Member: HEY!
Location:
Date: 3/12/00
Time: 11:00:39 PM

Comments

Can we please start a new week with a new topic!!! This is boring! Let's talk about Honesty.


Member: David T.
Location: New Orleans
Date: 3/12/00
Time: 11:56:42 PM

Comments

David T.

There's a topic to shut down a meeting. Most of us have spent the better part of our lives hiding from the truth. I do find my life is much easier if I don't lie, however. No more remembering who I told what to and hoping that people that I told conflicting lies to never meet. I just need to remember that honesty starts with me. If I tell myself the same old lies, I can't tell anyone else the truth. Sort of like love. I have to love me in order to love others.


Member: Carol C.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 7:06:30 AM

Comments

Hi Carol Alcoholic Honesty is a good topic. It can be a hard thing to learn though. I remember living in fear that someone would find out I was lieing. I was a good liar too. Now if I'm tempted to stretch the truth I feel very uncomfortable. Sometimes it can be hard to tell the truth especially to my spouse about how I'm feeling about something. I've learned if I speak the truth I feel so much better and people usually are ok with however I'm feeling and the relief I feel with expressing honestly what's going on is amazing.

Thank you and everyone have a great week.


Member: Dave B
Location: Port Moresby
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 7:23:32 AM

Comments

Hi, My name is Dave and I am a Alcoholic. It has been good reading everybodies input. This is my first meeting on the Inter. I live, through choice of occupation in a remote area and we only manage 1 meeting a week, on a Sat. morn. and quite HONESTLY I am finding that hard. The country I live does not have many other meetings and the 4 of us who attend the Sat group move around a bit during the week so there is not alot of good solid aa contact. I have just read something that I can relate to and I feel so much more relaxed or perhaps I have let go of todays load. "To thine own self be true" - Thanx, "You have to love yourself before you can love someone else" - yeah. Honestly Dave do your own stuff, do not interfere and the you and the rest of the world will be so much better off. Thanx to one and all out there I am Grateful, I feel like I may sleep well now, goodnight.


Member: Mike L.
Location: Minnesota, USA
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 9:09:11 AM

Comments

Good Topic...Honesty...sheesh!

When I was drinking, I had a reputation for "getting honest". That being the stage of drunken stupidity when I decided to voice my opinions on anything and everybody. I figured it was a good thing...No matter how BRUTAL I became.

It's kind of a different deal for me now. I try to stay as honest as I can with people, but "head/gut-check" myself before I voice anything to make sure it is out of caring and trying to help, rather than to make me look or feel better. I don't necessarily pull punches, but I try to remember that a lot of recovering people, including ME, are on a hair trigger sometimes...I try to temper my honesty with TACT. With it, honesty can be constructive - Without it, it can sometimes be pretty brutal.

Peace, Mike L. Alky of Da North


Member: Dana Willis
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 9:27:07 AM

Comments

While we demand that other people think we are important, we suffer because our happiness is then in their hands.

That is my honesty. I used to look to people on the outside to validate me and make me feel important all the while not knowing that I was giving them control over me. I never met up to what I thought that expectation was so I always ended up drunk. Today I am just me and the truth is that being important is nothing more than trying to boost this enormous ego of mine. Today I don't care what others perceive me to be or not to be because to me I am the BEST! That took me a long to time to say and believe about myself but through self honesty I was able to come to face that reality. No one controls me today and I am much happier for it.


Member: Kat L.
Location: Austin, TX, USA
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 11:09:46 AM

Comments

Hi. This is the first time for me here at a "web meeting". What a wonderful idea - a meeting any time we need it :-)

I read Vicki C.'s share with nine years of sobriety and boy do I relate! It seems we start with "cash register honesty" and (hopefully) progress to self-honesty, one baby step at a time. What I've learned in my own process is that God helps me to reveal to me only as much as "we" (me and God) can handle at any particular time. Recovery is a process, and sometimes a painful one - we peel the onion one layer at a time. I've certainly gotten off track several times in my almost 15 years around AA, and that was my doing. But even when I'm "walking the walk" it seems that there is a power greater than me running the show - and it helps me to remember that there are no mistakes in God's Universe (yep, even me!), that all things are in perfect order, and whatever is happening in my life is happening FOR me - not TO me. The surrender to those principles, for me, has taken the self-honesty to admit my own powerless to people, places, things, my own recovery, etc., etc. Courage was the deal. I am grateful to you folks in AA who continually remind me of these principles - you have saved my life.


Member: Irene
Location: Maine, USA
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 3:24:48 PM

Comments

Irene, alcoholic. Thanks everyone for sharing. It's great to see such good attendance at an AA meeting. What was told to me at Beginners' meetings was that it was important for me to be honest about my drinking; if I could do that, I would learn the truth about where alcohol took me and I would be able to take Step One. It works if I work it.


Member: Joy P.
Location: Il
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 4:25:44 PM

Comments

HI I'm Joy a learning drunk, live and let live has been a hard lesson for me to learn,I'm a jealouse and posssive person, this makes it hard for me to trust or believe in others. I know it is my own defect but every day I have to step back and say let God handle other you need to keep working on you today . This seems to be helping my relationship with my spouce,and children. Today am thankful to be sober and growing. Gods will and way today,not mine.


Member: Robbie R.
Location: Yo! News Joisy"
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 4:25:49 PM

Comments

Hi AAers, Robbie Alcoholic. First time here and wouldn't ya know the topic is just what I needed to see. I am fortunate to be able to work with others afflicted with our disease at my workplace and our topic tomorrow is honesty and truth. This Thurs I'll be sober for 14 years by God's grace...and a decision I made 14yrs ago to get honest. The steps are my path to true freedom because each one challenges me to a greater depth of truth and honesty. I found that when I "fudged" on any one of them, I was setting myself up to believe the "lie that starts it all"...."I can have just one, It'll be different this time...etc..." Being honest doesn't mean being spiteful, boastful, better than, or "purer" than others (to me). Today it means I can be free from the bondage of myself. If you're new or coming back...WAY TO GO!! Welcome home!! You have made a decision to get honest. Get so honest it hurts to tell a lie...for in truth(I believe) is a power far greater than any human power I have experienced and by letting go of my attatchments, resentments, and fears can the true power of the One (who I choose to call God)freely flow through me. I have found this sometimes causes "disruption" in those around me who live in lies because they see a reflection of themselves they do not want to see...so they get angry and start to point their finger in pain....bless them, pray for them...again and again and again...and soon (as I have found through experience) freedom has reined through knowing and living truth. And the cool thing is we don't have to do this ALONE!!! The power of the steps and the fellowship of AA PROMISE to keep you sober and lead you to a better life...all I had to do was exercise a powerful tool I have had all along...the power of choice. Will this next thought, belief, or act lead me to the kind of sober life I desire? Am I making an HONEST choice or one covered with a thin veil of deceit or white lies? What do I choose? I know what my answer is!!!


Member: Shelli S
Location: Northern CA
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 5:30:48 PM

Comments

Hi! Shelli here alcholic, spent the morning trying to get here and honestly I can say I am now very frusted. But I made it and wanted to comment on this honesty topic because when I had 7 years sober my ex thought it was time for him to get honest. I have never in my life hit such an emotional bottom drunk or sober. As a result although I did not drink nor did I comment suicide I did start smokin pot again, two years later I once again had a moment of clarity and got clean one more time I also got divorced. Today I truely believe that we do not have the right to clear our consciences at the expense or anothers emotional well being. He to was in the program at the time. Honesty can do harm just as much as good and the 9th step clearly tells us how and when to be honest. I strongly believe that working an honest program is the only way I have been able to live sober life. I'm really happy to see I'm not the only newcomer here. Grateful I found you again. SS


Member: Bob H
Location: South Bend ,Indiana
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 7:23:16 PM

Comments

Hi Bob alcoholic, thank you all for being here for me because it takes people like you to help me remember who i am and what i am that is the first thing i want to be honest with you about. And as long as i come to these meetings my awarness about honesty and myself honesty improves. Thank God and tis program i ahve the abilty tto be honest with you all about this .


Member: ds
Location: us
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 9:04:18 PM

Comments

i think we need a new chair person


Member: Justin H
Location: Oregon
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 9:34:34 PM

Comments

Hello Everyone, My name is Justin and I'm alcoholic. I am 24 and I've been drinking since I was fifteen. This isn't the first time I've tried getting sober, but this has got to be my last time of doing this - I'm burnt out and I can't put the people in my life whom I love, or myself through another de-tox. I have seven days of continuous sobriety today, which I am proud of. I have been having very vivid dreams this time around; I've actually woken myself up screaming aloud! Is this "normal?" It is very scary getting clean because I was so used to numbing myself up for whatever excuse or reason I could come up with and I was so selfish; the only thing that mattered to me was that feeling of being oblivious to everything/everyone around me. I currently have a temporary sponsor who is very supportive. She is encouraging me to get to more "physical" meetings, but I'm really scared that I will not be able to find a meeting that I will feel comfortable in. I took a friend with me to a meeting last week; that was the first one I had been to since December - it was a bit overwhelming to say the least! I do know though that when I had four months of continuous sobriety (last year), I was going to meetings several times a week. I stopped going and started drinking again. AA does work if given a chance I know this... it just takes time. I tend to take longer than most at getting used to or comfortable with new situations and people, but that's okay because it is progress - slow but sure. Thanks for letting me share!


