Member: anon alcoholic
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 8:04:30 AM
Topic: it's a lot easier to STAY sober than to GET sober.
Member: John A
Location: Manchester (UK)
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 8:15:55 AM
Hi All John A here a grateful alcoholic. I no we have covered this topic before, I am some 10 months sober now still without a sponsor. I have no problems with the drink today, one day at a time, doing about 3 meetings a week. Of the meetings I go too, it comes over to me that the ones I would like to ask to sponsor me, are a bit better than me and I cannot see what they would wont with sponsoring me. I also find some of these rooms very cliquey with small group getting together, only speaking with there own kind so how do we approach someone about sponsorship. Thanks John A. yourwine@hotmail.com
Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Ft Myers via Key West FL
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 9:07:25 AM
Good Morning Family Charlie Darling a very grateful recovering alcholic. Good topic John, when I first got sober before I got out of detox we had a list of temp sponsors to choose from, we had to have one before we left. I chosse someone I knew while out there, and it was nice to have one, but I went to alot of meetings, and kept my mouth shut, and listened to all who spoke, and finally found someone who had what I wanted and I asked him to be my sponsor, which he is today after almost 6 yrs 3/1. So find one, even if you ask someone to be your temp until the right one speaks to you and has what you want. God Bless and it works only if we work it. Love you kwduke_1999@yahoo.com
Member: julian m
Location: bedfordshire(uk)
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 9:41:19 AM
good afternoon.what a beautifull day it is in the uk!john,when i first came to aa i found it difficult to ask someone to be my sponsor.i too felt that people were better than me or that they were superior to me and would not want to sponsor me.when i finally asked someone and started to go through the programme i began to understand what the 12th step was all about. to live this programme you have to give it away.i now know that when a newcomer comes to a meeting it is a red letter night!!!i am sure that if you asked some one to be your sponser they would be flattered.if they are unable to do this then ask someone else.this is what aa is all about.if you get a sponser and start reading the big book and goining through the programme life getts so much better.god bless everyone,it only works if you work it
Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 11:09:26 AM
Hi! I'm Kathy and I am an alcoholic. I remember going to my first few meetings after getting out of the treatment center, and carrying my folder from the treatment center with me...I might as well had NEWCOMER on my forehead. A girl at a meeting asked me if I needed a sponsor and I said yes...so she asked a lady to be my sponsor for me. I know that is not how it usually works but today I see it as how God wanted it to work back then. I have had three sponsors now since being in the program and I feel that each one came to me in God's time. My sponsor today has 18 yrs. soberity and I want what she has...so I do what she asks me to do. As long as I do the footwork...God will handle the outcome.
Member: Rob G.
Location: Spokane, WA
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 11:23:16 AM
Hi, I'm Rob. This is a very good topic for someone like myself that is relativly knew to AA.
Member: Amanda
Location: NW Montana
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 12:05:25 PM
Hi! Amanda an alcoholic that is very grateful for my sobriety. What a great subject and one that I was struggling with this morning. I could use some advice from the room. I am sponsoring a young mother who lives in a very rural area where attending live meetings is very difficult as she has several small children. On a day that I was home sick I was on this web site, participating in these cyber meetings. Her postings caught my eye as she seemed to be in struggling and in dire need of some direction on how to get started with her steps, and how to develop tools for sobriety. She posted her e-mail address and I offered her my help. She eventually asked me to be her sponsor and I told her I would do the best I could over e-mail and via the phone as we live hundreds of miles apart. At first she was very committed and worked diligently at her steps. And I was hopeful a cyber sponsorship would work after all . She seemed to respond to the suggestions I had for working her program and there was a healthy dialogue between us. Despite my strong encouragement for her to attend F2F meetings even one day a week she has resisted. While she lives in a rural area, she does drive to a larger town once a week to buy supplies, groceries and such. I checked. The larger town has several meetings on that day. She is either not wanting to face her alcoholism except in the privacy of her own home in a cyber meeting or on the phone/e-mail to me or she is worried about “someone” seeing her there because of the fairly rural nature of where she lives. Now here is the really difficult piece for me, over the last 4 weeks she has become extremely intermittent with even her e-mails to me. I tried talking to her about it and she acknowledged her lack of participation and “promised” to do better. She pleaded with me not to give up on her… Since we have talked about her participation in her own sobriety I have received one long thoughtful e-mail, the rest of the days have been one or possible two paragraphs. She does not address the questions I ask so do not know how she is progressing in the program.. I spend time each evening writing her about issues that I think will be helpful and later the only response I get back is some quick reply. These reply are often very “surfacy” that almost never addresses the current subjects she would identify over the phone were issues. It is like writing into a void! And I am frustrated. It is not a computer savvy thing, because initially she wrote long responses. It is beginning to dawning on me that it might be a problem with her commitment to her sobriety and putting time into her program. When I discuss this with her she has pleaded with me not to give up on her, so I don’t and the behavior occurs again. I do not like what has happened here. I signed on to be a sponsor, not her substitute parent. I cannot sponsor her by myself. And for me, it all comes down to choices, it is not me giving up on her, it is her giving up on herself. Then when I draw the line she will say, “Look at what a loser I am even my sponsor gave up on me.” But yesterday I did draw the line. I am very clear I am not willing to sponsor someone who is not putting as much effort into their sobriety as I am. And I feel I can not “save” her, I can only guide her when SHE has made the decision to work on her own sobriety. But I feel conflicted… any ideas or suggestions? I am not good at being the hard-ass.
Member: John W
Location: Hamilton, Ont. Canada
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 1:40:04 PM
Hi Everyone I am an alcoholic and a very grateful member of the Prince George Group here in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. I am a first time participant in this type of communication with another Alcoholic. I am looking forweard to learning something from all of you. I by God's Grace and the active participation in my own recovery have 5 years of continuous contented sobriety. I played around with this program for over 30 years and had several sponsors who I really didn't listen to. I did manage to stay dry for 10 years but then was re-aquainted with alcohol and It once again became my master. I believe that the difference in my recovery today is that I finally became willing to go to any length and that meant getting a sponsor and doing as I was asked to do. Join a group, Get active, Go to meetings, Learn how to apply the principals of the steps and traditions into my life My sponsor taught me that the steps are designed to learn to live with myself and the traditions teach me how to live with the rest of the world. For 30 years my way didn't work. The A.A. way does and that means we have to get a sponsor. Without a sponsor to show me how to do it I wouldn't be alive today. I am grateful for this program, the fellowship and for Alcoholics who are willing to share their experience, strength and hope so that I could get sober emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. I'll close for now and wish everyone a great day today.
