Member: Curious about others opinions
Location: open mindedness
Date: 1/7/01
Time: 6:31:09 PM
An active AA member died and it appeared the entire AA community was there. Some of these people who attended were there simply because this was one of the members. What do you all think about this kind of herd mentality. It didn't sit well with me or the family!!!! Eagar to here your opinions on this. Also how about AA weddings with open invitaions to groups....?
Member: an alcoholic
Location: trudging the road...
Date: 1/7/01
Time: 6:57:45 PM
hi im an alcoholic
my opinion about such matters is that, just an opinion. like more crass individuals have said, "...everybodys got one." the most important focus for me is my program and ultimately my sobriety.
i am grateful today for being an alcoholic. i could never fathom understanding such a statement early in sobriety thinking that the individuals who were saying such nonsense were simply brainwashed, idiots, or plain crazy. there are many gifts of which the most important is my sobriety. i remember the pain, loneliness even around others, the despair, the hopelessness. i could not for the life of me think of anything but continuing daily need to escape from reality. i could not foresee any sort of productive life.
finally getting sick of tired of being sick and tired i knew from my treatment experience i had the tools. i turned to the aa program, got a sponser, read the bb, cleaned house, prayed, went to meetings, and most importantly i didn't take that first drink.
today, i only have problems in living. i have a professional career, family, and the respect of others and most importantly the respect of myself.
i'll take another 24, keep coming back, it works if you work it. thanks for listening.
Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon
Date: 1/7/01
Time: 7:17:29 PM
AA groups/family/or as community gathering. I being a professional find the most important thing about the AA meetings is the annonimity without this i would not have been able to attend a single meeting. In any society it is not acceptable to have addicts or alcoholics around that is what i have observed which results that u can not share your feelings openly but one can in the meetings. having the groups and socializing in weddings and other events including somebodys death should be left upto the individual family and one should respect there privacy.I know it is a good gesture to be there but everybody may not understand your good intent. I think AA meetings should remain annonimous as much as possible mixing with the family events of personnel occassions i will like to avoid.
Member: William.A.
Location: High-Point
Date: 1/7/01
Time: 7:38:37 PM
Hello,William.A.Alkie.
I can remember when,I first came to A/A,and people talked and seemed to be having fun,I am not really sure that it was fun since all that I did for fun was to drink,drug and live miserible for over (25) years only to one day wake-up and find myself on the way to a detox,unit in North---Jersey since,I was having so much fun someone that was not one of us had to inform me that ,I need some help in my life.
I have attended many wedding,s a funeral or to and also thier were many A/A,s also in the place too,even at times someone from the family asked one of us to say a few words since we all had a wonderful fellow-ship in our area, maybe you should tale a lok at yourself and ask yourself a question that is in step (10), (when ever I am distrubed,I need to find out just why this thing is bohering me so much,what part am I playing in this situation,Why does this make me feel the way I do ,then ask for help in excepting this sutation for what it is and not for what,I want it to be).
Would you complain if you were the center of attention at these wed,s/funeral,s,I also would like to say that ,I got married back in (Oct). of 2000 and some of my A/A buddies came from New,Jersey all the way to N.Carolina to be apart of the union,some of learn the true meaning of friend-ship and fellow-ship once we sober up in A/A.
A memember of my home group died and not only did I attend his funeral,but we also attended the same church,as well as the same retreat...I would like to say that Bill describs A/A as having a fellowship being indescribly wonderful I could not begin to think just what you get from A/A,since you have already tolds us that you are-not putting anything into A/A.
I have met many people in A/A that claim soberiety& soundness of mind and the difference between some and most is simple they bring some to the party and you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member: Walter S.
Location: Corona Ca.
Date: 1/7/01
Time: 7:55:53 PM
Hi. I'm an alcoholic. Sober since Feb. 1977. After many years of sometimes very and others reasonably happy sobriety, I got so busy with other things that meetings etc. just drifted away and away and farther away. Am just now coming out of a few weeks of uncomprehesible mental anguish. Am now convinced that without "regular" contact with other alcoholics my life becomes a real mess (much of it only in my own control freak mind).
I for one, now think it is best for me to do just about everything in the company of other alcoholics. I allowed myself to be (over time) manipulated (with resulting resentments) by non-alcoholic. Feel like I have to start all over agan. But at least I know where to start from now ;-).
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 1/7/01
Time: 9:02:53 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks to all who shared!
Naturally, any thinking person should have reservations about the "herd mentality." History has clearly demonstrated that the herd mentality has repeatedly led to regrettable events. But as far as wedding invitations and the like go, I agree that is simply a matter of opinion and this meeting is not an appropriate forum for such a topic of discussion (try CP), especially considering that no background information was provided and, therefore, the event in question was lifted out of context.
As someone mentioned, this meeting is about our own sobriety, not someone elses.
Member: Toddy N.
Location: New Mexico
Date: 1/7/01
Time: 10:01:13 PM
I don't understand why the person who started this discussion was bothered by the AA's going to the funeral? Doesn't 'curious' feel that all members of an AA group are like family and may have been there because one of their own had died? Funerals are mostly for those left behind, a closure of sorts. By attending the funeral the AA members were able to remember their departed friend and rejoice that he died sober. Thanks to the program the deceased passed feeling 'saved' rather than feeling lost, as most of us did feel before we found AA. I attended a funeral of a dear friend who also was a member of my home group. I was comforted by the sight of so many other fellow AA's who came to pay last respects, and that's what it was...LAST RESPECTS. As for attending weddings, that too is something all members would seemingly want to celebrate and share with another member, for if not sober would there be a wedding at all for that couple? Maybe, maybe not... This is not herd mentality, this is a way we show we care, truly, about our fellow member. At the meetings we get to know one another intimately as far as our hopes, fears, joys, sorrows, etc. We don't know each other just because we go to meetings at the same place, we know each other because we've lived the same rotten lives. The people who have died or those getting married are our true friends, much more so than a co-worker or neighbor, whose funeral or wedding we might also show up for! There's my open-minded opinion.
