Member: Dennis B
Location:
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 1:08:09 PM
Since this the first month of the new year, how about discussing the first step.....How you did step one. And how you accepted step one. Thanks
Member: test
Location:
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 1:23:27 PM
is this working??????
testing 1- 2- 3
Member: WILLIAM,A.
Location: HIGH-POINT
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 4:15:18 PM
Hello,William.Alkie.
Step one has been a powerful step in my recovery as well as my life. Today I am able to see some of the things that gave me such a hard time in the begining as far as me not beleiving that not only was I powerless but also not having a clue that my life was unmanigable to the point that,to see that in the area of relationships I always had a hard time getting some one and staying with that person even if I was able to find them,always thinking that with that person I would have all my worries taken care of as long as she did the things that I wanted her to do.
When it came down to my drinkingI did not think that my life or anything about me was either powerless or unmanigable since I was always the general/manager of the universe,everything evolved around me so I thou- ght until drinking began to have its way with me so like it states in the big-book I was driven to A/A under the lash of alcohol it was my friend then it turned on me ,it robbed me of everythingI thought I ever wanted,or wanted to be.
Today it has been (10) years later and I no longer powerless as long as I refraim from drinking the stuff.Some may not quiet understand what I have just said but I do and maybe some day you may learn what it means to not feel held captive by John Barley Corn,as some of us have been in the past,also as we live the rest of the steps we come to a point- where live is more&more bearable being without- alcohol as something to relieve the tentions of life,or for what ever reasons you felt you drink I on the other hand feel today that with-out the help of A/A,the fellowship,also the program,that is inside it,my higher-power( GOD)as I under- stand him and more over the wonderful people that I have met along my way. I would not be in the place that I am in today.
I would like to as any one that can identify with anything I may have said about this step to pause a momemt and give thanks to who ever or what ever you think has gotten you this far. HUGS AND KISSES.
Member: Nancy
Location: California
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 4:57:13 PM
Nancy alcoholic here. When I drink I never know how much I will drink or where I will end up. I may have one drink and know what I did. I may have a few (or alot) then black out and drive my car somewhere and when I come out of the black out I will not know where I am or who I am with. I do know that if I chose to drink my as I know it today will not matter to me. Once I take just one drink I will not care about my husband or my daughter. I won't care about how much money I spend or if I drive drunk. I won't care if I hurt anyone. All I will care about is me and getting what I want/need. I am powerless over alcohol. Thank you Dennis for picking this topic. I like being reminded of what will happen if I chose to drink today. So today I chose not to.
Member: Thelma K
Location: British Columbia
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 5:07:37 PM
Hi my name is Thelma and I AM ALCOHOLIC Today for me the most important word in our first step is WE,I have learned that what I could not do alone I CAN do with AA.
Member: Mike A
Location: Flynn Springs, CA.
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 5:33:21 PM
Honesty is the first thing that comes to mind. Something I knew nothing about prior to coming to the rooms of AA.I had to realize I was mentally and physically different than my fellows. I didn't like it at first. This explained my behavior when I induced alcohol.I had a mental obsession plus a physical allergy, I loved what alcohol did for me. When I wasn't drinking it was alway's on my mind and at times I really didn't want to drink or shouldn't have a drink (inopertune times) my mental obsession would over power my rational thought and I'd give in.A alergy difined in the dictionary states an "unatural reaction". Meaning to me it does something different to me than it does to so called social drinkers.At that time I want more and drink to the bitter end. I had a hard time accepting the second part of step one even though I had been incarcerated many times, divorced,lost home,children,destroyed everything near and dear to me due to my alcoholism. My life is still unmanageable by me. My name is Mike and I'm an alcoholic, today, tomorrow, until the day I die, I pray I die a sober alcoholic. Happy 24 hours
Member: Jeff
Location: Northern, CA
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 5:51:59 PM
Hi, My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. I am powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable.
The first part about being powerless over alcohol is simple. I don't do well at all when I drink. I get in trouble and I can't control how much I will drink once I have had the first drink.
Which gets to the 2nd part - If I were not alcholic I would just not drink. Since I am alcoholic I have a brain that wants to drink even though common sense would have convinced me not to drink long long before I found AA (or it found me or what ever good thing happended).
My life was and is unmanageable by me alone so it is a good thing AA is around to teach me that I don't have to drink and I can let some power greater than me run the show. I am much more relaxed, useful, and happy when I can remember how to take the a b c of page 60 and then the following actions in the book and let them work however they need to each day.
Thank God for AA and thank you all for being here.
Member: Tom S.
Location: NYC
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 6:01:06 PM
My name is Tom and I am an alcoholic. My disease got me to the point where I couldn't stop drinking. I use to say to myself everyday before I went to work that I wasn't going to drink that day because I would be hung over. Then as the day would progress I would get a second wind and get excited thinking about the good time that me and my "friend" would have after work. Yet, the insanity of it was, I thought that other people in my life, not me, had a drinking problem. I thought that I could control it. I wasn't unaware that I was out of control. This went on for many years. And my life became more and more unmanageable. Until I finally came to the conclusion that it had stopped working. My last drink was a Jack Daniels straight-up with a water back. It was a dreary week night, early, and I had met friends for a couple. They left. Normally that wouldn't have bothered me, I could always occupy myself alone, but that night I felt tired, mentally, and knew that the alcohol wasn't doing anything anymore. "Why bother?" I said to myself. I didn't order another drink. I knew I didn't have anything at home but went back to the apartment anyway. The next day I went to my first meeting. I found a higher power to help me through my days and that's what's kept me sober. By the grace of God, day after tomorrow will mark that last drink three years ago.
Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 9:45:57 PM
Adam, alcoholic.
When I think about this step, I am brought back to how I felt sitting in my first meeting at the age of 21. I was not happy to be there...hell, I was outraged that it had come to sitting in a room full of ex-drunks--my mother among them--listening to them talk about how grateful they were to be sober. Here I was, 21 years old, finally legal for me to drink in the US! I should be out there partying! But as outraged as I was to be 21 years old in an AA meeting, I was also outraged at the person I had become...a loner, a theif, a sociopath, a suicidal maniac, and a rowdy, vomiting drunk. The good times I thought I was leaving behind had been over for a long time, and I knew it. So there I sat, caught between realizing that I was destroying my life with alcohol, but scared to death of leaving that lifestyle behind. I honest to God did not know what to do next. That, I believe, is the point at which Step One really made sense to me. I saw that the best person I could be when drinking was that vomiting, theiving sociopath and that it really sucked, but I did not know how to not go there.
With the help of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have learned the way to not live like that. Simple (but not easy) stuff--don't drink a day at a time, get a home group and show up there, get a sponsor and work the steps. And today, four years later, I am still sober and happy with my life. Today I am very grateful to be the person that I have become. People, places and things in my life are much easier to deal with now that I am not throwing up on them or trying to fight them, and I have learned how to live in harmony with the people in my life (including myseldf!) and with the Higher Power of my understanding. I thought the day of my first meeting was really going to be the end of my life...and it was. It was the end of my life as a lonely, angry, hopeless alcoholic, and the beginning of my life as a contented sober man, surrounded by people I have grown to care abouut very deeply.
Everything about me and my life is different from the day I first walked in to AA, and todayI am grateful for this life and grateful to have come in to AA the way I did.
Thank God for that first step! Couldn't have changed without it!
Member: Todd
Location: Peru
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 10:08:29 PM
Todd Alcoholic here,
The first step is very important to me. I know I am powerless over alcohol but through the grace of God and AA my life has become manageable. Prior to coming into these rooms, my life felt like a blurr of wakeing up hung over, struggling with work and family only as long as I had to and then to liquor store and off into the darkness again. Now I can greet life on its terms. Every now and again my alcoholic mind will think it is healed and and I should be able to drink like a normie. But after years of pratice before coming to AA, I know that is not possible. I can still go right to the end and remember the painfull numbness that consumed my life.
My work has me traveling all over the world from time to time. I am often in different cultures and languages and try to attend meetings when I can. I am greatful for these rooms whether they are physical or cyber.
Thank you and with that I will take another 24.
Member: Roberta G
Location:
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 10:14:14 PM
Hi My name is Roberta and I am powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable. I am sober a long time in the program and have done the 12 steps and continue to ask my higher power for help on my knees in the morning and at night. My problem now that makes my life unmanageable is that I have not attended a meeting in over a year and a half. I am feeling the isolation and want to go to meeting but find it difficult to attend one in this area. Anyone else have this situation that could share or suggest a solution. I do have an open mind.
Member: Robert L
Location: Arkansas
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 11:40:45 PM
I'm Robert an alcoholic. The first step was a revelation for me. The fact that my addiction had me overpowered, and had made my life unmanageable, could actually be helped by simply admitting that that was indeed the case. I knew something was wrong when my ex-wife called and said, "My sisters Sharon and Jane are coming over to talk about the behaviour of one of the family, they cannot discuss it on the phone. Do you know what it is about?" Or when the State police and the City police called me on several occassions wanting to question me. When my therapist said I needed in-patient treatment, Maybe it was me after all that had a problem, and it was in treatment that I did my first step one. What a difference it has made to my life, this simple and yet so powerful a concept is working, even for me. I have not had a drink in over 7 months and I am in recovery from my co-addiction also. God bless the AA program and its membership, I give thanks everyday for my sobriety. Thank you all for listening.
