Member: Misha B.
Location: Dallas
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 4:22:53 PM
Anybody here interested in letting go of resentment (of a particular person, place or thing) as a topic? I am having a hard time dealing with a situation where I was "dissed" bigtime. It is as if at this point I simply do not have the tools to get out of a hole I am digging for myself. Thank you. God Bless. Misha B.
Member: Bob S.s
Location: Salt Lake
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 4:27:02 PM
Hi all. Bob here, alcoholic.
"Suppose we fall short of our chosen ideals and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this only a half-truth. It depends on us and our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let G~d take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. These are the facts of our experience.: BB pg. 70
G~d speed us little by slowly. Bob
Member: John G.
Location: Walla Walla, WA
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 5:39:10 PM
Hi my name is John, an alcoholic.
I am enjoying my sobriety very much. I am feeling alive and happy. My life was very unmanageable. Without sobriety I would be dead or in jail. Without sobriety I have nothing and don't care about anyone or anything. I am 20 years old and have 2 DUI's and 3 MIC's. I have been to three inpatient treatment centers and four outpatient treatment centers. I have been battling my disease for about five years and now I am done living an alcoholic life this is my bottom. I am powerless over alcohol and cannot quit on my own. I have never worked the steps until now. Thanks for listening. Keep coming back it works if you work it and I'm worth it.
Member: PK
Location: UK
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 5:46:21 PM
hello (((people)))
paul k here, alcoholic most definetly.
resentments and dealing with them is that the theme?
Member: PK
Location: UK
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 6:13:49 PM
opps just read the posting instructions
Member: Von
Location: Ohio
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 7:03:26 PM
Hi Misha, thanks for the topic. I wish I knew where you are at in your program. But nevertheless, one major thing that I learned is that resentments are dangerous for me. That doesn't mean I won't get any, it just means that I'm learning to recognize them and deal with them quickly instead of letting them fester. There are many treasures to find in the BB. It talks about when someone wrongs us to recognize that they are sick as well. In fact, there is a little prayer that talks about God helping me to not be angry. That my HP's not my will be done. Also, on BB page 449 it talks about acceptance being the key to serenity. "Whenever I find some person, place or thing unacceptable to me, it is usually something within me that I find unacceptable. Until I can accept that person, place or thing as being exactly as they're supposed to be, I'm going to struggle with my peace of mind. The BB talks about how much of our own troubles are invariably of our own making. When my pride steps in the way, I'm bound to receive or cause a resentment somewhere. There is also a story in the back where the person says that there is a bit of bad in the best of us and a bit of good in the worst of us.
Trying to live the principles of the steps on a daily basis has helped me in many ways. First, I'm learning to forgive myself and others for being human. Second, I'm finding that I can still pray the best for a person who has done something against me. This is a serious disease and every week, I recognize more and more names in the obits. I can no longer afford resentments. Everyone of us deserves the chance to have a life of recovery. If someone is pissing me off or I'm focussing on their behavior, I know today to look within. Almost always, I'm not in a very good place myself. To stay sober, I have to keep the focus on me. To grow I have to let people be where they're at. I have enough problems with my own shortcomings.
Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 7:13:19 PM
Adam, alcoholic.
I once heard someone say that having a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I really like that, probably because it describes the way I drank pretty accurately. I was the kind of person that isolated and drank when I was hurt by something someone said or did (which was usually all the time...heh heh), and you didn't see me again until I had had a few and was ready to tell you as loudly and as angrily as possible exactly what I thought of you. And of course, in the process of my telling you what I thought of you, you usually would say something in retailiation that would hurt me and back to the bottle I would go.
Yeah, it's that old vicious cycle, and when I look back on that behavior now in sobriety, I'm glad I can recoginze it as such. I've learned in AA that living like that can kill me. And that's why I am really grateful today that AA has taught me to reach out for help when I am hurt or offended, and that's what I have tried to do in sobriety. When I reach out for help, usually by calling my sponsor or a friend of mine in the program, I get a chance to work through my anger and eventually grow beyond it. And that's been one of the most important lessons Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me--that when I reach out for help, I get a chance to stop doing whatever's destroying me. for me, that's a really wonderful thing to have.
I'd love to tell you that I don't have resentments anymore, but that's not true. I still have 'em, but thanks to AA teaching me about the value in reaching out for help when I am angry, I have a new tool to deal with resentements...and it's been a lifesaver!
Grateful to be sober today.
Member: anonymous
Location:
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 8:30:31 PM
sweaty fart tarts i'm craving sweaty fart tarts, i've just got to have some fart tarts, anyone got any tarts some sweaty fart tarts? oh man i just love those juicy sweaty fart tarts
Member: anonymous
Location:
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 8:30:33 PM
sweaty fart tarts i'm craving sweaty fart tarts, i've just got to have some fart tarts, anyone got any tarts some sweaty fart tarts? oh man i just love those juicy sweaty fart tarts
Member: William.A
Location: High Point
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 8:34:42 PM
Hello,William.Alkie.
Resentments,is a topic that,I hear about all the time in the meetings that I attend.
I have just realized just what a resentment is,only a few years ago,in the beginning I thought that resentments,happened- when some one said or did something I did not like or in the case of the one that started the topic dissed me but sooner or later some one showed me that a resentment was something that was lived over&over&over again until it made me spiritually sick and most of the time the person I am resentfull towards is not even aware of the idea that I am resentful towards them.
What do I do about the resentment,I pray for the person,place or thing that I am resentful towards. I will stay sick as long as I refuse to look at my part in the resentment-- I am holding towards another person,maybe if I can approach the person in question we can find some common ground so we can squash this resentment as soon as possible,I have been led to beleive that as long as I hold on to that resentment I can be of know use to any-one.
I hope that I have said something that can help you or some-one that may be holding a resentment towards someone ,some-place,or something that really is not doing them any good so lets stop be-ing angry at our creators,child-ren and start being of service to all man kind ,simply what the Big-Book asks us -------- to be of service to GOD and man 9maxium service 0 is what the b/b says.
LOVE YOU DEARLY.
William.A
Member: B.M.D.