Member: Shawn P
Location: Detroit MI(ish)
Date: 1/7/01
Time: 10:03:53 PM
Hi I 'm Shawn, I am writing in response to the question at the beginning of the page. I just had a guy I sponsor who is new get upset because it was around the holidays and I suggested for him to go to a funereal of a home group member of ours that he barely knew. He gave me excuses like his need to be with his child on both of these days and his kid would not understand why we are going to a funereal where we don't know the people there. He also said his wife who had been wiped by his alcoholism thought it was a ridiculous idea, but if we really look at the whole situation internally it can be easily understood. First of all this kid has been raised by is a socially mal adjusted drunk. How is he going to understand the importance of supporting people when he is brought up to be a socially isolated person? My sponee's child would have learned that it is an acceptable thing to support people no matter weather they are close to them or not. It was also important for this new comer to get an idea of how close we are in the fellowship. It will also show his wife our loving and companionate way of life. This is normally a family who stays to them selves doing the same things over and over ALONE and things never change. They come to our tables (not any other functions) and wonder why they are still alone and afraid. I have to ask the person who was writing this question why this would be a big deal? I am not asking to be rude or crass. I just don't understand why this would bather a family unless they were like some of mine (the ones not in the program) who are socially uncomfortable around people or things foreign to them. Please email me if you want to chat further sjpatte2.p@excite.com. \ My mom died two years ago and over 250 people were there from the program. Yes a lot of them I didn't know. But I did feel very supported. I remember my brother pulling me aside and telling me that I had more friends than he ever would because of the power of the program. I felt ok through the whole thing. Yes there was pain but what if they would have not been there? I hope to you write back. If you need please contact me ……
Member: Hannah G.
Location: Pound Ridge, NY
Date: 1/7/01
Time: 10:46:51 PM
Hi I'm Hannah, an alcoholic. I recently moved to NY from AZ. I'm going to live in the city but am now staying with my aunt and her family upstate. My boyfriend of three years has been in the city for about two months and came out before me. When I met him he was sober and I wasn't in the program because I didn't drink. After we were together for about a year and a half he relapsed after being sober for three an a half years. I went down with him. It's been over a year since his relapse and i have been sober for three months. When I came to NY I thought he was sober, because that's why he came here, all of his friends here are in the program. Well he stayed sober for the first two weeks he was here and has been drinking off and on since. I went into the city to look for an apt. with him last week and he had been up all night and was coming down from heroin. He sounded so good on the phone and I never thought that he would lie about his sobriety. That's why I came out here. I want to live in the city and my plans were to live with him. I'm not good at confrontation so I don't think he knows my feelings. I haven't been to a meeting since Dec.18,2000, and my aunt doesn't know I'm in the program. I keep praying and doing my 10th and 11th steps, but I need to get this off my chest and I need a solution.
Member: Linda K.
Location: OH
Date: 1/7/01
Time: 11:23:17 PM
I think it is just wonderful when so many people can come together to show their respect, whether it be a wedding or funeral. When I was out there it was extremely difficult for me to think of someone else besides myself and how good it might make them feel if I showed up. I was more concerned with my feelings of being uncomfortable. I did go to weddings only after I was half in the bag first. In sobriety I am no longer afraid to go to weddings, funerals, parties,whatever, whether AA or not. I think it is very honorable to attend an "AA infested" gathering and I am proud to be a part of one.
Member: Dwigth V.
Location: Yongsan, Korea
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 3:44:35 AM
Hello
My name is Dwight. I recently moved to Korea and would like to know what meetings are available. I cannot find a listing online. Can someone assist me?
Thank you. I look forward to your comments.
Member: Mike L.
Location: NW Iowa, USA
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 7:34:05 AM
Greetings, Being a member of the AA fellowship means that I have and do consider some of its members to be an extended family of sorts. That means I would not consider it an expression of any "herd mentality" to attend a funeral or wedding for an AA member. I gave up being "terminally unique" or overly special when I joined AA. I find myself at gatherings for my actual family with more hesitation than I do one for a fellow AAer. We share the joy and pain of life with each other...Such is being "A Part Of" this fellowship.
DWIGTH V IN KOREA - Try this site for your search: http:/my.netian.com/~luckpark/ Or try typing "aa korea" in NBCI's search engine.
Peace, Mike L.
Member: Mike L.
Location: Alkie with a NAME...
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 7:39:10 AM
DWIGTH - The ~ symbol should somehow be higher to access that site...I'm techno-challenged, so I don't know how to correct that with my keyboard. Maybe try just the my.netian.com and look there. Sorry I'm not more help today.
Member: Bob H.
Location: South Send,Indiana
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 8:12:42 AM
Hi Bob alcoholic!I "m not sure about opinions,but for me I do know that through the grace of god and my family in aa i havn"t had to take a drink since January !980,and for that i"m greatful.And anytime a recoverying aa seirous about recovery wants to be a part of my life today i"m greatful.I need never be asamed or frightened no more .Thank you God and AA fore my sobriety today And thaks for letting me share
Member: Marty G.
Location: Manitowoc, WI.
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 10:00:07 AM
Hi family, when my father died, some of the members from my home group came and made me feel so warm and I got that deep fuzzy feeling all over! I was only 9 months sober at the time, and my sibling's were drinking in the funeral home's basement, so it was a blessing in disguise(H.P.); for these people to show up when they did! These same people showed up for my mother's funeral about 1 year ago,and again I am truly grateful for their support! I never had friends like that when I was still drinking, they never showed up for either funeral.Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Mark D
Location: Concord, NH
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 11:38:39 AM
The purpose behind this Fellowship is Alcoholics Anonomously helping each other maintain sobriety.
At a wedding one is either invited to or not.
