Member: mike
Location:
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 9:03:16 PM

Comments

sex in sobriety


Member: k j
Location: stbg. pa.
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 9:07:33 PM

Comments

gratitude i would like to hear from people who really dont have much but sobriety, and the gratitude that they have with that.n


Member: William,A.
Location: High.Point
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 9:32:46 PM

Comments

Hello,William,Alkie .

This is a topic that should get a great response,since it should be an awful lot of people on line with as the second person asked,a little bit of soberiety.

A/A speaks of when boy meets girl on A/A campus and lust startes at first sight,many of newcomers havecome to A/A and felt,that they need to have someone to make them feel good about themself,and went looking for someone like themself to make themself feel good at that time and after some time some of them either ,drink,got sober or went thier seperate ways or what ever came next.

A/A has stood the test of time with this situation and will keep on standing in thier for hose that look at things like this and say live ,and let live but we who have been threw things like this can share our experience,streignth and hope with the bewildeered one that may have to find this out the hard way,as for me I will try to be there -- for the one that will try and not make it threw, I know this situation from experience to the point of drinking again behind not being able to have my way.


Member: Larry M
Location: North Dakota
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 10:12:26 PM

Comments

sex and sobriety. A good topic. Larry here, Alcoholic. I have only been sober a month. My last drunk almost did me in. Got a DUI on the interstate weaving all over the road. I was in ablackout and the patrolmans siren is what woke me up. Thank God no one was hurt. I have pancretitus which started about 3 years ago and has gotten worse and worse, as a direct result of my drinking. The pancreas started hurting after that binge,(fever,throwing up, dizziness, severe stomach pain) to those who have it they know what I am talking about.Getting off track here. I have been missing my ex terribly and she at this point isnt to happpy with me and I really want her back! (sex,lonely) is that wrong?she says she wants time. Iknow i need to work on me to get well, but I miss her and our sexual relationship.I thank God I"ve been sober another 24. God bless you all !


Member: spelling checker
Location:
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 10:15:52 PM

Comments

through! not threw


Member: Christeen A.
Location: IN
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 10:19:31 PM

Comments

I find that as a newly sober woman, I am learning how to REALLY be loved & guided by sticking with WOMEN!

I can always get attention, and have craved it for a very long time. However, I find the kind of attention I need in recovery comes from the women around me (no hidden agenda, no ulterior motive). Recovery for me has been about doing something different. I guess that's why they say if nothing changes, nothing changes.


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 10:27:51 PM

Comments

mike, in sobriety, it's probably best to F*%k yourself,at least for the first year... or till you work the steps... and then whether or not you do the 1st 2 things mentioned, it is ALWAYS a good idea to have your victim (i mean lover/newcomer)checked for s.t.d.(sexually transmitted disease) alcoholism may not be the only disease they have... by the time the results get back you may hate them... but hey it's better than catching something...see pgs.69-72 in the big book if you care to know what the book says 'bout sex. good luck oh yeah the 12&12 talks about boy meets girl on a.a. campuss... something about being spiritually,mentally, and emotionally compatable. does not say anything about tits or ass...or time for that matter.i know a man with 25 years his wife has 12, he grabbed her "on arrival" to a.a. they are happy. my sponsor married an addict, he went out, and made her miserable...but he was very sexy....


Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry, N.H.
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 11:18:40 PM

Comments

Hi Rhonda, alcoholic. Christeen I liked what you said about doing things differently. My home group is a womens group. I have 14 mos. of sobriety, thank you God. I must say that sex in sobriety has taken some adjusting.

Praying can help with all our problems.

The steps also help in all areas of my life. I just learned to say "no" when I mean "no" and "yes" when I mean "yes". This program is awesome. I plug this site occasionaly at meetings under AA related announcements. I really enjoy it.


Member: tonty   b                                     
Location: agusta
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 11:20:59 PM

Comments


Member: Brian S.
Location: Cape Cod
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 11:36:02 PM

Comments

i really don't know where to go(locally). i'dd like to get sober, too... or start tying!


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,Illnois
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 11:41:14 PM

Comments

I am an alcoholic and I am thankful to AA for showing me the path for recovery of my insanity.I would be still lost if it were not because of AA. I was spiritualy bankrupt prior to AA and 12 steps now i see a life without D and alcohol which is quite different. my thanks is also to the members for sharing there thoughts and feelings during this time.


Member: Doug P
Location: Baja, Mexico
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 12:24:25 AM

Comments

Hi. Doug, alcoholic. Sex while sober is certainly wonderful, but for me, as a single guy, it's become much more sacred han ever before. After a whole adult life of secrets and non-commitment, it is a new thing to be honest in sexual matters. It is clearly difficult now to justify trying to juggle two or three female relationships, sort of shopping for the best deal no longer seems right, especially sleeping around. I believe that prayer keeps me straight on these matters, and plenty of sponsor contact. Sex is a huge area of quicksand waiting for our first wrong step. This is dangerous ground rife with landmines of resentment for newcomers.


Member: Pam G
Location: Vancouver
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 2:18:49 AM

Comments

I'm not drunk....but I am drinking right now! I want to quit! I was in AA about 15 yrs. ago and I did quit for over a year. I have been through a lot. My marriage of 26 yrs. ended and I have married another (9 yrs. now) but he is a drinker too! Consequently we are drinking partners. We both function at a normal level during week but get pissed on weekends. I hate it! The topic, I know, is sex and the alcoholic....for me there isn't any (sex....that is). I am 52 yrs. old and feel 60. Luckily I have good genes and look a lot younger but that is not how I feel! Thankyou for listening(sic) to me!


Member: ABBIS
Location:
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 11:13:51 AM

Comments

Sex and sobriety is a very good topic. I was sexually addicted as well as addicted to alcohol and drugs. The "hole in my soul" and the "pain in my brain", were great reasons to seek out the comfort of alcohol, drugs and the opposite sex. As A.A. teaches me, the answer to the pain in life is not to run away from it, into a bottle, a drug or another person. The answer is to run to my God, my higher power and to practice and share the A.A principles. Now sex is in the here and now, complete with feelings. Yes, sometimes, intimacy (sexual) is scarry and makes me want to hide from being vulnerable. When you have great sex, you naturally want to possess the feelings and the person who your with. A.A. teaches me not to make those things my higher power. It is soooo much better. Lots less guilt too.


Member: Jim D
Location: flatland,USA
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 11:17:52 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Jim, Chemically Dependant. I admit that my using has jeopordized my marriage. I have been with my wife for 26 years, and sex has become nonexistant. I have been clean and sober for only 145 days...now she wants to be separated from me. She says she has no desire to love me as a wife should love her husband. I am saddened by this because just when I am beginning to feel better being sober,she says it's too late to fix our relationship. thanx for listening, I'll be back!


