Member: Pat P
Location: Connecticut
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 12:17:02
Hi, I'm Pat and an alchoholic.
When I first came into the rooms, my first impression was of how honest "all you folks are." I've been around for a few years, and though I know better, I've not gotten to meetings as I should, lately. So what do I find myself doing, but lying, and being caught in it. Honesty is one of the qualities that I really needed to work on, and apparently, still do.
Once an alchholic, always an alchoholic. I DO NOT want to go out again, for anything in the world. I have to remember that one of the acronyms for SLIP is sobriety loses its priority. And if my lie is any indication, I can find myself out there again very easily. Thank God for a program that keeps me honest if I work it!
Member: Beth R.
Location: Venice,Ca.
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 12:49:33
Good day, my name is Beth and I am an alcoholic. Would just like to share the gratitude that comes as a result of the twelve steps of Alcohoics Anonymous. The past two weeks have been very painful. Perhaps the most painful in my sobriety. Watching as my Mother's mind slips farther from reality and realizing less and less can I comfort her in any way. I can't help but reflect on how for most of my life ( in drunkeness) I was the one deemed insane. As well as that the effect of alcoholism is such that we have this need and desire to just "get out" , and the "out" being of mind...Thank God that we have the means by which to get a daly reprieve from the thinking that would and did have this alkie woman babbling and in the streets toting shopping bags of trash. So grateful for my life today. So grateful for the continued awakening as a result of the twelve steps of alcoholics like me. If you're new with us or discouraged, please take heart in hearing that God does for us what we can not do for ourselves. All there is for us to do is to trust in that One who has all power by cleaning house of all resentment and fear. Life saving guidance has come to us a result of adhering to this pricipal. Thank you for letting me share. Beth R.
Member: Pat O'B
Location: Grand Junction CO
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 12:53:43
To Sandy M of Virginia
Hi, I usually don't try to give advice to people, at least directly, but I am more than happy t share about me.
When I first came to AA one sobewr lady told me that I didn't get angry, because I was always angry. I seemed to have this internal anger/fear that was always on the edge of exploding. My first sponser was phsycotic, he had been to a prison for the criminally insane. I didn't know it but I had to travel 300 miles to find this guy that would get me through my first year. I'll call him Carl, and he told me that I could not control my temper anymore than I could control my drinking. He stressed, believe me he stressed, that I was under no circumstances ever to try and look like I had my shit togethor. He said, and now I'll say, that YOU CAN'T GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHOR WHEN YOUR TRYING TO LOOK LIKE IT IS TOGETHOR. I could go to one meeting a day and be a total fool in the meeting, so maybe the other 23 hours woildn't be so bad. I know, sometimes I forget this axiom, and I fall into the trap of trying to look good in the meeting. What I try to do today with new anger, and the remnants of the older residual is to share it, think it, live it all the way to 911, or the unemployment line, the soup line whatever. Carl taught me how to "resist not evil" and I have never had to fight alcohol for the last ten years. I know i'm mixing anger and alcohol freely here, but either one can lead me to the other. Believe it or not hte alcohol has been easier to deal with, because the booze was the source of my relief from all the anger/fear that had been buried deeply between the layers of my rationalizing and justifying mind (I also sought out companions that would patrinize me freely). My problem/blessing is that Iwill go for quite some time and be relatively anger free. In fact I went about 5 or 6 years and was fine. But, pretty soon I started to get this rage that seemed to emenate out of my body. I couldn't figure it out, even with the help of some good and trusted AA friends. About six months after this bodily rage would start I satarted to get mental videos of being molested, that I had never known existed. These images would seem to follow this intense physical rage. Well, for three years I've done therapy, and have succesfully eradicated the videos and the rage, but it is like a whole new world for me. I am loke a newcomer all aver again, and I have to relearn each experience along life's road. I don't have that comfort that I had gotten before so easily. At two years sober, I culd surrender to a ideal or situation and I would get so much mileage out of it, why I'd feel good for weeks and sometimes months. But, today, as it seems to me, I need to make a conscience and deliberate surrender every day, and throiughout the day. I was listening to Chuck C's "New Pair of Glasses Tape" and he talked about the daily surrender. I almost hate to admit this, but I've got two friends that have been sober for awhile and we know that when the temper wants to start it needs an outlet. WE call each other and talk about all the death and mayhem that we want to do until it runs its course. The book says that "Anger, the dubious luxury of more normal folk" well, paraphrased). I can not stuff my anger and try to look like I've got some sense of serenity and program maturity. I couldn't stop drinking until i had had enough. Once i get that initial physical rage out of my system, than the obsessive thoughts calm down, then and only then can i accept the book's "When I am angry, I am at fault". That is one hard bite to swallow. I want so much to be right, to be justified, to have my expectations filled, to have karma be my interpretation. One of my greatest gifts has been the middle verse of the Serenity Prayer, and realize that I can change my geography at any price. I have put myself into situations because I was doing something else that was "good". I have to go back and see my real motives, even those mixed ones, I ask myself if I am trying to play "let's make a deal" with God. I pray to have God take me and build with me, then I criticize the Architect. Amazing thoughts to come from the guy that was/am convinced that my best thinking got me here.
Thanks I needed that pat O'B
Member: Tim B.
Location:
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 13:08:55
Hi I'm Tim B. and I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know where to begin. I joined AA 10 years ago and have only been able to put together about a few months at a stretch. I got so frustrated with the whole deal that I finally left AA, and I've been drinking daily for the past 18 months. Now I'm afraid to stop. I can't go to detox because I'm on probation and drinking is a violation which means a year in jail and losing everything. I want to come back to AA but I can't face my old AA friends yet. That's why I'm online. Please somebody help me.
Member: Chris A.
Location: Ft. Myers,Fl.
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 14:38:30
Hi, Chris, alcoholic/addict, I just want to say thanks for all the help and support I got here a couple of weeks ago. Haven't gone back out so y'all must have helped a little bit. Still working on getting my sh*t together. please keep me in your prayers. Tim I may not be in any position to give advice but given the choice between jail and death, I'd take jail. Thanks for letting me share, Chris
Member: Charlotte B
Location: Mississippi
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 14:41:47
This is Charlotte and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic & addict.
Tim B, you can get help. The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking. (1) You can call the AA number in your local telephone book Tell the person who answers just what you told us here. They will help you. (2) You can go over to the Coffee Pot by using the link here. People kinda drop in and out over there all day and night; and each will do whatever they can to help you. (3) You can bite the bullet and go to a face-to-face meeting and tell them what you told us here. They will not judge you. They will help you. I pray that you keep the desire and act on it!