If an alcoholic has passed away that person has no sobriety issues to deal with, so unless someone is also a friend of the family they should find an Anonymous was to express their sympathy. Possibly a remembrance at the deceased's home group. If a member has lost a loved one I see no harm of other members attending a wake or funeral as a friend. The fact that their indentification with the greiving member is related to the Fellowship would be only welcomed and understood without compromising anonimity.
Member: Lois R.
Location: Chicago
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 12:48:20 PM
HI I'm Lois a grateful alcoholic. I thank GOD and the program of Alcohol Anonymous for saving my life. my opinion is that AA teaches us to live out side of the rooms and also teaches me not to be so selfish. I have attend weddings since I have been in the program and they were wonderful one was a member i was glad to be invited and of support to her. I have also attended funerals and was glad to be of support. My first funeral I attend sober I was able to greave for my brothers death that I didn't do so when I was drunk and all dope up. Wedding and funeral are apart of life. I'm not afraid to go out amoung others today.My opinion is there is nothing wrong with taking this common bond where it is needed. I'm always grateful to see members when ever and however. I thank GOD for the program of AA and I'll Keep coming back.
Member: Johnny C
Location: NOLA
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 12:49:15 PM
Herd smerd. The dearly departed touch many lives obviously. My AA brothers and sisters know me better than any blood relatives. If it did not sit well with you and the family then check your ego.
Member: Von
Location: Ohio
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 1:00:46 PM
Recently, a long-term member of our fellowship died. Though I have only been in since July 99, he helped me more than I could ever describe. I was new in sobriety and went to a new meeting. I hesitated in the doorway and this member came up to me and gave me a hug and told me I was in the right place. That group became my home group and that member, though a person of few words, always had a hug and smile for me. When he passed away, I was one of the "herd" who went to his funeral. That's the magic of our fellowship. He was active and long-term and he touched people's hearts - one alcoholic to another. Because of his love, I decided that maybe I should stay a while. And I'm still here!!!
Another of our membership died by his own hand. His brother was already in the fellowship for many years but he had only recently got out of treatment. When he died, many of us were sad because when we saw him at meetings, he always acted happy and talked about how great everything was going. He had numerous friends and many phone numbers, but the night he decided to die, he called no one.
We "herded" to his funeral because we love him. We went because he helped a lot of people in his short life of sobriety. Many people in treatment were devastated because they looked up to him. We went to the funeral because one of our own had died. I needed to be reminded of how brutal this disease can be lest I ever forget.
Never assume that your loved one hadn't touch a lot of people. Our fellowship is like a chain and a lot of hope gets passed on. My first coin was given to me by a person who had passed on 10 years ago!!!
We go because we love our member. We know that a light has passed from our fellowship and is shining somewhere else. We go to honor a person who has supported the fellowship. We go for closure.
Instead of focusing on what needs to be changed in the world, try instead to focus on what needs to be changed in you and in your attitudes.
In the chapter,"Our Vision for You", there is a beloved passage that I send to your loved one posthumously:
"Abandon yourself to God as you know God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of the past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We will surely be with you in the fellowship of the spirit and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny. May God Bless You and Keep You - Until Then."
Member: John F.
Location: Buried by snow in the midwest
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 2:21:36 PM
Hi everyonr, my name is John, alcoholic. My father died of cancer 15 years ago. He had been clesn and sober for 18 years. I spent alopt of time with him in the hospital. One day a young man came in to visit. Iwas introduced to him bit was confised because he called my father Dad. He explained to me that many people in the program called him "dad". It was then I realized the power of AA. At his funeral dozens of members, none of which I knew, came. I was exteremely proud that he had touched so many lives. I have been in the program now for 11 years. Two of my sponsers have passed away and I felt honored to be able to attend the funerals and pay my respects. AA has shown me I can live and grieve in today's world with dignity and grace. Thanks for listening.
Member: Miriam W.
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 3:14:33 PM
If it were me and my family members I would have considered it an honor that so many AA people had felt a caring for my loved one to want to take the time to be at their funeral or wedding. I agree with a few here that funeral's are for the ones who are left behind and an opportunity to say farewell. Weddings on the other hand are a welcoming to the uniting of the new couple and attendees show a support for that couple's loving bond.
Member: Joe
Location: CANADA
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 4:45:13 PM
Hi, I'm an alcoholic and messed today, struck in my own head, thinking about the past. I have nothing to say regarding the funeral stuff, the person's dead their dead. What different does it make to them who's at the funeral. I need help in regards to letting go of the past.
Member: John G.
Location: Walla Walla
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 5:32:36 PM
This is my first time trying an AA meeting on-line. I think this is a great idea since I don't have much time during my week to go to many AA meetings. My life has been much happier since I have been sober. I trust in my higher power to get through the times when it is hard to stay clean and sober. No matter how bad my problems get I know I can get through them as long as I stay sober. Without sobriety I have nothing. I plan on contributing to this AA meeting every week. Keep coming back it works if you work it.
Member: jo
Location:
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 6:40:41 PM
curious, herd of elk who gives a s***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member: joemama
Location:
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 7:55:36 PM
hogomojoe was a gay ole fellow, waled around like a bowl 'o jello.
Member: Cindy P.
Location: Michigander
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 9:01:19 PM
Hannah...The program has taught me that if I don't stay sober, I have nothing else in my life...not the job, not the house and not the boyfriend. I pray for the willingness to remember my primary purpose and my HP always...always comes through. It will work for you too. Remember that no one can take advantage of you without your permission. Thanks all. This is my first time doing online AA. As for the funeral herd mentality..funerals are for the living. For me, recent tragedies I've faced would have been unbearable without my AA family.
Member: Phil H
Location: Hawaii
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 9:39:45 PM
Howdy. This is my first time online.
Member: earth observer
Location:
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 11:38:25 PM
so..........phil........whats your point?
Member: Corinne B.
