Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 6:45:09 PM

Comments

I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic. I'm sober today because my higher power heard me begging and performed a miracle. When I tell people what happened, I tell them that God restored my power to choose. I can now choose not to drink, choose not to feel angry, choose who I listen to and follow, choose how I feel, and choose my beliefs. There was a time when I rebelled against the religious teachings of my childhood. Then, well into sobriety, I realized there was great value in some of the teachings, and over time, I chose to keep some and leave some. I kept the Golden Rule, for example, and left the guilt. I do agree with the old AA saying that religion is for those trying to keep from going to hell, and spirituality is for those who have been there. But, we all have the ability and freedom in sobriety to choose, and I believe there are religious teachings and principles which can help me stay sober. Thanks for letting me share. Love, Fred


Member: Chris F.
Location: Alfred, NY
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 7:05:31 PM

Comments

I take it that the topic is around spiritually. One thing my sponser had me do when I first entered the program was list how I saw God working in my everyday life. It helped me because I also was raised in religion and walked away from it and towards a drink when I was around sixteen. He had me make a list of four or five instances where God helped me that day. Eventually that helped change my thinking, so I realized that I wasn't the self-sufficient person I thought I was. God is good and I'm thankful to be sober today.


Member: Jim D
Location: Greenwich Village
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 7:15:57 PM

Comments

Im Jim an alcoholic, glad to be here. Hey you guys it is an interesting site. The topic of spirituality in every day life is very interesting also. I have been meditating for the last week, asking for a clear mind. AA and its spirituality have brought me out of a very dark place. I have not been sober long but I have seen doors opened by the program. I feel the power in a new life and its choices. I need a fresh start, I am tired by my old thinking. It leaves me in the dark and toward another drink. Im thankful also to be sober today, I like the new horizon the program offers. Thanks I'll be in touch, Jim.


Member: Cyndi R
Location:
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 7:34:10 PM

Comments

Jim, Cyndi, alcoholic. Hi Jim, sounds like you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. Keep comming back and the Promises will come true. I need to talk about a friend who has chosen to go back out, after 12 years. It hurts me very much to see her like she is. I have given her to God. He is the ONLY one who can help her make the choice to stay sober. Thanks for listening. Cyndi


Member: Bill O
Location: Lee Summit, Mo
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 8:00:32 PM

Comments

This is a good topic for me. I was raised in a religion with an powerful all knowing God, and I was sure going to hell for all the stuff I done. God was to be feared, hidden from. BUT ya can't hide!! I gave up on church manuy years ago. I came into the program and was introduced to the concept of a God "of my understanding", and it turned out to be friendly and helpful God with and ear to listen. I am very grateful now to know this God. God brought me to AA, and AA brought me to God. If I wanted preaching, I would go to church, and AA understands that. God can be Good Orderly Direction, or even a Group of Drunks! Thanks to my sponsor and his Cosmic Muffin and to all recovering alcoholics out there.


Member: Kathy D
Location: MTL.
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 8:46:34 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Kathy and this is my very first time on the computer, so, I hope you all will be gentle on me.

I have been in A.A for seven years but, I have lost contact and have not been to any meetings in about a year and a half .

Although I read alot of spiritual books and feel very close to my GOD, there is definately something to be said for human contact and I was never good at that type of thing.

Somehow, I feel this has stunted my growth with A.A, I have always had a fear of getting close.

I would love to get some HELP!.


Member: Peter N
Location: Seattle, WA
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 8:49:06 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Peter and I am an alcoholic, and I am very happy to be able to share this New Year with everyone by the grace of God as I understand him. My higher power plays a very important role in my life today, and by letting him in my life, others let me into their lives. The AA program has helped me see that I only control my actions today and I CANNOT control other people, places and things. Afterall, it's what we learn after we know it all that counts the most according to my sponsor, and I continue to learn more everyday. This is my first time to an online meeting, and I enjoy the discussion so I will be back. Thanks for being here, it's nice to know I have friends online as well as the meeting rooms of AA. Happy New Year to all, one day at a time!


Member: jo and ruby
Location: Australia
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 8:57:03 PM

Comments

My experience with God is that God is always there to help me but I have to choose to see his help and to be open to God and the only way for me to do this is by surrendering myself to his will. My AA experience has proved my God to be a God of Love over and over again. This is the God of my understanding today thanks to AA and the Big Book which tells us what this program has to offer us along the spiritual path. Thank you Dear God for keeping me sober today and bless all those still suffering.


Member: KATHY D
Location: MTL QUE.
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 9:33:35 PM

Comments

Thank you, jo,Ruby. That is what I needed to hear I guess I get caught up in my own little world that I can't see what is right in front of my nose.


Member: William G
Location: ny
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 10:45:20 PM

Comments

I have been sober for 17 years.I seem to have lost the importance of going to meetings. I have outlived my sponsers and moved away from my home group. I'm hoping someone can refresh my desire to attend meetings


Member: Dan H
Location: Glennallen, Alaska
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 10:50:51 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone...Dan H, alkie and addict here. The first 2 years I was in AA, I had half a God...or at least I only let half of Him in. I was double whammied and didn't know I was a pot addict until my world came crashing down on me in July. I knew there was something missing in my AA program but didn't really think my pot smoking had any bearing on it. After all....I hadn't drank in over two years. After spending 60 days in the slammer for growin dope, I gave myself over completely to my higher power and things are GOOD now. Like they should have been if I had done that in the first place. Thank God for AA and everyone in it, or I would have never got that message. Love all of you and welcome back Kathy D. Hope you make it to a face to face meeting soon. dirtydan@alaska.net


Member: Kristene B.
Location: Florida
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 11:14:52 PM

Comments

William G. I hope I can refresh your desire to go back to your meetings.

Him I am Kristene and I'm an alcoholic. I am a newcomer and I was told I could find an online meeting when I heard the 'committee' talk.

I am grateful to have survived one more day.

Thank you for letting me share..


Member: Danny T.
Location: Ventura Co. Cal.
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 11:27:54 PM

Comments

I'm Danny and I'm an alcoholic. AA has given me a new life and I am eternally grateful.When someone non-alcoholic comes to me with a problem I don't always know what to tell them.Sometimes it is frustrating, although it makes me grateful that God has laid these spiritual tools ready for my use when a problem arises. There is a solution and it is usually comes from the Big Book or from another fellow alcoholic.I had four years and walked out of a meeting and got loaded, the only thing worse than picking up that drink was the year that preceded it with the lonely desparation that only an Alcoholic knows.I don't regret what happened, I have 5 years sober now. One thing that I learned is not to hold back. To let someone know what is going on no matter how much shame I feel.It is much more beneficial to save my a__ than try to save my face. A.A. loves you William go to a meeting.


Member: Sue V
Location: Exira Iowa
Date: 1/2/00
Time: 11:33:02 PM

Comments

I'm Sue, and alcoholic and an addict. I never grew up in a very religious home. Sunday mornings were for family - aunts, uncles, cousins, not church. Oh, I made it all through Sunday school, but I never did join the church. I just had no belief in him at all, one way or the other. I turned to hating God when I stood on the shore on the farm pond that my husband of six months had drowned in...leaving me with a four week old baby. I could see no Godness in this, none at all. As I stood there and listened to the birds singing and watched the sun come up, I couldn't believe that life was going on....and I hated him.

When I finally found my way to treatment 23 years later, I can only say a miracle occurred. I was given the assignment to describe my higher power. I struggled and read every thing I could on the topic, and somehow as I was just "putting something on paper to please the counselors" a change came about. I saw that most of the pain I had in my life was of my making, my choices. Through AA I now know that God will take care of me as long as I let him. I know that where I am is where I need to be, and where I am going is going to be good. It is a mantra I repeat many times.

God also gave me the wonderful gift on the serenity prayer. It is like a formula I apply to each situation in my life. It is so wonderful to know that I do not have to worry about tomorrow, I just need to do what it takes to make today right. Pray, meditate,inventories and follow my heart. My counselor taught me that my heart or my "gut" is actually God talking to me. When my gut feels right, I am following his way...when it is not, self will has taken over again.

The book "God on a Harley" really helped me understand how God can accomplish a one-to-one relationship with me and still take care of all the other business of the world. I love that book.

Recently, I had severe financial problems (no child support for three months!) and I finally fell to my knees and admitted to God that I was powerless, I couldn't do it any more. My banker called the next morning to let me know I was nearly $900 overdrawn and said that he had met a woman two days earlier who could maybe help me. He called her (again, my higher power knew if I had been given the number it would have taken me 2 to 3 months to call!) and she called me and I am feeling so very, very good about getting back on track financially. Everyday he is there for me. Every day. I just have to let him in.

Sorry for the long post, but my gut felt right doing it, so please just go with us. In a few days I will have 4 years, clean and sober. I saw an old "using buddy" this weekend and I thought....there but for the grace of God go I.

Thankfully, clean and serene in 2000. Sue


Member: JCP  ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 1:21:22 AM

Comments

When, therefore, we speak to you of God, we mean your own conception of God.--"We Agnostics," Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 42.

To "manage" daily drinking, I had to try to arrange the real smasheroos on the eves of days off--Saturday and one or two "variable feasts" each week. For years I "made it," starting early, at 7:15. There are ways--lots of liquid (water) and mental concentration so pinpointed on my work that the wastebasket could have caught fire without my noticing.

"Sobriety" for me was strictly one day at a time (more than a year). I KNEW (not just thought!) I would drink again--never had known anyone who stopped "for good." I still believe I was right, and owe my continuing sobriety ENTIRELY to the higher power in A.A.

I don't recall any resentment against religion. Spirituality and religion are NOT the same, any more than talent and art, or intelligence and education. Can't blame my seven-year drunk on religion, and I really think that, for me, any time spent fuming about it would be misdirected.

Different approaches may work, depending upon where and how one has been drunk, but one suggestion I don't think I could have lived with is having to make the decision over and over!

At first in A.A., I had trouble making a decision that would last all day, let alone a lifetime. Yet one suggestion, if I understood correctly, to throw my A.A. decision back open is not something I would want to get close to unless I felt real anxiety about its near future.

Actually, I completely missed any worry about whether religious people were condemning me. Indifference seemed to be their game, but I was not losing much sleep over them, either.

I think the old One Day at A Time makes sense here. I feel A.A. is still daily for me--and I generally go along with the thought that today I am either moving AWAY from my last drunk or TOWARD my next one. And, for now, so far so good!


Member: Nancy P.
Location: California, USA
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 1:35:30 AM

Comments

I think the simplist I can say this is I keep a gratitude list. I believe this list is a discription of my Higher Power. I know that the longer this list has gotten the more spiritual I have become.


Member: Bob H
Location: 58 58 N  136 13 W
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 2:24:33 AM

Comments

Bob H alcoholic, I have been given some insights into myself in the last week or so that I can only describe as from God. I hav finally realized in my gut what it means to be accepting and powerless. Dealing with three kids as a single parent I thought I was responsible for them. I begin to understand that I am responsible to them. To listen with compassion and understanding and not judge. I am finding that I can deal with me in the same fashion. i had a major slip today interms of deling with my son. I was able to get back on track and not beat myself up too much. Gods will be done means I deal with me and the world with love and compassion. Peace Bob H


Member: Bones
Location: NE USA
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 3:14:14 AM

Comments

One way that this HP and spirituality has come to help me is in little comments and stories of the people I am meeting. Sue V. for example, your story really touched me, and as with so many other stories I have had the priviledge of hearing, it is resounding in me now in ways I can't begin to explain. Part of it is the fact that you help me to have a little courage. I always knew that our Creator was in control, but I never fully realized that I could choose to live so completely in my own little reality until I managed to pollute my life with alcohol. The thing is that I like this new life, and while it is sometimes difficult, this is a better life, and I haven't relaxed like this since I was a child, because I am content to let God do his thing with my life, the way I was when I was a child. Kathy D, well done on your first computer excursion into the cyber world. Face to face meetings are more complete, but I find these help me alot, and I can get to them anytime. Jim and Peter welcome! Good to have you here. Finally, Dan H, thanks for sharing, you helped me brother, alot!


