Member: Tech
Location:
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 14:18:56
Sorry for the delay in updating this week.
Happy Mother's Day Moms
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 15:18:57
Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Thanks to TECH for your "alternative" to the coffee pot post in black and white, that's great!
Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's on this site also. I will be taking mom to lunch and then off to a regular day of grocery shopping. She is in her 80's, so she needs help with these things.
There was some great messages over e-mail this morning from my women's group--the topic of the 12 promises kicked off to a great start. Found on pages 83 and 84 of the BB, these are what inspired the hope that life could be different, and better. Since these followed after step 9, I knew to get to work, and that is precisely what I did. No regrets. Life is wonderul. A few setbacks once in awhile, but hardly anything I would through sobriety away over. Have a great day, I sure intend to, dispite I have a son out there who does not celebrate special events like today. He is off in his own disease, so pray for him, he needs it. Love to all. Linda P.
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 16:09:19
Hello everybody, Jim, an alcoholic, and a full week sober. No blinding revelations, steady as she goes. Have found something to ease the craving for something to drink, though. Non-alcoholic but with a heck of a bite to it. Good ol' Jamaican ginger beer. Not ginger ale--ginger beer. One glass and the craving fora bottle of the usual beer vanished.
Linda P.--happy Mom's Day anyway. Hope the son finds the path.
Member: Joy R.
Location: Stockton, CA
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 16:29:18
I'm Joy, and I'm an alcoholic. Congratulations Jim, on a week sober. {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} That's wonderful! You are truly a miracle.
Member: Teresa C.
Location: Fairbanks, Alaska
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 16:56:45
Hi there Linda and Jim
I just want you both to know that I am having problems with my server and therefore I'm not able to send any e-mails. I tried four times and they all came back. I was however able to read them, so until I can get further help for my problem please do not think that I just don't care, I really do. Happy 1 week to you Jim. I'm praying for you and your recovery. I can really relate to you as I am having problems myself. This last Friday I had to prove to myself again that I am an alki. Yeah I went out again, to the American Legion, you see I'm an old lady, a Vietnam Vet Era person. I just am having a hard time not going to visit my friends at the bar. The scary part is, now that I've gone back out after 8 years, I do not get hangovers. Please pray for me.
God I remember a guy who had been coming into the program and he was really smart. He had all of these degrees and yet here he was at 60 below in the winter living in the woods in a tent and he kept trying and trying to stay sober. (Here I had 8 years of sobriety and of course I was superior) Such B.S. Me thinking I'm above anyone. Anyway, I told him, you know you are just to damn smart for this program, why don't you quit thinking and just let God guide you. I prayed for him, really prayed for him, and Bless God, he now has 1 and 1/2 years sober. He is a teacher with a wonderful girlfriend and he's very happy, clean and sober.
Myself I have just gone through a messy divorce and its really gotten me very irrate, I've gained lots of weight and I just hate myself. I want you all to know I know that there are no excuses for drinking. I'm sorry about my lenghty drunk-a-log but if I shared everything, there would be no room for anyone here. Hi Mark from Eielson AFB. Please don't tell anyone about me, thank you. I share here and hope it doesn't get back to the Alano Club. Bless you for acknowledging me. Take care, please send me your e-mails and I will try to return them. With Love, Teresa C. teresac@mosquitonet.com
Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB AK
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 17:03:27
Mark, Dopefiend alcoholic. Kiddo, one thing you should know about me by now is that A. I don't hit meetings at the Alano club, and B. If you can't trust me, who can you? Thgink about that one there kiddo. Sunday night 1900 NA at St. Matthews and the Thursday 2000 at Lord of Life, both here in NOrth Pole. I'm always at those meetings. The others, I sorta float in and out like the breeze... Comforting the disturbed and disturbing those in comfort. Adios for now.
Mark
Member: Duane B
Location: westallis WI
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 17:46:41
hello Duane here alcoholic,
thank you sooo much for the new screen, tech crew. I have webtv and will wait and see if the page gets too full to view. you people are fantastic!!! love this site
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 20:10:26
FAYLA,ALCIHOLIC,Well happy Mothers day to all mothers. I went to bingo and won fifty dollers it started out not to good a day for me,had a spat with my daugh,hung up on her felt much better after that.Linda p. am praying for you i know how hard it is i have 5 kids. keep up the good work Jim ,were glad your here.Tresa c ,love to you and prayers. love to all you sweeties. Fayla g
Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 20:26:44
Hi all yall, Doris, alcoholic here. I am having a wonderful day with my family. My twin is here and so is my cousin from Washington. My sis ter is from Las Vegas and in recovery also. I can't even imagine living in Las Vegas and trying to recover. She is very strong and I admire her. I want to wish all of the other mothers a happy mothers Day and God Bless all of you. I wish you all sobriety and serenity as well. You whom are having a hard time staying sober I awil especially pray for now. Go with God everyone. Howdy Sanders and Amy ans Fayla, Doris
Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 21:01:07
one is too many and a thousand is never enough. teresa i'm praying for you. the hangovers may not be back, yet. just try not to pick up another one. it is easier now than it ever will be. the longer you wait, the more entrenched the disease becomes. it's your choice... and god willing we will be here when you come back, if you make it back.
hugs,
mary w.
ps. ive been there also. it took me almost a year to get back.
Member: Llew B
Location: Madison, WI
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 21:41:58
Llew Alcoholic: The new white screen is a big help to me. I have trouble with my eyes and black on white is a big help. I enjoy this site very much. Stay sober and keep coming back.
Member: Craig K.
Location: Phoenix
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 22:08:40
Hi, Craig Alcoholic. Having a rough day. Just say a little prayer for me. I am having some problems recognizing some things I have no control over. Great site. Today I will stay sober and endure the pain. I'm sure my H.P. has a reason for this to be happening. So, I will accept it. Blessings to all of you.
Member: Keith B.
Location: Guam, USA
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 22:14:09
Hi Gang, I'm Keith, Alcoholic!
I'm writing from Guam on Monday at 1200 noon. Happy Mothers Day to all the Mothers, my ex-wife included. Since Guam is the place where America's day begins, I'll tell you all in the US that your day will be great. All your friends will be sunny and warm. There is no tears or regrets on the scope. If you want a good day have one you make your own. My day here is to good to be working inside, but a man has to eat so here I am. Jim D.- I too tried to replace my addiction with a like tasting beverage. My sponsor told my the only substitution was sober living. If you drink a kind tasting drink you may never lose the desire to drink, it feeds the mental addiction. I tried non-alcohol beer. Guess what, it still has alcohol in it. Only 0.5% and you had to drink a case an hour to get the effect, but I tried.
Well I have to go back to work, my boss is curious as to why I'm working at the comupter so hard during Lunch time.
Have a good day and my all of them be sober days.
"Blessed Be"
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 23:13:46
Hi All Y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. It has been a great day and I have not even thought of a drink all day till tonight in a F2F meeting because we were talking about it, and that is a MIRICLE for me. I took my 92 year old mother to SS and church this AM and then we went out of town to have lunch. From there we went refrigerator shopping for her and I we got back just in time for me to get my dog outside and then to church, followed with an AA meeting so I am very tired. This is a much better tired than the lastime I took her to lunch as she enjoyed this one and as a result, so did I. When I was walking in the door from my meeting tonight the phone was ringing and it was my mother calling to tell me how much she enjoyed the day. This is one of the benefits of being sober today.... .......I too am very happy to see the black and white page, as it is much easier to read for me. It is so good to see all you folks back on line and I want to wish all you mothers and mothers to be and want to be mothers a Happy Mother's Day. It surely would be a boring world without mothers, wouldn't it? To the ones who are still trying to stop drinking, I promise you the same thing that was promised me. If you don't take a drink, YOU will get better in spite of yourself. Love to all Sanders
Member: David R.
Location: Chiapas, Mexico
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 00:26:56
Hola amigos. My name is David and I'm an alcoholic too. I've been sober -thank god and AA- for ten years. This is the first time I use the web to get in touch with other alcoholics and I'm very excited about the idea. Alguien habla espaņol? Saludos a todos.
Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 02:24:19
Hello, My name is Amy and I am an alcoholic. Firstly I want to say to Linda P. that I wish her a belated mothers day and that her son is fortunate that you understand the disease and altho it must hurt that he does not get in touch, you must know it is not something personal but his disease. God bless him and God bless you for not having a chip on your shoulder about it! I hurt my mother many times in my drinking days, kinda getting her back for not raising me with "enuf" love...thanks to my HP I now try and always show her how I appreciate her...along those lines, Sanders you are a mom`s dream come true and I was so happy when I read that she enjoyed her lunch and even called to thank you at 92! That is super. I tried to e mail my mom pictures of our trip to Denmark and me fishin`along with a poem and got so upset when I could not figure out how to send the pictures (I have them on a diskette) and finally just faxed a poem and a picture. I thought about her a lot yesterday, I wish I could have just hugged her but that will have to wait until October when we go to NC (my home) for 3 weeks. I can`t wait to go to the state fair, drink Dr.Pepper, eat all the things they don`t have here (which is most American things),etc. It has been a year and a half since I was in my country and I MISS AMERICANS! I thank God for this website and the loving friends I have found here. JIM D way to go, easy does it, my first revelation did not come for a while but you can be sure it will if you stay with us, as someone said last week, sobriety is a great ride, hang on! Teresa and Craig my thoughts are with you both! Fayla, if anyone deserved that Bingo prize it was you. Happy belated mothers day to you, sweet lady. Special hello to Doris, I will write you later in the week as explained below... Today at 1 pm one of my best friends is coming to spend 3 days and nights with us (this is in addition to the 12 year old relative of my husbands) and I am sick with worry over keeping everyone happy til Thursday, my husband, Annalea(12) and Elisabeth. I must share the story of Elisabeth. I met her when I was 14. My mother enrolled our family in an exchange program one summer and we kept a French girl 3 months, she was also my age and I showed her my part of America including my Cherokee heritage all the way to six flags over Georgia where the rides "tickeled her womb". We wrote all year then the next summer I lived in Normandy with her family (later majored in French Lit.) so she has had a huge impact on my life. I saw her again in 1986 and then not until my wedding here in 1995! By then we were twice as old as when we had met. She lives now in Paris and is a Cinema lawyer, even met Sharon Stone cause she is involved in some remake of a french movie called The Diabolicle (SP?) or something, anyway I will not have any time to come on line as her bedroom must be this room and I will miss you all but don`t think you can get rid of me that easily, I`LL BE BACK. She and I got drunk together at 16 and when I told her 3 years ago about my alcoholism she was deeply feeling for me. She still drinks socially but not around me, tho that does not bother me any more. Hey as mary said, one was never enuf for me and so it is. Little Annalea is extreemly happy that the swiss hockey team is in the world finals and she holds my hand when we shop and walk now, I love that. Please think of me, I hope my anxiety level can stay OK with such company, cooking, ect. and I hope my husband does not feel left out when Eli and I talk. She has known me half my life, after all. I love you all and wish you a healthy, sober and GREAT week, til Thurs...Love Amy GC PS Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Doris
Location: Or
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 02:43:19
Dear all,Teresa, I can't get you off my mind.I want you to know that I am praying for you and like you said about praying ,"really praying" for your friend, I hope that now you can do the same thing for yourself. I know that I am, really praying for you. You are in that hole Teresa and YOU CAN get back out. But YOU have to do it and you can. You did it before, remember ? Marc, I hope that you can see teresa and maybe give her some support face to face. Give her a hug from me while you are at it. I am sorry you are having such a tough time now Teresa, with the dicorce and all.G od bless you Love Doris
Member: Roger m.
