Member: Betty S
Location: Colfax
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 13:24:59
Isolation:
Member: Cyndi Y.
Location: Atlanta
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 13:38:29
That is a really good topic for me. I seem to be doing that alot. I am pretty new to AA. I have alittle over 6 months. I don't seem to fit in with anyone at meetings. Not that I don't know that i have a drinking problem. You are supposed to get rid of old playmates so how do you make new ones. So I very rarely go to meetings. It's like I don't know what to say or how to act. Anyway, I look forward to what others have to say regarding this.
Member: Deanna
Location: Texas
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 13:49:42
Deanna here, alcoholic.
My problem when I got to AA was I didn't have any friends. I had already run them all off..even the alkies!
Most of my friends now are in AA. And now some of my older friends are coming around. Not the alkies mind you, but the ones who really cared about me but got sick of seeing me drunk all the time. There are lots of people at my home group who had the same problem. We have phone lists of alcoholics willing to take your call at anytime. It took a while but I started using it. If I feel lonely I call someone.
That's not much advice, but it does take some action on your part as well. You are responsible for your sobriety. Don't rest on your laurels when you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired.
Deanna
Member: grace w
Location: dallas
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 13:51:03
hi...i'm grace and i'm an alcoholic. cyndi, i found that becoming attached to my aa group was a bit difficult in the beginning, but in the beginning of sobriety what isn't difficult? after all it seems to me that the first year feels a little like being asked to walk on your hands instead of your feet...it is so different from our usual behavior. isolation is a deadly for me as resentments because it gives me too much time to think negatively and that leads me to self pity which in turn leads me to believe i deserve to drink. i looked for the program of aa to fail me ( i think subconsiously) so that i could say well, i tried it and it didn't work. you can start becoming a part of the people by asking someone to sponsor you if you haven't already and i find that when i extend myself to others (particularly those in the meeting who are having a tough time) i get rewarded. isolation is a comfortable old shoe for me but in truth it is not comfortable at all it is just old behavior which i can change if i want to.
Member: Maggie Mae
Location: Az
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 16:48:39
-I am a newcomer. Three weekend ago this site gave me the courage to go to a face-to-face meeting on Monday night. I have not missed a meeting since and have not had a drink and am very grateful. At AA I found other people just like me; who had felt the guilt, isolation and remorse. They accepted me with open arms. I need to continue to go to meetings. To michele S. from last weeks postings. Girlfriend, I hear your pain. But you MUST get to a face-to-face meeting. The help is there.
Member: Matt
Location: MI
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 17:15:43
I've heard it said at meetings many times: "My head is a very dangerous place to be." When I isolate I give my disease a chance to talk to me and I can't afford to do that. I need to stay in the "real" and that means going to meetings or talking to someone on the phone. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 17:41:28
{{MICHELLE}} I have tried to e-mail using taz8@telus.com, but the e-mail was returned, saying wrong address. Please either re-post your address or e-mail me.
I spent years and years in my own personal prison cell. I carried it around with me. Although I was a human 'doing', as in holding down a very responsible job, and mixing with people, this contact was purely professional, and I was never really a human 'being' and no-one ever got to know the real Avril, until I joined AA, that is. I joined AA around 10 years after the first meeting. Still today, I can go off into my isolation chamber, and convince myself that I 'don't really fit in', and oddly enough, I have just got in from my meeting, where I received my coin (chip) for 9yrs sobriety, and the theme for the meeting became 'isolation'. I know damn well that today I have friends all over the world, and these truly deserve to be called friends, and all they have ever cared about was whether I got well or not, yet, when 'Life Happens' I tend to want to do this on my own, "Hey, I'm 9yrs sober now, you know, I can do this on my own" Today, I KNOW that this is absolute bullshit, and I can't do it alone, but tomorrow, I just might have a bad day, and decide to leave the answerphone on, so I do not have to take calls, 'Forget' to carry my cellphone, and ignore the messages on the answerphone!! This kind of behaviour gets me absolutely nowhere at all, except down on my knees, eventually, and then things start to happen. It was amazing how many people could identify with the isolation, including my sponsor, who is 20 yrs sober now, so we are not unique in this, so whatever I go through, providing I share it with another alcoholic, or better still at a meeting, I can learn to follow RULE #62 DON'T TAKE YOURSELF TOO DAMN SERIOUSLY. Take what AA has to offer, get to many meetings, try to listen to what is unsaid, as well as what IS said, and most of all, don't pick up a drink, even if your ass falls off. Thanks for letting me share, and Michele, I am looking forward to hearing from you, love, hang on in there. Anyone else who wishes to e-mail, you are welcome too, I need all of you.
Avril
Goodie@anon25.freeserve.co.uk
Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 18:21:29
Michele, I have tried to contact you, but e-mails have been returned. Please hang on in there, and either re-post your correct address, or e-mail me.
Goodie@anon25.freeserve.co.uk
Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 18:34:08
3rd attempt at posting this message - Previous two did not get here.
MICHELE Trying to contact you, but e-mails being returned, please either re-post or e-mail me. Just hang on in there, love, we are all here for you.
Goodie@anon25.freeserve.co.uk
Member: Kelly A
Location: Boston Ma.
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 19:49:21
Mother of 2 and been drinking for 2 months straight. Sometimes it's mixed drinks, most of the time it is beer (6+) I can't admit to myself or others that I have a problem. With this denial comes the isolation. I am so afraid of the lonliness. Never been to a meeting (it is just not acceptable) don't know how to ask for help, can't continue to spiral down.
Member: james l.
Location: Colorado
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 19:58:41
Hi, My name is James and I'm an alky.isolation is a killer, in that "He who wraps himself up in himself, makes a very small package indeed. We used to call isolation "cocooning", wherein the rectum grows up over the entire body and the person inside starts talking crap. AA is a fellowship of people trying to stay sober by sharing their experience, strenghth and hope. I can't do that isolated. I can not afford to isolate in a crowd or alone. I guess a drunk might understand that. love and light, james l.
Member: Brenda S.
Location: West Virginia
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 20:07:44
Hi my name is brenda and I'm an alcoholic This is the first time I have done this internet meeting. Isolation: Good topic for this particular mode of sharing one's experiance strenght and hope. Several other people have mentioned meeting makers make it and they are right. I relapsed after 8 years of sobriety and it was I had copted some personality resentments. Betty keep going back and back. Try different meetings but if your finding stuff wrong and say you can't relate, I know when I was really ready to get sober I related to evrery person there. Before that time though I could not relate to anyone and always found a reason not to go back, guess what I drank. Maybe it will help you because it helped me PRINCIPLE BEFORE PERSONALITIES. Love you. Brenda S.
Member: James L.
Location: Montrose,Co.
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 20:08:13
Hi!! James again. I just wanted to say this is the first time I've ever been on the net before for a meeting. This is just like being at my home group! Wow! You know I don't even know when I'm isolating til one of you recovering drunks appear in my day. James L.thanks for being here!
Member: James L.
Location: Montrose, Co.
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 20:30:11
Hi, Kelly a. I understand. I came from such a place, where you feel like you can't live with a drink and can't live without a drink. That jumping off place. Experiencing a loneliness that few do. I'm alive today REALLY ALIVE by the grace of God and the fellowship of AA Sometimes things just appear Unacceptable, but that goes away in time. All those years of drinking and stinking thinking are not going to go away overnight. I simply quit fighting. Surrendered to the basic idea that whatever it was I was doing was not working. That maybe, just maybe those AA's were right. If you spend one half the energy getting sober you spent getting another drink, you will make it. Your Heavenly Father will never let you down. I was sitting by a mountain stream today, high up in the San Juan Mountains by my self,thinking about my sober life and filled to the brim with something that always feels new. There was this stick blocking the flow of the streams clear water, and I kicked it loose and the water began to flow clearer and smoother on it's way to the ocean. that kinda describes what my higher power did to my bottle and every other problem in my sobriety. It wasn't me that put that last drink down. All I did was start looking for my LAST drink--instead of my NEXT drinkJames L.
Member: Suzy Q
Location: N.J.
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 20:40:38
Hi I'm Sue and I'm an alcoholic. Isolation is foremost in my thoughts right now, I've just left my husband after sixteen years. I've been sober for two months. Even though this is the hardest thing I've ever done, I feel like I can now have the future I used to see so clearly. Some days are bad, but even the bad ones are better than the misery I was drowning in for far too long. To Kelly A.-I think you just might be able to admit you have a problem after all you did find this sight and decided to post your comments- just like me. you began your message stateing that you are a mother of two. Maybe you think its time for a change in your life? I'm always afraid of lonliness and I've found that the more and more I'm sober, the clearer my thinking is and I can see all of the freinds, family, councelors, and AA members that have been there all along just waiting for me to search out the light at the end of the tunnel. You should take alook around you all the time, hold your head up and see the people that are in and around your life. you may have turned away some of you best allies but you just might find if you reach out to them that they have been waiting for you. Why would going to meetings not be acceptable? If you choose this it would be something you do for yourself, and your own sanity. It only has to be acceptable to you. Help is everywhere. I started with the Yellow pages. There are recovery programs that are covered by insurance, charge you based on your income, help hotlines and womens hotlines that can refer you, and of course AA. Call somebody ask questions, tell them how you feel,and try just one metting. Just walk right in and tell the people there that you dont know how this works but you are hopeing that they can help you. I think you might like what you find. I did. Stop, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and remember that you are stronger than you think. Don,t pick up that first drink, you already know where it will take you, and look for help any way you can.
Member: Kathy F
Location: Iowa
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 21:06:47
My name is Kathy and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.
I always isolated myself... even before I started drinking I would keep myself apart from people. I was too much of a tomboy jock to fit into the smart crowd and too smart to fit into the jock crowd. When I drank, I drank too much for my friends liking and so I drank mostly in seclussion and only on occassion drank openly with them. I also used pot and speed - which wasn't approved of by them so I kept that hidden from them too. Then I came into AA... at the age of 17 I went through treatment I then had to goto noon meetings because I played softball in the evenings. At the noon meetings in my area they were all older retirees and business people that came over their lunch break - I kept myself apart from them always seeing the differences. I later went to college in a small town that had an AA group that I attended. Even though I was by far the youngest there at the time I focused in on the similarities that we had rather than the differences. I became very good friends with them over the years. I have since moved and switched homegroups, but still drive down there to pop in and see them when I can. Isolation is on of my inner warning signals for relapse phase - it is something that can be easy to slip into, but it is not healthy for me to do.
Kelly A. - Welcome to the group... may I ask a question though.... Why are meetings unacceptable to you??? Before I came into AA I would tell myself all the reasons I can't be an alcoholic and all the reasons why I can't go to meetings... but once I looked at the reasons why I was one and looked at the reasons I have to go it was easy to go - and I am so thankful for AA now!!!
Kathy F -- garandkath@aol.com -- icq# 27446401
Member: Eileen H.
Location: Queens, NY
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 21:21:28
To Betty S., thanks for the Subject Matter.
Brenda S, welcome back!
Deanna - Good point. You have to take some action. AA is out there for us. The program works if YOU work it..
Grace W, Maggie Mae, Matt and Suzy Q - - Very Good Points made.
James L., I love your description of "cocooning". GREAT!! I'm going to have to write that one down and share it at my next meeting!!
Cyndi Y., if you feel you don't fit in maybe you're forgetting that a lot of people feel the same way. Maybe some can "dress it up" better and they "seem" like they fit in. EVERYONE fits into AA. See who the secretary is at your favorite meeting. Join it as a home group and go to the Business Meeting. Get yourself a commitment. Setting up for the meeting, making coffee, cleaning up after, being the greeter, being the secretary, ANYTHING. You will then be "part of" instead of "around" AA. You will be surprised how well you will feel you "fit in" after taking a commitment.
Believe it or not, you'll have no trouble making friends if you just raise your hand and share the truth "I feel a little lonely", etc., etc. People in AA truly reach out to those who share what they're feeling. They can't know if you don't let them in. Cyndi, you fit in just fine here . . . and you'll be amazed how much better you'll feel if you just "open up" a little to your face-to-face group. Good Luck. Let me know how it goes, okay??
Kelly A., if you feel you would like to go to AA but it's "unacceptable" is the alternate more acceptable, being drunk? With no one to help? I guess I'm a little confused. I had this misconception that AA was filled with people from the Bowery of NYC, dirty, filthy yucky bums. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. When I went to my first meeting and looked around . . . I almost felt like I was in the wrong place. I actually had to ask someone if I was in the AA meeting site!! Best move I EVER made was joining Alcoholics Anonymous. Before I had AA I was an isolator who came home from work and proceeded to drink until I blacked out. I did this every day, day after day for almost two years. Now, I have my life back and I have a place to go where others can guide me through this mysterious road called "recovery". At times the road is rocky, at times treacherous curves come up, sometimes the road is pretty smooth sailing. But a guide is always welcome!! That guide is AA. Kelly, there are a lot of phamplets and reading material that AA could mail to you, too, if you're just not sure that you, yourself, want to go there. What is very true is ONLY you will know if you have a problem drinking or if you've crossed over from being a cucumber to a pickle and would benefit from AA. Good luck, honey, and let me know how it works out for you.
Anvil G., "Way To Go"!! Michelle has a great friend in you. Michelle may be isolating, too. Our subject matter for the night. Quite possibly she'll be back. I hope so.
Sorry if you have trouble reading the message here. But my point is if you isolate . . . you will not reach out to another alcoholic as I hope I have in this comments section. Isolating is not a place I wish to go to EVER again.
Thanks for letting me share.
Sober and loving it in NY Eileenth@aol.com
Member: Joan W
Location: Upstate NY
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 21:25:29
Hi everyone;
I am an alcoholic; my name is Joan.
Great topic, Betty, thank you. Cindi I remember how hard it was for me in the beginning. All of my life I have felt like I didn't fit in. And, when I started going to meetings, it looked like all the others knew each other well and were great friends. Someone suggested that I speak to one person I did not know at each meeting. I did that, usually the chairperson. I would thank them for chairing and try to identify with something they said. I also found it easier to reach out to other newcomers in the beginning than to reach out to oldtimers. That was not a good thing, though, cause when I reached a rough patch, I didn't have any support with long term sobriety. By the grace of God I didn't pick up a drink, but after that I started to get phone numbers of oldtimers too.
Kelly, if you think you have a problem you probably do, and I don't think you would have come to this site if you didn't think you have a problem. The good news is that you never HAVE to drink again. Please do as others suggested and make a phone call. If you look for AA in the phone book, and call, they will make arrangements for you to talk to another recovering woman. Talk to her about your drinking, and your thoughts and feelings; chances are she will identify strongly with you. Please do this. It will be anonymous.
Isolation for me, like alcoholism, is cunning, baffling and powerful. It sneaks up on me in the guise of needing some time for myself. I do sometimes, but this alcoholic always takes things to extremes, a day becomes a weekend, then a week.... Next thing the committee starts the meeting in my head... before I know it my thinking is not very sober. I really need to bounce my thoughts off other people to keep the 'ism' in check. At least, I'm well enough to know that today.
James L. that was a beautiful post, thanks.
Good night all; God Bless us every one.
Love, Joan
Member: David S
Location: Texas
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 21:36:06
I'm David and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time to participate on the web, what a great idea. Isolation was a big part of my disease, I could be in a bar with 50 people and I was still alone and isolated. I never felt at ease with people until I learned the meaning of caring for others, what they thought and felt. This is called getting out of self, and its done by helping others. I really believe I could never had learned this valuable part of life without AA and the steps. But asking another human being for help was my first step to being part of the human race.
Member: Prudence
Location: Washington
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 22:07:53
Hi friends, Prudence, alcoholic. This is my first time sharing here. I've visited here for two weeks now and this is great; the NEXT best thing to a live meeting. I isolated for 4 1/2 years after being sober for 5 years...Thought I didn't need meetings anymore!!!! Yea right.. To make a long story short, I got drunk last August and 4 times after that. The last was at my daughters graduation. Not a pretty sight, not to mention that I ruined HER day. On June 4th I WOULD have had 10 years, but because I stopped going to meetings and left the program behind me, all the pain and misery was fully refunded to me. I am very blessed to have made it back after only a 10 months active relapse. We all know that it started 4 1/2 years ago when I started my isolation. I've been to a meeting every day since 6-20 and every meeting feels like a Christmas present to me. YES, it was hard the 1st two days because I still felt the horrible shame and failure of drinking after so many years sober, and even today I don't like not putting down my sobreity date as 6-4-89, but this a program of honesty and if I lie I can't help myself and certainly no one else!! I need to hear your story and you need to hear mine. That's how this lovely program works....TRUST. Kelly, I'm a mother of 3. You have admitted that you have a problem just by reaching out to us here. PLEASE, take care of yourself so that you can be the GREAT mother that you really already are. You may be a little scared at 1st at the meetings, but you will soon learn that you are loved and needed. You WILL find incredible, real friends in AA and never regret taking the 1st step. You deserve joy and serenity and so do your children. You will find it here one day or one hour at a time. If this drunk can do it, you can too...I was BAD!!!!
