Member: David W.
Location: NJ
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 15:10:01
My name is Dave and I am an alcoholic.
I don't see a topic -- but, I could sure benefit from a discussion on ANGER. It seems that with greater frequency little things bring me to a point of rage {very quickly}. I lose my temper with my family and over react in ways that I regret. I'm not to the point were it has lead to the urge to drink or use [thankyou to my HP for that], but I am NOT acting like a sober person that is striving for serenity. Any thoughts on how I can begin to change this behavior? My efforts have not produced much in the way of results. I'm sick an tired of acting like this with the people I love the most!
Member: Phil S.
Location: Hawaii
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 15:23:48
My name is Phil and I'm an alcoholic. Anger is a tough one for me too. Anger has a beginning , middle and end. It has helped me to be more aware of the beginning signs to catch it early to avoid the consequences of the middle and end. Before feeling "Miffed, hurt, irritated, slighted etc." I try to pick up some physical cues that I'm going in that direction. For me it's usually a tightest in the muscles in my neck. I then try to slow down and try and get a fix on my feelings and whats happening. I hope this helps.
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 15:34:38
Hi, Linda an alcoholic. Anger for me has been on ocassion a real bear. I enjoy page 449 of the BB on acceptance. Many times when I examine why I feel so angry, it usually falls in the categories mentioned on that page. What has also been helpful to me is my adapting of the philosphy that people have the right to be wrong. This frees me from feeling I need to have people in agreement with my beliefs. Another tack I take is there is no right or wrong in what others are saying, just differences of opinion, which everyone has a right to one. Interesting topic, I will be interested to see how others will relate.
Love to all, Linda P.
Member: Joy R.
Location: Stockton, CA
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 16:22:10
I'm Joy, and I'm an alcoholic. This is the first time I've been in an online meeting. Someone told me once that anger is a secondary emotion. You always feel something else before you feel anger. That made so much sense. I usually feel slighted, or disrespected, frustrated, or something else, then I feel anger. I've been able to catch the anger before it turns into rage by being aware of what I'm feeling before the anger starts.
rage
Member: Kelly,Lisa,Terry&Danielle
Location: California
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 16:58:20
Hi we are Kelly, Lisa, Terry and Danielle, all alcoholics. This is a group effort to contribute to this discussion. Unfortunately, our loved ones are usually the ones that end up taking the brunt of our anger. As Linda pointed out, p. 449 of BB shows us that when we have a problem with people, places or things, the problem tends to be within Us. We must remind ourselves that we cannot control or change others. One way to handle your family is to treat them as you would treat a newcomer. We all have found that when anger keeps surfacing in our lives, a few meetings always help. Hope this helps, Keep coming back!
Member: george j
Location: ct.
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 17:25:11
I have found that when I do not want to manipulate a situation that I do not harbor as much anger or resentment. I just let things happen and I find that I don't get as angry. Also I am still very much a beleiver in don't pick up and go to a meeting as advice for most problems
Member: Mark C.
Location: Shelter Is. N.Y.
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 17:28:12
Hi my name is Mark and I am an Alcoholic.I have about 2.5 years of sobriety now.I hooked up with a sponsor in my first year and he taught me how to meditate. I went Shambala meditation training in New York City and meditated for the whole weekend."Control" is a bad word for us alcoholics,so I won't say that it helped me control my anger, let's say I get in harmony with my thoughts.I am glad you brought this topic up because I don't meditate like idid back then on a daily basis and I really should be because I notice myself swearing and snapping at things whereas I didn't before when I was meditating 30 or 40 minutes every day.I find that it also helps to live in the moment.There is no right or wrong way to meditate but the Tibetian method that they teach at Shambala goes something like this- Sit on a gomden or firm cushion about 8" thick, with your legs crossed, the palms of your hands facing down resting on your thighs,your back ,not hunched over,but straight up and relaxed,you focus on the outbreath as soon as thought pops into your head you go back to breath ,label the thought" thinking" and go back to the breath,label the thought "thinking" and go back to the breath, over and over.SEt a timer , try ten minutes then fifteen then twenty. If ytou work at it you will be amazed at the results.
Member: Scott J
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 17:55:23
Hi, Scott alcoholic here. I find myself quickly becoming angry over little things when I'm irritable, and I find myself irritable when I'm hungry, tired, tense or stressed. Once I take care of myself with a good meal, a good night's sleep, some exercise or a meeting (or all four) I am not so irritable and not so easily angered. I'm discovering and re-discovering, over and over again, as I leave these basics behind while trying to focus on greater goals, that without taking care of myself physically, I'm in no condition to take care of myself mentally or spiritually. Serenity is hard to come by when I'm feeling hungry, tired and overworked. Scott
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 20:42:37
Fayla G ,Alcoholic,Anger i am getting better with it ,and its not as strong as it use to be,but its still got a strong hold on me,when i get angry i pray,and it always helps ,I find if you talk about it ,something i never use to do i just kept stuffing it till i thought i would explode, get your feelings out talk to someone ,some great guys on here are more than glad to listen ,talk to um .love ya fayla g
Member: Don W.
Location: Akeley Mn.
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 20:54:23
Hi. I am Don a gratefull recovering Alcoholic. Anger is a emotion, that i work on very hard not to have if possible.. When i have anger it totally isolates me form my higher power, as then i am dealing with emotion. no intellect or sense of spiritual contact.. i was fishing this weekend and saw a very angry confrontation at a boat landing, that i was not involved with, but in this conflict i saw my past drunk life and me fighting with my wife, at that very same boat landing.. all i could do was pray for the people.thank God for AA and soberity.
Member: Jack B.
Location: San Diego Ca.
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 21:25:36
Hi my name is Jack and I am a recovering Alcoholic. I love anger. When I am angry I look below the anger and find what is their. Anger mask feelings . I also ask is this anger about them,the person I seem to be angry about or what is it aout. Do I snap at my girlfriend because I had a hard day at work or what. Anger is at tiems because I did not deal wtih past resentments or anger. When I first got sober I had so much build up anger that it took a few years to dump the old anger. Now when I am angery I express it in a healthy way. Anger for me now is when my boundries get crossed. Thanks for letting me share
Member: Keith B.
Location: Guam, USA
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 22:28:52
Hi, Keith, I'm an Alcoholic. Anger is always a good topic, Like you Mark C. I have been studing a spiritual path that allows me to "DEAL" with alot of my anger. Nut before I started this path I had a violent temper and would attack anyone or anything that angered me. Page 449 in the BB was a real help in understanding my anger. I was also told that laughing would help. If I was mad at someone I tried to see that situation as if I stepped out of my boby and was watching as a bystander. I found I had to laugh at myself for the stupidity of my anger at times. If I find a situation that I cannot change, prayer help to no end.