Member: Just a drunk
Location:
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 2:05:12 PM
Hi I was thinking that the first guy I approached to be my sponsor had a couple of years and it seemed much easier to ask him than one of the old timers who were floating around (easier softer way!)What I have discovered is that what I need is as much experience as I can get hold of, my sponsor has 18 years his sponsor has 22 and his has around 30 that gives me 70 years (ish) of sober living to help me out, I am glad too that I don't have to put my sponsor or any member on a pedestal, it makes it harder if they fall off God Bless you all
Member: S.B
Location: Manchester UK
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 3:00:53 PM
hi all great subject John, we both must be feeling like we are losing out in the sponsor stakes. Sometimes the overpowering feeling to just ask anyone is there but I know that this wouldn't be right for me as I know that unless I felt comfortable with them I could't do the steps thouroughly and that would be as bad as not doing them at all. I keep thinking maybe I should travel to outside my usual meetings to widen my scope; and, even if I don't find a sponsor at least I will get more shares to listen to and maybe amongst those other shares will lie the answer to my prayers. I feel like I am standing still in my quest for the serenity within my sobriety. Your right there are sets of people who stick together but I think thats what they mean when they say stick with the winners, thats what I am aiming for, the winners corner so to speak. This week I have stuggled with my monster on my shoulder and couldn't or wouldn't phone anyone I have won this round but without a sponsor I trust I don't know how many times I can beat this urge within. I have to get past the fear of rejection and look further afield for my sponsor, maybe you should consider doing the same, GOD BLESS.
Member: Harry K
Location: U.K
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 3:25:55 PM
I remember when I was looking for a sponsor I heard all different things from different people as to what I should look for.."Ask an old timer", "Ask someone you don't like" etc. etc. I remember every meeting I went to I heard "It's in the book", The big book says..." So I knew the book was important. Of course I did what anyone like me, seeking an easier, softer way would do.....I found someone who knew the book from cover to cover so I can have him tell me where to look! I asked him, he said "yes" I said "great!" and then he asked, "Do you have a big book?" I said "NO". Then he said "You need to get one. Read the first three chapters and give me a call" That was my first introduction to sponsorship. I bought the book, read it as suggested, spoke to my sponsor about it in depth and then proceeded to go through the steps as outlined in that book. After 10 years I now find I to can quote out of the book like my sponsor did. Not because I memorized it, but because I've "internalized it" My first sponsor taught me about the book by making me read it. I still read it, and I always will. It provides me with comfort when I'm shakey and it provides me with direction when I'm confussed. To answer your question, find a sponsor that has the kind of sobriety (or serenity) you would like to have. If they say "no" (sometimes they have a few to many they can help or have other life commitments keeping them busy) Ask someone else. Don't stop, keep asking its great training! Thank you all for your wisdom and experience for helping to keep me sober. Oh one more thing...I also read it again and again when I help someone who asks me to sponsor him!
Member: douglas P
Location: albany,ny
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 7:50:49 PM
My name is doug, my first sponsor came to me from my rehab , he would visit us every week and I found that i could look up to him and I trusted what he told me I wanted him to be my sponsor because he had a strong program and I liked the way he lived his life I wanted what he had . and that is the way I ha ve picked my sponsors ever since it has worked for 16 years
Member: Glen H
Location: Tx
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 8:23:54 PM
Amanda, it's feels like "crosstalk" here because it's 'off topic'...but you did good, inmy opinion. We carry the message, not the mess..or the alcoholic. C'mon over to the Coffeepot and bring it up...
Member: chris w
Location: blakely, pa
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 8:25:51 PM
im chris an alcoholic, john we're in the same boat. i just left treatment after 28 days and i've been going to meeting all over to fine a sponsor with good sobriety. ive found a few but im a little weary about asking them and i don't really know why. i am a shy person and maybe i'm just not comfortable enough to speak up, yet. the person i'm lloking at will be celebrating 22 yrs next week and he was a speaker at the facility i was in and his story blew me away. it may take me a while but i need to do what ive got to do to stay sober, ya know.
Member: Elise
Location: Boulder, CO
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 9:20:46 PM
I'm Elise and I'm an alcoholic in my first year of sobriety - I went to my first meeting completely confused about everything and i heard that we needed to have a sponsor, that we needed to do certain things to get sober. a bunch of women approached me afterwards and i just picked one that looked like she had her life together. it wasn't a very traumatic decision, it was just me getting the necessities out of the way. i have gone through ups and downs with her - sometimes i find it difficult to do what she wants me to do - sometimes i feel like i don't like her at all - but she has been a great sponsor to me, and she's somebody who really cares whether or not i go back out. she isn't perfect, but just by virtue of having a sponsor, i feel more protected.
Member: DUDLEY D
Location: ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 9:44:31 PM
I'M AN ALCOHOLIC NAMED DUDLEY. HI EVERYONE, I CHOSE MY FIRST SPONSOR FROM A BOARD OF TEMPORARY SPONSORS AT THE FIRST MEETING THAT I WENT TO. AS IT TURNED OUT HE ENDED UP BEING MY SPONSOR THRU THE FIRST SIX STEPS. SINCE THAT TIME I'VE HAD FIVE DIFFERENT SPONSORS SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP THE ONE YOU PICK TO START WITH JUST GET ONE THATS RIGHT FOR YOU TO HELP GUIDE YOU THRU THE STEPS SO THAT YOU TOO CAN CARRY THE MESSAGE OF RECOVERY WHAT I WAS TAUGHT WAS SEEK OUT SOMEONE THAT WOULD HELP GUIDE YOU THRU THE STEPS AND HOLD EVERYTHING CONFIDENTIAL THAT WAS DISCUSSED AND SOMEONE THAT HAS THE KIND OF SOBREITY THAT YOU WANT. I TRIED TO LIVE SOBER FOR FOUR YEARS AFTER HAVING TWO YEARS SOBER AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT ME FROM PICKING UP A DRINK WAS GOD. I WASN'T DRINKING BUT MY LIFE WAS A LIVING HELL. I NOW AM ON MY SIXTH SPONSOR AND GOING THRU THE STEPS AGAIN. BY THE GRACE OF GOD I WILL CELEBRATE 7 YRS NEXT MONTH BUT AT THE SAME TIME I ONLY HAVE TODAY. 3 THINGS I DISTINCTLY REMEMBER FROM MY FIRST MEETING WERE GET A SPONSOR, DO THE STEPS, AND GO TO MEETINGS. WE ARE ALL SOBER MIRACLES OF GOD, SO GOD BLESS YOU ALL
Member: Donnie M.