I'm blessed to be just another drunk at this meeting instead of being out there pretending I'm not, and drinking. Thankyou, Prudence
Member: vicky p
Location: az
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 22:48:25
my name's vicky and i'm an alcoholic.i have over 6 mo's of sobriety.my father was in a.a for over 20 yrs he tought me alot about doing life on life's term's,that i could only do anything one day at a time.i've been married for 19 yrs raised 2 kid's when they moved out i felt totally useless.being an adult i thought i could drink,i could i just could'nt function when i did drink,i turned into dr.jeckle,mr.hyde i was very lonely and i isolated,thus becoming a drunk and not a nice one.so when i figured out i had a problem with trying to quit on my own i knew right where to go.it is very uncomfortable walking into a meeting for the first time.i just had to remember i was there because i had a problem trying to quit on my own.someone told me in the first meeting that i earned my seat there and don't let anyone make you feel like i did'nt.if you don't like one meeting go to another one, different time,different place.try going to a women's meeting,tell people your lonely,they will help you get phone number's of other female's just ask them they will give them,the point is is keep coming back it does work if you work it.i've met alot of nice people ther.get involved make coffee,wipe off table's,empty the trash,it take's a group effort to keep a meeting going.remember we don't get to stay sober if we don't share it.find a sponsor deffinately.thx for letting me shere.
Member: Joe Y.
Location: Northern Ct.
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 23:28:49
Hello everyone, I'm Joe, a greatful recovering cross addict. This is my first time on this site and I think it's great. I didn't get to a meeting today, so I looked for one here. Thank each and every one of you. I am also new to the program. I've got 2months and 2 weeks (YAHOO). It feels great. Betty, thank you. Great topic. I have a real problem with isolating. When I was out there i would be alone. In a room full of people, still alone. Because I never let anyone in. Cyndi, I had the same problem. It was hard for me but I forced myself to go because I knew I had too. I walked in, went straight to the front of the room, and sat in the front row. I shut my mouth and just listened. Before I knew it, I was sharing at every meeting. I have good friends that care now. Take that step and just go. Kelly, you will keep spiraling down until you get help. If you go to a meeting, they will ask if anyone is having trouble staying away from a drink today. Raise your hand and just say "I am and I don't know what to do". I think you will be surprised at the amount of people that will help you. Again, YOU have to take that first step. Believe me, it feels great.Prudence, welcome back! I'm glad your here and not out there using. Remember that each and every one of us is a mericle. I've got help from each of you. You brought me back a couple of months when I was in total isolation. I was so isolated that I thought my only option was suiside. Thank God the police got to me first. They helped me get the help I needed. I went through in-patient treatment and now I have A.A. Yes, now I have you people. Since I got the help, I went from being a bum addict sleeping in my vehicle to being a part of society. I put my life in God's hands, and it took a 180 degree turn. I actually feel good about myself. I got a job (with the help from a friend from the program) with a company owned by United Technologies. Go figure. I am getting back on my feet slowly, one day at a time. And that I can thank God and you guys for. Thank you all for being here for me. God bless you all.
Member: Jackie W
Location: Australia
Date: 11 Jul 1999
Time: 23:51:04
Hi I'm Jackie and I'm a alcoholic,been sober just over 5 months and at long last feel I have found what I have desperately been been looking for i was widowed 12 years ago and at the age of 43 basically thrown to the wolves thought everyone was a good guy boy have i discovered different I didn't get the help needed when I should have maybe but the first couple years I felt in a fog and seem to operate like a robot looking back I can see that now I was even told have a brandy and dry that will make u feel better,sometimes the pain was sooo bad i would have crawled back into my mother's womb if I could have,oh I took care of all the business involved in my husband's death (like a robot) and yes the drink did help the pain and was giving me some sleep. When I look back now the past 12 years I have been to hell and back several tmes. I looked for answers in churches helped for awhile but AA has just given me soooo much and while I have always believed in GOD I feel this time I have truly found him,he was waiting for and for me in AA and at last I'm on the right track Bless you all in this wonderful program
Member: JCP ^\^
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 00:02:08
Jay here, a grateful alcoholic.
Guess what, Betty. For a week, I have been driving another Betty to meetings. Tonight was our second to a women's meeting that I suggested up front. I had to wait outside, but later there was speaker meeting for all. No visible problem so far. She is making contact with sponsor prospects.
Isolation is a serious sensation. I am not widely traveled in A.A., but from Minnesota to Alabama and back to the Northeast I have hit a few meetings that differ in detail but never doubted I was in A.A. There are no "practitioners." It is when WE reach out to them that they are able to help us, or at least we start to be a group helping each other.
Most people in A.A. know of Bill W. and Dr. Bob, but I only recently discovered Bill Dotson, the Third Man, the "Man on the Bed" visited by the co-founders. Dotson did not write or say anything I know of that has come down to us verbally–and yet without its Third Man A.A. could never have been what it is, nor indeed without its thousandth man nor five-thousandth woman nor millionth of either.
In fact, we may never really feel the full effect of what WE have receiveed in A.A. until we discover ourselves trying to pass it on in the A.A. Way.
dixyflier@usa.net
Member: James L.
Location: Montrose, Co.
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 00:10:21
My name is James, and I'm an Alky. This is my first cyber meeting ever like I stated before and I wish I had a printer. Thank you all for the wise words. I just came back from our men's meeting here in Colorado. I was reminded of something my sponsor taught me (Thank God for sponsors). It has to do with isolation. I do well, actually in captivity, but on the street where the rubber meets the road--well, I need 24 hour supervision. My sponsor said to me "If God's not in your life, who moved?!" Kelly, by the grace of my higher power, I have not had a drink since 1/1/85, and more importantly, I've been sober all day. That, my friend,is the biggest miracle in my life. Because of this meeting as wellas the meeting I went to tonight, I have hope of staying sober the rest of the night. I remember when I didn't have that! Good night one and all. God Bless. James L.
Member: Marcia R
Location: Portland,Oregon
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 00:17:40
Hi I'm Marcia an alcoholic Great meeting! Thanks to all who have shared their expierence strength and hope. I needed a meeting. I always need a meeting. I haven't been attending too regular or as many as I could, but for the grace of God I haven't had a drink in a '2 1/2 yrs, this time. I did have 4.5 yrs in 91 but since I thought I didn't need to go to meetings or share or call my sponsor I got lonely and I drank. It took me 7 years to get back into the program and get a few days of soberity behind me aqain. This meeting has made me realize I could relapse if I don't do the simple things I have heard here tonight, esp. service work.(Which will get me out of the isolation how cool I never realized) I thank God for my Sponser and make a gratitude list each morn. where I am Grateful for the wonderful, cool, sweet, loving helping souls that I have been blessed to meet in these rooms. {{{{Huggsto alll}}}} Maasharizz@aol.com
Member: KRISTEN P.
Location: HUNTINGTON BEACH
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 00:19:21
HELLO EVERYONE KRISTEN, ALCOHOLIC. WELL I AM A REALLY GOOD ONE AT ISOLATING. I LIVE IN A RECOVERY HOME, WELL IT IS ALOS A SOBER LIVING AND SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE. IT IS ALL WOMEN AND, WELL YOU WOMEN SHOULD KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT, ANYWAYS BEFORE I GOT A ROOMMATE USE TO THINK IT WAS GREAT BEING ALONE, BUT LIKE SOMEONE SAID EARLIER YOUR HEAD COULD BE A VERY DANGEROUS PLACE. I REALLY ENJOY LIVING THERE BECAUSE THERE IS ALOT OF SUPPORT, BUT IT REALLY IS TIME TO GO. I JUST HOPE THAT WHEN I DO MOVE I DON'T SLIP BACK INTO THAT ISLOTATION MODE. WELL IT WAS NICE BEING HERE TONIGHT BUT MY MOTHER DUTIES ARE CALLING. THANKS FOR LISTENING.
Member: Dana B.
Location: Pacific NW
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 00:37:06
Wow, just when I think that I'm about at my wits end along comes my higher power and WHAM there it is right in my face. Thanks Prudence for giving me just what I needed today. I needed somebody to tell me that it's still really bad out there. My forgetter is working overtime today. By the way, my first time here!
**KELLY, I'm so glad you posted what is really going on in your life here. It may not seem like it but there are recovering alcoholics out there just waiting to love you until you can love yourself again! I know it sounds corny, but I (like most people) walked into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous feeling worthless, confused, broken and ashamed. The beauty of this past year of my life has been the realization that I don't need to feel any of those things. AND YOU DON'T EITHER! You are a wonderful human being with a great capacity for love and happiness in your life. It just doesn't feel like that now because you have a DISEASE. Your mind and body are sick from Alcohol. It's not your fault that you have trouble staying away from booze. I always thought I was too weak and too sensitive and had to drink to survive. But as it turned out drinking was suicide for me. It says it right in our "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous that THERE IS A SOLUTION. You will feel better and can get things on the right track in your life. It takes time and effort, but not nearly as much as staying drunk does, and I found that things started to get better immediately.
Please go to a meeting. I didn't understand what went on at AA meetings until my treatment center MADE me go. I discovered it wasn't AT ALL like I thought it was going to be. The people at AA meetings have been where you are, some of them maybe just a few days ago. You can just sit and listen if you want, and you don't have to tell who you are, and all the other people respect your anonymity because they expect you to respect theirs. You are NOT alone. I didn't know how to ask for help either, I didn't think anyone out there could possibly understand what was going on with me, I thought the only solution to feeling all the hell I was feeling was drowning in a sea of alcohol, but that just made things worse in the long run. The program of AA is developed for people just like me (and it sounds like maybe just like you) to help us not need alcohol to survive. It won't be easy to go to meetings at first, but keep it up and it will get SO much better - nowadays I love to go!
You've taken a big jump by coming here and telling us you need help (without even realizing it you did ask for help!) Why am I here wanting to help you??? Because I remember all too well how hopeless I was and that many very kind women took me in and loved me and taught me to love and care for myself. And because trying to help you helps me too. The solution is here and just waiting for you to pick it up and put it to use - I've never seen the program of AA fail for someone who has put the effort into it. I'm sure that because it worked for me and has not only kept me sober but made my life not only worth living, but truly wonderful in so many ways. I want you to find that bliss too!
You're important to us, and you're not alone! Love, Dana
Member: LeeAnn W
Location: Kansas
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 01:05:17
Hi everyone. I'm LeeAnn, an alcoholic and addict. I too am a newcomer, seems to be a lot of us visiting this site. I came here last week, but not sure if my comments posted. I'm grateful for this site. Im visiting at my folks house, and their town only has weekday meetings. So I'm glad I can come here when I visit them.
I have just 2 months of sobriety, but AA has changed my life. I can really relate to the isolation business. Before AA I was isolating myself so much I wouldn't leave my house. Well. I would go rent movies and pick up the beer I needed for the day. What a life. I couldnt even stand to look in the mirror because I hated myself so much. I was beginning to think that suicide was definitely an option.
Thank God, He scared the shit out of me, and I've been sober since, and God willing, I hope to add another 24.
I'd also like to thank God for the wonderful fellowship of AA. Bless you all, and thanks for letting me share.
Member: Joe H.
Location: Arizona
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 01:23:19
Hi All, I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time in the meeting. what a great topic!! I can really relate to the way you feel Kelly. It takes a lot of guts to walk into that first meeting, stick your hand out and ask for help. I know it was for me. Isolation is a real killer, I found out at six years sober when I didn't need AA anymore and quit going to meetings for 18 months. I didn't drink but I came as close as I ever want to. That hanging by your fingernails is a terrible place to be especially alone. Do yourself a favor, get to a meeting and let the people there love you till you can love yourself. You'll find the room is full of them. Thanks to all for 12th stepping me tonight.
Member: quiet bill
Location: arizona
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 02:37:08
Go to a meeting ,Kelly go and soon. Used to drink up there, my po even made beer over in Jamaica Plain back in the 40s 50s 60s. My 1st trip was to station 17 in Hyde Park when I got caught. It took forever to get to AA. About 35 yrs. later, im lucky to be alive. Take the kids if necessary, to at least get a phone number from some other lady and thats a start. Of course you`ll have to use the phone, it`s a start to a better life Go to a meeting somehow. pray for you tonite I`m OFD "originally from dorchester" Go to a meeting.
Member: Kelly A.
Location: Boston
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 08:42:54
I never excpected such a large response, or any response. Thank-you. You all seem to have your stuff together, so srong. I am afraid of what people will think and say. Alcohol is everywhere in my life. Every function, family gathering, even home in the fridge, I can't imagine my life without it. I didn't mean to offend anyone by saying it was not acceptable, it's just that in my life everyone comes to me for answers. I am supposedly the strong one. When asked if I want a drink and I say "No" people say how come! What do you say to that? I am not ready to go to a face to face meeting. There is a lot of shame here in my head as well as the fear of failure. If you can't see me and I fail, well let's just say it will be less humiliating. I know this is nothing to brag about, but I drank ice tea yesterday. I hope this time I can last.... One day down! Thankyou all again you have no idea how much I needed that.
Member: Kathy J.
Location: Texas
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 09:27:29
This is my first time to visit staying cyber. I woke up this morning at 4:00 a.m., unable to sleep again and overcome with guilt. Isolation describes my situation perfectly. I have been drinking for a long time and usually drink about a bottle or more of wine every night. I am so sick of drinking. I feel isolated because I am a pretty successful professional and I cannot talk to people about this. Everyone expects so much from me and I live in a small town that would crucify me if they knew I went to aa meetings. I have tried to find a schedule of meetings in the Houston area. I work so much and have a husband and daughter that depend on me to take care of them at night, I don't know how I could drive 4 hours round trip to Houston to go to a meeting. Isolated!! I could never talk about these things to someone in my community. I think alcohol holds me back from doing better at my job, it hurts my daughter, it prevents me from being athletic. I love to work out, but I am too hung over in the morning to get up at 5:00 a.m. to exercise. If I don't get up at that time, then I absolutely do not have time to fit in in during the day. I have wanted so bad to lift weights and possibly even compete. I knew a nutritionist who, a couple of years ago, wanted to sponsor me for a magazine thing, but I couldn't give up the wine. I feel bad. Isolation to me is holding all this stuff in. I want very much to exchange the energy and time I put into drinking into energy and time for my work, my family and my exercise. Thanks for your comments and sharing your personal lives for people like me that just need to dump the isolation.
Member: Avril G
Location: Redhot Driffield UK
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 10:00:32
WELCOME ALL NEWCOMERS, AND THANKS FOR KEEPING ME SOBER TODAY.
To all insomniacs - Feel free to e-mail me!!
KELLY You ARE ready for f2f meetings. It's only you alcoholism telling you you are not. Anyone else not doing f2f's?? PLEASE TAKE Quiet Bills advice - JUST GO, any way you can, just go!!
James L - No printer?? Why not save it to floppy disk, then you can carry it around with you and open it on any computer you come to (I do this)
Love to all, please feel free to contact, sorry for all repeat postings, but the inspiration on this site so far is just awesome. Thanks again, all of you.
Goodie@anon25.freeserve.co.uk
Member: Gracie
Location: Tx
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 11:52:15
Hi I'm Gracie, an alcoholic. Isolation is something that I was very familiar with before AA. You see my ego thinks it can kill me off and keep going! It tells me I don't need anyone. Well guess what, it lies. If I am locked up in a room by myself, I'm locked up with the only person that ever tried to kill me. I can't even do this program with just me and God because without the benefit of other recovering alcoholics in my life on a regular, FTF basis, God and I will get drunk! I don't to mean to be irreverent but I did get drunk after nine years of sobriety because I didn't think I needed people anymore. I will have six years again on August 28th and I now know that I will always need other recovering alcoholics in my life. It is a good day to be alive and sober. I hope you all have a great day!
Member: Aldo B
Location: Bogota
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 12:31:59
Hello Aldo here, from Bogota, tahnks for this meeting, it helps me a lot when I am at work and can't get things done I get in here and read through your sahrings.
Kathy from Texas, I delayed my coming to AA for two years based on my work success, I used to think that I couldnot face my bussines partners, customers and employees if they knew I was attending AA, the delay almost gotme killed, I also abused my wife and children during that time, now that I am attending regular meetings I have been able to do a better job here at work and at home, but best off all I am feeling a lot better with my self, and I have found that the Anonimous part works real well, no one that I haven't tell knows what is going on with me.
Kelly A, I found a room full of people full of loving and caring for each other and as soon as I walkin every one of them started loving and caring for me, I really have no words to thank God, for being there for me and for making available AA, it is real miracle. i am sure God has for you a room just like mine
Please excuse my english, HAVE A WONDERFULL WEEK
Member: A. Howell
Location: MA
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 13:09:48
Hi. My name is Amanda and I am an Alcoholic. This is my first time to an online meeting and I thank my Higher Power you are out there. Isolation is the perfect topic for me today. I am a single mother and my daughter is with her father for the summer. On top of that, I have injured my knee and have to be off of it for a few days and maybe a few weeks. This computer may be my salvation. Thank you. But, my first experience came after 3 years of sobriety when I isolated myself from meetings and friends in AA for a relationship. I am now trying to rekindle tose friendships and feel guilty that I abandoned those women who were so special to me. They are welcoming me back with open arms. The footwork is mine. Prayer is very important in my life--I really wanted to drink this past Friday-did not realize how constant physical pain can cause emotional and spiritual pain. Look forward to other meetings online.
Member: Sue D
Location: Surrey,England
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 13:11:46
Hello, Sue here from England. I was pleased to see the topic was isolation. I have (nearly) 16 years sobriety and my recovery has been based primarily on service, both within the 'structure' of the fellowship (ie: committees) and 12-step work, sponsorship etc. Thanks to the programme, I now have two lovely children, one of whom is only 7 months! My husband (not an AA) is very supportive of my recovery and I get to plenty of meetings. But I am not able to do the kind of service I am used to and sometimes I feel kind of on the sidelines. But I got good insight at a meeting last night, when someone was talking about being the centre of attention: and I think sometimes that was why I liked doing the service I did. I like to be needed! Maybe now is the time to start looking at my own recovery a bit more. I was really glad to find the meetings on the internet, however, because this will be a big help.
