Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 10:07:15 AM
How about one of the Promises..."Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us."
Member: Phil S.
Location: Pennsville, NJ.
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 10:07:41 AM
Hi, I'm Phil an alcoholic. I would like to hear some thoughts on the first step. I see new people in here and some who have their doubts and are as confused as we all were at first. We all new we had a drinking problem but actually admitting it was something were never honest with ourselves about. Alcoholics are "suppose" to be the bums in the gutters or maybe the homeless not everyday people as we thought. We were shocked to actually see "we" were the alcoholics. The first step shows us that and how unmannageable our lives really were and prepared us for the following steps. So, let's hear some comments and see if we can answer a few questions for a new commer. I wanna thank all the people who "trudge the trail of happy destiny with me". Have a great week everyone. Peace to all.
Member: Phil S.
Location:
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 10:09:53 AM
Phil, an alcoholic. Adam, seems we were typing at the same time, lol. Great topic though.
Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 10:21:03 AM
LOL indeed, Phil :-) I'm now interested in seeing how people conflate the two topics....
Member: Lyla D
Location: Polk City, Fl
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 11:38:48 AM
Hi, both topics are very good. The first step says WE are powerless, that means that more then one person found this to be true. "We" is the most important word for me. Alcoholism is a disease of isolation and I was full of fear when I walked through the doors. I stood in the corner with my back to the wall. The people in the meetings didn't let me hide for very long. They came over and shook my hand and gave me hugs. They welcomed me into their group and encouraged me to become a part of something that would relieve me of these fears. I am forever grateful to these people and can never give back all of what they gave to me.
Fear of people and of enconomic insecurity, WOW. I still don't like large crowds, but I am not as afraid to let people into my life as I used to be. The fear economic insecurity comes and goes. Several years ago, I was injured and unable to work. My poor husband spent 14 hours a day at work and then came home to a very bitchy wife. We had no money and our landlord let us slide on the rent more then once. Our car was repoed and we spent a lot of time in fear. I was sure we would end up on the street, but HP took care of things and we always had a roof over our heads, food to eat and transportation of one kind or another. One of my friends was there every day to help me shower and dress. Took me to the doctor and made sure I had my meds and cigarettes. A neighbor kept me well supplied with books and we managed to muddle through. HP took care of things and we both just had to let it go. (My hubby is sober 23 years, last December), I need to remember that.
Thanks ((Adam)) and ((Phil S.)), I needed to "hear" what I just wrote!
Love y'all, Lya aka ldragonreader@aol.com
Member: mike
Location: west
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 2:12:55 PM
Hello, my name is mike and I am an alcololic. Step one can take up volumes. I admitted that I was alcoholic one morning as the sun came up. I was sitting at a kitchen table with 2 lower companions finishing off a case of beer and watching out the window as people drove by on their way to work. I allowed that there was something abnormal about our drinking and that maybe we were alcoholic. I continued to drink on and off for more than a year before I asked for help and getting some. The promises are something else again. They come in the Big Book right after Step 9. They are the direct result of a program of rigorous honesty and action. It says that "We will be amazed before we are half way through". I was amazed after my first major Step 9 call almost 24 years ago now and the steps and their results are still amazing to me today. I have to daily renew my commitment to my fathers will and not my own as it is revealed to me through the steps. I don't believe that I am much over half way through the steps yet. A few years back I thought that maybe I was done with the steps and nearing perfection. My thinking got right back to crapy and I went back to meetings and went back to work. Working the principals by my self didn't work. Being amazed is much better than being cut off from the sunlight of the spirit (resentful). Thank you for listening.
Member: Tracey W.
Location: Michigan
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 2:18:48 PM
Hi guys. I'm Tracey, an alcoholic and addict. I haven't been to a 12 step meeting in years. Consequently my life is now unmanageable. I have basically been in relapse for the past 2 years. Though I haven't had alcohol since '86, my downfall has been RX drugs.
There were times when I truly needed a pain medication for surgeries and so forth. But, choosing to have amnesia with the first step, I ate way more than I should have. And I still want to figure it all out... a mental trap for any addict. I am the perfect example of "People who stop going to meetings don't find out about what happens to people who stop going to meetings".
There's a lot more to my story, but in a nutshell, I became self sufficient - the *we* ceased to exist. Dangerous. I am filled with a lot of shame right now, and for the first time want to do something about it. I know what I need to do, it's just a matter of doing it. And the First Step is right where I'm at.
Thanks for listening...
Member: John H
Location: Indiana, USA
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 3:05:02 PM
Hello, folks. I am an AA member of almost 16 years of continuous sobriety. Am also 84 years old and one week removed from the hospital and major surgery. Am not sure that I can satisfactorily address the two topics above, except, go to meetings, read the Big Book, 12/12. Living Sober, Came to Believe, get a sponsor,do whatever you can in service and unity. What I've said here is not original. It's what has been over the AA history of years. It works, if you address the program iwith honesty, openness and willingness
Keep workng, believe, and have faith! The best to you all!!
John
Member: Real Fkn' Man
Location: nonayafukinbiz
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 3:34:51 PM
WHY ARE YOU FREAKS SUCH LIARS!? I THINK YOUR IMMEDIATE AND VIOLENT DEATHS WOULD BETTER ALL HUMANITY. YOU ARE ALL A MISERABLE GANG OF WORTHLESs LYING SCUMBAGS WHO SERVE NO PURPOSE IN SOCIETY.
Member: Sandi J.
Location: NC, USA
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 4:12:04 PM
Hi all! I'm new to this meeting and I, like many others I've noticed over the last couple days of reading, have not been to a meeting really in about three years. I moved from Utah to North Carlina three years ago and have tried a half dozen meetings here but haven't clicked. It has been hard to leave the folks I spent my first few years of sobrity with. I'm sitting here trying to remember how many years I've been sober but I can't remember for sure. I have an anniversary June 21st and it's maybe 8 or 9 years (I haven't gotten a chip since I left Utah either - I'll have to get my chips out of the fire box and see!:)).
Anyway, "Fear of people and economic insecurity...". That has gotten me to thinking about my lack of face to face meetings here in North Carolina, hhmmm...suppose fear of people has anything to do with that? I went through the letting people know the down and dirty crap of my life when I first got sober and I'm thinking my ego is messing in there somewhere now. I don't relish going through that again but I also haven't developed any bonds here either - kinda lonely. Wish I had one of my friends from Utah here to go to a few meetings with me. Okay, I'll stop whining now. Maybe by the time my anniversary rolls around in June I'll have enough courage to try another face to face meeting and accept a chip. Well, don't know how many words this is but if I were at a meeting I'd be sitting down now and saying "thanks for letting me share". I'm okay, won't be drinking or anything, just miss my old meetings, I guess. My first post here was going to be a positive, upbeat sort of thing but... to the newcomer though, this is ALOT and I mean ALOT better than when I was drinking. I had absoutley no one when I was drinking. I know AA is out there for me as it is for the newcomer and I know it works! Thanks, Sandi J.
Member: HAPPY ALKIE
Location: PARADICE ON EARTH
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 4:19:13 PM
To the REAL FKN MAN. I would still like to ring your FKN neck. If only i could get your LOCATION you FKN ASSHOLE.
Member: Sandi J.
Location: NC, USA
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 4:29:42 PM
If all this apparent non-alcoholic (FKN MAN) has to do on a Sunday afternoon is hang around an AA site he is more to be pitied than anything else. Don't get me wrong - I love AA - but if I weren't an alcoholic I wouldn't be here, wonder why he's here? Sounds like FKN MAN might be able to benefit from a little peace and serenity. Sandi J. Sandi J.