Member: Susan P.
Location:
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 11:41:16 PM
Roberta, I can empathize with you but have no answers. Since we've relocated, I myself have not been an active member. Tomorrow I will be grateful to have had 13 years sobriety and yet because of not attending an AA group, I really have no one to share that with. My family are all grateful but they cannot understand and/or appreciate the miracle as fully as another alcoholic can. I am new to this site...do any of the members here chat on a one-on-one basis? Seems to me that might be beneficial for you. Glad to have found this site. Grateful for yet another day and even more grateful for another year!
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 11:42:12 PM
Hello, My name is Bill and I am an alcoholic. I got that way by sitting on too many bar stools, and drinking to much booze. I took the first step the very moment I walked into an AA meeting. I did not arrive here because I was having a great day and all was going well in my life.
All the first step did for me was define the problem. Once I read "The Doctor's Opinion"; "Bills Story"; and Chapters two and three. I was convinced. Yes, I have this thing called alcoholism. I was not a moderate drinker, nor was I a certain type of hard drinker. I was an alcoholic by defintion on page 21.
What a relief that was for me. I thought I was going insane. All I had was alcoholism and you folks could show me a way to recover. The unmanageability metioned in the first step was that I could not manage to drink alcohol successfully thus alcoholic.
Acceptance does not have a heck of a lot to do with it. Acceptance in its simplist meaning is merely knowing something to be true. If there is any doubt as to whether you have this thing, the intructions in the Big Book are clear. Try some controled drinking. Try to stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It may be worth a bad case of the jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
There is no work involved in the first Step. As a matter of fact, one does not have to be sober very long to take Steps one, two, and three. And the first two columns in the Fourth. :)
Bill az-bill@primenet.com
Member: Randy M
Location: Oregon
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 12:05:35 AM
HI Randy A alki,and ex gambeller, Ive been sober for 98 days today, I havnt been to a live meeting and dont really want to, but i do come here every chance I get, this is alot more helpful to me in my sobriety because i can read and hear each one of you,and can tell wish one is hitting home, in a live meeting u get one hour to listen and learn, but may not find what you need in that one hour, here u pretty much can find what you are looking for at anytime of the day, and that is what I can live with, I dont have friends from live meetings but i hope i have them here. I do have friends and relatives that are alcholic and some that are recovering. All I can say is , IT WORKS, no matter what way u start, just as long as you work the steps...and thank god I am sober to feel lucky enough to say that. ALL, have a nice 24 and bless ya with your higherpower.Randy
Member: Von
Location: Ohio
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 12:09:32 AM
Thanks for the topic. I always thought that alcoholics were people that didn't have the willpower to stop drinking. Then as alcohol became a daily requirement, I fell into the denial. Stuff like, "You'd drink if you had my spouse, job, life...etc." I didn't lose my job, my marriage, and I didn't end up under the bridge, but when I came in the rooms, I was physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. The lines I said I'd never cross were being crossed at a faster and faster rate and I was getting to a point where I didn't want to live.
Thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank God for the DUI.
The Big Book tells me that I had to "concede to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic". That alcohol was but a sympton, that I suffered from a spiritual malady, that the problem was me.
Step one is a daily part of my morning and evening prayer. Every morning and night I thank God for keeping me sober that day. Then I continue with the rest of my prayers and meditation. I know that it doesn't take much for my mind to forget the pain that drove me into the rooms. And by remembering Step One everyday, I'm reminded that when I run the show, my life becomes unmanageable. I go to at least 7 meetings a day because I drank everyday. If I miss days, I find myself falling into old ways of behaving and thinking. These serve to remind me that I am an alcoholic and my life became unmanageable.
If I don't go to meetings and don't get involved with the fellowship, I'm in trouble. Because it's usually someone who understands the disease that will let me know when I'm getting off track. If I avoided meetings then how would I know if I was headed backwards?
A long time ago, someone told me that relapse is a process of working the steps backward. I have heard too many leads say that before they relapsed, they quit going to meetings. Pretty soon the prayer went out the window, then the big book started gathering dust, the phone calls stopped, and all of a sudden the drink returned. It is guaranteed that there will come a time when my disease will try to take me back. The maintenance of my spiritual condition only gives me a daily reprieve.
Roberta, you've got to give it away to keep it.
One day at a time.
Member: Linda K.
Location:
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 12:21:08 AM
(To Roberta)I have to wonder why you won't attend meetings in your area, it sounds like it's time to get honest with yourself. I do believe that it doesn't matter how much time you have if you are not working a program to the best of your ability. Time does not necessarily coincide with good sobriety. Sounds like step one is a good place for you to be at right now.
Member: elizabethb
Location: alaska
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 1:08:56 AM
My name is elizabeth and I am an alcoholic.I cannot stop this insaniety that has taken over my life if anybody is out there that I can talk to i would really like to talk to somebody
Member: Jennifer J
Location: San Francisco, CA
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 1:43:51 AM
(TO ELIZABETH) hi. I'm Jennifer, i'm a drunk. here's the deal with Step one, Elizabeth... You mentioned that you can't stop this insanity. you are right about that. all you have to do is surrender and ask for help. the best advice i can give you is to call your local 411 and ask for the number for alcoholics anonymous (make sure to be specific, otherwise they may direct you somewhere else), call the number they give you and a very helpful and grateful alcoholic will answer. tell them you need to know where the nearest meeting is to you. go to it. raise your hand, ask for help. someone will talk to you. offer you their phone number. maybe ask you for yours. this is how i did it. it worked. being sober isn't perfect, but it's better than where i was and where i was gonna eventually end up.
people want to help. thanks for keeping me sober, Elizabeth
Jennifer
Member: Sarah D
Location: Irish Republic
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 6:37:59 AM
Hello, my name is Sarah. This is my first contact with AA. I am 36 years old and have been drinking every day for the past 19 years. Finally, I woke up this morning and decided that I was totally out of control and it was ALCOHOL that was controlling me. I don't know how good I am going to be at this but I have not had a drink so far today and I do not plan to have one. I need all the help that I can get.
Member: Karen G
Location: Nova Scotia
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 7:30:57 AM
Hi my name is Karen and I am an alcoholic.When I first came to AA, I could never admit that I was and alcoholic, and only having seriously taking that first step did i truly understand what it meant to be powerles. Today I can admit I am an alcoholic, I know what it has done to me and where it can take me if I chose to pick up that drink. Working that step with the rest of them is what will keep me sober for today.
Member: Mark D
Location: Concord, NH
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 9:28:22 AM
Randy M- We have almost the same amount of sobriety time and I too get much from this site almost daily. However I do go to live meetings. At least 3 a week. I understand what you are saying in that you can't alwalaws get what you are looking for at a live meeting. But like the song says, "sometimes, you get what you need."
I find that it's easier to share in a cyber meeting because you can take your time, measure your words and write just what you mean instead of trying to talk in a room with everyon's eyes on you. The dimension on connecting with people from all around the world is mind blowing as well. Maybe I have more options for meetings where I am, but I think it's worth your while to seek out some live meetings. If nothing else it hewlps you to get out of your own head for a while. And that is necessary. Besides that's where all the trouble started anyway. Take care.
Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,Illnois
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 12:00:39 PM
I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.My life was unmanageble and i was under tatal denial that i had a problem.once i was introduced to step one I accepted that how alcohol could have so much power over yourlife that it becomes unnmageble and that how powerless i was it had reached to the point that i lost everything that i had before i could relize the true nature of what alcohol can do to lyour life. I am gald that today i am following the twelve steps. I pray to my HP that i stay sober.
Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 1:36:44 PM
i couldn't express my feelings or control my emotions all that well,i wasn't sure why we are all here and what we were all working toward ,so instead of working on my inner feelings i drank the pain away,that was what i think the reason i began drinking in the first place.make people laugh and drink,thats what i did...bill's up to my eye balls ,no furniture,living life on a thread,i was a big fake...i was a scared little boy who acted like i was better than you.booze owned me i had fake fun in front of people,and cryed for myself when i was alone.people i know where improving and progressing in life,but not me,i was drinking and wishing .today i don't drink and i pray everyday...today i have a good attitude i truly enjoy life,i try to bring some good to the table ,i have faced me,and i am constantly working on making a better me,aa is the place that introduced this to me.i don't fool with my sobriety ,i know i am powerless to alcohol,and it will make my life unmanageable,i pray i never go the alcohol route again....thanks i'm tony,an alcoholic
Member: Gale S.
