Member: JJS
Location: PA
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 12:09:17
Hi! JJ here, grateful recovering alcoholic. I would like to hear from others on the topic of sponsorship. I sponsor a few people, and it has been a wonderful experience for me, but I always like to hear from those who have gone before me, or after me too! I also will be watching my sponsor move across country. I would like to hear from others about dealing with this also. I do have many others near me who I respect and admire. I am sure I could ask one of them, but part of me thinks my original sponsor will be okay. I can use the phone and email to talk to her as often as I do now. Please share your E,S,& H on this with me. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Brian K
Location: OH
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 14:32:32
Hi JJ, my name is Brian. Last year my sponsor moved about 5 hours away. I personally have been thru a few changes, moving from MN to OH 3 years ago and then my sponsor moving. You are right thru phone contact and e-mail you can do it!
Member: Heidi C.
Location: Lyle, WA
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 16:14:19
Hello! My name is Heidi. I'm an alcoholic and new to this virtual meeting. My first sponsor was a redhead who didn't tolerate any bs and was a vital part of my early recovery. I've been asked to sponsor several friends in other online meetings. Call me old-fashioned; it just isn't the same. My current sponsor seldom checks her email; hence I still call her once in a week or two. I love participating in another online group comprised of nearly international alcoholics/drug addicts and make it a daily "ritual" to connect with them. It's a great way to get the day started! Thanks for listening.
Member: donna m
Location: va.
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 17:01:14
Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, Massachusetts, USA
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 17:05:13
Steve F., alcoholic.
I don't know anything about sponsorship, because I am only 4 months sober and don't have one. If anyone wants to share for me some tips on how to get a sponsor, I would appreciate it. Thanks.
Member: Donna M.
Location: Harrisonburg, Va.
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 17:09:31
Hi I'am Donna, I had a very good sponser that I got very close to and she relapes, It was very hard for me, but I knew I had better get someone else soon. and I did I have to have someone close to me that I 'am able to talk to on a daily base Thanks for letting me share
Member: Tacey C.
Location: Arizona
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 17:57:04
Hi. My name is Tacey and I'm an alcoholic. I suppose that sponsorship is as important as any other AA topic. I know that when I first got here, they/you told me to get a sponsor. They told me I didn't have to like her but I needed to respect her and want what she had. I got one because I didn't want to get drunk. She was good for me. She talked to me about her God and made me call her every day so I began to open up to her. She became my friend and we are still friends. She lives in California still (where I got sober) and I live in Arizona. We talk on the phone about every other week. We know each other very well and I love her very much. I have always had a sponsor or was looking for one. Moves make it a new adventure into willingness. In order to have a sponsor, you have to ask. The sponsor I use today has been my sponsor for almost 12 years. We talk on the phone and very rarely see each other. She has taken me through the steps more than once. I am a firm believer that only taking one 4th and 5th step in sobriety is erroneous. Yes, the tenth step is a daily inventory and a daily amends step. But, the book says, "...more will constantly be revealed to you and to us..."
I believe the purpose of a sponsor is to take you through the steps. A lot of other stuff happens during that process, but, that is the main purpose. So, when choosing a sponsor, my suggestion is that it be the same gender, be someone who has worked the steps and talks about the steps, someone who has some sobriety, and someone who laughs. Once you have found a sponsor, asked and been accepted, use them. Get to know them. Start utilizing their knowledge and wisdom for one thing--working the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. And, don't put them on a pedestal. They are human, just like you. Also, IMHO, don't get more than one sponsor. It's fine and necessary to have a support system, but, don't confuse the issue. A sponsor isn't necessarily going to be your best friend. A sponsor is someone who has walked before you and has built a foundation based on the steps and traditions to share with you. Good sponsors won't even give you advice. Instead, they'll help you look at your choices and options. And, they'll always take the focus off the problem and put it back on the solution. The best sponsors will always lead you back to looking at your part in the situation. That's one reason why most of us don't always like our sponsors.
Sorry I got carried away there. The most important deal with sponsorship is that you have one and use them. Everything else is learned through experience. Hang in there and, please, keep coming back.
Member: richard, m
Location: sarasota
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 19:39:57
i am an alcoholic , my name is richard . Sooner or later we need to rely on the program, instead of an individual in the program ! We have a life time of fellowship regardless of where we are and nothing works better than working with another alcoholic !!! We dare not be so presumptuous, as to ask some one else to "carry us for the rest of our lives " As always ,there is our well known and used pamphlet, "Questions and Answers on Sponsership "
Member: Terri R.
Location: Texas
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 22:10:29
I'm Terri and I've been sober almost 4 years. I had almost 7 years and relapsed. Sponsorship is crucial. Anyway, I'm thinking of soliciting stories for a recovery book. What are your opinions on this? If interested, send your stories to redywrite@aol.com. I'm a freelance writer and would like to get this book published. I think it would be good for the increasingly large number of young people coming into the program. I'm 33 and I know when I came in at 22 I I wished there had been some young stories out there in book form. Would like feedback on this.
Member: Sue G,
Location: Washington
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 22:25:00
Hi, I'm Sue and I am an alcoholic. I can't add much to what Tacey has said except that I feel that a sponsor should not be chosen in haste. I think it takes attending meetings and truly listening to and talking with people to see if that is a person that we can open up to and feel confident that they will keep what I tell them in confidence. I also strongly feel that it is important to find someone that will show us the steps and will not pamper use, but one that is a good listener and has empathy. I know for me it would not have worked for me if I had chosen a sponsor that acted like a dictator or demanded things of me that were not possible for my given circumstance. Maybe for some that kind of forced discipline may work, I don't know. Trading the slavery to alcohol for slavery to a sponsor would not be a workable situation. I have good sponsor and we are able to communicate with one another in a civil and loving manner and because of that I am able to be open with her. I don't fear telling her things. I don't need another fear to deal with and my sponsor does not reflect that type of attitude. I think I have told my sponsor things I have never told anyone else and I would not have been able to do that if I feared her reaction and a forced course of action.
Member: Dave W.
Location: Amherst, Mass.
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 22:40:35
Hello, everybody, my name's Dave and I'm an alcoholic. I'm grateful to be here sober tonight by the grace of God. I have a sponsor, and have worked through the 12 steps with him "officially" one time. I also currently have two sponsees. As of now I have a 100% success rate - I haven't had a single relapse. For me, being sponsored was mostly about learning to trust another human being. When I was actively drinking, I could not be trusted - with money, with secrets, with anything. As a result, I thought everyone was like me, and couldn't be trusted. Thankfully, I now know this to be false. Many people CAN be trusted - and my sponsor is the only one to have heard my entire inventory (step 5) both good and bad. For me, this was the ultimate test of my faith. As of now, after more than 5 years sobriety, not one A.A. has betrayed my trust - and I've kept theirs, too. So, having a sponsor helped me. I hope I can be as helpful to those I sponsor.
Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 23:38:09
Sponsorship for me, is the most vital part of my recovery. I cannot do this thing alone, and sometimes need a little (lot) of help. My sponsor does not advise, merely holds the light whilst I do the digging. I have become closer to my current sponsor more recently, due to the breakdown of my marriage. I have also been greatly helped by my sponsees, of which there are 3, I will not sponsor any more than this, since I have to feel that I have plenty of time to give each of my sponsees, and I found that if I sponsor more than this, My time gets too taken up with AA - Service - Sponsorship, etc. and then I get resentful, so a couple of years ago, I took 18months out of service, except for the 3 sponsors which I now still have. Each of my sponsees are now sponsors themselves, so the chain is quite strong. I was always told, when looking for a sponsor, ask if you can visit their home, see how they live in the 'real' world. Ask if they have done all of the steps, and which areas of service they are particularly interested in. Who is their sponsor, and how often do they meet f2f?? Not always possible, from the sound of it for some people, and others even have internet 'sponsors'. I do not believe this would work for me, but this is just my own opinion. I have a knack of letting people think I am doing OK, in letters and phone calls, but my body language is a dead giveaway!! My sponsor and I get together at the very least once a month for a good talk, and if not weekly, I see her every two weeks at a meeting. Myself and the other 3 sponsors have a day out and have lunch together on a monthly basis, and next month sees the AA birthdays of 3 of us, and the belly-button B'Day of the other, so we will be celebrating all of them together. If it is not possible to meet this regularly, for anyone looking for a sponsor, do not worry, you will find your own solution. I firmly believe that when the student is willing, the teacher will arrive. I do not advocate a weekly phone call from my sponsees (some sponsors here insist upon it - I don't) I prefer to let them use their own initiative, though I will get in touch with them, before two weeks has elapsed, just in case they are sitting on something uncomfortable. I also copy the staying cyber site meetings to floppy disk, and when full, send it to the sponsees who are not on-line. Always make sure that your sponsor is sponsored, as if they are not, they are playing God. AND, of the same sex. This really is one of my pet discussions. I never sponsor men, nor do any of my sponsees. My sponsor, on the other hand DOES sponsor one man, who is gay, so maybe that would make a difference, since there is no risk of infatuation/sex rearing it's ugly head. If your sponsor is not willing to take late-night/early morning calls, find one who is. My worst nightmares always came alive in the middle of the night, and thank God, I had a list of numbers from people who said, "Ring me anytime" and meant it. I always tell my sponsees, "If you can't sleep, make sure I don't sleep either" Nights are very long and very lonely when you are trying to solve all of your problems at once!! When looking for a sponsor, read the Q&A on sponsorship leaflet, as already mentioned earlier. And as for when do I get a sponsor? As soon as you want to get well, as the sponsor will take you through steps 1-3, then talk you into 4/5. Same sex sponsors are a must for me, again, not all would agree, but I know how to talk to men to get my own way, and I usually manage to fool them!!! Another woman knows this, and can see when I am lying, or holding something back, providing she can see the colour of my eyes.
