Member: Murray P
Location: Weyburn Sask Canada
Date: 16 Jan 1999
Time: 23:38:44

Comments

This is great .Hi Im Muuray and im an alcoholic.What Ive heard about sponsorshere is really good.When I first came into the program it was suggeted I get a sponsor so I asked someone who I knew in the program.Well over the past 4 years we have remained friends but I never confided or talked in depth with him.I have found many people whom I really feel comfortable with and can trust . So what Im saying is not to latch on to the first person you meet , its a life long program so not only do I have to be at ease with this person I also have to be able to call him a friend..Heres wishing everyone another 24 hours..


Member: Linda R.
Location: CA
Date: 16 Jan 1999
Time: 23:55:24

Comments

I'm new in sobriety at age 36, and feel as if my whole personality was formed by a bottle of beer. In achieving and maintaining sobriety, It's almost as if I'm being introduced to someone I've never met before. As if before I had two personalities; the drunk, obnoxious alcoholic or the moody, sullen alcoholic not drinking for the day. Never learning about the personality I have now in sobriety. As I embark on this new journey, I'd like to hear from others who may have felt this same way when they first came through the doors. My suggested topic is "How it's been getting to know the real you in sobriety" Thank you. Linda


Member: Pam
Location: CA
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 00:03:40

Comments

Pam, alcoholic. Put quite a few 24s together and now am interested in hearing (particularly from those who have strung a lot of 24 hrs together)about how you have integrated AA living and living in "the world." After 14 years of membership (thank goodness, I've never had another drink or drug) I wonder why the AA lifestyle seems to me to just be another cruch among many I've used to isolate myself from living in the "real?" world. In my opinion, too many people today seem stuck in meeting rooms, and spend a lot of time putting down those who chose to go out into the world and become productive members of society once again. Isn't the reason we got sober to be able to live again? Can't "hiding" in meetings be as sick as some of the other things we used to do? I am not trying to flame anyone for their beliefs. I am truely trying to understand others viewpoints and also my own. I realize that the further I get from my HP the more of a chance I have of getting drunk. But, does all our service have to be to AA and the still suffering alcoholic? Aren't we also trying to become of use to our HP in all of our life? Or am I missing something?


Member: Sheryl
Location: Ga
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 00:17:44

Comments

Thank you Murray for the topic. I find myself tryin to not talk, and finding I need to. In and out of AA for over 9 years for those that do not know. Experienced relapse in march of '97 after 3 1/2 years sobriety. Tryin it again. Anyway. All I know is this. Was told I needed a sponser when i hit AA. Was told to look for someone who had some time had worked the steps, read the book and went to meetings. AND had something I wanted. I did that. Found a lady. I called her answering machine for almost 6 months knowing she would not be there so I could leave a message. She let me get away with that but I also saw her almost every day in a meeting. Trust came slowly. I started with telling her smalll things. Waited to see what happened. Then trusted her with more. She took me thru the steps and the bigbook. I was pretty content for a coupld years. My relapse wasnt related to her or anything she did or did not do. It was because I quit using a sponsor, and taking sugggestions and working the steps. That is why I drank. I had no tools left , and when the urge hit, I had no defense. No excuses. But I would not have any knowledge of the steps or the memories of the time I spent sober if not for my sponsor and her constant kicks in the butt.

Thanks for letting me talk.


Member: Loretta D
Location: TN
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 01:41:06

Comments

Thanks Murray,like most of you I think finding a sponsor can be intimidating. I was brought in by a friend who offered to be my sponsor in the beginning and from there I tried five or six others. Don't think I was really ready to work steps or do the deal, for the first two or three years. But when the pain got bad enough I knew it was get serious or drink again. Yes very hard to trust but when you are in enough pain I'll try anything. Besides, it was working for others. So I finally surrendered and what a releif! Got a real sponsor and started following a few suggestions. Pretty simple, huh. Also would like to address, Hiding in meetings. I used to think they were hiding too, Now I believe the more time one has the more we want to give back. Thanks for letting me share, this could go on, very long.


Member: Tim L.
Location: South Carolina
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 02:21:48

Comments

My name is Tim & I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober a little over 9 years now & I'm on my third sponser. I've learned from each of them & they have all helped me keep sober. My first sponser was very good with the steps & helped me work them early in my sobriety. My second had over 30 years sobriety when he died a couple years ago. He helped me by showing me how to live sober on a daily bases through many problems I was having at that time. He was my sponser & friend for years & I still think about him alot. My current sponser is also a friend with many years of sobriety. Linda, I was scared to death about what and who I really was after I got sober, for I also didn't know. I started drinking at around 15 years old & continued until I was 28. For my entire adult life I was drunk or thinking about getting drunk. I never really had a handle on reality & I pretty much ran from it. Facing reality & myself was a one day at a time process. The steps definitly helped me with this, especially the 4th step. The things that scarred me the most about myself after getting sober were & are not the huge monsters I thought they were. Once I started working on them they were relitivly small, & stay that way as long as I stay close to my Higher Power. What I know today is that I'm the way the Lord made me & I'm okay. Pam, It was very important for me to go to a lot of meetings a week when I first found AA. I did this to stay sober & learn how to live life sober. I now attend 2 to 3 meetings a week & have a life away from the meeting rooms, for I also believe that there is much more to living sober than sitting around a table drinking coffee. I enjoy life today & thank God for AA showing me how to do this.

Very Grateful, Tim


Member: Jeff S.
Location: Texas
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 02:27:20

Comments

Hi all,Jeff/alchoholic here. PAM- I've got 4 less than yourself and don't know any one answer to the questions raised. I guess its something each of us decides for him/herself. After about 3 years I started back to school fulltime while working fulltime, graduated with a trade, new job and got on w. my life. Over time I've gotten, I think a little too involved in outside activities at the expense of meetings. That's something I'm working on now-that is, increasing my "live" meetings and keeping in closer touch with my sponsor. I haven't taken the time to try to analyze wether I've been "right or wrong", I'm just looking for that comfort zone.I don't guess it really matters what I do as long as I don't drink. As long as I don't drink, I can always adjust tomorrow, If I do drink-I know tomorrow is hell. Thanks...Jeff


Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 02:35:57

Comments

Larry, alcoholic

Sponsorship was last week's topic - apparently Murray was adding to that (excellent) discussion and the board got updated between the time he started typing and the time he submitted his post. Of course sponsorship is always a great topic, but I'm going to add my 2 cents to what Linda and Pam posted.

The similarity in the 2 posts that I can see is how we grow and change in sobriety. Put in terms of the steps, are we ever really restored to sanity and if so, how?

I stopped drinking 9 yrs ago and have been working a serious program for 4 yrs. I am still a stranger to myself in some ways. All these new feelings are pretty weird. Sometimes I feel like Mr. Spock or Mr. Data in one of the Star Trek episodes where they get human emotions for the first time and don't know how to deal with them. I am continually amazed at how I react to situations. When I was drinking, I had a very limited toolbox of emotions and they were usually on the extreme. I'd either be manically elated, in deep despair, or would express my anger in either rage or seething resentment. Now I am experiencing things such as sadness (which actually isn't a totally bad feeling...it's kind of bittersweet), compassion, serenity, and the like. In other words, the whole range of emotions. I sometimes can sort of stand outside of myself and view myself as I deal with situations, and I'm amazed at what I'm thinking and doing! It's like I'm another person and I don't know what I'm going to do next, but I know that whatever it is, it's going to be a lot saner that it used to be. I think part of it comes from my 3rd Step...turning my will over. I hope that made a little sense...it's hard to explain.

As far as how to work a program after years of sobriety, I say to each his/her own. I hear about a lot of people going back out after around 10 years, and that scares me. Usually, they stopped going to meetings altogether. I went for a stretch of almost 5 yrs without meetings, never felt a desire to drink, but came back because I couldn't handle my emotions. I was dry but not sober.

I know people - some fairly well - who absolutely live AA. After 20+ years of sobriety, they still go to 4-5 meetings per week and spend the other evenings of the week socializing with other alcoholics or working with sponsees. I couldn't live like that, but they seem to be happy, so more power to them. At this point I can't deal with either of those extremes. I believe in Easy Does It...But Do It! I go to an average of 2 meetings per week (always at least one) and do some service work. I've incorporated step work into my daily life to the point where it is sort of transparent in that I don't think of it as "AA', I just think of it as "life". For example, just as I've always exercised regularly, now I meditate regularly. Most of the people I socialize with are non-alcoholics who drink little or nothing...guys who when they go to the 19th hole for a drink actually have A drink - just one.

To me this is all part of the process of being restored to sanity. It's got to work in the "real" world or it ain't all that worthwhile IMO. I have a good job, coach little league, go to PTA meetings, do some non-AA community service work and all that "normie" stuff. However, I expect that I'll always be associated with AA, going to at least my homegroup meeting every week and helping out other alcoholics where I can. AA improves the quality of my life (see The Promises). AA doesn't have to consume my life, but I think it will always be part of my life.

Peace & Serenity


Member: Jamie L.
Location: Belmar, NJ
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 02:40:43

Comments

Hello, my name is Jamie and I am an alcoholic and drug addict. Thanks for the topic of sponsership Marty, it's been weighing heavily on my mind the last few months. First I wanted to share my experience, strength and hope with Pam.

There was a time when I too had put together a few 24's and began to ask myself, "Am I going to be one of those people who go to 2or 3 meetings a day and never do anything else with their life?". It was an honest question and because my sponser had passed away a few years before and I hadn't gotten a new one, it was a question that I answered myself without getting any feedback ( I was also was fearful of getting flamed in the rooms). I decided to go out and take on the "real world" armed with all of what A.A. had taught me and took on one of the most difficult careers you could imagine. It is a career that is so stressful, it has a reputation for making alcoholics and addicts out of people, but of course, I was different! Well my Higher Power blessed me with early success and it piqued my ambition further. I also began to cut back on my meetings because "I had an important job and I was too busy". Sounds familiar right. The great "I" also resurfaced. After all it was ME who was responsible for my success. On the rare occasions I would attend meetings I would look down at all those hapless suckers who didn't have great jobs like mine and who I thought were hiding out from life in the rooms. I recently heard someone share "Never let the gifts of sobriety keep you from sobriety", if only I had been going to meetings to hear that BEFORE I picked up. Well, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what happens to an alcoholic when they stop going to meetings. Three weeks shy of eight years I picked up and within 9 months almost destroyed everything that my Higher Power had given me. Then some of those "I never's" showed up, seizures and detox to name a few. Soon my career was in jeopardy, my marriage was a disaster, I was facing jailtime, the taxman was after me. There's more, but I'm sure you get the picture. When I thought I couldn't take it anymore, I tried to kill myself with an overdose of booze and tranquillizers. Obviously, I screwed that one up too! I have been blessed with family and friends who have stuck by me through a lot of the darkness that this disease can bring you to, and they interviened and got me back into a rehab and by the grace of God and the fellowship, I haven't had the obsession to drink since June. Looking back now I can see how ungrateful I had become for the most important thing in my life, a day without a drink or a drug. I've gotten my priorities straightened out now, 1. My sobriety & A.A. 2. My relationship with my Higher Power 3. My family 4. My relationship with myself 5. Other ( this includes my career ). The miricle has been that all those problems I created when I picked up have been for the most part resolved and I am regaining that spiritual ground I lost when I went out. I know for certain now that whatever I put in front of my sobriety, I am going to lose! By the way, my Higher Power has blessed me with more success in my career than I ever attained without Him. But my program is lacking that all important relationship, a sponser! I have been sharing with temporary sponsers since I've been back but I am a little afraid to get into another relationship after my previous sponser died. It was like losing a family member and I still miss him after 5 years. I guess I need to take a chance and commit to someone else. Sorry for such a lengthy post, but I needed to share. Love and a sober 24!


Member: DeDe
Location: Virginia
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 05:25:23

Comments

Actually, I never had a richer life OUTSIDE the program than when I was working hard INSIDE the program. As my recovery commitment dwindled, so did my "success" in the external world. Food for thought.


Member: Geri W
Location: Virginia
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 07:24:22

Comments

Geri W. here, a very grateful alcoholic. It is because of rooms like these and people like you that I am sober today. Thank you. I have moved several times since I got sober over 7 yrs ago ( not very long, is it ) and each time delay starting to go to meetings until I realize how much I miss the fellowship of those on the same path as me. Cause no matter where I look(church included), no others understand and accept the need for a continual search for a God of your understanding. Thank you for being here.