Member: Wayne M
Location: Toronto Ont
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 15:09:44
Hi, my name is Wayne and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time here. This message is for Tim. Please...go to a meeting!!!! No one in A.A. should be judging me or anyone else in these rooms. The only judgement I need to pay attention to is my sponsor's. We have a disease, Tim, which is totally out of our control. I needed a Higher Power, which I found at A.A. meetings. So, just go, Tim. Remember we need to be willing to go to any lengths.... A.A. On-Line is fun and enlighting, but for me face to face A.A. is where sobriety and God are. Good luck Tim. Please let us know how you're doing.
Member: T.
Location:
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 16:14:35
Dear Tim. AA will greet you wwith open arms, When I WAS DRINKING IT WAS ME I COULD NOT FACE. AA IS LOVE!! LOVE T.
Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Oregon
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 16:53:12
Good Day, my name is Doris and I am an alcoholic. You have chosen a GREAT topic Pat. Honosty ! ! WOW ! I used to try and convince myself there are various types of honosty. First I thought it was alright to be honost with myself. It didn't matter if I weren't honost with others as long as I was honost with myself. That was back when I was drinking. Typical alcoholic thinking. Denial, conniving and lying were the very things that were hurting me. But, looking back on it I can now see that being honost with myself WAS a good place to start. Ya have to start someplace and I think you have done that TIM B. you just here today admitted that you were an alcoholic. Now what? Only you can answer that one Tim B. When I finally said NOW WHAT to myself I checked myself into a re-hab and I thought that I was going to loose my husband, my children, probably a lot of my friends and certianly the comfortable lifestyle I was living. I was certain this all would happen. BUT ! ! I wanted to stop drinking. I was just as certain that I WANTED TO STOP DRINKING. So ! I checked myself in. When I did talk to my husband about it I said to him, " I am going to do this, with or without you. I would rather still have you in my life but if you choose to leave me than so be it." (we had been married 31 years and still are by the way). I guess all of that is what they mean when they say "go to any lengths". So Tim B. I guess the question is, are you ready to go to "ANY" lengths?" You are in my prayers Tim. Doris
Member: Diane N.
Location: Hallandale Fla.
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 17:00:46
'ATTITUDE" is everything Tim if you think you can't make it to AA you won't make it to AA if you can type you can dial a phone. call AA and take responsibility for yoursef.
Member: Erv W.
Location: Adams Wi.
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 19:31:46
My name is Erv and I'm an alcoholic.. Tim B, I am a low bottom drunk, and I tried every way that there is to do this the easier softer way.. It took 30 years for me to get my 15 months.. There is no easier softer way.. Go to meetings swollow your pride and don't drink.. The rest will follow.. May you walk the path to happiness and sobriety.. Your friend in AA Erv W..
Member: BJ
Location: Miami, FL.
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 21:15:40
I'm BJ, an alcoholic. The topic is of course a good one. Thank heavens we don't have to have an HONEST desire to stop drinking - glad that was changed to just " desire to stop drinking", or else I would not be here sharing today. I was always a little too honest (about everything but my drinking) maybe because I'm a Saggitarius, and we're honest to the point of "too much, so, I had to learn to check my thoughts before they came out my big mouth else I would end up hurting someone's feelings (altho' I am not perfect and still cannot abide lying and when I know someone is doing it, I call them on it, seems I can't change that and maybe that's good, need a few of us around um?) Tim, get off of it. If you really want to change your life, you are the only one who can do it, and remember, today is the first day of the rest of your life and the journey of l,000 miles begins with ONE STEP. So take your drinking problem ONLY and do something about it, so God can intervene and give you the rest of your life = sober, happy and free. God bless in this glorious journey you lucky guy. (and I mean it). Love, BJ
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Gracewville, Fl.
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 22:22:16
Hi to all Y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Tim B., it looks to me like maybe the easier softer way is back to AA, with all those old sorry people who would really like to help you get and stay sober. Whether you know it or not, we truely want to help you. If you will go back and look at your post and then read on through the rest of them to the end, your well being is what all the ESH is about. That should tell you something thoise rotten AA people. Give them a chance and it will work, if you will LET it. It took me 7 years to get a three months chip and I received between 100 and 150 starting chips. If I could get sober then most anyone could. In my home group, when I was "dry" for 6 months, they gave me 6 cup cakes because they honestly did not believe that I would still be there at the 1 year mark but here I am nearly 23 years later. Give it a honest try and it will save your life, if you are a real alcoholic.
Member: April C.
Location: Florida
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 22:46:50
Hi, I'm April and I'm an Alcoholic. Tim, I really hope that you will find your way to an AA meeting soon. You said you had been in for awhile, so you do know that all you need to do is not take the 1st Drink, and go to a meeting. Your AA friends will be glad to see you. "If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, THEN YOU ARE READY TO TAKE CERTAIN STEPS. You've admitted your an alcoholic, so you have already made a step in the right direction. This program really works if we work it. My prayers are with you.
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 23:16:02
Hi, Linda an alcoholic. Honesty is a good topic. When I arrived I lacked self honesty. The dishonesty within myself prevented me from accurately assessing what was happening to me, or to others in my life as a result of my drinking.. These are areas that I worked on once I entered AA through the help of the 12 steps of recovery and a good sponsor: Lie-- Drinking only affected me, no one else. Truth-- it affected everyone I came into contact with. Lie--Others were responsible for the way my life turned out. Truth--I had to take responsibility for my own reactions and decisions I made in my life. I had good choices I could have made, but choose to drink rather than face change. Lie-- Freedom was doing anything I wanted, no matter what others felt about it. Truth--With freedom comes responsibility. Doing what I want at other's expense, was not true freedom in sobriety. The penalty for such recklessness where others are concerned is feelings of guilt, remorse, and depression. So I learned that acting in a responsible manner gave me a lot more freedom to be happy and contented. That is a richer freedom than doing everyone I want regardless of the consequences.
Self-honesty is where I started. Getting honest with others I had to begin by laying asside people pleasing behavior for the notion that was the way to make friends. I had to become real to me, before I could be real with you. It took a long time to cast aside fears of rejection to accomplish that, but it has all worked out over the years that I have been sober. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: fayla g
Location: galena ks
Date: 28 Jun 1998
Time: 23:23:12
FAYLA G ,ALCOHOLIC ,We dont want to lose you Tim,you can make it ,reach out,someone in aa will reach back ,dont run away from love and freinds who want to help,let God do for you what you cannot do for yourself ,i love you Tim and im praying for you. Fayla g
Member: Miki B.