Location: CANADA
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 9:07:30 PM
Hi I'am B.M.D. and I'am an alcoholic.This topic seems to be also meant for me and I thank you Misha for taking it up because I'am really having a bad time at work with my boss and this has been going on for YEARS,he just keeps screwing me around and it has gottin to the point that I was going to beat him up,I just lost my cool,I took as much as I could from him.It got to the point with him that a enough is enough.I've been in the program for several years and I did the things that I was supposed to do,such as praying for him,turning the other cheek I did that so often that my cheek's are getting sore,I've been looking at myself concerning this matter that I don't know what I'am looking for anymore,I even had a talk with this person to see if I did anything or said anything to him to be this way to me.Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated what I could do about this matter.THANK YOU VERY MUCH
Member: Heidi
Location: New York
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 10:08:37 PM
Member: Heidi
Location: New York
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 10:13:06 PM
Hi all, Resentments are unhealthy and detrimental to our sobriety. I am finally after a number of years to the ponit of practice that i have been implementing some action. The only downfall is that others who we resent may not be so happy for us! I have found that if my gut is telling me it is right action and get feedback and support for not letting people mistreat me than working through them is well worth it. It takes courage to stay sober and we are clearly not alone. Misha keep up the good work. Take Care, Heidi
Member: Mike B.
Location: Peoria
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 10:37:07 PM
Resentments...I have a resentment toward my inability to confront my older brother who is killing himself with drink. I have been sober for 19 years and don't know what to say to my brother. I know that I need to turn it over but Ireally don't know if I could stand attending another funeral. Been to too many over the years and always feel resentful toward myself for not spotting the seriousness of the problem and knowing what to say to that person who is suffering to terribly. I'm angry at the disease.. Thanks for letting me spout off.
Member: charee r
Location: so. florida
Date: 1/22/01
Time: 12:26:43 AM
One thing I have learned about resentments is I can't afford to have them. Not because I feel I will drink but because they drive me crazy. They allow me to let someone live in my head rent free and While all my concentration is on that person, their life seems to be going on as if I don't exist. And if they do notice me its because they know I have a weakness and they use it to their advantage. So what I do is read page 449 to the end of the chapter and look at my role in the whole situation. It may be a small role but I do play a role. Then I asked God what lesson am I suppose to be learning from this because I don't know. It maybe a lesson in letting go or a lesson in accepting people for who and what they are as apposed to who & whatI would like them to be. You see sometimes its easier to look at someone else than to look at myself. After doing all of this I do one of 3 things - 1. talk to my sponsor 2. pray for the person by just saying something simple like 'God I'm praying for .... and this is the best I can do right now.' (this usually works until I can say more), and 3. talk about my resentment until it goes away or I get advice (with an open mind) that really makes me think about my situation.
Until I realized that I only have one plot of land I tried to control others and their actions and if I couldn't I got resentments. I am not exempt from resentments today but now I get a lot less by letting things roll off my back and realizing that resentments and negative emotions are not why I am here. There will be people that upset me but if I remember that people will be people regardless, and that I can only take care of me, then yes I was full of resentments. The last time I can truly say I had a resentment was over a year ago. Its one of those things I have a choice on and I choose not to have them. Besides I have more important people, places and things in my life today that I didn't have when I was drinking and recovery has taught me to put my priorities in order if I want to live a prosperous life in recovery. Take care of yourself and I wish you a slow recovery.
Member: Enrique K.
Location: San Salvador, El Salvador
Date: 1/22/01
Time: 1:59:41 AM
Resenments, wow an incredible topic! The biggest resentment I had was against my mother. I felt that she had always been very uncaring, neurotic, strict and controlling when I was growing up. I felt that she was probably the most uncaring mother in the world. She had the typical my way or no way attitude. I felt that my mother was the source of my inferiority complex and basically of my whole rotten existence. And maybe to some degree I was right, but in doing my 4th step I slowly came to the realization of something. By taking a hard look at myself I realized and saw for the first time in my life all the mistakes I had made, all of my defects were suddenly right in front of me. I realized quite suddenly the role I played in making my life miserable. I had made a lot of mistakes in life and I had a lot more defects than I thought I had. The liberating part of all this is that I also realized that I am a human being and that even though I had made a million mistakes in life it was OK. The important thing is what I chose to do with my life from that point on. My ignorance was over. I decided to forgive myself, and accept myself for who and what I am: a human being with defects and virtues. Since then I went and asked my mother for forgiveness for everything I had done to her, for my part in that miserable life described above. Today I accept her for who she is: a human being with virtues and defects. When I asked her for forgiveness a miracle happened the uncaring mother that I hated with all my passion broke down and she told me of course. Not only that, but she also asked me for forgiveness for everything she had done to me, and I told her of course. The lesson I learned was this: by finally accepting and forgiving myself I finally accepted and forgave my mother. After all, we're both human. Enrique K.
Member: Enrique G.
Location: Washington
Date: 1/22/01
Time: 3:35:11 AM
Hello
I am Enrique I am an Alcoholic. I believe I have the same problem all of you have; which is Alcoholism. I got introduced to alcohol when i was around thirteen years old. After that happened I started drinking once a month, then twice a month and so forth. Around the age of sixteen thats when I was drinking pretty heavily for the fact that i had so many problems around me at that time. So what did I do I turned to the alcohol to numb my pain. That's not an excused but, I guess it is because i just type it. Anyhow my life has become unmanageable as you can imagine. Legal problems, finacial problems relationship problems. That is the reason I am typing this words. This here I believe will help me from drinking. It was nice reading some of your life stories, i feel you. Thanks this help allot. sincerely enrique g.
Member: Tom S.
Location: NYC
Date: 1/22/01
Time: 9:46:38 AM
When I was first getting sober I heard someone say that a resentment is like a little pebble that I pick up at the roadside and put in my pocket. Now and then I take it out of my pocket and look at it, admire it, polish it. As I'm doing this, the pebble gets shiny and pretty, bigger and bigger until it's too large for me to carry around. Thus pebble becomes like Mount Rushmore. In my drinking days I broke my back trying to lug and drag it around. Now I'm grateful to have the tools to become sane enough to just drop it. Resentments are a luxury this alcoholic can't afford. They lead me into anger and rage and right back to the bottle.
