Member: Kate T.
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 12:11:45

Comments

Hi, I'm Kate and I'm an alcoholic. I'd like to talk about honesty. I'm going into my 5th year of recovery and am finding so many areas of my life that need to be re-evaluated honestly. The promises tell us that we will not regret the past or wish to close the door on it. Believing that step three is in place, and that my will and my life are now in God's care, I find that my past continually comes forward for me to see it differently than I did before. The term honesty really implies consistency, and as an alcoholic my thinking has been fear-based and self centered. Thus, I've been operating under the delusion that I have been victimized by the world(self pity). The last couple of months I have been dreaming about the past, some of those things that haunt me I realize now I never experienced the pain that would have resulted from taking those actions, instead I drank away that pain. It seems that now I re-visit some of those situations in order to put them in proper light, in God's care in protection. For me honesty means that I have to look deeply at how I became dishonest, and allow God to move me into the position of forgiveness of that dishonesty. Growing along spiritual lines means looking honestly at who I am- and who I am not. Grateful to be in God's care. Have a good week, all.


Member: Bill D.
Location: up state N.Y.
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 13:23:31

Comments

Hi, I'm an alcohlic named Bill,great topic, yes in my passed I was very dishonest with my self,but today with the grace of God or my higher power and the help of A.A. and a great sponsor I can face these things in my passed.I'm finding out that working on this stuff the first time in my life realy helps me some of witch had an influance on my drinking,to cover up the pain and stuff,I am finding out that this takes us to the 4th and 5th step that we have to do honestly, this time I want A.A. for myself not for someone else it has a whole new meaning to me and that is being honest with myself I have a long way to go but it sure feels good not to have to pick up that drink today,thanks for leting me share.

Let my higher power care for you all

Bill


Member:   Judyrose M.
Location: Malden,Ma
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 13:49:39

Comments

Hi ALL!!

I am new to this meeting but I have read all the instructions and will faithfully try to follow the format. Honesty??? For me, it has meant different things at different times with different emphasis with one exception. In my sobriety, it is the truth that I was an alcoholic...and that with you people, in these halls...I might have a shot at a sober life..a day at a time. No other truth in my entire life, no matter how bold or enlighting has sustained me and given me hope that this program has. All my other endevors to uncover the truth of my life are supported and butressed by the love and fellowship grown in my knowledge of my own aalcoholism and my fellowship with you.


Member: Sherrie L.
Location: Sioux Lookout, ON
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 15:10:56

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Sherrie and I am an alcoholic. I recently celebrated ten years of sobriety and Honesty has been one of the most difficult things to do consistently in that time. During one period of time, I took rigorous honesty to the limits and became brutally honest. I was so brutal, in fact, that I'm surprised that my group members still talk to me. Today, I try to temper that brutality with love and empathy. This is extremely difficult for a self-centred alcoholic to do. Anyway, this is my first contact with this group and I just wanted to say hello. Thanks to my Higher Power and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous for the sobriety I enjoy today.


Member: marian o
Location:
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 15:18:04

Comments

For me there was an initial need to get rid of the big, flagrant dishonesties---stuff my sponsor said would get me drinking again. As new life situations come along, I find they reveal subtle kinds of dishonesty. The Program helps me face & deal with this character defect which, it seems to me, plagues most of humanity! However we alcoholics know that we have to get rid of dishonesty. Seems that the subtle dishonesties are harder to recognize, easier to disguise & rationalize. Their presence does not upset me---part of the human condition. I do get upset when I see how easily I can escuse them! Hopefully I make little baby steps of progress.


Member: Erv W.
Location: Adams Wi.
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 17:20:19

Comments

Good afternoon, my name is Erv and I'm an alcoholic.. Honesty is a good subject for me.. It took me 30 years to get honest enough to work the first step.. I am a expert at self-deception.. So I have to count on my Higher Power to show me the true honest way for today.. I worried alot about if I was capable of being rigorously honest.. The answer to that question was and is NO !! I need the help of my Higher Power today to show me the way !! By myself, I am a dishonest person.. Only with Gods help can I be honest with myself today.. I really belive that sobriety and honesty are a gift.. They belong to me as long as I keep following a few steps that are suggested as a program of recovery.. I hope everyone has a great week, and I look foward to next week.. LIFE IS GOOD !! Erv


Member: Larry K.
Location: Long Beach, N.Y.
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 17:20:57

Comments

hello my name is larry and i'm an alcoholic. Thanks for a great topic. I have found that the more I do esteemable things the better I feel about myself. The better I feel about me the less I need to build myself up with lies. Also the more I turn it over to the higher power the easier it becomes. Still I realize it is a lifelong process and I must understand its progress not perfection


Member: Red S.
Location: Southern California
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 17:28:37

Comments

Hi! My name is Red, and I am an alcoholic, after 21 years, honesty is always a timely topic for me, just when I decide I am so honest I'm about ready for guru statis, something comes up that I still feel fear, guilt, shame about, then I find myself right back into dishonesty. I wish I could say that realizing that, I immediately get honest again, but no, as everything is for me in the program, it is another process that takes time and a bottom and a surrender..and of course God. This is my second meeting on the internet, I want to thank all of you who put it together and look forward to seeing you here again.


Member: don W
Location: Akeley Mn.
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 18:14:18

Comments

Hi I am Don a greatful recovering Alcoholic.. I believe ,that honesty is the back bone of soberity.senerity and life in complete..When introduced to AA i did not know the word .. I had to lie to my self to stay in the drunken world for all of those yrs.. old timer stuck honesty in my face.. page 58 talks about rigerous honesty.... not part time honesty.. I attempt to transmit that into my every facett of living.. I can not go fishing , take over my limit of fish and the rationalize that thi8s will just make up for last time when fish were not biting.. this has not come to me overnight.. more like the more honest i am the more honest today that i can be in ALL things, places , people, and situtations..


Member: larry t
Location: fairview wv
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 19:22:35

Comments

my name is larry t and am aalcohlic good topic i have to use my spon. because i cant be honest by my self. you see i can be hosest and not know the truth. been sober 15 years 3months 12days


Member: larry t
Location: fairview wv
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 19:22:51

Comments

my name is larry t and am aalcohlic good topic i have to use my spon. because i cant be honest by my self. you see i can be hosest and not know the truth. been sober 15 years 3months 12days


Member: Hilary J.
Location: Panama City, Fl
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 20:24:06

Comments

My name is Hilary and I am an alcoholic. I have been dry and sober and spiritual for 4 years. My life is better today even though I am having problems. I have made a mess out of a relationship and the book tells me that is a problem that we all have or have had. Defective reltionships have always been my problem. Not only with the girlfriend but in general. I am honest enough to say that I do not want to use one women after another to learn how to have a relationship. I see this all the time. I know this is not God's will. I humbly ask for some suggestions on how to make amends to this women and clean off my side of the street. Someone please talk to me.

