Member: Carol C.
Location: New Jersey
Time: 7:30:44 AM
Good Morning. I am Carol an alcoholic. I don't know if there was any topic for this week before the board was changed. I have been thinking about fear quite a bit lately. For me I can get up in my head and imagine the worst possable outcome for just about anything. Took me alot of years to realize that was part of my discease. And that most of the time the worst senario never happened. When I was in a bad space, a friend of mine in the program emailed me this quote from I'm not sure where but really hit home for me. "Feed your soul with faith and your fears will starve to death."
Hope everyone is having a good week! Carol
Member: AL K
Location: USA, PA
Time: 8:05:12 AM
Best wishes everyone, great topic, I have been dominated by fear most of my life, paralyzed by it, and the line in our book which stated that it is the chief activator of all our character defects is true for me. Lack of faith, not living in truth, feeds my fears. The Third Step is the key, after accepting change and my own responsibility for the situation before me. When I say the wrods, "I offer myself to Thee," it is not to my advantage, it is to my Higher Power's service to carry His message of hope and healing. Some days will be better than others, but I will press onward,,,, AL from East Side,,,,
Member: Sheri F
Location: Portland, OR
Time: 9:01:05 AM
Hi, I'm Sheri, alki. Fear is the opposite of faith and for the last few days, my faith went on hold. It took a good friend to call me on it and I am so grateful for true friends in this program. I had to look at myself in the mirror and didn't like what I saw, so the change begins with me, once again. Thanks AA for calling me on my BS. Love and prayers, Sheri F from HOT Portland, OR.
Location: Livermore Falls Maine
Time: 9:41:32 AM
Hi Charlie a very grateful ALCHOLIC, yes fears I have many of them, and my first sponsor told me I had fears but told him no, but through the AA program I have over come my fears, as I have learnt to dealer with them one day at a time, my worst fear was afraid to be alone without anyone in my life, but I found in AA and my HP that I am never alone, and I have more friends and I call them family in AA that no matter wher I go I can have someone there, and now through this sight I have found a comfort, as I had the fear of picking up a drink, as most everyone here drinks. So Staying Cyper as helped me with this fear of picking up that drink, and thank you all. I Love You and Have a gratful day and stay clean and sober. Charlie
Member: Melissa B.
Time: 10:21:30 AM
I'm Melissa and I'm an alcoholic. I've heard the same things you've heard. That fear can't live in the same house as faith. Someone at a meeting said this, and it meant a lot to me, so I'm passing it on: "Faith is when you come to the end of the light, and you know that one of two things is going to happen: either you will step out onto solid ground, or you will be taught how to fly."
This works for me when I let it, but, man, sometimes it's hard!
I hope we all have a peaceful, sober day...
Member: Inez S
Location: Leesburg, GA
Time: 10:29:25 AM
I'm Inez, Alcoholic....good topic...I've had great problems in the past with my fears. I let them consume my mind, body, and soul. AA has shown me a new way of life, free from fear. I couldn't let go of my fears as long as I hung on to the bottle. Here is something I receintly found that has helped me alot. Hope you enjoy it.
"Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear. Rather look to them with full hope that as they arise, God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them. God has kept you hitherto. Do but hold fast to His dear hand and He will lead you safely through all things. When you cannot stand, he will bear you in His arms. Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow for the same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then, Be at peace. Put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations"
By: St. Fracis De Sales
Member: Susan S.
Location: Tahlequah, OK
Time: 10:36:25 AM
Susan, alcoholic. I have been told that there are only two emotions...fear and love; all other emotions stem from these two. There is no way to "fight" fear; it can only be displaced by letting my light shine. The light of love from which stems faith and courage and wisdom. Another lesson I have learned in the hallowed rooms of AA is that you can always fake it till you make it. The more I say to myself I am happy, joyous and free, the more it becomes true in my life. I am truly blessed in my life and sitting here in this place and at this time is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so full of gratitude and wonder at this beautiful place in the universe...who am I to even think of clouding it with my petty fears and neuroses. God bless you all and keep coming back. Thank you for letting me share.
Member: tony g
Time: 10:38:45 AM
fears draw my attention,as much as i want to run from them,i know deep down that they are something i must address and walk into,or like a lie ,they will always be there.with a higher power working with me my fears seem to almost all go away.when i first started living sober i had many fears, as time has gone by some of them seem to have vanished.by my reading and practicing the 12 steps i have a very good chance of getting past some fears.someone said something i liked one time, they said..fear is me not getting my own way....hmmm...i'm tony,an alcoholic
Member: Bonnie B
Location: West Michigan
Time: 10:59:37 AM
Bonnie here, alcoholic. GREAT TOPIC - very TIMELY for me. My fears are trying to get the best of me lately, lots of outside issues taking place. CHANGE. I guess that's whree I'm at right now. Lots of it. The kinds of change that happen when you get into a sober way of life. GOOD CHANGES but change none the less. I must got to LOTS of meetings when I'm not in a good space. The physical tables as well as cyber meetings (thanks for being there) it helps to talk. It pays to listen so I'll shut up and listen some more!