Member: Mark P.
Location: NYC
Date: 1/22/01
Time: 10:03:02 AM
So glad for the topic. When I was newly sober this Jesuit priest in the Bronx gave me an unsolicited LAtin lesson on the word resentment: he said it literally meant "to feel again" and had the connotation of feeling again in perpetuity. Heady? yes, but I felt its truth in my gut when he said it since I lived in a world governed by resentment and fear. On a more earthy level, one of the groups I got sober in was the Bainbridge Group in the Bronx. They have a wonderful prop at their meeting called "The Resentment Gun" -- it's a zip gun (homemade, usually toy gun made in shop class popular in the 50's)which is suspended in a lighted box. The gun spins around and has a barrell on both ends so that its pointed to the group no matter which way it's pointed.. hence the saying in the group: "the resentment gun, no matter which way it's pointed it's pointed at YOU" Crazy? yes, but it's there on 199th street and Valentine ave, I beleive, to this day. These early lessons made it clear that EVEN JUSTIFIED resentments would be deadly to me. Of course, that made them more attractive to the sick part of me, and I spent several years cultivating resentments, justifying them and condeming the people whom I thought had "dissed" me. The FOURTH STEP saved my ass. Using the BB format I made an actual RESETNMENT LIST which had almost 100 people on it. I listed the reason for the resentment and what was threatened in me by the conduct of which I complained. My resentments were almost always, when boiled down by my sponsor's wisdom and experience, about self-centered fear. Resentment and fear were like the one-two punch that stunted the growth of my sobriety. What prompted me to do another 4th step was that at 5 years sober I had a MAJOR falling out with a group of people I'd known since my Bronx college days. Through doing the 4th step,I realized that my realtionship with these people was based on fear, guilt, resentment, etc.. none of the right ingredients for a lasting realtionship. Also, I came to see that though I got DISSED really hard, I gave better than I got in the end when I acted out and my self repeated a very hurtful unsubstantiated rumor about the person I most resented. How's that for sober conduct? But wasn't I justified? HAdn't they wronged me? None of that matter under the microscope of the 4th step.. when I looked at the situation frankly, I realized that I was the only one with malicious intent, and thus the sickest one of the bunch. Far more than a trifling social dispute, this incident almost took my sobriety. I obsessed over it for months, and still think of it occasionally today years later. Sometimes it still smarts, but the "it" that still smarts is that I let resentment weeds flourish in my sober garden and in so doing I'd forgotten all the early lessons of sobriety... I guess it's true about the built in forgetter we all have. For certain, as Nagano-man said, resentment is a poison which kills only us, not the person or thing we perceive has wronged us. I'm sorry for going on, but resentment is my biggest issue since it almost was too much for me to bear some years ago. 4th step and sharing about it is the only way to make it past the Turkeys that are getting you down!! When it's all said and done, resentments, no matter how bad, are eveidence that we are living life an relating to people -- everyone has some level of resentment if they relate to other people. SO, Misha, if the dissipation of your resentment is slow and tough, don't beat yourself up. Remember, everything in life is either a lesson or a blessin'!
Member: Susan L.
Location: Philadelphia
Date: 1/22/01
Time: 11:04:21 AM
I had strong resentments at work that paid off in two ways: I felt justified in having a "relief" drink when I got home, and I was able to justify hopelessness-not trying to get a new job. I kept myself miserable. I called in sick today because I'm hungover. I don't want this to happen again. I think I can let go of the resentment. Yes, there are people who want everyone to have the same outgoing optimistic personality and don't have enough respect for the differences between people, but there are also some very good people in my business. I want to be fair to them, and I want to be kinder to myself.
Member: tech
Location:
Date: 1/23/01
Time: 11:17:43 PM
test
Member: Kathy W
Location: Illinois
Date: 1/23/01
Time: 11:22:36 PM
Hi {{{friends}}} Resentment is a great topic for me to think about on a regular basic. I like what Von from Ohio had to say. I turn to page 449 of the Big Book and read "And Acceptance is the answer..." often, because it helps me examine what role I played in my resentment. I have to accept people, place, and things. I can't change others and the world. I can only change myself and how I react to others and the world. You know, people do people things. Only our Higher Power is perfect. People will fall short and piss me off. I will fall short and people will retaliate. I so happy that today, I can "Think, think, think" before I react. And thanks to God's grace in restoring me to sanity and the program of AA teaching me how to live happy, joyous and free. Thanks for listening {{{Bye}}}
Member: Barry L
Location: Tech
Date: 1/23/01
Time: 11:32:41 PM
We have experienced a major problem with our server over the last few days, our web hosting provider did'nt give many details. The Meetings should all be working now, but we are not sure the problems are over.
Thanks for all the e-mails and thanks for your patience.
Member: Jack B.
Location: Palo Alto,Pa.
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 2:59:14 AM
Hi I am Jack, a real alcoholic.Resentments early in the program was commonplace.It wasn't until I immersed myself in the steps, that I began to realize that most of my resentments against others stemmed from the fact that I was looking at others and seeing myself.Today with quite a few 24hr's under my belt, I realize that if I keep the focus on myself and allow others to live and let live, my life is simpler and the emotional rollercoaster that I ride when I harbor a resentment isnt as commonplace today with me. My former sponsor(deceased) once told me that if I am laying awake at 3am harboring a resentment against someone, then I should give them a call and wake them up.Why should they get a good nights sleep. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless all on our remarkable journey in sobriety.
Member: Mark D
Location: Manchester, NH
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 8:19:43 AM
I'm just starting my fourth step with my sponsor. He is proposing to do it the way he was taught- through the Big Book. Of course that starts by making a laundry list of your resentments. I'm starting it with some reluctance. I have been enjoying a holiday season without incident and mostly enjoying the feeling of life without the compulsion to drink. I know I need to do it but I'm not looking forward to having my serenity get beat up. I've already had continous nights of booze related nightmares. I guess my problem right now is having reservations getting into my resntments. I know that I need to do it. Anyone have any tips for maintaining some balance walking through this mental minefeild? Thanks.
Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 11:03:32 AM
i would want someone to forgive me for something i said ,or did if it was a little off color...forgive us our tresspasses as we for give those who tresspass against us....i try the power of prayer,when i'm busy resenting someone then i'm missing something in my own life.resentments lead to gossip,jealosy,anger,fear and a host of lots of other negative stuff.i don't really want those things in my day.like i said the power of prayer as many times a day as needed,that seems to put me in a more comfortable place and allows me to move on....i'm tony i'm alcoholic
Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 12:21:57 PM
Kim here...alcoholic.
MISHA - Great topic. Personally, one of the first things I TRY to do when I get a resentment is to look at MY MOTIVES in the situation. I look to see if I am being self-seeking, dishonest or self-centered. As people have previously mentioned, pg. 449 in the Big Book talks about Acceptance and the fact that when I am ill at ease with somebody or something, I AM OUT OF WHACK. I also TRY to pray for guidance and peace in my heart.
However, the other thing the past 17 months has taught me is that I don't have to be a victim, either. There are people,in and out of the program, that are sick and will either intentionally or unintentionally do things to hurt me. If I feel confident that my side of the street is clean with regards to motives, then I have choices to make about who and what to have in my life. My first sponsor used to say, "Our name may be Matt, but it's not Door Matt." ACCEPTANCE of a person or situation is the key to my not having resentments. However, ACCEPTANCE doesn't mean that we have to repeatedly tolerate negative, hurtful experiences over and over, either.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: ROBIN
Location: BOY BLUNDER
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 1:22:55 PM
HOLY SHIT BATMAN
Member: Freddy B Good
Location: Boynton Beach FL
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 1:45:31 PM
Today is my 1 year celibration day. Pround to be Drug, Alcohol, and Tabaco free Freddy B. Good Boynton Beach Florida Advise: Think of life as a ladder. If all you can do is climb one step a day good enough. After a year you will have 365 steps up. Thats a tall building! But remember only think about the single step you need to take today. Is it so little a price to pay for you health and wellfare. God Bless KISS
Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 1:45:56 PM
((((((((misha)))))) sounds like you have the biggest tool of all... GOD! give it to god. not every one is gonna like me,but for every asshole who judges me as "no good"... there are at least 5 or 10 who love or respect me, i gotta go where the love is.
Member: (((((((((((())))))))))))))
Location:
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 6:05:48 PM
lu-lu, you know i have the biggest TOOL of all!!!!!
te-he-he
Member: Frank D
Location: Vancouver WA
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 7:36:19 PM
Hi all, I'll be Frank with you I am a alcoholic... Resentments have been a big thing for me throught out my years of sobriety and I have found that caring them only makes me sicker then I all ready am. I lost my older Brother the 3 RD of this mounth to this f-ing alcoholic trip, and as I find my self goimg through the prosses I have found many resentments comimg up I had thought I'd worked thouugh for him. I now am working with my sponser on a new Forth step and am finding I wiil let them go. I confornt new resentments all the time like at work and every where I go, and for the most part find it,s my porblems and need to simply let it go. I can't change any one or anything but me. AA has given me this chance to change working through the steps and trusting the prosses. Step Three is allso a big key for me, step Two work wonders as well, while step One keeps me where I need to be. God bless us all & thanks for being here...
Member: Jennifer A.
Location: Coyotecreek, New Mexico
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 8:17:34 PM
Hi,my name is Jennifer A. I am an alcoholic. I am from a remote community. I need a sponser. I have 6 years of sobriety thru the grace of God. I have done the steps but have new resentments do to not working them regularly with a sponser. Does any one know how I can find a on line sponser, via e-mail? Thanks so much. May you walk in beauty. Love, Jennifer A.
Member: Pete F
Location: West Haven Ct
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 8:45:20 PM
Misha, resentments have been covered quite a bit here,but one way I handle resentments aside from praying for the other person,which sometimes is nothing more than me asking GOD to give them what they deserve.1-write down the resentment 2-attach it to a helium ballon.3-let it go to GOD. Peace and Love to you all!!!!
Member: KELLY K.
Location: BELOIT,WI.
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 12:32:36 AM
I AM TALKING ABOUT ME, WHEN I SAY THAT MOST OF THE TIME. WHEN I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO A RESENTMENT. SOME ONE HAS JUST HIT VARY CLOSE TO HOME.....WITH LOVE....KELLY K.
Member: Ria
Location: PDX
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 1:01:20 AM
Hello! I'm Ria and I'm an alcoholic now living in Portland, Oregon.
For anyone who is new (and reads down this far), if you think you have an alcohol problem, you do. And welcome to new comers!
The good news is that AA really works. You may be reading a lot of stuff about "God," but that's because a large part of AA makes you tap into your "spiritual" self. Many people choose to call whatever power is greater than themselves God. But not everybody!
The program takes some effort (going to meetings, taking it a day at a time), trusting others (who may be strangers, but who can empathize with exactly what you are going through), and being VERY honest. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! And you can't conquer alcoholism alone. Believe me. I've tried. It doesn't work.
When you get farther along in the program, you will understand what people are talking about as they are in this discussion about resentment. Ultimately, you have to understand that you can't control others' behavior. And you shouldn't let yourself get riled up because of what someone else does. You personally have the power to change jobs, leave a bad relationship or whatever, but you can't alter the Big Picture. So, don't worry about it! (man, as i'm writing this, i feel so much clearer on everything!).
I'm kind of new to AA myself, have finally ACCEPTED that I'm an alcoholic, and just wanted to address some stuff that I questioned when I first visited this site.
Definitely, keep coming back. You will be so proud of yourself and simply grateful to be here online or there in a live meeting.
Ria
Member: Corinne B.