Member: Jon N
Location: Nor Cal
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 13:12:19
Jon, alcoholic. I was at a meeting recently where a woman with around 20 years sobriety said the most amazing thing, "I'm feeling lonely, and because I still haven't gotten used to reaching out, I'm ashamed because I'm lonely." How many miserable hours have I spent drunk and alone because I didn't know how to say those words.
Member: Stephanie L
Location: London, Canada
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 13:16:47
This is a great topic. Last week I found this website and I think it's great for alcoholics like me who can't always get out to meetings.
I isolate a lot (in my own head). It's a very dangerous place for me to be. I completly shut down all my emotions and don't share with others whats going on with me. From doing that I almost went out and drank but I didn't. I have discussions with other alcoholics about why we go back out and when we don't. The answer that I got for this was that I wanted to stay sober more than I wanted to drink.
When this was explained to me it really made sense. I am back on track now and even got asked to speak at a meeting. Sometimes I feel like I don't have anything to offer to other alcoholics But I know I do. A.A. has given me my life back and it's important that I give back what was so freely given to me. I have a lot to offer people and that is my experience, strength, and hope. I am very grateful today that I'm alive and able to appreciate life. I used to think that the world was out to get me, that the world owed me. My thinking has changed now and that's I have a lot to offer this world. I can get really down on myself because I am my worse critic. I'm learning to be more kind to myself and allow myself some patience. If enyone is out struggling out just keep talking to people. Get honest with yourself because without honesty you have nothing. You will never change if your being dishonest. I was dishonest for a long time and look where it got me, into lots of trouble. Today I know better. I have learned a lot of tools here in A.A. They do work if you work them. I am fortunate to be here because some people have never been able to have the oppertunity's that I have. Some people don't make it back. Those are the people that keep me sober cause they tell me that it doesn't get any better. My life is so much better now, not just because the bottle is not there but because I am working the steps. It makes all the difference in the world. Hope everyone has another 24hrs.
Member: Amanda H.
Location: MA
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 13:25:42
Hi, Amanda again. Screwed up my name last time. Funny what pain will do to you.
Member: Maggie Mae
Location: Az
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 14:04:11
Kathy and Kelly. Girlfriends, If you are concerned enough about your drinking to visit this site; Get to a meeting ASAP. Go to the closest one. It is AA because it is anonymous. No one will violate that code. As far as other people drinking, I had the same worries. I live in a very drinking community. We women go to LENGTHS to hide that we drink, and then when we stop we go to LENGTHS to hide the fact that we don't. I have only 22 days (and 22 face-face meetings). I am certainly a newcomer. I have been to cocktail parties, out to dinner and to friends homes. Quess what? No one pays attention or even cares what you are drinking. I BYOB my diet tonic. You can say you are on a diet or taking medication or have stomache problems if you need to.I just say I just don't feel like a drink today. Actually no one asks. It is quite ammusing to watch the other people drink too much. Go to meetings, listen and good luck.
Member: RebbecaM
Location: Portland, Oregon
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 14:30:04
Hi... my name is Rebecca and I am an alcoholic. I have felt isolated for the past year. I got drunk one evening and got angry at my beautiful little Pomeranian and told her to go outside. She did and she went into the road and got hit by a car and died. I still did not quit drinking. Oh, I tried to not drink too much during the week, but I still drank. I will never, ever forgive myself for what happened to my sweet little dog. I now have a new man in my life and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But, I still drink and get mean and he does not deserve it. I need HELP! I am tired of blacking out and doing things that I would not do if I was sober. Right now, I really hate myself. I am going get to help. Thank you for letting me share that. I have bottled it up for so long now.
Member: Bill
Location: Washington
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 15:13:29
Isolation is a good topic because all of us who have had problems with alocohol feel it one way or another. I have felt isolated because I don't always share my past fears and negative experiences with alochol with everyone around me. AA meetings live or like this on-line allows me to feel that my situation is not that unusual, that I am not alone, and that definately there is a lot of hope. I am a very positive person on the outside. I am mostly a positive person on the inside too. However, now I can share any doubts I may have about my situation with alcohol or any other concerns I may have in my life. I did not have this forum ever before. AA helps me deal with questions regarding alcholism on a daily basis but also helps deal with the struggles associated with life in general.
Member: JOE B
Location: Dover Delaware
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 15:23:52
Hello all,welcome to the first timers, I'm Joe and I am an Alcoholic. Isolation is just about the first physical step towards relapse for me.It's been my experience that when I isolate I begin thinking like a drunk and not an Alcoholic (drunk meaning active in my addiction) and although I'm aware of this fact I still yearn for solitude at times. I'm still closer to being a drunk than a SOBER person so I think in that manner thats where my mind goes. On the other hand when I'm active in A.A. as in chairing and carrying the message my mind strays from thoughts of isolation and focuses on others and my environment rather than self. click, light bulb just went on lmao, funny how this miracle works. Sorry if I confused anyone, it makes sense in this warped mind. Prayers for all thanks for being here.
Member: Tina D
Location: Washington State
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 15:59:12
Hi, my name is Tina, and Iam an alcoholic. My councelor told me about AA being online so this is the first time i've been here, and I like it.The subject is isolation and thats just what iam feeling. I haven't drank for a year but i haven't been to an AA meeting yet. Reading on this subject has given me the courage to go to a meeting. Thanks for being online.
Member: Evi B
Location:
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 17:07:58
My name is Evi B and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to Tina...you will like meetings. And Rebecca, I'm glad you are seeking help. This is a great topic for me because I am isolated right now due to caring for my sick father at home. This is one of the reasons I sought out a meeting on the net. Most of my AA friends live in another town about an hour away so I really feel isolated. But I am only as isolated as the phone or computer. I just have to extend myself more. I am responsible to make sure I am in contact with others. To those of you whom have not attended a live meeting...They are NECESSARY. That is how you truly get to know people and they you. They then can see if you are ok or just saying so...haha. It was hard for me at first to make AA friends, actually it still is kinda of hard. But is it is worth it. They have supported me thru hard and good times. I found the best way is to get a home group and volunteer for some sort of service such as making coffee or clean-up afterwards. That way I hang out longer before and after without feeling so self-conscious and it is easier for me to talk to people. God bless you all !
Member: Evi B
Location: Nevada
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 17:08:17
My name is Evi B and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to Tina...you will like meetings. And Rebecca, I'm glad you are seeking help. This is a great topic for me because I am isolated right now due to caring for my sick father at home. This is one of the reasons I sought out a meeting on the net. Most of my AA friends live in another town about an hour away so I really feel isolated. But I am only as isolated as the phone or computer. I just have to extend myself more. I am responsible to make sure I am in contact with others. To those of you whom have not attended a live meeting...They are NECESSARY. That is how you truly get to know people and they you. They then can see if you are ok or just saying so...haha. It was hard for me at first to make AA friends, actually it still is kinda of hard. But is it is worth it. They have supported me thru hard and good times. I found the best way is to get a home group and volunteer for some sort of service such as making coffee or clean-up afterwards. That way I hang out longer before and after without feeling so self-conscious and it is easier for me to talk to people. God bless you all !
Member: Bruce N.
Location: Houston TX
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 17:31:37
Hi...Bruce an alcoholic Kelly, If you are unable to go to a meeting maybe the first step is to call the local AA hotline(intergroup) and someone WILL meet with you in confidence to discuss face to face your malady/ We call this a 12th step call in AA and our membership depends on being able to give back wahat we so humbly have been given. You are not "BOTHERING" anyone by doing this, it is how we have come to live alcohol free. I am in my 17th year of sobriety and one thing I know for sure...someone will help if I just ask. Godspeed and you are in our prayers
Member: Bette C
Location: Des Moines
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 17:31:55
hi bette c here. this is a first for me at this meeting. Isolation is a problem for me too. I find that having a computer is not a help. I have been sober many years but still go to a number of meetings each week. With all the help available you can surely find a meeting which fits your needs. The 12 step recovery program never fails.
Member: Bette C
Location: Des Moines WA
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 17:32:17
hi bette c here. this is a first for me at this meeting. Isolation is a problem for me too. I find that having a computer is not a help. I have been sober many years but still go to a number of meetings each week. With all the help available you can surely find a meeting which fits your needs. The 12 step recovery program never fails.
Member: PatJ
Location: OHIO
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 19:19:59
I'm approaching one year and I seem to be sliding back in my head. I do not want to drink but I am isolating and reverting to "old" behavior i.e. creating chaos and thus a reason to drink. Every 3 months this type of thinking seems to re-occur. Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated.
Member: Squanto g
Location: Edmonton
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 20:11:28
Talk about isolation eh!Living here in Canada,I have to wait around for some traveller to stumble stumble upon my tee-pee who has rubber to trade so I can repair the whole I blew in my moccacin. Then I can go to the great white meeting hall, walk with some people to go on a 12 step path for many moons helping others affected by the firewater demons.
Member: Eileen H.
Location: Queens, NY
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 21:15:57
Eileen, grateful recovering alcoholic here. Welcome. For those who said they can't go to a meeting because . . . fill in the blank . . . any reason will do . . . may I share what I've heard in almost every beginners AA meeting: "the reasons you list as to why you can't make a meeting (your family, your job, etc.) will be the first thing you lose because you didn't make a meeting."
This is true. Thanks for letting me share. Keep Comin' Back.
Sober 90 days, and loving it, Eileenth@aol.com
Member: Becky B.
Location: Bloomington, IL
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 22:26:02
Hi - Becky B., alcoholic. It's been good to read all the comments tonight. I stayed home tonight on purpose so I could have a good chat with my sponsor. Kelly, I can relate so much to your fear. The week-end before I got sober I just didn't think that going to an AA meeting would be for me. But - I did get the phone numnber of a woman in the program and "bit the bullet" and called her up. She was very gracious and asked if she could take me to a meeting. I agreed and it was so much easier to know I didn't have to go by myself. It got progressively easier as I continued to go - but the fear stayed around a lot for the first year. I, too, didn't have any friends left but didn't know how to make new ones. I just kept going and hoping that someday I would become part of the group. I do think that once I started sharing in meetings (telling the truth) - people started opening up to me. It was slow but very rewarding - I can honestly say that now (after 4+ years of sobriety) most of my friends are in recovery and we have some great times. This is an action program and I did have to take some action to get things to change. I am a sober mom of 2 kids, too, and I am so grateful today for sobriety. Since I got sober, my husband has joined the program, my oldest son has almost 2 years of sobriety and my 16 year old is a member of Alateen. It has made such a difference in our lives. I hope you can find the courage to get to a meeting.
Peace to all,
bb
Member: Christine P
Location: Portugal
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 23:31:30
Hi, I am Christine, single mum of a ten year old, living in portugal and sober since 2 and a half -days! Well, nice that AA excists on the web.
Isolation: I like computers, I wouldn't have the courage to go to a meeting (yet ?). But I will find out if they excistat all where I live. I am surprised that a lot of you are women too, I felt quite alone out here until finding this discussion site tonight - so I am not the only one !?! Lets see how things work when I want to go to the coffee shops in my neighbourhood - how does one manage not to fall into old patterns ? Anyone out there who would like to be in touch with me per email? I guess there is no AA phone hotline out here where I live. Hoping to survive this week sober, hear from you all next week?
PTBabe2000@hotmail.com
Member: Graham M.
Location: Canberra, Australia
Date: 12 Jul 1999
Time: 23:41:13
G'day, Graham here, sober alky, Canberra, Australia.
And Im sneaking a bit of peek at the AA sites available via the Web - at work - while he *should* be working on an editing contract he only started yesterday - but he was ('Sob!') feeing a bit lonely - as we alkies can do - and so here I am - trying out this mode of sharing.
I am a memeber of both a f2f AA Group and an e-mail AA Group (but only from my home computer)and so it was nice to see Christine (from Protugal) share about having two days sober - and thus to be reminded that *sobriety* (a day at a time) is what AA (of any kind) is all about.
Member: Keri S.
Location: California
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 00:16:58
Hi, all, my name is Keri and I'm an alcoholic. This website is sooo wonderful. In my sobriety, I have thrown myself into my work-life and often find myself isolated at my computer terminal instead of getting out to a meeting. Reading all the postings reminds me that of something my first sponsor told me -- look for the similarities. There are postings from people ALL OVER THE WORLD who feel exactly like I did. I want their experience, strength and hope. I want to keep feeling better. That means I'd better get to sleep so I can get up to go to a meeting in the morning instead of working myself into a frenzy. Cunning, baffling and powerful, even in sobriety,
Thanks for letting me share!
Member: James Lupp
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 01:57:17
My names is James, and I am indeed an alky! AA was there at the corner church with meetings every Monday and I used to park a block away so no one in our small mountain town would see me there. Seems kinda funny these days, remembering back, that those people saw my car at liquor stores and bars constantly! Or weaving home at the wee hours. But PLEASE don't let them see me at an AA meeting! E-Mail is a good beginning, but my recovery comes from face to face, eye to eye, mouth to ear contact with another recovering alcoholic. The peticular group of men that kept that ole meeting going drove 17 miles to our small community waiting for some fresh fish like me to come in. I thank God for that enthusiastic pack of drunks that were telling me "Keep Coming Back!" At that time they were the only ones saying anything like that to me. Everyone else was fed up with my drinking. What those men did to me was absolutely ruin my drinking and gave me this Higher Power that ruined my thinking. So, I suggest, based on my own limited experience, is, DON'T go to those meetings unless you want your drinking absolutely ruined. Come to think of it === it's too late!! Your drinking is aready ruined. But you knew that...... The love of a beatiful maid, And love of a staunch true man, And the love of a baby unafraid, Have existed since time began. But the love of loves, Even greater than that of a mother, Is the tender, infinite love of One drunken bum for another.
Ya see, it's the truth and love that'll set ya free. My sponsor told me today "We carry the message, Gos delivers it " In the fellowship of the Spirit James L.
Member: James Lupp
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 02:15:29
I just caught that note from PatJ from Ohio. Trust in God, clean house, and work with another alcoholic is not just insurance against the next drink, it's powerful enough to put you thinking more on a plane of inspiration. I've come to depend on it. I've got purpose and direction to my life today where there was no life. Like Bill W. sobriety is a one day at a time reprieve contingent on my spiritual maintainance. Just a suggestion. Gratitude is a verb. James L.
Member: Albuquerque John
Location: Scotland (today)
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 03:45:04
Thanks "all" of you for helping me maintain my sobriety!!
Firstly for many years a long time ago I drank to be "happy, joyous and free" and for several years that worked. Then I crossed the line when without the booze I was restless irritable and discontent. So I naturally went back to the liquor that eased all the pains.
However, not only was I "unaware" that I was powerless over alcohol!! My life was also totally unmanageable. Then I really didn't care one way or another. Alcohol was the master and I was the servant. In fact I did end up truly in a hopeless state of mind and body.
See that's where the real alcoholics go to find a solution. That was my turning point - that was real isolation. Then the miracle happened - AA came to me in a foreign land. I was truly delivered a message - my state then helped maintain the messenger's sobriety. He needed me - I thought I didn't need him.
By putting the 12 Step Programme into my life as the basis of daily living and contacting the Higher Power who was always waiting for me in the pages of the Big Book I now have no need to isolate - there's a big big difference between being lonely (full of self pity and wrapped in my own head) and being alone with my HP. Truly regained the state of being Happy Joyous and Free WITHOUT alcohol.
(Contribution also from my partner in life and AA)
Member: Teri F.
Location: Marion, Ohio
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 09:52:03
I'm an alcoholic and my name is Teri. Thanks for the topic Betty. It has been great reading everyone's comments, and truly wonderful to see so many newcomers!
To those of you who haven't made it to a face to face meeting yet----I can't and won't give you any "advice", but I will share my experience with you. When I was finally able to put aside my pride and ego and make it to a meeting, I was totally beaten by alcohol. I had run out of options. I was flat out of plans.
I too was terrified at what people would think if they found out I was attending AA meetings. To me, that was definitely scraping the bottom of the barrel! After all, I was a well educated health care professional, and much too good to be in the company of common drunks---lol. I was definitely a 'legend in my own mind'. I couldn't believe what I found at my very first meeting of Alcohlics Anonymous. For the first time in my entire life I felt like I was in the right place--those people were exactly like me!
There is a section in our Big Book written by a doctor that explains how alcoholics live in a delusion---"they (alcoholics) cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one." I don't think I could have found a statement that could possibly describe me better than that. My whole life centered around alcohol. I didn't associate with people who didn't drink, and I didn't participate in ANYTHING that didn't involve alcohol and drinking. I had myself convinced that the world could not revolve without my help, and the people in my life and family couldn't survive without my involvement. What I've come to find out is, this is very typical alcoholic thinking. Self-centered to the extreme!
What I've found since coming to AA is not only a solution to my drinking problem, but a whole new way of life that is far more wonderful than anything I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. Going to meetings was the first step on this incredible journey. It was in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous that I learned I wasn't special or unique. It was in AA meetings where I found a sponsor who led me through the steps. It is in AA meetings where I find other alcoholics to work with. That simple action alone prevents me from withdrawing from the world and isolating.
This whole program of recovery is based on the simple concept of Love and Service. The common thread that binds us in recovery is a very simple one that is repeated over and over again in the Big Book. To stay sober we must trust God, clean house, and carry the message.
If you are new here and think you might have a problem, chances are you do. Please read the following....if you can relate to it, find a meeting and reach out for help. The hand of AA will be there for you.
"The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is lonliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did--then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen--Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!" (from page 151 of the Big Book)
Thanks for letting me share. Most importantly, KEEP COMING BACK!