Location: Short Gap, WV (D.O.S. 3-1-99)
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 10:35:08 PM
Hi to all and thanks for the topic John. I was in the same boat as you when I first came to AA. I thought of the little groups were a bunch of THE OLD WISE MEN, or whatever. I came to find that these men were the heart and soul of AA in our area and had nothing and wanted nothing from me, but they did want to show me that together you can stay sober one day at a time with the fellowship of all types of people even if you don`t see eye to eye on all the topics. I asked a man to be my sponsor within a couple of days of arriving in AA and he told me that he could not help me, because he had not had enough soberity, so I struggled along for the next thirteen months until this guy that I listened to and came to know and respect. He had said I could call him and come over for some coffee sometime and what I thought was just a cup of coffee started my friendship with my sponsor that has grown into what I call our brotherhood kind of friendship. My sponsor has taught me to trust others and myself. He has also showed me that thru no matter any circumstance be it cancer or even the loss of loved once that there is no reason to pick up the first drink. I have been asked to be a sponsor a couple of times in my short time in the rooms and it is an honor to have someone ask you to help them and it is our duty to pass on what has been given to us by those who have trudged these same roads before us. Thanks for letting me share and God bless all.
Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: 2/23/2003
Time: 11:33:53 PM
Kim V here alcoholic. I met my first sponsor while in treatment and went on drinking and years later was trying to get sober and saw her at a meeting and asked her to be my sponsor. I was desperate and that is what gave me the courage to ask her, and I was scared to even talk to people back then. The first thing she ask me is if I knew how to follow directions? and if I was ready to go to any lengths to get and stay sober? Right there let me know this lady wasn't taking any crap from me and would dump me in a heart beat if I didn't follow through will her directions and suggestions. I have moved onto other sponsors over the years as I have since gone to prison, and relocated to another state but I stayed sober during all of this. It is just the consquences of my past actions were not over yet. So my sponosr did me a great service and I will always be grateful to her. Thanks for being here.
Member: Bonny G.
Location: Hot Springs, AR
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 5:29:10 AM
Bonny, grateful recovering alcoholic, thanks for the topic on sponsorship. I've enjoyed the posts, both on finding a sponsor and how to be a sponsor. What a topic! I've just gotten a new sponsor, as a result of my old one moving to another state. My first sponsor told me she was my sponsor, I was new and scared, and that was probably my second meeting. I've had one sponsor who even went back out, we are all sober for one day at a time, no matter the years. But the old timers are right, stick with the winners, read the Big Book, go to meetings. And do the next right thing, that's what I say, this program is a gift, share the gift. There was no cyber space network when Bill and Dr Bob started this wonderful program, be a sponsor, they can always fire you or you them. I elected to be the sponsor of a co-worker who was struggling to stay sober. Sometimes you got to step out on faith and take a hand of a stranger. My sponsee doesn't do a lot anymore since getting through the fifth step, but she has a foundation, and I can be big enough to let her move on. Knowing when to allow the sponsee to fall or walk is as important as watching them catch hold of the program and soar. I am glad to say that God has blessed me with big shoulders and a caring heart, but I have to remember that my own sobreity is my top priority. Thanks for allowing me to share.
Member: John H
Location: Manchester
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 7:09:55 AM
Hi John! Lots of good advice above - but I have a bit of an advantage! Couple of things I believe: 1. NOBODY is 'better' than you.Your sobriety is a miracle and I don't know how you have got so far and have such (apparent) peace of mind without formally working the steps or having a sponsor but you have, and no-one can take that away from you. You can be proud of what you have achieved so far.I know how hard you work on your own, through reading and the internet but ythis can only take you so far. 2. There are mutual friends who can do the job - you were unlucky with your first try as he wasn't ready for you or anyone else yet.Keep being patient -you will find your man eventually and, when you do so, you will experience a quality of sobriety and a peace even greater than that which you currently have. 3. Wish I could help you personally but I'm not long enough in the tooth myself yet. But please ring me if you want to talk more. Best wishes John
Member: Robert H
Location: Columbus, OH
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 9:30:38 AM
Hi, I'm Robert and I'm an alcoholic. During the first few weeks of my recovery I was told how important a sponsor was to staying sober. The sponsor I chose was wonderful and was exactly what I needed during that time. However, as time went on and I started to learn who I was, I decided to change my sponsor, just as I had changed. This process worked very well for me and I am grateful to both sponsors that are/were helpful and understanding. One thing I can say is this, a sponsor has been a very important part of my recovery. www.alcoholrecovery.net
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 9:42:18 AM
Hi John, I can relate to having a hard time finding a sponsor. I'm still looking after 5 months. I have had a sponsor for a couple months but she has a lot of her own problems and never did the steps. I should have asked that question before I asked her! Now I find that I rarely call her because I feel like I'm bothering her. When I do call I get to hear about her unemployment, boyfriend, ex, etc. It's like talking to a girlfriend not a sponsor. I asked another lady but she only sponsors two people at a time and that was fine. Then I asked a couple more women and they gave me there numbers but halfheartedly. I did not end up pursuing them because I could just tell they did not want to. The woman sponsor pool in my area is not that big compared to men sponsors. I am just going to wait and hope God puts the right woman in my path. My sobriety is going well and I'm happy and having a sponsor would be a bonus. She does not have to walk on water or have double digit sobriety just good program and the willingness to share it. God Bless and thanks for letting me share.
Member: G. M.
Location: DFW
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 10:54:58 AM
Hi family. I just celebrated my 2 year BD in AA and finding the right sponsor has been a very important part of my recovery. I had a temporary sponsor out of treatment who was very good getting me started with my program but I never got to spend much time with him because we lived far apart. I changed to the sponsor I have now who has been great. Our stories are very similar and he really helps me when I ask but doesn't push me too hard either. I worked my 5th step with him a little over a year ago and it was a great experience. I just feel that sponsorship is very important in staying sober and if your current sponsor isn't giving you what you need there is no law against moving on. Thanks
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 10:54:59 AM
A "real" alcoholic here, as described on page 21. Early on when I flitted around the edges of AA. I kept hearing about getting a sponsor, but I didn't like the idea. After all I was intelligent, self sufficient and figured I could teach myself how "not to drink", if I only knew the secret. After a few more years of dwelling in the icey shadow of King Alcohol. I arrived back at the doors of AA, with a little humility and a lot of opinion. I asked Chyle to sponsor me for all the wrong reasons, but we did go over the steps at our weekly meeting. I began to test the waters of honesty. Then I took it back and wound up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. That is when I think I finally "let go" for the first time. I came back to AA and was too embarrassed to raise my hand, but I knew I was done fighting alcohol. I've tried out a few other sponsors, but I still rely primarily on Chyle, when I can't get out of fear. Today I tell the new comers, I sponsor, "you are insane", "you can't do it alone" and if your not ready to give up this battle, then go out and have another one on me. Alcohol will either kill you or pound you into submission. By the grace of God, I'll be here when you are ready.