Member: Lori R.
Location: Calgary
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 11:32:56 AM

Comments

Hi, Lori alcoholic, Wow thats quite the topic to see on the screen first thing Monday morning. I suppose sex has given me alot of problems in my life. You know how the song goes(looking for love in all the wrong places). My alcoholism added alot to my own demoralization as and the guilt and shame I carried around from all those drunk one night stands kept me drunk a few extra years, until I did a step 4 and cleaned house. When I came back in to AA in 1996(my sober year) I re-met a man (girl meets boy on AA campus)whom I'd seen around those years when I was going in and out. Well he just sweep me off my feet and I was totally taken by him and by the fact he didn't WANT to have sex with, and how us building a friendship was far more inportant and blah, blah, blah ,. I was overjoyed and thought I'd found the ONE, he actually wanted to talk to me. So I moved in with him at a year sober and was making wedding plans. About 6 months or so into the relationship,I discovered that he didn't LIKE sex and the sex we did have kept getting less and less and my demands more and more, until the relationship was f---ed. I supose I just got frustuated about the whole trip, because I was confused. I though you were to SUPPOSE to get alot of sex in a LOVING(ha,ha) relationship. He also sort of used the program to twist my ideas about sex, always minimizing its importance and how lust was such a terrible evil(what bullshit). I got out of that relationship in May last year, and he just moved someone else in 3 weeks later and she ain't getting laid either (AA gossip you know). Myself I have learnt something from this whole experience, that honesty in sexual matters is the most important thing, and it is acceptable to LIKE to get laided. I heard something from a AA guy once, about how there are only 2 GOOD reasons to have sex 1)for making babies and 2) for pleasure. I like what he said, because sex is God given, not to be loathed or used lightly. And I have had some Really good sex(just for pleasure) AFTER I left the man of my dreams. It was wonderful sober and I hope to have alot more, but I decided to hold out for more than JUST sex for pleasure(with condoms). I think I'm looking for that spiritual, mental, physical and emotional connection like the 12 X 12 talks about, and God willing it WILL happen. Later Lori


Member: DRY IN THE DESERT
Location: NEVADA
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 12:01:55 PM

Comments

Good Morning Everyone, My name is Walter and I am an Alcoholic !!

Welcome to all the newcomers.

As a man who enjoys sharing my sobriety with many through sponsership, sexuality is a topic which often has great fear and guilt with newcomers. Many of us in our drinking days have also indulged in excessive and dangerous appetites on our sex lives. And how many of us, needed that extra courage just to has sexual relations?

As one matures in sobriety, honest emotions and feelings will enhance all areas of our lives with a deeper meaning. Tastes in music, art, friends and personal relationships will also mature.

As with all of God's Gifts of Life, we will appreciate and cherish these enjoyments to their fullest.

Newcomers....Men's stags, Women's meetings and one-on-one with a mature sponser is where this area of recovery can be discussed and examined without reservations. Mike ! Good for you to introduce a topic often shyed away from.

To all, Thanks for being there for me.


Member: Ray F.
Location: Okla.
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 1:04:52 PM

Comments

just a word to sanders to say thanks for the help.


Member: Wouter
Location: Neth
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 2:05:59 PM

Comments

Wouter here, ex-alkie and etc. Sex was good in the beginning of our relationship, but honestly it was more that she couldn't get enough of a certain sexual act upon my d***. When we made love (f*****) there were troubles that were blamed upon mine sexual organ. I saw my ex the other week at a party of a mutual friend, and she somehow made, out of the blue, a remark that her sexlife with her new boyfriend isn't so exciting as she expected it to be. So perhaps its her sexual organ which can be blamed as well. I admitt that when drunk there is a certain amount of impotence but hey, when women only lay back to get f***** is a failure all our fault or what ?! Hell no !! Somehow I really, shame on me, liked her remark very much. But I know that by being sober for 1,5 yrs I am able to make better love then ever. Now all I need is a girlfriend, ha ha. I wish I had the opportunty to prove that to her, silly bastard that I am.

thanks for, be strong, eat vitamines and make love, not war. Bye.


Member: it is i
Location: tehehe
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 2:10:17 PM

Comments

well i like oral sex,i like to shove it as far down her throat as possible,she loves it.what do you think lu-lu?......this beats f*****g yourself anytime!!tee-he-he


Member: Snakeriver Jon
Location: A.Z.
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 2:16:49 PM

Comments

well here we go, snakeriver Jon here alcoholic, if sex gives you a headache or is a pain in the but your probably doing it wrong!! I was very young when I first came to A.A. just past 21 years old, the year was 1969{the era of free love} and I lived in the Frisco Bay area. Freash out of the army and hornyer as a dog with 2 dicks. To my drug and alcoholic mind sex and love were the same, everyone wants to be wanted needed and loved. The result was great pain and suffering not only for myself but for others with whom I had contact. A.A. introduced me to God, and a different kind of love. My sponser pointed out to me the second paragraph in the Big Book on pg. 69" We reviewed our own sex conduct over the years passed. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt?] The last complete sentence on pg. 69 is [God alone can judge our sex situation.] As of this writting I am still married to a beautiful woman, for 29 years, have 2 fine children, who still talk to me regulary, 3 fine grandchildren, many friends male and female and a whole and complete life, through the grace of God. Oh did I mention that my wife is clean and sober 4 days longer than I, we still attend meetings regularly and they let me be the coffee maker at one meeting. The same stuff that gets you sober keeps you sober, it's a GOD thing!The best advice if sex is a problem pg. 70 Big Book 3rd paragraph [We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the stength to do the right thing.]Don't take my word for it go read it for yourself. Much A.A. love, The Snakeriver Jon.


Member: SAY IT!!
Location: Heresyville USA
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 3:16:05 PM

Comments

Greetings in the name of Truth:

Here is a good example of "sober" church-goers who are tied up from head to foot in black, (negro, Jesse Jacksonism, Martin Luther King Juniorism, and a lot of other names such as the KKK would openly use), revivalism, most of whom are white-skinned, although quite pale, and is this what is now happening to AA? This pitch-black darkness goes by the name of Pentecostalism, and here is some of what it's all about! Pentecostal denominations and churches in the US had their beginnings in the revivalist movement in the Negro Holiness Church in Los Angeles CA in 1906, in what was known as the Apostolic Faith Gospel Mission on Azusa Street. It was in 1906 that a Holiness Church convert named William J. Seymour, who was a black man with only one eye, was used by these Holiness Church ministers to launch the real beginnings of modern Pentecostalism. As this following began to expand in the US, the people involved with it were later referred to as Holy Rollers, because these pentecostal services were marked by convulsive bodily movements and highly emotional scenes of weeping, shouting, singing and ecstatic cries, which were regarded by many others as quite bizarre behavior of a satanic influence, and were therefore persecuted and banished by other more conservative types of believers. Most of the Pentecostal denominations of the US can trace their beginnings back to this Azusa Street revival in L.A., for out of it developed movements that are now known as the Assemblies of God, the black Church of God in Christ, and others. A commonly held belief among these pentecostals is the Arminian concept of theology, which is an indeed belligerent dogmatic stand against God's purpose and Law of Predestination, such as is written in Rom 8:28-30, for Christ to gather the 144,000 chosen ones shown in the words of Rev 7:1-8;14:1;20:4-6, because they choose to claim that they are indeed included in this gathering, which has them truly working against Christ, and worthy of the name given to such people which is anti-Christ!! A good exposure of these people is found in 2Pet 2:1-22 and Jude 1-25. This following bears all the earmarks of being a sexually perverted group that "change the favor of our God into licentiousness," Jude 4, being highly self-destructive, and prone to suicidal tendencies!!