Time: 11:05:44 AM
Last week, I visited this site after being absent for a very long time and the topic was insanity which I believe is a direct reflection of fear (this week's new topic). This topic holds a special place in my heart as I have had to deal not only with my own fear, but fear that others live with and embrace. I have been hurt many times because of other people's fears but will say that I am fortunate enough to keep trying and taking risks. FEAR, I believe, is nothing more than a rejection of God and one's inner self. When we are paralyzed by fear and choose to live in it, we only continue the insanity of not changing. And then we ask ourselves "why am I so miserable?" Duh, how about the fact that we continue the vicious cycle of doing the same things over and over with nothing ever changing. I have heard many justifications for fear but none have ever been a good enough reason to ignore the happiness that our HP offers us. I have been sober many years now and have often heard about a thing called healthy fear (like fear of taking a drink). I do not believe there is any healthy fear. I no longer fear taking a drink, but rather I now TRUST that God will keep me safe from that.
So I now live my life trusting God who speaks to me through my inner voice (feelings) and I take the steps needed to follow through. When I do that on a regular basis, I am without fear. I also try very hard to stay away from people who live their lives in fear because they are often very bad for me. When I spend time around people like that I tend to take on their fears and that is not acceptable in my life anymore.
FEAR is nothing more than a lack of Trust in God and yourself. Try listening to what God tells you (ususally that little voice within) and take a risk. You will be amazed at how well it works and how things are always better when you go beyond the fear. I liken it to an experience I had in California while hiking up a steep hill. It was a strenuous hike but all of a sudden I came across a beautiful meadow with wild flowers all over the place. It was well worth all the effort and risk!
It's been nice sharing with you all again.
Member: Mike M.
Location: Waterford, WI
Time: 11:37:44 AM
Hi! Mike,alcoholic. This is my first time at this meeting. I'm glad it's here. Breifly I made a geographical to San Francisco from Wisconsin 10 years ago and now I'm home. I have also returned to AA after several attempts at recovery over the last 15 years. Once again I am home. I plan to stay home. I have been sober for 6 weeks and am ever so grateful that I made it "home" alive.
I've heard it said that the only fear is fear itself. How true. I am afraid of my fear of taking a drink. I am also afraid of my fear of falling into the pity pot because falling into the pity pot has always lead me to drink. I am also afraid of being afraid because fear leads me to the pity pot.
Right now all I am doing is not taking a drink and going to meetings and since I do not have a driver's licence and have recently been swithced to second shift in rural Wisconsin, I am ever so grateful for this site and my sponsor who told me about it. Thanks for listening.
Member: Aby k
Time: 12:18:43 PM
Hiya Aby alky. I love that quote- today i was gripped by fear- fears of things changing around me. I had to look at my step one and work over the simplicity of accepting that my life is unmanageable. When the fear grabbed me i found myself walking down Piccadilly reciting the serenity prayer over and over again, a mantra if you like. I have spent the day either praying - reading staying cyber shares or working on my step four..in this time the fear seems to of subsided and I now know i need to let it go..hand it over.. accept and quite simply smile (a smile will lift every dark cloud on you and all around you)for without this pain and fear i wouldn't be here and we all know where i would be... I look forward to catching up with everyones sharing tomorrow off to a meeting..have a good day and god bless you all for your continued support. Absxx
Member: Michael C.
Location: Milford CT
Time: 12:48:16 PM
Fear....fear is a manifestation of my own selfishness and selfcenteredness (sp?). When I took the 5th step my sponsor ('oh great wise one'...) pointed out to me that when I have fear it's fundamentally 'cuz I'm not going to get what I want (at least I think that, God knows better eh?), or I'm going to lose something I have. Either way, it's my selfishness coming out in my making the assumption that my wants and desires are all that important in God's plan. They aren't.
Of course, knowing that, and acting on it are very different things. I've a year and a half back from a big time drunk, after 3 years sober. It's been good to find a lot of recovery on the net.... see dad, it's not all porn... ;)
Location: CAPITAL CITY
Time: 12:49:30 PM
HI SHERI F.IN PORTLAND.
IT HAS ALSO BEEN VERY HOT DOWN SALEM WAY YESTERDAY.EVERYONE HAVE A HAPPY SAFE,AND SOBER 4TH.ENJOY LIFE,ON LIFE'S TERMS.
Time: 3:06:50 PM
I'm nikki alcoholic. I'm feeling pretty bad over a relationship. I haven't really been to any meetings. So I decided to catch a online meeting. If I'm going to be online I want it to be worth it. I'll be celebrating my third year this July 5, 2000. I'm afraid to spend it with my home group because I met him there. I'm afraid to spend the weekend at the International Convention because I might see a woman he has been with before. Yeah I have alot of fear. I would like to deal with the feelings I have about him and the damage done by each of us in our relationship. But I do know that AA has literally saved my life, so I keep coming back. Thanks for listening.
