Member: John H
Location: Manchester UK
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 9:21:21 AM

Comments

Wow - first here. How about my pet subject (at the moment!) of 'how can we turn resentments into contentments?' I have been trying to do this for 8 months sinceI stopped drinking. Resentments wind me up and were the reasons why I drank to excess in the first place. There must be loads of experience out there about how to get rid of them; - why don't we share our techniques, for the benefit of each other?


Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 9:27:35 AM

Comments

I would like to hear some feed back about how to keep feeling more peaceful and relaxed in a world full of stress. I mean I pray and rarely find the time for relaxation. My meditation time is not as often as I would like but I feel I have a good connection with my Higher Power. My daily struggles with my teenager leave me feeling overwhelmed. I want to feel more serenity. Is that being self centered? I just always feel stressed out.


Member: tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 10:15:14 AM

Comments

Resentments, I was told these are old frozen anger, which is just a feeling, and feelings are just feelings, and to accept them for they are, i was still angry about something that happened 35yrs ago, but i will not let it hurt me now, its like someone smacking you round the face 10yrs ago and then saying wow that still hurts today, you know that can't be! tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Home to Key West Soon
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 10:50:39 AM

Comments

Hi Family Charlie Darling a very Grateful recovering Alcholic. I guess for me the 2 go hand and hand for if I have resentments I don't have serenty. I ask my HP every morning not to let me have any resentments for the day, and when ever I feel one coming on I ask to have it removed and recite the Serenty Prayer. Today my resentments are few, and my serenty is sometimes over welming. I do not question, as I love the feeling, and hope it continues, for though the program, I have tried not to have any negativity, as that will get my resentments up, aand mess with my serenty. Don't know if all that makes sense, but it is my thoughts, and we are an honest group. I Love you all kwduke_1999@yahoo.com


Member: Stan M.
Location: Ohio
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 10:52:30 AM

Comments

Hmmm, strange how two topics seem to be so much the same. Resentments to me are the cause of the stress I often feel. For me, the techniques for getting rid of the are the same, pray for the person. Our Big Book tells us to pray for the person to receive everything we want for ourselves, and strange as this sounds it does work. I've actually made a chart where I can enter the names of the person, place, or thing that's bugging me and blocks to check off the days that I prayed for them. Another thing comes to mind and that's the place in the 12x12 where it says that it's a spiritual axiom that when I'm uncomfortable with a situation, there's something wrong with me. I quarreled for a long time with that one. I couldn't see how when someone hurt me that it was my fault, but what I've come to find out is that I only feel the hurt if I allow it. When I can stay centered on my Higher Power's will and not my own, I find far fewer resentments, and far less stress in my life. So for me it all comes back to the 11th step. "...praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." When I can center there, I don't have time for all my own trivial worries, resentments, stressed out feelings, and whatever else. Actually, any time my feelings get out of line, I find that getting back to the basics in the Steps fixes the situation. I just have to remember that there is a God and I ain't Him. When I'm not "in charge" I don't have to sweat the small stuff, and my HP is big enough to handle the big stuff. Thanks for listening to my rambling.


Member: the eskimo
Location: northern ill.
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 11:12:21 AM

Comments

freedom of bondage has worked for me "EVER TIME" THANKS with love = the eskimo


Member: Barbara
Location: Sacramento CA
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 11:33:11 AM

Comments

I write on a sheet of paper listing the resentments as debts on a ledger. (like a business debt.) Then I write in the next column "I release you from this debt" It works for me on the resentments that I can't get rid of any other way. Some thing about seeing it in writing helps.


Member: Kenneth V.
Location: Californis
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 11:53:19 AM

Comments

Thanks for all of the above heplful comments. One thing that helps me with resentment and also getting my head situated a little straighter on my shoulders is this one: Always trying to remember where I came from, in respects to my alcoholism. If I can remember that, thinking of the sick, sorry individual that I was upon entering the program, then my attitude towards the current problems in life are held in a more accurate light and I don't have to take the resentment so seriously. A good buddy of mine with ten years of sobriety has been sitting in a wheel chair for thirty years after having taken a bullet through his spine. He always inspires me with the words, "I have problems today in areas which, before sobriety, I never even had the areas." Even my buddy gets a resentment sometimes, but oh, what an example he sets in keeping his priorities straight. Best to all, Ken


Member: kimberley s
Location: seattle
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 12:16:50 PM

Comments

hi kimberley here recovering alcholic resentmrnt is the number one offender, there are also princiles to this program which they tell us to practice, it helps me after 13 years to insert one where it is needed, it helps to talk about it then release it, for me the danger is when i do hold it inside because it comes out sideways, sometimes i journal my thoughts so that i will not have to make an amends later. for words or deeds that have hurt others, sometimes its just sayint the serenity prayer over and over, thank you for letting me see the other side of resentment, (contentment) i have never heard that before and its very powewrful for me, today im practicing the principle of love and tolerance, peace to all of you.


Member: Roxy M
Location: Idaho
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 2:01:30 PM

Comments

Roxy here,Alcoholic.The Big Book tells me that resentments destroy more alcoholics then anything else.It also says that "To the precise extent that we permit these,do we squander the hours that might have worth while."Today I want my life to be worth while.So when I have a resentment today I pray on it and then I do an inventory to see what my part was in it.That means that my next step is an amends.So really for me the best way to avoid all this is to not let situations get to me anymore and they won't if I don't give them that power.And if all this fails and I still have a resentment I go work with a newcomer.It never fails to make me greatful for the gifts I've received.