Make yourself have a good day "Blessed Be"
Member: Kim A
Location: Gresham OR
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 23:26:58
Hi, my name's Kim and I'm and alcoholic, addict and this is the first time on the net but just like when I first walked into a meeting of AA I'll try it. Anger, hummm. Anger for me is one I have to keep in check also. When someone or something makes me angry It's because (9 times out of 10) fear sets in. I try to sit down and do a mini 4th step to find out what it is about this person or situation that I fear. I'm alway suprised by how often fear pops up. Getting to the root of our anger. Reading Step 4 in the 12x12 helps me to understand me a little bit more. Then ask God to Grant me the serinity to accept things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Thy will not mine be done. If we find the root many times we can fix the problem or work on the solution and take the focus off how the other person can change. To change the things in me. Thank you God for giving me the experiences so that I may grow . Thanks for being here. Kim
Member: Stephanie H
Location: Florida, USA
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 00:14:14
My name is Stephanie & I'm an alcoholic. For me anger is almost always caused by fear or self-centeredness. I have to try to stop myself before reacting and ask myself "Where is this coming from? What is it inside me that is creating this reaction?" Even when someone has legitimately wronged me I do not respond with the degree of "anger" that I have from fear. So ask yourself what it is that you are afraid of. Thanks!
Member: Mark
Location: Mobile, Al.
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 00:33:55
My name is Mark and I am an alcoholic. I have had to work hard at expressing anger in a non -distructive manner for many years. I owe all the peace that I have now and the much better way that I handle anger, to my Higher Power whom I choose to call God and this wonderful program of A.A. Don W. said it; "anger isolates me from my Higher Power" My sobriety can not afford my dabbing into anger to deeply. I feel that when I become angry my spiritual program is being pushed aside "It is hard to be hateful when you are greatful" great quote! (not mine) One more tool that has really helped me out on this topic, a very helpful book; Don't Sweat The Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff, written by Richard Carlson, PH.D. Thank you for letting me share! Mark
Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 02:33:07
Great topic David W. Amy an alcoholic here. I too heard that anger is like an umbrella (figuratively) that masks everything from fear to resentments. I do not understand the concept of `dry Drunk`and wonder if someone who has been there can explain it to me. I too go to my HP when I am angry and so far this is the only thing that works. I ask him to calm me, show me what to do, what to say (or not say) and this is a great relief. Thanks for letting me share, (((World Hug))) Amy GC
Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 03:59:07
Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here, (((ROOM-HUG))), so wonderful to be sober & here with you all tonight. Really good topic David, I was consumed with rage when I got into the program, It might start with something little like peanut butter on a cupboard door and it would end with me grounding all 3 kids for a week after delivering one of my 6 hr lectures. It would start like a small annoyance in my gut then it would escalate to where i was out of control and i did not even have to be drinking to do it, I am so grateful that I don't even resemble that person anymore but it did not happen overnight. How miserable I was. My sponsor said that ANGER was fear that I wasn't going to get something I wanted or fear that I may lose something that I thought I had (and sometimes that was just looking bad and not saving face) but usually it was one of those 2. she had me read 60 thru 63(self will run riot) and 449 thru 452(acceptance) and 83-84 (the promises) daily in the BIG BOOK. I did that everyday for at least 5 yrs, and I love those pages today for they have saved me many times. My many inventories, one was on anger itself, have freed me little by little, till one day I woke and it wasn't there. what a blessed day. she also said, not to be so hard on myself, its progress not perfection. its also ok to take a time out and just get the hell out of there until the peace can return to my gut. Dear God please bless all who venture here. love Ya'll *********************************************** bonzoc@webtv.net Bonnie 5/30/80
Member: Gail B
Location: TX
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 07:00:09
Hi, it's Gail, Alcoholic.
H.A.L.T. A wise old sage in a meeting one time told me to try to remember the word "halt" when I was about to explode. He said this is what it stands for (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) - all danger signs for me as an alchoholic. Ever since he told me that, I try to remember that word when I am about to go into a tizzy. Then I take a deep breath, let it out slowly and say the Serenity Prayer. Anyway, it's helped me, maybe it will help you too.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Carolyn L. A.
Location: GA
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 08:20:20
Hi--Carolyn Alcoholic, I too struggle with anger and am greatly benefitted by the sharings of those in the fellowship. Thanks for the reminder that it is progress not perfection. Usually my anger stems from seeing something in my loved ones that I do not like within myself. So what I must do is focus on me at that moment and see if I can change the behavior from within thereby bringing about change without--not control of the others behaviors. I too say the Serenity Prayer often. I have not yet found serenity but am 11 days sober and determined one day at a time. ((((World Hug))))
Member: BeeW
Location:
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 10:11:00
Right now I feel angry. And I do know where it comes from that is that I cannot control my drinking when I leave my house to socialize. I feel as though I must keep up the front for people to like me. I don't want to drink anymore and Iam angryr that I can't just say no. I do get very angry at my kids and it is not their fault. I feel terrible about it after the fact. I am not an everyday alcoholic. I am a binge drinker and once I start I cannot stop. I also get anger with myself because when I drink I say and do things that I wouldn't even think of doing if I were sober. I am always trying to think of what I did and if I need to apoligize for whatever I did.
Member: Cate
Location: Napa, CA
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 10:16:09
Hi, I'm Cate, a grateful alcoholic. As usual, those who came before have said some great things that I too feel.
Fear and self-centeredness are always at the root of my anger, and yet I find myself becoming furious with my messy family. Meditation and letting go do work when I remember them, but sometimes the anger becomes extremely physically manifested like the muscle tension that Phil mentioned.
On these occasions, like when a certain person scratched up my brand new car paint job for the second time (AHEM, lotta trouble letting that go), I have to release the physcial tension with some anger-management techniques. What works for me is going outside and beating some old blankets with a tennis racquet or bat.
For 45 years it was not OK for this good little girl to get angry, and I still have a good deal of stuffed anger lurking in the nooks and crannies of my body. When I exorcise them physically in a harmless, private manner, I feel like I'm releasing potential cancers that have invaded me. Then I can call my sponsor without whining, to laugh at the silly idiot who ruined the paint job.
The serenity prayer works well here, too. God grant me the serenity to accept the husband I cannot change. . . .
Get me to an Alanon meeting, quick!
Member: Judyrose M.
Location: Boston Ma
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 11:01:27
Hi, my name is Judyrose and I'm an alcoholic. ANGER- humpf.....my gut instinct is to say "Go to a meeting" as....Going to, stepping up and then going to another meeting always seems to take the edge off. But I know for me..I have to admit I'm angry....Just say it, "I'm angry" then it gets less threatening. I love making fun of my anger....sometimes it helps.