Member: sherri mc
Location:
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 7:08:46 PM
Sitting in a jail cell just to sober up made it real easy for me to admit step one.!0 months of court ordered treatment saved my life quite literally. Actually.,AA did that.You see...I am one of those hard headed alkies. Always the rough road. Seven years of one days at a time has brought me to many beautiful horizons seen by only the few. The promises to come true when you open your eyes to the world that goes on around you. I would have to say that I have no great "fear" of people but rather a distrust.I creit a lot of that to my upbringing in Houston. You just always gotta watch your back-know what I mean.That holds true in our daily lives as well.The friends I call friends are truly that indeed. Financial insecurity was a funny one for me at first. You see.....I had no concerns when I was drinking. There was always money to drink.The cost came in my health and my family. That price is as they say priceless.There is no financial worries for me these days due to the fact that I consider myself a wealthy woman for the people I have in my life and how very blessed I am in other ways to numerous to mention.Materialistically.....yes.,I have things that require financial upkeep. I take care of it!NUff said!
Member: Jim S.
Location: India
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 7:45:13 PM
Hi, Jim I'm an alcoholic with just a little over one month clean and sober. I'm taking it very easy this time, not like all the others where my ego forced me to rush into the steps without really knowing what they're about. Wow, it's one of the first things I noticed though, my fear of people and $$$$$ issues doen't seem very important right now. Sobriety does. The Serenity Prayer wraps it up. There's a whole lot of things in this life that I can't change, though I've tried my entire life. Give it up. don't sweat the small stuff.
Member: jenn
Location: down south
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 7:58:37 PM
the first step, We ADMITTED we were powerless over alchohol, that our lives had become unmanagable.........
For me admitting was not as hard as ACCEPTING AND DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT! I was in and out for 18 months before hitting bottom. I could admit I was an alcholic, but taking accountability and responsibility for my recovery took a lot longer. No one gets sober for you. I blamed other people, places and things for so long. When I finally listened in a meeting I realized that there is a solution. After admitting, then comes surrender and acceptance. Then Freedom....
Member: Bill Mc
Location: Arizona
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 8:54:21 PM
Hi there my name is Bill Mc and my soberity date is 11/15/75. I don't have all the answers yet, but I have an awful lot of truth about myself. Thanks to the program of AA and my HP. In answer to the promise question. It has been my experience that promise has nothing to do with money. It has everything to do with Faith. Enough said on that subject. If you haven't found a Higher Power yet, then there's a possibility you may have some more drinking to do. Just a little bit about me. I turned 80y/o last October. If that turns you off I would like to share with you. I know a hell of a lot more about being young than you do about being old. And I have been Blessed with the ability to remember what brought me to AA. Keep coming back IT WORKS WHEN YOU WORK IT.
Member: Hope
Location: Present
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 9:49:55 PM
Boy there are alot of good ES&H on the these two topics!! Funny how most of us seem to talk about the 1st step first, without that, we would never be able to experience our new found freedom, the promises!!The steps are the solution!! Practicing them in all of our daily affairs. Changing the way we think is the way we discover the promises. The Big Book shows us the way. It is written in the order of HOW it works!!
To the (REAL FK MAN) you are in the most need of prayers. I am absolutely sure you are an alkie, maybe you just haven't reached step 1 yet. Hang tough, it gets better if you think you are worth it!!
Love to all!!
Member: Ray C
Location: Haines Alaska
Date: 4/21/2002
Time: 11:53:25 PM
Yo Y'all,Ray C an alcoholic.Liked what Bill had to say with it's about faith not money.It 's been pointed out to me that the promise is the fear of, not economic insecurity itself will leave us.I would like to say that the promises do come to pass to thoses that hang in there or at least thats how it worked for me.Maybe it just comes down to regaining a little self respect or self esteem or that faith that was already mentioned.Supose it dosn't matter why I'm just glad that my life is no longer filled with constant fear.I'm needing to hear some others thoughts so I'll just say thanks for posting and keep coming back.
Member: Stew E
Location: FL
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 5:45:19 AM
Step #1 is the anchor in my plan. Unmanageable, powerless, you name it. I also was alerted to the fact that it started with WE. The fellow ship is essestial to the spiritiual nature of the steps.
As for the economic insecurity, since hitting bottom and jioning AA, there has been a resurgence in my life. I am in the middle of a true transition period for the better.
Hey, Real Man, keep coming back. You obviously have and you obvioiusly need to.
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 11:14:34 AM
When I was drinking I was terrified of everything. I existed in a constant condition of hate and rage. I was physically sick beyond comprehension. The only time I could look you in the eye was after I had enough cocktails in me to make me believe my own bullsh*t. At the end I was a frail, hopeless ghost of a human, I was out of options. I spent 3 days in a coma after attempting suicide and then 10 days in a detox unit. I knew I was done fighting. It was the smiling faces of other AAs who described myself in their own experiences that gave me the first glimmering of hope. Time to get Real! Like everything else in our program, I grew and grow into the promises daily. My faith continues to expand as I face and deal with each new apparently difficult situation, without a drink. I can look you all in the eyes, because today I am not hiding anything. I ask God to show me his will for me today and allow me to have an open mind to be helpful to anyone who seeks it. If you are struggling “Please Keep Coming Back”!!, our Joy is yours for the asking.
Member: Rebecca
Location: west coast
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 11:26:54 AM
Hi all, I am Rebecca and a two year recovering alcoholic. Such a good topic for me. I have been feeling SO insecure- fear of people is all around me. Lately I've been wanting so much just to be approved and reapproved by someone else. I feel NEEDY!!! I keep rereading Step 4. I don't have a sponser anymore- somehow she abandoned me, I lost her a while back and was too scared to ask anyone else (frankly, I wasn't sure who either). WE only got to Step 4. I don't want to drink, but I know this is the fear that led me to it. Thanks for listening. Need your help.
Member: TMG
Location: North
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 12:35:35 PM
I see Adam and Phil's subjects as being closely related in that alcoholics instead of facing their fears and working to diminish or eliminate them sought to escape from them by toxic means, yet their fears were still there when a little clearer reality rolled around as it ever does! Alcoholics are indeed people who are grossly insecure and must upon working their AA programs of recovery face these fears and seek to prevail against them! This is quite easy to say no doubt with all the monumental insecurity that exists in the world today, in Japan, in the US and everywhere else! But "the first law of nature is survival," and to survive we must be honest with ourselves and give it all we got! See the following words from Chapter Five:
"Notice that the word "fear" is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.
We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.
Perhaps there is a better way, we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.
We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear."
Hope this helps!
Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 12:36:54 PM
Kim here, alcoholic. You know ((Adam)), there are no coincidences, right? When Staying Cyber came up, instead of going to the CP I said to myself, "I'm going to see what's being talked about on the Discussion page first..." And here it is - "fear of people and financial insecurity will leave us..." Then - there's ((Phils's)) topic - boy oh boy - you get what you need!!!
My boyfriend and the father of our 9 month old son relapsed after 1 year of sobriety 2 weeks ago and he did it again Saturday night. I've made the decision that until he gets sober again - IF he gets sober again - he can't stay in our home. He's in his disease which means everybody and everything is second and everyone in our home will pay a price.
Fear of insecurity? You bet - my two son's daycare bills plus the rent equal about 90% of my take home pay. Then there's food-utilities-diapers-gas $$-student loan payments - the list goes on and on. I'm going to have to get a second job SOMEHOW to make ends meet...
BUT, I am not PARALYZED by fear, nor am I willing to allow my sobriety or my children's lives to be ruined by alcoholism today. Why? Because I've accepted Step 1 - that I am powerless over alcohol and my life becomes unmanageable when I drink. Turning to a drink right now is NOT an option, which is a FAR CRY from how I was only a couple of years ago. I would have wollowed in self-pity - blamed him for ruining my life - and my feelings would have had me join him.
Today, because I have accepted my alcoholism, I will not take a drink over this and things WILL get better - the promises. Perhaps not in my time, and certainly not without a great deal of effort on my part (2nd job), but they will - I have faith - and I have a HP who will not leave me flapping in the breeze. He does one of two things at times like these. He'll either 1) shelter me from the storm or 2)give me the strength to work through whatever I am facing today. This is all possible because of taking Step 1 100% - nothing in my life can be an excuse to drink considering what it does not my and those I love - and Faith in a HP's will for me and the strength to carry that out.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Don C
Location: Arlington Tx.
