Member: Jackie B.
Location: Clarion, PA
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 08:09:56

Comments

Howdy all...alcoholic named Jackie. I was one that came into the rooms claimin not to believe in anything, I had no faith, I had no trust. My loving sponsor pointed out that if I had none of these things, why did I return to the booze and dope? Did I not have faith and trust that these things would numb the pain? Shit...busted again. Step two showed me the things that I did have faith in and exactly how insane it was to continue to believe in them till my death. I already believed in a power greater than myself...booze/dope even though I was insane enough to think I controlled it. Tells me in the book that I needed a pyschic change which is a change in my thought process..."could return me to sanity." Thanks for readin my stuff.

Peace,

Jackie


Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield, E. Yorks. UK
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 09:06:34

Comments

Thanks for that, Jackie, Your share reminded me of someone I heard at a convention some time ago, who was talking about Faith vs. Belief. I never knew there was a difference, until he explained HIS interpretation of it, as follows. "I believe that Blondin, the guy who strung up a rope across the Grand Canyon, and walked across it, blinfolded, and pushing a wheelbarrow, can do that thing. I believe he can do it, because I have read that he did it, and seen photographs. If I had FAITH that he could do that - I Would've been sitting in the wheelbarrow!!" I came into AA with no belief in ANYTHING whatsoever, until someone pointed out to me "Avril, for someone who doesn't believe in God, it seems to me that you spent much of your life CURSING HIM!!" Today, as far as I am able to see, I have FAITH in my Higher Power, who I call God purely for simplicity. He/she/it is not in church (I would never have found him there) He is not in AA rooms - He is in ME. Wherever I am God is. Today, I feel safe in the knowledge that, although my life is taking a new turn(divorce pending, and financial insecurity a big issue right now) I KNOW that, providing I stick with the winners in AA, I can never, ever be as bad as I was in drink. I have seen times when (If there WAS any bread in the crock) I had to cut off the green, mouldy bits and toast it to feed my kids - And that was on a good day!! Usually, they got to go to grandma's for tea, which I convinced them was a great privilege for them, and aren't I just a wonderful mum!??! I had houses reposessed, and was declared bankrupt, and today I KNOW WHY. ALCOHOLISM!! I have no other excuse for the state of my being than active alcoholism, and today, by the Grace of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, although emotionally I am quite fragile, I have Faith that I am right where I need to be at this moment in time. I am not meant to be back out there, drowning my sorrows, I am meant to be right here, right now, and I am learning every day that MY God, has it all in hand, and one day I will understand what I do not understand today. July 11th, God-Willing, will be my 9th sobriety anniversary, and no-one ever told me sobriety would be easy, but let me assure anyone who is suffering in any way right now - It sure is easIER. And much more worth while. Faith is going so far out on a limb, and knowing that God will grow a tree under you. Thank you all for being here for me. avrilgoodall@driffield99.freeserve.co.uk ICQ#36201819


Member: michael m
Location: bend,or.
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 10:08:07

Comments

sometimes we had to search fearlessly,but he was there. he was as much a fact as we were.we found the Great Reality deep down with us. in the last analysis it is only there that he may be found. it was so with us. BB pg:55 peace/out


Member: Mickey C.
Location: Baker City Or. USA
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 10:11:47

Comments

My name is MICKEY C. I am a alcohlic. Thanks to Jackie, and avril. I heard it said, if you pray, why worry. If you worry why pray. I hope chief crazy bottle, and Dawie, are doing ok. I invited a friend to this meeting, (Dave R.) If you show up, welcome to stayingcyber. thank's for letting me share! IT WORKS IT REALLY DOES!!!! HAVE FAITH!!!! Mickey C.


Member: Muriel l
Location: Hobbema, Ab.Can.
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 11:04:08

Comments

Good Day everyone Muriel, an alcholic. this is an excellant topic, thanks Jackie! I thought I'd share a comment that really helped me in developing my faith. I too did not realize that I knew all along what faith was untill I heard about what your saying, good ole alcohol was my higher power. So I did have some kind of faith. I too have switched higher powers. I am native american and have gone back to my roots after coming into the prrgram. the Elders tell me something like what Avril said that the Creator is within us and everywhere, that we are physical representations of him. That we can't see but, that, we can see becuase of him. It is slowly coming together.I am very grateful I find A.A. I don't even want to guess where I would be today had I didn't come into the program. Thank you for allowing me to share, Have a good 24.


Member: shell
Location: georgia
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 12:19:16

Comments

Hey! My husband is an alcoholic. We had to find an internet site as part of his recovery. This site gives me hope that we can make it. I read here at leasst once a week and the stories and questions help me to undersatnad how he feels and what he maybe going through . You guys are GREAT!! God bless you all and may all your dreams come true.


Member: Rick S.
Location: Boulder City NV
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 13:48:37

Comments

Hello folks, my name is Rick...and I am still an alcoholic. I always believed in God...he was the one I always turned to WHEN THE SHIT HIT THE FAN. You know.."if you just keep me alive, or get me out of this, I will do better next time!" So my belief was that what ever I got into he would get me out...in my mind I still had control. Today I have faith in the God I believe in. I ask for advice BEFORE THE SHIT HITS THE FAN and have faith if I do what comes to me it will be OKFINE. So in doing this I have given the last little bit of control away. Only when I realized this concept did my sanity in life start to get better. I have a few 24 hours and it is still the most important thing in life. God bless you all.


Member: Arlene C.
Location: Cape Coral, Florida
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 14:41:30

Comments

Hello everyone, my name is Arlene and I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety date is 11/28/85 and my home group is the Interesting Topic Group that meets Thursdays at 8pm at the YANA clubhouse in Fort Myers.

I did not have a religious affiliation when I came to AA, but I do now. This morning I was sitting in church listening to the sermon and it really touched me. (That's something recovery has given me...an open mind not only to AA members but all kinds of spiritually-seeking people). The Pastor was talking about how some of the hardest questions he has to deal with in his ministry are ones from hurting people who want to know if the hurt is God's Will. Or questions like, "If God is so powerful, why doesn't he prevent wars and child abuse and the school massacres..."

He went on to say that God doesn't cause disasters nor does he prevent them. He doesn't cause windfalls, either, nor does he prevent them. God's purpose is to help us through everything day by day, as we humans go about exercising our God given self-will, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the evil.

That makes sense to me, because when I was drinking he was with me, but he didn't prevent my drinking or the consequences. Today in sobriety, he is still with me, but doesn't prevent life stuff from happening to me. He's just the very best supportive friend I could ever have.

In return he asks for nothing except faith the size of a mustard seed, if you'll forgive my scriptural quoting. But that doesn't seem like much to ask. He's very good. My sobriety and the contrast between my life sober these past 13 years and my life when I was drunk is proof.

God bless all of you and may you all find Him and the power he offers. Love ya all.


Member: Doc T
Location: Raleigh, NC   USA
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 17:02:37

Comments

My name's Doc Thomas, and I'm glad to know I'm alcoholic. like many of you, my understanding of the word 'faith' has changed or taken on different meanings since AA got me. i've got to remember that 'faith without works is dead' because i don't like to work at anything...no matter how good it may be for me! the only thing i ever really worked at with fever was drinking...and for me, it WAS work. i saw page 88 line 8 quoted earlier...it took me a really long time to believe it...at least believe it for me!

love you all,

Doc


Member: Patt O.
Location: Oregon
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 17:07:18

Comments

Hi, all, Patt, grateful, recovering alcoholic here. Great topic, Faith (Finding An Innocence That Heals). I believe the world is flat, but am sailing with One who knows that it's round. My faith keeps me from falling off the edge, so I stick with the Captain. Keep on keeping in touch with your Higher Power--as my sponsor says, "He loves to hear from strangers."

Here's the complete Serenity Prayer in translation from the French poet who wrote it way back in the middle ages:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, and The wisdome to know the difference.

Living one day at a time, Accepting the hardships as the pathway to peace, Taking as He did the sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right, if I surrender to His will. That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and Supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.

Trust God, clean house, help others. Thanks for letting me share. Love to you all, Patt.


Member: David R.
Location: Brandon, S.D.
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 19:45:56

Comments

Hello, my name is Dave R. and I am an alcoholic. Thanks to Mickey C. for inviting me to this meeting. This is really neat. Thanks to everyone who has spoken so far. I really needed this topic. I have'nt been to a meeting in a long time. I think I have lost faith in everything the last year. But of course I have not been trying either. I just seem to wait for the next bad thing to happen to me and feeling sorry for my self. I have put my faith in other things that I thought would help me but in reality they are and were hindering me. I seem to blame all my problems on everyone else when in reality I know way deep down inside it is my own fault. I have not had a drink in 2 years but I believe I am in a dry drunk. I always seem to find something to feed my addivtive personality weather it be alcohol,drugs,work, or sex. I just need to learn to have faith in my higher power and this program because if I don't I who knows what will happen . I'm very grateful to Mickey C. for telling me about this meeting. I plan on looking here every week. thanks all have a great week!!