Member: Kelley C.
Location: Chicago
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 11:41:54
Hi. I'm Kelley and I'm an alcoholic/addict. I just celebrate my 16th year of continued sobriety and I've got to tell you I'm one of the angriest females I know. Anger is not a bad thing...anger is an emotion just like any other emotion. Resentments are different, that's anger unexpressed or unacknowledged or otherwise stored and those can be so deadly for me, not my anger, my resentments. Anger is a secondary emotion, usually fear or hurt are the primary emotions anger serves to mask. There has been so much in my life that terrorized me or seriously wounded me that feeling the original hurt or fear was simply too overwhelming, but anger allowed me mobility. I can move when I'm angry, I can do things, I have a voice. When I deal only with the hurt or the fear I easily become immobile. Furthermore, anger is often the BEST strategy when someone continually crosses your boundaries or disrepects your limits. Sometimes it's equally important for another to understand that there are social consequences for violating my space and my legitimate needs to function in a social world. Although my higher power is seldom the Christian higher power, I believe even the Bible indicates that Jesus got angry and threw over tables in a temple being degraded by merchants and greed. I futhermore believe that the only prescription about anger is to, "not let the sun set on one's anger" (i.e. unacknowledged or stored anger). My point is, for women in particular, to continually ascribe to "being nice" (i.e. no anger and by all means no conflict) is to continually store resentment, to teach others that it's okay to treat you poorly or with disrespect and to deny one's humanity. I work with a group of "nice women" who consensus build so we can all be "happy family" or something. Dissent and conflict can lead to the best decisions because we have to explore alternatives. Anger, for me, can lead to self-discovery. I need to continually find what my boundaries are, what causes extreme reactions for me (what is the source of the original pain), and in someways anger still protects me. I have used it as an unfortunate cloak and a brick facade to keep others out at times....but I've also used anger as a legitimate defense against a serious offense. For me, recovery and healing is knowing the difference, having compassion for myself when I "react" out of a past wound in a present tense and respecting my anger as a means for helping me discover my needs. I want to thank you all for your support and understanding that has helped strengthen my ties to sober living and given me the strength to face each day sober. Thanks and may the Universe continue to bless you all. Love in recovery and healing, Kelley
Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 11:53:37
Michelle, alcoholic. Anger is for me the the way I obsess about something that didn't go my way. Either I was afraid, looked bad, made a mistake, or worse, someone crossed my invisible boundary that only I can see. Letting go is the only way I can manage anger, and realizing that sometimes I must surrender, not fight. We are incredible control freaks, which is no doubt why at some time it felt great to medicate ourselves to the point of not having to control, and not caring. Realizing this makes me laugh at my anger and the silly notion that I control anything.
Member: Perry H
Location: Treasurer
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 12:39:38
To contribute to this meeting and carry the message around the world,
Please mail to
Staying Cyber po box 392 Minisink Hills Penna. 18341
I suggest $1.00 for each year sober, once a year if you can afford it.
Thanks for letting me interupt!
Member: Perry H
Location: Poconos of PA
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 12:44:03
I just got a letter from a guy in the Navy , stationed in Saudi Arabia , that sent a check and a note saying how this meeting is keeping him Sober! Wow, what a great feeling, to be of service all the way over there!
When I get angry, rage etc. I got to STOP! Remove myself from the location and then , once removed, call my sponser. When I need to STOP, I ask GOD , to help me.
Thanks
Member: Ben S.
Location: Az
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 13:16:06
Hi all. you know, my sponser tells me that when something is making me angry, I need to look at something within myself.. I thought he was crazy, but you know, it usually works! I have seen pg. 449 mentioned plenty of times above, and it rings true every time I read it. Luckily I do not get angry very often, but when I do, I get away from everything, call my sponser and just get out of self.. that is the key I think.. getting out of self.
Member: Katherine G.
Location: New York City
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 13:22:59
Hi. Katherine, alcoholic. I'm glad the topic is anger because I have been feeling so angry lately and it's nice to enter a forum where it's the thought of the day right when I'm already thinking about it (too much). I think the major reason I am angry is because I am in the middle of my fourth step and need to just finish the damn thing and move on. But right after I started it I ran into an old ex on the subway and he tried to rekindle the nothingness that was between us (we were both out of our minds when we were together). But I didn't want to rekindle anything because I don't trust this man. My first reaction upon seeing him in the subway was to pretend I didn't see him and then he came over and started talking to me. But it turns out that my first reaction was the right one because he's still using drugs and drinking and subsequently still lying and blaming and using people. I am lucky, though. Angry, but lucky. I'm lucky because I KNEW I couldn't trust him and I followed through by not getting too intimate with him. I kept up a boundary to make sure I could trust him before I got too involved. That boundary saved my ass because when it turned out he was lying and only interested using drugs and me, I got out of it quickly and relatively painlessly. There is some anger, though. Maybe it's because I have old resentments about relationships that I need to get out through my fourth step and jealousy that I can't wasted and screw around and not care or maybe I'm angry at myself for all the times I did what he's doing. Now I can see how pointless and cruel it is to be stuck in the obsession and to treat people like they are secondary to my momentary desires. The best thing for me when I feel angry is to go to a meeting, say the serenity prayer and meditate. Just like everyone else has said, these are the answers that work for me too. Writing and talking about it are also key to releasing anger and thus letting it go. My current anger is connected to fear also because I think it's related to my fear of egtting involved with men in the program. I think I am afraid of the realness and vulnerability that awaits me in a sane relationship. I would have to start really looking at myself as I am today, whereas in these old recycled things, I can pull up the roots of yesterday and play in the dirt rather than face the sun's glare and feel exposed. I guess it's time to get real.
Thanks.
Member: Robert T
Location: uk
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 13:33:18
My name is Robert and I'm an alcoholic. I went to a meeting relatively chilled out last night (100 days sober) and guess what? Three peoples' shares made me angry. It no good for me to rationalise anger by ascribing to it characteristics like whether it's primary or secondary,it is ANGER and if it isolates me from my Higher Power, which it surely does, then it has to be recognised, brought into the pure light of what is Real and allowed to wither and die as does everything which springs from my will not Gods' will. Anger is the inability to receive Mercy and AA is a spiritual program.
Member: TONI F.