"Fallen! Fallen! Is Babylon the great, and is made a habitation of demons and a prison of every filthy spirit and a prison of every filthy and hated bird!!" Rev 18:1-8

IF YOU ARE PRONE TO DEFEND THIS BLASPHEMOUS FILTH THEN YOU ARE ANTI-CHRIST TOO!!


Member: Mark D
Location: Manchester, NH
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 3:21:46 PM

Comments

Coming up on 4 months of sobriety--- 19 1/2 years of marriage--- just once in sobriety. She's starting to trust me now so I feel that she's more receptive. I'm having problems in feeling worthy of it. Working on the fourth step doesn't exactly gets one's motors revved up. Of course thinking is part of the problem. As the saying goes God gave man two heads, one to think with and one to screw with, just not enough blood to keep them both going at the same time. Or at least not going against each other.


Member: Vikki S.
Location: G/ville, SC
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 3:41:24 PM

Comments

Wow, something that is a hot topic around our bedroom!! The lack of sex, that is. I am a 30-something wife, mother,etc. and have been sober for 2 and half yrs. Seems like to me since I got sober, I haven't AS MUCH interest in sex as I did when I was drinking. My faithful Al-Anon tries to understand; I think for so long sex was a "motive" for me. He wonders what happened to all that wild sex we used to have. I just tell him that it went with the beer! I think that without the "liquid aphrodisiac" my desire lowered quite a bit. I don't let him get me down--he's oversexed anyway!!! God bless us alcoholics!!!


Member: Laura G
Location: Lexington, KY
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 4:12:52 PM

Comments


Member: Amy G
Location: Nashua, NH
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 4:19:50 PM

Comments

For the first time in my life, I am sober, and want to experience everything, including sex as God has planned. I know how much more special my life is on a day to day basis with God....I can't wait for again another special gift from God: If it is his will, for me to share a complete unselfish love with someone someday? I am currently going through a divorce and I can't say over those 7 years I was ever made love to, it was purely sex, while I was drunk. "Never a kiss, or a special word ever said to me during these acts" Never again. I am very grateful for AA....and the people that have come into my life because of it!


Member: Amy G
Location: Nashua, NH
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 4:21:10 PM

Comments

Hi, I am Amy and I am an alcoholc. For the first time in my life, I am sober, and want to experience everything, including sex as God has planned. I know how much more special my life is on a day to day basis with God....I can't wait for again another special gift from God: If it is his will, for me to share a complete unselfish love with someone someday? I am currently going through a divorce and I can't say over those 7 years I was ever made love to, it was purely sex, while I was drunk. "Never a kiss, or a special word ever said to me during these acts" Never again. I am very grateful for AA....and the people that have come into my life because of it!


Member: April M.
Location: Hollywood, Ca.
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 5:25:46 PM

Comments

New Chick on The Block! Thank you so much for this site! This is an awesome topic and one that my boyfriend (who is also alcoholic) and I were JUST discussing. In fact, our "commitment" to one another isn't just for exclusivity in our re/ship but that we agree to "sober" love-making! It's the most difficult thing for ME to do. Not so much for him. In my past I was very promiscuous and I don't think I ever had sex sober. If I did, I don't recall it! I was probably hung-over or high on Rx's. My other drug(s) of choice...prescriptions.

I could never look at myself before I had sex with a man. I could never even look at him. So, I/we got drunk. Why? 1) I hated myself for numerous reasons. 2) I became a heck of a lot more uninhibited when in reality I was a scared "little girl" even at age 30. I'm 30 now. 3) I was cheating on my boyfriend so I had to "forget" and proceed to "numb" myself 4) It just plain felt better!

Now, I realize how sad and empty I was as a human being. Last week my boyfriend and I had "sober sex." It was so difficult for me to do. I could not relax. I was a wreck. But he made me feel comfortable and, hey, I learned that it felt BETTER sober.

I'm ONE day sober now. I drank and got drunk last night and tried to have sex w/my guy. He refused. I'm glad he did. He's the best...again, great topic!


Member: Ray F.
Location: Okla. USA
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 6:12:36 PM

Comments

Pam G

I thought I would give a little word of incouragement. I have been sober for some time now however my wife is an active user/drinker. some times it makes life in my house a living hell because I have got to draw the line somewhere. the only thing that keeps me sober today is I stay plugged in to my sponser. I contact him everyday. If you want to stay sober you will have to stay plugged in just like I did, believe me its not easy to see your spouse head out to a party while you stay home with the kids. Get back to step 1 and plug your self into a sponser. E-mail me if you wish rayday75@hotmail.com I'll try to give you some Ideals that worked for me(Don't worry about the sex. when the depression is gone from sobering up the sex will be alot better)trust me on that one.


Member: SelenaD
Location: Sober Southerner
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 7:43:15 PM

Comments

Hey everybody. Selena, alcoholic. When I was drinking I hated sex. Just flat out hated it. My husband, at that time, used it as a weapon and a way to keep me in line. Sex was the number one topic of fights in our house. After our divorce, I thought that any man who smiled at me must love me. So I had sex with as many of them as I could. Came out of a blackout once and was being screwed by this guy I took to a bar. When right back into the blackout! I had no self-esteem, no self-respect, and I had turned into one of those hard faced, hard attitude women I used to see in bars and swore I'd never be like. I've been divorce now for 6 years. Been sober for almost 13. I'm in my late 30's, so I'm in my prime sexually. But I have learned the hard way that getting laid and making love are not even closely related. I had to learn to love myself before I could even begin to consider a physical, and even more importantly, intimate relationship with another person. I have not met the "one". But I have met a man whose heard my story at meetings-respects what I've done with my life, and cares enough about me to never use sex against me. I can be as free and loving as I need to be. As long as I can honestly say I'm not hurting another person, using that person, or myself. EVERYTHING is better sober!


Member: Don
Location: NH
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 10:04:41 PM

Comments

LU LU is cool!

Right, lust can screw up your head as bad as booze. I took a lot of chances around sex and it wasn't always lubricated with booze. I put down the booze and kept it up with porn, strippers, etc. You too? Check out Sexaholics Anonymous. Recovery continues....