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 1:32:25 PM
Hi family, my name's Don and I'm an alcoholic. Had my last drink on Nov 17th 1984 and I'm about as grateful as I know how to be for that today. I just read the post from Rebecca and I would like to say to her to please get yourself to a f2f meeting tonight. Ask God to remove the fear from you and get yourself a sponsor. You cannot do this alone. When I hear of people who do not have a sponsor it really sets up a fear inside of me. I know that a sponsor will not keep me sober however, not having one will almost surely get me drunk. Thanks for allowing me to share.
Member: Ron M
Location: Cleveland,OH
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 2:32:59 PM
Hello all, My name is Ron Definetly an alchoholic. All of our stories will resemble in some way each others. Financial insecurity, admitting we are alchoholic, accepting life on lifes term is certainly at times rough.My sponsor let me know up front that the times ahead in my early sobriety will be rough but he and my home group members will be there for me. The fears and concerns are very real to us (alchoholics). We have admitted that our lives had become unmanagable. The only path to life management and economic security is the path that takes you through the doors of AA and your sponsors. The program will give you what you give it(yourself). Our HP has guided all of us to these rooms. Use the program, talk to group members, pray to your HP. In time it will get better. The Serenity prayer about 100 times a day aint bad either. Thank you.
Member: Tessa
Location: Texas
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 3:04:12 PM
Having only that 10% left to live on no longer baffles me. I am just relieved that now the bills are paid. When we were drinking we didn't worry about how much we spent, why worry now. My only question to myself is, am I okay today? God will take care of the rest. I no longer fear tomorrow because I have my home group and my higher power on my side. I had an entire mental change (attitude adjustment) thanks to my wonderful sponsor and the Walker House treatment center in Lubbock. Doesn't it feel good to know we don't have to dogde creditors or make bones about our drinking anymore.
Member: Rebecca
Location: west coast
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 3:50:51 PM
Hi all, Sorry to double post, but I just have to--Thanks for being here. Thank GOD for you being here b/c I am in the right place at the right time. I WILL be at a meeting tonight. I have been going this alone for about 3 months now and I can hardly bear myself-and for a person with an ego as big as mine, just writing a post was really really hard. Thanks for the wonderful post ((Don C.)) and ((TMG))What a difference that makes to me. It's like you took a weight off me. Time to get on my knees-- again. Thanks and love-
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 6:25:47 PM
Hi! My name is michael, and i am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the grace of god and the fellowship. thanks for the sincere shares. welcome newcomers.
I still struggle with fear of people and economic insecurity, but nowhere near like I used to. I see it just as a question of time before these fears become negligent.
As others have pointed out, the key here revolves around "fear." This is an emotional state. Nowhere does the quote say we are guaranteed economic security through the AA program, only that we will not fear it. To me this means it's a spiritual solution, which is what AA is all about in the end.
Member: Melissa F.
Location: Alabama
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 7:48:52 PM
You are talking about the nineth step promises which is located in the chapter "In to action" on pp.83-84.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 7:57:39 PM
HI Bill here Alcoholic from Arizona. Not a heck of a lot of work involved in the first Step. You just is or you ain't. It is that simple. Alcoholics vs Alchohol abusers vs normal drinkers are clearly defined at the bottom of page 20 and the top of page 21(Alcoholics Anonymous..Our basic text). Followed by a description of the real alcoholic. If there is still doubt then go to the first paragaph on page 44 (Still in the Big Book. There are two questions to ask your self. Of course some dude had to add 42 more questions and some jerk in NY printed them in a pamplet. Use them if you are having any second thoughts. If there is still doubt return to page 31 and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try is more than once.
They key is honesty. If you can be honest with yourself then you are pretty well shot of of the saddle. You are in the Basic text too. I mentions those folks who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with them selves. If you are ...Too bad. Get honest.
If after all of this you are still unconvinced, stick around anyway. At least for a while. Alcoholism is not contagious. You will not catch it from us. We will entertain you with our pitiful stories and you may just learn a thing or two.
As for the fear of people and financial insecurity, those are automatics and are results of working the first 9 Steps. Any sponsor worth his/her salt will take an hour or less to go over the steps and explain very briefly what each step will accomplish once it is worked well enough. This allows the newcomer to have some sort of inisight on where they are headed. It gives incentive and impetus to press on. It was effective on me and I have used it on countless others over the years and with some good success.
Thanks,
Bill
az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: AZbill
Location: Correction
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 8:01:52 PM
I meant cannot be honest not can sorry Bill
Member: Virginia
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 8:44:16 PM
Hey, thanks for the topics...
I was full of fear like many others who come into the AA program but at the time I THOUGHT that I was the only one going through anything like this and I was so ashamed to let you people know how low I had sunk. I had finally hit my bottom. No job, no home, no money, no family, nothing. I had become a skid-row drunk, the very thing that I never dreamed a nice, Sunday school teacher, mother, wife like me would never become.
Someone took me to an AA Clubhouse in Long Beach that was upstairs. I remember the person pointing out the "Promises" on the wall and thinking...this will never happen for me".
Like someone pointed out above...it is the FEAR of economic insecurity that has left me. I no longer want to kill myself because I can't pay the rent, realizing that my HP may have another plan for me so I just go with that MOST OF THE TIME, oh, there are times when I briefly get into that self-centered place again but those are short-lived.
Now the one thing that has changed is that I am no longer hiding in the bushes at AA picnics like I did when I was 3 months sober crying my eyes out cuz I was scared of the people. I really love crowds of people today and look forward to big groups and all without alcohol.
I think what helped me most with this is that AA saying..."Today, I am eye-level equal to anybody on the face of this earth, not better than nor less than just equal"
Enough out of me and thanks for being here...
Member: Maria K
Location: California
Date: 4/22/2002
Time: 10:56:34 PM
Accepting that my life was unmanageable was difficult for me at first. I attended meetings and only saw how I was different from everyone. My life was nothing compared to theirs. A wise friend suggested I look for similarities, not differences. When I did that I was able to see that my life was unmanageble. That step led me to my faith that there is a HP that I can turn my life over to.
Member: David
Location: London, England
Date: 4/23/2002
Time: 4:59:29 AM
Good discussion, I am a newcomer and am not really sure if I am alcoholic or not. I think I am since I cannot stop drinking when it begins. It controls my life and has made it miserable when drinking.
Member: RICHARD M
Location: SARASOTA, FLORIDA
Date: 4/23/2002
Time: 7:35:38 AM
Hello , name is richard . I am an alcoholic. m sobriet date is december 28, 1985 ........today i have 5960 days of contiguous sobriety. I have never gotten well enough to work .i am on total and permanent disability . tHERE ARE DAys when i go crazy{ step one } over being poor , however i do not drink over it and turn it over to god. He loves me and provides for me . i am one of his children and he is a good , kind and loveing father. I am now 57 and have over 55 years of sobrity...but only 16 and 4 months in aa... before that in my whole life i probably had a little more than a total of a year that i had a drinking problem ......we all have "life " problems ... the difference is we face them sober and turn over to god what we can not handle....this is wh i ptactice the primary purpose and stay away from the firs drink ... for if i drink ...wel we akll knnow what cold and probably will happpen ......LOVE , PEACE AND HAPPINESS TO EACH AND TO ALL ...~!
Member: Jay L
Location: Mass.
Date: 4/23/2002
Time: 11:06:20 AM
Hi, Jay L an alcoholic, I've known for the past 5 years I've had a drinking problem but never totally accepted it. In and out of the halls. I have 3 1/2 months this time around and trying hard staying within my first step (cycling through it before I think I'm ready to move on.) I feel I really need to stay focused right here for awhile working on what I failed in the past.
I'm proud that I have kept coming back and come to the bend of acceptance.... Continue to move on.
Member: Phil S.
Location: Pennsville, NJ.
Date: 4/23/2002
Time: 12:38:20 PM
Hi, Phil an alcoholic. Sorry gonna double dip but want to respond to David in London. If you think you have a problem David than you probably do. No one can tell you that you are an alcoholic but yourself and you probably already know the answer. I suggest to get to an AA meeting and get a sponsor as soon as you can. Work on getting in touch with your higher power. If you put as much effort into getting sober that you did to drink, then you will do great. Remember, you are worth it and don't quit 10 minutes before the miracle happens. If you have any question please post them, alot of great advice here and someone will be happy to help. Peace to all.