Member: Bonnie C 5/30/80
Time: 4:14:05 PM
Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here (((ROOM-HUG))) to those that are new to this site or AA, a heartfelt *welcome home* so glad you are here. Look for the similarities, not the differences. to my ((brothers and sisters)) that are regularly here, much love and gratitude.
thanks ((carol)) for the great topic of FEAR. when I first got here I had a couple hundred forms of fear. in fact i had fear of everything. mostly the unknown. I was so weary and beaten up with life. So tired of dragging thru life with a plastic smile on my face just to *get by*. There at the end of my drinking I couldn't even manage that. True belly laughter was but a memory and even the slightest smile took alot of energy and I was running out of steam. Guess you could say that *Sick and tired of being sick and tired analegy truly fit. In fact if I would have gotten too close to an EEG they would have probably tagged my toe. Dead inside but with this little voice screaming in the back of my brain to do something. I had exhausted all my answers, booze, drugs, kids, marriages, money, men, retail therapy, prestege, house, cars, boats, partying, dr. meds, nothing fixed it. coming to grips with that knowledge made me openminded and willing to take your suggestions, I had to work on the honesty part. When I got here you suggested I find that higher power of my understanding and as scared as I was I picked a Daddy God, when I felt fear I'd just mentally visualize climbing onto the lap of this gentle, loving being and rest. After awhile that wasn't necessary (but is still an option) You suggested to think the fear thru when it hit, what was the fear, how probable was the outcome of my magical magnifying mind's conclusion and would I be ok if it did happened and the most important one that you taught me was what can I do about it at this moment and is it important enuf to ruin my whole day/night over? Most of my fears were unfounded False Evidence Appearing Real and you taught me how to Let Go Let God, also to God Box it, then you told me I wasn't responsible for my first thought, just the entertaining of it. What a tool! You beautiful people taught me how to right size me and my fears in perspective. One of my biggies was the fear of looking bad, losing face. What a freedom to be free of that. I don't fear much today, I still get annoyed at some of the things that happen. Like 2 days ago my car broke and has been sitting in a parking lot till just 10 minutes ago when a friend towed it here. My life today would have terrified the old me. Walking in faith when things around me seem totally out of control. But one thing I have learned in the past 20yrs, God's timing is perfect and my timing will short change or sabbotage me every time. So fear is a stranger most of the time. Thank God and you folks. Thank you for my beautiful life. Dear God please bless all who venture her. love and hugs, bon -- firstname.lastname@example.org
Member: Harry K
Time: 4:48:08 PM
Hi folks, Harry the alcoholic here. Boy, fear is always something that hits home! I learned alot about my fears in my 4th step. Fear of failure, (if I never tried, icould not fail, so I never tried!) The fear of success, ( If iI were to succeed, I'd have to be responsible to maintain it, otherwise I'd lose it and FAIL!) The fear of rejection, (need I say more?) The fear of looking foolish or stupid, (GOD forbid!) The fear of crowds, (I never fit in) The fear of being alone(I never fit in!) The list went on & on. Today, with the help of you guys, I usually narrow it down to two...The fear of not getting what I want, or the fear of losing something I have (or at least think I have) the rest is just mental masturbation. Fear isn't a character defect, its our own intuitive mechanism that tells us to "Watch the road ahead" or "Stop now!". I didn't listen to either of them when I was drinking (and I was always drinking!) Courage isn't the absence of fear, its what is needed to help move me beyond my fears when they hinder my recovery or growth. And a large part of my "courage" is totaly dependent on what most of you have already said, FAITH..That one word that has been so vital to my own recovery. I'll close with another something I've heard in the rooms, "When one door of opportunity closes, another one opens up...BUT ITS HELL IN THE HALLWAY!" God bless you guys, and thanks for helping me stay sober!
Member: Ken C
Location: Winnipeg, (Friendly Manitoba) Canada - eh!
Time: 5:25:33 PM
Fear, as we know, is natural. It is actually a positive emotion warning us to change course. Without it, walking down a trail suddenly blocked by a big angry grizzly bear would be "game over" - right? Without the fear of the consequences of our drinking, how many of us would be here today?
Nikki -- your post about your fear (concern) about going back to your home group, or going to the conference because of what certain others may think or say, is understandable. I cannot speak for you, but wonder if your situation is similar to what mine was at one time.
At the time, I had not considered much, that the chief instigator of my difficulties had been my past demands for more than my share of security, romance, and prestiege. These excesses caused others to reject me and inwardly to reject myself. However, instead of looking at the excesses, I was caught up in thoughts of recieving and fearing more criticism.
Once I did a step 4 and 5 related to this, followed by step 8 and a willingness to do step 9 with the people and situations I had feared, the fear was replaced by it's true opposite - courage! Courage preceeds faith, but courage can only come from a conviction and desire to do the right thing regardless of consequences. It is the doing of this, without knowing what the outcome will be, that gives us the realization of faith. We are simply saying, "God, I'm doing what you are telling me to do, the outcome, and my safety, are in your hands.
Once this became the state of my life, I knew with a certainty, that I had the right to be anyplace at any time because I was ready at the drop of a hat to do the right thing, whether to make amends, sit quietly, or speak up. God was going to do for me what I could not do for myself. And you know, it has worked out every time. Of course not every result was "nice", but that didn't matter. What mattered was that I knew I was right with my God, and that the results were His business, not mine. Fear left, never to return, except for the few times I have tried to run the show myself. When that happend my old friend fear came back to remind me to show some respect for those darned Grizzly bears.
The answers to all our problems are found in that Big Blue Book of ours. All we have to do is look for them. Understandably, though, we do get lost a bit now and then, so we need each other. Discussing concerns on this site, is a wonderful way to get back on track.
