Member: Corinne
Location: CA
Date: 1/9/00
Time: 11:37:10 PM
Hello, All!! Corinne, Alcoholic here, there & everywhere!!
I would like to discuss tolerance, patience & letting go. These three things seem to be tied together somehow. It takes a lot of tolerance to be able to find the patience necessary to let go of some of the things I might otherwise tend to hold on to and not let go of. I used to waste so much energy on things that would upset me, that I would lose sleep over them. My mind would never quiet down long enough to rest if I let myself get really deeply obsessed with something.
Right now, here of late, anyway, none of this is playing a part in my own life, but I see its effects in the life of my spouse. He had a situation recently that had him churned up inside, tied up in virtual knots! I used to would have gotten in there, not exactly with him, but I would have let it upset me, too. Or I would have started telling him to leave it alone and telling him how he should handle it. But not this time. This time, I let him have it for as long as he wanted. About the 3rd day of it, I finally said to him, "Honey, maybe you ought to just let this thing go." And he said, "You know, you're right." And he thanked me. If I'd said that on the first day, he would have fought me on it. But since I waited till he'd spent just about all the energy he could on it, he ended up thanking me for leaving him alone long enough and then giving him some feedback when the time was right.
So, I am learning the importance of tolerance, patience & letting go. It is a loving thing to give these gifts to those we love. By practicing them, I am becoming better able to offer the best of me to my mate. It's a control thing. I need less control to find the type of love that suits my needs. I always thought I was being helpful trying to offer up words of wisdom right away. Uh uh! Now, I am learning to back off, apply things like tolerance and patience to be able to let go of the need to control others. I am way less likely to have the desire to just drink over things when I do this.
Thanks for letting me share. Corinne
Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 1/9/00
Time: 11:46:21 PM
Wow, first one here. Heavy responsibility. But someone else will probably post simultaneously, so we'll end up with two topics.
How about change?
There's nothing like change to bring up a lot of fear. Changing jobs, changing relationships, relocating, etc. all seem unusually traumatic for many of us alkies.
I relocated from NYC about 3.5 years ago after living there for most of my life and last year I ended my marriage of 21 years. I got through both situations, but not without a lot of agonizing, worrying, projecting the worst, etc.
I find that when I'm about to go through a major life change, I need to get closer to AA and work my program much harder. Only then am I able to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and let the outcome take care of itself.
Peace & Serenity
Member: Lisa P.
Location: Claremont N.H.
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 12:23:26 AM
It allways takes me so long just to admit to myself that I need to make a change. Yes work the program. Dont look backwards. Allways go forward.
Member: D.S.
Location: west coast
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 1:30:00 AM
D.S. alcoholic, tolerance, patience, and letting go what a change. i went to a.a. for a long time and never really expereanced these changes. not untel i hit a bottom in a.a. or sobrity and became willing to work the 12 steps of a.a. with every once of my being did i really start to notice tolerance and patience. its not about me any more and when it becomes about me i start to slide back tord that bottom i experanced before then i get to pratice letting go and letting god.
Member: Kelly P
Location: Australia
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 6:43:38 AM
Change is not easy, but well worth every minute. Today i made my change, my first day of sobriety in six years. I will continue to read all letters posted here as they are truly uplifting in keeping sober. Be patient and true to oneself. Take one step at a time and just for today .
Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 7:24:02 AM
My name is JC and I’m an alcoholic.
Thanks for the topics Corinne and Larry. Change has always frightened me too. When I started in AA, imagining living without alcohol was nearly impossible, though I made it, one day at a time, ‘till today. I think for me the key is to try and live the present moment (enjoying it being the icing on the cake). How can I be fearful of what I’m living NOW? My problem is my still pessimistic projecting mind which always tells me I’m gonna suffer, ain’t gonna make it ... I have to let go, patience ain’t a big problem either if I can live the moment. The more I try it, the easier it comes.
Thanks for letting me share. jc.toller@euronet.be - ICQ 36308407.
Member: gregb
Location: cincinnati
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 7:30:28 AM
I would like to say thank you to all those who responded to my coments last week. I am 7 days sober as of today, and for me, it is quite a change! I realize I must work on letting go of my old self, old habits, and old relationships, and reinvent a new me. I have come to this sight everyday to read the comments. I think it has helped me stay on track a great deal. Thank you!
Member: BobM
Location: Atlanta
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 8:03:05 AM
Bob here, an alcholholic. Today is my 8th day of sobriety after 2 years out of the program. I'm glad I'm back! Change for me has always been constant whether it's a relocation, job change or whatever. The only true constant in my life for the last 25 years has been booze so the decision to change that relationship and quit has always been overwhelming. I have found it much easier to run from everything in my life rather than face the real issues. That's a lot easier! The hard part has been accepting that I can't handle this on my own, that I need AA and the wonderful people that are in the program. Thank you all for being there.
Member: Dana
Location: NE
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 8:35:18 AM
Thank you Larry for the topic of change. I can relate to agonizing, worrying, projecting, etc. during times of change. The trick for me when going through changes is not to make _fear_ my Higher Power. It is very easy for me to get into the alcoholic thinking about the worst possible outcome of a situation even if the change is positive. But as long as I have been sober, NONE of my anxieties or fears have come true. Things have always worked out for the best, sometimes better than I imagined. Getting close to the program has always helped, especially when I really practice taking life one day at a time. Welcome to the newcomers, too. Glad you're here.
Member: BOB H.
Location: SOUTH BEND IN.
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 9:53:57 AM
HI all I"M Bob H. Alcoholic! Good topic;I don"t drink go to meetings and practic acceptance.Through the grace of God I'm able to listen and hear the thing i need to hear and practice these princapales in all my afairs practice that is .Staying with God this program and you people first help me a great deal. Staying out of others shit isn"t an easy thing for me .I have to continue to practice I can"t He can ,And let him. Accepting changes making changes by myself i can"t with God anything is possible .If I just keep it simple <don"t drink and go to meetings >I heard when I got to the program 20 yrs ago <keep comming back work on my recovery and everything else would fall into place it has and still is .thank you for being here for me ! BOB
Member: JIM H
Location: MISHAWAKA,IN
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 10:17:08 AM
CHANGE IS DIFFICULT FOR ALL ALCOHOLICS . WE WORK THE PROGRAM WITH THE TOOLS OF RECOVERY HANG IN CLOSE WITH THE WINNERS, MAKE MANY MEETINGS,WORK THE STEPS & PRAY & MEDITATE .PEACE ,SERENITY,FREEDOM WILL FOLLOW.....YOURS IN SOBRIETY ------- JIM
Member: KENNETH N.
Location: KELOWNA CAN.
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 11:30:20 AM
My name is KEN & I'm sober only by the grace of god & A.A. YOU picked very good topics. this program is NOT easy U have to change YOUR hole life stile & that my friend is NOT easy to do. the big B shows us the way to change everything BUT you half to be WILLING, OPEN MINDED, & HONEST. you hurt no body but YOURSELF. I've been around a LONG time & I still work every day on myself with good sober people around me & alot of meetings to go too sure there is times i didn't want this program but I stayed . THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SHARE KEN
Member: Christine B
Location: Delaware
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 11:39:52 AM
Hello, all. This is Christine. It's my second time here, and unlike last time, I actually have good news. I am 1 1/2 days sober, and letting go and letting God is the only thing so far I can thank for that. I didn't think I'd be able to do it, being of no spiritual background, but all day saturday I read and reread a printed version of last weeks meeting, and still kept seeing myself over and over. Saturday night I prayed - silly as I felt - for God to give me the strength to not drink the next day. And surprisingly enough for me, I had that strength. For anyone who felt like I did - and still do at inopportune times - God, or your HP, really does work, and can help you. I am proof of that. Thank you guys so much for putting this site where I found it when I was ready for it.
Member: Sam J
Location: Southeast
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 12:16:44 PM
Hello: I am an alcoholic and the name is Sam. I would like to welcome Greg B, Bob M, and Christine B to the beautiful world of sobriety. Congratulations, and my prayers are with you. I have been around for a while but the biggest change in my life has been the discovery of a Higher Power and the realization that I can depend on that Power. That really takes a load off my back. I went from being a non believer to the realization that I am totally dependent upon my Higher Power. It has taken me many years and a lot of meetings to learn to turn things over to my Higher Power and not take them back after a few minutes. I am grateful for the sobriety of each of you. I certainly could not make it alone. The only advice I feel I can safely give is "make a lot of metings". There is no way one can go wrong by doing that.
Member: Carmela
Location: Cleveland
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 12:36:31 PM
Carmela here, alcoholic. Haven't posted in a while, good to be back. Great topics for me today.But first welcome to the new comers to this life saving/ life changing program! Been a rough day so far. Car broke down on the way to work.3rd or 4th time its broken down in the last month and a half. Iknow I know boo hoo! Thank God I have a job Thank God I have a car. Thank God Im SOBER!! Today my patience was practically zero- tolerance was less, and I almost let go- let the car go over a cliff if there would have been one close by!!- not with me in it though. I'm a drunk. And I forget that I can only see whats right in front of my face. I cant see the future. So I have to try and trust my higher power,have faith, and let go because hp sees the big picture. Afriend called and said he'd be over after work to fix my car. Then,I log onto this site and theres great topics that apply to me today. Theres my HP looking after me! And I dont have to drink today. Is this a great program or what?! Thanks for letting me share. God Bless. Carmela
Member: Jane V.
Location: Oh
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 1:23:09 PM
Hello everyone! I am 2&1/2 days sober and praying alot harder to stay that way. I've never been to an AA meeting. I am a public figure and yes I am afraid of beig a bad influence to those who look up to me now. Change is something alot of people are afraid of, but is something I deal with everyday. I am not in a 9to5 family. We travel. We play in a band. So if I go to a meeting, I know there are some real cruel people who could kill my career. This is why I am glad I found this site. It is the only thing I've got ; besides God, to help me . Thank You.
Member: Jim E.
Location: New York
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 2:04:34 PM
Hi. My name is Jim and I am a hopeless alcoholic. Been out for about five years and through a series of events, realize I need to get back in the fellowship. I live in NYC so meetings are difficult and being a "southerner" I don't fit in. Just wanted to say I'm in a lot of pain right now and have been at various points in my life over the past five years. The only real "good" times have been when I was sober. I once had a sober period of three years and I can honestly say it was the best time of my life. I really don't know why I thought drinking again was going to be so great, but it has finally beaten me down again and I just don't want to feel like this anymore!! I'm very lonely and scared and if someone feels like wasting some time on a "retread" I could really use some cyber discussion. Have a lot to say and no one to say it to. If interested, e-mail me at james_james_e@yahoo.com. Don't want to tie up this site with a bunch of newcomer babble. Thanks and I'm really glad this site is here.
Member: JCP ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 2:53:19 PM
"Once an alcoholic fully realizes that he cannot get well alone, he will somehow find a way to get well and stay well in the company of others."--As Bill Sees It, p. 312.
J here, a grateful alcoholic: Thanks for the topic, Corinne, and congratulations on your nine months--which was last week, right?
As I see it, all three qualities were interwoven--tolerance, patience & letting go--just when I felt in short supply, those early months of "buying time," not taking the first drink, getting to the next meeting, but NOT daring to "let go."
Not that I disliked them, I envied them. Maybe there were two kinds of drunks, your kind that could quit and my kind that never had. One day seemed a lifetime.
