Member: Judyrose M
Location: Boston Ma
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 13:03:05

Comments

Where is everyone? Does anyone here stay sober just through internet connections...no face to face meetings?


Member: Maggie M.
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 13:11:37

Comments

As a topic,how about how it works. How God does for us what we could not do for ourselves.How the steps practiced and applied to daily life are working.Miracles brought about by the divine intervention of God through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous! My personal experience is one of coming from fear of every one and everything to find the love and help,high comeraderie of the fellowship.A place where I was allowed to come in and learn how to be me.Of couse this came with a lot of undoing of what I thought I 'knew' to my delight I found new friends and a new way of life.What I thought was my failure was the building of a new foundation.Honesty, Open-mindedness and willingness are the keys to this brand new freedom.Quite simply life as I had been living it was not living at all.Through the miracle of A.A. and guys like you I have a new formula for living one day at a time.Of course you can see why I'm so grateful God really did do for me what I could not do for myself.I Love you guys with all my heart.I hope you don't mind my confession,you see I really can't help it with all this love in me I can't help but give it away.Love Maggie


Member: Laura C
Location: soon to be, Portland,Oregon
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 13:14:43

Comments

Hi! My name is Laura and I am an alcoholic. I am finding that I am stuck for what to say here! I'd tell a joke if I knew any. I want to say Hi to Doris, thankyou for responding to me last week it's nice to be acknowledged when I reach out. I haven't see Richard here, so I want to say Hi to him as well. I enjoy your posts Richard!!! For some reason, I am feeling very shy here. I'm not sure why that is but I'll keep coming back at least untill I figure out why I feel so shy about sharing my story here or I'll just run away with letting it all hang out here!! Wouldn't that be something?!!!! Taks Care Eveyone!!!!!


Member: Adam B.
Location: Sobriety Land!
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 13:22:56

Comments

My name is Adam, and I am looking for online AA contacts to share via email. My email address is adam12@meta3.net Hope to hear from someone soon.


Member: J-Man
Location: Ardsley, Pa.
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 13:27:57

Comments

Hello I'm J-Man and I am an alcoholic. Today is a good day for me I woke up breathing a sober breath. I went to a beginners meeting last night, it has been awhile for me and it was good for me to here the newcomers speak and share it keeps it all green and wakes you up that it hasn't changed out there at all, it still is insane out there alcohol will remain in waiting for me and or anyone who forgets what it has done to my life and how my life has changed since I've been sober. I hope anyone new who reads this will really think hard and call someone before they pick-up a drink a phone call is less expensive and nine times out of ten you will feel better in the morning. Answer to your question Judierose what ever it takes to stay sober we must go to any length. Thanks for letting me share and helping me stay sober one day at a time. Bye for now ya'll J-Man


Member: Ravenswaven
Location: New York
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 13:30:30

Comments

Recovery chatroom needs members! www.talkcity.com/webtv/home.htmpl?channel=realrecovery


Member: Cathy G.
Location: champaign,ill
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 13:43:50

Comments

My name is cathy, and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is feb6,1996. I am looking for women to chat with. My e-mail address is zany-z@usa.net. I am from Illinois and I love staying sober. Please write. It has been a road to trudge, but it is worth it. Keep it simple, one day at a time. I hope somebody will e-mail!!!! THanks!


Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield Ore
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 14:27:57

Comments

Hi there I am Doris and I am an alcoholic. Hi to you Laura, You don't really seem shy to me. I think your contributions are just what they should be. What you have to say is seemingly honost and you are very clear. Just keep writing to us all dear and you will someday reach your goal of sharing your story IF that is what you want. By the way Laura, I live in Springfield, - - not that far away - - . Maybe we can get together sometime. We could meet in Salem and go to a meeting together. Adam, I will check in there as soon as I have a chance. Cathy in Ill, I will e-mail you soon, there are lots of people here and you can make friends with many, they are all great and I haven't found anyone I don't like yet. Today is my youngest daughters 29th. birthday. I am cooking my head off, and I am a gour---met cook. We are having a crowd and it's so fun to have a party with no booze. I think we will play some games. BY THE WAY ! ! Does anyone know what is wrong with the discussion meeting. It seems to be broken. Could it be fixed? Lets ask the steering committee. Steering Committee, what do you think? ? Gotta get busy, breaks over, Love to you all, Doris


Member: Mike W.
Location: Eastern Montana
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 14:31:07

Comments

I'm Mike and I am an alcoholic. I have been reading the comments in the discussion meeting and the coffee pot for the past two months, but this is the first time I have shared. I have been clean and sober for a little over 13 years, but stopped working a program several years ago. I have been attending a few meetings since right before Christmas when the desire to drink had become close to an obsession. I am grateful to God that I was able to remember the serenity and quality of life that I enjoyed before in AA and sought out help. Judyrose, I am only able to attend about one meeting per month because of distance to the closest meeting but do work my program through cyber meetings. The experience strength and hope that I have found here from people like Sanders, Amy, Doris, Fayla, Mike in Saudi Arabia and the many others has enabled me to remember the precepts of the AA way of life. My life is better today because of y'all y'all. I will close now and look forward to all the future postings.


Member: Jeri C.
Location: midwest
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 15:08:46

Comments

Hi Everyone. I'm Jeri a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. I'm glad you are still sober Mike--You sound real good. I have meetings close but they are all smoking meetings and being around cigarette smoke makes me physically ill. I have had to go to some NA meetings which was new for me. I've been a member of AA for almost 22 years and been able to stay off alcohol and the other drugs with AA. I wasn't going to say anything but then I read Mike's comment and I had to jump in here. I tried staying away from AA meetings for almost a year and I was miserable and everyone around me was too. I made sure they were. I'm very grateful I didn't drink or drug because of it--and it sure felt good when I got back to my meetings. I was surprised how healthy everyone around me got--lol Since I got on line I've joined two e mail meetings and they are the best. AA people are special where ever I meet them. Have a super week and if you think about drink-call your sponsor first. If you don't have a sponsor Think about getting one. God Bless.


Member: John F.
Location: Alabama
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 15:16:43

Comments

You know the difference between an alcoholic and an addict? An alcoholic will steal for you and lie to you about it. An addict, on the other hand, will steal from you and help you look for it! I'm a recovering addict too.No flames please.