Love, Courage and Faith to all - Ken
Time: 5:55:28 PM
fear has ruled me.i never realized that i was in a continuous reaction mode in life-fear-react-more fear-react-on and on.i feared the fear, i never stood and tried to break any of the fear down. the twelve steps of alcoholics anonomous are a method of living life that i can work to slow down, take a breath, examine my place in the universe, ask for guidance,and come to a decision.my life is unmanageable when i manage it, and by admitting this i lessen some of the fear. when i let go and ask for guidance without expectation as to the outcome, i come to beleve in a power greater than myself that can manage all. i then let that power work through me, a decision only i can make. only when i release all my expectations, can the things greater then my wildest dreams come into my life, almost always things (revelations, opportunities)i never considered or thought possible. it works only when we work it.
Member: Shannon S.
Location: Southern Cal.
Time: 8:45:16 PM
Hi, Shannon alcoholic here. I have heard in meetings that fear is false evidence appearing real. My fears actually boil down to fears of not getting this or having that - which all goes back to my selfishness. my sponsor says fear can been resolved with love. Hope we all stay sober. best wishes to all for a safe serene 4th of July. thanks for letting me share.
Location: rockland ,ny
Time: 9:26:42 PM
Hi everyone, My name is David and I'm an Alcoholic. I haven't been to a meeting in a while and made a commitment to attend one tonight. When I drove up there was no meeting(either my list is very old or I read it wrong)I stumbled on to this site and found my meeting. The topic is very timley for me, I've been sober for quite a while and got bored with meetings. I realize when I read everyone's comment's that I have become full of old fears and with those fears my resentments follow suit. There really are no accidents, I will bookmark this site and also make a meeting tomorrow. I appreciate all of your share's. Thanks for being there.
Time: 9:37:51 PM
Big Book,chapter 6,Into Action,page 87,lines28,29 and30 "Be quick to see where religious people are right.Make use of what they offer". i found the root of "all" my fears in my Bible ,"Hebrews 2, 14 & 15" Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil; And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage." i am an alcoholic for the grace of my HP.
Member: Roger L
Time: 10:08:16 PM
All my life I have done what ever it took to hide what was going on inside me. Of all the emotions and feelings fear was the worst. I would go from extreme to extreme. From Aggressive and dare devil behaviours to physicly hiding from the world so that no one would know I was terrified. At the end of my drinking walking across the street to get cigarettes was a tramatic experience. In my mind everyone I met or saw knew everything about me. They all knew how terrible and worthless a person I was.
Today I still have some of the old fears and some new ones. I'm only human. The fear of having people know what's going on inside me is one of the fears that I have little of today. This has been one of the greatest gifts. It has alowed me to reach out for help and to help others. Being able to share helped me to face my fears and improve the quality of my life.
Thank you and all the best in the next 24
Member: Cliff R.
Time: 10:54:14 PM
I worry about my alcohol use - that why I came here today. I've never been in an AA meeting. - Do the topics change all the time? This seems to all be about fear
Time: 1:17:41 AM
I'm Chuck, an alcoholic
Fear ruled and ruined my life.It was so powerful that I could not see my other character defects. My only solution for fear was to drink, it was my medicine.
In my dictionary Fear is called a painful emotion caused by the thought of, or dread of impending danger or evil.
It is always about the future. I FEEL fear because I THINK something bad is going to happen and I BELIEVE that there is nothing I can do about it. I am POWERLESS.
On page 68 0f the BB it tells me that I have fear because self-reliance failed. [ I think of this as powerless ]. It then tells me to BELIEVE and TRUST in GOD. Ask GOD to remove my fear and then turn my attention to GOD's will for me.
At first I was asking GOD to change the situation for me and it didn't work. Then I realized that what I should be asking for is GOD to take care of me in the situation.[TRUST]
By practising step 11 each day I very seldom feel fear or the other character defects.
Peace and Serenity
Member: Al C.
Time: 1:44:47 AM
Hi I'm Al and I am definetly an alcoholic.(((Nikki))) listen to Ken and Bonnie and others, people with good long term sobriety. Hey, we care for each other here, and what you're describing is a recipe for disaster. Not going to meetings and isolating(?)and staying in fear is never a good thing for me. I really hope you can get with another woman with good sobriety (a sponsor?) and work through this. I appreciate your sharing and it's a good start but I hope you follow through on the solution. There is sunshine on the other side of this storm| Believe it|
Peace to all..........Al
Member: angela b.
Time: 9:38:24 AM
hey yall, angela b. alcoholic here. after reading several posting i have come to believe that fear for me is selfcenteredness in disquise (sp). thanks for the mirror. love
Member: Shirley K.
Location: Philadelphia, Pa.
Time: 11:07:05 AM
Thank you everyone for your sharing. This is my first "hit" on this site. I am so excited! Whenever I need AA all I have to do it sign on. Groovy. Don't sound too old do I? I believe that fear is the opposite of faith, too. I've been taught to pray "decrease my fear and increase my faith" Of course I forget to pray that until I'm into my fear. But I still believe it works. Thanks everyone for being there.
Member: Wayne G.
Time: 11:09:46 AM
Hi my name's Wayne and i'm exploring the possibility that i may be an alcoholic. I'm not quite able to relate to a lot of what i've heard in the AA meetings that I've attended. I fear that this may cause problems in the future if the problem worsens. I hope that I will find a way to deal with this properly.