Love Yall

hilary


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 20:35:09

Comments

Hi - I'm Martina and I'm an alcoholic. I am just now beginning to even really look at how dishonest I am in the core of my being. I can relate to all the comments, especially about the subtlety of my most dangerous dishonesty. Just this week, I was hit between the eyes with this. I have been meeting with my pastor, who has been praying with me about some of the things in my life in need of forgiveness, healing, etc, etc. I told him Thursday that I was afraid that I was becoming dependant on him so I wanted to just pray by myself from now on. (after all, as an alkie he could certainly understand why I can't allow that to happen). As I left, I realized what a crock this was. I was using the jargon to con him because I didn't like being vulnerable. I wasn't afraid of being dependant on him; I was afraid of surrender. I still like that control, even if it means control of the garbage and lying to my pastor and myself. This also led me to realize that I also often just talk the jargon among AA memebers for the same reason. So, I got rid of some of the more blatant dishonesty years ago (things like telling my husband the gallon of "cooking" wine was the same one I had bought a month before, or hiding bottles, or that I didn't have a problem, etc etc). Now I'm continually faced with the subtle dishonesty deep in my soul that keeps me from growing and healing. It is still quite easy for me to be dishonest. I'm just more careful now. Honesty. great topic.


Member: Sue S.
Location: Manchester, NH
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 20:59:00

Comments

Hi, I'm Sue and I'm very grateful to be sober today and for the past four yrs. Honesty is not an option for me, it is a requirement because I was so dishonest when I was drinking, especially with myself. I need to ask my HP to help me to practice honesty in all of my affairs each day because left to my own devices I will always take the "easy" way out. I also have to be careful not to use honesty as a weapon in order to hurt someone else. I've done that too. Like my sponser says: I have to examine my motives before I speak or act. Well, this is my first time sharing on the PC and I have enjoyed this so I'll be back. Thank you everyone for sharing too.


Member: Travis M
Location: Arkadelphia, AR
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 21:16:53

Comments

Hello, my name is Travis and I'm an alcoholic. I just received my 30 day chip last week. I am being as honest as I can. Right now, that amounts to cash register honesty. Here's hoping that as time goes on and I work the steps I begin to look deeper, examine my motives.


Member: Tiffany W
Location: Reno N.V.
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 21:55:28

Comments

Hi I'm Tiffany and I am an Alcholic. This is my first time at this meeting. Great Idea! Honesty? I believe the only person we have to be honest is with ourselves. Too me, that means picking up a gum wrapper that fell out of my pocket, returning money that I found and really examining my faults and weeknesses. Honesty is a sense of relief, a turning over,if you will. Honesty means having integrity and no longer having to hide. It is a feeling of selfconfidence and peace and it is selfish self satisfaction; which is also what my sobriety means to me. Without feeling superior I am thankfull for my sobriety. It is amazing that I no longer have to steal, lie and cheat. Each of those words have alot of history with me. LIE, STEAL AND CHEAT. Think what that means to all of us. Think what a freedom it is to be realeased from the insanity of dishonesty. Most importantly I am honest with myself. I am not out to impress anyone eles. If that was the case I would probably start lying again to look important, or to hide my faults. I also believe In having compassion and tact when handling other peoples feelings (when being honest with them). Unless harsh brutal honesty is the most compassionate way to go, I will find a way to get my point accross in way that has less sting. With myself,honesty means not doing something I feel not right about or not allowing myself to be taken advantage of. Honesty means mo longer having to live in shame and guilt!!!!! Ha! Sobriety is an amazing thing isn't it? I have over a year of sobriety and I feel as if my life has just begun. Thanks for letting me share. Love and Light.


Member: Marge B
Location: Tucson AZ
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 22:32:47

Comments

Honesty, to me today, is being able to see what I see instead of what I THINK I see, hear what I hear, not what I WANT to hear and feel what I feel without being afraid that I SHOULDN'T be feeling this way so I have to cover it up like I use to do. This is also a great defination of "FREEDOM", and that comes with time. My job today is to keep my motives streight, ask God to direct my thoughts and actions and live the program to the best of my ability. When I do this, I am in much less danger of slipping back into my old ways. Do I do this perfect? Not yet. but honestly, Isn't t perfection God's job? I'm a human being trying to live a spiratual life and still practicing like I was instructed. The instructions haven't changed in the 12 years that I've been hanging around with other recovering alcoholics and I'm glad. I still have to keep it simple. Thank You for being here.


Member: Denise R.
Location: Lake of Ozarks
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 22:55:35

Comments

I'm Denise, I'm an alcoholic. Honesty is an interesting topic...I like what the other gentlemen said about being honest but still not knowing the truth. I'm dealing with some resentments right now... am not sure if the truth serves any good purpose in this situation... I'd like for my parents to see what a rat my nephew is, but they take his side and continue to give him money... it just seems like being honest about this only hurts me now. I'm working on meditation and prayer... just need to do the next right thing for me and let God take care of the rest...honestly Thanks


Member: Suzanne H
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 23:00:28

Comments

My name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic.

When I was drinking the lies, the cheating, the hiding were all destroying me and others around me.

When I started to get honest (admitting I could not sober up on my own and seeking help in AA) a whole new world opened up for me. When I am honest I feel this sort of relief, sometimes the outcome from being honest is not as positive as I would like but if it isn't then it gives me something to look at.

When I was drinking it was never ending lies. Lies to cover lies.

Honesty - a new exciting adventure for me.


Member: Debbie K.
Location: BF. S.D.
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 00:17:31

Comments

Hi, my name is Debbie and I'm an alcholoic. Good topic HONESTY what a concept. never really understood it untill I got sober. I was always cash register honest but never with feelings or who was to blame certainly not me I was always the victim. I was told early in AA that Honesty without compassion was brutal. Honesty and compassion to others but to self also. I never realized how dishonest I was espically to myself, steps 4 & 5 took care of that. I finally learned not to beat my self up but to face situations head on and they really weren't as bad as I thought. Once I learned how to be honest with myself then I was able to grow spirtually and to make the amends I needed to make some of the amends I had to make were to myself and then I honestly began to care about myself. Thanks for listening. Debbie


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 01:16:22

Comments

Hi everone, I am very definitally a real alcoholic, and my name is Sanders. This is a real good topic and I'll address it a little bit later as it is very late for me and I need to get to bed. I just want to Hilary J. in Panama city. I am just up the road from you and if you would care to Email me at home I can share a little of my experience with you. My address is sanders@wfeca.net. Let me hear from you. Sanders W.


Member: Gary S
Location: San Diego
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 01:33:50

Comments

Hi, I'm Gary, alcoholic from San Diego. Honesty is what has kept me sober for over 17 years. Rigorous Honesty is what it is all about...not just half-measures. I am honest in all my affairs and this has made all the difference. The program works if you work it. I have been given a second chance at life because of this AA program. Be Honest with Yourself, first and foremost. Keep comin' back, day at a time....


Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 07:34:49

Comments

Hello, My name is Amy ans I am an alcoholic. I have always had a problem with honesty, since childhood I am ashamed to say even before I became an alcoholic. Not it a huge way but I would generally lie to get what I wanted and not consider the consequences. I had a destructive vein even then, at that time in my life. I struggle with it and the longer I am sober and the longer I see that life is easier without the lies. Plus I feel better about myself, I feel that I am making an effort to cintinue to recover. Thanks for letting me share, Easy does it,Amy G.C.