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota,florida
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 10:21:10 PM

Comments

hello my name is richard , i am an alcoholic .....my sobriety date is dec. 28, 1985 Sex in sobriety is great!...and i have a lot of gratitude for that !!


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota,florida
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 10:21:18 PM

Comments

hello my name is richard , i am an alcoholic .....my sobriety date is dec. 28, 1985 Sex in sobriety is great!...and i have a lot of gratitude for that !!


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota,florida
Date: 1/29/01
Time: 10:22:52 PM

Comments

hello my name is richard , i am an alcoholic .....my sobriety date is dec. 28, 1985 Sex in sobriety is great!...and i have a lot of gratitude for that !!


Member: Jack B.
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 2:42:20 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack a real alcoholic.Gratitude is a great topic.I was taught that humility will get me sober, gratitude will keep me sober.The greatest gift I have been given in sobriety is the obsession to drink has been lifted, I cannot for myself think of any other greater miracle than that. With sobriety I have everything I need and for the most part everything I want. The key to good sobriety for me is, I am useful today, no more no less, just useful.I have a reason to get up in the morning.For that I am grateful. Thanks for allowing me to share, and God Bless all on journey in recovery.


Member: HOLLY ROLLER
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 8:06:03 AM

Comments

DEAR SAY IT Dont understnd whear you wear going with Pentiecostallism.Or how you became such an espert on a fath you dont understand. what can your thoughts do to ad to my sobrity. My big book tells me to find my higher power as I know him. please be a helping hand to others rather than a stumbling stone. thanks for letting me vent. Sorry it didt pertain to the subject


Member: Vikki S.
Location: G'ville, SC
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 10:13:48 AM

Comments

DEAR SAY IT,

Talking about "holy rollers"...aren't you on the wrong website, dear?


Member: im always horney
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 11:13:41 AM

Comments

i like oral sex the best


Member: HOLLY
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 11:16:05 AM

Comments

thank you VIKKI S didt see wear they wear going ether.


Member: geo bush
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 11:21:23 AM

Comments

holly, whaaaaaaatttttssssssssuppppp


Member: the brady brats
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 11:26:00 AM

Comments

heres a story of a man named brady who was bringing up three very ugly girls,all of them had hair of black like their mama..........


Member: sally
Location: sitdown
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 12:33:48 PM

Comments

the youngest one in curls................


Member: SCOTT E
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 1:00:37 PM

Comments

LAURA G Hi wear are all the meetings in are area say lex. winchester Mt.Sterling will check coffee pot later whould like your help thanks alot SCOTT E


Member: Lance C.
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 1:10:34 PM

Comments

I am a teenager and i relized i hade a problem. I thought it would be good for me to find some people to help me deal with my problems.


Member: LU_LU
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 2:07:25 PM

Comments

(((((april,in hollywood))))))) do you go to late nite? tar pits,china town/log cabin? do you know if gumbus is dead yet?...do you know louis offer?(((((())))))) YEEEEEEAH baby, theres something to be said for sticking stricktly to blow jobs in early sobriety...i'm all for it, a little non-emotional sex really helped me in those early days, i needed "validation" in a "big" way and this one guy(bless his heart) was willing "to give it to me"at around 7 months he came by to "visit" as he'd done so many times before... i finally had reached a point where i did not need to do that any more...oh what a beautiful turning point in sobriety... te he he


Member: LU_LU
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 2:07:46 PM

Comments

(((((april,in hollywood))))))) do you go to late nite? tar pits,china town/log cabin? do you know if gumbus is dead yet?...do you know louis offer?(((((())))))) YEEEEEEAH baby, theres something to be said for sticking stricktly to blow jobs in early sobriety...i'm all for it, a little non-emotional sex really helped me in those early days, i needed "validation" in a "big" way and this one guy(bless his heart) was willing "to give it to me"at around 7 months he came by to "visit" as he'd done so many times before... i finally had reached a point where i did not need to do that any more...oh what a beautiful turning point in sobriety... te he he


Member: the lolli pop gang bangers
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 2:11:51 PM

Comments

sex,porn n' strippers oh my... weeeere off to see the Jizz ard the wonderfull Jizzard of AAHHHZ....


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 2:43:54 PM

Comments

"He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

But this I say, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not.


Member: Linda C.
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 2:47:16 PM

Comments

Hi everyone. My name is Linda and I am an alcoholic. Sex and Sobriety - I used to think that all I needed was a man to be happy. Today, I know happiness comes from within ourselves. I am single and still feel lonely at times, but I don't turn to sex for the answer - I either go to a meeting,read AA literature,pray or do something to get my mind occupied. I still hope that one day I will find someone to share my life with. If it's meant to be,it will be. I just have to be patient. As it says in the Big Book, "When your right and the time is right, Providence will provide." (not sure of the page number) I'm not running the show anymore. The God of my understanding is.


Member: LU_LU
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 5:23:19 PM

Comments

i think i'd rather f**k myself than get gagged by someone cramming their thing as far as they could down my throut. but then again that may just be my "control issues"...WHATS A STRAIGHT PEPPER DIET?


Member: b.b.
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 6:37:09 PM

Comments

sex sex and more sex


Member: b.b.
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 6:37:15 PM

Comments

sex sex and more sex


Member: b.b.
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 6:37:20 PM

Comments

sex sex and more sex


Member: b.b.
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 6:37:31 PM

Comments

sex sex and more sex


Member: :( LU LU :)
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 6:59:41 PM

Comments

SAYIT PLAY IT PAY IT STRAY IT LET HE WHO HAS AN EAR HEAR IT


Member: :(.):
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 7:45:04 PM

Comments

WHAT????????????????????????????????????????


Member: One of you too.
Location: Any-where U.S.A...
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 8:14:54 PM

Comments

Yes,Yes,Yes,Yes,Yes,Yes.

If it is SEX you want than thier is nothing I can do to stop you . So do cover-up be safe,and remember dont drink go to meetings and one day you will make the right decision that you need in order o over come your problem with drinking.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 8:43:51 PM

Comments

HI, Bill here Alcoholic from Arizona. On the lighter side.

A woman went to her sponsor concerned about sex. Said she was all confused. Never had sex sober. The sponsor advised the woman to go to page 69 in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. That all the answers to her sex problems were there.

Still confused the sponsee when home and opened her Big Book, but got the page numbers mixed up and read page 96 instead.

On the serious side. Most alcoholics are selfish and self centered. I do not believe you could be an alcoholic with out being selfish. This makes good relationships difficult at best and impossible in most cases early in recovery.

I was suggested to do the three M's the first year. Meetings, Meditation, and Masturbation. :)

Bill

azbill@primenet.com


Member: simply christopher
Location: fred. virginia
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 9:53:44 PM

Comments

Chris, Virginia, alcoholic. Sex and sobriety is kinda an oxymoron in the aspect of that usually u r drunk and stupor when it comes time for sex, not sober. alcohol makes u more likely to have sex sparraticly and w/o the correct judgements. If u get drunk and have a one night stand u might not like who u wake up to or do not use protection, which may cost u more than shame.