Member: Tacey C.
Location: Arizona
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 10:43:45 PM

Comments

Hi. My name is Tacey and I'm an alcoholic. As usual, a perfect topic for me. Live and Let Live. I just posted on the coffepot how I was so angry at my ex-husband for his behavior last night with my children. Let's see. I trusted him to do right and he didn't. Well, he is not sober and clean. He went out after 13 years of sobriety 18 months ago. He lies and cheats. He has lost all that we accumulated over the years. He is in terrible health and looks like crap. And, I expect him to be able to be a father to our kids. I am angry at myself. For trusting him and doing what I knew was not smart. I made a decision that I need to just cut ties with him. He is too sick and I am too sick. I can let him live his life, but, I cannot have him bringing that lifestyle into my world and my kids' world. I have worked too hard to break the cycle in my family and I will not allow him to bring it into our lives. I also don't know how to let go without anger. I almost hate to admit that I've been sober over 17 years and am still so handicapped with character defects and still making such horrendous choices. I just can't seem to accept that this man that I was with for 12 years is a lying, cheating, selfish drunk. All I can say is thank-you, God,for my sobriety and for my wonderful children who sustain me. I thank God for our safety and that nothing bad happened last night. Thanks for listening.


Member: sky writer
Location: alberta
Date: 3/13/00
Time: 11:54:13 PM

Comments

Hi my name is doug and i am an alcoholic. Good topic of being Live and Let Live. The only problem with that is that i am not doing it. I am still hanging on to the hope that I can still get my marriage back. It is really funny how and when we drunks sober up things we hope will get better but they don't. I have been a drinker for many years but really heavy in the last 3 i guess it took me to hit that rock bottom before i sought some help but then again my ex change the locks handed me a divorce and told me if i didn't dry out i would never see my kids again so i did dry out for three weeks in a facility and now i have been sober for 8 months. I now can see my kids every second weekend and i have to start all over again I lost the house the 50,000 a year job and all the worldly poss. I do resent my ex alot still and that is why i need to do my step 4 and learn to live and let live and as for my ending to this note i have to say thanks M for I might be now divorced but i am sober. and through all my freinds in the program and God I can do it one day at a time

see ya all next week

Doug


Member: Hey!
Location:
Date: 3/14/00
Time: 12:20:54 AM

Comments

The topic was changed to Honesty!!! We did Live and Let live for a full week already. It is time to let go and get on with another topic please. HONESTY.....


Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 3/14/00
Time: 5:39:59 AM

Comments

My name is JC and Iím an alcoholic.

Hey, thanks for the topic (lol)!!! (((Robbie))) happy 14th AAniversary!!!

I HAVE TO be honest towards the others, Iím a very bad lier and cheater, so lying would only bring me more questions and a feeling of uneasiness Iíd rather live without. But the most important thing is I have to be honest with myself. If I ainít, I pretty soon feel uncomfortable. The purpose of my sobriety being to live happy joyous and free, thatís a luxury I canít afford (not too long at least).

Thanks for letting me share. jctoller@hotmail.com / ICQ 36308407


Member: Lynn S
Location: OR
Date: 3/14/00
Time: 6:52:03 AM

Comments

I'm Lynn and alcoholic. I heard a phrase at a meeting one day, called, "cash register honesty" I use to be a cashier back before they had the machines like they do now-and we had to account for every penny at the end of the day. So I understood very well what that meant in my program. I try not to let a day slip by-that I haven't asked myself why I did something that I knew wasn't right or said something stupid trying to please somebody else. I've learned through that process to confront myself on issues like jealousy, greed, selfishness, envy, self-esteem and it has helped me to keep a daily inventory going pretty well. I have also learned not to use honesty as a club and hit other people over the head with it. But that process has taken some time-I don't do this perfectly every day, but I get better at it all the time. One giant step forward and one step backward, that's what is so wonderful about this program. "To thine own self be true and thou canst be false to any man." Thanks for being here.


Member: Joy P.
Location: IL
Date: 3/14/00
Time: 8:54:14 AM

Comments

Hi,I'm Joy I'm an alcoholic, Honesty is the hardest word in the world for me... I feel like Fonzy tring to say s s s s (sorry) on the old happy days show. I can lie to make my way.To feel self-pity.to justify anything.Last night with the grace of Gods help I was able to be very honest with someone I care deeply for, the problem comes how will i be honest about this to others. God has been granting me the ablity to be honest with myself lately I keep praying for the courage to live an honest life...and it is happening a little at a time.Thanks for listening.


Member: Tom M
Location: Homosassa, Fl
Date: 3/14/00
Time: 9:52:26 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Tom M and I am an alcholic. Honesty is a good topic. It wasn't until I became honest with myself could I begin to work a recovery program.Once I could honestly say I was powerless over alchol and that I needed help could I begin to start recovering. But I only had to do this one day at a time. Once I was able to do this, things started to change.


Member: Steve G
Location: USA
Date: 3/14/00
Time: 9:56:42 AM

Comments

Good Morning! I,m Steve recovering alchoholic.

It,s nice to have a places to share my struggle with sobriety. After 11 years sober I never was HONEST with myself and held on to all of my old resentments and attitudes. Being honest with myself and others, should help me along my journey. Its good to be connected. Thanks AA


Member: Sarah D
Location: Boston
Date: 3/14/00
Time: 12:36:45 PM

Comments

Hi, all. Sarah D here, alcoholic.

Honesty.

When I think of honesty I think of 9 days ago when I finally spoke up and told those nearest and dearest to me that I am an alcoholic. Step one, admitting you have a problem, step two, looking at the absolute insanity surrounding the way we look at booze and recognizing it at such. Not an easy thing to do, but can be a fun share at an AA meeting. That's what we worked ourselves into last night. Stories about disposing the empty bottles in such a way that noone would see them. Breaking into the vodka and filling it up with water. Hiding our stash so no one could keep track. Drinking at home, alone, so no one could see.

HONESTLY, is that SANE?

Thanks for letting me share.

Peace and another 24 - Sarah


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 3/14/00
Time: 6:23:38 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to the newcomers! Thanks everyone for sharing! And techs, I hope all is well, as I noticed the site hasn't been updated.

Honesty is a great topic, and I think being honest is a real challenge for us alkies used to lying, conning, cheating etc. So far in my sobriety, being honest has posed two major problems, neither of which is about deliberately lying in order to con someone or cover a wrongdoing I committed.

One thing I noticed after I had been sober for a while was that I was being careless about details when I was recounting something, anything really. For example, if something happened a month ago, I might say it occurred two weeks or two months ago, without really taking the time to think before I spoke. I gained nothing by doing this--I was just being lazy with my speech, which for an alcoholic with a history like mine could lead to worse things.

The second major problem I had/have with honesty is determining when I should not be honest, primarily when it involved my well being (as opposed to someone else's). I don't have the space to go into it here--I've already used too much space, but this issue revolves around those people/institutions outside AA halls who are unscrupulous, yet have or represent authority in some capacity or another.


Member: Melanie
Location: Washington
Date: 3/14/00
Time: 7:03:29 PM

Comments

I am two days sober and this is my first visit - honesty is a great topic for me to start on. For the past 4 years or so an amazing amount of my time and energy has been spent not only on drinking but also on the effort to keep it hidden. Driving to different stores all over town to buy booze, just so I wouldn't have to keep seeing the same checkers every time and worry that they might figure out how much I really drank. At parties, when no one was looking, sneaking into the kitchen to top off my drink since whoever mixed it for me didn't make it strong enough, of course. Making up excuses to my friends and family "I'm really tired - I'm working late - Sorry, already have plans" - whatever worked to get out of whatever they were asking me to do, when really my only plans were to sit at home and drink. I am somewhat of a perfectionist and am just now realizing how much I applied that to hiding this habit, since last weekend I finally opened up to those who are closest to me about my drinking and they all said they had no clue. All along I had thought I was being honest at least with myself since I admitted to myself that this was a problem that "one day" I would have to deal with. Now I am beginning to realize that even when I was thinking that, I was imagining that "dealing with" it meant that I would be able to cut back on my drinking, get back to the point where I could just have a few and be happy with that. No one would ever have to know that for a few years I had been a drunk. I have been so obsessed with what everyone else, even strangers, might think of me, when I really only need to worry about what I think of me. At this point, I feel like I have either forgotten how to be completely honest or maybe never knew how in the first place. I am looking forward to learning though. Even though talking to my friends and family about this was one of the hardest things I have had to do, it has been such a huge weight off my shoulders. Now I just have to work up the nerve to go to my first meeting!