Location: Camino, CA
Date: 1/8/01
Time: 11:56:00 PM
'Evenin' ((DMers))!! This certainly is the most different discussion topic I've ever seen! First off, let me say that my family of origin was much like someone else described: isolators from the rest of society. My mother would not allow me to attend the funeral of my granny, and it hurt me deeply. In fact the first service I ever attended was for an AA who'd been sober 12 years, yet deliberately drank himself to death in one night's time (bad heart, too). I'd asked his wife to sponsor me not long before that happened, and so felt honored to be included amongst those in attendance. The man's brother got up to speak, saying how moved he was to see so many turn out in support of the family, the widow and the man's life of sobriety, ended so senselessly and abruptly at his own hand. The way word got around about the service was, as I recall, a word-of-mouth in the Fellowship affair, but had the stamp of approval by the family, as his wife was also in AA.
I've also attended 2 weddings, where the invitations were handled much the same way - word was put out in the group. If I know the person and see this type of invite, I attend; otherwise, I don't feel a need to do so, especially if I don't know the person!
Many times, funeral service announcements are in the local paper, and so that would mean anyone would be welcome to attend. It's too bad this didn't set to well with the family (I assume you know that for a fact); I'm wondering if it was the entire family that felt that way, or only a few? Wouldn't it be neat if they could know how the deceased felt about it? I think that's what really matters, is how the deceased would have wanted it to be (or what the wedding couple wants).
Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 12:18:39 AM
Mark, dope fiend alcoholic. Man Dwight, I feel for you dude. My whole career I've avoided Korea like the plague. I've got two people here working for me who were at Kunsan, and another one who was at Osan. They've just reaffirmed what I always suspected concerning the Korean peninsula. One thing I will tell you though as I've done over two years combined in the great sandbox of the middle east, this thing is a great way to stay in touch with people and to check in with sober members. I've got over 18.5 in uniform, and over 15.5 clean and sober. If you need to write and or talk to another sober member, give me a yell bro.
m.e.bucher@worldnet.att.net
Mark
Member: dj
Location: Grovetown, GA
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 10:40:43 AM
I tend over simplify things when it comes to my sobriety. After being sober for more than 7 years I relapsed. I didn't go to meetings and keep it real. I use live within walking distance to the nearest meeting. Now I have to travel several miles to a meeting (you never miss the water til the well runs dry) I'm so grateful that there is a place online for me to share the experience, strength and hope that accompanies sobriety. All of us me must keep coming back.
Member: Mark
Location: Michigan
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 12:35:15 PM
Mark, an alcoholic, I aggree with Michael B. of AZ. This is a matter of personal choice. Little information has been offered other than the comparison offered?
Thinking clearer today, I see the fellowship as a group of very close friends supporting one another in times of need. Sometimes for me this includes support in the greiving process... in an appropriate manner. That is feeling something(experiencing) without reacting in a self destructive fashion.
I would offer what has been given to me: The 5 steps of Greiving a Loss: 1-Denial- The repression of feeling, or looking at too closely 2-Anger- Suffering painfully, overload-can be hurled (inward or inward) 3-Bargaining- willingnesss is key , looking at other alternatives/choices 4-Deppression- Frozen-demotivating fear leading to fear of staying stuck 5-Acceptance- calm-serenity-expansivness, open to growth and healing
Coming to AA I was not prepared to feel, I was too busy thinking. I had to; allow,learn and practice(action)-AA step 3 to mature emotionally -one day at a time. Old habits are hard to change, even impossible for(because of) me without letting go. Perhaps the saying: Nothing is either good or bad-Save but by comparison-applies here ODAT
Member: lyle
Location:
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 1:51:10 PM
im scared.............i see dead people.....
Member: w.
Location:
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 4:46:33 PM
i think i can only jugde my own actions. i hate funerals and weddings so i only go if im close to the person but its none of my buisness what other members do.
live and let live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member: w.
Location: kansas
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 4:47:18 PM
i think i can only jugde my own actions. i hate funerals and weddings so i only go if im close to the person but its none of my buisness what other members do.
live and let live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member: barney fife
Location:
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 4:51:21 PM
i see dead people.......again..................
Member: aunt bee
Location:
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 4:52:01 PM
i see dead people.......................
Member: Ladd G
Location: tidus Alabama
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 6:23:39 PM
Im Ladd,gutter drunk-sober in AA.Thats all I really need to know.Thanks to God,AA and the fellowship. All I need to do is think about what I brought to AA when I first came. Nothing,and nobody.You were the only ones who wanted me.You tought me to smile.Some of you tought Me things like how to eat and pay my bills. ( in A Vission For You ) You promissed a replacment for the old existance I lived. Now time has passed Ive learned to love a great many people,thay love Me. Our Text (Big Book) Tells Me We should gather often to celibrate our newfound happiness. A few months ago five other sober AA,s and I laid to rest a sober drunk of 25 yrs. This is a simple example of the things the book says WE MUST NOT MISS. Ive been to weddings,funerials,showers,anaversaries-of all types.I AM A PART of a very loveing homegroup.We think of each other as family.If others dont. Im truly sorry. We celibrate our sober lives TOGETHER....Eny one can disagree,as long as it dosent affect My soberity-My Homegroup-or AA as a whole. A lot of love has been shared on this subject,thank you all I do love you And please have a happy New Life...LL
Member: Curt S.
Location: Adirondacks,NEW YORK
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 7:05:06 PM
Hi,I'Curt,recovering alcoholic,also opinionated(guess it goes with the disease)! I have been around since '86 and have been very lucky to have met many old time AA'ers.The going to Wakes,comes out of a sense of respect for the deceased,but also out of respect for their family.One should not go when asked not to,as I see it because some AA's left a wake of destruction in their path when they were active,and those wounds seem to never heal.If you do go to any of these functions,you will notice fellow members off to one side socializing,but rarely giving up their anonymity.So keep Principals before Personalities,and follow your conscience!Keep a low profile and if you feel comfortable with it,let the deceased's loved ones know how greatly he/she will be missed, and how conforting they were to you in bad times.