Member: (((((((((((((()))))))))))))
Location:
Date: 1/30/01
Time: 10:28:19 PM

Comments

lu-lu,

controll issue?????no just swallow......

.............tee-he-he


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 1:58:49 AM

Comments

i do, silly.te he he.


Member: SERIOUS ABOUT SOBRIETY
Location: USA
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 8:29:04 AM

Comments

Why don't people that want to talk filthy find theirselves a private chat line?? LuLu?


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 10:03:46 AM

Comments

when i needed her the most,she left me...high and dry...things are a whole lot better now,she wants me back.she's referring to sex alot,to get me to go back.theirs alot more to things than sex...but sex is an important part.iv'e got some thinking to do...i'm tony,an alcohoic


Member: the
Location: topic
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 12:26:29 PM

Comments

sas usa,

sex and sobriety is the topic,

ya knnnnooooooooooooowwwwwwwww?


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 1:27:51 PM

Comments

i don't know. WHY? is this trick question?? does your computer have an up n' down key? USE IT!


Member: LU-LU with a ? for the "elders"
Location: treatment people need not respond...
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 2:16:52 PM

Comments

seriously folks, "ISSUES" you think that could have anything to do with "shortcomings"is a rose a rose or is it o.k. to call it a daffodill


Member: Daleb
Location: Alberta
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 2:34:36 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Dale and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time attending an online AA and I like some of what I have read here. As in all open forums there are any number of people who aren't mature enough to be involved, but on the whole a very good discussion. Listen to the old timers and that little voice and you can't go to far wrong. Sex and sobriety? Better get the sobriety part first, sex will be better when it's with someone you have a real relationship with. Time and sobriety are the factors that will insure that you can bring all of yourself to a relationship. But first you need to find and nurture yourself in recovery, less than that is just that "less". May you Higher Power be with you.


Member: sin city
Location:
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 3:22:38 PM

Comments

i guess im just a SLUT.


Member: CW
Location:
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 4:20:12 PM

Comments

Mike, glad you brought up this topic. I always wanted to but didn't know how to approach it. From what I've read so far, I am in the minority. Was hoping my lost interest in sex was part of the sobering up process. I have been sober 2 1/2 years now and have virtuallu no interest in sex at all. Never thought it was a good foundation for a relationship anyway but now it's pretty much not a part of my thoughts at all. I have sombody that really loves me. Has since the drunk days when I did have sex with him a couple of times whie totally trashed. Now, he's about given up on me because I have n desire for him sexually at all. Can't fake it and throw myself on him now that I don't have my "liquid aphrodisiac" as someone else called it. Like another person said too, the wild terrific sex I did have drunk is nothing like this going through the motions I have had once or twice since sobriety. I was hoping it was a sign of my maybe growing up and "knowing" when it was really right. Now I wonder if the putting down of the fire water hasd left me frigid? Has any one else taken this long to get back into "the groove"?


Member: Joey G
Location: Illinois
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 5:03:23 PM

Comments

Im newly sober again and will tell you that sex is a serious relapse issue.Am I the only one who while drinking experimented with sexaulity issues.That confussion keeps people drunk for a life time,and sometimes takes people back out. Ive had to learn to accept that part of me and not fight that like its a shortcoming.Its ok to explore your own truths as long as you are true to others.If anyone else struggles with that part of your sobriety I wanted you to know your not alone.


Member: lu-lu
Location: tee-he-he
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 5:36:26 PM

Comments

cw,

just lay on the bed and masterbate,that will get you back in the groove.


Member: christy
Location: poconos
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 6:56:24 PM

Comments

works for me

christy


Member: pocohontis
Location:
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 7:14:04 PM

Comments

Have you seen my latest film? POKE A HOT ASS


Member: Hey
Location: LuLu
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 7:39:35 PM

Comments

That is one swallow that will not make it back to Capistrano


Member: ((((((((((()))))))))))))))
Location: ------------).......
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 9:28:07 PM

Comments

just love them that swallows...................


Member: Jerry c
Location: flyover land
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 10:20:30 PM

Comments

some one suggested to me that I use the rule of the "three Ms" in the first year of sobriety: Meetings, Meditation, Masturbation. Keeps my mind on First things first...


Member: opps
Location:
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 10:38:10 PM

Comments

Daddy always said when in rome do as the romans do dose anyone know how the romans do it.


Member: still  working  on the
Location: last of the three "M"s
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 10:58:44 PM

Comments

yes......they do it doggie style there.


Member: billy roo             
Location: new york
Date: 1/31/01
Time: 11:58:04 PM

Comments

a whiskey glass and a womens ass made a horses ass out of me when i just wanted to get laid sex and love making are to diffrent things 11 yrs later in sobriety thank you god for aa and the big book that i realize the diffrence my name is bill sex could and has cause many boxers the fight be carefull on this topic this is my first ever on a computer


Member: alan. r,
Location: puerto rico
Date: 2/1/01
Time: 10:31:14 AM

Comments

hi, my name is alan alcoholic. abuse anything that makes me feel good, need'nt so simply be defined as a substance. i for one can say that sex has been troublsome since i was first exposed to it at a very early age, after many attempts at staying sober, the thought occured to me to get the help i needed, outside of aa, though working very closly with my sponser and the steps. the most profound thing i learned, when i was ready, was when i reread step 4 in the 12&12 that my sex instincts were god given therefore good!!!! then asked god to guide my thuoghts and actions in my sexual conduct. it worked, though one day at a time just like my drink problem. i just needed to be willing to take the action. thanks god&thanks aa. to lu lu, get some help for your shallow existance, until then respect this site.


Member: Joe L.
Location: PhilaPA USA
Date: 2/1/01
Time: 12:34:21 PM

Comments

Hello All;

Pam G. - You found this website, please find your way to a meeting. I'm prayin' for ya...

Jim D. - Hang in there. Stay Sober, all the rest is B.S.

Gratitude - Every day above ground is a good one as I shouldn't be here. I tried to take myself out a couple of times. Must be a reason...

SEX - It's one of the things I'm grateful for, but I've been sober and married for a long time. But for new people, I consider it "People, Places & Things." I believe in sponsorship, the steps, meetings and sharing. This format is ok, but you really need to let someone with time get to know you...Peace - Out


Member: billy roo
Location: new  york
Date: 2/1/01
Time: 1:10:16 PM

Comments

alan well said it wasnt the apple in the tree but the pair on the ground as my sponser told me 11yrs ago love making in sobriety is totally diffrent not because she makes me feel good because i feel good about me 9yrs we been together she is to be my wife i love her with all my heart and soul the program has taught me let i can love and accept that someone actually could love me for me change didnt happen overnight newcombers if your single women or men stay out realationships till your ready you will know when its right those already in realations well get outside help talk to your spons recovery is a action word thank you for letting me share have a good day to all on this site


Member: Von
Location: Ohio
Date: 2/1/01
Time: 2:34:10 PM

Comments

A lot of good comments, thanks for the topic. I can really relate. When I was drinking, I used sex for all sorts of reasons: to feel loved, wanted, worthy, to hold onto people. I never wanted sex until I was pretty drunk or high.