Location: Miami
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 5:29:54 PM
Gale, Alchohic
Wow,this is pretty cool, a cyber meeting! I am in a voluntary out-patient program following a five day detox. for alcohol abuse. This is my second week and I am still on step one, maybe two. It will be interesting to see what my counselor says tomorrow in group therapy when I tell her I went to a cyber meeting. She will probably say that it is not good enough, or something. The truth is, when you are in out-patient therapy for four hours a day, it is hard to drag yourself to an evening meeting. I am grateful for the structure that this program is providing me, grateful that my insurance is covering it,and for the first time in fifteen years I feel hope that I can "control" my physical addiction and mental obsesion. The thing that scares me is that 85% of the people that I meet with this disease relapse. But, in this case I think fear is a good thing. I don't ever want to go through this again. I am having trouble asking for a sponsor. There are 100 people in my A.A. meeting, it is hard to get to know people well enough to ask for sponsorship.
Member: Ken C dos 06/19/77
Location: Winnipeg, (Friendly Manitoba) Canada - eh!
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 6:35:43 PM
Hi All,
It is very encouraging to see that most of the posts on here show the cause and effect aspect of Step One. The cause of course is the fact that as a practicing alcoholic we become dependent upon the stuff and obtain the mental obsession for it the sum of which is expressed as our powerlessness over alcohol. The effect side is that because of our powerlessness we must do things we don't want to do, and don't do things we want to do. In other words by taking the first drink we can no longer control or manage not only the outcomes we want, but the outcomes we don't want as well.
The problem can be, as it was with me for a long time, is that a person can admit to being an alcoholic and still go back to drinking. The rationalle here seems to be, that yes I'm an alcoholic BUT the really severe consequences can be postponed. In fact this MAY be true in some cases but this kind of rationalizing just shows how really sick we are. We are in fact flirting as we would with a gun to our head playing Russian Roulete. Is that sane? Can we not accept the fact that we are in the grips of a progressive illness with progressively worse consequences and progressively more difficulty for hopes of recovery because of mind sets that become more firmly imbedded as time goes on? The real test of Step One is whether or not we as alcoholics are able to see and fully understand the hopelessness of our situation, and whether or not as a result of seeing this, we end up with the willingness to look for a solution other than our own to overcome our sickness. If we have this willingness then we are ready for Step Two of our program. If we do not have it, we can play at getting well, but we WILL drink again. Thanks for letting me share.
Love - Ken
Member: Ruth A
Location: Georgia
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 7:20:04 PM
Hi I am Ruth and deinately an alcoholic!! I have been sober for 23 years now and would love to talk to any lady who might be needing help.This is great......didn't even know this site exsisted. Thank You for letting me share.
Member: Mitch A.
Location: Mountain View, CA
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 7:54:43 PM
Hi,Mitch here. I have recently made a geographical change and struggled with the same thing that other people here have. I went to my first and only meeting out here about two weeks ago. The people weren't nice to me, therefore all meetings in CA sucked, so I quit going. Just like it was talked about in this room earlier, everything else stopped also (reading big book,praying,etc). Well last night I tried it again(I have failed to get 30 days in the last 3 or 4 months that I have been trying for real). I have no problem admitting that I am powerless, but as time goes by without working the steps or taking on a sponsor, I forget how bad it was. I have no control, every time I say only a couple, but I end up getting trashed. There was something said to me in treatment when I was 16 in rehab. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So, I have changed the way I do things and every time it comes back to that. I have been in treatment 6 times, been dry approx 1 1/2 years over the last 6. I am now 22 and i've done things since first exposed when I was 16 that I never would have dreamed. I have stole, lied, cheated, begged, hit women. Basically my point of all this is that if I would just follow the simple instructions and get started on the first three steps with a sponsor. I always start out really good and then get stuck in myself and my image, I have never had a sponsor. I know exactly why, he will tell me things I do not want to here, tell me to do things that I don't want to do. If there are people out there that think this is for the weak-willed and weirdos, I have thought that and have experimented over and over again. Every damned time I end up in the same helpless state of mind, thinking that I am crazy and that nobody will help me. Over the years, like i've said, I keep coming up with new excuses,(I am too young, never had a DUI, never been in jail, never hit a women, never stole, not homeless, haven't lost house or cars), the list could go forever. Now I can say that I have done and been all those things. I don't feel any more justified to be in AA than I did 6 years ago. One thing that I have learned from being insane(trying the same thing over and over) is that I truly am powerless. I can do what I want with that knowledge. I can be the best drunk I can be, or I can throw out the old thinking and follow the simple instructions of the AA program. I am choosing today to get a sponsor and go to a meeting daily, no matter how mean or indifferent that I feel people are out here. I've had a taste of what AA can do many times, now I want to collect on those promises i've heard so much about. Thank GOD fo AA and for this room, because I really needed something today.
Member: Mark S.
Location: NYC
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 10:00:39 PM
As they say, the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, and that has been true for me with this beautiful program of living called AA. Thanks for the topic! It took me a good long while to "get" this step,and it's one I have to do every day. No matter how long I'm sober, I've got to keep my feet on teh gruond by admitting my powerlessness over booze and the resultant unmanageability that ensued in my life. I have so heavily edited my comments that I'd better stop here.. I'm a first time visitor to this site and I'm a little nervous sharing in this forum if that makes any sense!
Member: ROGER B.
Location: ALBANY OREGON
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 11:26:24 PM
IM ALIVE BUT IM NOT LIVING,IM NOT HAPPY ANYMORE IT SEEMS LIKE. IVE BEEN SOBER SINCE LAST FEB 14, ILL NEVER FORGET IT.IM 44YEARS OLD,YET CANT COME TO GRIP WITH MYSELF OR THE WORLD IN GENERAL.IM SORRY TO GET OFF THE TOPIC,BUT JUST TRYING TO GET A LITTLE ADVISE.THANK YOU.
ROGER B.
Member: jeremiah m
Location: oh
Date: 1/15/01
Time: 11:50:30 PM
hello
thank you for the topic, it has been a while since i reflected back on the powerelessness i had on my alcoholism. i have been clean and sober for a while now and havent had to deal with the hang-overs and the waking up wondering where the hell i was and i thank my higherpower for that. i still find my life dificult to a certain extent, wich isnt that surprising considering the direction i was taking my life. i find that i am still practicing my addictive habits,such as, lazyness, staying up too late, ect...
Member: Greg Mc.
Location: Stafford, Texas
Date: 1/16/01
Time: 1:38:46 AM
Hello I'm Greg, I'm an Alcoholic.
Roger I can tell you from my experience that if you get into the program of recovery as suggested in the Big Book, your life will change. Mine has. I would not be able to handle being without a drink if my life had not changed. The worst times in my drinking days were the times I was not drinking and I could not handle daily life as you describe - I just wanted to fall of the Earth.
I am so grateful that I got off to a running start with a sponsor, working on the steps, working with others. I can relate to page 25. "There is a solution...we saw it really worked in others, and had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it... we approached those in whom the problem had been solved... we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life... " That is exactly how it has been for me. My life is totally different.
Get to a meeting and ask for help.
Your frined in the fellowship Greg Mc.
Member: Chuck M
Location: Alberta
Date: 1/16/01
Time: 3:57:59 AM
I'm Chuck, an alcoholic
There are 2 questions, why did I drink and why did I get drunk? I drank because alcohol did something for me. My thinking was screwed up, I was anxious, worried and fearful and the only peace of mind I could get was by drinking. This Is insanity using alcohol as a solution. In any event this was why I took the 1st drink.
My body is different from a non-alcoholic. I am allergic to alcohol. An allergy is an abnormal reaction to a chemical. Whenever I put alcohol in my body a physical craving is started. I crave more and more and ended up drunk and in a blackout. There is no cure for any allergy therefore I was , am and always will be powerless over alcoholic. That is why it is the 1st drink that got me drunk.
The AA program fixed my screwed up thinking and I no longer need the alcohol solution.
Peace and Serenity
Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake
Date: 1/16/01
Time: 8:49:07 AM
Roger B., drop me a note. Let's talk.
mtbikerbob@msn.com
Member: connie w
Location: hutch., ks. st. es
Date: 1/16/01
Time: 10:14:02 AM
its really hard to accept something i dont believe. i had to first be convinced. once convinced i had to remember why i was. the hardest part for me was to stay convinced of my alcoholisim. seems we have a little guy inside of us saying its all better now have a drink. so for me this is where i had to learn about sanity. i kept thinking it would be different this time. the important thing is to share these thoughts as soon as they come up. i dont know that in this forum would work as well as face to face with another member i wonder if this is to anonymous. i really love my home group. been a member there for 18 yrs. this is also good. it can be a really good beging. aa has givin my life to me i was only 27 when i started. all you new comers hang in there i love you all.
Member: connie w
Location: hutch., ks. st. es
Date: 1/16/01
Time: 10:14:23 AM
its really hard to accept something i dont believe. i had to first be convinced. once convinced i had to remember why i was. the hardest part for me was to stay convinced of my alcoholisim. seems we have a little guy inside of us saying its all better now have a drink. so for me this is where i had to learn about sanity. i kept thinking it would be different this time. the important thing is to share these thoughts as soon as they come up. i dont know that in this forum would work as well as face to face with another member i wonder if this is to anonymous. i really love my home group. been a member there for 18 yrs. this is also good. it can be a really good beging. aa has givin my life to me i was only 27 when i started. all you new comers hang in there i love you all.