Member: Donna G.
Location: Penna.
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 08:13:49

Comments

well linda, when i first got sober i almost immediately embarked on a 7 month pink cloud, which was as an unrealistic view of the world as i had when i was drunk 24/7. my pink cloud came crashing down on me with such force that i ended up in a mental institution, and i learned for the first time that i was manic-depressive and had been (among other things) self-medicating with alcohol for 23 years. so my first "real" introduction to myself was not an altogether pleasant one. but i have managed to make peace with that part of myself, and continue to work hard on my sobriety. i would have to say that my overriding personality traits when i was drinking were arrogance, self-destructiveness and self-pity. as my sobriety time increases, i find these characteristics being replaced by generosity, intermittent serenity, a degree of apprehension about the world (still) as before i was barely cognizant of it outside myself, honesty - that's a huge change - easygoing, selfless in the crunch and overall feel i'm a pretty good person. i haven't reached the point in my sobriety where i can say that i like myself with any regularity, but whereas some of the promises in the big book have materialized for me, or, it appears, are on the verge of doing so, i know that if i just continue to remain sober and go to 2-3 meetings a week, that the time will arrive when i can finally lay the remainder of my demons to rest. getting to know the real me has been as contradictory as one would expect it to be for an alcholic. there has been a great deal of pain and fear, remorse over who i had been and suspicion about who i might become; to the good side, i have experienced a sense of wonderment at trusting myself for the first time in my life to let some of the walls down so others could come inside, but even more importantly, so that i could. i am a far better, caring, productive, judicious, generous and self-aware person sober then i could've ever been drunk. and the beautiful thing about being in recovery specifically, and being alive generally, is that there is no end to the blossoming of this flower. and egads, i'm even conscious enough to appreciate the beauty in that.


Member: Rivner
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 08:20:41

Comments

Howdy Neighbors! I'm an alcoholic; name is Rivner. Seems like there's a couple a topics runnin side by each: sponsors(ship) n how am I gettin along with the sober me. Maybe I can tie 'em up.

Had several sponsors. It's been a long stretch findin the one that became a soul-mate. I've found, over time, that keepin up my contact with HP is my biggest struggle, so It took me a while to realize that ol' Will was speakin to my heart more than he was to my brain. I guess I've wound up with more of a spiritual advisor. It's not so much that his faith is any stronger, he's just got a gentle way of slippin some stuff over to me without rammin it up my nose. Never did care much for those thumpin, evangelical types. Cant' have a relationship with anyone what don't hold dignity n compassion as precepts of brotherhood. Just makes me want ta smack 'em.

It has been this kind of relationship with my current sponsor (n with other folks I now count as trusted friends) that has let me get comfortable with who I am in sobriety. I can't be comfortable if I'm burnin up all my emotional energy defendin myself from folks I don't feel safe with. Can't be usin up my time brickin up walls. I look for emotional nourishment. Kinda like bein choosey 'bout what I take out of the garden. If I'm gonna put my heart out on the table, I wanna be sure someone's gonna respect it. Folks what do that are the ones I hang with. I ain't sayin I don't get a good kick in the ass when I need it. They just wear softer boots.

I always knew who I wanted ta be, n apparently I stayed drunk until I was shown the way. Now that I'm trudgin that happy road, I'm pretty happy with the feller what's doin the trudgin, partly cuz I got good hikin partners. It's important to know well the feller who's throwin ya the rope!

God Speed Ya'long.

Riv.


Member: Jamie C.
Location: Cary, NC
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 08:55:45

Comments

Hi I'm Jamie and I'm an Alcoholic. I would like to respond to the posting by Pam, on the AA lifestyle being a crutch. I have been sober for fifteen years myself, and I credit that sobriety entirely to AA. Pam stated that she sees too many people stuck in meeting rooms and putting down those folks who go out into the "Real" world.

The journey that the twelves steps of AA has taken me on have allowed me to become a part of the "real" world. I clung to meetings like a Titanic survivor clinging to a piece of wood floating on the ocean. For years, I did nothing but go to AA meetings. That is why I am sober today. Finally, I began to be participate in other parts of life too. Things like carreer, church affiliation, building a family, and buying a home. These are all natural extensions of a truly sober life. Of the AA lifestyle. The twelve steps have helped me to rebuild my relationship with myself, God and My fellow humans.

I don't go to a meeting each day as I used to . That's a natural progression for me. I still go to meetings. If for nothing else, I need to be there like folks who were there when I came to my first meeting. I find ways to serve God in other aspects of my life. That makes for a very rewarding life for me. I can give away some of what I have in other settings, but it is very important to me to be able to give away in AA meetings some of what I have received from AA. It's only right to do so. I don't have to be "stuck in AA meetings" to do that. I just have to stay involved at some level. If the natural progression of my sobriety was to leave AA meetings behind, I think there would be a very important ingredient missing from my sobriety: GRATITUDE. Without gratitude, I won't stay sober for very long.

It sounds like that old all-or-nothing thinking that says I have to either stay "stuck in AA meetings" or go out in the "real world." It is my grounding in the AA lifestyle, and my continued involvement in AA that allows me to function as a productive member of society and to be a member of that " real" world. Thanks for letting me share. Jamie C.


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 08:57:32

Comments

through turning my life over to my higher power the obsession is gone,only once in a while i might think of a drink,but thats cause i"m an alki.i"ve learned to take it easy on myself,i"ve heard so many times that most people who go back to drinking(old ways) are the ones who stopped meetings and stopped practicing steps ,if it happened to them then it will happen to me,thats how i feel,so at bare minimum once aweek meetings,every morning i still ask for help and every night i give thanks(for what i have not for what i don"t have) i read the big book,and step book,i keep it simple and one day at a time.the sober life is awsome!i have to work at keeping it.this program,fellowship works,thank God .thanks everyone....tony-alcoholic


Member: Lynn A
Location: Birmingham AL
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 09:10:08

Comments

Hey everybody! I'm Lynn and I' alcoholic. Sponsoship is probably the one of themost important decision I can make. Who would it be and who could I trust? I also was intimidated when I first arrived in the roooms of AA. I had no idea who I was, (thought I knew) or what I could expect my life to be without alcohol. I was a very scared and lonely person. Spiritually, mentally and physically bankrupt. I was in a halfway house at the time and I at least felt somewhat protected. Then came the day to leave and I felt like the bottom came out from under my feet. Once again my thoughts were "What now?" Linda, I thank you for sharing because I need to remember these things. Unless I continue to apply this program to my life on a daily basis I will be there again. AA has become a way of life. I can imagine no other. Getting sober is about being able to live in the real world. Work, family, friends etc. But without this program I would never be able to do that. Without the help of my sponsor, still today, I get crazy, angry adn all kinds of extreme emotions. She has the ability to guide me back to the solutions that are found in the steps and get through real emotional times. She helps me to remember to let go and let God. Thanks for lettingme share.


Member: Lonnie A.
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 09:24:31

Comments

Hi I'm Lonnie and I am a Alcoholic. I have been struggling with selfcenter fear. All areas of my life seem to be fear based. It is to the point that I just do not do anything at all. Any suggustions?


Member: Rivner
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 10:13:25

Comments

LONNIE A. Mornin. I'm an alcoholic; name's Rivner.

They told me that fear was lack of faith, n that faith is a leap, n that the leap is the *work* side of that old homilie that *faith without works is dead*. For me there was (n still is) somethin I had ta get down first, n that was *grace*. Grace takes no work at all, but it had to be in place. Gettin into a state of grace requires no more than makin the decision that we are in it. Once I decide that I was in God's grace, I was in it! Believing that, on a daily basis, paved the way for faith, cuz I felt more safe, protected, cared-for. I still need ta remind myself of it on a regular basis, but when I'm real aware of bein in it, it's a whole lot easire for me ta walk through my fears.

I believe that the only way out - is through. I don't much like it, but it really does seem ta be the only real doorway.

If you leap a few times, I believe you'll come to enjoy the air under yer feet, n it'll start ta feel more like soarin, rather than fallin.

Thanks for the chance ta remind myself of all this.

God Speed Ya'long,

Riv.


Member: richard m.         
Location: sarasota, florida
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 14:41:11

Comments

hello my name is richard.....i am an alcoholic.....sponsorship begins with the principal of one alcoholic helping another......bill wilson ,din't have very much sobriety orall the toolswe have in the program today, as a direct result of that first meeting......if you and the person you are working with are not useing p-15, then you are cheating both of you out of our 50+ years of sponsorship experience in a.a........we always did prefer to do it our own way....i mean look how long it has taken us to put the plug in the jug!!!!!!


Member: Bruce H
Location: Seaville NJ
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 16:11:32

Comments

Hello everyone, I was told by a man when I first came into AA to put All reliance upon God,he told me not to put all your trust in people , people will let you down. a sponser is someone who introduces you to program of Alcholics Anonymous until you find your way around(hopefully finding your way around to the Big Book) If you have a sponsor and he's telling you to do something thats not in the big book....well just a suggestion, maybe I'd find another sponsor. For me , at the end of my drinking I was alone and in the begining of my sobriety I was alone. It took alot of time and confusion before I could find someone to trust to talk about what was bothering me. Ironicly it was the same person who told me to put all reliance upon God, He also taught me th three most important words I learned in AA "READ THE BOOK"


Member: Sandi D.
Location: Salem, OR
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 16:59:28

Comments

Sandi, Alcoholic. Great topic!

I know that I drank to fit in. I didn't like me when I was sober and it was really hard to believe that I was an alcoholic. I was sober for 6 months before I realized that I WAS!

I didn't work the steps for quite a few years because I didn't want to get to know me because I didn't like me.

One of the things my sponsor told me was that I could continue to hate myself or work the 12 steps in order and get to know myself. She assured me that once I got to know me, I would like me. Today after working the steps several times, I can honestly say I LOVE myself and have the self respect I always wanted from alcohol but didn't get.

Thanks for the topic. Stay sober and keep coming back.


Member: John S
Location: Agoura, CA
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 18:37:44

Comments

Hi I'm John, alchoholic and addict. I have 17 days sober. I do not have a sponsor yet, and really don't know when I will get one. I haven't even gone to a meeting since my fourth day sober. ( I went to one a day before that). actually, I have been relying on "STAYING CYBER" for meetings, and reading one story from the big book each night. As far as the topics, I can say I've had two real sponsors, (I've had short periods of sobriety before).


Member: Marc G.
Location: CT.
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 19:11:49

Comments

Hi my name is Marc and I am a alcholic. I returned to the rooms this week after a 1 year hiatus. I am so glad to be back!! The last time I was in the program I did not follow it the way it was intended. I did the 90 in 90 but did not get a sponsor or follow steps. After the first four months or so I thought I was "cured" and went back out.Now I know how important a sponsor really is. I know now a sponsor could have helped see reality. Thank you all for your helpful tips on finding the right sponsor. Have a happy 24 hours.


Member: lauren
Location: chesapeake bay
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 19:41:55

Comments

Hi - lauren - alcohoic. I have 'rejoined the human race" - which AA helped me to do coming up on 19 years ago. I went to meetngs regularly for 8 years and then would just check in now and again. I think it is possible to "carry the message" in ways that don't include meetngs. It makes sense for people attending AA to stay sober to say that "if you don't keep going to meeings you will get drunk" - but it is not necessarily TRUE - I love AA and it saved my life - but being sober example and carrying the message outside of meetings is what I do these days -which may be seen as blasphemy - but like any good rebllious alcoholic, i never could stand dogma.


Member: Lynne T
Location: Calgary, Canada
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 20:04:16

Comments

Hi I'm Lynne and an alcoholic. I have been sober since April 12, 1998 and have only just realized the imporance of a sponsor. I've just come through a difficult two weeks and done as I was told when the going was tough, I called my sponsor to go to a meeting with me. Well she didn't want to. It made me realize how much I needed and wanted that friendship and leadership etc., I just met up with a lady on an AA chat line and she took me on as a Sponsee. She has never done this over the net and it's definately a first for me, but I have felt greatly relieved (for some reason) now that I have "someone". I'm really hoping it works well there is a real shortage of women in the meetings in my area. My God has just brought me through an awful two weeks, but I done it! but I also know I didn't do it alone. Thanks for listening.


Member: Lee C.
Location: CA
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 20:10:37

Comments

Hi, I'm Lee and I'm an alcoholic "and" a romantic.