Member: Kelly A
Location: Boston
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 10:13:07
I find myself running to this site. I;m not sure if it's because mysery loves company or I if I am searching for all who are like me. I am a bit shaky today. The longest I have gone in the past 13 years is 1 week. This is day 3, rather the beginning of day 3. At this moment in time I am choosing not to indulge. I hope it can last. I am not feeling particularly strong and I don't know why. I'm nervous about an invite for sunday I recieved. It's a cook-out for an 8 year old Birthday party! Imagine that I am already anxious and it is for an 8 year old! I need to get out of this, or I am setting myself up fo failure...yet, again
Member: Maggie Mae
Location: Az
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 10:18:20
What got me strted on the way to sobriety? Meetings, meetings, meetings and listening listening, listening.
Member: Robert B.
Location: Boise Idaho
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 10:43:35
Hi. My name is Robert and I am an alcoholic.
Welcome to all the newcomers. So good to see so many here. As others have said Find a live meeting in your area and go. My experience was that the first meeting I ever went to I felt at home. I had never felt like I belonged anywhere until that first meeting.
Isolation is how I drank. Sober now, if I begin to isolate, my thinking turns to myself and my problems. In the company of the fellowship my thinking is bent towards the solution. I live alone. Solitude is not a threat in itself, depending upon my spiritual well being. But when I begin to avoid contact with others, I am in dangerous waters. Seek out the fellowship of AA. I have found more meaningful moments in meeting halls and church basements with a group of alcoholics than I ever found in all my travels.
Peace Robert
Member: Amanda H.
Location: MA
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 12:05:42
Hi! I am Amanda H. and an alcoholic. Visited tis site yesterday for the first time and couldn't wait to log on today and read the messages of experience, hope and truth. Still laid up with the bum knee--physically isolated from work and my patients--but do not feel nearly as isolated in my head as I did yesterday. Thanks to all who come to this meeting. Cannot wait to get to a f2f mtg this Friday night. It is my home group and I miss it. To all the newcomers, keep coming back. It WORKS!!!! Amanda
Member: TJ
Location: ST. Augustine
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 12:40:53
Isolation to me can also be a good thing. I always tryed to keep all these crisis going on I didn't know how just to be still and quite Or for that matter every time I got the chance I allowed myself to be told I was Isolating when what was really happening is that I was learning to be alone with just me and hp and nothing at all happing. WOW! It's important to keep intouch but also know that learning to be alone in one's own skin and know it will be alright is the ture serinity I feel and can allow myself to feel today. I'm so grateful for this program and all the gifts. Thank you (((Bettie s.))) and (((Cyndie))) for sharing I was having one of those days. But coming here help me today! Gotta Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 tgjones@gateway.net
Member: Steve F.
Location: Boston, Massachusetts
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 13:17:56
Steve F., alcoholic
Welcome to all the newcomers!
Kelly A. I understand how you feel. I'm a lawyer in Boston, and was very afraid of going to my first AA meeting. I thought there would be 5 or 6 people there, and that they would sit me down at a table across from them, and start asking me a lot of questions - what's your name, how much do you drink, why do you want to stop, etc. etc. etc.
Of course, when I did go to the meeting, it wasn't like that at all. There about 125 people there, and a speaker was scheduled. I sat in the back, listened, didn't have to say anything to anyone. But I knew I was in the right place. The next day, I sought out a small discussion meeting, because I WANTED to meet some people and talk about my alcoholism.
This site isn't a chat room, so we can't start a lengthy discussion here, but if you'd like to find out more about AA in Boston, please feel free to e-mail me at skfischer@plcpt.com. I have a meeting list, phone numbers, etc. And if you'd like, I can help you meet some other women in AA who can get you started going to meetings.
Member: Tom A. 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 14:44:18
Good Afternoon!
My name is Tom A., a grateful sober alcoholic today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and this fellowship we know of as Alcoholic's Anonymous.
Thank you Betty S. from Colfax for your one word topic Isolation. I've been a sober member of AA since July 25, 1960 and I have attended many many meetings. My first year I went to 8 meetings a week and early in sobriety I heard Marty M., the first lady in AA, speak and at the time she had been sober for over 30 years and in her talk she said that she still goes to her one meeting a week and I made a decision that I would try to do that also and to the moment I've been able to do that. You alway hear and learn something new in AA and this topic on Isolation is a new topic for me. In all the meetings I've attended this is the first time I've heard this topic discussed.
The posts have been excellent and I'm so glad that Staying Cyber is able attract newcomers and even oldcomers like me. I don't have much advice, except that this program works for this alcoholic One-Day-At-A-Time. Afterall, this is a Suggested Program of Recovery!
Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!
Thanks again for the topic Betty!
God Bless Tom A. ate@gte.net
Member: Dan K.
Location: Brainerd, Minnesota
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 15:25:55
My name is Dan, I'm an alcoholic.
I was sitting here in confusion, self-pity, and anxiety and decided to look in Staying Cyber for a discussion on spirituality or letting go. Once again I found in a meeting exactly what I needed to hear. Thank You All! I found myself near tears many times as I read your experience, strength and hope, and felt your love and concern. I am currently taking a crash course in isolation. In the last 2 years I retired on disability and separated from my wife of 24 years. By God's grace and the fellowship of AA it has not been necessary for me to take a drink since 1/9/83, and for this I am very grateful. These recent life events have forced me to depend much more on my Higher Power and the program than ever before. This is a good thing. Through participation in many meetings, service work, prayer and meditation my relationship with my Higher Power has moved to a whole new level. I am learning to accept that I am not the Author of my life, that I do not write the script. The One who does sees the big picture, not just the limited view I have. I am so grateful to have been found by a program in which I can continue to grow and learn for a lifetime, one day at a time. I don't have to have all the answers today. I will never have all the answers in this life. But I can learn to live in some semblance of peace and serenity by listening to people in these meetings and to my Higher Power.
Peace!
Dan
Member: glo
Location: albuquerque
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 16:33:52
Hey, Glo alcoholic here. Whoa Kelly!! I don't believe your fear is of failure, I believe your fear is of success. I'm passionate about what you've shared cuz you sound EXACTLY like me 5 years ago. "If I don't drink what do I do? Who will I be? How will that look to me? to others?" We all know how to fail, as alcoholics we've done it repeatedly but to succeed now there's something we don't know squat about. You say you're not ready to go to face to face meetings cuz it'd be too humiliating if you fail. Don't you see, you're setting yourself up to fail, you're leaving the back door open. Get to a meeting or at least call Central Office and talk to a real person and in the meantime keep showing up on line. Don't let go of this lifeline we call AA. I can attest to the fact that it works. My life is so much better than my wildest imagination. And something else, drinking iced tea for a day IS a big deal and it's a big deal every day we chose tea over alcohol no matter how much time you've got. Be strong friend and keep coming back.
Member: RebeccaM
Location: Portland
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 17:37:32
I agree with Glo. I could not have said it better myself. You are so right. I have been drinking and partying every weekend for the past 20 years. I have wanted to stop many times, but I thought what will I do??? I have had so many horrible things happen to me in my life, most of them due to drinking. I was drinking at my sisters this past Sunday and got drunk and drove home and got mad my sweet boyfriend for no reason. I passed out on the couch and the next thing it is time to go to work. It really hit me, that I was so disgusted with myself and I do not want to lose this man who is the best thing that ever happened to me. It has been two days for me without drinking. I truly believe that support from family and friends and AA will help. I am looking forward to the future. I want to be happy and feel good about myself again, because I am worth it. Thankyou for letting me tell my story.
Member: Chris C.
Location: Upstate NY
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 17:38:00
Hi - My name is Chris and when this is my first time on the net or anywhere else - I read Kathy from Texas and I thought it was myself writing this comment - I too am scared because I need help and have a job and live in such a small area that within a 100 mile radius they would know me - I drink wine now liquor now beer that I hate - My family is besides themselves and my kids are feeling the affect - TALK ABOUT ISOLATED!!!! I am scared of admiting the problem and I know I have - I know this disease and have studied it and counseled it - Now I am it - I will am trying to get to the phone tonight for help and I haven't had a drink today and hoping not - Thanks for listening!!!
Member: feddy hebert
Location: BEAUMONT, TX.
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 17:39:16
Isolation...good topic. I have been in bed for three days. I tend to let it overcome me. I suffer from a great deal of depression, which has been passed on from from my family. I have three sisters and a brother and all have it except one sister. Yes we are all on medication. I am the only one of us that had a drinking. The dpression zaps the entergry out of me and when I give in I isolate. However at some point I must rest. I am now considering cheching into a hospital for a complet work up. I am lost out here. I have been to many doctors and have been given many mood elevators. I at some points want to give up. I have lost faith in Doctors. It is my openion that most Doctors do not realize the mental desease. I have eight years sober. looked into the recorvery network; which deals with bi/polar disorders. I have bfound that people with this disorder have about 80 t0 90% chance of becoming an a heavy drinker...as in medicating.. I will not give up...God will guide me if I do the footwork. To do this foorwork takes a sacerfice and sometime to ccross that bridge is impossiable without the help of others that do understand. I do realize some isolation is good. e-mail freddy.hebert@att.net
Member: jim R
Location: Olympia,Wa.
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 20:01:34
Hey let up a payer for me--I'm heading into treatment at The Meadows down in Arizona; supposed to be an amazing place that, hopefully, will remind me that to be truly free is a privlidge as well as a right. My feelings are somewhere between a Five-year-old on Christamas eve' and a cliff diver down in Mexico............. Ho Ho Ho. Later
Member: jim R
Location: Olympia,Wa.
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 20:02:01
Hey let up a payer for me--I'm heading into treatment at The Meadows down in Arizona; supposed to be an amazing place that, hopefully, will remind me that to be truly free is a privlidge as well as a right. My feelings are somewhere between a Five-year-old on Christamas eve' and a cliff diver down in Mexico............. Ho Ho Ho. Later
Member: jim R
Location: Olympia,Wa.
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 20:02:29
Hey let up a payer for me--I'm heading into treatment at The Meadows down in Arizona; supposed to be an amazing place that, hopefully, will remind me that to be truly free is a privlidge as well as a right. My feelings are somewhere between a Five-year-old on Christamas eve' and a cliff diver down in Mexico............. Ho Ho Ho. Later
Member: jim R
Location: Olympia,Wa.
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 20:02:57
Hey let up a payer for me--I'm heading into treatment at The Meadows down in Arizona; supposed to be an amazing place that, hopefully, will remind me that to be truly free is a privlidge as well as a right. My feelings are somewhere between a Five-year-old on Christamas eve' and a cliff diver down in Mexico............. Ho Ho Ho. Later
Member: Tom M.
Location: Florida
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 20:20:14
Hi my name is Tom M. I am a recovering alcoholic. This is my first time in the group. Good to see so many involved. To Criss C. from N.Y. your comment was the last one I read before writing. So I will respond to your comment. Isolation can be harmful. Please find a meeting. I am sure you are scared, but you're taking a great step in doing what you are doing right now. Keep comming back. Just try not to take a drink today. If you have to do it one hour or one minute at a time. Just keep talking and there will be some one to listen. Tom M. from Florida.
Member: MaryJ
Location: Seattle
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 20:43:08
Hi,
I'm Mary and an alcoholic. I think that I spent seven years in isolation while I was on my way to becoming an alcoholic. I was not the type of alcoholic that went to bars and got drunk. I went home with my bottle. I didn't want to be around other people, I had had enough of them at work. All I needed was my bottle of wine or brandy or gin and I could forget about the rest of the world.
Of course, after a while I became an alcoholic because that is not a healthy way to live, alone and without any interaction with other healthy human beings.
Just now I am digging our of my isolationism. Not drinking helps that and going to AA meetings helps that. I also have good non alcoholic friends that have healthy minds and attitudes and I try to be with them or talk to them as much as possible.
Sometimes I have felt the most isolated when I have been surrounded by people. I think part of that has been stinking thinking and if I wallow in self pity too long, it becomes destructive.
This is a good topic and it is nice to hear everyone's perspective on the topic.
Member: Tacey C.
Location: Arizona
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 21:01:04
Hi. My name is Tacey and I'm an alcoholic. I have enjoyed the posts and can't believe how many newcomers have found this site this week. Let's see. I first was introduced to meetings when I was 20 by my mother who was in the program. I was pregnant for my first child and drinking almost daily. It took me 7 years to finally surrender to the program of AA and I haven't had to drink since then. Meetings are, of course, important. Especially if you've never had any connection with AA before. There are 3 parts of our AA triangle: Unity (fellowship), Recovery (steps), and Service (12th step work). When very new to recovery, most of us are only able to participate in the unity part.
I believe that what I would like to say to the newcomers and those who have not been to meetings is that each person who has any sobriety had to go to their first meeting. And, most if not all of us, felt all the feelings you are feeling. For me, I suppose it depends on how much you want a new way of life. When we get sick and tired of being sick and tired--we do what we must. And, for me that was going to AA. As I've heard so many times around the program, we all come into AA with some kind of fire under our butts. None of us woke up one morning and said, "It's just a beautiful day, I feel wonderful--think I'll go join AA!!" That's not our stories. Also, no alcoholic I've ever met has ever told me that their life goal was to become a drunk. What we have is a disease--mental, physical, and spiritual. Until all of these areas are treated in unison, recovery will not take place. That's why most of us can't get help to stay sober from other places. The options--religion, psychology, medicine--treat only one or two of these areas. We must have more. Thus, Alcoholics Anonymous.
Personally, I believe that I had nothing to do with getting sober. I believe, with all my heart, that God just put His hand on my shoulder and said, "Tacey, my child, you have had enough. I am going to keep you sober until you can make that choice for yourself." I believe this because I did not have it in me to get sober. I had built walls around me that nothing and nobody could penetrate. I was truly helpless and hopeless. I have been blessed with many years of sobriety, a life beyond my wildest expectations, relationships I did not believe existed, and an ongoing opportunity to become better and better.
I will never tell a newcomer that getting sober is easy. It was not easy for me. However, the program is simple. Overcoming isolation is one of the things that was very hard for me. I didn't want to need anyone. I didn't want to trust anyone. I didn't want to rely on anyone. It took a year and a half for me to accept the fact that I needed the fellowship and it was painful for me to get to that point. Today I know that AA doesn't need me. I need AA. Also, AA doesn't owe me anything. I owe AA my life. That is my truth and as time goes on, it becomes clearer that I am nothing without sobriety and I can't stay sober without AA. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: PatJ
Location: Ohio
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 22:32:43
My name is Pat and I am an alcoholic. Many thanks to James L in Colorado. Funny how I forget gratitude...until someone mentions it. Then it all comes flowing back. I have been asked to sponsor someone. I don't feel deserving of that honor, however God has not let me down since I turned my will over to Him. So, I'm sure that there is a purpose for where I am right now. At times during my brief sobriety I feel like I've got this thing beat. Then God throws something at me to bring be back to reality. I definitely need to get back in touch with my Higher Power and make a gratitude list. Thank you all for sharing and letting me share also.
Member: David M.
Location: Clovis, Ca.
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 23:06:29
Hi! This is David, recovered alcoholic. I know this topic so well because I've lived it and at times continue to live it. I'm the type of person that finds living in the middle of Nevada, between Ely and Tonopah, attractive. As an only child I learned this way of living right away. It has always been hard for me to develop close friendships because I enjoy isolation so much. I like to socially interact when it is on my terms not "theirs". In A.A. I have learned how to change this particular fearful way of living. I learned that it is self-pity, flip-side of pride, anger, envy, and fear that I let rule my life that causes me to live in an isolationist mode for any period of time. I came to A.A. angry, prideful, and full of fear, and didn't like "you" the fellowship. There were some things that I had to do before this would change. I had to get a sponsor. Fotunately he and his sponsor approached me because I never would have done that on my own will. My sponsor put me into service at our home group. My first service position was the "greeter". Thirty minutes before the meeting I was there to welcome members to the meeting giving hugs and handshakes. In a short couple weeks this began to reverse itself. I began to receive the hugs and handshakes even though I was the "greeter". Eventually I took a secretary/chairperson position for a meeting once a week. I alway went with my sponsor, his sponsor, and his sponsor's sponsor and who ever else would come along to the meetings after the meetings. Usually at coffee shops, an A.A. members house, etc. I went to any weekend A.A. events I could. Events like camping, dances, conferences, conventions, round-ups, picnics, and many other events like this. Ultimately I never felt a part of the A.A. fellowship and solved the isolation problem until I had worked my first nine steps of the A.A. program. That is when I lost my fear and anger towards people whether in A.A. or otherwise. There are some suggestions to finding a sponsor in the "Big Book" of A.A. in the last couple paragraphs of pp.18 and the top of pp. 19. Your local A.A. group is almost always looking for people to get into service and be helpful you just have to ask or maybe your sponsor can lead you in the right direction. The group service represevtitive or central office representitive should have info. on any upcoming A.A. events. Don't leave the meeting to soon because this is when the spontaneous plan of the meeting after the meeting usually goes down. Finally I have to remind myself that as recovered member of A.A. I have the responsibility to to act on step 12 and tradition 5. Ebby T. went to Bill W., Bill W. went to Dr. Bob S., and Bill W. and Dr. Bob S. went to Bill D. A.A. number three. The recovered alcoholic always went to the sick, hopeless alcoholic. I must do the same to stay sober. I can't expect a terrified, angry, hopeless alcoholic to come to me. If you are in a group where the old-timers or sober members aren't putting their hand out to you try another A.A. group in or near the area in which you live. A group that is a bit warmer and more hospitable and hasn't forgotten where they came from. Thank you for letting me share. God bless. E-mail at gunnerM249@excite.com
Member: Gracie
Location: Tx
Date: 13 Jul 1999
Time: 23:55:57
Gracie here, an alcoholic. I walked into my home group tonight and before I got my coffee I was hugged by five people. Before I got to a chair several more people either spoke to me or hugged me. Some of them said they were glad to see me. When I shared in the discussion meeting they listened and some of them nodded meaning they identified with what I said. After the meeting I sat and talked with several of the other members and we laughed some. When I came home I was able to tuck my daughter into bed because I was sober. She looked up at me from her bed and told me how much she loved me and I was so acutely aware that this is all because I'm sober. Now you tell me, should I have stayed home and wallowed in my own self inflicted misery and isolation? I could have, I'm sure I could have thought of something to be unhappy about. Maybe Lincoln was right when he said that most people are about as happy as they want to be. Today I wanted to be happy so I took the appropiate action. Tomorrow I may want to be miserable but probably not. If I do I'll just isolate and wonder why to world isn't beating a path to my door to say "poor Gracie". This my option and I pray I take the right action tomorrow. Night all!!