Member: Pauline M
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 3/14/00
Time: 8:17:05 PM

Comments

Hi everyone; I'm Pauline, an alcoholic. I was a little confused at first because I was on vacation last week so I missed last weeks topic. I thought "Live and Let Live" was good and was a little perturbed when it got changed to "Honesty" because I thought that was the topic a couple of weeks ago when I went on line. Why can't things be what I want?! SURE! Anyway, I got back on line after making supper and read Melanie sharing. Melanie, I have to tell you, that was my exact story. Except I was supposedly already sober so instead of topping off drinks, I was sneaking them at parties. Talk about getting honest! I've been in and out a few times in the last 12 1/2 years; I had put quite a few years together and picked up again. Then went back and forth for the last 2-3 years. I'll be coming up on 90 days again soon, with the grace of my Higher Power and AA. I could never be honest; I remember lying ever since I was little and couldn't tell you why. Right now being honest for me is getting on my knees in the morning and asking for help -- to be the best person I can be -- today. I also have a tendency to look at myself in the mirror in the a.m. also & so far, I've liked the person staring back. When I drank I had a difficult time with that--because I knew I was living a lie. I looked horrible and was disgusted with myself. I love this site; I can share things I sometimes have a hard time saying face to face, but that will come in time. One day at a time. Good nite everyone.


Member: David B
Location: kc
Date: 3/14/00
Time: 10:46:09 PM

Comments

There you go Pauline using that intelectual thing again. Live and let live is I cant drink and live and of myself I can't stay sober that is live and let live to me.


Member: Jennie
Location: NH
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 8:43:36 AM

Comments

The cyber techs did not get rid of last weeks posts until today. The topic last week was Live and Let Live. "Hey" changed it by being the first for this week so the topic is Honesty. Sorry you can't get your own way Pauline. Honestly, the posts on Live and Let Live were obnoxious and boring so let's get on to Honesty. If you don't like this week's topic then wait till next week to change it and share then, BUT for those of you out there trying to change it to something that suits you...KNOCK IT OFF!

Honesty is the very core of my sobriety. The first step for me was admitting that I was alcoholic. That was very hard because I had a different perception of what and who an alcoholic should be. It took me quite a few 24 hours before I finally said the words and really beleived it inside. That was my first dose of honesty. From there I had to learn to be honest outside of myself which was even harder. I was used to making up tall tales to try and make me look good to others. It was a true challenge to let people see who I really was. The best part of getting honest with the outside world is that I found that being "a big shot" or "important" just didn't matter to anyone. It was all in my mind. No one cared if I was popular, pretty, rich, etc. I found that they did care about knowing me. This was not true of everyone, but it was for most.

I have encountered many dishonest people over the years in this program. It has left a very bad taste in my mouth about what is going on in AA today because it seems there aren't as many people working the steps and trying to practice rigorous honesty. I just got out of a sick relationship with a guy who lied to me the whole time (and he was supposedly sober). How can someone say they are sober and working the steps while being dishonest? It just doesn't go together.

All I know is that I remain true to the fact that I must be me and if someone doesn't like that, that is their problem not mine. Honesty both with myself and the outside world is what sustains this wonderful thing called sobriety.


Member: tonydaduck
Location: Camb.Mass.
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 10:09:58 AM

Comments

Honesty is a subjective.Period!The real world(the one we are supposed to live in most of the time,is in short supply.Long ago i decided to be honest about my sobriety date and anthing else that came along was negotiable.Early in sobriety i had the mistaken belief that one was duty-bound to confess from here to the first-rock-from-the-sun.Terrible mistake!We learn,we learn as time passes we learn.


Member: Kathy L
Location: In honestland
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 12:58:19 PM

Comments

tonydaduck, you call that honesty. Sounds like selective honesty to me! No one in this program said that you were to confess your sins to the world. However, the program DOES state that "Rigorous Honesty" is imperative in order to continue our sobriety. There is NO excuse for dishonest behavior, PERIOD! So don't come on here and tell people it is OK to be selectively honest!!! It is not OK and there is a HUGE difference between exposing one's sins to the world and being honest.

Jennie, liars who practice continued lying and walk around professing that they are sober are only fooling themselves. I had a similiar experience in a relationship, except the person I had the unfortunate encounter with lied by omitting critical information. Yet, today he runs around telling everyone that he didn't lie, he just didn't give me the information. This is how he justifies in his mind that he did not lie. Lies of ommission are just as bad as bold face straight forward mistruths. How this person can live with himself without any remorse for what he did is beyond me.

All I know is that when I lie about something, I don't like myself, which in turn is the reason I drank. No self love! So I say to you out there, and you know who you are, that all of your lies (ommissions) will catch up with you one day. They always do! You can run and hide from real people but HP knows and sees all! You can't run and hide from that.

Did I omit any important information?


Member: charlie f
Location: new york
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 12:59:44 PM

Comments


Member: charlie f
Location: new york
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 1:09:12 PM

Comments

hi charlie alcohlic. my whole life was a drunking lie i have to keep honest or i will start beliving my sick thinking back to the drinking again meetings,sponser commitments steps and staying out of selfwill one day at time


Member: Mary K
Location: Boston (Raynham)
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 1:36:21 PM

Comments

Hi everyone! Mary, alcy

For me, my priority with regard to honesty is that I MUST be honest with myself that I CANNOT drink in safety. If I cannot do that then I will drink. If I drink I will not be keeping an eye on myself, and trying to grow, thru the 12 steps. It is in the steps that I learn about honesty, and applying it, in all other areas of my life.

Love to all - Mary.


Member: AA
Location: rooms
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 2:40:00 PM

Comments

share


Member: anonymous
Location:
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 3:51:18 PM

Comments

Honesty you say; There was once upon a time, a herd of buffalo. They got together after the stampead and said: "come let us have a meeting, for all our kin folk have fallen off the cliff, and are no more." Now what do you suppose they chose for a topic? That it was the gun that went off and startled the herd? Or, how stupid it is to follow the crowd? Or, that they could not see in front of them for all the buffalo, and were thus blinded? Or, that they are powerless over falling? I dare say, that if you've chosen the last one, which doubtlessly is the worst answer, You're a member of AA.


Member: Rose C.
Location: Waterville, Me.
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 4:54:07 PM

Comments

I was told at the begging of my sobriety that I could lie to the world but to stop lieing to myself and when I did that I did not have to lie to anyone else either and for me that was change because when I got into AA my whole life was a lie and I needed to change and get Honest with myself, thank you God that I began with that desperation people in the halls talk about, because that also allowed me to get Honest and look at my life and when I got Honest I was able to change and get Honest. Thank you for allowing me to part of this Chat Room.


Member: Marlea C
Location: Seattle, Wa
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 5:15:49 PM

Comments

Hi Marlea here, alcoholic. It is funny that even when I was drinking I "prided" myself on my honesty. What a joke. I was not honest with my family, my friends, or myself. Yet I could not see my own lies. Although I made huge progress when I admitted and confronted my alcoholism, that was not the end. In fact, it wasn't until over 2 years sober that I suddenly caught myself telling a lie. Not a purposeful, or harmful lie, but a lie nonetheless. It was merely to protect my ego. Wow. I started really paying attention to what I was doing, what I was saying, and why. My eyes were certainly opened. I learned that I had not been as honest as I believed myself to be. In my case, this was revealed in due time. I couldn't confront all of my character defects at once, so little by little they are being unveiled as I grow in my ability to accept, admit, and ask for God's help to remove them. Marlea


Member: Mary L.
Location: Buffalo, NY
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 7:35:38 PM

Comments

Hi, Mary L., alcoholic,

Being a drinker for the last 20 years, I learned to believe the LIE - that alcohol would help me fix everything. I have to be honest with myself, check my motives. I've been indulging in a lot of stinking thinking over the last few months, not wanting to believe that honestly I have to admitt there wasn't much control after the first drink. I haven't shared much at meetings, passing most of the time, embarrased, not wanting others to know I'm thinking of drinking,& fighting it, again. I don't want to hear the truth when I'm listening to the lieing committee in my head. Cunning, baffeling, POWERFUL. Alcohol, the big lie! I'ts hard to be honest about these thoughts,but I've managed to tell my sponser. She's pretty honest!!!!! My HP has been with me, because at least I'm dry. With prayers for willingness, & the ability to be honest with others & myself, this too will pass. Thanks for the topic, I need to hear all your shares!


Member: jenifer d
Location: england swings
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 9:47:28 PM

Comments

This is for MELANIE, Washington.... You wrote my story !! I just wanted to tell you, honestly, that reading your post was like looking into a mirror. And the good news Melanie is that it is eighteen months since I lived like that. And, if I can do this anyone can because, honestly, I'm not a very strong person. I have still not been able to face a regular meeting but I have very strong support at home and in a very special friend who is recovering too. This site has been a special place for me too and I visit and read every day. I think that people who face up to and fight this desease are special and at first I didn't understand when some said that they were glad that they were Alcoholics. Now after reading so many wonderful posts, I understand. You'll be fine one day Melanie and in the mean time you have hit a place on line where for all of us the shopping list began with ' a bottle of vodka please'. Good luck and keep in touch, we have all been where you are.


Member: Robert L S
Location: Arizona
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 11:34:44 PM

Comments

Robert ALcoholic/addict

WOW! got to be honest too. Melanie you wrote about my way of life for the last few years exactly! Wish I could tell my own story that good! I too found this site first & then after a lot of good advise from people here, I made it into a real live face to face AA meeting. Man was that hard for me. I am the worst procrastinator! Been sober for a little over 50 day now. Once you just walk though that door to a meeting the hard part is over! It helps to know I am not the only one in the world like me!