Now I owe everything to a Higher Power in A.A. Not that everything that happens is great--my sponsor died last week, my best friend. Still, to those people in meetings I owe my life and much more. In A.A., as anywhere else, we can't be human alone.
dixyflier@usa.net
Member: Georgiana
Location: Toronto
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 4:51:58 PM
Wow... what a great bunch of topics! Let's see if I can remember them all - tolerance, patience, letting go, and change - or something like that!
These are all really big for me right now, especially with regards to my primary relationship (boy, does that ever sound pompous!) It's about to undergo a pretty big change, as the other half is going to be in various other countries for most of the rest of the year. We've known about this for a while now, but haven't had an oppurtunity to discuss it properly, and not knowing what was going to happen was bothering me pretty badly. So I did my best to turn the whole mess over to the guy upstairs, a.k.a. my HP. And wouldn't you know, the issue has raised itself - without any controlling effort on my part. It looks like what God gave me was tolerance of the discomfort of not knowing how the situation would turn out, and patience to wait for the right time for discussing it.
All because I sort of managed to let go. Who says miracles don't happen anymore?!? After all, I'm still sober through everything, too.
It's great to see all these newcomers around - welcome to you all, and may sobriety bring as many wonders to your lives as it has to mine.
Jane V. - obviously I don't know the specifics of your situation, but 'Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.' (12th tradition) One of the things this is supposed to mean is that no matter who we are outside of the fellowship, we're all equals inside it, and we all have the right to anonymity outside it - that's why we go by first names only, with last initials when needed (i.e. to keep the half dozen Daves in my home group sorted out!) So... people aren't _supposed_ to say anything to others outside the fellowship about who they saw at meetings, or what they said. There are a lot of well known people in the fellowship, so yours is not a unique dilemma. Unfortunately I don't know how other people have successfully addressed it. However, there is a book called "Playing It Straight: Personal Conversations on Recovery, Transformation and Success" by David Dodd that is a collection of interviews with various musicians and other entertainers who have battled addiction. It might speak to your situation better than I can... but I would add that face to face meetings, and my home group in particular, have been absolutely vital to my continuing sobriety (coming up to three years now, in spite of myself!). I really hope that you can find some way to get to them without jeopardizing your career.
Speaking of my home group, it's off to a meeting I go....
Member: Gregg G
Location: Tri-Cities
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 5:22:32 PM
Hi. My name is Gregg and this will be my first meeting online. Due to problems I have had with the law and other factors I have had at college last year, I have moved back home to get my life straightened out. Changes have made up a great deal of my life over this past year and I have been able to focus and get my life back on track. Changes such as my geographical location and my lifestyle had changed most drastically, but I am glad they did.
I am glad that I was able to read what eveeryone had to share today and glad I had the chance to share!
Member: LIONEL.C
Location: CAMPBELLTOWN/AUSTRALIA
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 5:24:46 PM
HI my name is Lionel to-day a grateful Alcoholic Thats change.I thought i liked change yet i've seemed to have fought it all the way.Some say if you keep doing the things you used to do you will keep getting the things you used to get.But to-day i've had a tast of the good life.I can enjoy my maddness to-day it's because of this program and a God of my understanding which teaches me to let go of my past and live in the NOW (No other way ).I believe today that the only permanent thing is change thats good it adds a little bit of mystery to life. I'm still working on tolerance. and patience but with change anything is possible.Together in Recovery.Lionel
Member: Malou
Location:
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 5:24:51 PM
Change is a bit of a dirty word for me these days. Last Nov 17th ( my 1 year sobriety date ) my old cat was diagnosed with cancer. Last Saturday I put him to sleep. He was almost 18years old and had spent his life-time with me. Now that life is finally sober and sane, now when life should be good for us after all we have gone through together, he is dead. I sometimes feel that if I do not go out and drink from grief, that must mean I did not love enough - that his life-time and constant friendship when everyone else had left and had stopped loving me, had no value. I am so heartbroken and I hurt in places that cause me to bend over double, as tears I can't control wet my hands. It seems like everything has no value. This past year of finally making it, of finally being able to stop drinking after years and years of failure - to what purpose? Is all of life just a joke? A great cat lived and died but the world went on as if nothing happened, except for my heart which broke, and a fragile sobriety that wants to go out and drown the pain, and mourn. Why can't things stay the same, atleast until we are stronger. Why could there not have been a happy ever after for two warriours against alcoholism, at least for a little while. I have asked God not to let me drink. I have not left the house. I am afraid to go down those stairs - because I don't know whether I would be turning right or left.
Member: Freddi B-C
Location: New York City
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 5:32:05 PM
I haven't been to any kind of meeting in months ...I dont know how many.Although I have been sober many years... I believe that relapse can happen to anyone.I had my first drinking dream in a very long time a few night ago; I couldn't remember why I didn't drink so I drank..it was not dramatic...I just drank. I guess that in relapsing it isn't a drama, you just drink . Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Bonnie Z.
Location: PA, USA
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 5:47:02 PM
Bonnie Z. here, alcoholic(and cat lover :), here with Cocoa
Malou, I know how you feel, and grief is grief. I would talk to others who have gone through it. Animals give us unconditional love, and it is only right we treat them with the respect they deserve. I have only senior cats now, the oldest being my son's age, 12. Cocoa is my serenity cat, nothing seems to bother him. He has lots of tolerance and patience, things I have (but not to the degree he does). Change, also mentioned as a topic, is something we have to deal with at the death of a loved one, be it human or not. I have lived through(and stayed sober through)death of family, friends and pets. After the death of my father, I high-tailed it to a meeting, somehow made it through that. Cocoa sends a hug, he's the only cat I knew that ever did that.
For Freddi: Yes, relapse can happen to anyone. However; you don't just drink, sometimes you die. It's like Russian Roulette, you never know if you're going to survive or not. I don't want to bury anymore friends, it's too heartbreaking.
Love to all :)
Member: MW
Location: Canada
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 5:48:39 PM
Um-hi. I guess I'm trying to change right now but it doesn't seem easy. Been sober for almost 20 hrs so this is quite a change-jeez, can't seem to say more than that right now. Better go-thanx for being here when I needed you to be.
Member: MW
Location: Canada
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 5:49:47 PM
Um-hi. I guess I'm trying to change right now but it doesn't seem easy. Been sober for almost 20 hrs so this is quite a change-jeez, can't seem to say more than that right now. Better go-thanx for being here when I needed you to be.
Member: Steven L.
Location: San Bernardino CA
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 6:00:12 PM
Malou: I, who used to think nothing of killing cats when I used to drink now am married to an animal rights activist!! We have about 10 cats all of whom are precious to me--even if I am allergic to cat hair and dander--Gods' got a weird sense of humor. I lost 4 of the best friends' I've ever had since I've been sober. Mel, Mitzi, Fang and Snowball. It kills me whenever we lose one but I have learned that, "nothing, abolutely nothing, happens in Gods' world by mistake." If I can do it one day at a time so can you. This is a program of change... It's just not up to us how and when change happens... Hang in there and keep coming back! Meow!!!! Steven L.
Member: Von
Location: OH
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 6:35:50 PM
Von Here, Alcoholic. Welcome to all the newcomers. In response to our topics this week:
"It's not what happens to me, but how I handle what happens to me."
Go to f2f meetings, read the big book, practice the 12 steps, get a sponsor, take it one day at a time.
"Our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety."
JCP, I'm so sorry. God is with you always. May He continue to comfort, care for, and protect you in His embrace. Thanks for being here. I love you.
Member: jim b
Location: se usa
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 7:31:08 PM
I am so new to this. Not just trying to quit but talking about it. I drove home today and had a diet gingerale rather than a 6 pack. Im beginning to learn what 'day at a time' means. This is day 1. What do I do next?
Member: Chris H
Location: East Lost-in-the-Woods,Maine
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 7:43:50 PM
Hi family! What great topics, tolerance, patience, letting go,& change. I love to talk about all of them, practicing them or dealing with them well is another story. I do deal with them better than I did before having this program and that's an example of progress rather than perfection. I have to get psyched up to make significant change in my life. I've got to get and stay close to the program and program people and be in contact with my higher power to handle change well. I don't know how to explain it, but after the fog of the first 2 years of sobriety lifted I had a sense (Most of the time) when my decisions were in keeping with my higher power's plan for me, it just felt right. I'm getting back to close contact after being dry (not sober) and away from meetings for too long. I feel like a T.V. that is slowly getting tuned into the right channel. Thanx for letting me share and to the newly sober folks who have shared "keep coming back"!
-Chris H
Member: Nancy G.
Location: San Francisco, CA
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 8:06:05 PM
I have heard of this site and this is my first time at this meeting. I love the topics! This program has saved my life. Addressing the topic of change. I have grown tremendously in spirit and attitude since walking in to the AA rooms 12 1/2 years ago. On the topic of tolerance, patience and letting go; this basically relates to the 3rd step, which I practice on a daily basis. By the way, welcome to the NEWCOMERS! This past year has been difficult for me. I was working in a very dysfunctional mean place. My employer had blatently broke a labor law and I took action. While I waited a year and 1/2 for a decision, this employer abused and harassed me on an almost daily basis. God helped me during these days! I wanted to quit, but I trusted in the messages that God was giving me and support through the program (I attend both AA and ACOA). Also, this holiday season gave me a chance to practice tolerance of alcoholics who are unable to stay sober. On Christmas Day, I met an friend of an acquaintance of mine and this person went out about a year ago after 3 years of sobriety. Instead of judging, I had compassion and told this person that AA is here is he chooses. My old way would have been wanting to fix this person. But I know that all I can do is pray. Then on New Year's Day, I got a call from a friend of mine. Her brother had a slip on New Year's Eve. After going to sleep early New Year's Day, he never woke up. He was only 38 years old! Please say a prayer for his family. I feel sad, but grateful that I am sober today! Also, I've learned from this person even though I don't know him. I don't want to find out if I have another recovery in me. I am so grateful to where I am today! Yes, I still have struggles today. But the difference is how I deal with them. I don't sweat the small stuff! I love my life and I am forever grateful for where recovery has lead me and for helping me with the courage to make my dreams come true.
Thank you.
Member: Dana G.
Location: South Bend, In.
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 8:13:45 PM
DANA ALCOHOLIC HERE AS long as I stay sober GOD teaches me tolerance, patience but change is never easy but with program things are a little bit easier. Jim hang in there Go to MEETINGS,MEETINGS,AND MORE MEETINGS AND PRAYER YOU CAN MAKE IT. GOD IS WITH YOU. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Kylee B.
Location: Pacific NW
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 8:19:54 PM
And yet another new person.....
Here I am, I have 8 days clean & sober and feel great, at least right now as I type this. I'm trying to change, change my life for the better, one without booze. I hate alcohol yet it seems to be my best friend. I want to scream out…I want to say, "God, please stop me from drinking again!" But I know that won't help. I've tried to quit many times before; I want this time to stick. I'm going to make myself go to a meeting, something I don't seem to have the guts to do, those meeting Intimidate the hell out of me, why do you think I'm here! Heh,heh…
I just wanted to say thanks to the person(s) that created this web site. It helps, it helps a lot.