Location: Camino, CA
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 1:05:35 AM
Thanks for the topic, Misha. Lots of great stuff has already been shared and has helped me see how much smoother life can be if I'll stop allowing my prideful, egotistical mind to be in charge (self-will) and put the heart (god's will) in charge. I held onto a resentment about what someone had done "to me" for many months in my early sobriety. That poor person only did one thing, on one occasion; but my magic magnifying mind had her guilty a thousand times over for that one single offense that only lasted all of 10 seconds, at most!
I finally talked about it to a trusted friend and you know what she told me to do? She told me to go up and give that person a hug. I said, "No way! I can't see myself doing that!"
By the next day, I did exactly that thing I thought I would not do. It seemed I was ready to let go of it and didn't realize it until I really listened to what the "guilty party" had to say in the very next day's meeting. I realized she was speaking to me, for me and, perhaps about me; it simply reached me at the right time. Simply put, I was receptive to healing. When the time is right for you to let go of it, it will happen, and not a moment before.
Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 1:11:53 AM
I'm Chuck, an alcoholic
Step 4 in the BB is designed so that I learn what causes resentments and how to get rid of them. The word means to re-feel. Today I think of something from the past and feel angry.
After the 3rd column in the BB page 66&67 tells me I must be rid of this anger. It asks me to try to see these people as sick rather than bad.Remember this is for my benefit not theirs.
Page 552 BB tlls me how to pray for these other people so that I can Cease to Resent. I discovered in my Oxford dictionary that the word forgive has 2 meanings, the 2nd one is cease to resent. I was always told that I had to forgive but not how. Now I know how and also learned that forgiving is for my benefit not the other person. To forgive another does not mean I have to like them or associate with them.
Once again I have found my answers to life are found in the BB of AA.
Peace and Serenity
Member: SCB
Location:
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 1:28:33 AM
Kim D - thank you for what you said about motives and acceptance; it helped a lot. Acceptance is not the same as tolerance; I knew that but you put it into words for me and I am grateful for that.
Member: Linda S.
Location: Walla Walla, Wa
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 2:18:08 AM
I'm Linda, an Alcoholic.
When I got my DWI I resented being caught and having to take two years out of my life to go to classes. However since I've been going to my IOP classes I have learned alot and am a better person because of it. I'm not as resentfull as I was and I hope to continue to learn more.
Thank you very much and God be with us.
Linda S.
Member: Ray D
Location: Maryland
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 4:43:19 AM
Im Ray and Im Definately full of Resentment
Misha, Im Going through exactly what you are. Ive found most of my Resentments were based in Expextations of others. They just wouldnt be the people I wanted them to be, They wouldnt think the way I wanted them to think, and wouldnt feel the way I wanted them to feel. The KEY for me is ACCEPTANCE of who they are, and LETTING GO of my EXPECTATIONS>| Much easier said than done. Prayer and fellowship helps me the most. Thank you for letting me know Im not alone. Ray
Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 1:10:02 PM
(((((((((()))))))))))) i know, i know, you're my daddy, yes imp" you've got the biggest tool, thats right even bigger than bugga-boo bob (and thats really big) yup yup you're m' daddy.
Member: a man named brady
Location:
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 1:42:12 PM
heres a story of a lovely lady who was bringing up 3 very lovely girls; SHE CHEATED ON HER HUSBAND, AND NOW SHES JUST ANOTHER UN-WED SLUT, ON WELLFARE, SHACKIN UP WITH A MAN 1/2 HER AGE, WHO HAS HIS EYE ON THE YOUNGEST ONE IN CURLS.
Member: (((((((((imp))))))))))))
Location: daddy warbucks
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 1:47:57 PM
tee-he-he!!!!
Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 4:00:53 PM
((((((())))))))))) OH, I'M HAVING MOTIVATION PROBLEMS...feeling a bit funny bout having this lil' newcomer flush his pot last nite after the meeting,oh well "they" did it for me... 27 days is most likely not a good time to have pot around the house,it was dried up dirt weed anyway.don't imagine he would have told me, if he did not want me to do something about it and oh m' god what a mess it was there at his house no wonder dude's depressed! (funny he stays with a guy who has 2 years) how do these people get sober and still live like junkies? oh th' ha rah...speaking of ha rah, my frigging cat sprayed my office, and i don't "intuitively" know where!or if a should pay 15$ to the humane society,and let his sister"lu-lu live alone here or spay him and HOPE he won't do it again... too bad i'm not on better terms with corrienne... she probably knows how to get rid of the stink, guess i'll experiment with, vinager, bleach,and ammonia, hey maybe i can cope a free buzz, maybe sonia with a cat would know anyhow i'm wondering if i should take the newcomer to a meeting or out with a bunch of A.A.s to the "TUFF GUY" fights, where this newcomer with 10 days (been"around" since '89...never had more than 5 months)is gonna pay 25$ to get "in th' ring" with some other guy and fight... can you believe this it's stuff like this that makes me miss L.A.
Member: Mike R
Location: USA
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 7:42:03 PM
God forgives us as we forgive others. I don't care what it says on pg 70 of the bb The lord's prayer says it all
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 9:45:49 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks to everyone who genuinely shared!
Great topic, Misha! I'd like to look at another side of the resentment problem. Specifically, my experience has taught me that some resentments take longer to be rid of than others. This is especially true in situations in which, after searching out what role I might have played in the problem, I find I was wronged through absolutely no fault of my own. And yes this does happen!
Nevertheless, I have also realized under these circumstances that, while I may not be able to be rid of the resentment "yesterday," I need to try and do everything I can do in the interim that the AA program suggests. This means, first of all, not drinking because of the resentment.
As far as my response to people who wrong me for no good reason, I don't have any obligation to try and be friends with them or even to speak with them. In fact, under such a scenario, I feel I would be doing those who have unjustly wronged me a disservice if I give them the impression that it's okay to unjustly hurt people.
Like AA's, these people need to make amends to us and properly demonstrate this in their behavior before we should consider any type of rapprochement with them.
