Member: Jenn P.
Location: Poconos
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 12:01:47 PM

Comments

HI all, Jenn here, an alcoholic sober today by the grace of God. I would like to hear about sponsorship. I sponsor, and am sponsored in this program. It is a joy for me on both sides. I would like to hear from others on both sides of that relationship their experience strength and hope. I often wonder where the line is between sponosring and butting in. It hurts me to see them struggle, especially if they go back out. Thanks Have a beautiful sober day, I know I will. Thanks to all who share here.


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 12:44:44 PM

Comments

"Men with the men, women with the women..." "they" say... my first sponsor was a man. i sat on the curb ( feeling sorry for myself) after my first meeting. every body passed me by.Everybody 'cept Reese HE TALKED TO ME, GAVE ME HIS #, i CALLED HIM THAT NIGHT, AND HE TOOK ME TO AT LEAST 2 MEETINGS A DAY FOR THE NEXT 9 OR 10 MONTHS... he was a good listener. and of all the things we talked about, all i remember him saying "willingness, and forgiveness, is the key." he was pursuasive but NEVER demanding or pushy. no "ultimatums, only suggestions...He would introduce me to people, and in a round about way warn me about certain" PREDITORS" in the rooms. lots of the guys in the rooms are jealous of him cause, he always has a little group of "pretties" around him, when ever a pretty girl comes in he is right there, they call him gay, or acuse him of 13th step, what ever,(not true)I eventually started working with women, in that first year but Reese has all ways been around . i did one of my 4th steps with him, he knows all my secrets, emotional, and medical... and over the years we became friends and survived some differences, about a year ago he took me to my favorite restraunt (again)and it was so wierd to be the one listening to his "trials n tribulations" for a change. I thank god almost on a daily basis thet Reese came into my life that very first day, and that i had the willingness to call him that night , cause honestly I really doubt I 'd be sober 7 1/2 years later if it was not for him.having worked the steps, forgiving my mother, etc. i've become a lot safer with women, my sponsor today is a wonderfull lady who very rarely "bosses" me, she even says "i don't know" sometimes when i try to get her to tell me what to do..... " WE WILL INTUITIVELY KNOW HOW TO HANDLE SITUATIONS THAT USED TO BAFFLE US....( course that takes a bit of time i think)


Member: Donnie M(dos3-1-99)
Location: West Virginia
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 1:36:33 PM

Comments

Hi, I`m Donnie and I`m a alcoholic. Thank`s Jenn great topic, for me I`ve had a couple of temp. sponor`s. I have a very understanding wife who has never drank. She has seen me drink socially and alocholicly. We have been together since high school we are what I like to call (soul-mates). She listen`s to my thought`s on my good day`s and bad day`s. She has read the big book and other A.A.literature. She has went to Al-Anon, and studied a lot on this diesease. She talk`s with other member`s of A.A. and they think she has great insight. To me if one alcoholic will talk or listen to another that is sponorship to me. The man I listen to most here in town has helped me through some real tuff times. I`ve lost both of parent`s due to illness within eight month`s of each other ,and he was there when I couldn`t talk to my wife. I`ve also have learned I can hate the same man and love him at the same time. I myself have been on some twelve step call`s and have offered advice to some , but I have to work my program today I could never handle more than that for today. Maybe someday I help more but for now I`ll handle what GOD think`s I can handle today. I know for today if I ask GOD each morning to help me through the day and at night I thank him for my day he has given me thing`s have just keep`s getting easier. I also work the first three step`s everyday and the rest just seem`s to happen. Thank`s for listening. and GOD BLESS ALL WHO TRY.


Member: sherri m.
Location: S.TX.
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 2:16:31 PM

Comments

I used to feel guilty about my "lack" of sponsorship of the years. I have not had real great expetiences with my sponsor nor sponsoring others. My first and only "sponsor" acted like she was there to help me but was really in it to scope on the guys at the rehab I was at.I was pretty bummed for a little bit about that but just sucked it up and let every AA meeting I went to and the prople I talked to be my sponsors. My web to be exact. I have built quite a strong web. The few people I have sponsored kinda geeked on me. One was a pretty rich very definite alcy but rather than do the suggestions I asked of her-sacrifices no way around this crap stuff, like she wanted an "easy" cure all,like can't I take a pill for this or just attend meetings for a month,blah,blah,blah,. She moved rather than do the work. The other lady I sponsored really geeked on me in turning the help I offered into something like love towards me in what I consider an inappropriate way.That really freaked me out!Made me rethink the ways I naturally want to reach out and help others and how that can be misinterpretted. I just surmised that in order to cont. to go on w/this program to which I thoroughly believe in and carry the message by sponsoring the thing I do is incorporate into my work w/"at-risk" teens.This program is such that the principles can be applied in so many ways to help so many people at different stages in their lives. I want to thank everyone for being here every week. Another strand in my web so that I don't fall through. God bless,


Member: why why why
Location:
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 5:18:19 PM

Comments

WHY IS THE COFFEE POT WHITE AND THIS IS BLUE? only in alcoholics anonymous


Member: DALE C.
Location: Michigan
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 5:42:07 PM

Comments

Hi!, I'm Dale, and I'm an alcoholic. I have been involved with the AA program since 1978 and I'd like to say that the choice of a sponsor is very critical, and not to be taken lightly. If one is new to this program and is looking for a sponsor..don't just take the first person with some sobriety that will say "yes" to sponsorship. I would suggest attending your home meeting for a month or two (if they have 3 or more meetings/wk), listening carefully to all the "regulars" that attend that meeting, and then decide which of those persons you feel has the most honest information to share. The people that seem to be the most open and share stories that benefit the group as a whole are usually the best candidates for sponsors. (My opinion only) I am relatively new to a group in the town that I now reside. I have observed several "old timers" in that group, and have made a decision to ask one of the guys that I feel is the most dedicated to the group and the AA program. I only hope that he will agree to be my sponsor. I have already heard him say many things at meetings that I latched onto and kept for myself. This is the kind of fellow I want to know is available to me when I need someone to talk to one-on-one. Good luck to all out there, and keep the comments coming. Thank you all for sharing............


Member: LU-LU  ALCOHOLIC
Location: I  identify as an alcoholic (even though i've done 14 tons of drugs) out of respect for Bill W. and those guys, and in honor of: SINGLENESS OF PURPOSE, and in honor of PRINCIPLES BEFORE PERSONALITIES (which of course includes BEFORE my personality !!!)
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 5:45:11 PM

Comments

these new comers are driving me crazy, i need a little time with myself. oh woe is me. they smoke too much and won't brush thier teeth. and say why why why and i,i,i,i,me ,me , me, my,my,my, and, i know, iknow ,i know ,and yea but, yea but, yea but, all day and nite. don't get me wrong, i do love um' and go out of my way at times to help, but it gets a bit irritating now and then. 'specially when they are in and out,oh joy ,i'm taking two of the sick lil' fuckers to the movies tonight, one who I know won't shut up for the whole film,has 64 days ,(the most time he has had in 6 months) the other self obsessed punk has 8 days and has been in and out for the past 9 months... it sucks cause y' start building some sort of a "friendship" they go out, and most times don't even call till they are "ready" to come back to A.A. as though my friendship depends on thier attendance to meetings and abstinance.. i'm frustrated today...I NEVER WANT TO BE A NEW COMER AGAIN. funny when I got here I was missing a tooth, had bad breath, said I,I,I, me,me me, my,my, I know ,i know, yea but ,yea but, all day and night... and they put up with me... AND STILL DO. I I I I I love alcoholics anonymous!!!!


Member: Michael P.
Location: desert
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 6:34:17 PM

Comments

hi, my name is Mike, I'm an alcoholic. The topic of sponsorship is talked about all the time in the recovery home I attend AA meetings at. Alot is said, everyone having their own opinion. All I have is my experiences, my first sponsor gave me directions I later found in the book and I thought he knew something. He did he knew the book. everytime I asked him a question and he gave me a direction it worked. One day as my character defects jelled and I went to him and asked him a question he told me that he didn't identify with my problem and that he never did. But I was able to stay sober, go through the steps and start working with others because someone gave me directions from the big book. I have a new sponsor now, who always gives me the same direction, which is work the steps. So I take inventory, clean house and work with others just like I was taught in the beginning and I hope everyone can have their owe experience in sponsorship that works for them.