((hugs to all))

wishing a happy healthy 24 to all that need one

Bob...


Member: Jennie
Location: NH
Date: 3/15/00
Time: 11:57:53 PM

Comments

Sorry to post again but I just needed to say something to Kathy L from honestland. Thanks I needed to hear what you wrote about lies of ommission. It really hit home for me. And I suppose this person you talk about is also claiming that he works and has a great program, right? Gee, I hope these are not the kind of principals that we would encourage practicing in all of our affairs. Sheesh!

I will write again on the Coffee Pot. Thanks again.


Member: sy
Location: canadasy
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 12:13:00 AM

Comments

You know i think it really dosn't matter to what the we talk about. last week live and let live was only a suggestion now from what i heard in meetings is that you can talk about the subject or any thing related to acolol so we must remember to place principles before personalities and that we shoud check our ego at the on and off switch at our terminals hey thanks your storys have help me out BIG TIME another 24


Member: Cleen
Location: MN
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 12:15:21 AM

Comments

Honesty is good--except when you're not so sure if you're just being honest or if you're just over-analyzing the world. What you think you know is unacceptable is different from what others think is acceptable. I work in a religious education office, and so have found myself in constant re-evaluation of my life. As in past years, I have chosen to escape the real world when it gets too tough...by way of alcohol. But what I find myself wondering is WHERE IS THE LINE? I'm fairly okay with life in general--my husband has a good job, and our incomes combined keep our two kids in school, etc. I don't have any trouble keeping my job, and some days I actually feel like a good person. But on those days (and there are several days a week) when the whole idea of "justice" comes up I lose it. We have leaders across the planet putting all kinds of effort into religious education classes....and then these 6-8th grade kids come in (I've been there too...) and totally disregard all our hard work in favor of social behaviors (as are common in this group!!!) I guess I have hard time, given my profession, trying to accept defeat when it comes to our parish's youth.


Member: Cleen
Location: MN
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 12:20:10 AM

Comments

Sorry. Guess I got a little off the subject of honesty. Never mind--continue discussing honesty.


Member: Tacey
Location: Arizona
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 12:46:55 AM

Comments

Being honest, for me, is not necessarily a choice. It's a necessity. I know that if I am not honest with myself, my God, and others, I take the risk of drinking, again. So, it has to be a priority in my life to try, to the best of my ability, to be honest every day...one day at a time. Of course, I am not always honest. Sometimes I don't even know what the truth is. Sometimes I can't handle the truth. Sometimes I choose to lie. But, as long as I come back to the principle of honesty, I have a real good chance of staying sober. And, I am a firm believer that the truth DOES set me free. Also, the truth always comes out...sooner or later. Just a few thoughts about honesty. Thanks for listening.


Member: Bonnie C 5/30/80
Location:
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 1:47:12 AM

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here (((ROOM-HUG))) to all & to those that are new to AA or this site, a heartfelt "Welcome Home", to the rest of my beautiful brothers and sisters here in fellowship, thanks for being here for me. Honesty, goood topic. To thine own self be true. one of the first things I learned in AA. saved me many times, cause if I'm being honest with me, I am less likely to lie to you, also am less likely to end up in pain. ALL my problems came from my decisions over the yrs and alot of those were created by me lieing to me and to you. I tried to blame everyone but me for them but in the end it was my decisions, sometimes made so innocently that sabbotaged my life. Denial is the lack of honesty one has to themselves. That's the most self destructive thing that we can do to ourselves. So no matter how painful the truth is, I want to know it and then I can choose to accept or reject the situation. Lack of power, love interests, relationships with family and friends. slippery places, people and things. I lied to myself about all of these things even in sobriety. now it's dealing with life on lifes terms and the result is freedom. When I choose to practice it. I'm still learning. Thank God. Dear God please bless all who venture here, love and hugs, bon bonzoc@webtv.net


Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 4:16:40 AM

Comments

I'm Chuck an alcoholic. I advocate the program found in the Big Book. My honesty is directly in proportion to my distance from God.

In step 4 I learned that one of the character defects that was ruining my life was dishonesty. The answer was to believe and trust in god.

By doing the steps I was following God's directions. I got a benefit out of doing each step, really because I was doing God's will.

Step 11, the daily AA step, is to keep me concious of God. Because I want to be right with God I tend to be honest with my fellow man. It is by concentrating on God that I stay honest.

One thing that makes me cringe is the phrase "brutally honest". My god wants me to be loving and kind to his other children.

Peace and serenity to all.


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 7:16:04 AM

Comments

I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic: Thanks to all who posted here. It helps me stay sober and connected to reality. I like what Chuck M said and that is what works for me. Left to my own best thinking, I'm a lying, cheating, scheming alcoholic. With God's help through the 12 Steps, the Big Book, and the Fellowship, I have a chance to seek and achieve daily improvement. The 11th Step guidance on how to pray is my favorite part of the Big Book. It is my salvation in recovery. When I first sobered up, I wasn't sure prayer worked, I just acted like I believed and did it. Now, 21 sober years later, I'm convinced. Asking God to show me his will, asking him to correct my many defects, and giving thanks for my uncountable blessings is a daily part of this alcoholic's life. Thanks for letting me share. God, please watch over the newcomers and our fellow alcoholics still suffering. Amen. Love, Fred


Member: tonydaduck
Location: Camb. Mass.
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 7:36:09 AM

Comments

(((Kathy L. from Honestland))) i resent being accused of something for which i am not responsible.Please do not translate my posts into something you would like to use as a springboard for your bully pulpit.Because of of "typos"(my fault) it may have been possible to misunderstand my post.Regardless,i do not appreciate personal and unwarranted attacks on what i have posted.

Let me try,again,to give my veiws on honesty.In the program(which i take very seriously) i try my very best to be honest.However,i try to not hurt others by asserting things that are my personal opinion and best left alone if they injure others uneccessarily.Outside of this program,in the business world and in politics(in my opinion) you don't survive if rigorous honesty is applied.i do not advocate anyone being dishonest,i am simply trying to be honest here by stating: i am not totally honest outside this program.


Member: Think About It
Location: AA
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 9:23:46 AM

Comments

Kathy L -

Answer this -

You are a secretary. Your boss is in his office. Mr. Jones calls and wants to talk to your boss. Boss says "Tell him I am out". If you were RIGOROUSLY honest you would tell Mr. Jones that the Boss is in his office and does not want him to know.

Get real.


Member: Kathy L
Location:
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 10:06:24 AM

Comments

Dear Mr. Think About It (or should I say tonydaduck?, at least be honest enough to post your real name).....How do you claim sobriety if you are out there lying your ass off? Do tell us how long you have stayed sober while lying through your teeth? Not many of us can do that, you must be God!!! Please share with us how you are able to do that because you hold one of the worlds greatest secrets....And by the way your example only demonstrates the sick ability of the alcoholic to justify lying. Yeah, just go out there and tell the newcomer that it's OK to lie!! Oh yeah, make sure they understand that deception is OK.

You get real, maybe you can keep track of all your dirty little lies and stay dry, ooops, I think you call it sober (right). There are those of us out here who must stop being dishonest for our very survival. IF YOU READ THE BIG BOOK AND WORK THE STEPS YOU BOZO, YOU WILL INTUITIVELY KNOW HOW TO HANDLE SITUATIONS THAT USED TO BAFFLE YOU (LIKE YOUR STUPID EXAMPLE)!


Member: Discussion Member
Location:
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 10:11:11 AM

Comments

tonydaduck, Kathy L and whoever the hell you are "Think about it."

TAKE YOUR PETTY ARGUMENT TO THE COFFE POT!!!


Member: Niki
Location: Oregon
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 10:27:40 AM

Comments

tonydaduck, please do us a favor and get lost for a while#@@!!% I have read what you wrote here and on the discussion meeting and you certainly have nothing I want or need to enhance my sobriety....Kathy L from the discussion meeting, I hope you read the coffee pot posts because I just want to tell you that you are right. Deceit is a killer for us drunks. As for you, tonydaduck, go advocate dishonesty elsewhere because that was not one of the principals I learned while getting sober. I want to hear from people who do not justify bad behavior but who actually do something to change it...Like kathy L said, I think that is known as working the steps!


Member: tonydaduck
Location: camb.Ma.
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 10:41:32 AM

Comments

ok bye


Member: Alcoholic, Eric
Location: VA
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 1:02:49 PM

Comments

Think about it. An office is occupied by a person during working hours so that they are available to people who walk in the door. The boss should be the one to change directions, not me, the secretary, who has been asked to tell a lie. Discuss this with the boss, but meanwhile, do the job.


Member: Jennie M
Location: Australia
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 4:00:32 PM

Comments

Hi, Jennie Alcoholic here. WOW I learned a new lesson today. OK so we don't have to tolerate things we hear and don't like, but aren't we here for the same reason? To stay sober. Part of that for me IS tolerance. We all have Good and Bad days and if we don't want to read the posts that we cannot tolerate, just scroll on past them. The good outweighs the bad on this forum. Hope EVERYONE has a good 24 hours. God Bless.