KEEP COMING BACK !! Curt from The Adirondacks
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 8:00:00 PM
Hello, Bill here alcoholic from Arizona. I been sober ever since I knowed how.
Interesting topic and somewhat appropriate. Call it what you like. Herd instinct, Herd mentality, Gathered together for a common purpose. Humans are indeed herd animals. We need each other. Not only in AA but in all areas of our lives.
Alcoholics Anomymous does not hold the patent on this idea. Even the lonely mountain men of Colorado in the 1800's needed thier rendezvous, both to trade their pelts and to just meet others. In out more modern society we have trade unions, professional organizatons, and societies. All coming together for some common purpose.
You see, when I was drinking, I totally isolated from normal society slowly over the years. I wound up living in a converted chicken coop on a back lot. I didn't even have a mailing address. In recovery, I returned. Became a member of the human race once again.
When I was fielding phone calls in Denver Metro Central Office some years ago. The first words out of my mouth when someone called was, "kinda lonely out there, Isn't it." I usually had their attention at that point. At an AA meeting in Virginia Beach one time they had a sign on the wall. "YOU NEED NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN"
There are two aspects to Alcoholics Anonymous. The Fellowship and The recovery. The two are different and should not come together. However, we need them both. Area Assemlies is the working aspect, AA Conventions are the fun aspects of AA.
Thank you for being a part of my sobriety today.
Bill az-bill@primenet.com
Member: alan h.
Location: sacramento, ca
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 10:54:10 PM
Hi , I'm Alan Im an alcoholic , one day without a drink , hopefully tomarrow will be the same , before 1999 I had been sober for 16 years with out a problem but some things got in the was broken relationship , brother died , dog died , started to have a small drink now and then , then heard vodka was hard to spot on a person , well its been a rough year , wife problems , dui , etc , been meaning to get to a meeting but embarresed since taking a shot at it 7 mounthes ago and failing , hopefully tomarrow , thanks for reading
Member: William.A.
Location: High-Point
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 10:54:17 PM
Hello,William,Alkie.
One of the important things I have learned in A/A is that we all have choices and in this situation you have a choice we can and will LOVE you for any choice you make after reading some or all of the replys that have been made. ITS HAS BEEN REAL,SOMETIMES WONDERFUL,I am learning to help make the fellowship I crave at times it has to do with what I bring to the table.
LOVE YOU MUCH.
William.A.
Member: bob
Location:
Date: 1/9/01
Time: 11:19:29 PM
hang in there alan,
and always remember...........it could be worse.........
Member: ALAN,R.
Location: PR.
Date: 1/10/01
Time: 12:05:30 AM
hi, my name is alan,recovering alcoholic. it's kinda late,but i'm glad i got online the fist share i read upset me, herd mentality? thank god those people where there when i walked thru the doors of aa. those people became the best friends i ever had, and closer than most of my family! i feel it's an indication you may be focused on the problem not the solution. just an opinion. also i want to say hello to alan h. i know how it feels failure, i am human i am also a alcoholic the most natural thing for me is to drink! think about it and get to a meeting when your done there will br people there waiting for you. god bless.
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 1/10/01
Time: 5:05:23 AM
Hi I am Jack, a real alcoholic.This is to Alan H., Sacramento Ca.Humility will get us sober, gratitude will keep us sober. Go back to the meetings my friend, we love you.IF YOU HAVE NOT HAD A DRINK TODAY YOU ARE IN GOOD STANDING IN ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. You are fortunate, at this point you have the chance to go back.Remember ALCOHOL makes us a promise I will kill you. God Bless you and hope to hear you online soon.
Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 1/10/01
Time: 11:24:58 AM
there is an oldtimer at my meeting group.he's in the hospital right now,i pray he makes it out.when he speaks ,i'm all ear's.he's a good guy with great things to say....if i where to die (and i'm not ready yet) and could look down at my own funeral,and see bunch's of people i didn't even know,i'd probably get a kick out of it.i'd say "God,who are these people? are you sure this is my funeral?"....anyway....today i pray not to drink alcohol and be the best person i can be. on the whole it is is good fellowship,all i have to do is not drink today.stick to the basics and not get sidetracked....easy does it...i'm tony an alcoholic.
Member: Barry L.
Location: PA
Date: 1/10/01
Time: 2:57:04 PM
I'm Barry and I'm an alcoholic,
Interesting topic, I went to a funeral recently for a friend in AA who passed away, I had moved out of the area about 1 1/2 years before, someone who had gotten close with our friend in the last 2 years asked me "what I was doing there" (in a tone that implied I did'nt have a right to be). I nicely pointed out that our friend had been my counselor in re-hab 7 years before, and we used to regularly attend a bigbook meeting together, prior to this other person even getting sober.
My point is especially in A.A., just because we are close with someone, does'nt mean others we are not even aware of are'nt equally close from past experience. Any member with a decent amount of time has probably touched hundreds of other A.A.'s over the years, the way we touch others through this Program is amazing, there are people I have only heard speak once, put if I found they died I would attend their viewing, because what they had said affected me profoundly.
As for Family members being upset, I don't understand this, I have been to many funerals over the years and have never seen a family member upset becuase to many people showed up. As someone pointed out unless a viewing/funeral is listed as a Private service, it is a public affair open to any and all who wish to pay their respects to the deceased, or the family, or to just say goodbye for themselves. To me the true barometer of how popular or loved a person was, is how many people show up at their funeral.
Herd Mentality, I think so, alone I helpless against Alcohol, If I travel with a herd of AA's I find safety, this is a we program.
Member: sarah
Location: scranton pa
Date: 1/10/01
Time: 3:36:09 PM
is this the new coffee pot??? im lost
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 1/10/01
Time: 3:56:01 PM
Alcoholic/addict/bulimic--here. All I can say is that I am so greatful for the people in A.A., and that they have saved my life. My sponsor especially--Infact today I am sending her a gift to show my appreciation for all of the time she has listened to my crazyness and has had so much patience with me. She was a sane ear in the midst of my insanity which has been some of my world with out the fix. She has truly been doing her service work in sharing with me all of her hard earned years of sobriety. SHe is now experiencing some physical problems and I only hope I can return the favor in some small way. This program has saved my life.. one day at a time!