Member: RICHARD M
Location: SARASOTA, FLA
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 2:13:19 PM

Comments

Hello , my name is richard, i am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is december 28, 1985. By the grace of GOD i have not returned to drinking. One Day at a time . I always have a great deal of Love and TOLERANCE FOR ALL THOSE I ENCOUNTER....... my hope is to lead those that want it to the big book and aa meetings..........this is where i find the necessary strentgh to continue on with my life.....Life is alot of fun and i live it to the fullest without drinking..........i work that part of the program that i am able to , and so i slowly hope to always just be me,!!!1 As we keep the faith ,more is revealed to us each day. i stay as stong in my christian faith as i am able to and always remeber ...one day at a time ..........LOVE PEACE AND HAPPINESS TO ALL WHO READ THIS TO DAY ,,,,,,SEND EMAIL MESSAGES TO 9414478445@VOICESTREAM.NET


Member: L.W.R
Location: Canada
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 2:37:25 PM

Comments

Resentment is always and without exception, based in selfcentered disapointment. If you are new you are probably very self centered. I wouldn't plan to (master) them anytime soon. RESENTMENT TRANSLATION: SOMETHINGS NOT GOING MY WAY. OR SOMEONE ISN'T AS WELL AS THEY SHOULD BE TO FIT WITH MY AGENDA. OR SOMETHING UNFAIR HAPPENED TO POOR ME AND EVEN THOUGH UNFAIR THINGS HAPPEN TO ALL PEOPLE AT SOME POINT, I AM SPECIAL, SO POOR ME. OR HOW ABOUT A CLASSIC? 'THE GREAT 'I HAS DECIDED THE WAY THINGS SHOULD BE AND GOD FORBID THERE SHOULD BE A CHANGE OF PLANS TO THE CONTRARY BECAUSE I JUST KNOW MY PLAN IS ALWAYS BEST, AND I'VE JUST GOT TO HAVE CONTROL OF IT ALL. OR HOW ABOUT THIS ONE: I AM SO ANGRY AND RESENTFUL BECAUSE OF THE VERY CHOICES THAT I MYSELF HAVE MADE; AND BECAUSE I AM NOT WELL ENOUGH TO SEE IT...I USUALLY FIND SOME very trivial situation, person, place or thing BLAME IT ON, and what about the truly abused childhood victims.. now they have a hell of a row to hoe.. your looking at years of practice and healing work...and trivial resentments cause by the drop of a hat. And now for The finale' The Mother of all resentments... "a family member or someone who you are kind of stuck with, like a home group member..owwwhhh or another employee you work with on the job, the really sick one, who deliberately albiet 'unconsiously' abuses or undermines you, If you can get beyond that one and master it.. then you got guru status.. your a rock. i have refused jobs soley for the reason that i could see how sick the employees and the bosses' were.. to much crap. to much work just to survive those environments.. nope no thanx. rather get a job where the work to survive socially isn't harder than the job itself. steps, meetings, big book, and god.


Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 5:01:13 PM

Comments

Kim V here again. Thanks you all for your input especially LWR. I tend to forget that with my daughter I do get resentments and alot of her behaviors I have helped to create through my past dsyfucntion. I will continue to pray for love, tolerance, and patience. I thank you all for your continueing support. I have heard some good stuff. I am off to a meeting.


Member: DavidH
Location: Nashville
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 5:30:52 PM

Comments

I have 4 years sober now and I still get resentments though their not what they were, they still crop up from time to time. The solution that I use, is to look at my part, make amends if necessary, then prey for the person, institution,country or whatever for two weeks. Its that simple.


Member: DavidH
Location: Nashville
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 5:30:53 PM

Comments

I have 4 years sober now and I still get resentments though their not what they were, they still crop up from time to time. The solution that I use, is to look at my part, make amends if necessary, then prey for the person, institution,country or whatever for two weeks. Its that simple.


Member: Tom M
Location: Hazelwood, NC
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 5:37:18 PM

Comments

Tom here...first time poster. Resentments are the number #1 offender and it is also the #1 subject at most meetings...Hmmmm...I wonder why? I look at resentments as little "permisson slips" to justify going on a dry or wet drunk. If I collect enough resentments I can finally justify saying, "What's the use". If I want to work towards getting drunk resentments are the way to go. If I want to ensure my sobriety I better nip resentments in the bud befor they nip me....I am glad I have found this site. I will be back. Tom M


Member: Dennis K
Location: PA
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 7:52:19 PM

Comments

Hi, Dennis K, alcoholic. I am celebrating 30 days sober today. I haven't had to deal with much resentment yet. When I do, I think I'll alter my prayers to include "I ask you God to take away my RESENTMENTS and difficulties so that victory over them may show those that I may help Your power, Your will, and Your way of life and that I may do Your will forever." God bless, and another 24 hours of sobriety to all my friends.


Member: Jeff
Location: Ne.
Date: 3/23/2003
Time: 9:43:21 PM

Comments

Jeff alcoholic. Well first of all to have a "resentment" is only to have a human feeling, that of which was God given. What i do with this & other undesirable human emotions are up to me. I can run with them or i can ask myself "what would my higher power have me do"? Sometimes i do just that i run them to the point of insain thinking & my higher power or some other force helps me to snap back to reality before its to late. If i act instead re-act, I usually do the right thing, after all i`m only human. If i drop to my knees & ask my higher power for the right thought or decision in any given situation. I am amazed at the results. He never lets me down. He put the man who taught me how to live sober in life for a reason & the rest is up to me. Today i dont have resentments that control my life, this i feel is God given also. Thanks for listening!