Why do I say that I'm an alcoholic? Why do I say I'm a romantic? In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous on page 58 it says that "There are those too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Well I'm one of those who have had grave mental and emotional problems. What happened? How did I get these problems? My father was an alcoholic and drank daily. My early memories were of my mother and I waiting in the car outside of many bars for him. I was sexually molested by one of my aunts. Then came the period of time when my mother met the man who became my step-father. My mother was a victim of mental and emotional disorders from her association with my father and his alcoholism (that's the family part of this disease folks.) My step-father was the product of his fathers abuse due to alcohol and he went into rages. His rages were like blackouts to an alcoholic. I'm sure he didn't know what he was doing because when in a rage he would beat up on my mother and us little children and could have killed one of us in that state. The was much good about my step-father, he worked and I now can see that he also was an idealist. He no doubt was a romantic also. My mother brought much of the physical abuse on because of the mental abuse she gave my step-father and her sharp tongue. You know the story...we step on the toes of others and they retaliate (page 62 Big Book). So this is probably the roots of where my emotional and mental disorders started appearing. I became an avid reader and could really imagine that I was the person in the book. I read 2 to three books after school every day and often I read one before school (I became a speed reader). I loved books (and movies with heroines and happy endings) and I became the person in the book. When they had problems and hardships I was sympathetic and concerned. When they were in love I imagined it was me and at the happy ending I cried for their happy feelings wishing I really was that person. I had no feelings in my family that I was loved, so I could only look outward and this was for me in books mostly. So here I am wanting love and not having ever realized it, wanting more from life and seeing how hopeless it really was. Nobody close to me seemed to really have it and if they did they were religious and my parents taught me not to accept that, that religious people were all hypocrites. What was I to do? Here's what I did. I just dropped out of life into my books. I wasn't a straight A student but was almost always on the B honor roll (sometimes the A) at elementary level. I tried to do nice things for people wanting desperately to be liked and accepted. I never did realize this ambition. I left the family and cared for my grandmother and for the first time felt that someone loved me. It was true, my grandmother did love me even tho we fought often. When she died I started to act out like a child would because I couldn't accept her death and the way I perceived her son's and daughters treated her. I ended up in prison over that one. While there I started writing a fellow prison's sister and when we got out we got married. We'd never had a date! God, what a romantic I was and still am. That lasted 7 years and I mistreated her horribly during those years. Not because I was trying to be mean at all. I wasn't trying to be mean, but I was simply acting out my portion of the alcoholism that I'd inherited from, my father (the alcoholic), my mother who had been emotional battered and bruised by him and my step-father who had acquired the mental and emotional and spiritual portion of alcoholism from his father. I was one sick pup! I simply tried to control my life so that I would not get hurt any more. I tried to control my wife and my expectations had all came from what I'd wished my own family had been as I compared my life to the people in the books, movies, and television show I'd seen. My expectations were as you can probably see quite high - marriage was forever and happy, etc. My wife didn't live up to them and I myself couldn't live up to my own expectations. As the Big Book talks about on page 61, I was the virtuous actor and if only people would do as I'd wished the show would be great! Well my wife finally divorced me and I started drinking. This was around age thirty and I could hold it pretty well. But even so right at the start I started behavior that even made me drink more. It brought relief and allowed me to let go of my control for a period but as chapter 3 in the Big Book says things started getting worse - not better. I moved and that helped some for awhile. It helped get the memory of seeing my wife in bed with another man out of my head but the drinking continued. I started getting DUI's and spending nights in jail. My life was a mixture of confusion. I had my children because my wife didn't want them so here I was raising them up as a single parent and I loved them but had never felt love so I had a hard time expressing it and working and as a single parent it was hard with three children but I did it. And drinking for relief. And then the second time in Care School for my drinking and driving tickets (I had 4) they did the thing that was to be the turning paint in my life. They sent me to Alcoholics Anonymous. I guess that I had hit my bottom. I have always wondered about that but I really had thoughts about not doing it and giving the Care School up and just continuing to drive without a license (that would have been normal to my attitude of defiance at the world.) But I didn't do this, I decided to go. I thought that I probably would not give them my real name. I was scared and defiant and my attitude was not good. I walked into a meeting and a fellow, who many said wasn't alcoholic, greeted me and made me welcome. He identified himself as an alcoholic and I had seen him at the bars and talked to him there often in the past. It was the Monday night meeting in my home-town and was at the Catholic Church Annex Basement at the time. There I met people who I later became friends with like Bob D. and the one person who gave me his phone number Gil G. (Gil now has 20 or 21 years sober now and Bob has passed away from cancer.) I had an attitude like I said and didn't think that alcohol had beaten me, didn't think that I was an alcoholic like you folks. I identified myself for a long time as "Hi, I'm Lee" and after a time changed it to " Hi, I'm Lee and I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous." This way of identification was my defiance and attitude . I was not like you folks and I was not going to be like you folks! I had to come but still, even though I stated feeling part of AA, didn't want to do it your way. I wanted to do whatever it was, my way. I wanted to have as much control as possible over my life, even though it seemed uncontrollable. I was afraid. I had to not lose my identity, my ideals, and my hope. When the time finally came that I had grown enough to accept that I was simple an alcoholic like you other alcoholics I had finally done the first step and accepted my alcoholism. I had finally admitted that I wasn't any different from other alcoholics when it comes to alcohol. Do you accept that you are simple an alcoholic or are you still "different?" I hear many people identify themselves in many different ways out there.... When I had admitted that I was an alcoholic is when I started recovering. I immediately started getting involved in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Getting involved was the turning point for me. I've held many service jobs in AA and haven't drank. This of course is good but there is even more. There is more to recovery than not drinking and I started getting involved in another program that helps me a lot. That program is the other program that Bill Wilson was the force in - Al-Anon. Maybe you don't know how big a part Bill played in this program for the families of Alcoholics. If you are interested, read Lois Remembers. Lois was Bill's wife who stood by him through it all, through the up's and down's of life. Anyway mush of my emotional and mental disturbance has come from the period of time that I was a child as I've said and this is where I really needed the healing first. As a result of the steps of AA and Al-Anon I am healing the parts of me that have been diseased with the mental and emotional and yes, the spiritual disorders caused by others people's alcoholism (whether caused by their own drinking or the drinking of a loved one). One natural step many of us take as the promises start to come true is the step to become involved in a religious body (as the Big Book talks about on page 131 & 132 ). I'm in the process of becoming a Christian and a member of a church at this time. Now I've come from a place of not belonging and loneliness and fear to a place of belonging and happiness and a developing sense of God. I like myself and even though I know that I have much learning to do, I know that if I have the capacity to be honest that I can be healed. I can eventually say as I've heard some members say "I'm Lee, and I'm a recovered alcoholic." Now let's start this meeting over again and let me introduce myself again in the right manner ...even though I still am a member of Al-Anon and a Christian and still a romantic. The manner that we must do if we have throughly done the first step.... "Hi everybody, I'm Lee and I'm an alcoholic."


Member: MAGGIE   K.
Location: vERNON  B.C.
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 20:36:19

Comments

Hi Maggie AA, Pam I think you are talking about balance.A meeting only takes about an hour a day. I remember when I USED TO SPEND TWO SHIFTS IN THE BEER PARLOUR. PEOPLE SAY THE THING THEY DID BEFORE THEY STARTED DRINKING WAS THEY STOPPED GOING TO MEETINGS.SERVICE TO ME IS OUT IN THE REAL WORLD ALSO WHERE PEOPLE SEE YOU AND KNOW WHAT YOU WERE LIKE BEFORE. EVERYWHERE WORK ,PLAY,DANCING ,VOLUNTEERING,ETC. lINDA, i UNDERSTAND ABOUT FINDING ME. ISN'T IT GREAT!!!MOST OF THE TIME. WHEN I DRANK I HAD LOW CONFIDENCE DIDN'T WANT TO DO THINGS BECAUSE PEOPLE WOULD SAY I ONLY DID IT WHEN I WAS DRUNK, HOWEVER WHO KNOWS WHAT I DID IN BLACKOUTS??? FOUND I'M WILD &CRAZY SOMETIMES, SHY AND RESERVED OTHERS, I LIKE HATS ,PEOPLE AND I'MA LOVING, PASSIONATE PERSON. LOTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT FROM PEOPLE KEPT BRINGING ME BACK TO THESE ROOMS NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I SLIIPPED. BEEN BACK FO R ABOUT 9 MTHS. I HEARD WE SHOULD KEEPCOMING BACK TIL THE MIRACLE HAPPENS! RIVNER, SURE LIKE YOUR THOUGHTS RE:RESPECT &COMPASSION, I FEEL THE SAME WAY, DON'T MIND THAT BOOT IN THE BUTT, LONG AS IT'S SOFT HEY TONY DITTO, RIGHT ON!! lONNIE DITTO WHAT RIVNER SAID , GOD IS LOVE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF FEAR, HE WANTS FOR YOU ALL THE BEST THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER, GO FOR IT IN A GOOD WAY!! LOVE IN SERVICE MAGGIE


Member: James P
Location: Texas
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 20:43:03

Comments

Hi im James ive only been sober for 50 days and dont have a sponsor, i'm not sure how to find one or will one find me i like my aa group but there is noone in there i would like to use, i guess i should pray for one but i havn't. i need the personal relationship, but it can't be just anyone. HELP!


Member: Holly Wood
Location: Cambridge Idaho
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 20:47:57

Comments

Finding the wright sponser for each individual would have to be a match made by god. Comapassion and caring in the A.A. in the fellowship is where it gains it strenght.Without sponser's and there guidence and wisdom a lot of people would be back to self will run riot. A.A.mtg's are not a hiding place for people,they are a place for people who need help in understanding there disease, and to learn the A.A.way to maintain sobriey,and to find the means to cope with life on life's terms. I was at my bottom when I finally contacted a treatment center. It gave me the knowledge I needed to go on with my life sober. It was like a bright light showing me the way to sobriety, the A.A.way. They asked me what I wanted from the center when I left, I replied I wanted recovery'. But what I have know is hope.Thank you for being here. May GOD be with us all.


Member: Tracy J.
Location: Dallas, TX
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 22:15:19

Comments

It took me a long time to understand the importance of having AND USING a sponsor. For a long time, I didn't understand the concept of healthy dependence. I was always raised to be self reliant. This self reliance made an alcoholic out of me. Today, I talk to my sponsor regularly. She knows the "ins and outs" of my life, so that when something extraordinary happens, she can readily be there for me. She challenges me to step out and try some new things. She encourages me to build upon new ideals, as I ever-so-slowly discard my old ones. She rejoices in my metamorphosis. And she teaches me to fly. I have seen God in her eyes. And I have learned about a loving God through my sponsor. I have learned to tap into HIS power. And I have stayed sober 6 years so far as a result of using a sponsor. It's an exercise...an action in humility. And the payoff is Grace.


Member: Linda J.
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 22:58:22

Comments

Hello everyone! I am so glad that I found this discussion group on the internet. I am now 1 day sober and after many, many attempts, I have failed to keep my sobriety. I have said only on weekends, one day a week, not hard alcohol, etc.... My husband who shares this same addiction has made the same promises with me and as for him, he has suffered the same setbacks. I am still at step number one and it is very hard for me to admit that I am powerless over alcohol and I don't know that I ever will. I only know that I will continue trying to be the person who lives a good, clean sober life. And I know that I want my marraige to last so as far as I can see, I have to be the one to get a grip on my sobriety so I can be an example to my husband. Thank you so much for your uplifting comments about your lives and your pains. This room is truly an inspiration to my soul. God Bless you all and have a blessed 24 hours.

Linda J.


Member: Danny F.
Location: Fort worth, (Cowtown) Texas, U.S.A.
Date: 17 Jan 1999
Time: 23:04:12

Comments

Hello, Family! My name's Danny, and I'm an alcoholic! I'm a Miracle! I'm a Drunk, who don't drink, Today! Sorry, I didn't get to post, in last weeks meeting. I did get to read a lot of good sharing, on sponsorship. God has blessed me, with some wonderful people, as sponsors. I have never found the need to "fire" a sponsor, as I've heard, in some AA meetings. I just collect them. I couldn't "fire" a sponsor, anyway. I didn't hire him, and, I don't pay him. My advice, on sponsorship, though, is; If you don't have one, get one! If you have one, use him/her! Get as many as you need!