Location: Canada
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 05:55:13
Hi my name is Roger and I am a recovering Alcoholic. Congratulation Jim but be careful of that Ginger beer it could become a trigger. Make sure you go to a lot of meetings an get yourself a sponsor. Love in Sobriety Roger
Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 06:35:46
Amy GC, dry drunk is not drinking but not changing any of the old behaviors; the selfishness, grandiosity, anger, fear, etc. For some us, the tendency is always to fall back on the old behavior because it's what we have done for so long.
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 07:25:25
Jim D - congratulations on a sober week. Keep coming.
Craig K - I will remember you in my prayers. I definitely relate to this control issue. It is a tought one, no?
I had the best Mother's Day I have ever had, as we picked up our daughter from Logan airport. She just arrived home from Spain after being away for the school year. It was so great to see her and I was so excited when I saw her come through the doors at the airport. I thought alot about my sobriety and how that has positively affected my relationship with her. I am very grateful for this.
NOW, I have to start the hard part. She is now 21 years old, has been totally independent for 9 months and all I want to do is control, control, control. I kept biting my tongue last night, almost saying things like, "why don't you take your suitcase upstairs", or "you must be tired, why don't you go to bed early", etc etc etc.. Pretty absurd if I consider how she has spent these past months. She has been traveling all over Europe, at time with just one friend, and not speaking some of the languages, and I think I have to tell her to go to bed!
Also, my son just bought a motorcycle (a mother's nightmare). I have been trying to think of every way I can to sabatoge his buying this. Again, control, control, control. Though I think it is reasonable for me to not be thrilled about the motorcycle and the dangers are real, there is NOTHING I can do about it. He is an adult.
I have recently decided to "come clean" with my kids about some things from my past that are very difficult. I am anticipating that they might not respond very well. I appreciate your prayers that I am able to go through with this and remember that their reponse to me is not a reason for me to not do what I know is the right thing. FEAR -- another killer of sobriety.
Have a great week everyone.
Member: Jessica S.
Location:
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 08:24:04
There is going to be pain in recovery. Misery is optional.
Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 10:20:17
Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!
I went into the hospital Thursday for some muscle reconstruction, the result of an accident I had last November. It turns out that the damage was more extensive than they thought. My surgeon told me he had believed, based on tests and other data that I had torn through about 15% of my Sphincter, it turns out that I lost about 40%, so he is not sure if we will be able to reverse my colostomy, based on the muscle repair. I need not worry about that today, that decision will be made in about a month, I hope. I know, based on my contact with my Higher Power during this "situation" that I can accept whatever the verdict is, How well I accept it is up to me working my program and telling my story.
For: Theresa, and others who are struggling to get back or stay back, my prayers are with you.
Thank you for letting me share, and claim my seat.
J.L.
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 10:27:33
fayla ,alcoholic . Hi every body ,Jim stay with us your in my prayers .Sanders i am so glad you had such a good day with your mother,you deserve to have a good day everyday.AMY i know you are going to be busy and i will miss you .DORIS IM SO happy for you and your sister being togeather and all .Mary love and hugs to you .LIBBY LOVE you am thinking about you ,HUGS to BONNIE,LINDA P.MARTINA,I LOVE YOU ALL. LOVE FAYLA G
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 10:32:34
Good morning everybody! Jim, and alcoholic.
Gonna be a tough day I think--at work 20 minutes and the alloigators are already on the prowl. It would be a good day to have an excuse for ducking out, but ODAAT, right? And that goes for more than just being sober, right?
Hmmm, is me who's responsible for feeling this way? Or the damn alligators?
Thanks for the caution about triggers, Roger. How about One Hour At A Time?
Anyway, eight days and counting.
Member: carolyn L.
Location: GA
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 10:34:30
Hi Carolyn here-- this is so cleansing for me. Thank you Jessica, There is pain in recovery. I am working hard at not choosing misery. I guess I lived in it for so long I don't know how not to. My husband too professes to be an alcoholic, but does not necessarily see the need to attend meetings as regularly as do I. I want to spend time with him but I know to maintain my sobriety (11 days now), I must attend as many meetings as possible. I do not have a sponsor yet and have a lot of issues I need to talk to s/o about. email is welcome to clafranc@mail.egleston.org. thanks to my HP God for this.
Member: Kelley C.
Location: Chicago
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 11:15:41
Hi. I'm Kelley and I'm an alcoholic/addict. I recently celebrated by 16th AA Anniversary and am amazed at how little I feel towards it. Staying sober is so much part of my normal life, I am so often working on issues other than a struggle to stay sober for another day that I sometimes forget it was a struggle. Ah, but it most certainly was. Due to a major accident last December (I was hit by a car as I walked into the street to get my youngest son) I had to quit smoking and caffeine consumption. What a bite. Now I remember the struggle. I wonder sometimes what God/dess has planned, my whole life has been turned upside down again. I am still not walking without aid, haven't been able to get to my worksite (i'm now working from home), and a court suit I filed four years ago is now tentatively scheduled for trial in June. Two of my regular meetings have disbanded and the Alano Club I used to go to ripped up their parking lot and I physically cannot get to it in my current condition. Hmmmmmmm. Do you suppose the Universe is telling me something. Are major changes afoot? I could use some clarity in direction. Thanks to all for their support and the willingness of AA to reach out. Congrats to all celebrating a day of sobriety. Love, in recovery, Kelley
Member: louis
Location: gatineau,quebec canada
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 12:42:03
LOUIS ALCOHOLIC.I DRANK .5% NON-ALCOHOLIC BEER FOR ALMOST A YEAR,AND ONE NIGHT I STOPPED AT THE CORNER STORE TO PICK SOME UP.WHEN I SAW THAT THE PRICE OF REGULAR BEER WAS THE SAME,I WENT BACK ON A SLIP FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS.TODAY I WOULD NOT PUT .5% ARSENIC IN MY GLASS OF WATER,SO I WON'T DRINK THAT .5
Member: John C
Location: Ohio
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 13:58:56
High all John from Ohio here, Haven't posted in a while, but I've been reading. Martina, before you come clean, ask yourself do they need to know this ? Will itbenefit them or might they think ,"well she did it and turned out allright" I've made a lot of impulsive decisions that I thought were right initially, but had I really thought them through I would have chosen a different course. Just food for thought... I'm waiting for my daughter to fall asleep so I can take the monitor out to the garden and finish tilling. We've had soo much rain that I'm thinking about growing rice. Have a good week all.
Member: DIB
Location: Columbus, Georgia
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 14:52:25
Dib here. The aligators chase me a lot too but it usually comes back to me. 8 days is fantastic Jim! Keep on keepin' on! I just spent my first sober Mothers' Day as a mom. Cool beans! Every day for 8 months I have been able to mark one more day and if I do it one hour at a time that's okay, sometimes it's more like one second at a time. However it has to be done it should be. I love ya' all out there, thanks for being here for me. TTFN
Member: Marcia K.
Location: San Diego, California
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 15:44:59
My name is Marcia and I'm an alcoholic. Wow this is my first time in an online mtg. and it seems cool! For me this week is absolutely crazy! I am currently in my 3rd year in college and it's final season-once again. I'm stuck in my room for hours at a time working on papers and studying. Stress and my perfection issues are trying to slowly eat away at me. It's real hard to stay in the moment and I'm trying to do the best I can with the time I have. Today I have 31 days smoke free and 388 days clean and sober. It seems like going to school exercises so many feelings for me in my sobriety. But stress is a big one for me. I want to shut myself in my room, away from everyone and any extra time suckers (like friends and meetings) to get ready for finals. But at the same time I need them! When I drank and used I shut myself in my room away from any distractions that would keep me from getting to that place where I needed to be. I'm trying to be nice to myself and to take care of my HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, & tired). And this too will pass, but first I have to feel my way through it. I just wanted to talk with people who identify with my disease and maybe with some who can relate to what I'm going through. I thank my HP for one more day clean, sober, and smokefree. Thanks for reading!
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 15:56:20
Good Afternoon everyone,
John, thanks for your thoughts and words of advice. I actually have asked myself for many years whether or not I needed to tell my kids about some of my past. This one issue really does concern them, so after much agony of thought and talking and praying with my pastor at length, I have decided from his counsel and a few others' that I would be open with them. There are many other things I probably will never tell them. It is sometimes a fine line between secrets that keep you from growing and secrets that protect you. I am quite nervous about this, but am commited to do it. thanks for any prayers from anyone who prays.
JL - I am sorry for your recent set back.... your attitude of acceptance will help you greatly and is a positive example to us all.
I just talked to my mother. She lives in Pennsylvania and I don't see her often. She is really failing and is so stressed because her memory is so bad. It makes you realize that each day is precious and to be thankful for every moment.
Thanks for listening.
Member: Dcecil
Location: New York
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 17:04:59
Cecil J. New York 11May 1998 1702 hrs My name is Cecil J. and i'm and alcoholic . this is the first time I have used the AA website. It sis interesting and I enjoy hearing from other alcoholics. God bless.
Member: Amy W.
Location: MN
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 17:33:35
Hello everyone. I'm Amy, chemically dependent alcoholic here. I've been thinking a lot about the direction my sobriety is headed and am feeling a little uneasy. I completed treatment about 3 weeks ago, but have slipped since then. I know my habits are in need of a change. I can't hang with the same people and do the things I used to do. The problem is I've been so lonely lately. I feel like I'm losing my family and my friends. I don't think my family fully understands this disease so I find I'm distancing myself from them. I really think they thought that after treatment I'd be cured. And, as all of you know, that isn't going to happen. Does this get any easier or is my life always going to be separate from theirs? Otherwise, life is good sober! I am in college and have a straight A average, which would never happen if I was drinking and using. I'm also getting an apartment closer to school so I won't be around my old friends and influences. I finally feel like my life is on track and headed in the right direction. When I was drinking and using I knew my life was headed down hill. That's all for now. Take care everyone. To Craig K- hang in there. I know how you're feeling. I've got 14 days sober, and every one has been a gift from my HP.
Member: Kerry B. - Alcoholic
Location: Idaho
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 18:06:23
Boy, can I relate Amy in MN. I've been going to meetings 20 years, sober for 18. My family to this day still do not fully understand alcoholism. I never let them see me drunk when I was drinking, and I was one of those who went to work every day and by all outside appearances was OK. My mom can't understand that just because I don't go to church that I have a concious contact with god, she's still trying to get me to go. I know that this is so new to you that you probably want your family to understand where you are at, and the fact is that they may never understand. What matters is that You understand where you are at, know what I mean.? My family are not drinkers, that helps me. If they were, and constantly offered me drinks when I saw them, I would have had to get away from them for awhile til my program got stronger (working the steps). Bottom line is that for me to drink is to die, and if I died all this other stuff really does'nt matter, does it. Had a great mothers day, I feel blessed to have such good kids and husband. Thanks for being here!! Love Kerry, alcoholic.