Member: Tammy B.
Location: Watkinsville
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 4:19:59 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Tammy an alcohlic. Honesty...Something I am working on. I'm fairly new in the program, working on 120 days. I'm finding that honesty definately makes things smoother, not necessarily that they always feel good but at least you don't have to lie and everything will be okay in Gods time not mine. I would love to here some sharing on God's will and acceptance. I seem to be struggling on working on letting go on leaving it with God and stop taking it back.


Member: anonymous
Location: USA
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 4:37:43 PM

Comments

We certainly are "people who normally would not mix."!

Sometimes it isn't so easy to remember "principles before personalities" !!!!!

It makes for a never boring discussion!


Member: Bonnie Z.
Location: PA, USA
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 6:10:10 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Bonnie Z., and I am an alcoholic. Honesty is an important quality I strive for while working my program. I must, for example, be honest about my defects so I can recognize them and correct them.

The program also teaches me to be honest when admitting my wrongs to people, EXCEPT when to do so might injure them or others(it's also known as tact, and respect for the feelings of others). I cannot hurt another just because I want to clear MY conscience. This can apply to other areas as well.

Thanks for listening, and I hope y'all keep coming back. Play nice. I would like people to be attracted to this site, it has lots to offer. I would also hate to see people chased away by ugliness.


Member: Barbara H
Location: Land of the Midnight Sun
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 7:19:15 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Barbara and this is an absolutely appropriate time, place and subject matter for me. I know I am an alcoholic and I just called to get the meeting times in my local area. After yet again another "one too many" nights I am willing to be "honest" and admit I can't do this alone. I have a serious problem. But I'm so very, very afraid of divulging this to the world. No, that's not entirely true, I'm afraid of divulging this to my son. I can feel my pulse begin to race and my chest constrict at the thought of saying "I'm an alcoholic" to my precious boy. But if I don't take that first step and attend a meeting, he's going to know when I slide deeper and deeper into the bottle. Is it alright to wait until I'm comfortable with my sobriety to discuss my "problem" with him, because I've preached all along about how honesty is the most important virture because without it we are stealing another's trust in us. I'm just in a quandry as to when, and how this subject has to be handled. Any suggestions? I'm shaking in my shoes at the thought of going to a meeting, but I'm absolutely nauseaus at the thought of losing my son's respect. But if I continue to drink that is exactly what is going to happen. Thanks for listening, Barbara


Member: Judy T.
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 10:12:40 PM

Comments

hi judy alcoholic on honesty that a hard one for me i have been sobor for a long time and do try to work the step on a daliy bases yet when it comes to my family i get triped up inside of my self at times i am so honest i hurt the ones that i love the most and end up pushing them away with both hands that make for alot of loney nights and days as well. i try to keep in mind that God as i chose to call my higher power is no where near being finshed with me and that if i am honest with myself i still need to work on thinking before i speak because i do not always know the truth and my own truth is not the only truth also i want to thank you all for your coments this is my first time on line period and my first on line meeting i hope i can find you all agin.


Member: Judy T.
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 10:12:45 PM

Comments

hi judy alcoholic on honesty that a hard one for me i have been sobor for a long time and do try to work the step on a daliy bases yet when it comes to my family i get triped up inside of my self at times i am so honest i hurt the ones that i love the most and end up pushing them away with both hands that make for alot of loney nights and days as well. i try to keep in mind that God as i chose to call my higher power is no where near being finshed with me and that if i am honest with myself i still need to work on thinking before i speak because i do not always know the truth and my own truth is not the only truth also i want to thank you all for your coments this is my first time on line period and my first on line meeting i hope i can find you all agin.


Member: Judy T.
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 10:18:23 PM

Comments

hi judy alcoholic on honesty that a hard one for me i have been sobor for a long time and do try to work the step on a daliy bases yet when it comes to my family i get triped up inside of my self at times i am so honest i hurt the ones that i love the most and end up pushing them away with both hands that make for alot of loney nights and days as well. i try to keep in mind that God as i chose to call my higher power is no where near being finshed with me and that if i am honest with myself i still need to work on thinking before i speak because i do not always know the truth and my own truth is not the only truth also i want to thank you all for your coments this is my first time on line period and my first on line meeting i hope i can find you all agin.


Member: kay
Location: buffalo ny
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 11:16:03 PM

Comments

I started coming her 2 years ago i cant stop drinking -my husband drinks-he travel.s for work & i have 2 teenage kids . I work in in a resturanant-bar and its so easy to drink. I came home tonite after work-didnt drink- until i saw my son's report card..he's failing 9th grade English! I feel like a failure


Member: DENNIS H
Location: IL
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 11:25:46 PM

Comments

b en without for about 60 days drunk for 42 years repeat myself alot you know you know a lot of us old drunks seem to have that problem. it seems to be part of prog. of the ilness.dont know for sure where iam in my recovery but feel good knowing ican make the choice. this is the first time ihave been honest about not drinking. before I told everyone i had quit


Member: DENNIS H
Location: IL
Date: 3/16/00
Time: 11:26:49 PM

Comments

b en without for about 60 days drunk for 42 years repeat myself alot you know you know a lot of us old drunks seem to have that problem. it seems to be part of prog. of the ilness.dont know for sure where iam in my recovery but feel good knowing ican make the choice. this is the first time ihave been honest about not drinking. before I told everyone i had quit


Member: Andy H.
Location: Sheveport, La.
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 2:22:48 AM

Comments

Andy Alcoholic, On every chip that is handed out to us it says "honesty, open mindedness, and willingness" they must be the foundation of every thing we do if we are to live right with God. I have spent my entire life searching for things outside of myself to make me happy and for a long time in sobriety I had the idea that as long as I was a good person then good things would happen to me. Well, that is not completly true. I think that my happiness depends on my behavior. Am I doing today what God wants me to do or am I doing what Andy wants to do. It is about action and more action. I must be honest with myself about who and what I am and what I do. Then remember that every day is a day I must carry the vision of God's will into my heart and mind then apply that vision into my actions and behavior. Thanks for letting me share and God bless you all.


Member: Shelli S.
Location: N.CA.
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 3:03:26 AM

Comments

Hi all, Shelli recovering alcholic, tried to post earlier but something went wrong and I didn't get on, must not have been ment to be. (((Bonnie Z))) Thank you for your share I actually tried to say the exact same thing when I tried to post earlier. I strongly believe that honesty can be used to do as much harm as good I know while I was drinking I could get brutally honest and say many things that hurt many people. And when I initally got sober and did my first 4th step not yet fully understanding what this program really ment about being honest I attempted my first amends with my mother and said all those things I had honestly wanted to tell her for years and the result was I hurt her very badly and she told me that if I was trying to work an honest program then maybe I should re-evaluate my program and talk to a therapist. At any rate, of course I ended up remaking the amends, that being, where was I at fault, not what was it she did or didn't do to me. Later after many years in recovery, my husband felt it necessary to cleanse his conscience as my expense,he to was in the program, end result our marriage was destroyed, a newcomer was seriously hurt emotionally, thank god she remained in the program, I didn't drink but did get stoned, and after 2 years of trying to work it out we later got divorced, My program was leveled, my fault due to the fact I idolized him, he lost his job and I lost my faith in the program as a whole. I never stopped going to meetings but I deffinatly spent the next couple years rebuilding a program that could endure even the worst of problems. When I was diagnosed with Cancer, the actuall hair that broke the camels back in my marriage, the truth of my life was so clear. As far as I am concerned there are times when the spoken truth destroys lives, when really all that really is needed is changed behaviors and attitudes. The real word simply does not funtion on a platform of gutlevel honesty, it couldn't, we would all be at each others throats in no time as has already been demontrated in a few of these prior posts, we can be honest in our hearts and homes and hope it will eventually spread to the rest of the world around us. SS


Member: Mary I.
Location: Oklahoma City
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 4:21:48 AM

Comments

Honesty....this is a good topic for me...I've had to do some soul-searching and get brutally honest with myself over the last couple of days. I'm an alcoholic....been through this 3 times already, and this time, it's hard. I've been deluding myself by telling myself that I'm RECOVERED and can handle a few now...HA!! I crashed, totally...I feel so stupid...now I have to get honest with myself all over again! I AM and ALWAYS WILL BE, an alcoholic...I will NEVER be able to "handle a few." This, I must accept...and try to go on from this point. But, I am so scared this time.....


Member: Larry K
Location: Illinois
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 8:03:12 AM

Comments

((Shelli S.)) I have never heard it put better! The part about sometimes honesty does not require the spoken word, but merely changes in attitudes and behaviors! That really helps me today. I'm struggling with a situation at the office, and your comments help immensely. Thank You! On second thought, I want to delete the "merely"! As many of us who have been sober a long time know, most of the time "attitudes and behaviors" ARE HARDER TO CHANGE THAN WORDS!