Once, early in my recovery, I was speaking with an AA friend, long after a meeting, (1 or 2 AM) and he ask, who my sponsor was. I told him, "Tonight, you are!" Sponsors guided me through the steps, and taught me how to live. I owe my life, to the sponsoring, God has provided me. When I've needed someone, someone was always there, for me. I currently do have a "primary" sponsor, but, both of us work nights, and don't get to talk, as much as I would like, but, if I need to talk, really, really, "NEED" to talk, God will, always, provide a means, for that need to be filled. It's true! God will do, for us, what we cannot do, for ourselves! When I can't find an ear, to listen, He. always, puts one there, for me! He loves us, that much!

My sponsors, introduced me to this new way of life, and taught me how, to work the Steps. As a result, I've been sober 9 3/4 years, and now, I get to pass along, what was passed on, to me. I can do this, insid & outside of these rooms. Life is a 24 hour a day thing, and, so is this disease. I can't make as many meetings, as I used to, but, I can, still, carry the message, in my daily life. There is more, to life, that just meetings, although, they too are important. My daily life, has to be based, on the spiritual principles, I learned, in these rooms, and from my sponsors. If it is not, then I am doomed, to repeat the past, and, I can't go there agaig, and survive. I do, "Keep comming back", every chance I get, but, I have to live each moment, of each day, as if, I just left the last AA meeting, that was ever going to be; as if there were never going to be any more meetings. That way, everything I do, is sharing, in a meeting, or listening, to another share. It's called, LIFE, after AA Meetings!

Love, to you all, my AA Brothers & Sisters!

Danny F. - "Just another old Drunk & Junkie, finally, learning how to live!"


Member: John K
Location: Santa Clara, CA
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 02:40:46

Comments

Hi, my name is John K and I'm an alcoholic. I am sober today by the grace of God through the program and fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. The date of my last drink is March 7, 1990. I had a heck of a time getting and staying sober, and I went to my first AA meeting in 1984, at 16 years old. I had already been in trouble with the law and had many of the symptoms of advanced alcoholism at that time. I went to rehab and learned about alcoholism, but when I got out I tried to do it on my own and could not stay sober. After six years of bouncing in and out of the rooms of AA and NA, I finally sobered up one more time. I hit bottom in a piss-in-the-sink hotel in San Jose, strung out on alcohol and crack. I had stopped working, stopped eating, stopped doing anything worthwhile, and I was living only to drink and do drugs.

When I went into Detox in San Mateo, the gentleman at the detox place said, "This can be another bump in the road, or this can be the beginning of a whole new way of life." I never want to forget the condition in which I came into AA that last time. I was 40 pounds underweight, horribly malnourished, my eye was completely red, my jaw dislocated from getting beat up by two guys in East Palo Alto, and I was totally insane.

I knew I had to get a sponsor right away, and that it had to be someone who could tell me the truth about my disease and help me work the steps. I met someone at one of my first meetings whom I had known before in the program but had not been willing to listen to. I asked him to sponsor me, and he told me there would be certain rules. (See The Doctor's Opinion, pages xxvi-xxvii.)

I was to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I was to call my sponsor every day. I was to talk to my sponsor about all decisions before I made them. I was to have only one sponsor (no sponsorship by group opinion, as I had always done before) I had daily and weekly reading assignments in the Big Book and 12&12. I met with my sponsor once a week to go over the program.

The rules were subject to change without notice, and my part was to come up with the willingness to follow directions. I had to trust the process.

There were writing assignments for each of the steps, the ritual, routine, and discipline of which helped me to learn to behave in new ways in all areas of my life. I am happy to report that my life has changed for the better. I have a sense of peace in all circumstances, I have the ability to have good relationships, and to hold down a job. I have seen many of my dreams come true in the program, including getting married, starting a family, getting a college degree and a great job.

If this drunken thief can do it, so can you. I could not do any of this on my own, or with less than strong sponsorship. My contact with the people I sobered up with has been the touchstone of my sense of contact with God. I am very blessed, and grateful to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Thank you.


Member: Bonnie C - 5/30/80
Location: Seattle
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 05:00:43

Comments

Hi extended family bonnie/alcoholic here (((ROOM-HUG))) I truly love my brothers and sisters in these rooms, you have saved my life. I see really good topics here ((murray)) SPONSORSHIP - I first had to figure out what I wanted out of the program, first i had a sponsor who didnt have time for me, then found one who did but after awhile her life situations took most of her time and she fired me the 3rd one i found took me thru the steps again and again, i had done them on my own the first time, then my second sponsor had me do them again then this third one had me tear each area of my life apart with the steps, anything that gave my gut a moment of concern got a 4th step rating etc. my 3rd sponsor also had me use a dictionary when reading as my understanding was clouded by my stunted growth- i got what i wanted, someone to help me understand this program and take me thru the steps ((linda)) THE NEW ME- I meet new parts of myself every yr and I'm always surprize that Im either that normal, talented or sick, in the 7th step prayer, I ask God to accept all of me good and bad & He does so I can too while I work on the not so good stuff. AND ((pam)) LIVING OUTSIDE IN THE REAL WORLD AFTER AA - I went to a meeting almost every day for 5yrs, I read 60thru63, 449thru452 & 83&84 in the big book every nite. at about 5to6yrs sober after id moved from the town with my original home group, i stayed away from reg meetings for a couple yrs with a relationship, at 7 1/2yrs sober I found myself out side a liquor store on my knees praying that God wouldnt let me drink. I didnt pick up the first and God took away the desire for the second. went back to meetings for awhile, felt better more centered but moved again got away from meetings again went thru alot of pain with relationships, got into working codependent issues, went to alanon and co-de, but not many aa meetings, isolated for a few more yrs (but did alot of writing and reading and watching spiritual stuff) and i still talked with alkies on the phone at least every other day, only going sporaticly to meetings (my perfect neighborhood had turned into a gang war zone) and almost lost the rest of my marbles until I moved & got into a balance of AAmeetings and living in the real world, I have a meeting place that I go to on a reg basis where I've let people know me, cause i cant always see when I'm starting to get self centered or depressed (they can) and chair 1 meeting a week. whatever your comfort zone is, do it but isolation from the program has killed many of my friends. why? Im not sure. why im sober 18 yrs, because I dont pick up the first drink, pill or drug, pray, go to meetings, take suggestions and the grace of God has removed the addictions. I can trigger those addictions with one drink, pill or drug. but AA has given me the choice not to do so and God has bless me with AA to learn how to live. Dear God please bless all who venture here, love and hugs, bon


Member: Jacqueline Mc
Location: NZ
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 05:59:31

Comments

Hi everyone! I'm Jacqueline Mc, & I'm an alcoholic. There seem to be a few different topics running... the real world after AA??? I wouldn't have a clue... too new. Sponsorship was last weeks great topic (I was still 'lurking' - this is my first post here) so I'll leave that one be... The new/real me now that I'm sober? That one I can do! For the first time I'm actually feeling stuff, letting myself, and you know what? I'm not so scared of that after all... because I finally started doing this the right way!!! I only have God (my H.P) and AA to thank for that! I went from the bottle, to the ER with withdrawal seizures, to knowing I had to try, to finding the way, to knowing that it can work... so I'm doing my best, taking it 1 day @ a time, and have added this place to my life... So thank you all, for being part of something that's doing me good. Thanks for letting me share.

P.S... To Lynne T of Calgary, Canada: I was really caught of guard just before... I almost cried.... you and I have the same sobriety date! April 12 "98. :)


Member: Bruce J.
Location: New Milford, CT
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 09:20:51

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Bruce J. I'm an alcoholic. Thanks, Murray. Good topic. I'm rather new to the program and like most of us, I guess, first enter the rooms without a sponsor or a home group. It took about a month for me to choose someone whom I thought would be the right sponsor. This person had to have something I wanted and had to be someone I could speak freely and completely honestly with. We never had that familiar "call me everyday" relationship, and still don't. My policy has been to use the wisdom of my sponsor when I need to and not waste his time with trivials and BS. So far, this is working. I have done a 90 and 90, and am ready to work the steps as they were meant to be worked, after just four months of sobriety.

Would like to hear from others on this subject.

Thanks for letting me share.

Bruce J.


Member: Eddie H
Location: Middletown, NY
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 10:45:24

Comments

Hi Everyone, I'm Eddie and I'm an alcoholic. I started going to AA in october 1988 fresh out of rehab. The seed was planted back then but I didn't really want to stop drinking. You see I had a prescription drug problem (xanax) that I thought had caused my problems. Never mind the fact that I went to the doctor to get something for my frayed nerves, due to not getting enough alcohol in my system...you know...so I could tell myself that if I didn't drink a couple times during the week, how could I have a problem. Cunning you bet! I managed to stay sober for almost 3 years by half working the program, because I was not feeling too good and I felt immediate results. But there was that little doubt in the back of head and I drank again and proceeded to do some control drinking for the next 5 years, drinking every 6 months or so, all the while still attending AA meetings. Talk about sick! That was a grueling period for me, for I was just spinning my wheels, not really getting anywhere, dry for most of the time. Then it happened, I got good and drunk loosing all control and embarassing myself and something clicked. I was convinced I truely was an alcoholic. That was in june 20, 1996.

Whew, that was a long winded prelude, guess I needed to say that. On the topic of sponsership, I have had a few, got fired from a couple for drinking, had some that were ready to drink themselves. I have one now that seems to busy for me, he's starting a business. I have never been through all of the steps officially with a sponser. Has anybody ever heard of having a sponser on line? Alls I know is that I have a sincere desire to stay sober and it is by Gods grace that I am. My HP has a plan for me I'm sure.

I still am learning to live life on lifes terms everyday. I started drinking at age 13 to more or less escape the feelings I had. I am told I stopped growing at that point. I still get some of those same feelings at times today at age 43, and sometimes its difficult to feel them. But I realize that every thing is a blessing, because by all rights I shouldn't be here.

I still remember what my first sponser used to tell me, the joy is in the journey, and keep skipping the rope. I hold on to those things.

Thanks for letting me run on. I normally don't do that in live meetings.


Member: Debbie C
Location: Colorado
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 11:44:08

Comments

Hi, I'm Debbie an alcoholic. Sponsorship was last week's topic, so I am going to add to this by way of Pam's (from CA) posting.

I too have put together a few 24 hours (16 years) and have also gotten to where you are. When I first entered the program, meetings for me were my life saver. I used them as a means of staying out of bars. Then after some time, they turned into the avenue by which I learned how to work the steps. Often times in my sobriety I have been guilty of using meetings and the program of AA as a means of not facing reality or dealing with the real world. I would go to meetings and pontificate about things that made absolutely not sense at all. So I know what you mean about using this program as a way of hiding from the real world. However, over time that finally changed for me and I have found that balance. I still need the meetings and AA to keep me on the sober track, but I have also learned that the program and meetings provide me with messages from my HP that assist me in dealing with the real world. The chapter in the Big Book "Into Action" speaks to this issue very well. We will get no where in the program or in life if we do not take action (steps 4 - 12). This is true of everyday living as well. After all, not taking action in our lives is what eventually led us to the drink isn't it? I sat and thought about not drinking "that way" ever again, but never took any action (like seek out the program) and would end up drunk again. It wasn't until I got into this program and worked the action steps that I was able to stop drinking. So, I try to grab onto messages that I receive in meetings, one on one discussions with other AAs or just reading the Big Book and apply them to my life in the real world. It isn't an easy thing to do, but it works for me. In most cases, though, it means that I must take some type of action. Often times it is very painful to take a certain path, but I know that when I emerge on the other side of that tunnel, there will be new light and fulfillment. I did not have that kind of faith prior to entering AA. Bottom line is that we can waste away in meetings theorizing about our life, but if we follow the Big Book's suggesstion of taking action and apply that to real life issues, we just can't loose.


Member: molly f
Location: park hills, ky
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 12:18:34

Comments

my name is molly and i'm an alcoholic/addict. sometimes i feel that aa members attend too many meetings and miss being productive members of society. there are many in aa who move in for good and do nothing else for the betterment of society. i know a few people in the program who collect disability checks because they can't work...i think alot of people think that once they get sober...that's all they have to accomplish for the remainder of their stay on this planet... well, guess what? there's much more to accomplish. aa meetings are the most important tool in maintaining sobriety...but now that we're sober and honestly enjoying our lives, let's be responsible in all areas of our lives. thanks for letting me share

molly


Member: Stuart
Location: Ann Arbor
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 12:24:12

Comments

I would like to comment on the theme of integrating AA/Meetings and 'Living Life.' The program, I believe, actually encourages us to live life outside of meetings, in all of our affairs, with this 'practical program of Action.' Their are in fact chapters in the Big Book devoted to Family Afterwards and To Employers implying that we are to live life once we have been given freedom from alcohol, once the obsession has become unhooked. Yet, I believe we have a built-in forgetter. The phrase, 'It is easy for us to rest on our laurels..we are headed for trouble if we do,' comes to mind. I need to do something for my recovery on a daily basis. Eternal Vigilance is the price of a wonderful way of life. Like many people in AA, I have kids, wife, work, etc. If I remember that my Job is to work the program and stay sober and carry the message, everything else seems to fall in place. Sobriety must always be me number one priority or I will have nothing else. It's a wonderful adventure and journey. I owe my life to AA and you folks, I pray I never forget that! Where ya at Tom!


