look at my life honestly and realistically. And now I'm approaching the subject of growth---- big one!I agree with Kelley, growth can be painful. For me, almost 2 years sober, I'm only really starting to remember the many things I drank instead of facing. I'm facing them now but it is hard. At the same time there is a sort of pride shining through the pain when I realize that I am doing just that--dealing with issues without hiding the pain in my bottle[s] of BUD. Mary D.talked about how change happens when we least expect it. This happened to me at a family gathering, after a funeral. These kinds of affairs were always dreaded by the alcoholic me. I never knew why but I always knew, I really did, that no one woulod notice if I wasn't there and that no one would want to talk to me or to hear me talk. Inevitably, I would go home at least a little drunk from many family gatherings, many times, more than a little. Zoom back to the funeral where the change overcame me. I was sober about a year, hadn't been to one of these sober. Met my obligation as usual and went to the family gathering. It wasn't until I was driving home that evening that it hit me that I had been totally comfortable with my family, people I had been close to as a child. I was up and helping in the kitchen, helping to serve and clean up the food etc. and all the while actually carrying on nice conversations wit5h the very same aunts and cousins I was sure didn't like or want anything to do with me. It hit me like a miracle. It was me, acting normal![?] That was the day the miracle of the program, the steps my sponsor, my fellow AA's was bought home to me. The day I knew I really was changing. I can talk without drinking!

The thing I'm most grateful for is the return of a real relationship with my higher power, who I call God. He always knew my potential, he shows me how to go. so He shows me how to grow, and he brings me those miraculous moments of the reality of sobriety. Thanks again for all of you who share here. Be well, all of you.


Member: MARK L.
Location: S.I.,N.Y.
Date: 16 Jul 1998
Time: 15:57:44

Comments

Hi, Mark Lerner,alcoholic. One thing I was taught in A.A. was that you can share your last name. We have friends today, what happens if he or she gets sick and ends up in the hospital? Will you be able to find Bill W? Don't think they will be in the directory. Also group officers,how will you do 12 step work if someone is given your name as Mark L. and they want to drink & lost your phone number? They can't exactly call information. Annomity is suppose to be for when you leave a meeting it stays in the room, even if you use your last name. RESENTMENTS! i AM SUPPOSE TO GO TO A CONVENTION IN TARRYTOWN TOMORRW. i HAD 3 PEOPLE GOING WITH ME ,ONE WAS MY SPONSOR,THE 2ND WAS MY FRIEND WHO HELPED KEEP ME SOBER IN MY 1ST YEAR. WELL SUNDAY MY FRIEND DECIDES TO TELL HIS SIGNIFICANT OTHER HE WAS GOING. I BOOKED THESE RESERVATIONS 9 MONTHS AGO! HE NOW HAS TOO MUCH TO DEAL WITH AND CAN'T GO. AS SOON AS MY SPONSOR HEARD THIS ,I HAD SUGGESTED TO HIM TO ASK SOMEONE FOR A RIDE THAT HE KNOWS AND I WOULD GO WITH SOMEONE ELSE. NOW HE TELLS ME THIS IS TOO MUCH TROUBLE AND NOT WORTH IT! GUESS WHAT? IT IS WORTH IT AND I WILL GO IF I HAVE TO TAKE THE TRAIN! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THIS IS WHAT HELPS KEEP PEOPLE SOBER! ARE PEOPLE THAT SICK AND SUFFERING? THIS CONVENTION HAS MEETINGS AROUND THE CLOCK ,A.A. ARCHIVES FROM THE START. PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE STATE? i'M SORRY THESE ARE SOME THE THE RESENTMENTS I HAVE TODAY WITH PEOPLE FROM A.A.

THANK FOR LETTING ME SHARE

MARK L. LERNER

I'LL BE BACK MONDAY EVERYONE HAVE A NICE WEEKEND!

THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT


Member: DARRIN C.L.
Location: KENNEWICK
Date: 16 Jul 1998
Time: 17:22:42

Comments

HI IM DARRIN, IM AN ALCOHOLIC , BIG WORD HUGH. I RESENTED MY X GIRLFRIEND FOR A LONG TIME BECAUSE SHE GOT SOBER. I KNEW SHE HAD A PROBLEM BUT COULDN'T SEE MINE. HER DRINKING LEAD HER INTO DOING ALL KINDS OF CRAZY INSAINE THINGS. I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO DO STUPID STUFF IN ORDER TO SAY YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. WELL MY PROBLEM WAS WHEN I HAD PROBLEMS I DRANK. THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY. THANKS EVERYONE YOUR ALL BEUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. LATER.


Member: Debra H.
Location: West Chester, PA
Date: 16 Jul 1998
Time: 20:53:23

Comments

When I experience a resentment toward someone I share a daily intimacy with I remember what my sponsor asks me - "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" My sponsor and I are here at my home together, celebrating her birthhday, and checking out this on-line meeting. We were talking about time and how precious it is, especially because none of us really know how much of it we have left here on this earth with those we love. So what do I want to spend my dear and precious time doing - judging, being right and superior, nurturing resentments? Or do I want to spend my precious time being happy with the wonderful people my HP has so generously placed in my life??? Mexican proverb: All time spent being angry is time not spent being happy. Stay well, stay happy, stay sober - One Day At A Time!!!


Member: Cheryl G.
Location: West Chester, PA
Date: 16 Jul 1998
Time: 21:05:05

Comments

Hi! I'm Cheryl G., and I am an alcoholic, also I am Debra H.'s (see above) sponsor, and she too is an alcoholic. She was nervous and forgot to say that!!! Being my second time around, after having 5 years, and part 2 of my sobriety, having 5 years again, I have learned that, for me, a resentment is having the person I resent carry around my sobriety in their pocket. The Big Book gives us wonderful, whimsical guidance. I found reading page 449 is one way I believe God spoke to us through Bill W. on how to relieve our resentments. AND if I can't get it through my resentful brain it's down on my knees and the 11th step prayer (St. Francis Prayer). Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Shelton F.
Location: Uvalde, Texas
Date: 16 Jul 1998
Time: 23:07:56

Comments

Hi. My name is Shelton and I'm an alcoholic. I really don't have much to say except for this. If you have resentments then you can grow. I've only been in the program about 5 days now, but I have learned that if I have a resentment I have stopped growing and started going backwards on the ladder. Thank you.


Member: Jane L.
Location: Texas
Date: 17 Jul 1998
Time: 00:46:35

Comments

I have read all the comments and can't help but wonder how some of you "just don't pick up that first drink" That never worked for me. The Big Book tells me that I have lost the power of choice in drink if I am a real alcoholic - that it is non-existant. My hat's off to the ones of you that have done this. Myself, my sobriety date through God's Grace (my mental defense) is 1-26-86 and if I had the power to not pick up that drink, I wouldn't need AA or God. God Bless to all..


Member: Megan B
Location: Moorestown,NJ
Date: 17 Jul 1998
Time: 09:19:13

Comments

Hello my name is Megan a grateful recovering alcoholic. This is my first time here and I think this wonderful to be able to share like this with people all over the world. To all the people sharing that just came in and want to drink, go to a meeting ! This is great sharing like this but you should go to a meeting.Take a commitment if you can and find a sponsor but most importantly dont drink. Hit your knees and pray to God to keep you sober, fake it if you have to. Love to everyone.


Member: Barbara S.
Location: NJ
Date: 17 Jul 1998
Time: 13:34:23

Comments

My name is Barbara and I'm an alcoholic.

I like that these two topics came up together. In my own experience, I've always learned the most about myself from my reactions to other people and to situations, and that includes feelings of resentment and anger. At first, it was helpful to simply stop and look at (and honestly admit to myself - very important!) what exactly I was angry or resentful at. And then I began to get an accurate look at who I was, which I had to have before I could go any further. (For me, therapy was also helpful.)