Time: 11:33:54 AM
Hi! I'm Jim an alcoholic. Thanks everyone for their share on fear. I've found that when I trust in my inner strength and my higher power and have the courage to change the things I can then fear is dispelled. There's not one thing we can't handle if we own our own fears and free ourselves of them. If we trust in ourselves and our courage to change what we can, we are the winners and fear is the loser. We must live in the solution not the problem. Today by small ordinary acts I shall add another piece of my mosaic to the whole person I am becoming, and I do not fear that at all.
"Courage is fear that has said it's prayers" .......Karle Wilson Baker
Keep it Simple and keep it in the day!
Member: Teri F.
Location: Marion, Ohio
Time: 12:44:37 PM
Wayne--the fact that you are here and have attended AA meetings is a pretty good indication that you probably have a problem. Normal drinkers (whatever that is!) don't seek solutions in Alcoholics Anonymous. But, if you think you aren't alcoholic, get back out there and do some more experimentation. Try some more "controlled" drinking. Give it all you've got. If you are alcoholic like I am alcoholic, the time will come, and hopefully it will be soon, that you won't have anymore to give it. Until I hit my bottom, I was not willing or able to take the drastic measures required to recover. That is just my experince.
If you haven't heard much that you can relate to in AA, you probably believe your case is different. We all thought that. I remember starting all my replies with "ya but". Keep coming back, even if you continue to drink. Especially if you continue to drink. One of these days you just might catch this dreaded disease called Alcoholism. Once that happens, you can join us as we "trudge the Road of Happy Destiny". You can experience this wonderful thing called recovery. Best of luck to you my friend.
Member: Catherine B
Location: BOSTON MA
Time: 2:11:43 PM
This is a great topic for me . I fear success and failure,fear getting sober because i imagine a very boring life without my friend the BOTTLE but i am going to give it my all this time . I need prayers (((( ROOM))))) CATHY
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Time: 5:29:52 PM
Hi everybody, I'm Donna and I'm an Alcoholic. This is the first time at an online meeting. It is a good idea because right now I can't get out of my house due to an injury. I have had fear since day one of my life. I have been sober since 11-5-95. In this short time I have found with the help of my HP and my sponser and meetings I have have less fear in my life. I am still afraid of alot of things, mostly around relationships. With my injury I am no able to work so I have more time to find the fear. I must try to overcome these fears with the help of my HP. Everyone have a good week.
Location: Bloomington, IN
Time: 6:06:48 PM
First of all, to Cliff, discussion topics change weekly. The "Coffee Pot" area is more of a chat room of all sorts of topics.
I've been thinking quite a bit about fear lately. I'm afraid that if I don't take action and get into AA for real, then I'll either get fired, divorced, get a DUI, become broke – or die. I'm at the stage where enough people have confronted me about my drinking, and it doesn't seem to be getting better on its own. Sneaking around isn't working any more.
So, I'm trying to get into a 5-day detox program so I can really admit and believe that I have a potentially fatal disease, not just a sorry case of will power. I need treatment and a new way of life. What I'm doing now isn't working.
It's scary to think about that, "a new way of life." I hope that I can be sober and maintain my marriage and friendships, all which have been seeped in good times at the bar. And I'm afraid that I won't be easily able to trust people at AA whom I don't know. I mean, at this point, they're strangers.
But I have to give it a try. I can't fool myself anymore or continue living this way. Drinking is beginning to affect every single aspect of my life negatively. That's how I know I'm an alcoholic.
What does give me comfort is to know that although my story is my own, it's been experienced by people from every walk of life all over the world. I'm not an evil freak, but I do have a disease that won't go away if I ignore it.
AM in Bloomington
Member: Mel S.
Location: New Mexico
Time: 6:28:15 PM
My name is Mel and I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety date is May 5, 1990. Fear is always a great topic. Anyone who says he, or she, isn't afraid must not live in the same world I do or is in denial. The acronym for fear I first heard was F*** Everything And Run. That was never my tactic. I dealt with fear by F****** Everything And Reacting. Alcoholics like me love chaos because we think we can hide within it. I loved confrontation and discord because I thought it took attention away from how afraid I was. I am still afraid and now about things more real than those I once thought were the big things in life. Watching my wife trying to recover from brain cancer and trying to learn to walk again myself while taking care of two small children gave me new insight into fear. Now, the acronym I use for fear is Face Everyting And Recover. The things I fear are real and none of them more real than the prospect that I might begin drinking again. All I have going for me is my faith in my higher power and another day of sobriety. Fear is indeed the absence of faith. Prayer is the best way to displace it. When the fear is very strong, sometimes the only prayer I can manage is the alcoholic's prayer, "God help me." Sometimes I have to chant it like a mantra to force the fear out of my mind. I hope you are getting a lot of experience, strength and hope from all the sharing posted here. This is my first time on here and I would like to thank you for letting me share.
Member: GREGG G.
Location: KENNEWICK, WA
Time: 7:09:07 PM
Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry, N/H.
Time: 10:21:37 PM
Hi Rhonda, alcholic. I'm new to AA and this site. I have alittle over 7mos of sobriety and have never been happier. Cliff, Wayne and AM just keep going to meetings and keep an open mind. Fear is a good subject, Carol. When a brillant woman at a meeting said "fear is lack of faith" it just hit me. I know it takes a HP to keep me sober so why would I think he wouldn't help me thru other areas in my life. I know that Don't Drink - Go to Meetings - Ask for Help is changing my life. 8 mos. ago I couldn't imagine life with or without alchol. Today I feel useful and I get excited thinking of all the gifts my HP has given me. Keep coming - IT WORKS!