Location: Midwest
Date: 29 Jun 1998
Time: 00:18:36
Miki, Alchoholic. Beth, I know how hard it is to watch your parents fail. They are really sup- posed to be invincible. My father had horrible lungs after a 11 year struggle with TB. No one expected him to live to 50 and he fought on to 82. I wasn't born untill he was 50, so I grew up expecting him to die at any moment. He was my greatest gift from God. He fought and lived to 82 years, and kept right on learning and try- ing new things. The last year he was on full time oxygen and in pretty bad shape. My mom took care of him untill 2 weeks before his death. It was hard on us,but so glad to see him go. Now my mom is going through the same thing. She has emphasema and is slowly failing. So is her mind. It's a scary thing. Honesty. Dishonesty was part of my drinking. Honesty was foreign, I lied even where there was no reason to. I prayed for that one for a long time. Eventually prayer ruined dishonesty. I can never get away with it. I might fool my neighbor, my husband, or even myself. But I just can't fool my HP, and knowing that totally ruins a good lie.
Member: Miki B.
Location: Midwest
Date: 29 Jun 1998
Time: 00:19:18
Miki, Alchoholic. Beth, I know how hard it is to watch your parents fail. They are really sup- posed to be invincible. My father had horrible lungs after a 11 year struggle with TB. No one expected him to live to 50 and he fought on to 82. I wasn't born untill he was 50, so I grew up expecting him to die at any moment. He was my greatest gift from God. He fought and lived to 82 years, and kept right on learning and try- ing new things. The last year he was on full time oxygen and in pretty bad shape. My mom took care of him untill 2 weeks before his death. It was hard on us,but so glad to see him go. Now my mom is going through the same thing. She has emphasema and is slowly failing. So is her mind. It's a scary thing. Honesty. Dishonesty was part of my drinking. Honesty was foreign, I lied even where there was no reason to. I prayed for that one for a long time. Eventually prayer ruined dishonesty. I can never get away with it. I might fool my neighbor, my husband, or even myself. But I just can't fool my HP, and knowing that totally ruins a good lie.
Member: Craig S
Location: Willamette Valley OR
Date: 29 Jun 1998
Time: 00:41:21
Craig, Alchoholic. Tim, unfortunatly, some of us have a great tolerance for pain. Pain seems to be the driving force behind the need to get sober. For me, it took 9 years from the first time I went to AA until I had enough pain. I hope that Tim will say enough is enough an reach out for help. Whenever I hear someone who is puzzled as to why they got drunk, I remember what my sponsor had to say about that. He said "what do you expect? An alchoholic is Supposed to drink!"
Honesty for me is always a struggle. I was always lying to cover up my drinking, and after so many years, lying became normal. Today I am more honest than I was, but it is always a struggle. I seem to feel the need to lie, and embelish due to my own insecurity, and the need to be accepted. As I become more comfortable with myself, I find I need that stuff less and less. Thanks for letting me share my opinion.
Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 29 Jun 1998
Time: 07:56:40
My name is Amy and I am an alcoholic. Thanks for the topic of honesty Pat, it is always something I have to work on. When I made the decision to try to get sober (I say try because I really didn't think it was possible for me) and I went through treatment, when I came out into the world I was shocked at what a lying mess my whole existence had become. I was so afraid I would loose my friends and you know what? I did, I lost a husband who was also a drunk and unwilling to change, I lost respectible employment, and I lost ALL the "friends" I had been partying with for 4 yeas or so...but I found so much more. I found Amy. I realized I was not so godawful when I learned to become open and honest with myself and with others. Today I am a sober woman in search of serenity, the serenity that AA offers to those who are willing to go to any length to get it. If I catch myself in a lie today I try to make amends, otherwise I know it will eat away at my soul and my connection to my higher power. God bless you all, thanks for letting me share. PS to Tim and others still suffering, it works if you work it...
Member: Barry M.
Location: Villa Grove, IL
Date: 29 Jun 1998
Time: 13:18:10
Hi, everyone, my name is Barry and I'm an alcoholic. Glad for the topic of honesty and all the comments 'cause I'm beginning to write my Fourth step inventory and if I'm not as honest as I can be then I hurt only myself. Of course, I can easily put off doing this by saying " I'm not going to do anything unless I can do it perfectly". Well, my sponsor told me yesterday that this is only a 'practice run' so don't worry about getting everything - however, I must make my very best effort to be "fearless and thorough". Would appreciate your prayers. As always, thanks to each and everyone of you. Love, Barry
Member: Kelly H.
Location:
Date: 29 Jun 1998
Time: 16:44:44
In response to Tim B. My name is Kelly & Im an alcoholic. Tim swallow your pride and go back to your meetings. It is your only hope. A few weeks ago, I had 7 years sober. I now have 10 days. As I sat at the kitchen table with a sixpack in front of me and 3 of them gone, I asked myself... NOW WHAT? Am I just going to keep on drinking and go back to the hell I came from 7 years ago or go back to my family (AA) and tell them what happened. It was a crushing blow to my ego to go back, but what choice do we really have. To live a life based on spiritual principles or DIE an alcoholic death. The sting of ego deflation is much shorter than the pummelling of drinking. Hey afterall, It is AA. Thats where we go. I hope you make it back.
Member: jim r.
Location: chicago
Date: 29 Jun 1998
Time: 17:14:52
hi, my name is jim and i'm an alcholic. for the past 2 hours i've been thinking of drinking again. I have 60 days under my belt and things have been going great, been going to meetings almost every day, and been working hard at the steps. I don't know why this compulsion has come over me all of a sudden. I'm trying to turn it over, but the voices are drowning out my request. any comments would be helpful
Member: Sanders
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 29 Jun 1998
Time: 17:44:18
The only thing that would ever make me take another drink would be if I wanted to. I am an authority on what alcohol does to me, and thank God, I don't have to drink today. I have known lots of people who went back out drinking and SOME of them were lucky enough to get back ( the choice is yours) Love Ya. Sanders Go over to the coffee pot.
Member: Sue B,
Location: Hobart, In.