Member: JCP ^\^
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 00:51:28
J here, a grateful alcoholic:
"Diffidence: lack of confidence in oneself, marked by hesitation in asserting oneself; shyness." Webster's New World.
Isolation is so inherent to alcoholism. I knew it as a boy, growing up in an alcoholic home -- isolation and uncertainty --grew up as a diffident, a high school teacher gave me the word, chip on shoulder, the works.
For a long time I "drank like a man," mainly on holidays and other times people would give me booze. By the time I noted a "progression" I was drinking every day, on my own, just like my old man, and there was no stopping.
So the isolation is something I brought with me to A.A. No one cold-shouldered or one-upped me. On a positive side, I fought the first drink, and so far so good.
No chance I can ever claim credit -- not I who would have settled for a few months or even weeks without a drink, just to mellow out a little. Now A.A.'s gift to my wider family, not just my children but brother and nieces and nephews and in-laws, is so expansive that I could not have imagined it, let alone caused it or even believed it.
That's what I am grateful for.
Okay, now, you got a problem with that? -- Oops! Like they say, some things change slowly, but they do change.
dixyflier@usa.net
Member: Greg G
Location: AZ
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 01:35:25
Hi. I'm Greg and I'm a real alcholoic.Ifeel isolated even from my own family. I was sober for 15 months before i went out again. I was so proud myself for finally doing for myself what I wanted to do for a long time. Be sober and find out what life was really about. I loved it. I loved my sobriety, but then I forgot what it was all about, and lost myself. Then I lost my meetings, and then I lost my higher power. At that point I was isolated. Me alone with my alchoholism. Then guess what, I only heard that one voice saying that it was ok that it was what I needed to get rid of the pain inside me, because I was laid off, and my wife couldn't deal with it and ther was no money. Well, I listened and took that drink and then another, and another. You know the rest. Then I was really isolated. I lost everything at that point. Most of all the one thing that I prized above all, my sobriety. Today I still don't have a job, no money, and I'm really not sure about my family. But, I am no longer isolated because I have everyone here and in my room. Go to a meeting, you don't have to say anything, just go. You will realize that you don't have to have isolation anymore. And if this room helps, it's OK. It's a start. But go to a meeting,try to find a sponsor you think will be right for you. and work the steps and there will never have to be a time where you have to be isolated ever again.
Member: James Lupp
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 01:55:05
Hi, my name is James, and I'm an alky. I thought I was born to this dismal world all alone. I alone was going to be the one to call the shots. The only shots I could muster up were 80 proof or more. I was alone at rock concerts, weddings, parties, jobs and my own relationships. I was a self-made man, but look what I made! I told the world to leave me alone--and it did! Now, left all alone I could pour down and the rest of the world be hanged. God had other plans! I was granted this One Day at a Time chance by this goofy fellowship of drunks. I've wisked away ever since. God and AA ruined my perfectly planned suicide. AA has been ruining alot of things I had planned. I got this new pair of ears and when I used those all I could do was sit there in meetings and secretly, privately say "Me Too!" You crazy sots dug me out of that rut that was home to me. My sponsor says that a rut is just a long, shallow grave with both ends kicked out! God bless sponsors. I've got the best sponsor, the best home group in the best district of the best area, Got the best of everything and I've always gotten what I needed in sobriety. As a kid I remeber playing Hide and go Seek. If you were really good at hiding the others would give up and yell, "Ally, Ally In Come Free!". That was your que to come out of hiding and join up with the others. Then you go help find someone else hiding. Sound similar? Come Out, Come out, where ever you are! I've read through all these posts and continue to say, not so privately anymore, "Me Too!'I've been alone in sobriety, but not lonely. I stand naked on a mountain before God and give up and give away all of me to his CARE. Thank You all for twelve stepping me. If you are new, stay new. Keep coming back for me. In the fellowship of the spirit. James L. anniel@ocinet.net
Member: Tom N
Location: New York
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 06:29:47
Hope to see some of you at the Fellowship of the Spirit Conference (FOTS) up at Silver Creek, CO - July 22 through July 25. Check out its website at www.fots.com - hundreds of alkys trying to live the program of recovery at its outlined in the Big Book - Alcoholics Anonymous.
Member: Glenn G
Location: Kennesaw, Georgia
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 08:44:29
hell,mynameisglrnn. this is my firstinternet meeting. j I just wanted to introduce myself. The comments that i have read on "isolation" hit right at home. There is deffinitely no positive growth in my keeping isolated and it is apparent to me that it is derived from my own insecurities and fears. During my using periods my active addiction is very public and extremely self distructive. Now, although not using i have hidden away from the my family and all associations. This is a small but signicant step for me. Thanks
Member: Kelly A.
Location: Boston
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 09:18:05
Well, beginning day 4. Funny I hide the fact that I am getting involved with this site. I erase my history when I am done and sneak away when no one is watching to check and see if there have been any new postings. I am so afraid people in my life will find me out. Isolation, I'm not sure people even know I have a drinking problem. How can one come out to admit it and get help when the world around her is oblivious. A few years ago I tried to confide in a friend that I thought I drank too much. She said "I've never seen you drunk, you are fine" I have hidden it well. I feel like I am outside looking in and I just want to scream "What the hell is wrong with you people! Can't you see I am drunk." It never fails there is always somebody behind me saying "have another" When I am by myself, it's me saying have another. Weekends make me nervous. What am I supposed to do with the time. Today looks good, tonight I am not so sure. However I do hope.
Member: Gracie
Location: Tx
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 10:06:10
Hi this is Gracie, an alcoholic. KELLY: Don't worry about what other people think of your alcoholism. They don't have to live in your skin. Whe I told my mother I was an alcoholic her comment was, "Honey I didn't know you drank that much!" I said,"Mother why do you think I used to sleep on the front lawn?" You see I could drive home after a night out, I just couldn't walk! This is called denial!!! If you are an alcoholic it is just about guaranteed that you can't recover alone. Don't let what other people think cheat you out of the most awesome experience of your life. Go to meetings where you live. There you will find people who will not only help save your ass but will love you until you can love yourself, then they will just keep right on loving you!!! If no one has told you all today that you are loved, let me be the first. LOVE TO ALL ALKIES!!!
Member: Connie
Location: Northern Ontario Canada
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 10:33:17
Hello everyone, My name is Connie and I'm an alcoholic The topic isolation is rather ironic, for the simple fact that i chose to find an online group b/c i still find it difficult to attend mettings regularly. I have been sober for almost 3 years in August & I have a sponsor.My biggest reason for not attending meetings i belive is my "age" I came into AA when I was 16 and had a relapse shortly after, since then my commitment level is shaky. But i do believe that AA is the solution to keeping me sober. I have never really made any friendships in AA,because no one my age sticks around. I'm hoping that I can start to build a stronger foundation for my AA online until I can feel confident enough to attend my Face-Face AA.I welcome all advice. Thanks
Member: Gracie
Location: Tx
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 10:42:45
Gracie again, an alcoholic. Sorry for the double dipping. I just read Connie's post.CONNIE: some of my friends in AA are your age and some are much older. One of my dearest friends is 78. Age seems to lose it's meaning in AA, for me. Are you using your age as an excuse? If you end up back out there drinking, and IF you make it back, then you might be older, a lot older! That is a BIG IF. Just go on back to those meetings and let those OLD people like me love you! (I'm 43)...
Member: Barbara
Location: Connecticut
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 10:53:48
Kelly-once I stopped drinking I found that noone really cares or notices whether i am drinkinh at a function or not. I feel safe from the dangers I posed to myself. Consider the difference between someone discovering you are working on a problem to better yourself ... to someone discovering you have crashed your car, or said and done things that now make you cringe(if you can remember them) because you were bombed. With five and a half years of alcohol sobriety due to the protection of God, I remember clearly sitting at my first AA meeting-then going home crying with relief that I had a way to try to conquer the sad lonliness that was eating me alive. One day at a time-stay safe-keep coming back. You can do it. Read the Big Book-you can get it at a library.
Member: rapunzel
Location: right here
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 12:40:30
Rap, alcoholic. I remember the 1st time I went to a bar after starting my sobriety. I was only months sober and a group of us planned to go out. I created this whole elaborate plan around ordering ginger ale cuz it looked like bourbon and 7 just in case someone asked; and I figured I should keep a full drink in front of me at all times just in case someone offered to buy me a drink. Know what I found out? Not one damn person cared what I was drinking or if I wanted more... go figure!! It sure gave me a clearer perspective reality. I haven't felt the need to hide my sobriety for ego's sake since. Peace!!
Member: Lin
Location: Conn.
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 12:51:14
Hello everyone, my name is Lin and I'm an alcoholic - this is my first time at this site and it has helped me more than you know - I'm going to go now and check out where the local AA meetings are and I know now that I will attend - your comments have gone straight to my heart - thank you all for showing me I'm not alone in this.
Member: Prudence
Location: Wa.
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 13:23:05
Prudence, alkie. Guilty of double dipping too KELLY, you are doing great. Everyone here is cheering you on. It's easier said than done "not to worry about what other people think", and yet it is so right on. If you feel you have to sneak around to get to this meeting then so be it...just get here. I promise the time will come soon that you will be perfectly OK that you choose not to drink. Maybe the people that you are hiding this from will realize, too, that they need help and will look to you for guidance!!! When people offer me a drink I say "YES, I'll get it myself", or "maybe in a minute", or "sure, just H2O or pop"......or what I usually say now is, "I'm allergic to alcohol. When I drink it I break out in a BIG DRUNK!!!!!" Whatever works Kelly do it, just don't take that 1st drink. You will get yourself to a live meeting, maybe this week, and then tell us about it. We are here and we will help you through this scary part. Believe it or not, you are helping all of us, for we were all where you are right now. We all work together, that is how AA works...this is how we stay sober RIGHT HERE..RIGHT NOW!!! Take care and let us know how your meeting goes. Peace, Prudence
Member: Jamie U
Location: Seattle, WA
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 14:17:51
Hi, I'm Jamie & I'm an alcoholic. It is not until recently that I have begun to reach out. I'm 22 & recently separted from my husband. I have always have a problem with drinking, but have never thought I might be able to give it up until now. I have a 1 1/2 year old son & I'm drinking all the time. I can easily drink a whole large bottle of wine in one night. I am so lonely and isolated that all I can find comfort in is alcohol. Every time I get weak or have a set-back, I reach for alcohol. It actually fills the emptiness temporarily. I don't feel like I'm being a very good mother because I never have any energy. I feel like I could be doing better at work, the list goes on & on. I feel like I can never get the freedom to go to my first meeting. I'm single & pretty much limited to my house. To go to a meeting means finding child-care, etc, etc. I need help. I am welcoming anyone's comments.
Jamie
Member: DEBBIEB
Location: MARYLAND
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 15:04:19
This topic is what made me drink...isolation. I had a good career, husband and two kids but I was alone..no one listened to me. I would drink for courage and to take the lonelyness away. I finally walked away from it all 5 years ago and changed all people places and things except alcohol my only friend! Four years ago I found another alcoholic who listened to me and that is history. We are both sober for almost three years and the fellowship we found in the rooms kept us coming back. Not all meeting are good so we go looking for another meeting...you need to find your comfort level with people. I hated to see people in the rooms laughing and hugging..I though what phoney crap! But now we are up front chairing two meetings a week and hugging and laughing. We got a home group, sponsors, and worked the steps. The first three were easy 1. I am 2. He can. 3. I'll let him. This interpretation is what got me through and I am by no means a religious person, but I kept listening and my self will was what was keeping me down. When I turned it over, I started to mend. Now we see the promises coming to us SLOWLY but they are there. we have friends, real friends not bar flies and our friends go out with us this support helps us all, we go to concerts, weddings BarB Ques and there is alcohol there but we CHOOSE not to drink today, didn't drink yesterday and GOD will help us with tomorrow. Don't give up it really works. Good Luck
Member: Richard.w
Location: Carnforth, U.K.
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 16:01:53
I'm Richard and, after reading your comments I guess I'm an alcohoic.
I started because it was "big", I continued because I was a a student and now... and now I think I'm getting worse because I could end up alone. I want to stop, but I can't sleep because of the day revolving through my mind - I need to become "numb" in order to wipe the bad parts and learn from the good. If I can't function because of lack of sleep I feel I let people down.If I let people down - especially my family - then I'd rather have somebody claim the insurance!!
The above apart, I don't think I'm suicidal. I felt isolated, but finding this site has made me think that maybe I'm not alone after all,just not expressing myself.
Member: Jan K
Location: Australia
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 16:06:42
Jan here, alcoholic of 10 years.
I get a lot of advice from your pages, but you seem to all get great help from AA meetings. I remember 10 years ago, when I first started to "drink to cope" (due to my Father's illness - he has since died), I rang my local AA from the phone book, as is suggested. They said the next meeting was in 2 days time. Guess what I did in the 2 days. I also tried telling a friend who said, quote, "You're not an alcoholic ... just try sticking to wine and beer." Go figure. If the alcohol content is LESS, then you just drink MORE!
So from reading your comments, I can see why confiding in another "ex-alkie" might be better than nothing. I feel the isolation of having no friends left, I haven't even heard from my Mother for a couple of months either. A knock on the door sends me hiding under the bed or something.
Has anyone of you ever been so low and recovered?
Best wishes to you all ... Jan
Member: John K
Location: Minneapolis / Charlotte
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 16:46:17
Hi I'm John and I'm an alcoholic,
I'm 3-1/2 years sober and yes I have felt really low during recovery. However, I do feel like I won't always feel low. At least recovery has given me the knowledge and faith that good and bad feelings are very normal, and after I feel bad I will feel good in the future. When I was drinking I never felt that way. When I felt bad it was forever, everything was hopeless. Not now.
I live in Minneapolis, MN but I've been traveling to Charlotte, NC almost every week for work for the past 2.5 months. I've noticed myself sitting in my hotel room almost afraid to go out by myself. I'm married and have 3 kids at home. I almost feel like I'm in prison in the hotel and just wait for the day when I get to go home. It feels weird. I feel like I lack social skills or something, like I'm to self-conscious to go to a movie by myself or shopping or whatever. I feel boring.
I know I can go do things, including going to a meeting, but I just wanted to say "out loud" that I feel like a dork for lacking the "courage" to do things on my own.
Member: Matt M.
Location: Louisiana
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 16:53:22
Hi everyone, my name is Matt,I'm an alcoholic! Towards the end of my active addiction, I wanted to be as far away from everyone as possible! I think mainly because I was ashamed of what I had become, also because I no longer felt that I needed that comaraderie that i would get from being around other drunks in bars. I could start drinking as early in the morning as I wanted to. And I had my own personal bathroom. in a strange way isolation may have saved my life. when i finally came to after a 3 day binge, I realized that I was all alone. Noone left to call ,so I picked up the phone and called AA.
Member: RebeccaM
Location: Portland
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 18:25:08
Jamie,
I understand what you are going through. I left my husband because he was an abusive alcoholic. I got a place by myself and started feeling very lonely and depressed. I too would drink a huge bottle of wine everynight to forget the pain. I have only been sober for 3 days now. I have not been to a meeting yet, and I am planning on attending one. If you are having trouble with child care, maybe a relative or a friend could babysit for you so you could get to a meeting. In the meantime, maybe you could find an AA Chat Room, where you can chat with someone right away. Otherwise, please keep coming back here. It really helps me to read everyone's comments and what they are going through and to especially know that I am not alone and that people do really care. Thank you everyone!!!
Member: Julie
Location: Kansas
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 19:11:16
WOW!! What an incredible topic and an incredible response from Newcomers!! And I've never seen so many regulars double post (laughing). Don't feel I can add anything to what has already been shared. Kelly, Kathy, Rebecca...any of you lady newcomers can e-mail me at jharbert@keycreations.com anytime. I've been in the program for about a year, so I remember all too well where you are and how you feel. Kelly, when I saw you had returned so many times, my heart soared. I hope to hear from you. Thanks to all who have shared in this discussion.
Member: Kelly C.
Location: Vancouver, WA
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 20:13:31
Kelly C.-Alcoholic Thanks for the reminders...even after 7 years I still tend to isolate...I am having trouble getting to meetings due to an injury...I go to work and home. That's about all I can stand to do right now, so I'm grateful for this meeting. I've been sick/injured for six months...I found it easier, actually, in the beginning of my sobriety to ask for help. I was desperate to stay sober. My husband was threatening to do everything he could to keep me from staying sober...now he's gone and my kids and I have a good, quiet life. Maybe because of this, I don't take my isolating as seriously as I should. I've needed your experience strength and hope today. I have made plans for a friend to take me to a meeting on Thursday evening. I like that meeting because there are alot of "Old Timers" there, and they don't wait to be approached....they do the hard part and reach out to everyone there...that makes it impossible for me to slip out without making contact with at least one person. I can't tell if I've made any sense, but I feel better now. This friend of mine who is picking me up Thursday....I was at the meeting she came into and announced that she didn't want to die...she said that she needed a friend right now because she didn't want to drink anymore, and she wasn't going to leave the meeting until someone talked to her. We talked...my life is better for it...that was over 5 years ago. We're both still sober.