I e-mail to many people from this site, and find it helps me greatly, and I have sure broadened my AA family circle since finding this site, but I would not agree to 'sponsor' anyone over the net. I will e-mail as often as you wish, and share ESH, but for me sponsorship is far too important to be half-measured. I need to see you f2f in order to know when the alcoholism is depriving me of the truth, and I have sat up for hours with a sponsee, trying to find the problem (I usually know long before they do what the real problem is, but I like it to come from them, since the truth will set them free. I am here right now because of insomnia, and I could go on forever about sponsorship, but I will leave the good stuff to others. I always post my e-mail address, for anyone to use, and I have 'met' a lot of new friends that way, and I thank you all for being here for this raving insomniac, tonight.
Goodie@tesco.net
Member: Pete E
Location: NY
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 23:50:16
Pete, alcoholic. It's nice to see some experienced and well thought comments on this topic,probably because I aggree with them, and something that Terry C mentioned really hit the mark. That is that a sponsor's role is to take a sponsee through the steps. Or,as I've come to understand it, to show how he got sober and how he stays sober one day at a time. And if the 12 steps isn't how he/she has accomplished this, then we're not talking about AA. I have tried many other ways to stay sober- love(my concept of it anyway), drugs, money, possessions(see"love"), having kids, more work, self-will, and every combination of the above, etc. I've battled this illness for the last 15 years, and until I came to AA, jumped in with both feet and worked the steps with the guidance of someone who had been there before, I could not stay sober. Some folks can seem to stay sober without doing all of those things. That's none of my business. I cannot afford to do something that might work. I need to do something that does work. And AA does.I can get much of the same guidance at meetings as I do from my sponsor in certain areas, but there are certain things that are simply not appropriate to bring up at a meeting. That's why it's so important to have a person who knows you intimately(for lack of a better word),whom you trust, to take these kinds of things to. My sponsor of four years is moving out of state in 2 weeks. I still intend to keep him as my sponsor- email, telephone, etc.- but,like meetings, I still need face to face sponsorship.
I am currently sponsoring three other men and doing exactly as my sponsor did and continues to do with me: showing them how I got sober and stay that way. With each of these gentlemen, I repeated exactly what my sponsor said to me on the fist day we started reading the BB (from the beginning!):"If I ever give you an instruction that I can't be backed up by what is in this book, then you had better find a new sponsor because I am not doing my job." He has never once failed to meet that commitment.Thank God for AA. Thanks for letting me share.
Pete
Member: John H.
Location: Huron s.d.
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 00:52:08
John H Grateful alcoholic Iam new to sybersorbiety all Ican say is get a sponser. Ive tried to do it alone and ended up drunk. You can always "change" sponsers but really listen frist.
Member: Jean J.
Location: California
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 01:02:32
I'm new to all of this, but not new to drinking. Not ready to say I'm the *a* word, but went to my first two meetings this weekend and found them very helpful. I like that AA is open to those with the desire to stop. That I have.
Trying to make my way - 48 hours without a drink and it has been harder than I thought.
Thank you all for being out there in cyberspace.
Member: andrewb
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 01:03:46
I'm Andrew and I'm an alcoholic. After nineteen years I am again looking for a sponsor. A friend of mine and I have decided to co-sponsor each other because we have been through the Steps a number of times, and think that at this stage in our recovery what we really need is a 'sounding board' - someone to talk to for those subjects that are perhaps not suitable or too complicated for an open meeting. This is a great site! Glad I have found it. I edit our local newsletter, so would like permission to download and publish some of these comments. Would that be okay?
Member: Cher449
Location: Maine-iac
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 01:50:29
Hi all..Cherie, alcoholic Maine-iac.....Jean J...welcome aboard. I couldn't say the word alcoholic when I first attended meetings cause it had too many syllables. hahaha and I was still drunk fdor a long time in meetings.. I had a hard time putting the drink down..but the miracle finally happened over 3 years ago...On sponsorship----I believe the first "sponsor" one should get is a "friend" to go to meetings with and plug in to AA in your area. Here in Maine we call them "temporary sponsors" or "temporary contact people". Their job is to take the newcommer to as many meetings in 90 days as possible and introduce them to many people. There was a woman I really hated when I first started going to meetings...and today she is my primary sponsor and has helped me through many things in my sobriety...I couldnt love her more than I do today. I know that early in sobriety I was so confused and needed to ask questions...My temporary sponsor helped me to get the answers to how AA works and what things mean. All those slogands and sayings sheesh...it was a foreign language to me...I needed to know that others were just as confused as I was too. Go to a ton of meetings and identify with what you hear and soon enough you will find that special lperson who makes sense to you. Sponsors and sponsees help each other stay sober...so remember not to put your sponsor on a pedestal...he/she is just another drunk trying to stay sober a day at a time..... Welcome aboard and good luck!!! thanks for letting me post tonight....sorry for the length.........Cher
Member: Ardis M.
Location: So. Cal. Mountains
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 03:47:17
Ardis, sober alcoholic. Amen to what Tacey C. Az. had to say. A) My sponsor told me also to keep rowing the invisible AA canoe, and life would surely improve, (do the action and the result will follow) … she was just there to tell me that I had my oars upside down! B) Another one was: I could borrow her Higher Power and her program until I found my own, as hers had a lot of free time. C) The most I admire her for is: I see the defiance in your eyes Ardis. Okay, put my advice in your back pocket and try it YOUR way first, when it does not work then you can try it MY way. Of course I always ended up doing it her way, as my way brought me into AA for help in the first place. How can one not love her? Pain she was!
Member: Kathy F
Location: Iowa
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 13:46:53
My name is Kathy and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.
Sponsorship was essential to me when I was new in AA. I didn't know how to live without alcohol and didn't even know how to act around people. I found a wonderful lady from my home group to be my sponsor and she guided me through the 12 steps. She also took on the role of mother for me... she taught me how to act in public by her example. I never had much of a relationship with my other - although she was around she didn't teach me how to be a "lady" my sponsor helped me to fill in those holes.
To me a sponsor should be someone of the same sex, has 2 yrs sober, worked the steps, attends meetings regularly, and has something you want in recovery.
My sponsor has since moved out of state. And I don't talk as much with her as I use to, but I have filled that with some good friends in AA who know everything about as does my sponsor and are there when ever I need them. I would ask one of them to be my new sponsor, but right now can't choose between the two that mean the most to me.
I've only sponsored one person - who has since gone back out. I can tell you though, that the time I sponsored her my program became even stronger - I read double just to keep my readings up and re-read what I was asking her to read. I don't get much opportunity to sponsor people in these parts. I stick to smaller meetings because they are better for me, but I'm young (27 on Fri.) with 8 yrs. in... most people that come into AA at my meetings are in their 30's and are looking for someone older (and most of them are men anyway)
Member: John L.
Location: Western NY
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 14:03:29
Is there anyone here from western NY. I ask this because I need to get myself to an aa meeting but I can't sem to do it. My guess is there probably isn't anyone from my area which is Batavia, NY
Member: John L.
Location: WNY
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 14:05:17
In any case my e-mail is jl6574@brockport.edu
Member: Paul A.
Location: Fairfield, CT
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 16:16:52
Paul, alcoholic ... 5 years sober, first time posting here. Lots of good things here! I used to call my sponsor only once or twice a month since I saw him at meetings 5 nights a week, but that changed a year ago. He had a surgical mishap and is now paralyzed from the chest down. Living in a retirement home now, he doesn't get out to my meetings very often, so I finally found myself forced to pick up the phone 3-4 times a week as well as visiting him on Saturdays. I found if I don't keep my sponsor involved in my recovery, it makes it so much easier to slide back towards a drink.
Like others have said, Tacey C first, the main job of a sponsor is to give away the steps. That is my primary focus with men I sponsor, just like that's what my sponsor focused on when I came in. The only other thing I can think to add is that I have to give it away exactly as I received it. If I try to add my own "improvements", no matter how well-intentioned, I only risk screwing up the program for the next guy. And if ever I question what my sponsor tells me, I refer to the Big Book. I can trace my sponsorship line directly back to Bill W., so the words of my great-great-grandsponsor also serve as a guide.
Member: Camo
Location: deep South
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 16:39:10
EZ questionnaire to see if you need a sponsor:
1. Do you have a sponsor?
If you answered no to any of the above, you need a sponsor. Get one.
That is how it was explained to me and I believe it. My sponsor had a habit of telling me just what I wanted to not hear, but was usually right on target. I have moved far from home and have burned several long distance cards up calling because I do not yet have that kind of closeness with any of my AA contacts here, but I am still calling and looking for one of those mean, big book thumping, old-time sponsors. Having one saved my hide more than once, and once I started doing what my sponsor suggested we became close friends as well.
Have a sober and happy 24 y'all!
Member: Becky C.
Location: Atlanta
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 17:54:17
Hi. I'm Becky and I'm an alcoholic. This topic seems to keep coming about for me lately and it's one that has presented me with quite the stumbling block. I only have 4 months of sobriety and find myself without a sponsor as the one I had did something that I don't think is okay. She wanted me to retain her as my financial advisor (this is what she does for a living) and this felt all wrong to me. Am I correct in believing that this is a serious conflict of interest? It really made me uncomfortable and I started to stay away from meetings that we both go to because I received a pretty chilly response from her when I said I did not want to do financial business with her. I finally sent her a note today to let her know why I have not called her. She has not contacted me either since I declined to hire her. I guess my contribution to this topic is that for me business and sponsorship don't mix. I've also found that I face having to get another sponsor and I'm feeling a little reluctant to repeat a bad experience. I guess I must trust and just do it.
Good topic. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Bill W
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 18:23:24
Hi friends, Bill, alcoholic. A lot of good advice here on sponsoship. I was told right from the beginning to get a sponsor. Didn't know what was meant so listened a lot. One member said that even if you do not like someone but you want what they have then ask them to sponsor you. Be prepared to go to any length to get and maintain sobriety. A further suggestion is to have two sponsors, just in case one move, becomes ill or is away on holiday. Just anadditional safety net. John L, Batavia, call the nearest AA office and ask for help. The time and effort taken to make that call could well save you a life of misery. This is a good topic and I am going to stay tuned and read what others have to say.