Member: Heather A. L.
Location: Aurora, Ontario Canada
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 9:45:38 AM

Comments

The 12 steps of AA are first & formost "spiritual" principals that we will find mirrored in most religions practiced throughout time. They are guidelines to living in peace with God, ourselves and our fellow travellers here on earth. There has been a lot of good sharing here on the topic of honesty, but some people have forgotten the other spiritual principals of tolerance, brotherly love, acceptance etc. Eveyone has thier own truth" as is said in a famous quote that begins with "Go placidly amids the noise and haste and know what peace there may be in silence." My program tempers honesty with letting people be who they are - allowing them to have their own truth - not beating them up with honesty because my own opinion may differ. I have been wrong before... many times. We do live in a world that is not, at it's core, honest and does not live by the spiritual principals we are fortunate enough to have. As Budda said, I must first be a light unto myself. I have an opportunity to lead by example. God has given me that, and if I am God centered I do that gently and with tolerance and love. This is my first visit to this site and I will come back as I have bookmarked this site and find it a great resource when a meeting is not available. However, for those of you who have not yet made it to a regulare AA meeting please do yourself the favor of taking that step. The people you meet there will understand - even your fear will be understood. There, complete honesty is possible and opens the door to the road of recovery. Wishing you all another day of recovery one day at a time. hal


Member: Heather A. L.
Location: Aurora, Ontario Canada
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 9:47:40 AM

Comments

The 12 steps of AA are first & formost "spiritual" principals that we will find mirrored in most religions practiced throughout time. They are guidelines to living in peace with God, ourselves and our fellow travellers here on earth. There has been a lot of good sharing here on the topic of honesty, but some people have forgotten the other spiritual principals of tolerance, brotherly love, acceptance etc. Eveyone has thier own truth" as is said in a famous quote that begins with "Go placidly amids the noise and haste and know what peace there may be in silence." My program tempers honesty with letting people be who they are - allowing them to have their own truth - not beating them up with honesty because my own opinion may differ. I have been wrong before... many times. We do live in a world that is not, at it's core, honest and does not live by the spiritual principals we are fortunate enough to have. As Budda said, I must first be a light unto myself. I have an opportunity to lead by example. God has given me that, and if I am God centered I do that gently and with tolerance and love. This is my first visit to this site and I will come back as I have bookmarked this site and find it a great resource when a meeting is not available. However, for those of you who have not yet made it to a regulare AA meeting please do yourself the favor of taking that step. The people you meet there will understand - even your fear will be understood. There, complete honesty is possible and opens the door to the road of recovery. Wishing you all another day of recovery one day at a time. hal


Member: Karen
Location: Cape Cod
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 10:04:50 AM

Comments

Honesty! I sit here with a hangover, I have been drunk for 3 weeks straight. I start around 5 o'clock. I feel like crap,look like crap. I just started going to meetings a couple of months ago-no sponsor, or regular group. I haven't been able to string together one week of not drinking. I only go to meetings if it doesn't interfere with my drinking. I sat here last night and drank 10 beers in front of my kids. I want to stop but I can't. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. (other than I am an alcoholic) Honesty, If I were honest with people and myself about my drinking, I would probably loose everything. I talk to a woman in AA, She is very nice--too nice. I think she is waiting for me to ask her to be my sponsor. To be perfectly honest, I need a sponsor that will kick me in the ass, one that is aggressive, that I am afraid of. I haven't been to a meeting in 2 weeks. I was going to go last night but then I couldn't finish the twelve pack. I wake up and think of what I will drink today. Honesty, I make myself sick. Bye


Member: Karen
Location: Cape Cod
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 10:08:14 AM

Comments

Honesty! I sit here with a hangover, I have been drunk for 3 weeks straight. I start around 5 o'clock. I feel like crap,look like crap. I just started going to meetings a couple of months ago-no sponsor, or regular group. I haven't been able to string together one week of not drinking. I only go to meetings if it doesn't interfere with my drinking. I sat here last night and drank 10 beers in front of my kids. I want to stop but I can't. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. (other than I am an alcoholic) Honesty, If I were honest with people and myself about my drinking, I would probably loose everything. I talk to a woman in AA, She is very nice--too nice. I think she is waiting for me to ask her to be my sponsor. To be perfectly honest, I need a sponsor that will kick me in the ass, one that is aggressive, that I am afraid of. I haven't been to a meeting in 2 weeks. I was going to go last night but then I couldn't finish the twelve pack. I wake up and think of what I will drink today. Honesty, I make myself sick. Bye


Member: Catherine W
Location: Ramona, CA
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 11:00:25 AM

Comments

Catherine here...Grateful, Sober Alcoholic!

My experience over the years and working 4th steps at different times, has been that my level of honesty changes the longer I stay clean and sober. After the fog clears a bit things look a different. Each level of learning brings a new and deeper level of honesty. Until I was sober a few years I could not see how I set situations in play that ended up damaging in some way. It has also become apparent that my principles, morals, values, accountability and intregrity have deepened to a new level along with the honesty. I cannot do today what I did drinking or even in earlier sobriety and not feel guilt. Which is not a bad thing when used as a signal that I could make a better choice.

Then make amends, which is not just "I'm sorry". It is "I'm sorry" with actions to change the behavior. So, I guess Honesty for me is a relavent thing based on my willingness and ability to grow at any given time along the journey. In my experience honesty comes with clearity of mind and spirit.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: John B
Location: Colorado
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 12:01:43 PM

Comments

John Alki, ((Karen)) Thanks for your honesty, there are several of us that had a hard time at first stringing a few days together. Now to me it sounds like you've gotten to the jumping off point. We here to help catch you. The thing you have to do is shallow a little of pride and ask for someone to help you in this daily journey. I know asking someone for help is hard but remember that the first word of that fist step is WE. WE can not do this with each other. The person you ask for help may need you as mush as you need her. May God watch over you and we'll pray for you. JB


Member: bobbie sugar
Location: ca
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 12:41:36 PM

Comments


Member: bobbie sugar
Location: ca
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 12:46:54 PM

Comments

hi my name is bobbie and am alcoholic and have 10 year this is the first time i have used the web site for aa i am home ridden because of a broken foot and can.t leave the house for a while it is good to be here need friends on the web site. hope i will hear from you thank you bobbie


Member: Sonny M
Location: West Virginia
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 1:35:46 PM

Comments

I am alcoholic. Honesty is key to staying sober. If we are not honest with ourselves and others we cannot claim sobriety. I resent those people on here who try to justify deceptive behavior and imply that we can stay sober while being dishonest.

There is NO GOOD reason for someone to lie. Just read the posts from the ladies who were deceived either through ommissions or direct lies. They were hurt. How can anyone defend hurting another through dishonesty?

((Karen from Cape Cod))....I NEED to say this to you and I say it with loving intentions. You say that if you are honest with yourself and others about your drinking you will loose everything! You should know that if you do not get honest about it you will eventually loose everything anyway, including your LIFE! What is more important to you, PEOPLE AND THINGS or YOUR LIFE? If you keep doing what you are doing, you will keep getting what you are getting. Remember that, because in time as your disease progresses you will LOOSE EVERYTHING ANYWAY! Having people and things in our lives don't keep us happy or sober but being true to ourselves through honesty will. Read the saying imprinted on our recovery chips.

"To thine own self be true"


Member: Joy
Location: Il
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 1:41:25 PM

Comments

Joy, alcoholic here.{cape cod Kare} I know how overwhelming this is but grab on -one second at time or one hour at a time or what ever work for right now .. good luck ..Gods love ...


Member: Gerri
Location: Ak
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 3:04:00 PM

Comments


Member: Jennie
Location: Australia
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 3:20:18 PM

Comments

Hi, Jennie Alcoholic here. (((Karen))) I was where you are and I did'nt want to lose everything so I tried AA for 2 years I was in and out then finally the yets happened to me. Lost house, husband, dog - but the worst thing I could think of was losing my 2 boys. I stopped drinking and got honest with myself. For the boys I thought, but 13 months later I know I am staying sober one day at a time for me. I always thought I was an honest person but I was never brutally honest with myself. It is hard, I have coped with seperation, being a single mum, finding work and now divorce - I was with my husband 18 years. What ever the reasons you tell yourself that you should drink are not true - its your dis-ease - we have an allergy of our body cuppled with a mental obsession once we pick up that first drink. I now shudder to think where I would be if I continued. It is hard but I know you can do it. Being a mum isn't easy but it is a whole lot easier sober. Hang in there girl, God knows what is best for you, even though you don't right at this moment! AA has always a hand reached out to you for help, just grab it with both hands and let the miracles happen. God Bless.


Member: Ben S
Location: Hot Springs
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 3:23:47 PM

Comments

My name is Ben I am a recovering drunk.

Lets not concern ourselves so much with those who lie and deceive either directly or through omission. Because the fact is that it will all catch up to them eventually and they will have to face the music and their Higher Power one day. Just chalk it up to this....they will get what is coming to them. That is assured. Karen, pay careful attention to what Sonny wrote. He is absolutely right. I will pray for you also but you need to wake up and smell the the coffee here, dear, because you are headed for that cliff. As for my honesty. It is a top priority in my life.