Member: MINDY E
Location: MODESTO,CA
Date: 4/23/2002
Time: 7:19:54 PM
HELLO FAMILY MY NAME IS MINDY AND I AM A RECOVER -ING ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT. SO FROM WHAT I'VE READ SO FAR, WE HAVE A FEW GOOD TOPICS GOING...... SO LET ME SHARE MY ESH ON THE FIRST STEP, CONSIDERING IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO DO THIS WITH RIGROUS HONESTY, BECAUSE THIS STEP SETS A FOUND- ATION FOR YOUR RECOVERY AND IT'S ON YOU HOW YOU DECIDE HOW STRONG YOUR FOUNDATION IS. WHEN I WORKED MY 1ST STEP WITH MY SPONCER, SHE ASKED ME HOW DID MY DRINKING/USING MADE MY LIFE UNMANAGE- ABLE? AS WELL AS HOW WAS I POWERLESS OVER IT TOO? THEN WE DICUSSED ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ADDMITTING AND ACCEPTING THAT I WAS AN ALCOHOLIC ADDICT. ADMITTING WAS PRETTY SIMPLE BUT ACCEPTING THE FACT WAS LIKE PULLING TEETH W/O NOVACAINE. HAHA BUT IN A WAY VERY SERIOUS. IT WASN'T UNTIL I LEARNED TO SURRENDER, SURRENDER, SURRENDER I WASN'T GONNA GET ANYWHERE. I'M NOT SURE HOW OR WHEN I FINALLY GOT THAT MOMENT OF CLARITY THAT IF I JUST DO IT AND NOT FIGHT IT (SURRENDER) IT WOULD BE ALOT EASIER ON ME AND I COULD FINALLY BEGIN MY HEALING PROCESS AND THE CONSRUCTION OF MY STRONG FOUDATION OF RECOVERY. AS WELL ON TO THE PATH OF FINGING OUT WHO I REALLY AM UNDER ALL THOSE MASKS I WORE WHEN I WAS OUT THERE RUNNING A MUCK. THE LONGER I STAY SOBER THE LAYER OF MY ONION(MASKS) ARE PEALED BACK. SO EVEN THOUGH SOME OF YOU OUT THERE FEEL STEP 1 IS AN EASY ONE YOU BETTER TAKE IT EASY AND GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. I SUGGEST THAT YOU DON'T RUSH AND KEEP IT SIMPLE. REMEMBER THAT ALCOHOL IS CUNNING,BAFFLEING AND POWERFUL! THE REASON I'M SHARING THESE SUGGESTIONS WITH YOU IS BECUASE I DID'NT TAKE THOSE SUGGESTIONS MY FIRST TIME IN RECOVERY AND BEFORE LONG I ENDED UP ON A RELAPSE I NEVER THOUGHT I'D COME BCK FROM BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, THE POWER OF PRAYER, THE 12STEPS AND PEOPLE (MY FAMILY) AROUND THE TABLES, I WAS WELCOMED BACK. AT ONE TIME I WAS SOBER FOR ABOUT 4 YEARS AND LOST IT THAT QUICK SO NOW AFTER BEING AROUND AA/NA SINCE OCT 1996 TODAY I AM VERY PROUD OF THE HARD WORK IT HAS TOOK ME AND THE GOD GAVE FOR THE 143 DAYS AS OF 4-23-00. I LOVE THIS PROGRAM AND HOW IT HAS CHANGED ME AND MY LIFE ENTIRELY! I'VE ALSO HAVE BEEN GIVEN A CHANCE TO GET TO KNOW GOD AND TO KNOW MY HIGHER POWER IS A LOVING,KIND AND FORGIVING GOD. SO HE WILL FORGIVE ME AND ALL THAT I'VE DONE IN THE PAST WILL BE GONE BECAUSE I WILL BE A NEW CREATION IN CHRIST, OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW. (LITTLEBITOTHAT@HOTMAIL.COM)+ THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE, I'M MINDY E STILL AN ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT.
Member: Bruce A
Location: crowsnest,pa
Date: 4/23/2002
Time: 10:22:51 PM
Hi my name is Bruce A and I am an alcoholic, I had to find out about powerless by going back out after being here 3 months. I thought I knew everything and was in control of my life and destiny. I went back out for 3 months and it did get worse. When I came back the second time I surrendered to the fact that I am powerless over alcohol. I have a disease I can recover from but never be cured of. Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. I have been sober one day at time since 9-10-83. but for the grace of God and all you people in AA Love Bruce A from PA
Member: Terry G
Location: SE
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 1:18:52 AM
Hi, My name is Terry and I am an alcoholic. Now I realize how important the first step is. I have admitted I am an alcoholic several times, and went back out. This time, a little over 2 months, I HEARD someone say at a meeting, that they had admitted it, but did'nt ACCEPT it. It was a light bulb moment for me.
I still have some fears of people and sharing is hard. I used to spend meeting time thinking of what I would say, instead of listening. Now I listen,and hope to have another light bulb moment. Thanks for letting me share. Peace.
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 2:35:20 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. Step one for me is the single most important fact I know & accept about myself on a daily basis. I am an alcoholic. Alcohol mangled me, it kick my butt. For me to pick up that first drink is deliberately forgetting that I am an alcoholic. As far as the promises go, I am a firm believer that God does for me what I am not capable of doing for myself, and God gives me nothing more than what I am capable of handling in a 24hr period, no matter what it is. I can honestly say that I have everything I need today, and most of everything I want. I have learned that the greatest things in life aren't things. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.
Member: kenny b
Location: mentor ohio
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 2:40:23 AM
hi im kenny b,i stopped drinking and going to meetings since 1987,i find that even though i stopped drinking i still act ,feel the same as i never stopped drinking,im a little suprised my wife has not shot me or divorced me yet,i would not like to live wiith me,dry drunk,yes i guess so any comments?
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 2:43:39 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcohoic. To David in London, if you are not quite sure about being an alcoholic, just ask yourself are you alcoholic enough for you.
Member: Sam B.
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 9:36:29 AM
Hi I'm Sam - a grateful alcoholic. This program has given me so much room to learn, grow and experience a life I never could have dreamed of having.kenny b. you realize you are in a dry drunk then start over. There is no shame in saying "I went off track and I need the AA family again". The wonderful thing about this "family" is that even if you have relapsed or let your program slide, you will ALWAYS be welcomed back into the group. I switched work hours so was no longer able to attend my home group. Well I decided it was THEM or NO ONE. So I have turned into the dry drunk mode as well. To make matters worse our business closed and now I am 7 weeks jobless. Financial Insecurity was running my life. This is where the miracle of a Higher Power comes in! I was digging for Resumes when my big book fell off the shelf-I took it and said "There's an IDEA" That very night I told my HP that I was Turning it Over. I can't take it any longer!! I cried and decided I needed AA back in my life. This morning at 8 AM a job offer came in! Unbelievable to some, but absolutely true. Steps written in such simple language-yet so hard for us to do! I am back in my AA mode. Thank you for listening and I hope this gives someone else the intiative to rediscover the true grace of AA. If I "don't FALL down the Steps" then they work if you work them!!
Member: Chuck D.
Location: Stamford, CT
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 9:48:07 AM
Hi, I'm Chuck, and I am an alcoholic. I have known in for a long time. I also eat compulsively. I find myself up late at night, after my wife and kids are asleep...I start drinking and eating. I am very unhappy with myself. I recognize that this is self-destructive behavior, but I do not know if I even have the strength to stop myself. Don't know what else there is to do. I guess I am desperate.
Member: Mary D.
Location: Edison, NJ
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 11:09:08 AM
My name is Mary. I think I could be an alcoholic. I enjoy drinking at least 2 – 3 bottles of wine a week. I also hide the empty bottles from my husband. What do you guys think?
Member: Kevin S
Location: The Bunnvale Group, New Jersey, US
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 11:22:07 AM
Hey Kenny B,
If you like the way you feel and how your life is going you don't need to do a thing. Life (wife, work, family) will continue to take your inventory so you know where you stand.