Member: (((((((imp)))))))))))
Location: the tool box
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 11:27:44 PM
lu-lu,
kill the friggin cat!!!!!!!!!!or mail it to sonia.......then it will be sonia and CATS!!
put the guy in the ring......tee-he-he
Member: mandyc
Location: va
Date: 1/26/01
Time: 12:13:58 AM
Hi ya, mandyc here. Resentments make me soul sick. They throw me into a dry drunk and leave a hangover. All that without booze. Damn near got me drunk and at one point drove me over the edge. I lost people I loved and was losing myself. Pray for em'. Do it for thirty days, bring it up in meetings, journal and even if you leave claw marks let it go. I have picked things back up and finaly had to surrender all over again. The amazin thing is that when I have finaly surrendered and made peace, my world opens up in a way that it had not befor. I have a new husband whom I love and have loved for so long. I work at a job that means something to me and I have real friends who have been there for me and I for them. Nothing is perfect but there sure is progress if I let go and let God and get out of the way. Holding onto resentments is another form of control and doin the power strugle with HP. It's humbeling to surrender and rewarding too.
Member: ((((((((((imp))))))
Location:
Date: 1/26/01
Time: 2:56:38 PM
lu-lu, ammonia and bleach plus cat and lock the door!!!!!
(((()))))
Member: P.
Location: OK.
Date: 1/26/01
Time: 8:43:40 PM
My name is Matt, alcoholic/addict. When I'm resentful at some person, place, or thing in my life I just pray for God to give them everything I have ever wanted. I can't waste my time being resentful because it always brings me down and takes me right back to getting loaded. If you concentrate on the problem it just gets bigger. If you concentrate on the solution it gets bigger. Today I have the power of choice! peace, matt
Member: Lorie b
Location: illinois
Date: 1/26/01
Time: 9:00:44 PM
thank you all for the wonderful meeting. I REALLY neede it. I have been haveing the longest dry drunk of all time...I think... Two years ago I lost a brother (29) to alcohol and my life has been going down hill since. I have had a resentment toward him for leaving and for not getting clean "after all I was and had been for years". since reading the topic this week I have come to see MYSELF in a whole new light. My head feels clearer then it has in a long while. I have also started going to live meeting "again" and feel that with the help of those people in the meeting and the things I read here my live will again get back to being sober not just dry! Thank you again for the topic and the feed back....getting better and loving it!!!
Member: Tom A. 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 1/26/01
Time: 9:23:56 PM
Good Evening to all who post and read Staying Cybers Discussion meeting. My name is Tom A. a grateful sober alcoholic who is sober today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and this fellowship we call A.A. Thank you Misha for the topic. There is no doubt in my mind today that Resentments are the number one offender leading to that next drink. When I joined this fellowship I was filled with resentments and I didn't even know it, but the wonderful people in A.A. revealed them to me and they suggested that whatever my resentment was I was to pray for the person, place or thing that was causing it for two weeks in succession asking my Higher Power to bless the resentment even if I didn't want to bless that person, place or thing and if I missed a day I needed to start over it had to be consectutive 14 days. You know I discovered that it works. I'm still using the that spiritual tool today. I read several years ago in the Grapevine this quote "resentments are like stray cats, if you dont't feed them they will go away." Some have mentioned the word Acceptance and that is a real helpful suggestive principle we hear around A.A. that really works. We wish you the best Misha and pray that you will let go of your resentments. Thanks for letting me share and we love all of you very much.
God Bless - Tom Anderson, ate@gte.net.
Member: PHSYC
Location: EARTHS CRUST
Date: 1/26/01
Time: 10:05:18 PM
BEWARE--------EARTHQUAKES----------BEWARE-----
--------NEXT FEW DAYS-------------------------
Member: joanie
Location: ny
Date: 1/26/01
Time: 11:06:06 PM
MY NAME IS JOANIE, ALCOHOLIC.THIS IS A GREAT TOPIC.I HAVE LIVED MY WHOLE LIFE HOLDING ON TO RESENTMENTS AND STAYED DRUNK THE ENTIRE TIME.IT WAS NOT UNTIL I SURRENDERED TO THIS DISEASE AND JOINED THE FELLOWSHIP THAT I WAS ABLE TO SEE WHAT MY PART WAS.I WOULD PUT THESE UNREASONABLE DEMANDS AND EXPECTATIONS ON PEOPLE AND WHEN THEY DID NOT COME THROUGH FOR ME I WOULD HAVE AMAJOR RESENTMENT TOWARD THEM. THEREFORE I BECAME THIS POOR VICTIM.I CHOOSE NOT TO DO THAT TODAY.I HAVE A WONDERFUL SPONSOR AND SUPPORT GROUP WHO CONSTANTLY POINT THAT OUT TO ME, BUT THE ONLY WAY THEY CAN DO THAT IS IF I AM TOTALLY HONEST.I AM SO GRATEFUL I DO NOT HAVE TO CARRY THAT STUFF AROUND WITH ME TODAY. JUST FOR TODAY I AM HAPPY,JOYOUS AND FREE. MY GREATEST PROBLEM TURNED OUT TO BE MY GREATEST SOLUTION. GOD IS GOOD EVERYDAY. KEEP COMING.
Member: Bridgett C.
Location: Clear Lake , Tx
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 2:23:31 AM
Well,imagine that ...an alcoholic with a resentment...misha i think you are UNIQUE..don't let it go to your head!!the only reason i say this is because you give me a chance to share eperience, strength,and hope!!thank you..i've been sober a few days shy of 14 months and i have had a time in dealing with the strongest resentments against my dad,step-dad and mom....not to mention myself..i absolutely hated myself to the core the day God stepped into my life and forever changed me...i had almost killed myself in this disease and He saved my life as He also continues to do THANK YOU GOD!!! well i started working the steps and when i got to step 4 i had a resentment against everyone i knew had known and future people as well i'm sure... well i got through a 31 hour 5th step just to turn around 5 moonths later (kicking and screaming i might add!!) holding on to resentments of the right kind..ha ha.. well i started working with some outside helpand let me tell you i had prayed the prayer on 552 many times but i was injured as a child and i had to look at that and then look at my part of those evil things....expectations !! if i seem to be wordy please keep an open mind... well i finally had it one day and i LET myself go ahead and feel the anger i was afraid to get angry in AA BECAUSE I THOUGHT I'D GET DRUNK that would kill me..literally but so would the anger if i kept it in.. well a few weeks later i got down on my knees again because i was hurting from it again and i simply talked to God with an open heart. i told Him how i felt about the situations and cried hard..snot was everywhere..but it freed me to the point that when i prayed for their well-being i could mean it and since then ive learned alot more about forgiveness...what's the best news of all is i don't hate self so much anymore either.. that's a whole other story in itself....