Member: Tony
Location: Chi-town
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 7:11:00 PM

Comments

Hi i'm Tony alcoholic sober today only thought the grace of God and the fellowship of the AA program .Sponsorship a good topic, when i came to this program and went to my first meeting i met my sponsor we had nothing in common except alcoholism ,he volunteered to be my temporary sponsor , we as people had different likes different lives different up bringing but we had the same disease and the same common goal and that was to stay sober !! He gave 5 simple things to do everyday 1.Get up in the morning and ask God for Help 2.Read the big book 3.go to a meeting 4.Call my sponsor(him) 5.Thank God for staying sober that day .That was all he asked the first day .Eventually he guided me thought the steps .I'll be sober 9 years in July and the only thing we had in common was this disease .Well thank God for this disease for i would not have met this giving and unselfish person otherwise !!! As a sponsor I have had some make it and some not but each and every sponsie i have had has helped me stay sober for that i am grateful to them .Thanks for the topic God bless and i'll keep coming back !!!


Member: a.a. police
Location:
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 7:53:15 PM

Comments

another term for a 13th stepper: CRIPPLE FUCKER


Member: TEE-HE-HE
Location:
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 8:34:09 PM

Comments

LU-LU,

THATS NOT BAD BREATH,THEY CALL THAT COCK BREATH!


Member: reese
Location:
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 9:17:10 PM

Comments

put your dentures back in


Member: Stan M
Location: OH
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 10:04:35 PM

Comments

Hi everybody, Stan, Alcoholic. Sponsorship has been an on and off thing for me. When I'm growing, I have a sponsor and use him. If I don't have or work with my sponsor, I tend to go backward quickly. It's been that way for 12+ years now.

That said, I was amazed that in it's discussion of sponsorship (Working With Others) the Big Book nowhere tells the new man to "get a sponsor." Every reference is to the recovering alocoholic taking the responsibility to offer his services. I was, as I say, surprised, for this is just the opposite of what we hear in meetings. It makes sense, though, how can a person, newly dry, make any kind of intelligent decision about getting someone to help in their recovery. I picked people who were as sick as I was, so I could continue to do things my way!

It took me the better part of two years to find (on my own) a sponsor who taught me to work the steps in more than word only. I could talk a great program, I just didn't do it. My sponsor taught me to do the steps "as he had done them." Therein, I feel lies the key to good sponsorship. Not to tell anyone what to do, but to tell them what I have done. For me, that works.

Today, I don't spend a lot of time asking questions of my sponsor, but we are great friends, and do spend a lot of time talking. We don't confine it to AA either. But there is always an undercurrent of program in our talks. The Big Book says to the would-be sponsor, "if he wants to see you again, ask him to read this book in the interval." It's already been mentioned, the Big Book has the answers. My sponsor guides me through the Book.

It doesn't stop there either. I've recently gotten a sponsee who knows far more about the Big Book than my sponsor and I put together, I'm learning from him. It's great to have such a two-way street in recovery.

To me the biggest downfall in sponsorship (and I did it for years) is to base my advise on my own ideas. The AA program is found between the covers of the Book "Alcoholics Anonymous" and that's where I should get the advice I offer my sponsees. It's there that I find my answers, and theirs.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Sherry H.
Location: Tucson ,Arizona
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 10:17:51 PM

Comments

Hi,my name is sherry and i just got this computer and so i thought i would look up AA I really don't know what i'm doing but i enjoyed what i read so far.I have 1yr.5mts sober and i have had 2 sponsers already.My first one was a clown,no really a[professional clown] She was hard to get serious with. but she did come and get me out of jail when i relasped,I was too ashamed to keep her for a sponser anymore,so i went without one for awhile,Not Good! But know i have the sponser i wanted in the first place,but couldn't have because she was a nurse at the treatment center i was in,but now that conflict of interest is gone and we have has smooth sailing for the last year and a half. She never pressures me,We have been friends for ten years and at first we has a hard time turning our friendship into sponser/sponsee type of relationship.I think it is great that we became good friends before i worked that dreaded 4th and 5th with her because it was hard laying your cards on the table like that.I have been totally honest with this sponser,inspite of my husband's protest,and the fear be cause i know if i am going to stay Sober i need her.She also believes in the force! And i am a Star Wars nut,and i look for the force for guidence.MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU ALL!!!!

a


Member: Lois S
Location: Florida
Date: 4/1/01
Time: 10:45:10 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone, Lois here, alcoholic. Good topic Jenn. I just got done talkin to my sponsor, and I feel alot better. You see, I am pretty new to the program (88 days), and although my sponsor suggested I call her everyday, I do not. If I forget one day, I feel bad calling her the next, then 2 or 3 days go by, then so on. I get to the point where I think she won't want to talk to me anymore, but when I finally do call, she asks if I am still sober, then we talk as if nothing happened-amazing to me!! I go to at least one meeting a day, pray at least twice a day, and read some sort of recovery literature every day. I have trouble trusting others-especially other women, but knowing that, although we are two different people, we have had some similar experiences, and have the disease called alcoholism in common. Slowly I am learning to open up to others, which excites me because I never cared about being a part of a social circle. In the rooms of AA here, I feel safe and have met people who are like me, have had an emotional bottom like my own, and can actually share my experiences without feeling judged-so cool! Thanks for the topic, and thanks to my "AA mom"...she knows me better than I know myself sometimes!


Member: chuck k
Location: central ny
Date: 4/2/01
Time: 2:12:01 AM

Comments

sponser's have to put their pants on in the morning same as all the rest.NEVER,EVER share all your personal life details with anyone that you know little about.be very careful about who you choose for your sponsor.just remember this;many people in AA meetings are wearing masks!take care.


Member: Gary C.
Location: Rome,New York
Date: 4/2/01
Time: 2:43:51 AM

Comments

hi i'm Gary,alcoholic. good topic Jenn,let me tell yuu why it is vital to select the proper person to be one's sponsor. I've been sober for 22 years (at least thats what I tell others in the program) I'm a contractor who at the drop of a dime will take your down payment money and vanish. I will gladly have a romance with any female in the program because I know many women in this program are very vulnerable at this time. Oh,by the way,I'm married but that don't matter to me. Also any loans I could get from you are gladly accepted. I don't bathe much,and I wear the same clothes for days on end, plus my teeth are all rotted out so I don't have to worry about brushing. the bottom line is I am a very good sponsor in my community. I'm the kind of person you need for your sponsor. see-ya.


Member: Clara A.
Location: Fla.
Date: 4/2/01
Time: 11:19:00 AM

Comments

Hello, my name is Clara,I'm a recovering alocoholic......When I came into the fellow ship I was told to get a sponcer, which I did, and she said after a few weeks that I needed someone who could really identify with me because I was going through a painful divorce and she had been married 26 years, that put me on guard, I suppose the reason I chose her was her long term marriage. I had married my drinking buddy and when I started makeing noises about not drinking, that was the end of that marriage. I did find a sponcer who could identify with me,through the divorce. I have had several sponcers,who I have grown with and still talk to, it is like I have lots of big sisters. I haven't sponcered a lot of people, people call me to just talk about things, I feel that there is a real calling for people who sponcer, I am not so sure I could be a good sponcer, but I never refuse the opertunity.


Member: BilliJo
Location: Chinook
Date: 4/2/01
Time: 12:31:03 PM

Comments

Thanks for the topic. I just e-mailed a gal I knew ten years ago and happened to run into again last week, we're both still sober, and I just asked her to be my sponsor. When I was first sobering up, there were three active AA females members where I lived, I eventualy asked all three to sponsor me, all three said yes, none availed themselves to me. Finally I asked the alcohol counselor if I could ask a man to aponsor me, the counselor was wary, 'who' he asked, I told him the names of three guys who I thought might help. One of them said yes, and he helped me tremendously. When I moved away, I found a female sponsor, and few years later I got another females sponsor who read the Big Book with me. She helped me more than any of the others. For the last 6 years I have been without a sponsor. Where I live there are only men in AA. And I have not been impressed with the women from a nearby town. But maybe this gal I asked today will say yes. Why do I need a sponsor? I still need someone to 'walk' through the Steps with me (on my own I am a bit lazy). It's a growth thing. I want to grow. I need people a long the way to help me grow so I can be more helpful to others.


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,Illinois
Date: 4/2/01
Time: 2:19:58 PM

Comments

my name is anil and I am alcoholic I am a beginner so I dont know much about sponsor ship but enjoy reading the comments from others


Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 4/2/01
Time: 7:55:55 PM

Comments

Hi I am Ed an alcoholic, havin a sponsor has really help me out. Everytime I thought that I needed a drink, cause something came up, I would call him and he would be there for me and help help me through it. As he would say take one step at a time.