If you'd like to try something different, Mentor has some really good AA. If it didn't have so much to offer, I'd have stopped going 20 years ago. But somehow when I don't my life breaks out in grief.
Good luck.
Kevin S
Member: Real Man
Location: In the Mirror
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 2:02:07 PM
Alcoholics Anonymous - Fourth Edition
Because I'm An Alcoholic - This drinker finally found the answer to her nagging question, "Why?" Somehow I still managed to keep my job and most of my friends, social drinkers who were urging me to cut down on the alcohol. That counsel only made me mad, but I was concerned myself. I asked the therapist I was seeing, sometimes with beer in hand, would I have to stop? His answer was that we had to find out why I drank. I'd already tried but was never able to find out why until I learned the answer in A.A.--because I'm an alcoholic.
p. 342
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 2:35:22 PM
((Chuck D)) been there, done that! I would keep busy with chores, getting the kids bathed and tucked in. Then when everyone was asleep, I would mix a big monster drink and after a few hours make a big meal. Then head to bed at 2:00 a.m. for a restful 4 hours of sleep!
The real question is, what is so wrong with my reality that I need to alter it? What exactly am I trying to fill up (with drink and food)? As long as that void is there it will call to you to fill it (with sex, food, alcohol, gambling, etc) I joined AA to stop drinking and quickly learned it is about two thinkgs; 1. Understanding the motivations behind my actions to fill the void, why the void was there at all, and.. 2. Then filling my void, on a daily basis, one day at a time that works for me. Filling it with love, filling it with the ESH I get from meetings. Filling the void with the conviction that I am doing what God wants me to do today.
This is not about me having the strength, or you having the strength. The strength comes from God, from the group...and it is there for the asking.
I also found that my biggest fear was facing the fears. Once I faced it, it really was not so big and ominous. I now TRY to let the feeling come, really feel it (doubt, fear, etc) and then move on. My subconscious sent me the feeling, not so I could ignore and go drink over it, but some reason. Once acknowledged, I can move on without being caught up in the feeling. I honored the feeling by letting it be felt instead of running from it.
((Mary D)) Drinking a couple bottles of wine a week is pretty tame to some of the amounts I have heard consumed. However, that amount still makes you a heavy drinker. Are you an alcoholic? Only you can answer that. Hiding bottles is something every alcoholic has done and hardly any non-acoholics over 21 years old have done.
More important than the amount you drink, is why you drink and how. I once could not relax after work without a beer. If I didn't have any booze, I actually would pretend to drink in order to relax! I could just drink 4 and then stop, wanting that 5th drink badly! Pissed off I was stopping, because I am an alcoholic.
I suggest you go to a meeting, tell the folks there just what you told us and then sit and listen. If after 90 days and reading the big book, you decide you are not an alcoholic then good for you. I wish like crazy I could drink normally, but I can't. Even if I just drank 4, I would count down the hours till I could have my next 4. Everything else, kids, wife, job were just in the way between me and my next fix.
((Chuck and Mary D)) if you want help, you are in the right place. I hope this post helps just a little. This is how I started, online for 4 months before I got to a f2f meeting. Get to a f2f meeting and check it out.
Peace.
Member: Newcomer
Location: Pink Cloud
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 4:16:19 PM
As I was reading I kept coming accross sobriety dates and I have been wanting to ask for so long what to do about mine. My last drunk was on a Tuesday so I counted the days and then the weeks and then someone said I had to pick a date and then go by months. Some where along the lines I got all mixed up in my head and all I know is that I picked 2-2-02 because it was easy to remember and I knew that my actual last drink was before that and my first day without a drink was before that and I admited that I was powerless over alchohol and my life had become unmanagable. But I am so unsure as to what a sobriety date truely is and know that someone out there went throught the same thing and can help me to find the answers I am searching for on this subject. I guess I haven't brought this up at my home group because it seems to be such an insignificant detail in the grand scheme of things but if anyone out there has a moment to address this burning desire I would greatly appreciate the help.
God Bless
Member: Dawn P.
Location: Washington State
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 7:24:10 PM
I am so glad to have found an online AA type of meeting/discussion. I've been in and out of AA/rehab for 15 years.... I obviously need someone to talk to, but have an extremely hard time admitting my problem to anyone...and attending meetings is hard as I have a 2-year-old and work full-time. Excuses?? Sure. I guess I don't have too much to say...other than no, I'm not sober...and I need help...and altho I am an extremely functioning alcoholic, and hide my problem well, it is scaring the crap out of me and I wonder when I'll get caught, and who will be hurt. Thanks for letting me share. Last night I was laying in bed, thinking of myself as a worthless piece of trash swinging in the wind....if anyone I know, including my husband, knew I had these thoughts...and that I'm drinking almost daily...they would be shocked.
Member: Kathy N
Location: Sunshine State
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 8:25:54 PM
As I was reading todays postings I came accross one that said that God never gives you more then you can handle. Well I can tell you that for this alcholic he always gives me more then I can handle or why would I need a God of my understanding. When I try managing my life I really mess it up but when things get tough and I can't handle it myself I turn to God. I can absolutely tell you that I have not been handling my life for the last few weeks because I would not have come out on the otherside with some self left. Grief has been a really big part to my life and it I could have handled it I know what I would have done DRINK and DRINK and DIE. By Gods grace it was not what happened and nothing has changed but I know that my life is being healed and my heart by my God. Thank God. Love to all KN
Member: Lyla D
Location: Polk City, Fl
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 9:16:09 PM
To Dawn, Mary, Chuck and David (and anyone I missed), you are all in such pain, that is seems to radiate from my 'puter. Go to some meetings, ask for help. The answer for me was in the rooms of AA and I found that the people here know what they are talking about-been there and done that. Know what I mean. I used to lay in bed at night and ask God to let me die in my sleep-I didn't want live with the pain anymore. Well, my HP had other plans for me and many 24 hours ago, I fell into an AA meeting-and found home. My prayers go out to all of you and all suffering alcoholics-in and out of the rooms. Sorry I double dipped, but I just had to. Feel free to e-mail me, I'll be happy to help in any way I can.
Lyla D aka ldragonreader@aol.com
Member: AL C
Location: ALBANY NY
Date: 4/24/2002
Time: 11:20:04 PM
AL IAM AN ALCOHLIC FRIST TIME AT THIS MEETING IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO ADMIT THAT I WAS POWERLES OVER ALCOHLIC. FINALY I ADMITED IT WHEN I HIT ROCK BOTTOM . GOINING TO JAIL HURTING MY FAMILY.THANKS TO FRIENDS INTHE PROGRAM I HAVE REACHED MY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY THANKS TO ALL AL
Member: Bill F.
Location: Lost Angeles
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 1:44:54 AM
Many years ago I was just over a year sober and moved enroute to a new job. Fear kept me from meeting new people - going to an AA meeting. In two weeks I was drinking and drank for another six years. Six months sober again a new job moved me away from my comfort zone. I sat outside and AA meeting for three straight nights in fear before I walked in to the only place I know that one should not fear. Eighteeen years later I am still sober and have moved many times - but the promise of not fearing people has been fulfilled. I find a meeting within a couple of days and once again am in the embrace of AA friend I haven't met yet. Financial insecurity continues to plague me. Once I realized that somehow those inexplicable "ends" were being met - the fear went away. I continue to trust that my needs will somehow be met and now a new job in another country beckons which may help the real financial insecurity and allow me to be responsible with my income instead of merely surviving. I remain powerless over life - it is unmanageable by me. I simply go forward one daya at a time as new doors open.
Sandi in NC - there are some great meetings on Cape Hatteras. Must be some where you are. Go to one, please.
Member: Jeff
Location: Ne.