Member: Geri W
Location: Va
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 20:33:31
Hi, I'm Geri, a very grateful alcoholic.
It's wonderful to see so many newcomers at this discussion. You will never know how much you have helped me this week.
About isolation - yep - I know about that. As the saying goes, "been there and have the Tshirt"
About not letting folks know you are an alcohlic - going to meetings and such. My first meeting was a women's group. I was so shakey that I couldn't sit. They let me pace the room and cry. My repeated question to them was " when do you get over the Shame?" IMO, we women have alot more shame about being drunks. We worry more about what people will think, etc. It wasn't until I learned about the disease and AA that I was able to deal with all those feelings. When the pain overcame my pride, I got my ass to a meeting and saved it. And the people who still insist I am not a "real" alcoholic don't bother me anymore. This is the only life I have and I intend to live it. You can too. Pick up that fifty pound telephone and call your local AA for help.
Member: Joe H.
Location: Arizona
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 20:44:30
To Jan K. By the time I got to AA I was 44 yrs. old and lower than a snakes butt in a wagon rut. I was out of friends, out of money and definitely out of my mind. Thanks to the folks I met at my first meeting and listening to them share, I realized I was exactly where I belonged. They sat there and talked about the disease of alcoholism. Someone finally put a label on why I felt the way that I did. That was nine yrs. ago and I haven't had to touch a drink or a left handed cigarette since. It can happen for you too. All it takes is the extension of your hand to ask for help. Thanks to all for 12th stepping me today.
Member: Pat C
Location: ID
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 21:59:48
Pat C, grateful alcoholic:
When I first sobered up I thought I'd never ever feel okay again. I always felt like my skin was too tight, or that I would never feel close to anyone or anything again. I felt like the guy that showed up five minutes after the last party guest had left. There was a good time to be had, but not by me. And now fast forward nearly 21 years, and I wish I could have more time to myself! My wife is out of town to her mother's for the week with the kids, and I LIKE being alone for a little while. Couldn't stand me before, now I can sit still by myself for a few days and just hang out with God. As my sponsor used to say, "It" may not get better, but if I do the steps with rigorous honesty, I sure will!
Pat
Member: Merv. D.
Location: North Bay Canada
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 22:02:39
Hello my name is Merv. and I am An Alcoholic. I've read so many good posting re isolation and would conform to all of them, this seems to be a typical tendencey of the disease of Alcoholism. I can only say to the many newcomers that the important thing for you now is to pick up the phone and get to a local meeting. This is how A.A. started sixty some years ago and is where all these good comments originated. So throw away the isolation and join us. We have all been in the position of where we had to (not wanted to) go to our first live meeting. I just came from a meeting and I always feel a spiritual uplift from a meeting and it make the isolation disipate. Keep coming back
Love Merv.
Member: Becky B.
Location: Bloomington
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 22:31:01
Hi Everybody - I am enjoying all the comments so much. I, too, love it that so many newcomers have found this site. I wish I had been able to find a place like this when I was still having so many doubts about whether or not to go to a meeting. I might have gone with a little less fear, knowing a little more about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Kelly - keep up the good work! I've been checking for your notes every day to see if you are still sober. When I got home from my first meeting, I told my oldest son and my husband where I'd been and they neither one believed me. They both were oblivious to the fact that I was alcoholic - that's how strong denial is. But - the only person who has to decide is you. No one else can tell you if you are an alcoholic or not. So - keep the plug in the jug and get yourself to an outside meeting. I will keep you in my prayers.
Peace to all,
bb
Member: Betty S.
Location: Colfax
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 22:45:29
Hello to all and Kelly, Kelly I hope you can see the attraction and not the promotion in how we share our hearts with each other. Isolation,fear, and alcoholism are often similarites not differences. "Easy does it" Betty S. Colfax Thanks ev everyone for your input--we seem to be on roll!
Member: missy d
Location: florida ny
Date: 14 Jul 1999
Time: 23:25:25
issolation is very dangerous for me.when i first entered aa i found i am just like everyone else. i no longer need to feel alone.i have a number of sober friends now.two i spend a great deal of time with.others i join at the local diner. like my sponsor says never alone again.besides i have God in my life to keep me company,working the 12 steps helps tremendously to leave issolation behind.
Member: Michael L
Location: nj
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 00:24:38
Hello - this is my first post - Thanks for listening. I am out of control and i don't know what to do. Out of work for 6 months - professional job - don;'t want to work anymore - i'm only 42 but can survive without job - I feel so alone and I don't know how to stop it - cyberspace is getting boring
Member: Michael L
Location: nj
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 00:25:20
Hello - this is my first post - Thanks for listening. I am out of control and i don't know what to do. Out of work for 6 months - professional job - don;'t want to work anymore - i'm only 42 but can survive without job - I feel so alone and I don't know how to stop it - cyberspace is getting boring
Member: James Lupp
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 00:35:59
Hello, my name is James and I'm an Alky. I just got back from my home group meeting awhile ago. SSomething struck me as odd. Here is a pack of sots from all over the world, the UK, Canada,all kinds of states of the USA and they are talking about isolation! Struck me as funny! And the meeting I was attending was talking about the value of meetings. Go figure! It reminds me of something of my own story. Looking for stuff that is right in front of me! What has made my week is, watching with great interest you newcomers counting each day. Thank you for letting me be a part of your day by day sobriety. If you didn't drink today, you are a sucess! Don't leave five minutes before the miracle! My sponsor told me a miracle is a coincidence where God remains anonymous. Try and put these two words together--Sober Alcoholic. In the fellowship of the Spirit. James L.
Member: James Lupp
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 00:56:55
Michael, you are loved. In case no one told you that today. There's a lot of friends you haven't met yet at the meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you think cyber is boring, let me tell you my story! Ha, Ha! Thanks for your honesty. We can only blow smoke up each others butt for so long. Then it's time to sit face to face and witness the truth to each other. Our area delegate made a bold statement in front of 400 drunks at a area assembly he said, " AA is one drunk sitting in front of another drunk trying to tell the truth." If God don't keep ya here, the whiskey'll bring ya back. Drop a line at annie@ocinet.net Sobriety is number one in my life and it takes work with another drunk on these steps. Hang on Brother, for me. James L.
Member: John J
Location: Arizona
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 02:28:45
My name is John and I'm an Alcoholic. I have recently moved to a new town and am having troubles getting involved in the rooms locally. I have over 8 years sober and know that I will lose all that I have if I do not make the effort it takes to keep it. After all you have to give it away to keep it.
Looking up the AA site has been an eye opener. I have not been doing the things that I need to do to take care of me lately. After 8 years its amazing that I can forget what blessings the rooms of AA have brought into my life. Isolation is an enemy that stregthens my disease. I can't for get all the I need to do and how to keep AA the priority of my life.
Gratefully,
John J
Member: Marv B.
Location: Bedford, Tx.
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 08:03:06
Isolation! A great topic. I would think that many of us discussing the subject by means of the internet rather than face to face with live people at AA would have difficulties with isolation. Kelly; regarding your comment, "going to AA just not acceptable", I would like to share a couple thoughts with you. If you have reached the point of wanting sobriety, and have "become willing to go to any lengths to achieve it, then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked. We thought we could find easier, softer ways." With Alcoholism we deal with a teminal illness. Recovery is possible through the regular attendance of AA meetings and through working the 12 steps. If we do these things, it will stay sober, and we will be responsible to ourselves and others. Most alcoholics I've met have had trouble with depression and isolation. I have been told by professionals, that aside from my alcoholism, I would need to take anti depressants and tranquilizers the rest of my life. Through the miracles of AA, the fellowship of the program and the 12 steps of recovery, I haven't had tranquilizers, anti-depressants, OR ALCOHOL since 1968. I'm a very grateful alcoholic and I continue to make a minimum of 2 maintenance meetings a week. I share my experiences with others. For those persons who have recently found this beautiful program, keep attending meetings, and also share your experiences through staying Cyber. This is an excellent tool. To get out of Isolation, however, meetings are essential.
Member: baraboo dave
Location: madison
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 08:12:08
James L from Montrose, Thanks for the reminder, my reminder mechanism needs daily lubrication! Michael from nj---hang in there---the cyber meetings are valuable however face to face (f2f) has an invaluable pulse that you can tap!
Member: Gracie
Location: Tx
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 08:18:08
Just in case anyone forgets who and what we are here is a reminder. By the time I had 9 yrs of sobriety I had become a legend in my own mind. I was sponsoring about 15 women, speaking all over, holding group office, and lots of people told me how wonderful I was. Of course the next thing to happen was I got a problem and since i was a model of sobriety I couldn't tell anyone. I mean, how could I tell them I had feet of clay. You can probably guess the rest. Yeah, I started staying away from meetings and just God and me worked my program. Well without the help of AA's I was soon drunk and wondering what happened. I made it back after three long months of suicidal depression fueled by alcohol. I will soon have six yrs. again and here is what I believe. My alcoholism isn't gone and never will be. It is right outside the door doing push-ups and getting stronger! Yes my Higher Power is the source of my sobriety but I have to have the voices of AA's to hear God's instructions and I have to have the arms of AA's to get a hug from God. Thanks for listening to me remember.
Member: Flora K
Location: SE USA
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 08:57:04
Flora K. alcoholic here. Kelly and all newcomers who are thinking about that first meeting, you all are helping me keep the memory green. The memory of being a hopeless, helpless suicidal alcoholic and feeling unable to reach out for help. Some nonalcoholic friends saw me sinking fast and gave me the number of a local AA leader they knew socially. That call was easier for me than calling the AA number in the phone book. He sent a recovering woman to 12 step me in my home and she took me to my first meeting. They picked a quiet meeting where they felt I might feel comfortable. It was a speaker's meeting and the speaker told my story. So did the Big Book I picked up that night. You do not have to go to your first meeting alone. All of us in the program want to help you reach out. I was afraid the program would work..I'd stop drinking but I couldn't imagine life without alcohol. I was amazed to hear people at my first meeting say they had felt exactly the same way and that this is a program that teaches alcoholics to live without alcohol one day at a time. All the social embarrassment that terrified me didn't happen. Other people are just not that interested in me except for the ones who love and like me and they wish me well. We all wish you well. Ask the local AA office to send some one to 12 step you privately if that would be more comfortable.
Member: Kelly A
Location: Boston
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 09:24:48
WOO-HOO I made it through day 4! Had my doubts at at one point, almost crashed but instead decided to swurve. I wish I had used technology sooner and found this site. I feel like you are all helping me through and I can't let anyone down. I have not met any of you but I feel your encouragement. It's strange, I must check this site 5 times a day. It's like the lonley single person checking their answering machine everyday. The difference is I am surrounded by family, my husband, and children and no one knows I have taken even these tiny steps. I said before that I wanted to scream "hey can't you see I am drunk" Now I want to scream " can't you tell I am not drinking" Fear is still there though, if I say anything and fail, I don't know if I can handle it. The week-end is coming and it scares the hell out of me. I am considering taking the next step and going to a meeting (1st time ever) I shouldn't say that because if I don't go then I fail there too. People speak of isolation in this site, I am afraid if I speak out I will be isolated from everyone and everything I know. I am beginning day 5 today and haven't told a soul. I use this site as sort of a journal. I am sorry if I haven't thanked anyone by name but I am grateful for all of you who have thought of me. I can truley feel your compassion. I haven't felt anything in a long time and I am not sure if it scares me or makes me want more. Have a good day. Signing out on the dawn of day 5
Member: John K
Location: Minneapolis
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 11:55:34
Hi John, alcoholic,
Man, this is great. Second time I've been here and, like everyone else, I'm really excited about Kelly. You know, in my opinion there is no substitute for a real meeting, but this online thing is almost better in Kelly's case because we're all here every day. Kelly it's kind of like you have a bunch of sponsors talking to you every day. So you're not really isolated anymore, at least not today.
I know what you mean about people not noticing you're not drinking, but believe me they will. For now just look in the mirror, I'll bet any money those clear, white eyes will give you all the encouragement you need. I hadn't seen those in 20 years before I sobered up. It was amazing.
Kelly, I know how hard it is in the beginning not to drink. Keep talking about it. Whether it's here or at a meeting or on the phone. If you go to a meeting, you'll feel uncomfortable, don't worry about it, everyone does. That's why the topic is isolation, we all ended up being alone because it was easier than being with others. Just be honest. When it's your turn to speak, say whatever you want, how hard it is, how alone you feel, how badly you want to quit and how unsure of how you can quit. We have all felt the same (at least very close to the same) so don't be afraid, or at least force yourself to get through it, at least once. We all love you and understand your feelings, completely. Keep us informed.
Member: stacy g
Location: ga
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 12:39:13
himynameisstacy.thisismyfirstmeetingonline.ihaveonef
riendwhoitruelyfeelthatcaresformeandsupportsmynotu
sing.ihaveanangerproblemandtendtoisolateeverytimeih
aveanegativefeelingoramconfrontedaboutsomething.if
eelalonealotoftimesandisolatemyselffromthepeoplethat
care.ifeelthatatthemomentiamadrydrunk.ineedsupporta
ndencouragementandineedtobeabletoaccepotttthefeedb
ackthatisgiventome.iappriciatebeingabletotalkorwriteabo
uthowifeelandnotbejudgedforit.thankyou.
Member: Jan S
Location: Australia
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 12:55:03
Jan, alcholic ... I feel disappointed that people will read your page and get "inspired" to get help, leave a message on your pages, but then when they come back, expecting encouragement from the other fellows, they find the page has not been updated. I had thought this was a better "instant" sort of help, having been told by the local AA that I had to wait for 2 days before I could attend. I'm very sorry. Still, I realised from your pages and archives that I'm not the only one to feel so desperate and useless.. Jan
Member: robert j.
Location: sunporch
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 12:58:14
Seems that even in sobriety us isolators continue to enjoy our own company..it has been worse there was a time I could'nt look at myself in the mirror,can't ever forget that...thanks for lettin me share.
Member: Ellen G
Location: Washington, NJ
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 13:00:17
Hi! Ellen Alcoholic. This is my first time here and am glad I found you all. I am sitting in work, unable to drive but needing a meeting. Thanks to you all.
Isolation is such a deadly part of this disease. When I am alone with my thoughts and my disease I will start believing all my old lies. (not good enought, not worthy, not, not, not) By reaching my hand out to another recovering alcoholic I have found the strength and love to get through.
I had to giggle when I read that going to meetings is unacceptable. I remember thinking...what if someone sees me going into one of those rooms? Never mind that many saw me drunk, coming out of places I didn't need to be. There is no shame in helping ourselves. The shame is knowing there is help and refusing to reach for it.
Wishing everyone a happy, sober 24!!
Member: Stephanie l
Location: London, Canada
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 13:13:03
To Kelly A. from Boston, It is hard to got to your first meeting. It's one of the most scariest things I ever did because I was finally admitting defeat. My secret was finally out, That I Am An Alcoholic. Other people would find out. I thought by going there I would be putting myself in jepeordy but after I was there I knew I was in the right place. I saw people for the first time smile and being happy they were alcoholics and just being okay with it. I didn't understand it at first but now i do.
I seen the light in peoples eyes that I so desperatly wanted to have. These people had what I wanted. They showed me the way. Let us show you the way. We all know where your coming from. We have all felt the same pain that you have. We are here to help. Help yourself and go to a meeting cause if you don't like it then we can refund your misery. It's your choice, just remember, there is a price to be paid for everything you do, positive and negative. Think of the positive things you will benifit from. Hope you come to the meetings. My prayers are with you.
Member: Gordon
Location: Washington
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 14:33:35
Hi all,
First, thanks. I found this site and this topic when I was home recently, too hungover to go to work (first time for that). Kelly's comments in particular have hit home (although I'm sure that there are thousands more in AA that could have said the same thing). I too am stunned that people cannot see that I'm drunk-even people close to me. The day before I missed work, I drank throughout the day from late morning on. No one saw me do it because I drank from a vodka bottle I had hidden or poured a little into my pop. I did a bunch of household duties-car washing, lawn mowing, even barbecued. Over the course of the day I drank a fair amount more than a pint, (hence the hangover the next day), which was more, but not that much more, than I had the day before. By the end of the day, I was pretty unsteady on my feet and couldn't talk very well, so I simply avoided contact with my family. After all, why spend time with people when you've got booze, right :)?
Anyway, I could go on, but you probably get the point. For me, physical isolation is the effect of my drinking, for others the cause. Emotional isolation seems to be consistently both a cause and an effect of drinking.
I am on day 4 of this-my 4th-effort to stop drinking. I will succeed this time, likely with the help of AA. I have been reluctant to seek the help of others (particularly AA) because of 1) pride, 2)ego, 3)that HP part, since I've also struggled with agnosticism my entire life (it would be so much easier to just believe!) After reading nearly every post, including those in the archive, I think that in general I've been mistaken. I think to myself "Finally, people I have something in common with!". I still haven't got up the courage yet to call someone locally to have a f2f as it's called here on this site. It still feels like I would be standing up and shouting to everyone around me "Look--I'm a failure" and I've worked too damn hard my entire life to be perfect. Also, I have to have a very painful conversation with my wife, who I love desparately, as to the fact that I've been lying to her for the past few months by pretending not to drink when I have been. Finally, despite drinking nearly daily for over 20 years, I have been pretty successful careerwise and I feel like I'm putting the whole thing at risk by taking this next step. I know--the same old excuses everyone has.