Member: lilly
Location: missouri
Date: 4/2/01
Time: 10:21:34 PM

Comments

Hello my name is lilly, I'm a recovering alcoholic of 4 years. If there is one thing that I have learned in my sobriety about sponsorship, is that sponsorship takes two, and is one of the first somewhat healthy relationships that I learned how to have in sobriety. But It was also the key to my future relationships. Not to mention that God is always an awesome and faithful sponsor. This is my first time having A.A. discussion on a computor.Thank-you all for being here for me!! lilly


Member: Deborah
Location: Ontario
Date: 4/2/01
Time: 10:23:31 PM

Comments

Hi. I'm Deborah and I'm an alcoholic. I just found this meeting tonight and the topic is perfect. I am coming up to five years in the program and just let my second sponsor go. My first sponsor was crucial to my staying sobor and was great for me. She walked me through the steps and was there for me every minute of every day for the first while. We eventually outgrew each other and the sponsorship ended, on a good note. We are still friends, but our needs have changed.I then asked an older fellow who has many years and lots of what I thought I wanted, but I was mistaken. I am going through a messy seperation with my husband and my sponsor thought it was his job to play God.He got involved in stuff that really did a number on my head.He accepted responsibility for his actions and apologized but this has left me bitter and non trusting.Any words of wisdom?


Member: Rick A.
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Date: 4/2/01
Time: 11:43:45 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Rick... through the grace of God, I just celebrated 15 years of sobriety. When newcomers ask me about looking for a sponsor I always say they should find someone who has worked the first ten Steps and practices 10,11, and 12 daily. The Steps are what saved my life... Today I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. I have a wonderful wife and we're in the process of adopting a baby girl from China. Fifteen years ago I was a miserable pathetic mess; today I just couldn't ask for any more blessings in my life. (Ok, so maybe it wasn't so smart to go snow boarding at 50... I nearly broke my shoulder... but hey, at least I'm having fun sober.) Please pay me a visit if you're in the neighborhood... Stayingsober.com


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 2:05:18 AM

Comments

Hi all, Bob Alcoholic. Jenn, IMHO, and experience: If someone makes a sentence, puts my name at the beginning and a question mark at the end, then, and only then, am I supposed to give my opinion or answer to their question. Like you just did. When someone is talking to me about their life, I listen. Period. I dictate my behavior to reflect theirs. They talk, I listen. No question of me, no need to provide AN UNSOLICITED ANSWER. I think some people in A.A. tend to give license to all kinds of boundary violations...physical, social, personal. I think we somehow get the idea that if we are someone's sponsor that we have free license to verbally and psychologically throw up on them. I think what I am saying here probably sounds harsh, but I mean it in the context that, in my opinion, we should hold ourselves to generally accepted social standards, and only give feedback or advice WHEN IT IS ASKED FOR, when we have actually been invited into someone's space. If I do otherwise, I am not trying to help them, I am working out my own agenda off on them. And that's abuse and a sin. It's hardest for me when I begin having feelings about what they are doing, saying, and I believe I can see what's ahead for them, because of my own experiences. That still does not give me license.

I have sponsors (plural). Nobody know's everything or has all the answers. I also have people who are not recovering, who are very wise and kind, who I use regularly for guidance and direction. I don't try to "work steps" with them. I get life adivce from them because of their experience. I learned how to do this in A.A. and took the skill into the rest of my world. I sponsor people in this same way, encouraging them to seek guidance in the same way, from a variety of people. It's a little like going to step-study or BB-study meetings..getting many opinions and insights is better than one. I think that is a large part of what the world and all its people are for. I'm not an "A.A. citizen", I'm a global citizen. I also think that if I put myself "in charge of" someone, it sets up likely ego problems..like I become G~d, if you know what I mean. I'm just not comfortable there. I become concerned about: "thoroughly have we seen a person fail who rarely follows our path". I think people become more teachable when they are sober and having difficulties. Then they start asking more questions to avoid continued pain. IMHO I'm not supposed to be the director of anything. Putting myself in charge of something, or someone, is like being a golf ball on a tee; there is only going to be one thing that happens next. I would rather see someone suffer some in recovery, while teaching them how to fish. Suffering is normal. It happens to everybody. It's a "growth spurt". Well, that's it for me. Thanks for letting me share.

G~d's grace and love guide us little by slowly.


Member: guess what
Location:
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 4:28:21 AM

Comments

don't drink and you won't get drunk.


Member: guess what
Location:
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 4:28:25 AM

Comments

don't drink and you won't get drunk.


Member: guess what
Location:
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 4:28:29 AM

Comments

don't drink and you won't get drunk.


Member: guess what
Location:
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 4:28:32 AM

Comments

don't drink and you won't get drunk.


Member: guess what
Location:
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 4:28:35 AM

Comments

don't drink and you won't get drunk.


Member: guess what
Location:
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 4:28:39 AM

Comments

don't drink and you won't get drunk.


Member: guess what
Location:
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 4:28:43 AM

Comments

don't drink and you won't get drunk.


Member: Mark D
Location: Manchester, NH
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 8:49:21 AM

Comments

Last night I saw my sponsor at a 12 step meeting. We were at different tables (our group covers a couple different steps imseperate groups). I went over to say Hi to him but didn't expect to chat with him much. Many people tend to seek him out during meetings because he exudes a very subtle but apparent serenity. On my way out I stopped and waited however. I had had a great day on a number of levels. I almost didn't talk to him because I had nothing to cry, bitch or worry about. I made sure I let him know that I had a great day. One that would have been highly improbable without his help. I think sponsors need to hear this once in a while. Especially from relative newcommers who are starting to get their life back on track.


Member: paulap
Location:
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 9:48:28 AM

Comments

hi my name is paula & i am an alcoholic. i wish someone could actually explain the sponsor program to me, i have been sober for 10 months and never really understood the obtaining of a sponsor. living in a mid to rural town which is fairly closed i still have trouble asking questions related to various a.a. matters any advice would be helpful. thank you


Member: Pam B
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 10:08:13 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Pam, an alcoholic, The husband of my children's guidance counselor at school had 12-Stepped me when I called asking if my kids should get counseling after my husband had gone into rehab and the home was SOOO quiet that the kids looked as if they didn't know how to act. It happened she was an Alanon & he was 7 yrs sober in AA, and he took me to my first meeting that night, introduced me to all the Home Group members who had done their 12 Steps, giving me all their phone #'s, including a woman they told me would be my Sponsor till I cleared up enough to ask someone myself. When I asked what a Sponsor is, they told me where I am "new on the block" it is someone who's been here that can show me around, help me catch onto the lingo, and get started in the Program so I can see if I want it for myself.

The woman told me I am to pray each morning, call her each day, make a meeting each day, not drink or drug for that day, and call at least one other of the #'s they'd given me, and read at least a little something each day starting from the beginning of the Big Book, and thank God before I go to sleep each night - and if I didn't want to do these things, then not to waste her time, because too many are dying of this disease that DO want help. I was afraid NOT to do as she said! LOL!

At 8 months I drank, thinking I was all cured - it had just been a matter of getting my thinking straightened out, and I believed I'd done that! The rule amongst this group was if you relapse, you cannot have the same sponsor you had, as something didn't work, so ya have to do things differently: ask someone else.

It was said often that the Sponsor-sponsee relationship is NOT a friendship . . . its a Guide that God works thru to get us thru the Steps that will save us from dying of this Fatal Progressive Disease that is out to destroy us & everyone around us. As you get to know one another while you are working through your Steps - it is common that Friendship will result - likely the first REAL friendship we've ever had in our lives. That was the case with my 2nd Sponsor, altho originally she was someone I could see the Inner peace & Serenity in, but nothing else in common between us as far as lifestyle or any of that, and would never have expected to become a best-friendship with.

She never told me what to do the frequent times I asked her to decide for me concerning my private life. She would ask me what my thoughts on it are, and get me talking, so she could help me learn how to think & make choices for myself, learn from mistakes - not drink over them, try something different if it hadn't been the right or best choice, etc.

We discussed what I'd read in the BB each day, went to at least one meeting together each day, discussed what I'd gotten from it or wasn't understanding that I'd heard, etc.