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 2:01:04 AM
Jeff, Alcoholic. Well, when i took the 1st step & worked the others on too step`s 8 & 9. I asked my sponser ,"will these promises come true for me" he said "sometimes quickly sometimes slowly, they will always materialize if we work them". Fear of people has left me, but economic insecuities comes & goes i can`t help but worry when work is slow. Will i meet my financial oblegations this month? My mind starts to race & i get to the point when i beat myself up enought & get willing to turn it over to my "Higher Power", things always work out ... but i never learn. Sometimes i get smart & turn it over right away but not to often, i`ll learn someday. (LOL) I think "work" is the key word here, the steps are ment to be "WORKED" not just read. Nice that they numbered them so i know what to do next.(LOL) Life is good, thanks for listening! Jeff
Member: Kathy
Location: Northeast
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 6:14:16 AM
Would appreciate it if messages were in lower case - very difficult to read in solid caps.
Member: Chuck D
Location: Stamford, CT USA
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 9:32:45 AM
I'm Chuck D, an alcoholic and compulsive eater.
---Rich P--- Thanks for sharing your candid feedback. I am seriously considering what you said about the fact that I am probably trying to fill some sort of void. I think there is a lot of truth in that. HOWEVER, I must tell you that I already know what is causing me to want to escape into my booze and food, and dealing with that is going to be very tough. My marriage is terrible, and my wife and I hate each other. I know that sounds brutal, but it is true. She is bitter, angry, violent, and hot tempered, and she abuses the shit out of me on a daily basis. I can't stand her, and I am quite certain that she cannot stand me. I am finding it difficult to find a solution.
---Mary D---- Thanks for sharing. Your brief message sounds VERY similar to my nightly ritual. A couple of times a week, I get out of work, and I hit the liquour store. Buy a bottle of booze, sneak it in the house. Wait till the kids hit the sack, then start drinking. I finish off the bottle, then hide it someplace. I try to hide all of this from my wife. All I can say is that you are not alone, and I know how you feel. God bless. Chuck D
Member: Chuck D
Location: Stamford, CT USA
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 9:42:55 AM
Chuck D Again, alcoholic and complulsive eater.
I hope it's okay to share twice in a row on this message board. I was moved by reading Dawn P's share.
---Dawn P--- Thank you for sharing about your current situation. All I can say is that I feel like I am in a similar situation, and I want to find the courage and strength to make a change. I think I keep my alcoholism well hidden, and I also function quite well on the outside. I work full time, support my wife, son , and step-daughter, and I am pursuing an advanced degree. But every night after everyone goes to sleep, I am drinking and eating like an animal. I often go to bed and pass out, not remembering exactly how much booze or what food I consumed the next day. I realize that I am hurting myself, and the potential to hurt others is definitely there, waiting in the shadows. I am not sure what my next step will be, but I just wanted to say thanks for your honest share, and tell you that you are not alone. Chuck D
Member: Mary D.
Location: Edison, NJ
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 11:30:33 AM
Thank you for your imputs. I have known for a along time that my life has been a lie. I feel as though my drinking is something I do to escape. (As cliché as that may sound.) I enjoy that buzz and although it makes me miserable I also secretly enjoy that I can hide this from my husband. He would be mortified if he knew how much I drank. Earlier in our marriage he found several empty beer & wine bottles under the kitchen sink and asked what was going on. Of course I lied to him and said it was no big deal – I just enjoyed having a few drinks every now & then. Since that incident I have gotten “wiser” in hiding my problem. If we go out I usually have a drink or two to get me started. Or one time I had an entire bottle of wine right before we went to his cousin’s engagement party. Of course I spilled food & acted like an ass. The bottom line is that on the days I don’t drink I feel better about myself. Unfornately that feeling only lasts a few days and I start to think about my next drink. Especially if I’m having a crappy day at work. I want to stop living this lie.
Member: Dawn P.
Location: Washington State
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 12:17:52 PM
I hope it's ok to share again. I'm not egotistical enough to think I am the only one having a problem, but Mary D., I can't believe how similar what you said is to my situation. I have actually been drinking at work so none of my family will know what's going on. Everyday I tell myself I will NOT go to the liquor store, and nearly every day I do. I guess the good side is I do not drink on weekends or my days off. But it's like part of my brain just shuts down and lets me drive to the liquor store (always a different one of course...wouldn't want those employees to think I was an ALCOHOLIC or anything), buy a pint of cheap whiskey, and I drink shots at my desk during the day. Do people wonder why I end up taking 1-2 hour 'naps' every day in the late afternoon before I have to go home? Who knows...it's a lax atmosphere. But the hatred and disgust and guilt I feel every night is tearing me apart. I never thought I'd lie to my husband about anything...but I lie about this. A few times I haven't stopped drinking close enough to quitting time and can barely remember picking up my daughter and driving home. This is something that I could never admit to anyone. Endangering my own life is one thing...but endangering the life of my daughter?? The best thing that has ever happend to me in my life?? WHAT AM I DOING???
Thanks to all of you for listening...maybe this is a precurser to me finally quitting and going to a meeting. At least I quit buying illegally obtained prescription drugs over the internet...but only because of the cost and inability to hide them.
Member: Kevin S
Location: The Bunnvale Group, New Jersey, US
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 12:38:14 PM
(Newcomer) The most important thing about your sober date is that you have one!
I've heard people get all emotionally riled up if someone used the date of their last drink, rather that the first full day sober. In your case, when you're not even sure of that, you've taken the best course, the honest course. The exact date is only a milepost. Of itself it has no meaning. It is only to mark the road that you are traveling on.
I was shunned by an old friend of 27years because I celebrated my anniversary with my best friend this year, even though It was a few weeks early. I wanted to celebrate with my best friend because he is dying of a lung disease and only has a couple of years left to live.
As long as you're being honest with yourself it just doesn't matter.
Member: MITCH T
Location: PHILA< PA
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 1:19:42 PM
HI family my name is mitch t and I am a recovering drunk and drug addict.I Thought the topics were very good, I know from my (ESH) step #1 is the only step you need to do perfectly, however I some how refer to these built in forgetters.(& keep forgetting that I,m powerless over alchohol $ drugs)AS far AS step # 9 is concerned i do believe that economic insecurity will leave us when we/I work the previous steps. BY THE WAY I WASN,T NERVIOUS ABOUT SHARING THANKS FOR LISTENING
Member: steve s.
Location: va
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 1:54:57 PM
Simply go to a meeting and ask for help.You will get all the help you need to get sober,and stay sober.Be honest and DO what others DO.God Bless You.
Member: John D
Location: Right Here
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 2:10:45 PM
I am fortunate to be among the ones who have had this awesome transformation in my life. When I entered the doors of A.A., alone and desperate, I had been beaten into willingness to believe anything I heard. One of the things I heard was, "This could be your last hangover, or you can keep going round and round." The man who said this obviously was a whole lot better off than I. I liked the idea of admitting defeat and I have been free ever since! My heart heard what my mind never could: "Being powerless over alcohol is no big deal." I'm free and I'm grateful
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 4:54:45 PM
I'm Chris--I'm an alcoholic/adict/bulimic---Great meeting...First step and the fear of people...all apply to me.... I have been sliding along for about 3-4 yrs. , not going to f/f meetings and thinking that I have been alright. I have just had the light turned on and realized that I have not been doing as well as Ithought. My life has been unmanagable and I have refused to see it. I am now trying to get back with the program...and feeling really beter about things...As for fear of people....on some ways, I am doing better in that area, but in others I am still struggling( progress not perfection!)My father is coming for a week and I am in fear about being co-dependent --ANd falling back into the Old family patterns...I have tried writing my fears out and that has helped..I think that I will do somemore writing. I am trying to turn it over to my Higher Power, and let Him take care of it...THat is my challenge...not to take it into my own hands...Well thanks for letting me share...SO glad this sight is here...