Member: Sharon Frey
Location: Sunny windy, and COLD in Portland, Oregon
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 11:32:34 AM
John, and everyone else who thinks that they are "lesser" than the "oldimers and are hesitate to ask someone to be there sponsor. After 24+ years in and active in AA Just remember these people wouldn't be here if they weren't drunks. Some of us were sloppy, falling down drunks, but drunks just the same. I too had those feelings but an old man with not much more time than I had told me when I felt lesser than, to picture that person, group, etc, bare as-ed naked, crawling up a flight of stairs, and then see if they are "better than you." I tried it and all I could do is giggle, for I too have been like that. It wasn't funny at the time, but the mental picture sure will put a smile on your face and remove that fear. Try it.. and have a good laugh THEN ask them to sponsor you.. Hang in there, remember this too will pass.. Love and prayers, Sharon slfry@yahoo.com
Member: Sharon Frey
Location: Sunny windy, and COLD in Portland, Oregon
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 11:32:50 AM
John, and everyone else who thinks that they are "lesser" than the "oldimers and are hesitate to ask someone to be there sponsor. After 24+ years in and active in AA Just remember these people wouldn't be here if they weren't drunks. Some of us were sloppy, falling down drunks, but drunks just the same. I too had those feelings but an old man with not much more time than I had told me when I felt lesser than, to picture that person, group, etc, bare as-ed naked, crawling up a flight of stairs, and then see if they are "better than you." I tried it and all I could do is giggle, for I too have been like that. It wasn't funny at the time, but the mental picture sure will put a smile on your face and remove that fear. Try it.. and have a good laugh THEN ask them to sponsor you.. Hang in there, remember this too will pass.. Love and prayers, Sharon slfry@yahoo.com
Member: Vicente S. - vicente@acninc.net
Location: Central Mass
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 3:44:34 PM
Hola John, I'm vicente, a patient of AA and in recovery for 23 months and 14 days. One of the hardest lessons that I had to learn if I was gonna experience the miracle was asking for help. whether from my HP or picking up the phone. the most important word for me in this thing is the first word of the First Step - "We." You HP will help if you ask him/her/it. I sponsor guys and a couple of my guys sponsor guys. It's all about asking for help so that you not only stay away from a drink for today but also grow and change. That comes with a price just like boozing comes with a price. Get your ego outta the way and ask away. Like everything else in this wonderful Fellowship, things get easier. But you gotta move outta yourself and take the first steps. have a great day unless you've made other plans and don't drink - today!! Namaste, Vicente
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 4:23:45 PM
HI. Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. Been sober ever since I knowed how. Nice set of double topics. I am not so sure it was all that hard for me to get sober. That is, of course, once I decided that I wanted to get sober. Normally most folks clinically detox in 3 to 5 days. Some may take a bit longer some shorter. Clinically detoxed means the physical compulsion for us to drink leaves us. We are sober. My main problem was learning how to live sober. The Steps did that nicely and little by little day by day my life was improving. To be perfectly honest with you all; it was nearly five years before everything fell into place for me. I have had an awesome recovery. It has been and still is an adventure. I don't think it was difficult but it was and, still is, a bit time consuming. On the second topic...John A. The best advice I can give you on sponsorship is to get ahold of the AA pamphlet, "Questions and Answers on Sponsorship" That is my first "required" reading I give to anyone who asks me to sponsor them. All the info you need is in there and it is accurate. You can obtain this pamphlet at your AA central office or whatever you call that in England. If you have any problems locating this literature, just email me and I will mail you a copy. Bill az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Peter s
Location: England (Dorset)
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 5:07:57 PM
I didnt like Peter h. He seemed so poised and confident. He NEVER talked about his day or how his week had been,he only ever shared about those damed 12 steps!!. When i slipped one more time and returned desperate it was he i turned to. I simply asked him to help me do the 12 steps. I was sick and tired of bieng hugged. I tried to tell him all my problems--- he told me he was not interested in them,but he was interested in what i was doing about step 1!!!!. What a genius. He lead me from self obsession to recovery from alcoholism by the 12 steps. My advice? listen to hear the folk who talk 12 steps and ASK!!!.
Member: Peter s
Location: England (Dorset)
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 5:08:31 PM
I didnt like Peter h. He seemed so poised and confident. He NEVER talked about his day or how his week had been,he only ever shared about those damed 12 steps!!. When i slipped one more time and returned desperate it was he i turned to. I simply asked him to help me do the 12 steps. I was sick and tired of bieng hugged. I tried to tell him all my problems--- he told me he was not interested in them,but he was interested in what i was doing about step 1!!!!. What a genius. He lead me from self obsession to recovery from alcoholism by the 12 steps. My advice? listen to hear the folk who talk 12 steps and ASK!!!.
Member: Jon H
Location: East Anglia UK
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 7:35:59 PM
My sponsors great. He doesnt push or shove me to do anything but he is always there to support me if I ask him. Although I've never called him that frequently it was very important in the early days to know that there was this special person who was my own on-call "spiritual paramedic". Get very puzzled when I see references to formally "working the steps" - sounds too much like an exam with right and wrong answers that you pass or fail with your sponsor taking on the role of examiner.
Member: Stephanie
Location: Chicago
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 7:39:42 PM
((Amanda)), your problem w/your sponsee is not unique nor limited to rural areas. I live in the Chicago area where there are thousands of meetings. Most of the people who have asked me to sponsor them never call, or refuse to go to a mtg every day, or don't take suggestions. It's been a joke, I'm never afraid to say yes to a sponsorship request since they never mean it anyway. In the beginning I nudge them along. If they don't respond, I try to respond when they ask for help, and leave them alone when they don't. If I think they're on the road to relapse, I tell them. All I can do is tell them what I believe and share MY ESH. I have one "sponsee" who is a raging drinker after two years. She calls only when she's drunk and in pain. I've learned from her and others that I am not responsible if they drink and don't get the credit if they get sober. If they want it they will get it. It's not being a hardass to tell the truth. You can be tactful but never dance around the truth. It doesn't help them. If you're blunt (not mean), your words might stick even if she doesn't digest them now. You might sow a seed that you never see flower. That's okay, we're not in it for a reward. The most important thing is that by helping someone else, YOU stayed sober. Good luck.