Member: iris
Location: amsterdam
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 6:25:12 AM

Comments

Hi, iris alcoholic, thanks really for the topic,what I took out of it was the power in sobriety to choose and I really needed to hear that. My addiction is having a party in some other area's of my life. And I feel after reading the sharing, today, and only for today, i can ask God for the willingness of choosing what's best for me today, auw.Thanks for letting me share and i wish you all the things you would wish for yourself in this New Year!


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 7:15:51 AM

Comments

This is Fred again, alcoholic. Last night when I wrote my comment, I was not the first on the site, so I just chimed in on spirituality, which was the topic last week. Looks like the techies zeroed out everyone's comments before mine and we are off again on the same topic. If someone wants to start a new topic for this week, please do so. Fred


Member: Dana
Location: NE
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 7:52:38 AM

Comments

William and Kathy I am glad you wrote. I was just thinking this morning that I would like to write about the same thing. I, too, haven't been to a meeting in a while. I have been sober for 8 and a half years, but in the last year or so I have dropped meetings, especially since I moved to a new area. When I had five years in AA, I started to become disillusioned with the people in AA. I know it says we place principles before personalities, but I struggle in doing so. I became tired of listening to people tell me how to run my program or act as if their program was much better than everyone else's, only to find out that they were full of dung, if you will. I love AA, I love the principles, I love my spirituality. I am still terrified of drinking and do not feel that the life I lived while drinking is a distant memory, it is always fresh in my mind. I just struggle with the fellowship. So I have settled for this site as a means of discussion of AA principles, for now. Has anyone else had this experience? I am afraid of becoming too distant from AA, as I have had people that are very dear to me go back out and the similarities is that they quit going to meetings. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Stanley B
Location: Delaware
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 8:59:45 AM

Comments

The topic was spirituality last week. I like the other part of Fred M's posting and will write about that. The power of choice!

I am so glad that someone finally said that we have some power. I often get very discouraged in AA meetings when I hear people spend so much time verbally abusing themselves. The longer someone sits and tells themselves that they are powerless over everything and they are not wothy of anything, the better the chances are that that person will become just a that. A non-worthy wimp who allows the rest of the world to tell how to live! Sorry, I know that this is not popular belief in this program but it is what I have witnessed in AA more and more over the years. The truth is that the only place the word powerless is mentioned in the 12 steps is in step 1. And it clearly says that we are powerless over alcohol. Not powerless over everything!

God gave us the the beautiful gift of free Will. I don't believe that He would have given that to us if he did not want us to use it. What would be the purpose of that? I make choices every day of my life. Some are OK and others are not, but I do know one thing for sure. It does not matter if I goof at making a choice because God gave me the power to re-choose. If I really believed that I had no options because I am "powerless" over everything, then I would be stuck in one miserable life.

The truth is that I am powerless over one thing and that is alcohol. I have no power over what the booze does to me. However I do have the power of choice and today, one of the ways I exercise that power is by choosing not to take that first drink and going to meetings.

Thanks for topic Fred M. it is nice to talk about real world stuff like that.

Happy New Year Stanb2001@aol.com


Member: MARY K
Location: BOSTON
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 10:02:17 AM

Comments

HI ALL,,Mary - Alcy

Saw your comment above Fred and I would like to make a suggestion:

************************************************ SELF-FORGIVENESS ************************************************

I am 11+ years sober through the Grace of God, the Fellowship of AA and the 12/12. I have grown in oh so many areas of my life (cried many tears, laughed as I never laughed before).

I recently returned to counseling/therapy only to discover that I have forgiven all but myself!!!!!!! I came into this program a true blue alcy with tons of garbage (from my drinking, my parents drinking, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, etc. etc). Any suggestions will be most appreciated.

God bless us one & all - Mary


Member: jill w
Location:
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 11:26:24 AM

Comments

Hi!! First time to this site, and 1 1/2 days sober. i was looking for online chats, within this forum. if anyone has suggestions, as to where to go, possibly a womens group, would be greatly appreciated!! Thank You, Jill W.


Member: KATHY D
Location: MTL QUE
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 11:33:28 AM

Comments

Kathy D, here, OH BOY! forgiveness is a pretty big word and the whole concept scares the hell out of me. one thought, and question. are some things unforgiveable and if they are, are you being disloyal to others? sorry for being so vague...


Member: Tim V
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 12:35:02 PM

Comments

Dana, William and Kathy:

On Attending Meetings:

Sure, I too have slipped away from meetings, like you and for all the same reasons. It usually starts with rationalizations like; Iím away on vacation, my schedule is changed, I donít like the smoke, I donít like the group conscience, I donít like that SOB, the children, the wife, the job, I donít need it as much, and on and on. Then there are the positive claims; Iím in counseling, church, the ďfieldĒ(working in treatment). And the worst thing happenedÖnothing!

I also have a dead sponsor, Art D. and one who moved to Vermont, Joe H. Iím usually the guy with the most time at all the meetings I attend, and I get tired of arguing about traditions with newcomers, atheists, drug addicts, treatment centers, media people and bleeding deacons. I also hate to eat crow and admit that Iím wrong to my home group when I become the bleeding deacon.

But, I believe this is alcoholISM, not WASm . I believe that I am powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable. I believe that this is a physical, mental and spiritual disease. For me, words and knowledge are of little value in sobriety. It is my actions, which reflect my true self. To stay away from meetings is a blatant denial of my powerlessness, and strong evidence that I have not had the spiritual awakening that is THE result of these 12 steps. Otherwise, I would be carrying the AA message to alcoholics and practicing these principles in all my affairs. I need to go to AA to do that.

Thatís the high ground. Then there are the people like you guys who come back briefly to say something is missing in your life. There are others who come to say they got drunk. I sponsor one of those right now. And there are those who die of the disease.

I respect the evidence. I didnít and donít do well without AA. People I know who tried it without AA donít do well either. Please keep coming back.

Thanks for helping me stay sober today.

Blessings.


Member: Jeff
Location: CA
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 12:54:22 PM

Comments

I'm Jeff and I'm an alcoholic. I have never been one to "indulge" in online AA but I kind of like it. I am particularly interested in what William, Kathy, and Dana were saying. Like William, I've been sober for 17 years. There have been times over the years that I have drifted from the "fellowship" of AA and in retrospect I can see that there has always been some type of price that has followed. For me today it is important to maintain contact with other recovering alcoholics. I know that God speaks to me through people. All people. Sometimes I see alcoholics showing me what I need to do to truly experience sobriety and sometimes they show me what not to do. Both lessons are equally valuable and I only get them if I'm present. I think that I can get into this online stuff but I know in my heart that I need personal contact with other alcoholics to fully experience what my AA program can bring into my life. Thanks for sharing. Jeff


Member: Jay S
Location: Upper Midwest
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 12:55:12 PM

Comments

Hi, everyone- Jay, alcoholic. I'm so glad I found this page, it's really helping me to reconnect with the program. Thank you, all, for sharing.

I especially heard what was said about having time, and not making meetings, or moving intellectually/emotionally, etc. away from the program. I've got over ten years, and am now living in a very small town. We have but one meeting a week, sparsely attended, and some there have been slipping and sliding for years, so the focus can often be quite negative and redundant. I attended a few times (I've lived here only two and a half years) but then sought other alternatives.(basically church..) Needless to say, this is a very rural community, which is a big switch for me. I got sober on the East Coast, moving later in sobriety to the West Coast. I've always enjoyed more intellectual pursuits than I have found living here, but it's been a great experience for my kids. Most of my wifes' family is here, so their life is very rich.

Anyway, as an alcoholic, I can rationalize almost anything. No, strike that, I can rationalize anything. I guess it really comes down to what lengths I'm willing to go to for my own sobriety. I felt my needs weren't being met in these meetings in many different ways. So I quit going.

I haven't slipped physically yet, but I certainly don't have the same sense of being centered, and growing, that I once did. I have promised myself that tonight I will drive the miles to the larger city (50K),that we live outside of, and make a meeting. Let's see if it happens.

You know, I don't know what the answers are- but more often than not, I have been given the tools to find them. Bill says (I paraphrase) to be still, and really listen, then the answers will come.

I'm grateful that I'm sober today, and very glad to have found this additional outlet for at least opening up, and sharing. I hope I can get back to really working a strong program- I miss and need that so much.

Sorry this is so long! Happy New Year to all! Jay S- spellboundone@aol.com


Member: Von
Location: OH
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 1:08:50 PM

Comments

Von, grateful alcoholic. I'm a wordy one, so I am grateful that this discussion group requires only one post per person per week out of consideration of giving others a chance to share.

I paraphrase because I don't have the book with me right now, "Acceptance is the key to all of my problems today...when I find some person, place, or situation that is unacceptable to me...nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake...we step on the toes of our fellows and invariably they retaliate...instead, I pray, "God, here is a sick person...How can I be of service to them?..." And all throughout the Book are the answers that we need. The challenge is ARE WE ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS?

What am I blabbering about? (Help me here, JCP!) First, it's not my job to try to direct the show. It is not my job to sit down and do other people's inventory. I am not better than anyone in or out of AA, and in order for me to learn, God forces me to my knees. I need humility in order to be able to have love, compassion, and understanding of another. It is not my job to stand up and point fingers judging, and tearing up other people. My AA family tells me that "We're not bad people trying to be good, we're sick people trying to get well." Only an alcoholic can help another alcoholic. So William G and Dana, you have the gift of time and experience. Bring it to meetings. Share your experience strength and hope with us. We need you, because you will save someone's life whether you notice it or not. William G, you wanted some suggestions. I am so admiring of you right now, because you are a true example of what this program can do. You have the grace to ask for help. You have the choice to be willing to listen to what another AA may tell you even if you have many, many years. An old timer once told me that Step 12 is crucial for them..."to carry this message to other alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs..." Go to meetings. Just because we love others today, doesn't mean we have to like them. But since it's PRINCIPLES, nor PERSONALITIES, get involved. Chair a meeting, clean ashtrays, drive people to meetings, visit the detox clinics. We have to give it away to keep it. And like an old timer (34 years) said in his lead last night, "Don't pass, pass it on."

Another thing to consider, is since I started, I have gone back and done past steps again, especially my 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th. Steps 10-12 are maintenance steps and have to be part of my life (which I have given up to God). In other words, there's always room for growth. We pick up new baggage along the way and it never hurts to clean house every so often. After all we're alcoholics and the Book tells us this is a "thinking disease".

Go to meetings. Practice the principle (12x12) in all your affairs, carry this message to other alcoholics, continue to be an example to others. We need you and we love you. Don't let your thinking drive you out of the rooms. We are dead without you. We cannot stay sober without you.

Kathy, it's not about me and what my AA family is doing or not doing right. It's about what I can do to help another alcoholic. It's about principles. Not personalities. It's about Honesty, Unselfishness, Purity, and Love. It's about you and me together, not you or me separately.

God, I pray to be kind, considerate, understanding and loving today. I pray to do your will, not mine, today. I pray not to think ill of others or hurt others today. I pray that You help me stay sober today. I pray that I help another alcoholic stay sober today. I thank you for my life and the program and Family of AA that keep me sober today.


Member: Rick S.
Location: B.C. NV.
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 4:03:21 PM

Comments

Hello my name is Rick and I am still an alcoholic...Spirituality is the same as our stories, different reasons for being here but all from the same common disease. For me I truely believe that my sobriety is contingent upon my spiritual condition on a daily basis... what this means is that i need to be looking for ways to help others (instead of me) every day. My daily prayer is to accomplish this, God who ever I am supossed to help today please let me know what to say and dont let me miss them. William G. you need to think back when you first got sober...if there had not been people there whith some time who could tell you how to get this thing, would you be sober today? It is our responsibility to pass on this program to the alcoholic who is still sufferring. I was told there is no dues for membership but I have a debt to repay to those who helped save my life...that is payed a little at a time when I go to a meeting and share my experience, strength, and hope (not advice) for newcomers to hear and understand this thing works. No inspiration is required. Seee Yaaa !!!