So growth has come from these resentments and anger, once I was willing to be honest and look fearlessly at my own defects. Step Four is very helpful in this area, both the version in "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions," and in the Big Book. The first three Steps were also important, so that I could get to Step 4 with a little bit of experience with the program and with the idea of chage. And sometimes, I just had to learn how to have patience with my slow improvement, which sometimes seemed to me to be NO improvement. (Looking back, now, I can see that at no time did I ever truly stand still - it just seemed like it, sometimes.) Willingness has always been the key.

Thanks for the topics, and thanks for some good posts -


Member: RickB
Location: Arkansas
Date: 17 Jul 1998
Time: 13:51:29

Comments

I have heard a # of definitions Of anger & resentment...The way I view them , to tell the difference between anger & resentment,is like a televison series.. Anger is the Premier & resentments are the reruns.. I f i begin to take anger & repaly it in my mind ,that tells me I need to take some action.. Especially using my 10 th step And to see if my ego is in jeopardy. &th step --12 & 12 .. tells me " the chief Activator of all my character defects is a self-centered fear .. That I will lose something I have or won't get something I want...This is the check list I run to see what the root problem is.. Peace 7 Love...


Member: Danelle C.
Location: NewBrunswick, Canada
Date: 17 Jul 1998
Time: 18:50:32

Comments

First of all I'm new to this and I would like to commend all those who are trying to quit drinking. I'm an alcoholic, the good news is I've been sober for 22 months. I stopped because I wanted to, and also because the man I live with is an alcoholic also. On some of my sober days I watched him, and thought to myself do I do that? sure enough i did sometimes worse. Keep the faith and don't worry, you too will become what you want to be. As I had said before I commend you. Take care of eachone of yourself's and be happy.


Member: Sundance
Location: Comp. Lab
Date: 17 Jul 1998
Time: 18:59:35

Comments

Sundance here alcoholic,

Well, I'm not dead yet, but quitting drinking and using the 12 steps to the best of my ability is all that I've needed. I strive to carry these steps into all of the areas of my life. Though, that is a slow progressive type of thing. LOL But, that is it, for by working the 12 steps I find a way to over come my resentments. This as someone said is our number one peril, or offender.

Read ya later alligators from a diamond in the rough!


Member: SONDRA V
Location: SUNRISE, FLA
Date: 17 Jul 1998
Time: 20:32:29

Comments

HI--FIRST TIMER HERE... CONSCIOUS CONTACT DAILY -- MY PERCEPTION HAS COMPLETELY CHANGED... FIND WORDS INADEQUATE TO SAY EXACTLY HOW MUCH MY PERCEPTION HAS CHANGED..... AND YOU KEEP ON WORKING BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT WILL GET EVEN BETTER NO MATTER IF YOU BUTT FALLS OFF. LOVE AND KISSES


Member: Ramon P.
Location: Miami,Fl.
Date: 18 Jul 1998
Time: 07:41:10

Comments

Hi every body Iam Ramon an alcoholic. God bless everyone of you. The only advice I have is "don`t drink and go to meetings" from Miami with love Ramon.


Member: JIMMY G
Location: LOWELL MASS
Date: 18 Jul 1998
Time: 13:58:06

Comments


Member: Scott J
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 18 Jul 1998
Time: 14:40:46

Comments

Hi, I'm Scott alcoholic. I've always identified with talk about resentments and "justifiable anger", but I thought these were minor defects compared to others on my 4th step list, such as self-centeredness and low self-esteem. Last night I came to realize how much hate and resentments used to run my life.

I wanted to spend some quiet time with my HP, but not alone at home (where I spend too much time) or out walking (where there are too many mosquitoes.) So I went for a drive in the opposite direction of the beaches to avoid heavy traffic. I didn't have any particular destination and didn't know how far or long I'd drive.

On the highway, I passed a sign marking the turn to the university I used to attend, which would be quiet this time of year. I decided to drive through to remember what it was like the four years I spent drinking there.

As I passed the sports complex, the feelings that came back to me along with the memories were fear and hate. As I passed my old dorm, hate and fear. The frat house across the street: hate. And fear. Passing my old apartment, I remembered how much I hated the landlord, and how much fear surrounded memories of the different cliches of students. Passing the dining hall, I remembered eating there alone fearful, hateful, resentful.