Member: I remember...
Location:
Date: 1/16/01
Time: 12:00:12 PM
To Gail in Florida....
The bad news: "Half measures availed us nothing."
The good news: AA is there for us when we really want it. The old 'if you want what we have...then do what we do' statement is true.
That was my experience....simple, but does require some effort on our parts. Good luck to you!
Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 1/16/01
Time: 12:42:29 PM
Kim here... alcoholic.
Ahhh... you get what you need around here! I may not be experiencing the powerlessness and unmanageability of active alcoholism, but I am experiencing "powerlessness" in other aspects of my life and I need to remember Step One!
I got sober at 31, but first came into the program of AA at the age of 17. For many, many years I did not understand the powerless aspect of my alcoholism, nor did I want to ACCEPT defeat. You see for me, ACCEPTANCE has a whole lot more to do with Step One that ADMITTING. Heck, I could admit almost anything... alcoholic, why sure! But Accept that I have a disease that once I take a drink the mental compulsion begins and I will end up (eventually) sitting in my basement apartment with dark towels over the windows and hating the sound of lawn mowers and birds chirping on a beautiful Saturday morning was hard for me to accept because I didn't perceive my life as unmanageable. I was a single, professional woman raising a beautiful 6 year old boy with a decent place to live, food on the table and nice clothes on our backs.
It wasn't until I nearly lost custody of my son, nearly lost my job and nearly became homeless that I ACCEPTED my alcholism for what it was... a disease that will never be cured and that when I attend AA and do what's suggested, I can arrest that disease on a daily basis so my life doesn't ever have to be that unmanageable again from alcohol. 14 years of struggling, but here I am 17 months sober with ACCEPTANCE in my heart.
Thanks for letting me share and my best to all of you!
Member: annie k.
Location: blueridgemountains
Date: 1/16/01
Time: 2:54:06 PM
Roger, you're not off the topic at all. This is exactly the kind of thing that the first step is about. Thanks everyone for sharing. I,too am sober for over a decade in the program of AA and have been relieved from that seemingly hopeless condition of body and mind...mostly. I am powerless on a daily basis over people, places and things. I,too, thought I was FINE because I mostly had all my balls in the air and seemed to be juggling everything very well, thank you very much. It was this prison in my head that I was locked in that made me me start worrying about how much I drank. I,too, was unprepared to live life without something to sand off the rough edges (booze). I did get to experience all the YETS. I did get arrested. I did lose the respect of the people who loved me. I did hurt the people I loved in horrible ways. I did, in the end, lose everything. Somebody once condensed the first 3 steps for me like this: I can't. God can. I think I'll let Him. Let Him. I see God's face in the rooms of AA. I see God's hand reaching out to me in the hands of AA. I have a life that is beyond my wildest expectations today. Don't deny yourself the opportunity to have a real, full, wonderful life. It doesn't have to stay the way it is. If this program could work for me, it can work for you. Suck it up and ask for help. Ask God, and then ask AA. You'll be glad you did. Susan --HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. Get thee to a meeting, no matter what. You can do it. You know you'll feel better. I'm in pretty much the same situation as you and I make myself go where I don't really feel wanted and I always feel better. I've had to start doing all the things I had to do that first year, because I can't stand the quality of my life this year. I demand more than that now. I want more than that. Enough from me--Susan,go to delphi.com and look for the Friends in Recovery at Bimini. I'll see you there!!
Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 1/16/01
Time: 3:15:40 PM
I must admit firstly that I did not come to the faith through alcoholics anonymous, but for some time now I have centered my work therein. But if I were to acess the truth of it: how that step one can bring a man to the faith from a self willed life into the law of liberty that only the children of God now have, "for those that are led by the spirit of God, they be the sons of God," I would say of it that the world still lies in wickedness and even now it will drive a man to drink figuretively speaking. Its not altogether unlike the delema that the children of Israel had in Egypt; there taskmasters oppressed them and misused them to the point of their crying out to God, and if this step is thought of correctly it is this same place of the which we are at at the onset of the program; "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanagable;" With that then we hope as they did in Egypt, that God will say unto us also: "Let my people go." And it shall be that thus being delivered from these former taskmasters through prayer, we shall serve the living God who shall direct our lives as he ordaines it by that selfsame spirit toward our good. I do not say that we shall no longer ever drink but it shall not be from lust nor necessity that we are compelled to seek this outward consolation and that God gives us all good things to enjoy according to his will if haply we seek after him that we might find him though he be not far from each one of us; But it must be said here also that such faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God if haply we are at all to get off the starting block or ever as it were cross thru the red sea, and it must needs be that we pass as it were into this godly life of the which we speak in steps two and three lest we perish; therefore I afirm also that these times of need that we at the first experience are for our benifit, for we must at some point in this life decide on our eternal destiny that will then benifit us both in this life and in the life of the world to come and unless such times of need compell us unto prayer we would no doubt have stayed in our complacency even to the end....
Member: Anne Marie
Location: Portland
Date: 1/16/01
Time: 11:03:53 PM
Hey! I hope those who are new to this site and the idea of alcoholism will stay around. You are definitely NOT ALONE.
That's the beauty of AA. Everyone here and at "live" meetings totally understand what you are going through. Many went through similar events. Many went through worse.
If you are visiting this site and think, hmmm, I MAY have a drinking problem, you probably do. And that's OK. So does everyone else here.
It didn't take me long to admit that I was an alcohlic, but it took me quite a while to ACCEPT it. And to admit that my life was "unmanageable" [which is part of step 1]. I finally realized that one's life becomes unmanageable when drinking causes you to hurt others or yourself when you don't want to, but do it anyway after drinking. I attacked my husband, family and dearest friends emotionally and verbally after getting drunk on a number of occasions. I didn't want to do that, but when I drank (which always meant way more that I had intended), I couldn't control what I said. Little irritations would become major confrontations. But only when I drank.
Anyway, I was (and will always be!) a sceptic. But the good news is that folk in AA -- successful in sobriety -- have either been there themselves or are at least understand where you are coming from. The BEST NEWS is: the program works! But you must "work it" although it can suck at times.
Best of luck, Anne Marie, alcoholic, yet optomistic in PDX
Member: Dave C
Location:
Date: 1/17/01
Time: 9:07:36 AM
DAVE ALKIE THIS IS TO SARAH YOU HAVE MADE THE FIRST STEP THIS PROGRAM DOES WORK I HAVE 5 MONTHS SOBRIETY ONLY BECAUSE OF A.A. FIND A LIVE GROUP AND AVOID THAT FIRST DRINK IF I CAN DO IT ANY ONE CAN THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SHARE AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL WE ARE NOT BAD PEOPLE WE ARE SICK!!!!!!
Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 1/17/01
Time: 2:32:23 PM
Mark, dope fiend alcoholic, Ya know what? Talk is cheap, and when I was in the midst of the insanity of my disease, I'd say and do anything to further my own sick wants, needs and desires. Hell, initially, I'd cop to being an alcoholic because my Commander and my duty officer were sitting in the same rooms with me. They were taking me to meetings and literally sitting on me during the first 60 days or so. I'd go GA GA GOO GOO when prompted, but, did I accept this disease? No. Acceptance took time for me, to destroy that inner notion that one day I could drink and use drugs like a normal person took some work on my part. Some writing and examination of where my drinking and drug use brought me. I didn't wake up one sunny morning and say, " I think I'm going to go to Alcoholics Anonymous because they're so nice ". My life was in shambles and I had no clue because like a typical drunk, I was the last to know I had a problem. It took time for this thing to sink in, for the fog to start to clear in my head, for the reality of my actions and the insanity of my life to that point to become evident to me. For the truths to start to sink into the befuddled cells of my brain. I used to hate the cliche "give time, time ". I understand it today. I can go on for a while on the first step, but, I gotta run.
Mark
Member: james
Location: ill.
Date: 1/17/01
Time: 3:34:20 PM
For me the first step was difficult,iknew i was powerless over alcohol because of the devistating effects it had on my life,physical,social,mental,legal,economical.I had no trouble admitting i was an alcoholic but my life was so unmanigable that i didnt care. I just figured that the way i lived life was normal i started getting black out drunk at 13yrs then in highschool i couldnt figure out why i couldnt get dates this increased my feelings of worthlessness and opend a whole new door for my drug and alcohol use. All i know is that for me it was easy to say i was an alcoholic but excepting that life was unmanigable was difficult because before aa i never had a clue how to live life different than the way i had for 21 years. I am just glad that my eyes are open and i no longer have to live in that hell any more because of what the people in aa and god have given me. Just one day at a time that all any of us have to do.