Member: Terri S.
Location: WI
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 6:15:31 PM

Comments

Hi every body Terri Grateful Alcoholic here Welcome Back Kathy D.& to all the New Comers too, don't worry about being new on the computer me too & they have all been gentle & the one who don't are no one to worry about. remember Principles before personalities. See I don't even have a spell check on this?. I'm not afraid cause I belong & I'm apart of this wonderful program & Love it Thanks too all. I'd love to hear from any one who need to talk I check my email every day, I'll be in Florida From 1/6/00 to 1/13/00. walking my beaches I miss them love Terri tcsiler@win.bright.net


Member: Deanna J
Location: Calif
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 6:31:17 PM

Comments

What a wonderful site. It is so good to hear people have the same excuses for not attending meetings. I also moved and haven't found a new home group so I decided to start driving back to my old home group because it feels so good when I'm there. I wanted to talk about if you don't mind this: My daughter just admittted she needed to get back in the program and that it must work this time. I am trying hard to let go and let god, because I want to fix everything for her. It breaks my heart that she has to go through this again. This is such a family disease. Any way it feels good to be where I belong. Thanks for letting me share. Deanna CA.


Member: Tedd T.
Location: Omaha, NE
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 7:30:09 PM

Comments

I'm Tedd and I'm an alcoholic. I've always thought of myself as a spiritual person, but I didn't know what that meant, until I thought about God. The reason I'm here, is because, the stupidest night of my life. To make a long story short, I got drunk, decided to drive, and ended up in a ditch. I started thinking about why. Why I didn't hit someone? Why I didn't kill someone? God. Thanks for listening.


Member: Jim C.
Location: Anaheim, Calif.
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 7:47:57 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Jim and I am most certainly an alcoholic. I have been fortunate to have been in recovery for the last 19 years. Like some of the others who have posted this week, I too have, at times, drifted away from meetings. When I allow that to happen, I lose my spiritual contact with God. I also lose the closeness I have found with others who are just like I am.

I need that contact with God, and with the rest of you, to maintain any kind of peace and serenity. I go to a lot of meetings, and I have found that the more I go today, the more I want to go. I never want to stop learning what all of you have to teach me. It is those things that help me to see that I am exactly where I belong.

Like Cyndi earlier, I have had one of my closest friends go back out. I have become very close to him, and to his family. The sad fact is that he is probably going to die this time, and there isn't a darn thing I can do about it. So what I have to do is to place my friend in the hands of God, and trust that God knows best. I have buried a lot of friends in this program, but out of the tragedies also comes hope. I find myself getting closer to my higher power, in hopes that the same thing won't happen to me. This is why I go to so many meetings. Not just for the peace and serenity, but so I might not have to die drunk.

Today, I am in the best space I have ever been in. All of you in AA have helped me get closer to God, and in return God has blessed me with an AA family that I am closer to than I am to my own kin. I thank all of you for that, and to my higher power, I give thanks for all of you.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas, and a very Happy New Year. Take care, and Bless you all. Thank you for letting me share.


Member: KATHY D
Location: MTL QUE
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 9:45:47 PM

Comments

To Tim and Von. I know, I know, I know. and thank you..... I seem to get caught in this place in my head this sick place that keeps telling me I can do this on my own. but my heart and the memories keep me terrified . damn..... you would think that after seven years I would have my act together. Anyway I haer you loud and clear ... sometimes I wonder if the tears will end . YA, I know I am sitting on the pitty pot again. Don't you love those sayings.


Member: Rod B.
Location: NE.
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 10:16:59 PM

Comments

Good third of Jan. 2000. My name is Rod, grateful recovering alcoholic. While reading through the comments today it's a wonderful reminder of the choices I too make on a daily basis. However, it's somewhat different today as I usually ask for help in the form of guidance from my higher power during the early part of my morning. And, to help my thought process during the day, largely due to what I call my "selective memory" I attend AA meetings to hear what I've chosen to forget at that time of day and to say for myself to hear where I'm at in recovery at that moment of the day. It's not the way I used to be. AA has taught/suggested a new way to live.By choice and action to attempt to work the steps and to practice the principals in all my affairs has become a new way of life "as I understand it". To NE. Dana keep on trying to do the right thing for yourself. Just follow the steps, traditions and concepts. It will be a choice. Thanks for letting me share and for being here for me. Rod B.


Member: Kim M.
Location: Saunemin
Date: 1/3/00
Time: 10:27:12 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone! My Name is Kim and I am a truely grateful recovering alcholic.I really enjoyed both topics and what comes to mind for me today is I use the word GOD as my understanding which is Good orderly direction to the best of my ability and Have faith that if I keep doing what I am suppose to be doing at this God given moment I beleive then that whoever or whatever my Higher Power is I always have my H.P. nearest to me. And as far as the forgiveness there is nobody who can bet me up more then myself. However I pray that I may be forgiven for a wrong and I know that in my heart I have been forgiven by my H.P. and even if I haven't quite forgiven myself I try to keep in mind I have been forgiven by one who is much greater then myself and I can keep going back threw my prayers and meditation and He will cont. to guide me with Good Orderly Direction and I never have to fear that I will use this 24hrs. Thanks for all the comments and for allowing me to share. Happy 2000 to all you wonderful people who keep me Open Honest and willing to care for today as no other


Member: Arlene C
Location: Northeast Washington
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 4:35:56 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Arlene,and I am an alcoholic. For well over 21 years I have watched people stop going to meetings. Many get drunk, and some just get miserable. Once at a meeting some one said that their one prayer for me was that I never loose my enthusiasm for A.A. There have been many times when I have thought I MIGHT be able to stay sober on my own, but the thought of those who tried it and didn't stay sober is always in the back of my mind. I don't want to die from terminal uniqueness.

I am pretty sure that I have another drunk, but I don't know if I have another sobering up. So I keep coming back. Some meetings that I attend require a forty mile trip each way. But I need to be willing to go to any length. That often means listening to people I don't want to listen to, say things I don't want to hear. Yet even at times like that I know I am where I need to be.

God bless each and every one of you and I offer the same prayer for you. May you never loose your enthusiasm for this wonderful program.


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 9:36:51 AM

Comments

remember....keep it simple...i used to say to myself,"i'm NOT going to drink today",i would end up going to bed very drunk.i would get very discusted in myself for being like this,iwould do this over and over...i was powerless to booze.now in the morning when i get up i ask"dear God please keep me away from a drink of alcohol or drug substitute today"it has been working for me for nearly two years.i go to meetings bare minimum 1 a week,i am much better off without booze,deep in my heart this is what i really wanted. aa helps me maintain it,it gets better ,life without drinking booze is much,much better....tony,alcoholic....(my two cents)


Member: Lynn S.
Location: NE Oregon
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 9:56:52 AM

Comments

I'm Lynn and I'm an alcoholic. This is a hard topic. I've been sober 17 years and I'm still working on this. I still feel terrible about things that happened a long time ago. The steps have helped me but I hang onto many memories because I don't actually want to deal with them. I did have one major healing though. My youngest daughter was burned very badly as a result of my carelessness. That happened 29 years ago. She still has those scars today. I found out not too long ago that my son, who was 8 years old, when that happened, blamed himself. I was shocked that he had carried that. I finally let myself talk about it to a friend who was willing to listen a long time. She prayed with me and I have a peace about that memory now. To me-that could only be the love of God, which I felt I never deserved, and the healing and grace that will come to us. I believe that alcoholics are special people to God. I held it a long time. But the healing only came when I was willing to let go of it. By His grace-only. God bless us everyone.


Member: Raleigh W
Location: Richmond VA
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 12:16:04 PM

Comments

Hello, I am an alcoholic, who has lost the way for over a year now. I came into this program almost ten years ago, well before I was ready to stop. Over the years I have put together strings of sobriety, once even reaching two years, but my own selfishness and dishonesty kept me going back out. Now, a year into my "drinking experiment", I find that all that I learned in AA is true; I start out the evening not going to drink, and end up dead drunk again. But, I am disillusioned with what I have found in AA. I am not a newcomer who knows nothing. In fact, at times I feel that I know too much to come back; I feel like a priest who has lost his faith in God. I have, so many times, come in and out of the program, and the people who used to be believe in me, have ceased to believe, and my conversations with God have fallen away. I am drifting now. Lost and alone; tired of fighting, tired of slogans, tired of being like this. I can no longer go on like this. I can neither live with drinking, or imagine living life without it. What can I do? Where do I go from here? Thank you for listening. Thank you for letting me share.


Member: Cathy
Location: Canada
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 12:45:24 PM

Comments

I was sober for a long time over 10 years but I had a slip 3 months ago. I have started all over and have not had a drink since then .I got so deathly ill from drinking and I know now that I cannot drink one drop safely. I feel better now than before I drank. I am reaching out for other forms of help along with the program. not drinking is not enough .


Member: paul
Location: uk
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 1:12:39 PM

Comments

Hello all, Paul UK here, alcoholic.

Since I last shared with you all before Xmas, I've lost my dad. This has been a very very sad time for me & my family, but I believe that the strength that I've been given by my HP has helped me through. It's not been easy this Christmas, but thanks to the love & friendship from friends I can feel a spiritual warmth that has helped me through this difficult time.

Happy New Year to You All.


Member: troy p.
Location: michigan
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 1:16:39 PM

Comments

troy, alcoholic and addict. i did the rehab thing a couple of years ago and soon the rehab "high" disappeared and there i was back in the doghouse. i thought the birth of my son was the "spiritual" event that was going to fuel my sobriety. wrong... i was the guy in rehab that couldn't swallow the "god" thing. i've tried every trendy and cool way to accept "god" but my drinking again has let me know that i am as spiritual as a rock..although zen buddhists would beg to differ...i went to my first meeting in over a year last night and felt pretty good as it wasnt' the same old group of "professionals" in there. there were a couple of short timers like me. i'm going to try and take a back seat for a while and let things happen and see where "god" is...i also realize i am powereless over alcohol and drugs but i cant' stop reminding myself of the fact.


Member: Sylvia
Location: OR
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 5:07:21 PM

Comments

Do you have to lose everything before you can quit drinking? I am a highly functioning alcoholic--good wine only, I can almost always wait until evening to drink, I almost never pass out until late so that I can say "I fell asleep," I never drink and drive, no one besides myself has ever confronted me or questioned me about my daily drinking, but every day I feel guilty, dishonest, and weak.

I don't want to tell anyone I know about my concerns because I don't want them to worry, and frankly, to try to pressure me to stop. I ask my god to give me strength, but I don't really have faith in my faith (if that makes any sense).

It is my role in my family (for my two kids, my two part-time stepkids, my husband, my parents, my siblings and their kids)to be the strong one. They have all had lots of struggles lately, and I do not want to be one more thing they are worried about. I feel like I just want to handle this inside myself, or with tools (like stayingcyber, church, counseling...) without becoming a burden. Is that possible?

I don't want to be an alcoholic, but I don't know where to get the strength to stop. I am happy to have found this site, and hope that it can be a door for me. Thanks.


Member: Frannie C.
Location: Getting closer to God
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 6:06:07 PM

Comments

Happy New Year, I'm Frannie a alcoholic. I have just read somuch good stuff I do not know where to start. I have not been to a meeting in almost three weeks. Reading about everyone elsenot going let'sme know I'm not alone. But, I must question myself with why! Ecspecially, when how much AA has helped me find me. Is i I get out ofthe habit? Maybe, it's because even at a meeting I can feel like I I don't fit in. Unfortunately, it's probably because I haven't been putting into the meetings. How about a "home group" never kept one past 6 months.I truly believe my program is what I make of it. I know that I want to be part of, but making a decision and following thru is difficult for me. I have always been a runner. I hope I find my spot. Emotional Baggage, I have found thaat it is necessary for me to seek outside help. Working the 4th and 5th step just wasn't enough. "God on a Harly" not AA approved book, but definately good reading material. Well, love to all "Keep it simple, but keep it!!!