It wasn't until I came into the program that I realized that I had a very toxic view of sex. In the beginning, I tried the old "13th step", and I was very upset when the relationship ended until an honest person told me that until I dealt with the sickness inside, I was doomed to repeat old behavior. I didn't want that so I let my hostage go and started working the program.

CW-I know what you mean. I can't figure it out. I always thought I was a sexual person, but I've been sober a while and after a year and a half I just lost the urge. Don't know what it's all about, can't figure it out. But I'm also learning that I never really knew myself very well either. I was never in touch with my feelings and less in touch with my body. All I needed was a little fire water to fire up my roaring imagination, so I could least fake it and convince myself that I was in sex heaven. What a joke. It was rarely real, because I wasn't real.

Today, I don't want to interrupt my growth or the growth of another. I no longer want to harm myself or another that way. I feel that sex in sobriety is similar to living life on life's terms. Easy Does It...Keep It Simple...Don't Leave Until the Miracle Happens.


Member: JOSE
Location:
Date: 2/1/01
Time: 5:41:00 PM

Comments

MY BIG BONER


Member: billy roo
Location: new york
Date: 2/1/01
Time: 6:13:21 PM

Comments

jose,

you need help talk your bs somewhere else please if you wanthelp, then talk serious ,you sound lost, god helps those that helps themselves.


Member: Ryan m
Location: Oregon
Date: 2/1/01
Time: 8:29:25 PM

Comments

hi

odd topic, i am new to the no drinking thing . drinking was never a big part of my life .until i got a duii. and the self evaluation begain but thats for a difert topic. i have noted one great thing about staying sober. at a club or party when your not a drunk ass you get more ass


Member: tanya
Location: the other side
Date: 2/2/01
Time: 11:13:44 AM

Comments

randy,keep that raincoat on,lots of crab grass out there.


Member: ROUND RONNIE
Location:
Date: 2/2/01
Time: 12:33:20 PM

Comments

ROUNDUP


Member: billy roo
Location: new york
Date: 2/2/01
Time: 1:33:07 PM

Comments

there is alot more then ,crab grass out there, lets stay to the topic. sex in sobriety;';;;;;;


Member: lu-lu
Location:
Date: 2/2/01
Time: 2:45:43 PM

Comments

tee-he-he


Member: *****
Location:
Date: 2/2/01
Time: 5:05:36 PM

Comments

billy roo

dats a silly nam


Member: BritVisitor
Location: UK
Date: 2/2/01
Time: 6:47:16 PM

Comments

Hi, BritVisitor, alcoholic, here. Thanks for your posting Von - I think there's a lot of wisdom in what you say. I guess I feel that there are no hard and fast rules about sex in sobriety but working things through has to be a very important part of our recovery programme. Since most every other aspect of our lives was distorted or worse when we drank, it would be a miracle if our sexuality was untouched. It follows that we ignore the sexual part of our recovery at our peril. Understandably, it's not a topic that gets talked about much in F2F meetings so it is too easy to put it on the back burner while attending to the "more important" things like resentments, dishonesty etc. (was there really ever anything as good as sex for causing resentments and dishonesty?). That's a topic that I'm having to start looking at now but wish I'd started much earlier.

As a parting shot, the number of "off topic" (to be kind) postings on this subject should be a reminder to all that, despite its great value, a forum like this is not like an AA meeting where we can expect confidentiality - think of it more like the Jerry Springer Show


Member: tracy m
Location: WI
Date: 2/2/01
Time: 7:21:12 PM

Comments

hi everyone, i am an alcoholic/addict named tracy.i am having a hard time getting ta a.a. meetings,and i am in real NEED of one,of many.i have recently got out of treatment,the 8th time,and i know the only way for me to stay sober,and recover for real this time,is to get to a.a.its great to have this option,though i am really trying to get to a chat room cuz i need feedback and have sooooooooo many issues.since i type with 2 fingers it takes me forever to "say" what i need to!!!!but i appreciate the things everyone has had to say(though sex is the least of my problems right now!!)but an issue none the less-


Member: Vikki S.
Location: G'ville, SC
Date: 2/2/01
Time: 9:01:52 PM

Comments

Brit Visitor,

Thanks for sharing...I needed to hear that. Please come back to this website soon; we need feedback like this.


Member: bill roo   
Location: new  york
Date: 2/2/01
Time: 11:17:24 PM

Comments

tracy, good hearing you, meetings best work for me when i show up to meetings, thats how simple i keep it. been around for a few 24hrs i type with one finger new on computor.due what ever it takes to get to meetings.remember your life is on the line, you might not have another chance to get sober hate to sound so serious, but its the thruth , give yourself the chance,things will get better in gods time not yours,hope you made a meeting.


Member: Becky
Location: California
Date: 2/2/01
Time: 11:49:07 PM

Comments

Hello everyone. My name is Becky, and I'm an alcoholic.

I am surprised and encouraged by the honesty with which most everyone has been approaching this subject.

I have heard it said that the sexual part of a relationship is a good indicator of the overall health of the relationship. In other words, if the sex is bad or nonexistant, then it's a sure sign that there are other major problems. Of course, most people can have sex just for pleasure, but that's not a real relationship - it's just a physical act.

Alcohol never, ever helped any relationship that I was in. It did seem at times that alcohol lowered my inhibitions and allowed me to do things I wouldn't ordinarily do - like have sex with strangers. However, it never made sex better - in fact it was usually somewhat frustrating.

I can only hope, that as I continue to remain abstinent and grow emotionally, that all aspects of my current relationship will improve and that sex will only get better.


Member: Laura S.
Location: Arizona
Date: 2/2/01
Time: 11:51:30 PM

Comments

Sex, I think I have finally learned that sex and love don't mean the same thing. For many years I used sex the same way as any drug. A way to feel better about myself. I think the hardest thing about getting sober is learning to love myself. Because I was molested as a child I tended to try to make my lovemaking let loving. This only increased my not feeling very good about myself. I still try to do that occasionally now, the only difference is I recognize it.


Member: *******
Location:
Date: 2/2/01
Time: 11:57:27 PM

Comments

sex with stranger....stranger sex


Member: Tony G.
Location: Pompton Plains, N. J.
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 12:27:41 AM

Comments

Hi Gang, Tony G. and I am an alcoholic. Good topic though this may look funny I have never had sex with a woman that I Know of. Yes read it again, Even when I was drinking I don't think I had sex. I was and still am afraid of the opposite sex. Oh I use Rosie Palmer but not yet expierienced the real thing yet. If my Higher Power wants me to the woman who will fullfill me in all aspects of a relationship will show up someday as long as I continue to follow the Program. I believe this so no sex only bothers me a little. Thank for letting me dump that.