Member: Melanie
Location: Akron, Ohio, USA
Date: 3/24/2003
Time: 1:00:44 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Melanie an alcoholic. Step 3 reminds me that as long as I try to do the right things in my life, the good Lord will take care of me. This is has proven to be true over time and is very comforting when things don't go the way I plan. Nice surprises pop up all the time if we just wait. Step 4 showed me what my part is in the situations that have caused me long lived, deep resentments. Once the pattern is recognized, the changes in myself can be made. Step 5 showed me that most of the crap I get resentful over is petty and small. Don't sweat the small stuff. Sharing with another person can really put things in perspective. The serenity prayer reminds me that all I can change is me. I don't have to like every person or situation, but if I realize that it's not in my power to change it...well, accept it and move on. I also need to remember that the past cannot be changed. Even the last second is gone. Learn from the past, but don't relive it. It's gone and it is part of who I am today. If I am at fault, I owe and ammend. If others have wronged me...they're sick human beings just like me. I can change my attitudes and actions to keep me out of that mess that was my life. I don't have to hurt others or let them hurt me anymore. Love and blessings to all!


Member: Srikanth N
Location: Bahrain
Date: 3/24/2003
Time: 1:39:46 AM

Comments

Hi, Srikanth here, an alcoholic. Resentments sometimes can be overpowering and was perhaps the no 1 reason for my alcoholic leanings. Ancient Hindu philosophy says that we are all manifestations of each other and all the negatives and positives we, as individuals, see in another, is present in us too. If I remind myself of that, in the true spirit, then a calm comes over me and I feel peaceful in the knowledge of the equality of man. However I can be reminded of that continously only through meditation and prayer. Thanks Srikanth, Bahrain


Member: Silvia W
Location: Seoul, Korea
Date: 3/24/2003
Time: 5:05:04 AM

Comments

I'm Silvia and a grateful recovering alcoholic, happy to be alive and sober today. It's been a few "24s" since I had a resentment. The oldtimers told me that grateful alcoholics don't get drunk, so I look at what I'm grateful for each day. I've used most of the suggestions that folks have posted and can tell you that they worked for me. When I feel myself getting un-centered, I take three deep breaths and say the serenity prayer to myself, very slowly. That seems to defuse the upset feelings right at the start, before they have time to develop into a resentment. We're all just sick folks trying to get "weller," not bad folks trying to get good. I feel sorry for those who don't have our program and fellowship to help them grow spiritually. I remember how sick I was when I came into AA back in 1980,- not someone you'd want to call a friend. Today, friends are wherever I land. I find the fellowship is as warm in Korea as it was in Maine.


Member: SuzyQ
Location: New Jersey
Date: 3/24/2003
Time: 9:40:59 AM

Comments

I learned something very important about people who give me resentments. If I never existed on this planet, they would have done the exact same thing to someone else. Nine times out of ten, it had absolutly nothing to do with me, I just take it personally. This has always been a problem for me and I have decided to go to a professional councelor to help me overcome this problem. I recently had a situation that I felt hurt by what was 'done' to me. A fellow AA suggested I needed to look at what my part in it was. I had a hard time doing that, because I was truely wronged and did do the best I possibly could. Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. That particular situation, I simply needed to accept that it happened and move on. Didn't do anything wrong, it plain just happened. TEENAGERS!!!! How to work this program with teenagers? My sponser tells me they have a higher power too, and I am not it. I have an important role in this life...raising my children. I do a much better job of it now that I am sober.. I am not perfect at it, never will be, and neither is anyone else. I do not meditate often, I even tried in the shower or on the toilet, but still get interupted by bickering and bellows of "MOM!!!". It's ok, my life won't always be like this. They will grow up and hopefully move out, and then I can have a completly different set of problems. I am a single mom with three children and life can be very difficult. I'm doing a damn good job because first and formost, I stay sober. SuzyQ


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 3/24/2003
Time: 11:54:23 AM

Comments

HI Bill here, Alcoholic from Arizona. The answer to John H's question will bring the peace and relaxation that Kim V is seeking. The two topics tie together. My very first thought when I read the first post was "Ahhh Step four." WAY TO GO!! Melanie from Ohio. You were the first to answer John's direct question with a direct AA solution. If someone wrongs me. I get angry. I am hurt And that is a normal reaction. However, if I am still angry the next day, then it has become a resentment; and I better dang well deal with it in a hurry or I will run the risk of drinking again. STEP FOUR: Col one. I am angry at...; Column two, Why am I angry at..?; Col three. How is this affect me? (here is where we start to deal with Kim's topic, peace). Col four: What is MY part in this? And believe me we all have a part in these angers and resentments. Even if it is only just being there. Thanks for being here and being a part of my sobriety today. Bill, az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAND
Date: 3/24/2003
Time: 12:46:11 PM

Comments

Good subject John , resentment was to me the biggest thing that had me beat< when i took one,it lasted for ages and it festered away in my head and the more i drunk the more the resentment got, and there was room in my head for plenty, people ,places, and things, everybody had it in for me,!but when i got sober and went through this program i soon removed this anger and replaced it with love, understanding, and most important of all God! it works most of the time" im only human" sometimes i dont let my face know that inside iam happy!lol regards L-Ray


Member: Norm F
Location: Columbia, SC
Date: 3/24/2003
Time: 3:17:50 PM

Comments

When I say the words "may God's will, not mine be done", do I really mean it or am I just mouthing it. I do not know what will happen tomorrow or how todays events will shape tomorrow. I do know God wants me to be happy, joyful and free. My day is as bright as any of Gods' promises. It is my choice today to live in hope or live in darkness. Today, for me, it's the sunlight of the spirit.