Member: Dawn J
Location: WA
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 7:32:09 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Dawn and I'm an alcoholic. I've only been sober a little over a week this time, but this time is for keeps. I know this because I have made some spiritual strides of late that have given me the confidence and faith that I am meant for something much better; much deeper than dying of this disease. I think this site is a good place to start my journey. Thanks for letting me share :)


Member: Don
Location: nh
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 8:22:42 PM

Comments

Don, Recovering Alcoholic Recovering because I got to a meeting Sunday, didn't drink today, spoke to people in program today, sent an e-mail to my sponsor and others, and looked in here. DawnJ, IMHO, avoid putting pressure on yourself, saying you're here "for keeps". Sounds a little like a "pledge forever". I'm not strong enough to not drink forever, but I know, by using the tools of the program, I can avoid the NEXT drink. And if I keep stringing that avoidance together it will take care of 24 hrs., a week, a year, etc. The monkey that was on my back did not die, he's over in the corner behind me, doing pushups, ready to jump back on when I become complacent, and do things like socialize in bars, hang out with drinkers, etc. (If you don't want to get hit by a train, don't sit on the RR tracks) Donaldo88@aol.com


Member: Larry M
Location: North Dakota
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 9:42:51 PM

Comments

Larry Alcoholic, Well my last bender was pretty bad. I drank 3-4 days and was so sick I missed work on Monday. The depression and physical sickness was indescribable. Those of you who have experienced it will know what I mean. My wife left me 7 months ago,my job is in jeapordy, And my health is quickly deteriorating. I feel as though It is most certainly curtains for me If I dont stop. I am 45 and been at it 30 years. I am willing to do anything. Went to prayer tonite to commune with God , and plead for his mercy.I am going back to aa, in and out for 20 yrs. God Bless. Larry


Member: ROB A.
Location: MULLICA HILL NJ
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 10:15:16 PM

Comments

HI MY NAME IS ROB A.OVER THE HOLLIDAY I WAS BLESSED ENOUGH TO GO TO A MEETING WITH MY OLDER BROTHER.HE IS ABOUT 4 MONTHS SOBER .THROUGH A LOT OF PRAYERS HE HOPEFULLY HAS FOUND A NEW LIFE AS I HAVE.IN JUNE,GOD WILLING I WILL CELABRATE 11 YEARS,BUT EVEN WITH THIS TIME I STILL AM AMAZED HOW CUNNING AND BAFFELING THIS DISEASE IS. THE MEETING I ATTENDED WITH MY BROTHER WAS IN FLORIDA IN A HOMLESS SHELTER,MOST OF THE ATTENDEES WERE SOBER LESS THAN 1 WEEK.A GENTELMAN STOOD UP AND SHARED HOW HE DID NOT KNOW HOW HE WAS GOING TO GET THROUGH NEW YEARS EVE WITHOUT A DRINK,THIS SAME GUY HAD BEEN LIVING IN THE FLORIDA WOODS FOR MONTHS WITH NOTHING BUT A BLANKET & WAS COVERED IN WELTS FROM RED ANTS. NEW YEARS DAY WAS STILL 3 DAYS AWAY,THE ANT STINGS STILL WERE BURNING AND HIS BIGGEST CONCERN WAS A DRINK ON NEW YEARS EVE. AFTER TEN YEARS WITHOUT A DRINK THIS KIND OF THINKING STILL DOES NOT SEEM SO FAR FETCHED....THANK GOD. BECAUSE I STILL ATTEND MEETING I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THE PAIN,THE WAY I FELT WHEN I WAS ALONE,THE SHAME,THE FEELING OF WHAT IT WAS TO LIVE IN THAT WORLD. I AM FREE ,I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT IN MY LIFE IT HAS BEEN A GREAT TRIP. GOD BLEES AND HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR SOBER. ROB


Member: kevinm
Location: inv.fl
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 10:22:53 PM

Comments

mary take your fith step ,or again with your sponcer,try to forgive , good meeting never seem to tire of the subject, I wonder if he tires of listening. If the God of my understanding were small enough for me to understand him, he would not be big enough to do me much good. Just really grateful I am not he. Surrender was the only thing left for me to do, funny I always thought more effort, more thinking, more education, more.... you get the picture. Surrender is the only way to win, hang on, let go, you guys seem to talk in circles. I don't know very much but if I don't pick up the first one, I never seem to get drunk. Simple, don't drink go to meetings, help another alki. God bless you all, thank you for keeping me sober one more day!!!


Member: Zoe F.
Location: El Dorado, CA
Date: 1/4/00
Time: 11:14:46 PM

Comments

My name is Zoe and Im an alcoholic/addict. I am 16 years old and have been coming to AA meetings off and on since I was 14. I have been having a lot of trouble lately setting boundaries with my family (who think they don't have problems) and just with life in general. Last night I ran away from my group home and ended up being picked up around 5:00 this morning. I had no idea where I was going but I was looking for solace, preferably in the form of a drug or a drink. I amazingly stayed sober though, and I want to say to anyone else having a hard time that even if you do mess up and perhaps relapse (that rhymes) it's all happening for a reason. This is something that I have had to learn and re-learn because even if I feel like I totally fucked up everything that i have going for myself, I really didn't, and I probably needed to do so in order to express the feelings that I didn't have the courage to say right out. So, I have to go because it's almost my bedtime, and I can guarantee that I'll be staying here tonight, and I think I might try reading from the big book and working the steps because even though I go to meetings and sometimes stay sober, I have never really worked the steps. So, god(dess) bless everyone and I'll write more again soon...


Member: Doug K
Location: West Mich
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 12:21:10 AM

Comments

Hi everybody, my name is Doug, and I'm an alcoholic. It is late, and I'm tired. I was just gonna read the posts and crash...but I would like to address something to Sylvia.

When I came to A.A., I had never spent a night in jail, never gotten a ticket, my wife and kids loved me, had been the proverbial white trash made good. I was the Supervisor of my township, businessman, scout leader of seven years, on and on ad nauseum.

I came to A.A. because of my secret. I couldn't stop drinking-everyday. The things listed above...I showed up drunk. Tried to quit, a hundred times, but couldn't. Not for a day. I hated myself, hated the things I was doing, hated what I had become. This is a progressive disease that I have, and I knew that much about it then as I had watched it's progression within me.

If we were sitting together, I would tell you, Sylvia, that I had lost everything, eveything but one last chance. If you wish to know more about alcoholism, might I suggest you get yourself a copy of "Alcoholics Anonymous" and read the whole thing, front to back. You must make the decision yourself as to whether or not you belong here. I only needed to loose what it took me to realize that I need this, each day, desperately... and then I could start.

Thanks. Doug


Member: Michele D.
Location: Lakewood,WA
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 12:22:43 AM

Comments

My name is Michele and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time at this site and I have gotten a lot out of it. I want to say something to Zoe F. the 16 year old. I can really relate. I am now 26 but started useing when I was 10. I finally got into the program and stayed sober and clean at age 21. I have 5 years. When I first came to AA I thought how in the hell am I going to do this for the rest of my life I am only 21. I am also female and in my area there were not a lot of us around staying clean and sober. I had to look for the similarities not the differences and take it a day at a time. That seems like a simple concept but I was about 60 days sober when I got what it meant to take it a day at a time. Sometimes a minute at a time was all I could do. Staying connected to people as much as I didn't want to was very important. I hope I'm not preaching I feel like if I can get this stuff anyone can. I struggled and fought to keep sobriety and was in alot of pain but it was worth it. Little things start to happen out of nowhere that came from doing the work. My life has changed a lot in the past year and I don't do all of the things I should now but I am working at changing that. Progress not perfection. Hang in there and I will be looking for you next time I come to this site.


Member: Richard D.
Location: Seattle,WA
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 12:42:19 AM

Comments

Hello my name is Richard D. this is my first time on this site. I am stoked! This is really really cool. Spirituallity is not a religious process according to the Big Book of AA. I think that it is important to explore spirituallity in a non religiou way. It could be about connection to the earth, people, honor, trust and an overall good feeling about myself my world and my relationships with others. Without this process it's impossible to be a succesfull human. When I was drinking and drugging it was impossible for me to accomplish the above things. And I believe that trust and honor and loving relationships and feeling emotionally and mentally and physically connected to my world is a spiritual process. But I do believe in God.


Member: gregb.
Location: cincinnati, oh
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 5:30:03 AM

Comments

Hello, I am a newcomer and am greatful for finding this sight. I have been mulling over going to an AA meeting, but am unsure about whether I really want to attend. I know I have a drinking problem. I am 39 and began at 17. Over the past 5 years it has gotten really out of control at times. I got in a fight and was stabbed 9 times, but I recovered. I will say and do things that I don't remember doing, and it pisses people off. Right now I have only been drinking by myself at home to stay "safe". I have ruined a friendship with a woman I care about a great deal, because she won't see me anymore, so i get drunk and call her to tell her how much "I love you". She also has a drinking problem and our get togethers became repeated disasters and fights. The thing is I feel that I don't know if I want AA. I don't want a sponsor calling me to see if I'm coming to the next meeting. The comments on this sight are helpful, yet they seem "cult"-like. That AA is the only way to stay sober, and you better get to a meeting and get deeply involved, or you will surely die from drinking yourself to death. I read something about the nature of God that has stuck with me. That the HP is personal, and yet impersonal at the same time. You can talk to God and ask for personal help, but at the same time the HP will quite impersonally kill off thousands at a time. So all these people commenting "AA saved my life"? You're still gonna die somehow. Life is terminal. Not exactly the roseyist comment!! I know some people in AA, but do I really have to go to meetings with them and drink coffee, watch people chain smoke, and listen to others fractured problems to get myself on track? Feedback anyone?


Member: Rod B.
Location: NE.
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 7:49:22 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Rod a grateful recovering alcoholic. Just a comment to the previous message asking for help. I didn't come into AA because I wanted to. I came becasue my life was unmanageable (tho I wouldn't admit it at the time) and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was in trouble with my job, relationships and it seemed everyting I did or didn't do turned to crap. After a couple attempts at counseling and finally going through an intensive inpatient program did I make the effort to go to AA meetings on a daily basis. I've heard it said that AA is a very exclusive group. It's members lose a lot to get there. Greg, I'd urge you to call the AA contact or hotline in your area. They can give you a list of a variety of meetings such as newcomers, mens and womens meetings etc. It's your choice to check it out. What do you have to lose? My prayers are with you. Rod B.


Member: Tim V
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 8:10:35 AM

Comments

Greg:

Keep on doing what you are doing and you will keep on getting what you are getting. If you are willing to go to any length for sobriety, try AA. We've all had a foot on both sides of the fence.

Blessings.