Date: 30 Jun 1998
Time: 02:12:56
Hi, Sue, alcoholic, relapsed last year after 13 years sober. In hindsight (which is 20/20), I got away from my support system, meetings and people who don't drink and know that I try not to. The compulsion seems to return at times, perhaps on a cyclical basis, without my support system to help me through it, I was defensless. Only I can keep my disease in remission and I failed to do the required therapy, however I am only human and I was fortunate I made it back. My sister was not so fortunate and died of our disease last year, at the age of 39. I don't want to lose myself or any one of you to this horrible death.So if you didn't drink-don't-keep in contact-there are lots of meetings on and off line. If you did, come back, we are human beings and tend to make misteaks.<hug> Sue.
Member: Linda M
Location: Canada
Date: 30 Jun 1998
Time: 12:04:51
Linda M. and I am a real alcoholic.
Honesty, a great topic and something I need to be reminded of often. When I first got to AA I thought I was honest. What a joke! I seemed to be ignoring the fact that my life was a mess because I was leading a double life. I justified my actions to myself which was being dishonest with myself. The first honest thing I did was admitting I was powerless over alcohol. Then after lots of meetings and hearing other people share their experiences I realized how dishonest I was. Like for instance, I thought I never lied about my drinking--but I did--I often started drinking before my husband got home from work and would tell him I just opened this beer 'cause I knew he'd be getting home soon to join me--never mind that I was on my third or fourth! Another thing a lady shared at a meeting once and I didn't remember I had done it too until she told her story was when she and her husband were drinking together, when he got up to leave the room to go to the bathroom or something, she'd take a drink from his glass to make her own last longer! I did that! These seem like silly little things that don't mean a lot but becoming aware of them were just the beginning of my getting honest with myself. Thanks Pat O'B for the quote--I've been doing a lot of that lately--trying to look like I have my shit together--and that is not being honest is it!
Please Tim get to AA. F2F meetings are important for us to really start facing ourselves and it really ends up being a relief--things never turn out as bad as I usually expect them to and you'll be doing yourself a favor.
I love you guys, Linda M
Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 30 Jun 1998
Time: 13:45:54
Im honestly glad that you all are here!! When new to sobriety, I was really proud of my "cash register honesty", I was always a chicken when it came to out and out lying to other people. I knew I would get caught - but, Lying to myself was a new concept for me, and found that I was really good at that, too good. Like peeling an onion, I had to start peeling away to the bottom layers to get to the truth with myself. Over the years, it has gotten easier, and I have found the truth faster, but stil sometimes I really have to dig. Know what? I don't have to drown myself with booze anymore, for I know that working the steps and looking at me will keep me "in check" - more will be revealed, that is for sure.
Member: Susan M.
Location: Keokuk IA
Date: 30 Jun 1998
Time: 15:07:45
Honesty is a great topic and one that I need to be reminded of often. I find that, for me, I am most dishonest when I am most afraid. I cannot be honest when I am afraid that someone will not like me, someone will take something from me, or when I am sure that someone will catch me not doing something right.
The only reason I stay honest today is that I feel the comfort and power of my higher power, whom I choose to call God. When I am sure that he is close by and on my side, I feel that I do not need to lie, cheat or steal. It is really hard to be honest when I am afraid. So, when I feel myself wanting to lie, I look for what I am afraid of and pray about it. If I have lied, I make amends, look for the fear, tell someone, pray, and try to believe that it is all in God's hands, just the way He would have it be. Thank you for letting me share today.
Member: Susan M.
Location: Keokuk IA
Date: 30 Jun 1998
Time: 15:08:01
Honesty is a great topic and one that I need to be reminded of often. I find that, for me, I am most dishonest when I am most afraid. I cannot be honest when I am afraid that someone will not like me, someone will take something from me, or when I am sure that someone will catch me not doing something right.
The only reason I stay honest today is that I feel the comfort and power of my higher power, whom I choose to call God. When I am sure that he is close by and on my side, I feel that I do not need to lie, cheat or steal. It is really hard to be honest when I am afraid. So, when I feel myself wanting to lie, I look for what I am afraid of and pray about it. If I have lied, I make amends, look for the fear, tell someone, pray, and try to believe that it is all in God's hands, just the way He would have it be. Thank you for letting me share today.
Member: Aaron W.
Location: Somerset, N. J.
Date: 30 Jun 1998
Time: 16:39:05
Hi, my name is Aaron and I am a alcoholic. Sat. June 27th I celebrated 6 years. I thank God for grace, and I thank AA & you People for teaching me to how not to drink one day at a time. Pat , honesty is always a very good topic for me. I remember when I first come around I had no clue to what real honesty is, and even today I work very hard on honesty (ONE DAY AT A TIME). After a lot of studying the Big Book and working steps, I am better today than I have ever been. What I found out was I had a problem with honesty long before I picked up my first drink. After a year in the program I was sitting in a step meeting, we were on step three, I realize the obsession and the compulsion to drink had been lifted and I had no desire to drink. The person sitting next to me was reading, and all of sudden a sentence jump out of the thrid step right at me. It said by now you probably reconize you have problems other than alcohol. And what that sentence did, it preped me to go to the next step. STEP 4, and after doing step 4 I finally relize that all my problems stemed from my charater defects (fears, anger, resentments and dishonesty). After reconizing these defects I had to become willing to have them removed, which means I would go to any length. And finally I humbly ask god to remove them. No matter how hard I tried I did not get any better until I did step work. This program have truly saved my life, and I am forever grateful. And I am learning to pratice these principles in all my affairs. SO thanks for the topic, and thanks for letting me share.
Member: Richard: Sundance
Location: West Coast
Date: 30 Jun 1998
Time: 17:42:15
Sundance here I'm a drunk, Wwwoooooooaaa! Honesty!!! Doooope! ;-} When I came into the program, I started my journey towards some form of honesty. Oh, I though I was honest before, but I did a lot of thinking, and look where it got me. Today I am not always honest, but I do my best to progress in that direction. I focus on being honest when it hurts. But, there again I'm not perfect. However, I am pretty sure that I'm fairly honest with myself, and that is probably the person I lied to the most.
Meetings are another topic, which we seem to be sharing about. Well, TO BE HONEST I was slacking on that area of my recovery for some time. However, a while back I realized that my mind was starting to justify why alcohol was not that big of a deal. I mean haven't all advanced civilizations had alcohol as a focal point of social events. For example, I was watching a history show about our South American relatives, I forget which nation, and how they used cactus to produce Tacela (sp??) I drank whiskey firewater. Well at that point the chairmen of the board, of my committee, said, " see, see everyone drinks it's part of our world, even the Egyptians drank, and look how far they came."