Location: ROCKFORD, IL
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 13:59:01
HI, I'M TONI. I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. I HAVE 9 YEARS OF CONTINUOUS SOBER TIME TODAY!!!! I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT BEFORE I TALKED ABOUT ANGER. I HAVE TO AGREE WITH KELLY FROM CHICAGO. ANGER IS OK. RESENTMENT IS WHAT WILL CUT ME OFF FROM THE "SUNLIGHT OF THE SPIRIT". FOR ME, ACCEPTANCE OF WHERE I AM,AND WHAT I'M FEELING, IS THE 1ST STEP IN THE PROCESS. I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT ON MY OWN, I AM POWERLESS OVER MY EMOTIONS...AND GO ON WITH THE REST OF THE STEPS. THE TWELVE STEPS ARE A WAY OF LIVING WITH MY EMOTIONS/WITH BEING HUMAN...NOT A WAY TO MAKE IT GO AWAY. (DRUGS DID THAT!!!) I CAN'T LIVE THIS WAY OF LIFE AND BE SELECTIVE ABOUT WHAT I FEEL AND EXPERIENCE . FOR ME, THIS IS THE REAL DEAL AND IT'S ALL COOL.
IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE SOBER. THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE.
Member: Pat P
Location: CT
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 14:21:49
Hi, I'm Pat and I'm a recovering (stress the "ing") alchoholic;
I know from experience that when my meeting attendance is low, I tend to get angry more quickly. That is the situation that I find myself in now, and use any number of excuses for not doing what I know I should (i.e. the kids, my husband, too much to do) If I look at the list, it looks strangely like the list of reasons for why I drank! My sponsor has also pointed out the importance of pg 449 in the Big Book, and I really am grateful that those people were so smart!
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 17:38:20
Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!
ANGER! Great topic - I can recall a time when I had so little self-worth that I didn't feel I had the right to get angry. I do not feel that way today. Generally today my expression of my anger is verbal and doesn't get me into the trouble it did in my drinking days or when I was new to recovery.
I believe the major differences between then and now is that: 1) today I don't get angry or at least don't stay angry with those whom I love. I am a spiritually based human being today. When I am slighted, all I need to do is a quick flashback to my own previous behavior and I usually conclude, fairly quickly, that the present "slight" is no big deal ( it is when I hold an imagined moral "higher ground" that I am in trouble). Today, I am very greatful. Somehow gratitude and anger are mutually exclusive, or at least limited in their ability to cohabitate in my brain.
Having said that, I must also say that when operating in the "real world" , I also believe, as do others I have read here (Kelley C., Tony F., et.al.), that anger is a useful tool. If I find that a confrontation is unavoidable, then I want all the anger, and adrenaline I can get for the confrontation.
Thank you for letting me share.
J.L.
Member: Laurie
Location:
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 19:56:48
Member: Eddie G
Location: Waianae Hawaii
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 19:57:45
Hi, Eddie Alcoholic.
Great topic, it appears that my God is activlety working his miracle in my life thru all of you.
I Snapped at my kids and felt bad after, stress level dropping to a point where I feel that I am snapping too much and too often. Prayed on it last night, prayed for patience, prayed for help. and the help arrived, great topic, boy is God fast or what. This reminds me of a time about 3-4 years ago when my God slapped me (figuarly) right up side my head. I was driving down the road when a lady cut me off I got so angry so fast that I went after her, and caught her at the intersection just before she was to make her turn. I stuck my face out and was about to curse her out , I know all the right words, f f f out popped my false teeth, before I was able to get the word out my false teeth was laying on the ground and the lady was gone. All I could do was laugh and take resposibity for my actions, oh I also had to make a big u turn and go back for my teeth.
I believe that on that day my God was trying in a not so subtle way to get my attention. He did. So when I get angry I go straight to step 10, and 11. The only problem is, sometimes I go willingly, and sometime I need a slapp up side the head.
ALOHA
Member: Bill C.
Location: Pontiac, MI>
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 20:42:22
Hi.Bill C. anger was a big problem for me in my day's of drinking, and it usually turned violent. i can't begin to tell you how great a part the serenity prayer played for me,I'm two and a half year's sober now, chair an open talk meeting at the rehab center i was in, And attend at least two table meeting's per week
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity is what helps me control my anger today, But remember, It's alright to be angry. And it's very rewarding to resolve problem's mutually.Thank's for sharing
Member: Barb C.
Location: West Allis, WI
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 22:39:08
Hi everyone!! My name is Barb and I am an alcoholic. What a great topic!! When I first came to the program anger was the only emotion I had. I was angry at everything and everyone all the time. I didn't not know I had any other feelings. Then when I knew that anger usually got me in trouble I was afraid of being angry. Then I developed resentments because I was afraid to express my anger. Someone then told me that anger was okay. It was just another one of our many emotions. What was important was what we did with that anger. For me it is important to remember not to take the anger out on someone who is not even involved in the situation to begin with. I think you could refer to them as innocent bystanders. I also need to remember to use my angry constructively. The serenity prayer helps a lot. As always, thanks for a great topic. Usually, the topics are always on something I need to hear at the time. I believe that the God of my understanding works through other people. Thank you for allowing me to grow a little bit today. (((((HUGS to ALL)))))) Barb
Member: Paul C
Location: Antioch CA
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 23:07:49
Hi Cyber Group, Alkie Paul here. I use to skip anger and go straight to RAGE. I consider myself a RAGEAHOLIC also. As state before me, fear and self-centeredness are ultimately at the root of my anger. Fear of feels, confrontation, criticisim, love, and just about very other emotion. The self-centeredness part is when I didn't get my way, I got angry. Insecurity just came to mind. The 4th step helped me to start taking a closer look at my rage/anger. My ability to deal with issue has greatly improved in the last 3 years and when I can deal with it I've at least learned to keep my stupid mouth shout. When angry, I too read 449, take a walk or go to a meeting. Remeber, I can always start over. Great topic.
Member: Charles F
Location: Massachusetts USA
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 00:13:13
Hi my name is charlie and i am an alcoholic. Great topic as I have had many experiences with anger since becoming a member of AA. Before coming to AA I had no real emotions just sadness and ANGER. This led to loss of jobs, loss of family, etc.. I had no control until I let a power greater than myslf into my life. Dealing with anger with a clear head has been a wonderful learning experience. The longer I am SOBER the easier it is to recognize ANGER and my own restlestness. I see now that when I am ANGRY it is because I see something in somone that I dont like in myself. I love going to AA meetings and just got online and figured I could enhance my sobriety and help others the way I was helped in the beggining. I need to remember to TRUST GOD CLEAN HOUSE AND HELP OTHERS because I am SOBER today thru the GRACE OF GOD and the teachings of ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. God bless. E-Mail me @ sbrman@aol.com Thx for letting me share. Charlie F.
Member: Bill K
Location: Anaheim, CA
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 00:22:55
Anger...Hmmm...I was really angry today at work for about an hour. What I kept thinking about was the AA philosophy that when there is something bothering me I MUST look into myself because that is where the problems lies.