Member: Tom M
Location: Japan
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 8:35:30 AM

Comments

Greetings... As of today, January 5, 2000, I am praying to God that I took my last drink. My intuition tells me that I must stop drinking alcohol. Nobody seems to think that I am an alcoholic but me, which makes it very difficult in garnering support from friends and family to quit once and for all. Now that I have a "real" computer with internet access I hope and pray that by becoming part of a group such as this that I can finally stop and break free from this "on-and-off hellish nightmare." There are certainly AA meetings here in Japan but I live in a rather small semi-rural environment far from meetings that usually occur in the urban centers. Any sage advice, anyone? Also, how does one find an on-line sponsor? I guess I am as new as they come...wish me luck. I just want to stop. God bless..... Tom


Member: Bob H
Location: South Bend,IN.
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 8:45:23 AM

Comments

HI I'M BOB HENDERSON AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. WILLIAM G NY. MYSOBRIETY DATE IS JANUARY 6,1980 MY SOBRIETY IS A GIFT FROM GOD THROUGH AA AND THE 12 STEPS .I FOUND RECOVERY IN THE ROOMS OF AA AND IF I WANT TO CONTINUE WITHOUT GETTING CONPLACENT JUST FOR ME WHEN SOMEON REACHES OUT FOR HELP I HAVE A RESPONSIBILTY <TO BE THERE> I HOPE THAT YOUR ARE ABLE TO FIND YOUR WAY BACK TO MEETINGS ASAP THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE REACHING OUT FOR HELP JUST AS I FDID AND THERE WERE MANNY PEOPLE THERE TO HELP THEMSELF AND IT INTURN HELPED ME .I WAS TOLD WORK ON MY RECOVERY AND EVERYTHINGELSE WOULD FALL INTO PLACE AND ALWAYS TRY TO KEEP IT SIMPLE,DON'T DRINK AND GO TO MEETINGS GOD BLESS AND HOPE TO MEET YOU SOME DAY AT A MEETING .


Member: Von
Location: OH
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 9:43:49 AM

Comments

Von alcoholic. Sorry about the double post.

Sylvia in OR, please contact me. Your story is my story until a year ago. Then everything changed.

ynyakana@earthlink.net


Member: FloraK
Location: USA
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 9:50:35 AM

Comments

Flora K alcoholic- I like this site because there are a lot of newcomers to keep the memory green. I identify with the people who are put off by the idea that meetings will be full of aggressive religious fanatics. That's what I expected and feared. In fact if I had not had a small child to think about I doubt I could have forced myself in the doors. Once I did I was amazed. They talked about how to stay away from the first drink. Just what I needed to hear. And for the first time in my life there was a person speaking who knew exactly how I feel about life in general. He called it his "alcoholic personality". OK,I'll live with that because it means I am no longer alone on the planet. Speakers meetings were easier for me at first than open or closed discussion meetings. Getting phone numbers was essential. I hate the phone but told myself I could have a drink anytime after I talked to one of the women whose numbers I'd gathered. The desire to avoid calling kept me sober at first and drove me to do my 90 meetings in 90 days instead of using the phone. I complained in meetings about not liking the behaviors of some of our members. A man who I considered one of the winners very patiently pointed out to me that we were the same drunks I'd meet in a bar. The only difference was, we weren't drinking. Of course we are different as we recover but I needed to be reminded who I am. It helped me accept the less enjoyable meetings while seeking ones I enjoyed more. Love to all.


Member: Tina P   
Location: Sierra Foothills,CA
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 11:44:58 AM

Comments

Tina P. Alcoholic- Thanks for attending this site! If if it inspires newcomers like Greg above or eaks out wisdom like Richard's above that, all the better. I was a stay at home drunk because I was ashamed to let anyone see me. Some of those same feelings have kept me away from meetings during my 11 years of sobriety. When we talk about our higher power saving our lives, we don't mean ONLY preventing us from dying a horrible & humiliating death, but in teaching us how to truly LIVE! After almost a year of staying away from meetings because I allowed some AA personalities to get to me, I have re-committed myself to AA & meetings because my life depends on it. I guess what I'm saying is that I've discovered all over again that the quality of my life depends a lot upon the quality of my sobriety. My sobriety depends completely upon AA. All my stubborness & "terminal uniqueness" are simply ways my mind will seduce me into thinking I don't need others to keep me sober. We can't let ourselves be fooled. In one form or another (theis site, for instance) WE NEED EACH OTHER TO STAY SOBER! Love to you ALL>


Member: JL P.
Location: Florida
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 2:09:36 PM

Comments

I have to say that I believe God led me to treatment. I didn't know it then, but I look back and say,"Wow!" I've been sober a little over 3 years and have grown so much since then. When I think,"Gee, I wish I could have one every now and then," I think about my 6 year old and what she went through. I come from a family of alcoholics and I believe God keeps me strong not just for myself, but also for her. I hope that her having a sober mom will give her a fighting chance.

Hi Dan H. Thank you for this web site. Best wishes to all of you. Gos bless.


Member: Theresa L
Location: Maine
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 3:50:34 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Theresa and I'm an alcoholic. I'm grateful today that God - my Higher Power - cared enough about me to step in when I was going the wrong way, and saved my life. He sent an angel in a cop suit to arrest me for OUI last week, and I've been back in the Program since. That was after a 10 year slip into active alcoholism. He's a God of second chances, and I'm back putting FIRST THINGS FIRST, letting go and letting God, and doing the 1-2-3 Step Waltz. Whether your Higher Power is God or the AA Group or something Else (that LOVES you and has the power to keep you SOBER), trust it and KEEP COMING BACK! I made the mistake 10 years ago of thinking I was my own Higher Power, and that alcohol was my friend - I was "constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself" at that time, and I got drunk, heading towards death like a locomotive. I thank God, and you folks in AA, that I'm sober today.


Member: Jim D
Location: KY (Bluegrass)
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 4:49:10 PM

Comments

My name is Jim D. and I'm an alcoholic. Today while at a break at work, I visited this discussion group for the first time and although I have never met those speaking in this discussion, I share the disease with you. You enlightened me when finally I came to the fellowship by telling me to "keep coming back". In doing so, you showed me the path to the solution of saying today that my top priority, today, is to not drink. My experience was no human power could relieve me of the craving and obsession to drink and, in that state of complete abandon, i reached out to a power greater than myself (for that 2 carbon molecule in aqueous solution had me) and said, "God, help me!?" I listened to this program of suggestions to get a sponsor, to read the Big Book, to learn, work and live by the bluprint laid out in the Twelve Step of Alcoholics Anonymous. The fellowship of AA offers the only solution this world has seen as Dr. Bob & Bill W. somehow were empowered to be of service to us. .Again what I have just read from those this week who are sharing their experience...reminds me of the strength there is in this fellowship for those that have a desire to stop drinking, for "rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path".

Someone earlier said, "...we have had the experience of both sides of the fence.." AA is a LIFE solution"! Best wishes in the Fellowship. Jim D.


Member: paul o
Location: nw usa
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 5:50:27 PM

Comments


Member: Ann T
Location: Taipai Taiwan ROC
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 7:16:07 PM

Comments

Hi,I'm Ann and I'm an alchoholic.By the grace of God and these rooms I celebrated 14 years on 12-27-99. I'm visiting my children in Taipai Taiwan and have not been able to locate a meeting so far.I'm really glad to find this site and feel the power of the program by reading the comments. Thanks for being there!Ann T - Taiwan ROC


Member: Eric R.
Location: Virginia
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 7:51:11 PM

Comments

Hi!

For Greg B: There are many different groups, each with their own personalities. Try different ones. If you don't drink, AA meetings can help to get you over the "lost" feeling of living without your long time companion, alcohol. For Tom M: I'm not sponsor material, but if you ever need to discuss alcohol on a more personal level, email me (private mailbox). ewr. ewr@gamewood.net


Member: Sandy B.
Location: New York
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 8:01:29 PM

Comments

Hi everyone. I'm Sandy, alcoholic. To you Sylvia, I can definitely identify with. Iwas just so tired of the wondering of it all. I to was very functional. I prayed to keep it under control and try to be a normal drinker. Deep down I knew it was consuming me and it would always be an issue. I was tired of the fight. 46 yrs. 0ld I decided ENOUGH!!!!! A.A. here I come. full force and as confident as I could be.I wanted a life. A brand spankin new life. God walked me through those doors ( I call them the magic doors) and I knew I was in the right place. First meeting full of smiles was I. The others must of thought i was whacky. But I didn't hold back from expressing my gratefullness for being led through those doors. Sylvia, I would just like to say that this is troubling you and we know it will not go away. Just remember when you walk in faith that God wants you happy , He will be with you all the wa.a.y. just remember also, we are all different. Now is your time. Good luck and God speed. A grateful alcoholic Sandy B.


Member: Gus
Location: Brasil
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 8:58:07 PM

Comments

Just had my second Xmas and New Years without a drop. That doesn't mean I've been perfect inbetween but... seeing others abuse has taken on a new perspective, one that I really didn't enjoy and will probably (I hope) leave me with an image of a place I really don't want to go back to. Feliz Ano Novo para todos


Member: Pattw/2tees
Location: Oregon
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 9:06:55 PM

Comments

Hi, all, Patt, GR alcoholic. I'm not very good at meditating, although I try it every morning before I read my affirmation books. It is just that I KEEP AT IT, and maybe one day I'll get better. Prayer is another thing, however, and I do have my HP to talk with and that is such a comfort. Meditating is listening to God, and that's where I need to be--just listening. It just occurred to me that going to meetings and listening is a form of meditation, as I believe God speaks to me through people. I wouldn't want to stop going to meetings--EVER--as that is where I get grounded and come into balance. The friends I have made in this program are so precious to me that it would be like being sent to solitary confinement if I had to stop seeing them. Those of you here, with all your wisdom and caring for others, are a part of the great good that is our program. We are WE, and there's nothing that can compare to that strength to help lift others out of their pain. If that isn't spirituality, loving and caring about others, what is it? We are given the gift of a second chance and what sweetens it is to be able to pass it on.

Blessings on us all. "Trust God, clean house, help others." Patt


Member: shelly h
Location: california
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 11:22:09 PM

Comments


Member: jonas m
Location: douglas lake b.c.
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 11:29:58 PM

Comments

hello my name is jonas and i'm an alcoholic i've been sober for five years with three slips in my first three years and these past two have been excellent spirituality to me is a way of life i have to breath, talk, walk, eat, etc. spirituality in all things i give thanks to my creator with love


Member: shelly h
Location: california
Date: 1/5/00
Time: 11:33:48 PM

Comments

hi, Im shelly,Im an an addict/alcoholic, Ive now been clean for 15 days, Im hoping to become more involved with this meeting because i need help. Im am going to try to take my life one day at a time. For me to stay clean and sober is the mission that i want to acoplish. It is very hard for me because my husband is a drunk. But i have very good friends that stay by me when i need them. If i feel like im going to lose my self control i have them for my rock. To let me know that I have innerstreghth.


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 12:07:49 AM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael and I am a recovering alcoholic, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to the newcomers! And thanks everyone for sharing!

Fred M.'s emphasis on the choices we now have suggests the freedom we gain by staying sober and practicing the principles of the program. And of course, this freedom begins with having the choice whether to pick up the first drink or not.

I know from my own experience that while I was in the grips of the mental obsession described in the literature, I really didn't have a choice, i.e. I had no real freedom. Virtually all my thoughts and acts were restricted to the boundaries created by the obsession. But thanks to a power greater than myself, today I have a choice as to whether I want to be confined again by the merciless obsession or remain free to think and act in ways that benefit me.


Member: Vanard R.
Location: NW
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 12:22:47 AM

Comments

Vanard R. Alcoholic/Addict. I believe that the book says we are people who have lost the power of choice. I don't know of anyplace in the book where it says we get it back. Not even in the promises and maybe were not supposed to.