Member: Jim C.
Location: Anaheim,Calif.(for now)
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 3:27:52 PM

Comments

Hi There, I'm Jim, a real alcoholic. Addressing honesty for us, is probably one of the biggest obstacles for our recovery. It is not a suggestion, or a hint, rigorous honesty, to ourselves is an absolute necessity As someone stated before, being absolutely honest with someone else can have very disasterous effects, when being honest is just our way of clearing our own guilt about something. It is like making amends to someone knowing full well that the person in question will be hurt by those amends. It says right in the step, "Made direct amends to such people, whenever possible except when to do so would injure them or others." I don't believe we have the right to bring harm to another human being, just so we don't feel bad about ourselves, whether it be an amends, or rigorous honesty. To be honest with ourselves, is paramount, and rigorous honesty to others has to be handled with a little tact. And being openly hostile to someone, doesn't address honesty, it is simply vicious. I don't believe anyone has the right to vent that hostility on anyone. We all need each other, that's how this program works. People helping people. So, if I can be honest with myself, and with my Higher Power, and even be completely honest with others without hurting them or myself, I stand a pretty good chance of gaining another 24 hrs. It's all part of the steps, and working this program to the best of our ability. We are after all human, striving for progress, not perfection.

Everyone have a safe and sober weekend, and be kind to yourself, as well as to others.

Lots of Love to you all, Jim C. DOS 1-23-81


Member: ConnieN
Location: Minnesota
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 3:28:29 PM

Comments

HI, Connie newfound alcoholic here. Honesty is the only way through alcoholism in my estimation. For years I have drank for days, weeks, months, years on end. The reasons for my drinking ranged from "life isn't fair" to "there is no justice" to simple things like "Yanni sounds better after 6 beers". I finally had to be honest with myself and the other people in my life that I really had a problem that needed to be dealt with. I had to be honest with myself, not allowing myself the normal safety-gates for when the going got rough.

As a sidebar, I must say I believe that at the core of this disease is the inability to "let go and let God". That's my biggest problem---and from reading Cleen in MN's post, I'd say that's her problem too. In total honesty, I didn't think God was doing a very good job of handling my life so I simply was forced to take over the worrying. As a recovering alcoholic with 11 days under my belt, I still struggle with that. Being a good Christian, who would I be if I admitted to others that I didn't think God was doing a good job????? But in all honesty, that's how I feel. My twin sister wrote a poem once called "Broken Dreams". It basically asks how can you know what works God can do if you take all of your dreams back before he's had a chance to work his magic?

God grant me the serenity. Easy to say, tough to live. But I'm working on it. As many of us newcomers are.

Granted...a little off the topic but had to say what was on my mind.


Member: Gerri
Location: Ak.
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 3:30:30 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, Gerri alcoholic and glad to be here today. (Karen) call someone, look in the phone book for alcohol counseling. That will be a step in honesty for you to admit your need for help. (Andy) I believe God is the key to our being honest. He knows us better than anyone, better than ourselves. He knows when I'm doing it MY way. He knows when I'm lying. I have 8 mos. sober, and everyday I have been relearning the meaning of truth. To thyn ownself be true. I like that saying... it gives me comfort. I've found that by simplifying my life (getting rid of the extra baggage) discovering what is most important for me... seeking my Higher Power and giving it all to Him. I'm finally learning how to live in the real world without booze.Joy and thanks to Him and my fellow members for another sober 24 hrs.


Member: Lisa M.
Location: Atlanta
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 4:56:08 PM

Comments

This is my first ime in a web meeting. I know I need AA, but I hate AA meetings. I get tired of the same old cliches repeated over and over. I am tired of sponsors who call in the middle of the night whining. I hate the smoke filled rooms. My Therapist told me to try an online meeting, so here I am trying.

It crossed my mind to steal something from work yesterday. It would have been so easy. I didn't, though. I would be looking over my shoulder racked with guilt. I'm glad I didn't.

I'm really sick, though, because i wondered if God would give me "good" points for not stealing.


Member: Pattw/2tees
Location: Oregon
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 5:11:29 PM

Comments

Hi, all, Patt, grateful recovering alcoholic. Honesty was always drilled into me when I was growing up. Absolutely essential. Consequently, I WAS cash register honest and returned my library books on time, etc., etc. But, as I found out when I finally got into recovery after almost 50 years of drinking, the one I was being dishonest to was ME. Didn't have a clue how to live my life on a day-to-day basis, facing me at all times, checking my motives, being myself to others and not a chameleon, acting and not REacting. Lordy, what a sad and pathetic thing I was when I stumbled into recovery. Everything was everyone elses' fault because, you know, I was the Queen of Everything and could only be treated with deferrence and respect. Ho, ho. Something was said earlier about what's on our coins--the HOW (Honest, Openmindedness, Willingness)--and that's a good point. Also, on the back it says, "To thine own self be true," and if I remember that and put it into action I can be honest with you. Without honesty I have no self-respect, and when that happens the downward spiral begins. As my first sponsor used to say, "Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean."

Thanks for letting me share. Hugs to all. Patt


Member: Melissa M.
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 9:14:49 PM

Comments

Melissa here, an alcoholic. What a lot I've learned from reading the posts. Thank you so much...I'm eight months sober and at the very beginning, I was very concerned about honesty. I wanted to know exactly what it meant in all its permutations because I wanted so badly to recover. A kind, gentle person said that if I didn't drink I would find out everything I needed to know, one baby step at a time. When I did my first step, I realized the first 'honesty' is that I am really and truly a person who cannot ever drink alcohol. In my heart I know that to be true. As promised, more about honesty (and many other things) is being revealed. My heart aches when I read about people who are frightened to go to meetings or who have been, and in their sickness, have decided the meetings don't suit them. I have no language to adequately describe the magic of meetings. But first I had to trust what people said and 'keep coming back' even though they didn't suit me too well, either...I waited for the miracle and the miracle found me. I feel like a muddy pond who is becoming a little clearer every day. I did every single thing that was suggested to me, and now I know what it's like to feel peaceful in my own skin. I'm as honest today as I know how to be. Thank you for all your hopeful, helpful words, and I wish for us all another 24 hours. My God, AA, and my willingness helped me today, and I trust they will help me again tomorrow. Love to all of us, Melissa


Member: Aaron
Location: Ottawa, Ont. Canada
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 10:49:07 PM

Comments

Hello everyone,Aaron,Alcoholic and first time online in a meeting.It only took me 2 hrs to find a meeting(haha).Honesty is a very good topic to talk on. Alot of people in AA want everyone else in the program around them to think that everything is ok. I found that if I was having any problems with the program, I wanted to sort them out myself and have everyone around me look and asy"Aaron's got a good grip on his program" when in actual fact I was being dishonest with myself and all around me because things weren't going good at all. I had to learn to ask for help and find the humility to talk to others about my problems. Honesty is a very big part of this program and without it we are doomed. I guess what I'm trying to say is if I could be honest with myself then how the hell is it possible to be honest with others around me?Thanks to all here and of course to the "Big Guy" upstairs. Aaron


Member: John S.
Location: Plymouth, NH
Date: 3/17/00
Time: 11:11:50 PM

Comments

My name is John & I am a gratefully recovering alcoholic. Honesty is a good topic. When I first came around I heard old timers using the acronym H.O.W. in relation to 'how it works'. They told me that honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness were 3 things that I would need to maintain my sobriety. They also taught me how to keep things simple. Thanks for having this on line meeting. I'm new to the www and don't manage to get to my usual number of meetings with the new job I now have.

May your higher power bless you all and keep you safe.

John


Member: Kat L.
Location: For now: Austin, TX :-)
Date: 3/18/00
Time: 10:17:47 AM

Comments

Thanks everybody for the good AA meeting. I'm new to Cyber meetings and have been reading for several days now so I could learn how this is done. God forbid I should do it wrong :-) I've been sober since 5-29-85, and have made several passes through the steps, and each time there is more there for me to see, learn and use than there was the time before. Many gifts each and every time. The old timers taught me that by keeping my program "green" I would have the chance to stay sober one day at a time, and they have been right. Thank God this thing is progress not perfection! Early on I wanted very badly to be honest - I wanted what they had, and the mind I had to use at that time told me I had to do it perfectly - it and everything else in my life. The truth was I didn't have a clue what honest meant. But my willingness to try was enough. What I realize today, looking back, is that God never gave me any more than I (and God) could handle at any one time. My recovery has come in layers, much like the peeling of an onion. Each year has brought another aspect to be revealed. What was needed was enough honesty and willingness to simply tell my truth today. And some days that "truth" could change several times in a 24-hour period. You see I didn't begin my career as an alkie for no reason at all - there were underlying causes and conditions. Crossing the line didn't change those conditions - nor did getting sober. (What do you have when a drunken horse thief stops drinking? A sober horse thief, until he learns not to steal!) The steps, you people and a loving God, one day at a time, have made the difference.

I'm grateful to you all for sharing, and I love the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I pray to God that I'll never have to leave it!


Member: karen
Location: pa
Date: 3/18/00
Time: 11:18:31 PM

Comments

This is my first time on line with a meeting. Today I have 8 Years of continous soberity. Honesty is a wonderful topic. By working the steps as they have been written in the big book (the way I was taught)I have learned that my level of serenity is directly related to my honesty with myself and others. God bless all.