Member: siobbhan
Location: washington
Date: 2/24/2003
Time: 8:36:07 PM
hi, siobbhan, alcoholic. on the topic of choosing a sponsor, the most important decision is to actually CHOOSE a sponsor. i am a procrastinator (sp?) and felt, at first, that i could work the program alone. not my brightest idea, i'll admit. however, when choosing a sponsor, i personally felt more comfortable asking someone with some time in the program. not because she was better than me, but because odds were that whatever issues i had/have, she probably had some insight on how best to handle things. thanks for letting me share.
Member: mike l
Location: kalamazoo mi
Date: 2/25/2003
Time: 9:50:40 AM
hi, I got my first sponsor soon after I arrived at the long term treatment center I've been living at for the past 13 months. I had no real clue on how to pick a sponsor other than to look for someone that has something I want. So that's what I did. First, I looked for someone with a significant amount of clean time. Then, I just listened to people share. A good sign for me was someone who did'nt share about the same damn thing every meeting. In other words, someone who could "accept the things he could not change and had the courage to change the things he could". Luckily I hit paydirt the first time but even if you don't just remember if it's not working you'll do yourself and your sponsor a favor by continuing to look. Anybody willing to be a sponsor should and does understand that not everyone is right for each other and it's OK to be let go. But like Siobbhan said, the most important part is to just actually choose someone because believe me, if I allowed myself to, I could be still trying to find that perfect first sponsor
Member: Silent Feather
Location: rockin' with sobriety
Date: 2/25/2003
Time: 3:02:30 PM
Hi everyone! I’m an alcoholic. % anon: “staying sober easier then getting sober” = it took a while for me to arrive to the doors of AA, like 13 yrs. When they opened, I embraced AA like a new lover. The 1st year was very bumpy for me. This being due to the fact that I am a slow learner, not uncommon with alcoholics as I’ve found since alcohol deletes brain cells. Others I saw in AA have smooth sailing as soon as they committed to AA/sobriety. Seems to be an individual thing. Being drunk versus sobriety, I take the latter any day. %John A. “how to get a sponsor” = my suggestion is to locate an AA member that you admire his or her sobriety and then ask, “Will you be my sponsor?” If that person says “no”, do not take it personally. Seek out another person and ask. Don’t give up. You are worth it! :-) % Amanda “Internet sponsorship” A sponsor is a guide, who shares personal experiences working the steps and traditions with a sponsee, who asks for help. We carry the message, not the alcoholic. *If* we are not needed, we seek out another to work with. Some times, sponsors go too fast for the sponsee: some thing got missed along the way of sharing and back tracking is necessary. Some times another sponsor is needed and this is healthy (see Sponsorship pamphlet). Question for you, Amanda, where is your Higher Power in sponsoring another? Who runs the show? You or your Higher Power? I had a sponsee, who wouldn’t talk with me so I turned him over to my Higher Power. Guess what? After letting go & letting God, he found another sponsor that he felt comfortable with and now, he’s working the steps. Do I feel slighted? Not in the least bit. No where does it say that it works every time: sponsor & sponsee. “There is bolt for every nut.” – heard at meetings.
Member: Melanie
Location: Akron, Ohio, USA
Date: 2/25/2003
Time: 5:16:37 PM
Hello Friends, I'm Melanie an alcoholic. We all came here broken down and in need of help. The word "better" is a relative term. Richer? Better dressed? Better groomed? Or do they have that certain something I feel I lack? I look better than I did in early sobriety, but it is the steps that have really made me better in my head, heart and spirit. JOHN, listen to shares at meetings and just walk up to one of those groups after the meeting. Say,"Hi, I'm John. I liked what you said. Could you help me with ..." You may soon find yourself part of that group and have a better idea which fellow would be right for you. If someone turns you down it's OK. A willing sponsor is important to a willing sponsee. As far as getting sober vs. staying sober...hhhmmm...I was beaten badly by alcohol before I wanted to get sober. I got medical attention for the detox period. Getting sober only took a few days. Staying sober has taken every day (1 @ time) ever since. When I feel that staying sober is so easy I need to watch out. Getting drunk is the easiest thing I can think of. Thanks for helping me stay sober today!
Member: Sara B.
Location: Lima, Peru
Date: 2/25/2003
Time: 6:10:55 PM
Hi there, I am Sara, an alcoholic working hard on my sobriety for the grace of God today..very good topic, in my years knowing the program I can be a "life testimony" that in order to really work the program effectively you need guidance, direct coaching and that is given from an sponsor, with lots of twenty four hours able to share his/her suffer, experience and strenght. In my case I came to AA ten years ago and did the wrong thing (that means in my way attending very less, I was twenty two I was not that bad, sponsor? me? it was not a hard thing to do, I could handle myself..ha..ha..result? I didn't stay sober longer, back to the dark, back to the pain, but to the horror..When I was twenty four I came back, that was enough, I was hating myself, I was loosing my years, I was dating guys with no sense of who I like what I was looking for? I was screwing at my jobs since at office parties I was really a show, then feeling miserable, asking people to forgive me, that was the alcohol (at least I never forget that after being once in AA) then back again in AA and at that time I stayed four years..sponsor? every old timer I knew in my group, always asking, always talking, but nobody really unique knowing all about me..result? I quit after four years because I had a problem with a guy I date there (I dated several cool guys and now are my friends but this guy was the sickest person I've ever met and I felt once that my life was in danger so I quit)..I started theraphy to forget the hell this guy made me lived, and told the psycologist I couldn't drink..that at least kept my disease "controlled" (alcoholic dream...ha..ha..) who am I kidding I screwed it more than once, I cheated on my boyfriend, thank God I know was just sickness and never told him and ate the suffer alone and never did it again..I just told him I could drink and was needing his help..we got engaged all was kind of ok, but you know I am a neurotic and a very active one without group so the "kindness and romance" dissapeared from the to time when fear invaded me..he was all in love at that time so fortunately trusted me and kept helping me and back to therapy..we got married one year ago (feb 23rd 2002) and I will always thank god I just had a drop in the church ceremony and in the greeting..I cannot of course! but at least I had a guardian angel (well my husband took that off me!) and in my honeymoon the same, after one night drinking I cried and told him I needed to quit and come back to AA where I belong, that even a drop in my body means "dishonesty" to myself and I cannot do that, when I play dirty with me I mixed up all my priorities and I was totally miserable although I was just married! My husband was worried for me getting back to meetings after marriage and I told him, you felt in love with just 60% (being gentle) of Sara! there is much more I can do to be happy and be a good wife, worker, etc. Now with eleven months, having my sponsor since November 02, working the steps, free of other substances since I found out now working with an sponsor and taking off all masks that diet pills were my