Member: Deb L. DEB L.
Time: 10:24:53 PM
My Dear AA Family-I am so excited to find all of you. I just recently got this computer, and am learning how to use it still., bear with me. I've been in and out of AA for 9 years now, and am once again in recovery. I haven't drank since April 23 so once again I am going through all the new fears and feelings one goes through in early recovery. My belief in God is very strong, but sometimes I take my own will back, and the obvious consequence is this FEAR. I recently took guardianship of my 15 month old twin granddaughters who are the joy of my life, but it has taken away my freedom to attend meetings on a regular basis----maybe two times a week is all.( I was doing 2 meetings a day) I need my daily booster shot of AA, so I am very grateful to have found this site, and hope I have the computer knowledge to find you again. It will help so much with not being able to get to meetings. I am also hoping to be able to find a internet AA buddy to share e-mail with---is this possible? I need to get on my knees now and thank the Lord for this page, and another day of sobriety. I wish you all PEACE. DEB IN MICHIGAN.
Member: Steve W.
Location: Ormond Beach, Fla
Time: 2:14:58 AM
Hi,I'm an Alcoholic and the name of my problem is Steve. When I was "kicked" into AA a little over 2500 days ago, I was always finding something wrong with everything or situation I encountered, I was a "chicken little" (the sky was always falling or I would do something to make it fall on me again so I could say I told you so!). Early on I heard someone say "Fear knocked at the door and when Faith answered, there was Nobody There" and then I had a new fear- that I didn't have enough Faith in Anything or Anybody to stay sober, and I was really SCARED because I knew that if I drank again I Would Die!!! and I shared this, and a sweet older lady with a cane and a Pick-up Truck voluntered to give me rides to meetings and kept dragging me to Denny's etc. afterwards and pointing out "Oldtimers" that had been through much worse than I and I started to have hope because I saw them staying sober. Then I started staying sober and I got some Faith in the Program, myself and a God who could keep us all sober. Nobody could "tell" me anything but the Power of Example- I couldn't argue with that! If I tell you my biggest Fear, it loses it's power over me and I'M FREE!!! Today, God uses me as one of those "Examples". Thank You for helping me stay sober.
Member: Ken C
Location: Winnipeg, (Friendly Manitoba) Canada - eh!
Time: 5:40:05 AM
Deb, in Michigan -- Welcome to the site!
If you bookmark each page you will find it again easily. Check out the top of your Browser page and click on them to find out how to do this. If you are using MS Internet Explorer, just click on the "Favourites" menu. If some other browser you may have somthing similar.
As for "pen pals" via email, I'm sure you will find some at this site. Many post their email address along with their their comments. If you feel safe doing this, you could too. Otherwise, you might just send an email to some of those who post theirs.
Perhaps you are already aware of the Coffee Pot section on this site. If you haven't visited it yet, I highly recommend it. We are not really suposed to be "chatting" on the Discussion Meeting page, but newcomers (especially excited ones like yourself) are always forgiven - even if I won't be for answering you. LOL.
Love to you, and all on this site - Ken
Member: Bert K.
Location: australia (victoria)
Time: 10:25:43 AM
Hi to all my name is bert and I am a alcoholic this is my first time here,thank you for havinr me.My problem has always been exess and that went with fear as well.I do believe we all need fear in our lives other wise you could not get into a shower incase it was too hot,however I always take things to far and unrealistic fear sets in,and thats where a.a. comes in it teaches me balance, and with the program I can now have a healthy fear,and the wisdom to know the difference.thank for listening and sharing with me. Bert.k.
Member: Donna M.
Location: Muskogee, Ok.
Time: 11:40:26 AM
Hi all, Donna a grateful recovering alcoholic, I am in fear today, I had surgery Wednesday and I must wait a week for the lab results to come back. Its one of those things were I must believe in the best and prepare for the worst. No matter what happens I do know that is Gods will for me. I will be ok either way. I read 449,452,and552alot lately. Thanks for all your support. Love, Donna
Member: Mike V
Time: 12:24:22 PM
Hi my name is Mike and I am an alcoholic, This is my first time here, thanks for letting me share. This is a great topic thanks to whom ever picked it. I beleive my HP gave me the fear emotion to help protect me. I also beleive that anything used to excess is dangerous. This alcoholic seemed to do everything to excess. Now when I'm afraid, I turn to my HP and ask him to guide me. I don't always get what I want, but I do belive I will get what I need. Its comforting to know that I'm never alone. With the help of a loving HP and the fellowship in AA, I'm learning, on a daily basis, to deal with life on lifes terms. Thanks for letting me share. God bless you all.