Also, to those who believe anger is a natural or a feeling to be accepted...I agree. Anger can be like a physical wound that hurts. The reason for the pain is to alert oneself to the FACT that something is wrong. The physical hurt from the wound is pretty obvious. But the hurt and strong feelings attached to anger can be a little difficult to "figure-out." I was angry most of my life and didn't know it. When I got sober a few years ago one of the things I had to do was to face my old angers and the "here and now" feelings. Thank God for His giving us a sense of hurmor because now I tend to laugh at my "little termites" of anger that want to "eat at the foundation" of my program.
I heard in an AA convention in Anaheim, CA about 1991 a woman speaker say this about anger: "What do you get when you squeeze an orange? Why orange juice, of course! What do you get when you squeeze a lemon? Why lemon juice, of course! And what do get when you squeeze an angry person? Why anger, of course!" For me that clarified why I reacted so poorly through most of my life. Today, after a few years at working the program, I can honestly say I can express more patience and tolerance than anger. It's a great program if one works the Program of AA as it is laid out in the Big Book of AA.
Thank you for letting me share. If anyone wishes to e-mail me I'm at billkl@exo.com. I'm currently talking with people from all over the world, and guess what? They all sound about the same...amazing!!!
Member: Deborah W
Location: MS
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 13:13:07
Hi Everyone. I am Deborah, an alcoholic. I was very angry person when I first came into the program 11 years ago. Anger was my GOD! For me, it's been like an addiction all to itself. I have made very slow progress in this area. Working the steps, especially 4 and 5 have been very beneficial and healing in my recovery and it was revealed to me in these steps that I can be my own worst enemy. Anger can do for me both positive and negative things. It can eat me (and my lunch) alive! It can set me off in a rage throwing things!It can make words come out of my mouth in such a rapid torrent that no one in my path is spared! Thus using anger negatively depletes my spiritual energy, isolates me from other people, and makes me feel miserable. Then I think, gee, I'm a recovering alcoholic and I should really be doing better than this! And I remember that "anger is a dubious luxury of normal people" Does this help my anger? NO. It is then compounded by feelings of shame and inadequacy. Now, when I am able to use anger positively, it makes me creative and productive and I am able to channel that spiritual energy into something worthwhile like cleaning the house, doing errands, or even another inventory. I really feel like I am powerless to how I react to anger whether positive or negative. I believe it all depends on my spiritual state at the time. So, I pray a lot. I'm human and I'm going to get angry. I have yet to meet a person to whom GOD has removed this defect of character. Lessens it, yes. And sometimes, uses it to benefit others (7th step prayer) though I've never been thrilled about being "an example." It's easier to feel anger than it does to feel hurt. It's easier to sum up rejection, abandonment, pride, grandiosity, and insecurity into one blanket emotion of anger than to deal with the specific one. Also, anger has been my friend - it has helped me to survive. Some women may identify with this. But at one time alcohol was my friend also until it quit working and turned against me. Thank GOD there was AA! With the steps, I have found feedom from taking that first drink. And, in sobriety, no matter how anger I have gotten it has not been necessary to take that first drink. It's a miracle and a blessing. Because I still can get very anger. I pray. I talk about it. I leave the room. I yell. I work in the yard. I sing loud. I laugh. I hurt. I cry. I state my needs. I hope my sharing helps someone out there. Thank yall for allowing me to share. Deborah
Member: Karin W.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 15:46:31
Hi everyone, it's great to have this meeting when one can't get to a meeting. I just returned from a family visit and returned feeling very grateful. Grateful for being sober and spiritual and seeing a bright future. My brother is a very angry man and he remined me of me before I entered these rooms. Would like to share something I read in Box 459. Dr. Bob's Plaque on Humility: " Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble. It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me. It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised, it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the door and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and about is seeming trouble." Andrew Murray 1828-1917
Stay well everybody and thank you for letting me share.
Member: Robert T
Location: uk
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 16:18:35
Robert again, twice in a week, sorry but the reason is : people who say it's ok to be angry make me ANGRY. " If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison." Big Book Page 66
Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 16:46:05
Anger being useful?? "Anger is the dubious luxury of normal men, but for us alcoholics it is poison" and "justifiable anger is better left to those qualified to handle it" hardly make anger sound useful to me. What about "Self righteous anger can be very enjoyable....it brings a comfortable feeling of superiority."(12x12, pg 66)?
I'm stickin' w/ the BB, and it says "if we were to live, we had to be free of anger."
Member: Merle P
Location: New York
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 18:38:40
Merle,alcoholic. Everybody gets angry sometimes. We are human beings, not saints. But today because of AA, I know I'm in trouble if I hold onto my anger for too long. If I've hurt anyone by my anger, I have a chance in this program to do something about it. It's all in the 10th Step. Read "The Big Book" on the 10th Step. There's more to it then just admitting you were wrong. Hope this helps, Dave
Member: Linda M
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 21:53:48
Hi, Linda, alcoholic.
I've been falling into the habit of being angry more and more lately. Seems when I listen to myself I hear a very negative person(about everything and everybody) Not sure why I'm going through this--actually there probably is no reason and it isn't worth trying to figure out. I quit analyzing every feeling I had some time ago, realizing when I'm the one doing the analyzing it's just a sick mind trying to figure out a sick mind! but one thing I do know, when I get like this I feel miserable.
Too often, once it passes, I can barely make sense of why I felt so very angry over a particular incident. It just screws up my serenity and eventually makes me physically sick.
I like the reminders you guys just gave me about the BB and I hope to settle down now. It just isn't worth it!
I didn't get sober to be miserable!
Love to all, Linda M
Member: Charlie F
Location: Tewksbury Mass USA
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 23:31:24
Hi folks Charlie Alcoholic. I spoke yesterday and thought about ANGER a bit. It says in the Big Book that I as a recovering Alcoholic can ill afford anger or resentment. Anger comes in many forms I seem to be angry when I dont get my way, or when " life`s not fair " It really is for my a immature way of dealing with uncumfortable feelings and the people around me suffer. I was told by an Old Timer that when looking outwardly angry try looking within. I can say that my discontent at times expresses its self as anger that is why I say it comes in many forms. Time is the great healer, in time my anger subsides and I get on with my life. I will share one more thing and that is my anger comes out more when I am not doing anything for this god given program. For you new comers remember SUFFER UNTIL YOU DO WHAT YOU ARE TOLD>
Member: Mark B.