Member: Loran P.
Location: Mn
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 12:51:28

Comments

Good day to all! I had a relapse after ten years back in Junel And it took me until Dec. to stop again. I believe that if I had had a sponsor he would have been able to talk me back alot sooner,instead of me sitting in my own s**t bag. well I'm glad to be back into the program and I now know who I will ask to be my sponsor, which I will do next Sunday at my regular meeting.


Member: Kathy F
Location: Carlisle,Ia
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 14:41:18

Comments

Hi my name is Kathy and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.

When I finally realized that I was truely an alcoholic and that I needed help I got a sponsor. Through my recovery I changed as a person and so did my needs from a sponsor so I got a new on.

To me sponsors are very important. They're like my little light house - pointing out things that I need to work on and giving me the guidance to do things on my own.

I would recommend that everyone have a sponsor (no matter how long you've in AA) and if and when needed find a new one that best gives you what is needed.

Thanks, Kathy F


Member: Bruce A.
Location: Bovard,PA
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 15:42:53

Comments

Hi I am Appollo, an alcoholic. Sponsorship has always beeen important in A.A. Ebbie T. sponsored Bill W, Bill W. sponsored Bob S. an dthey both sponsored Bill D.It has gone on from there. When I first came to A.A. I didn't get a sponsor. I thought I could do this program on my own. It didn't work My first day back after I relapsed I got a Sponsor. That was on 9-10-83.Since then I have grown and gotten another sponsor. I also have become a sponsor People were here for me ,now I am here for others. Ihave had many grand sponsors. It much easier to work the steps and the A.A. with HELP.Keep coming back Murray It does wok. Love Appollo


Member: Don N
Location: Clear Lake, Iowa
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 16:38:42

Comments

Hi My name is Don an I`m an alcoholic. Like most meetings that I have attended we seldom talk about the topic we started with which is OK. There are no big deals. With the help of my sponsers, MY HIGHER POWER, the AA program and lots of people around these tables I havn`t had to take a drink since Jan. 23rd, 1971. For that I`m very grateful. I`m Might spend a few hours a week at meetings but a lot better than most of the time in a bar room. Thank You for letting me a hang around. Not many put up with me when I was drinking.


Member: Pierre S.
Location: Grapevine, TX
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 17:28:46

Comments

I'm an Alcoholic and my name is Pierre .

Looks like a lot of folks are still talking about last week's topic, Sponsorship. It was a good one but I'll address Pam's topic of "integrating" AA living and living in " the world".

I really liked the earlier comments by DeDe and also Jamie . We need to remember that the Steps are a design for living. The PROGRAM is the 12 Steps, the design for living a sober and spiritually based life . Do not confuse the PROGRAM with the FELLOWSHIP . An example of the FELLOWSHIP is a Meeting. As several posters have pointed out, unfortunately, many AA's do "hide" in meetings . Personally, I started out that way 14 years ago because I was scared to death of what was "out there" and scared of what I might do ouside the rooms. Once I began working the steps and started having a "spititual awakening as THE result" that fear left me. I found a Power I could rely on and I found a way of life that when put into practice gave me freedom, not only from the bottle but from all my fears and insecurities.

I think what we're talking about is achieving BALANCE in our lives, which is no mean feat for someone like me, prone to excess IN ALL THINGS . You know how that works - - if a little is good, a whole lot more is that much better.

Anyone can TALK the TALK at an AA meeting but I don't live in AA Meetings I live with my family, and my Co-workers on the job, with the people I chose to hang with , etc. The 12th Step tells me to "practice these principles in ALL my affairs..... that certaily includes the "outside world, where I spend the majority of my time.

I happen to go to a lot of meetings because I enjoy the fellowship but I believe that's a personal thing, different for all of us. I am usually able to get something or give something back ( if nothing more than encouragement and hope )at every meeting I go to and I ALWAYS feel better afterward .It has a positive affect on my attitude which I carry home with me afterward. The final point I'd like to make is the other part of the 12th Step which states I need to carry this message to ALCOHOLICS. . .

What better place for an opportunity to do that than at a meeting !

For me, carrying the message is NOT an option. It's part of the 12th Step of the Recovery Program of AA and unless I practice that by sharing and caring I will not stay sober . Yes, it can be done in places other than meetings or treatment centers, but that's where I chose to do it and it sure works good for me . Will be celebrating #14 at the end of this month.

Jamie makes a great point so I'll repeat it here and use her words ; It sounds like that old all-or-nothing thinking that says I have to either stay "stuck in AA meetings" or go out in the "real world." It is my grounding in the AA lifestyle, and my continued involvement in AA that allows me to function as a productive member of society and to be a member of that " real" world.

Thanks for the opportunity to express my views.

Love and Prayers to you all. Pierre


Member: Carol M.
Location: Glendale, Ca.
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 19:09:46

Comments

It is nice to know that I can connect with other alcoholics at any hour. A cyber meeting is not the same as being with live people which I think would be even more important for the newcomer. I am so greatful for what AA has done for me. I believe it is exactly what I need and am amazed and so greatful that I "made it" here. As far as the topic I need to do more work and either find a new sponsor or try to work with the one I have. I know that what I have heard about having a sponsor and the importance of it is exactly what I needed to hear and for that I am greatful, as usual, to be a member of AA. Thanks...


Member: Bill T.
Location: Eastern shore MD
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 19:18:22

Comments

Bill T. - alcoholic - It was Doctor Bob who admonished us to keep it simple. These postings have meandered around so much that a topic was never clearly defined and some of them have been so lengthy - downright verbose - that they lose the reader's attention. Brevity is a virtue if you want to be heard. Keep it simple.


Member: kirk , m.
Location: ludington, mi.
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 19:42:53

Comments

Hi, I,m kirk and i'm cross addicted. I have been around this program for going on 12 yrs. nearly 5 of them "dry" the other years well,they were not very good. I have to get a sponsor and that is a big, big part of my addiction. My not having one, that is. My second is denial. But that is another issue for now I have to work on other aspects of my disease. Soooo many issues, but one day at a time and god willing and things will get better. Thanks for sharing (everyone)!!!! This was my first time here.


Member: Rick H.
Location: Pontiac,ILL
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 20:52:26

Comments

Hi I'm Rick and I'm a alcoholic:I've only been in the program for 100 days I have a temporary sponsor but I need time to find a full sponsor.I feel that I don't know people in the program well enough I really would like to know someone before I pick them as the person to that I have to work my program with.My temp. sponsor lives in Colorado and my phone bill gets pretty big but thats o.k. because it keeps me from drinking. Well thank you and I'll take one day at a time.


Member: Jack B
Location: Lewes, DE
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 21:13:07

Comments

Hi! I'm Jack, an alcoholic. My last drink was 5/8/60.In response to Pam, I agree that my HP meant me to find confidence and overcome fear and return to the "real world". However, I think it also okay to remain in the safety of the program if that's what you choose. I'm not suggesting anyone forsake the meetings and the friendships which come in your search for sobriety but there isn't any reason you can't have both if that's what you choose. I have never believed that A.A. was meant to be a social organization. I love all of my friends in the program but I have also found friends worthy of love in church, business, charity work, every where. I wouldn't choose, and don't have to choose, to forsake any of them. A.A. has given me the courage to overcome my fears and go forward. This, I think is what it's all about. Love to all, Jack


Member: joe d
Location: havelock
Date: 18 Jan 1999
Time: 23:00:16

Comments

joe alcoholic,i'm very grateful to be clean and sober today. i'm so thankful to progress one more day in a sober world,for i had progressed for over 20 years in a drunken world. this recovery isn't going to happen over night . and it's going to take a little working the steps inthis simple program.thanks for everyone being here to share...thanks, joe


Member: Beckie W
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 00:06:31

Comments

I'm an alcoholic and an addict and my name is Beckie. Basically, I liked to get drunk and I definately enjoyed smoking pot. I crossed that line of over-doing it, and ended up hitting my bottom. I have found that most people in the "real" world don't want to talk about nasty addictions or problems with cravings. It hits to close to home for them. I've experienced a lot of superficiality and I lose interest easily in what some consider "normal" chit-chat. A.A. has become somewhat of a refuge, a place where I can temporarily lose my feelings of being a "freak", and feel like I am a part of the grand solution of things. I still have a hard time, now and again, in my inter-actions. I feel as the virgin in a boys' locker room to tell you the truth. I think that's the shyness I tried so desparately to disguise while I was practicing, now coming out. It feels so good to feel these raw emotions again, though. Fresh air, almost. I'm just glad that there are "old-timers" that still make it their business to keep on going to meetings. They possess wisdom that at times is very attractive to me and needed to keep me keepin' on. Life after entering recovery has become just as unpredictable as life was before. The only difference is at last I have some suggestions on how to live without booze and/or pot. I see the choices, I feel the freedom and most important, I now know the love that the Higher Being has had for me all along. A.A. is only the beginning, ....

Rivner, Bill T, Pierre,.....(to name a few).....Thanks.


Member: Pachini D.
Location: Fairbanks,alaska
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 03:59:49

Comments

Hi, I'm Pachini, an alcoholic: On the topic of sponsorship I have found one of the key qualities I have searched for in a sponsor has been the acceptance of ones self, with all the human flaws and defects. From my experience, I have found that until I have been able to accept myself with all my flaws, all my imperfections, with out feeling guilt or shame or judgement, and actually love myself anyways, then and only then have I been capable of sponsoring another alcoholic with unconditional love and acceptance. This did not come easily or quickly. I thank God after 13 years of consistantly working on myself I have found a new freedom that I have never known. Acceptance is the key!! Thank you AA and thank you God...


Member: Perry H
Location: Stroudsburg, PA
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 07:04:49

Comments

Good Mornin From the Poconos!

The lights just went on! In my apartment and in my head….

Once I understand that I am in Gods Grace, my Faith expands and fills the hole. Wow! Thanks for that one. I’ve always wondered about that word Grace…The hole represents Fear. I drank when in a position of Fear. Faith (Grace) replaces Fear. Love that stuff…

AA is the place I come to find Gratitude, to express Gratitude, and to give back , for the Gratitude. In our area , there is an old timer that always say “ Cease to be Grateful, Cease to be sober…. I looked up the word Gratitude in a really nice little dictionary that I got from my favorite person this Christmas and it said “ The state of being thankful” Thankful for the miracle of being able to get sober. Thankful for God as I understand Him. Thankful to being able to help another human being find The Way Out.

Here are a few quotes from this meeting that I am pondering and just plain Love:

I simply tried to control my life so that I would not get hurt any more.

I wanted to have as much control as possible over my life, even though it seemed uncontrollable.

GOD IS LOVE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF FEAR, HE WANTS FOR YOU ALL THE BEST THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER, GO FOR IT IN A GOOD WAY!!

I have seen God in her eyes. And I have learned about a loving God through my sponsor. I have learned to tap into HIS power. And I have stayed sober 6 years so far as a result of using a sponsor. It's an exercise...an action in humility. And the payoff is Grace.

I've been sober 9 3/4 years, and now, I get to pass along, what was passed on, to me. I can do this, inside & outside of these rooms.

I still remember what my first sponsor used to tell me, the joy is in the journey, and keep skipping the rope. I hold on to those things.

but I have also learned that the program and meetings provide me with messages from my HP that assist me in dealing with the real world.

Often times it is very painful to take a certain path, but I know that when I emerge on the other side of that tunnel, there will be new light and fulfillment.