Member: Inanna M
Time: 12:42:10 PM
Hi all! I"m a "newbie" to the web & this Cyber Meeting. Was just going to browse here but saw Donna's post and had to respond. Fear has always been my greatest enemy. Took AA to let me see that. Always thought it was anger, booze, food, sex, other people, bosses--well, you get the picture! Wasn't till my 4th. year of sobriety that I finally "saw the light" and realized fear was behind all the other stuff. Oddly enough things seemed to get worse then instead of better. Thought once I"d named the monster it would disappear! No Way. Only now [8yrs.sober] have I found out why. When we consciously make the decision to change, "the Universe" responds by providing us more opportunities. By "exercising" our new response it becomes stronger & more a part of us. Once you have set your intention you will be stumbling over the chances to "challenge" the old response! Just like I discovered when I quit drinking. NEVER saw so many commercials, signs, or ads for booze. Seemed there was more alcohol in site than I ever dreamed. Boy, was I given opportunities to challenge my newfound resolve! Yet, it has taken me this long to equate that same lesson to my fear. Like I've heard in so many meetings "when it's time; it's time". We are never given more than we can handle. Now is my time to deal with my fear. You too, Donna. Challenge it! Apply the steps, set your intention, initiate your new response. Create your NEW REALITY! Sorry if I've rambled on to long. Glad to have found this site. Peace, Love & Light , Inanna
Time: 12:48:34 PM
NEW? Boy do we need you, to help keep ourselves focused on the basic, just don't drink, go to a meeting, ask for help, and let it happen. We must all recognize that a lot of what we went through was fear-based, leading to procrastination, defeatism, and attempts to avoid legitimate, necessary pain. All of this surrounded by drinking to forget, to celebrate, to commiserate, etc. Keep coming, you will hear your own story, in bits and pieces, from all the rest of us!
Member: ANYA C.
Time: 2:50:11 PM
Hello , i am an Anya and i am an alcholoic i am just now comming to terms with my drinking problem and the basis of this problem is i am paralyzed by fear of pain, love, and failure so i have been usuing alcohol, sex and drugs to numb my pain and frustration fear it can be so overwhelming its like a monster and it can either motivate or destroy you and i am now realizing i can not hide anylonger that i have to come out into the light and face my problems not to isolate myself from friends and family to stop relying on pills and alcohol as a crutch because its destroying my mind and body i hope everyone in here stays sober and that they have support if anyone would like to talk my e-mail is email@example.com
love and prayers, anya c.
Member: Becky P.
Time: 3:53:51 PM
Becky alkie, here. Great topic. When I face my fears I totally put my faith in my HP. There is simply nothing else. I can work and make my efforts, but without my HP I am nothing. I have tried so hard, in the past, to be in control and rationalize my actions. A counselor friend told me that God wants me working with all four cylinders and how much he wants me to love and care for myself. I am truly thankful and gratful to be sober. I am becoming the person I was on the way to being--before I saw the party wagon and took a long ride, that is. My fears have been about facing myself. Now when I do, at least I see a work in progress-- I see a woman working and trusting her HP. I can face my reflection in the mirror and not feel ashamed. I can see hope. I am not alone anymore. We have eachother; we have faith and we have our life. Thanks to all of you for sharing. Courage and strength! Love ya!!!
Member: Kelly F.
Time: 4:37:26 PM
Hi to all - Kelly/alcoholic.
I browse on this site ALOT and have only posted a few times on the CP -- ALWAYS too fearful of what others might think. Fear has run my life and ruined my life. Thought I was just one of those special sensitive types...
Thanks Inanna for the very insightful post. A light really went off in my head! I will fearlessly remember your words - I will try to look at fearful situations as "..opportunities to challenge my newfound resolve."
Thanks to all for letting me share.
Member: DEB L
Time: 5:13:10 PM
Member: DEB L
Time: 5:38:05 PM
HELLO AA FAMILY--I FOUND YOU AGAIN. I WANT TO THANK KEN FROM CANADA FOR THE NICE WELCOME AND HELPING THIS ALCOHOLIC TO FEEL MORE CONNECTED ON THE INTERNET SO THAT I AM ABLE TO MAKE MY MEETINGS. I HAVE BEEN FEELING VERY OVERWHELMED THESE DAYS WITH RAISING MY TWIN GRANDBABIES, AND HAVING LITTLE TIME FOR MYSELF. AS EXCITED AS I AM ABOUT BEING IN RECOVERY ONCE AGAIN I AM AFRAID THAT MY STRESS WILL TAKE OVER MY COMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR AND THAT I WILL PICK UP AGAIN. I HAVE BEEN PRAYING A LOT ABOUT THIS, YET THOSE THOUGHTS KEEP ENTERING MY MIND. I AM WONDERING IF MAYBE ONE OF OUR NEW TOPICS COULD BE ACCEPTENCE OR RESENTMENTS. I SEEM TO BE STRUGGLING WITH A LOT OF ONE, AND LITTLE OF THE OTHER.I COULD USE SOME SOBRIETY STRENGTH TO HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS. I HATE THIS FEELING, AND I WILL GO TO ANY LENGTH TO STAY SOBER! AGAIN, I AM SO EXCITED TO HAVE FOUND ALL OF YOU, AND GOD BLESS YOU FOR BEING HERE FOR ME!HUGS! DEB
Member: Carol C.
Location: New Jersey
Time: 6:24:45 PM
Hi Carol Alcoholic! Have read so many good postings! It's really exciting to see the program work, even in cyber space.
To Deb L. Michigan - Some meetings you can bring kids, I know many women's groups offer that or even babysitting exchange. my e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org
Location: West Michigan
Time: 11:01:01 PM
Hi everyone, my name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. I go through periods of fear in soberiety. I need to hear that I do have a chance today to act differently even when I am afraid. The book says we are "driven by a thousand forms of fear....etc. etc......" By chosing to take actions outlined by the steps in AA I am given a chance and a choice.