Member: pete g
Location: puerto rico
Date: 1/10/01
Time: 4:39:57 PM
im really having a hard time staying sober. im on step 4 and i dont get it.if there is any help out there please help me, i need help right now very bad.
Member: Cherise L.
Location: Bloomsburg, PA
Date: 1/10/01
Time: 7:26:22 PM
Hi I'm Cherise and I'm a Grateful Alcoholic.
I really like alot of what has been said already. It makes me think of my experiences in the past with funerals and weddings.
Recently I went to an old boyfriends funeral. He never quite grasped recovery and it was very sad. There was barely anyone there. He was an only child and his parents were devastated that any of the friends he had were no where to be seen. It made me think of what my funeral would be like if I was still drinking.
I also attended a close friends funeral, who was in recovery and my eyes amazed me. She was loved by many, and had touched many hearts. There were a couple hundred people there, AA's and others. It was the most wonderful feeling of comfort for me to see. I spoke with family members that I have never met and they told me, they knew there mother was special, but had no idea to this many people. They were grateful for how many hearts were touched by their mother.
To me, AA has been more of a family to me than my own family. We are shown the true meaning of unconditional love and a feeling of true friendship in AA and what I have today is beyond my wildest dreams.
My wedding was a non-alcoholic wedding and many many AA's were their and I have to say it was an amazing wedding. I didn't fall dancing, I remembered all of it, I didn't insult any family members, and most of all I felt the fellowship all around me. It was more fun than any wedding I have been to drunk.
I am grateful for my sobriety today, my friends, my husband and family, and the fellowship of AA and all the blessings that come along with it.
The most important thing is if I don't pick up that first drink I can keep all of it!!!!!
Member: Doug K
Location: West Michigan
Date: 1/10/01
Time: 8:41:00 PM
Hi, everyone, my name is Doug - alkie. I was seven months sober when my sponsor Ol' Fred died. He had a rough last couple of weeks, and I was honored to spend alot of time with him before he went to the big meetin, in the sky. His funeral was something! People from all over this state, from Detroit to the U.P. showed up. Old folks, young folks, white coller and blue. Felons and drunks, rednecks and professors, preachers and sinners. What a testament to this humble mans' life and the program of A.A. It is beyond my comprehension how anyone could take offense of any kind by such a display of love and gratitude. This has been some few years ago, and he is still fondly remembered at many meetings...I only wish it to be god's will for me that I can touch so many as he did. Thanks
Member: Lori R.
Location: Canada
Date: 1/10/01
Time: 10:07:03 PM
Hey, Lori here alcoholic. I think about funerals sometimes because I've been to a few since I came to AA. Last summer a girl I knew in the program committed suicide and the funeral home was packed to standing room only. I often think sometimes, if she knew the kind of support she had, maybe she'd still be alive. I don't know much. But death helps me try to remember to treat people well when there still alive, because they might not always be that way.Lori
Member: Bernice G.
Location: Alberta Canada
Date: 1/11/01
Time: 1:50:38 AM
I was just wondering if there is anyone still on line????
Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 1/11/01
Time: 7:59:47 AM
I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic, sober today by the Grace of God and the AA fellowship. When events like funerals, weddings, parties, or any social event come, my first reaction is to figure out a way to say no. I can be very inventive in my thinking. After all, my favorite thing to do when I was a drinking drunk was to sit in a room by myself with a bottle. Now I know that each of these events is an opportunity and a choice provided by my higher power. It is up to me to decide what is the right thing. I've learned to carefully examine my motives when I respond. When I say no, is it my alcoholic desire to isolate? Am I just going back to that empty room to stew in my best thinking? Or, is this an opportunity provided by God so I can learn? Is this really an opportunity to be of service to someone? If so, God would want me to be there. For me, each situation presented is different. It is up to me to sort out my motives, bad thinking, and character defects, pray for God's will, and try to recognize the answer. Then, hopefully, I will choose the right thing to do. Thanks for letting me share. Love, Fred
Member: connie w
Location: hutch., ks.
Date: 1/11/01
Time: 8:55:27 AM
i love the newly sober so much. i have seen two letters really reaching out for help. i am new to this online thing so i am wondering how long we staying on a polling of oppinion and or can we start addressing the guys asking for help. to pete my experience is that when i got really willing to look at myself honestly 4th step made more sense. so you may have to just stay sober go to meetings and talk to your sponcer a little longer. alan h hang in there we love you guys. i know your home group would love to see you at a meeting. only a little discomfort for alot of love and acceptance.
Member: Patti G
Location: New York
Date: 1/11/01
Time: 12:38:09 PM
Hi, I'm Patti, a recovering alcoholic. When a policeman or fireman dies, or an elected official dies, or an recenly here in New York, the Arch Bishop of St. Patrick's Cathedal dies, all who believe in that indiviual and what that individual stood for join together to show support and love. Whether it be a funeral or a wedding what better way for others to show they care for someone who has left this world; clean, sober with dignity and respect. Patti G. New York
Member: Melissa
Location: Texas
Date: 1/11/01
Time: 6:41:36 PM
Melissa, alcoholic, addict - as long as we're there to honor our friend & support the family,I think it's appropriate. But, being from Texas, I have been to a few where the recovering members "took" over & tried to make a meeting out of the funeral.
Member: Mary K
Location: Boston (Raynham)
Date: 1/11/01
Time: 7:16:59 PM
Hi all! Mary, alcy
I would be interested in knowing if "Curious about other's opinions" is in the program or not. I have never heard of groups of AAers refered to as "herd mentality". I was taught that groups don't drink, individuals do. My first home group was pretty tight knit and if an AAer in the general community passed on some of us would "pay our respects" at the wake/shiva, what-have-you. As with meetings of AA, wakes have an option of being open or closed. I do not understand why a family would be upset by people that may be strangers to them but not to the deceased came to pay respects. If that was the motive of their attending....please tell me, what then is wrong with that?