She was my Guide that helped me learn to apply each step, I had developed enough trust in to do my Step 5 with when that time came, and also encouraged me past my fear of the great responsibility sponsoring others myself was, telling me I had not completed Step 12 myself unless I have a sponsee to pass on what's been freely given to me.

Since "day 1" she had pointed out to me the way Bill W & Dr Bob kept themselves sober was Service Work - passing on the message - helping others to achieve sobriety, and the whole point in getting a sponsor to have the steps in our own lives, is so we can pass it on to others - no one can give away what they do not have - and its by giving it away that we keep it.

I feared not knowing what to do as a sponsor to a new person, but she told me to Keep It Simple - when they call each day with questions, tell them what others told me that helped me in those same situations. And if its something I haven't experienced, tell them I don't know but will call them back - then I can call her or someone who HAS experienced that to get back to them with it. And most important, to pray for the sponsee & for God to Guide me, because it is not ME getting them sober - God is only working thru me as a Guide while they are relying on HIM to get them sober.

It turned out well - none of the big scary overwhelming thing I'd thought it would be - I am grateful to be able to help others, which keeps me sober & growing further all the time from being there for them. Thank God for this program, all of you - and thanks for letting me share. Pam


Member: lilly
Location: missouri
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 11:05:03 AM

Comments

Good morning,It's lilly.It sure is a beautiful day in my neighborhood. I am so gratefull to be sobor, and I have another day to do the best that I can do today.Deorah/ontario, I was reading your comment and I can relate to the way that you feel about the situation that happend with your last sponsor. I to have felt let down at times, but I had to look at the reality of my problem. First what can I learn from this ,second what can I do differant next time, and third what is my part in I't. At the end of how it works is the a,b,and c's ,and I't tells me what I need to remember about poeple and that includes sponsors. (a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. (b) THAT PROBABLY NO HUMAN POWER COULD HAVE RELIEVED UOR ALCOHOLISM. (c) THAT GOD COULD AND WOULD IF HE WERE SOUGHT!!! I have to remind my self lot that I'm right where I should be and when one door closes a better one will open. God can and I can't. KEEP THE FAITH!!!! Thank-you all for being here for me. lilly


Member: jj
Location: sc
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 3:26:42 PM

Comments

Sponsorship - Great Topic. I made the mistake of asking the first woman I saw in AA to be my sponsor. She had only 9 months but that seemed like forever. I more or less put her through hell. I'm surprised she stayed sober. For 2 years I continued to relapse and do all the annoying behaviors that naturally come along with half-measures. You know... the constant bombardment of "What if" statements, calling drunk, passing out in front of her apartment, calling in a panic about something so important that I would forget about it to panic about something different the next day,etc.. Anyway, she (or her sponsor) ended up sharing a part of my 5th step. Although it was a big deal at the time, I never drank over it. I just went to a whole other state for meetings. HA! HA! It's amazing how special I was. But then again we alcoholics are sensitive people... I still have not out-grown that handicap. I've lost contact with her :( She was such a great person. I pray we will meet again so I can make some amends. I've sponsored a lot of men and women-- I'm the only one who has stayed sober. One lady even killed herself. That was in my third year-- what a tough lesson early on. I've had a lot of sponsors. They have all been just what I needed at the time. Two of my sponsors got drunk-- I thought for sure I was next. I put them high on that pedestal and when they fell off I almost got smashed with them. I'll never stand that close to a pedestal again. My sponsor today has 2 years less sobriety then me. But, beggers can't be choosers. Anybody who actually meets my standards has either no desire or time to take me through the steps(again). HA! HA! Peace be with you...


Member: BOB P.
Location: Nashua NH
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 5:20:33 PM

Comments

As a sponsor it is importent, in early recovery to butt in,that's what sponsors do.

If your not willing to butt in you shouldn't be a sponsor.


Member: Lori B.
Location: Greeley, Colorado
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 5:33:59 PM

Comments


Member: Lori B.
Location: Greeley, Colorado
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 5:37:30 PM

Comments

Today I have a great sponsor, and yet I feel it is not talked enough during a meeting when we have newcomers in the room. I know for me 16 years ago, I had no clue what a sponsor was, let alone trust anyone with anything I had drug along with me. So find you someone who is working the program, not just doing the lip service recovery, you'll know who that is to be as soon as you let God take over and pray for the guidance and direction. It works, I'm living proof of that and be cautious not to get a male sponsor if you are female! My sponsor is also my friend but not my caretaker.


Member: Lisa
Location: IL
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 6:07:28 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Lisa and I am sober today by the grace of God. When I came into the program I also had a male sponsor. He got me started and took me to meetings and helped me take the 12 steps. My husband asked ?????? to take me to the meetings and help me. He was a friend of the family who was in AA. It was very hard at first, but without a sponsor I would not have made it. I have been sober since July 11, 1992. After I had been in the meetings for around 3 years I got a women sponsor. I think at first I didn't trust women.


Member: William A.
Location: High-Point
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 7:21:44 PM

Comments

Hello,William,A. Alkie.

This is a wonderful topic,probably for all who have read the mail this week. I truly think that I would not have made it without sponsor-ship. this has been a very important part of me getting sober and staying sober.

I would like to start off by saying that the person who sponsored me did it by reading and living the thing's he read and experienced in the big book of A/A. He would take me to meeting's and we would talk before and after going to Big-Book studies in other states as well as other cities in the state I lived in he would share himself with me and I would tell him a bunch of lies he would then take me home and say to me William if you don't drink WE can get threw anything ,I would say yes even though I did'nt beleive what he was saying,I would yes him and he would say caall me later if you need me ,I would say ok get out of his car go into my house and make like I was living sober,when really I was as dry as toast. He would say to me sometimes that when I had gotten tired of suffering He would be thier for me.I would say yes and he would love me anyhow.

One day after finally hurting too much and not even taking a drink I surrended and asked him to help me to really get sober,that day we - made a descision to live as closly by the Big-Book as I could but to (01) not drink ,trust GOD clear away the wreackage of my past,in the beginning this was not so easy but as time went on it became better,then I got sober and one day he said it might be time for me to start sponsoring someone ,so by that time he would suggest and I would do,simply because I was really tired of living in the past,I had gotten sober and wanted to live sober simply because that man who helped me to se the light seemed to be a pretty happy camper and I wanted some of what he had ,I need to experience the goodness that he showed when he entered a room it seemed like the whole place lit up like a christmas tree,yet he was just a man ,this I had never seen before I had just thought in my sick mind that this was the way that all people viewed me.

Today ,I sponsor men in A/A,it for me is wonderful to see GOD working in there life and I realize that I am only the middle-man just like the person that sponsored me he didn't get me sober ,he was just the person that my Higher- Power used to help me to see the light. I hope that I can and wil become the middle man in some-ones life of soberiety,and not a busybody-- in thier affairs,so Iask my H-P . to guide me so that I may be of service to all who may ask for what ever I think I may have.

LOVE & TOLERENCE: William....A..... Calvin.....S..... Sponsor/middleman


Member: Bobby
Location: Plano
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 8:26:35 PM

Comments

I AM WORKING THE 4TH STEP, MORAL INVENTORY, ANY ONE HAVE COMMENTS ON THIS ONE. I'VE LIED, DENIED, SPENT TOO MUCH, ETC. I'M ALSO FROM A SMALL RURAL AREA - WHAT IS 12X12 REFERRING TO?


Member: Bobby
Location:
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 8:38:28 PM

Comments

I was just reading another site and it referred to traditions, what are they?


Member: SCOTT E.
Location: PHELPS,NEW YORK
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 9:38:08 PM

Comments

I HAVE BEEN IN A RECOVERY PROGRAM FOR 5 MONTHS.I HAVE A SPONSER THRU MY HOME AA GROUP.I DO NOT KNOW HOW I SHOULD BE USING HIM.I HAVE HAD NO RELAPSES OR A DESIRE TO GO BACK TO DRINKING.I HAVE LOOKED TO MY HIGHER POWER FOR GUIDANCE. I AM NOT SURE IF I DO NEED A SPONSER,I HAVE MUCH SUPPORT FROM MY WIFE AND FAMILY.ANY THOUGHTS,COMMENTS OR HELP WILL BE APPRECIATED,THANKS SCOTT


Member: SCOTT E.
Location: PHELPS,NEW YORK
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 9:51:21 PM

Comments

I HAVE BEEN IN A RECOVERY PROGRAM FOR 5 MONTHS.I HAVE A SPONSER THRU MY HOME AA GROUP.I DO NOT KNOW HOW I SHOULD BE USING HIM.I HAVE HAD NO RELAPSES OR A DESIRE TO GO BACK TO DRINKING.I HAVE LOOKED TO MY HIGHER POWER FOR GUIDANCE. I AM NOT SURE IF I DO NEED A SPONSER,I HAVE MUCH SUPPORT FROM MY WIFE AND FAMILY.ANY THOUGHTS,COMMENTS OR HELP WILL BE APPRECIATED,THANKS SCOTT


Member: RON   M.
Location: NEW ORLEANS
Date: 4/3/01
Time: 10:07:57 PM

Comments

Hi,I,m Ron M.and I cannot stress how important a sponser is. He is A person without any motives, but to be helpful to you. He is a good listener to your problems, yet he will not try to solve them for you. he will be fair & guide you through the twelve steps of the program of recovery. as suggested in the BIG book of A.A.