Driving through my old college campus, which I'm sure must be a happy experience for many, overwhelmed me with the hate and fear I used to live with constantly. I'm a little sad and regret the time I lost to my disease, but much more I'm feeling extreme gratitude that I'm living with fewer, less paralyzing fears today and the hate I feel sometimes is not even a fraction of what it used to be. I owe this to my Higher Power, the AA program, and the people in AA who've reached out to me.

Just by staying sober and going to meetings, I've grown and replaced many of the old hates and fears with hope, love for myself and others, and occasional serenity. I love AA.


Member: Kendra S.
Location: Orange County, CA
Date: 18 Jul 1998
Time: 20:34:52

Comments

Hello; Kendra, alcoholic. Through my experience I have learned that I am not to shut the door on the passed, but to accept it and know that is what made me the person that I am today. I have also come to realize that just because I am sober doesn't mean that I am a perfect angel. I learn from mistakes today -- I don't drink over them. Recently this month, I had to stand up for myself. I had to let go of someone in my life which was causing me more unhappiness than happiness. That meant change, I don't like CHANGE!! Now even more so I have my mountains (up's) and my valleys (downs) but I take action when I see a problem. Today, if I can see old behavior and I ask my hp for help and try stop it before it continues, that to me is growth. I once heard that: (in engine analogy)

If you are in "D" - drive - growing mode If you are in "R" - reverse - relapse mode If you are in "N" - neutral - relapse mode

To me it makes sense if you stop going to meetings, you stop calling other alcoholics, you stop keeping in touch w/ your HP, you stop giving back what was given to you (service), your idling and falling into reverse.

Today I try to take the suggestions that are given to me, I make an effort to work with others by sticking out my hand, and I stay in check with people that I relate with. I prefer a few 'all the time' weather friends than a lot of 'fair' weather friends.

Thanks to this program I am learning to be a 'all the time' weather friend, giving back what I was given and always to remember: If my actions are lazy and I think "I really don't want to go to a meeting" then I am basically giving permission to everyone else to say the same. Without all of the people that do go to meetings we just might not have this fellowship! That lazy behavior makes me sprint to a meeting, it dangerous.

Thanks for letting me share!! Take it easy!!!


Member: Kendra S.
Location: Orange County, CA
Date: 18 Jul 1998
Time: 20:37:02

Comments

Hello; Kendra, alcoholic. Through my experience I have learned that I am not to shut the door on the passed, but to accept it and know that is what made me the person that I am today. I have also come to realize that just because I am sober doesn't mean that I am a perfect angel. I learn from mistakes today -- I don't drink over them. Recently this month, I had to stand up for myself. I had to let go of someone in my life which was causing me more unhappiness than happiness. That meant change, I don't like CHANGE!! Now even more so I have my mountains (up's) and my valleys (downs) but I take action when I see a problem. Today, if I can see old behavior I ask my hp for help and try stop it before it continues, that to me is growth. I once heard that: (in engine analogy)

If you are in "D" - drive - growing mode If you are in "R" - reverse - relapse mode If you are in "N" - neutral - relapse mode

To me it makes sense if you stop going to meetings, you stop calling other alcoholics, you stop keeping in touch w/ your HP, you stop giving back what was given to you (service), your idling and falling into reverse.

Today I try to take the suggestions that are given to me, I make an effort to work with others by sticking out my hand, and I stay in check with people that I relate with. I prefer a few 'all the time' weather friends than a lot of 'fair' weather friends.

Thanks to this program I am learning to be a 'all the time' weather friend, giving back what I was given and always to remember: If my actions are lazy and I think "I really don't want to go to a meeting" then I am basically giving permission to everyone else to say the same. Without all of the people that do go to meetings we just might not have this fellowship! That lazy behavior makes me sprint to a meeting, it dangerous.

Thanks for letting me share!! Take it easy!!!