second drug, now I am one month without the pills and on March 25th is my anniversary first sobriety date of what I call now "my final countdown", for the grace of God, I GOT IT! this time, I am working on myself, growing, being in touch with my sponsor, attending f2f meetings at least three times a week, READING! (now my homework my sponsor gave me after my liberating fifth step is to read the sixth I am in shape!!) also talking to her I compromise to eat wisely so no fear of gaining weight since I want that in sobriety also, sobriety is in everything and I thank God I got it! and want it! well, enough for today..and for AMANDA from the bottom of my heart and sorry I dare to say this but for me it is obvious that girl you tried hard to sponsor is drinking again!..waste your energy in someone who is living the program, not leaving it!! if you want to keep sponsoring through internet contact me at sbianchi@bellsouth.com.pe I am more than willing to receive wisdom from an old timer, let her go maybe she needs more pain, it is sad but I've learned that although I can guarantee my sobriety for today and grow in it working hard my steps and doing the right thing, having my sponsor, attending meetings..the emotional sickness is always there and the moment I let my emotions to allow me to loose "it" I am screwed! so let her go and wait for her to come back when she is willing to keep the "rhythm" indispensable to keep growing, more in the first 90 days! Love you all, thanks for being there..see ya :-)
Member: ronie b
Location: hagerstown, md
Date: 2/25/2003
Time: 7:06:03 PM
hi...ronie, grateful alcoholic...today it is easier for me to stay sober than the path of getting sober..that is attributed to my support network, my desire and willingness to change, higher power and the conscious effort of not wanting to live the rest of my life in sickness..there are still days that i think of drinking, but i don't pick up...today i choose not to because i think about what will happen afterwards and where that 1 drink will lead me...i don't want to do that again..thanks for listening...take care
Member: Michael H
Location: Philly
Date: 2/25/2003
Time: 9:40:36 PM
Hey everybody, I'm an alcoholic, my name is Michael. Good topic, I'd have to agree. After fumbling around for years doing it my way, I came back to AA beaten up and willing to do what was asked of me to stay sober. I got a sponsor immediately and started working the steps. I was given the tools needed to live life on life's terms and today, life is good. I get the same problems and challenges everybody else gets, but I have this great spiritual way of life that helps me deal with them. Sponsoring others has been wonderfull, it keeps me on my toes. My job as a sponsor is to give away what has been so freely given to me. Taking other men through the big book of AA and the twelve step recovery program has been a great reward. What makes it all worth it for me is seing someone who comes in just as beaten up as I did, and watching them get better.
Member: Bob B
Location: Scotland
Date: 2/26/2003
Time: 8:10:31 AM
Good afternoon everyone. I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic. The topic this week is very appropriate for me since I've been in a weird space for a week or so. I did step 5 several months ago after being in a treatment centre. That was a load off my mind. However I'm now feeling rather numb and disconected despite three regular meetings and a step meeting each week. Step 6 seems logical but I am strangely reluctant to commit myself. I need a sponsor to kick me into gear before all those addictive tendencies in my personality re-emerge. That's a place I certainly don't want to return to. I've read what some of you have posted and taken advice from a couple of guys with three or four years sobriety on suitable people to sponsor me. ( the problem just complicated itself when I met a fifteen year AA veteren who has spent the past month on a binge) I have two people in mind and will talk to them this week. I hope one of them will be available. Meanwhile I'll trust the guidance of my higher power and try to live in today.
Member: Vicki C.
Location: Fulton, Mo.
Date: 2/26/2003
Time: 5:37:42 PM
Our 12th step says "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result..., that's what happens when someone takes the steps. So in a sponsor you might want someone that has experienced this.You can ask a person and if they shy or move away from you, use that as an indication of someone without the solution. It's okay to be afraid to ask. I was, heart punding, knees shaking, etc. but I did it. For me, when i get to work with somone it sure does get me out of myself. I am not trying to sell them on sobriety, alcohol has to beat them down enough, like it did me so they are willing to take what sems like "stupid" stuff, and do it. It's okay to find a person and tell them you are scared to ask them. They will understand. The Big Book contains the prescription for sobriety and I had to have help following directions. I still receive help today. You don't have to sound smart or knowledgeable when talking to a sponsor, you don't know it all. Neither do sponsors. God Bless, May you find as much freedom and happiness as I have.
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 2/26/2003
Time: 5:45:39 PM
I'm Chris--I'm an alcoholic/addict.... How do we stay sober? That is good question for me to think through...When I first got sober , I was so scared that I would do anything to get sober...Then as the years have worn on ,I have forgotten the horror of the begining..So I think that one answer would be to keep it green..and even if you don't remember the old days , just keep diong the things that you KNOW you need to do ..even if you don't think you need to do them. This is a cunning and baffeling disease...Even just this seek , I have had to miss a few meetings because of physical problems, and I began to think that I didn't really NEED to go to meetings..I must remember that even if that SEEMS to make sense, that those thoughts are m¥ disease talking...Sometimes the wrong things make perfect sense to us at the time.In "24 Hours" I remember reading that all of the work we do prepares us for the those times when a drink seems like the "right" thing to do... I guess what I am trying to say is that to stay sober, we must always be on the look out for danger spots, and always be working our program to prepare for those times when a drink looks good. We muxt remember that our sobriety is our number one priority in life. Without it, we would have nothing.
Member: Vince F.
Location: South Jersey (USA)
Date: 2/26/2003
Time: 8:41:45 PM
Hi, My name is Vince and I am an alcoholic. I thought I could stay sober without anyone's help, let alone a sponsor. My first trip into AA I stopped drinking, went to meetings and left. No friends, no sharing and God forbid, no sponsor. I stayed "DRY" for 11 years. Eleven years of not being able to share with another alcoholic on how I really felt. The cravings, the mood swings, the anger, the guilt, the etc., you guys know what it is. Eventually I went back out. Only? out for six months, six months of hell, ending in a suicide attempt. In January i just celebrated another 11 years of "sobriety", not dry. Why? Because my higher power allowed me to swallow my pride, to put aside my fears and ask some guy to be my sponsor. I feel there are no coincidences. My first sponsor was into the big book and the steps, something I had not done previously. And when I needed something more, I got another sponsor, remaining friends with my first. John, I know how you feel. but, we really have not choice. to go it alone will eventually have us go out. And you would be surprised at how much good you will do for that man you ask to be your sponsor. I know i feel good when I am asked. Take care and God bless all of you. sjvin2000@yahoo.com
Member: Roxanne F.