Member: Mark D
Location: Texas
Date: 4/4/01
Time: 3:28:57 AM

Comments

Hi y'all; I'm Mark and I'm an alcoholic. Sponsorship is a good subject Jenn. During my years in AA, I've heard about as many opinions on sponsorship as I've seen on this site. In my opinion, I wouldn't rush into getting a sponsor. The newcomer needs to get his/her head clear and learn something about the program first. In my experience, there are plenty of people around to answer questions until the time comes to work through the steps. If you rush into it and get the wrong sponsor, you may only invite more problems. Unfortunately, I've seen some sponsors who like to rush their sponsee's through the 12 steps in two weeks and others who like to talk about their sponsee's with other people. If that works for you, fine. But, in my opinion, you are better off to wait and approach the person who has what you want. I wouldn't rush into buying a house, getting married, choosing a career - so don't rush into getting a sponsor. Just keep going to meetings, asking questions, etc. until the right time comes. God bless.


Member: Tom M.
Location: Homosassa  Florida
Date: 4/4/01
Time: 8:15:52 AM

Comments

I think LU-LU Expressed It very well, There's not much more I could add.


Member: Anne
Location: PA
Date: 4/4/01
Time: 8:37:17 AM

Comments

I have 79 days today, by the Grace of My H.P. I have a sponsor. She is great for me, but she is very busy. She has 21 years sober. Can someone tell me what the specific things I should be doing with my sponsor. Are their certain rules or guidelines to the sponsor/sponsee interaction?


Member: lilly
Location: missouri
Date: 4/4/01
Time: 8:50:13 AM

Comments

Hello, its lilly, I know of me that having a sponser has been very important. I to have lot of support with in my own family. My father is in A.A. he has 28 years, my mother has about 3 months of sobritey , my aunt is in A.A. she has 2 years, my sister is in A.A she has a few months, and my little sis is just begining to see the light. It is a family disease. I still needed my realationship with my sposor. For me I needs someone to take me through the steps slowly and over and over again. I was very hard headed so, my sponsor had to repeat her self a lot. You see I to thought that I had enough support in my family, but for me I think that I was so used to looking for the easier softer way and had alot of fear of letting anyone close to me, not to mention that I had all The anwsers, it was very important for me to get humble and learn how to follow some direction and ask for help. Thank-you all for being here for me,lilly


Member: Pam B
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: 4/4/01
Time: 10:05:23 AM

Comments

Hi, Pam, an alcoholic again, To Bobby in Plano & to Scott E.

Bobby, if you aren't familiar with what the 12X12 is, nor what the Traditions are - it sounds like you are far from ready to be working Step 4. Daily attendance at meetings will reveal what the Traditions are, as most groups read them at the opening of the meeting, and some have them hanging on the wall as well. A sponsor can then explain how they apply to you personally. They are the guidelines we follow that keeps this program itself in existence & working. They are also on pgs 564 - 568 in the Big Book, as well as what 2nd half of the 12X12 (Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions)book is. If you are not familiar with the BB & 12X12, I would say you are definately "jumping into" Step 4 with no comprehension what its really all about nor how its done - you will not benefit as you should, and why do it if it will avail you nothing? Get a Sponsor to guide you, esp thru Steps 1,2,3 first. Our own thinking is a bad neighborhood, and we're not to go there alone.

Scott - my fiance & I live together, both living sober in this program. I have years ahead of him in sobriety, experience sponsoring others, etc - but I cannot sponsor him. I have sisters sober in the program - we also cannot sponsor one another. My youngest son is also sober in the program, and I cannot sponsor him. Family w/family does not work. We're alot of support & fellowship type stuff to one another, but that is still not the same as having your own sponsor. A big part of our problem is being "people dependant" in ways we shouldn't be, rather than "God-dependant" - as pgs 115 & 116 in the 12X12 talks about. Its by having our own sponsor to act as a Guide that God works through, we develop that right relationship with God, and with those around us, by the time we're on Step 12. If we're listening to family members with differing views than the way our sponsor is Guiding us along, we'll end up totally confused & very frustrated. Other than suggesting to get a different sponsor when someone has one that is never available or something - I stay completely out of what anyone else is following their sponsor's guidance about, even tho many times it is not the same exact way I had been guided. Hope this helps With love Pam


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 4/4/01
Time: 10:32:21 AM

Comments

Mark, alcoholic. Lu-Lu, you go girl. "If you want what we have and are willing to make the effort".


Member: TOM G.
Location: nfld/canada
Date: 4/4/01
Time: 11:28:25 AM

Comments

hi i'm Tom alkie through the grace of god I havent found it nessary to drink since 1978 and for that I am very greatfulBut I have to say without a SPONCER I would not have made it at all,I've had 4 sponcers over the yrs one died/two got drunk/ and the one I got now has the program of aa in his life for over 23 yrs/we are now and have been for yrs sponcer/sponcee/friends/fishingbuddys/hunting buddys/brothers in a sence but He still tells me what I dont want to hear sometimes ,I guess that's what makes him a good sponcer to me ,for anyone who dont have a sponcer //////WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR ????? A GOD LIKE ALKIE TO COME ALONG//they are not out there but with GODS help even you can find one ,its simple ,you can always FIRE him/her ha ha ha ,as I have been fired at times when I suggest a sertan step or treadition to a sponcee who is looking for an easer/softer way. SORRY but we only have one way --------ONE ALCHOLIC HELPING ANOTHER ALCHOLIC.--THROUGH THE 12 STEP& 12 TREAD. WE CAN STAY SOBER -----ONE DAY AT A TIME. THIS CYBER SPACE IS A GREAT PLACE TO GROW UP IN ,,,THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE''''


Member: Sheheh C.
Location: Flagstaff, AZ
Date: 4/4/01
Time: 12:52:56 PM

Comments

"Remember, Bill, let's not louse this thing up. Let's keep it simple!" These were the last words to Bill W. from Dr. Bob. Don't drink, go meetings, and continue be of service as we do now.


Member: Alice H.
Location: Norway
Date: 4/4/01
Time: 6:14:12 PM

Comments

Hi all. Alice Alcoholic. On the issues of sponsorship - I've had some real varied experiences. I had a sponsor when i was bout 2 years sober who was a control freak and started encouraging other AA members to stay away form me when i wouldn't or couldn't follow her "advise." Well - she dumped me so i needed a new sponsor who didn't really have time but agreed anyhow, then brushed me off when i phoned her. Well one day I was at an AA party and I saw a lady who I knew had been around for many years and I decided there and then to get her as my sponsor- which I did. She has now been my sponsor for about 10 years though I moved out of the country shortly after she started - we have talked and written email at least once a week and this has been one of the most incredible relationships of my lifetime. The point is - sponsors come in all shapes and sizes - if one isn't working out - get a different one!


Member: Alice H.
Location: Norway
Date: 4/4/01
Time: 6:14:20 PM

Comments

Hi all. Alice Alcoholic. On the issues of sponsorship - I've had some real varied experiences. I had a sponsor when i was bout 2 years sober who was a control freak and started encouraging other AA members to stay away form me when i wouldn't or couldn't follow her "advise." Well - she dumped me so i needed a new sponsor who didn't really have time but agreed anyhow, then brushed me off when i phoned her. Well one day I was at an AA party and I saw a lady who I knew had been around for many years and I decided there and then to get her as my sponsor- which I did. She has now been my sponsor for about 10 years though I moved out of the country shortly after she started - we have talked and written email at least once a week and this has been one of the most incredible relationships of my lifetime. The point is - sponsors come in all shapes and sizes - if one isn't working out - get a different one!