When I was drinking - alcohol took away even healthy fears (for example climbing on balconies from room to room on tall buildings or ski jumps in snow storms). I could have died. Alcohol also caused some fear - like getting caught for drunk driving or hurting or killing someone or myself behind the wheel. I was also scared of being caught for lies I told.
AA is slowly teaching me new ways to look at and deal with my fears. Fear was all over my 4th step. Recognizing fears for what they are - getting to the facts of my fear has been helpful. Some of my fear is real, some imagained. In my head it is very hard to tell the difference - when I talk to my sponsor or share in a meeting it usually gets clearer very quickly. For me, Some fear is good - most is not. I am so grateful for the gifts of faith and courage that I have received from AA and God (HP).- thank you all for sharing.
Member: Annette H.
Location: Sheffield Lake, Ohio
Time: 11:27:51 PM
Hi, Annette, alcoholic. This is my first time commenting in an online discussion group. The topic and this being my first time coincide - speaking out in public is one of my biggest fears. I've heard that if you pray why worry and if you worry why pray? I believe that God has not brought me this far (5 years sober this past April) to leave me now. If I ask for help with my fears and issues He always takes care of them - in His time. Thank you for being here to be another support in my recovery.
Member: JanetD Alcholic
Location: Ventura Co. Ca.
Time: 1:07:50 AM
Does anybody know of a chat room for Alcoholics? I surely coul use one on one chat.
Member: Vince C.
Location: Portland, OR
Time: 1:34:54 AM
Hi everyone, I am Vince and I am an alcoholic. New also to online AA. I have been browsing for the last hour or so, with an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I wnated to get invilved in a discussion group, but fear kept me from commenting. So I took the jump. And it is not so bad. At least not yet. My sponsor had told me that fear will happen, but just dont let it eat your lunch. Lately its been eating my lunch, particularly fear issues surrounding my job. They seem to paralyze me at time. I forget my experience with fear is that if I go ahead and take action in the face of my fear, nothing that I have ever feared has come to pass or has been anywhere near as bad as I think it will be. Mostly, things happen which are uplifting. It feels good typing this. Thanks.
Member: Kim S.
Time: 3:25:34 AM
Hi all! Alcoholic named Kim, here. Two acronymns for fear came to mind...Face Everything And Recover...or...F... Everything And Run. I choose the first one and just celebrated 5 years of sobriety this month, thanks to HP, AA, & lots of wonderful people like you on this board.
Time: 4:55:18 AM
http://www.alcoholismhelp.com/ to the person who was asking for a chat room you can find one at the address above. The bulletin boards aren't working too well there at the moment but the chat rooms are working fine.
Member: Ken C
Location: Winnipeg, (Friendly Manitoba) Canada - eh!
Time: 5:11:05 AM
In early sobriety, I was like many who feared what people might think of me, especially the oldtimers. Then one day I woke up. I realized that I had just as much right to be there as anyone else, and just as much right to speak my mind as anyone else. Sure I might make mistakes, but as long as they were honest ones, there was no need for me to crucify myself, and furthermore, there was no call for anyone else to do so either. My task then became one of trying to stay humble while at the same time standing up for myself.
Funny, now that my thinking and speech is mostly centered on the needs of others rather than myself, I rarely get critisized and come across with confidence. The confidence is not self-confidence, but rather the kind of confidence that comes from knowing that I am behaving in a manner which the God of my understanding would have me. This has been the answer to the fear problem for me for a very long time now.
Thanks for letting me share.
Love - Ken
Member: carol h
Time: 11:50:44 AM
Ken - My fear is that you'll go away and stop sharing! I get so much out of your comments.
My other fears have to do with recovery. I'm fearing that I can't do it alone (duh), but even more specifically, that I need a treatment program. And I fear that people will "find out" that I'm an alcoholic (duh, again). I've been blessed with so much, and I fear that pretty soon God will start to take it away unless I take action. And now I fear that I'm going to start crying right here at my desk at work.
Member: Sue M
Time: 5:58:36 PM
Hi everyone! My name is Sue and I am an alcholic. this is my first time online. i have been searching the web for the last few days looking for a discussion group. I was sober for 16 months and recently picked up on three occasions since April. I am too embarresed to go back to my regular meetings, but i know i need AA. I have been thinking about a drink all day but instead i am writing this. Thanks for being there! I feel better already just knowing that I am not alone
Member: Michael B.
Time: 6:28:10 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Thanks everyone for sharing! Welcome to the newcomers! Congrats Kim on 5 years--keep up the good work!
Fear is a feeling, along with anger, that dominated the first couple of years of my sobriety. I would often get angry because I would feel fear when there was absolutely no obvious reason that I was aware of for feeling this unpleasant emotion.
Thank God, I didn't drink and continued to listen to the suggestions offered by more experienced AA's.
Member: Brett D
Time: 7:36:33 PM
Hi everyone my name is Brett D I am an alcoholic-addict. I am a member of the Cessnock group in Australia. I have been sober for 8.5 months. Image our co-founders how proud they would be to see this site where alcoholics from all over the world can have a meeting to think what a handful of man started has continued to grow stronger and helped so many of us. This is the first time I've been to this site so I will keep it short and keep looking thank you all for being here for without the members of AA I don't like to think where I would be. bye for now and keep coming back