Member: David R.
Location: Brandon, S.D.
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 19:46:36

Comments

Hello, my name is Dave R. and I am an alcoholic. Thanks to Mickey C. for inviting me to this meeting. This is really neat. Thanks to everyone who has spoken so far. I really needed this topic. I have'nt been to a meeting in a long time. I think I have lost faith in everything the last year. But of course I have not been trying either. I just seem to wait for the next bad thing to happen to me and feeling sorry for my self. I have put my faith in other things that I thought would help me but in reality they are and were hindering me. I seem to blame all my problems on everyone else when in reality I know way deep down inside it is my own fault. I have not had a drink in 2 years but I believe I am in a dry drunk. I always seem to find something to feed my addivtive personality weather it be alcohol,drugs,work, or sex. I just need to learn to have faith in my higher power and this program because if I don't I who knows what will happen . I'm very grateful to Mickey C. for telling me about this meeting. I plan on looking here every week. thanks all have a great week!!


Member: Kerry F.
Location: Delaware
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 19:55:55

Comments

Hello,Kerry F.and I'm an alcoholic. Sometimes when you tryed all else and have gotten absolutly no relief,as was the case with me. You have little choice but to try what you had little belief in to start with. Like jackie,this was also the case with me. The doctors,counsolers and shrinks couldnt get me to admit I had a drinking problem,let alone cure me of my addiction to alcohol. It was only when I reached a bottom I was unable to handle,that I stepped out in faith and tryed the god of my understanding.I felt that if there was such a being,he surely didnt owe me a thing. But I went ahead and tryed anyway and guess what? Step 2,the step i was forced into skipping revealed itself to me.I didnt even have to do the second step,God did it for me. And I can't begin to tell you just how wonderful my life hes been ever since. The God of my understanding not only got and has kept me sober,he has showed me how to live sober. When I go to meetings and hear people that believed the same way I did,I tend to lose my patience.Then I have to remind myself that I too once refused to belief that there could be a greater being,whatever that might be.I wish there was a way I could prove it to them myself. But I have to realize that I alone can't do anything.


Member: Joe A.    2/19/71
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 20:40:32

Comments

Hi, everyone: My name is Joe A. and I am a very grateful recovering alcoholic. My sobriety date is 2/19/71. I thank my Higher Power for keeping me alive long enough to find AA, and for helping me stay at least dry until I could start to really recover.

If I could understand God, I would be God's equal. Don't believe I quite qualify for that, so maybe it would be a good idea if I left that job to someone who can handle it.

I realize now that any time I talk about God, I'm guessing or repeating the guesswork of someone else to which I choose to remain loyal. when I got to AA, I believed there was a God, but I did not like God and did not trust Him. Is God dependable? What if I turn my life and will over to the care of Someone who will fail me? Then one day a train of thought began with me that goes like this: There are certain things I must have in order to survive. 90 days without food and I will be dead of starvation. I need shelter, which includes clothing. Depending on the climate, without shelter I will die of exposure. Without water, life is not possible for more than five or six days. The one thing that I need most desperately is air. Five minutes without air and I will have irrepairable brain damage. Ten minutes without air and I am dead. No human being creates air, it is from God. The medical people tell us that the average person breathes about 16 times a minute--about 1,000 times an hour. A thousand times an hour every hour of my 70+ years of life, Someone has been providing for me that which I must have and cannot provide for myself and I don't have to pray for it or pay for it! Any time I want to be reassured that I am still being provided for, all I have to do is take a breath. Good Old Reliable is still providing. That's dependable enough to suit me. How about you?

That's enough out of me for now. I hope that all of us will continue to make amends to ourselves by staying sober.

Lots of Love. Joe A., Portland, OR


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 21:33:23

Comments

Hi all Ya'all I am very definately a realalcoholic and my name is Sanders. I came, I came too, and I finally very slowly came to believe. The hardest thing I ever did was to stop drinking but it wasn't too hard because I was able to do it. It took me 71/2 years to get a 90 day chip and I ahd picked up between 100 and 150 white ones. I finally surendered to the fact that I could not drink but then I "white knucled" it for the next five years knowing that if I drank, I was dead. Finally on the very day I was tobe dry 5 years, I was driving out on a vewry busy highway in a county car andI started to crying and couldn't stop. I pulled off the highwayin fronmt of a business and was just setting there and a man from AA owned the business and saw me out front crying so he came out and sat and talked with me. This is when I was faced with the decision of God is everything or He is nothing. He either is or He isn't and what was my choice to be. I am very thankful I choose the "He is " way. IO know today thatthis was God's way of telling me I had to decide because He had carried me for 5 years and was through. I had to make the choice. In Sewpt, it will have been 24 years and believe you me, I like it a lots better sober than drunk. There isan old timer at my home group that always says it is easier to stay sober than it is to get sober and I believe that. Thank you all and God bless


Member: PattiK
Location: Woodstock
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 22:15:20

Comments

Hi all, I'm PattiK and I am an alcoholic. Faith, good topic. I too was a foxhole prayer. Oh God, if you get me out of this one I'll never do it again, but I did, I figured He wouldn't mind because after all I was only human, I had it all screwed up you know, about sins being forgiven, I figured it was okay as long as I was sorry afterward, sick thinking right?

It's funny how we can't see our insanity until we're coming out the other side of it. Today I have faith through the things I have learned working the AA program and knowing the loving people in the program. I know that God is with me today and I know that He wants the best for me. I know that if I ask Him, He will guide me to the next right thing. My faith is real today. My faith is living today, just as God is living in me.

I have to admit though that sometimes my wishes anfd desires fool me into thinking that where I'm going is where God wants me to go, and if the will is really my own I'll run right into a brick wall with it, thereby learning a valuable lesson. I'm learning, albeit slowly, to be still and wait for Him to show me the way to go.

When I first came in, I believed that there must be a God or some power watching over me because if not I might not have made it through 20 some yeares of destructive living. Today I know there is much more than that to faith.

I think of God as a loving father who is willing to teach me and guide me and who is patient enough to let me stumble sometimes, to learn.

Thanks for a great topic and thanks for letting me share.


Member: Deanna E.
Location: Texas
Date: 02 May 1999
Time: 22:52:53

Comments

Hi all..Deanna here, alcoholic.

God is or he isn't..that small amount of words leaped from the pages at me. You either believe or you don't and without the belief in a higher power how can you overcome alcohol? Sounds simple huh? NOT! It is simple but not easy. By turning my old destructive behaviour over to God, I have been able to stay away from it. The behaviour that carried me to the convenience store to buy that 6 pack. The behaviour that wouldn't let me stop when one was too much and a thousand was not enough. The behaviour that had me in it's clutches to want to control everything and anything. Once, I said "Here God, take it" the desire to drink was lifted from me. Every once in a while when that old craving creeps up I immediately give it to him. If I don't I will drink. Like someone said before, if there was no belief why did you cuss him so much?

I am grateful for the priviledge of not having to feel guilty of being ashamed of feeling afraid anymore. I am grateful for this program and for the members of AA. I am sober today because of it. But, mostly, I am full of gratitude for my Higher Power who walks with me everyday, just in case I need him.

Thanks for letting me share.

Deanna


Member: RON
Location: TEXAS,HOUSTON
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 02:38:23

Comments

I am an alcoholic and my name is Ron. Faith for me is the belief that my higher power is there.I know he is there because I would have never found this program if it were not for a kind and loving God.It took what it took to get me here,and the memory of the last days of drinking is what keeps me working this program to stay sober.I never want to go back to the type of life I was living before.I often here others speak of faith and trust as if they are one.For me there is a big difference.I can have faith that God is there is there,but can I match calamity with serinity by trusting my God that everything is going to work out for the best(especially when that means that the outcome is going to be PAINFUL!)Can I match that calamity with serinity when it the means the death of family or friends?The thing that I try to keep in the front of my mind is that God works in mysterious ways.He is the director, and I am his agent.Today,even though I have a dad dying of cancer,I am grateful for the time I had with him and that so far he is not suffering.I pray for God's mercy and love for my dad.I trust in God that everything is going to work out like it is supposed to,even though I don't like the outcome.He knows all and sees all.It is amazing the peace and serinity I feel when I rely on God's will,and not on selfwill.When I first came in to the program I used to just pray for God to come into my life And to stay sober one day at a time.Now I pray to stay sober one more day andthat his will be done not mine,because when my will pops up it usually results in a very painful lesson. Action and more action to be rid of self Don't quit five seconds before the miracle I love this program and the people in it Keep the faith and trust Ron


Member: Martine B
Location: Greece
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 05:20:07

Comments

Hi, my name is Martine, and I know i'm an alcoholic. But I'm not quite sure how to start.last night was just the iceing on the cake, and I am destroying my relationship although I'm not quite sure I want to save it either. I'm very confused, and upset. I don't know I got very drunk and,embarassed my boyfriend in front of his family, yelled and screamed at him and then he punched me in the mouth. Nice guy,but i'm beginning to think that maybe I deserved it? I don't know. I am a long long way from home and don't know where to turn, and this by the way was just one of my many stupid incedents in my life caused from alcohol. I need help.