Member: Lori S.
Location: So. Calif.
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 15:25:47

Comments

I'm Lori S. alcoholic. Reading the above makes me want to share, this is whats happens when you don't get to meetings, or keep aware in some way your past... I had been invovled with AA for 14 yrs, almost 2 years ago 2 weeks after my NINTH year of sobriety , I went out into what I call the "void" again. I could get quite analytical about it but, but keeping it simple it is because I stopped going to meetings and walked away from my spiritual connection. In proving that I am the one who walked away from God is the fact that I am alive, I didn't kill anyone, I still have my job, car etc. all the materials things, but my soul is shattered as I mentioned yesterday. The shame, self loathing, so overwhelming, it all comes up again, only worse. I am scared, very very scared. The power of denial is SO POWERFUL....we all hear that but I have been living it the past year and it is frightening. I am in very degrees of dishonesty with old AA friends and family. I am in need of (and at the door) of complete surrender, the pain is too great and I KNOW, I KNOW, I don't have to feel this way any more, but I can't do it alone and the past year I have been trying so pathetically to do so. I have learned so much, yet so little. Thanks for letting me dump. My last drink was april 26th.


Member: Laura C
Location: soon to be Portland, Oregon
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 15:36:06

Comments

Hi! My name is Laura and I am an alcoholic/addict. I forgot the addict part in my last message sorry! John F, I thought the joke was funny!!!! Doris, thank you, you are so sweet! I don't drive right now because of insurance costs but we might be able to work something out around meeting each other. I'll look at my finances after moving and see what I can think up! When I was posting here earlier, I was ICQ'ed for a AA meeting, and it was wonderful!!!! There were 4 of us. It was my first experiance with that. I highly recommend it. Take Care Everyone!!!


Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 16:18:13

Comments

Hey, I`m Amy and I am an alcoholic. I do stay sober through the internet and have no meetings available in my languages here, to answer Judyrose, which is damn hard sometimes. I have the pleasure (and I do mean that seriously) of having the second cousin of my husband stay with us for 12 days. She is 12 and her name is Anna Lea, she is swiss from near St Moritz and the most uncomplicated little sweetie. She plays a wooden flute so seriously that she must warm it up on her belly for 20 minutes (I never had such patience at 12). She speaks 3 lanuguages fluently plus a little English, it is amazing what the mind of a child can absorb, or an adult for that matter. Imagine me, being responsible, I never would have thought it. I used to say "I don`t see myself livin past 30" because in fact I couldn`t imagine taking resp. and trying to wean myself from the bottle. I am sure ya`ll will hear more of her as the stay progresses. Wish me luck! PS Doris, Fayla, mary and Sanders I will e mail tomorrow, you know us alkies, why do tonight what I can put off til tomorrow. No really I have to go see that she is ok. Love to ALL, Jrr hope you are healin` it well. Don`t go fishing or anything! Sanders you mentioned that women have a nice way of expressing their emotions and I agree but so does my daddy and my hubby is workin on it. Jason I could relate to you telling of the years of wasted time. I am 31 but emotionally about 18 I guess because I was drunk for 10 years, a studying then working drunk but a drunk is a drunk, huh? I see little Anna Lea and think of her possibilities, they are endless. I think of mine and as long as I easy do it I suppose I have possibilities too (children I hope one day). Amy W. be strong and go to a meeting every day and just take it in, trust that the peace will follow as soon as your physical body (&soul) takes a respite, or a total re-haul as in my case. Also Jane from Ma I am a pk and will contact you. LOVE Amy GC


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, FL.
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 16:43:13

Comments

I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Thanks for the question about the disc. meeting. I have the same problem but was afraid to ask in fear they may tell me to fix it, Like in a F2F meeting and you complain the coffee is too strong, You are the new coffee maker. I am not going to yak as much this week as I feel I Hogged the place last week. I do want to say to Lori S., with all the love I can show you, You know where the answers are. Maybe you need to hurt more, we can't answer that for you, but I will tell you this you do have to hurt enough. How much is enough? I have seen lots of people go back out and try drinking again and the ones who are fortunate enough to get back, I try to talk to them and I always want to know why they went back out and there is nearly always ONE common thing. The business failed, the wife ran offf with the milk man, the dog died, AND I stopped going to meetings. After doing this for awhile they are then able to JUSTIFY that drink. This is why today one of my favorite saying is and I say it at every F2F meeting I attend and I truely believe it with all my heart. The only thing that would ever make me take another drink would be if I wanted to. Any thing other than that is just an excuse. On the surrender part, at the very end for me just prior to my SPIRITUAL surrender I had changed my prayer and it became this God If I have to hurt this much then please don't let me hurt to the point of picking up a drink. That is the period of my 5 years of white knuckled sobriety. It was atough 5 years but it was worth it. I do not haveto drink today and I am so grteful that I did hurt and was able to make that surrender 22 years ago. I live and promise you this If you don't take a drink, YOU will get better in spite of yourself. Love to all Sanders


Member: mary w.
Location: ks
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 17:25:11

Comments

glorious sunday to all y'all ( plural)... what a wonderful day to wake up sober.. of course any day is a wonderful day to wake up sober! the weeds in my garden are thriving and the tender shoots of my veggies are fighting their way to the surface. lot of happy work ahead of me. they have changed the formate in the discussion room now ( probably to allow for better access by webtv and us) there is a little scroll bar at the bottom of the frame that will allow you to see the whole entry..( it kind of gives me a headache trying to read it) , but if it helps others to recieve the disc. mtg ..cool.

sanders, you made a wonderful comment last week about women and feelings... unfontunately, i guess i am an exception.. feelings are very hard for me to understand or express. i think i was a tough guy for too long... oh well.. progress not perfection. the reason i share this is that my mom is suffering from parkinson disease and some other unknown infection which is slowly sapping the very life out of her... it is very hard to watch her and be so powerless. i'm afriad that she will not make it through the year. we are doing all we can, but it doesn't seem to be enough. it is really hard for me to reach out to you and share my fears and pain. god willing ( if only he would listen to me and run the world like i want him too) we will find out and get mom better. although truly, i have fears of that to because, when the parkinsons gets to the advanced state... well, dementia is result. so, i'm between a rock and a hard place. and these rooms are my comfort. thank you for being here... my email is MWMOSTEST@aol.com if you would like to write me.

hugs,

mary w.