Member: Steven H.
Location: NYC
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 1:01:22 AM

Comments

Hello my name is Steven and I am an alchoholic. This cyber-meeting continues to amaze and engross me. It is wonderful to read so many people just coming in or even approaching AA and sobriety. William G. I am also in NY and we have many meetings here. Your long term sobriety will be of great benefit to others (and in turn to you.) I just celebrated 7 years sober in AA on Christmas eve and my experience is that sobriety is such a path back to life , that I easily get pulled away from AA just by the demands of sober living (marriage, vocation, avocation, 2nd avocation etc..) So since the program of AA is responsible for this fine new life I've been given, I just have to get myself to meetings one way or another. When I do, my alchoholism gets treated, internal dialog calms down, ego issues subsid, somewhat. William, I like Monday Men's beginners group, Monday's at 6:15 on east 51st St., listed in the meeting guide. Lot's of double digit sobriety like yourself (along with beginners). Hope to see you. Sylvia, I related to your issue's as a functioning drinker. If you feel like drinking is a problem for you, or that you would be better off without it, then sobriety and AA may be something for you to explore. Just call your local intergroup and you can find out more about it. Props to Zoe for her early efforts in sobriety. You are doing it. and Greg B. AA is full of people who never thought they'd end up going to meetings and found to their surprise that it was a pleasure. You can always just explore it and make an informed decision whether it's for you. As far as the topic of spirituality, I was always an agnostic. Thought logically that what is here is here and what isn't isn't. When I came in it was suggested to me by my sponsor to try acting as if. So I prayed. I found immediately that it relieved my insomnia, my fears. But I finally found a higher power of my own sitting in my backyard looking up at the stars. Realizing I was a speck in space and enjoying that. In the big book, Alchoholics Anonymous, Bill Wilson describes my higher power as the "spirit of the universe." It's the spark in everything. This is my experience. Everyone's is necessarily different. And there was room for old school atheist drunks in the early years of NY AA. It's a wide doorway. Thanks, Steven


Member: Gray,H
Location: Southern USA
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 1:59:38 AM

Comments

Hi. I'm Gray and this is my first time to comment and only 2nd time to the room I've been off my everyday drinking routine now for only five days. I feel a need to share tonight because the two times I have joined the group, it has been a great source of strength. I appreciate this resource more each time. Thanks for being there/here.


Member: jimmy h
Location: st.sauveur quebec
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 7:43:58 AM

Comments

Hi my name is jimmy I like this site very much and think it is a must for the new millenium... spirituality my sponsor made me read the chapter on how it works at least 1000 times about everytime I called him he told me to read the chapter and se how I felt after. Well it worked for me guy's & gal's and my God grant me my sobriety again for another day it has been 11 years since my last drink thanks to AA love you all take care & remaember how it works!!!!


Member: Steven L.
Location: SanBernardino, CA
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 10:31:06 AM

Comments

This is the peerfect way to connect with what is of primary significance in my life. Thank you all for sharing, Due to the life AA has given me I don't get to nearly as many early morning meetings as I used to (kids, job, school etc.--you know people places and things...) and since 3/4/88 I've been freed from the bondage of active alcoholism and have not had to drink. So I need to remind the best 'forgetter' in the world, my mind of the chronic alcoholic. I have been privileged to find out what I want to do when I grow up solely due to AA, the steps and my sponsors' experience, strength and hope. I deal with the wreackage of others' past--their kids and as i tell my class of 13-14 year olds, "I've never had more fun doing anything legal!" Thanks to this awesome, God-inspired program my life has meaning and value through service where I truly understand and feel totally needed. Before AA I just felt like a drifter through life, never a part of anything but booze and drugs. Now I don't merely survive--I've got a life. I was told spiritual means taking positive and creative ACTION. So that's what my life is about today...


Member: Nancy H.
Location:
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 12:35:49 PM

Comments

Hey. I've been reading all of this and realizing that becauseI've taken so much upon myself in my life, I am really out of touch with me. I only attend one meeting a week and although it's a good one, I'm missing out by not attending more. And I'm certainly not giving back. Meetings help me to stay centered, and in touch with what doing the right thing on a regular basis means. My sponsor agrees that I need more meetings and I've committed to doing so. Reading all of your comments have really helped. Thank You.


Member: Pat D
Location: PA
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 12:46:39 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Pat and I am an alchoholic. This sight is wonderful, it may save my life. I have just stopped drinking today- I am sick and tired of my drinking and I don't want to ruin my life. Thank you all for being here.


Member: charlie F.
Location: NEW YORK
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 12:49:09 PM

Comments

hi my name is charlie and im an alcoholic/addict just checking this out.i need to get a sponsorand make more meetings i have a little over 3 months clean today just for today. i hope everybody has a great week.


Member: chris h.
Location: florida
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 3:54:43 PM

Comments

Hi all! Chris here, alcoholic/addict/ bulmic Boy , this is a good one for me. I have been away from meetings for about 3 years,,I hve 6 years sobriety. Boy it feels good to be honest.. I have all of these "excuses"..my health---my husband--- this and that--But I know i need to be there and i feel very guilty and ashamed that i haven't gone.. One of the greatest gifts that this program has give me is self-forgiveness...Ands with out meetings , i really can fall back into that. I feel so asamed that i won't go back to meetings to admit it. I forget that we are all here for each other...and that acceptance is what this program is all about.I used to be so greatful for the saying" progress not perfection". because it allowed me to forgive myself for not being perfect and be satisfied with progress, rather than beating myself up for bnot being perfect...I should pat myself on the back for all the things I have done, and the ways I have grown even though I have not been to meetings...that's not to say that I should not have been to them, just to say that I have done a lot of work and kept very connected with my sponser. I just need to quit beating myself ... we are valiable human being and we make mistakes...What I have learned is to pick myself up and move on....I have love this subject...I don't want to complain , but it is great to have something a little different!See you next week!!!!God BLess!!!


Member: Christine
Location: Boston
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 5:10:20 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone! My name is Christine and I am an alcoholic, sober by the Grace of God. I am so very grateful to able to share with you today. It has been AWESOME to "hear" everyone. This site is wonderful!!!

Many people have been sharing about staying away from meetings for various "reasons". I can relate! A long time ago someone had said to me that "anything I put before my recovery, eventually I will lose" and "Don't let the things that AA gave you take you away from AA". Naturally the longer I stayed straight, the better things got for me, but I kept those 2 sayings up front and for several years I had full and rich life-totally contented sobriety.

Well, to make a real long story shorter, I got the promotion of my dreams at work, huge raise, cell phone, laptop, new huge apartment etc...I also got relocated to an new area of my state. I seemed to have forgotten about letting the things that AA gave me take me away from AA. So here I was, ALONE, 100 miles away from anyone I knew. Think I would check out some meetings pretty quick huh? WRONG. Shopping for new clothes/furniture/curtains etc became the priority. I got a meeting list book, but that was as far as I got.

Bottom line:moved in September, stopped going to meetings, drunk by February after 9 years of sobriety. And I did NOT see it coming. When I picked up that first drink, it was not planned. I did not feel specially happy, sad, angry or depressed-just a day like any other-but I had lost my spiritual "fitness" and did not even realize it until it was too late.

It took 5 months for me to get sober again and by His grace I have 18 months now.

PLEASE! DON'T LET MY EXPERIENCE BE FOR NOTHING! That is the only thing that makes the pain I went through worth anything is if someone will benefit by it. To those of you who are not currently involved with AA directly, please go back. If you are here at this site, then you have the gift of willingness still. What a blessing-take advantage of that before you lose it. Don't go through what I did, its not worth it...I have friends who never made it back that helped me get where I am.

God Bless you all and Keep Comin'!!!!! xo gucci0526@excite.com


Member: Curtis H
Location: Menlo Park, CA
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 5:40:01 PM

Comments

I am a new comer and feeling very depressed and lonely. I have been in AA many times and it had never worked for me. I know the program works because I have met many people who it is working for. I feel that I am one of those unfortunates who has the inability to be honest. But I am not giving up. I want what I see many of you have. I want to get out of my head and this depression and I want to become more spiritual. I am glad that I found this site. I will connect daily. Thanks for being here.


Member: Corinne
Location: CA
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 7:07:29 PM

Comments

'Afternoon ((DMers))!! Corinne, Alcoholic here, there & everywhere!!

I don't get over to this page often enough anymore, and got little spiritual chills seeing the name of someone here who I told about this site at a meeting this past Monday! So glad to see you made it, (((Zoe)))!!! Hope to see you at a meeting again soon. I went today, and plan to go Saturday, since that is my 9th month birthday! Gosh, it is so neat to have made a connection with someone at an f2f mtg, tell them about this site, then see them actually posting! And purely by accident, since, like I said, I don't normally have time for this page anymore! I usually just hit the CP and that's it! Goose bumps! ((Sylvia)) - so glad I came over here to see if this is where you'd made a previous post, otherwise I might never have thought to come over here checking to see if Zoe showed up! Wow, now that's spiritual to me! No coinky-dinks in my life! Guidance... by some unknown, but definitely recognizable, forces! Sylvia, I, too, have many times felt little faith in my faith - or as I usually put it - I feel my faith is weak. Having little things like this happen reinforces for me that there is a Higher Power working in my life today. Thank you both for helping me see that by this little miracle!


Member: Tina P
Location: Sierras - CA
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 7:23:06 PM

Comments

Tina here, Alcoholic. Thank you all for encouragement & welcome newcomers. I hope that you can find some encouragement in the wisdom of this site. It takes more courage than you can imagine to muster giving in to your powerlessness over alcohol Curtis. Sometimes just listening (or reading in this case) allows one to hear their own biography, to understand that they are not alone. I shared at a live meeting the other day that it's important to just keep coming back until you get it. I was promptly corrected by another AA that it's iportant to keep coming back until you WANT it. I stand corrected. Yes, you can "fake it 'til you make it. But it is true that WANTING something makes it easier to attain. Either way, I know that if I work as hard at my program as I did at staying drunk, how can I go wrong? It's very simple for me. I already know I cannot sip alcohol. I never could. One drink? HA! Impossible. So I can never take that one sip, that one drink, EVER AGAIN. I need to be reminded of this daily that I will always be just one drink away from the hopeless cycle of being sick & tired. It was HELL. I want what the others in AA have: SOBRIETY. So I listen & take what I need & leave the rest. Thank you ALL for helping me to stay sober simply by being here.


Member: Marilyn V
Location: Michigan
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 8:42:49 PM

Comments

MY name is Marilyn and I am glad to be sober and alive today. Keep coming back. We definatelly need each other.


Member: Gloria C.
Location: .OH.
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 8:47:48 PM

Comments

hi, I'm having ahard time with this computer. This is all new to me;I've been sober for 9 yrs. I can'nt imagine not going to meetings. I quit going for 2 months once and I was crazy.Every time I go even if i'ts the same faces I always leave with something new. My sponser says I must always remain teachable.


Member: Jane V
Location: Oh
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 11:21:09 PM

Comments

First time on this site! Glad to find a place I can share my fears with. I am a day sober and I am very spiritual. I am in the christian music business and have to deal with my demons everyday! I love it when I am sober and hate myself when I am not. This is the first time I seek some type of help. I pray everyday God gives me the strength to stop! I have a promising career ahead of me if I do. Thank You for being here. I'll try this again instead of a beer next time!


Member: donny r.
Location: daytona beach,fl
Date: 1/6/00
Time: 11:47:44 PM

Comments

hi,my name is donny r.and all i know is that i found god thru aa,i was a devote satanist before coming to aa, and since i came to aa put that part of my old life behind and stop living that type of lifestyle,i followed the teachings of alexter crowley&anton la vey,i held a black membership card and was heavy in to lsd,alcohol,pot annd speed, it took me awhile to come down and get clean,i was also 10 different medications for my mental illness, now 14 months later and i'm not on any medications and feel better,i have a rare disorder called huntington disease but i don't focus on that i try to live my life each day to the fullest and to be a better person,it gets hard at times but overall my days are pretty good.donnyr. daytona beach,fl donny69@thedockingbay.com


Member: Denise
Location: IN
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 12:27:21 AM

Comments

hello I'm Denise and have been sober for one day, but drunk for much of 3 years. I have 3 great boys that I am going to lose if I don't stop drinking. Yesterday was a bad day, and I have been talking to God all day today, and decided to get online and found this sight. It helped, thanks everybody


Member: jenifer d
Location: england swings
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 1:00:19 AM

Comments

Hello jane and denise, welcome aboard. We're all in the same boat. You just gotta keep working at it and then one day it all comes together and you know that you can do it. It's hard at first but there's lots of support here, we know how you're feeling. Just go day by day and if a day doesn't work out it isn't the end. You've made a start today and if you have to make another start tommorrow, well, that's life and at least we are now giving our best effort in trying to live it sober.