Member: Tony F.
Location: Rochester, MI
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 07:45:20

Comments

Hi, I'm Tony and I'm an alcoholic.

Honesty, it is a difficult thing for me. It is my nature to be dishonest. When I'm confronted with situations requiring honesty, my first reaction is to lie. That way I can focus the blame on someone or something else. It is my chance to reveal my false self so that the real me is not looked upon as less than! I do that more with myself, deceive, cover up. If I reveal the real me, I would be rejected, cast aside. Fear has been my god.

I have been dishonest with myself for most of my 39 years it seems. I've been asking my Higher Power to make me willing, willing to accept His will for my life. Willing to do the next right thing. Willing to love ME for who I am. My sponsor said to me, "I have all of these different parts of me. parts I like, parts I hate, but they're all me. When I accept that, then real change can take place." I pray for willingness. I also pray that I mean what I say.

This is my first AA online experience. I'll be back. Glad to be sober this moment, I hope that continues for the rest of this 24 hours.


Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 09:25:38

Comments

Hi! my name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic.

Honesty with myself is probably the greatest gift I've been given because it allowed me to become sober.

However, along the road (somewhere around two or three years sober) I became an A.A. Nazi. By this I mean I became brutally honest and hurt people who I cared about with what I believed to be the truth. I've come to find out that because I am trying to be honest doesn't necessarily mean I've cornered the market on the truth. There may be many truths which come out of one situation, when I was blinded by my own "self-rightous" truth I could not see this.

Today I am, in addition to being a recovering alcoholic, a recovering "nit wit", I am getting better.

Had to write to claim my seat, thanks for letting me share.

J.L.


Member: Paul C
Location: Antioch CA
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 11:48:30

Comments

Alkie Paul on-line. " Progress Not Prefection." I have always been a dishonest person. It was always been easier to be dishonest and lie than it has been to tell the truth. Pretty soon my hole life was a lie. Today as I grow in my spiritual life I also grow in an honest life. My family can see the difference and the impact it has had on my children has been profound. I still make mistakes but I'm getting better. Just turn it over to my God and get out of His way. Its a beautiful path even during the hard times.


Member: Max J
Location: Necedah, WI
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 13:46:20

Comments

Hello, my name Max i'm an alcoholic, good topic, when AA found me in 1992 the thought was that I could B S my way, and after hanging around for a while I came to see the light, that the only person that was being B S'd was Max, to start with you have to be honest with yourself, when I got honest with myself, things began to fall into place and the program has saved my life. May your higher power always smile on your parade.....


Member: Zizi Z.
Location: Raleigh, NC
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 16:02:55

Comments

I am an alcoholic, my name is Zizi

Like it was said before, I had a desire to be rid of my blatant dishonesty but I could not see how much dishonesty had permeated every aspect of my life. Today my higher power teaches me that when I can be honest in those not so cut and dry situations-I grow as a person. I have a newcomer friend who just recently called me on my dishonesty in a certain situation-he said that for himself-if he bent the rules in any way shape or form then he may bend the rules in staying away from that drink too. That really opened my eyes and I have become more aware of how dishonest I can still be.

Have a wonderful week everyone. I am so glad to be sober today!


Member: Teri V.
Location: Valencia Ca.
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 16:17:23

Comments

Hello, I am Teri and I am an alcoholic.

I am very grateful to have found this meeting. It is a life saver. I was completly dishonest before sobriety and have struggled with dishonesty in sobriety. I beleive that having a sponser has forced me to break down my barriers and be real with someone. I had almost 4 years of sobriety and a "lie" took me back to alcohol. Since that experience I now have 3.5 years ago and honesty sets me FREE. Have a great day all and Keep Coming Back


Member: Teri V.
Location: Valencia Ca.
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 16:17:58

Comments

Hello, I am Teri and I am an alcoholic.

I am very grateful to have found this meeting. It is a life saver. I was completly dishonest before sobriety and have struggled with dishonesty in sobriety. I beleive that having a sponser has forced me to break down my barriers and be real with someone. I had almost 4 years of sobriety and a "lie" took me back to alcohol. Since that experience I now have 3.5 years ago and honesty sets me FREE. Have a great day all and Keep Coming Back


Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Ore. U S A
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 18:17:25

Comments

Hoeel, My name is Doris H and I am an alcoholic, I just want to thank God for the program of A A and for all of the support I have recieved from this program since I started it about 15 months ago. I didn't think 15 months was even possible a year ago last jan 17. But! here I am, sober and looking forward to the rest of my life. WoW ! I still can't believe it sometimes. So! Now! On with my situation. I am feeling strong and my spirituality is also very strong but I am going to Europe in a few days and I just hope that some of you will please remember me in your prayers when you think of me. I know that there is booze all over the place and I haven't been tempted in a long time but you never know. I am traveling with some companions that don't drink and my husband doesn't either any more. But there will be business dinners and entertaining and so forth so I am just not taking any chances. I am taking my big book and my favorite coin (my 24 hr coin) and I hope to go to a meeting in Munick and Paris, just think when they say "Is there anyone here from out of town?" I get to say something. That is if I can understand what they are asking. Oh! Well! I guess I will just go and have a ball and hope for the best and stay in the spirit. God bless you all. D B H


Member: DBH
Location: Springfield, Ore
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 18:31:20

Comments

This is Doris again and I became self absorbed and didn't discuss the topic, SORRY. Honosty! That was the hardest part of the whole program for me. In the beginning I was completely dis-honost and had ben for probably my entire life. I was abused in every way as a child and learned very early on that being what society calls dis-honost was the only way that I could survive. When dishonosty becomes a lifestyle iti's pretty hard to un-learn it. (Excuse the grammer) Being dishonost was as natural as breathing. Try to stop breathing for the rest of your life. It has taken many years to shed that cloak and get used to the new one but I am doing it. AND, at the same time in my own mind I still think of myself as an honost person. "Just goes to show ya how screwed up we can get" I have a sponser now and WOW what a relief. She is great and it;'s so cool to have someone that I can be completely HONOST with. I just hope that she can handle it. I think that being honost is harder than quitting the booze. But! I am giving it everything I've got and plan on continueing to do the best I can. THANX - - - - DBH


Member: Hilary J.
Location: Panama City, Fl
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 19:59:23

Comments

Hilary an alcoholic. I talked with my sponsor today and every time we have conversation there is indirect honesty which is reconizable after the conversation. I don't get into the listen to me I'm being honest stuff. He knows honesty when he hears it. Remeber what Shakespear said. BS myself not.


Member: Sharon
Location: Indy
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 22:03:15

Comments

Katie, congrats on your five years, I'm nearing that myself. My sponsor died today. It hurts. He died sober, a fate I hope to accomplish-not to soon. Dealing with your past calls for brutal honesty with yourself. It calls for a lot of forgiveness of yourself, of others. Stay with your sponsor on this as you work through it together. You can't change your past, but you can accept it.