Member: Bonnie J
Location: Bangor, PA
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 17:49:51

Comments

hi all,my nsme is Bonnie and I KNOW I am a alcoholic. I posted last week for the first time and felt good about it. I have not been to a meeting since January and although I know I'm not CURED, I do feel fine. I have a higher Power in my life and I have followed one of the very important guidelines of AA. I have changed people Places and things.

I've moved to a new town and have a dear,sweet,Understanding man in my life. He knows I am an alcoholic,and is very supportive of me. He has 3 normal teenage boys and life is good

without a God in my life, I WOULD HAVE NOTHING!!!! I thank God every day for all I've lost and for all the time I wasted. because I believe that I would not be who I am today without those losses.

well gotta go. But don't worry, I'll be back!!!!


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 19:25:42

Comments

Well, never thought I'd find myself in this place. I'm Jim, and I just haven't been able to make the words "I am an alcoholic" come out. Yet. Wouldn't think four little words could be that hard, would you.

Anyway, I've had it with feeling like I've been dragged backwards through a cesspool. Time I did something about it. But my God--if the words ar hard to say, what's it like to go to that first meeting?


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 19:28:51

Comments

The ICQ that Laura mentioned is one (of many) Internet chat programs. ICQ is one of the better ones, and if anyone is interested, here is the URL:

http://www.mirabilis.com/download.html

If you haven't used a chat program, it allows you to converse back and forth in "real time".


Member: TeresaC.
Location: Fairbanks, Alaska
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 19:45:11

Comments

Hi To You All !!

My name is Teresa C. and I am an alcoholic.

I guess the topic is How It Works. Well I don't know if I can tell you how it works. I think that Its a mystery only GOD knows, because each and every person out there has different answers inside themselves. Answers that are just for themselves and noone else but themselves. Because we are all from different walks of life and different upbringings and with different set of values from each other, I'm sure GOD has his own special blueprint especially for each and everyone of us. For me I need to go to meetings, work work work the steps one at a time and in order. And work the steps on a daily, hourly and minute basis. Thenk you all for putting up with me, hopefully someday I'll gather all my .... together and then I might make more sense.

I would like to thank Saunders for your wonderful comforting words today. These words sooth my soul. I love to read your words as you remind me of my wise grandpa, who had lots of love and patience.

To Amy C.G. from Switzerland, I want you to know that here in Fairbanks Alaska, we had a wonderful member, her name was Viviane. I had the pleasure of her being my sponcer. She was from Finland. Unfortunately she had cancer and died a few years back. Thank GOD she died sober, and not from drinking. She has been gone for several years now, but I think of her often, and because of her we have our Friday Night Group with candles each week and to this day. She affected people here so much with her love, caring and understanding. Probably more than she knew. I was asked to sing for her at her funeral in the church and I was very honored. The church was packed with people and some standing outside at 40 below zero. I miss her fondly. She always said: Don't listen to the Bleeding Deacon's, just take the .... that you need and keep the rest.

To Laura C. from soon to be Portland, I would like to tell you that Portland was my home town. However, I've been up here at Fairbanks Alaska now for 14 years. I visit my family as often as I can. Just remeber that Portland has tons of meetings day and night and if you go to 1615 S.E. 12th called Sculli's its the oldest meeting there in Portland.

To Linda P. from Fresno, CA. USA thank you again for your encouragement as I really needed it. I wanted to respond to your trip up to Alaska via the Al-can Hwy. Well I went on a trip just once from here to Idaho, one year. I must admit it was gorgous, with the view and all. Only I wasn't too bright as I left here in October and it was very blizzardie (sp)? But I saw some really beautiful scenery along the way down. I'm really glad that there was someone else out there who appreciates the wildlife like I do. Thank you Linda. Please if you have the time please write me at my e-mail address: teresac@mosquitonet.com and I will write you back, if I can figure it out. I just got my computer up and running last week. To anyone else who would like to send me messages, please do, as I would be honored hearing from any of my aa brothers and sisters.

The snow has just melted and I'm awaiting patiently for the grass to grow and the trees and flowers to bloom. Can't wait !! Love to all of you .

TeresaC from Fairbanks Alaska teresac@mosquitonet.com


Member: Hogweed
Location: columbus, OH
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 19:46:02

Comments

To judyrose: Personally, I wouldn't even try to stay sober by visiting the net alone. The net is a luxury for those of us AAers who cannot immediately run out of the house and go to an AA meeting. I have been sober for little over 13 years and my program today is stronger than it ever was. Remember what SLIP stands for: sobriety loses it's priority. Today, I have to make sure that my priority is to make my 3 meetings a week, call my sponsor, and return the calls of sponsees. Just doing what is suggested of me, I have serenity and peace in my life. Eight years ago, I slowed down on my meetings (i.e. didn't go to one in 13-14 months!) because AA had lost its priority and I about had a nervous breakdown. I ended up in the emergency room of a mental health clinic. What the counselors there told me was that I needed to get back to AA meetings, which I did and haven't looked back since. I finally graduated from college, a lifelong dream, married and have a family of my own. All this because I just started showing back up at meetings. Thanks for allowing me to share! Until next time, keep it simple. Love to all.


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 20:32:37

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Got up this morning and felt as if I had gone through the wringer. A review of the past 24 hrs did not give me a clue to why I was feeling so bad. As uncomfortably sad as I was I went on with my day leaning on the slogan, "first things first." Got up, dressed, fixed breakfast, and pushed myself out the door to greet the day. After awhile that feeling was gone and replaced with joy. Whatever caused the emotional upset was over--it is wonderful to know that I can rely on change, and that old saying that "this to shall pass" keeps me in the hope that change is eventual. Days that used to start out that way used to lead me to a bottle. AA changed that, and I am grateful. Someone related to me, "feelings are transitory," expressing that it is only a residual emotion from some stimulus, and that they can change quickly. So wait for the miracle of change.