Member: Kathy F
Location: Iowa
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 19:20:20
My name is Kathy and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.
John L - try posting your message in the coffee pot... not sure where in NY, but there are some in there from your state... also try the following site for information on NY meetings... http://www.aa.org/ny.html
Member: JCP
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 21:46:34
J here, a grateful alcoholic, trying to look up "sponsor" in the Big Book. Got a reference?
Know the difference between a sponsor and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist! (My reference on that is another dismayed pigeon like I was.)
I am not sure my sponsor remembers, he has sponsored quie a few -- we used to sit around talking AA in a cafe after meetings (sure, it filled a little bit of my bar craving, so what). He's still my best friend in AA, I think. Don't think I'll ask if he remembers -- he might start giving orders!
You can take all this with a grain of salt because I never said I did it "right." Sit up front with the "winners"? They looked exclusive, not to mention smug. I sat in back with the "losers" -- some of whom I still see now and then, thanks I'm sure to AA and not ourselves, nor to those smarty-pants "winners" down front, either. WE won too!
Dozens have helped shape my program, most of whose last names I may not remember on sight. Yet in no sense did any sponsor ever remotely resemble a "professional contact" -- it is a friendly hand or nothing.
Gratitude now is fact, not sentiment -- to AA, without which no power had anything to work on in me.
It is a profound topic, which brings to mind one more slogan:
First Things First.
dixyflier@adelphia.net
Member: Eileen H.
Location: Flushing, NY
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 22:45:22
Hello, I'm Eileen and I'm a grateful, recovering alocoholic. I've read just about all that was in the comments today. Jean J. and Becky C. PLEASE don't EVER say "I only have" "x" amount of time. 24-hours is all we'll ever have. I've been sober for 73 days and that's a miracle to me. I, too, felt that the best way to find a sponsor was to go to a lot of meetings, listen, talk to people, etc. Find that person that you feel will be the "best" sponsor for you. I tried AA in 1996, had a sponsor then. As it turned out, I wasn't quite ready to accept the fact that I was an alcoholic. I did relapse and did not consult my sponsor. In the interim, that sponsor relapsed!! After all, we are all alcoholics. We are all just one drink away from going right back where we came from. I came back to AA in April and I found a woman that I asked to be my sponsor. It would have worked perfectly except for the fact that every night I called my sponsor at the appointed time but they were too busy to talk to me. Well, I'm still looking for a sponsor. In the meantime, I have found a few VERY good women to talk to re AA and they have helped me through the nights that I needed a drink so desperately I could think of nothing else.
Yes. Having a sponsor is critical. I am sure that I will find one. In the interim, I am using my network that I have built by going to meetings, I call people when the desire to drink hits me, I rat it out at every meeting I go to, too. I know I'm an alcoholic. I know that thinking of drinking is what I will contend with. I also know that if I don't call someone I'm playing with fire . . . and I don't want to get burned!!
All of the above comments were so good. Thank you everyone for sharing. I'm so fortunate to have AA. I was very happy to have gotten a commitment (secretary) for the next six months. And I need, and am actively seeking my sponsor. I totally agree, your sponsor is someone that should be called every single day. If all is well . . . then you say to them . . . all is well. Bye, call you tomorrow. BUT. When all is NOT well, you will have developed the habit of calling every day . . . and therefore, you should not have too much trouble calling to say "HELP ME". Let's face it. It's just too, too easy to pick up a drink. When that all consuming desire hits . . . not having a sponsor is dangerous!!! Sometimes we just don't have the mental capactity to "think it through".
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Randy S.
Location: Longview, Texas
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 23:10:08
Hi,
My name is Randy and from Longview, Texas. Kathy, just try again, perhaps you guys just got your "wires" crossed. Sounds like her feelings are hurt and, if possible, I would try to explain in person to her (God, I hate that...I MUCH prefer notes...but has not ever done me any good, that I can remember) as you will see her again, if you stick around. I have 3 months, this time, and I have actually done a 4th and 5th this time! It actually helps to work the steps, rather than analyze, discuss or read them! I came in in 1985 and it took me this long to find this out. Can you believe it. My next step was a locked mental institution and I "died" this time outside of an Emergency Room waiting for a ride home from a nervous business partner and friend. Man, I died. Thank God. Hope that I can keep doing this one day at a time, now. And only one day at a time. I am happier about these 3 months than I ever was about the 4 years I made it last time. And so very grateful. Funny, when I began not to care what you folks at AA thought of me and began to ONLY care about sobriety, you all got alot nicer. Yea, I was (am) not selfcentered at all.....yea, right. Pray for me, and I for you. Thanks and will continue to check this out for a while to see how it is.
Sponsorship, JCP, (could not tell if you were serious or not about not finding it) is not mentioned in the Big Book, but is in the 12/12. By the way, I have one primary sponsor but keep in daily or every other day with 2-5 other men. But I don't go looking for another answer from them other than what my primary sponsor gives....
As I am sure you all have heard, "the sponsor's primary job is to keep the newcomer busy, until the program begins to work in their life".....hmm. Mine sure kept me busy and still does. Though now I am finally in action, I am slowed down to the 10th, 11th and 12th. PS.....I pretty much had the first 3 down during my off and on ten years.....the famous AA 3 step waltz, I am told. But the first step was never really real to me, until now. I always looked at my periods of non-drinking and never at my periods of drinking. I was "different" than you all. ha. I prefered to be a "drug addict" as I did not, at all, like the emotional baggage that came with "alcoholic", at least for me. Hey, guess what? I am an alcoholic. Randy is an alcoholic. Sorry, just want to say that as much as I can, for me to hear and read it. Boy, I AM crazy. Enough. Will check in now and then.
Randy randys2@worldnet.att.net
Member: Randy S.
Location: Longview, Texas
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 23:10:27
Hi,
My name is Randy and from Longview, Texas. Kathy, just try again, perhaps you guys just got your "wires" crossed. Sounds like her feelings are hurt and, if possible, I would try to explain in person to her (God, I hate that...I MUCH prefer notes...but has not ever done me any good, that I can remember) as you will see her again, if you stick around. I have 3 months, this time, and I have actually done a 4th and 5th this time! It actually helps to work the steps, rather than analyze, discuss or read them! I came in in 1985 and it took me this long to find this out. Can you believe it. My next step was a locked mental institution and I "died" this time outside of an Emergency Room waiting for a ride home from a nervous business partner and friend. Man, I died. Thank God. Hope that I can keep doing this one day at a time, now. And only one day at a time. I am happier about these 3 months than I ever was about the 4 years I made it last time. And so very grateful. Funny, when I began not to care what you folks at AA thought of me and began to ONLY care about sobriety, you all got alot nicer. Yea, I was (am) not selfcentered at all.....yea, right. Pray for me, and I for you. Thanks and will continue to check this out for a while to see how it is.
Sponsorship, JCP, (could not tell if you were serious or not about not finding it) is not mentioned in the Big Book, but is in the 12/12. By the way, I have one primary sponsor but keep in daily or every other day with 2-5 other men. But I don't go looking for another answer from them other than what my primary sponsor gives....
As I am sure you all have heard, "the sponsor's primary job is to keep the newcomer busy, until the program begins to work in their life".....hmm. Mine sure kept me busy and still does. Though now I am finally in action, I am slowed down to the 10th, 11th and 12th. PS.....I pretty much had the first 3 down during my off and on ten years.....the famous AA 3 step waltz, I am told. But the first step was never really real to me, until now. I always looked at my periods of non-drinking and never at my periods of drinking. I was "different" than you all. ha. I prefered to be a "drug addict" as I did not, at all, like the emotional baggage that came with "alcoholic", at least for me. Hey, guess what? I am an alcoholic. Randy is an alcoholic. Sorry, just want to say that as much as I can, for me to hear and read it. Boy, I AM crazy. Enough. Will check in now and then.
Randy randys2@worldnet.att.net
Member: Randy S.
Location: Texas
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 23:15:57
Can an alcoholic follow simple posting instructions? Guess not I. Hope I follow AA suggestions better than that. Sorry.
Member: Susy D
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 23:22:42
Hi. My name is Susy, and I'm a very grateful alcoholic. I asked the men at my home group which woman they thought would make the best sponser for me and they pointed me to the best in the whole wide world. She gives me space, with the condition that I promise to call if I need to. I see her at least once a week, and she even pops in on me at work. I was never close to women and did not even know how to do the girly things that girls do. She picked me up, dusted me off and took me places. She has become my dearest friend and confidant. Plus her AA birthday is 9 years and 1 day before mine so we can really celebrate together. She taught me everything I needed to know to learn about AA. And, she doesn't let me forget that I'm never done. I truly do love her, and my husband does too. Thank God for sponsers!!
Member: Marcia R
Location: Portland, Oregon
Date: 21 Jun 1999
Time: 23:40:27
Hi I'm Marcia ,alcoholic. Thank You for this meeting and topic. I have been inand out of the program for many years. I have had many sponsors. I came to Oregon so I could breath leaving the mountains of Colorado, and all my groups, meetings, and good AA folks. I met my new sponsor (of almost lyear) at this very special meeting. I knew right away she had what I wanted ie: easy goin, comfortable in her own skin, always smiling and being helpful and friendly, so she is a real "God Shot" for me and I know I am so blessed to have her. We talk almost every day and she never acts bossy which is a problem I had with most women. We laugh and my soberity is so much better with her. I hope someone who hasnt asked someone to be their sponsor will be encouraged by this meeting, thankyou my sponsor, love Marsharizz@aol.com
Member: Rita F
Location: New Jersey
Date: 22 Jun 1999
Time: 00:16:38
Hi I'm Rita alcoholic. I've been sober since 1989 and have had a few sponsors. I have tried it without a sponsor and found out when I was absolutely miserable that I couldn't do it myself. My best advice is to stick with the winners. Find someone that is in the program a long time. Remember it takes at least 5 years to get your brains out of hock. I honestly feel if you get a sponsor that is not sobor at least five years they are still trying to get themselves together. My sponsor is sobor 17 years and the one before her was sober 14 years when she passed away.I don't agree with getting someone that you don't really like you just respect. I love my sponsor she is one of the first people I met when I came in the program. She is one of my best friends. She loves me like no one else ever has, and she is always there for me.