Member: Jack B
Location: Windsor,ON
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 08:00:46

Comments

Hi, my name Is Jack and I'm an alcoholic. I can empathize very well with you Martine. My ability to admit my alcoholism began when I heard the following statement at an AA meeting. " Every time I drank I did not get into trouble-- but every time I was in trouble I had been Drinking!) Those words hit me like a tonne of bricks and made me realize just how much alcohol had to do with my bad "luck". Must run now, work bekons. This is a great site, good honest sharing, I hope to post again soon. My prayers are with you Martine, as they are with all alcoholics.

Love & prayers, Jack


Member: Laila L
Location: Turku, Finland
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 08:00:57

Comments

Hello everybody!!!!! I'm Laila and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for 2,5 years! I have faith in my Higher Power, I call Him God. I don't know, maybe this is the wrong way to advertise for e.mail penpals?????? I'm 27 years old. Love you all, keep the faith, KEEP COMING BACK!!!!!!! EN DAG I SÄNDER!!!!!!! (Swedish for One day at a Time....). Thank you all!!! Love from Laila. lailasusanna@hotmail.com


Member: Bob. B.
Location: N. Ireland
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 08:20:44

Comments

Hello Every, my name is Bob I'm a recovering alcoholic and I haven't had a drink today, this is my first time posting. Thanks for the topic Jackie, I would like to share something that happened to me early in my recovery.

I was sitting in a meeting in Tucson AZ, Part of chapter 5 was being read out and when I heard the last pertinent idea that goes "That God could and would if he were sought." I thought out loud "thats it, I,m outa here" fortunateley for me my sponsor overheard me and said, "what the hell has gotten into you now" I replied that I still did not believe in a God so therefore this place and this program were not for me.

It was then pointed out to me, rather abruptley, that no one was asking me to believe and that the last word of the line was 'Sought'and that if I really wanted to recover then I had better open my mind a little and begin to seek. On the other hand if I really wanted a way out then the door that I came in by would also serve as an exit. I choose to seek and eventually found something that I still do not fully understand but am learning by expierence to trust more and more.

Today I am able to thank God for all the tough love thet was given to me through this fellowship, it would not work for everyone but it sure has for me. I'm glad I got rescued and I will try to help others to get onboard the lifeboat. Thanks for letting me partisapate. peace and love. Bob. B.


Member: Susan O.
Location: Connecticut USA
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 11:17:46

Comments

Hi, I'm Susan, and I am a alcoholic. My soberity date is 11/26/94. Martine, pray to God for help. If you sincerely mean it He will show you the way. You don't have to go through nights like last night ever again. Find out where there is an AA meeting in your area and go. The first step is reaching out for help and you did that today. Believe me I feel your pain. If you want to e-mail me it's susieis@netscape.net.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. God be with you---Susan


Member: angie W.
Location: Tucson AZ
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 11:25:00

Comments

Hi, Angie definately addict and alcholic. This is second time here and it has already been a life saver. Bob from N. Ireland-when I heard you talk about sitting in a meeting in Tucson-I felt like god had touched me-again. Like so many others have said today-I have gotten lost and my sobriety date is 4/25/80.Mostly because I lost faith, as someone said, I now blame every problem on someone else. I am here at work and I have gotten so tangles up that I can no longer speak to most of my co-workers because I have held something against them and want to show them that i don;t need them and don't care if they hate me. I have just had three days off and have gone thru hell. I hurt so bad i felt i couldn't stand it. every second i wanted to go to the store for a bottle for some relief. Thank god -god has kept me out of touch with dealers so i don't know where to get drugs which i much preferred. anyway, i made it. This morning i began to feel the touch of god the way i have not felt it in so long. part of that was just being -feeling in touch with you all last week. thank god you are here. Dawie-my heart goes oot to you-if you stick with this long enough you will be very glad that you did. I KNOW THAT that's what I didn't know before-that is grace i think.Con Dios


Member: Pat P.
Location: Connecticut
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 11:33:38

Comments

Hi, I'm Pat, an alcoholic;

I haven't been to this site in a while, and don't understand why. After reading the experiences that folks share here, my faith is strengthened, and I feel connected!

There was a time in my soberiety when I was haveing a really hard time accepting my husband, and the image I perceived he had of me. I ran into a fellow AA at the CVS, and talked a little about how I was feeling...he told me that situations like mine (difficult times) were what taught him the most about faith...the faith that it would turn out like it was supposed to, as long as the "footwork" was done, and honesty was maintained. That struck a cord with me at the time, and I was reminded how wonderful it is to belong to a "group of drunks"...I believe God works through people to tell me what I need to know and learn on my journey home.

Thanks!


Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 11:44:06

Comments

MARTINE: The phone number for AA in Greece is: (Athens) 00-30-1-6452972 If you call them, they will tell you where to go for help.

On the topic: I came into AA a militant atheist. I had gone to 10 years of Catholic School and detested anything that even hinted at religion. I was quickly turned off by the words "God" and "Him" in the Steps. However, I had hit my bottom and didn't really have anywhere else to go, so I stayed long enough to read the literature and learn that I was not required to believe anything. I was only asked to be willing to keep an open mind. I liked being able to use AA as my higher power because I really did enjoy the meetings and found them to be immensely helpful.

Before coming to AA, I had a few "spiritual" experiences, although I didn't refer to them that way at the time. Some of them were almost identical to those mentioned in one of my favorite passages in the BB (from Chapter 6): "In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind." Although I never asked God for inspiration - because I didn't believe in God - I occasionally did find that when I stopped struggling and let go of a major problem, the answer would just come, usually at the last minute. There was no question about it either, it was as though a giant flashing neon arrow was pointing me in the right direction.

Since coming to AA, I have cultivated this mysterious source of power and have come to rely upon it. I found reading "The Varieties of Religious Experience" to be very helpful to me in attempting to understand this power. I am not sure if the words "belief" or "faith" apply to this experience. The word "trust" seems more descriptive. I had neither belief nor faith, but through a process of testing by trial-and-error, I have come to trust that this source of inspiration can be relied upon. I didn't find it through an act of faith, but merely by noticing that it would consistently work for me, sort of like a Pavlovian behavior modification. I don't really know what to call it so I use "higher power".

Peace & Serenity


Member: Kathy F
Location: Iowa
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 11:56:51

Comments

My name is Kathy and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.

Thanks for the topic Jackie. I too lost all belief in a God or Higher Power growing up. As an abuse survivor my childhood belief in a loving and protecting God was shattered. And, as I continued to grow up and these things (that shouldn't happen to me) continued... I turned to many things to fill that love that I now see God and I fill. My senior year in High School an old friend of mine was killed in a car accident - I finally had enough I told God to "F### OFF" and I took full control of my life and drank even worse and got even heavier into drugs. I went to Religious schools and had religion taught in the classrooms... durring my senior year one of the classes was dealing with proving the existance of God... we had to write papers either proving or disproving that there was a God (I of coarse wrote disproving God - although there was a preast teaching the class he seemed to enjoy reading my papers - I was the only one that didn't write what was expected) When I got into treatment another good friend of mine (also a preast) told me that I must have believed in a God otherwise I wouldn't have told Him to "F### OFF". That made sense to me - and so I moved on slowly with my steps. I still don't have the perfect relationship with my higher power than I should, but it is improving. I think it is hard at times for me to fully trust anyone or anything.


Member: Joe A.  2/19/71
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 14:06:35

Comments

Hi, again. Joe A. back. Martine, Larry M. of Virginia Beach gave you very good advice. AA in Greece can be contacted there. Another very good source of help you have already found on your own--this Internet site. What makes this kind of thing so valuable is that it is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. You don't ever need to feel alone again, not ever.

Recovery is do-able only if we give ourselves permission to recover. But if we do not give ourselves that permission, then, at least by default, we give ourselves permission to NOT recover and to stay sick instead.

Everything in AA is purely voluntary. No one can force you to participate, but most of us with any time in recovery agree that it is in our enlightened self-interest to make amends to ourselves by doing the things necessary to recover.

God loves you and wants for you nothing but good and I can not do any better than to agree with God.

Good luck to you on your journey!