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 23:36:28
Mark, Dope fiend alcoholic, Know what? After 12 years and change of working this deal, I still get pissed. Anger is an emotion for me. What I do with it today is vastly differrent from wht I used to do with it. I get a kidk out of watching people try and microanalyize an emotion. It just is for me. I own it, I feel it, and today, I dont act out on it. I get rid of the anger by sharing it in a meeting, with my sponsor, with a baby of mine, with a friend, I don't hang on to it. Anger is the dubious luxory of normal men. I ain't normal. I'm bodily and mentally different from my fellows so I gotta get rid of it. Today, when I get angry, I don't hit or hurt anybody, not much for most people, but for me and where I came from, that's a miracle for me. I'll keep coming back, I might get different, anything is better for a drunk like me.
Mark
Member: Diane W.
Location: Virgin Islands
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 23:58:29
Hi, I'm Diane and I'm an alcoholic. Things that help me when anger strikes; or to keep it at bay are 1) Halt. I have to take care of myself. It's amazing how subtle being a little 'halt' can affect how I react. And that's what it is -react. I have to stop-halt. I now am in the practice of checking my feelings when I start getting the least bit worked up. 2) It helps me to know that anger results when I feel I've been cheated, criticized or somebody will get what is mine--the old step 10- spot check 3) and step 11, keeping in constant contact with my HP, knowing in his hands I am safe. Faith.
Member: Jane
Location: Ma.
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 06:16:23
Thanks, Eddie G., for your great story about the false teeth. Had a fit once at the local bank. Was on a role with anger about some mess-up with my account. Stomped out of that place straight into the broom closet!! Was God telling me something? Like use the Serenity Prayer more?
A dear and very wise old timer of nearly 40 years, confessed that he would add "prolonged" to the admonishions on justifiable anger. That way, we all get to feel this human and sometimes useful emotion: Face it. Feel it. Let it go.
I usually share my anger with AA friends, husband or sponsor first, because a "problem shared is a problem cut in half". Prolonged anger or anger that I chose to hold on to becomes resentment.
Thanks, Karin, for Dr. Bob's Plaque. Beautiful. Love to all.
Member: Robin S.
Location: TX
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 07:43:08
Robin, Alcoholic. When anger rears its ugly head, first I breathe in and out and then I find it helpful to say this little prayer: "God grant me the willingness to be willing to NOT react to anything, and the willingness to search out what's Really going on. Amen"
Member: Rich R
Location: Detroit MI
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 12:18:01
Heard this at a meeting Friday: you can make another word out of ANGER by adding one letter: DANGER
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 14:03:11
Hi to all y,all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. On the topic of angeror resentments, I would like to share a true story that I experienced several years back. I was working with the County in Utilities down in Central Fl. and had been there about 5 or 6 years and the day before this happened, I got a new desk for my office. I had ben using a beat up old peice of junk,so I was really proud of this desk. It just so happened that we had hired a new engineer, who had been there about 6 weeks and he had a drawing table in MY office. When I came in that first morning after getting MY new desk, He was sitting at MY new desk with his feet up on My new desk, talking on MY telephone. I was "ticked". I am 6ft 4in tall and weigh250 and this guy weighs 130 pounds soaking wet. I took the phone from him, hung it up and informed him that I had to go to the east side of the county for the day but when I got back in late afternoon or any other time that if I ever saw him with his feet on MY new desk again, I would break both his legs. With that I left and for the entire day I replayed this over and over. When I would get back this afternoon, he would be setting at MY desk and I knew exactly what I was going to say to him and I knew what he would say back to me. I would respond one more time and so would he and then I would hit him. I still don't even know why I had to go to the east side and remember nothing about the trip, just this replay all day. When I got back to the office, I went charging in to MY office and so&so was not there. I asked someone where so&so was and they informed me that the county administrater had caught him steeling from the petty cash fund and fired him on the spot. My first feeling was one of anger because I had spent the entire day planning for this and now it was not going to happen.My next feeling was one of joy and I started to laugh when I realized what I had done. I had given this ding bat rent free space of my entire head for one complete day. If that is not an alcoholic for you I don't know what is. I hope some of you may be able to identify with this and maybe not give someone "rent free space in your head". This is a true story, with my hand up. Sanders W.
Member: sharont
Location: Chicago
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 15:36:13
Hi, Sharont, an alcoholic. I'm glad the topic is anger. Now, having a only few days to sobriety behind me, this emotion has been rearing it's ugly head quite often. I'm angry because I'm an alcoholic, I'm angry because I'm angry. I could think of many other things right now, but what I need to hear and read is just what is here. Right now, I am taking small steps in this recovery, and I have to stop and listen when I begin to feel like this, or the alternative is to obivious. I'm glad that I tuned into this discussion today - how appropriate. I pray a lot now, and I hope that I can learn what you all have over the years to stay sober. Thanks for letting me sound off.
Member: Mark L.
Location: Seattle, WA
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 20:31:57
Seems to me that ANGER is such a catch-all for many different unpleasant emotions. I think that it's important to identify for yourself the various forms that your anger can take. My reasons for this viewpoint is that for myself, I need to make little bits of progress each day without backpeadling - if I don't make progress then I'm resting in one spot for a while. By swaddling my episodes of unhappiness or unease in a blanket of "anger" then I do a disservice to myself in identifying those things that really bug me and taking steps to change. Am I feeling frustrated or am I ANGRY? Am I feeling depressed or am I ANGRY?
I find it useful to identify the irritating trigger points and then take action on them - that way you make a little bit of progress each day.
(Using the blanket) Anger can be a good thing in some ways. It helps you know your boundrays. I have also been told by more than one person in recovery to "cut out the serenity ****" It's important to have a balance of both.
Member: Mark L.
Location: Seattle, WA
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 20:33:27
Seems to me that ANGER is such a catch-all for many different unpleasant emotions. I think that it's important to identify for yourself the various forms that your anger can take. My reasons for this viewpoint is that for myself, I need to make little bits of progress each day without backpeadling - if I don't make progress then I'm resting in one spot for a while. By swaddling my episodes of unhappiness or unease in a blanket of "anger" then I do a disservice to myself in identifying those things that really bug me and taking steps to change. Am I feeling frustrated or am I ANGRY? Am I feeling depressed or am I ANGRY?
I find it useful to identify the irritating trigger points and then take action on them - that way you make a little bit of progress each day.
(Using the blanket) Anger can be a good thing in some ways. It helps you know your boundrays. I have also been told by more than one person in recovery to "cut out the serenity ****" It's important to have a balance of both.
Member: Jerry C.