Member: Alc
Location: Albany ny
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 9:45:53 PM
al alcoholic great imputsthey all have been very helpful. Dawn P you are in the right placenow. You are in my prays. And to kathy sorry first time you know . Is this better ihope it didnt ruin your day . al
Member: Suzi B
Location: Caribbean
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 10:57:31 PM
Hi everyone....Just found this site and desperately needed it....Just had a slip after two years of sobriety. I have been fighting as to whether or not I am a true alcoholic for 10 years, in and out...I can truely say that admitting it and believing what I have admitting has taken a tremendous weight off my shoulders. I live on a small island in the Caribbean where there are no meetings and have relied on books and faith to get me through. Apparantly, it wasn't enough, but I am ready to start again. I am so glad to find something on line, because I am a firm believer that any contact with other alcoholics helps. Take what you can use and trash the rest. It was extremely helpful for me to read all these comments, especially starting over. I know things will be better again, as I truely enjoy waking up every day and feeling great and in control..not scared or afraid of anything. Thanks again for letting me share
Member: Steve
Location: ND
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 11:35:54 PM
This has been a great discussion! I really enjoy hearing people who are considering the program or are relatively new to the program start asking questions. Questioning is the beginning of recognition. These are the people who have the best chance of entering recovery. It's the ones who adamntly deny that they have a problem that I worry about. I have to smile when I hear people find out that their behaviors really aren't unique to them. I, for one, knew that nobody had done the things that I had done, and that even alcoholics would be shocked with my "idocincricies." Yea, right!! It was a real relief for me to find out that not only a couple of people had the same experiences, but most had done one or two or all of the same crazy things which I had done. Maybe I reallly wasn't losing my mind after all! The most enjoyable thing that I come away with from attending f2f meetings is being able to share my experiences, both good and bad, with new members, or people who are considering AA. I have seen the relief in peoples' faces when they find out that there is hope for them. The joy in making that first day or week or month or year. Seeing people grow who most would have thought were lost causes. (including myself) There hope and joy keeps me young in the program and reminds me of the feeling I had when I finally realized that even a someone like myself who had hit the bottom hard could once again find joy in life. Sorry I got to rambling but you folks with the questions tonight really got me pumped up. Thanks, and God bless. WTIP
Member: Gabrielle P
Location: Lake Hamilton FL
Date: 4/25/2002
Time: 11:47:44 PM
Hi, I'm an alcoholic; my name is Gabrielle. I learned about powerlessness when I went back out after 7 years of sobriety. I hadn't had an urge to drink for such a long time that I thought maybe I could be a social drinker now. One night of major drinking cured me of that notion, and I now have a real commitment to this program and to my sobriety. The Promises show what happens to alcoholics who have learned to face their fears without drinking them away. I have, in the past year, lost my husband, my job, and my home. And, believe it or not, I am happier now than I ever was when I drank. Not that I don't have some tense moments, but my HP helps me because I ask him to. Each time I see that my trust in him is warranted, it becomes easier to trust. Regarding how to determine if alcohol is a problem: Casual drinkers never ask themselves that question. It's not how much you drink, but what happens to you when you drink. Physically, we have a disease involving a lack of enzymes to break down alcohol properly, so, in effect, we are poisoning ourselves each time we drink. And yet we crave the poison. Before I drank alcoholically, two drinks had me talking to the porcelain god. But the next day, I was ready to try again, determined to "get it right". It was a revelation to me that the stupid choices I made in life were related to alcohol, but definitely better than being stupid or crazy. I am so grateful to AA and the people through whom HP works. I am getting myself back, and learning that I have something to give.
Member: Joni H
Location: East Coast
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 7:33:58 AM
After a horrific yet life-altering experience last Sunday night, I have accepted Step One totally, once and for all (this is Day 5 for me, after 30 years and many false starts . . . I am 43 and started drinking in the spring of my 13th year). I did not know about the Promises since I am so new to all of this, but I can certainly relate to the fears described therein. In addition to chronic "money woes" (yet I always seem to have $$$ for booze, hmmm) right now I fear losing my health, my husband, my very life! Being able to wake up in the morning these past few days (feeling refreshed, not poisoned!) and getting online to read about others' struggles and successes has given me hope that I can - and will - stay sober, too! Thank you all -- you have been more helpful and inspiring than you could know.
Member: Don C.
Location: Arlington Tx.
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 8:55:03 AM
Don C. here again, alcoholic and this is to Mary D. Quit thinking about stopping forever. Just think about stopping for today. It is much easier that way. Ask God in the morning to keep you sober today and thank him at night if you have been successful. Go to a meeting, read some AA literature and talk to another recovering alcoholic. If you will do these 5 things every day you will probably stay sober. Good luck and my prayers are with you
Member: Mike
Location: Florida
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 10:09:06 AM
This for Adam H. Japan that started out with topic, Promises: "Fear of people & economic insecurity will leave us". To the last part "fear of economic insecurity" my observation has been that this is commonly misunderstood as meaning once we sober up & clean up our side of the street we will no longer have any money problems. That is not the promise. The promise is that even though we may not obtain "economic security" we will lose the fear of not having "economic security" and be able to stay sober & have peace of mind in spite of it. AA gave me a purpose in life, laughter, friends, comrady, never had to be alone again, love(not romantic kind). All this for free!
Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 10:55:51 AM
MaryD, ChuckD, DawnP, JoniH, And any other newcomers. Welcome. You may find that more people respond to your posts if you post on the "coffee pot" part of the board. That area is for more general discussion, while many limit their discussion area posts to one per week, on the topic only.
Good posts this week.
Glad to meet ya.
One day at a time.
Frank
Member: Lydia
Location: Savannah
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 11:44:59 AM
Suzi in Caribbean: I am sending you my email.. i am here if you care to correspond. lydsav4@aol.com.. i know it is difficult to stay sober in the islands.. you are not alone.. lydia
Member: Mike T
Location: Rhode Island
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 12:32:31 PM
Just coming back
Member: Mike T
Location: Rhode Island
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 12:37:10 PM
Just Coming Back. I stopped going to meetings after moving and it wasn't long before i was dabbling with drink & drug. I had over 8 years CL&SBR. I got back in touch with old so called friends and stopped going to meetings and bang here I am. Back to the old sick feelings of doom and gloom. Thank God I made it back. I was getting out of control more and more each week.
I NEED meetings to survive. If I waited much longer it could be worst. I'M BACK and clean for 14 days. !
Member: Teresa C
Location: Philly
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 2:31:42 PM
((Mike T)) Hang in there. Keep coming back. My boyfriend say's the same thing. He needs to go to meeting's or he'll slip/ which I'm soory to say he has just three day's of cl/sbr under him and everyday is a step in the right direction. Everyone tell's him he need's to find out what set's him off but now I'm starting to think there could be a million reason's. Too many in fact. I always tell him ((time)). getting back on track anyway. It takes no time to fall. Turn here. everyone seem's to care here and they seem to respond to eachother. Your doing great... Me only 4month's in my calendar. And counting. Teri
Member: Mary D.
Location: Edison,NJ
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 3:23:12 PM
Don C.
Thank you. Very inspiring.
Member: Dave P.
Location: Phoenix
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 4:22:15 PM
Hello. Dave, alcoholic, sobriety date 5/23/81. As you can see I'm just "Dave, alcoholic". I believe to be a member of AA like everyone else, it is not necessary to tack on adjectives such as "real" - "grateful" - "grateful recovering" - "alcoholic / addict" and others ad nauseum. These tags set one aside from the mainstream and perpetuate our uniqueness. We are all fortunate to have the opportunity to participate in the single most effective spiritual fellowship of our time. I am proud to be just another "Dave, alcoholic.
My experience with Step #1 is rather simple. I joined AA when I could no longer continue to live as I had been living for over thirty years. My best friend alcohol no longer worked to provide the living crutch that I needed to get by. I was unable to numb my emotions by drinking. My depression, rage, and general misery penetrated the alcohol. Even today after over two decades without drink, I shudder to remember my emotional condition at that time. The thought of ever returning to that 'bottom' is completely unacceptable and has been since entering these rooms. I never knew that this choice was so readily available...