Member: mickey G
Location: louisville,ky
Date: 22 Jun 1999
Time: 00:36:41
I just celebrated 15 years sober and i dont like to sponser people because i am Dont know what to say the last guy i sponsered i fired him cause i think he can get some one better than me
Member: SHAWNA L.
Location: PLACERVILLE,CA
Date: 22 Jun 1999
Time: 04:45:55
Hi!I,m Shawna,alcoholic.What a wonderful topic.I just moved to california 4 months ago from Louisville,Kentucky and I left behind a wonderful,strong,and hard nose sponser and agreat support system of friends like MICKEY G!It is very difficult to be away from these people,exspecially my sponser.I just got a card in the mail from her wishing me and my new baby well and reminding me what this alcoholic needs to do.See that's how this all works.No matter how far away,and no matter how long we are gone,GOD always put's little reminders in our lives.I've had the privledge of sponsering afew ladies and they indeed helped me tremendously,probably more so thanI helped them.I believe that sponsership is of grave important's for us.It goes with the saying:IN ORDER TO KEEP WHAT YOU'VE GOT,YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT AWAY!!! MICKEY G HAPPY BIRTHDAY! WISH I COULD OF BEEN THERE. I LOVE YOU!!!SHAWNA e-mail me at:darbs@ix.netcom.com
Member: Dorothy H
Location: Illinois
Date: 22 Jun 1999
Time: 11:03:18
Hi, I'm Dorothy. I am an alcoholic in the Program of AA. This is my first communication on the Net. I'm continuously sober (thanks to God) since March 1988. Thanks for being there for me. I couldn't have stayed sober by myself.
Member: "Yawn"
Location: Auburn, CA
Date: 22 Jun 1999
Time: 11:31:59
My name is "Yawn", and I'm an alcoholic/addict. With only a little over 5 months, I'm not so sure I'm ready to sponser somebody. I've done the steps and I'm doing what is suggested. But I know the clarity willn't come for some time. I think this is important if you are going to sponser somebody, at least for me it is. However, I would like to be a temporary sponser, that way I can get a feel for the process.
At first I was so scared about getting a sponser. Now I've came to realize that that was one of the smartest things I've done in my life. I got lucky and found somebody that works well with me. Through the grace of God, my sponser saved me from throwing my life away during a very dark time while in sobriety.
Thank you God and AA for letting me share.
Member: Rachael M.
Location: St. Pete, FL
Date: 22 Jun 1999
Time: 12:21:22
Hi everyone. I'm Rachael and I'm an alcoholic. I remember the first time I sponsored someone-I was nine months sober and scared to death. But that was only because I had the wrong idea about what I was supposed to be doing. I thought it was my job to keep this person sober whether they wanted to be or not. I don't know how I got that idea because my sponsor never once told me (or showed me that). Anyway I quickly learned that I am only to be "a close-mouthed trusted friend" as it says in the book. Working with others helps me when nothing else does and no drug I ever took has given me the kind of high (spiritually) that sponsorship and service work has. Every time I pray and ask God to give me something to get out of myself, someone asks me to sponsor them. Even when I specify to God that I absolutely DO NOT want to sponsor anyone, thats what He gives me. Probably because God knows alot more than I. And the experiences have not been bad. There is always a good result from sponsoring. Thanks for the topic.
Member: sandyd
Location: georgia
Date: 22 Jun 1999
Time: 19:57:54
HELLOEVERYONE,IDONOTLIKESAYINGI'AMAN
ALCOHOLICBECAUSEIDRANKINTHEPAST.ILIKE
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COUPLEOFHOURSIWASHOSPITALIZED.NEVER
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THE19THOFDEC.DOCTORSTOLDFAMILYANDFRIENDS
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ANDSAYTHOSEWORDSYES.HETRIEDTOOPENMYEYES.
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BELIEVEIT.IHAVEBEENSOBER6MONTHSNOWALMOST
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SEEITISREALHARDTOWALKORSITMYLEGSAREJUSTWEEK
.IAMSTILLUNDERDOCTORSCAREANDTHATANTIDEPRESS
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GIVEMESLEEPINGPILLSNONADICTIVETOHELPSLEEP,ALSO
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depriest@worldnet.att.netthankyousandy
Member: Duane M.
Location: Auburn N.Y.
Date: 22 Jun 1999
Time: 22:13:05
Good evening family,my name is Duane and I am a real alcoholic. I am one who found it hard to ask for help.I mean it's all in black and white.All the answers are in the Big Book,cross referenced with the 12&12... easy.One little problem ME.I was very good sponsering myself always heard what I wanted to hear.Even when it came to picking up the first after 5 years.Today I am almost 5 months and I have two sponsers who tell me what I need to hear.I also talk to them more than I have anyone during the first few years.I might not always take their advice at first but I never get an I told you so from them when my way don't work.It's a tad bit easier when you have E,S,&H. Getting a sponser is just another suggestion which one of my sponsers says suggestions are damn well betters. Jonn L., I am sure if you can get to one F2F, the group will have a meeting list.I am from central N.Y. and travel to different mtgns. so maybe someday we'll meet. thanks for letting me share.
Member: Elaine L.
Location: Arlington Heights,IL
Date: 23 Jun 1999
Time: 00:09:23
Hi, I'm Elaine and I'm a sober alcoholic. Sponsorship is one of the tools of AA that has been very important in improving the quality of my life. The Big Book promises we can be happy, joyous and free. That means a lot more than not drinking alcoholic or doing drugs. My sponsor can see my situation more clearly than I can since she's not in the middle of it.
I think it's great to have some guidelines about how to get a sponsor: same sex, completed the twelve steps, respect (maybe even like) her, she'll take you through the twelve steps the way they are in the big book, and so on. I live in a suburb of Chicago, so there are literally hundreds of women to choose from. I know that in some communities, with fewer AA members, we can't always be so picky. I belive the important thing is to get one. We can change sponsors later, if we decide we need to. Having a sponsor is so important to me that I would travel to AA sponsored seminars and workshops to find someone if that were necessary.
Becky, I commend you for recognizing the inappropriate conduct of this woman in soliciting business from you while sponsoring you. Also, your attitude in looking for another sponsor because it's the right thing to do. As someone else mentioned, we are all alcoholics who are trying to improve our lives. Even among sponsors, we sometimes find inappropriate behavior. Going to several meetings a week and talking with other AA's can help us learn right from wrong and decide when we need to protect ourselves.
Thanks to whoever the techs are who keep this site running.
elainelabonte@home.com
Member: Frank
Location: North West NJ, USA
Date: 23 Jun 1999
Time: 00:32:11
Hi, Frank, real alcoholic. It took my last drunk to come to that conclusion. I had almost six years at one point. No sponsor, a death, few meetings, troubled relationship, anger & resentments and a bad accident led me to where I wanted to get drunk. No spirituality. It took some time to get back and stay here, so far.
I have a sponsor today who I "think" I can do without. I admit that we made progress over the past year since my last horrible drunk. He no longer has what I want except for physical sobriety. I do not respect the man nor his sponsor. The one thing they do have is time. One thing he offered to do was take me through the steps.
I need to move forward, going to meetings, talking to fellow aa's, in person and on the phone, staying involved with a home group and getting a sponsor to work steps. My former sponsor moved to Florida a while back. We have talked and written but for the most part we are out of touch. Life goes on.
I'm grateful for other people in my life who care and show it. Seeing and sharing makes a big difference in my day sober and my outlook on life.
Member: Paula D
Location: Canada
Date: 23 Jun 1999
Time: 00:45:41
Hi, I'm Paula, and I'm an alcoholic/addict. 2 very hard words for me to say. Probably because I hardly ever say them. I have been sober/clean for almost 3 years. I've been to meetings, very few. I use church fellowship for my meetings. Well, did. And sometimes do. I have gone to a meeting when I knew church just wouldn't cut it for me at that time. Whatever works, right? Well...one problem...I don't have a sponser! I want one, and desperately NEED one! I just thought after "time" things would just go away.HA! They don't! I am going to go to a meeting and I'm gona hunt me a sponser down. I want the recovery experience that I have been reading about tonight from all you guys! Thank you ALL for sharing, thank you, thank you sooooo much! I have never even done a step. How pathetic. I do however, have a boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs who is a recovering addict of 7 yrs, and I can relate to the knocking my head against a brick wall with his suggestions. And if it weren't for him, I would probably be using. I want more in MY recovery! And I believe there is more. Thank you "GOD" for this AA place you have brought me to tonight, thank you for this topic, thank you for all of the ME's out there.
Member: brie w
Location:
Date: 23 Jun 1999
Time: 04:27:20
i'm brie, an alcholic & dope fiend 18yrs clean and sober,i sponsor people by listening and making "suggestions" i also take people through the the steps, i've been called "tradition police" i believe without a sponsor it's like playing russian roulette with an automatic. the "ya buts" don't impress me. that i'm still here does. i have MS, my son died of crib death, & i've lost everthing repeatedly AND i am extremely greatful for my higher power,my sobriety and my attitude thanks for listen to my gibberish brie mpls mn
Member: Paula B.
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Date: 23 Jun 1999
Time: 07:54:30
Hi, I'm Paula and I am an alcoholic. My sponsor that I had moved away about a year ago to Calif. and I live in Ohio. We have communicated over the telephone and e-mail. I also have a sponsor now that lives where I live and I talk to both of them ona regular basis. I can not do this alone as so many of you guys have said. I tried that for many years and it never worked. My e-mail address is pburton@cinergy.com
Member: Caroline P
Location: Texas
Date: 23 Jun 1999
Time: 10:47:15
Sponsorship!
If you have not read the aapamphlet on "Sponsorship" lately, it is a very helpful tool in understanding what, exactly it is for!