Member: this is very strange
Location: indeed
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 2:31:30 AM

Comments

tony g.do you mean you've only had sex with men?


Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Key West Fl
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 7:17:06 AM

Comments

Hi Family Charlie Darling a very gratful recovering alcholic, Boy sex in sobriety is great, at least I know who I was with last night, and don't have to worry wether I had safe sex or not, and it gets better all the time. I was very permisciuos when I was out there drinking and had sex all the time with anyone, and could have gotten any number of things and today I can thank my HP that I have a clean bill of health, and my sex drive is still there, but now gratitude is what I have the most of everyday of my life, as there are so many things to be gratful for especially my sobriety with by the grace of God I will have 4 years on March 1 who would ever have dreamt that sobriety could be fun and that I would have the gratitude for life , as I never wanted to see tommorrow, but now today I am gratful to wake up to a new day a new beginning, and a wonderful way of life.It is wonderful and remember a GRATEFUL heart is a SOBER heart, and I keep coming back as I want it all no matter how long it takes to get it. So be gratful for all that happens in your recovery even for the bad things as if you are not you would not appreciate all the good that comes along with being sober. kwduke@keysdigital.com


Member: Vikki S.
Location: G
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 1:04:29 PM

Comments

Sobriety IS fun and so is my trip to Key West going to be in the spring!!!!! Can't hardly wait.....


Member: Vikki S.
Location: G'ville SC
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 1:05:15 PM

Comments

Sobriety IS fun and so is my trip to Key West going to be in the spring!!!!! Can't hardly wait.....


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 1:45:08 PM

Comments

Mark, Dope fiend alcoholic. I like what the BB says about sex. "We aren't the arbiters of anyones sexual conduct". I didn't come to AA to get laid, I don't go to meetings to get laid or get into anybody's pants. I've had wonderful relationships with women in the fellowship throughout the years. Some of them even involved sex. Imagine that. I'm married to a wonderful lady today who is "normal". She likes sex too. What we do in our bedroom or in our camper, or in our truck, or wherever, is between us. As long as I'm not selfish about the act, the book says its a good thing. Whats the big deal? I learned all about my own sexuality and dealt with my own sexual issues with a wonderful lady I worked with in Amsterdam. She was gay, I'm not. Because getting into each others pants wasn't an issue between us, we were able to share and explore both of our innnermost feelings and questions we each had about our own sexuality. What a wonderful gift. Today, I don't care what a person does to get off. I know what I like, what I enjoy, what my wife likes, what she enjoys, I'm open and honest with her. I try to be like the motto on the back of the coins most groups give out for various lengths of sobriety. " To thine ownself be true". I guess something must be working, I 've gotten 15 of the coins through the years now and can look myself in the mirror without wanting to puke. Ain't much for most people, but for me, a miracle. I'll keep coming back, I might get a bit different.

Mark


Member: Gwen B
Location: M'TOWN Ohio
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 3:28:07 PM

Comments

I need some advice on a touchy subject. In my A.A community we have many people who are interested in doing service work. But, our local district comittee is bascially run by a click of very well-to-do folks who vote to use our communities contributions so that they can go to conventions where they only stay at the best hotels, and eat at the best restaurants at our expense. In a nutshell, if your interested in doing service work, and your poor and your homegroup does not have the funds to send you to conventions and such-you only get to partisipate in service on a very limited level. So, what's the best way to deal with persons in recovery who have the "Bigshotism" bug?


Member: bill roo   
Location: new  york
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 4:33:07 PM

Comments

gwen b does not matter if your from yale or jail.this is a spiritual program,seen both sides.i dont have to accept unacceptable behavior.give it to your higher power,or let them how you feel/ get it out, dont let it turn into more then what it is,just a sug....


Member: Mary C.
Location: CT
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 7:02:31 PM

Comments

Hi all, Mary, alcoholic. Got drunk last night in nyc, but sought advice from a recovering alcoholic who told me to get hooked into AA. So here I am, it's a start. I've been telling myself I'll quit for so long and I'm finally being honest with myself that I obviously can not do it on my own. I'm 24, and can definitely relate to issues brought up concerning the sex and sobriety topic. My 4 years of college involved ridiculous amounts of drinking, and WAY too many one night stands as a result. I've been better about it since i've been out of school the past year and a half... but have screwed (no pun intended) up occasionally. Now that I'm being more honest with myself, the guilt from all my regrets linked to drinking is heavy. And certainly the sex that went along with my drinking is a major regret. Thanks for all the honest comments... it sure helps to hear other people dealing with similar issues. I'll be back... staying sober tonight... one day at a time right?


Member: alternity
Location: indy
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 9:00:15 PM

Comments

im a retred in the program. last time around i was newly sober and got right into a sexual relationship which lead me back into drugs and alcohol. this time around I have lost almost everything i own::;;my wife house, job ,etc. the last time my ex had sex I was drunk. Im now 30 days sober and trying to rebuild my life. I think sex will be like most other things in my life-once I get some time under my belt, they will all get better. thanks , thats all I have to share


Member: Corinne B.
Location: Camino, CA
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 10:50:03 PM

Comments

((CW)) it's hard to say why some of us have decreased sexual drive at times. In my own case, it stems from aging and health problems (I'm 46 and have Fibromyalgia and Hepatitis C). Being in pain much of the time (physically or emotionally, by the way), tends to drain my energy. That makes it hard to get excited about much. I sought professional help with depression (prior to getting sober again) and was put on numerous anti-depression medications, which only served to further diminish my sex-drive.

Gratefully, the magic happened for me when working the 2nd & 3rd Steps. My depression, anxiety and self-doubt were lifted, along with my obsession to drink. The biggest thing I knew in that moment of clarity was that I had to get well, in order to help others get well, and that I was the one who'd held onto all my negative thoughts which caused all that depression, etc.

From that time on, I began to apply things from the program to my sexual life with my mate. Since I'd made the committment to him to be a fully participating member in our relationship, I tried putting sex on the service plane. I admit that I still don't get over-joyed at the prospect of having sex as often as he might like; however, I feel content knowing how much he appreciates my efforts.

It feels really good to know that I am living up, albeit only somewhat, to his expectations in this regard. He needn't know that I'm not fully "into it" all the times I make myself available to him. He has needs unique to the male species, and this simply goes with my keeping my end of the bargain, so-to-speak. It's gratifying to know that this simple act brings him so much peace, and calms the quiet beast, if you will. Someday, I hope I get elated about sex again, but in the meantime, I know that it helps my husband to have a better life.