Welcome back to Lori S from So. CA. When I had a similar experience I needed to come clean with my relapse in a meeting and with those who knew me. I was embarassed, depressed, and very angry with myself, but it had a humbling affect to fess up to what had happened. Placing honesty as a priority in my life at that crisis point was a good start, and opened the door for a healthier recovery. It was difficult starting over again, but not impossible. I did it, so can you. Keep coming back, no matter how much you hurt. That will dissipate in time.

Love to all,

Linda


Member: Tom R
Location: Chicago
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 20:34:23

Comments

Hi my name is Tom alcoholic Did tou all hear about the new radio station? It's called KPMS. They play 3 weeks of Ragtime and 1 week of the Blues


Member: Linda M
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 21:14:29

Comments

Hi, I'm Linda M and I am an alcoholic. Can't believe what I'm reading today! And probably in good time for me. I've been quite busy lately and have just increased my meetings (f2f) to about 2 per week. I have been getting to at least one most weeks but have not had a home group for some time. I sort of justify this by telling myself a lot of the people I knew when I first came into the program no longer go to meetings! (But are they sober? or sane?)

The past month or so I have been having a really hard time due to dropping out of a course that I felt overwhelmed by. Linda P. helped me a lot at that time by sharing her experience and things she's heard from old-timers. Yet somehow I can't seem to let go of beating myself up every once in awhile. I'm trying to get back on track, accept my actions, whether I made a mistake or not, and get on with it. Fear seems to keep creeping in. I probably have enough qualifications to get a job right now but I feel like a failure. Anyway, I don't know If this is the reason or if it's just spring setting me off but I've been thinking about drinking more than ever, (except in my first 2 years of sobriety - in which I thought about it fairly regularly)

I want to thank Hogweed, Lori, Jeri, and Mike for reminding me that I need meetings and that if I think I'm cured just because I have 9 years of sobriety, I'm wrong!

We don't have to be drinking to be sick and I remember all too well how horrible it was to be as sick as I was before AA.

Thanks everybody (Sanders too, I just love the things you have to say,, your words really are a comfort to me and encouraging)

I wish everybody another 24 hours of sobriety and serenity!

Linda M


Member: Keith B.
Location: Guam, USA
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 21:19:55

Comments

Hi Ya'll, My name is Keith and I'm an Alcoholic. I'm in the Navy and Stationed on the Island of Guam. Yes that's still in the USA. Judyrose, it works for me by going to meetings, working with others(even if I'm not thier sponsor) and reading the BB. It also helps to have a close relationship with my HP, who I chose to call "Grandfather". The longer I'm in the program and sober the more I learn about who I am to be, not what I thought I was. I'm blessed to be on Guam where Grandfather's presence can be seen everywhere. The program here is small but strong and the fellowship is what gets me pass the hard time at times. I would like to hear from others, Guam is 15 hourd ahead of the west coast of the States so if I don't reply quickly, I'm in a meeting or asleep.

"walk in Beauty"


Member: cori r.
Location: michigan
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 21:26:34

Comments

lori s. you helped me more than you'll ever know you helped me to see just what a gift being sober is. please lori let us the group love you until you can love yourself again and this will happen the big book promises it if you just practice these few simple steps hang in there call your sponsor


Member: FAYLA   G
Location: GALENA     KS
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 21:46:47

Comments

HELLO,Iam FAYLA,Alcoholic, ITs been a bad day ,i am so full of anger ,for so many little things ,I am not happy with my sponser ,she stood me up twice,And shes only been my sponser since wed. I might be in to big a hurry to get where i want to be in this program,I need to slow down ,and realize that Katy isnt doing this to upset me she has things to take care of herself ,I am just a mess today , I better just listen ,and try to pull me back togeather LOVE TO EVERYBODY ,WELCOME MIKE W AND JERI C.


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 23:08:36

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Sure feeling better than I did when I got up this morning. Wonderful the program kicks me into gear when I get off-centered. To Teresa from Fairbanks, Alaska, expect e-mail from me soon. I would love to correspond by e-mail. It will be fun. I am not brave to post my e-mail address on-line, so you will have mine when I write to you. To Linda M. from Ontario, Canada, I have traveled through your province on the way to Quebec a few years back on a vacation. I absolutely love Canada. It was a goal of mine to vacation in each province as the years went by, however traveling with my current husband seems to be restricted to the USA. As for still feeling bad over your decision with that class, are you of the frame of mind that dictates stiff directives to yourself that changing your mind is wrong? I was a die-hard like that myself once. If I made a decision I had to stand by it if it killed me. Today I believe differently. There are some things I will push myself in if to do otherwise would be irresponsible. However when it involves elective courses, and decisions I have made that do not affect others, I find that changing my mind is sometimes necessary for emotional health. If I assess I made a mistake by making the wrong decision to begin with then I have no regrets to make a change in my choices. A guy once stated, rigidity is brittle and fragile, and may get broken, but flexibility leaves one open to change and growth. So keep hanging in there, you will get past this difficulty and later wonder why you had such a hard time with it. Welcome to Keith B from Guam in the NAVY. It is great to see the servicemen on line, and happy to here from you. Fayla, sounds like your having a tough time right now. I shall keep you in my prayers. It can be very frustrating when I want to hurry up and get ahead and it seems I am in limbo. Have patience. Love you all.


Member: aLex L.
Location: Baton Rouge
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 23:27:16

Comments

Hello everyone. I hope y'all are all doing great. I guess I have a question. I'm hoping that some of you can share with me some norms of your own groups. For instance: what do you wear to a meeting, how do you greet each other, etc. I would really appreciate it if some of you would share. Thank you.