I reminded the girls I sponsor that they would need to get another sponsor when I moved to Texas six months ago. One has found a good one, and the other is still looking.. I can not be there for them. I can not even get in the car and drive there overnight if there was a crisis. Luckily the one that does not have a sponsor can reach me via e-mail and by phone until she gets the right one.
I thought I would keep my sponsor for a while....unless I found someone here. My sponsor is not on line, so I thought I would just call her, since she is disabled, I thought she might be home a lot. So I tried her on the phone, and left messages.....and more messages....but she could not afford to call me, so she has written me many many letters. But the last time we set up a time for me to call, and we did not connect, she fealt really bad about it, and said that I deserve a local sponsor, and that it was very important. I was shocked, really. But now that I think about it, I wanted my sponsees to have a local sponsor, because I love them. Don't I deserve the same?
Adjusting to meetings here has been much harder than I thought it would be. I really miss having someone share their story at the begining of each meeting. I think it is much harder to get to know people here. It is hard for me to feel close to people when I know so little about them. So, I have had to change my program. I am using all of my aa books on a regular basis now. I am opening myself up to different ways of getting sober. I am becoming more open to different cultures and people. It has been good for me to change. Painful, but good. After 15 years of going to hundreds of meetings back in Rochester NY, I miss my friends, and I miss all of the great meetings there.
So, now I am going thru the steps with a group, and doing multiple 5th steps, to deflate my ego. I am learning a great deal about myself in this 4th step, because I am not home. I can see things I never would have been able to see because of my pride. I am doing the right thing, and it feels great. I am waiting for the right sponsor. For now, I have this group I am going thru the steps with, and a few People here with some time, and my friends on line from back home, and my sponsor, who still sends me letters - which makes me feel happy. Love those you sponsor, One Day At A Time - Caroline
Member: Chris C.
Location: Ottumwa, Iowa
Date: 23 Jun 1999
Time: 13:10:27
Thanks for sharing Caroline. Hi everybody, my name is Chris and I'm an alcoholic.
It seemed like everything that came out my sponsor's mouth was prefaced by "My sponsor said...." I didn't think he had an original thought in his head. Then he told me to pass IT on, IT being the program of AA, not the recovery of Chris C. We all do this a little bit differently and all he was telling me was to be sure that the people I sponsor get the benefit of the program as outlined in the Big Book and the 12x12.
My prayer for you is to have a sponsor like that. Thanks for letting me share. I'll pass.
Member: peggy t.
Location: southeast
Date: 23 Jun 1999
Time: 13:57:10
Hi, I'm Peggy and I am an alcoholic/addict. I've been to two meetings and haven't had a drink for thirty days now, although I have smoked some pot. Reading these comments has encouraged me to get a sponsor. I've got to stop thinking I can do this by myself. thanks.
Member: Dan A
Location: mn
Date: 23 Jun 1999
Time: 19:09:50
hi everyone im dan im an alcoholic/addict. I just got out of Hazelden and am newe to AA.I havent got a sponsor and have been to only 2 meetings. I know I need the program but am skeptical how to start
Member: Scott C.
Location: WV
Date: 23 Jun 1999
Time: 19:19:11
Hi I'm Scott and I am an alcoholic. An alcoholic without a sponsor is like a ship in the middle of the ocean without a rudder. There is no direction. The reason for a sponsor is to guide one through the steps. Also to get to know the person. To know what is happening in their life on a daily basis. But a sponsor is not a miracle worker,a banker, or a marriage counselor. It,s up to you if it works or not. If you are Honest with yourself, Willing to do what is asked of you, and keep an open mind then your on your way. And as for your sponsor moving away or going back out. If your were seeing a doctor for a life threating illness and he moved or died would you just give up or find another doctor.
Pass!
Member: Chris H.
Location: Colorado
Date: 23 Jun 1999
Time: 19:44:19
My name is Chris, and I am an alcoholic.
Okay, andrewb, regarding your comment, "I edit our local newsletter, so would like permission to download and publish some of these comments. Would that be okay?"
I know a great deal of true wisdom comes in and out of these rooms. I too have seen remarkable thoughts, and some were so important to my life, that I copied them down to disk and kept these pearls. However, I would not publish these pearls of God without specific permission. The program has established the Traditions to keep us sober, and as much as I'd like to spew a book of great AA, copying this meeting would appear to break with tradition.
People are free to speak their mind, in this quasi-public forum, with some semblance of anonymity. A safe environment is a key AA principle. However, If you post an e-mail and let people know that you like their words and would like to publish their stuff, if they grant you the right, I'm sure some might be happy to e-mail you their thoughts.
Steve F., you asked how to get a sponsor, well, my experience is to go to a FTF meeting, wait until the end and ask for one, and keep asking at meetings until you get one you can live with.
Tacey C., I liked what you said about needing to, "respect your sponsor and what she says...and I got one because I didn't want to get drunk. She was good for me. I believe the purpose of a sponsor is to take you through the steps. A lot of other stuff happens during that process, but, that is the main purpose. Good sponsors won't even give you advice. Instead, they'll help you look at your choices and options. And, they'll always take the focus off the problem and put it back on the solution. The best sponsors will always lead you back to looking at your part in the situation." My sponsor listens to my story, asks my part in it, and then helps me look at my options, as well. There are times he gives candid opinions, if he thinks I'm not paying attention, and sometimes the advice is very, very hard to take, as JCP says, "the difference between a sponsor and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist!"
Well, I believe that if my sponsor is coming from a God centered point of view, then what I get from him is, as Elaine L. said, the "promise to be happy, joyous and free." If something else happens, either I didn't listen right, which is usually the case, or he was just off, and that sometimes happens too.
My sponsor is also human, not God, and sometimes I take what he says with a grain of salt. I do know he cares about me, and if I did half of what he told me, I'm sure I would be a much better person. The truth is that I sometimes don't follow directions well, or because of self-will, I go it my own way and come back bruised.
Thanks Ardis M. I loved your comment that your sponsor said, "put my advice in your back pocket and try it YOUR way first, when it does not work then you can try it MY way." Ouch, so true!
I agree, Avril G., face to face meetings with my sponsor is essential!!!! E-mail is okay, phone mail is okay too, but your point is to the mark when you said, "I have a knack of letting people think I am doing OK, in letters and phone calls, but my body language is a dead giveaway!!" Yep, a sponsor can only help us solve real problems, if they really know what is going on.
Camo, you said, "My sponsor had a habit of telling me just what I wanted to not hear, but was usually right on target."
Yeah, no kidding, me too.
Becky C., you asked "Am I correct in believing that this is a serious conflict of interest?"
Yes, you are right, a sponsor is not a business deal. Just find a sponsor who doesn't present you with a covert motive for a relationship, and enjoy the growth. Good luck!
My HP, and eventually my gut tells me what is healthy, and if not, my sponsor does it for me, but in the end, the choice is mine. I am reminded that all things do happen in God's time, and I get the opportunity to witness the outcome, when the time is right.
Thanks for reminding me Rita F., "My best advice is to stick with the winners."
Member: Gloria J.
Location: Fl.
Date: 23 Jun 1999
Time: 23:55:29
Gloria J. here, alcoholic& addict. Thanks for all the great shares & for the topic. When I got sober, I was in the Army & had to change posts at 8 months sober, leaving my 1st sponsor behind. It was tough. Any major change is for one of us, particularly in early sobriety. But fortunately, she was a bigbook thumper and we had worked through the first 7 steps together before I left. That was in 1991. I'm still sober,about 4 moves and 5 sponsors later. I agree with those who said that a sponsor should mainly be a guide through the steps. I believe that the steps & having someone I trusted to take me through them is what saved my life. I have also sponsored a few myself(2 currently)and have learned more about myself through each experience, no matter how they turned out. I have a sponsor today, but ultimately God is my constant guide & friend, thanks to that 1st sponsor who helped me find the God of my own understanding. Thanks for being here& welcome to all the new people!
Member: Pete E
Location: NY
Date: 24 Jun 1999
Time: 00:41:25
Pete, alcoholic, Sorry for the double post folks
JOHN L- I live in your area. Happy to talk. "Meet" me in the Coffee Pot area of this site. No e-mail for me-business name, anonymity, etc.
Pete E
Member: Tim W
Location: Arizona
Date: 24 Jun 1999
Time: 00:44:51
Hi, My name is Tim W. By the grace of God,and a program called Alcoholics anonymous I have not found it necessary to take a drink since 7-14-80 and for that I am truly grateful. This is my first visit to a virtual meeting. How appropriate that I come here after starting through the book with a new "pidgeon" Please dont be offended by that term. My sponsor explained that we are pidgeons because we carry the message. Works for me. Nothing had a more profound effect on my recovery than my sponsor of the last 13 yrs. Nothing helps me keep grounded in a good spiritual space like working with another alcoholic. My last sponsor recently passed away, fortunatly I was prepared for that and had been keeping an ear open for a new sponsor. God has put another man in my life who will continue to guide me down the road of happy destiny. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Dianne R.
Location: Maryland
Date: 24 Jun 1999
Time: 01:56:23
Hi family. My name is Dianne and I am an alcoholic. I have 4 months of sobriety, but I had 1 year before a relapse. I relapsed because I did not have a sponsor. Now I do, and the difference is amazing. She is my female soulmate. However, I would like to share a problem that I have with another sponsorship. My husband is a devoted member of an Al-Anon group that is all women. I must say that they were a lifesaver when I was actively drinking. But he has developed an extremely close, bonding relationship with one woman in the group. It is not a sexual relationship and I have the utmost trust in him about that. But, this relationship is very emotionally intense. He has a secret email address and they correspond almost daily. I am uncomfortable with this situation, but he seems to not be at all sensitive to my feelings. Am I overreacting? Or as he says, "paranoid and neurotic." PLEASE -- HELP. I am desperate to get feedback. I have a secret email also that I just opened, if anyone wants to help me through email. The address is: dian52@hotmail.com. Thanks for letting me share!