Member: Teresa C.
Location: Fairbanks & North Pole AK
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 20:59:05
This is Teresa C.
Thank God for people like you all.
A special thank you to Doris From my home state. You really know how to let a person know that you care, you really do care, Bless You Dearie. You do my heart so much. I want to be just like you, and of course, right now, damn it. God I remember how hard it was for me the first time, I wish I'd never forgotten. I am triing so hard to get my head out of my a----. I finally got up and off my butt for over 3 days and today I am doing laundry. For me, this is a very big thing. I hate housework, its has been kinda neat today though, because as I do stuff all the clutter is going away and now I actually feel better. At least I'm staying sober, thank God for people like you who can tell it like it is. Now I have so many clothes, (plus clothes that are too damn small) that I need to hang my shelves just to put them up. If it aint one thing its another, yadda, yadda. Also to Linda P From Ca. Thank you so much for your wonderful e-mail, you have shown me an awful lot. You can bang the nail on the head, thank you so much for your dear, dear words. You are so sweet, I really wonder if "God has his special angels" if so you are certainly one of them. I also have a nephew who had a problem, and only I noticed it, yeah I'm one of those duelly addicted people. Anyway I did recognize his symtoms, and 3 months later he confessed to me. Bless his heart. But by then it was too late as he is now serving time in prison, for something that the drugs and alcohol had a hold of him. To Jim, thank you for your words of encoragment. I am reading your e-mail, and guess what, you are the only one who has received any mail from me, everyone else's has all come back. I like the part about the walks on the river. Come to think of it, I used to play a game and that was to sit on the bank, and pretend that the river was God and I'd put my hands in the water and let God wash away all my problems with his goodness and his strength (river strength) and ya know after a while of starring at the river, it would actually pull out all my problems. I get the same feeling whenever I get the chance to go to the ocean. Thanks you guys. To J.L. God Bless You Dear, you must be in awful pain and who am I to sit here and throw fits and be pissy. I will pray for you J.L. Please take care and take life slow. And finally to Mr. Mark, gosh I am sorry to have said what I said to you. I should have known better, of all the AA people I've known for the last 14 years here, you are one of the strongest, and kindest people here. PS I do like the way you put it Disturbing the comfortable and all, that is you as you never pull any punches and always tell it like it is. Love ya guys !!! Teresa C. from Alaska (teresac@mosquitonet.com) Fairbanks, Alaska
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 21:45:26
Hi, my name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic.
Doris, Sanders, Amy and Martina - nice to see so many really enjoying time with the ones they love. Amy, when I was worrying about having house guests, getting everything just right, I usually ended up very drunk. Relax and enjoy.
J.L. - Worrying about my health problems in the past few months caused my life to be chaotic. There is no end in sight to the testing, so, I have decided to eat well, be as active as I can be, get the required rest and pray, one day at a time and I should be just fine.
Teresa C. - I love the water. The next time I go down to the lake I will think of your peaceful thought and say a prayer.
To everyone, you are in my thoughts and prayers
luv Suzanne
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 23:57:28
Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. It always feels great to come home after a long hard day at the office and join friends here at the ole coffee pot for a chat. As long as I have been sober, I still feel excited about this program and the process of recovery. Sure hope that enthusiam stays with me. //To Teresa C, I am so grateful to God for your sticking in here with us. Happy to hear you are at least receiving e-mail. Hopefully the problem will be remedied about the outgoing mail. My address is in all lower case letters, no spaces between words. When I was attempting to send e-mail as a novice, I was placing www before the address and getting nowhere. It took a lot of experimentation before I was finally able to figure out just how to use the darn thing. At least here we can link up to one another. I will keep sending you messages from time to time. //To Amy in Switzerland--I can relate to the stresses of company. When that has happened to me I make a little quiet time for myself when everyone has gone to bed, and I have a special meeting just between my HP and me. I'll keep you in my prayers. Thank you for being so understanding about my son and my relationship I have with him. //The posts in the other meetings have been marvelous. Anger being a secondary emotion, and dealing with anger with some humor I was able to relate with real well.//Welcome to all the newcomers, we are all here to help one another, so keep frequentling this site, and attend as many meetings as possible. Getting a sponsor, working the steps and attending meetings is a great way to build a foundation of recovery for yourselves.// Love to all. Linda P.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 11 May 1998
Time: 23:57:49
Hi all Y,all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I just came from a F2F meeting and came away walking on the clouds. I saw a very good friend of mine receive a silver dollaer with 16 holes in it. This is the same person I asked prayer for a couple of months back because he had part of his left lung removed due to lung cancer. He is doing just great in both areas of his life and it does me good to see this. I used to not believe in celebrating anniversaries because my first sponser did not believe in them. I never knew how long he was sober till the day he died. What changed my mind was one Friday night years ago, I went to the meeting and it was aniversary night. One of the ladies politely asked me after the meeting when my date of sobriety was and I threw out my chest and informed her that I did not celebrate my anniversary. She looked at me and said " You arogant SOB we kept you sober and we have that right".From then on I celebrated my anniversary. I didn,t even like this woman. I didn,t like the way she looked, talked or anything about her, as a matter of fact I think I actually disliked her, but she got me told but good. Today I ameternally grateful to this lady for helping me to see this. Love to all in this beautful fellowship. Sanders
Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 01:20:25
hello all y'all, i'm an alcoholic/addict named mary. spent a good mothers day with my mom, quality time wise. it was really hard to see how much weaker she has become. she couldn't even stand up from a longe chair.. couldn't even pull up with her arms, had to literally lift her up. signs are not good. discussed getting her a care giver very soon.. mom won't like that but time for argueing it with her has passed.. she still has all her mental faculties though. thank god.
also thank you to all who keep supporting me through all this. your love and ESH are my anchor to sobriety. i'd be lost without all y'all.
hugs,
mary w.
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 01:44:48
I Am David and I am a Recovered Alcoholic.
WHERE DID YOU GO RICHARD??
Thank you Louis for the reminder about "alcohol free beer" actually having .5% alcohol. That is something most folks with some time know, it is very important for us to warn the newcomer (thats you Jim ) about the slippery places we have discovered. It sometimes seems dangerous to put our experiences out there on the web because there is always someone lurking about waiting to pounce upon any post that they misunderstand. Myself included, though I try to take a couple days before I post my experience as it relates to any post that may make me react in an emotional fashion such as inviting anyone that may have a bone to pick with me to email me at alarmme@srv.net
Don't be suprised if you are told to mind your own business or take your own inventory. I doubt you will receive the ultimate complement of being referred to as anal, I received that honor last week and it made me tingle with gratitude.
Oh yes, before I forget I would like to wish Junior with an extra r at harmony on the lake a happy mothers day.
Thanks for my soberiety. DB
Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 06:39:28
But Sanders, while God works through other people, and the group may be that channel, they didn't keep you sober, God did. Besides, HE already knows your sobriety date. Why congratulate yourself for receiving a gift from God?
Member: mike w
Location: saudi arabia
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 08:11:53
hi mike here alcoholic, glad to be back here in the coffee pot, now have access. glad to read all your comments on a daily basis. big thanks to josh who was emailing me updates, goes to show that the program works, anywhere. well just wanted to say hi, now i'll go back and do some more reading. for the new comers, don't drink no matter what happens, this too shall pass, and read the bigbook. thanks to you all ODAAT mike w
Member: How????????
Location:
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 09:11:29
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 09:16:45
I am very definately a real alcoholicand my name is Sanders. Thanks Glen from Texas, I am aware that it is my God who keeps me sober today. The point the lady was making was that it was not the almighty " I " who kept me sober but that this is a " We " program, and that they were all part of " we ".
Member: c lafrance
Location: GA
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 10:44:26
Hi, Carolyn Alcoholic here, Just wanted to chat. Yesterday was very difficult not to drink. I am 12 days sober. Yesterday I was angry at life itself I don't know why. I wish I felt the serenity some seem to have, perhaps it is too soon in my recovery. Well I did not take the first drink so I guess thats good. I am detemined to work those steps and get in touch with my hp. I thought I worked step one in the treatment facility I checked myself into. But perhaps I have not yet grasped acceptance. Any suggestions. I am so hard headed. I guess I'm rambling, don't mean to just need to get this stuff out. I feel blessed just to be sober today. ODAAT. I love coming here and to the discussion page. I find comfort here and it helps me until evening when I can get to a ftof meeting. I'm very afraid of feeling the pain drinking helped me mask I know this makes me angry and want to drink. Saying the serenity prayer sometimes does help. Coming here definitely helps. Thanks for letting me share and not comdemning me.
Member: kymd
Location:
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 11:40:40
help me!!! kym, alcoholic. i need to find a meeting format for a big book study so i can print and bring to meeting tomorrow (5/13/98). does anyone know were to go on the web? txtxtx!
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 11:48:16
I'm David a Recovered Alcoholic. Thanks for sharing Carolyn! Being new is something you only have to do once. If you EMBRACE one day at a time, perhaps even just thirty seconds at a time without a drink AND head for the phone or a meeting or this site AND participate in your own soberiety by becoming part of (as you are now doing), you will be well on your way to working not just step one but steps two and three also!!! Thanks for letting me share. DB
Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 11:58:04
Michelle the alcoholic here..Amy in MN- If I may, share something with you, it goes like this. Misery loves company, thats why active alcoholics hang out together. Its makes the insanity seem more sane. When I got sober, I had to remove myself from my drinking buddies and anyone who lived for drinking instead of the event. Later, when I started working my program I was stronger and could be around drunks, but didn't want to be anymore. It isn't the alcohol, it's the attitude of active drinkers that is no longer appealing. My advice is to find some recovery people to hang with, and stay away from any triggers (drinking pals) until you feel your real self emerging. It's always more comforting to go back to what you know, even if it's self destruction. Emerge yourself with others in recovery, that is how this whole program works. Miracles occur when someone who temporarily has more gives to someone who temporarily has less. I didn't think I would find anything to do in life, if I couldn't drink but that is because I made a life out of drinking. Now, I see that I AM living life, but I wasn't living at all while drinking. This change is attitude comes slowly, but it will come through recovery.
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 12:03:19
Jim, an alcoholic, part way through my 10th day of sobriety, and for the first time since Sunday, May 3, 1998, it feels like an ordinary, unexceptional day. After the roller coaster ride of the past week and a bit, it's nice.
Amy, I'm new at this so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, but my wife went to an Al-Anon meeting a couple of days after I told her I'd joined a group. It certainly hasn't wrought any miracles--matter of fact we've have a couple of awesome arguments since then--but at least we're emotionally engaged with each other again.