Yea, but where are they NOW?? I have been going back to my F2F home group, and have again chosen to get active by secretarying a meeting, and have found a fellow drunk who seems to have SOME willingness to quit drinking. These things in combination have helped to re-connect me to my sobriety, and my spirituality. Though, they too are only a part of this program. Working with others is very, very, very important, and the meetings help. But, the strongest influence, which has helped keep me sober through the ups and downs of life and the fellowship, is a book which is not even 100 years old. It shows me how to work and maintain my sobriety on an individual level, and it told me how to find someone to share my 5th step with whether they are in the program or not.
Thanks everyone for helping me focus.
Read ya later alligators!!!!
Member: Jimmy R.
Location: Southside Irish
Date: 30 Jun 1998
Time: 18:55:07
My name is Jim and I'm a Grateful alchoholic
There once was a time in my kind of semi-charmed life when I used to think I would never want to belong to a group that would have me as a member. I can remember my first meeting, walking into the room, finding a nice dark corner, not at the table, and of course, not knowing what to expect. All I could do was to look around the room at the faces of the people gathered, trying to imagine what they'd look like if they were drinking. Some looked like classic drunks(unlike me), others looked normal. Some looked happy, others scared or sad, and a few, looked at peace with themselves - those were the ones I keyed in on.
My head was swimming in a sea of questions, and the answers, if there were any at all, were hidden by the dense fog of alcohol. All I really knew at the time, was that my life was spinning out of control and that I was curious to see if these people could offer me a solution to help me avoid my enevitable self-destruction.
The meeting came to order and I was suprised to find out that they had deemed me the most important person in the room. My main fear was that if they found out what I was really like, they'd probably kick my sorry asterics out of there. I was the Antichrist, I was Bealzabob reincarnated, and those were kind descriptions given to me from my loving wife. What kind of threw me off however, was the fact that they admited to me that my story was not unique and that many of them were just like me. Liars and cheaters and nuts, oh my!!! That's all I needed, to be consoled and directed by a bunch of recovering drunks who said they were just like me. What was I getting myself into this time, some kind of cult?
I sat there and listened to the stories, and after a half dozen comments or so, I started to detect some sort of pattern there. The stories of dishonesty and deception were especially interesting to me. Then the ((GOD)) name started coming up, it was tossed around quite freely and with it the phrase about his will, and giving it up, and all that sort of "GODSTUFF". It was at this point I started to sweat. I really started wondering why I came.
Just when I thought I had enough and was ready to walk out, one guy caught my attention. He was one of those guys I was talking about at the beginning, the kind that always looks at peace with himself. He kind of reminded me of Spencer Tracey in way. He had a lot hair for an old guy, pure white and combed back off his wrinkled forehead. His whole face seemed pockmarked with a lifetime of experiences. He spoke spoke slowly and deliberately. "Hi My name is Billy O.C. and I'm a gratefull alchoholic." He caught me off balance when he turned to me, locking those piercing blue eyes with mine and said, "Jimmy, I'm glad you made it here today. If your willing to stay sober one day at time you can change your life forever. We can help you. We can show you how it works. All you have to do - is to be totally honest with yourself and follow the suggestions that are in this book." He held up the Big Book like it was gold. "There's one other thing you can never do again if you want to stay sober." My head was still throbbing from the night before, so I really hung on his every word. it was like he was about to give me the ultimate key to the puzzle of life. "If you want to stay sober you must never pick up that first drink". I thought to myself, that's the key? Billy spoke on, "If You can't succeed in not picking up that first drink then you will not succeed in staying sober - it's that simple. Keep coming back. I stared at him for a moment while the others thanked him for his comment, and I can honestly say that I don't remember anything anybody else said for the remainder of the meeting. I just kept looking at him not caring for a thing in the world except that I wanted what he had - serentity. I felt like I've never felt before. A stranger had just affected my life in a matter of minutes. He touched my wounds and offered my soul firstaid. What was I supposed to do stand there and bleed to death while he had just offered me a torniquet? His words were simple and few; words like honest, willing, don't, and how. I don't think anyone has ever affected my life more than Billy O.C. did that night.
At the end of the meeting some of the people shook my hand and offered their phone numbers. That onto itself baffled me, the kindnest to a stranger, I mean. Billy quietly turned to me as we were leaving and said, "Your going to make it son, I've got a good feeling about you." And then he walk into the night as if he did this sort of thing every day. It was at that time that I came to realize that AA was the place for me. I kept going back and developed a great relationship with Billy and many others. But the most important relationship I've made since then, and it didn't happen overnight by any means, was with my higher power. He worked through Billy and the fellowship to help keep me sober.
You see, it's really very simple to belong to group that is willing to accept us as members. There's only one requirement - that we have a desire to stay sober. If we're not thoroughly honest to ourselves and others and don't follow the simple suggestions of the fellowship, then that desire fades and eventually is suppressed.
Today is the aniversary of Billy O.C.'s Death. He was my first sponser. His influence on me and countless others in the program will never be forgotten. When I saw the subject of honesty being discussed this week, I automatically thought of Billy. I'm new to the net and this meeting, but after reading all of the great comments you all had - I'm truly looking forward to using this new-fangled technology to share with you the wonderous gift of AA. God bless and hope to hear from you all soon. Jimmy R.
Member: Wondering
Location:
Date: 30 Jun 1998
Time: 21:39:45
I'm truly looking forward to using this new-fangled technology to share with you the wonderous gift of AA.
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Member: Joe C.
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Date: 30 Jun 1998
Time: 22:20:49
Hi, I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic.
Tim, I know just what you feel and what you are going through. I had six years of sobriety and then relapsed. I came back in for a while, and then when back out again. It was harder for me to come back in the last time than it was to come in for my first time. I had made a lot of close friends in A.A. and I felt that I had let them down. I was really afraid that people would be angry at me or disgusted with me. But I did not have a choice. I had lost my wife, my family, my home, and my health: my job and my life were next. Much to my suprise, I was welcomed back into my old home group with open arms. My old pals were so delighted that I was back. The "old gang" was back together again. There were plenty of new friends who were eager to hear my story and share theirs as well. Keep coming back, it works!!!
Member: Jay R.
Location: Berwyn, Il.
Date: 01 Jul 1998
Time: 11:49:07
Hi everyone, my name is Jim, and I'm Alcoholic.
I liked your story ((Southside Irish)). I wasn't fortunate enough to hook up with A GOOD FIRST MEETING EXPERIENCE like you did. After my first meeting I didn't go back for years, figured it wasn't for me. I eventually came around and stayed for some time now.