Member: Dawn J
Location: La La Land
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 9:23:30 PM
Hi I'm Dawn, and I'm and alcoholic. Tolerance? I have none right now! I'm so pissy and angry at the world, but I know it's the withdrawal thing. (I'm just 13 days sober today.) The truth be known, patience and tolerance have never been strong suits for me. I want to be able to truly practice these qualities some day. For now I am happy whining. I NEED to whine. Because it's either that or a Bud Light! Thanks for listening, good topic. :)
Member: kevinm
Location: inv,fl
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 10:25:33 PM
kevin here alkie, boy this topic is right on target, funny how, what I need to hear, is here. Welcome all you new-be's keep comming back, and the retreads!! We need you!! I need you! For the person who ask what next? have a few suggestions, doesn't matter if you want them or use them, this is what they told me, go to ninety meetings, in ninety days, I was so sick I went to the next 1085. before i could skip one. Try not to drink, get on your knees and ask a God you don't or do understand to stay away from a drink or a drug, get a sponser, men with men, women to women, my sponcer gave me my big book, "said open it up" I said ok, he said " what do you see? " i said its blank, he said yep! that's your brain to, you don't know nothing about staying sober. He was right I didn't, all I knew was how to lie, cheat steal,bs, and drink, mostly drink. Since I could not sleep, I read, and read, and read, three months later, still not sleeping much, so he tells me " well no ever died from lack of sleep, don't sleep and read. I did the first three steps with out much effort, but when I took step four, I balked, I did not want to write all that crap i had done down, nor did i want to tell someone else, but by the grace of God and aa i have not had a drink since 7/29/94, and for that I am truly grateful!! Thanks for letting me share!! ps hate change, not till it hurts sooooo bad am I will to do what ever!!
Member: Siggi
Location: Germany
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 10:36:37 PM
A note of condolence to JCP and Malou. How sad that even in sobriety we still experience heartbreaking loses. Please do not drink out of grief. Instead take a minute to look over your shoulder and realize you have a new guardian angel that loves you very much. I once read that matter is neither created nor destroyed only rearranged - and with very special cases, grows angel wings. Courage - this 24 is almost over. Siggi
Member: Brent D.
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 10:38:46 PM
Hello Freinds: I'm a Greatful Alcoholic and my name is Brent D. . I've been living on borrowed time since 25th May 1982. Topic meetings have always been a way fior me to look & sound much more healthy than I really am. My Brain hears the topic of "Change" and immediately goes into its Library, opens the "Subjects by alphabetical order"cardex and picks out various commentaries on Change. Then with sincerity I relate my wealth of knowledge. I call this the language of the Head! Unlike the language of the Heart, the language of the head seeks only to impress those with less time in A.A. and thus is of very little help to those looking for a solution. Therefore, I have learned to take pause, say a short prayer, ask God for his guidance in shareing. Time and again I see that intelligence does not work when it comes to sobriety ( Big Book ). Setting aside my need to impress others and shore up my obsessive "Self Image", I begin to honestly relate the words coming from my heart no matter what my head may be screaming about. Since I'm at a meeting for the solution, I listen attentively to what I say. The desire to help the struggling Alcoholic is always there as well it should be. When I share from the heart while God silences the intellect, I share more than enlightening concepts. From the heart I share "kindness, patience, tolerance, & understanding", all of which equal a love for my fellow Alcoholic and I learn once more that being a student of recovery aids me in stepping from " The bridge of reason to the shore of Faith ". Since the subject is CHANGE, I share that " If I think I am, I'm not & If I think I'm not changing, there is a good chance that I am". God Bless each of our simple journeys home to God, ourselves, and our fellow man. Brent D.
Member: Jim C.
Location: So. Cailif.
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 11:06:32 PM
Hi everyone, My name is Jim, and I am definately a real alcoholic. I just returned from a meeting a few minutes ago, and guess what the topics were. PATIENCE, TOLERANCE, AND LETTING GO. I used to think that kind of thing would be a coincidence.
I do want to welcome the new people to this sight, and to those who have been around for a while, and to myself-------we are all in the right place.
I have never been the most patient person in the world, and because I'm not always patient, I also find myself intolerant of the things that don't go my way.
When I got sober, I was told that if I didn't drink, and continued not to drink, my life would be different. No one promised me that my life would be better. They did say that if I wanted my life to be better, I would have to change a lot of things about myself.
Well, I don't like change either, but the way I had been doing things before wasn't working, so I began to study the steps and I learned about the traditions. I went to a lot of meetings and I learned that if I wanted patience and tolerance(2 of my biggest defects) then I would have to develop a relationship with a HP. I would then have to learn to trust in that HP, enough trust that I could let that HP handle all of my affairs.
I was a very hard sell, and I couldn't see trusting something I didn't fully understand, with the outcome of everything in my life. I have discovered though, that if I could trust my sobriety to a bunch of people that I didn't know (AA), I should be able to turn my life over to the care of the God that I understood. So I began to do a lot of footwork, and little by little, I would leave the outcome up to the care of God.
As my life began to change, and eventually get better, I began to have a little more patience. I will never say that it was easy, because it wasn't. You all taught me that if I followed this simple program(not easy sometimes), that I would find a peace that I have never known.
The bottom line for me is that if I can follow the suggestions, and work the steps, and go to meetings, and read the book, and be of service, then I might find the patience, and tolerance, that I needed. I have learned to trust your suggestions most of the time, and from that I am begining to see the changes I desperately wanted.
It's not always easy, but it is better. AA has given me the tools, and all of you have given me the hope. As long as I keep doing the footwork, and trust in God, my life will continue to get better.
In less than 2 weeks I will be sober for 19 yrs. I think I have enough patience to wait that long.... And as each day goes by any I work the best program that I can, I continue to see my life change for the better.
Thank you all for being there, and thank you for allowing me to be a part of this fellowship. You have given me my life, and I will always be grateful.
Thanks Corinne for the topics. They reminded me of the things that I must always work on. Love and peace to all.
Member: Mick L.
Location: NW usa
Date: 1/10/00
Time: 11:43:56 PM
To ((((Jim B)))) Hang in there. What next? Do whatever you did the day before. In the beginning that's all I could do. Go to meetings get phone numbers and use them. No matter what don't pick up and it will get better.
Member: Lisa P.
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 4:07:47 AM
Hi Im Lisa and im an alcoholic and always will be. Its all about step 1. Been sober for 1 day. Oh but the change is scarry. But I have to and want to stop this control that drinking has over me.CHANGES. Wow! Great topic! One day at a time. Wont say much more because I dont have much sobriety right now. Your comments have been a big help. And good food for thought too. Thanx.
Member: Flora K.
Location: USA
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 9:38:40 AM
Flora K., alcoholic, I knew I was an alcoholic from the first drink. I hung out with alcoholics before I drank because they seemed more like me than other people were. When I first experienced the effect of alcohol it was wonderful and terrifying. Some sharp inner pain that nothing else had helped was gone for the first time in my life. Of course I continued to drink for 19 years feeling doomed and not caring what happened to me. Still I tried psychological therapy, relationships, work achievement etc. Nothing changed. I couldn't imagine life without alcohol period. I could not imagine picking up the phone and calling AA. Finally some friends intervened and asked me to get help. They gave me the number of an individual active in AA and he sent a woman to my house to take me to my first meeting. When I thanked her she said I was helping her. She also said she had slipped due to a relationship and that scared me into trying to do the program by the book. Once I got willing the relief of relying on a power greater than myself has made all the difference in my life. Any change that comes about for the better in my life is due to this program. If I am able to be patient or tolerant even briefly it is not due to me but to my reliance on my higher power.Thanks to everyone for being here.
Member: robert j.
Location: sunporch
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 10:44:23 AM
Corrine, your topic made me smile, what a relief it is...to not have to saddle myself with anothers burden, I have to remember, for my own sanity, that I have to let go. If I choose not to, I become part of the problem, this was not something I learned over nite. Sobriety is not about being miserable or staying sick, for me it's about enjoying life and dealing with life's problems in a healthy way, many times it means giving a situation or person over to this power greater than me...he has never let me down, take care.
Member: Gucci
Location: Boston MA USA
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 10:46:40 AM
Hi everyone! My name is Christine and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic sober by the grace of God. Thanks to Corrine and Larry for 2 awesome topics and proving once again that "ya always get watcha need".
Right now, I am facing some big changes and in the meantime I need all the patience tolerance and ACCEPTANCE I can muster. I am in a situation relating to my career that is very uncomfortable and I know that it is I that needs to initiate change, and I am sure I am not the only one here who knows what that is like! It is sooooo much easier to let one day flow into the next, comfortable in what is familiar, even if it is miserable. So I am taking baby steps, reminding myself that change is not always the enemy, and to be patient with myself. Everything in life is only a day at a time.
I also wanted to offer my sympathy to Malou and JCP...my heart and soul go out to you both. I too have suffered losses in sobriety and I know how difficult that is. Malou- I also know that the first time this happened it was strange to actually FEEL this kind of pain...I know I always sought to numb it through alcohol or some other substance. It SCARED the hell out of me! But today we are all learning that we can get through ANYTHING with the help of God-he will never give us more than we can handle. Use the tools that we have been given and remember "this too shall pass". I don't think your kitty would be too happy if you went back out...and love has nothing to do with it. That is your disease talking...don't listen to it, it lies to us during times like this when we are vunerable. Hang in there hon...get to a meeting.
God bless all the newcomers in the house this week. Love you all and keep coming!!!!
Thanks for letting me share. xoChristine gucci0526@excite.com
Member: nels m
Location: new york
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 11:05:18 AM
Hello fellow AA's.This is my 1st. time posting on the internet that I am indeed a 24k bonafide,dyed in the wool,garden variety alcoholic and if I don't change,...I'll drink again ! And that is not good. My sponsor told me long ago that unless I changed the last page in the book of my life would look the same as the one I was on when I came in.But it's a one day at a time change.Try not to be cured by the weekend.
Member: Catherine W.
Location: Very southern CA
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 2:53:24 PM
I am Catherine and I am an alcoholic. I am so glad to see all the newcomers. AA will change your life forever, even if you didn't intend it too. That was my experience nearly 20 yrs. ago. It took another 13 before I finally surrendered, but it takes what it takes. Today, one day at a time I am 7+ yrs. sober. Everything in every area of my life has changed and changed and continues to change. I love being sober. I have gifts I never thought possible,mainly a God of my understanding, or perhaps better said, who understands me! If I am feeling distant from HP it is me that moved. To come back I only need ask. Big change! Tolerating myself in my mistakes is hard. But that too has been tempered by having a sponsor for the last 20 yrs who loved me until I could truely learn to love myself.
I curently care for my elderly friend of 7 years. She is 91 and though we care a great deal for each other, she can push my buttons even better than my children! I practice, practice practice patience w/ her on a daily bases, minute to minute sometimes. Its harder for me because she is just like me! Kurt at times and controlling! Gee imagine that! So every day I pray for the guidience necessary to give love and tolerance and kindness and it seems everyday I am granted these gifts. I am new to the internet by 45 days. I am grateful to have found you, as I am frequently house bound w/ my friend. I was missing a lot of meetings and feeling the lack in my soul. Thank you for sharing and thank God for being sober enough to learn to use my computer!
To the newcomers I say simply, no matter what happens, don't drink. And if you do, always, always know you can come home!
Member: Paul K.
Location: Seattle, WA
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 3:35:42 PM
Hi, My name is Paul K. and I'm an alcoholic.