Location: Phila., PA
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 23:06:42
Hi, my name is Jerry and I am an alcoholic. I think anger, like most of our emotions get easier to deal with as we remain sober. Living life on life's terms may be simple but not always easy. I find making meetings and keeping in touch w/HP are always helpful. Keep it simple, don't get Hungry Angry Loanly or Tired (HALT) enough to pick up a drink and for today you win. We all do. Thanks
Member: Gary S
Location: San Diego
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 02:30:19
Anger is fear. Fear is lack of faith. Before learning the tools of AA, I was a rage-aholic. Recently, I was diagnosed as clinically depressed which is a chemical imbalance. I take an anti-depressant to keep the seratonin level constant. With over 18 years of sobriety, I was reluctant to share this. AA officially recognizes that some members may need to take antidepressants for valid medical reasons. The quality of my sobriety has improved. I have the tools of AA to combat the psychological addiction and anti-depressants to alleviate the chemical imbalance. Unfortunately, many people self-medicate with alcohol to maintain serotonin levels in the brain but as we know, alcohol merely reacts as a poison. I owe my life to AA and hope that you will benefit with what we have to offer. Regarding anti-depressants, only a qualified medical doctor can make the proper diagnosis relating to depression. The AA position maintains that the fellowship should not play doctor nor form judgments against those who are taking anti-depressants. Please feel free to email me at kidsvid@flash.net if you would like my AA story.
Member: mike w
Location: saudi arabia
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 06:57:26
hI mike here grateful recovering alcoholic. anger, good topic. i was always angry when drinking, actually it hekped me drink more, i used to blame everyone for my current dilema's. the world just didn't know how good i was, no one understood, so i stayed angry, and drunk. AA saved my life, i've heard that over and over in the rooms of aa for the last 6 years, and it's true for me. I believe the bigbook on this , I personally speaking ( and only for me) that anger is an emotion that i can illafford. it gets me in all kinds of trouble. i do get angry, but more and more i'm learning to have patience and tolerence for others. that is one of our codes, the golden rule so to speak. so I'll keep on working on staying serene, calm, and sober. all i can do is hope for progress. it's good to be back in stayingcyber, hi to everyone. ODAAT mike w.
Member: Carolyn L.
Location: GA
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 10:32:28
Carolyn L, GA, Alcoholic, I think...
I want so much to feel like Michelle. Right now things are very "raw". I feel like I am outside in the night naked. I just want to run back to the comfort of the bottle. Only on one side I see the enemy, the bottle. I keep remembering when I would feel so tense and upset I could get a drink and feel calm. I just couldn't stop at the one drink. I would keep going sometimes until the room was spinning.
I just want the calm. I am reading in the BB all the stories. Trying to find myself in them. Today is day 14 sober or at least without a drink. I don't know if I'm sober yet. Thank you Michelle, your email has meant so much to me. I'm very confused right now, trying to follow suggestions and going to meetings. I feel weak and depressed. Don't mean to be a downer to anyone. I just don't feel very mentally or emotionally healthy today.
Member: Maggie W
Location: Matteson, IL
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 12:13:54
Hello family. This is my very first attempt at input on the internet and of course, being a drunk it took me 2 hours to find you and figure out how to do it. Just got the computer set up and am fascinated with AA availability. Don't even know where to start. I'm glad you're here. Anger is a great topic and Carolyn L., you brought me right back to the beginning of my sobriety. When I was 14 days sober, I found the only peace was to go to meetings constantly and repeat the Serenity Prayer like a mantra. Thousands of times a day. It didn't leave room for much more but it worked. I don't know when it kicked in and became a part of my life but it did so one promise became true. I had a counselor tell me anger is ok, it's what you do with it that matters. Since I didn't know what to do, I just kept talking about it in meetings and doing what the winners told me to do. Don't drink and go to meetings. It is awesome to think that so many on-line fellow alcoholics will include you in their prayers tonite. I know I will. Remember you are not alone.
Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 12:50:53
Hi there, My name is Doris and I am certianly an alcoholic, how else could i have screwed up a good deal of my life the way I did? ANGER ! I don't even know where to start. The first thing that comes to my mind is when i was in the unit my counselor asked all of us, "Who are you angry with? and i was going to say, "My father" but when i opened my mouth i said, "GOD". I t was like I was possessed and i really don't know where it came from. I always thought that I loved God and still do. I am working on it. I guess with my childhood and background i am angry with God. I know that I have to let it go, I know that I have to "give it up". Most of the time I think I have achieved all of te right things concerning this but now and than it comes back. Thank you, Doris
Member: Connie M.
Location: CA
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 18:42:10
Connie, Alcoholic for life here. This is my first time here @ this site. I like the concept! Anger is quite an appropriate topic for me. Just last week, I allowed anger to ruin a chance at a great job. The interviewer didn't call me back when he said he would (wahh, the world isn't perfect and so I'm pissed!) So instead of being cool about it, I called him. Left numerous unreturned mssgs. My final mssg. consisted of only 2 words, and they weren't "Happy Birthday." My "stinkin' thinkin'" let this guy's non-communication be translated into a major personal affront, that "required" me to show him I didn't appreciate being put-off. My pride was running rampant, and in my short-sightedness, I "told him off," but at the cost of not having ANY chance of being hired! And I've been sober for 6 years! I felt so awful, not just at the blown opportunity, but at the fact that once again, I didn't just "Let go & let God." A friend in the program reminded me to not be too hard on myself about it, but to learn from it. And I have. Actually, I'm also grateful for all the progress I have made. Instances like this are MUCH fewer, since I've been working the program. Just another example of our infallibility, and a reminder to be ever vigilant, and non-complacent. Sobriety is a never-ending PROCESS ! To all the newcomers: "Welcome!" :) Please keep with the program: Your worst day sober is better than your best day drunk! May God bless all of you.
Member: Kate T.
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 00:53:33
Kate here, alcoholic. This is a spiritual journey. What ever stands in the way of my connection to the Great Reality is going to be revealed to me. I have defended myself with various emotional states, including anger, as a way to excercise the belief in the power of my free will. My free will is to be aligned with God, and my ego fights this. Anger is a defense against truth, and it has taken me a long time to learn that I have victimized myself by my own anger. The club of anger has to be surrendered, until I see that it is valueless, I will be clubbing myself to death.
Member: kellie
Location: Boston
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 10:52:53
hello. Kellie, cyclothymic alchy here. Anger is a tough emotion like hate. it really eats ya up inside. Who isn't angry more than a bitter alcoholic? If we can conquer this disease then we should be able to work on conquering anger too. That's why i think meditation could be the key. Focus on love and then we feel love. Focus on anger and we feel anger. Only we can control what we focus on. This said it's the most difficult thing right now to do. but it can be done right? Focus on god and love and strenth is what i'm trying to do and hopefully get sober in the process. God bless. Kellie
Member: Tim O.
Location: OK
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 18:38:48
My name is Tim; and I'm very greatful alcoholic. I think Anger is a very powerful emotion, that can get many members of the fellowship drunk. We should remember the the word HALT. If anger is directed to a person; ask our HP to get take away this negative feeling; turn it over, but don't reach back; pray for the other person, that they be helped and blessed. Anger held inside, can lead to depression. Day at a Time.