And it's not all arguments, either--a lot of it is real, tough-minded understanding, rather than paying lip service to the acceptable lies. Can't remember how many years we've been living separate lives under the same roof, and now we're starting (I think) to draw closer again. I'm touching wood and crossing my fingers. I came SO close to blowing this.
One question--and I've been thinking about whether or not to ask this, and how--can anybody recommend some reading material about sexuality and the recovering alcoholic. I'd ask at f2f but I'm a little bashful. No...make that a LOT bashful.
Thanks again everybody. This really does help.
Member: kymd
Location:
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 12:17:13
kymd, alcoholic. sorry, i'm so new at this stuff. after i sent last commentt re: format, i recieved many resp, but dont know how to access. please help!! my email is dellutrikk@thevine.net. please email me if you can. tx, this meeting is very important to me.
Member: Mike
Location: B.C.
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 12:40:15
Mike and yes i'm an alcoholic, great to see this on the net should be a great help as getting out to meetings is very hard due to work and being a single parent .Well I may just be starting but i will be back tomorrow.Thanks All and have a good one
Member: Barbara S.
Location: NJ
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 13:35:27
Jim D. in Canada - Thanks so much for your posts. So nice to read that you are already experiencing some of the benefits of sobriety.
A day at a time, it's really worth it! It's gotten better and better for me, and even though it's sometimes hard (a la your "roller coaster"), I wouldn't trade a day of this sober life for anything.
Keep coming!
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 14:17:32
Thanks Barbara S. A guy at my last f2f meeting told me I was going after it too hard--too impatient, expecting immediate results--which was a bit of a downer. I don't remember ever being able to do anything half-way, including boozing AND sobriety I guess. Still trying to figure out whether that's "just me," or part of the problem. Time will tell, I suppose. Meanwhile, I try to remember how "old" the boozing life got, and recognize each new day as another adventure. ODAAT.
Be well!
Member: Amy W.
Location: MN
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 16:10:43
Hi, everyone. Amy W. chemically dependent alcoholic here. Today I feel like my life is coming together. I am in the process of moving into a new place and it's awesome. I don't know anyone around me and I'm actually happy about that. I just wanted to take the time to connect with everyone here. I appreciate everyone so much. To Kerry B- thanks so much. I read your comments last night after I sent mine, and was so happy to hear your words. To Michelle in CO- thank you. Your message hit the nail on the head. I really need to hear things like that. I just read your message and my self-assurance is about 100% higher now. Thanks again. To Carolyn in GA- keep coming back. This has helped me stay sober. I've only got 15 days, so I know where you're coming from. I just keep telling myself that I can do this! Peace for now. Thanks everyone and have a good day.
Member: Eileen D
Location: Pa.
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 16:20:43
Hi Barbara S. Your old alcoholic friend here to tell you that I am seeing the miracles now. It's great! I am reaching the 4 mo. date very soon. God willing he will keep doing what he has done for me these past few months, if I just don't drink, one day at a time. I do feel like a changed person and I am happy about that. It seems I can cope with so much more now. To Jim, and all that share here, God bless, and keep the comments coming. You have helped soooo much.
Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 16:27:30
Good Day everyone, This is Doris and I am an alcoholic, I just took the time to read all the posts here at the Coffee pot and I did enjoy all of them. MARY W. I Do empathize with you on the aging of your mother. Tonight we are moving my father in law to a assisted living facility. It is not easy and he still has all his mental capabilities as well. He will fight it. He will bitch and complain all the way, but I am afraid that this time IT just has to be done. He is no longer safe. He falls on a daily basis and because of a fall he can no longer use his right arm and he is right handed. He is on 11different medications and over medicates and sometimes just forgets to take the stuff. HE NEEDS to be overseen and it is for his own good. NOW ! that we have said that we have to do something about it and still be sensitive to his ego and wisdom and pride. This aint easy folks. By the way he had polio as a child and his legs haven't been very good for years. But ! he has always worked and paid his own way. He is a stubborn small town new englander and he has a lot of resentment as well. He never did like me and now he has to take help from me. I have always been very good to him and have ,I think, been a good daughter in law but I am too outspoken and strong for him. Oh well, I am not going to change that much either. And, I think he misses fighting. He and my ,now dead, mother in law used to bicker all the time and I think he is going through a type of withdrawel from no longer having her to bicker with so it's open season on anyone who will fight with him. I won't. I never have been very good at that. I did have a row with his last monday when he left our house after living here 22 hours and I just let him rave and I think he enjoyed the release. . MARY it's not easy dealing with an aged parent as I am sure you and Sanders and many others already know but I just do the best I can and try to be sensitive and know that if I live that long I will try very hard to be easier to get along with. My friend and I have a deal, If either of us sees the other getting like that we are just going to shoot the other one. I did want to say something about this giving advice thing. You know, , , I was in a re-hab for 21 days and i was in class and at lectures all the time. We listened to speakers and watched films and went to group and the whole shebang. I know that i was very fortunate to have this experience. Later I was in group and came to know many who were not in residence like some of us were. We who were in residence started to find that we had some tools and experiences that the others didn't have access to. We learned about what happened to the synapsis of the brain and the similarity of drinking a six pack and laying on the couch for 4 hours alone while watching a bunch of movies. We learned that addicts and alcoholics have very little difference. We learned that the friendships that we made in the unit will always be with us, the bond. I read things here and want to address them but do not because I may be coming from a standpoint that that particular newcomer will not understand. I also don't want to take a chance on triggering some other reader to jump all over me and start an inter net fight that seems to go on and on. We did learn that drinking non-alcohol stuff could be a trigger. We Did learn that you can no longer use wine in cooking. First of all the taste is still there and having a bottle sitting on the counter saying, just one sip, isn't a great idea either. No more listerine or other mouthwash that has alcohol in it. It's not even a good idea to have a bottle of vanilla sitting in the cupboard. I have lknown alkies whose booze of choice was Scope or vanilla. That seems incredible to me but I suppose if I were still in my disease I would have used it. When we want we really want don't we? So ! I guess my favorite advice would be "Get a sponsor and join a home group and try to have these needs filled by them." I gotta entertain the company, we are having a great time. Love to you all Doris
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 17:17:42
I was given some imported chocolates at Christmas, only 6 in the box, mmmmm they looked good. I checked the ingredients, RUM, that's all I needed, mixed with the Christmas Carols and my first holiday sober. I decided that my sister may enjoy them and I gave them to her.
Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 17:21:48
Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here, (((ROOM-HUG))), so wonderful to be sober and here with my extended family. God Bless (((tech))) and the alternative site. I will be able to read the posts even when the webtv page fills up. wont be able to post, I dont think but it will be awesome to keep up with you all. (((cliff))) want a rematch in cribbage! LOL (((Lib))) my dear friend in Pa. give J-man a hug from me too. (((carolyn))) tried to answer your email but it came back, please send email address again so I can resend, was so nice to hear from you. (((fayla))) (((doris))) (((amy))) (((mary))) (((linda))) (((martina))) (((suzanne))) (((cherise))) and hugs to all my other sisters here also - (((sanders))) (((glen))) (((john))) (((duane))) (((jay))) (((david))) (((jim))) (((jrr))) (((richard))) - hugs to all my other brothers here also (((mike-saudi))) (((mark-ak))) (((keith-guam))) all my brothers far from home defending my freedom to be here, thank you - and any others far from home reading this, thank you. too many of you to name but you are All dear to me. Had to come in and share something about my mother's day. It was the best I ever had because it represented a family healing. My very cool kids plotted in secret and got me a necklace with charms to represent each of them, including my dau-in-law and my 3 precious grandchildren. it's not the fact that this is a very expensive gift that made it special, it is that my 3 kids would do this. You see, when I got here, they didnt like me very much, nor I them. they were 8-12-14 a very disfunctional family with no hope and very little love or laughter left (actually hated the responsibility of them) but this program has gifted me with more than my wildest dreams could ever conjure, I am a Mom today and I don't feel inadequate as I did before in this role, my children not only love me but they respect me and I love and respect them as well, for we all have healed enuf to become lovable and respectable. this definatly did not happen overnight. My children trust me with their most precious gifts and thats their children, this is after my abuse when they were younger, (by the way I AM the best nana - ask my 3 yr old grandson, *smile*) i had a hell of alot of changing to do (and I'm still teachable) for every time I think, wow this must be it, it changes. but I wanted everything that this program has to offer, so today I journal and hit at least the last half hr or hr of a meeting MthruF after work most days and Sat i chair a stepandtradition meeting. take inventories on whatever bothers me for more than a day, I work with others for if I dont give it away i will surely lose it. and I can tell you, this works. I have had joy and peace continually for the past 3+yrs. I used to get glimpses of it and then it would go away temporarily while I worked on me then it would come back, now I'm living the second half of the 3rd step prayer thanks to you folks and the tools that you hand me to use every time you share your hearts. Dear God please bless all who venture here. *********************************************** bonzoc@webtv.net Bonnie C - 5/30/80
Member: Kellie
Location: boston Ma
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 17:28:06
hello. i'm kellie and an alcoholic. i went out drinking and driving last night like an idiot. maybe i was subconsciously hoping to kill myself. the thought of giving up drinking doesn't appeal to me but the thought of not being able to give it up scares me even more. i'm almost 28, next month and it would be great to be sober. i did it once for 6 months, not a drop.but it's so difficult as you all seem to know. you guys are an inspiration for me. how do i get a sponsor? thanx for listening and god bless. Kellie
Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 17:38:44
bon again, hey just reread my post and had to add, all this is God's fault, the first time I did the 3rd step I picked up a partner in this, If I decide I want something good for my life, He will see that I get it, if it actually is for my highest good, no matter how painstaking the preparation is for me. God's answers for me have always been Yes, No and Wait - hey, where are 2 of my email buddies, (((loraine))) (((eileen))) I'm missing seeing some hearts in here, love ya'll
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 18:22:34
Kellie, I know where you're coming from. Went through the fear of quitting/not quitting 18 years ago when I quit smoking. With nearly 10 days of sobriety, here I am again--dying to quit and dying for a drink at the same time.
Also been through the driving drunk (and hoping maybe it will all come to an end) thing, so I know how you feel there too. Couldn't believe I'd actually done something so completely stupid, so to make it better I went out and got drunk again. It didn't help.
I'm no old-timer. I only just started this stuff. But I can tell you--trust the program. Go to a meeting, get a sponsor. You have everything to gain, and you don't ever have to go 'there' again. We're pulling for you.
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 19:15:38
Bonnie C. - Thanks for sharing about your children. When I got sober 10 months ago my kids were 8, 13 and 15. They didn't know what it was like to have a sober mom. We have had many struggles, and still are. I was a real mess last week, I can't seem to stop parenting and just turn it over to my higher power. With prayer and the help of others from the coffeepot (thanx for the ESH) I made it through those recent tough times. How right you are that when you think wow, this must be it, it changes. I am always learning in this program and it feels good when I see myself grow.
Member: Josh J.