Member: Alice H.
Location: Norway
Date: 4/4/01
Time: 6:14:25 PM

Comments

Hi all. Alice Alcoholic. On the issues of sponsorship - I've had some real varied experiences. I had a sponsor when i was bout 2 years sober who was a control freak and started encouraging other AA members to stay away form me when i wouldn't or couldn't follow her "advise." Well - she dumped me so i needed a new sponsor who didn't really have time but agreed anyhow, then brushed me off when i phoned her. Well one day I was at an AA party and I saw a lady who I knew had been around for many years and I decided there and then to get her as my sponsor- which I did. She has now been my sponsor for about 10 years though I moved out of the country shortly after she started - we have talked and written email at least once a week and this has been one of the most incredible relationships of my lifetime. The point is - sponsors come in all shapes and sizes - if one isn't working out - get a different one!


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 4/5/01
Time: 2:24:13 AM

Comments

Sponsorship, great topic.I believe the best definition of sponsorship is contained in the Big Book.It say the purpose of this text is to show another alcoholic precisely how we have recovered.If I am not directing my sponsees to the steps and the Big Book, then I am performing a disservice to them. I give newcomers only suggestions that were given to me.I was told when selecting a sponsor look for someone who is openly enjoying his/her sobriety, but most important of all, look for someone who understands that they are but a messenger of the Big Book, not its author. Today having celebrated 13 years 5 months of continous sobriety, I enjoy the best of what AA has to offer. I am sober, I sponsor people, and best of all I am sponsored. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.


Member: Keith M
Location: Zimbabwe
Date: 4/5/01
Time: 6:46:20 AM

Comments

Hi all, my name is Keith M from Zimbabwe and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for a short while 19 months. SPONSORS yes good one Jenn. I have a sort of problem on this one. Here in Harare where I live we have a meeting in various parts of the city on a daily basis, but only have a membership of a couple of hundred. My first sponsor with whom I could fully identify with and had known from both our drinking days went on a 13th. step mission and 'fell off the wagon'. He has sinse left the country.

As Dale C has said "the choise of a sponsor is very critical, and not to be taken lightly" I could not agree more! There are a lot of things I have no wish to share with any Tom, Dick or Harry concerning my past. My second sponsor, although nothing was said directly, more or less intimated what Mike P says, "I went to him and asked a question (I in fact took him a copy of my step 4)and he told me that he didn't identify with me". Chuck K goes further by saying "NEVER, EVER share all your personal life details with anyone you know little about".

The thing that scares me the most is that if one confides in a 'sponsor' and then that 'sponsor' has a slip and under the influence opens his or her mouth in some bar, it could cause a great deal of harm not only for the sponsee but also for those around the sponsee.

The 'white' population here is around 1/4 million in the whole country and I regrett dwindling fast, so there is no such thing as a secret here. Say something to someone in the capital (Harare) and within a week it is country wide. With extra frilly bits as usual.

I was using the meetings as a sort of 'sponsor' which although not ideal did the trick. I know a lot of you will say that I am treading on thin ice but I have found that my attendance at meetings has also waned as of late due to various reasons, I am however chairing the Thursday night meeting for the month of April.

Thanks for the space, God bless you one and all, Keith.


Member: Christian D.
Location: Minnesober
Date: 4/5/01
Time: 1:17:30 PM

Comments

Im an addict and my name is christian. I am almost 20 months clean and sober and I havent been to a meeting in almost a month. I need to get back in my old routine because the thoughts of use are steadily increasing. I have no desire to go back to the life that I had, but i am finding it hard to get back in the groove. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


Member: ben
Location:
Date: 4/5/01
Time: 2:28:24 PM

Comments

i have a boner


Member: micky
Location: Dosen't matter just now
Date: 4/5/01
Time: 4:39:27 PM

Comments

hi, to be honest with you I haven't read any of the above shares yet I was so desperate to share. I go to A A meetings but don't often share (still a prisoner of other peoples opinions) alot of the time anyway. I am doing so well at the moment and i know that because not only do I feel it inside but my sponsor told me to-and do you know how good it felt to hear another person say it?So next time I see somebody who is doing really well I am going to tell them to. I want them to share the feeling I got when it was said to me. I am feeling very confused at the moment and even though I have got a higher power and know that what will be will be I am finding it so hard to hand it over as is said but i don't want or need a drink today and at this moment in time that is all that matters. I am not confused about that which I am very gratefull for. Thankyou all and now I will read your shares.


Member: Walter T.
Location: Alabama
Date: 4/5/01
Time: 4:49:31 PM

Comments

a topic that i needed to hear. after many years in aa and far too many relapses, I have finally admitted to myself that I need a sponsor. Don't get me wrong. I have had fleeting moments of sobriety (dryness) and serenity. But, I keep falling. The only thing that I have failed to do in: "thoroughly following...the path" is to find and stay with a sponsor. I was just recently introduced to this very promising addition (international AA link via staying cyber AA Group). Thank God for AA and Thank God for B. Gates and others who had contributed to the creation, and development of both hardware and software components of the computer. Like AA, the computer is also a gift from HP who I recognize for Who He Is. I'm not very familiar with the computer. However, I can think and feel. At last, I believe I have a way to help me avoid relapse and if it is okay with the rest of you, may I please use you as my spnsor until I have one of my on in the flesh. While I'm still not thoroughly following as was envisioned in 1936, hopely this modern addition to mankind's ability to relate and communicate can help save me. Thanks, Staying Cyber and everyone who contributed to your existence. Although you are not a being, you are very much alive!


Member: glen v
Location: colorado
Date: 4/5/01
Time: 11:55:04 PM

Comments

To christian, I understand where you are coming from. I was sober for a year and a half, didn,t go to meetings and when i fell off i allmost died. I go to meetings every night and it is one of the things that keeps me sober. I really needed a meeting tonight but noone showed up at it so I found this site and glad I did. It did the trick for the night as well as meditation. My advise to you is don't wait! Go to a meeting tomorrow!!!! Call your sponsor if you have one. god bless you man!


Member: glen v
Location: colorado
Date: 4/6/01
Time: 12:00:19 AM

Comments

P.S. Whatever you do christian DON'T DRINK! I will put you in my prayers tonight. peace


Member: Kelly F.
Location: Brussels
Date: 4/6/01
Time: 5:08:56 AM

Comments

Hi all/Kelly F./alcoholic.

(((Ann/PA))) Congrats on 79 days! By the Grace of God I am sober 16 months and I felt like you when I first got my sponsor. I can only share my experience, so here goes:

I really liked my sponsor when I asked for her help, but wasn't sure what to do. I wanted someone to tell me the rules/guidelines of the relationship and it drove me crazy in the beginning when she just kept telling me to give her a call if I needed anything. She, too, is very busy and I began to wonder if I had chosen her as a way to avoid responsibility for working the steps. However, I didn't have to wait too long after my pink cloud wore off and life began to happen. I started calling her as situations arose and lo and behold, I began the process of recognizing my willingness to apply the principles of the program to my life. By calling her, I provided the willingness, and she provided the guidance as outlined in the BB.

As we've grown closer and my trust deepens, I know there isn't anything I can't trust her with. She's still busy and often has to call me back at a time that is convenient for her. This teaches me patience and forces me to use the other tools of the program..... prayer, literature, another alcoholic. After my year anniversary, I asked her to meet with me more often. She agreed AND complimented me to note again how my willingness is the key. Of course, the old me would have loved for her to play best friend and call me to see how I'm doing, etc., etc..... but I thank God she's allowed me to learn that it is up to ME to want the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Dry in the Desert
Location: Nevada
Date: 4/6/01
Time: 9:21:27 AM

Comments

Good Morning Everyone, My name is Walter and I am an Alcoholic.

I think one of the best definitions of sponsorship I've heard is:

"TWO ALCOHOLICS SEEKING GOD TOGETHER"

God put my sponsor and myself together 12 years ago and we have never had an argument or disagreement......we share our love of sobriety, of Life and of AA. We share our good times and we share our bad times. We share at meetings and we share with anyone would "wants what we have".

Welcome to the newcomers.....Attend lots of meetings, share that you are looking for a sponser, look for someone who has what you want....not the physical "stuff", look for the peace, serenity and a love of life. Let God put you with the right person and give the relationship time to grow.