Member: John A
Location: Manchester (UK)
Date: 3/24/2003
Time: 6:26:47 PM

Comments

John A Here. A grateful alcoholic. John H, Brian asked me to post this. Resentments are like drinking a bottle of poison your self and hoping the other person dies. And the following came by e-mail today [Daily Reflections] We can practice forgiveness each day. Resentments have a way of creeping back into my psyche even after I have let go of them. I know that holding a grudge is harmful to my emotional health and can threaten my abstinence, but what can I do when I keep feeling anger toward someone? In the interest of recovery, in my own best interest, I can continue to forgive each day. I may not be able to forgive the person once and for all, but I can do it right now, just for today. With practice, who knows? Perhaps the resentment will disappear. When I remember that my own track record is far from perfect, I realize I could use some daily forgiveness too, both from others and from myself. Just for now, I can let go of resentments and forgive. If resentments come back, I can forgive again. Thanks for your share tonight John H. Thanks for letting me share this posting John A Yourwine@hotmail.com


Member: LynnieV
Location: New Jersey
Date: 3/24/2003
Time: 8:29:23 PM

Comments

Lynne here, alcoholic and gratefully in recovery. I still have resentments, some are so old I can't even remember why and some are so new they can bring me back to where I used to be if I let them. That was not a good place and I don't want to go back there again. My sponsor told me some wise words that seem to get me through my resentments, she told me "You can't change or control people, which we as alcoholics like to try to do, but you can certainly change your own reactions. I think this makes sense to me and I try to remember. As someone said previously, turning this over to my HP takes it away. I just have to remind myself of this every so ofter. My best to all of you.


Member: Marie
Location: USA
Date: 3/24/2003
Time: 9:45:58 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Marie and I'm an alcoholic. This is a good topic for me because I've had plenty of resentments before sobriety and since I've come into the program. To me, 'resentment' is another word for anger. They are one in the same. Its just a pretty word for saying, "I'm mad, pissed, enraged or whatever....". Anger is selfish. When I am angry I think I know what should have happened, what is best for me or the other person. People are people. They do what they do. As someone said. If I get a resentment, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with the situation. I am not ever angry, resentful over what has happened. It is something within myself that has been brought up that is the reason that I am angry, resentful. Again, it has nothing to do with someone else, or some situation. No one or no thing can give me a resentment. I choose to pick it up. That is the big word here, choose. For many years I chose to be right instead of happy. Sometimes I still do, but its not like it used to be. I was a 'rager'. I was so proud in my hatred, my anger and resentments. I carried them like a badge. Until I got sick physically because I could no longer carry it and I was pounded into submission. That's when I had to stop. And I made my choice. To look at myself and stop blaming the world for my anger and resentments. And to stop being the puppet where someone pushes a button and Marie dances. Good luck. Much Love-love is the only thing that changes you and anyone else. Marie


Member: Marie
Location: USA
Date: 3/24/2003
Time: 9:50:22 PM

Comments

PS. Write to me, I'd love to have more contact with other alcoholics. Its 'black_zoey@hotmail.com. Hope to talk to you! Marie


Member: Marie
Location: USA
Date: 3/24/2003
Time: 9:50:31 PM

Comments

PS. Write to me, I'd love to have more contact with other alcoholics. Its 'black_zoey@hotmail.com. Hope to talk to you! Marie


Member: Fishpig
Location: Japan
Date: 3/25/2003
Time: 3:54:47 AM

Comments

Greetings from Japan, I have agree with LWR of Canada. Most of my resentments take root in "I am not getting what I want" or "I might lose something I have". I don't get rid of my resentments until I find the connection to my selfishness. "Selfishness self centeredness! That we think is the root of all our troubles"!


Member: siobhan c.
Location: washington
Date: 3/25/2003
Time: 1:58:35 PM

Comments

hi,all. siobhan, alcohlic. resentments only hurt ourselves. i really liked the comment made by john h. in manchester - resentments are like poison we drink in the hopes that someone else will die. nicely put. i have struggled long and hard trying to deal with anger and resentment. getting sober was just the beginning. now, i'm sober and resentful - only slightly better than drunk and resentful. i have had to learn to let go and let God. just keep remembering "Life is 1% what happens to you, 99% how you deal with what happened to you." i can't control what other people do or say, i can only control how i react. i cannot even control my own emotions. i just have to remember to thicken my skin and keep in mind that not everything is about me. thanks for letting me share. i really like reading how other people deal with their resentments. i have such a difficult time with mine, all the time. it's comforting to learn that there are others who struggle like me. i am grateful for my sobriety each day that comes.


Member: Nancy S.
Location: Dallas, TX
Date: 3/25/2003
Time: 6:32:18 PM

Comments

Two things that work well for me are prayer and being of service to someone else. Whether it's praying to be relieved of the resentment or praying for the person I resent, the contact with my Higher Power gets me "right-sized." As for being of service, it gets my mind off me and onto more important things.