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 20:42:20
Hi Everyone, Josh alcoholic here. Just wanted to check in real quick to let you know I'm still alive and sober and not out on a bender (by the grace of God!) I'm working a lot and still accomplishing getting to at least one meeting a day. I'm doing great on my 47th day and trying to keep talking to my HP as much as I can. I haven't had time to be on the computer much, so I haven't finished reading the posts for this week yet. I will heep all of you in my prayers. Love & Hugs, Josh
Member: Libby W.
Location: Pa
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 21:56:43
Hi!All! Libby alcoholic. J-Man started his treatment for the Hep-C and is quite sick. He had to be driven home by his boss at 8:30 this am. As far as we know he will be out of comission for 2to4 wks.My husband thought he could work his body said NO!The one good thing is he is finally getting treatment. It has been over 4.5 months waiting. Fevers and pain are high but he is a tropper!! BON loved you mothers day message. Miracles do happen. Everyday I might add. I see you here Jim D. You and everyone posting are miracles.
Kellie,Keep posting we want to here from you. Do you have any phone numbers? If so--just call. You will not regret it as you do your drinking.I am praying for you.
Doris where is "Stepper?" Or did I miss a post?
Fayla give Champ a kiss from Kansas. Gotta go take care of the man I love
Peace Libby
Member: Gale B
Location: Tulsa OK
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 22:19:43
Hello everyone. This is my first visit to AA on the net. It's really neat! I've been sober now for three and a half years and because of school I've not attended as many meetings as usual. It's good to know you all are here. Life has been GOOD to me, thanks to my HP. Grateful to be alive today. You guys and gals have a blessed day and thanks for the chance to share.
Member: amy w
Location: mn
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 23:24:24
Hello, everyone. Amy W. c.d. alcoholic here. To Kellie- I have a lot of the same fears as you do. I've been sober 15 days. I can't count the times I drove drunk. Over 300 times, I'd say, and I'm only 25 yrs old. The real sad part is my cousin, who was 20 years old, was killed by a drunk driver almost 5 years ago. We were the best of friends and after he died i still drove drunk. I'm so lucky to have never killed anyone, and I've come close. I'm glad you asked about getting a sponsor. I need to get one, too. I think that is a crucial part to staying sober. Good luck and I hope we both get sponsors real soon. Remember to take one day at a time.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 23:51:14
Hi to all y,all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders.Doris, my heart goes out to you and I know it must have been difficult for all of you. I just hope and pray that your father in law will very soon adapt to his new home and realize that everyone, including him is better off. This is an area very close to my heart because very soon, my sister, who lives in Dallas,Texas, and I have to make the same decision you just made. My mother would be much better off in an assisted living or nursing home right now. I do believe she has passed the point of being accepted in assisted living. We have two women that stay with her 24 hrs. a day but she really needs better care than a live in can give. We just take it a day at a time and try to be there when needed. My prayers are with you Doris. Then to you Libby W. I am also praying for you and J-Man and hope he get well very soon. I know from listening to you he is receiveing excelant care and just keep up the good work. To all those who are new and fighting a drink, I will make you the same promise made to me 22 years ago, which I found to be true. If you do not take a drink, YOU will get better in spite of yourself. Love to all Sanders
Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 12 May 1998
Time: 23:51:39
Mark, Dope fiend alcoholic. I don't know where I'm at tonight. Think I'll just type and what comes out, comes out. Lately I've been spending a ton of time with the "normal" people in the worl and have come to the understanding that for the most part, they aren't as square as I always made em out to be. A few of em even are sorta understanding to the disease I suffer with. they freely admit that they can't understand the insanity that runs in my head at times, but, they listen to me and don't pass judgement. That is too cool. Hindsight being 20/20, I've shortchanged a ton of people through the years, sorta hiding behind my disease and using it as a shield to prevent me from facing some fears and getting out there, resuming a functioning place in society. The book tells me that, that is it's primary purpose. My sponsor always used to tell me to remember, my feet are made of clay, but keep my head in the clouds and go for the dreams. The second time around in life is for fun. Damn, I can see tons of situations where I hid behind the disease and asllowed it to hold me back. Gotta trust in God, get out there, and just go scared. God didn't bring me this far to drop me so take an occasional leap of faith ya big dummy! That's where I'm at, what's going on.
Mark
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 00:57:36
Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Went to a great meeting this evening where the topic was willingness. Thinking back to all what I went through to get where I am today. It was wonderful reflecting how this program inspired me to want sobriety and how the process of the steps and a HP made that all happen for me//Hi to all the newcomers, Kellie, Amy W, Jim D, Carolyn, and anyone out there visiting this site tonight who are new//Libby & J-Man, hope you both feeling better soon. That is not an easy illness to live with. I did not have your particular illness, but had some kind of liver dysfunction at 16 from drinking. Food allergies developed over the year I was so sick, and it was necessary for me to eat bland foods, yuk. The doctors were a bit baffled by my condition for someone so young. Of course it took them a while to figure out I even had a liver problem because I failed to tell them I had a drinking problem.//Mark--loved what you talked about with using the desease to block yourself from things and to hide from the world. I also found that normal folks were okay. I discovered I could learn by returning to school, serve on committees outside of AA in special non-profit organizations, and sort of really bloomed when I took that leap of faith. AA was meant to be a bridge into society, and that is true for me today. I venture out there, and come back with all kinds of new information and experiences to share with my AA friends. Just love life today.// Gale--congratulations to you on venturing out there amongst the normies to get that education. Sobriety is certainly not boring when we are willing to meet the challenges out there that await us.//Teresa C, hope you received my e-mail. I shall continue to stay in touch.//Kellie--I found a sponsor by listening to the women in the meeting, and asking around about who others had a sponsors, and how they liked them. The one I eventually selected was the one I was able to relate to the best and who had a kind and gentle spirit. Happy sponsor hunting.//Love to all.
Member: Jane
Location: Ma.
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 08:21:02
Dear kymd, here's a format for my BB group that's worked for many years: 1. Read one chapter, sequentially, each week from beginning to end including appendix. 2. Chairperson shares 5-10 min. on the chapter, identifying with story, experience strenth and hope etc. 3. Either by show of hands or going around the room, individuals share as well on points of identification for them ( currant pressing issues may also be shared ).
The meeting was cut to one hour a while back and still works. Size of group made it possible. Good luck! Love to all, Jane
Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 08:42:29
Mark/Linda thanks for the comments about the bridge into society -- I really needed to hear that. I've still got the same job I had before I got sober (and was almost fired from several times) and so everyone I work with knows that I'm in the program and remembers when I wasn't. An interesting side of that is that most of the "normal" people I work with are very non-judgmental and understanding but also many have a son, brother, etc. that may qualify for membership in our program and they ask where to go/what to do.
I've been blessed with an opportunity to get to see a different side of 12th step work because of this.
Member: Barbara S.
Location: NJ
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 10:03:36
Eileen D.:
Thanks for posting - it's really nice to hear from you again, and that you're reaching 4 months of sobriety! That is great, and you see? Miracles do occur on an everyday basis in the program of AA! I know I feel that way in my own life - sometimes I can't believe that all this has happened to me.
In the Big Book, there's a part about seeing people come back to life and watching their eagerness for life and their happiness grow - it says: "This is an experience you must not miss." (Is this quote right, those who remember? I don't have the book here.) That's the real beauty of it - that we all share this together.
Keep coming!
Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 11:16:42
To Kelly and Amy W.- Go to lots of meetings and your sponsor will find you. I have a sponsor by internet, by the grace of God, which works for me because I live on top of the Continental Divide, but there is no replacement for having someone you can call day or night, and someone to help point you in the right direction. The big book doesn't have answers, it has solutions, and you have to do the work to get the benefits, but a sponsor can be invaluable as a tour guide. Good luck, and remember, if you always do what you did, you'll always get what you got. Love yourself enough to try something different. In the meantime, get a few phone numbers from the folks at your local meetings, put them in your pocket, and treat them like the American Express card.."Don't leave home without it" pick up the phone instead of a drink. Put your 24 hour chip on your keychain, and it will stare at you if you find yourself at a liquor store counter. You can't have a head full of AA and a belly full of booze. Once your drinking problem has come to light, your drinking career is ruined. You can never drink in peace again, so you might as well just give it up. Do whatever it takes to get far enough away from where you were at, that it is no longer comfortable to turn back. Recovery is about change, which alcoholics fear most and need desperately. Keep coming back it works!
Member: Kellie
Location: Boston
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 11:55:04
i just want to thank everyone for making me feel better. especially Jim, Amy, Libby, Linda and Michelle. I had a dream last night that i was at a party in London and Fergie was there and she asked me what i wanted to drink. i wanted so badly to say something non-alcoholic but i went with a heineken instead. the rest of the dream is unclear but the message was there. i'm a social drinker and i find it difficult to abstain even though deep in my heart i want to. my sister-in-law is getting married in London in august and obviously everyone will be drinking and having a great time. i'm scared i'll be tempted. we always had loads of fun drinking together and i just don't know how to make the switch and tell her i've given it up. there's been many times where i've been able to "control" (barely) my drinking and that's what i think about. if i can just control it. i haven't yet gone to a meeting but i plan on it. you guys are so helpful. thanx for letting me get it out. god bless. Kellie
Member: Roger McC
Location: Boston
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 12:06:11
You go Kellie, I support you all the way, you can do it
Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 12:09:30
Well, Gramps in the assisted living place and I saw it last night. My husband and his sister made all the arrangements and I didn't see it before and it is a beautiful place. He has a very large room and his things fit in very nicely. The view is of the forrest and the country. Some of the other residents have their cats with them but Gramps couldn't take his cause his has no potty manners. He is now in a new home too. Hard to find a home for a 20 + year old cat with no teeth. So ! all is well so far. We just hope and pray for the best. He won't be allowed to shange his mind this time, it is just too dangerous with him falling all the time. I just can't believe that he hasn't broken something yet as it is. By the way, That Fat mare is still holding on. I think I told you all that I have been told that mares are all going late this year. They think it is el nino believe it or not. WHY NOT ! Everything else gets blamed on el nino. I just so want her to have it before Delores goes home. And yes, I think the baby will be called "STEPPER". Gotta go, Delores wants to go visit our old home town, I'm the chauffer. Love to you all, Teresa C, did you get my e-mail. Sanders, got yours. Love to you all Doris
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 12:46:40
Hi everybody--Jim, an alcoholic, day 11 and still sober.
I wasn't going to post today. So wrapped up in self-pity I'm ashamed, and I just can't seem to shake it.
Of course, when I'm in the mood, any excuse for self-pity is good enough. Today the excuse is bad news about my spouse's health. Take clinical depression, throw in a little colitis, and season with what's starting to look a lot like early diabetes.
So she's a mess, I'm a mess, and we're altogether a mess. These are the times the earnest counsellor warned us about when we got married. I should look the guy up--he'd get some satisfaction out of having told us so. .
Anyway--a down day.
Kellie--good to hear from you again. Keep sluggin'. For my part I'm going to try to find 10 minutes alone and meditate on Sanders' mantra--if I never have another drink I'll get better in spite of myself. It's simple, it's direct, and it's hopeful.