You sponsor will be the closest friend in your life.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Walter T.
Location: Alabama
Date: 4/6/01
Time: 11:47:46 AM

Comments

Thanks, Dry in the Desert. I am Walter T. in Alabama. Impatience has always been one of my major character defects. I'm going to work on it and have faith that God will connect me with My Sponsor. Your comment reminded me that God has a mighty hand in our recovery and that I should not let my impatience cause me to give up too soon on whoever the next person might be that is caring enough to agree to be my sponsor.

This really is another wonderful tool in the War on Drugs, as opposed to the War on Drug Addicts.

Thanks, ya'll.


Member: TC
Location: Flagstaff, AZ
Date: 4/6/01
Time: 12:51:16 PM

Comments

Hey, Christian D. I heard my sponsor tell me about a guy he was sponsoring and as time went by he hadn't heard from him or seen him in meetings. Then one day the sponsee showed up at a meeting and he was a newcomer again. My sponsor went up to him after the meeting and asked what was the reason for going back out. The sponsee told him everything was fine, he had two years of sobriety; the family was fine and the job was going well. He figured he didn't need to go to as many meetings so he tapered off. It became several times a week and then once a week and then once a month and then finally he stopped going. And that's when he eventually to a drink again. We are not cured from this disease that's why it is 'cunning, baffling, and powerful!' Our mind will b.s. us and we end up listening to it. I suggest talk to a sponsor, go to a meeting, and do some service work. Get out of yourself and into action. God bless, brother, and best wishes to you.


Member: a.a. police
Location:
Date: 4/6/01
Time: 1:06:49 PM

Comments

pam, you cripple fucker,put the big book down ! and step away from the newcomer. pick on someone you own size!


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 4/6/01
Time: 2:15:50 PM

Comments

((((((((Micky))))))) I think it's funny how we assume we are "giving it" to god, or even "taking it back".... I have come to sorta believe "it's ALL" God. So it does not really matter if i think i'm "giving it to God" cause "it's" already his(or "it's", or "her's" for you wacko feminists...) I'm thinking maybe thats where the acceptance thing comes in, in that i am better off (emotionally)not thinking i can predict an outcome, or judge a situation or event as "good" or "bad" The most I think I can do is do what I think is the next "right" action... "the foot work"... hoping it's in line with gods' will. And make a conscious effort TO NOT waste my precious life/TIME worrying and resenting, and just wait and see how things turn out,and the act accordingly. In my first month someone told me to write 3 pages filled with the line: OOPS, I BROKE MY CRYSTAL BALL. later i considered the reason behind it could be about my rediculous and constant attemps of WRONGLY predicting the future...


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 4/6/01
Time: 3:31:56 PM

Comments

((((((ANNE))))))))) WOW , 80 days that is great!!!!! good for you. Thats really nice that your sponsor has 21 years. the part about her being "very busy" though... HHmmmmmm .so busy that y'all don't talk on the phone? (daily i'd hope)... so "busy" she can't meet you at, or go to a meeting (or even two) a week WITH you? too "busy" to talk to you about what A.A. is about? or too "busy to listen to your problems,questions and confusion...?if you answered, "yes" to any of these.. I would strongly suggest you find someone who has time to spend with you... ( as well as "time" in A.A.) my first sponsor had just taken a cake for only a year when i arrived. He was a real good listener, took me to at least 2 meetings A DAY (most of the time 3,) I got lucky, he really watched out for me. Introduced me to other people,brought my attention to certain pages in the big book and 12&12, that helped me to start learning how to deal better as well as RID MYSELF (with Gods help...) of certain fears, anxiety, insecurity, self consciousness, self pity, self centeredness, envy, anger, remorse, shame, confusion, etc etc etc.I came in with lots of stuff.. I tried several times in my first year to get a female sponsor, what with all that "men with the men crap"problem there was I had some "mommy & sister Issues" seems they forged Daddys will and stole avery very large sum of $$ so I spent some time taking it out on other women in general... seems the "ladys" i'd try to work with were kookie, one had 11 years , i got to her house and she wanted me to do the buda chanting thing in front of her alter.... 1st step paperwork in hand .. i left. another one had 7 years , blond girl, she had witch emblems tatood on herself.. i consider that witchy-poo stuff ought to be private, not a mockery, like some gay guy who swishes around like a cartoon characture making a mockery of his sexuality. then there was the big dike sponsor, she lived next door... she pounded me with the traditions and steps which was cool,what i did not appreciate was: well i had a room-mate, a very hot blond porn star, with 7 yrs at the time, and also the dykes sponsie, when ever my room mate got down showering.. the dyke/sponsor/ neighbor would come over and even have the nerve to come in with out knocking... as though being our sponsor gives her the right to dis regard our privacy... my "picker"really was a bit off when I got here, I kept picking wierdos for a while. one lady , I TOLD her, how i was gonna do step 6... she said o.k. so i got rid of her... MY way got me here.. I think I got lucky cause Reese picked me... I had little to do with it,just used the # , like "they" say to do. It really seems like a god thing.. ANNA, "they" say there are no rules... cept I think it does mention something having to do with following some simple rules in the doctors opinion.. Best to read the literature, other wise you will get LOONEY INTERPRETATIONS and be bombarded by inadverdant contradictions totally contrary to what the book teaches, I.E.( wag your head ,ear to shoulder a couple times as you say this one) "My head is a dangerous nieghborhood..." THATS FUNNY ... THE BOOK SAYS; stuff like "god gave us brains TO USE" ,AND THAT WE ARE BASICLY INTELLEGENT, THAT WE WILL BE ABLE TO BE ALONE AT PERFECT PEACE AND EASE, TO PAUSE AND GET QUIET SO THE ANSWER WILL COME etc etc etc . think think think!


Member: Jen B.
Location: CA
Date: 4/6/01
Time: 5:12:22 PM

Comments

Hi guys, Jennifer here, alcholic. Great topic, I needed everyone's SH & E on this one. I have 31 days today, my sponsor has been MIA for nearly 2 weeks. She's got her own stuff going on, but we've locked horns a bit before because she thinks I'm "weller" than some of her other sponsees and I feel neglected, especially when I need help. I know I need to work on reaching out to others besides my sponsor, but right now I need someone who knows me and my BS...so confused about what's my part in it and what's expecting too much from her. Dangit! Also, I'm on step 4 right now and could just use some support from her. Having written this, I realize I know what I need to do, even if I am feeling a little sorry for myself.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: TOM.G
Location: NFLD/CANADA
Date: 4/6/01
Time: 8:53:52 PM

Comments

As Children bring their broken toys ,with tears for us to mend ,I took my broken dreams to GOD because he was my friend and then insted of leaving him in peace to work alone ,I stuck around and tryed to help ,with ways that was my own,atlast I snached them back and said how can you be so slow, He said my child what could I do YOU NEVER DID LET GO,, friends when all your own remidys fail [LET GO & LET GOD]////GOD BLESS all who share to try to pass on what was so freely given to you .thanks for being here //IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ////DO WHAT WE DO AND IT WILL BE YOUR'S TOO // hAVE A GOOD dAY


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 4/6/01
Time: 9:48:50 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks to those who sincerely shared!

Jennifer B., I just wanted to let you know that there is no rule in AA saying that you must stick with a sponsor you don't feel comfortable with, although I must admit I don't know your situation in detail.

When I first started looking for a sponsor, I had made up my mind beforehand that I would ask them to temporarily sponsor me, and if this relationship worked out for both of us, I would then ask this person to be my permanent sponsor.

This strategy, in fact, worked out well for me, and I didn't need to seek another sponsor. However, this is not always the case by any means.

Some people just don't relate well to each other, for whatever reasons. This may or may not be the case with you.


Member: BLAIR
Location: NOVA SCOTIA,CANADA
Date: 4/6/01
Time: 11:14:38 PM

Comments

HI,BLAIR HERE AND I'AM AN ALCOHOLIC AND I JUST LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS THAT THERE IS A LOT OF GREAT STUFF THAT I HAVE READ ON THE 12&12 AND DISCUSSION MEETINGS AND I THANK YOU ALL FOR SHARING.BUT WHAT REALLY BUGS ME IS HOW SOME PEOPLE CAN MAKE NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT LU-LU, ME PERSONALLY I THINK SHE HAS GIVEN A LOT OF GOOD COMMENTS ON THE TOPICS THAT I HAVE READ. MAYBE IF WE COULD JUST STOP AND THINK THAT MAYBE IT COULD BE SOMEONE ELES AND THEY ARE USING HER NAME WHEN THEY PUT THAT GARBAGE IN HERE. PLEASE THINK BEFORE WE PASS JUDGMENT ON SOMEONE WE HAVEN'T EVEN MET BECAUSE WERE NOT GOD. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK LU-LU AND GOD BLESS.