Location: Hornell, NY
Date: 2/27/2003
Time: 10:49:09 AM
Hi, My name is Roxanne and I am an alocoholic. I found that the longer I waited to work the steps as suggested the close I came to a drink. It has been put to me simply that if Im not working my way away from one I am working my way towards one. Of course the day came when I drank again almost three years later. The Big Book (our basic text) outlines simply exactly what to do if we dont want to drink again and until I let go of the obsession (step one) gave up my will (step two and three) and set out on a course of action,(steps 4 through 12) nothing changed in my life. I found that AA is the easier softer way for me! I dont know about anyone else but life sucked before I came to AA!!! Today life is manageable. I dont always like the crap that happens and I dont enjoy going through the pain, but no pain no gain. The best lessons I have learned stemed from pain and fear! Uniqueness is not for me! Bill took action to change his obsession and I want what he had!! And the self-pity and Self-centeredness always took me back to the bottle. Because EVERYTHING was all about ME!! I am grateful for AA and these past 3 1/2 years have been totally freeing for me! God has truely done for me what I could not do for myself Roxanne rfuller2@stny.rr.com
Member: Adelea I.
Location: Dresden, Germany
Date: 2/27/2003
Time: 11:27:43 AM
Adelea, alcoholic. I always enjoy the topics posted every week here. On the topic of sponsorship, I have some experience to share on both ends. I have had 3 sponsors in the 10 years I have been sober, and each of them have been perfect for what I needed to learn at that time in sobrirty. but, I did not know this at the time I asked each of them. My first sponsor taught me how to not drink and to be a sober WOMAN of AA. my next sponsor taught me hwo to have MY OWN relaitonship with God, b/c humans will always fail us. And this sponsor is teaching me how to really have humilty and humanity in sobriety. The thing is about sponsorship, is that it is one fo the most intimate relationships I will have in recovery, b/c I have to be honest with them, if I want a fighting chance. and the fist person I ever got the courage to ask to sponsor me, said NO. and yes, my feelings were hurt, but she recommended a friend of hers, who said yes. I didn't even know her, but wanted to saty sober.and now, I have had the privialge of sponsoring otehr women. I have grown more at times, by sponsoring them, than by my own sponsor relaitonshiop. the women I have sponsored have kept me sober for many years. they have been my deposits into my "sobriety account". so John, please know, that you also keep your sponsor sober, along with yourself. Amanda, give her to God, and let her know that you are unwilling to work harder than she is. sometimes, by not cutting people loose, we do them a diservice, for we may be the thing that stands in the way of them hitting there bottom...good luck. Tchuis!!
Member: Bob B
Location: Vanderbilt Michigan
Date: 2/27/2003
Time: 1:08:08 PM
Bob here, alcoholic. Want a sponsor? What for? In Chapter 5 it says "if you want what we have" so look around, see who has what you want and then when the chairperson asks for a topic bring up the topic of sponsorship. Tell the group you don't know how to approach anyone and see what happens. I would be willing to bet that the person you selected will show interest in helping you. To do what? Take the 12 steps. Not be your mama or daddy, financial provider or sex partner, just a guide to a life of sobriety. Ask them to "show you precisely how they got sober" (Opening paragraph Big Book) No big deal really because after all the only thing at stake here is your life. So what is that worth to you? I asked a man I was taught to hate. He was a different color. But it worked. If it doesn't just say thanks and ask another. Watch what you ask for, you might get it. I pray you care enough to ask.
Member: Pam D
Location: Santa Ana, Ca
Date: 2/27/2003
Time: 3:44:42 PM
My experience with sponsorship is a little different than the usual, but I have stayed sober for a lot of days in a row, so I will share how it's worked for me. When I went through a treatment program, I was asked to leave (because my ex accused me of having an affair with another 'inmate'). I left, but found a sponsor who had over 20 years, and I stayed sober to spite the people who judged me (after all, I was SOOOO perfect when I came in these rooms....grin). The woman who "sponsored" me had me clean houses, literally. This was HER way of helping her sponsees. I didn't work a single step with her. And managed to keep a resentment that kept me sober nearly 2 years. But I didn't see how sponsorship made a difference in the quality of my sobriety. Then, I knew the pain of not working the steps was too great to hang on to any longer. So I found the craziest SOB with more than 3 years sober at the Alano club and went to coffee with HIM for a couple of weeks. We worked through the first 5 steps. Since I KNEW he was NUTS, I also KNEW that if he told anybody what I had confided in him, they wouldn't believe him. After getting through to step 5, he disappeared. I read the book, worked the steps, read the Grapevine, and attended a lot of meetings. But I didn't have a particular sponsor I worked with for the next 10 years. I just kept working on life on life's terms. There were many people in the program that I confided in, but none that I called sponsor. Then I asked a long time friend if he would accept the title of "sponsor" and share more of his experience, strength and hope with me... He was my anchor and my friend for the next 5 years. We didn't have a "typical" sponsorship relationship, because he lived in another state and we only talked every couple of months, but I learned a lot about staying sober long term from him. I also learned a lot about trusting God and working through life. And learning to trust the part of me that had been restored to sanity by working the steps of the program. Suddenly, my sponsor had a heart attack and died. I have stayed sober for the past 3 years without a sponsor. I have trusted dear friends and an occasional therapist to tell me when I am "off the beam". Today, I realize that when I pray for knowledge of God's will for me, that I usually get the answer from another alcoholic. In that sense, the entire fellowship is sponsoring me. I share my experience so that the "shame" mentality that can occur around not working a conventional program can be lessened for others. Yes, some people DO stay sober without lifetime sponsors. HOWEVER, I don't want to give the impression that sponsorship doesn't have a place. When working through the steps, it is important to work with another alcoholic who has some experience. This doesn't mean that you have to "turn your will and your life" over to another alcoholic (cleaning other people's houses wasn't appropriate!). What it means, is that we can help one another...and should. Of course, other people may see things differently. Best to all.