Member: Joe M.
Location: arizona
Date: 3/25/2003
Time: 9:51:50 PM

Comments

I'm Joe and I'm an alchy (sp?) I'm on quite a dry drunk right now. Whatever the initials are of that Canuk who wrote earlier, really fed me another resentment. It just reeks of all that false humility I hear at meetings (can't escape it online either!} You know if I were a sociopath I would use such pearls of wisdom to my advantage and go about saying and doing whatever I please to anyone because after all if they become resentful or upset with me I can just say they're full of self pity or have the choice of feeling hurt or not or if something's wrong it's their problem not mine or some nauseating horseshit like that. Let's stop kidding each other. If someone offends me THEY are my problem. That doesn't mean that it gives me the excuse to pick up or to overeact to the situation but I am not a robot. Whether alcoholic or not, drinking or not, I am a human being who naturally feels offended by someone who offends me. If we don't really believe that, then what's the point of making amends to others? Why don't we just forget making amends because if we offended others, well they should just see it as their fault for taking offense in the first place. It's incredible the crap that people will believe. Anyway I won't blow 10 and half years tonight only because I'm trying to imagine that life will actually suck more if I drink than it does now. So much for sobriety.


Member: Ronnie Joe
Location: Baltimore
Date: 3/26/2003
Time: 9:33:39 AM

Comments

Hey there everyone: Resentments are something that comes with living life. For me...going to 24 months of intense therapy was the BEST thing for this disease!!! I found the root of my problem and learn to deal with it head on! Resentments also come on all differant levels or degrees and instead of trying to "Eat the whole pie" as they say...I take it slice by slice and it really does seem less overwhelming and I don't get that sinking feeling anymore! Im 3 years sober and life is sooooo wonderful with the blinders off and now I take the time to smell the flowers instead of walking right past them! God Bless all and thanks for letting me share with you all. Peace


Member: Ronnie Joe
Location: Baltimore
Date: 3/26/2003
Time: 9:33:43 AM

Comments

Hey there everyone: Resentments are something that comes with living life. For me...going to 24 months of intense therapy was the BEST thing for this disease!!! I found the root of my problem and learn to deal with it head on! Resentments also come on all differant levels or degrees and instead of trying to "Eat the whole pie" as they say...I take it slice by slice and it really does seem less overwhelming and I don't get that sinking feeling anymore! Im 3 years sober and life is sooooo wonderful with the blinders off and now I take the time to smell the flowers instead of walking right past them! God Bless all and thanks for letting me share with you all. Peace


Member: Kathleen
Location: Florida
Date: 3/26/2003
Time: 1:29:27 PM

Comments

Hello all...Kathleen here, alcoholic. My first thoughts when I read the topics was...they go together...and two...steps 4 and 5...those are the two steps that led me to freedom from resentments. And acceptance...acceptance of things that I can't change.... There was one resentment I had a hard time getting rid of and I sought outside help for that one and it worked. It is an awesome feeling to be free from resentments. When my mind and heart are free from resentments it allows me to be able to see the every day miracles that come about... Thanks for being here for me.. Kathleen


Member: Stuart M
Location:
Date: 3/26/2003
Time: 3:05:07 PM

Comments

Thanks Joe M from Arizona Now I really know why resentment is the number one offender and why it is not necessary to find out what is the number two offender God bless you


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: 3/26/2003
Time: 3:13:21 PM

Comments

Hi All, Kelly here, 6 months sober. Thanks for all the great shares. Especially ((Joe)), Baltimore. It is nice to know that we can come here and get real. No matter how many years sober we have we still are human and battle the disease of alcoholism and stinkin' thinkin'. I admit I cop resentments and I don't even know why? It can be anything but it is mostly that the person reminds me of something I fear in myself or becoming. If it is too close to home. The good thing is for the first time I am not always wet nursing resentments and actually working through some of them. I step back from the person and with time and acceptance the anger goes away. Being new the people that bug me the most are the ones that talk the talk but don't walk the walk. The ones that talk at every meeting about their boyfriend breaking up with them or some other minescule problem and here I am fighting for my life! Or the sermon on the mount types that are homeless and have cell phones... Hello??? That scares me and I cop an instant resentment. Then when I step back I can see that these people are sober for many years because of what they (are) doing in AA not how they choose to live their lives. It works for them and they have every right to use the meetings for free therapy or a place to hang out and avoid life, free coffee, a dating service whatever. I am not the AA police. I need to focus on ME. I need to ask myself what is it about the person I resent that scares me and why? Is it something I don't like in myself??? BINGO. Time to rezero the target on myself and get real. Humility rules! Kelly


Member: Gillette E.
Location: Oakland CA USA
Date: 3/26/2003
Time: 3:40:03 PM

Comments

My name is Gillette and I am an alcoholic. Thanks everybody who supports this online meeting. It is just what I needed today. I was sitting home with a cold and resenting that I could not get to a meeting because I would spread the cold to everybody there. I have been staying away from meetings now for four days. The resentment is both at god for giving me this cold and at people who get to go to face to face meetings. So I prayed to have these resentments removed. Then god put this thought into my head: What about that online meeting you attended a few years ago when you were sick? In twelve year resentments have not completely left me. In fact, I am sure I have never had a day without at least one resentment. Here is what usually works for the big resentments. Step zero is acknowledging that I have a resentment. Then steps 1 through 12 usually get rid of it. I am particularly fond of the second column of step 4 where I get to write down all the horrible things they did to me when they were out to get me. It is important that column two comes before the fourth column. Once I set out all the evidence against them on paper, then I get willing to jot down a note or two about my theoretical part. After that, I share my theoretical part with my sponsor who confirms that it isnít theory. Ongoing resentments against family members, co-workers, etc require repeated step work. It took five years of step work plus therapy to get rid of resentments against my ex-wife. Small resentments can often be solved with a quick prayer to have them removed followed by some action. Resentments untreated are a problem. But I donít think there is anyway to keep them from coming up in the first place. I am sure for me that the only time I will be resentment free for a full day is when I am dead.