Member: quiet bill
Location: arizona
Date: 3/18/00
Time: 11:45:30 PM

Comments

Just to be honest with those who have many days of sobriety,,,,, I`m grateful for mine ,,,,,,,about 11yrs.,,,,,65yrs. old last Sunday and a little scared of that ,,,,,,Wish i could give it to everyone.,,,,,,,, worked hard to get my time days happy days sad ,but usually sad because i couldn`t give my sobriety to someone else,,,,,so many need it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,hope i`m a good example what i learned today is to get back on my knees everyday ,,,,,,,, been skipping that even tho i pray continually,,,,,,,,,, Thank God we know each other


Member: Christl F.
Location: Oregon
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 2:05:46 AM

Comments

Wow! This is my first time here, as well. My name is Christl and God willing, and with my cooperation, I will be celebrating 11 years of sobriety tomorrow. Yesterday was my belly-button birthday and since I'm awfully lucky to be alive and sober, I'm calling this Gratitude Weekend. About the topic of honesty. When I first heard this topic in my first days of sobriety I thought what was being refered to is "cash register" honesty. I have that, so no problem! I've had to learn, sometimes painfully, that the type of honesty I struggle with at times is being honest with myself. I rarely was that while drinking. Now I pray for assistance to remain honest and clear headed in my thinking each day. Sometimes during the day my higher power lets me know by a tight feeling I get in my gut. Then I say to myself, "C'mon Christl! Get real here!" Life is so much easier if I can remain "in check" on honesty within myself. The inner turmoil doesn't stir when I stay honest and "to thine own self be true."


Member: franc
Location:
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 3:27:08 AM

Comments

i just want to write a little-i have just been reading the posts for this meeting-it's my first time here-i live far away from my home right now and am planning to go to my first real live meeting this week-i am pretty scared and down right now-i am dealing with my eating disorder and leaving an abusive relationship and also now looking at being honest about my own drinking-it's scary-i am pretty confused and have the tiny baby step of one week sober-i am not even sure what this means and not ready to say that i have a problem-i just know that right now drinking hurts-of course not drinking hurts too but I am trying to have faith in this program to help me believe that things will get better-the thing that is keeping me sober is believing that if i am really honest with myself and about my drinking and my other destructive stuff that i can maybe start to let go of the pain and let go of the fear

I must say though that when I read some of the above comments which were argumentative and hostile i felt scared-all of my experience with alcoholism has been violent and I felt worried and scared and felt like leaving-but i decided to stay and be honest about how i felt and how scared i was and how important it is for me to have safe places to get honest with myself about my drinking and the ways i have been hurt and hurting myself-So please-as a newcomer i am pretty vulnerable and scared-i just wanted you all to know this and to try to remember the very first steps-please take care to make this a safe place! I hope i feel comfortable or safe eno ugh to come back here-i am just aching to hear more about what it is like to be a newcomer and how it feels to be starting out so confused, not knowing if i really have a problem but just knowing that i hurt


Member: tony
Location: ma
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 8:20:55 AM

Comments

honestly?..i love being sober. when i'm sober i really don't know whats in store for me ,i don't know what wonderful thing might happen or where i may be taken .but if i am drinking i know exactly where i will be taken,despair,very lonely,angry,confused...and no help to me or any one else...i must be honest...i must not try to pretend everything is perfect ,or try to impress others faulsly,lies will live on and keep popping up if you tell them,but when the truth is said it's said..over and done with...thanks...keep it simple...no lie's


Member: Diane H
Location: Midwest
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 11:44:37 AM

Comments

Honesty is the first step to a new life. It is hard to admit one cannot drink. The handwriting was on the wall for me since so many family members have drinking problems. I never thought it would happen to me. I never really thought about the problem being genetic--I thought people who were alcoholics were immoral and had no will power. Well, here I am in the same boat. I have been sober now a month. I have attended two meetings--it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Even harder than appearing before a judge during my divorce hearing years ago. The meetings are helpful and at the same time unsettling because the honesty of the situation is so intense--you see parts of yourself in all the members present,and it is so difficult. This is my first time posting. I hope it helps someone.


Member: Melanie C
Location: North Yorkshire, UK
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 1:58:25 PM

Comments

God must really want me to look at my honesty, because the subject seems to come up everywhere I go at the moment!!

I came to AA 4 years ago when I was nearly 20 years old, confused and ready to end my own life. Dishonesty had been a way of life for me ever since I could remember. I had constantly sought love and approval from others, but because of my lies, all I received was their pity. I didn't know that I was lovable without my lies - I felt that if people knew who I really was inside, they wouldn't want to know me, and they would be as ashamed of me as I was of myself. I had told my college form tutor that I had cancer, I told the people I worked with I was diabetic, I pretended to pass out when I wanted to miss classes. I lied about so many things that, when I came to AA, I didn't know what the truth was any more.

Even before I came to AA, I knew that JUST stopping drinking would not solve my problem. I knew all along that I would have to CHANGE.

Becoming honest was not an event for me - it has been a long and painful process, and I still struggle with it today. I stole from my job in sobriety, but made amends very quickly because I can no longer live with the guilt. I find it much harder, though, to be honest with myself - and only recently have I begun to really understand the phrase "To Thine Own Self Be True."

)))LISA M((( I really related to your discomfort in meetings. Over the last few months, although I have still attended my regular meetings, I have not felt a part of them or the people there. I have been restless, irritable and discontent, and wanted to crawl under the table and disappear. I have been through this before though, and I know it will pass, and that the only way to feel a part of is to BE a part of, and start doing the washing up again!!! Through going to lots of meetings, I have seen what happens to people that don't go to meetings, and the result is usually that they get drunk, and alcohol is no longer my solution. I know AA gets repetitive, but I need to remember that those same old slogans and stories that I sometimes sigh at today - they got me sober, and gave me a new life. I'm only sharing this for myself!! I hope you keep coming back. (I'm looking forward to tonight's meeting now!!!)


Member: Tacey
Location: Arizona
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 3:51:10 PM

Comments

Hi. I already shared once, but, I figure they'll be clearing the board soon and wanted to mainly talk to myself about the topic of honesty. I have read some of the arguments and nit-picking above and it makes me laugh. I think it is hilarious when we begin attacking each other because we don't use the same words or have different ideas about a topic. It's like a pot calling a kettle black--it makes no sense. Who cares whether the person sitting next to me in a meeting believes that honesty is something only for AA usage? And, who made any of us the guardian of one another's belief systems? Give me a break. Judge not, lest ye be judged...that's what I try to live by. Trust me, most of us are real good at cutting others down. That's the easy part. However, taking our own inventory, living each day to the best of our ability, working on becoming better people...that is the hard part. Honesty is SUBJECTIVE. It really is. What is honest to me may be total bull to you. It all depends on where a person is at and what his/her experience has been. I may believe that it is totally right to admit ALL my faults and lies and wrongs to anyone I know. But, that doesn't mean tha everyone believes that way. I learned early on that there have been times in my sobriety that being "rigorously honest" with those around me was not only cruel and senseless, but dangerous to them and/or to me. God gave me a brain to use and I choose to weigh my words and actions today around certain people and in certain circumstances. I used to think that I need to spew out whatever was in my heart and head. I do not believe that today. That was learned through many, many trials and errors. That's all I wanted to say. The honesty of the program is with me. When it comes to others--the program asks me not to hurt them. I have no right to get well at anyone else's expense. I must be hard on myself, but always gentle with others. Love and tolerance of others is our code. I could go on and on with what the AA program actually does instruct me to do. Nowhere does it say that I must always be honest with others. That is something I must discern through my own intelligence and God's guidance. Those of you who berate other members--you are not doing what the program teaches. You are doing what you want. Don't get the 2 confused.


Member: Kim S.
Location: Michigan
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 3:58:51 PM

Comments

Hi all! (((((HUGS))))) to one and all. I'm an alcoholic named Kim. My first admission of honesty is to introduce myself as alcoholic. I am new to this wonderful medium of cyber space and it's wonderful to find meetings this way. Another post was correct (at least for me) H.O.W. is the way this program works in my life. I have to be as honest as I can be every minute of the day without hurting another in order for my HP to work the miracles in my life. I can't afford to get in the way by lying. Lying to myself about who/what I am kept me drinking/using for far too long. For me, the little white lies add up to bigger ones and so on until I can no longer tell the true from the false; and when that happens, it gets easier for the old behaviors to creep in and I'm off to the races in my thinking-justifying, rationalizing, etc., until the day that I use again. I DO NOT want that more than I want to get by with a little something. AA helped me find ME and I am far more important than anything or anyone else today. Thanx to all for their honesty in their posts. This is my first time here, but I am sure that I will be back. Thanx for giving me back to me-one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I love each and every one of you! Kim


Member: Gerry D
Location: Nanaimo, B.C.
Date: 3/19/00
Time: 4:49:31 PM

Comments

i have 15 yrs sobriety and work in the recovery business and i still have a problem with honesty. the honesty i have problems with is the honesty with my feelings with regard to relationships. I have had a number of relationships in recovery and none have worked. I'm not bad or anytthging but the complaint seems to be that I cannot love I think I can and I want to but the honesty with my feelings is tough therefore I have decided to stay single and let go and let god. also do the leg work on working on self if that is possoble. thanks

Gerry