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 1/17/01
Time: 3:47:11 PM
Chris herre--Alcoholic/addict/bulimic--Boy this is the best meeting we have had in awhile..to Roberta-- I understand how hard it can be to start back to meetings---I have been stuck in my house for a while and was so scared to go a meeting ---thinking that they would be thinking that I had been drinking or something. HOwever, they were so glad to see me and now I feel much better. It just takes awhile to get over the initial feelings. My sponsor says that we should always remember that we are also powerless over people ,places, and things. I really needed to remember that today--because I continue to need to let my kids go--(19& 21)---The more I do that the better they do---they sometimes need to fall on their faces inorder to learn---I have learned to pray for my youngest, because he is still at home and the most addicitve of the two,---that if he is into something that is not good for him that he will get caught---I have always tried to prevent them from doing anything bad rather than just letting them go and find out on their own. --It is so great to realize that I am powerless and that God does a much better job at my life than I do---I am so greatul today thanks to the program of A.A. and my H.P....See you next Week!
Member: Jeff W
Location: Olympia, Wa
Date: 1/17/01
Time: 5:23:27 PM
Hi, My name is Jeff and I am a greatful recovering alcoholic and drug addict. What the first step meant to me is the ability to surrender to alcohol. I knew 9 years ago that I was an alcoholic and vividly remember the first time I said that in a meeting, but looking back I was not ready to surrender. Sure I sobered up for a couple of years but did not follow through with getting a sponser and working the steps. Yes I did start drinking again and my alcoholism continued to grow. 13 months ago I received my second DUI, had to admit that I was cheating to my wife and 5 days later was demoted from my job. What was the most important thing that happened is that I admitted to myself that I was powerless over alcohol and it had made my life completely unmanageable!!! I finally surrendered to king alcohol. What has made the difference for me now is that I have worked through the 12 steps and have a higher power in my life and continue to try to achieve spiritual progress. The only thing that I have changed about me is everything. For those of you that have spoken about not getting out of the meeting what you want, stop and listen, you will get something that you can use to help your sobriety from everyone who shares. We all have taken different roads to get there but have all ended up in the same hell!!! I thank God for my sobriety today for it is a precious thing. Thanks for letting me share, Jeff
Member: lu-lu
Location:
Date: 1/17/01
Time: 6:25:12 PM
i am a naughty girl.my name is lu-lu.
Member: Laura W.
Location: California
Date: 1/17/01
Time: 9:02:27 PM
Hi. I'm Laura and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for over four years and I still sometimes have trouble with step 1. I always have to remember (and my sponsor and friends will if I don't), that I have no control over alcohol, people, places, things, others' opinions of me and the choices they make. The only thing I do have control over is my actions and reactions to the things my life is having me walk through for that time. This has helped keep me in line. Sometimes my life still feels overwhelming and unmanageable, but I have such a different and rich life from the dark and bleak existence I suffered through before, that I just take each problem in increments and it seems to all get done and not be such a big hairy deal. Welcome to the newcomers. You are the life and blood of A.A.. If you're too afraid (that is, proud) to go to meetings in the flesh, this will do for awhile. Maybe by getting your feet wet here, the physical meetings won't seem so scary. Good luck to you!
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 1/17/01
Time: 11:01:29 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks to those who sincerely shared!
Two things were key for me in taking the First Step: 1) I needed to hit bottom, and 2) I had to admit I needed help in order to stay sober.
When these things occurred AA was there for me.
Member: Jerry J.
Location: So. Cal.
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 12:19:20 AM
Jerry Alcoholic
Good to be here, good to be sober. Thanks to everyone. Very good stuff. First time here at this meeting. Have been isolating somewhat myself this year. Just took my nine year cake last month and it seems to me sometimes that I have forgotten where I come from these days.
First step was hard for me. Never mind jail, institutions, broken relationships, chronic unemployment, blackouts, drug addiction, etc. I had quit drinking on my own before I got to AA so I couldn't be powerless over alcohol. I was willing to cop to the unmanagebility but not powerlessness. Thank God for the patience and tolerance of those who took me in at meetings. There I was sitting in the back of the room shaking and sweating, looking at the floor, and I didn't have an alcohol problem. Hah. Man was I scared. Anyway I was spoon fed the program one day at a time. Taught what it was to be a periodic. Taught the disease concept of alcoholism. Taught what it meant to be powerless. Thank God again for the love of one alcoholic for another.They are still teaching me what it is to be sober and live sober when I let them.
Just got through playing "Star Wars Monopoly" with my son who has never seen me take a drink. What a gift I have been given! Welcome to the new people. I hope you find what you are looking for here with us. Love.
Member: Annie L
Location: MS
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 5:43:23 AM
Hi Sara from Georgia..and anyone else out there. This is my first contact with AA..actually the first time I am to admit that I am an ALCOHOLIC. That felt good. I know it's not that easy, but it's a start. I've been in denial for about 8 years now. That's when I started drinking heavily. I've tried "controlled" drinking - a glass of wine, just "one" cocktail; I know now that that will never work for me. My father is an alcoholic and probably always will be, and it scares me to see the same patterns in myself that I see in him. Like most alcoholics, I don't fit a specific profile. I am a housewife. After deciding to stay home with children, I started to drink alot at night..just a glass of wine while preparing dinner and then dinner would be ready and the bottle of wine gone. I now drink most nights and usually wake up and can't remember much after dinner. I know I will never be able to have just "a" glass of wine. I guess that is what upsets me the most - knowing that for the rest of my life, I will never be able to enjoy a cocktail at a party or have a glass of wine with a meal. Anyway, what I need is someone out there to tell me how to get through the rest of my life and enjoy it. It feels good to finally tell someone what I've been hiding for so long. Appreciate any feedback. Thanks.
Member: Kate
Location: Seattle
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 8:12:55 AM
My name is Kate and I'm an alcoholic. My life is unmanageable. I am un able to manage my life. AA gives me the tools to do that. I am thankful that I did not have to take a drink tonight. Next week I will have 2 mo. I am scared, and relieved @ the same time. I thought it would be easier than this. I am only 25, have not gone through some of the stuff I hear others have. But I know that I could if I kept on drinking, and I don't want to find out. Can I stop before major consequences have happened in my life? Or do I have to keep drinking for 10 years to reach my bottom? I will do it one hour @ a time. Adam,Elizabeth,Ruth,Jennifer J.,Sarah, Ken C. Thank you. And to all who are here. May we meet again.
Member: Sara D
Location: Idaho
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 9:08:55 AM
My name is Sara, and I am an alcoholic. Great topic! I was able to admit I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable many years before I was able to surrender. Somehow, the 1st step made sense from the first time I was exposed to AA. The other steps overwhelmed me, and I was scared and unwilling to get past the 1st. Now, I am sober today, and happier and healthier than I've ever been. I have found some serenity, and a program that helps me learn to live life on life's terms. Thank God for AA and thank AA for God. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Lynne B.
Location: PA
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 11:35:44 AM
Hello Annie L from MS. Your story sounds so similar to mine. I also drink every night, wine after dinner, and never stop until I'm drunk. I know I'm out of control, but don't know what to do. I hope I do not have to hit "rock bottom" to stop. I quit for 2 or 3 days, but can't seem to get beyond that. I am too embarrassed to go to live meetings; I know I could not speak in front of people. Obviously, I can't help you out, but I guess what I'm asking is for the same info you did. Also, to let you know you're not alone.
Member: Jerry I.
Location: Georgia
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 1:44:52 PM
Hi, Jerry an alcoholic. Step one, along with steps two and three, came to me on my lawn mower on June 7. 1997. After my sponser (he is now) got to a meeting every night for a week. I was drinking after the meetings. My wife even ask me why I was going. But that morning, something happened, the stuff I had been hearing sank in, kinda all at once. I took steps 1, 2, & 3 right then. By the grace of my higher power and the fellowship, I've been sober since!!! Thank-you all in the fellowship
Member: Michelle S.
Location: NJ
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 1:45:57 PM
Hi, alcoholic, Michelle. This is my first time commenting; wish I were at a real meeting, but . . . no excuses.
When I came into the program almost six years ago, I knew I was powerless over alcohol because every morning I would swear I wouldn't drink that day, and every day at 4pm, I would have "just one" wine or beer because "I deserved it". I couldn't not take that drink.Unmanageability was my problem for the last four years of my drinking. If I still had a husband, house, car, kids, drivers license, job, whatever, I couldn't be THAT bad, could I?
AA is the only thing that has worked for me. I was afraid to talk at meetings, and for the first two years of my sobriety, I only talked to people before or after the meeting. I did get a sponsor, and I didn't pick up a drink one day at a time. Forget about forever - I don't know if I can stay sober for that long either. I know I can not pick up a drink today because I'm centered in the program and extremely grateful today. This life is Great!
Member: matthew h.
Location: houston, tx.
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 2:29:16 PM
hey, i am matthew, an alcoholic and an attic. i just got out of a meeting down the road and decided to walk to the library and here i am again in another one that i knew not existed. step one is where i lay. living in a half-way house here in montrose i am surrounded by people just released from prison, people from the streets looking solely for a place to lay their heads and for a hot meal. well, i have a problem comparing myself to the people around me and not focusing on whether my life is unmanageable or not. if i take my house mates out of the equat5ion and concentrate on me only i realize without a doubt i have a problem. i am powerless when it comes to drugs and alcohol. so, today is yet another struggle to come to terms with why i cannot control myself. the struggle is that i think i can use responsibly and socially with the absence of unmanageability. this is my first foray into the treatment of alcoholism so i am still trying to convince myself that the problem with me is as severe as the people around me say it is. thank you for letting me share.