Member: Judy N
Location: Fairbanks, Alaska
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 5:45:23 PM
Hello everyone! I'm Judy, alcoholic. I like both topics. Like Jenn, I have known for years that I'm an alcoholic; I'm just having trouble taking the proper steps to stop. I don't know if it has to do with Alan's topic, but because of the anxiety I feel when I'm around people, I've always had a beer in hand to feel secure. I am taking a medication for that anxiety now and I am hoping it will work. I don't want to fear people and success anymore. I know I can conquer this disease and feel this meeting place will help. Thank you for this website, as I'm sure it is helping others also. Take care all of you. Judy
Member: Mindy E
Location: Modesto,CA
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 6:11:52 PM
Hello family it's me Mindy E again and I'd just like to say that I have enjoyed and learned so much from this weeks meeting. Thank you all for being there for me and helping to stay sober one more day. I will keep coming back as long as I continue to put one foot in front of the other. Until next week God bless and always remember that matter thr size of the problem you can always walk thru it with the grace of God. and NO MATTER WHAT JUST DON'T TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK OR DRUG!!!!!!! Thanks for letting me share I'm Mindy still a greatful recovering alcoholic/ addict.
Member: John H
Location: Indiana
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 8:03:03 PM
As I think back to my hiding bottles from family, it is clear to me that I was also trying to hide the fact that it was wrong and that I was and am an alcoholic. Hope this is helpful to some one or more!
Member: Suzi B
Location: Caribbean
Date: 4/26/2002
Time: 8:58:29 PM
Some one once told me, if you have to hide it, there must be something wrong with it....Makes sense.......Not to mention how difficult it can be to remember where you hid it to get another drink when you are drinking. Hope it helps. Thanks to everyone for keeping me sober today and the rest of the last two weeks.
Member: Michael M.
Location: New York City
Date: 4/27/2002
Time: 2:14:11 AM
Hello everyone. My name is Michael, and I am and alcoholic. Was very happy to find this site, and have enjoyed all of the comments. Additionally, I have idenitified with many of the people. I have relapsed repeatedly after nearly nine years sober. I am currently banned from my home until I attend a meeting.
Anyway, I've often heard it said that the only step you have to do perfectly is step one. And that's exactly what I did for a long time.
What I failed to do however, was keep a sponsor, and slowly but surely, began to resume my old thinking, and to revisit the people, places, and things that kept me drunk for so long. I cannot emphasize too strongly how important sponsorship is. I know that for myself, I will not stay sober for long without one. God Bless all of you, and thanks for letting me share.
Michael M. nyc_techy@yahoo.com
Member: Kathy
Location: Northeast
Date: 4/27/2002
Time: 4:03:09 AM
Really good posts this week.
Dawn - Please don't drink and drive - especially with your daughter in the car. If you'll post on the Coffee Pot I write a longer message to you.
Al C. - No harm done - Congratulations on your first anniversary. Hope to see you on Coffee Pot also.
Member: Aussie Lenny S
Location: Morisset Australia
Date: 4/27/2002
Time: 9:10:59 AM
Thank you all for your comments. Im 28 years sober on May 12 and have started going through the steps AGAIN. Just felt I needed too and I feel better already. I identified with Lyla D about being injured in sobriety and then broke and how the members helped me through it when I was 12 years sober. Pain was worth it in the long run. Lifes great today. My wife is 19 years sober now. KCB friends
Member: carrie H
Location: North Dakota
Date: 4/27/2002
Time: 12:52:50 PM
Hi, my name is Carrie and I am an Alcoholic I have known that for many years and I have also been battleing this for 5 years in and out of treatment the problem is that I hold on to resentments that I need to let go. In the 5 years the longest I stayed sober was2 and a half months. Well now here I start again 10 days and for the first time I want to quit drinking I thought for a long time that I could do it by myself now I know I cant I went to 4 meetings this last week and it was good to listen.I have lost alot of things to get here and it is scary,I pray to my higher power each morning to get me through the day sober and when I want to Drink I have a list of names that I can call there is alot of supportive people out there.
Member: Lyla D
Location: Polk City, Fl
Date: 4/27/2002
Time: 2:21:18 PM
Suzi B, my e-mail is ldragonreader@aol.com. Send me your snailmail address and I'll be happy to write and sent you any literature or other things that might help.
Lyla D
Member: John O
Location: DFW, Texas USA
Date: 4/27/2002
Time: 4:36:15 PM
Hello, everyone! My name is John and I am very glad to be sober today. As Vic used to say in our meetings: "I didn't have anything to drink yesterday, and that sure made me wake up this morning feeling great!" How I remember how it was those mornings back when I used to hug the commode with the dry heaves! Thank God those days are not these days. Let me say something about economic insecurity. I have read a lot about economic crashes and depressions. Some think we might be heading for another crash and depression today. I can remember back when I created my own economic crash and depression by becoming unemployable due to constant drinking. I used to make lists of what I would buy when I got paid, on those occasions when I was working day labor or temping. First on the list was: BEER. Second on the list was: FOOD (for me and my three collies). There were several times when I would eat the collies dog food (the cheapest dry food I could find, real no-name generic stuff made out of chicken beaks and feet), cause I really preferred to spend as much as possible on the beer. God forgive me, there were times when I made my doggie-woggies go hungry so I could have booze. I'm ashamed of what I did and I pray that I will never forget it, because that was over twenty years ago and the memory of it helps keep me sober!( my three collies have all passed on after living a full life span.) Now I have two little pups who have never seen me drunk, and a wife who has never seen me drunk. I know, deep in my soul, that if I were to go back to drinking, that I would steal my wife's food money to buy beer, if nothing else were available. I'd use Dad's chemotherapy money to get drunk on, and let him suffer without the medicine if I were drinking today. Thank God for AA. I don't worry about economic insecurity, because since coming into the program I have not eaten dog food even once and I have not gone hungry even once. And, about fear of people: Do you remember the looks on the faces of those people who used to ask you: "My God, Do you remember what you said/did last night???" No one has said that to me in over twenty years, but I still remember the shock, disgust, anger, etc, etc, that people had when they looked at me. Now, people look at me and see a sober and respectable member of society. I no longer fear them, mostly because I remember perfectly what I have said and did the night before when the morning after arrives each morning for over 7,000 mornings now. No one ever says that horrible phrase to me now, and, God willing, they will not say it to me for the rest of my life! AA saved my life and has vastly improved the quality of life of every living thing that has been around me for the past twenty years. Can't say it much better than that.........
Member: Stacy Driver
Location: Indianapolis
Date: 4/27/2002
Time: 6:17:41 PM
I am 24 years old and glad to say that today I am sober. i have had so many ups and downs economically due to my drinking. I can now wake up and say i remember what I done lastnight without having to think about it. Having money to take care of things that need to be taken care of and now that I am sober i have money left over. I can buy my kids things that they need instead of buying my alcohol. I can definately say that today is a successful day because I have not had a drink. Thank you for letting me share.
Member: Jessi C
Location: Brunei
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 4:54:07 AM
Hi My name is Jessi and I'm an alcoholic. I have moved from Canada to Brunei and I am a loner here. It is really good to hear people talking "AA style". I am a very moody person and especially around my parents cos they seem to rile me up the easiest. This is where I try to take Step 1. Because I went to treatment, I changed, I even saw the people around me change. But when I got out, into the real world. NOTHING had changed. The only thing I could do was to accept it as that's the way it is, and I can't change it. At first, I did not understand it, how can I accept that my mom is ignorant to my disease? Or that this person is not talking to me anymore because I won't do something for them that goes beyond my moral beliefs? I thought it was so stupid but once I threw a tantrum, got soooo upset, I tried it, and it worked. OF course I had to say it over and over, the serenity prayer, acceptance, surrender and so on, but it works.
Member: Anonymous Alcoholic
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: 4/28/2002
Time: 8:48:16 AM
I was afraid of people and economic insecurity and because of those fears (and others) I couldn't stop drinking. Coming to my very first AA meeting helped me overcome my fear of people. The people at my first meeting went out of their way to make me feel welcome and at home. They shared some stuff that made 'my stuff' look like child's play. They seemed to have a ton of knowledge about this problem of drinking. They were very serious about their mission to stop drinking and yet at the same time the spirit of my first meeting was one of celebration. I continued to go to meetings every day because I liked the meetings and they were helping me. Somewhere in the first 90 days I was able to finally 'get' the first step. That was 11 years ago. I have continued to practice the first step at many many 12-step meetings since then, some of those meetings had nothing to do with alcohol (we just change one little word in the first step and it works). I am still not exactly fearless of people and personal economics, but I have come a LONG WAY in that direction. Thanks for letting me share.