As for "open" AA weddings, I personally have never heard of them....but then again I am from the north - lol.
God bless all
Member: Micheline W
Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Date: 1/11/01
Time: 8:21:27 PM
I personally would be very honored that people took the time to go to my loved one's funeral. Often a sober member of AA has given back to other members of the AA community because they were not always in a position to give back to their own family members. Often because members are not able to make amends to their family members either due to lack of communication or loss connections they fullfill their amends by helping other members in honor of their loss ties to significant love ones. I would perhaps be able to forgive my love one of unresolved resentments knowing he has helped others in my place and that his devotion to other members gave his/her solice.
Member: Greg H
Location: San Diego
Date: 1/11/01
Time: 10:48:19 PM
Went to a funeral for a person I new in the program. It was awesome. On a hillside overlooking the ocean. The minister said some words and then asked if any would like to speak. One by one just like in a meeting everybody shared and said there goodbyes. When they were finished, the minister said "I thought I knew God, but you people have a connection the likes of which I have never experienced before". He clearly was moved by the presense of God moving through the group of sober folk on that hillside. We were a part of the family that day. God's family of souls. Thanks for sharing on that topic, it brings back the sweetest memories. Image that, a self-centered person like me, warmed for life by a funeral. I am convinced God has a plan and it ain't mine. Peace! Stay sober today. My name is Greg and I qualify.
Member: charlesr
Location: MD
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 1:15:56 AM
charlesr i quit drinking because it was effeecting my health
Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 1:24:49 AM
Mary K: Your close was a hoot!! L O L
I know, I know, I double-dipped :-)
Member: mike m
Location: bend,OR
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 3:41:59 AM
my name is mike ,alcoholic.sober today by the grace of a (hp) and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.they told me when i was new that AA was like herd of sheep and that alcohol was like the wolf the wolf only gets the ones that are out side of the herd,so stay in the herd.to the new people all i can say is get a sponsor go to meetings work the steps. for me the pain and the insanity of drinking again drove me into working this program as best i could at the time. it gets better,thanx for letting me share
Member: Joyce A
Location: SE Texas
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 6:03:14 AM
My sponsor passed away and his funeral was held as an AA meeting.The preacher came to our meetings as the head of the church where we met.To anyone not in AA it appeared as a "normal"funeral,but to AA folks it was recognized as a AA meeting.This man had done so nuch for so many the small church was overfilled.As to the herd mentality yep I remember the herd at the liquor store at opening time.I only hope my funeral will be as serene as my sponsors was.
Member: Mary G
Location: Sydney, Australia
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 7:13:16 AM
I haven't been to any funerals or weddings since being in AA (3.5 years). But if I ever got married (or died!) I would feel so honoured if a loving herd of AA members showed up to share the occasion. I am a chronic isolator, most often afraid to go to meetings because of a fear of people. I fear the love that is on offer the most. I suffer from envy of those who have gained the ability to actually allow people to get to know them, and share in their lives. I fantasise about having genuine and lasting frienships in A.A. I am turning 40 soon, and worried that I will have no friends to invite to the party. Perhaps if I can summon up the courage to start doing meetings again I may find myself welcomed into a loving loyal herd of unconditional supporters. Consider how it would feel if no-one showed up. The beauty of the AA that I have seen, is that people who otherwise have little in common, are able to find common ground and share an indefinable bond with each other. It seems like a rare and beautiful thing to me.
Member: glen
Location:
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 8:34:24 AM
DWIGTH (Dwight?) -- Meetings in Korea:
Member: glen
Location:
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 8:34:30 AM
DWIGTH (Dwight?) -- Meetings in Korea:
Member: Tim V
Location: Poconos
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 9:03:32 AM
I've seen this myself some. A funeral or wedding becomes a general AA social event. In the cases I've seen there was never a problem. The AA members had become part of the family and the family part of AA.
I can see how it would be quite a shock for people who were not part of the AA world to have a hundred coffee drinking, hugging, smoking, joking, war story telling ex-drunks invade the wake. The family would probably feel like the outsiders at least and possibly embarrassed by the frank openness AA's have about their alcoholism when around each other.
The only remedy I can see, if the deceased lived in two worlds (AA and other), is to have a private family deal and then an open public one. The problem is of course, that you wouldn't know you needed it until it was too late....
I guess that is part of the "costs of the disease!" My condolences to the family on both counts.
PS I love AA
Member: Michael
Location:
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 9:57:36 AM
Life Sucks
Member: need cash
Location: lots of it
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 1:27:56 PM
i hear that michael..........life double-sucks
we need to make some big time money.......this would help my situation a bunch..........
Member: Jim K.
Location: West Texas
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 3:15:26 PM
Hello folks! My name is Jim, and I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict.
I've been out of the loop for about a month, and just now getting to catch up. I hope everybody had a good (or at least non-cataclysmic) holiday season.
Anyway, on to the discussion topic. Recently someone from the recovery community here in West Texas passed away. And here, like many other places, there were a great many recovering people who came together to celebrate her life. This wonderful and amazing woman was such an inspiration in her forty+ years of sobriety, and I was truly moved to see the turnout.
It is true that many people who attended the memorial service and/or the funeral did not know this woman personally. It is also true, however, that everything this woman did in her life came from the idea and principle of reaching out to others, one drunk helping another. Of all the people I have met in the program, this incredible woman was the ONLY PERSON WHO CONSISTENTLY LIVED WHAT SHE SPOKE! If there was a homeless heroin addict who wanted to kick, her house was open. When they stole her TV, she simply got another one and found another hopeless drunk or dope fiend to reach out to. She stated many times that this was how she stayed sober for so many years. It was as if she was able to reach out to those who did not know her, and those of us who did, one last time before she was put in the ground.