I don't have to lie anymore like I used to, which is probably the best thing about my sobriety. Hiding from the truth is too complicated for me today, I choose simplicity in my life. There's nothing like telling the truth, It makes me feel good, it is what is, straightforward, uncomplicated and simple. Thanks to my higher power and the program I've learned to detect when I'm being dishonest with myself or others.
When I was drinking, I got really good at lieing to others and especially myself, and there came a time when it all started blending together, I couldn't distinguish the lies from the truth anymore. After coming around AA on a regular basis, I finally realized the insanity of dishonesty. I agree with you , Susan M., about how fear feeds dishonesty. It's a defense mechanism often seen in children, to avoid getting in trouble. I can honestly say that today, I'am more apt to face life on life's terms, and would rather suffer any negative consequence, than lie. When the fear or resentments do kick in, and I think about lieing, all I could do is to offer it up to my HP to remove the fear and call a friend in the program, and definately try to get to a meeting. I don't have licked yet, I'm still guilty of telling what I call half truths, but I'm making steady progress, and always try to make amends and try again. Thanks for the comments! Jay R.
Member: Dave A.
Location: Corvallis, OR
Date: 01 Jul 1998
Time: 13:42:50
Thank you all for sharing: Dave A., alcoholic. I got a call from Florida early this AM: a nurse called to tell me that my alcoholic father was in the hospital, not eating, losing weight. I did not talk to the man for over 19 years, but made ammends in 1987 after "getting serious" about the Program. Today I feel kind of "emotionally hungover" due to some fear and powerlessness, which I will try to turn over now. My thoughts are with you, and I keep you all near me as I continue to try to live Life on Life's terms.
Member: Cindy T
Location: Florida
Date: 01 Jul 1998
Time: 18:35:06
Hi, my name is Cindy and I'm an alcoholic. I Love this topic Honesty, After 7 months I found out how important Honesty really was. A few weeks before I went out I kept getting little seedling thoughts of a drink. I would shake them off but I wouldn't share this with anyone not even my sponsor. I realize now that by letting this seed of a thought grow and grow without letting anyone know I was being dishonest with myself and my AA support system. Today, I try to make sure I am being honest with myself and my AA group. How can they help me and give me support if I don't let them know how I am really feeling. I hope you will humble yourself Tim and get back in the rooms. We are all here for the same purpose to stay sober and noone is going to judge you as we all share the same disease. Good luck Tim. Thanks for letting me share. Cindy
Member: rose B
Location: wilm de
Date: 02 Jul 1998
Time: 00:39:53
by the grace of God and this program I haven'thad a drink today and for that I'm grateful I'm an alcholic and i try to keep this as simple as I can . I don't want to drink today. And that is total honesty . I have my GOD and theBIG BOOK and the twelve steps and tradtions and a sponsor and a home group also a commitment once a week in a woman's prison to carry the message Which is my primary purpose. Don"t forget to keep it we have to give it away.A. A. saved my life and also gave me a life worth living . When all else fqails work with another drunk it will save the day . A must!!!!!!!!!!!LOVE IS NOT A WORD IT'S A ACTION!!!!!!HOPE to meet some of you as we trudge this road of soberity!!!!!!BE goodto yourself and don't pick up the first Drink>>>>>> and you can.t get drunk... LOveyou Rose
Member: Eileen
Location: Pa.
Date: 02 Jul 1998
Time: 08:56:34
To Southside Irish. Thanks for sharing about your first sponser, Billy O'C. It was a great tribute to him. Billy had alot to take with him when he died. Offered up a few prayers for him on his anniversary. God bless. Eileen
Member: Claire O'
Location: London
Date: 02 Jul 1998
Time: 10:33:41
Hello everyone, this is my first time using this service as I only just discovered it! I was very moved by Tim B.s comment. Tim, pick up the phone and get to a meeting, it is your only chance. Remember the anonymity of AA, no-one should let your probation people know. On the theme of honesty I have, like most drunks, had my problems but mostly when it comes to honesty with myself. I am coming up now to my 3rd birthday and day by day things are getting better as I get more honest with me and my feelings about things. I find it hard sometimes to be brutually honest with me as it sometimes entails being brutally honest with other people. I still 'people-please' a lot and am always afraid of insulting people or causing them pain. I suppose this related to the amount of pain I caused myself and others during my drinking. But I talk about it now and it gets better. Love this site and love all drunks out there.
Member: Jennifer J
Location: MO.
Date: 02 Jul 1998
Time: 11:01:11
My name is Jennifer I'm an alcoholic. This is the first time I've found this site and will be in lurking mode most of the time. I have a 9yr birthday coming up on the 12th of July.I like honesty as a topic,& like most of us I struggled with it early in the program. In my case I was a pathilogical liar. the problm was not being honest with myself, it was other pepole. I did finally lick the problem with alot of help from my HP but it was a rough rd untill I did, than I had to work on balance ,I mean ya don't have to blert out every little thing truth or not. I prayed before I opened my mouth, & when I did lie my sponsor made me go & apoligise to the person I'd lied to! And that in it's self was so hard I did'nt want to repete it very often, so It was about a year before I even spoke in a meeting. I firmly belive if I had'nt taken the steps I did I would'nt be sober today. No one can help you if your not able to be honest. JJ
Member: Melanie D.
Location: Canada.
Date: 02 Jul 1998
Time: 12:37:37
HI, Melanie here, alcoholic. Tim hang im there. Try and choke down the pride, humility is a major growth factor. You've already taken the first step, admitting. Turn it over to God and what he sees is fit. If probation didn't keep you off the bottle then obviously there is a boundary issue, perhaps jail will tighten those boundaries, but perhaps you'd best get your ass to ameeting before God sees fit to put you somewhere else. Sometimes as alcoholics making a decision to do something is what takes up alot of our time. The way my program works is if I don't make the decision first, somebody else will!! I don't usually like the decisions they or it (HP) makes for me, only because its usually the right one, or the harder of the two!! Food for thought only!!! Honesty, well I like so many others that have shared am the same. Cash register honest, oh yes, my Mama taught me well, but dishonest with my mind and with others' minds, terribly bad. The stories as you have heard others speak of, the wildest stories ever told. I think back and it still shames me. Thank God for forgiveness. Today I don't have to that anymore, thanks to the program and for good AA people at meetings and of course my HP who has answered many a prayer. Tim, God has you brother, so stop pulling on the reigns, that him pull the load for awhile. Good topic, great sharing, we are all miracles here. God Bless. Melanie.