I love the fact that every morning I can listen to shares from around the world. Thank you God for all the Grace in my life…


Member: Joey B.
Location: Georgia
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 09:49:13

Comments

Hello Iam Joey, and Iam an A.A. Iam still very young at my soberity( about 4 mos.)and work in a alcoholic environment. Almost everyone around me drinks. when I first came into the program it was recomended that I get a sponsor right away, I have not done this yet. I agree with the fact I need one, and there are several people in my group that are sponsors, and could be mine, I just need to ask. That is part of my problem (other than my drinking)I have always had a problem asking someone for something. If there is anyone else out there that can relate to this let me know. Thanks


Member: Lynn A.
Location: Birmingham, AL
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 12:42:39

Comments

Hi everybody, Lynn/Aloholic. thought I take a little time with this sponsorship topic again. I found out yesterday my first sponser is critically ill and won't be around much longer. It hit me hard and caused me to reflect once again on just how much a sponsor means. Especially since I didn't have a clue how this program works or how to work it. Sponsorship is so important I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for the sponsors God put in my life. I thought I knew everything when I got here, but I really and truly knew nothing. I called my sponsor yesterday and thanked her for stepping in and helping me through that first year of sobriety. Not by giving advice, but showing me how to work and apply these simple steps in my life. If you don't have a sponsor, get one. You'll will never regret it.


Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 16:16:34

Comments

Hello my name is Tom A. a sober alcoholic today by the grace of my Higher Power and the teaching and fellowship of the program we know as Alcoholic's Anonymous. Greetings to all of my friends on Staying Cybers discussion meeting. I might add that this week we have a multitude of topics. I love it! Where else in this world can we find such harmony? For me this is the way AA Works, honest, openminded, and willing drunks come together and share their experience, strength and hope and somehow we are able to answer questions about sponsors, about getting to know real sobriety, and about integrating AA living into then world. The advice given to me was "ask your Higher Power for help in the morning, don't drink, and thank him at night." Easy Does It and Keep It Simple. Thanks for putting up with my foolishness and I truly love everyone who has posted this week. AA has taught me that truth!

God Bless Tom A ate@gte.net


Member: andre a.
Location: slc, ut
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 16:26:58

Comments

hi, my name is andre a. and i'm an alcoholic. i to believe in sponsorship. i have a good sponsor whom i work the steps of aa with. he tells me to take it easy and not to worry about tomrorrow just don't drink today. however let us not forget our ultimate sponsor god, he has the power we need to get sober and stay sober so remember he is the only one whom we may totally rely upon.

god bless, andre a.


Member: Teri F.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 16:43:06

Comments

Hi, Teri here. grateful recovering alcoholic. There's been some great stuff posted here. The sponsor thing: After 8 years sober, I had trouble with sponsors "fading" out when their lives got too hectic, I finally let my last one lapse. Went without one for 3 years. I DON'T RECOMMEND IT. There was no one to intimately question my thinking (lots of things I didn't reveal in meetings) There was no one I felt knew or cared personally about my sobriety or my life. Without that personal, intimate encouragement my negative thinking got the better of me, and sure enough I went back out. It only took one night to teach me that wasn't where I wanted to go. I now have another year under my belt and a sponsor. And I'm not so picky when I knew my recovery was on the line. This time around I told myself "she can stand on her head and eat macaroni and cheese for all I care, if she's sober and willing to LISTEN." This past year I've been through 3. As soon as one started to seem to "busy" I quickly got another. For this alcoholic, I need personal encouragement and a mentor. Someone who'll know the intimate details of my life and helps me apply the program to deal with them. On the subject of Living Life in the "real" world, I too believe that we alkies get very dramatic about what works for us and often too strongly thinks everyone should do it OUR way. Thats what I like about this program: There's the BB, the steps, my higher power and my sponsor. From there, I can create my own recipe that works to keep me sober. The proof is in the pudding though: If I'm miserable, whiney and thinking about drinking, then whatever I'm doing IS OBVIOUSLY NOT WORKING! I try to attend at least 2 meetings a week, and call my sponsor at least 3. Daily meditation and sponsoring others fits in there too. But as my first sponsor once said . . . "I AM RECOVERING TO LIVE, NOT LIVING TO RECOVER." This is the time when I can take some risks with my newfound confidence and faith, reach out for some long lost goals and dreams. I don't just want to be SOBER and SURVIVE. I WANT TO LIVE.


Member: Jessie M.
Location: NYC
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 17:58:37

Comments

Jessie, alcoholic. I love the relationship I have with my sponsor. It's differenf from every other in my life. We built it on trust and it's such a blessing to have someone in the world I can always turn to who will tell me the truth. I want to be that person for somebody else. I recently started helping out a newcomer with her steps & it's going well so far. It helps me so tremendously when she calls--it's unreal. Like everything else, though, it's one day at a time. Thanks for the topic.


Member: Terri O
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 18:35:55

Comments

Hi friends, my name is Terri and I am an alcoholic.

Boy can I relate to 'wanting to do things my own way'! After 7 years working the program my way, I relapsed. My way was: stop going to meetings, work steps with a nice woman who was too nice to tell me I was full of shit, never help other alkies....I really was quite creative in the MY WAY program!

Now I have two sponsors with total 25 years experience, and I am doing things their way. Sober 8 months now thanks to their unconditional love and insistence on working the program the AA way.

As far as living goes, I live as much real life inside meetings as I do outside them. Sometimes I use meetings as 'practice' - trying to learn to listen, care, share, be courteous, be humble, be grateful - yikes it ain't easy for me!

I love you all in AA, especially newcomers/relapsers like me and old timers who are not too busy to help me out.

Thanks.


Member: shelly
Location: mich
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 19:50:34

Comments

SHELLY ALCOHOLIC I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR MY SPONSOR. I HAVE KNOWN HER FOR 10YRS. SHE IS JUST AS HUMAN AS I AM. I USED TO PUT MY SPONSQRS ON A PEDDLE STOOL. THAT LEFT ME FEELING PRETTY SMALL. TODAY I CAN CALL MY SPONSER AND DO THE SUGESTONS THAT ARE GIVEN. WHEN I DO THIS MY TRUST IN HER GROWS IT HAS ALSO TOUGHT ME THAT ITS OK TO ASK FOR HELP. GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU!


Member: Glen D
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 21:18:09

Comments

Hi Yaaaaaaa A.A. aaaaaaaaal.Like the format and the caring and sharing.Here with my dear friend Sharon psysicopath F,enjoying all the faith,hope and courage.Have a good sober week all and may the god of my understanding keep you all for another cyber meeting.


Member: Jeff
Location: The First State
Date: 19 Jan 1999
Time: 22:45:16

Comments

Jeff here, still and always an alcoholic. Joey, I too have been in the program for a short time, 10 months. I feel the same way, and the thought and pressure of getting a sponsor was making me negative,, so for now I still dont have one, going to meetings, and most of all I'm still sober. I'm not sure if obtaining a sponsor is an official thing or just a feeling thing?? I do consult with one person at meetings,, maybe that is my way of having a sponsor,,, I dont know for sure,, good luck with your sobriety and hope to hear from you again in this meeting!!!


Member: Rhia W
Location: Atlanta
Date: 20 Jan 1999
Time: 02:26:26

Comments

Hi ya'll, Rhia, alkie/addict & my problem is me...

when i 1st came into AA, i heard a lot of talk about sponsors & sponsorship, & how i 'had to have' a female sponsor... well, after 9 months in the doors, & 6 months not drinking, i was about to toss the whole shebang out the window cuz i couldn't get another female to Talk to me, let alone sponsor me... (dawned on me later when a fellow alkie 'complimented' me that i'd come a long way, now i just looked like i 'could' cut someones throat (hehe) that i was rather, um, intimidating when i 1st came in...lol) i sure didn't see the 'fellowship' everyone talked so much about cuz i was so walled up & withdrawn i couldn't see it... but i read the BigBook repeatedly... was sleeping w/the BB under my pillow hoping to get sober by osmosis if nothing else, lol....

at 6 months dried out, i was tired, bone-tired of the fight & was about to give up when i heard a voice across the room speaking of overwhelming rage & personal demons... well, here was something new! here was something i could relate to! so i listened, & i cornered the voice a few weeks later at the door & asked about the rage & the demons & the program--did it really help?

at 1st, 'he' didn't want to get too close--no 13th stepping here! lol, but somehow, HP convinced him to offer the hand of AA to this messed up, confused, obsessive female drunk & answer my questions---& did i have questions! LOL

eventually, i was spending many hrs talking w/him, hearing his story, discussing the BB that i'd read so much, having him point me to new ways of looking at myself & the program by the way he explained what he had been thru & how the steps & the principles had helped him... he was there at 3:00am when i couldn't sleep & Really wanted a drink... he was there when i needed a stable voice... he was there when the walls came crashing down & 30 years of pain & hurt & rage & tears came rushing out in a tidal wave of gut-wrenching sobs... & more importantly, he was Not there when i needed to rely on HP instead...

but i still couldn't get a sponsor, the local females in the smalltown we were in still wouldn't open up around me... then 1 day while we were all gathered around, his sponsor asked him how his sponsee was doing.. "i don't have a sponsee"... & we all looked at each other & laffed cuz it was so obvious---he was my sponsor <grin>... & he stayed my sponsor until i got on my feet in AA, until i could understand what 'working the steps' meant & could work them... then, when it was time, i moved on in my sobriety... & no, he never 'crossed the line', even tho in the beginning i sure pushed it--some of us r sicker than others, i suppose...

he told me many times that i was helping him as much as he was helping me.... i couldn't believe it at the time, but looking back, i understand... so, that to me is what a sponsor is all about...

Serenity & Sanity


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota,florida
Date: 20 Jan 1999
Time: 08:13:00

Comments

hello, still richard..still an alcoholic......from P-15, page 7,paragraph four..." In A.A. sponser and sponsored meet as equals, just as Bill an Dr. Bob did. Esentially, the process of sponsership is this: An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program shares that experience on a ccontinuous , individual basis with another alcoholic who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety thru A.A."


Member: Patti A.
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
Date: 20 Jan 1999
Time: 11:38:01

Comments

In response to Linda's topic, I felt like my whole way of being was stripped away when I came to recovery. I hardly spoke to anyone in any area of my life for over 6 months. I didn't know what to say (very unusual for me!). As I worked the steps, I discovered the true me that had been buried under all of the pain, alcohol, other drugs. I had been terrified to look inside. What if there was nothing there? I have witnessed this same fear in many others in the years I've been around here. I have seen that we all have a withered bud waiting to blossom inside of us. It is a wonderful thing to discover. Keep at it.

Re: Pam's topic. The big book says we are to recover and go into the mainstream. I feel we are being very small and mean-spirited if we keep the gift of unconditional love we have been graced with confined to our rooms. Something as simple as being a stable person in your neighborhood changes the whole dynamic. We can take clarity of self and spirit into any business arena. I have had many, many people comment through the years about how much they like working with me. I am honest and don't have hidden agendas. For a person in advertising, this is quite a compliment! We can work as volunteers and take the skills of compassionate listening and the ability to work through a process from beginning to end with us.

I do not believe God gave me this gift to squander. I have learned "to be in the world, but not of it". If I pick up one little piece of trash at the park when I am hiking, I have left that place better than it was when I got there. I learned that in recovery rooms.

This is not often a popular stance in meetings, but I learned the hard way that the steps gave me the ability to have a deeper relationship with my spirit. When it calls, I must listen. I cannot be defined by the members of the group. I can only be defined by my willingness to follow God's path for me, no matter what.


Member: Kent H.
Location: lovingitsoberinTN
Date: 20 Jan 1999
Time: 13:59:53

Comments

Hi folks! This is Kent, a gratefully recovering alcoholic. Lots of good comments here, as usual. I especially like what Teri F. and Patti A. said about recovery: it allows us to live, but it does not equal life itself. I attend 1 or 2 meetings a week and I am not a "Big Book thumper." That said, I still feel compelled to come to the defense of those who do seem to live at meetings. Remember: some are sicker than others. They may be doing what they must to survive. There are those who seem to be addicted to meetings. So be it; I can think of worse addictions. I've relapsed more than once and it was never because of too many meetings! Peace and Love to all of you.