Member: Jon
Location: NorCal
Date: 24 Jun 1999
Time: 05:46:51
Jon here, very much an alcoholic and on a hell of a dry drunk the past few months. I have a sponsor and an 'ex sponsor'. I check in with both of them regularly. My 'ex sponsor' is the guy that got me through the steps the first time. I COULD NOT lie to him while he was leading me through the steps. I suppose this is a miracle in itself. It has probably kept me sober ever since. He fired me as a sponsee because he felt that I needed to be working with someone with more maturity and better living skills. At this point, both of us are about equally irritable, restless, and discontent, but we aren't drinking and that gives us a chance we never had before. My current sponsor is successful, happily married, very religious and just not a chronic malcontent like me. It is harder to be completely honest with him. Mostly I lie to myself and then, when I've convinced myself, I try to convince him. He doesn't seem to worry too much about it. He just keeps reminding me that God loves me, that I'm only human, to go easy on myself and to pray. When I ask for advice from the two of them they usually tell me the same thing. The one who truly wierds me out is my sponsee. I got him through the steps, with the usual whining on his part, and now he just won't go away. I'm very depressed lately, a problem that I've had since before my first drink. I tend to magnify the problem by imagining that I'm not worthy to carry the message or something like that. I try to convince myself that I have nothing to offer him, but he just won't buy it. He keeps checking in with me. Letting me know that he's OK, and asking me how I'm doing. If I sound too morbid he usually yells at me, tells me how lucky I am and leaves me spluttering,"Well, yes, yes, of course." He forces me to look for the positive in myself.
Member: Jennifer S
Location: WNY
Date: 24 Jun 1999
Time: 08:07:14
John L. - we are neighbors! I'm 7 min. from Batavia. I'd be glad to take you to a meeting... or introduce you to male members of AA who will be more than happy to help.
Coincidence folks? I think not. Batavia is just a tiny speck on the map....
Sorry to be off-topic. Great comments on sponsorship. I have run into my share of difficulties with sponsors/sponsees, so I think it's best if I listen and learn.
Member: pcman@netdoor.com
Location: Mississippi
Date: 24 Jun 1999
Time: 12:02:54
My name is Adam, I am an alcoholic! I am in a lot of pain on my insides. There is a lot of very serious changes and pain going on in my life. I have been sober a week now and that is hard enough, I am also going through a divorce. I am not as upset about divorcing my wife as I am feeling the pain of my children. I have been looking for a job for 2 weeks faxing tons of resumes and going to interviews, I have still not got a job and I am getting pissed. I am good with computers and sales and customer service. I live with my mom at the moment and I have some consequences that I will soon have to face due to my 1 month binge. I was almost sober 4 years before I went back out, now it is constant depression and anxiety!!! I just wanted to release that, I got to go to a meeting now.
Member: BM
Location: Ireland
Date: 24 Jun 1999
Time: 16:08:37
My name is Bernard , I am an Alcoholic. I have alkways had trouble with sponsors. I don't think that I have had a regular sponsor throughout my time in aa. I live in quiet a small community with meetings every night . I am known to all the local members as they are to me and we get to know each other as well as any sponsor . I tend to pick on various members depending on my problem and this usually works. I have recently asked a close friend in aa to be my sponsor mainly because I feel more comfortable knowing that if I need someone to talk , he will be there. Bernard
Member: BM
Location: Ireland
Date: 24 Jun 1999
Time: 16:08:59
My name is Bernard , I am an Alcoholic. I have alkways had trouble with sponsors. I don't think that I have had a regular sponsor throughout my time in aa. I live in quiet a small community with meetings every night . I am known to all the local members as they are to me and we get to know each other as well as any sponsor . I tend to pick on various members depending on my problem and this usually works. I have recently asked a close friend in aa to be my sponsor mainly because I feel more comfortable knowing that if I need someone to talk , he will be there. Bernard
Member: Skip H.
Location: Bay Area
Date: 24 Jun 1999
Time: 20:47:23
I have just discovered your meeting on line and am happy to be here. I have some insights into sponsorship, however I think I would like to listen for a while. I think this is a great tool for speading the recovery word.
Skip H
Member: John M
Location: Ventura CA
Date: 25 Jun 1999
Time: 00:22:41
My name is John and I am an alcoholic. My first attempt to sober up through AA I refused to get a sponsor. This, along with other issues led me back to the bottle in a matter of months. When I returned to AA the next year I heard a speaker say; "do these five things and you will surely stay sober; Surrender, get a Sponsor, work the Steps, Share at meetings, and get into Service." I was ready to do anything to stay sober so I set about doing those five things without question. Sponsoring and being sponsored was probably my weakest aspect but I tried my best and thats what counts. My sponsor was a no-nonsense Big Book guy who said little I had not read in the book but I went to him anyway if only for confirmation. When I was peaking in my AA participation during my 2nd and third year sober several newcomers asked me to sponsor them and I did my best but they all left, not to be seen by me again. I do envy those few who had really close relationships with sponsors and sponsees but I have a wonderful family who need me at home so all is well.
Member: Stan A
Location: Mi
Date: 25 Jun 1999
Time: 00:30:36
I used to have a Sponser---Well I probably still do but I haven't talked to him in over two years (which is the last time I tried to get sober). He must be getting sick of me by now,I mean it's been over thirteen years that I have been sobering up and getting drunk and sobering up and getting drunk and......I think I'm going to call him tomorrow.
Member: Karl C
Location: NY
Date: 25 Jun 1999
Time: 00:41:21
Hi! I'm karl and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for 1 week. I've been doing fine for about 5 days, but the last two have been very trying. Your discussion on sponsers gives me hope and I will seek one out. I'll let you all know how things are going. thank you and God bless.
Member: Kent H.
Location: lovingitsoberinTN
Date: 25 Jun 1999
Time: 02:07:11
Way to go, Karl! Hey folks...long time no see. Glad to see that this is still going strong. On choosing a sponsor: be sure he/she has more sobriety and more maturity than you do...how they live Today is much more important than how many years they have. Be sure it's someone you can talk to openly & honestly...and DO talk to them, every day if possible. On being a sponsor: it can be the most gratifying AND frustrating experience you have. Don't let your serenity depend upon their sobriety...know when to say "I don't know" ...and above all, do not take on more than you can handle. Better to be a great sponsor to one person than an inaccessable one to 10 people. Keep it simple and keep coming back! Peace and Love to you all.....
Member: janel
Location: Victoria, Australia
Date: 25 Jun 1999
Time: 09:32:53
Hi, My names Jane and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for approximately 3 months. I got a sponsor about 6 weeks in and I feel that it's helped me be honest with someone and to get a better grasp of the steps I have to take. I had a few pre-requisites for a sponsor and actually made a list. She had to be fun, about five years of sobriety, enjoy her life, and have a similar drinking story to my own which I found important so that I'd feel more comfortable opening up to her.
So far it's been going really well, we talk on the phone about once a week for up to two hours and go to some of the same meetings. I've also found it helpful to make friends in AA and to have a support system and to offer support.
Thanks for the topic, I have difficulty sharing, I guess its part of the low self esteem that a lot of alcoholics have, but this makes it easier.
Jane
Member: TINA E
Location: LANC,PA
Date: 25 Jun 1999
Time: 09:55:00
hello family my name is tins and i am a alcoholic.i've been truley blessed w\a a sponsorw\lots of patients.i've been in and out of the rooms for about 3 years and this sponsor has always been their for me whenever i decided to drag myself back in.this time in i'm working the steps as my sponsor does.she doesn't ask anything of me that shes not willing to do.i have 6 months of good ,qaulity sobrietyand that comes from my sponsor guiding me through these steps.my sponsor is my best friend i've shared my 4&5 step and that has brought us even closer.she knows me inside and out and she calls me on my stuff and thats what i need.i believe that god put this special lady in my life cuz he knew that's what i needed.so i'm so greatful for my sponsor she is always there.:):):)foremost i'm greatful for this fellowship my new found family.RECOVERY ROCKS.
Member: TONI R
Location: Tampa
Date: 25 Jun 1999
Time: 18:29:53
My name is Toni and I am an alcoholic. I am so glad that I found this. So we are talking about sponsors. I have a very good sponsor, the same one for my entire length of sobriety which is 3 1/2 years. I know that I don't use her enough. But she has become a very good friend. I am very stubborn and like to do things on my own and my own way. Sound familiar? I have been blessed with losing the desire for a drink the first few months of my sobriety. I have been through a lot of emotional ups and downs and my sponsor helped me through those tremendously. I am able to humble myself and ask for help when I really need it. I started sponsoring people at 2 years and found myself unable to say no and got too many sponsees. I think I was using helping them instead of looking at myself and dealing with some problems I needed to focus on. I have dropped all but 1 due to the suggestion from my sponsor. My thing now is that I am unable to get to as many meetings as I should so I know I need to keep in contact with my sponsor more.
Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 01:19:11
Hello everone First time here,this will be my third meeting today have somethings going on. But with a HP and using the steps I will accept what fate befalls me. Nothing real serious its a job related thing. Maybe a new one? I had some good time almost five years and relapsed. The last five have been hell for the most part. A word of caution In those five sober years I thought I worked the program and the steps daily. Life was good I started a business that made money I moved to the right side of town (by accident) My sponser had a sailboat We exchanged help or services business wise. He coached me in self employment. I professed how the AA had changed my life. I didn't really change I just didnt pick up. I never saw it till years later. Did he do me an injustice or visa versa His sponser and us two made a reasonable good apperance at meetings. We were years sober and seamingly had it all. Now I have a retired Army sargent I was never in the service I shure I would have been in the brig most of the time. He tells me about the number of excuses I have. That he figures that salesman sort of BS but that Im bsing myself. That our home group Im allways got great advise for others but that I never pay much attention to what he's assigned as readings. Yes he gives homework. Sometimes I think hes a looser thats full of AA retoric. Id rather be invitting some people out for a sail. But thats me. Im glad he has the fortatude to show me my faults. I enjoyed the first ones friendship. Now that Im growing instead of glowing the right person is their. Strange how somethings work. Not really, I hope my little story helps distingush that fine line of sponser ship and friendship. Oh a small quip Ask your pigon if they like all the people that they meet at meetings. They usually respond Oh yes they are all so nice to me. Inform them that their not going to enough meetings. I sponsered a young man that was a drug rep and the father of two small children.