Member: Pam B.
Location: Wet Oregon, where all my flowers are turning to mold!
Date: 02 Jul 1998
Time: 13:00:14
hi all, Pam B. here, alcoholic. The topic of honesty means to me "To thine own self be true". Being new to the program, I am still overwhelmed each time I find just how much and how often I have been "self-seeking(boy, do I have trouble seeing that one), dishonest, manipulative, and in denial" with just about every aspect of my life, not just the alcohol. I am finding that if I try to the best of my ability, TODAY, to be honest with and about myself, and to recognize these defects of character, and if I am wrong promptly admit it(a new one for me!) it is much easier to be honest with those around me. This is at times very scary for me,(I'm a real chickens**t when it comes to expressing anything "real" to me), but I am finding that each time I share, or express my HONEST feelings I feel so much better and it makes the next time easier. So much easier to build on the truth instead of lies. I have AA and the people in the fellowship and my HP to thank for this. Thanks for the topic, and the shares. bye, all.
Member: Mark L.
Location: Staten Is,N.Y.
Date: 02 Jul 1998
Time: 14:34:01
Hi, Mark L.,alcoholic! Haven't been here for awhile, got very busy with family and concerts,actually I really have no excuse considering this is aprogram of HONESTY. But I don't have my own computer so I end up doing this at the expense of my job so this is the excuse I tend to use. I have to share that I am taking my wife away for this weekend upstate to New Paltz which happens to be a Hippie town. There are alot of drugs and alcohol. But my wife wants to go and go hiking. The reason I need to share this is that this Saturday I am taking her to a blues show with a barb-q al a carte. The only thing that makes it wierd the show and Barb-q is in a WINERY! i talked to my friends here and my sponser, The suggestions I got if I feel confortable go do it. My sponser also suggested taht I call inter-group and find some meetings. I usually do that,this is the first time I forgot!I always go away to mass. and I have a Eastern District book of the state. I am going to Maine in August and I have a book that I requested on all of Maine. I don't know and don't think there was any special reason I did this. But I need to always keep everything up front. I'll try to talk to ya before I leave for the INSANITY.
Thanks for letting me Share!
Yours in the Fellowship
Mark
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY TO EVERYONE!
Member: Laura S.
Location: NYC visiting CT
Date: 02 Jul 1998
Time: 20:53:52
Hey! Laura S., alcoholic and addict. In "How it Works" the old guys talk about people who are constitutionaly incapable of being honest with themselves. The 5th step says admitted to God, to OURSELVES, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. One of my biggest challenges is being honest with myself. I don't believe I am incapable...it just takes a while to get there. Luckily my sponsor knows me very well and often gets me real right away. The thing I need to be honest about right now is my need to get involved in another program. It is difficult to fully recover when using other things for pain-avoidance...I am using food...I have gained 80 pounds in sobriety and it is very painful to me. I found AA through OA and have all but abandoned any recovery around food. I don't want to use drugs or alcohol when I'm kneedeep in brownies. I didn't need excess food when I was using pot or other drugs either. All these substances are being used to try to patch the big crack in my heart that a loveless childhood left me. And that's the most honest thing. I am very broken-hearted and nothing can heal me except God and the love He never ceases to send to me through other people in the program. I need to be willing to contain my pain instead of run away from it - because it ain't going anywhere. The only way out is through and it is only one day at a time. I am currently in my home town and it is where I did most of my drinking and where the ghosts of my childhood and early alcoholic forays live. It's always hard to not use food to dull the sharp pangs. But I am committed to my truth and sobriety today, I have meetings to go to and I have phone numbers. I have God. Thank you for letting me share HONESTLY.
Member: Craig D.
Location: UTOPIA
Date: 02 Jul 1998
Time: 21:59:50
This program is my lifesaver, thanks all.
Member: Christy R.
Location: Winchester, VA
Date: 02 Jul 1998
Time: 22:23:14
Christy, alcoholic. I like the topic of Honesty. When people share about it, I get reminded that my honesty is one of the most important parts of my sobriety. If I do not stay honest, stinkin' thinkin' sneaks back in and I'm off and running. Thanks for the share.
Member: louis
Location: gatineau,quebec,canada
Date: 03 Jul 1998
Time: 00:04:15
honesty:you only have to tell the truth once.thank you all ,and K.C.B.and need you.
Member: JACK G.
Location: CT.
Date: 03 Jul 1998
Time: 00:23:07
GOOD MORNING EVERYONE; JAck G.here ,a greatfull recovering alcoholic,a miracle one more day sober and clean,in this god given program of A.A.
GOD BLESS ALL A.A.ALSO THOSE THAT ARE STILL LOOKING FOR THE DOORS OF A.A. love in fellowship
JACK G.
Member: Catherine N.
Location: Ann Arbor
Date: 03 Jul 1998
Time: 12:26:19
Hi everyone,my name is Catherine and I'm an alcohoic. Glad I signed on this morning and was able to read everyone's experience, strength and hope. It was just what I needed. Honesty is a great topic for me. I think I'm better at it than I actually am. Again, it is one of those things I am becoming aware of in my program. Awareness is always good for me. To Jimmy R., thank you for what you had to share, it really touched me. Thanks to everyone for being here for me today. Taking it One Day At A Time.....
Member: Mark L.
Location: S.I.,N.Y.
Date: 03 Jul 1998
Time: 13:14:12
Hi,Mark L. Alcoholic, Honesty, you know sometimes I think you can be too honest. I have found out it sometimes is easier to hurt people when you are totally honest. I know when I tell my wife the truth today it sometimes leads to bigger fights when I am honest I sometimes look at the 4th step and wonder"I did all this damage and I have to make amends", it just scares me to death! I keep listening and when I do I just can't believe how far back in time I have to go to make amends I also try to understand why people say that they are totally honest because I really feel none of us can be 100% honest, This only what I think! I think honesty is like making amends. You do it but not at the expense of a friend or a loved one. Today I have my father in my life for the 1st time in 30 years plus. The miracle is that we can talk today and say we love each other He is 78 years old and I am hoping I am not too late to make amends to him. He never ever wanted to visit me or stay over my house. Today he say he would like to spend a weekend. This I am truly grateful for. Sometimes I find it so sad in what damage we have caused. But today I take my wife away for the 1st time in sobriety. We are going to go hiking upstate.I hope i can come back Monday and tell ya all it was wonderful.
Thanks for lettin me Share
Yours in the Fellowship
Mark
Member: Lynne D.