Member: JOHN A.
Location: WISCONSIN
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 15:11:26

Comments

HI EVERYONE! I'M JOHN, THE COUNSELOR, FROM WISCONSIN, AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. I WANT TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH "ALL OF US" THAT HAS CAUSED ME TO LOOK AT LIFE A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY IN TERMS OF A PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY. I THANK KAREN FOR THIS BIT OF TRUTH SHARED AT A MY USUAL FRIDAY EVENING MEETING: "WE AREN'T HUMAN BEINGS ON A SPIRITUAL JOURNEY......RATHER, WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS ON A HUMAN JOURNEY" SOMEHOW THAT INSIGHT HELPS ME APPROACH THIRD STEP, AND "TURNING IT OVER" MORE EASILY. TAKE CARE, MY FRIENDS. JOHN


Member: Ray V.
Location: San Francisco, CA
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 15:34:38

Comments

Hi all, I'm Ray and I'm an alcoholic. Have been trying to stay sober for over ten years, with varying degrees of success. I want to return to AA because I know I am slowly, sometimes quickly, killing myself. On the topic of fath, the only time I have had any faith was when I was active in AA. Out here, I am very self-centered and cannot believe in anything greater than myself. Pray for me to make it back.


Member: Barbara L.
Location: New York
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 16:17:39

Comments

I'm Barbara. I'm just beginning and so I am trying to take in as much as I can. I feel that I have found a way to get out of the bottle. I hope I can find the faith as so many of you hav. Thanks for sharing.


Member: Melissa
Location: Atlanta
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 16:28:23

Comments

Hi friends, Melissa alkie here. I found this and thought I would share it.

RULES FOR BEING HUMAN 1. You will recieve a body. (like it or hate it, it is yours for the duration.)

2. You will learn lessons (you may like the lesson or find it irrelevant, but they will come)

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons (growth is trial and error. "failed" experiements are as important as the one that "work")

4. A lesson is repeated until learned. (We all can relate to that)

5. Learning lessons do not end. (there is no part of life that does not contain lessons)

6. "There" is no better than "here". (once you get "there" it becomes "here" and you have another "there" to get to. Enjoy the "here")

7. Others are merely mirrors of you. (again, I think we can relate. What we both love and hate in others reflect parts of ourselves/0

8. Whate you make of your life is up to you. (We have all the tools and resources we need. The choice of using them is ours)

9. Your answers lie inside you. (the answers to life's questions lie within each of us. Listen, look and trust yourself)

Today is my 30day sober. I have picked up many a white chip, but never any others. I am scared and excited all at once. My life is on the right track, but problems still persist. I am learning to deal with life on life's terms. I lived this entire weekend in the moment, and it was bliss. If anyone has words of wisdom they wish to pass to me, please email me at mbrown@sark.com.


Member: Dan S.
Location: South Dakota
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 18:08:13

Comments

Dan, alcoholic. When drinking, I could not imagine a God, so there wasn't a God. Yet, as I lived life accordingly, I became more and more scared, guilty and shame filled. I was somewhat educated of the world and the idea of a God seemed out of the realm of possibility, even ignorant--yet as I continued to be taken closer and closer to death through my own hand or otherwise, I prayed, to a God I did not believe in. On one hand didn't believe, yet I prayed to God!?!?!? I found myself in AA. I got a real sponsor (you can see I was desperate), who would not co-sign my B.S. He insisted we do some things if he was to sponsor me, and I was to "get this thing". Consequently, took the Steps out of the Big Book and experienced grace, relief and a true sense of peace--I suspect this is some dimensions of God. I continue to experience God's presence, especially when sharing with newcomers in Step work. This is a program achieved through action, action and more action.


Member: Geri W
Location: Virginia
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 18:56:09

Comments

Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. Hi family!

Martine - please follow Larry's advice and call AA. And at the risk of flaming from my AA brothers and sisters, I strongly recommend you absent yourself from anyone who hits you. Like alcohol, that too never gets better without treatment.

Ray, hang in there. Get to a face to face meeting ASAP.

Barbara - welcome. There are several newcomers here who will be glad to help. Continue those F2F meetings!

Now for the topic at hand. Anyone of you who have not scrolled past my previous posts may remember that I did not have any difficulty in believing in a HP. Just thought He was too busy for me. Once I Came To Believe that I too could call on Him for strength, courage, wisdom and protection, the rest was natural to me. I have learned that belief without testing is not faith:, just an opinion. So I believe that He is with me under all circumstances. That I have His grace no matter what is happening at the moment. He never leaves - sometimes I leave Him. And the darkness returns. Let that happen a time or two. Quit it too. Earth is not a good place to be without an HP that loves you no matter what!. Do I understand God? No. Do I need to? No. The important thing is that He understands me.

An't it great being sober?


Member: Connie P.
Location: KC
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 22:19:19

Comments

I think I read this in some AA literature once. Connie, alcoholic here. A woman was sharing at a meeting that she came to AA as an athiest, that she was still an athiest, but one thing she knew for certain was that she was not her own Higher Power. When I first came to the program, my H.P. was whatever or whoever made the sun come up and the sun go down. For those of you who struggle with "god," maybe this can be a place for you to begin. Gratefully.


Member: Denise
Location: Maryland
Date: 03 May 1999
Time: 23:05:21

Comments

Wow!! It's late and I'm a little too tired to read all the comments....Not sure what the topic is....I guess it's a belief in a higher power.....I noticed many of lost faith in our higher power prior to recovery....I know I did...My second anniversary is May 5th...I'm grateful for the two years of sobriety....My journey from there to here has involved a trust in my higher power I never had before....meaning I try my best and give up the rest to my higher power.....this attitude has afforded me alot of peace I didn't have before, including freedom from alot of worry, my anxiety over the general stressors of life is greatly reduced....I truly feel serene compared to two years ago...For the first time in years, I have been able to see the positives in life rather than just negatives and can honestly express gratitude most of the time...I was rarely grateful before....Denise


Member: John M.
Location: Ventura
Date: 04 May 1999
Time: 00:07:07

Comments

My name is John and I am an alcoholic. Currently I like the idea of G.O.D. standing for Good Orderly Direction. Before AA, booze was my higher power. Alcohol did for me what I could not do for myself. When new I was a spiritual giant, full of joy and serenity. But today I've settled into a "normal" life, but with much depth and experience to draw from. When faced with confusing situations I remember the principles of the program, trust God, clean house and help others. This system keeps me steady. I used to have booze to deal with problems, today I have the AA way. The days of humbling prayer and rapturous meditations are less frequent, but the AA way of life allows me to accept myself and others. My faith today is based on the idea that "everything is the way it's suppose to be", provided I do the right thing.


Member: Texas Girl
Location: Texas
Date: 04 May 1999
Time: 01:22:35

Comments

Hi, Texas Girl, Alcoholic. When I got poured into this program I had lost all faith, though I had been brought up in a traditional church (actually probably part of my problem.) Someone said in a meeting that there is a difference between "religion" and "spirituality"--what we strive for in the program: Religion is for people who are afraid to go to hell; spirituality is for those who have been to Hell and back. Thanks to my higher power and the strength of this program, I'm back from Hell, and I know the difference. My heart and prayers go out to the newcomers; concentrate on these three steps first: 1. Don't drink. 2. Go to meetings. 3. Repeat. The rest will come. I feel I must give a word of love and encouragement to Shell from Georgia. Darlin', if it's your husband that's the drunk and you're the one on the internet looking for AA meetings, that's called enabling, and you need to get to AlAnon ASAP--on the net and in person. I'm sure us ex-drunks all have stories about someone in our lives who desperately wanted us to be sober, but nothing worked until we came to this program on our own. I know you don't want to hear that, but that's just the way it is. AlAnon will teach you much, much more than how to deal with the drunk in your life; it will give you hope and courage to live your OWN life--and if you are married to a drunk you are going to need lots of both. Shell's husband, if you are reading this, enough already. You're hurting, your wife is miserable, what does it take? It does not have to be this way; a brand new life is there for the asking: just look in the yellow pages under AA and AlAnon. I will keep you both in my prayers--


Member: Angel R.
Location: Ossining, New York
Date: 04 May 1999
Time: 17:07:58

Comments

From the comments that I've read, I believe that this discussion is about a Power greater than ourselves can restoe us to sanity? (Step #2)Well all that I can humbly add is this:

It took me five long, agoinzing years bouncing back and forth, in and out of A.A. before booze kicked my butt after 26 years of drinking. When I finally screamed uncle and went to a outpaitient program at the nearby sanitarium, AA was my higher power. Although this was the suggestion given to me by my sponsor at that time via reading the 2nd Step, my mind had cleared up enough to notice that throughout the Big Book there is NO MENTION of a "higher power." What I did see was the word GOD (this is not "Good Orderly Direction" though it's a great description of Him). Like many others in A.A., though I could admit that booze won, I couldn't admit that GOD really cared for me personally. That is until I had my bone marrow transplant 3 years ago. Thanks to Him and A.A., I'm still able to don't drink and go to meetings. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Kris
Location: Parkersburg, WV.
Date: 04 May 1999
Time: 17:25:00

Comments

Hi everybody! It is a beautiful day out and I am grateful I am sober to enjoy it. Recently I have been taking inventory on several issues in my life and of course with myself. It is amazing how much of my life was lived in fear. Fear controlled everything. I am finding that some of the old fears are still with me at times and I am looking for solutions on how to handle it. One major fear I have is the fear of losing my sobriety. I have been sober for a few 24 hours, but lately I have really been letting things get to me. Stuff like school, family, friends(old and new). I am having a hard time finding someone who I really feel comfortable talking to about some issues. For about six months I have noticed myself not wanting to share at meetings, not wanting to be involved, and just pretty much keeping to myself. I know from experience that I need to make some changes or I will end up drinking. This program has given me a life that I never thought imaginable. Yet, for some reason I have back off on meetings. still talking with my Higher Power, but I am not working with a sponsor. I feel that old emptiness creeping in and I am scared. Well, thanks for listening.