Member: a m
Location: ia
Date: 3/26/2003
Time: 5:07:44 PM

Comments

The part of resentment I don't like is that my having one sure does nothing for the guy I resent. While the issue is eating my lunch, they are walking through life not knowing, or not caring how much hell I am putting myself through. It's the old I'll show you, I'll hurt me bit. For me today, I have to pray for the person to be able for me to change. The key for me today is to think about how important the issue is, and what if any (usually some) is my part. I can only change me. I am able to watch my father walk into this program (he has 36 days) and see the reflection of how I was and how far I have come. Today I measure my growth by my acceptance and service. If I am working on both then I am out of me and on my way. Thank's for the topic and for keeping me sober one more day.


Member: bruce a
Location: crowsnest,pa
Date: 3/26/2003
Time: 9:34:01 PM

Comments

resentments aren't for the alcoholic we must be rid of them prat for those we have lingering in our minds give these resentments to God I have to live in today without having to go through all that junk love you all bruce a from pa


Member: Marie
Location: PA
Date: 3/26/2003
Time: 11:40:25 PM

Comments

Joe M. -I understand where you are coming from. You are right when you say that people will just piss you off cause they're being jerks. Yea, I know I have a right to feel offended when someones being an idiot. I agree with you. I just found out that I don't have to walk around pissed about it and mole it over and over in my mind. When I do that, its me thats the problem. Getting pissed is a natural reaction. Taking it further into self destruction is not. If someone is a jerk, they can be a jerk and I feel I should let them. But not let them walk all over me and control my reactions. They have no control over me if I don't give it to them. Assholes will be assholes and theres enough of them out there! I just hope to choose, like I said earlier to be happy, not angry. The best way to defuse an angry asshole is by kindness.


Member: T-Bone
Location: S. Fla.
Date: 3/27/2003
Time: 6:08:47 AM

Comments

Morning all. I remember when I first got sober, it was all I could do each day to keep my head above water. I had no time or inclination to worry about anyone else. Then after working the program and seeing some progress, I all of a sudden realized that I had absolutely no tolerance for morons. Not just drunk morons, but morons at work, morons on the road that cut me off, morons in front of me in line at the grocery store, morons behind me in the line at the grocery store, the moron checking the groceries in the line at the grocery store and on and on. I was more serene and spiritual than I had ever been in my life. But, not being a moron anymore lol, made me very judgemental. Now, don't get me wrong I felt real sorry for these idiots, I just couldn't tolerate them. I think somehow in a perverse way this is growth, but it's also kind a cool. Being able to see what ya was and knowing you have no desire to go back there. I'll work on my whole worlds full of morons complex. But for now ain't it great to be sober. God bless you guys and thanks for keeping this moron sober.


Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: 3/27/2003
Time: 7:00:10 AM

Comments

Kim V here alcoholic. hey AZBill Thanks for your input and your very right. I do have a HUGE part in this. My part is that I have taught my daughter most of her behaviors and dysfunction from my alcoholism. My resentment may even be at myself and not at her. Maybe my anger is at myself and in my frustration I can not see that. My biggest character defect is CONTROL and I have gotten better at it in the 7 years I have sober but I still need to work on it. I feel responsible for the things I have created in her. I want to fix her and should probably start going to Alanon. After much reflection this week I am now spending time praying for patience and tolerance as I certainly have lots of love for my daughter. I know rationaly I can't fix her. I can love and and be supportive of her and my control issues kick in as I don't want to enable her. I just love her too much for that. I want to thank everyone this week for helping me take a long hard look at myself. I reached out and you guys were there. Thanks


Member: Rick S
Location: Upper Michigan
Date: 3/27/2003
Time: 9:25:58 AM

Comments

Rick here Alcoholic I have noticed that for myself the hardest part of resentment is carrying around anger and being judgemental of others.While I was not sober this didn't seem to be a problem being as I dealt with it by being an idiot and speaking my mind usually in an improper manner. Now it is a hard issue to deal with because I can no longer can be an idiot ...lol if I do go off and say somthing improper it builds up and i feel bad after doing so which leads to me carrying that embarassment around so I find now for this day today I will THINK before I speak if somebody or some thing has me upset I take a minute to think it over especially what I am going to do about this. Most time I end up walking away with a good feeling without saying a word knowing that this is a small issue in the day for me, or my comment or reaction is atleast thought out so I am not playing into making an Idiot of myself causing even more resentment and embarassment over the issue at hand. Thanks for listening this is a great site.