All the best.
Member: carolyn L
Location: GA
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 12:59:40
Hi, everyone Carolyn alkie here.
Hey Jim as cliche as this sounds keep your chin up. I can relate to those feelings I too suffer from clinical depression and what they ar now calling anxiety disease. Although I don't have an ill spouse I have a 14 and 16 year old as well as an 18 month old. If thats not enough to send you into a tailspin at any given time. The mantra will also do me some good today, thanks for the reminder. "It's the first drink". We have to remember that. I feel as though I would like to wallow in self pity, but feel too ashamed to. Last night I heard the only thing worse than a miserable drunk is a miserable sober drunk.
I'd like not to be miserable today. If I know your trying it makes it somehow easier for me to try.
Thanks to all.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 13:17:03
Hi to all y,all, I am, very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Just wanted to explain that promise Bill T. made me 22+ years ago. He pointed out to me that I would get better, he said things may get lots worse before they get better but if I didn,t drink, I would get better. As far as the self pity is concerned, this is something I learned a while back and would like to pass on to you and anyone else in this particular spot right now. Everyone, me included, enjoys a little self pity all along but what I found for me is this. If, when I first recognoze it for what it is, I have to IMEDIATELY get rid of it. If I let it linger for me to enjoy then IT has me and takes me forever to get rid of it. I am normally a very "up" person and it really bothers me when I get "down", and "self pity" is the second fastest way for me to get down. The fastest way is for me to "knowingly" do something that I know is contrary to God's will for me. This puts me down and takes me forever to get back up. This is why my favorite step is 11, it helps me to stay in God's will for me. Hope this helps a little bit. Love to all Sanders W.
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 13:36:29
" The only thing worse than a miserable drunk is a miserable sober drunk."
Carolyn--you have no idea how much that helps. When you get right down to it, self pity's pretty darn funny. Haven't laughed so hard for a good 11 days.
And thanks to you too, Sanders--you're right, get rid of it fast. God's will hasn't been the route I travel--at least not by those words--but I think I have a role to play in the Grand Mosaic--and I don't think it's the role of maudlin, sober lush.
And I can handle things getting worse--so long as I know that evenutally, they'll get better. Thank you, and thanks to Bill T.
Member: Mike
Location: B.C.
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 14:35:37
Well here I am sober for two days "YAHOO"not craving any alcohol but I do know if I have a drink then I'll look forward to another and another and so on. So for that reason here I am today and I'll be back tomorrow. Thanks for listening
Member: Joanne M
Location: Brighton, MA
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 14:42:13
Hello: My Name is Joanne and I am alcoholic and compulsive gambler. I have 8 years 5 months free a drink and 3 weeks from a bet. I am trying so hard to balance the two and it is not easy. My finances are a disgrace. Mother's Day was very difficult this because my mom, Pauline passed away in September 1997 of bone cancer. I found myself talking to her at the cemetary in the pouring rain and after awhile I said to myself Joanne you are crazy she is not going to answer but I promised her before she died that I would not drink and I haven't. I am ashamed to say that i substituted for gambling Please pray for me for I feel that I have no use or self worth to anyone. I have found out the hard way that the only one that cares about besides GOD is your mother. If any of you still have your mother please cherish her I found out the hard way to quickly. Thanks for letting me share, Joanne
Member: Joanne M
Location: Brighton, MA
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 14:59:36
Kellie from Boston,MA
Please don't drink and ask for help, you will get better, Go to meetings and sit up front and listen. You will hear something. I am from the Boston area I live in Brighton,MA If you can get to any Brighton meetings I will be glad to meet you, I have 8 years and 5 months of sobriety. Please feel free to let me know. your friend Joanne
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 16:37:44
Mike - congratulations on your two days of real living! Keep coming --- life gets better and better when you are sober.(not easier, easier - but better, better)
Joanne - It is very hard to loose people you love. Some of my more difficult issues surround unresolved grief or just plain grief because I have lost to death alot of very close people, including two babies. I do still have my mother but am loosing her to Alziemer's Disease. (the Long Good Bye). I can't give you any advise, but can tell you only that for me, though this had been a very long, hard road, my sobriety and my relationship with my HP, who is Jesus, has sustained me so much so that I can live my life now without horrible pain all of the time. What is even better is that I can feel the pain and it is okay. I found out that the pain won't destroy me, but can be somewhat healed. I have even found that sometimes I can be useful to others through my experiences and that gives me hope, as well as a sense of purpose and well being. Your mother no doubt loved you very much. It is time to try and resolve some of your grief so that you can God and others love you. Otherwise, you will go from addiction to addiction in order to avoid facing your pain. It is scarey, but take it a day at a time, just like your sobriety. I don't mean to sound like an amateur psychologist and I apologize if if I am overstepping here, but I can empathize with you so I am only talking out of that. People do care, so stay close.
Member: Kerry B. - Alcoholic
Location: Idaho
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 19:07:33
The only thing you get from the pity pot is a ring around your butt!!
Then theres Poor me, Poor me, Pour me another drink!!
Those two sayings always make me laugh when I find myself on the pity pot.
Member: amy w.
Location: mn
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 23:02:22
Hi, everyone...Amy W. c.d. alcoholic here. I'm not feeling well today, feels like someone is sitting on my lungs and i have a killer sore throat, but something makes me keep coming back here. I'm in the process of moving and i'm just wiped out. I had to force myself to go to my aftercare meeting tonight. To Kellie- I know how you feel about your sister's wedding. My cousin graduates from H.S. and is having a party on June 6. I've been thinking a lot about it because my family likes to drink a lot. I know it's going to be tough to abstain, but i think having my family there will be a big help. They all know about me just finishing treatment and it would kill them to see me slip. It's hard to imagine a party without the alcohol and drugs. I haven't put myself in that situation yet and i'm a little nervous. Going to meetings also helps. I started going to this certain meeting once a week while i was in treatment, and now i really look forward to it. You get to know people real fast, and, for me, its real important to be around people who know exactly what i'm going through. Try it out, and if you don't like it, try another one. It's kind of like alcohol. If we didn't like the taste of vodka doesn't mean we gave up on all alcohol, we just found something we liked.
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 13 May 1998
Time: 23:58:13
Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Another productive day spent, sure feels good when I choose to participate in my own recovery. Got busy with 12 step activity again, both on this site, and my women's e-mail group which I also love.
Joanne--I can identify with the gambling--I stay clear of the casinos. It is unbelievably the kinds of obsessive and complusive behaviors I get into. Usually it is when I am insecure, or grief stricken that I practice those behaviors. It is in those times I seek comfort in deversions that are mindless activities, or stressful, so I do not have to feel the sinking, disparate feelings deep down. It never fails though, eventually, no matter how busy I get doing those things, those thoughts come in and I know I must deal with them, especially when they bubble up inside and I explode into a fit of tears! The longer I am sober, the less I choose to escape from what I know I must face, as it only prolongs my misery. Talking with my sponsor is the usual tact I take along with another surrender to my HP. My grief with my father before his death from cancer in 1989 was dealt with by a professional and some ingenious methods in coming to terms with my feelings towards him. Like Martina mentioned, dealing with the grief is important to move on with your life. May God keep you in his care.
Love to all, Linda P
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 00:31:58
Hi to all y,all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. This is primarily to Amy W. and Kellie, and to anyone else who wants it. This is something I was once told by an old timer, who was also very hard nosed. I found it to be most helpful in "drinking situations". He told me if I were in a situation where there was drinking and was offered one to simply say, " No thank you I do not drink ".He said you do not make excuses as to why such as I'm allergic to it, or I'm trying to cut down, or I don't believe I care for one right now. Any of these "excuse" answers leave the door open, where as the simple I don't drink should settle it permanately. If they pursue it, which I have never had happen, and want to know why? simply look at them and ask them why in the world would anyone ask such a personel question. If they still pursue you, simply tell them it is none of their damn business. The way he explained itto me was that I never for my drinkink and I certainly don't have to apologize for my not drinking. This has worked for me for 22 years. Good luck and God bless you both. Sanders
Member: Dennis K.
Location: Louisiana
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 02:22:08
Dennis Louisiana Great to be here , It's my first time ; To kellie; I'll pass on to you what a guy from Lynn told me 21 years ago "The fear you have right now, is the worst it will be " He was absoulty right. I couldn't imagine life cotinuing the way it was and the fear of what it would be like without drinking was worse. That was as bad as it got, and I stayed sober that day, and you can too.
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 07:14:20
To S. Bilson on asking how to find faith....I can only speak about faith in relationship to God being the object, becasue He is the object of my faith, but I will tell you from my perspective. I believe that faith is a gift, freely given by God. You have the freedom to either accept or reject it. If you want to find faith in God, ask Him for it. "Seek and you Shall find" with an honest heart, a humble spirit and a surrendering will. I have found that God is faithful, though I usually am not and as long as I don't decide how that is going to look, He always reveals himself to me, in His time, in His way.
If you aren't interested in faith in God, but have a different object in mind, then I can't help.
I wish you the best on your journey.
Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 09:52:35
I never thought I could have another day of fun without being able to drink. What a laugh. What a wonderful feeling it is now to not have to control my moods/needs/desires/happiness etc with a chemical. I'm not a chemist, and I never did find the right mix anyway. One beer was never enough and 20 was too many. Things were very "raw" and exposed in the beginning, like everything was in 3d, and I wanted to leap out of my skin at every moment, but then I got more comfortable in my skin and started having lots of fun and lots of insight without the effects of alcohol/drugs. The smell of a stinky bar, or booze on someones breath is enough to make me sick now, smells like danger. This transition doesn't take place over night. It was very hard for me to see the benefits of being sober while I was drunk, and its very hard for me to see the benefits of being drunk, now that I am sober, But for the grace of God.
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 12:16:59
I'm Jim and an alcoholic.
No news is good news--day 12, and so far so good. No pity potty today either--laughed it away, thanks to Kerry and Carolyn.
Gorgeous day--glorious sun, fruit trees blooming like they've gone mad, and at work the alligators are snoozing.
Just got back from a coffee-time walk in the park, where I ran into the world's ultimate "suit" sprawled on a bench, tie undone, soaking up the rays like on old tortoise, chatting up one of the local bag ladies. Teased him a little for showing his human side--he teased me back and bought me a bagel.
What a day to be alive and sober! It couldn't possibly get any better, and less than two weeks ago I'd run out of hope. Despair is SUCH a cop-out. We CAN get better.
Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 12:40:31
Hello Everyone, This is Doris and I am a recovering alcoholic. Jim D, your words are like honey. You are on a pink cloud and I hope you enjoy every minute of it. IT is fun and IT feels so good. I also hope that you do not become fearful of coming "down?" off of the cloud. When you do it is just life. And a good and controlled life at that. I heard all that stuff about "When ya come down look out" and I did become fearful. Now I know that I didn't have to and I was very relieved there wasn't some big dark hole to fall into. I think we are all very proud of and happy for you. All of you just getting started I wish you the BEST ! ! Sanders, Amy , Fayla and all of you, I am very busy with a house full of company and I miss sitting here in the morning and reading all the posts. Next week things will calm down. I am enjoying my sister and my cousin. Gotta go, Love to you all, Doris
Member: Mike
Location: B.C.