Member: alsstuff
Location: mo
Date: 04 May 1999
Time: 17:58:08

Comments

I was told once to have hope is to have faith. In my ten yrs of recovery there has been times when I have question my faith,have hollored at god only to find that it was my fear of the unkown or my want to be in control . It was at these times I turned to prayer and meditation. And then reading the promise's and seeing how some were working in my life right then and still to this day. There as been for me and many others in this fellowship times of hardship,doubt yet in these times the knowing that there are those among us praying for us reaching out when we do that I know has given me the strength to go on. The was a time when deep insaintys ruled my mind in side the fellowship yet I was loved and cared for. Times when I was hurt by members and confused it with the fellowship and the aa program which made me lose faith in things yet in the end it was what I had learned inside the fellowship and the steps that help me to find a god of my understanding. I was told to go to meetings where god or a higher power was talk about to take the parts I found that made sense to me and leave the rest. Someone once told me instead of try to prove that god or a higer power is not real try to prove that it is. And when are you going to quit being angrey with god and just have faith that god or a higher power is. And in dealing with people there is there sided the other side and somewhere in the middle is the truth peace and blessing be with you and yours and may we all see another 24


Member: Shelly D.
Location: Indiana
Date: 05 May 1999
Time: 09:23:38

Comments

Hi, everybody, Shelly here and I am definitely an alcoholic. I finally am leaving it up to the Big Man upstairs- I love God, but have been loving myself and my feelings of direction for my life INSTEAD of his. Been down this road a few times, but yet to get a sponsor. Need to move on that one ASAP. Joe A- Your words of love really touched me. Thanks..I feel so alone at times as the whole family thinks I am nuts to say I have a problem. Ray V.- Hey, I am scared silly, too. Seems almost 90 percent of AA's never had a relapse after starting after talking to many- makes those of us who had relapses before committing fully feel like trash. But you MUST get beyond some of that stuff for YOURSELF. Pray alot. Listen to what you hear in your head about recovery..Throw out that bad stuff even family throws at you.. I'll pray for you and anyone out there with time in this thing, please pray for me. I love you all and thank God you are there. Shelly


Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, MA, USA
Date: 05 May 1999
Time: 10:34:25

Comments

Hi everybody. My name is Steve and I'm an alcoholic.

Great topic, Jackie. After 26 years of drinking like a madman, I started trying to control my drinking. For 12 years, I did a very good job of it. Such a good job that by the middle of last year, I thought I was going insane. I didn't know what to do, because I didn't know what the problem was.

About 2 months ago, a power greater than myself reminded me what my problem was by "arranging" for me to go out and get really drunk. I blacked out, passed out, and didn't get home until the next day - things I hadn't done in 12 years.

That power greater than myself also told me the solution to my problem. An hour after I got home, I was looking up the number for AA in the front of the phone book.

When I got to the meeting, the first thing I noticed on the wall was Step 2. I knew I was in the right place, because I knew it was that power that got me to the meeting. I take no credit for it at all.

I also noticed right away that Step 2 didn't say that I needed to believe that this power could keep me from drinking. I know I need to stay away from a drink every day, but if that was all that AA was promising, I wouldn't have stayed. I'm in AA to get back my sanity.


Member: Emily H
Location: NYC
Date: 05 May 1999
Time: 11:22:49

Comments

Hi. I am new to the program with only 10 days without a drink. I am still stuggling with the #2 step, trying to figure out what that means to me. What I need to hear from others is how much better life can be sober. I am still learning and how to live without a drink and would love to hear some messages that help me believe there is a better way. Thanks


Member: Emily H
Location: NYC
Date: 05 May 1999
Time: 11:23:05

Comments

Hi. I am new to the program with only 10 days without a drink. I am still stuggling with the #2 step, trying to figure out what that means to me. What I need to hear from others is how much better life can be sober. I am still learning and how to live without a drink and would love to hear some messages that help me believe there is a better way. Thanks


Member: Hollywood
Location: Cambridge Idaho
Date: 05 May 1999
Time: 11:32:45

Comments

Hello my name is Hollywood and I am an alcoholic.I have been in this prorgram for 7 1/2 months now and I know what your talking about when it comes to faith. I was at my bottom and had no other choice but to get sober. I wanted what other people had .SOBRIETY. So I listen I learned and wtih an open mind found hope. If it was not for faith I would not be sober today. I pray and I thank God that every 24hrs I don't drink. GOD bless all.


Member: Robert T
Location: St.Paul,MN.
Date: 05 May 1999
Time: 12:06:36

Comments

Thank-you for your advice it is helpful to me. I've been on this long road to recovery many times.I've read the big book over and over,I've gone to meeting after meeting,I've done the 12 steps, 12 times or better,I've had a dozen or so sponcers...My higher power dosn't seem to be available when I need him\her the most and I just wind up some how with a drink again.I've talked to people over and over about my problem and helped others with there's.So why do I alway's end up with a drink in my hand? (It's not oh wo is me!)

I am a single father of two boys Michael 14 & Stephen 12 there mother left us about three years ago and I was put into a position to raise my two sons on my own( I've done a good job with them ...it's me that ends up on the wrong side of the street )I've gotten no help from there mother ever since she left and drinking was away to forget,boy did I forget! I put myself in an inpatiant treatment program at a hospital in Fridly Minnesota and went to a half-way house for three months after that.This is now my fourth attempt to become sober if not for the children for myself this time! Cool...9 mos sober attending meetings regularly, reading the Big Book often,new job,new friends,new appartment ,NEW LIFE. so why after 9 mos. would I possibly end up with a drink in my hand once again.Why in Gods name would I listen to those demons in my head....I know what I should have done ,I know who I should of called ,I know were I should have went.See I knew,I knew and yet I still ended up with a drink in my hand and 8 in my stomache and right back were I was 9 mos.earlier And I knew..I knew what to do ,I knew were to go,I knew who to call. Yet I chose to take that drink. I must be insane I must need to be in a mental hospital for the illrashinal. I haven't had a drink now in almost three weeks. Of course I don't plan on it but with my track record who knows.I do the one-day-at-a-time thing. I think I need an exorcisom! Thanks for letting me gnaw your ear off...God put me here for a reason...I guess I'm still Looking! Things seem to be going good for me at this point ,but that is my downfall just as things seem to look up I seem to fall down. GOD Willing this will be my last bout with this horrible disease. I know I'm a life long alcoholic,but do I got to be a life long knucklehead too? Thanx....Robert T. rtester444@hotmail.com P.S I've seen many counselors I've gotten much help from many of people . I'm just not as strong as I should be when I am alone,away from the ones I need for the help I need. As I said I got three weeks going on this short fuse of mine and I hope to make that three years.I do appreciate your help.Like I said I think an exorcisom couldn't hurt....LOL HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO YOU! Rob...

Please e-mail me at: rtester444@hotmail.com


Member: Chris C.
Location: Ottumwa, Iowa
Date: 05 May 1999
Time: 14:00:09

Comments

Thanks for sharing Rob.

Hi everybody, My name is Chris and I'm an alcoholic.

Step 2 seemed an impossible to me. You either believed ot you didn't. I knew all about God (or I thought I did) and I was one of those who didn't. I didn't think it was a matter of choice. My sponsor pointed out that this was a gradual step. "Came to believe". He said to act like I had faith even if I didn't. I said my first prayer in 25 years that night. I prayed, "God, if you exist, please help me." What that prayer lacked in faith it made up for in sincerity, for I was desparate and powerless. I looked back a couple of weeks later. That was when the craving for alcohol left me. I started to believe then.

Rob, I don't know why you can't stay sober, but I feel that today's sobriety is just as much a miracle as my first one. Perhaps, look at steps 6 and 7. That is where (for me)God stopped being a vague concept who for some reason kept drunks sober, to the Great Reality that is God who wanted to change some core things about Chris that I really didn't care to have changed. Just a thought. What do I know? I am praying for you right now as I send this so at least I'll do some good here.

God bless you all. Thanks for listening.