Member: Fernando T
Location:
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 05:55:56
I am an alcoholic looking for realtime on line meetings,still aint gota clue
please help
Member: DonF
Location: NH
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 07:51:06
FINANCIAL ADVISOR? I saw the note from Becky 21 Jn 17:54 about a struggle over whether her financial advisor could also be her sponsor...the bigger question is why the prospective sponsor "pouted" about not being chosen as sponsor. Question her maturity and sobriety and SUITABILITY TO SPONSOR. Get one who puts your (and his) sobriety above his ego. And I use "his" without gender, as that is allowable in English usage fore "one" and that was understood before political correctness took over. Always, men sponsor men and women sponsor women. I also had a concern for CONFLICT OF INTEREST with a sponsee, or "PIGEON" as we call them up here. A guy I work with every day asked me to sponsor him. I tried to help. He won't call me any more. Has trouble getting to work regularly. I used to call him at home when he didn't call me, or talk to him over coffee at work. I quit calling him. He avoids privacy with me at work. We both feel awkward. He has to do some more field research out there with alcohol and pot. PEGGY: 3 Jun 13:57 PLEASE REMEMBER, A DRUG IS A DRUG IS A DRUG, WHETHER ALCOHOL POT, EXCESS EATING, WORKOHOLISM, GAMBLING, SEX ETC. Whatever gets us away from our spiritual condition, that is, the willingness to follow our Higher Power's plan for our life, whether you call it drug, compulsion, illness, allergy, or sin, will cause us to settle for less in our lives, and ultimately lose our value system. WHAT'S SPIRITUAL? A higher thought system. As Einstein said,"We must solve problems from a higher state of consciousness than that which caused them" Also, from the 3rd step of the 12/12 book "...instinct and logic always seek to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual development." "My best thinking got me here", as they say in AA. TO CHANGE YOUR THINKING PATTERN, GET TO 90 MEETINGS IN 90 DAYS WHEN YOU ARE NEW AND STRUGGLING WITH SOBRIETY, to avoid sobriety* and really get into SOBRIETY.
Lytch49@aol.com
Member: RICHARD M
Location: SARASOTA, FLORIDA !!!
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 10:24:42
hello, my name is richard.i am an alcoholic. 4,928 days today !!!! on sponsorship: HAVE ONE......USE ONE .......BE ONE ..!!!!!!LOL
Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person
Location: Detroit
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 14:12:24
JJ, thanks for the topic. I've had 3-4 really good sponsors over the past 8 years (I belong to more than 1 12 step fellowship). And each one has been invaluable to my recovery. Also they have taught me how to sponsor others and that has REALLY helped my recovery too.
Member: Ed G.
Location:
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 14:27:00
Hi everyone my name is Ed and I'm a greatful alcoholic. Living in a small town in S.D. it was tough enough sobering up with a sponsor. I would hate to guess what the outcome would have been if I tried to do it without one. I was pretty lucky to have a couple of friends in the program who became my sponsor. Not only did it make the program much simpler to work but I also learned to trust them with my life. Trust was something that I hadn"t done in a very long time! Throughout the years of sobriety that have followed I have lost both of my origional sponsors to death. However I can still hear some of their familliar talks when I am able to share my experience with one of my sponsorees.
I will be forever greatful for the gift of life they passed on to me. I only hope I am able to pass it along to many more before the journey ends. Sponsorship is the only way to do this program.
Thanks for listening Thats all I have for now.
Member: Ed G.
Location: S.D.
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 14:27:54
Hi everyone my name is Ed and I'm a greatful alcoholic. Living in a small town in S.D. it was tough enough sobering up with a sponsor. I would hate to guess what the outcome would have been if I tried to do it without one. I was pretty lucky to have a couple of friends in the program who became my sponsor. Not only did it make the program much simpler to work but I also learned to trust them with my life. Trust was something that I hadn"t done in a very long time! Throughout the years of sobriety that have followed I have lost both of my origional sponsors to death. However I can still hear some of their familliar talks when I am able to share my experience with one of my sponsorees.
I will be forever greatful for the gift of life they passed on to me. I only hope I am able to pass it along to many more before the journey ends. Sponsorship is the only way to do this program.
Thanks for listening Thats all I have for now.
Member: John L
Location:
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 15:50:12
Hi, my name is John (Albuquerque John)very grateful recovering alcoholic at present in Scotland UK, my country of origin. Several years ago I thought I'd never see it again. However, did not find the solution to what I thought was my problem here!!
Actually I needed alcohol to find a solution - I even flew with AA Airlines to find it! Love to see that AA on the tail when I fly these days - that way I know I'm safe.
To be truly honest I could not have crossed the Big Pond alone - my problem several years ago was that I was scared, full of fear and unable to comprehend what exactly were these fears, but alcohol certainly took away ALL my fears, resentments, anger, restlessness, irritability, discontent - in fact when I drank alcohol I was in the NOW - I was truly happy, joyous and free!! I fell victim to many illusions and delusions - you name it, I did it.
At 33,000 feet leaving everything behind and full of booze with plenty more on offer, it felt like Utopia. I had arrived! I remember the feeling - I had left the world as I knew it down there behind. I was on my way out - it was great. It seemed as if I was in control of everything.
Several days later though, coming out of blackout I was rescued by a searching party in South West New Mexico, long long way from Scotland and the green green grass of home. I had half a shirt, half naked, truly in a hopeless state of mind and body. The shit had hit the fan - see, I'm a real alcoholic and to be tuly honest I knew the gig was over. Lost in a country I didn't know, no money, no friends, nowhere to turn but to the guy who appeared with the AA message ( I know this today). He said I waw just what he was looking for - a real alcoholic. He explained this is not going to be easy. I kind of clung to him - I saw in him what I needed.
He said if you do what I do then I promise you some day you will be a free man! He got me into town, gave me the hospitality of an old Ford LTD to live in and that was my home for several months. After the cold turkey period and eventually throwing away the crutches I was introduced to the Programme of the First 100 of AA.
I owe that Native American my life along with the rest of the group of that town in SW New Mexico and later on 2 groups in ABQ NM. I can never repay them with anything - all they asked was that I pass the same message that was passed to me by them - the Programme of Recovery. They, like me, had recovered from what seemed to be a hopeless state of mind and body.
I am not a pigeon and I never take captives - in fact nobody owes me anything for passing anything on.
Those who are in possession of the knowledge of the spiritual tools of AA contained within the first 164 pages of the Big Book are very privileged people - this is my belief.
The good news for anybody out there who is suffering is that There Is A Solution, but first you have to understand the problem. AA, as I understand it, gives you a description of an alcoholic of certainly my type and, if you feel you fit that description, then it is up to you as an individual to start to take the prescription and treat your problems throught the 12 Steps of Recovery. Then you can be like others and me who live in the solution.
The messgage that I pass on is that the Big Book is a text book and I suggest it should be used as one. Firstly, I had to understand the Doctor's Opinion and I had to accept it fully and freely. Next I realised Bill W was just like me. Within the Doctor's Opinion and Chapter 1 I started to find some of the reasons I was powerless over alcohol and, as a result, how my life had become unmanageable. To me this is Step One in the recovery programme, a basis for finding a Power greater than myself - my foundation to come to believe that this Power can restore me to sanity. Before I could do Step Two I had to understand and accept there truly was a solution. Chapter 2 of the Big Book - there I learned more about the disease I suffer from. Each day I was being given mental defences, I was believing in the Power contained within the pages I was reading. Step 2 again in Chapter 4 - I never had a problem in my life believing in a Supreme Being or a God of my Understanding - what I had a problem with in my teenage years and early adulthood was other people's insistence that I believe in their God. I had so much confusion, today I can understand why I became an alcoholic.
So then it was on to Chapter 5, How It Worked for the first 100. This is where my sponsor came into full use. It was at this point in my early days of recovery he asked me if I wanted to work Step 3 and make a decision to carry on with the Programme. Guess what - the desire for alcohol had left me! I was convinced I had to carry on for the rest of my life, one day at a time.
Step 4 was mind blowing for me - yeah, for one who thought he knew it all Step 4 was the step where I knew deep inside I had had a personality change and I was convinced if I worked more I would feel more changes. I was aware of my resentments coming and could act on them accordingly. I was aware of my fears and could act on them accordingly. I gained an awareness of others' participation in my alcoholism. I felt as if I was going through a phase of deconditioning. My mind was beginning to open more and more, but most important, I saw where I was to blame for choosing alcohol and falling victim to the belief that I could handle people, places and things, real or imaginary; how I had placed myself in a position to have caused my resentments and fears. So I guess I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL MY ALCOHOLISM.
Chapter 6 was where the real challenge to my self discovery was to appear, where I had to put the programme INTO ACTION in Steps 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9. There was a long period of reconstruction ahead and, believe me, IT WORKS!
Step 10 on a daily basis, when and where necessary; Step 11 night and morning. Step 12, well, I made a deal, didn't I? In order to keep my sobriety, then I have to give it away.
See, I believe that alcohol itself was never my problem. My problem was I could not drink enough alcohol and when I got to AA in that SW NM town all those years ago I truly could not drink any more alcohol. I was beaten - my body was screaming for it but my mind knew the gig was over. I had stood at the turning point, my prayer was answered. The messenger arrived - he had seen himself in me - he needed me and I needed him. I honestly believe I am truly a miracle.
So if anyone out there has a problem about sponsorship, then say a prayer like I did. I got the jackpot - a real alcoholic messenger who had recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body and also an AA group that practised the 12 Step Programme (Forward to the First Edition is of paramount importance for me). They gave me the proof necessary in my early days and I did what they suggested and what my sponsor told me to do!
They gave me the directions for the rest of life's journey one day at a time. I have not found it necessary for many years now to run from life's problems or use alcohol in the belief that I will handle them.