Member: David B
Location: KC
Date: 4/7/01
Time: 12:43:38 AM

Comments

Hi were just humans. I am an alcoholic my name is dave.


Member: Laurie w
Location: Houston, TX
Date: 4/7/01
Time: 1:23:10 AM

Comments

Hello,

Laurie here, Alcholic and I stumbled on this site tonight. I picked up my 90 day chip this past week. This is my second time in the program and this passed week I realized how powerless I actually am. I just moved to a new apartment and I was a binge drinker. I kept finding beer cans (full) and I found two half full coconut rum bottles. When I poured out the last rum bottle I got a wiff of the smell and I just wanted to take my finger and rub the rim and taste it. I didn't..I called my sponser, trashed the bottle and prayed. For all the newcomers.. This program is giving me tools to use for times like those because I have never made it to 100 days before. I have never made it to 100 days before. I am very proud of myself, but I have to stay humble and realize that I must stay humble and work this thing or I will fall again..Thanks..:)


Member: bill gates
Location:
Date: 4/7/01
Time: 1:33:46 AM

Comments

i got fired today for knowing too much.


Member: theyre lurking
Location:
Date: 4/7/01
Time: 1:44:43 AM

Comments

beware of the homos out there.


Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: detroit
Date: 4/7/01
Time: 4:47:15 AM

Comments

Thank you Jean for the topic. They say there are no coincidences in this program. I do NOT have an AA sponsor, but both my sponsors are AAs! Let me explain... I joined AA first and got sober 10 years ago, but then I realized I had other addictions far worse than alcohol (if you can believe that). So, I joined GA for my gambling problem and OA for my overeating problem and I have sponsors in both those programs and both these guys are AAs too. So, it really doesn't make that much difference except we hardly ever talk about alcohol.

This is a little off the topic, but this week I was thinking... I am an alcoholic. I have the disease of alcoholism. It is unfortunate that it is called alcoholism because it implies that alcohol is the root of the problem. But, I am here to tell you that AFTER I stopped drinking, I was acting MORE 'alcoholicly' than before I stopped. I was simply 'treating' my alcoholism with gambling (or nicotine or excess food or...) That's why I joined other 12 step programs, to stop those behaviors. The only problem with stopping those behaviors is I STILL acted alcoholicly (maybe compulsively is a better word). None of the things or activities that I was treating my alcoholism with really worked. They all SEEMED to be working, but they had nasty side effects. There is nothing worse than untreated alcoholism. My conclusion to all this thinking was, what all my recovery programs have in common is the 12 steps. Maybe, just maybe, doing the 12 steps is an effective way to treat my 'alcoholism'. Maybe I should call up one of my sponsors and commit to working all 12 steps again.

Thanks for letting me share. I'll be back :-)


Member: DB
Location: KC
Date: 4/7/01
Time: 10:26:59 AM

Comments

good work Laurie W. that is all it would take is one lick.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Florida
Date: 4/7/01
Time: 1:10:13 PM

Comments

Chris here_-Alcoholic/Addict/bulimic--It too throw left over wine and such down the drain and get awiff of the smell. It is amazing how the old desire comes back. I just keep thinking of my sponser, if I had to tell her that I drank. I couldn't live with myself. I guess that is what she has been to me---some one to keep me accountable. WHen I asked her to be my sponser, she said,"Sure, I'd love to help you" And that is what she has done for 7 years. I have been very lucky that she has been so good for me. I am so greatful to my HP that I have someone that I can call when the "crazies" hit, and who I can bounce all to my "stinkin' thinkin' " off of. I tend to blow everything our of proportion and she really helps me get back in line. She has becaome a friend and a 'Mother" , but never fails to let me know when I am off Base!!!Have a great 24 hrs.


Member: TBowman
Location: Leesburg
Date: 4/7/01
Time: 4:12:30 PM

Comments

Hi, I am still what you would call a newcomer to the program. Yesterday, I attended a meeting where we talked about the difference between abstinence and sobriety. I guess I am still just abstaining. I need to get a sponsor to help me understand the entire sobriety thing. But you see a lot of bad things have happened to me in the past year and I am no longer an outgoing communicative person. I have become very withdrawn and depressed and tend to sit in the back of the meetings that I attend. When people approach me I just kind of turn away. I want their help but I can't talk. I almost want to cry sometimes. I stay for the coffee but everyone is in their little groups so I just leave. Should I go to a different place? Or should I ask someone? I am really in need of someone to talk to, I don't have any friends that don't drink and my family doesn't talk to me after what happened.


Member: Holier than thou!!
Location: Around!!
Date: 4/7/01
Time: 5:18:49 PM

Comments

In the AA I see today I believe, and quite firmly to boot, that both the sponsored and the sponsor are in turn entirely sponsored by the demons in the heavens, (most think them to be in a place of fiery torment eternally persecuting the “souls” that they {the demons} have driven to every form of sin, drink, despair, destitution and destruction), and so it has been written in Eph 2:2 where we speak of “the power of the air, of that (scummy) spirit that works in the ones of disobedience!!” Eph 6:12 tells the same story!! Most of the stiff-necked jerks in AA can’t bring themselves face to face with the truth of these things, so God, no matter how you think to understand Him has rejected them all, and put them into the pestilent hands of these demon “sponsors” to do what they will with them!! Let them driven about to every forsaken form of refuge on the earth, and weep, gnash their teeth, gnaw their tongues, and then we’ll see who was right!! And if that isn’t enough for them, let them be baptized into the “Lake of Fire that burns with Sulphur,” and we will sing GOOD RIDDANCE TO THEM ALL!!


Member: ben
Location:
Date: 4/7/01
Time: 6:38:24 PM

Comments

i still have a boner.


Member: Kris S
Location: Seattle, Wa
Date: 4/7/01
Time: 6:49:21 PM

Comments

I don't know about the rest of the people in AA I only know that for today I am going to follow the suggestions of people that have come before me. I got a sponsor, one who had something that I wanted. And now I have 1 year and 5 months, and in myself I see a little of what she has. I like that. And Im getting to like myself more. After all I never really did like myself. As for sponsors being hard on you, and not being your friend, just like any relationship, friendship grows in time. thanks for being there when I need you, I find comfort in the fact that I can go anywhere and find people that understand me and I can go to in times of loneliness, dispair, triumph, joy, sadness, and confusion. Kris S.


Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Key West Fl
Date: 4/8/01
Time: 6:55:12 AM

Comments

hi Family good morning Charlie darling a very grateful recovering alcholic, sorry i havn't shared in awhile but afte having breakfast with my sponsor yesterday morning I decided I should, as when I was in detox we had to have a sponsor before we could be sent home, and I didn't know anyone, but they had a temp sponsor list so I picked this fellow who I knew, and knew he was sober for awhile, and then when I got home, he didn't seem to be that interested, so I went to alot of meetings and listened to all who shared and then I went to my now sponsor and asked if he would be my sponsor, and I listened to find who I got the most from and could identify with, and I tell new comers to do the same think as I am a temp to new comers and try to help over the rough edges, and when they feel thay need something else, I tell them to find someone they can identify with, and today I have quite afew friends in AA who have been temp sponsees, and I feel at least I have helped them on the right road to recovery, and I will continue to try to reach my hand out to all new comers, and help them find the sponsor who will be there for them as well as themselves.Remember meeting makers make it, as I know people who have gone back out, and the first think you hear when they come back is they slacked off on thier meetings, and I go to a meeting everyday, and find if I need more I go to another, as my sobriety is tyhe most important thing I have today, and I treasure it, and thank god for giving it to me, as I could not have done it alone, and with the help of my hp, sponsor, and meetings I am sober over 4 yrs now, and life is good even the bad days are better than my good days when I drank, and I have alot of gratitude, as a gratful heart is a sober heart. I reach my hand out to all new comers and try to let them see that life is good, and keep my life in order. Love you all lots of hugs kwduke@keysdigital.com oh yes anyone coming to Florida and want to go to the sunset roundup it is june 1,2,3 and will have alot of sobriety there just go to www.aafloridakeys.org and you will find the application and the list of meetings for the keys you will find many meetings and to see that in a place with over 250 bars it is a miracle to have such grat sobriety, and wonderful support. So if you do attend I will look forward to meeeting more of my family I love you all, and thank you all for being there and here for me.