Location: Kansas City
Date: 03 Jul 1998
Time: 15:19:38
I'm Lynne D., alcoholic. This message is for Tim. When I was in treatment one of my counselors told me that sobriety had to be the number one priority in my life, more important than any job, any relationship, and, yes, any jail sentence. It all begins and ends with sobriety. If you don't have that, you really don't have anything.
Member: Bill P.
Location: Maine
Date: 03 Jul 1998
Time: 19:29:17
Hi my name is Bill and I am an alcoholic and this is my first time to comment on the web. I have a few twenty-four hours in the program and today I really appreciate AA. My opening statement usually is I,m Bill a grateful alcoholic, grateful to be alive, grateful to be sober, grateful for the program of AA, and grateful for everybody that is in this wonderful program. thank-you
Member: Fred B.
Location: Long Island, NY
Date: 03 Jul 1998
Time: 22:41:53
Hi everybody. My name is Fred and I'm an alcoholic.
Good topic, honesty.
I remember when first came in the program about 10 months ago, it was the hardest thing in the world for me to say what I say amost every single day, "I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic."
I knew it, and knew it for years, but actually saing it out loud, admitting it, being HONEST was hard, so hard.
Somebody was talking about meeting smeone special his first meeting, a Bill O'C believe. I was lucky my first meeting too. After my first meeting, a fellow named Joe came up to me and asked me if wanted to stop drinking. I said yes and he said, "All you have to do is don't drink for the rest of today and come back tomorrow. There's a meeting... "
And that's the way I've gone ever since then. At first, some of slogans sounded cliched to me, but I wouldn't be here without ONE DAY AT A TIME.
It really, truly is one day a a time. At least, for me it is.
Honesty is all about admitting character defects, and that's something I've been reluctant to do in a 4th Step. I'm stuck on 1,2 & 3 and unwilling t do my 4th Step with m sonsor, wo feel, quite frankly is full of it on a couple of things.
Joe, my first (temporary) sponsor won't sponsor me because e hasn't been hrogh he steps but se him more than my real "sponsor," who I don't really want t go forward with.
I need to be honest with my sponsor that he just isn't right for me, but, a typical alcoholic, I put off for tomorrow what I should do today.
It's hard to be honest with others even more than with myself, though I an lie to myself with the best of 'em.
Thanks for lettin me share. Good meeting. Good Topic.
Member: phil F
Location: iowa
Date: 03 Jul 1998
Time: 22:52:31
This is for Tim B You have to rember that you are not the first or the last that have went out and tested the waters. What popped Into my head when I read your comments were the three ups. 1. sober up. 2. Lock up. or 3. cover up. Today I chose the sober up, I like my self and the world around me today and my worst day sober is better than my best day drunk
Member: Craig D.
Location: UTOPIA
Date: 03 Jul 1998
Time: 23:15:48
Craig D. a greatful alcoholic/addict. Amen. My worst day sober is better than my best day drunk.
Member: Mike T.
Location: Philadelphia PA Stepping Stones
Date: 04 Jul 1998
Time: 13:02:09
You have a guy working on his car. Everything he does to fix this car fails. He goes to the auto store, he buys this part and that part. He comes back and puts the part in the car, gets in and turns the key, nothing. He's flipping out. Everything he does to fix this car fails and he is in alot of emotional pain. He's kicking the car, losing tools, his hands are bleeding and black with grease. This guy comes down the street and says to him, "Hey whats the matter?" Yhe man looks at him in pain and says, "I can't fix this car. No matter what I do I can't fix this car." (step one - He admits he's powerless) The guy says to him, "Why don't you take your car to this mechanic I know. He fixed my car and did a good job." The man comes to believe, "yeah, maybe this mechanic can fix my car." (step two - He comes to believe there is a solution to his problem) The he makes a decision to take the car to the mechanic (step three). Is the car going to get to the mechanic just making a decision? No! (step 4+5) He calls up the mechanic and tells him he is coming there with the car. (step 6+7) he calls up a tow truck and tells him to tow the car to the mechanic. (steps 8+9) he goes with the car and tells the mechanic he did with the car so far. (step 10) The mechanic fixes the car and now the man believes the mechanic can fix the car where in step two he was only willing to believe. He now believes because he see's results from all the action he took. And he carries the message to the next man who has a problem with his car. Thats how simple the program of Alcholics Anonymous is. Step one we admit that we have a problem. We are powerless over alchol and our lives are unmanageable. Step two Under the lash of alchol we are driven into the rooms where we learn the solution to our problem. A Power greater than ourselves could keep us from believing the lie that we could drink again succefully. Now in Step three we make a decision based on what we know so far. "Do you want it or not?" We know the problem and we know the solution to the problem and we make the decision to take the action to get it. Steps four through nine are the action steps. Step Ten is steps 4-9 all in one step we practice every day. Step 11 is improving our conscience contact with our Higher Power. Receiving guidance from this Power. And step 12 is where we carry our life changing message to the new prospect. Bill learned two things in the Towns Hospital in 1934. (as written in the Dr.'s opinion) One was he had to work with other alcholics in order to stay sober himself and the second thing was that alcholism was a disease that was physical and mental and could only be conquered by a spiritual awakening. Page 25, para. 3, lines 1-8 There is no middle of the road solution for us we will die an alcoholic death or we must find a spiritual solution. Page 44, para. 1, lines 4-9 Whats its going to take to recover Page 46, para 2, lines 1-13 They ask us to develop our own concept of God. The God of our own understanding Page 55, para 2 lines 1-7; para 3, lines 1-7 They tell us where to find this Power greater than ourselves. Right down inside each and everyone of us. And how we get the Power is by taking the Twelve Steps. When do we do our fourth step? Page 64 para 1 "although our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have very little permenant effect unless AT ONCE followed by a strenous effort to seek.....etc. "here are the steps we took" NOT "here are the steps we read about and talked about" Action NOT knowledge is what we must do in order to recover. Mike T trotter1@erols.com
Member: Chris P
Location:
Date: 04 Jul 1998
Time: 14:32:19
Chris, addict / alcoholic, Honesty is more of a struggle for me then alcohol ever was. I read earlier in the meeting about lying when there's no reason to. This was and is me. Sometimes I feel like I'm powerless over truth. In sobrity, I have lost many things over my inability to be honest. I have lost relationships, a marrige, a business, and most important, myself. Today I get honest with myself by letting God into my life, praying, and sharing my feelings with other people. Thanks, Chris