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 12:48:01
Hi all, Mike the alcoholic checking in now 3 days no booze ,cigarettes or coffee and i fell good. Whenever I think about alcohol I just come here and read what you people have to say and it makes me feel good that i'm not alone. Thanks all for being here and have a great day .
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 13:37:22
No worries about coming "down.," Doris. Without valleys, guess what--no peaks! ODAAT.
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 14:42:08
Yeah Mike! Keep coming back....
Member: Kellie
Location: Boston
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 16:44:28
Cannot thank all of you enough for your encouraging words. they help soooo much. maybe i should check in more often. joanne i'm sorry to hear about your mum. she must be so proud of your 8 years and 5 months of sobriety. it was such a surprise to see someone from Brighton, Ma writing because i tried AA nearly 3 years ago and Brighton was my group. we have probably already met. i left because i didn't want to rely on AA to keep me sober. i thought i could do it on my own. guess who was wrong? also, it was a bit of a meat market in there and i didn't like the meetings serving as a non-bar pickup joint. but i really want to go back. maybe somewhere closer to home. Mike keep going as i'll be along with you and many thanks to Sanders, Jim, Amy, Dennis and all of you for the kind words. it makes my day to come in here. Joanne, could you let me know where the next meeting in Brighton is? that would be a help. god bless. Kellie
Member: Kerry B. - Alcoholic
Location: Idaho
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 21:02:56
I am glad that I am me today. Couldn't say that awhile ago, and the best thing is that I don't have to have all the answers anymore. It is okay to just be me. Just to be one amongst my "fellows" is enough. Ego used to propel me. And I have become a member of society, instead of hiding in those dark places and drowning my sorrows. Yep, it's good to be sober today!! What's even better is that I don't give a rat's batuttie what everyone else thinks of me. It's nice to be liked by everyone, but that's just not reality. It is okay today. Love to all of you. Sincerely!!
Member: MARY M.
Location: NORTH CAROLINA
Date: 14 May 1998
Time: 23:16:30
HEY EVERYONE! MY NAME IS MARY AND I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. I HAVE BEEN IN RECOVERY FOR 9 MONTHS. THE HAPPIEST, HEALTHIEST MONTHS OF MY LIFE. I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT I AM IN RECOVERY AND HAVE FOUND MY LIFE AGAIN.
I FEEL SO FREE TO BE MYSELF, LIKE KERRY WAS SAYING. WHAT A WONDERFUL FEELING! IT'S OKAY TO BE ME. THANKS TO M. BEATTIE, I HAVE A VERY STRONG UNDERSTANDING NOW OF HOW THAT WAS PART OF MY PROBLEM, IF NOT ALL OF IT.
KEEP ON KEEPING ON. WORK A PROGRAM. GO TO A MEETING. CALL YOUR SPONSER. MEDITATE AND PRAY. LOVE YOURSELF. LISTEN TO YOUR HIGHER POWER. AND KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE. NEVER.
Member: Gale B
Location: Tulsa
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 02:18:26
Hello, everyone. I'm Gale and I AM an alcoholic. First, I want to thank Linda from CA for your acknowledgment of my mingling with the Normies to get my education. I started to college when I was 8 months sober and it has been a pretty neat journey. I'm 40 years old and I graduated 5-9-98 with my Associates in Liberal Arts and plan to continue for my BA in the fall. Having lived the typical destructive life of the addict/alcoholic, my parents came up for my graduation and it was the first time in my entire adult life they have visited in my home. Just another one of the miracles of being sober and letting my Higher Power run the show instead of my"SELF". I also have been blessed to be able to go to work at the treatment center I 'stumbled' into to begin this journey of the 12 steps. For the first time in my life and can say I love my job and I enjoy sobriety. To have been so full of fear and resentment, and absolutely no self-worth, I am very grateful for AA and the many people who share their experience, strength and hope in these meetings. Thank you guys for letting me rattle on about myself, I guess I just feel pretty darn good about my life today and darn proud of it. SOBER AND LOVING IT. Gale B.
Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 03:02:32
Hello to all, Amy the alcoholic, born and bread in NC so welcome above! I have missed the cite and our connections and messages since Sunday and a guest sleeping in here, All went well with the 12 year old and the parisian friend visiting to those in the Brady Bunch who remember that story...I want to share on having read all above, Hello esp. to Suzanne and Linda P., thanks for the thoughts. Jrr where are you? Hey again to Josh and mike, Glen Sanders, Fayla, and the 3 newcomers I am pulling for Jim D,Kellie and Amy W. I want to tell what I did here at my wedding not to drink and to fit in fine, as you said it will be there, be prepared and ask for juice of grapes instead, here it is called "trauben saft" in german, and many women esp. do not drink...most men do but not all. My husband has the attitude of Sanders it is a personal matter, for him because he has type 1 diabetes and chooses not to drink from that first and respect for my disease second...you can also ask for mineral water and AWWAYS be ok in Europe, believe me. As to the friend who will wonder about your not drinking I had a similar experience this week with my friend from Paris. She knows my story and even asked bluntly (a tone sadly) so you NEVER drink because of the previous problem from 1995" Boy was that a toughie but I DID NOT DRINK and in fact neither did she the whole time she was here. Once she said `Jean Francois and I drink a lot but I do not think we are dependent on it`. I didn`t say anything, I mean their lives are not out of control so we must accept that some can drink and WE CANNOT boo hoo I was hanging in there when I read the above comments, been there. Doris how bout that horse? I hope you all have a great day, newcomers I have been there, hang in, easy does it, be proud of the passing hours and look forward to the good times ahead. Love and ((World hug)).Love, Amy GC
Member: Tom S
Location: Or.
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 08:58:38
Hi to all Tom the alcoholic from Or. Amy how is the weather going to be on June 10 when I get Bergen and were is a meeting?
Member: sara c.
Location: maine
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 09:18:48
hi to all, i'm sara and i'm an alcoholic trying to overcome this dis-ease alone. i've been inspired by all the messages and love and support given by all of you to oneanother. i need to start loving myself so i can put an end to this vicious cycle. i love my children but i get overwhelmed and try to escape thru alcohol. i feel like i'm not fully present for them and they truly are gifts. any comments would be greatly appreciated thank you all.
Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 09:28:13
Sara, few can do it alone. It's a "we" deal. 1) Find a local meeting 2) Get a big book while there and begin reading 3) Pray 4) Let us know how you're doing 5) And don't drink, just for today
Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 10:26:08
Jim, an alcoholic. Day 12's past, and still sober.
Grumpy though. We went out and bought a new computer last night--spent more than we can afford, got it home and the &%#@ thing wouldn't work. Took it back and exchanged it, and neither would the second one. The third one works fine, but I didn't finish setting up 'til past 9 p.m.--missed dinner, Seinfeld and the Stanley Cup playoffs.
Came downstairs and my wife's in tears. "You're so obsessive," she says. "Doesn't matter whether it's boozing or setting up a g.d. computer you go away somewhere and rage at it 'til you beat it."
So that's a new one on me--setting up a computer is like working your way through a case of beer. Apparently.
BUT, while sorely tempted, I did not have a drink. Didn't cut any ice with her, but I feel like I passed another test.
So the quest for perfection continues. If I don't drink, and I don't obsess--I wonder what's left?
Neat computer, though.
Member: Kellie
Location: Boston
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 10:32:51
Good morning everyone. Kellie the alcoholic here and 3 days sober. What a support group you guys are. Sara i think it's a good start coming in here. I have 2 kids too who i love. They really drive me crazy though especially the 19 mo. old who won't stay out of the refrigerator. He's in it constantly or some other mischief. For the past nearly 7 years drinking has represented getting out of a small apartment, into a social scene and just drinking off the stresses of being an at-home mother. Of course it's extremely difficult trying to be a good mother when one has a vicious hangover. You can do it Sara and you are not alone. I've only been coming to the coffee pot for a few days and i'm just amazed at all the support and love out there. Hi to Jim, Sanders, Amy, Joanne. Mary's message is a great one. God Bless. Kellie
Member: Joanne M
Location: Brighton,MA
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 11:07:18
Kellie from Boston, MA
Tonight Friday night there is a meeting at St.Ignatius Church right next to B.C. it starts at 7:30 with a beginners meeting at 6:30. Tomorrow there are 2 meetings at 8:00p.m. One at St. Elizabeth's Hospital in the cafeteria, and there is one in Allston on North Harvard Street, Clean and Sober, it is in the a big white church. If you are in the Brighton area tomorrow and you are having problems please call me I will be working at St. Elizabeth's gift shop from 11:00 until 5:00 call 789-3000 and ask for the gift shop. Joanne are iIf yu
Member: Mike
Location: B.C.
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 11:28:33
Hi all ! This is Mike the alcoholic surviving day 4, no cravings for alcohol yet but I'm dying for a cigarette. Well just dropped in to say hi and to tell you all how much help you've been. Thanks and God bless
Member: sara c.
Location: rockland maine
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 11:44:18
hi it's sara again thank you glen and kellie for caring,and for all of you! i had 3 children in three years, my husband is gone for 30 days at a time, i live where i have no relatives close by, and i have had a career for the past 12 years. i really backed myself into a tight corner! yes i created the whole scenario. it's all hitting me in the face and it's about time i accepted myself and move to the other side. no more fear, just do it! love to you all, i'm so glad i am here. GOD BLESS have a great day.
Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 12:04:27
Michelle-alcoholic- Jim D. you make me laugh at your obsession with the computer. Yes, drunks are like pitbulls-crunch on and won't let go. When I first got my computer a year ago, it was morning, I had my pj's on, hadn't put on my contacts yet, and poured a big cup of coffee. At 4:00 in the morning, (next day) I still had my glasses on, hadn't showered, still dressed in pj's, and that cold cup of coffee was the only thing I ingested all day. We obsess because we are addicts. Drinking was the same way, don't stop until I'm out of money, out of your money, and out of lies to try to get more booze. It's no wonder that learning moderation is one of most important lessons for us alcoholics.
Story time: Once there was a man being chased by a tiger, so he jumped over the edge of a cliff and hung by a small vine. If he let go, he would fall to his death. If he pulled himself up he would be eaten by a tiger. He looked over and saw a strawberry on the vine. He ate it and said,"Ah, this strawberry is delicious."
Member: Susan S
Location: CO
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 12:10:02
Hi All
I'm on day 2 (that's a FULL 2 days, pushing 3) & so far, so good.
Night time is hardest, my husband still drinks his liter or so of wine nightly. I've been spending the time working - I'm starting my own business so there's always something to do. Pray for me. I'm so happy to be here.
Member: Carolyn L.