I have not been to an AA meeting or been in recovery for about 4 years now. I was sober for 5 years and then decided I was going to drink again once in a while. I foolishly convinced myself that because I was a responsible person now that I could drink responsibly. About 2 1/2 years ago I got another D.U.I. I entered into a deffered sentence program. This meant that I had to go to an intensive out-patiant program. The first 12 weeks were 3 times a week for 3 hours each. Then it went down to once a week for 1 1/2 hours and now finally once a month for the remainder of the two year program. All the while attending a least 2 AA meetings a week. Well guess what I am almost done with the program and I have never stopped drinking and have not went to one AA meeting. My like has become s wreck. I have been drinking almost every day and lying to everyone about it. My girlfriend (live in)told me if I continue to drink we would probley end up breaking up. I left my carreer position to start my own business or so I thought. But what I really wanted was to be able to drink freely on my terms. I hate myself right now and want to have my sober life back. It was the best years of my life. I'm ashamed to face the people I used to go to meetings with and then I found this site. Do you people think that I have a chance? I seem to always end up in the same boat. I know that this is not the topic. but I could really use some help. Thanks for letting me sare
Member: Julie R
Location: Minnesota
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 5:48:30 PM
Thanks {{{{{corinne}}}}} for bringing up letting go. Yesterday my friend said, Jul just pray until you feel all that crap (hostility, fear, depression) leaving you." I laughed at him and said well, I guess I'll be here for a while. To make a long story short, I did pray and told my HP that I am putting all these things in His hands and I DID (much to my surprise) feel better. I almost giggled! Over and over I remind myself, HIS will, not mine. For me, it is a miracle. I better go. Love ya family!
Member: Jim B
Location: se usa
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 6:33:28 PM
I made it to day #2. First time ive had a clear head at the office in a long time. Amazing how much more work i got done. Here's a kicker. Im in the parole/probation business and deal with alkies all day. What a hipocrite I am. My time of failure is 5pm on the way home. Ive been abusing alcohol for 30 years. My friends are either recently dead or having bypasses done. Its time to change. Ive quit a million times before. This site is a God-send. I dont have the guts to go to a meeting. Maybe this is a start though. I really appreciate the comments from last night. I should know better at my age. That 'urge' is really strong tonight and Ive got gallons in the house. But not tonight. Ill worry about tomorrow later.
Member: Carol
Location: Macon, GA
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 6:45:49 PM
My name is Carol, I am an alcoholic.
I have survived everything that has happened to me in sobriety. Ha. I didn't think I would at the time. I don't seem to be able to honestly talk about my pain until I am no longer experiencing it. Then I can see it was simply change that I allowed to cause me so much fear/pain. Perhaps, I'll learn to embrace change as it is happening.
To Paul K. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. If you have the capacity to be honest, you can make it. I got honest in AA meetings. I hope you will too. God Bless
Member: Mike S
Location: Seattle
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 7:39:14 PM
Dear "Paul":
Do you have a chance? Probably not. There are people who cannot, or will not, be honest with themselves or others. "... it's not their fault, they seem to have been born that way." Many of us do recover if we have the capacity to be honest. We already know when someone is loaded at a meeting. We appreciate the field research that you are conducting and looking forward to the results. Maybe you are different. Maybe you are the one who, special that you are, who will successfully avoid the jail, asylum, or coffin that waits for me and others if we keep lying or go back out. Best of Luck, Buddy.
For me, this program WORKS if I WORK IT HONESTLY. It has so far. My life is different. My attitudes are different. People I know and what I do are different. I have a better class of problems - entirely. I wish that I did not have to go to meetings for the rest of my life. I do. There will always be the real percentage of people lying in those meetings. We know and are gratefull that it is not us. Sorry, that's just the way it is.
You, sir, are probably in one of my meetings. Your face will come and go like the thousands of others that have come and gone in this program. We may, or may not, hear about you on the evening news, doing something out-of-control or just stupid. There is nothing that I can do to stop you. I wish that there was. You, or any of us, have to work this program on your own, honestly. We want to help. There are people, honest people, who want our help working the steps or just listening to their problem of the day. If you are one of my sponsees, you'll probably break my heart. But, hey, you know better than the old timers, right? Best of luck to you, "Paul."
Member: Arlene C
Location: Northeast Washington
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 8:30:30 PM
Hi, my name is Arlene and I am an Alcohlic. I am so touched by Malou's posting. I remember when I first came to AA my sister, who has walked this path before me, told me that there would be times when there would be nothing to do but sit and hurt. She also told me that pain was part of being human and that if I said yes to life by choosing soberity, pain would be part of the deal.
One morning I was running a little late to get to work. I ran out of the house, jumped in the car and ran over my dog. I not only ran over her, but I had to get someone to jack up the car to get her out. I don't think I have to explain the pain I felt. Later that day one of my sponsees called. She stated, "I wish ther were something I could say that would make you feel better." My answer to her was."I don't think I am supposed to feel better." This dog had been my wonderful friend for 14 years. This HURT.
Talk about Change. For the first time I think I fully understood that every emotion I have been given is a gift from God, part of the package of being human. To know that I don't ave to run from pain, or try to drink it away has been such a blessing.
Thanks for your tolerance.
Member: quiet bill
Location: arizona
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 9:09:01 PM
God is good to you people who love animals. I `can`t have any. This came up at ameeting years ago. The aNSWER is from my point of view,, go get another cat and or dog to love , now do it I`m jealous of you, have been will be jealous you people give love you have a gift extra that i don`t have go get another today and i`m sorry for your temporary loss but mostly i`m jealous
Member: Barbara P.
Location: Oakland
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 9:42:14 PM
Hi! my name is Barbara P. and I am an alcoholic. I am having a difficult time communicating with my partner. I usually take responsibility for the problem, but I cleaning up my side of the street. We are not talking, because he wants to control, and need to do what I need to do to take care of myself. Its been three days and we are still not talking. I am really making an effort to practice tolerance and patience. I have 14 years of sobriety Jan. 1. I am going through a lot of changes, such as job, getting older (smile). Tolerance and patient is a good topic, and so is change. I just my be changing my residency also. Thanks for letting me comment.
Member: Mary J
Location: Seattle
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 9:49:33 PM
Hi,
I'm Mary and an alcoholic. Change is what life is all about and every day as a recovering alcoholic we go through another change. Another day sober to string along with all the other days we have sober.
I believe that this time of the year is a good time to talk about change since many people have made out lists of what we are going to change in the new year.
I of course have my list which is probably not very different from many other people. I won't bore you with the details but better over all health and how one gets to that point is always on the top of my list.
I believe that we all have to keep changing to keep growing. Of course we keep our core values but if we don't change and just stagnate what good is that to us or any one else? Of course we all made the one most significant change and that was not to drink today.
Member: Nikki B.
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 10:12:37 PM
Hi, I'm Nikki, and I am an alcoholic.
These are definetely good topics for me. Like they say, "When we are willing to let go and let God, we are then willing to go through life and learn from both the good and the bad times.
I was sober for 14 months when we found out that my father had cancer on both sides of his brain, in both his lungs, and was down in his liver. Thank God for this program and the people in it.
I had 29 days from the time that we found out till the time that he passed away. I had first prayed to God to not let him die, and then said they will not mine be done. If my will was done, he may have laid in pain for months.
When we found out, my father told me that he had lived his life the way that he wanted and now he wanted to die the way he wanted.
I had to learn to deal with my father leaving me in the state of being on this earth in body form. I had to learn patience, tolerance and the part of letting go, when I had to take care of my father in a way that I had never done before. He wanted to die in his office and I agreed to let that happen. In the 29 days that I had left with him, I made 26 meetings, knowing that I needed to keep with people like me.
Letting yourself accept a situation for the way that it is, and making the best of what we had left together has help me be more patient, more tolerant in the way that life is. I have learned that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark it is in the beginning. I may not find the full light till the end of my life, but there will always be an answer and an understanding, as long as we are willing to be there for it.
For the new comers and the people coming back, nothing is worth going back out over.
I thank my HP for the 34 years that I was blessed to have my father in my life. And that I was able to give back to him, some of what he had given to me. My father is my guardian angel and will be with me for the rest of my life.
My life is changing all the time and I am willing to accept what ever comes along so that I am able to grow.
I apologize for writing so much, I usually don't do this much.
Thanks for letting me share!~!!!!
Member: Tim
Location: OH
Date: 1/11/00
Time: 11:49:41 PM
Tim, alcoholic. Good topic. To Barbara, it sounds like you're struggling with something we all do: life without alcohol. The chapter "To Wives" in the Big Book speaks to the spouses of recovering husbands, though it deals with the relationships we have in recovery, also. "Your husband knows he owes you more than sobriety. He wants to make good. Yet you must not expect too much. His ways of thinking and doing are habits of years. Patience, tolerance,understanding and love are the watchwords. Show him these things in yourself and they will be reflected back to you from him. Live and let live is the rule. If you both show a willingness to remedy your own defects, there will be little need to criticize each other." p.118. Whether it's the alcoholic or the spouse, the first step in mending a relationship is mending ourselves. Thank you all for being here, it's great to be sober!
Member: jerry n. Great Bender
Location: NEPA
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 12:23:36 AM
sung to the tune "Let it Snow" I've become quite obsessed, I feel way too stressed, I feel I'm ready to blow, Let it go Let it go, let it go. This stuation really sucks, the things I can change aint much, I really have no control; Let it go, Let it go, Let it go. I should leave it in His hands, that is all that He demands, if I really could everything works out good, Let it go, Let it go, Let it go.
Member: Bones
Location: RI USA
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 1:25:22 AM
Hi Bones here, an alcoholic. ((Jane)) I hear you loud and clear,I am a musician too, and there is booze everywhere in the musician's environment. Remember, there are some very great musicians and artists who found sobriety. Without the buzz they play(ed) better than ever: Stevie Ray and Bonnie Raitt are two. At some point or other it may be that the benefits of life without drinking are so great that you may not care who knows, and in fact you might take pleasure in a very real sense in your ability to help others. But meanwhile, the anonymity of AA is real, and I would suggest that if you have never been to a meeting, it may be a more comfortable and good experience than you suppose. This I know, the steps work, and there is real music, mystery and beauty to be found in AA.
Tolerance, patience, letting go, and change have all been impossible to me when I live in fear...fear that I can't control the outcome of what it is that I'm trying to do, fear that I will not succeed, mostly fear of the future. But fear is a liar, it distorts the truth, it is a lousy predictor of what will happen next. And the paradox of this is that I never succeeded in staying away from drinking until I took the first step and acknowledged that I was powerless over alcohol, and that I needed the help of a power greater than myself. This should be a fearful circumstance to be in: I am at the mercy of power other than myself. And yet, this step has quelled my fear, and I have a sense of being back in my right mind. And I sometimes even see that my alcoholism, (if only I do not drink), has led me to an understanding and place and relaxed awareness that I would not likely have experienced in any other way, and that this is the coolest, greatest thing I have ever found. Jane, and all other musicians and artists new to AA, there is a power out greater than ourselves ready to help. You know how it feels when you close your eyes, and sing from your soul, and time stands still and you are not in control but are at one with something bigger than you? That force, that creative power which no single artist invented, but which is real, perhaps that same benevolent power is there to help you stay away from drinking. If you can't do it yourself, why not ask that power to help you?