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 23:30:56

Comments

Hi, How are All Y'all (plural) doing tonight? I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Fayla, there was only one perfect person in the world and they crucified him many years ago, so with that in mind we just have to remember that we humans have many flaws. It may be that your sponser is trying to teach you something you are not aware of. I know I keep praying for patience and God keeps telling me to wait. Give her a chance and also let her be a human. You may be rushing too much and need to "easy does it". I was told that the dirtiest word in this program is "time" and that time takes time. Some things you simply can't rush. Slow down and enjoy the trip. I love you. A lots has been said about cyber meetings only etc. What I am really hearing is " How little of this program can I stay sober on?" I hope I am mistaken but if I am correct and any of you canidentify with that, you are in very dangerous territority and you need to re think your position. I haven't said this next part before to everyone, only to One other person here by private E mail. Right at the moment, these on line meetings are extreamly important to me because in addition to my one lung and emphasema in it, I also have a very severe hearing loss. I have not been able to chair a F2F meeting in about a year and I really miss that because when you chair, you get more outof the meting than anyone. I only hear about 10 maybe 15% of what is said,but I still go. People know I don't hear most of what they say but they know where my heart is and I love them and they love me. I still go to lots of meetings today. I don't know how long I could go without a meeting but I surely don't want to find out. It is working for me right now and I certainly do not want to try to fix it. I never knew anyone who got drunk because they had too much program but I can't say the same for the other way around. I love all y'all Sanders


Member: Mike W.
Location: Eastern Montana
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 00:13:53

Comments

I'm Mike an alcoholic. I just read your comment Sanders about the use of cyber meetings. I do not believe that I would have been able to maintain my sobriety early on if the only meetings I attended were these. By the time I had reached bottom, I had isolated from family and friends. If it were not for the 5+ meetings a week the first couple of years, I would not have learned how to relate again to people (although at times I feel that I still don't know a thing about relating to others). I have recently moved and taken a time consuming job. The stress of this job pushed me back into recovery. The problem is that I live 45 minutes from the nearest meeting. I do make as many as I can and last week I was even able to hit two in one day. I am lucky to get into the meetings once every 3-4 weeks. I would much rather have f2f meetings because I need to make connections with people who understand me. Since I am not able to I need to utilize whatever I can. I have enjoyed the comments these past few months and look forward to sharing with all those who utilize this forum. If anyone cares to send e-mail, my address is willy@midrivers.com.

schedule


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 00:21:14

Comments

Fayla, I was in the same boat when I first got sober. I wanted what the others had and I wanted it as fast as I could get it. All I got was frustrated. Then I started crawling. I'm trying to get to a place where I feel comfortable. I think Sanders post is just what I needed right now. Hang in there Fayla! Goodnight everyone.

Suzanne H.


Member: PATL
Location: KANSAS CITY MISSOURI
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 00:43:03

Comments

Hello, this is PatL,alkie,druggy Things in here seem to have changed since I was last in. Used to update every week, seems now ya update everyday. Whatever. Today, I am sober, made some new friends, online and off. It is getting late, but I wanted to check in an say hi. Hopefully tomorrow I will have more time. 24hrs at a time. Keep it simple. If ya have a problem with that, my email is DIRTYFERTY@HOTMAIL.COM. Have a great 24, do something nice for yourself. "you are where you are, because you are doing what you are doing" (~.~)


Member: Doris H
Location: Oregon
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 01:18:15

Comments

Jim D, ' M Y N A M E I S D O R I S & I A M A N A L C O H O L I C" That was easy, but, like for you the first time I ever said those words I thought it would be sooooo hard. It wasn't so bad. I went to a womens book study meeting cause I was in a desperate fix the day befor, I guess you'd call it my bottom and a crisis. My WHOLE life had been going to hell and I didn't see any way out. Not any way, but one, and Thank God I didn't take that one. But ! with the drinking I was taking that way only it was just going to take longer. When I went into that meeting I knew that this was "it". I had to do something. There was no other way if I were to survive. Are you there yet? Actually going to that meeting will be hard. I won't ____you about it. Going in there will feel lonely, but I hope that you do it anyway. YOU WON"T feel lonely very long. I hope that you let people know that you are new. I hope that you say to them when it is your turn, My name is Jim D and I am an alcoholic and I am brand new to your program and I REALLY need to talk to someone TODAY. Jim, I promise if I were there I would be by your side that very instant and I hope there will be someone there for you. Someone to talk to you and make you feel truly welcome. But Jim, like I said last week, YOU have to reach out. Noone can read your mind,( and you wouldn't want them to, I know I wouldn't) I think that you sound like you have had enough of the drinking. You sound like you are going to take that important step and Go to a meeting. You know what ! you can say, I'll pass if you really CAN"T say anything else. But! than, you may not get the help you want. When you need a cup of coffee, you ask for one, when you need some food you ask for it, when you need HELP, you ask for it. Like one of the cliche's says, Keep it simple". i want you to know I am thinking of you and praying for you too. I want to tell you what a GOOD friend said to me when I had to do something VERY unpleasant, She said, "Doris, when you enter your house to do that thing you are afraid of stop at the front door and reach out and take GODS hand. When you go in there you are holding hands with God. He is with you all the way, you are not alone. You can feel his presence beside you". And you know what ! I can, and so can you. Steve, I hope that I am not preaching to you, I just want to try to get across to you that I know what it felt like. We all do and what you are going through right now won't last long and it is worth it. I wish you well, you are NOT alone, DorisH


Member: jrr
Location: harmony on the Lake
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 01:28:31

Comments

pssst ... mary w needs our love and support... even some e-mail... in case you all missed that ... love you mary.. we will all pray for you and your family..and who knows... maybe the group will rise to the occasion and reach out ..

well ? peace and support, jrr


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 02:11:48

Comments

Hey all, Amy GC the allcoholic. Thanks for the above note to get ourselves together to rally for the hugging mary in ks. I read her post just this am and am praying for your mom and for your strength. You(mary)mentioned gardening on Sunday, can you imagine that is not allowed here! No work or stores or anything. It is peaceful but I too have weeeds and yesterday was sunny...why won`t He change the weather here to suit me better? (hehe) We get this wind called föhn that gives a headache and people have blamed all there is to blame on this wind. Sanders you did not hog last week you helped and I for one appreciate the wisdom you share in your 22 years....WOW. If you are really truely an alcoholic (and I believed it finally when you mentioned the white knuckles on the glass) and you are still so with the program that speaks a lot for AA. Fayla I too am praying that something good will come from the unfortunate situation with your new sponsor. You are an inspiration to me in your desire to quit drinking and that is what this club is about. JIM D you stayed sober 10 hours according to your last post and if you read this you more than likely still are so I have some news I`d like to share about the first meeting...it is ssuch a release to realize you are not crazy or alone,only a human with an illness. My husband is a juvenile diabetic, bless his heart, he must take insulin. I am an alcoholic, I am alergic to alcohol. I loose control and am not myself, at all. I love you brother til you love yourself, please keep us posted. Teresa you told of a beautiful woman from Finland and Doris told me of some from Norway and I wanted to say I was in Denmark over Easter and these northern isle people are SO FRIENDLY but there is a big problem with alcohol (of course) because of, once again, the weather. I agree with Sanders that the only excuse I want to use if I ever do pick up is that I choose to and not some old poor me pity party. (Don`t worry guys, not in these 24 hrs!) I want to say how much this site means to me and my sobriety. Love, Amy GC