Member: Shauna W
Location: Murchison, West Australia
Date: 3/28/2003
Time: 4:42:32 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Shauna and a very grateful alcoholic. I have been dealing with a particularly persistent resentment lately as it involves my treatment by my husband's boss's wife. As we run their station, we answer to them but I do not like being treated as a servant while she "plays" lady of the manor. After much prayer, discussion with my husband and reading of AA literature, I was able to act, not re-act. I did this calmly and without emotion, but even so, she took it personally and tried to "pay me back", similar to what I would have done when drinking. I have asked God to remove all resentment that lingered but it did not happen until I had learned my lesson of where I fit in the picture. I put my own name on the top of the list and discovered that she was getting away with all the things I tried to get away with all my life but failed at miserably. It is one of many discoveries I have had in this fellowship and I'm sure not the last (as I'm still "amazed" so I must be "before I am halfway through) LOL. Thanks for allowing me to share, God bless, Shauna


Member: Kelley I
Location: Columbia Missouri
Date: 3/28/2003
Time: 7:36:35 AM

Comments

Kelley here grateful recovering alcoholic. when resentments come up for me towrd someone it is usually because thier charecter defect that is coming out is one of my own that I need to work on or fine tune. I have decided to stop and ponder about whats going on before I say or do anything.To many times old charecter defect of control issues pop up causing me to not be a pleasnt person to be around even for me to be around. So looking within me to find out what the real problem is works best for me.


Member: CasseyP
Location: France
Date: 3/28/2003
Time: 8:08:48 AM

Comments

This is my first posting, and I want to say thanks for all your comments. You guys have really made me question my feelings. I sat down after thinking for a while, and starting typing all my resentments I feel. Usually it is my self centeredness that causes me anger, in why I don't understand the way the world works sometimes. I guess I always thought I could control everything around me, to make it how I want it to be. I need to step back from myself and let God do his work, and I do mine by concentrating on my actions and not others. Learning to control my life interms of not drinking, and all my other reactions to this life, is my goal. God bless you all, and thanks to you guys, I feel a bit more at peace with spirit today.


Member: Pat H.
Location: Northern Va.
Date: 3/28/2003
Time: 8:42:13 AM

Comments

I'm Pat,I'm an alcoholic. What Shauna of Australia said really "hit me" where I live.I've always loved it when somebody comes up with one of those big break-throughs that lead to spiritual growth. Anyway,I needed to hear it for myself,because I am harboring a resentment right now and NOT looking at my part in it. Or at least I wasn't until I read Shauna"s post. I've got some tenth step work to do. Thanks.


Member: John H
Location: Manchester UK
Date: 3/28/2003
Time: 9:43:50 AM

Comments

To Shauna Would like to e-mail you. I'll show you mine if.... Was in the Murchison area (Kalbarri)last Nov. Write if you wish. john.holliday24@ntlworld.com


Member: Deb
Location: Beautiful Boston USA!
Date: 3/28/2003
Time: 12:47:21 PM

Comments

Hi there, Deb, alcoholic and addict. I have 31 days today. I have been in and out for about 10 years. The most time I had was 4 years. For some reason, this time is different for me. I 'GET' it. Not sure why, but I do. I resent my boss. Talk about a MORON! As are the other people that are above me. The anger I feel is overwhelming...and just a month earlier, I would be downstairs in the bar, but I don't want this person to have that much power over me. I am struggling with the hatred I feel for this man. I have dreams of strangling him. I am trying to let it go. I appreciate all of your thoughts and words here. They, believe it or not..., have calmed me down a bit. Thanks.


Member: AZbill
Location: From AZbill
Date: 3/28/2003
Time: 1:28:34 PM

Comments

HI Deb Change jobs. :) I once started in Denver. Quit two jobs on principle. The Chief of Radiology appologized to me in both hospitals, one relieve me of a $6,000 finders fee I should have had to pay back and would have for my peace of mind. Got fired from the next one. One research center ran out of money and closed. Went from Denver to Baltimore,Md back to Denver via a job in West Virginia, Wound up with the best job of my life just 12 miles from where I started. :) Good things happen when we do the right things for the right reasons. Bill email" az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Pete S
Location: Maryland USA
Date: 3/28/2003
Time: 7:48:29 PM

Comments

Pete S, Alcoholic here How to get rid of resentments: a lot of good suggestions in this wek's discussion. For me, a comment that was mad when I first came into the program helped a lot. It went like this. "That resentment (person, event, etc) has been renting space in your head too long. It's time to refuse to renew its lease" This can be accomplished in any number of ways, not limited to reading the big book, calling a member in the fellowship, or just getting out of your head. Another comment arises "My head is a bad neighborhood, I must never go there alone." Also there is Step 4, 5, and 6.


Member: Billy S
Location: Largo FL
Date: 3/28/2003
Time: 10:21:23 PM

Comments

Billy alcoholic, and the way i feel about resentments is they are like peeing in your pants everone can see it but your the only one who can feel it. 5months today 3/28/03


Member: Eddie A
Location: Cypress, CA, USA
Date: 3/29/2003
Time: 12:19:20 AM

Comments

Eddie, alcoholic. Resentment the number one killer of serenity and sobriety. I have been sober one day at a time for 6,020 days now (16yrs, 5 mos). Sobriety date: Oct 7, 1986. Over this time, I have overcome and let go of thousands of resentments. I want to thank Ken V for sharing earlier this week. The Freedom from Bondage prayer works for me everytime I am willing to pray it for specific resentments. Even when my words are just words. The Big Book is right, and thousands of other alcoholics have had the same experience. Today, I am resentful, due to having had to layoff a very good employee. My employer gave me now choice in the matter. I am grateful that my sobriety and my HP have blessed me beyond my wildest dreams. I have never forgotten my last drink, or the pain I was in the last 5 years of my drinking. After having read all the shares this week. I can once again say I am a grateful alcoholic. Thanks to you all for participating in my sobriety and thanks for letting me share.


Member: T-Bone
Location: S. Fla
Date: 3/29/2003
Time: 6:52:50 AM

Comments

Deb, you said it,"this time you get it" he (boss), don't. Heck with him.