"abandon yourself to God as you understand God and you will surely meet some of us as you TRUDGE the road to HAPPY DESTINY!!"
Member: Norm P
Location: Indiana
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 9:12:30 AM
"Resentment is the number one offender;it kills more alcholics that anything else." That's what the Big Book says and it's true. Resentment means "re-feeling",playing the tape over and over in your head. It's not the same as anger; anger is a human emotion,something felt deeply once and then it cools off. It's OK to be angry sometimes. Who,for instance,is happy after they have been mugged or burglarized? Nobody. It is when we plot revenge and remain in a state of rage that simple anger turns into resentment. I had one resentment that lasted 10 years;even then,it didn't disappear. I just stopped trying to get even on a daily basis. I know longer think about it much;it just happened and that was a long time ago. That's "life on life's terms";I may not like it and I don't have to. I just have to accept the fact that it happened and get on with my life. It's over,whether it was good or bad. Today,I have resentments against my workplace. I have to accept the fact that I can't chnage it and ask God to help me get through it because, left to myself,I can't handle it. Of course,I have tried to do that without success. Don't we always try what doesn't work first? I don't know about you but that's what I usually do. I just have to recognize my powerlessness here which I really don't care for much. I need to remember that I am "just a small part of the great whole" ,just "a worker among workers",that I am not as important as I would like to think I am. When the great day of my departure arrives,I will not be missed. I will be replaced and forgotten in short order;I am not as important as I think I am. Like A.A.,they can get along without me just fine,thank you...
Member: Misha B
Location: Dallas
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 12:09:57 PM
I am so grateful for each and every one of you who have shared on this topic....it means so much and helps me to lighten up. I now have something to work with. Michael B. you filled in the missing pieces for me. I also know from the gifts everybody has given here that it is time for a 4th on resentments, and I can still pray for those who offend me, that I need to stay close to the BB. Plus, thank you for reminding me I can go slow on this. God bless each and everyone of you. Love, Misha
Member: ph
Location:
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 1:23:45 PM
i have no resentments,i hate everybody and everything.
peewee herman
Member: Moonface
Location: UK
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 2:23:18 PM
Resentment for me is the result of not talking, I mean really talking. I may feel resentful about something major, but often it's stuff that started off small and ended up with me blowing it all out of proportion, as I think about it and feel angry about it, but I find it hard to tell someone that they have annoyed me. Ive been in AA and sober for over 2 yrs now, but it's still hard to deal with feelings sometimes. I do talk a lot more about what's really going on for me though, at my 12 step fellowship meetings where I can really be myself and I know I wont be judged. Recovery has given me my life back, not that it's all great all the time. Life throws crap at us all, but being in recovery I am able to deal with it much better than if I was drunk. I've worked hard for my recovery and intend to keep it. Thanks everyone for your shares. Moonface XXX
Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 2:31:19 PM
Mark, dope fiend alocholic. Man, I got a major resentment going right now towards the great blue God down at Randoph AFB. See, the computer controls the assignments for personnel and I just found out that when I leave Alaska in May, I'm heading back to the southwestern desert. Either Las Vegas or Tuscon AZ. This does not bode well for a boy from northern Minnesota originally. I don't do heat too well, during the 3.5 years I spent at Edwards AFB, again in the desert, I was in the hospital on 4 occasions due to heat stroke. OH well, I guess I can do anything for a year, because now my mind is definately made up, my retirement date will be 12 May, 2002. That will give me 20 years and two weeks wearing the uniform, and then I'll head back to the midwest as fast as my pickup will go. I never wanted to go to the desert, but with my history of US assignments and all the time I've spent in the middle east, I should be used to it. I remember when I was introduced to the short form of the serenity prayer, and it seems appropriate here, "fuck it". the short form has served me well throughout my trudge doing this deal. Now I just have to look for the positive in this whole mess and I'll be OK. One thing for sure though, there isn't any moose hunting in the desert. Now I have to sell my moose rifle. Gotta go
Mark
Member: PHSYC
Location: EARTHS CRUST
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 4:49:23 PM
THE EARTHQUAKES ARE COMING TONITE.
-----BEWARE------BEWARE-----BEWARE-----BEWARE----
Member: iiiaammmmssssooo
Location: ccccrraazeeeddd
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 6:09:30 PM
football ggggggggaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmeeeeeesssssssssss
Member: ConnieN
Location: Minnesota
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 6:59:10 PM
Connie here. It's been a long time since I've posted on the website...guess I took a little break from sobriety, but I'm back again. I guess I don't have much on the theme of resentments...just glad to be back. I've battled against alcoholism for many years, and finally got a grip last February....hung in fairly well until my father passed away in October, then lost the grip. Anyway--just glad to be back. Keep it up--this is a wonderful place.
Member: mildred
Location: mt.hood
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 7:10:47 PM
connie, did you hear about the earthquakes coming?im scared.
mildred
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 7:41:02 PM
Chris---Alcoholic/addict/bulimic---Great topic---Resentments have been very hard for me to let go of, but the program has taught me how to do it. Not that I am perfect or that I don't still have any, but the people and the steps have led the way---It is sort of like peeling an onion---You think you've let go and then another layer of resentment towards that person shows up. It takes a lot of work, but it is one of the healthiest things I have done for myself and those around me. One of the things that helped me start on the road of forgiveness was to pray for that person---as hard as that is. The other thing that helped was to picture that person with the words 'Sick" On his forhead...And realize that he is a sick person also and , in my case, was trying also to get well-I also learned to look at my part in the problem realizing that I am not necessarily a victim and played some part in the situation . I t has been a great point of growth for me to let go of resentments. Going to meetings and listening to how other people did this also really helped. Til Next Week!