Member: Connie-Alcoholic
Location: STL
Date: 20 Jan 1999
Time: 17:31:58

Comments

I am going to touch on both topics discussed here. When I first came into AA, I got a sponsor cause everyone told me I had too. I got one I couldn't get hold off, after 4 month in AA, I had a slip, went to meeting and drank for a week. When I came back I got another sponsor called her everynight, was totally honest with her, she became my best friend. She left the program got another sponsor, I adventually went back to my first sponsor. Then when I moved to another state, I went through four sponsor in a year time. Before I found the right one. Then in August of 98, I hoped on the internet, and found this site, and CP-there I found an online sponsor. Which I never had before. My life was a really screwed up life then too, I ended up getting outside help, and I basically started my program over, with step one. Let me say one thing here, I found out I never really worked an honest program yes, I was sober, but I was also a dry drunk, went to meetings, but only cause people told me I had to if I wanted to stay sober, but never heard what other said. So, when I moved, I had no one, and I had start my program differently and open up and I talked about feelings. Tough one that was too. My sponsor online has been their from my recovery of honesty. and deep feelings stuff. I am now working on my fourth step, been doing that now for almost 4 month, and still not done. But the growth and realization of this program--is so great--and to learn from others in f2f meeting and right here too, is so grand. H.O.W.= honest open-mindness, willingness. This program works when we work it-sponsorship works when we LISTEN(which I tried so hard to always do it my way---no more doesn't work). And take suggestions. They been there and they have done that, so all they are doing is sharing there E,S and Hopes with me.

Have a happy and sober day.


Member: LfromHell
Location: California
Date: 20 Jan 1999
Time: 19:46:17

Comments

My very limited experience with rewarding sobriety is that if there is a difference between my behavior and especially your attitude outside and inside meetings, I am probably being dishonest in one venue or the other (or, more likely, both).

Before I got sober, honest, and let God have control, I needed meetings as a lifeline--a place to spend an hour and a half where it was difficult to drink (not impossible--I was one sick drunk and sneaked out of meetings to get drunk more than once). Now meetings provide fellowship, a sounding board for my thoughts, a venue for exploring the joys and anxieties of this program, and, most importantly, an opportunity to be of help to a suffering alcoholic.

The real test is the "real world." The real world still scares me a bit, but I've discovered that facing the fear and proceeding according to the principles of this program makes me as valuable outside AA as in it.

I don't think I'm likely to completely cut out AA, but I find that my reactions and attitude in the rest of the world are a lot better indicator of my serenity than what I think/feel at a meeting.

If I have no relationship with God, marathon meetings all day will not make me feel worthwhile. With God, all things are possible--even that this sick drunk can be kind, productive, helpful, and--now this is a big one--content.


Member: Greg B
Location: Tallahassee, Fl.
Date: 21 Jan 1999
Time: 14:17:58

Comments

This is my first time on an online meeting. What I've seen so far is wonderfull. I've been sober coming up on 5 years (GOD willing) and this program amazes me more and more each day. To be able to enter the main stream of society and not be a danger to myself or others is a special gift. Sponsorship, meetings, phone calls and now online meetings are all apart of journey that keeps me going in a positive direction. Thanks.


Member: Shirley M.
Location: Brisbane CA
Date: 21 Jan 1999
Time: 14:53:28

Comments

Hi everyone, Shirley/alcoholic, I really like how the topic seems to mesh together for me. If I did not have a sponsor I probably would have worked the steps my way. I am one of those people that needs direction or I get really lazy. Working the steps gave me the courage to walk through so many of my fears I can't name them. I also learned to sponsor myself and that taught my that if I'm thinking about someone else, I'm not living in my fears. The big book and the steps have saved my life and I don't think on my own I would have gotten it. thanks for letting me share.


Member: Tammy P.
Location:
Date: 21 Jan 1999
Time: 15:58:53

Comments

Hi I'm Tammy and an alcoholic, Joey I can relate to you. I have been in AA for almost 3 years, 2 of those years I spent without a sponsor because I was too scared to ask someone it was a big commitment and frankly it totally scared me. Well unfortunately the results where not good, I did the steps on my own and eventually relapsed, I am back in the program and the first thing I did was get a sponsor and I am so grateful to her she informs me when you don't ask someone 2 people lose out on a very rewarding experience. I chose my sponsor by listening and finding someone who is exactly where I hope to be one day.

Regarding AA becoming ones life, I feel there needs to be a balance, that you need to join outside programs and meet non-alcoholic people as well, otherwise it is so easy to fall into a total world of aa. This was suggested to me by a counsellor at the treatment centre I was in. And I am happy to say that I have developed a balance that compliment each other in my recovery


Member: Debbie S.
Location: GA
Date: 21 Jan 1999
Time: 18:48:43

Comments

Hi you all, Sobriety is a gift, and its freely given to those that continue to work for it. Sponsorhip has always been the strength thats guided me, instead of running the show myself. I was told that it was not as important to have a good sponsor as it is to be a good sponsor. And I find it hard to ask anyone to do something I'm not doing myself. And in regards to the meetings, I also was told to go when I want too, and when I don't want too. As long as the debate of whether I was making enough meetings or not swelled in my head I probably wasn't making enough. I don't have the debate as I once did and remain open to AA as a part of my daily life, with time for my family & friends.


Member: Dale S.
Location: California
Date: 21 Jan 1999
Time: 18:49:27

Comments

My first sponsor's name was Mark. He told me that he knew a away to I could stop drinking forever. He told me if I followed his suggestions the uncontrollable desire to drink would go away. He knew the solution for the drink problem. He was right the drink obsession went away and never returned. My sponsor stopped doing the things required to maintain spirituality and went back out. He caused more wreckage in 6 months than I thought possible. He contacted a fatal disease and wound up in prison. I decided their was only one thing to do. I got a new sponsor (Tom) and doubled up on my meetings. I started redoing my steps again like my new sponsor suggested. Tom had new suggestions and I did them all without question. Tom has remained my sponsor for 4 years and has helped me through many rough times. We study the Big Book every Saturday. He jokes around with me when I pick up "other" spiritual books. He has become one of my best friends. For 30 years this man drank wine slept under trees and rode box cars up and down the California cost. At 45 he became to sick from alcoholism. Covered with wine sores he was admitted into a hospital where he met two men. For the first time in his life he unconditionally asked God to help him. He walked from the hospital a free man. Never having a education he decided he needed to get a degree he went back to school and got a BS in Psychology. I now have to other sponsors. Although I don't suggest it for the newcomer. I wanted a sponsor that could help me with the death of my son. I also have a sponsor to take me deeper into the 12 steps. Tom remains my friend and helps me with the study of and human behavior.


Member: Jeff
Location: The First State
Date: 21 Jan 1999
Time: 23:17:20

Comments

Jeff here, an alcoholic, went to a meeting tonight,, was great,, I ran into someone I haven't seen in 10 years,, and WOW!!! What a difference the program has done for him,, I now know who I would like to be my sponsor,,, I'll let you all know!!! Thanks


Member: Karen J.
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 21 Jan 1999
Time: 23:25:44

Comments

Hi Everyone My name is Karen and I'm an alcoholic.

Wow! What a site this is. So many great comments that I boggles the mind. I've lost track of the topic a few times!

One of the first things I did when I came to AA was to learn to forgive myself for my past. That took a while and then when my husband also said he forgave me for being such an awful purpose, I felt I could handle anything. Sponsorship was also something I had trouble with when I first came to AA in Nov '91. After I got the nerve to ask a lady with 30+ years of soberity and she accepted, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. However, that didn't work out as she was unavailable after 10pm and for various other reasons she got fired. It took me a while to get someone else but I would up with a husband/wife both in the program and called them my temporary sponsors. Afraid of commitment or what! They have since moved but that's OK because I have made so many friends in the program that I can call anyone anytime and that's a really good feeling.

In my homegroup we have a guy with 46 years of soberity and at times he can be crusty but he sure makes sense. He attends 5-6 meetings a week even after all these years, so don't ever think you're done!

For the newcomer, one of my sponsees told me she thought of the steps as a clock with step 1 at the top and because clocks are usually round, you must remember that when you finish step 12, step 1 is right there ready for you to continue on your path to soberity. Clever I thought.

When I came off the "pink cloud" I suddenly realized that being sober wasn't my problem, it was and still is, the reality of soberity. I remember that constantly and it sure helps me.

Keep coming back, I know I will.

Karen


Member: julie p
Location: madison, wi
Date: 22 Jan 1999
Time: 10:55:59

Comments

hi my name is julie and i am an alcoholic. i think it is important to decide what exactly "the real world" means to us. does it mean the material world? or are we talking about the world of God? for me there is a difference. AA teaches me about going inward and correcting all the false views i have of my life and everything in it. i need to connect on a regular basis with other alcoholics. it helps me see where i am at internally. i get to sit still for an hour. i go to 5-7 meetings per week, and it works for me. of course my whole life is not spent in a meeting, but i try to carry all the new ideas that i hear in meetings into my interactions with all life. "WE" is a very important part of my life, without the fellowship of AA where would any of be? We'd all be talking to ourselves on this silly computer! give it away, to keep it. i,m glad i got the chance to share. peace.


Member: Chris H
Location: Colorado
Date: 22 Jan 1999
Time: 11:53:43

Comments

Hi, I'm Chris an alcoholic. Okay, we're still on the topic of sponsorship, that is great. A really weird thing recently happened to me, a friend/sponsor that I have not seen for over 10 years just showed up in my life again. Not only do we have our connection with the program, but we were climbing partners for many years. I know him very well, and he knows me. We picked-up our friendship like it had never ended. My friend/sponsor Rob has gone the limit with me, and that I think is what makes for a good sponsor. We have a rigorously honest connection, and neither of us will bail on each other when the going gets tough. This is particularly valuable to me right now. Neither he or I would go through the gates of hell for each other, but we would go to the gates and back if it meant that we would return better for the experience. People might refer to this as tough love, but I prefer to call it having the guts to stick it out when when the stakes are high. I am very glad he has made his way back into my life at this time, thank God!


Member: Jennifer Page
Location: Upstate New York
Date: 22 Jan 1999
Time: 16:45:13

Comments

Jennifer here, recovered alcoholic. When I went in search of a guide to take me through The Steps, I knew I wanted someone who had knowledge of the Big Book, had a God that worked, and appeared to live in solutions, not problems. A qualified sponsor is one who has worked the Steps of AA, and applies the Spiritual Principles of "Trust God, clean house, help others" into his or her daily living. Page 90 of the Big Book, in the chapter "Working With Others" clearly states when working with a candidate for AA, "If he says yes,(about quitting for good) then his attention should be drawn to you as a person who has recovered." Sponsors are not meant to be babysitters, social directors, buttinskis, gurus or gods. Their main purpose is to show you how they got well, by following the directions to the Steps as outlined in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, so long as you are willing. The 12 Steps are THE program of AA. Meetings are the fellowship of AA.


Member: Jennifer Page
Location: Upstate New York
Date: 22 Jan 1999
Time: 16:51:51

Comments

Jennifer here, recovered alcoholic. When I went in search of a guide to take me through The Steps, I knew I wanted someone who had knowledge of the Big Book, had a God that worked, and appeared to live in solutions, not problems. A qualified sponsor is one who has worked the Steps of AA, and applies the Spiritual Principles of "Trust God, clean house, help others" into his or her daily living. Page 90 of the Big Book, in the chapter "Working With Others" clearly states when working with a candidate for AA, "If he says yes,(about quitting for good) then his attention should be drawn to you as a person who has recovered." Sponsors are not meant to be babysitters, social directors, buttinskis, gurus or gods. Their main purpose is to show you how they got well, by following the directions to the Steps as outlined in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, so long as you are willing. The 12 Steps are THE program of AA. Meetings are the fellowship of AA.


Member: Corinne B.
Location: Camino, CA
Date: 22 Jan 1999
Time: 20:15:16

Comments

Hi! I'm Corinne & I'm an Alcoholic here, there & everywhere!

Haven't had much time or enough energy recently to keep up with this board and it's so good to read all the wonderful posts here on living the program outside the fellowship itself. I just wanted to tell a funny story about how awful I was at that when I was sober before. At about 1.5 yrs sober, I got a speeding ticket and tried to cry my way out of it, telling this cop that I'd just moved to town, had just changed jobs, couldn't possibly add another bill into the pile! So, when he told me to sign the ticket I kind of threw up my hands or tossed the ticket back out at him & he almost took me to jail! My old ways did not work! Crying for pity & relief still don't get it. I still have not learned that lesson, but am seeing more clearly everyday, by reading in here, having my old memories of my former sober days in AA (4/7/86 - Mom's day '92) pop back into full focus while I have plenty of time to chew real hard on all of it. All I have is today, day 19, and hopefully, once I get moved back to Florida in April, I'll begin to regain true sobriety again, in & out of the rooms. I know now, looking back, what valuable things I gave up on when I went back out. I gave up hope, gave up on myself, gave up on AA, gave up on God. Thanks for the miracle of AA and allowing me to come back on very humbled knees. Corinne B.


Member: Chuck K.
Location: Texas
Date: 22 Jan 1999
Time: 21:12:06

Comments

Hi everybody, my name's Chuck and I'm an alcoholic. Been sober all day and that's another miracle, thank God.