Hope to see you all at the coffee pot. Thanks for the chance to share. Love, Bones
Member: Rob V.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 2:38:55 AM
My name is Rob and I am sure I am a alcoholic. If there is one thing I am certain of from reading this page top to the bottom is that patience, love, tolerance, letting go, and change are all synonomys with eachother, at least that has been my experience. I have heard it said (I have yet to have an orginal thought in this program) that all we have is our experience, and our perception of that experience. I am an advocate of dreaming grand dreams. I was very fortunate to get sober pretty young, I learned how to be a man from a bunch of crotchety old timers, men with principle, and men that dreamed grand dreams. I learned that I was capable of becoming anyone I chose, and I know I am not unique in that capacity. This program works best when we pick our destination, and walk in that direction. It is just that simple, but as hard as we make it. I like to achive grand dreams then just sit back and bask in the achievement. Giving all credit to God. I just like to enjoy the ride and meet alot of friends along the way. So, when I think about letting go, and so on, I think about enjoying the ride. When I made THE decision, that was that, I think it impossible for GOD to turn his back on me. So I just sit back and enjoy the sites. Thanks for reading.
Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 7:20:24 AM
I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic. The posts this week are especially helpful and bring out feelings of love and gratitude for this site and all who share here. For those who have not gone to a face to face meeting, I went to my first one last September and wrote a short story about my experience. I was afraid, too, having been sober for many years and not knowing what to expect. But what a miracle that God let me overcome my fear and sent me there. I'll send the story to anyone who posts here and asks for it.
PATIENCE, TOLERANCE, AND CHANGE: I'm also a recovering Type A person, always driven to get more, get ahead, compete, succeed, and get it done. My meetings and readings lead me to believe this type of behavior is stressful, probably life shortening, and possibly threatening to my sobriety. One of the elements of a Type A is impatience and intolerance for people who are "in the way." I went to my HP for help on this and he has given me new insights. I suddenly realized in traffic that the old lady in front of me is someone's mother, probably scared out of her wits to be in rush hour traffic. The kid dodging in and out of traffic is someone's son, and that son may not be in their lives much longer. I now see (sometimes) that my wife is coming from a position of anxiety or concern for one of our kids when she bugs me to do something for the third time. I'm not saying I'm cured, just that God is helping me see the other side to daily situations that used to drive me crazy. Prayer works, at least for me. Thanks for letting me share. Love, Fred.
Member: Shelby
Location:
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 9:21:05 AM
You all sound so healthy. Accept, let go,trust God. I did that 5 years ago. A day at a time I accepted what was and trusted God that I would be ok. I let go of everything that ment the world to md.
I used to pray "God, help me to not want the things that hurt me."
A few years later I thought that I did let go and then without any effort on my part, God gve me those things, everthing that I thought the powerdrive, the dishonesty, manipulation would get me but didn't. I tried to do it the right way, trusting all the way that it would "turn out ok if I just trusted God" It didn't. I hurt. I don't know how to let go again. I don't know how to accept and believe again.
Without emotional and mental soberity I'm nothing but a drunk without a drink and no way to get one.
Member: gregb.
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 9:38:37 AM
I know we are only supposed to post once a week, but I must respond to Mike S. from Seattle, responding to Paul K. from Seattle's comments.
Mike S., your self rightious and sarcastic comments to Paul K. really pissed me off. He at least is here asking for help. Your comments, I feel offer nothing but snide commentary on Paul's situation. As a newcommer, and someone who looks to this sight for inspiration to keep on the right track, I think you're a real S.O.B.
Member: paul
Location: uk
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 1:29:47 PM
Nice one Jerry N. That's really appealed to my sense of humour!
My Shrink explained that my panic attacks (that made me drink more & more)are due to too many "Life changes" in a relatively short period of time. Change has a profound effect on those of us who are emotionally vulnerable. I feel that if I am aware that I may be affected by change that I can call on my Higher Power for help.
Thank you all for your shares & love to you all.
Member: Lynn C.
Location: Southern Illinois
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 2:35:31 PM
Welcome to all those new to sobriety, this program will work miracle in your life if you let it.
Thanks for the topics Corinne and Larry, I'm going to be making a major career Change soon and for me that requires a lot of Tolerance, Patience and especially Letting Go if I want to retain any serenity in my life.
There is and Irony in this change for me, the reason I plan to change careers is because I have changed. What was acceptable in the past is no longer acceptable for me because I have grown. My self worth won't allow me to sell myself shot any longer., so change is begetting change. I'm currently in a position where I have become a meaningless figure head, I work in the Quality Control field, LOL. It's a joke and I am not making any contribution to the world. I do not blame my employee though, the problem lies with me, they didn't change I did. Even with this driving me to change to a career where I will feel I am contributing to the world, the fear can stop me in my tracks before I have even started. All or nothing thinking and projecting the outcome of event leads me to inaction. What is the use, why try when I know the out come will be negative. The truth is that my crystal ball doesn't work, as my sponsor says, my best thinking got me here.
For me being able to have the Courage to Change is a matter of trusting in a Power Greater then myself. A Power outside of myself that has a proven track record of seeing my through many positive changes in the last 12 years of sobriety.
If I take it one thing at a time I can make it through a major change, but when I try to think about everything involved all at the same time then I have made my life unmanageable.
Here some thing of the Promises, "Fear of financial insecurity will leave us" The career I am thinking about changing to doesn't pay nearly as much as the one I'm in. I could double what I make by staying in the field I'm in and going to another company and maybe continue to be miserable. Or I could go into something I like, something that I feel would be making a meaningful contribution to the world and maybe make 2/3 of what I'm making now. There was a time when Fear would have made this decision for me. But today through the fellowship, working the steps with a sponsor and trusting in a Higher Power I have the freedom to make decisions that truly are my happy road to destiny.
Lynn C.
Member: Graeme.B
Location: Jersey
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 4:06:13 PM
Hi everyone, a happy sober year 2000 to all.
I'm, Graeme and an Alcoholic now with thanks to the fellowship of AA not a practicing one.
I am fortunate enough to have nearly eight years continious sobriety under my belt. A day at a time with patience tollerance and the ability to let go i do my best to work the programme. Sometimes I get it right, but I am only human so therefore I need to give myself allowances and space for mistakes. I see AA as my insurance policy to a life of continued sobriety as long as I do the suggested things, like keeping it simple, easy does it, first things first....dont pick up the first drink....
I really struggled ten years ago, bouncing in and out of AA, trying to control the outcome with devastating results. Once I developed a little Patience, and was willing to sit and listen, became Tollerant of all the others around me who had the right to Share their ESH, and became Willing to work at the suggestions, my life changed. It has got better daily since then, 24hrs at a time. There's been hard times during my sobriety but nothing I could not handle with my Insurance Policy (AA) wrapped firmly around me. It works if you work it. If this alkie can do it a day at a time then anyone else can.
Graeme.
Member: Tom A. 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 4:10:09 PM
My name is Tom A., a grateful sober alcoholic today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and the teachings of this fellowship we call Alcoholic's Anonymous. Thanks Corine from California for the topics tolerance, patience, letting go; and thank you Larry M. from Virginia for the topic change.
The comments and suggestions have been very good this week and we welcome all newcomers. You are the lifeblood of this program, so keep coming back as if you had any other place to go and be welcomed as we are in AA. I've been attending meetings since July 25, 1960, infact, my home group is letting me chair the open speaker's meetings this month, I would have to say that that's a good example of tolerance, patience, and letting go. Some where in our literature I have read that it is HONESTY that gets us sober, but it is TOLERANCE that keeps us sober and I believe that today. As for Patience, I came to believe that it is a gift that comes from trying to practice this program in our daily lives with everyone. Letting go for me is always with "and letting God" I use this often along with "Live and Let Live and Easy Does It." As for Change, I simply rely on the words of the Serenity Prayer. That's it gang. I love all of you.
Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!
God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net
Member: Jane V
Location: Oh
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 5:21:00 PM
Hey James e I tried to e-mail you and couldn't get through. Are things still hopeless? I hope you are doing better today. I'm not sure I am, but I'm gonna try to make it through the night.
Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, florida
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 5:55:43 PM
hll my nae is richard , richard m .i am an alcohoic.........tolerance , patience and letting go .......and letting god! ........i have come to uderstand.we live our way into better thinking and not think our way into better living... i always take life on lifes terms and do what i believe to be gods will for me each day !!!!!!......it is best to remember one day at a time ....... and there are only 24 hrs in a day............ i do not try to carry yesterdays meeting or the wreckage from the past .......simply .slowly and carefuly.forward ...my main goal .is to stay away from adrink or anything else or anyon ethat is harmfull to me and my sobriety ....... i love you and pray for us to know gods will for us and the power to cary that out !!!!!!
Member: jenifer d
Location: england swings
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 5:59:26 PM
Jane V, Hello, I have never been to a meeting and I'm managing very well. I depend alot on this site. I read the posts nearly every day and feel better each time. I don't want to go to a face to face meeting, I am not strong enough for that, but I believe in saying a prayer every day and that is when I hand over my fears about the things in my life that could change for the worse. We all have those don't we? I ask for my fear to be exchanged for faith. It works. The fact that I don't drink today is something that awes me, I tried so hard so many times but the last time it worked and I cannot take the credit for my recovery. I could not have done it alone, I had help and that same help will keep me going. I hope this helps you, hang in!
Member: Carol H.
Location: Twin Peaks, California
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 5:59:39 PM
I am so very excited to find this group, today! It feels like a "World-Sized Family". Surely, there must be enough love to heal anything in this space.
Regarding "Change" I feel the pain of JCP -- in losing a sponsor to death. I still grieve for my sponsor, Pat, I talked to her on a daily basis for approximately 20 years until she died approximately 5 years ago.
I celebrated 11 years of sobriety on December 30, 1999. Thank you, God.
Member: Dennis P.
Location: WI
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 6:14:26 PM
Hi all. Dennis here, alcoholic. PAUL K. Do you have a chance? IMHO, YES, you sure do if you HONESTLY want it. If you are not just asking because your friend is giving you an ultimatum. I have been in the exact situation that you are in. I never went to AA while I was still actively drinking but I did go to counseling ( only because I too was given an ultimatum). I would go to counselling, one on one, I would not go to group( We can spot liars in a heartbeat) and tell the counseler what he wanted to hear. Then I would go my Dad,s house and have a few beers before going back home. I used to have Na beer in my fridg for cover-up purposes, smell on the breath etc. To make a long story short, I finally hit my bottom, HONESTLY begged for help, accepted that help and here I am with almost 6 years of continuous sobriety. My HP took away all my urges to have alcohol when I HONESTLY begged Him to help me. If I had one more chance left in me after all the crap I did, believe me, You also have a chance. Don't give up. Keep looking and you will find it. It takes honesty first and foremost. Anyway, thats what it took for me. Thanks all for putting up with this post. I'm glad you're all here. Thanks for your help. Dennis
Member: frank m
Location: southern florida
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 6:21:12 PM
my name is frank and i am an alcoholic. change is always hard when i go through it,like almost five years ago when my job at the other aa closed its hub in north carolina and decided that if i wanted a job with them it was working at Miami Airport. I lived there for four years and felt it was home. As i went through it i thought i would lose my mind(what little has recovered through Gds help and you). As i look back,itwas not such a big deal. In fact,the only big deal in my life was my mother dieing almost three years ago,and thanks to the greatest fellowship for this drunk,she saw a drunken bum celebrate 16 annual anniversaries as a sober alcoholic. Thanks to AA for all my blessings and you. When i am having trouble with change,i try to remember my last "big deal" and how we got though it. Gd bless you.