Member:   Scott H
Location: Houston, Tx
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 22:51:09

Comments

Howdy, my name is Scott and I'm an alcoholic. Honesty has had a lot of faces for me in sobriety. When I first sobered up I found that I lied as a matter of habit; I lied about things that didn't matter. At times I would joke that it was necessary to keep in practice incse I didn't make it. Lying is a survival skill to the active alcoholic. Another part of my alcoholism was a failure to come to terms with myself, to grow up, to mature. I have learned in recovery that this is a given with active alcoholism; we don't learn from our experience in complex ways that are called maturing. Essentially I was a ninteen year old in a thirty two year old body. Becomming honest with myself about what I truly wished for and feared, particularly as this led to behavior that attempted to control others is, I believe, what has given me the opportunity to mature. Many of the things I wished for or feared were based on the soul of a nineteen year old; they were remarkably unrealistic. A belief in a God that loved me, the use of acceptance as a tool of recovery and the part about being a sick person getting well (as opposed to a bad person getting good) seem to have brought about a miracle in my life.


Member: terry p
Location: okla.
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 23:35:39

Comments

hi hi, my name is terry i'm an alcoolic, for me honesty is a thing i have to practice, the more i practice it the easier (sp) it is . i had to start with myself first. with the help of HP and a good spons. i continue to improve in this area of my life. this is a good topic,i will be looking in on this meeting more .thanx for being there.


Member: pam l
Location: colorado
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 00:00:23

Comments

hi need help here i'm being stupid i got drunk for 4 days haven't drank for 11 months. how do you sober up now. i'm having a hard time w/ this. don't know what to do. going through dt's bad. anyone have any ideas?


Member: pam l
Location:
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 00:05:38

Comments

my husband works in algeria and 3 people have been killed in 3 weeks i am so worried about him. had to go to a funeral last week of one of the guys from here. left there and went to the liquor store first stop there in 11 months.i haven't had anything to drink since this morning. i called my sponsor and can't get a hold of her.


Member: Katherine C.
Location: Birmingham, AL
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 00:49:13

Comments

Hi. My name is Katherine, and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time at this meeting. It's pretty cool to not be able to sleep in the middle of the night and still feel like you're not alone.

Pam, I understand. You are not stupid. You just have a disease that tells you that you don't have it and is trying to kill you. Being sick and being stupid are two different things. It must be difficult dealing with so much death. I've had to deal with people I love dying, including my father. I know it's tough, but it's also a part of life. Just because we get sober doesn't mean that nothing painful or upsetting will ever happen to me. It has and will continue to. You can still get sober, regardless of what kind of situation you are in, if you're ready.

If you want to get sober, the directions are in the book. Since you've been around for about a year, I'm sure you have a Big Book. Sobering up is not something I could do by myself. I needed God, a sponsor, and a lot of friends in meetings. Sobering up is not just about not drinking. It's also about dealing with life in a different manner than before, because obviously that didn't work.

I don't know you, but I love you anyway.


Member: craig
Location: utopia
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 00:51:19

Comments

Craig D. Hi. Honesty and first things first. LOVE.


Member: Heather M.  
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 01:11:13

Comments

Hi, my name is Heather and I am an alcoholic. I am so grateful to have found this meeting. I am new to the computer world and new to this meeting. I love the topic of Honesty. I am 5+ years sober and am separated from my partner ( not willingly) by a border. Honesty at this point in my sobriety is really hurting emotionally. I have learned in these last years that I must be as honest as I possible can, that is how I stay sober. This situation that we are in now is a serious matter. I don't have the answers. I know I have to do the nest RIGHT thing and leave the rest to my Higher Power. That has always worked in the past and I believe will continue. They told me that the test would come and that I had better be ready. I think I am cause the test is here. I talk a lot with my sponsor because I don't always know what is true and/or honest. She is my reality check!! I am a long way from home but never alone. AA is everywhere, even here. Thank you everyone, for making this meeting possible and thanks for letting me share. Heather.


Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 01:20:25

Comments

Pam, Amy here. I also had a few slips on my road and I learned from them the re-admittance of Step 1. You can do it again! Just go for it but easy does it. Doris, Do not worry about going to dinner parties in Paris and Münich, My husband and I do and we do not drink we are always offered apéros then wine and there is the occasional comment "Why both of you who is driving" and we just smile and say we don`t drink thank you. My husband is a diabetic but mainly does not touch it because of me and as a tasteful swiss does not feel social pressure like I always did. The wild thing is that I enjoy dinner parties more now, I listen instead of yap and not recall it all the next day. No one will care just say "a mineral water would be nice". HONESTY makes it easier, Love, Amy


Member: Marge B
Location: Tucson
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 01:28:38

Comments

Hi friends, Marge here. I just thought I'd drop in for a minute before I went to bed but you really touched something in me Sharon.. I lost my sponsor, Lenette, last September. She had been my sponsor for most of my sobriety. It was horible.. I alternated between numbness and tears and focusing on others so I wouldn't have to cry anymore. I tried hiding in "service work" but just got crazier. I got a new sponsor right away (because I know me well enough to know that I would have isolated) but I just didn't want to get honest with her. It was difficult, using her, in the begining but she did help. She had lost her husband two years ago so she understood grief. She gave me permission to talk about it, get angry, cry, and eventually accept...and somewhere along the way, take care of myself. I still miss Lenette. But it's better today. one of the things I did learn though, Grief is not something I can just work the steps on and get it over with. I had to keep walking and let the process happen. I still am. but I can accept today and I can look at her picture without bursting into tears. I can smile and say thank you for 11 years of unconditional love. We really did have a wonderful time on this path of happy destiny. She probably said "Welcome" to your sponsor when she got to the big meeting in the sky. But, for you Sharon... Trust the process... and keep walking.


Member: Zizi Z.
Location: Raleigh NC
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 07:40:54

Comments

Pam-it's okay-I tried for 2.5 years in and out before this last time 3.5 years ago. I would get periods of sobriety and I didn't understand why I couldn't stay sober. I realize today that this is a life or death disease I have. You can do it-God can help-just stay teachable-I know your pain-hang in there and go to a meeting and get phone numbers of people other than just your sponsor. Email me if you'd like and I will help and support you all I can. The rooms are full of people who would love to share their experience strength and hope with you. Reach out. You and God can do it one day at a time. zzaalouk@unity.ncsu.edu anytime


Member: CHRIS
Location: LONG ISLAND
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 08:47:53

Comments

iM CHRIS AND ILL PASS-THANKS


Member: Annette G.
Location: Cambridge, Ontario
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 13:42:06

Comments

Hello, my name is Annette and I am an alcoholic. This is the first time I have come across this website, and I am thrilled that I found if. I have been reading about Honesty and I believe for me, that God wanted me to be here today. I know I need to get more Honest in my life and will continue to work on it. Thanks for sharing everyone, you helped this drunk out today.