I guess it is up to the individual, and I understand that anonymity is the key element of Alcoholics Anonymous as an organization. But as recovering people, it seems that the unity that comes from celebrating the lives of those who have gone before us is just as important as reaching out to the newcomer that walks through the door.
Member: JOSE
Location:
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 5:21:56 PM
IM JOSE,AND I LIKIA BURITOS AND FRITOS HER IN AMERICA.I MAKA MUCHO MONYS HERE.I NEED A GREENE CARD FOR POLICIA DONT DEPORT ME AGAIN
Member: craig h.
Location: nevada, reno
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 10:32:35 PM
i think that you have lost the topic for this meeting. i think we need to show some concern for our fellow man & woman! aa shows us how to stay sobor and the higher power show's us what is right for us in our day to day life. some people would think of attending a wedding or funeral as a pain in the a--. but maybe you need to think of the people that are left behind. some times we need to show that we care! thanks for the time. craig in reno,nv.
Member: charlijo
Location:
Date: 1/12/01
Time: 11:46:59 PM
Hi I am an alchoholic aa's are friends and I want my friends to remember me and do not expect them to come to my funeral but I am sure they will all come to console my family. I am greatful for everyones fellowship.
Member: Stacy C
Location: CENT. TX
Date: 1/13/01
Time: 12:36:15 PM
Howdy Folks, How is everybody today? I dont want to share my opinion on this topic. Because I dont think it relates to my or anybody eles's recovery.
I heard alot of people asking for help with there program . Working with another alcolic has proved to me to be one the greatest tools to my sobriety.I dont try to shove this program down anybodys throat but when somebody ask for help I pray that the hand of AA will be there. If your struggling with this program all I can offer you is what works for me.and that is Dont drink,Go to regular meetings,read the big book,get a sponsor,and work the steps as best as you can.Like the NIKIE commercial JUST DO IT!!! I tried to quit drinking my way for about 10 yrs,to no avail.After 27 yrs of drinking 4 tretment centers I finally surrendered myself to this program I managed to put together 9 mths of sobriety,MY life got better my marrige got beetter my money got better,then I started slipping away from my meetings and doing the 5 things I mentioned above,I relapsed ,I picked up right where I left off ,but then IT got worst than I could of ever possibly could of imagined,I drank more I did more drugs than i could ever do before i could not stop .after 7 mths of this I landed in still another detox 10 days and they told me I was going to die if i continued on this way . I left ther and did those 5 things I spoke previously ,I have managed to put together over 4 yrs of sobriety, one day at a time .This program Has taught me a new way of living,I never want to go back to that old life,I go to a tretment center every fri nite 4 a meeting,I find that offerring myself for sponsorship,shareing my experince, strength and hope at these meetings helps me in away that is undescribeable.roostercloud@aol
Member: DonF
Location: Londonderry, NH
Date: 1/13/01
Time: 2:48:48 PM
Don, recovering alcoholic. Anonymity is important, to the alky, and to the family thereof. Appreciation and respect to the departed, also important. Although, after death, we cannot change his destiny.
Seems to me that the sponsor of the departed should contact the family and see how they feel about mass AA participation, vs attendance by close freinds only, and they know who they are. I've been to funerals of AA members, and there was never a marking of a row of seats for family, and a row for the fellowship. The AA's behaved themselves, and I didn't observe a "herd" of distant acquaintances and strangers. Seems like things took care of themselves.
Member: Marv B.
Location: Bedford Tx.
Date: 1/13/01
Time: 10:59:31 PM
Dear "Curious about others opinions." I certainly can't look into someone elses heart and prejudge if they came to a funeral simply because it was one of the members. In AA we share a common bond. If someone has been a member and has actively been attending AA for a while, this person has made an influence or impact. This person has touched the lives of many. In such cases, the funeral home is apt to be filled with alcoholics in Alcoholics Anonymous who are "Just members of AA." If we are on the outside looking in, we may not be able to see the deep meaning of it all. But if we are a are member of AA who has sat in a few meetings with this person who died, , we'll probably be there with them if at all possible.
Member: Sammy D.
Location: Boston,Ma.
Date: 1/13/01
Time: 11:29:50 PM
Hi everyone. I am new on the web. Glad i found this place. Nice group and i hope to visit often. I am blessed,as of last week,26-years-of continuous sobriety and i am one grateful dude. Thanks to AA and people like you i have been a most fortunite alchy. Y'all have a good day and stay close!
Member: Sammy D.
Location: Boston,Ma.
Date: 1/13/01
Time: 11:30:22 PM
Hi everyone. I am new on the web. Glad i found this place. Nice group and i hope to visit often. I am blessed,as of last week with 26-years-of continuous sobriety and i am one grateful dude. Thanks to AA and people like you i have been a most fortunite alchy. Y'all have a good day and stay close!
Member: sam b.
Location: venetta ore
Date: 1/13/01
Time: 11:45:41 PM
i am an organ donor,i know when im dead it will be the only part still salvageable.
sam
Member: Ken S.
Location: Mifflintown, Pa USA
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 2:11:04 AM
I am Ken and I am a recovered alcohlic. I have been to many AA members funerals. Both steptakers and balkers. The steptakers who were into action were very moving events. The shear numbers of people and the wonderful ways their life impacted the living was the best testimony to the power of God and the Program of Alcohlics Anonymous. This could be seen by watching the peoples actions at the funeral. Friends and Sponsee's brought the people they were working with just like the person who had passed on. And you can see it being given back. I have been to many funerals of people who could not avail themselves to this program. In death they did much more for the living then in life. For it always jumpstarted other balkers because they knew the corpse. It is real easy to forget that this disease kills. And in death they managed to turn the lights on for others. Herd mentality maybe maybe not. Gods will definately for it happened.
Member: Lorie b
Location: illinois
Date: 1/14/01
Time: 9:11:54 AM
there was alot of good comments and things shared.i'm glad i found this site.sober 12.5years and looking for more! thanks