Member: Kathie C.
Location: S.W. Minnesota
Date: 05 May 1999
Time: 19:28:00

Comments

Hi, I'm Kathie, alcoholic. Rob, reading your note I heard some real resentment toward the mother of your children. Many times I have heard of sober AA'ers relapsing even after many years of sobriety because they held onto secrets and resentments. I suggest a thorough 4th and 5th step. God is there but needs you to do your part. Us alcoholics want the easy way. Start praying for the mother who left. I did that with my ex-husband and his new wife - it was the hardest thing to do, but did it and it took away bitterness. God works in mysterious ways. What seems so contrary to our nature is just what we need to do. It is hard work, but worth the effort! You know the saying, don't let her live rent free in your brain. Go to meetings, don't drink, read the Big Book. Thank you God for this program! I finally have a life. God bless you all.


Member: Stacey O
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Date: 05 May 1999
Time: 19:37:48

Comments

Hi, My name is Stacey and I am a alkie. This is my first meeting on the web. I like what I've heard so far. It seems for me that I come and go on step 2. My undersrtanding of God changes from day to day. Not only that my level of sanity changes as well. IF and when I keep it simple by asking for the desire to be lifted and have faith that my HP will grant me that then my sanity level is pretty grounded. When I am in a arrogant space, which is when things are going good, and do not get on my knees, in the morning, I am insane faster than if I was humbling myself. For the member with 10 days, that is awsome it does get better. I rember what my sponsor told me that helped me so much with the 2nd step. She told me her god was a loving and forgiving god and if mine was not that I could use hers untill I found my own. I am truely greatful to be sober today and i do not have a lot of fear and I believe that is because I worked on Faith today. Thanks for being here. I'll come back and visit.


Member: Chris E
Location: Evansville, IN
Date: 05 May 1999
Time: 21:33:27

Comments

My name is Chris and I'm a REAL Alcoholic. I say that because i believe what the big book says, all of it. I had imcomprehensible demoralization and was a walking, oozing bag of self pity, arrorgance, and resentment when i finally surrendered to this disease and to this program. It was a long hard ordeal. I like the comments i've read so far. My first sponsor too, let me 'borrow' her conception of a higher power when i got here. Her's too was a loving, caring, and forgiving god. That was something i could not comprhend. (excuse the misspelling) I've also heard if you pray why worry and visa versa. What i've experienced is that i've come to know my god SLOWLY. nothing has ever happened to me over night. I didn't become an alcoholic overnight and i'm certainly not going to grasp god, hp, or whatever you choose to say, overnight. That's the wonderful thing about aa, you can choose what you want for a god. On woman SUGGESTED that i list all of the things i wanted in a father. Then try to apply that to my god. that worked for me. I have come from the educational variety, as the book says, and i'm grateful for that. This alcoholic fought everything from the get go. and at times still do. that is all part of my growth and recovery. today i do learn from my mistakes, and i forgive myself and go on. life is too short to miss out on anything. thanks for letting me share and be apart of your meeting!!!!!! in love and service Chris


Member: Joe r.
Location: San Diego, Ca
Date: 05 May 1999
Time: 22:08:08

Comments

Joe, grateful recovering alcoholic. Step 2 has been a journey for me. When I first read this step I thought, right, God is going to come down and pull me out of this pitiful hole I have dug for myself. I thought if I were God, I certainly wouldn't trust or like me. I felt I was a useless piece of garbage that would probably be better off dead. I was a hopeless, helpless drunk at the end of my rope. My life of lies, like a house of cards, had finally collapsed. The life I had been living did not allow for a "Power greater than myself." Shortly after coming to AA, I started to feel stronger, and acquiring a little bit of hope. I found that when I left a meeting I felt good about my direction. I felt that with everyone's help I could stay sober and maybe get my feet under me. AA became my Higher Power. Nobody tried to argue me out it. Nobody tried to shove their idea of a Higher Power down my throat. I'll tell you, I was ready for them with a head full of prejudiced ideas. But, they tolerated my idea and asked me to keep coming back. I got a sponsor and I thought the world of him. I tried to make him my Higher Power, but he rightfully refused the job. He said he was just another drunk trying to stay sober. But he did tell me to listen to other peoples ideas of their Higher Power and maybe somewhere along the way find my own. Today I have returned to the God of my childhood. With a new pair of ears, I hear in church the same message that was so freely given to me, to love one another and to build a personal relationship with my Higher Power, God. One day in a meeting, I noticed that Tradition Two has the phrase "God as he may express himself in our group conscience" and realized that my Higher Power had been with me all along. The people in AA, my sponsor, and even those alkies that came before us have been inspired and have inspired me. I am grateful for the God of my understanding and the people in AA. Thanks for letting me share. Joe R.


Member: Matt S
Location: Cloumbus Ohio
Date: 05 May 1999
Time: 22:25:51

Comments

Hi,my name is Matt and I'm an alcohlic. I was sitting in one of my first A.A. meetings in Columbus, Ohio and as I has sitting the at the table lisening to the people talk and I was drinking a bottle of sprit and compairing it to a bottle of beer the sprit had a lable on it that said you could win 25;000 dollars instantly well the beer didn't say any thing like that so I twisted off the cap and it said drink more sprit play again I took it as my higher power (GOD) talking to me now I drink more & more sprit thanks with that I will pass MATT


Member: dj
Location: norfolk
Date: 06 May 1999
Time: 00:42:24

Comments

old alkie great hearing about alkies to smart for the miracle of aa,but about die or get locked in coffen or cell.that was me

god bless, dj


Member: Camo
Location: deep south
Date: 06 May 1999
Time: 08:24:12

Comments

I never doubted that God could restore me to sanity but I was so wrapped up in the despair or my disease that I did not believe he would bother to. Most of my "praying" had gone down to the point that I just prayed to die. I was "certain" that I would never be given the opportunity to be a whole person because I had thrown away my chances at it over the years. AA has given me a newfound hope--I see God working miracles in my life today and know that He not only can, but WILL work in my life--if I give it to him and quit fighting to take over His job. I love hearing this said every time they read "How It Works" in meetings--that "God could, and would IF he were sought".


Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 06 May 1999
Time: 13:11:19

Comments

My name is JC and I'm an alcoholic. When I came in the rooms, I trusted AA. The fellowship had succeeded in keeping me sober, one day at a time. When I tried to work the Steps I became more and more aware I needed somethin' else, when AA was not enough, that I call God. I can give Him the things I cannot change or ask Him the courage to change the things I can, when I've discussed the matter with some AA friends or my sponsor. But faith without works is dead. So I'm supposed to take actions, even for acceptation matters. If I try and live the Program in order to get the serenity or the courage (I won't even talk about the wisdom) it will be OK. Otherwise, I'll go off tracks. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Dan F.
Location:
Date: 06 May 1999
Time: 17:01:34

Comments

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm a character being written or if i'm writing myself. it's confusing.


Member: Elmer F.
Location: Texas
Date: 06 May 1999
Time: 17:50:32

Comments

Hi family, my name is Elmer and i am an alcoholic. Step Two is the greatest! in noting Emily's commnents of 5-5-99, let me share that Step 2 does not mention GOD. When i got to AA in 1989, i did not care about much nor did i concern my self with GOD. the Higher Power was a hazy form that i looked at but could not do much about until my Mind cleared up. the Big Book was written 50 years before i had my last drink, yet it contains my story in the first 164 pages. that makes me just like every other recovering drunk so i don't have to worry about ME. Not until i could think about those spiritual matters discussed in AA, could i progress toward a God of my understanding. although contradictory, when i stop seeking, i start getting. The grace of which so many in AA speak is defined as the "unmerited favor and love of God." What a great Awakening to experience that and so we tell newcomers, "don't leave 5 minutes before the miracle." love to all,


Member: Andrew. F
Location: Coalville. UK
Date: 06 May 1999
Time: 18:04:39

Comments

Hi, my name is Andrew and I am an alcoholic. All the sharing has this has been an uplifting experience ( as always ) Thank you . Its been "heavy trudging to a happy destiny" of late and my faith has been wandering recently. My father's very ill and I'm back at home. Resentment and fear are eating away at my serenity and sanity and my alcoholism is certainly cunning, baffling and powerful. And my will can still get me into an awful lot of trouble sometimes. ( I've just spent another long weekend in a beautiful town called St.Ives, somewhere I've always wanted to live. Great beaches, good surfing and great light for painting. After a good "meeting" and a few 'coincidences', I was offered a job and somewhwere to live. Wow ! I thought. A sign - I do believe. After 2 days of feeling incredibly uncomfortable and mental gymnastics, I finally shared the truth and we concluded it might probably not be a good idea to work in an Off Licence ( Liquor store ! ) And I've been clean and sober for over 8 years now. ) I can't do this on my own... but we can.


Member: Aine
Location: Belfast
Date: 06 May 1999
Time: 19:31:50

Comments

Hello fellow journeyers, My name is Aine and I am an alcoholic. I have just came home from an f2f meeting where I was the lead speaker. It was a weird experience. There was a girl sitting there 3days sober and I could really remember how it felt to be three days . A little bit different to the way I feel now at three years. During my share I found myself talking about the tremendous healing that has occurred in my family over these past few years. This is important to me because I hated my family when I came into A.A. three years ago (and that after 2 years in Al-anon). I guess this higher power is restoring my perception to some sort of sanity. From hating to loving. That seems to be the way of this new reality. Thank God and the fellowship I am not relying on my own perception of reality today. I am amazed when I look back at my life in retrospect now. The story changes as I get more honest, the pain of my loneliness and insanity remains the same in my memory. Thank God for a new pair of glasses!!!!!


Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 06 May 1999
Time: 20:38:32

Comments

In thinking about the difference between belief and faith, I guess the difference I saw was that I believed that there was a God, but I did not have true faith that he would provide the right answers. Now after more than a year in AA, I have the faith to trust in what he says for me. This did not come easy, but Thank God it finally came. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: AvrilG
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 06 May 1999
Time: 21:14:11

Comments

Please forgive me for using this place as a message boar, but ANDREW from COALVILLE

A group of us are retreating at Mount St. Bernards monastery near Coalville from Weds 16th to Friday 18th June. If you'd care to come to a meeting with us, please e-mail

Goodie@tesco.net


Member: David B
Location: London
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 05:30:07

Comments

My name is David. I think that I am suffering from alcoholism. I work abroad for a few days each week and before I fly I have to take a drink. I feel that I cannot face the journey unless I drink. I don't feel under the same pressure any other times. I do want to keep doing my job but hate living with the fact I have a heavy reliance on booze. Would AA help me to get control back.


Member: Dan H.
Location: Cleveland
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 09:08:17

Comments

Good morning. I'm Dan, I am alcoholic.

Despair got me to these rooms. With the hope offered here and humble prayers to a Higher Power that I hadn't a clue how to approach, faith began to emerge. As faith grows and the joy of this wonderful way of life sinks in, the promises seen on p. 83 seem like an astonishing payoff for the simple act of asking a God that I had been ignoring and denying for years to restore my sanity. Only faith in this Higher Power gave me the courage to proceed with steps that required admission and contrition. At times I feel unworthy, almost embarrassed to have been the recipient of any of these promises. I can only offer this Power Greater than myself humble thanks as an expression of gratitude for this way of life.

Welcome, David. I assume that you write from UK rather than London, Ontario. The number to call in Britain is 44-1-904-644026. They will give you access to literature which will answer any questions that you might have regarding alcoholism. If upon reading this material you conclude that you may be affected, and desire help getting off the treadmill of alcoholism, another call to the same number will put you in contact with folks who can offer help in showing how we have stopped drinking and gone on to lead useful and happy lives without alcohol. If you decide you want what we have, we want to share it with you. It's yours for the asking. Keep coming back.


Member: Jim S
Location: Dallas
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 09:41:38

Comments

My name's Jim and I'm an alcoholic. First time in this meeting- it's great! 11 years ago I came back in from a slip; prior to that I had put together several years of being "dry", but only half-assedly working the program. So when I came back, the faith thing wasn't a big issue that tormented me. I just knew that I was alcoholic and that I was "supposed" to go to meetings and "do the deal". I didn't really worry one way or another about the spiritual part, I just knew this is what I was supposed to be doing. Today is a whole different ballgame. I know it is only by grace that the compulsion to drink alcohol has left me, but that I also believe it could return at any second and that I have "no defense" against that first thought of drinking. I know that at that time 11 years ago I had a spiritual awakening which began a journey of coming to know my higher Power more each day. I beleive that that the spiritual journey means continually coming closer to our higher power, but there is always more to learn or understand- we'll never get there completely- if we did, we WOULD be God. Today my faith gets tested in other ways than simply believing in God and AA, etc. I use the image of a child's innocent trust in its parents as what I strive for in my relationship with higher power. Do I believe that everything is OK and exactly as it isupposed to be. Even in the little things, when things don't go how I want; if I'm in fear or angry, I question myself, do I really believe that everything is PERFECT in God's world and that I am divinely cared for? Lately I've been working hard on practicing this and the results are great. I get through difficult times quicker and with less self defeating actions and mental anguish. Glad to be here.


Member: Christine P.
Location: North Branch, MN.
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 11:19:13

Comments

Christine, recovering cheerleading, alcoholic/addict. Thank God my sense of humor is back. Oct.98 would have been 3 yrs, so I am now back to basics. I wish it weren't so but it is. God had some lessons for me to learn. I'm not sure what they are yet and accept I may never know. Maybe, I do know. My faith is very strong when all is well with me but when hardships come I tend to isolate and think I can handle this, which goes back to my childhood. You know, survival mechinism. I constantly need to remind myself of the first word in the 1st step: WE. I'm back to meetings now and slowly {not on my timeable} my faith is returning. It's all in how I perceive things. Thank you all for sharing, it's what makes this program work. Very grateful to have found this site. May Peace Be With You, Christine.


Member: Nathan S.
Location: Texas
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 13:57:38

Comments

HI my name is Nathan and I'm an alcoholic. I love alcohol and theres nothing you can do to stop me from having my good times.


Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person
Location: Detroit, USA
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 14:00:19

Comments

Hi, my name is Rich and I am an alcoholic. Thank you all for clapping, now please be seated again... (grandiosity?) I have some faith, but I wish I had more. But, I am very grateful that I have whatever faith I do have because I see people in the program that don't even have that much faith. It has to be hard for them. That's all for now. Thanks.


Member: Frank K
Location: Manchester.England
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 16:09:58

Comments

Hello everyone, this is the first time that I have visited this site. I have enjoyed the shares and taken away with me what I need to know and through this media it is enforced somehow by it being written.On the subject of faith I have received that back through my attendance at my AA meetings and now freely accept this wonderful gift of being sober as a unique gift of My God.Over the day's that I have been coming to AA I have had many gentle reminders of my Higher Power as I see him working in other members, and also in those who do not get to the rooms. Thank you all for helping me to stay sober and happy. On a different tact I have always been fond of the tapes of Fr. Joe Martin, I would love to meet this man, does anyone have an address of the treatment clinic he is at or what ever. Frank. K


Member: Aine D.
Location: Belfast.
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 18:51:59

Comments

Hi my name is Aine and I'm an alcoholic. Just got back from a f2f meeting, needed one tonight. The question of faith is coming up again and again for me. I feel spiritually fit but my life is not the way I would "want" it on the outside. I guess I'm always having to get rid of these old ideas and stop conforming to society and my Catholic upbringing. I feel real integrity beginning to happen inside me. I feel my relationship and reliance on God beginning to develop into something more trusting and intimate but I'm at a loss at times as to how to act. Sobriety brings with it many situations I have never been in before. I really feel like a little stupid kid at times. I sometimes miss my arrogance and my violence and all my other coping mechanisms. I don't rest naturally with emotional honesty, love and vunerability. I want to be a bitch . Caring about people still scares me. Today I don't live in isolation. I do trust in this process. I trust my sober experience to date. I know that I don't have to understand something for it to be God's will or for it to be for the good. It doesn't have to feel good for me either but I am willing to go to any lengths to stay sober and I'm as willing to listen as the dying can be. Thank you for being out there and for being you.


Member: Keri J
Location: Arkansas
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 20:06:06

Comments

Hi. My name is Keri and I am an alcoholic. This is my first meeting on the net. I am only 17 years old. I have faith , but alcohol kind of distracted me. I have been sober know for about a month, and I find that it is pretty hard. I have been attending meetings regularly, and I couldn't find one tonight so I thought I would look here. A.A. has helped me a lot, I am glad I found it Before it ruined my life, and completely destroyed my relationship with my family.

THANKS!


Member: gggg
Location: hhhh
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 20:17:05

Comments


Member: Toni C
Location: Tampa, Fl
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 20:52:58

Comments

Hello, my name is Toni and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time also on the net for a meeting. I am in Puerto Rico on business and have been unable to go to a live meeting for 2 weeks. I made sure i came with all my reading materials. My reading materials include aa literature and also daily devotions and meditations. I am so grateful to AA for starting me on this wonderful spiritual journey. My circumstances at home are not that great right now but it's through AA that I have learned that with growth, we must also experince pain. I must be growing.


Member: NICK B
Location: NH
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 22:57:26

Comments


Member: NICK B
Location: NH
Date: 07 May 1999
Time: 22:57:50

Comments

AA TALK


Member: dj
Location: norfolk
Date: 08 May 1999
Time: 00:27:38

Comments

dj alkie nathen no one wants to take away, the good times or your only love now, but the hell - that follows the cell the coffen the rubber room. see you later!!!!!!!

god bless


Member: john h
Location: abbotsford, canada
Date: 08 May 1999
Time: 01:02:11

Comments

after much searching and lots off questions i have come to the conclusion that i do have faith in a higher power who has nothing but good in store for me. it is only when i start asking,suggesting or demanding that things seem to in the bucket, so too speak. And just because i have this faith, who am i to expect an easy ride because of it. my ideas on faith, like alot of other things have certainly grown up the longer i stay around this program.