Member: Bill W.
Location: Calif.
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 18:49:32
My perception of anger, for better or worse: anger is a natural reaction to danger, imagined or real. It is also a gift, something God intends us to use. It can help save your life, through the triggering of biochemical responses in the human body, preparing it for self defense. It can be used to harm and cause pain on a variety of levels, emotional and otherwise. It can also arrive unexpectedly, as a steam valve of sorts, releasing years of sorrow and hurt, leaving calm in its wake. I choose to make a friend of anger, and use it sparingly. I figure it will be with us the rest of our lives, and we would not experience it without God's will. Maybe it's nothing more than a flood of chemicals in the brain, or part of an ongoing spiritual trial, but either way, it is human, it is inevitable, and it is here to stay. Acceptance, as always, seems to be the key- feel the emotion and accept it, then check in with God with a quick prayer and choose a course of action that you feel God would want you to take (that is, if you have even a half-second to think about it- it takes practice!). Believe me, the best thing I've learned is to disengage whenever possible and walk away from confrontation when angry. Forget the macho stuff and buy myself that time to cool down. That was the some of the best advice my sponsor gave me- he was offering simple solutions for my simple mind, I guess!
Member: David B.
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 22:26:48
I'm David a Recovered Alcoholic. Sanders your story from 13 May made me laugh till I cried. How dare your boss do that to your renter!
As to the topic, if I were able to handle my anger I would have done it long ago. I believe the Big Book when it says, "Anger is the dubious luxury of normal men."
Being a pseudo-intellectual( thats an intellectual with a high school education as his highest level of schooling), even I know that if anger is a dubious luxury of NORMAL men I should be considered dangerously anti-social when I decide to exercise my considerable power, ah hahaha, on the most powerful of all our negative emotions. When I get really pissed I KNOW its time to surrender. Usually by that point I should have surrendered three days earlier.
I love reading the posts from all the newcomers, keep coming back, you keep us old farts honest and show us the program still has sufficient power to save a drunk from himself.
Thanks for letting me share. DB
Member: Trace W
Location: Auckland, NZ
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 23:19:53
Hi Trace here. I am an alcaholic. I never knew anger as an emotion before I got clean and sober. I went straight in to rage or I repressed everything to the point of suicide. I have learned over the past four years in recovery that anger is a human emotion and accepted that I have this emotion as part of my human condition. Like others have said, there was a lot of old anger to be rid of through the steps it was buried so deep. I tend to be able to deal with contemp -orary anger in healthy ways by expressing it immediately - I write it down or tell someone safe like a sponnsor or good friend (who's uninvolved), at other times I have to kick the shit out of an inanimate object. However, there are the times that those closest to me get the worst. This is at times of tiredness and stress and also where something or someone triggers off some festering past wound (which is also good be -cause it shows me where I need to clean house) These are the times I have to forgive myself and to learn, hopefully noot to repeat it. Prayer is invaluable. Love to all in London which is where I got sober.
Member: Trace W
Location: Auckland, NZ
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 23:20:20
Hi Trace here. I am an alcaholic. I never knew anger as an emotion before I got clean and sober. I went straight in to rage or I repressed everything to the point of suicide. I have learned over the past four years in recovery that anger is a human emotion and accepted that I have this emotion as part of my human condition. Like others have said, there was a lot of old anger to be rid of through the steps it was buried so deep. I tend to be able to deal with contemp -orary anger in healthy ways by expressing it immediately - I write it down or tell someone safe like a sponnsor or good friend (who's uninvolved), at other times I have to kick the shit out of an inanimate object. However, there are the times that those closest to me get the worst. This is at times of tiredness and stress and also where something or someone triggers off some festering past wound (which is also good be -cause it shows me where I need to clean house) These are the times I have to forgive myself and to learn, hopefully not to repeat it. Prayer is invaluable. Love to all in London which is where I got sober.
Member: c.s.
Location:
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 23:40:21
Member: c.s.
Location: indiana
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 23:40:48
Member: c.l.
Location:
Date: 16 May 1998
Time: 00:05:35
hello evryone, my name is carly and i am an alcoholic. anger is defenatly an obstacle in my life right now. i have a little over 90 days sober now. i think alot of it has to do with my age. i am only 16 years old. i started to get sober in august '97, but i failed. i think for me alot of it was because i had to change my whole group of friends, which i think is hard at any age. these people ment the most to me in my life at the time. but changing wasn't really aproblem since they didn't want anything to do with me anyways. i was confused and had alot of anger towards my parents at the time also, but mostly anger with myself. i looked back on all of the things i had done to them, and it hurt. i think that when your used to functioning normally when your drunk for so long, and then try to function sober that it's a huge shock to you mentally and physically. give yourself a break, it just takes time. i am so crabby still and i am just trying to learn how to be a normal, productive member in society, which i have never been before. just try to think of all the good things that this program has brought to your life. i'm sure that things have been worse in the past, and thankfully to a.a. they are better, but you can't change instantly, i can take years. just not being drunk allthe time can make you very irritable, and you'll snap at the littelest things. pray- i must say the serenety prayer atleast15 times a day instead of blowing up,that's a start for me. also, i try to pray for the people who hurt me,instead of lashing back at them, pray that they can change. also, if you need to talk to someone about something that is bothering you try to do it in a positive way.don't hold it inside! that's my problem, i am so passive that i always keep quiet when something is really hurting me, which causes me to just explode. just try one day at a time to work on this. make a list every day of all the things you are grateful for. medetate. i don't know if this helped anyone, and these are just suggestions, i am not trying to act like i know it all, because i don't. thanks so much for listening and letting me share. please give me feedback. that's all i have. have a nice night.
Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 16 May 1998
Time: 11:29:16
To Carly: Hang in there, and be thankful that you have already recognized the need to change. The biggest obstacle in recovery initially is denial, if you have surrendered to your disease, then the rest is accomplished one day at a time. I too started using drugs/alcohol when I was 12 and by time I was 16, I was burnt out on drugs, and replaced my addiction with alcohol. It is a difficult time in your life to free yourself from addiction while you(God)are still creating who you are. But then again, there is no easy time, it all takes work, but it's much worth it. Keep coming back, and find another group of friends to hang with, there are lots of teen support groups these days, you might check that out. You have your whole life ahead of you, and it all starts today! Michelle alcoholic.
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 16 May 1998
Time: 15:35:35
Hi, Linda an alcoholic. Welcome to the meeting Carly. So glad your with us. Also check out our coffee pot meeting, a lot of us visit each other there and keep in touch all through the week.