Member: Kelly B
Location: NY
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 7:42:34 PM
Hi, Kelly - alcoholic here. Change is a great topic! It's seems like all I did last year was make changes. I quit a high paying, very stressful job; broke off an engagement to a great guy who loves to drink; started and left three jobs until I found the right one; and moved at least 100 miles 3 times! What I found was that while I making these changes in my life, I found it easier to admit that I was an alcoholic (and the things I left were making it worse) and I finally found the courage to go to a f2f meeting. What makes me so proud of that big step was that I made the decision on my own. No one knew I was a closet drinker & my family was actually shocked to find out! But they are also very proud of me to have made these changes and have started on becoming a much happier, stable person. Now, if I could only have the patience to let things happen in their own time and not at the exact time that I want them to. That's where I still have alot of learning to do. Thanks for letting me share! Kelly
Member: Jane V
Location: Oh
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 7:59:43 PM
Jim I am willing to talk to you. I called you James before. Sorry! My yahoo is: wastrings@yahoo.com
Member: Jane V.
Location: Oh
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 8:03:00 PM
Thanks Jenifer!!!!!!I know I'm not alone!
Member: Bitsey
Location: CA
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 8:29:35 PM
My name is Bitsey and I an alchohalic. For me when I came ionto this program the changes came in rapid fire sucsession. i was just along for the ride! The first was a five year relationship ended, sending me back out after two mos. for one night. i still wonder if I drank because I was in the relationship or if I stayed in the relationship because I drank.......? Really doesn't matter, when the compulsion to drink was lifted and I made the decision to stop I knew the relationship would go. I had so much fear and denial, I was as addicted to the relationship as I was the beer! There was also finacial fear etc. I had a saying that helped me sleep that I still use now. "What is the feeling? THe feeling is fear. What is the fear of? The fear of being alone.God grant me the serenity....." I had to do this all night one night. I still use this as a tool to identify how I am feeling, sad, fear, denial etc. The second change was i was offered a new position where I work. The position paid more and covered the finacial fear, it gave me more resposibilty which distracted me somewhat from the relationship, and more flexible hours that has helped with my kids schedule. When I was offered this position I was a wreck, newly sober, just a case after the relationship. The crazy part is my boss new this and still recommended me for the position. Did I have a Higher Power or what! Alot of other changes have happened. I know I cope with them alot better today than I did a year ago. Today, in sobriety I can except change much sooner than when I was out there. When I was out there I would fight it tooth and nail, or just live in denial that it ever existed. I guess today to the best of my ability I live in the Serenity prayer. Happy to be sober!
Member: RANDY"THE ALKY"
Location: BARRIE
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 10:00:35 PM
I JUST VISITED THIS SITE FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I AM REALLY PLEASED WITHWHAT I HAVE SEEN.I AM SORTA LOCKED IN THE HOUSE AND COULD USE A MEETING AND MY SPONSOR ISN'T AT HOME. I AM COPING OK ON A GENERAL BASIS BUT EVEN AFTER 10 1/2 YEARS OF SOBRIETY I STILL NEED TO INTERACT WITH OTHER DRUNKS ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS.SOMETIMES THE SERENITY PRAYER AND A HIGHER POWER ARE SO STERILE ONLY OTHE RPEOPLE CAN GROUND ME. NOT MUCH ELSE TO SAY I'D RATHER READ ON THAN LISTEN TO MYSELF TALK. THANKS FOR THE OPPORTUNITY
Member: Bruce A.
Location: Crowsnest,PA
Date: 1/12/00
Time: 10:48:28 PM
Hi Bruce A., an Alkie, I have to change everything about myself. That is pretty tough. But if I want to stay sober I must go to any lengths. If I follow the program of recovery as listed in the first 164 pages of the Big Book, work the steps as thoroughly as I can , starting with #1 , then maybe I have a good chance of becoming the sober person I want to be. Love you all , Bruce A.
Member: Cher499
Location: Maine-iac
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 12:11:23 AM
Wow...what a coincidence to have these topics here this week!!! Hmmm I was talking with a friend on Yahoo messsager and he suggested that I get right over here and read this stuff. I have posted on the CoffeePot before but never even came in here before. Not sure why. I have had a pretty scary week. I lost my job on Wednesday and was offered a position I can't take on a shift I can't work. I am a single mom with 3 kids and had worked this job since 1986. It was a mindless job and comfortable for me to stay there. I hate change!!!!!! I don't have a clue what I am gonna do for a career. What my disease did to me was make me want to stay in bed and hide under the covers. I slept for almost 3 days getting up only to cook dinner and go to the bathroom. I went to AA meetings when my sponsor dragged me out. Everywhere I went I heard the same message...this might be a good change. When HP closes one door, another will soon open. I know that if I am dwelling in anger and fear staring at the slammed door, I will not see the new one open up. I am so scared though still. I used to drink heavily when I felt like this. fear makes me nauseous and jittery gives me headaches and more. Gee...hangovers were like that too weren't they?Hmmmm I think I have an emotional hangover...I have been here before. It won't kill me. I wonder sometimes what people who don't have AA do when they are faced with this life stuff. Where do they go? How do they cope? Why is it so hard for ME?
Member: Tammy
Location: Arizona
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 1:42:49 AM
Tammy here; and i am an alcoholic. What a site! I just got a computer and look at what I found.
I am overwhelmed by the love offered here so I don't have a lot to add. Although a dear friend of mine once told me: "Nothing will happen today that is bad enough or sad enough to drink about". So far for me that has been true. Since I became sober I lost me dad, a year later lost my mom, I ended an 18 year relationship, moved to a new city, changed careers, and I can'tcount how many pets, and friends I have lost....but ya know what...I didnt drink.
I thank god and AA for each and every day that I am sober.
I would also like to welcome all the new comers and encourage you (regardless of your career) to get meetings and find yourself a Sponsor.
Thanks to all of you.
Member: pam w.
Location: Australia
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 5:13:48 AM
Hi Im Pam and Im an alcoholic, This is my first time online and I am finding it all new and strange much like when I got sober. I recently became housebound because of a different illness and this is going to be another way of keeping in touch with alkies for a while. This is an enormous change of lifestyle for me and I hate change but I am grateful to my Higher Power for the opportunity to be able to participate
Member: KATHY D
Location: MTL QUE
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 9:50:25 AM
HI EVERYONE, I like the topic of change because if it was'nt for change I would still be drinking. For my life as it is today , I broke ties with most of my family members 9 in all. I dropped all my old friends from way back and only surround myself with loving people. Alot of the changes I made were extremely hard to do but, I have me to show for it.
Member: RANDY"THE ALKY"G.
Location: WAY TO FAR UP NORTH
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 10:44:50 AM
HELLO HERE I AM STILL STUCK IN TNE HOUSE.TRIED ON OF THE A.A. CHAT ROOMS AND JUST COULDN'T TYPE FAST ENOUGH TO CARRY ON ANY SORT OF INTELLIGENT DIALOGUE WITH SOMEONE.AT LEAST THIS FORMAT ALLOWS ME TO SAY MORE THAN THREE WORDS BEFORE I'VE LOST WHO I TALK TO.I MUCH PREFER THIS SITE,MY HATS OFF TO THOSE WHO DESIGNED IT.THANKS...ANOTHER 24H.R.S TO ALL,MY SON WANTS TO PLAY CARS NOW SO I GOTTA GO.
Member: Stanley B
Location: Delaware
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 11:25:55 AM
Hi, Stan here and alcoholic. Change is a great topic. I just try to imagine what my life would be like if I had not experienced the changes that I had. If I had NOT changed, I would.....
still be drinking today
still be in a loveless marriage
still blaming myself for all of pain in my x-wife's life
still thinking I was a bad person
still living my life to please others
still NOT seeing how my sick marriage had a negative effect on my son
still have no belief in a loving Higher Power
and I could go on and on....
Anyways, the point is that while change may be difficult and painful sometimes, it always is for our highest good. My problem is recognizing and accepting what must be changed. My former marriage is a perfect example of that. I stayed in it as a means of appeasing my wife and thinking all the time this was better for my 10 year son. I was lying to myself and was so dam miserable. I just couldn't see why I felt such misery. I really had myself convinced that living such a dreadful, painful existence was my lot in life and my duty. It wasn't until I finally realized I was playing the martyr and that I would continue to suffer as long as I didn't change anything. The end result was that I finally got up enough guts to leave the marriage (Thanksgiving 99) and you know what? Life has gotten 10 times better. I am not saying that it is not painful, because ending any long term relationship (20 plus years) comes with pain. What I am saying is that things are getting better and my 10 year old son is actually doing just great.
So even though change does suck at times, we must all know that it is a fact of life and if we choose to fight it and stay in our s__t and never change, we might as well be drinking. We never grow or learn if we do not change. Thanks for the topic and letting me share with ya all.
Stanb2001@aol.com
Member: Von
Location: OH
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 11:44:08 AM
Von here, alcoholic and double posting. I couldn't help myself. Jenifer talks about never being to a meeting and praying as her program. Jenifer, I applaud you and wish you the best from the bottom of my heart, honestly. But I need to clarify something for the newcomers. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is specified in the Big Book of AA, word for word. Our journey is to not only stop craving alcohol, but to also change into persons we were intended to become. There are 12 Steps (tough steps) that ask for a lot of honesty, willingness, and openness. There is a lot of growth that comes about from taking an inventory, admitting our wrongs, and making amends. There is a lot of growth in carrying the message to the still suffering alcoholic out there and sometimes that requires that I go to f2f meetings. I have to remember that sometimes my HP sends me out not for me but for someone else. We share our E,S&H by not only joining this site, but doing all the things that support this life-saving program such as going to meetings, helping out, reaching out. We've got to give it away to keep it. My practicing the special brand Von program almost took me out there. I've met a lot of family who practiced their own program and it may have taken 20 years, but their misery was refunded 100%. Try the program exactly the way it was written. Don't let fear keep you out of the rooms. God loves alcoholics so much that He gave us the program of AA. Let's use it or we'll lose it. Don't just stop drinking, find the source of true happiness, peace, serenity and joy. "Half measures availed us nothing."
Member: raidy m.
Location: much better place
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 12:07:03 PM
Alcoholic, named raidy. Change was the vehicle that brought me to accept, that there is a higher power. I saw changes , life/ death within a quick period of time. Only thing I did was ask my higher power to bring me through it, if that was what was to be. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in Gods world by mistake. I was shown that, good things can come out of bad; if I just stay out of the way.