Member: Jason
Location: Beirut, Lebanon
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 04:37:42

Comments

Hi from Jason the alcoholic this hot, hot morning-- I think Spring passed the Middle East by... Yesterday ended with a full-blown crisis in my life with walls falling down left and right and me trying to cope and wishing I was more at ease with prayer (thought of you kneeling in the bathroom with the lights out Sanders). Two months ago I would have reached for the nearest bottle and last night was a frighteningly close call. I had left my laptop at the office over the weekend (last time I do that!) and so couldn't login or read over my online copy of the BB. Acknowledged my powerlessness over what was happening and went to bed-- held on desperately to the sheets for two hours (I think I understand what white knucked sobriety means now) before I finally drifted off. Woke up tired, angry, frustrated etc with only one thought-- get to the office and hit the meeting. Have been reading the postings in between the crisis management routine. Sanders, I think of you as a sort of ministering archangel; I find it difficult to express how much help you along with Doris, Fayla, Amy GC and the rest of "all y'all have been to me and how much support I derive from this group. Staying sober one day at a time... Jason


Member: Renee S
Location: Florida
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 07:54:36

Comments

Good morning, Renee, alcoholic. Changed my sobriety date to May 2, 1998, because I had some pain pills that I abused last week. So today is my 3rd day clean and sober. Wanted to drink over the weekend, but didn't. We had a new tenant move in downstairs, and she and all her moving buddies were drinking beer. That was hard. I wish I could drink socially but there is no such thing for me!!!! I don't understand having just one or two drinks, why bother??? I have lost everything, and I mean everything, in the past year. All material possessions, videos and pictures. Most painful was losing custody of my 11 year old daughter. And it wasn't because of drinking, or because I abused her or anything. Long story, but my ex kidnapped her and filed for custody and won because I was in Florida and she was in California and I couldn't make it to the court date.(although I filed papers) I miss her terribly, it hurts so bad. On June 14 it will be one year since I've seen her. I feel like a horrible mother. She didn't even want to VISIT her father, and now she's living with him.

So, there's my deep pain. Drank alot to cover it up. Now I'm not drinking and it's surfacing and it hurts like hell.

Thanks for being here.


Member: Jane
Location: Ma.
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 08:04:29

Comments

Hi everyone. It is such a joy to check in on this site, follow the lives of you beautiful alcoholics, pray and weep and rejoice with you. Wish I could throw a F2F party and have you all over to my place! Big old house with lots of old fashioned flowers--my healthiest compulsion is gardening.

Jim D. I can remember gagging-literally on the words and realization that I am an alcoholic. It's like this huge lump in my throat prevented the words from coming out. A lifetime of excuses was built on blaming my father and my ex for their alcholism--I didn't want to be one too, believe me. The blessed freedom that finally came with Step 1: admitting we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable---was such a relief. I cried for days. Healing tears.

Alex L. who asked about group norms. Dress is casual ( I was informed that I am a LADY now and should look, speak and act like one ). Stick out your hand and say " Hi I'm Alex". Don't have to do or say anything if you don't want to, but the sense of belonging comes quicker by getting in, as Doris says, and letting needs be known.

Thinking of you, mary ,and you mother. I'm a Baby Boomer and often wonder how our giant segment of society is dealing with aging and ill parents. I am getting kind of "clutchy" with my mother and grateful now every day that I have her. You and Sanders sound like such devoted "kids".

Bless you all my friends. Jane


Member: Jane
Location: Ma.
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 08:46:29

Comments

Renee, didn't see your post. Am praying for you and your daughter. Nothing is made better by picking up a drink...only worse. Love, Jane


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 09:40:54

Comments

Thanks Doris H. and Jane. Called last night and there's a meeting this evening. Can't believe I'm this nervous--worse than calling a girl for a date in high school--sweaty palms, butterflies, the works (now THAT was a few years ago!). Just as well. The worst times for me are when I'm feeling great, and 48 hours without booze usually leaves me feeling on top of the world--party time! One good night, and a day of hell. Maybe the nerves will keep itunder control. Anyway, I'll let you know. Thanks for the support...I needed it.


Member: FAYLA    G
Location: GALENA    KS
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 10:29:44

Comments

hello. FAYLA ALCOHOLIC,Sorry about yesterday,gess i was feeling sorry so sorry for Fayla,I didnt notice my freinds were having real problems ,Mary my heart goes out to you along with my love and prayers,Iwish there was something i could do,I am praying for you ,I love you Mary, But whats most important is God Loves you,You are not alone.LOVE TO EVERYONE FAYLA,


Member: Anne
Location: California
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 12:01:40

Comments

Hi, my name is Anne an alcoholic. Just wanted to respond to Lori S. I was sober for almost 13 years and got involved in a relationship, quit going to meetings, and in summation just lost everything..I started taking pain pills that were available and when that was gone started drinking..I am at the place where I really need to get back fast! Before all this happened, I felt I was on top of the world, so to speak...I felt my life was really together and I was spiritually fit in all ways...I have come to realized that meetings, as well as the environment you live are the utmost importance..Glad to know there is someone out there who has had similiar experiences...


Member: Renee S
Location: Florida
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 12:17:21

Comments

To Anne from California: I'm not sure if you were talking to me, but it seems you were, just got the first name mixed up...anyway, I am in Florida now but lived in California most of my life..L.A. for 20 years, Eureka for 5 years. I miss it terribly.

I was sober for 11 years, in L.A. Stopped going to meetings, got in a relationship with a man who drank...and I ended up drinking too and have subsequently lost everything.