Member: matt s.
Location:
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 2:39:14 PM
hi, matt, i am an alcoholic: the only thing i can do is not take a drink this very moment. all i have is now-that is all i can control. so, right now i am trying to find ways to keep my mind occupied with more productive things. for example, i am at the library looking for a book besides the big one to read...i don't think it will kill me. i can be reached by any alcoholic or addict if only he wishes to share his experience, strength, or hope at: schottenheimer@hotmail.com please don't hesitate, for this is to help me too. we all help ourselves by helping another. thank you for letting me share.
Member: Jim K.
Location: West Texas
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 4:29:54 PM
Hello out there. My name is Jim, and I'm a drunk and a junkie. Today, I am in recovery.
For me the first step is an ongoing revelation. Initially, yes, I had to be driven to a point of desperation where I could fully concede that I am powerless over alcohol. That was, and still is today, something that I must recognize and continue to acknowledge. But in learning to incorporate the steps as a WAY OF LIFE, I can see the never-ending list of how I am powerless in this world, and how trying to take control keeps my life in turmoil.
I always looked at the two words in this step--powerless and unmanageable--as wrods of weakness. I got hung up there, and was never fully able to move through the steps. I thought the spirituality of this program was optional, and I still had the idea that "I" could beat this thing. It took four painful years chippping in and out of the program, continuing to let my super-hero fantasy get in the way of any progress in my life. When I shut my mouth and decided to listen to some folks that got here before me, I was able to learn that the admission of powerlessness, and the recognition of unmanageability are the foundation upon which a life of peace, serenity, and freedom can be built. That, I believe, is true power.
Because of this admission, and a continually growing attitude of gratitude and acceptance, very little in my life seems like THAT BIG OF A DEAL! I have found a love inside for other people that I never knew was there--from my relationship with my family, to my interaction with other recovering people. I still have bad days, and I can be a tremendous asshole without much effort. But it gets harder and harder to be that way for very long if I keep bringing my crazy ass to meetings, keep talking to my sponsor, and continue to grow spiritually.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Mike L.
Location: NW Iowa, USA
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 4:31:35 PM
Mike L, Alcoholic. Step one was something I didn't have to think too much about, and indeed the only one I was sure I understood for quite a while. Powerlessness and acceptance of it came hard to me, as it seems to for a lot of us. I had to take a long, hard look at my "Life" in treatment, and I cringed at what I had let myself become. Since that dreary November in 1998, AA and my HP have helped me to put this disease I have into remission. I didn't have to compare "war stories" with the people I met in treatment to know I was a hardcore alkie at 31... I had indeed admitted it to myself some years prior, but never thought I'd live long enough to have to face it. Inside, I felt I was hollow...A hole in me that had always been filled with alcohol was now empty. AA and the fellowship have filled that void, but it took some time and work to accomplish that feat. To ANYONE wondering about whether or not they are an alkie, I would recommend reading a booklet called "12 questions for you" - Available at AA meetings, or online at Alcoholics Anonymous.org - It pretty much stripped away the BS and showed me clearly that I had a disease that can be fatal. Peace, Mike L.
Member: Wouter
Location: Neth.
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 5:10:52 PM
Hello people, lets start by telling you I feel happy. Very happy. One of the reasons is i am sober today for 18 months. The other reasons are plenty, like reading nice books, meeting new people, steady job, busy with an invention, writing a book, starting a course in psychology, active volonteer at amnesty int. and thinking about starting a course in drama on stage. i was a dramatic person, i had to have my drugs, no matter what. smoke that f..... grass, drink that f..... beer, and what have you. it seems like a lot of fun, going on stage and perform. The old me never ever would have wanted this, but this new me thinks it is a challenge.
Now i am happy.
When i read what Randy from Oregon wrote i felt even more happy. I am not an aa kind of man. I had my kickstart from them but after that kickstart I had the motor running. I will never let it stop. There was a meeting at newyear, I went, and before it really started I left. Just sneaked away, i just didn't feel at home. Didn't really feel connected. When i go see a doctor I don't want to keep coming back after beeing healed. I know i can't drink no more, so i wont, period. Read books from alcoholic authors like Pete Hamill, or Jack London, or J.P. Donleavy or Jack Kerouac, or Megan Moran, or Malcomb Lowry, or Caroline Knapp, or, my favourite, Charles B.
They cure me from the minute feelings I have sometimes.
Hell, i am happy. consious of being happy, without any drugs, just me and what i feel, think and experience nowadays.
love this site, thanks everybody, bye, hugs and best wishes for this year, next year, etc etc
Member: Maryq
Location: Ct
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 6:51:25 PM
Member: MaryQ
Location: Ct
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 7:04:31 PM
oops sorry about that! My name is Mary and I AM an alcoholic. Annie L and Lynne B my story is very similiar to yours. Well at least it started with drinks after dinner till I passed out. I then began drinking in the early afternoons and then after every chance I got. I WAS powerless and my life was totally unmanageable. I was fighting with my husband yelling at my children - totally out of control. I have known for years I was an alcoholic - just did not want to accept it. I find that I was so good at thinking up excuses for my drinking and reasons for it. But Success needs no excuses only failure. It was not until my doctor looked me square in the eye and said you are going to die if you do not stop drinking... You see I have liver damage now. DON'T let it go that far. Let go and let God. Get to a meeting, no reason to be embarrased, we all suffer from the same disease. Through God/Higher power and each other we get through it, one day at a time. God bless you on you road to sobriety. God bless everyone here its a great fellowship. :)
Member: John M.
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 8:31:17 PM
Hi, my name's John and I'm an alcoholic. This is cool. Thank God we can join hands miles away from each other. Yes, it's the first time I've done a meeting this way. Great topic. The first step has become a real God send to me because it's the step I found "WE". With out what you people have experienced and stayed sober through I wouldn't have believed there was a chance for me. We use our experiences past and present to help each other, one day at a time. My prayers go out to the still suffering alcoholic inside and outside these rooms. Bless you all and thank you for being there for me. Man, this is cool!
Member: Theresa S.
Location:
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 10:49:36 PM
Hey, Theresa S. here.
When I went to AA. I had so much hope! I was not ordered to go. I simply got in my car and drove to to a meeting. Everyone was so suprised that I did not have paper work to sign.
Well, I never got in trouble with my drinking, but I know I drink too much.
AA really let me down. I had a sponser and she wanted me to admit to things that did not happen to me!
I don't know, I am so confused now. I thought I was going to a place where people would listen and talk to me. But this woman told me I have to talk about the sex in my marriage! That was 15 years ago!
Why on earth should that matter? I am a good women. Yeah, I am a drunk from time to time, but never in public!
I came to your group for help and I am really feeling like I am in some kind of cult.
I simply want to stop drinking! When I go to the meetings the men all hit on me!
I don't know where to go anymore. I am a college educated female, not that my education should matter. But I want people who will understand me to talk to!
When I go to the meetings, I am an outcast. Sometimes I have to come right from work, so I show up in my business suit! I can not help this!
Please someone help me. You can email me at Tess@thestarlitecafe.com or just answer me here!
Member: Curt S.
Location: Adirondack foothills of New York
Date: 1/18/01
Time: 11:03:29 PM
Sarah D. from the Irish Republic,You are doing the right thing and have come to the right place.Even though this site is not Alcoholics Anonymous, most of us if not all of us are members.Try to find the courage to contact a local A.A. hotline and find out where your meetings are and go.If not,e-mail AA world services in New York ,New York,U.S.A. and I am sure that they will be able to let you know where a meeting in your home area is.Remember that you have already taken the first step by admitting that you have a problem, and want help.God bless and God speed Sarah!! Curt from Adirondacks of New York
Member: Mark C.
Location: NYC
Date: 1/19/01
Time: 9:40:33 AM
What a truly opportune topic for me. I am 90 days sober today and, though I no longer use this site, I thought I would drop in and say thanks, because this site was the key to keeping be sober for the first month.
This site kept me sober by keeping the first step in front of my eyes. I'm powerless over alcohol – that really is the case. If I drink, I change into a person who doesn't want to/can't stay sober. No force of will on my part will change that. If I drink a little I will – sooner or later, and probably sooner – drink a lot. I'm powerless over that.
As a happy atheist, I get less out of the other steps than I do out one the first step. Fortunately, there are all kinds of different paths to recovery, and I found one that suits me (Life Ring Secular Recovery) at www.unhooked.com. There is a mailing list that you can apply to join from that site, which has been really useful for me.
But in the first days after I stopped drinking, I certainly wasn't in any shape to go looking for non-spiritual recovery resources, and AA, and the people at this site, and in this meeting, saved my butt. Thank you very, very much for that.