Member: LANCE R.
Location: N.E. NEW YORK
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 3:14:08 AM

Comments

HI MY NAME LANCE NICK NAME BUTCH.I'M FATHER OF 6 BOYS. MARRIED 32 YEARS. I'VE BEEN SOBER 12 YEARS AND SPONSERED MANY.I THOUGHT NOTHING COULD WEAKEN MY SOBRIETY. EARLIER THIS YEAR MY BETTER HALF DECIDED TO GET BOYFRIEND.I'TS BEEN H__L EVER SINCE.IN MY SECOND YEAR OF BEING DRY I TOOK ON A JOB OF REPAIRING MOTOR IN FELLOW AA MEMBERS TRUCK. TO THIS POINT I VERED AWAY FROM BACK YARD MECANIC DUE TO FACT I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO TURN WRENCH IN ONE HAND AND NOT HAVE DRINK IN OTHER ONE. MY HEART WENT OUT TO THIS RETIRED GENT WHO USED TRUCK FOR MEETINGS. I STARTED TO REPAIR TRUCK PLUS KEEP DOING MY 40+ HOUR A WEEK JOB PLUS GO TO MEETINGS. AFTER 6 WEEKS OF PUSHING MYSELF DOING ALL MY RESPONSIBILITIES I GOT TO PUTTING IN OIL PUMP DRIVE SHAFT IN AND DROPPED IT DOWN IN THE ENGINE. BEING VERY TIRED AND HAVING MONEY I DECIDED TO GO GET DRUNK. A STRANGE THING HAPPENED ON WAY INTO TOWN.I GOT BEHIND A DIRTY OLD PICKUP WITH CAP ON IT. EVERY TIME I TRIED TO PASS I COULD NOT GET THE CHANCE TO. THEN AS I WAS FUMING AND ANGRY I SUDDENLY NOTICE A STICKER UNDERNEATH THE MUD ON BACK WINDOW. IT SAIT " SH-T HAPPENS ". ALL OF A SUDDEN I FELT RELIEVED OF MY ANGER. WENT TO STEWARTS AND GOT COFFEE INSTEAD. MY HIGHER POWER TAUGHT ME A VALUABLE LESSON THAT DAY. MY SPONSER TOLD ME LONG AGO THAT THERE IS SOME SITUATION OUT IN LIFE THAT CAN LEAD ANY OF US BACK TO A DRINK IF WE LOOSE SIGHT OF AA AND MEETINGS. I NOW BELIEVE HIM.I DID NOT DRINK BUT AM SUFFERING ALOT OF ANGER AND HURT THIS YEAR. IF NOT FOR TWO PEOPLE I SPONSERED TURNING MY WORDS BACK ON ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN I DO BELIEVE I WOULD BE LOST TODAY. THINGS ARE STILL SHACKY AT HOME BUT I FEEL BETTER KNOWING THESE PEOPLE AND OTHER AA MEMBERS ARE THERE FOR ME. I HOPE THIS TO HELP SOMEONE I KNOW I FEEL BETTER. THANKS FOR THIS NEW EXPIERENCE ON THE WEB. LANCE


Member: Michael D.
Location: San Diego
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 5:21:49 AM

Comments

places and things or whatever.My self-will is completely worthless.My best CHOICES got me into this program 2 1/2 years ago bankrupt in every dept. of My life. So now I let H.P demonstrate what IT can do through me. PLus the more IM willing to surrender the more the related disorders of my alocoholism i.e anger, financial insecurity, fear,ect, dissappear.


Member: CBenson
Location: Delaware
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 11:26:50 AM

Comments

Hey, everyone. I'm Christine, and I'm an alcoholic. I found this site in a desperate moment, and the topic of spirituality hit home. I wanted first to reply to Jill W - I have less time sober, and can't offer you an on line chat, but please feel free to contact me via email. cbenson@mmh.bayhealth.org. I am having a very hard time stopping my drinking, and I feel very stupid for getting back in this situation in the first place. I got sober almost 10 years ago, and at that point I was using much harder drugs than alcohol - in fact, I wasn't much of a drinker. I stayed sober for 2 years, then went back to drinking and smoking pot. Now all these years later, I've gotten myself off of the pot, another bad bout with cocaine, cigarettes...but I can't stop drinking. I have tried and tried, everything that I know. I know for sure that I need to let God into my life, but that was the one thing that I had a problem with in treatment, and the years that followed. I wasn't brought up to believe in God, and the process of truly believing and letting go is becoming a big problem. Can anyone please help me to let go? I want so badly to get back into the program, to "let go and let God." At this point, I have the hours from last night until right now sober. I guess that's something in itself.


Member: Frank W
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 5:25:29 PM

Comments

Hello Fellow AAs, My name is Frank and I am an Alcoholic. I was feeling "that way", "dry", or whatever other term you can think of for that feeling of giving up. Things haven't been too good this year, so far, and I was beginning to have the old cravings. By the grace of God, I found all of you. I am at work and unable to get to a meeting, at this time, (my homegroup is tonight) and being aware of the craving, I felt that I needed to do something. Working in computer field and having knowledge of the Internet, I knew that I could find atleast one more drunk. Thank God for all of you, AA, and my sobriety. I know that, for today, I will chose not to drink. God bless and love to all, Frank W.


Member: Jane V
Location: Oh
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 5:37:42 PM

Comments

Thanks Jenifer. Denise, I am a mother of 2 beautiful boys and I know how you feel. I too have been a heavy drinker for the past 3 yrs. Sometimes I ask myself "Don't you love your kids enouth to stop?" But God made me realize that I and people like us are ill and need help. We also need to love ourselves and the fact that we are here, shows that we must care alot for it is not easy to talk about these things. Donny, are you totally out of satanism now? I mean, do you talk to God now? I learned alot about satanism in the past when I spoke to groups against it, so if you want prayer I will do that for you.


Member: Chris C.
Location: Ottumwa, Iowa
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 6:22:49 PM

Comments

Thanks for sharing Jane. Hi everybody, my name is Chris and I'm an alcoholic.

Heard this story and I will pass it on.

There was an old man who was dying, slowly but surely. His adult daughter came to see him and noticed a chair, always sitting by his bed, but on the far side where noone would probably sit. When questioned about it he said that he had always had problems praying and his minister had suggested that he pretend that Jesus was sitting there next to him and to talk to Him like he would any friend. When he got sick the old man decided he had better start praying and took the minister's advice and put the chair there for Jesus to sit in. He was embarrassed when he related this to his daughter and told her it was just an old man's fancy. Days later when the old man died, she found him with his head on the chair and a look of peace on his face.

That old man had a spiritality that worked. I hope and pray for the same for me and for you. God bless.


Member: Danny O
Location: Desmoines IA
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 6:41:30 PM

Comments

My name is Danny O and im an alcaholic greatful to be alive and free in an AA meating thank you all for sharring and thanks for letting me be here


Member: Tim H
Location: London, England
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 7:20:21 PM

Comments

My name is Tim and I am an alocholic. It is 12 midnight here in London, England. I have been in recovery for just over 2 years now and I work the 12 steps. It mentions in the 12th step about a spiritual awakening, and I feel this is one of the many gifts AA has given me.

I have tremendous acceptance about most day to day events. It was after my fifth step that I really started to have a belief in a higher power and for me my god is divorced from religion.

If anyone is visiting london please visit my Home Group, The Joys of Recovery, St lukes Hall. Wednesday 7:30pm

I love life thesedays


Member: Tim H
Location: London, England
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 7:20:28 PM

Comments

My name is Tim and I am an alocholic. It is 12 midnight here in London, England. I have been in recovery for just over 2 years now and I work the 12 steps. It mentions in the 12th step about a spiritual awakening, and I feel this is one of the many gifts AA has given me.

I have tremendous acceptance about most day to day events. It was after my fifth step that I really started to have a belief in a higher power and for me my god is divorced from religion.

If anyone is visiting london please visit my Home Group, The Joys of Recovery, St lukes Hall. Wednesday 7:30pm

I love life thesedays


Member:       W.
Location: Kansas City, KS
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 8:38:41 PM

Comments

Hi! I'm and I've recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I've been told A.A. is for people who don't believe in God, do believe in God and believe they are God. I fall into the category of people who belive they are a direct expression of God. My experience with the chapter to the Agnostic is that Bill W's idea of agnosticism is not necessarily a mainstream viewpoint. Fortunately, I did not have to accept the chapter to the agnostic to get, and stay, sober. For me, I have something to say about the thoughts I choose to entertain in my head. I choose not to entertain thoughts of drinking today. When I first sobered up, I had to learn a new way of thinking. Today, I apply healthy thinking techniques in all areas of my life, to the best of my ability, one day at a time. To the woman afraid to get close to people in A.A., I will say that in 18 years of continuous sobriety, I had to pick my friends in the program very carefully. People are people. Being in A.A. doesn't change that. It is always a good idea to be cautious.


Member: Alison F.
Location: L.A, Ca
Date: 1/7/00
Time: 11:11:25 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Alison, alcoholic. This is my first time doing the web thing for A.A. and it's a step towards going back to meetings. The last meeting I went to was the day my mother died. 3/25/97. I'm sure a shrink could say a lot about that. I have not picked up a drink, but have used pharmaceuticals irregularly. It feels good to come clean about that. I'm looking at my life and one more time realizing this is not quite where I want to be.I know "Maintenance" of any kind on anything is very slippery for me, and not a sober life. So, I start again and remind myself of my powerlessness and how far away from spirituality I am.I am grateful that I have not had the desire for alcohol in 8 years, because I know that is certain death for me as it nearly was before.I've heard it said that the farhter you get from meetings the farther you get from spirituality and it's true.Thank God for all I do have and thank you all for this space to be at.


Member: Prospector
Location:
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 12:47:39 AM

Comments

On the spiritual side: I was told one time that being a member of AA, doing the steps, and staying sober, would not open the gates to heaven and let me in, but it sure would open the gates to hell and let me out! This program of AA has opened those gates of hell for me, and helps make my final destiny a much better place.

Thanks to you all!


Member: cindy
Location: tn
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 3:53:51 AM

Comments


Member: cindy
Location: tn
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 3:56:57 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Cindy, alcoholic. Took me nearly 10 years to admit it. I would be sober for almost 4 years at at time sometimes, but ultimately would go back to drinking. I am up at this hour, b/c I can't sleep due to a "drinking binge". It is destroying everyone (including myself)around me. My family doesn't know what to do anymore. What's ironic about this is that I am a devote catholic and raise my children that way. Please, if anyone can provide any help, I would certainly appreciate it!