Member: Rena L.
Location:
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 16:31:47

Comments

My name is Rena and I am an alcoholic. I'm learning, one day at a time, to pay attention to my inner voice which pretty well knows what the truth is. This ususally takes getting quiet enough to hear 'cause sometimes she's still scared nobody's listening. If I can be still and listen to my spirit, I've got a chance at doing the next right thing. I have a great home group and they're pretty good at calling me on it when I'm trying to avoid talking my truth.


Member: Catherine L.
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 16:38:09

Comments

Hi Everyone, I'm Catherine and I'm an alcoholic. Thank you so much for the great topic. I gained a lot from reading what you all have shared. It's true, you get exactly what you need in AA. I'm struggling with honestly myself right now and it's all about being honest with myself. I have some fears about hurting others, so it was good to read about the "brutal" honesty. Thanks to Marge for what you said, it really helped me, as all of you have. I spoke with a recovering friend today, and was told to pray about my situation. As always, I can't do this alone.


Member: Jeanne T.
Location: Kansas
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 16:46:00

Comments

Hi! My name is Jeanne and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. First time here. Thanks for being here. Honesty is critical in my recovery. I am like others. When faced with situations that bring about instant fear, my first reaction today is still a dishonest response. Progress for me is as simple as not acting on my first reaction today. Past and present pain still seem to generate a desperate desire to stay sober today. I am able to remember how it really was and know how much worse it would be if I stopped doing the right thing. Having practiced honesty, for a few 24 hours, I know that I am not going to die from it and that things always seem to work out or pass. Having practiced dishonesty for a lot more 24 hours. I know that things get worse, the pain persists and I will die from it, therefore, I ask. No virtue, just a strong desire to stay sober and continue to live a life like I had never dreamed possible. THE AA WAY ROCKS!


Member: Arik P.
Location: Huntington Beach, CA
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 16:58:10

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm an alcoholic and my name is Arik. I'm grateful to be here and I'm only sober today by the grace of God, the program of AA, and people like you- in rooms like these- who have shared your ESH with me. Welcome to anyone who is newer than myself. I want to let you know that the program works and it's been working really good for me one day at a time without the drink for 2,154 days. But who's counting?

I haven't been on this site for quite a while, but wouldn't you know it, the day I decide to hit the meeting, the topic is exactly what I am working on right now. My sponsor gives me written assignments on a regular basis, and this weeks assignment is as follows:

Take a look at Ch5 in the Big Book and chop one of the sentences in half, so that what's left is:. ".......grasping and developing a manner of living which demads rigrous honesty" Next, write what that means to me in my recovery.

I havent started writing yet, but I thought it might ineterest some people here to try this one on for size. Thanks for reading and K.C.B. arik@mds.com


Member: Chris A.
Location: Ft.Myers,Fl.
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 20:56:16

Comments

Hello everybody! My name is Chris and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic.Just celebrated two years YEAH!!!.Before I got sober dishonesty was my way of life. I had used and abused everybody around me so much, it was the only way I could get anything out of anybody.Of course the only thing I WANTED to get from anybody was drink or drugs.

Today life is much different.Today I'm just starting to learn what it's really like to be honest with,most importantly myself,but also with the people around me.Today I know that, if I start slipping back into my dishonest way of life,somethings wrong.I need to QUICK get on my knees and talk to my HP.If that fails to work I need to seek out another alcoholic.And I need to be held accountable by those around me.Thanks for letting me share.

To:Tiffany W.,Reno,N.V. Your life has just begun,again.Keep coming back.


Member: Treasurer
Location: Perry h
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 22:00:50

Comments

Time to "Pass the Hat"

All contributions are used to cover our expenses and carry the message around the world.

Any contributions beyond our expenses that we collect are forwarded to GSO in New York City.

Please mail to Staying Cyber PO Box 392 Minisink Hills PA 18341


Member: Barb C.
Location: West Allis, WI
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 22:11:39

Comments

Hi everyone! My name is Barb and I am an alcoholic. Honesty--now that was something new for me. When I was drinking, my concept of dishonesty was probably along the lines of thievery or the such. Little did I realize at the time that dishonesty was lying to myself. Today, for me, the key is to be honest to myself first. If I am not, it makes it much easier to be dishonest with those around me. I need to remember who I am, strengths and weaknesses. Once I remember that, then I have to accept it. Acceptance of me, makes for an honest me. Without honesty, I will not have the miracle of this program. Thanks for a great topic. Pam-hang in there!! Remember you only have to stay sober for a minute at a time. Once you have done that then do it for another minute. My sponsor, who passed away 5 years ago yesterday, taught me that. It worked for me. Take care and remember you don't have to do it alone. Thank you all for allowing me to grow a little bit today.


Member: Bob
Location: South East. PA
Date: 25 Mar 1998
Time: 01:55:10

Comments

Hi Pam - I suggest that you get up from your keyboard and attend live meetings where you look eyeball to eyeball with another drunk where you can share experience, strength, and hope with each other. There is something about hearing and seeing the emotions when people share that seems to help with the true meaning of one drunk helpling another stay sober one day at a time. There is no guarantees that any of us won't drink tomorrow. We can only help each other on a day to day basis. Try it and then share with us how it works for you. For me it works just fine.


Member: Suzanne S.
Location: Ketchikan, AK
Date: 25 Mar 1998
Time: 16:39:43

Comments

Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my name is Suzanne. I am new on the web and of course the topic is one I need to hear. When I came to Alcoholics Anonymous I knew nothing about honesty. Because of the Big Book, both sides of sponsorship, and people like you I now know more. Today I know "it is not my intentions that count-it is my motives and actions." My motives are my guide to gut level honesty and that as Bill said is "The Language of the Heart."


Member: Marla, P.
Location: Austin, tx
Date: 25 Mar 1998
Time: 16:52:06

Comments

I just celebrated 13 years sober last week. Honesty is easier, the fog has cleared alot--but my self-deception is still a powerful force of my alcoholic nature. My daily third step prayer really helps. I always thank God for keeping me sober and I ask that he guide my thinking and that he give me willingness to act the way HE wants me to act all day long. My own actions are the only things I have power over. When my behavior reflects the kind of person God would have me be--I go to bed clean and happy. No shame, nothing to hide.


Member: chris d.
Location: dover, ohio
Date: 25 Mar 1998
Time: 17:10:25

Comments

hi, my name is chris d. and i'm a grateful recovering alcoholic and addict. i just found this site and i've read every comment. you all are wonderful and to the other chris, i hope you are feeling better. all i can really say about honesty is that it was the hardest thing to learn and my life has been much happier and far less complicated since i have. i would love to take more time to comment, but my home group meets tonite and i'm on coffee duty this month so i have to go. be assured that i shall return to read the rest of the comments on friday. thanx for listening (or reading i guess!)


Member: steve f
Location: Mt. pleasant MI
Date: 25 Mar 1998
Time: 21:04:18

Comments

Hi I am Steve and I am an alocholic. What a topic, It is one that I need to here. I am about to celebrate my five year birthday and it feels great. But I could not have done it without people like you. When I think of honesty I think of the third step. I turned my will over to God and by his power have had the privlege to stay sober by his grace. For me honesty is something that I had a real problem with when I was drinking I pretty much stole everything for drugs or alcohol. Sorry I am probley rambling on but this is my first time on the internet and am so grateful to have found you.