When I waken each day, I ask God to help me be the person He would have me be in His world today, so that I may be able to help whomever it is He might need me to help in His world today. I accept that if it's my husband who needs sexual help that day, then so-be-it. It's the least I can do, if it smooths the rough spots in life for him. I've shared this revelation (about putting sex with my partner on the service plane, and honoring the committment to the relationship), with a couple of my women friends and they say it really helped them in their own relationships, when their sex-life had been practically non-existent. They also report that it made the whole act more enjoyable to them once they finally got over their jitters about it (ue to whatever factors were going on in their heads over it at the time), that had caused them to quit having sex with their partners. I, too, enjoy it more when I know how much he'll enjoy it. It's just another facet of getting out of self, I suppose!

Hope this helps.


Member: Corinne
Location: P.S.
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 10:52:52 PM

Comments

P.S. I forgot to say that I only took the anti-depressants for about a year and a half, prior to getting sober, and no longer use them, so that is not a factor for diminished sex-drive, anymore.


Member: F. HOW
Location: Upstate NY
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 11:56:05 PM

Comments

Much has been said about the 4th step here this week. Part of that 4th step was listing the harm done to others (i needed to make amends for the harms I had done sexually before I envolved any more "victims" that was a few more steps down the road) The BB also told me that I needed to have ideals fot the future and to try to abide by them. No longer is sex what i use to barter & manipulate with....or be selfish about...or to use as a weapon. Perhaps the 12 steps are the stairway to maturity. I chuckled as I read the silly banter about blow jobs and tee hee...much humor can be found in sex..as well as sadness...as well as joy...and why not..it is part of living. Straight pepper diet...hardly...my tastes have improved with 22 tears of sobriety. I keep a full array of spices in my kitchen...I keep my sex life spicy too. what 2 consenting ADULTS do is up to them...as long as they are CONSENTING and ADULT. the 12 steps gave me the ability to get to be an adult before I died...and I love it! Now when I consent to something new i at least know what i am doing and have fun doing it


Member: F. HOW
Location: Upstate NY
Date: 2/3/01
Time: 11:57:06 PM

Comments

Much has been said about the 4th step here this week. Part of that 4th step was listing the harm done to others (i needed to make amends for the harms I had done sexually before I envolved any more "victims" that was a few more steps down the road) The BB also told me that I needed to have ideals fot the future and to try to abide by them. No longer is sex what i use to barter & manipulate with....or be selfish about...or to use as a weapon. Perhaps the 12 steps are the stairway to maturity. I chuckled as I read the silly banter about blow jobs and tee hee...much humor can be found in sex..as well as sadness...as well as joy...and why not..it is part of living. Straight pepper diet...hardly...my tastes have improved with 22 tears of sobriety. I keep a full array of spices in my kitchen...I keep my sex life spicy too. what 2 consenting ADULTS do is up to them...as long as they are CONSENTING and ADULT. the 12 steps gave me the ability to get to be an adult before I died...and I love it! Now when I consent to something new i at least know what i am doing and have fun doing it


Member: ((((((((((())))))))))))
Location:
Date: 2/4/01
Time: 12:28:34 AM

Comments

f how, lu-lu what are you up to??????????

tee he-he


Member: Barry
Location: PA
Date: 2/4/01
Time: 12:50:43 PM

Comments

To Gwen B. - A very interesting scenario you describe, I suggest you re-post it on the Coffee Pot, you should get plenty of feedback there.

Sex in sobriety?

When I first got sober the last time, it actually worked out that I didn't have sex for over a year, it wasn't that bad I lived, and more importantly was able to focus on sobriety and getting to know my self.

After I was in a relationship for a year and a half, with the woman who is now my wife, her SPONSOR decided she needed to look at her (and my) sex issues, my wife was told that what she thought was a good sex life really wasn't, and was told to tell me if I didn't seek counseling for some early childhood sex issues (which I had confided to my wife because I wished to be honest, not because they were troubling me in any way) that she had to end our relationship if she wanted to stay sober.

Well when she did put this ultimatum to me, I told her it was not her SPONSOR's place to take her (or my) sexual inventory, it was up to her to decide what felt right to her, and that I had been honest and open about my sexual needs and past since the start of our relationship, and that I would not seek counseling on issues that I had already accepted and made closure with.

We very nearly broke up, my wife talked to other AA's, and even to her counselor, who said if she forced me to try to deal with past issues that I was not ready to, or didn't need to deal with, it would be far more detrimental to everyone, and they also told her, her SPONSOR was way off base, and maybe she should end a relationship, but not the one with me. She did and we have been together now for five years, and have a great life (especially our Sex Life).

On page 69 of the Bigbook re sex:
"We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct."

Sponsorship is very important, but sponsor's are just human drunks too and therefore fallible, so if you have a sponsor who is giving you direction on sex matters or anything else for that matter, and it doesn't seem RIGHT to YOU. Ask that person nicely to show you where exactly in the Big Book or 12 and 12, the AA program suggests what they are telling you? If they can't do that, it maybe time to talk to some other people with sobriety to check your sponsor's guidance and motivation.


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 2/4/01
Time: 1:16:29 PM

Comments

Mark, Dope fiend alcoholic. After reading some of the posts in here, it again becomes painfully obvious to me that a lot of people fail to read the line in the book "We are not the arbiters of anyones sexual conduct". Anybody who ever tried or tries to pass judgement on me or my sexuality, gets me right back in their face. Why do so many people find it nesessary to force their brand of sexuality on people, or jam their sense of morals down others throats? To paraphrase the book again, "Each person must decide for themselves, must come to grips with their own sexuality. Asking God for help to shape and change our sexual lives of its a problem". Man, I truely do miss the openness of the meetings in Europe. I know in a number of meetings in Germany, and the Netherlands, we were able to look at sexuality without somebody jumping up and down or snickering about it. Last night, my wife and I went out on our aniversary date. We went back to the place we went on our first date. We were able to hold hands, walk and talk, sort of recapture the giddiness of that time. When we came home, it was late and we were both tired, so we held each other and snuggled as we went to sleep. That closeness, the unspoken communication of love, tenderness, and unconditional acceptance on both of our parts, no orgasm I've ever had has ever come close to giving me the satisfaction. As our twin boys this morning decided to start howling at 0700, I woke up, staggered out of bed and put on the coffee, got the boys up, changed and fed them, and now I can look out in the living room and see my wife and her ultimate expression of love and giving to me in the lives of my boys. What a gift. Today, it ain't about getting my rocks off or notching another notch in the bedpost. I learned that through working the steps, the traditions, sharing openly, looking at my own sexuality and past sexual conduct. As we were holding each other last night we talked about our dreams, and let me tell you something, mine come true around here. God has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams from the barstool. I do today routinely what I used to dream about and you know what? They tell me it keeps getting better. Well, I'm still a typical drunk and drug addict, cynical to the core, so I'll keep coming back to check up on em and see if those who came before me are lying.

Mark