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 7:41:10 PM
Chris---Alcoholic/addict/bulimic---Great topic---Resentments have been very hard for me to let go of, but the program has taught me how to do it. Not that I am perfect or that I don't still have any, but the people and the steps have led the way---It is sort of like peeling an onion---You think you've let go and then another layer of resentment towards that person shows up. It takes a lot of work, but it is one of the healthiest things I have done for myself and those around me. One of the things that helped me start on the road of forgiveness was to pray for that person---as hard as that is. The other thing that helped was to picture that person with the words 'Sick" On his forhead...And realize that he is a sick person also and , in my case, was trying also to get well-I also learned to look at my part in the problem realizing that I am not necessarily a victim and played some part in the situation . I t has been a great point of growth for me to let go of resentments. Going to meetings and listening to how other people did this also really helped. Til Next Week!
Member: Bonnie B
Location: Nevada
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 7:42:37 PM
Hi Everyone. Resentments will kill me, both physically and mentally. They will lead me back to drinking----I can't afford it. So I had to find out what to do with mine. I learned to talk about the problem with a sponsor to see if they made sense. Then to talk them over with God. If I could not talk with the person or it was general like the IRS what was I to do? CHANGE MY MIND-----Simple. If I recognize the problem and own up to my part I can accept it. whether it is good or bad. Then God understands and he knows I recognize it and turning it over to him is simple. don't forget w we can change just ourselves,not others......
Member: Dawn S.
Location: Texas
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 9:57:43 PM
Focusing on needing God's approval and not mans when feeling hurt and resentful helps me. It puts me in my place and God never left his! I do look at my motivations and know that an inappropriate expectations is a resentment waiting to happen. I pray for the one I resent and sometimes its me. I pray for supernatural help to be like God by working the principles of the program and having the objectivity to do it. Using the paradox works well. I give myself permission to have the resentment (since I already have it) then I have acknowledged it and am now more ready to let go of it. So often in the past I would first kick myself for even getting one. This helps me. Also getting support for doing the next right loving thing even if I dont feel like it is very empowering. Wishing you many awakenings. 9-11-90 sob
Member: Raul C
Location: B'ham
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 11:20:12 PM
"The Spiritual Life is not a theory, we have to live it." BB pg.83 Action,Acton,Action.
Member: MR. HAPPYNESS
Location: NEXT DOOR
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 12:23:06 PM
there is no question resantment is like poision if we are 2 live we must be free of resentment fear AND anger. How ever once in a while we run in to what may almost B A justifyed one . I ben around AA since 1969 and God has allowed me 2 live through some stuff .Last year I bought myself a minnie farm and retired, there is a jerk naxt property over that owna a killer dog he allows the dog 2 come over my 6 foot fence and kill my chickens they know the dog is akiller cause this is not the 1st time, now i caught the damn thing and though the law allows it i could not bring myself 2 kill it. so i returned it 2 him.2 compound the pisser the punk cops an attude with me 4 catching his dog.then the little puss sends his discusting motherinlaw over 2 my house 2 thretton me with [big trouble] . now here is my delmama i forgive the little puke but, I find myself praying that bad stuff will happen 2 them. I know I shouldnt but I cant help my self. I M GLAD AND GREATFULL 2 B SOBER CAUSE if I wasnt I know wich one i would shoot. AND that would cost me my freedom,and my family would lose a grampa, father husband my friends would lose respect for me AND WORSED OF ALL I THINK GOD WOULD BE PISSED.
Member: Lori
Location: CANADA
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 12:59:41 PM
Hi, Lori Alcoholic here, I have really enjoyed reading the sharing on this subject. I have been carrying around a pretty big resentment myself and seem to be slowly working towards letting it go. I know the cause was that I expected too much from someone and got let down(hurt by their actions) and now I'm pissed off because I trusted someone so shallow with my feelings. So who am I really resentful at? myself or the other person,. This is my struggle. As I write this I wonder myself if it really matters anymore. I just want the pain to leave and peace of mind to come to me sometimes. I guess its back to the serenity prayer for this alcohilic as it always is, back to the prayer, so simple, yet so hard sometimes for my alcoholic mind. Thanks for being here, Lori.
Member: JOSE
Location:
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 1:30:04 PM
MR HAPPYINESS,
GET A .444 CAL,(THEYRE COOL) AND GO POSTAL
Member: John C.
Location: uncle_trippie@yahoo.com
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 2:28:37 PM
john c alcoholic I have found in my aplication of the steps that each step leads to a principle and that I came to A.A. wityh a rather warped sence of principle. As a result of working the first six steps I gained a "better" perspective on six principles:honesty, hope, faith, courage, integretyand willingness. the seventh step has to do with my ability to stand under(understand), the consept of humility. First I must realize( make real) the fact that the root of the principle humility is "humis" (latin for that from which things grow), soil , dirt, the rich soil. The second thing Imust realize about the seventh step is that it is arrogant of me to believe GOD is following me around (like a puppy dog) hopeing I will through my defects at HIM. my lesson regarding resentments has been that I may ask every morning to have them removed and that , in some way, clears my way to liveing a more productive day. Perhaps only because of my efforts to remember not to exersize my defects (as I understand them) just for today. It is wise not to forget my resentments as I really do not want to repeat the cercumstances surrounding their birth.Yet, I have found, over the last forteen years of sobriety, that SOME of my stimuli to excersize the defects arrising out of my resentments have, indeed, subsided. Only by the grace of GOD and the fact of my not drinking.
Member: John D
Location: j_deluigi@hotmail.com
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 6:12:51 PM
Him All,I am John and i am a alcoholic,"Of the Hopeless variety" I once heard Father tell a joke about Resentments A speaker asked all in the room,"How many people here have a resentment against someone else?. Everyone raised their hands except one very old fellow in the back of the room. Well the Speaker didn't the ols man had heard him so he asked "how many people here have no resentments at all" No one raised their hand except that same old man in the back of the room. The speaker haw was it to be that he had no resentments against anyone. The old man replied,"I have outlived them all" So I guess we will have resentments till the day we die or which ever comes first. God Bless