Member: Pat C
Location: Post Falls ID
Date: 08 May 1999
Time: 05:18:52

Comments

Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my problem is Pat...This is a great sit, first time here...I have been sober for a long time but it never ceases to amaze me how I labor under the delusion that "somehow, he (I) will be able to wrest satisfaction from this world if only he (I)manages well". After being sober for a long time, it becomes easy to think that a) my life has become manageable by me, b) self will is an option, c)God is the solution to all my problems but He needs me to "work" on them (try that with your mechanic next time you take your car in for repairs!)d) that I know what's best for me, etc etc ad infinitum ad nauseum P-TOOEY! Fact is i need God as much now as I did when i first got sober- maybe more so, because when I got here i pretty much had nothing...now i have a stable marriage (16 years, imagine that!) three kids, a long term job, a house, etc etc and it's real tempting to adopt the attitude of "God, you keep me sober today, and I'll handle everything else." And when I do that my family becomes the object of my affliction rather than my affection. It all comes back to the idea that it really is simple...the serenity prayer, and the 1st three steps-"I can't, God can, I think I'll let Him." Thanks for being here.


Member: Mary J
Location: WA
Date: 08 May 1999
Time: 15:52:23

Comments

Hi, I'm Mary and an alcoholic. Faith and belief is a good topic. Right now I'm not feeling especially close to my higher power. I'm reminded of something that was said to me long ago, that if you don't feel especially close to God, it wasn't He that moved. I'm going on a business trip and a short vacation and hope to get back into sinc with my higher power. I'll be along the ocean and have some time to reflect. Thanks for sharing and caring.


Member: Margie H.
Location: Vancouver, WA
Date: 08 May 1999
Time: 18:24:49

Comments

Hi, my name is Margie and I am an alcoholic. I, once again got knocked down on the ladder of the steps a few rungs. Everything was going well and then my significant other drank after a 90 day treatment program and about 20 days back with me. I thought my world was coming to an end because I said if he ever drank again, he was out. I told him to leave forever this time and never come back. I am in pain, but I haven't lost my sobriety over it. I am back at step 1 asking God for help, admitting my powerlesness over people, places, things, and this cunning, baffling, powerful disease called alcoholism.


Member: Mike B
Location: Milton Keynes UK
Date: 08 May 1999
Time: 18:34:25

Comments

My name is Mike and I'm an alcoholic in England. I drank for 23 years and I'm just over 3 years sober. Its not been easy and I've often thought of a drink - but I know what just one drink would do. I would lose everything for it would not be just one drink. I've seen so many members go out again. I did it myself after six months sobriety 10 years ago and drank again for 6 years. I'm so grateful to this fellowship. I hope that we will get more meetings in England soon. Where I live we are lucky and have 5 a week but it woudl be nice to have more. God bless.


Member: Jeff   .H.
Location: Ontario- canada
Date: 08 May 1999
Time: 19:09:39

Comments

Hi everybody my name is Jeff and i,am still an alcoholic.Eight yrs ago i would never have said that but today by the grace of god i can and be proud of it.This is my first time doing this and it was really nice to find this web site.So i say god works in mysterious ways and he sure has been around for me. So i would like to say ,one day at a time.


Member: Dick L.
Location: Florida
Date: 08 May 1999
Time: 19:27:48

Comments

Hey Everyone! I'm Dick, Grateful to be a recovering alcoholic. This beats all my other options. Great Topic. My faith in that power greater than myself has grown immensely since I got sober. Eight years ago, I barely believed in that power. Today, I'll just about get in the wheel barrow...if I don't look down. Like Pat C. This is my first visit to the site. I travel a lot on business. This will be a regular for me. Like Mary J, I love the ocean and can often manage to "drown out" everything else enought to get closer to my Higher Power. Someone said in the beginning of this meeting that they had discovered HP inside of themselves. True for me, too. I do a little sailing. Last weekend I took a short sail - supposed to be 3 hours. When I got to the final port, the tide was going out, the wind was strong from exactly the same direction and between the force of them both, I couldn't get enough steam to get to shore. For 5 hours I struggled. I tried nearly every tack & couldn't get in. My motor wouldn't start. My running lights went out and I was COLD! Finally, I shouted, "Dammit GOD! Give me a break here! I have prayed to you for help and nothing has come! The wind has all but died and I can't make any headway. I am tired and cold and scared and I don't know what to do! Why don't you just show me what to do!" A couple of minutes later, I decided I'd better see if I couldn't find the flashlight. So, I let go of the helm, reached into a locker to find the light. After rummaging around for a few minutes without success, I sat back up. The first thing I noticed was that the sails were full. I grabbed the helm and looked around. I was heading straight for shore! It was slow going, but I was headed in, at last. About an hour later, the Marine Patrol showed up and towed me to safety. Metaphor: I couldn't get in against the tide until I let go absolutely and reached for the light! Oh! Had only I done that hours earlier. Still, this is the way, isn't it? I am where I am and my HP is, too. But, if I don't have absolute faith in that, I don't have courage to let go until I've no other choice. Thanks. Keep coming back! I need you! ANd, if no one's told you they Love you t'day. I do!


Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 08 May 1999
Time: 21:24:57

Comments

Good Evening to everyone who has posted this week on Staying Cyber's Discussion Meeting on the topic of FAITH as suggested by Jackie!

My name is Tom A., and I am sober today by faith in a Power greater than myself. My sobriety date is July 25, 1960 and early in my journey in sobriety I coined a defintion for faith that has been helpful to me "Faith Always Instills True Hope." And the program of AA is able to do this for us. Thanks again for all of this weeks posts and we look forward to next week one-day-at-a-time. I find it hard to abbreviate that principle.

Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!

God Bless - Tom A., ate@gte.net


Member: Linc W
Location: NH
Date: 08 May 1999
Time: 21:45:35

Comments

Linc W, addict. Frank K from Manchester, England. Father Joseph Martin has a recovery center in Harve de Grace, Maryland. I spent ten days there getting clean and sober a couple of months back. So far so good. Unfortunately Father Martin wasa not there because he was recovering from knee replacement surgery. If you want more information do a search on Yahoo using fathermartinsashley and that should get you in contact with the web site of Father Martin's Ashley. If I can provide you with any other info e-mail me at tenbairs@aol.com


Member: Bruce A.
Location: Crowsnest,PA
Date: 08 May 1999
Time: 22:47:58

Comments

Hi Bruce A., Alcoholic. My faith has grown over the years. Before I came into A.A. my faith was only in myself. Obviously that didn't work or I wouldn't be here. Today I have faith in my H.P. He won't give me any more than I can handle. Through all the miracles I have witnessed getting and staying sober my faith has gotten stonger. Love Bruce A.


Member: DAKOTA       B.
Location: NORTHERN ONT/CAN
Date: 09 May 1999
Time: 00:09:46

Comments

HI MY NAME IS DAKOTA, AND I AM A GREATFULL ALCOHOLIC,THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ON THE WEB, I HAVE BEEN GOING TO MEETINGS SINCE THE SPRING OF 69, IN FACT I AM CELEBRATING 30 YEARS ON THE 11 OF MAY AT THE RIPE AGE OF 62, FAITH IS A STRONG WORD,FAITH IN GOD AND AA HAS KEPT ME SOBER, THE FIRST MEETING I WENT TOO I STILL REMEMBER MY SPONSER SAY : WE ALL DRANK WE ALL PUT ALOT OF EFFORT INTO OUR DRINKING, BUT IF WE TAKE 50 PERCENT OF THAT EFFORT AND PUT IN OUR SOBRIETY WE WILL MAKE IT. KEEP IT SIMPLE!!!!!!


Member: bob c.
Location: sunporch
Date: 09 May 1999
Time: 01:22:32

Comments

Bob C.Alcoholic,Our B.B.tells me that a lack of power is my dilemna...being morally and spiritually wiped out when i got here,i surrendered,my way of living life had stopped working a long time ago...i started believing there was a God and that was the beginning of Faith...a Higher Power that i can rely on and still do,this part of the message i give the new guy.Been reading you guys for a couple months...thanks for letting me share.


Member: Art H.
Location: RC/SD
Date: 09 May 1999
Time: 05:41:14

Comments

Hi! Art H., I am an alcoholic, been in & around program for 28 years, sober the lst 23. The 2nd time I was exposed to A.A. I was in prison, That was in 1971. While there I seen a Counselor after he had met with someone start laughing, I heard him say to his co-worker "I made his day, his wife just died & he wanted a pass. I told him sure, as soon as you are done doing your time, you can have a pass". When I sobered up a few years later, I remembered this guy, & felt maybe I could do a better job. A long story shorter; My first 14 years in recovery I went to college, study this illness, & worked at helping others. When I finally burned out, I had reached a level where I was training others, in charge of 11 Counselors who were providing treatment to over 400 outpt & 20 inpt. Having two hats was OK, I just could not deal with the games that were played (the staff) most worked in the field for their own recovery at the expense of the clients they were suppose to be helping. If anyone can relate, I am at ajcrh@hills.net