Kendra S


Member: fayla    g
Location: galena  ks
Date: 18 Jul 1998
Time: 21:04:24

Comments

FAYLA,ALCOHOLIC ,Just wanted to say i ejoyed your posts,i have some resentmens toward my mom who is dead,over my dad who is also dead ,i am going to do my best to put it to rest,it eats my insides up ,and i pray to God ,my sponser and i are going to work on it in my 4th step ,it makes me feel very bad that im this angry at my dead mother, love to all fayla g


Member: Kathy H.
Location: Monroe, Louisiana
Date: 19 Jul 1998
Time: 02:36:46

Comments

This is my first time on this site. I really enjoyed reading everyone's comments. I just spent two days at an AA convention. It was great. I remember coming in at 24 and thinking what would I do for fun. The fellowship is great. I know that anger, fear, problems, all work out if I take them thru the steps. That I never have to be alone. That I can give love and recieve love thru this program. I can lead someone thru the steps and watch the grow in them. Although I still have to be lead thru this program and still have to follow directions in this program. The Big Book in the personal stories, tells me when I'm unwilling AA is calling me back.


Member: Barb B
Location: The Burg, PA
Date: 19 Jul 1998
Time: 02:37:15

Comments

My fellow Alcoholics, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thorougly followed our path, those who do not recover (grow/stay sober) are people who who cannot or willnot completly give themselves to this simple program.

6 1/2 years sober and my stars I have character defects, still. Foo, I "should be" perfect by now. Seems I grappled with someone who has a little over a year,over whether we could extend our Sat. 1 pm meeting a 15 min. grace period. Yes, I was accused of self willing, and probably was. Every now and then over the past 12 years, this particular meeting was run over to let the few people left, share. Especially if there are new comers. Yes I know about Group Conscience. But I just believe, a meeting isn't over till everyone has shared. Oh those "buts", still hanging in. Well I do have th capacity to be honest. And I do want to be happy and still the newcomer is the most important person in the room, and that is how important that is. Guess I'll just have to trust God, Clean house and Help Others and Keep coming back. I grow, as I change my perception, through prayer and meditation, willingness, an open mind, acceptance, humility, working the steps, seeking God, and His Will for me, Surrender. Completely giving myself.... to this simple program.


Member: Gary F
Location: Hanoi
Date: 19 Jul 1998
Time: 09:57:27

Comments

Gary, alcoholic, here. Glad to find this meeting and grateful to read all the on-line sharing. I'm still growing, and I am painfully aware of the danger of resentments. Just finished a here in Hanoi and we all discussed a similar topic. Keep on saying sober!


Member: Gary F
Location: Hanoi
Date: 19 Jul 1998
Time: 09:58:03

Comments

Gary, alcoholic, here. Glad to find this meeting and grateful to read all the on-line sharing. I'm still growing, and I am painfully aware of the danger of resentments. Just finished a meeting here in Hanoi and we all discussed a similar topic. Keep on saying sober!


Member: Ramona M
Location: Chipley,Fla
Date: 19 Jul 1998
Time: 10:54:31

Comments

Hi Everyone Ramona an alcoholic The way I see it in my program if I am in resentments then I am not growing because they block me from the sunlight of the spirit. They told me when I first came in it was grow or go. Gratefully I have grown. Have a great day good topic


Member: Marcia B.
Location: St. Pete, FL
Date: 19 Jul 1998
Time: 10:56:05

Comments

hi! I'm marcia and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic. It's been quite a long time since I have shared at this site. I'm so glad I decided to just get on and "check out" what's goin on. Resentment and anger has almost killed me. I' read earlier how one person had experienced one of there bottoms in sobriety. I too, did that when I was 3 years sober. I even became suicidal. Today, I'm so grateful for that time, because, I was finally desperate enough to HONESTLY take a good look at my resentments and take ACTION to rid them from my life for ME! Today, I still get resentments, but throught that past experience,I now have direction and GROWTH to resolve what comes into my everyday life. Today, I try to remember graditude and practice humility daily. And my resentments and anger always is alot less effective in my daily life in ALL situations. thankyou all, for being here for me and all other alcoholics suffering in and out of the rooms of AA.