Member: steve f
Location: Mt. pleasant MI
Date: 25 Mar 1998
Time: 21:04:43

Comments

Hi I am Steve and I am an alocholic. What a topic, It is one that I need to here. I am about to celebrate my five year birthday and it feels great. But I could not have done it without people like you. When I think of honesty I think of the third step. I turned my will over to God and by his power have had the privlege to stay sober by his grace. For me honesty is something that I had a real problem with when I was drinking I pretty much stole everything for drugs or alcohol. Sorry I am probley rambling on but this is my first time on the internet and am so grateful to have found you.


Member: steve f
Location: Mt. pleasant MI
Date: 25 Mar 1998
Time: 21:05:11

Comments

Hi I am Steve and I am an alocholic. What a topic, It is one that I need to here. I am about to celebrate my five year birthday and it feels great. But I could not have done it without people like you. When I think of honesty I think of the third step. I turned my will over to God and by his power have had the privlege to stay sober by his grace. For me honesty is something that I had a real problem with when I was drinking I pretty much stole everything for drugs or alcohol. Sorry I am probley rambling on but this is my first time on the internet and am so grateful to have found you.


Member: steve f
Location: Mt. pleasant MI
Date: 25 Mar 1998
Time: 21:05:44

Comments

Hi I am Steve and I am an alocholic. What a topic, It is one that I need to here. I am about to celebrate my five year birthday and it feels great. But I could not have done it without people like you. When I think of honesty I think of the third step. I turned my will over to God and by his power have had the privlege to stay sober by his grace. For me honesty is something that I had a real problem with when I was drinking I pretty much stole everything for drugs or alcohol. Sorry I am probley rambling on but this is my first time on the internet and am so grateful to have found you.


Member: Mark D.
Location: Maine
Date: 25 Mar 1998
Time: 21:27:46

Comments

Glad to be here, my name is Mark, and have finally become honest enough to admit that I AM AN ALCHOHOLIC! Tonite was the first time at a meeting that I said that, it wasn't easy. I always thought I could just stop, everyone else had a problem, not me. Tonite was my turn. I almost broke down in tears, but pulled through. I have decided to begin my 90-meetings-in-90-days thing. I have to do this, I don't want to hit rock bottom, time to help myself. Glad this place is here, the inspirational words have helped over the past few days to be honest with myself and loved ones. Good luck to me. Adios.


Member: W.T.
Location:
Date: 25 Mar 1998
Time: 21:59:21

Comments

GETTING HONEST ABOUT MY IGNORANCE HAS FORCED ME TO LEARN HOW TO LISTEN. I DID NOT KNOW WHAT I WAS UP AGAINST,i DID NOT HAVE A WORKING DEFINITION OF ADDICTION,INSANITY,ECT. I NEEDED TO KNOW WHERE TO START.WHAT I DIDN`T KNOW WAS THAT I COULDN`T COMUNICATE MY PAIN,I HAD TO BE TAUGHT,SLOWLY. GETTING HONEST ABOUT MY ANGER,HOSTILITY AND SELF DEFEATING ACTIVITIES WAS VERY PAINFUL TO EXPERIENCE AS A NEWCOMER.IN ORDER TO HAVE A CHANCE TO LEARN WHAT REOVERY WAS ABOUT,I HAD TO LEARN TO FEEL MY OWN PAIN AS OPPOSED TO SPREADING IT AROUND IN A DESPARATE ATTEMPT TO NOT FEEL ... .


Member: terry c
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 25 Mar 1998
Time: 23:17:46

Comments

Hi everyone. My name is Terry and I'm a recovering alcholic. Wow! What a trip to be sending this to people I can't see. Yea, it's my first time on the net. I love the topic of honesty. I always thought I was honest. I was taught to not lie, cheat or steal, and put myself a little above the average drunk because I was so righteous! Right! What a revelation it was to find out I didn't have any honesty in my life. Isn't that part of the "delusion"? I'm better today on being honest with myself and others, but I in no way have it figured out. By turning my life and will over to the care of God everyday it's like putting gas in the tank. It's a freedom that I never experienced...no more having to keep up with what I told him or her, or dreading having to look a person in the face that I lied to. I'm sure somewhere on my forehead is a big neon sign that says LIAR. I love being able to look a person square in the eye. I notice today when someone can't make eye contact...bet they could with me in the past. Thanks for letting me share and reminding me that I haven't always had this freedom


Member: Pat R.
Location: Biloxi,MS.
Date: 26 Mar 1998
Time: 00:52:03

Comments

Well what a meeting .I heard a lot of great stuff. It always gets me when I hear someone strugling with step one.A loved one along ways away possibly in a dangerous place.Losing a job , a girlfriend, children being taken away by the state,car smashed or sold for more booze and.....!I guess I had to go through all that before I was able to see thatno matter how hard I tried to be non alcoholic ,once I picked up the bottle I couldn't stop.It allways got worse never better.The first time I read " More about Alcoholism" I got this terrible feeling of revulsion in my gut.I had to go out and try it again many times.In the beginning I only had to get Honest about one thing. That I was anAlcoholic and my life was unmanageable. What a relief that was. since that day 4/16/91 I have found myself in almost all the diferent stages of Honesty or Dishonesty if you will that I have read in all the previous letters. I don't have any answer other than "If I don't take a drink today and practice these principles about which I will never stop learning I have agreat shot a becoming Honest...I'm not the Man I would yet like to be but I'm a long long way from the guy who walked inthe the door.I can't forget that one drink will take me back to the way I used to be.This is a great place,Thanks for letting me ramble


Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 26 Mar 1998
Time: 04:32:54

Comments

Mark D. Here`s virtual applause fir taking the first step and being honest with yourself, making a vow about the 90 in 90. You Go Dude! Amy


Member: Rob B.
Location: Co. Springs
Date: 26 Mar 1998
Time: 18:24:46

Comments

Hi, I'm an alcoholic, my name is Rob. What a great topic. Just what I needed to talk about. Last night at my home group I admitted I had drank and couldn't face the group and tell anyone. I had a sponsor from a different group that I never utilized, always lying to anyone that would listen.(How do you know when an alco- holic is lying? When his lips are moving)Well, I finally _really_ committed to my program, that meant telling my wife, my oldest child, getting a sponsor that I am attracted to, and getting a new desire chip. Man, watta' load off! People at the meeting told me I didn't hurt anyone there, I had only hurt myself. I never looked at it that way, it really opened my eyes.

Dishonesty has become a way of life for me. It was always too easy to lie, cheat and steal. I see my family all around me, wanting to get to know me, but of course I could never let them in cause' if _I_ didn't like what I saw, how could they? So, the slate is clean and it feels super.