Member: John A
Location: Manchester (UK)
Date: 2/27/2003
Time: 6:56:04 PM
Hi All, John A, a grateful alcoholic. I must first say a big thank you to each and every one of you that has shared for use all, their experiences on this sponsor topic. Its Thursday night in the UK and so fare this week we have had over 40 shares on this topic and please keep them coming. I have taken grate care in reading very one of them and made some note of the advice you have all shared. A big thanks to John H for his kind words and the support and encouragement he gives me, thanks JOHN. Once again a big thanks to u all, Thanks for allowing me to share, keep sober, John A. yourwine@hotmail.com
Member: Jay S
Location: Minnesota USA
Date: 2/27/2003
Time: 10:59:57 PM
New to this online AA! Jay S., alcoholic here. Thank you all for your thoughts. Great topic John, and keep up the good work on your sobriety! My thoughts are similar to many others. Somewhere along the sobriety path I developed an attitude that if it's going to help me stay sober, by God, I'm going to do it. Even if it mean having to overcome my fears and asking for help, i.e. asking for a sponsor. Even if it means going to a meeting when I don't feel like it. Sobriety is my number one priority because without it I have nothing. It's funny because I still won't ask for help on many things (a character defect I'm working on), but I'm not shy about asking for help that a sponsor can give with my sobriety. Drink is a nasty beast that a sponsor can help you keep at bay, which helps the sponsor stay sober as well. We're all worth it!
Member: SAMUEL T
Location: SO CAL
Date: 2/28/2003
Time: 2:25:19 PM
IM A NEW MEMBER. THANKS ALL FOR THE SUPORT
Member: Tom M.
Location: Homosassa, FL
Date: 2/28/2003
Time: 3:44:33 PM
Hi everyone, My name is Tom and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. John I am sending an e-mail to the address you posted. I hope it was a true e-mail address because you need to hear what I am saying. You need to get a sponsor as soon as you can. Choosing a good one is important. Whatch how others in the group handle them selves and how they treat other people. If he is talking a good talk and you see he is waking that good walk, chances if he has been in the program for a few years he will make a good sponsor. Asking some one to be your sponsor is a complement. So find one.
Member: R.J.
Location: Baltimore
Date: 2/28/2003
Time: 4:12:31 PM
It's great to have such a wonderful site dedicated to staying sober! Staying sober has been a three year winning battle and Im proud to say Im sober and happy three years as of Feb. 14, 2003. Life is GRAND and Living is sooo much better when you let go and become sober! Seeing through rose color glasses has never looked so good. Im truly blessed. I pray for everyone and anyone who truly wants to find inner peace. God Bless all! :)
Member: R.J.
Location: Baltimore
Date: 2/28/2003
Time: 4:26:13 PM
Also John..."Good Topic" God Bless my friend...Stay Sober! :)
Member: lindaw
Location: glasgow, scotland
Date: 3/1/2003
Time: 3:47:35 AM
Hi, my name is Linda and I'm an alcoholic - I got a new computer last Saturday (something I couldnt have done when id been drinking) and wanted to check out an online meeting! - 18 months sober and loving life.
Member: lindaw
Location: glasgow, scotland
Date: 3/1/2003
Time: 3:47:47 AM
Hi, my name is Linda and I'm an alcoholic - I got a new computer last Saturday (something I couldnt have done when id been drinking) and wanted to check out an online meeting! - 18 months sober and loving life.
Member: Thomas
Location: S. Fl
Date: 3/1/2003
Time: 6:12:39 AM
Congrats to R.J. 3 years and Linda 18 months. Have a great sober 24.
Member: Ralph E
Location: Portland
Date: 3/1/2003
Time: 11:35:02 AM
Hi, My name is Ralph. It is wonderful to find this web site which makes my life easier. Since I am on line often, swiching over to this web site during the day makes for a better life. Looking for a AA meeting in different cities is not as convenient as arriving here. Staying sober always works for me.
Member: Eva R
Location: Florida
Date: 3/1/2003
Time: 11:56:24 PM
Hi, My name is Eva and I am an alcoholic. For me it was hard to ask people for help. I am not healed of that fear but much better. I finally asked someone to be my sponsor, because I was afraid I was going to get drunk if I didn't. I follow most of the suggestions that way. I did not want to drink. Asking a sponsor to help, was not something I did right away. I was relieved, but still scared when I did. The woman I chose had been sober for quite a few years, was quiet and friendly, so I felt safe with her. I believe I met her by doing some service work. (Someone suggested for newcomers to clean the ashtrays, put the chairs away, clean up the room at the end of the meeting. I found I felt more comfortable talking to people when I was busy. I have met a lot of people in the room that way. I have had a couple of sponsors since then, and have sponsored a few people. Good Luck to you, One Day At A Time.
Member: bert.b
Location: victoria b.c. canada
Date: 3/2/2003
Time: 12:58:11 AM
hi john my name is bert i live in vitoria b.c. canada.this is my first time in a meeting in cyber space.i have been sober a long time and i now go to one meeting a week.i think it is fantastic that you go to three,the more the better when you start.remember no one in AA is better then you ,we are all the same, one drink away from hell no matter how long we have been sober.in fact the new member is the best reminder of what it was like in the horror of drink[you are ,believe it, as good any other member of AA] .as cliqeys go.remember it is human nature to band together we are all insecure, just go over there and say hi! be the way you want them to be and trust in your higher power to send you a good sponsor. Regards:Bert
Member: Someone learning
Location: state of shock
Date: 3/2/2003
Time: 1:47:02 AM
I am sure that I am still toxic. And if I do not practice these priciples, I am fucked! Go to meetings, have a sponser, don't drink between meetings and call another alcoholic when your feeling weird. Take the f-ing steps! Or don't, you can always come back in; and you will if you don't take the steps...
Member: Joe
Location: M
Date: 3/2/2003
Time: 5:21:26 AM
Hi! My name is Joe and I am an alcoholic. It seems to me that Eva started the topic with reaching out. I have been around AA and in and out since 1982. In 1991 I had amassed 5 years of sobriety when I decided to go back for more pain. I stayed out for 10 more years fianlly getting sober again in February of 2001. My DOS is Feb 19 2001. In all those years prior to now I learned then names of hundreds of alcoholics at the meetings but nobody knew mine. I lived on the edge of AA rather than in the middle. Its so disheartening even today to say hello to someone I know but who does not know me. Today, I know to speak up, get involved and not run when folks begin to know who I am. So, today I am letting folks in and letting them get to know me and my program, my spiritual fitness is growing so much stronger than it did in years past.