Member: Mike J
Location: Indiana
Date: 3/29/2003
Time: 8:07:58 AM

Comments

My Name is Mike And I am an alcoholic, I have been sober 7 Yrs thanx everyone for sharing.


Member: Matthew B
Location: Lynnwood, WA
Date: 3/29/2003
Time: 12:50:26 PM

Comments

First time here. Thought I'd check this out.


Member: Matthew B
Location: Lynnwood, WA
Date: 3/29/2003
Time: 1:06:28 PM

Comments

Sometimes resentment can become pretty consuming making life difficult. When I feel overwhelmed by resentment, I pray for that person. It can be a very comforting act, and at the same time quite helpful in obtaining perspective about what is going on.


Member: Marv L
Location: Laurel,Ms
Date: 3/29/2003
Time: 2:54:14 PM

Comments

Hi,Im Marv,alcoholic,glad to read a lotta good insights on resentment.WAY TO GO SuzyQ ! You,re right,things do change and staying sober IS the most important thing;I too lived midst the turmoil of teens growing up with a sober dad whom they had known only as an active alcoholic..beleive me,when the torndado stopped roaring,there was a vast chasm between my teeners and me,and without the help of AA principles and people,I would have perished,but only after I took legal action to GIVE "EM AWAY, LOL!!!! The Higher Power,who does for me what I CANNOT do for myself, has cared for them,as He has for me,and time has brought changes beyond belief--now the wreckage of the past seems to be cleared away, what was was,what is is,and I"m so grateful for the program that helps me do my part to be useful.Hey,anytime I choose,I can kick in the ashes and find a glowing coal that can be fanned into a raging fire,lol,but WHY would I wanta harbour a resentment?? Too many good things to enjoy to waste time doing that!!!Thank y"all for helping me stay sober another day!!


Member: chris H.
Location: fla.
Date: 3/29/2003
Time: 5:35:01 PM

Comments

I'm Chris ---I'm an alcoholic../addict/bulimic///resenments have always been a biggy for me...I just realized recently that I was harbor ing a few myself...I am learning that they only hurt me in a big was...The one I realize that I need to really work on is my Dad...I am realizing through therapy how abusive his treating of me was...I am really angry with him...and I think it will take some work to let it go...thaat is one thing I have learned ..it in some cases doesn't come easy...but it is worth the fight...It only olds me back and makes me sick...thanks for the topic...and for all the shares...


Member: SHEILS B
Location: CHESHIRE, ENGLAND
Date: 3/29/2003
Time: 5:39:46 PM

Comments

hi John H thanks for your share, and this is a very powerful subject resentments are what I and most other alcaholics held dear to our hearts because they gave us a reason to have that first drink, now sober we have to free our hearts of the very resentments that kept us a drunk. I am trying every day to release the hurt and the fear that form the basis of my biggest resentments my mother and my boss. Both I had built up huge resentments while drinking and I am slowly building bridges with my mother, maybe soon I can let the resentments go that hold me in the past with her, with the help of my higher power everyday is better than the last as far as our relationship is going, tomorrow being mothers day will be a strain but I will pray for tollerance.Letting go of the past is easier said than done but must be done to rid ourselves of old resentments, as we write I don't have any recent ones YET. John A so glad to hear everything going ok with new sponsor, same here. See you both soon lol SHEILS


Member: Karen W.
Location: Dothan, AL
Date: 3/30/2003
Time: 6:27:08 AM

Comments

Hey everyone it's been awhile since i've been on. Good topic from John H. & Kim V. for me they do go together if i don't want peace in my life just get pissed off about something! I feel just the same as Melanie from Ohio & Bill from Arizona. I 'm one of the last ones on here so I've read all of the comments, and what have worked for me since 3-18-95 is just what Mel, and Bill said THE STEPS in the BIG BOOK of AA tells us what a resentment is and how to let go of them. I get anger today but a resentment no way. I don't want to drink again that last drunk was hell!! I lost all hope for everthing and I sure do not want to go there again. I know Joe M. from Arizona I sure hope you made it through 3-25-03 because i know you know just what i'm saying this to shall pass!! & don't drink even if your ass falls off put it in a wheelbarroll & bring it to a meeting & we'll put it back on. Don't quit before the miracle happens. Oh Richard M, from Sarasota, Fl it's nice to see some sober people from there. I did my heavyest drinking right in Sarasota.lol


Member: Karen W.
Location: Dothan, AL
Date: 3/30/2003
Time: 6:27:36 AM

Comments

Hey everyone it's been awhile since i've been on. Good topic from John H. & Kim V. for me they do go together if i don't want peace in my life just get pissed off about something! I feel just the same as Melanie from Ohio & Bill from Arizona. I 'm one of the last ones on here so I've read all of the comments, and what have worked for me since 3-18-95 is just what Mel, and Bill said THE STEPS in the BIG BOOK of AA tells us what a resentment is and how to let go of them. I get anger today but a resentment no way. I don't want to drink again that last drunk was hell!! I lost all hope for everthing and I sure do not want to go there again. I know Joe M. from Arizona I sure hope you made it through 3-25-03 because i know you know just what i'm saying this to shall pass!! & don't drink even if your ass falls off put it in a wheelbarroll & bring it to a meeting & we'll put it back on. Don't quit before the miracle happens. Oh Richard M, from Sarasota, Fl it's nice to see some sober people from there. I did my heavyest drinking right in Sarasota.lol