Wishing us all the best of luck on all our paths, Mark
Member: billy bob
Location:
Date: 1/19/01
Time: 10:51:37 AM
theresa, wanna dance???????
Member: ghost
Location: ghost
Date: 1/19/01
Time: 11:55:40 AM
i've heard ,and it makes sence too,that people who stop meetings eventualy start drinking again.i'm sure that there are many people who stop meetings and never drink again.over time for that individual,time will tell.remember it's your life ,i myself like the safety i find in aa,you can live life without aa thats a fact,but it's hear for you if you need it.there are pro's and con's to everything,take what you like and leave the rest.....to tess,tell these people who hit on you your not looking for anything like that,stay focused on sobriety.don't let people get in the way of your sobriety and happiness.
Member: matthew h.
Location: houston tx.
Date: 1/19/01
Time: 12:48:17 PM
theresa, keep your head up. i just copied you email address and i will get with you on saturday. i have run out of time. i think maybe i could help, even if just a little. do keep your head up and remember you have control of "right now" and that means you can stay sober one moment at a time. i am at schottenheimer@hotmail.com if you would like to start the discussion before i get to it tomorrow. my name is matthew.
Member: Colleen B.
Location: Minnesota
Date: 1/19/01
Time: 2:49:25 PM
Colleen, alcoholic. I remember when I used to call the number for AA and someone would answer the phone "Alcoholics Anonymous". I would be terrified to speak and hang up the phone. That was the bare beginning of starting to admit that I needed help. One night I was in my kids bedroom. I was drunk, but I remember it well. I picked up my daughter and held her and walked over near my son's bed and prayed "If there is a God, help me now". Less than three months later, I was in tretament. I began to give it up and turn it over and surrender on that night. Such a simple prayer, such a wonderful answer!!!Recently, I celebrated 25 years of delightful sobriety in AA. There have been hard times, but they would have been made so much harder if I was using. So, I am grateful each day for the gift of being of service to others. I thank God for theis opportunity .
Member: andrea L.
Location: new jersey
Date: 1/19/01
Time: 5:51:39 PM
hi my name is andrea and i am alcholic i have been sober for almost 20 years and i still thank god for my sobority. the first step is what always reminds me of where i came from and how it used to be. today i have much gratitude for aa it has become an important part of mylife. I used to drink to much,to often and and got un necessaryily drunk. i had two kid to care for and a husband who went to work every day and never knew what he would find when he came home. today i am sober and my soberity has gotten me an education in computers and a license to be a nurses aid. i do 2 or 3 meetings a week and take one day at a time.
Member: William.A
Location: High Point
Date: 1/19/01
Time: 6:23:20 PM
Hello,William,Alkie.
I was sitting and reading some of the talk from some of the people on line hear,I read Randy,s statement about not going to live meetings,but he is very happy with his new found soberiety,or can it be called sur-dryiety I have found that the program found in the Big-Book, asks me to share my experiencve streignth & hope with yet another like myself and what I am attempting to do is just that. For me the difference between a live meeting and a behind the screan meeting is simply that fact that I do-not have the chance of hearing what I do-not want to hear,just what I want to beleive, the steps are wonderful but if you are like us you may need contact with others like us to work them...Most of us can id with that...I love you and I havent even laid eyes on you before you at this point remind me of myself when I first entered these rooms (10) years ago,and I did-not need what you people had and I was only going to be here for a short time,I started trusting GOD,helping others and clearing away the wreackage of my past and now you cannot get me to leave,and I do have a life out side of A/A. although it was a period that I thought A/A was the only way,I thought that with the Big-Book,and the Bable I could single-handlely fix the world but a/A soon taught me that the world didnt always want or need my help so sooner or later I learned with the help of a home group and a sponsor that I need to become part of something and stop trying to do this all by myself,to stop cheating those that wanted and needed my help and I was told thatI could not find them at home sitting in front of my PC.
I do love you RANDY.
William.A-High-Point.
Member: Lisa
Location: NY
Date: 1/19/01
Time: 7:25:32 PM
hi lisa here and i'm an alcoholic. thanks for the comments above. i was on the computer and decided to check in here. the first step..well it took me a while to get past the powerlessness part of the first step. when i came in i was very arrogant, and thought i was very powerful. no one or thing could have affected me in anyway. well, my sponsor had some time with me. but, one day i was at a meeting (probably during my 90-day day count) and it hit me. i envisioned myself slamming into a brick wall over and over again, and finally i realized i wasnt going to conquer that wall. that's how alcohol was for me, i tried over and over to handle it, but it handled me time and time again. 10 years later at a meeting i heard someone say "AA IS THE ONLY PLACE ON EARTH WHERE YOU CAN ADMIT DEFEAT AND WIN".
Member: Norm P
Location: Indiana
Date: 1/19/01
Time: 10:41:23 PM
God bless all the newcomers here;we all were once and you help us remember what life used to be like for us. My life today is unmanageable and there's not much I can do about it because I would have to change people,places and things. I would fail to do that and then I would have to drink over it. But I recognize that my life is unmanageable and just live one day at a time (today,not yesterday or tomorrow.)I believe I did the first step before I ever went to an A.A. meeting. I did it the hard way with 20 years of "research",kept making the same mistakes over and over again and wondering why I couldn't quit when I really wanted to(which wasn't all that often.) The first step identifies the problem; the rest of the steps give us the solutions. What good is it to know what the problem is if you don't have any answers? I had to run out of all my own answers before I could listen to those who had the real answers-answers that actually worked. Also,when you're new in A.A., you don't have to say anything;you don't even have to say you're an alcoholic. Try saying something like,"My name is_______and I'll just listen." Hope this helps someone and thanks for keeping me sober today.
Member: Theresa S.
Location: Iowa
Date: 1/19/01
Time: 10:57:03 PM
I wanted to thank all of you for the emails and the support at the site. It really meant a lot to me.
And Billy Bob. I will dance with you in the streets and have a live camera crew present if you can help me kick this! Do you tango?
Thanks again! And I will try that Coffee pot thing, as suggested!
I will be myself again! I remember her. She was kind of a nice lady. She still is. She will kick this fog from her head!
As David Bowie said, I am stuck with a valuable friend. And that friend is being an alcoholic.
Hi, I am Theresa S. and I am an alcoholic. I forgot to say that last time.
Member: Mike An
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 12:09:15 AM
Step 1 is the one step that I must work perfectly in order to continue to recover. As long as I recognize my powerlessness over alcohol, I can maintain a focus on avooiding personal contact with alcohol. As long as I don't take a drink, my mind stays clear enough for the other Steps and principles to make enough sense so that I can incorporate them into my daily living. As long as I remain sober, I can comtimue to learn how to live life on life's terms; I can learn to get along with others; I can step out from behind my mask and be myself. Even more importantly, I can learn to appreciate my attributes, and love myself. When I can love me, I can also love others. The 1st Step gives me all kinds of power from a state of powerlessness...
Member: big mike
Location: Bend Or
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 12:55:38 AM
mike,alcoholic here.sober today by the grace of an hp and the fellowship of AA.when I came to these rooms I did not accept the fact that i was an alcoholic I knew my life was unmanageable because I was living in a park.it was only by going to meetings. hereing my story,and going thru the Big Book with a sponsor that I could fully concede to my innermost self that I was in deed an Alcoholic. welcome to the newcomers IT's a guarantee that if you work the steps your life will become better than your wildest drunken dreams
Member: pierre d
Location: houston
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 8:14:08 AM
sobriety date 2-4-77 more meetings should be on t5he basics to few bigbook studies
Member: Dave P.
Location: N'hampton, Ma.
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 9:18:59 AM
Dave, Alchoholic,Addict, Yea I love talking about the first step. Sunday, I will have 2-years clean/sober. For me it took a complete surrender to admit my personal powerless to this desease. As time rolls on the second half of the step, that my life is unmagable, is becoming more a process, than somthing I must do. This past week or so I've out of my mind. Hav'nt carred about anyone or anything. Thank God I have a Sponsor that I talk to almost on a daily base. With his help I came to see how I had lost site of the basics. Today I'm going to do just whats right in front of me, and I don't half to do it alone. Thank You--
Member: Lorie b
Location: illinois
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 10:13:41 AM
hello all I'm going on 13 years of soberity. I got away from AA for awhile and life started going back to my drinking days. not that i drank but i may as well have. I'm glad i found this site and an AA meeting to attend. i need to remember that it is ONE DAY AT A TIME.For that is all we have, yesterday is gone never to return and tomorrow will never be here, so take today and give it evrything you can sober. good luck to all newcomers for I am a newcomer everyday.
Member: Debbie C.