Sorry about the long post. I've never spoken with anyone about this issue it was hard to put all of the stuff churning around inside into a couple of concise and pithy sentences.
Member: Jon J.
Location: DC
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 15:12:22
I am Jon, alcoholic, recovering. Last week I posted here, depressed over finances. But not crazy! 2nd step works. Its one day at a time. 8th step too far away now; so what? I have 13 months and proud of that. To Michael in NJ: Youre a professional. Remember that! After you get sober then your desire to work will return. Wait for the miracle, but in the meantime GO to meetings. In NJ there must be thousands of them! You'll feel a lot better, trust me. Then talk after themeeting to someone. Start shopping for a sponsor. Try to get a similar person, a professional, same sex, maybe older. We all want you to rejoin life, but you have to GO TO MEETINGS to get started on the road back.I am hanging in there, also a professional, doing my program with a sponsor, and I can tell you its a lot better already. Jon.
Member: Joe L
Location: bozeman montana
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 19:07:52
Hi all Joe here alcoholic. Great site first time here. Isolation was a problem but not anymore. I have three kids and a wife so I can't isolate anymore. Just kidding. Working the steps many 4th steps and a great sponsor helped me get over my speed bump of isolating. Have a great day. Thanks
Member: RebeccaM
Location: Portland, Oregon
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 19:30:10
Hi Julie in Kansas. Maybe you could share some of your story with me, since I am new to this. I am excited and yet afraid at the same time. How do you feel after being sober for one year? I have only been sober for 4 days and I really love how it feels. The hard part is the lifestyle changes that I will have to make after 20 years of partying and 8 of those years I was with an abusive alchoholic man. When I left him, I turned out to be just like him... an ALCOHOLIC. I was so disgusted with myself and felt so alone, until I met the most wonderful man and I realize that I do not need alcohol in my life, because it almost destroyed it. Any words you have to offer will surely help. Thanks so much!!!
Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 19:38:49
{{{KELLY}}} DAY 5 You are a winner!!!
{{{Gordon}}} DITTO... At f2f meetings, you do not have to stand up & shout anything, but if you did, it would be "I AM A WINNER.." Not I am a failure. With our dis-ease, which is alcoholism, we have to surrender in order to win. Keep coming back.
This site is awesome this week, and thanks all of you who have shared, especially those new to either AA or Cyberspace {{{WELCOME}}} Also, welcome back to the retreads, I need all of you.
Goodie@anon25.freeserve.co.uk
(New friends ALWAYS welcome)
Member: margot mck
Location:
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 20:06:52
isolation is when i let my head take charge and not my gut,i forget to turn it over and let go of the positive and slip into the negative and then thr is so much self pity i am lost,this is my waY OF NOT DEALING with myself or my life fear takes over and i am a mess,but then i call someone in the program and get back to the solution,living life on life,s terms,ps.my name is margot and i am an alcoholic,by for now,mm
Member: Shanna L
Location: NY
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 20:21:20
hello - shanna here - I can totally relate to Kelly - who is the mother of two - as I am. I drink beer every day to avoid the isolation of being home all the time. I've lost contact with most of my friends and am too shy to make new ones. Is there anyone out there who drinks to mask shyness?? I don't know how to talk to others without drinking first. I tried AA several years ago and quit going after a mont - everyone kept pressuring me to speak up and I was more comfotable just listening Any comments would be gratefully welcomed.
Member: Roy S
Location:
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 20:37:52
In the beginning isolation was a problem. I did not think that anybody would want to be around me. However, once I started living a sober life, I found out that it was actually easier to make and keep new friends because I was not having to constantly apologize for my drunken behavior. I was more truthful about my feelings and actions, and it has helped to overcome those feelings of isolation. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Lyn H
Location: New Zealand
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 21:26:42
hi everyone. I'm new at this but totally enjoying it. shanna, I think alot of people drink to mask shyness, I know I sometimes do. I also feel the same as you about AA - I went about 7 years ago and only attended two meetings. I felt ashamed, confused, and like I didnt fit it. Of course I didn't give it a chance and after hearing everyone's comments here we all feel that way at first. I was asked to speak and and just about fainted. I just wanted to sit in the background invisibly and listen. That experience put me off and I haven't had the guts to go back since.
I'm 29 and am sick of alcohol running my life. I'm glad I found this website. It has given me courage to try and change my ways. I would love all of your help as I am only 1 day sober and need all the help I can get.
By the way, Kelly - you are doing great.
lyn@rainehorne.co.nz
Member: liz e.
Location:
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 21:56:51
my name is liz and i'm an alcoholic. isolation is a great topic for me. I isolated a lot when I first came into the program because i didn't know anything to do but drink. I would go to work go to a meeting and come straight home and stayed there. I was more afraid of myself. today, after a few 24 hours in the program. I can go anywhere and do anything as long as I follow "a few simple rules". sometimes when i get in a funk today, i will isolate. i don't feel like i'm "fit for society". i pray for guidance, relax and take it easy, don't do nothing. sometimes i take a long walk or exercise and get out of my head. sometimes, i get afraid being alone by myself and run to a meeting or call someone and tell them what is going on "for real". I get out of what i'm thinking and everything is ok. an alcoholic like me alone in my head is dangerous, i know that. on any given day, i respond in one of these ways and things get better. i get better. thanks for allowing me to share.
Member: Ron L,
Location:
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 23:03:53
My Name is Ron and Im an alcoholic. Good topic. My question is who in Gods name could fit in with a band of sober alcoholics. Not me for sure because I trusted no one. I never even trusted my sponsor at first. I knew who I was but I dident know you. and until I first took a chance (risk) and told my sponsor a little bit about me and found to my dismay that he still wanted to help me. and be a friend. Then I dumped the whole load on him and he never blinked an eye I trusted him and from him I meet a group of members and from the group a fellowship. When Im asked to tell my story it includes some of the stuff I took the risk to tell my sponsor. One thing for sure I met a fellowship of people who don't judge me for what I had become - what I did - or what I was. They all excepted me for what I was trying to do. And that was to stay sober one day at a time. Last... I was told not to hid in the corner at meetings but to sit in the front row. I was told not to run out the door right after the mgt. but to go for a coffee. I was told to get too know the regular attending members by first name and to greet them as such. Today you can come to my home city and ask if they know Ron L. and I bet it wont be to long befor some one says yeah I know him. Love You All.
Member: Gracie
Location: Tx
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 23:09:04
Gracie here, an alcoholic. To KELLY and all other NEWCOMERS.When you are trying to get sober there are a million reasons for not going to a meeting and just one reason to go. The one reason is, being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Most people cannot recover on their own. If you think you can, give it a shot. If it doesn't work and you find yourself drinking again come on to a meeting and start watching you life change. This may sound harsh to you but alcohol is the great persuader. I had to be fully convinced that I was powerless and the only way that could be done was to try it my way. Now if you already believe you are powerless the next thing to do is surrender. I couldn't wait until I "felt" like going to AA. I had to go when I was sick, sad, and sorry and find out that I was loveable even then. By feeling loved when I believed I was unlovable I became convinced that I was worth saving. I hope you all have a similar experience and you can, BUT you have to show up for it!!!!!!
Member: Becky B.
Location:
Date: 15 Jul 1999
Time: 23:16:28
Becky B. here - alcoholic - checking in tonight to see how all the newcomers are doing. I just got home from my home group AA meeting - and I am here to tell you it gets better the longer you stay sober. My first sober summer, all I did was go to meetings and cry. I didn't know what to do with myself when I wasn't drinking. The people were all very kind and let me cry and not share until I was ready. But I did see so much hope there and it kept me coming back until I felt safe enough to talk to them. Kelly, I'll be waiting til tomorrow to read about how you're doing. Keep up the good work.
Peace to all,
Becky B.
Member: James Lupp
Location:
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 01:27:50
Hi, my name is James and I'm an Alky. What a day to be sober! 24 hours without a drink or the crazy craving to numb myself into oblivion. I woke up this morning instead of Coming TO! Put on my God and reported for duty, feasted on an incredible banquet of summer in the mountains. I got to go to my job, play nice with the other kids, and remembered what it was like to be caught in that very predictable life I used to have Drink, complain,drink. Repeat. Sobriety is so Unpredictable. Expect A Miracle. You are all miracles.In the Fellowship of the Spirit James L.
Member: Naomi R
Location:
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 03:14:12
I was sober for 4 1/2 years and stopped going to meetings. Began to drink again by sipping some champagne at my niece's wedding. It seemed innocent enough at the time. Now it's 1 1/2 years later and all I look forward to is getting home and having myself a glass or two or three of wine. I'm obsessing about it somewhat. I think, okay, I won't drink for three weeks but of course I MUST have some wine for my birthday which is in three weeks. I am an alcoholic.
Member: Jim O
Location: N. Cal.
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 03:27:46
My name is Jim and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time visiting this sight and it has taken me most of the afternoon to read all the postins. I coulda woulda shoulda probably gone to one of those double A meetings (shudder). If I would have, probably would have found a room full of smiling, talking friendly kindof folks seemingly enjoying themselves. Once the meeting got started, the secretary would probably ask if there were any newcomers to Alcoholics Anonymous. "Just give us your first name. This is not to embarras you, but so that we may get to know you." Then they would probably applaud you for your courage and effort and the meeting would go on with no further ado. They may ask the newcomer if they needed any phone numbers from the group(women for women and men for men). They would probably say "Hi" to the newcomer by there first name and also say a big "welcome". And then the meeting will continue.
Every person sitting there welcoming the newcomer has been in that spot themselves. We have all drug our selves in to this program from whatever type of Hell we could muster. Noone and I mean noone has been absolved of this misery. I personally, felt welcome and finally at home at my first meeting over fourteen years ago.
The topic. Isolation like resentments are fatal remedies for the alcoholic. For me, it takes action on my part to flee from either. Just by picking up the phone is enough to end the isolation. Meetings and service are tools I use to keep me out of isolation.
I welcome all the newly sober individuals to this new way of living and hope that you find the courage to love yourself and begin this journey to happiness with the help of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Thanks to all, Jim O
Member: Gina B.
Location: Chandler, AZ
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 04:55:52
Hello, my name is Gina and I'm an alcoholic. Isolation is an excellent topic. I can really relate to what everyone is saying. This is my first time at this meeting, but I did heard about it for several close friends. I now have a few 24's under my belt. The only thing I can say is " I love this program. It not only gave me a life, but it gave me--ME." All those years I spent searching,and drinking,all I was looking for was me.
When I first came to the program, I wanted to stop hurting. I wish I would have listened and taken the suggestions because it could have saved me some headaches. But No! I have to do things the hard way.
I just moved to Arizona 2 months ago. Let me tell you that I was really scared. I don't like reaching out and letting people know that I'm hurting. I like to believe that I can do things by myself. But that is my head doing the thinking. The truth is that, today I know that I need to go to meetings. Before I left Pennsylvania, I shared at my home group that I was really scared to move, but because out here no one would know that I was an alcoholic. The truth is TO THY OWN SELF BE TRUE. I isolated for the first week and a half. Then my (new) husband found a meeting and took me. He is not lucky to have this disease, but I am lucky that he can tell the difference between when I'm going to meetings or not. Any way! That was one of best things I did. Today, I have choices. I can choose to isolate(be miserable, ungrateful, and not nice to be around)or I can choose to do the right thing for me. GO TO MEETINGS! Since I started going, and reaching my hand out, asking for phone numbers, and getting involved in a new home group; Life got better again. It wasn't easy, I had to force myself to get up and go. But you know what, I didn't get sober to feel miserable. If there is one thing I NEVER want to do again, it is get sober again. Those first couple of years was really hard work (but worth it).It is so funny, that when I do the SIMPLE suggestions, my life seems to be pretty darn good.
So, if you are just starting to come around: Keep coming, listen, identify (don't compare) and sooner or later you'll get IT! I did.
Thank you for helping me stay sober another day. Don't leave before the miracle happens!
Member: Luigi B.
Location: Harrisburg Pa.
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 05:13:20
To Naomi-- We is the first word in the first step. On-line meetings are nice, but a computer is an enabling tool for isolation. Even animals know the benefeit of physical contact, just ask a dog. Meeting makers make meetings. To Gina-- I moved here, to PA, almost two years ago from MN. A lot of Minnesotans leave the state and move to Arizona. I don't know where Chandler is, but I know former sober Minnesotans who have moved to Phoenix-- Paradise Valley and Fountain Hills-- They love it and they love the meetings there. Moving is stressful on "the scale" -- but we have achoice in how stressful we allow it to be. Alcoholism is the only disease that tells you you don't have a disease. Isolation is part of this disease. For me, my biggest fear about moving was that meetings would be different and I would drink again-- well, meetings here are different andI'm part ofthe difference. AA actually made moving easier because the more I attended meetings, the harder it was to isolate. I also learned the area real fast thru meetings. AA has many benefits-- but you have to show up at meetings to find & use them. Good Day
Member: vincent b
Location: belfast n.ireland
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 06:34:49
HI ALL my name is vincent and i am an alcoholic. i am faily new to this type of meeting but love reading all the 'postings' (another new language). i am not here to give advice but to share my experience strenght and hope in order that i may help myself. good to see all the newcomers,keep coming back!! to jan in australia , yes i know you can recover after feeling so low. when you are alone in your flat (apartment) and you have to pull the bedclothes over your head and pretend to yourself that you are still asleep. 14 years ago this month i 'lived' like that. today thanks to AA and you good people i have 14 years soberity behind me, most of it a day at a time. my sponsor got me to look into a mirror and told me i was looking at the problem. he then told me to look again and said you are now looking at the answer. it works when you work it eddie told me. he didn't lie to me. i love life today and i love living. love you all.... Vincent B. Belfast N.Ireland
Member: Angel R.
Location: Ossining, New York
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 06:53:14
Hi. My name's Angel and I'm an alcoholic. This is a good topic for me as well because after being sober for 6 1/2 years, isolating still seems at times to be the easy way out when one is confronted to live life on life's terms. It's been my experience that the only time the thought of isolating becomes appealing to me is when my relationships with people, places, and things don't work the way I want them to. And why should they? The only guarantee that I have from AA is that I would stay away from a drink one day at a time. Everything else is just icing on the cake. I'm grateful that I have AA, especially this web site, to reafffirm my faith that AA still works and that I can deal with life on its own term without needing to drink. Thanks for allowing me to share and may God bless you all.
Member: Pablo R.
Location: Midhudson valley N.Y.
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 07:28:12
Hello everyone. Pablo here alcoholic and drug addict. WOW, WHAT A WEEK OF SHARING. I`ve hav`nt been to this site in a week, so I just started reading some of the posts, and found it very uplifting. To all the newcomers welcome, and thanks for sharing.Also some of you posted your emails, that`s good it`s another way of not isolating. Other ways, is to go to f2f meetings, getting a commitment and joining a home group; let them know who you are.Once they get to know you, home group members won`t let you isolate.Biulding a support group, even thru the web. I`ve met wonderful alkies in cyber space, that won`t let me isolate ( thankyou Avril ). Anyway, the point is there`s help and support out there, all you have to do is reach out. To all who posted their emails, I`ll try to write you; because, for this drunk I can`t afford to isolate, beening in my own head is not a healthy place to be, also I`ll be in bad company. Congraulations, Eleen on your 90 days thats a miracle, we are all miracles. Thanks for letting me share, your friend in recovery Pablo.
Member: Kelly A
Location: Boston
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 08:34:46
I don't consider myself a total looser I drove to a different town to go to my very first meeting. Every time I got to the address I would speed up.....couldn't pull in the driveway. I must have passed it 4X. Finally after all those failed attempts I came home. I kept saying to myself, This is stupid I am not an alcoholic, I can stop any time I want to. I am not like them at all. I don't need anyones help. What was I thinking , this was so stupid. When I came home I found myself pacing the stupid floor, I didn't know what to do with myself for the next 4 stupid hours 'till bed time, and I came so close to taking that first STUPID drink. I came back on line to read more postings and once again found peolpe who were cheering me on. I didn't want to drink after that. I have something to prove. I haven't told anyone yet. I found myself lying to my husband (he didn't even notice) Today is Friday The "let's get some beer" day. It's comes after Thursday the weekend is almost here day. Wednesday is over the hump day something to get you going. Monday is hair of the dog day. The week end is always just a blurr. Tuesday I would always make a fabulous dinner......wine included. Not this weekend I am going to try a meeting again today because it's Holy sh__! I am up to day 6! I know it's a goofy posting but I feel really...well, goofy today! signing off on the dawn of day six~~~~~~Kelly
Member: GABRIELLE P.