The people around me are so full of love, but I would never let that happen to me. Self. That's what a lot of my problems boiled down to. So, I now am gonna' do the Steps for the first time, after being around for awhile. My new sponsor will help me get through them, for the first time I am actually eager to begin, quite unlike before. Great forum for those of us who can't make a meeting during work, Thanks!


Member: Scott H
Location: Houston, Texas
Date: 26 Mar 1998
Time: 21:02:50

Comments

Hi, I'm Scott and Iam an alcoholic. For the new comers; the honesty of saying that you are an alconolic does an amazing thing to you. From that point on the part of you that stays in the back of your mind tells you that you have a problem will have a stronger place to stand compared to the part of you that says that alcohol is a solution. If you do drink again you will hear that voice telling you that you are relapsing, and that relapse is a problem. This can really mess up a good drunk. This is the essence of a good first step.


Member: Rob
Location: Toronto
Date: 26 Mar 1998
Time: 21:33:22

Comments

Hello, my Name is Rob. I am not new at AA but have been unable to quit for any more than 5 or 6 days, to a max. of 30 days.I wonder If I am missing anything, yet I can always feels the miserable stage of intoxication. Why would I do this?


Member: Mark D
Location: Maine
Date: 26 Mar 1998
Time: 21:40:34

Comments

Hey everyone, I am Mark and I am an alcoholic. My third day of open sobriety. First step . . . learn the correct spelling of the word alcoholic. Today is harder than yesterday, trying to gather some strength. Just home from a meeting, third in a row. Honesty finally led me here, honesty will keep me here. Thanks Amy for that round of applause. Trying to learn to listen, this place helps. Till next time...


Member: Mike C
Location: Pakistan
Date: 26 Mar 1998
Time: 22:33:25

Comments

Hang on in Mark ! If we don't take that first one TODAY we'll never take it because it's always TODAY. I've just found this site and actually at the moment I'm having to be very honest with myself about my situation here and future plans. A lot of letting go-let God. It's not the first time that 'rigorous' self-honesty has been necessary in my 'sober' life,but I must remember to keep it on a daily basis it's so easy to forget! Hope to contribute more thank you everybody for being here.


Member: Brenda E.
Location: Colorado
Date: 26 Mar 1998
Time: 23:30:25

Comments

Honesty is a great topic. Ffor me I had to learn how to be honest with yself before I could get honest with you. The book tells me that I need to take an honest and thorough inventory of myself. Honesty is the best poliy. I don't beleive that I am honest all the time but I strive for progress, one day at a time.


Member: Brenda E.
Location: Colorado
Date: 26 Mar 1998
Time: 23:31:46

Comments

Honesty is a great topic. Ffor me I had to learn how to be honest with yself before I could get honest with you. The book tells me that I need to take an honest and thorough inventory of myself. Honesty is the best poliy. I don't beleive that I am honest all the time but I strive for progress, one day at a time.


Member: Brenda E.
Location: Colorado
Date: 26 Mar 1998
Time: 23:32:27

Comments

Honesty is a great topic. Ffor me I had to learn how to be honest with yself before I could get honest with you. The book tells me that I need to take an honest and thorough inventory of myself. Honesty is the best poliy. I don't beleive that I am honest all the time but I strive for progress, one day at a time.


Member: Mark S.
Location: Cleveland
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 01:25:53

Comments

Hi Rob, I'm Mark and I'm a real alcoholic. Sorry to hear you're having problems with the booze. You say you're not new to AA. Many people have troubles such as yours. They say it's a simple program. They don't say it's easy. You may have undiagnosed problems in addition to alcoholism.

I am dual diagnosed, myself. What I know is that I had to work on my alcoholism before I could work on my other problem (post traumatic stress disorder)

What worked the best for me was meetings. I did the 90 meetings in 90 days. I found that I had to move to action (meetings, particpation, making coffee etc) in order to get well. My action for tonight will be to pray for you. I don't know you but we're kin.

Love,

Mark S.


Member: Brent H.
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 03:28:45

Comments

Hi,everybody- my name is Brent and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. I am a little over 13 years sober but today is the first time or day that I discovered this ongoing AA Meeting on the net. I think it's absolut phantastic, what an idea to have a 7 day 24 hour meeting or whatever exactly the length is....! To the topic honesty, which is a very important pillar of successful sobriety, I would like to share, that to the outside world sometimes honesty is a little less radically practised by me than towards myself. Like for example today I discovered this meeting while at work and my boss sure would not have appreciated it if he had found out that I was actually in an AA Meeting while being on the clock. But like with the principal of anonymity, the "normis" don't always have to know everything....right?! Anyway, keep up the good work and welcome to the newcomers, ... Thanks for letting me share. "to thy ownself be true" as it says on our annivesary coins is the main thing- that I don'y lie to myself and to my real close AA Friends and Family


Member: rich  e.
Location: boynton  bch.  fl.
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 08:58:00

Comments

honesty is certainly a good topic and for me it changes constantly , and in every area of my life. this morning i need to say that i am hurting and scared. my mom was put in a nursing home yesterday and diagnosed with alzheimers. she remembers no one, and it`s really hard to grasp or accept. in being honest , i needed to say that i am scared and hurting , rather than saying i`m ok or spouting off. thank you all for being here and letting me share. rich e.


Member: rich  e.
Location: boynton  bch.  fl.
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 09:08:26

Comments

honesty is certainly a good topic and for me it changes constantly , and in every area of my life. this morning i need to say that i am hurting and scared. my mom was put in a nursing home yesterday and diagnosed with alzheimers. she remembers no one, and it`s really hard to grasp or accept. in being honest , i needed to say that i am scared and hurting , rather than saying i`m ok or spouting off. thank you all for being here and letting me share. rich e.


Member: Sashya C.
Location: Carroll, Ia
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 13:33:35

Comments

Hi, I am Sashya and I am an alcoholic and addict.

Honesty...that is a tough one. I haven't been completely honest with myself or anyone else since as long as I can remeber, It was a defense mech. for me. I noticed some lady earlier mention that she went through a lot of kinds of abuse when she was a child. I too learned to be dishonest as a way to protect myself. I am going thru the process of hanging those old skeletons from my closets out to dry. It is ironic to me that the longer I run away from those ghost, how much more frightening they become. I find myself intellectualizing my way thru my "survivor" meetings, and abuse counselling meetings. I have made a commitment to myself today, though, that I will get honest with my counselor at my next session. I am just afraid that if I open up that can of worms, I'm sure I won't like what I find at the bottom. But, it is something I have to do in order to stay sober and contiue to grow spiritually.

I have a couple of sponsors, and they are both very good. And then I have a couple of mentors who have been thru the abuse to. I have learned that honesty comes right along with learning to trust again. I didn't trust myself before, how could I trust anyone else? Being in this program, I have survived thru "tests" and situations without relapsing, and that has helped me learn to trust myself again. Somedays, after talking to my abuse counsellor I just want to bite my kids' heads off, but I bite my tounge instead and say a serenity prayer. This has helped me learn to trust myself again, too. I know that what I am going thru is not their fault.