Location: GA
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 12:20:40
Hi to all Carolyn Alcoholic here. Day 15 my birthday but I have not picked up a drink. Yesterday was awful. My husband helped a lot. Thanks Michelle for the online birthday card. Coming to this site has saved me almost daily. I never really celebrated my birthday, just do a lot of reflecting. This year I am sad, but I do hope that one day I'll be happy. I'm 36 this year. I have 3 children ages 18 months, 14 years and 16 years and 1 husband age 34 ( he won't mind me telling his age). So I know I have much to be thankful for this year. We almost lost my husband in October thanks to God he's still here. Almost lost our baby, once at 4 mos. and again at 6 mos. again, thank God today he is healthy. My older children are typical teenagers (if there is such a thing).
Thanks to all who come here with such love and encouragement. Keep reminding me of what alcohol does to us. This helps me not pick up. I am trying not to project today. Just live today and enjoy it. There is so much joy here on this page I will keep reading over and over and maybe I won't continue to feel sad today. I guess I sound pretty self centered today, I guess I am. All newcomers like me keep coming back, go to meetings, follow suggestions. That's what they keep telling me and I havn't taken a drink yet. ODAAT. (((Fellowship Hug)))
Member: GLENDA N
Location: NEVADA CITY CA
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 15:24:00
GLENDA AND I AM AN ALCHOHALIC. I GUESS. AND I KNOW IF YOU HAVE TO ASK THE QUESTION THEN YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER. I GET A FEW DAYS OF SOBRIETY AND START TO FEEL LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT. THE PINK CLOUD DISAPEARS AND RECENTLY I'VE STARTED GETTING SICK. BUT THEN I GET SICK IF I DRINK. I AM REALLY GLAD THIS PAGE IS HERE. I AM A SINGLE MOM AND DON'T GET TO MEETINGS BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE I AM TO FAR DOWN ON MY OWN PRIORITY LIST. THANKS FOR BEING ON THE WEB. GLENDA N
Member: Joanne M
Location: Brighton, MA
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 16:50:13
Have a nice weekend everyone, and stay sober, don't drink, ask for help and go to a meeting. Joanne Alcoholic and compulsive gambler
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 15 May 1998
Time: 16:58:42
Hi to all y,all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Sara C. I want you to know there is an easier softer way than the way you are trying and that way is AA. As Glen told you, this is a WE program. Something I learned on here is that when you share a problem, it is half as big. Give AA an honest try for 90 days and if you so desire, you can have your misery back. Then to you Glenda, you sound like you know the answers but lack the self worth to capitolize on them. I wish you thought enough of yourself to up your priorities to the point of taking care of you, because if you don't you may not be able to take care of anyone soon. My love and prayers to you both. Sanders
Member: Bill W
Location: Wheaton,IL
Date: 16 May 1998
Time: 04:30:31
Bill W here an alcoholic who can't sleep. It's 3 AM and I have just gotten up - I'm thinking about how a month ago I could have still been sitting up drinking and trying to get girls to talk to me in private chat. Funny, now that does not seem like so much fun. Oh well-sober for almost three weeks! Kellie - God help you.
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 16 May 1998
Time: 09:01:19
Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my name is Suzanne.
I have been real busy this week but have been dropping in to do some reading each day. To all the newcomers, welcome. To those with houseguests, it's great to hear about some good visits happening. My dad and his fiancee are coming for a visit on Sunday, they'll be staying for a few days. Amy GC, I am keeping in mind what I posted earlier in the week(when I used to worry about having everything just right for visitors and ending up very drunk)I have a new way of living, a better way. I am planning on telling my dad about my health problems this weekend. I have been keeping it from him for the past 4+ months. I want him to see me in person so he can see that I am, OK. Since it seems I have the same disease that my mother died from, I imagine it will be hard for him to accept. He was Mom's primary caregiver for 15 years. When it comes to me, I have to agree with you J.L., even though I know there are more tests and biopsies in upcoming months I can only live today, and today, I am free from those worries. I pray to my higher power to help me to live as healthy and as active as I can just for today. Josh and Mike W nice to see both of you again. Where have you been jrr? and mary w? I will have to catch up on e-mail- Sanders, mary w, Kerry B, might be after the visit with my dad. We'll see. One day at a time. Everyone here is in my thoughts and prayers. Now, I am out to the garden to get a few things done before it gets too hot!
luv Suzanne H. Kmartsh0pr@aol.com
Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 16 May 1998
Time: 10:14:39
Hey guys, Amy an alcoholic. My guests are all GONE and altho it was wonderful and fun and a wild experience to be with a 12 year old, your own childhood best friend and have to translate everything said to one or the other...enough to make a person drink but for the grace of God and the program I did not. I am currently having a health problem other than our disease and would like those of you who wish to pray for me. It is nothing terminal. Tom S. the weather here is about 70 degrees F. sunny and arid, cooler in the evening, in June it would not be warmer than 80 in Bergen, hope that helps! As to a meeting I will check on that within the week... Mark in Alaska when I read about your joy and serenity in sobriety it brought a tear of joy and understanding. To those of you new in the program it is hard at first. If your life is out of control go to detox where you will bind with others and be understood and taught and cared for in a cool way, then come back to us. It sounds as if many of you are pullin through the clouds and I am praying for you, the good things that God has begun in you will be brought to completion quote i truely believe. Hello to Doris, mary, Linda P, Suzanne, Fayla and others who thought of me having the house guests. Suzanne I can`t tell you how many times I soused it up in my days in DC or NC in expecting company so I could relate extreemly to what you said. My home situation is similar to mikes in saudi, no alcohol and God forbid. I am thankful for this support from my husband. Jim D way to go, as Glenn explained we tend to act the same in a behavior patern after we stop drinking. Someone said a few weeks back if you sober up a thief you still have a thief...I too am trying to work on some obsessive type (MY NERVES) behavior and I am pullin for you. Mary from NC - hey! Love to all, Amy GC
Member: Mike
Location: B.C.
Date: 16 May 1998
Time: 11:39:42
Hi all, Mike the alcoholic going through day 5 doing great, still no alcohol ,cigarettes or coffee I can't believe all this new found energy, this is just great wish I would of done it years ago. You're all an insparation to me and can't thank you all enough for being here. Good day and take care.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 16 May 1998
Time: 12:38:15
Hello to all y,all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. On a sad note for me is this. I can't help but be alittle bit sad when I look at the step meeting and see so few posts in there. There was one day when no one posted anything. When you stop to think that the steps are our program and yet so few people take the time to study them or to participate in the discussion of them. Makes me wonder?????Then on a happier note, I am just as excited as a little kid at Christmas time. This coming Tuesday, I'll be going away and be gone till Saturday so you will not see me here till I return. The reason I am so excited is because I am going with my daughter, her husband, my twin 13 year old grand sons, and then the "bigey", my ex wife. She is the lady I divorced 21 years ago. She is the person who put up with all my crap for so many years and was always there for me, and when I was "dry" 1 year I left her because I thought the only way I could stay sober was to get away from her. Tell me I was not a "sickey " when I came in. Since then, she re married and lost her husband to a heart attack three years ago. I have been through two more sick marrages and have been alone for 4 or 5 years. She and I have been on good terms but I still get excited when I am around her. This will be the first time I have been this close in 21 years. When I get back, I'll let you know how my trip went. Love to all y,all. Sanders
Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 16 May 1998
Time: 13:55:50
Mark, Dope fiend alcoholic. I gotta fingure out just where the hell I'm at this fine Saturday morning. I've got a ton of bills to pay and I hate being responsible. So I think I'll pound on this thing for a few until I get up enough ambition to sit down with the checkbook and pay what I owe. I never thought I'd get to the position where I had to be responsible. If I don't pay something, I get almost crazy in the head and start spinning out. Compared to where I was when I was drug into this deal, that's marked improvement. Have the means to be self-supporting through my own contributios is miraculousI was on the verged of getting thrown out of the militray for my drinking and drugging. Today, Im a shop chief responsible for a few million dollors worth of equipment and 10 people. I owe it all to God and the program. I still haven't figured out exactly what or how things happen but, they just do. I ask for guidance and direction in everything that goes on, and he takes care of me. Guides my paths. I've won awards, medals and been recognized in numerous ways and it all amazes me when I look back on where I came from. Sometimes I think "Do these people really know just what I am"? the answer is no, because I've changed radicly comparing myself today to what I was. I'm in the month preceding my sober birthday and all during this month I get a bit whacko and also, look back at the years that have gone by. Pretty cool all the thinngs I've been blessed with. I do today routinely, the things I used to dream about from the barstool in the NCO club. Oh well, I gotta get running, gotta pay bills and do some shopping. God takes care of fools, drunks, and children, I qualify under all three. Hugs to all
Mark
Member: Connie M
Location: California
Date: 16 May 1998
Time: 14:03:26
Greeting to all, May God grant you a sober day today! Connie, Alcoholic for life, here. I am just so grateful to have found AA online! Have "attended" a few on-line meetings, and have gleaned some truly amazing info./insight in the past few days. Reading the newcomers' posts reminds me to share & care more. So many people need this program. I remember the last time I got drunk; I was literally poisoned with alcohol...couldn't even throw-up anymore/dry-heaves...had been drinking: beer, wine, and vodka-martinis for about 26 hrs straight. An absolute, total, complete mess. And I actually envisioned AA as a life-saver being thrown-out to me, with me drowning in the ocean. I knew that it was the ONLY help that would save me, and thank God it did! Sorry if this sounds so "cheerleader/rah-rah" (Lord knows, those perky chicks always annoyed me to no end in high school) but sometimes it's good to just be grateful. I wish everyone peace, and strength in sobriety. Oh, and to Sanders: I don't know you, but by reading your last post, it sounds like Divine Intervention is definitely at work with you and the "X !" I wish you well, and hope the love between you two is re-established. AA is awesome...SO glad to be sober! -C.
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 16 May 1998
Time: 15:24:30
Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Yesterday was truly a trying day at work. I read the posts but crashed early. I also love the other two meeting sites here and hope more people participate there as well. I only post once on those two meeting sites per week, as instructions advise. In the 12x12 meeting, even if someone has not reached that step that is being discussed, they can comment or ask questions about another person's post regarding that subject. I believe that would fall in the spirit of that meeting. As for the discussion meeting, most topics everyone can identify with, but if shy about talking about themselves, post comments of identification with someone else that has posted, until you get braver and input your experiences along with the rest of us.
A question posed to me recently is how one posts if viewing the black and white version of the meeting. The answer is you need to return to the bottom of the regular (blue screen) meeting in which you wish to post. You can get there by scrolling to the bottom of your black & white screen, selecting one of the regular meetings. Scroll down the blue screen to the bottom, using mouse, click left buttom into the dialog box, and post by clicking under the dialog box. Scroll down a little further, using your mouse to get in each of the boxes to input your name and location. Scroll down a little further and place your arrow using mouse on the CLICK ONCE button, and only click one time. Wait patiently for confirmation, then you can click the BACK button to return to the meeting. Remember, black and white is for viewing only, blue version allows you to post. Hope that helps those who have had some difficulties.
I am on a quest for a new chair for my computer--my back aches after setting in my husband's chair. See you later. Love to all.