I am not going to get any more pain pills, they are very dangerous for me. I WANT to stay sober very badly.

Thank God I have a wonderful "normie" boyfriend now, who shares my spiritual beliefs. It is a good environment for me.

Once some of the fog clears, things will get better, I'm sure. My email is songbird@scci.net if you care to write. Take care!


Member: MICHELE B.
Location: EAST ORANGE,NJ
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 12:26:52

Comments

MY NAME IS MICHELE AND I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. I CAN IDENTIFY WITH NOT BEING ABLE TO IDENTIFY THE CAUSE OF MY FEELINGS. H.A.L.T. IS DEFINITELY IN FULL EFFECT AND I FEEL OVERWHELMED ON MY JOB. I AM GOING TO A 12:45 MEETING. I KNOW THAT WILL HELP. I JUST WANT TO CRY ALL OVER THE PLACE RIGHT NOW. I AM SOBER SPIRITUALLY AND EMOTIONALLY BUT MY HOUSE COULD USE A 12TH STEP CALL. IT IS A MESS AND I KNOW THAT IT IS A REFLECTION OF A PART OF MY LIFE. I WORK SEVEN DAYS A WEEK. THIS WEEKEND I WORKED SATURDAY 11-7 WITHOUT GOING TO SLEEP AT ALL SINCE 8AM THAT MORNING. SO WHEN I GOT OFF SUN AT 7:30 BECAUSE SOMEONE WAS LATE COMING IN, I DIDN'T GO TO CHURCH, I WENT TO SLEEP TO WAKE UP IN TIME TO GO TO WORK FROM 3-11:30 BECAUSE THE NIGHT PERSON WAS LATE. I AM POWERLESS OVER THE TIMELINESS OF OTHERS BUT I FEEL SO OUT-OF WACK. BUT I'M GLAD THAT GOD IS GOOD, THE PROGRAM WORKS AND JESUS LOVES ME. I DON'T LIKE BEING SO OUT OF CONTROL AND I NEED TO SHARE THAT BECAUSE NEEDING TO CONTROL STIMULATES THE OBSESSION TO ENGAGE A SHORTCOMING OR ACT OUT ON A DEFECT. I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO LEAVE WORK BUT I PLAN TO TAKE OFF TOMORROW WITHOUT PAY. I CAN'T AFFORD IT FINANCIALLY BUT I CAN'T AFFORD THE SPIRITUAL AND EMOTIONAL DEFECITS MY UNMANAGEABLITY IS CREATING EITHER. NEED FEEDBACK AND SUGGESTIONS. PLAN TO E-MAIL ALL. MY E-MAIL IS MICHELE.BARTEE@PHARMA.NOVARTIS.COM. PLEASE WRITE. LOVE YOU ALL. KEEP COMING. YOU ARE HELPING ME TO STAY SOBER AN HOUR AT A TIME.


Member: Milas
Location: Ca
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 16:22:24

Comments

Hey all Y'all,Milas here and I am an acholic. Like Mike from Mont. I've been sitting in the back row not sharing for a month. Thought I should let you know how much this meeting helps,even if it is a luxuary. I usually make 3 f2f meetings a week,this has become my fourth. Sanders please don't stop yakkin, your 22yrs along with your insight is invaluable. Mary W. its really hard to watch a parent go downhill,my mom's in a rest home 8yrs now. Diabetes, a stroke,and a broken hip,we simply couldn't take care of her anymore. Do what you can for her,let her know you love her,and don't beat yourself up over it. jrr glad to see your post,hope your doing (well) Jim D hope you made that meeting,remember one day at a time,and don't forget that cesspool.My first meeting was the hardest. Odaat,sometimes an hour at a time,sometimes a minute at a time,I've managed to put together 9mo. Jim,this program and these wonderful people really do work! Amy GC,Doris,Fayla,Glen,Mike,Jason,Kieth,Linda all the regulars,Bless all y'all Milas Doris,Fayla,Linda,Glen,Mike,Jason,Kieth,everybody


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 16:27:32

Comments

bonnie here/alcoholic, Hi extended family, (((ROOM-HUG))) God I love u all, the hearts I see on these pages, I would like to start my post with the prayer I use most, God thank you for what you've given me, thank you for what you've taken away and thank you for what You've left. that prayer keeps me centered, knowing He has a better plan. I also have lost everything in sobriety, due to that codependent bottom I had to hit around 10 yrs sober. the only thing I did for myself at that time was not drink or use. but i was miserable, shut myself off from everyone, even AA. prayed alot but the Santa Claus God I had just wouldnt let me keep that destructive relationship, then all my posessions were stolen, wiped out at 13 yrs sober, how could that be a good thing?? AAhh, forgot, God had a better plan, Couldn't be happier at this time, anyone who would like to have more indepth info in that area, please email me for I will surely share it with you. ISM-I Sponsor Me. All who are new here, please stay till the miracle happens. All those who are hurting here, please stay till it passes for it will. NOTHING is more important than my sobriety, I don't care what I would like to use as an excuse to drink or drug, what's it going to make better? nothing!! and then I will have to detox and face the same dam problem, no thanks, the problem is big enuf without the detoxing or the possible blackout that will let me committ murder with my car, whatever, maybe I could detox in prison, that is a posibility, the way I drink, lets see is this person, place thing or situation worth my freedom, i think not. YOU NEVER HAVE TO DRINK AGAIN, NO MATTER WHAT SH-- HITS THE FAN! my mom died 12 days after I got sober, had to put my daughter in juvie hall at 14 twice, for I was unable to help her, all 3 of my kids broke when I was 1 1/2 yrs sober, youngest broke arm playing with a truck in the spin cycle, oldest broke finger playing basketball and then had kidney failure and died & was brought back, after I knew that he'd died, my 14yr old beautiful daughter ran away and was brought home after a moped accident, her knee hit the ground, the handlebar hit her thigh and everything popped out from the bone, they had medication reactions and I had a birthday, my car broke and as a topper, I lost my job 3 weeks before Christmas, this all happened in a 2 month period back in 82'. 83'wasnt much better, about august of that next yr I left my home overlooking mission bay in san diego, and my 3 kids and my dog, and my failed marriage with a drinking partner that just wanted me to drink with him. I was losing any shred of sanity I had left and a drink was sounding better and better, but it was not an option for I believed you folks when you told me it wouldnt fix anything. I stayed sober and got the job of a lifetime and began to do well again, by the way the kids all moved in with me eventually, have awesome relationships with them today, got remarried and because i give all my power to the man I'm with, lost everything again, got divorced again. many many things have given me the opportunity to drink, but I believed you when you said it would get better, It has beyond my wildest dreams, and I have some wild dreams, LOL (did a little work in the codependent area, first tho) so whatever you think is a big deal, it can be made BIGGER just by taking a drink or drug, your choice. THis program IS painstaking but with an awesome payoff. Thank God for AA, Thank AA for my God. God Bless all who venture here. *********************************************** bonzoc@webtv.net - Bonnie C. 5/30/80