Member: Joanna
Location: NW
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 1:29:32 PM
Joanna-Alcoholic, Welcome to Everyone who is new or coming back to AA, you are welcome and wanted and needed here! I am grateful to be sober today. Reading the posts prior to mine I am filled with a great sense of joy. My life has been filled with self-impossed crisis lately and I have been taking my sobriet and serenity for granted. I got scared called my sponser and now on a 30&30 meeting schedule and Pgs, 86-87, and a gratitude list of 10 things everynight. WOW it does make a difference. I am almost 4 years sober and I still can screw my self into a tailspin, which is perfect set up for a drink. I work with my sponses and my sponser and just for today I am sober and damm happy about it. I pray for all the people suffering, there is a way out and you can do it, One day at a time. Take it Easy and have a great sober day. Much love, Joanna
Member: Jenifer d
Location: england swings
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 3:33:48 PM
Von, sorry about the double post, never done it before but I had to respond. AA is wonderful and thank God for it! But, different strokes for different folks :] I question the annonominaty [lord help my spelling] of AA. I was gearing up to facing a meeting when a friend told me how a lawyer friend of us both had been in it for some time. I should add that the conversation we were having at the time had nothing to do with alchohol. I have no idea if the friend that I was talking to goes to AA, but someone along the line had definatly not held to the rules for this to have come up. Many people still regard alchoholics as not good material for to have as their lawyers or doctors. We depend on them both to much during our worst life trials. In a small town this could be devestating to the profesonal person. Well this is coffee pot material isn't it? Change-----Courage to change accompanies faith. Fear tells you to look within for your spiritual source of strengh, ever present but often forgotten. Meet you in coffee pot? Would like you to write more about that family with their own program, I didn't quite understand what you were saying.
Member: Lindy W
Location: Harrow, England
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 6:36:35 PM
I'm Lindy, alcoholic. Thank you all for being here, especially first timers. My big change came in asking AA for help - I was such a lonely person. That came about because the booze stopped working - I could not drink enough to feel better - and I got full of fear. Since then, I have discovered that I am a human being - and so is everybody else. Being human is messy, chaotic, and just about the best thing that there is. Tolerance, patience and letting go are the tools AA has taught me. I still get scared when my life changes, so I try and use the tools. And I get better a day at a time.
Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 9:21:05 PM
Tolerance, patience and letting go do seem to be interrelated. Patience to me seems to be the key. The more patience I can find, the more tolerance I seem to have of myself and others. Also, I seem to be able to let go of the things I need to when I am more patient and relaxed than when I am impatient and tense. The longer I stay in AA and grow in my sobriety, the more of each of these I give myself and that is the best thing that has happened in a while. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Rick S.
Location: B.C. NV
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 10:06:41 PM
My name is Rick and I am still an alcoholic... the biggest change in my life since I quit drinking (and worked, took, did, whatever you call it, the steps) is having patience and tollerance with others. Controlling everyone and everything around me was one of my biggest defects of character. The way I stay out of self and into being of maximum service to those about me starts with my morning prayer...God whoever I am to help today please do not let me miss them amd let me know what to do and say. Then I go from there with whatever the day brings. As for letting go (and letting God), an old timer told me a few years back when I asked him how to do this with a problem or whatever. What he said was very complicated but I'll try to get it right... If you want to let go of something...STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!! Seee Yaaa !!!
Member: Marcia B
Location: Sacramento
Date: 1/13/00
Time: 10:35:56 PM
Fear is a direct rejection of God. We alcoholics seem to do that a lot, live in FEAR. When God presents us with a circumstance that indicates we must change something and we respond by sitting on our butts and doing the same thing over and over again, what we are saying is that we do not trust the path that God is leading us to. This was very true of my alcoholism. I drank to ease (avoid) feeling any emotional pain. I drank because I thought it was easier than having to make any change in my life. I drank because I lived in constant fear. When I finally got sober it really hit me hard that drinking was actually the harder, more difficult route. My life had turned into a living hell because I rejected change (the path God showed me). I thank God today for continuing to nag me until I listened and finally followed His direction.
I liked what Stanley B said about change. It is part of life and when we continue to do the same things over and over again (even in sobriety) because we fear change, we are rejecting the gift of happiness that God offers each of us. I don’t understand people (myself included) who claim to have a good connection with a Higher Power, yet they continue to live in fear and pain. I know that when I allow fear and pain to dictate my life, I am far from being connected with any Higher Power.
“Fear is a killer of the soul…..Change is the soul's roadmap to happiness….”
Member: Kate
Location:
Date: 1/14/00
Time: 4:46:02 AM
Kate alcoholic- Malou your sharing really touched me and brought back memories of being sober for quite a few years and being in a period of depression and being quite isolated when a family member gave me this old cat to look after while they were overseas. Taking care of this cat brought me alive before that there was work and lots of AA meetings. All of a sudden I had something outside of myself to think about, he used to sleep on my bed at night and I used to rush home from work to make sure he was okay. Well in the year he spent with me he was always ill. I soon moved out of my pokey flat to a large house because the cat needed a place with fencing because I wanted him to be safe. He got cancer and died and I grieved for him cried and cried and really allowed myself to feel it . Within a few days I went to the local animal shelter it was just after Christmas and there were so many cats there who needed homes and I brought two young cats home with me. That old cat taught me so much even today when I think of him I am grateful I believe that maybe God works through pets and not just people. I am grateful to be able to give these two little cats a home. I am never alone and have not suffered depression on such a scale again. I found that I could be close to animals when I in no way could be close to humans. How grateful I am that I don't drink one day at a time. Many thanks Malou for your sharing I understood. God bless.
Member: Michele D.
Location: WA
Date: 1/14/00
Time: 10:46:28 AM
Michele D. alcoholic. Change is a really good topic for me. I fear change in any form but after being sober for four years decieded to really put myself out there and take a risk. That was a year ago and I am so glad I did. I still change and grow because of that decision. I'm still having a hard time getting to a face to face meeting. I moved recently and have not got connected to anyone in the area. All of my AA friends are in IL. I don't have a lot to say I guess I'm just enjoying my day off of work. I don't get many of those so it is nice. To the newcomer anything is possible one day at a time. I also don't think I would be sober today if I had not had the ftof meetings. The program talks about going to any lengths and one of the hardest things I did was walk into a meeting. I didn't talk almost for my whole first year except some after the meeting. I sat there with my head dowm and listened after a few months a read something at the beginning of the meeting and that was a start. I was still scared as hell but went everyday. My heart would start pounding and my palms would get sweaty. I wanted to stay sober that much. It got better and I made some really good friends. It was and is a struggle at times but well worth it. I had more to say than I thought. Thanks for letting me share.
davislee12@hotmail.com
Member: chris H.
Location: florida
Date: 1/14/00
Time: 12:13:33 PM
used to feel that way too, until I had been there awhile. I just went and kept pretty quiet. Then, I began to realize that these people, though different in some ways from me, were very much the same in others. And then I began to realize that they were the most accepting people I had ever and met and were the best friends I had. They loved me and accepted me for who I was, but they would not let me get away with any shit. What a great combination!!! And what a great gift!!!Where else in the world could you find that?/ I must have needed to hear myself say that because as msny of you know I havn't been to a face to face meeting in many years....I guess they are intimidating me again!That adresses the topic of change. I feel much more comfortable in my house not confronting those fears, but I know it is time for me to move out!!! As my sponsor says, we HATE CHANGE!!! However, I need to trust in my God that He can do all things...If we stay stagnent , what does that give us to trust about... Thanks again for being here...And letting me share..The other topics of tolerance and patience and LETTIN GO AND LETTING GOD have also really helped!! BYE ALL!!
Member: MARY K
Location: BOSTON
Date: 1/14/00
Time: 2:05:21 PM
HI ALL! Mary, alcoholic.
CHANGE - I started to change the moment I stopped drinking and haven't stopped since. Nothing remains the same.
PATIENCE, TOLERANCE AND LETTING GO - Progress not perfection!!!!! Some days I'm better than others - nothing remains the same.
PS to those who haven't gotton to meetings - you are shortchanging yourself.
God bless all. Mary
Member: nat
Location:
Date: 1/14/00
Time: 2:33:20 PM
I am only 7 months and 14 days sober but the one thing that I have come to realize is that nothing is to difficult to deal with as long as you allow your higher power to have control. I have had a very difficult year changing jobs and getting sober. I was trying to find a new job with no luck. After countless interviews I finally got angry enough to yell at my sponser that there was nothing else that I could do to find a job suitable to my skills and that from here on out it was up to God and I would accept anything he wanted me to do without question. The very next day I got offered a job that is perfect for putting my degree and previous experience to use. After that the Third step began to make a lot more sense to me and easier to accept.
Member: Chris C.
Location: Ottumwa, Iowa
Date: 1/14/00
Time: 2:54:22 PM
Thanks for sharing Mary. Hi, everybody, my name is Chris, and I'm an alcoholic.
I relate well to the person who said that none of their fears came true despite their anxiety since they were sober. That change had always been for the better even though it seem that way at the time. I heard this joke at a meeting:
A man stood at the edge of a cliff and admired God's handiwork. The mountains and sky and the valleys all seemed particularly beautiful to him that day. Not paying good attention he got to close to the edge and fell off the mountain and began to plummet to the bottom of the gorge. He quickly prayed with all his heart and in an instance born of desperation he gave his will and life over to care of God. Suddenly, miraculously, a branch grew out of the side of the cliff and saved his life. He was extremely grateful and was effusive in his praise of God and then he realized he was still a lethal distance above the valley with no way down. He looked to heaven and prayed for guidence and it came, as it always does. A voice boomed out of heaven, "Let go." A puzzled look crossed his face as he examined the expanse below his feet. "What?" he asked. God repeated his answer. "Let go. I will save you again." The man looked around and considered and then asked, "Is there someone else up there with a different idea?"
Despite the wonderous work that has been done in my life, I still find it hard when faced with change, to "Let go. And let God."
God bless you all. I'll pass.
Member: Sylvia
Location: OR
Date: 1/14/00
Time: 3:21:37 PM
At my first f2f this week, the leader said that this program is about exchanging bad habits for good ones--which, for me, certainly involves change, patience, tolerance, AND letting go. A lot of the changes happening for me in this first week of sobriety are a matter of making deliberate actions--fixing a cup of tea while I make dinner instead of pouring a glass of wine, taking the time to come to this site or meditate or talk to my HP when I get anxious or upset, etc. Other changes are less about MY actions, and more about being open and letting go of fear. When there is nothing more I can DO to stay on track, I sit back, breathe, and find myself very quiet and receptive. It is a huge change for me, especially when we have a house full of company, as we often do. It's like having seats in a whole new section of the theater--I'm still getting used to it all, but the change in perspective is fascinating and peaceful.
Thanks.
Member: james a
Location: tennessee
Date: 1/14/00
Time: 8:46:02 PM
hello, first time up for me. after being scared to death by my doctor ive decided to 'change'. i tried 'search' and ended up here. im 5 days into the absence of my true love, booze. now comes the weekend and all the temptations, excuses, and reasons for starting back are surrounding me like a shroud. still, its been a good 5 days even if my coworkers and family say ive turned into an irritable grouch. i hadnt noticed until today when everyone asked what was bothering me.iguess they are use to a more mellow (hungover) me and didnt recognize whatever ive turned into. hope this changes... not sure i am ready to be a teetotaler but ill probably have real probs if i dont. doubt i can limit myself to being a so-called 'social' drinker. ive 'socialized' for 30 years and cant stop till the damage is done. i calculate a 4 to 1 negative return on drinking. for every hour of 'pleasure' there comes 4 hours of pain and regret. not a very good return..... ive learned 1 thing for sure from reading about your experiences: the day at a time thing is the best goal... heck, on my way home i was going 5 minutes at time. i cannot remember the last friday i made it home without a cold one. thank you for letting me vent and i apologize if i have violated the format rules.... as i said i just found you and im just exploring the possibilities of a sober (did I say that??) life. maybe this 'hp' thing (no offense, Lord) got me here.... i hope so,.....nice meeting y'all, bye.