The Programme of Recovery in AA was freely given to me and as the receptor of it I know it works!
God Bless all of you real alcoholics out there.
Albuquerque John
Member: Corinne B.
Location: CC FL
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 16:56:22
'Evenin' ((DMers))!! Corinne, Alcoholic here, there & everywhere!!
JCP, you asked for sponsorship references in the BB - hope you see this b4 the techs clear the board: Pages 89 - (through) 103. I got this off a list I received via an online women's E-Mail group.
A lot of good stuff has already been shared about sponsorship, so I cannot share anything other than my own ES&H. My very first sponsor happened to be the very first person to greet me when I first came into AA in 1986. I didn't know a thing about AA at the time, and as it turns out, she only had 1 and 1/2 yrs sober at the time. BUT, I do recall she always referred to her sponsor and how her sponsor did things with her. She said she relied on her sponsor for guidance on how to help me. In the group I got sober in originally, they were real big on using Hazeldon's "Little Red Book" for working the steps, along with the 12&12 and, of course, the BB.
I guess my main point is that it is important that a person being a sponsor is still actively involved with their own sponsor, as a sponsee (or pidgeon, what they used to call us around here). And I really loved what Avril posted, that pretty much summed it all up!!
Thanks for letting me share. Corinne B.
Member: maria
Location: copehagen Denmark
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 17:17:41
hello my name is maria i am an alcohlic. My personal eksperience with sponsorship:I had a lovely sponsor for two years.Ive got very depended of her,one day she told me she had nothing more to offer me,Inever wanted to ask someone else,for three years I have been without a sponsor but I use the people around me and it is working fine for me.
Member: Sam J
Location: Tn.
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 17:45:58
Hi everyone, I'm an alcoholic and the name is Sam. Sponsorship is a good topic. I went my first AA meeting in 1965, I didn't get a sponsor. Everything I did was wrong, so I am not blaming all my drunks on not having a sponsor. I kept drinking for another 10 and 1/2 years. When I came back in Oct. of 1975 I did the same thing again. Then in Nov, a fellow decided to sponsor me. I got sober then and haven't had a drink since. He was just the sponsor that I needed. Some members think that everyone needs a sponsor that uses the tough love approach, but if my sponsor had taken that approach I would have told him to shove it. I believe I would have continued to drink. I'm sure I would have. I have found, over the years, that every alcoholic is different and one has to approach them different. I have also learned that a sponsor can't keep a pigeon sober. The first person that I tried to sponsor taught me much more than I taught him. He would do fine for about two months and then he would get drunk. This went on for a couple of years. Finally, I moved out of the area and the guy sobered up and has been sober for approx. 20 years now. I sometimes jokingly say that I was driving the poor guy to drink. I do, however, think a sponsor is very important. It helps the sponsor more than it helps the pigeon. If we don't give it away, we will not keep it for long. Thanks for letting me share and may God bless each of you. Sam
Member: Edward P.
Location: San Luis Obispo CA
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 18:05:53
Hello, my name is Edward, I'm a real alcoholic, the ladies and gents before me pretty much covered the bases. One man said "get one, use one, be one,a wise lady said a sponser should be face to face, she said it was easy to manipulate the opposite sex to get control,she hit it right on the head. CONTROL is the OBESSION of EVERY ABNORMAL DRINKER ,MAN OR WOMAN co-ed sponsorship only heightens the danger of working THE 13th STEP. If we work the 12 steps will stay sober, if we work the 13th step chances our chances of staying sober GREATLY DIMINISH. Anger Resentments,and we set ourselves up and OUT WE GO!!!!!!!!! WE as alcoholics have lost our privledge to hold and harbor anger and resentments. WITHOUT A SPONSOR WE FIND OURSELVES IN DEEP TROUBLE!!!!! I've been sober for 16 years. ANY FELLOW ALCOHOLICS who would like talk, e-mail me at GR88TFUL1@cwix.com
Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 18:15:24
I just want to say I appreciate all of the comments. I had a sponsor before I recently moved and have not gotten a new one yet. After all of the comments, I am now sure that I need to get a new one. I am finding that I am missing that "confidant" and friend, and I need that one-on-one interaction again. Thanks again for the input and for letting me share.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 19:21:38
Hello Dere.. AZ here, an alcoholic that's been sober ever since I learned how. Athough there is no mention of sponorship in the Big Book, Ebby Thatcher (The friend of Bill Wilson who knocked on Bill's Door in Bill's Story Page 8, last paragraph, eventually became Bill's sponsor. And, there is a pamphlet "Questions & Answers On Sponsorship (P-15).
This pamplet carries a wealth of information on how to pick a sponsor(s). It is a good idea to check what you hear in AA with good source material
I cannot overemphasize the importance sponsorship has been in my recovery. On day six, I was approached by a gentleman who was amazed that I hadn't had a drink over those six days. He subsequently moved in with me and we started through the big book, page by page got through the Steps in a little over a month. I got a sense of relief. I had some assurance that the program would work. BTW that was over 17 years ago and Tom and I are both sober today.
Later on I took on a second sponsor(Dick) and we went through the Steps a second time. The quality of my sobriety increased significantly. I went through the Steps a third time with Dick a short time after.
So with less than a year of sobriety. I had a very comfortable feeling with the the program. I have been sober now for quite a while and I still have multiple sponsors,a and sponsors and sponsees. I am in touch with at least one of each on a daily basis.
Member: Kathy F
Location: Iowa
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 19:47:31
Fernando T - "I am an alcoholic looking for realtime on line meetings,still aint gota clue"
try some of these sites...
http://www.delphi.com/friendsofbillw/start
http://alcoholism.tqn.com/mpchat.htm
http://www.delphi.com/soberfriends/start
or if you have AOL... use Keyword DCAA
Member: Larry J
Location: STL MO.
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 20:17:05
Hi my name is Larry J. and I've been sober for 12 years,I have to say that the !!!PROGRAM WORKS IF YOU WORK IT !!!!!!!.When I first entered AA I had very low self esteem,I did not love myself, I stayed in bad relation ships,did not dress properly and did not take very good care of myself. By the grace of my higher power(whom I choose to call GOD and A.A.,today I am a lot different,by working the 12 steps I have come to love myself and in doing so and able to love people around me.When in a bad relationship,I am able to walk away from it, no matter how bad it hurts.Life today has much more meaning. I would like to say to all new comers," PLEASE STICK WITH THE PROGRAM UNTIL THE PROMISES COME TRUE FOR YOU".
Member: Destine'
Location: Houston, TX
Date: 26 Jun 1999
Time: 23:06:25
Hello everyone, I'm Destine' & an alcoholic. I was just now riding with a friend-girl of mine tonight from a meeting & we were talking about sponsorship. I shared with her that I don't think I'm patient enouch to sponsor others because of my short patients. It seems as though the alcoholics I come across that ask me to sponsor them are not serious about this program. They want me to do all the work. They complain about everything, their lives seem or appear to be chaotic all the time.
Inspite of all this, I still do the best I can...even though I feel this way. I want them to get it like I did. They relapse but God keeps me sober! Ah, working with others gets me out of self!
Got to go...ya'll stay cool! Love ya'll.
Member: Theresa C. O.
Location: Florida
Date: 27 Jun 1999
Time: 00:26:47
Subject: Step three/ sponship
Hi, I am a greatful recovering alcoholic and my name is Theresa. My sobriety date is Nov. 15, 1985.
I am not a miracle, God is the miracle. He and He alone keeps me sober. True, many many times He has used the people in the program to do this.
My sponsors throughout the years have been all a blessing to me. My present sponsor has been in my life for the last 9yrs. She know's me very well. She also is moving in six months.
I have already set myself up with two other women who know me for many years. They have agreed to sponsor me.
I will say though that there have been many times throughout the years that people, where just that, people. They could not be there 24-seven.
God was there for me in the middle of the night when my heart was overcome with grief so badly, I thought I would die from the pain.
God was with me when my x kinapped our children durning a visitation weekend many yrs. ago. God kept me sober. God still after all these years continues to keep me sober. Found one child last yr. (adult now) She has deceided to stick with her using father. God has continued to keep me sober. In 1985, I was very fortunate to have only drank that one night after many yrs. of sobriety previously. God brought me back to the program the next day.
When my parents died four weeks apart, God kept me sober.
Swollow your pride and ask someone to be your sponsor...we are a result of the choices we make today.
I haven't heard anyone yet who has choked on their pride
Oh, by the way three days after I buried my parents, God put a woman in my path that was new who asked me to sponsor her. Of course I thought God was nuts at the time, but as always, He knew exactly what He was doing. That lady has been kept sober by God for many yrs. now even after burying her mom and many other sadness.
Remember, even if someone does something to purposely hurt you or to try to control you. God ways are higher than their ways, and God's thoughts are higher than their thoughts. As a result I have become a woman that would not have been possible if it were not for the meanness of others. I have learned how to love through yrs of rejection. I have learned patience through yrs of trusting that God makes all things beautiful in his time.
Special thanks to Adrienne
Member: Paula B.
Location: Cincinnati,Ohio
Date: 27 Jun 1999
Time: 01:39:36
I try on a daily basis to live in step 3. The more that I do that the easier it is to deal with life on lifes terms. Also the more involved that I stay in the program things are alot easier to handle. Pass
Member: Bob H.
Location: Auburn WA
Date: 27 Jun 1999
Time: 02:50:22
Hi. I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic and I just want to add a few things on long distance sponsorship.
To JJ and any one else in a long distance sponsorship.
My sponsor lives approximately 50 miles from me and long distance is calls are expensive. We communicate and keep in touch as follows, by phone as I live and he works in a toll free calling area. By e mail on a lot of things and through using the instant messenger services available to us. We do meet face to face as our schedules permit for lunch, dinner or working togother on a project. I consult for his business at times on an E,S,H, basis utilizing my background and overall it works.
To Fernando T and anyone else looking for live online meetings, use netfind and enter alcohol or alcoholism index to find online chat meetings, someday i'll drop in when I feel more comfortable with my computer.
Thanks for letting me share here.