Location: MANSFIELD, TX
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 08:40:09
HI GABRIELLE, GRATEFUL RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC, KELLY I SURE CAN REMEMBER WHEN I THAOUGHT THAT MEETINGS WERE UNACCEPTABLE, WHEN I FINALLY HIT BOTTOM IT WAS MYSELF THAT I FOUND UNACCEPTABLE! IT WAS WHEN I GOT TO THE POINT OF LOOKING AT MY TWO CHILDREN AND THINKING LIKE I DID GROWING UP "WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS OTHAT THAN BE BORN?" WE AREN'T ALWAYS GIFTED ENOUGH TO SEE JUST HOW BIZARRE OUR BEHAVIOUR HAS BEEN TOWARDS OTHERS. SOMETIMES AT THE MEETING I SEE MYSELF IN OTHERS AND IT HELPS ME TO GROW. THE PHYSICAL EYE TO EYE CONTACT WITH ANOTHER PERSON WHOM IS FACING THE SAME STRUGGLES AS I AM ON A DAILY BASIS IS ONE OF THE BEST GIFTS THAT A.A. GIVES TO ME. WHEN I GOT TO A.A. THE ISOLATION THAT HAD BUILT UP IN MY LIFE HAD DRIVEN AWAY ANYONE WHO EVER CARED ABOUT. WHEN I GOT TO THE POINT THAT I SURRENDERED TO MY HIGHER POWER, I COULDN'T FIND ANYONE WHO WANTED TO BE AROUND ME EXCEPT THOSE IN THE ROOMS OF A.A. I THANK GOD FOR THEM EVERY DAY! THEY EMBRACED, THEY CARED FOR ME, THEY GAVE ME HOPE THAT THE PAIN AND SUFFERING WOULD WOULD END AND I OF ALL PEOPLE HAD A CHANCE TO BE A HUMAN BEING. I CAN'T THANK THEM ENOUGH FOR DRAGGING ME TO MEETINGS AND TO FUNCTIONS (ROUND UPS, PICNICS ETC.) BECAUSE AT THOSE PLACES I LEARNED HOW TO LOVE AND HOW TO BE LOVED. KEEP COMING BACK AND THE LIFE YOU CRAVE FOR WILL HAPPEN, IN THE ROOMS OF A.A. IN SOBRIETY, IN LIFE, IN A.A.
Member: Gracie
Location: Tx
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 09:20:53
WAY TO GO KELLY!!!!!!!!The wonderful thing about going to your first meeting, with all it's anxiety and fear, is that the next time you go to a meeting it won't be your first time. Every good thing in my life has preceded by a wall of fear that had to be walked through. I have gone through this sober life, sometimes kicking and screaming, into the most wonderful things imaginable. I ask myself why I resisted so much. Who knows, but when I cease fighting I find that I am given the most wonderful gifts. KELLY, go forward and it will be better.
Member: Donna M.
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 10:28:38
Hi, I'm Donna and I'm a grateful alcoholic. Grateful for this wonderful program and for people like all of you. Reading these postings reminded me that you don't identify with the stories, you identify with the feelings. The first time I identified with an alcoholic he was a man and had been in prison, but I knew how he felt. That was a first step. I spent a lot of time in corners. I was told get a home group (a meeting where I could make a commitment and feel safe), get a sponsor, and get to meetings. Thank God for AA and all of you. I have been sober 16 years. I'm stuck at home with a broken tibia. Reading these postings is just like going to AA meetings in other towns, which I love. Thank you all for the wonderful sharing.
Member: Kelly A
Location: Boston
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 12:25:30
If posting 2X is against policy I will accept the penalty. I went to my very first meeting! It was a closed meeting and I was the last one to speak. I wanted to say I found this web site and it has helped, I wanted to say hey I am on day 6, I wanted to let everyone in that room know how hard it was for me to walk in that door. It came out... "i have never done this before in my life....(long pause)..my name is Kelly" then I burst in to tears and was able to quietly say I pass. I looked at the floor for the remainder of the meeting and ran out of there when it was over without a word~~~~~~But I went! 'Till tomorrow A Thankfull Kelly
Member: Tom M.
Location: Florida
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 12:58:09
Hi again, My name is Tom M. and I am still a recovering alcoholic. This will be the second time I have talked with this group. The last time I directed my comment to a lady from up state NY. I sure hope you are still trying to not take that first drink again today. If you would like to talk one on one I will be happy to do so. The main thing is to keep comming back, "IT WORKS". don't take the first drink today and try to find some meetings, look for a sponser, preferably one of your own gender and someone who is and has been working the program for at least one year. There are a number of reasons for doing this, and a good sponser can explain them to you. I would like to know if there are any meetings using ICQ as a chat group. If anyone knows of such a group please let me know by e-mailing at tess1@hitter.net There are probably such meetings out there, but because I am a computer illiterate, I can't spell either;I have not been able to find any. Using ICQ for an AA chat would be great. It sure would help with our topic of "ISOLATION" Interested to know if anyone feels the same. Tom M.in Florida.
Member: Jamie U
Location: Seattle, WA
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 13:12:10
Yes, this is my second time this week also. But it's my first time reaching out to any kind of AA help, so I'll forgive myself for that. I have not made it to a meeting yet, but Ill go as soon as I get the chance.
GOOD JOB KELLY! I can't wait to come back and tell everyone about my first meeting.
SHANNA l. - I had to respond to your question about shyness. This has been one of my most popular reasons for drinking. I hardly feel like I can go to any social function without having a drink first. I feel so much better after a few drinks. I make friends I would have never made had I been sober. I hate myself when I'm shy, isolated, and uninteresting. All it takes is a couple of drinks and I'm on my to making some new friends. Of course I 'll always wake up in the morning wondering if I said anything stupid or hoping I wouldn't have to see the person again when I was sober. Another big thing for me is meeting men. It's so hard to have any kind of conversation without a drink or two or three. What makes us this way!?! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I totally relate. That's it!
To everyone else, good luck & thanks for the on-line support.
Jamie U.
Member: Sue M
Location: LV, NV
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 13:14:24
I am an alcoholic - my name is Sue.
Isolation, first meetings, and new playmates. I still remember a meeting in my first week of sobriety, when a guy when to an AA club and saw someone sitting by themselves. He didn't go over and talk to the person... He put it this way, "If you don't send out any Christmas cards, don't expect to get any back." I took it personally to mean - if I don't make the attempt to reach out to the members of AA, I won't find new playmates.
That meant overcoming some fear. I literally forced myself to go out to coffee with others after the meetings. I forced myself not to be a "shooter." (shoot out after the meeting was over), but to stay and try to join a conversation.
One way is to pick someone and tell them you like what they said. It's a good ground breaker.
Congratulations to the newcomers and the rest...Thanks for all the great comments and insight.
Member: Mark D.
Location:
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 16:30:49
Sorry to jump in with a new topic. But I need some direction. I have friend who I believe is an alcoholic. Drinks at work. Carries a bottle with him. Doesn't usually miss work. Approached him once about drinking at work. He admitted it but did not say much more. He is now hiding it. I know from others that this may have been going on for years. He travels internationally for work and I know he does drink on trips, to excess. How can I help him? Mark
Member: Michelle S
Location: Canada
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 17:48:47
I,m back, did anybody miss me??? Anvril, I will e-mail ya right away, always confuse net and com in my address.... thanx for being persistant, kinda like a hug. 5 days sober now, feeling a little less like a piece of dung everyday. Was able to eat solid foods 3 days ago, though still dont have much of an appetite. Isolation, good topic. Currently I'm in a state of self imposed isolation, as I dont trust myself around my friends yet. They always call Michelle wanna play darts or pool or whatever and im just not strong enough yet to be there. Course the flippside to isolation is that YOU are your own worst enemy. Staying strong today cause I love my hubby more than the booze. Again thanks to all who wouldn't give up on me!!!!!!!!
Member: meg m.
Location: penn yan, n.y.
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 21:39:35
hi i'm meg alcholic. i had three and a half years sober, then relapsed in april, going downhill ever since. i am so in love with someone that has left because of my depression and alcohol, i feel and am isolated would like to find the strength to crawl back up again. know in my head what i am supposed to do, my heart hurts so bad,conflict. started going back to aa meetings, met many good people, then i got so i couldnt even go to a store, let alone a meeting. so sad, do not know how to get out of this. i know there is hope for all of us, i am trying my darndest to hold on.
Member: Shanna L
Location: NY
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 22:15:16
Hi shanna here - just had to comment back to Jamie U. - Just read your comment to me about us drinking because we are shy -I was so happy to hear I am not alone in my feelings. I too wonder the next day if I said something wrong but at the time felt so outgoing and interesting. MY question to you is - Do you still drink because of your shyness - I do - and if not how are you handling socializing? I want to be more outgoing without drinking but don't know how to let go of my crutch. Hope I get the strenth to stop somehow - just don't know how.
Member: SuzyQ
Location: N.J.
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 22:51:36
Hi, I'm Sue and I'm an alcoholic. Kelly, I've been going to my home meeting for two months now and this week is the first time I was able to finish saying what I wanted to say without crying. I consider it a victory, getting stronger a little at a time. I've read a couple of post's here about going to a meeting and not being comfortable or feeling pressured to speak. Try alot of different meetings till you find a good home spot. My home meeting Has been very supportive of me. THey were patient and still are being I have not yet told my story, just dealing with whats in front of me now. I went to a womens group and found it very intense. All of these women were talking about all the same things Ive gone through. My home group is the most comfortable to me, but I think I need the rawness of that womens group too. I still haven't been to an NA meeting but I think I should. This sight has been really fantastic and helpful to me this week. I just found it two weeks ago and I beleive I'd like to be a regular. Thank you to all the members of this fellowship for being here, you've helped me to find God again and in turn find myself again. With all of youre guidance, I CAN DO THIS! Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Michelle S
Location: Canada
Date: 16 Jul 1999
Time: 22:53:43
kelly u and I are in the same boat, im 5 days sounds like youre six. Congrats to you. I too went to my first meeting a couple of weeks ago. I was one of twelve people. I have never felt like i was under a microscope more in my life !!! I didnt cry but I did beat a hasty retreat after the meeting and havent been back since. Funny thing is though, every morning when I wake up I wonder if this is the day I'll go back.... then throughout the day find a reason not too. Better luck to you but I wish I was the guy who said he was one of 125 people and could melt in the crowd. Well onto my day six. GOOD LUCK KELLY.... I'm rooting for you.
Member: Susan K
Location:
Date: 17 Jul 1999
Time: 00:22:44
Hi, everybody. I've been sober 12 years, and I've often heard other members describe alcoholism as a disease of isolation. I know that my natural inclination, when I'm feeling down, or anxious, or less than, is to isolate. I can even isolate in a crowded room, by withdrawing emotionally, not connecting with anyone. Sure, I used to drink to feel more comfortable, and not be so scared of people. But over the years, the Promises have come true for me. Fear of people and of situations has more or less slipped away. When I do still get that urge to become invisible, I take contrary action. I call somebody. I go to a meeting. I reach out my hand to a newcomer. One of the best comments I've heard on this is not to be so scared of what other people think about me. Most people are so self-obsessed that they barely notice anybody else!
Member: Prudence
Location: Wa.
Date: 17 Jul 1999
Time: 00:49:44
Hi, Prudence, alkie. This has been a great meeting this week. Look at how we've helped the newcomers, and more importantly how they have helped us. We do this thing called sobriety TOGETHER!!!! KELLY, Great job. I knew you would make a meeting this week. I have left many meetings in a hurry or not even gone to one out of FEAR. One acronym for fear is F alse E motions A ppearing R eal
The other is ........ F uck E verything A nd R un!!! I use to do the second one a lot, still do sometimes, but the 1st one is more honest. We make things out to be so much worse in our minds than they actually are. Like pole vaulting over mouse terds!!! You are doing fantastic and I promise you it WILL get easier. Drive, pace, whatever you have to do, just don't take the 1st drink. Soon, probably next week, someone at a meeting will remember feeling just as you do at 1st and will give you their phone#. You can ask too, or get if off the list that goes around the meeting...that is what the numbers are for. YOU GO GIRL....You can do this..You deserve the best and can get it. Keep us posted, we need to hear from you too. xoxoPeace, Prudence
Member: celia w
Location: lost in Nebr.
Date: 17 Jul 1999
Time: 01:58:05
celia, alcoholic hey people whats happening?! I used to have fears about this whole internet deal, but at least a FEW good things can come from it. Anyway, isolation gets me into big trouble, and I hear the same from just about all you people. I had a problem with isolating even before I sarted drinking. It was (is) a good way for me to escape, and that's just about my favorite thing to do. Usually, someone else notices my isolating before I do (denial). The hard thing for me to do is to listen and not get defensive you know. I always want to tell you that "you dont know what you're talking bout", but when I get to thinking like THAT, a red flag goes off. For the newcombers, I myself am still a pup in sobriety, but I am alive today and feel good about myself and where I'm going. Remember: Be rigorously honest.
Member: Gracie
Location: Texas
Date: 17 Jul 1999
Time: 08:50:20
Gracie here, an alcoholic. Another acronym for everyone...S O B E R... Son Of a Bitch, Everything's Real!!!!!! There is no way to deal with that thought by myself, so I have to go to meetings. One of the reasons I drank was because I couldn't deal with reality. If I want to be sober, I have to live in reality. If I think I can stay sober without AA then I have just started toward my next drink. This is not just a theory, I drank after 9 yrs of sobriety. Thank God I made it back and I'll celebrate 6 yrs soon. I believe that God exists in reality, not fantasy, so I have to be sober to perceive God. I said all that to say this...TAKE YOUSELF TO A MEETING SO THEY CAN HELP YOU SAVE YOUR ASS!!!!!!
Member: Kathy
Location: Houson
Date: 17 Jul 1999
Time: 12:21:50
I am an alcoholic. I have been drinkin for several years. Very affraid to go to a meeting. But need to very badly. This is the first time I have been to this sight and the things that people are saying fits me like a glove. I come home from work start drinkin until I can't function anymore. Do the samething the next day. There is a chat room for AA that I go to sometimes and just listen. When someone starts talkin to me I leave before they have a chance to ask me if I am sober? The people are very carring there and I have a lot of respect for them and would love to talk to them but am to scared. My family and friends have know idea how much I drink. Well I am really glad this was the topic. It has helped a lot. A lot of people here have had some good comments. Maybe next time I come back I can say I at least have one or two days sober. Thanks for listining.
Member: Lisa H.
Location: New York
Date: 17 Jul 1999
Time: 12:48:10
Hi. I'm Lisa and I'm an alcoholic. Isolation forces one to dwell in their own head and their own problems. It locks one away and shelters him or her from the joys in life. It is an effort to to get our minds off ourselves, but we find as we get out of ourselves life becomes more meaningful. One has to focus on the whole phenomonal picture of life, not just the character that the individual plays.
Member: ramana g
Location: baltimore
Date: 17 Jul 1999
Time: 14:01:14
Its funny that the neutral and sober comaraderie of an AA meeting soothes the isolation that we admit made us and keeps us alcoholics. The same lack of socialization skills that facilitated our being alcoholics now carries us into a warm tide of togetherness and purpotedly keeps us in sobriety. I still feel the meetings are hard to go to, but i look forward to some of them, simply because i am no longer isolated, in that meeting. Out side, I am in a desert again, dry, and yearning. Some where there is a part of my brain that must learn new ways of relating to me, my life, and my fellow creatures. So it goes.
Member: Joe Y.
Location: Northern Ct.
Date: 18 Jul 1999
Time: 00:17:33
Hello again everyone. I'm joe, a greatful recovering cross addict. This site has helped me all week. I shared here last saturday for the first time. I have been following the postings all week. For the newcomers (which I am one), great work this week. As long as we keep trying, we are winners, not loosers. As to the people who are affraid of meetings, I feel compelled to ask you this. Are you affraid of the people there, or are you affraid of the hard work that they are going to suggest you do to change your life. It may sound harsh but for me it was a matter of life or death. If I pick up again, I may as well put a gun to my head. It will be the same result, just quicker. I needed to do whatever I possibly could to change my life. telling other people the harendiss things I did when I was out there was on the bottom of the list. I too suffer from taking the first step in a conversation. I have to say that it was a small price to pay to save my life. And, as hard as it was for me to take that first step, I can't even start to tell you the benifits I have gotten from the rooms. I wouldn't traid the friends I've made for anything. Again, thank you all for bringing me back to the beginning. It's a place I don't have to go as long as I keep going to meetings and using the suggestions I here there. It feels great to know NOW, that all I have to do is take it one day at a time. Thanks again. I love you all and God bless.
Member: Michelle S
Location: canada
Date: 18 Jul 1999
Time: 00:48:05
I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!! I screwed up my courage and made it to a meeting tonight!!!!!!!
Member: Stacey M.
Location: S.D.
Date: 18 Jul 1999
Time: 00:50:58
I am glad there was a meeting available, even if it wasn't a face to face. I often go over a week without a meeting. I am a professional, single parent, who lives in a very rural area (30 minutes to the nearest meeting). I have difficulty forming relationships with other people; I tend to put my job, communtiy service, and mother role before having a social life. I will stop for now and look forward to sharing next week.
Member: Jane
Location: Australia, Melbourn
Date: 18 Jul 1999
Time: 09:16:10
Hi, I'm Jane and I'm an alcoholic. This is just the topic I need to hear tonight, it's funny how that always happens.
I drank for 15 years and am now 4 months sober and I tend to isolate, even when I don't I feel like I am because I find I don't connect with everybody all of the time, which is a near impossibility anyway but I have this need to be perfect as I've learnt is part of alcoholism.
I haven't been going thru any sort of rough patch or anything lately but my mind has been feeling guilty and remorseful for past history which is hard but I always know that I have friends in AA that will understand, I'm slowly making some good friends in AA which is great, my problem is that I never have enough time to spend as I'm studying part-time, working full-time and have a boyfriend. I try to put AA first as this will ultimately save all the other things but sometimes it is hard and I just isolate.
Thanks for letting me share.
Jane
email: revive66@hotmail.com icq #:42794113
Member: Beth F
Location: Western MA
Date: 18 Jul 1999
Time: 10:55:40
Isolation is a biggie---has anyone out there tried to get sober again after falling??? I haven't been out of my house in almost a week (except to the package store)and I am embarressed to call someone. Any suggestions???