I want to say God Bless to all of the newcomers, and to those of you who are struggling. Please, just take it one hour at a time (If that helps), and lean on others in the program and your HP for strength. You don't have to do this alone! Your sister in Christ, Sashya


Member: Michael B.
Location: Northridge, CA
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 13:44:04

Comments

Hi, I am Michael and I am alcoholic and addict. Honesty? That's a heavy topic,ya know. I only have been sober for 34 days, and I have realized a lot of stuff in the past month. I am not sure if I should be truly honest with everyone. It's a scary thing, this blind leap of faith. That's how I see it, because I am not sure what will happen next. My roommate . . . he is a user and I don't know how I can approach to him. I've talked to my sponsor and he said to be honest with him. That's a toughie, because he is (or was, for all i know) my best friend. That's what I am weighing... my sobriety or our friendship. I am not looking forward to have this honest heart to heart talk with him. Not to be too cliched or anything, but Honesty is the best policy.

One thing for sure: Thank God for A.A.!


Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 15:49:01

Comments

Keep hanging in there Mark, eat a lot, talk to any a nd all friends and relatives that do not make you angry for company or aa members if you have met any up there in Maine (I wonder if is as cold there as here). We`ve all been there, easy does it, Amy


Member: Anne M.
Location: Northglenn, CO
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 16:03:11

Comments

Hi my name is Anne and I am very greatful to be sober today. I have been sober for 4 years + and I still feel as if a great deal of my life is dishonest. I still am living a somewhat double life. It looks nice on the outside but inside I am dying. I have not been active in AA for the last two years. We moved and I just never hooked up with a group in our new area. I have not been particularly honest with myself. I think I have not been drinking through the grace of God, and my two small children. I have been on one long dry drunk though, and it is time for me to take an honest look at myself. I realize that even with some sober time behind me I cannot do this alone. I find myself slipping into old behaviors and I know where this will eventually lead. I have to stop living this lie and admit that I need help. My husband has not been so lucky, he continues to drink. I know that I am not too far behind if I don't do something. This is the honest truth and it is very hard to swallow. Thank you for letting me share.


Member: Vickey P.
Location: Cypress, CA
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 19:31:13

Comments

Hi, I'm Vickey and I'm an alcoholic. I first came into the rooms of AA in Aug. of '89, but one and a half years later went out over a resentment in a fit of anger. About a year later came crawling back, tail tucked, feeling very humble. Now, this month I've changed my sobriety date -- not because I drank but because I was "using" Rx pain killers that the Dr. gave me for my back, but I wasn't using them HONESTLY, and wasn't using them the way they were intended. I had a sobriety birthday coming up June 14 but, had I taken a 6 year chip, I would have felt very dishonest. Deep inside I knew I didn't deserve a 6 year chip. This is real growth for me (although the whole episode was very embarrassing!). Two good things came out of it -- I became much better acquainted with honesty, and I got a new sponsor! My whole life I've never had a problem with "cash register" honesty. That was easy; however, honesty about myself and my feelings was nearly impossible. Early in life I learned that if I was honest about how I felt I would be vulnerable to attack and to problems and pain. Never wanting to feel pain, I went to great lengths to "cover up" so that I wouldn't have to feel. But this was at the cost of honesty. I became a very dishonest person. I finally got to the point where I couldn't go on as I had been. I just couldn't feign 6 years sobriety knowing what I knew about myself. I feel much better now. The Program really works!


Member: Bill P.
Location: Placitas, New Mexico
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 19:39:44

Comments

Hi, my name is Bill and I am an alcoholic addict. Pam, Rob, and Anne; are you still here? I hope so.

There is so much more to recovery than what I hear you saying you have done. It is about going to meetings, working the steps, and having a sponsor. It is about the fellowship that happens within and outside of the rooms and halls of A.A.. If what you have been doing hasn't gotten you where you want to be try doing it more or try doing it differently. Just keep trying and keep showing up.

For my self being honest is sometimes hard to do. Sometimes it means facing that I must change, that things that I want to be one way are really another. At these times, like right now, I turn my will and my life over to my H.P.. Often times I do not know what the real truth is and maybe I never will. I am grateful I am sober today and not living the way I used to. Today may not be the greatest but at leat I stand a better chance sober than I did drunk and drugged.

Yours in fellowship, Bill P.


Member: Mark D
Location: Maine
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 20:24:58

Comments

Still at the beginning of my 90 in 90. 4 down, 86 to go. Hi everyone, my Name is Mark and I an an alcoholic. Last weekend reading the comments here about honesty helped push, more like nudge me, to admit that I am powerless over the drink. Have been for close to 4 years, maybe even 5. Having not drank in the past couple weeks has even become harder now that I have admitted to myself that I have one hell of a prob. I need a sponsor and as I go to various meetings, I am trying to find the group that is right for me, but I don't want to wait too long. Don't mean to take up everyones time with my rabbling, it is helping me to do this. Just back from a meeting where there were many "old timers", people celebrating 20 years of sobriety and the such. Gives me hope. I want to find my true self again as many of them have. No doubt I will be back again to this same spot, this same channel during the weekend, (Amy, 75 degrees F today in Maine a new record! Skiing won't last much longer.)


Member: mary w.
Location: KISS in Ks
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 23:42:58

Comments

hi everyone, my name is mary and i am an alcoholic/ addict. RICH. i feel for you, my mom has parkinsons and it is so hard to watch the woman who was 10 feet tall and bulletproof turn into a weak old lady, and to have our roles reversed... the one thing i can do to help this is not to drink today. it won't change the diagnosis, and it won't make me numb enough... and mom needs us. alzhemiers is a cruel disease especially to the survivors. i'll pray for you. as to the topic, this is honesty to me .... the ability to open up, and to share the painful realities. when i drank, i hid from all of that emotions stuff. denial was easier, and liquor was quicker. i stuffed so many feelings. pam1 glad to see you back again . i hope you can stick around. it really does work if you work it.


Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Ore
Date: 28 Mar 1998
Time: 22:29:27

Comments

Hi there, I'm Doris in the N W and I am an alcoholic. Rob in Toronto, you keep doing this cause you're an alcoholic and you have a disease. You probably have not taken the first step yet and maybe you are going to need to check into a rehab in order to get the kind of support and tools you are going to need to stay away from the drink. I just want to say that I wish you well and I will keep you in my prayers. Sashya: So, my dear, you are afraid to open that can of worms. I want you to know that you have been on my mind a lot since I read your entry. I opened that can of worms a number of years ago and I have been very glad I did ever since. I still have trouble with the complete honosty and with some of the stress and tension I had to learn to survive but it is a lot better than it was the first 34 years of my life. When I left re-hab one of the counselors said to all of us" What do you want to do the most now that you are sober and working a program of honosty? All that I could think of was that I wanted to learn to "relax" , really "Relax" he than said, "that is your last assignment" and it has taken me 15 months but I am getting there. AND! making friends with God and myself is what is doing it. But! I do have a long ways to go.At least now I am on my way and I'm not just "stuck" anymore. I wish you well as well Sashya. I'll be asking about you on this line again some time. God Bless you and this program of honosty. D H