Member: Carole B
Location: Australia
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 8:32:31 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Carole and I'm an alcoholic. Its midnight in Australia and I have just finished a four hour chat with a newcomer on exactly this topic. I showed her the part in the big book which says the purpose of this book is to help you find a power greater than yourself and thats what it's all about. It took me about nine months in AA listening to all sorts of stuff untill I discovered that section of the book. So I faked it till I made it and today I have a loving power in my life that is guiding and teaching me one day at a time to be the best I can be an give myself and others the permission to shine. I wish you all happiness and a fantastic sober day. See you in Minneapolis


Member: Dennis P
Location: WI
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 10:09:02 AM

Comments

Hi all. Dennis here, alcoholic. I woke up to the beginning of another, hopefully, sober day. ( DOS 5-2-94 ) I cannot say this is a sober day for sure yet because I am an alcoholic. If I live today as an alcoholic recovering with the help of my HP and AA, I have a very very good chance of making it. Cindy, I am also a Catholic and I also quit for numerous amounts of time during my 30+ years of actively drinking. I always believed I could quit whenever I wanted to, on my own. WRONG!! The first time that I seeked professional help, forced of course, and I saw "G-o-d" written on one of the blackboards in the treatment center, I was turned off immediatly. Figured that this was just another bunch of religious fanatics. That was enough for this alcoholic mind of mine to close down to anything that they tried to say to me. Another excuse to go back out and try some more controlled drinking. When I finally hit my personal bottom. When I finally was sick and tired of being sick and tired. When I finally quit denying that I needed help, only then did this same alcoholic mind open up and ask for help. I don't mean to ramble on here. I am just trying to say that being a devote Catholic did not help me to stop drinking any more than it made me start drinking. Being a devote alcoholic kept me "wet" and asking for help from AA and the many wonderful recovering alcoholics associated with this Fellowship keeps me sober. Don't drink today and if you really want it, seek out an AA meeting in your area. There should be phone numbers in the yellow pages if you want to speak to someone right away. Hang in there and keep coming back. Dennis


Member: Carol B.
Location:
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 11:26:19 AM

Comments

For William G.: I have been sober in AA for 19 1/2years. I only make 1 meeting a week, knowing I should probably make more. Unfortunately, my meeting is on Saturday afternoon and Christmas & New Year's day being on Saturdays I have not been to a meeting in 3 weeks. I just got this computer and figured if I used on line meetings I wouldnot have to go today. Where is the enthusiasm and gratefulness and desire to help newcomers that we used to have? You woke me up William and just for today at least I will get to my meeting.


Member: Jane V
Location: Oh
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 11:55:56 AM

Comments

Hi Cindy, I am a devout Catholic also and I have found that in order to receive the Eucharist, I need to be clean, in mind , body and soul. When I drink the day before I feel so unworthy to receive the body and blood of Christ. It depends how much you want it. I need his body and blood to give me strength through the week and that keeps me focused (some of the time).I also have a new motto. When I think about drinking I say " I want to sleep tonight" not pass out.


Member: MVR
Location: Boston
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 1:42:12 PM

Comments

Christine (Boston). After a little over 2 years, I, too had a slip - but I have now been sober over 30 years now - here in Boston. That's to give you hope that it can be done. Try to remember all the things you did right in the nine years - and try to honestly look at what you can do better now. If I can help you at all - meeting you at a meeting, talking on phone or internet any hour reach me.


Member: Brenda H
Location: Central North Carolina
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 3:31:55 PM

Comments

Hi all! I'm Brenda, alcoholic/addict in turmoil lately. The topic is good for me....my spiritual self is the first thing to go when I decide to let "self will run riot"! July 10, 1999 I decided I wanted to be drunk more than I wanted to be sober. Didn't plan it, was depressed, divorce, etc., etc. Not going to meetings or talking to AA friends nor my sponsor...I had been sober since 1/4/94 and had known contented sobriety...done a lot of service work...picked up a LOT of women to take to meetings, had a home group, wss on the steering committee, and on and on. Getting back the spiritual part of the program has been the hardest thing. I started back to meetings, but things weren't the same after getting drunk (my sponsor took me to an A.A meeting drunk!...all the people I knew were there!!) This is the first meeting I've been to in months. All the same excuses everyone else has shared. The "hole" is back in the middle of me and gets bigger each day. I did pick up a white chip July 10 but I just can't seem to "get back to where I was". I encourage all who may be thinking about a drink "DON'T DO IT"!!! Pray for me to have the courage to get back into meetings so I can get my "medicine". Thanks, guys.

I know I'm not the only drunk in North Carolina. So I decided to give the West Coast a break and respond! Glad y'all are here!!


Member: Mary J
Location: Seattle
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 7:56:38 PM

Comments

Hi,

I'm Mary and an alcoholic. Wow what alot of comments to read through this week. This must be the season we all need to get together albeit through cyber space,

This is a great topic for all to share their ideas. I am a firm beleiver that our sprirituality is very personal to each of us and what works for one may not work for another.

I am thankful and greatful to my higher power whom I call God. It is good to know that because of this I can have the choices that I have such as what the first person here talked about.

I can choose to drink or choose not to drink. I can choose to be angry or not to be angry with someone or with a situation.

It's nice to be back after two weeks.


Member: josie s
Location: cambridge U.K
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 8:02:39 PM

Comments

hello fellow members and a warm welcome to all you newcomers.when i first attended A.A i was scared that i would also have to become a member of "The God Squad" also,this of course was'nt the reality at all,and am happy to say that i have now been sober for 14 months and they have been the most happiest of my life!What joy to go to bed and wake up the next morning knowing exactly what,where and when from the night before,no hangover only a feeling of peace.Spirituality came to me along with exceptance of my alcoholism,for me they are one of the same,as by excepting my illness i also allowed myself to except my god and his blessings and many have they been,i cannot begin to tell you what has happened to me since being sober,my cup over floweth.My family often say how proud they are of me,and on what i have achieved by my own courage and self help,and i always have to remind them that i could NOT have done this all by myself,i had A.A and all the help from the wonderful people in it,and of course my god.So to those who have just started on their journey of sobriety,listen and take advice from those around you,you know it makes sense!!!sorry this has been so long..thanks for listening to my share.....godbless us all.


Member: amy d
Location: east coast
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 10:11:01 PM

Comments


Member: amy d
Location: east coast
Date: 1/8/00
Time: 10:11:06 PM

Comments


Member: Dennis D.
Location: Western Texas
Date: 1/9/00
Time: 12:12:45 AM

Comments

Hi Everybody! My name is Dennis D. and I am an alcoholic. Because AA works...Even for people who are sure it won't...I thank God every day that I haven't had a drink since October 24th 1988 I am writing to you from way out in West Texas. I want to wish everyone a very good and sober new year! Remember....Alcohol never was and never will be the problem....The problem is somthing much worse than Alcohol....It's called ALCOHOLISM...and has little to do with drinking. If alcohol was the problem then we need only stop drinking it, and we would be cured!!! It's alcohol'ISM not alcohol WAS'EM.....!!!!


Member: KATHY D
Location: MTL QUE
Date: 1/9/00
Time: 11:43:51 AM

Comments

Hi EVERYONE, just wanted to say that I am very grateful to A.A for giving me a second chance in life and helping me to find GOD. I come from a very abusive and alcoholic family and from as far back as I can remember I saw no use in life and living until, thank GOD... at 28 yrs old I found a reason to find meaning and happiness. A.A has without a doubt shown me how to live.

I am free of all my childhood demons and they have been replaced with the LOVE of A.A and GOD.


Member: Christine
Location: Boston
Date: 1/9/00
Time: 7:29:26 PM

Comments

Hi again all-

MVR from Boston-thanks for your words of encouragement! I would love to connect with you but I don't know how to find you. If you are ever in the neighborhood on a Tuesday night feel free to drop into St. John's in Charlestown...best group in AA! Thanks again and God Bless. :)


Member: Christine
Location: Boston
Date: 1/9/00
Time: 7:29:38 PM

Comments

Hi again all-

MVR from Boston-thanks for your words of encouragement! I would love to connect with you but I don't know how to find you. If you are ever in the neighborhood on a Tuesday night feel free to drop into St. John's in Charlestown...best group in AA! Thanks again and God Bless. :)


Member: Pam D
Location: Anaheim CA
Date: 1/9/00
Time: 7:32:57 PM

Comments

Hi All - Pam D., sober alcoholic here, checking in. First off, I too am amongst those with longer term sobriety that have stopped going to meetings. I am still sober, 15 years as of December 13th. I'd like to share a little about my most recent attempt to find a meeting in this area.

On Friday night, I decided to go to a meeting. I pulled out the meeting guide (only 3 months old) for Orange Co. CA and picked out a couple possible meetings. I drove to the first address (the closest to my house) in Cypress and found an empty lot. Apparently, the meeting place had been sold and raized.

So, I chose another meeting - about 20 minutes further away, but near a major freeway exit. OK, I drove there and found it was a medical office building. I went into the lobby (10 minutes late for the meeting) and there was no sign or indication of any meeting. I looked for conference rooms and found they were locked up.

The third place I decided to try was an Alano club in the downtown Anaheim area. When I got there, there were swirling lights and pounding music -- obviously, the meeting had been cancelled for a dance. When I asked a couple of people standing outside where a good local meeting was, they told me that they only came for the dances and didn't know where else I could go.

By then, it was 9 p.m. and I gave up. I came home and went to bed. Still sober, but disappointed in my fellow AAs. What if I had been a newcomer or in dire straits?

I stopped going to meetings a week after my daughter was born 3 years ago because I was told I couldn't bring my child to my home group. No one offered to help me find alternate meetings, even though I was new to the area and had no family. Since then, I have occasionally found a sitter to go to a meeting, only to discover that the meeting moved, was changed to a dance, or no longer existed. Then I have had to pay my sitter, and fend for myself again. When I have gone into a meeting and stayed, I am troubled by the mixed messages that are given. I continue to get the Grapevine, and spend time talking to sober people in other parts of the country. I am saddened to be one of the few people with any length of sobriety at meetings. I am also saddened at the increasing isolation I see among members. To each his own seems to be the motto...

I still need fellowship, but I am less willing to tolerate b.s. when I experience it.

Thanks for letting me blow off steam.


Member: Keddy H
Location: kingsvill Texas
Date: 1/9/00
Time: 7:33:02 PM

Comments

ALOHA My Name is Keddy I am an Alcoholic/addict ... I hope that dose not offend any one. were I live there are not to many meetings of the other fellowship..today my trouble is with drugs .the desire to drink has been lifted thank you to my higher power whom I call God .. but the drug thing Is still kicking my ass I have not used or drank in 356 daysIam workin on my 4th step and willbe going over it with my sponser next week. and my Life is so much better once again being in the program..but at times something is just missing ...I do every thing that is sugested of me I work with others I am workin the steps I go to meetings I use the phone ..and still at times something inside me just wonts to mess things up by thinking I can just get high to day ... I know better than that but i just feel so lost at times ... I just wish the desire to use drugs would be lifted like the desire to drink has been I know I will make it in another hr. I will be going to a meeting than it will almost be bed time and I will have one more day God willing than tomorrow I will do the next right thing and if all goes right it will be ok and even if alldose not go right if i just keep doing the next right thing all will be allright and that next right thing to me is not to pick up no matter what Ied like to take this time to thank you all for letting me go on and on I feel a bit better and with that all will be well to day it seems to be one of those days were its one min. at a time but thats ok because my Life is better because of that God bless This Program Of A.A.


Member: STEVEO
Location: Southern Iowa
Date: 1/9/00
Time: 8:13:54 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Steveo, and I'm a drunk. After 18 yrs sobriety, I had an operation (modern with lapriscope). A week later, they went back to get the stuff they left the first time. A week and a half (2 general anesthetics, and a lot of morphine)later, I "landed" sort of. There were times I recall (nobody else there but me and God)vaguely. I was a pain in the can to all I'm told. This experience did some strange things to me, spiritually, emotionally, and of course physically. This was an unwanted "injestion" to say the least. There is a fair amount of anger involved too. You can look at it this way... God gave me an idea of what it would be like to drink again, then allowed me to make choices on my own. Thank you lord, for leaving me enough grey matter to make the right choices.


Member: Julie R
Location: Cold Indifference found in Minnesota
Date: 1/9/00
Time: 8:31:09 PM

Comments

Pam D. I agree wholeheartedly with everything with what you had to say. I have encountered the same problems. Pls read my post on the coffee pot. It has my e-mail address there too.


Member: RICHARD M
Location: SARASOTA, FLA
Date: 1/9/00
Time: 10:04:49 PM

Comments

PAGE'S 83 & 84 SUM IT UP FOR ME .I AM AN ALCOHOLIC , MY NAME IS RICHARD.MY SOBRIETY DATE IS 12/28/1985......BY THE GRACE OF GOD..... I FOUND A WONDERFULL FELLOWSHIP IN AA....WE STAY SOBER ONE DAY AT ATIME AND AWAY FROM A DRINK .ONE DAAY ATA TIME ...AND ALL WE NEED IS GODS GRACE Q