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 10:52:33 AM
Hello Everybody, Debbie Alcoholic/Addict here. I can't tell you how excited I was to find this site. I am fairly new to this computer stuff. And I have been trying to find AA chats. My sobriety date is April 23, 1997. And today I have a life because of AA and my higher power. I have much to share and so much to learn. My email address is ddddord@yahoo.com Please feel free to send me info regarding ongoing AA chats. I am looking forward to making new AA friends here. I live in a small community and the average meeting is 9-10 people. I am not complaining though. Because some of the best meetings I have been to - consisted of only 2 of us. My comments on step one are---- Step one is the only step that I try to work to perfection, each and every day. I AM powerless over alcohol!!! Going to meetings helps me to remember just how powerless I truly am. I tried to stop drinking and drugging on my own for many years before I finally crawled through the doors of AA. In the end, I found myself drinking and drugging against my will, on a daily basis. I thought I was going crazy. It was a very scary time in my life. As alcohol and drugs were slowly erasing everything and everybody that I loved from my life. And YES, I was powerless. Still am and always will be. How ironic that I had to admit complete defeat before I could begin the process of recovery. But for those of you who are new here---- believe me---- It WORKS!!!! Sort of like the old saying.... you can't fix something if you don't know it's broke. Well this alcoholic was broken. And it is only because of the grace of God and AA that I am sitting here ALIVE & SOBER today. I have a life today, that I would have never thought possible. And I believe that as long as I continue to work step one on a daily basis.... that I stand a good chance of staying sober, ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Member: jacqui b
Location: minnesota
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 11:07:55 AM
Hi, I am nervous..this is my first visit.My nane is jacqui and I am an alcoholic! Its not hard for me to say that because i have been battling this disease for about 10 years. My life is unmanagble when i drink and i need to hear about others experiences again. I moved from my old AAA group about a year ago and thought that i could start over and be a social drinker huh! that's not working out. My daughter is haveing a hard time with me and so today I took out my Seven Steps and Traditions book and read the first step! I ma powerless over alcohol and my life may look managed by others...Its far from that. I need to get to a meeting but am afraid to right now because this is my home town and I am worried that being annonymous will be hard. hopefully I will get rid of that soon, so for now this site is where i will begin. Feels good to talk and I needed the reminder that we only have 24 hrs. so for this 24 hours i choose to stay sober. jacqui
Member: SCB
Location:
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 12:22:16 PM
Norm - I too believe that I had taken the first step before coming into AA; and I remember my late sponsor saying to me that I didn't have to say that I was an alcoholic:"The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking".(I think that was even before she became my sponsor). Thanks for that and for reminding me of her; I often think of her but it was nice to have an extra reminder.
Member: John G.
Location: Walla Walla, WA
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 4:26:49 PM
Hello, My name Is John and I'm an alcoholic. I'm having a great week this week. I'm feeling better about myself than I ever have. Without sobriety I have nothing. I'm always depressed when I'm drinking and never feel good about myself. I'm 20 years old and I've been battling the disease of alcoholism for about five years. Finally after two DUI's and three minor in consumptions of alcohol I've hit my bottom and admitted I am powerless over alcohol. I'm tired of living like this and I will not live like this anymore. Keep coming back it works if you work it because I'm worth it.
Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 6:36:04 PM
((((((((teresa s.)))))))) when you go to a meeting of a.a. THATS the "fellowship" the "PROGRAM" is in the book, within the fellowship are lots and lots of sick people, sounds like you have met a few...when i was new i went to this womans house to do a 1st step and she tried to get me to kneal in front of her Buda alter...although i read lots of buda stuff now adays, that was NOT a god of my understanding,i moved on away from her,quickly. IF you take the time to study the beautiful big book of alcoholics anonymous(the12AND12is good too)you will be better able to know who is and who is'ent A.A.and how the program works,cause it does. check out the pages around 69 to 72, that outa let you know about what A.A. has to do with sex. lots of people in A.A. mean well, and actually think they are "working a program" but the reality is they themselves are either misinformed, ignorant or just plain stupid..they may have a "program" but its not A.A. I am an alcoholic, and it is MY RESPONSIBILITY to take care of myself by learning about my disease, and HOW to recover, the big book tells me exactly what is going on with me, and exactly what to do about it! if some human has the nerve to pass me something to the contrary, i know when they are full of shit! CAUSE I READ THE LITERATURE, so i don't have to be a victim i don't put my life in the hands of some mis-informed idiot,I READ THE BOOK AND PICK MY ELDERS ACCORDINGLY,if you are alcoholic, and choose A.A. i hope you consider what i 've shared with you.GOOD LUCK
Member: Jody (male)
Location: Orlando, Florida
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 7:02:07 PM
My first time here 2 at this site. I drove to a meeting and it was closed! After I got there I figured it out, wrong night. Now I'm driving thru a computer to get here.
I understand powerlessness at a gut level, now, and that is a release of stress in some ways, but am I satisfied with my life that way, the answer is usually "no", it is not enough to live and let live, but this humbling feeling comes over me when I try to make things work out differently, you know, like the big ideas you get when you think you can make your life become what you think is a great way to live, money, limos, and all, and then it doesn't happen that way and you feel that pain of letting go again. Lately, that's been my world. Of course don't drink and go to meetings. Anybody understand?
Member: neal
Location: wa.
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 8:29:25 PM
Hi Neal and i am alcoholic almost 4 years and unmanageabilty still kicks me in the butt,it gets better but is always there. Powerless over alcohol? huh!ABSOLUTELY but as long as i dont drink i dont get drunk and that gives just the slightest bit of control just enough to let me remember that i dont have to drink today. thanks for letting me share GOOD LUCK TO ALL
Member: Sue
Location: Fl.
Date: 1/20/01
Time: 10:54:51 PM
Hey fellow recovering friends! Sue, alcoholic,
I have been working the program for almost ten months now and I KNEW Step One was the best thing I had ever done as soon as I walked into those rooms and looked around even though I was scared to death. I mean, biting-my-lip-fists-clenched-tears-in-my-eyes-and-trying-not-to show-it-scared-to-death. I thought I had just been a harmless little party girl, but in truth, I was a 32 year old sloppy drunk bitch- on-wheels who was self righteous and ugly on the inside and expressed it on the outside. A walking time bomb. A proud, little college graduate who never knew when the party was over and it was time to go home. The spiral was sloping deeper and moving faster and I got myself OUT thanks to God and the fellowship. That's all that matters and I am doing GREAT! Had a little setback lately, but now I feel like I just broke down a wall and saw some new truths. Would NOT have happened except for God and AA helping me together. To anyone feeling blue-- just think how much worse it would be if we were drinking. We are BRAVE and we can do this thing called life!!!! =) =) =) =) =) =) =)
Member: BettyR
Location: AR
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 1:09:20 AM
Hi I am Betty an Alcoholic The only thing i can suggest is that one of our promises is that we need to give the program away in order to KEEP it....those of you that have not been to a meeting for whatever reason. I know what would happen to me if I did not attend meetings
Member: mel s.
Location: tenn
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 8:44:08 AM
Mel here, alcoholic. I'd say that the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life was the first half of step one. It took almost 25 yrs.,an ocean of whiskey and lots of pain, from my first a.a. meeting til the time came when i HAD to finally surrender. HAD to deep down inside finally admit that i was whipped and powerless with no hope. HAD to make this an unconditional surrender. HAD to do this or die. Always thought loosing sucked, but guess what?...i found out that only by the grace of a loving an forgiving god and this fellowship i could be a winner, one day at a time. Thanks for being here.
Member: Dennis B
Location: Holstein Ia
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 9:22:52 AM
Hi, everyone.. Lots of good solid information this week regarding step one.....Myself personally,hell I knew I was an alcoholic but hey, you've got to be something, and that's what I did best, drink.....Recognizing and accepting my powerlessness over alcohol has been an ongoing development. I can "see" it alot better today than I could when I first sobered up........the alcoholic lifestyle was the only lifestyle I had ever lived so I had nothing to compare it to. I had no clue how much alcohol had over taken my life.....Thanks everyone!!
Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 12:02:02 PM
Mark, Dope fiend alocholic. I'm powerless over Minnesota Vikings Football, their ineptness is unmanagable. I have no football today to watch. I'm going through my annual withdrawl. I'm starting to jones already. But, it's as my father and brother tell me, we're doomed to be Viking fans forever. Great team, just chokers in the clutch. The topic before my regular Sunday meeting last week was how to best hammer Mark over the embarressment the Viking caused all Viking fans, in the New Jersey Meadowlands at the hands of the NY Giants. The whole week has been a lesson in humilty. Now I know why Charles Schultz never let Charlie Brown kick the football out of Lucy's hold. HE WAS A FELLOW VIKING FAN. If this is my major cause for bitching and moaning in my life, God has truely blessed me. The frozen tundra has returned to the interior of Alaska so I gotta go plug my truck in. Don't drink or use, hit knees, read the book, and go to meetings. To my fellow Viking fans, take heart, it's only 6 months to the start of preseason, then the insanity of the Vikings actually winning a Super Bowl will grip us all over again.
Mark
Member: Lee L.
Location: South Carolina
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 12:31:52 PM
Hi: I'm Linda and an alcoholic. Thanks for being there. Today, I needed to read all of your comments and be reminded that I simply cannot drink. When I do, I cannot predict when I will stop or how much I will drink...except to say that I will drink all that I have at any given time. The next day, a horrible hangover....and the compulsion takes over. I know with AA I can stay sober. bless all of you