When I first came into the program, I went to meetings every chance I got. There were only two a week in my hometown, and I didn't have a car, so I was pretty much confined to that. However, as time went by, I learned of other meetings, got a job and a car, and began attending as many as I could. In fact, for the first 5 years of my sobriety, I think I went dang near every night and on Sunday afternoons. Along the way, I found a wonderful man to sponsor me and teach me the program out of our text. After having a profound spiritual experience as a result of the steps, I met a great woman outside the program, got married, graduated from college, got promoted and moved all over, had children, and low and behold, quit going to meetings. To all appearances, I seemed quite normal without the fellowship. My ego told me I was fine. After all, I was doing the deal, living life, providing for my family, getting recognition, and I knew it was all a gift from God. What more did I need?

Then a couple months ago, I became very angry at work. I'd forgotten that the grouch and the brainstorm were the dubious luxury of normal people. I sure wasn't living the Serenity Prayer. Next thing I knew, I was being sent to a cardiologist to find out why my blood pressure was so high. Talk about the mother of all dry drunks.

To get to the point, I found me a meeting and got myself to it. I prayed for strength to return, for I felt a bit like a hypocrite. Somebody looked at me when I walked in and said "come in, you're in the right place." And so I was. I was home in a group I'd never seen before. I had a little insight that day about my 14 years without a drink, and I knew I could no longer keep what I didn't give away. I go regularly again, and am even getting to sponsor someone.

God has always done for me what I could never do for myself. What's amazing, after getting back to the program AND THE FELLOWSHIP, my blood pressure seems to be decreasing as my peace of mind returns. I feel truly useful. You know, a few weeks ago I was demanding justice. You folks have taught me, however, that the God of my understanding loves me and shows me mercy, no matter how misled I become, if I will but ask.

Thank you all for being here and for letting me share my experience, strength, and hope. I love you and promise to be much more brief next week. God Bless and Keep you until we meet.


Member: Ariel F.
Location: Central WI
Date: 22 Jan 1999
Time: 21:58:07

Comments

Evening all - Ariel - alcoholic! Hvae been very interested in the comments about "living in the real world" a.k.a. balance. For me, if I practice the principles of AA in all my affairs and trust God to lead me, I find a healthy balance for me. That is not to say that it is anything like anyone else's, nor should it be, I think. I see members in my groups who focus all their time and energy within the program and for them it works. I see others who are more "out there" than me and that's success for them. I don't worry about comparing myself to anyone else anymore (though I used to quite a bit.) By the grace of God, I'm sober today and that's what really matters. God bless all of you who "trudge this happy road of destiny with me!"


Member: Ryan S.
Location: Camp Lejeune, NC
Date: 23 Jan 1999
Time: 02:41:39

Comments

Well folks what a wonderful advanced world we have. Meetings on the net. I have to be honest with you. I haven't been to a meeting in quite some time. I have been sober for close to half my life. Seeing as though I am only twenty that may seem a short period of time. But being the messed up thirteen yr old I was well into a very addictive disease and have found my home in Alcoholics Anonymous. I have read the majority of these entries by many other friends of Bill W. and what I have seen has surprised me in most cases. Come on you Big Book recitors, quit holdin the book in your hand and writing down what it says and what page it's on. That goes back to when I quit religion b/c people would throw out scriptures and say "Psalms 83:84" who cares. That is why everyone should have a book and individually use a SPONSOR for those things. My sponsor is the best in the world. If you don't think yours is then get the one you think is. There weren't any doubts in my mind. We correspond almost daily through the web. Without a sponsor there isn't any hope. I am guilty of not being there lately. Since I joined the Corps two yrs ago I haven't been to meetings often. Maybe I needed to find this cite tonight to really beat into me just how important it is whether there is seven yrs behind me or not. That man with one day who is at a meeting right now has one up on me. I need to get back to honesty and meetings meetings and more meetings. When all else fails, go to a meeting. When your hinny falls off pick it up and take it to a meeting. Bless you all in this road to happy destiny.


Member: JeanieH
Location: Honolulu, HI
Date: 23 Jan 1999
Time: 02:48:26

Comments

Hi Everyone My name is Jeanie and I am an alcoholic and an addict. I have a wonderful sponsor who has guided me through alot. Trusting someone was really hard for me but I found that the things I thought no one would understand she did understand and that I'm not such a horrible person afterall. I thank God for AA and the people in AA. Without the meetings and the program I wouldn't have a life.


Member: bill
Location: nc
Date: 23 Jan 1999
Time: 14:13:49

Comments

God is good all the time and all the time God is good. howdy i'm an alcoholic and my name is bill


Member: Sue L.
Location: Colorado
Date: 23 Jan 1999
Time: 17:33:31

Comments

I'm Sue. I'm an Alcoholic. This is to Pam from CA who wrote on the 17th. I too have put together "a few" 24 hours. The way I implement AA into my life outside of meeting rooms has been by integrating the TRADITIONS into my life. They hold some excellent wisdom which early in sobriety went totally over my head. Hope this idea helps you "come out of the rooms".


Member: John S
Location: Agoura, CA.
Date: 23 Jan 1999
Time: 17:47:50

Comments

Hi my name is John and I have 25 days of sobriety. This website has really helped me retain my sobriety when I can't attend meetings. God bless all.


Member: Zane
Location: All Points
Date: 23 Jan 1999
Time: 23:38:13

Comments

PAM: You made a valid and powerful point, no matter what length of "time" a person has. Meetings were originally intended as a place where the newcomer could find a person to help them work the only program of recovery ever known to AAers, the Twelve Steps. These Steps were intended to be worked quickly, and perhaps that why everyone in the big book worked them in less than a month. Today we hear about being in "recovery for life" when there is no such AA concept. We hear about MEETINGS MEETINGS MEETINGS!!!! and very little about the Steps. Our goal as recovered alcoholics, and incidentally, that's what the big book is ABOUT: "The Story of How Many Thousands Of Men and Women have RECOVERED from Alcoholism." (title page), our goal is to be of maximum service to God and our fellows. It's hard to do that when a person is living on fear and fellowship, or is thirty years "dry" still wondering why they need daily meetings, not realizing they missed the whole ball game. The steps put us back into life, the world, relationships, and they do so fearlessly. If you are not getting those results, you might have been listening to those same ill-informed persons who spout psychobabble at meetings, and then pretend it's got something to do with AA. There is no concept of lifetime recovery in AA, no concept of powerlessness for life, and there is no precedent for dependence on meetings for sobriety. You were correct when you said some use AA Meetings as a crutch. They do. The reason they do this is that they are afraid of the honesty required by the steps. Forgive them. They are clueless not of their own choice in all cases, but are at times victims of the treatment center philosophies which have been parroted in AA rooms since 1954. Today's newcomer actually thinks that crap he hears is AA, and then wonders why he lives on fear and fellowship, drinking every few months, days, or years. AA is the God, the Big Book, and the 12 Steps. Accept no imitations. Right there in the book. God bless.


Member: karen k
Location: seattle, wa
Date: 24 Jan 1999
Time: 00:23:23

Comments

my name is karen, alcoholic. I want to cry but i can't seem to let myself. i just had the most incredible day where i was on top of the world and now i'm in the depths. why does this happen? does it get better? it is not that i need a response, i just need to get this out of my head.


Member: Zane
Location: All Points
Date: 24 Jan 1999
Time: 02:19:23

Comments

KAREN: Yes, it gets better. The highs and lows are levelled off by working the steps and getting to the emotional baggage underneath. Get a recovered alcoholic to show you the Steps directly from the book, and read my post which is right above the one you just left. That book held lots of answers for me. The alcoholic is a high strung animal, given to extremes. What eased that was the digging out of the underlying causes and conditions, as explained in the text surrounding the working of the 12 Steps. Here is what I did during those times: I said the Serenity Prayer, that little partial prayer we use that was written by Mr. Neibuhr. I asked God to help me stay sane and sober until the right person could be found to help me with the steps. I went in search of that person, as many groups, meetings as it took, trusting God to reveal him to me. I did service work to keep my mind off me, and on others. I reached out my hand to someone worse off than me, and believe me, there is always one out there. Perhaps the person at a meeting, circles under their eyes, first meeting, no idea whether they will live or die since they took a gun out of their mouth in order to dress for that meeting....only we don't know it....get the picture?

Trust God, Clean House, Help Others.....The 12 Steps...right there in the book. Oh, and get a person who is well to help you....a sick person will only make you sicker.

Lovingly, Zane


Member: Linda C.
Location: Hesperia CA
Date: 24 Jan 1999
Time: 02:40:22

Comments

I read with interest Pam's share...took me back quite a bit! I used to be one of 'those' people that clung for dear life to AA meetings, sober gatherings, anything that had to do with AA, or AA members. It took me years to venture forth to volunteer with other groups; in my case, an AIDS group, a spay/neuter program for pets, etc. I found that, yes, there is life after (and during) sobriety.

The key word here, though, is TIME. It took what it took. I am grateful that I didn't have anyone pushing me to do these things before I was really ready.

In order for me to not 'feel' judged, I try to stay away from judging 'them', and keep myself busy with what I am contributing today, what I have added to the scheme of things today...we all get the picture.

Much love, in sobriety, to all!

Linda C. Hesperia, CA


Member: Lynn A.
Location: Birmingham, AL
Date: 24 Jan 1999
Time: 08:56:38

Comments

lynn, alcoholic, with a few SOBER 24 hours. I realize its another week, but I would like to comment about this meeting thing. I go to meetings today because I WANT to. That wasn't always the case early on. As I worked the steps of this program, I began to want the meetings. I go to about 2 a week and work a full time time job along with a part time job in a halfway house. The Big Book does talk about continuing on with the spiritual aspects of this program for a lifetime. It says it is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on ourlaurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We have a DAILY rerprieve. pg. 85. For this means that I must incorporate this program in my life. Both inside and out of the rooms of AA. I must apply these steps in all my affairs. That's in the book. God has given me a better way of life through this program. I go through life without fear. And if fear and resentments should crop up (and the book says to continue to watch for fear, jealosy etc. because they will come back) I have what I need to get through it. God, The Steps, My Sponsor, Meetings and Working with others, to get me through and come out on the other side SOBER. I thank God for this program. It truly saved my life, and it continues to every day. If some people think its a crutch, thats ok. I love AA and the people in AA. My life is far better than I ever imagined. Thanks for being here ya'll.


Member: Cindy P
Location: Jackson, TN
Date: 24 Jan 1999
Time: 10:29:33

Comments

Thanks Lynn. I NEED to hear quotes from the book. Somehow no human can say it with the same "umph!" the book does. And it is easy to rest on our laurels, getting comfortable and thinking we don't need a meeting today or can get by without that prayer in the morning. I too learned the hard way (after 6 years sobriety) and relapsed. 17 months sober this time and desparately clinging to the book and the steps. P.S. My sponsor is the greatest and I could not have learned on my own what she has helped me see. Thanks.


Member: Zane
Location: All Points
Date: 24 Jan 1999
Time: 11:09:32

Comments

Lynn, thanks for your post. It's refreshing to see folks who still believe in the original message in that book. Look what you did for Cindy already! God bless. Cindy, I admire you for coming back, getting right to work on the steps with a sponsor, and I bet you'll do just fine as long as you keep up that attitude. God bless you. Jennifer Page, I read your earlier post and I must say, You and I came up the same way. You are an absolute rock for AA. I respect you beyond what I can convey with words. Thank you so much for standing up for the real deal and for being in the world with us today. Lovingly, Zane


Member: Cindy P
Location: Jackson, TN
Date: 24 Jan 1999
Time: 13:42:12

Comments

For me the thing about meetings is partly for identification and also for repetition. When I left AA several years ago, I thought I could keep my AA thoughts in my head and be fine. But that didn't work. I began for forget what it was like out there and began to forget what I heard in meetings. I don't think we get sober to just LIVE in AA. Recovery helps me become a useful person in society without screwing it up with alcohol. However, I need meetings to help keep my memory green--my memory of that incomprehensible demoralization and my memory of how to practice these principles in my daily affairs. Meetings are also a place where I go and can relax, being the real me, no masks, and people understand who and how I am. And like someone just said, I went because I had to, but I go as much as I do now because I WANT to. I crave it. It's given me a life I could never have imagined. And I can't keep it unless I give it away. If everyone who stayed sober a few years left, who would be there for newcomers to show them the way of steps, traditions, service, etc?