Member: Bones
Location: RI
Date: 1/14/00
Time: 9:32:39 PM
Hi James,
You'll find that there are a bunch of us here, and at meetings, like yourself. We knew something was wrong, and whether by luck, or by the intervention of a higher power, we looked around and found AA. For me, about a month ago, I was so tired and sick of being sick, after having spent years of my life and spent thousands upon thousands of dollars in "my pub". That's how I thought of it, as "my pub." I found a copy of the Big Book on the website after a friend who had come to AA, had told me about his amazing recovery. And I tried to do the first several steps as best I could, and started talking to others in the program. And all I can tell you is that this thing is working, (it really does go on a day to day basis). The changes for me have been amazing. My years long depression and constant anger is now gone for long stretches of time. Since I know I am not in control, I let things happen and just do my best, and good things are happening. This site and others like it is a good start...if you keep your heart and mind open, you may find some people here who will give you good suggestions that will bring you to a truly better life. You are definitely not alone! And there are people here and at meetings who are not "selling" anything, but who you may find to be helpful. Looking at AA from the outside, most of us were afraid what would happen if we went inside. This is not at all what I thought it was. No one is forcing me to do anything. And believe it or not, life without drinking really is for me, better than life with booze, and most surprising of all to this newcomer, life is more FUN.
Member: Cathy T
Location: Louisiana
Date: 1/15/00
Time: 2:22:12 AM
Thank God I finally found this website. Patience and love and tolerance is a good subject for me. So is change! I came into AA almost 8 months ago with my husband. He has stayed sober, I have not. Only relapsed on the 1st day of 2000. No bad things happened, except the guilt got to me. Picked up a new desire chip 10 days later. I've got 14 days now. He (my husband) was real understanding about the slip but he is very upset because I dont know why I'm staying sober. Is it for me or my marriage? My sponser said I have a lot of decisions to make. I also don't know if I can stay married to this great guy. I still have feelings for a previous relationship. I have learned a lot in the last 8 months, but there is so much more. I have to practice love and tolerance or I'll really mess up everything.
Talk about change. I just moved to a new office for my job, and am having to learn new personalities and routines. It will be a challenge for sure. Change they say is good. But I'm still unsure of it. I just try to pray a lot and have faith that my Higher Power will show me the way to go. I have to do what my sponser tells me, because I am not sober enough to know how to deal with life on life's terms. That is what is so troubling to me. Learning to live. Giving up those old habits and finding the relief from a Higher Power. Serenity,Courage and Wisdom is what we're looking for. I have found it easier when I'm not resisting change. I know it's better that it used to be. Have faith and go forward.
Member: Richard D.
Location: Seattle,WA
Date: 1/15/00
Time: 3:29:45 AM
My name is Richard and I am an alcoholic/addict. I got my 13yr coin today. It was cool. I watched my wife get her 5th yr coin today that was cool too. When we sat down we were shaking. This program is not about drinking it's about not hiding. You can not drink for 20 years and have that same old nasty horrible sick stuff going on inside. Change can only come with participating with something outside of myself. If you are anything like me you have plenty of experience at being emotionally, mentally and spiritually impotent. Just because we are not drinking doesn't mean that anything has changed in our ability to be emotionally and mentally and spiritually succesfull. There must be an intervention of some kind and that's why we go to meetings. This is not a meeting. But I like reading the comments. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: sandy f
Location: nevada
Date: 1/15/00
Time: 4:27:31 AM
hi i'm sandy, wow this discusson on line is great, new to me as of today, been in aa awhile, but sems like only a short time, love knowing i have you all to share with, till then, god bless
Member: Avril G
Location: Northampton UK
Date: 1/15/00
Time: 5:00:36 AM
{{{{{{WELCOME ALL NEWCOMERS}}}}}
Patience, tolerance and letting go {{{CORINNE}}} great topic, and the fact that these words even feature in my vocabulary today is a major CHANGE for me. The fact that I sometimes choose to use these actions in my daily life is a MIRACLE!!
ME CHANGE??? WHY??? it is YOU who needs to change (Yes ALL OF YOU, the whole world, evrything and everybody, If only YOU/HE/SHE/IT would......I would be OK) lol Just WHAT did it take for you to see that I had it right?? How DARE you tell me I am wrong??? Dear God, what a way to live, yet I DID live like this for more than 20 years. The gospel according to AVRIL!! When I first came to AA, I was told, "Avril, there is just ONE thing you need to change about yourself.....EVERYTHING" "You are NOT God!! and the sooner you realise this, the better" SO...I left, and cursed the lot of them....bloody imbeciles, what did THEY know???
I am happy to say I HAVE CHANGED, and God willing will continue to do so, so long as I stay away from one drink, one day at a time, and practise these principles in all my affairs.
Meeting makers make it, and to all those who are balking at going to meetings, for whatever reason (excuse??) Meetings for me are the personification of the Big Book. I need to see the colour of the eyes. I NEED to see/hear/ touch REAL people who are recovering/ered from alcoholism. AND I have sat in many a meeting with a world-renowned celebrity, and you know what??? In an AA meeting they are just like me, an alkie, trying to stay sober, a day at a time. So what if they have appeared on the Royal Variety Show?? SO, they arrive at meetings in a chauffer-driven limo?? The front page of HELLO has their face all over it...YES??? SO WHAT??? Without this programme, they may well end up exactly where I was 10 yrs ago, and if someone wants to blow MY anonymity, I have to exercise tolerance, patience, and unconditional love for someone who does not know how important the ANONYMOUS side of our fellowship is. In actual fact, my own father is great at blowing MY anonymity, which I really do not mind. You see, he is so proud of the fact that I have changed so much, he just wants to tell the whole world that his daughter is a recovering alkie in AA. (Hell, when I told him I was Public Information Officer AND a telephone responder, he thought I was the bees knees, bless his heart)!!! His life became so much easier when I found AA, he stopped worrying that some day a police officer would be on his doorstep telling him he no longer had a daughter.....Dear God, what I put my dear family through as a drinker. Thank God for AA, and Thank AA for God.
Pick up the phone NOW, and get in touch with your local AA office, and GET TO A MEETING. Thank you all for being here for me today.
avril.goodall@dtn.ntl.com
Member: mel m.
Location: portland, or
Date: 1/15/00
Time: 11:59:12 AM
mel m. from portland, or., irish drunk.
this is my first visit to this site, and although i have been around the program since '92, i have continued to struggle w/ maintaining any real length of sobriety. one thing is for sure, once you have had a taste of the promises and the gifts of being a sober human, it definitely screws up your drinking.
what a wonderful forum. having just gotten out of a treatment center, and returning to my same apartment, with the same feeling of isolation & all its temptations to let my disease tell me that "it wasn't really that bad", you folks have no idea how much you have contributed to arresting my cravings to go drink even as i was logging onto the site. talk about a hp in one's life. the topic of change is particularly crucial to me, since i am living proof that an alcoholic alone is in bad company. thank you all for being here for me, albeit electronically, but isn't that what it's all about? logging off now to call my sponsor...the first time in quite a while. hmmm. what lesson can i learn here? peace. mel.
Member: missy d
Location: florida ny
Date: 1/15/00
Time: 5:12:42 PM
missy alky from ny 18 months sober. welcome to all the newcomers. change is inevidable.change is constant.me getting sober was one of the best changes i made.accepting GOd in my life and working the steps the second best change.now its about everyday life.chaning world.grateful not to have to drink just for today.
Member: Heather H
Location: Somerset Pa.
Date: 1/15/00
Time: 5:38:49 PM
tolerance for me is a problem however with the grace of God and the people in the f2f meetings I am progressing, I think this also ties in with patience.
Member: Nancy R.
Location: Ponchatoula, La
Date: 1/15/00
Time: 5:44:38 PM
Hi everyone! I'm Nancy and I'm an alcoholic. Change is an excellent topic for me. 10 months ago, the state of Louisiana decided that I was an unfit mother. They were right. That was my bottom. Thank God! The past 9 1/2 months have been one of great change and joy for me. I have found something that I never thought I would have. Peace, happiness and friendship. My daughter came home yesterday. I am so very greatful for the second chance that I have been given. This is also a very great change for me. We have been apart for so long that we really don't know each other any more. It's going to be quite an adjustment. But as long as I have my Higher Power and my program, I'll be allright. Thank you God. I love you all.
Member: Nancy R.
Location: Ponchatoula, La
Date: 1/15/00
Time: 5:45:18 PM
Hi everyone! I'm Nancy and I'm an alcoholic. Change is an excellent topic for me. 10 months ago, the state of Louisiana decided that I was an unfit mother. They were right. That was my bottom. Thank God! The past 9 1/2 months have been one of great change and joy for me. I have found something that I never thought I would have. Peace, happiness and friendship. My daughter came home yesterday. I am so very greatful for the second chance that I have been given. This is also a very great change for me. We have been apart for so long that we really don't know each other any more. It's going to be quite an adjustment. But as long as I have my Higher Power and my program, I'll be allright. Thank you God. I love you all.
Member: Jane V
Location: Oh
Date: 1/15/00
Time: 6:33:11 PM
Congratulations Nancy! Hi all! This is Jane V and I still haven't gone to an AA meeting,but I'm doing ok so far. I read all the reasons to go to one and I hope in the future I can be strong enough to do that. It's a funny thing how God keeps intouch with you when you pray. I was at a Good Will store and found a small box with a sylver prayer book in it and I opened quickly and closed it thinking to mysekf "Oh wow! A daily Catholic prayer book!!I'll take it home! It's only 50cents!" So I get home and at night I decide I need to pray since I am not sober, I took a good look at the book and it is a prayer book for Alcoholics Annonymous, not catholics. Funny hugh? I took it as a sign and try to read it every day. God Bless you all.
Member: Tedd T
Location: Omaha, NE
Date: 1/15/00
Time: 9:41:26 PM
Hi I'm Tedd and I'm an alcoholic. Tolerance is an interesting thing. To me, it seems as if everything in life comes at the same time. School is starting up, and I really don't want to go. I'm twenty years old, and I know exactly what I want to do. I am a poet. All I want to do is write poetry. I've been going to school for the wrong reason, to make other people happy. Everyone else wants me to get this piece of paper that says I have wasted five years of my life with my head in a book. So, after three years of it, I've learned to tolerate the nonsense. People telling me I would be throwing my life away, if I follow my plan. Oh well. Patience on the other hand is something I haven't quite learned yet. Maybe that's why everything seems to happen at the same time. I want to be everywhere, do everything, and make everyone else happy. The problem is I get tired. I can't physically handle everything. But I can't sit around and wait for things to happen. I know there's a happy medium, but sadly I haven't found it yet. I guess I'll keep looking. Letting go can be easy, or it can be hard. One of my best friends took her life when we were in ninth grade. At the time, I didn't know what that meant, so it wasn't a big deal. I didn't cry at all. I was rather proud of myself. Now as I look back on the day, I cry all the time. I never thought it would be possible to miss someone this much. I guess I never really let her go. I accepted the fact that she was gone, but to me she is still around. If that makes any sense. Anyway, I've talked for way too long. Thanks for listening, or reading anyway.