Member: FAYLA          G
Location: GALENA      KS  
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 17:43:01

Comments

FAYLA,HERE AA.BONNIE ,YOU HAVE had your share of pain,GOD bless you ,hugs and love.JASON i am praying for you,i love you.I just spent the afternoon with my brother Tommy ,as some of you know hes been sick ,I think hes doing better,I still dont think hes telling me all he knows,but thats ok ,when hes reddy he will.We had a good time just talking ,we were supose to go fishing ,but he said he didnt think he was up to it,so i came home. I love you all,have a good day . fayla G


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 18:10:19

Comments

First meeting tonight--wish me luck!

Finding this sight a little boggling. So much pain--and wow! what strength! It's like a door opening. I've known drunks my whole life, and been one for the last few years too, and a I don't remember ever seeing the people behind the label before. I'm not just pleased t' meet ya--I'm PLEASED.


Member: Renee S
Location: Florida
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 18:26:38

Comments

Hi, Renee, alcoholic. OOOps, Anne, you weren't talking to me afterall, who says I am COMPLETELY SELF CENTERED!! (sorry)

To Jim D: you'll be fine. I remember my first meeting. I was sooooo scared. But once I got there, it felt like home and has ever since.

Yes, there's lots of pain in these rooms, because we are HONEST. There is also alot of joy. Stick around for that, you will experience it too!! (good luck)


Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 19:05:20

Comments

Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!

Just got in from a wonderful day with my wife and grandson, and read the posts. I am very grateful.

For: Jim D.,Canada,- I hope you made it to the meeting you were planning to attend. You have gotten alot of good advice here. I would like to pass on a suggestion that has worked for me over the years as I go into new areas: try to get to the meeting early, there will probably be people there setting up the hall, making coffee, etc. the fact that these people are active with the group means that they can be an invaluable resource. It is real easy to float into, and out of, a meeting without ever talking with, or making real contact with anyone, it's up to YOU.

I have to see the Anisthesiologist (sp) tomorrow in preperation for my surgery on Thursday and I am a little apprehensive, however, I believe that my Higher Power has not taken me this far to let me down now.

Thank you for letting me share.

J.L.


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Southeastern Idaho
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 19:18:51

Comments

Kerry, alcoholic. I'm so glad your all here. Just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to all and thank you for sharing so honestly. According to all that I've read, I'm not doing as bad as I thought I was with my petty little problems. Just like a bunch of drunks (ex-drunks) to remind this ex-drunk to be grateful for sobriety.

Renee - I find it ironic that I also lived in California for over 20 years and left when I had 11 years of sobriety, I may just e-mail you if I get the nerve.

Jim - the only requirement for membership is the DESIRE to stop drinking. You don't have to say anything your not comfortable saying. Just GO!! At least you have an idea you have a problem, I was so in denial I just thought I was crazy, not a alcoholic. What a suprise when those words came out of my mouth. I should say What a Relief, here was something I could do something about. One day at a time!! Love you all!!


Member: Libby
Location: Glenside PA
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 20:04:41

Comments

Hello!Hello!Hello! My name is Libby and I am an alcoholic. Just went through an ordeal these past few days and thought i wanted to die the pain was that great in my HEAD!Obviously God had other plans for me. Since stepping up my f2f mtngs in these past 5 months all I heard was there is nothing sooo bad a drink or a drug will make better! Well then, this little thumbsucking alcoholic just wanted to give up. Wasn't happening in this house. People from many walks of life just kept coming to my door--- AA's, Family, friends and believe me ALL UNINVITED!!!

I got through the pain but not alone!! I was reminded loud and clear this is a we, us and ours program. Many times I think I am so darn independant and God showed me I am not. Only 13 months ago I spiraled down and would not answer my door or phone> I paid a price I lost my soul to the disease.That is not the case today. Chills came over me writing this as I now have something to give from this expierence. Man! Am I grateful.

None of the things that wrecked havoc in my head have changed-- Husband still waiting for treatment of Hep c, I too-- anniversay of mothers death still to come yadda yadda yadda-- I am with a new attittude.

Renee, Honesty is the only way to go! To thine own self be true. Go girl!

Fayla, did you find the hepc group yet? Lots of info abouth the liver there.

Doris what is the status on that baby?

I care about all of you and I found when I am in pain and share it-- IT got smaller. So to all of you in and out of pain, PEACE Libby

Justa note to that Seattle woman-- Love ya Bon!


Member: Chris O.
Location: Pembroke Ga.
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 20:11:35

Comments

Hi everyone. My name is Chris and I'm an Alcoholic. This is a great new way for me to reach out.I'm kinda new at this but I'm willing to go to any lengths.I haven't had time to read much of the other comments but as an alcoholic I'm impatient along with just a few other character defects. God bless you all and I'll be back.


Member: RICH V
Location: CHICAGO
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 22:34:01

Comments

hi all im rich and im an alcoholic today is a special day for me it is my 15 year of being sober.i could have only achieved this with a few things first GODS GRACE THE STEPS AND ALL OF YOU thanks to AA


Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 22:58:02

Comments

this is for all you who cared and to those who may need to hear this and for me because my hp made me do it...

i've always been a very self sufficent, even as a small child. doing for myself and helping others. i was brought up in an alcoholic home, and i guess this was a survival skill. 'mary always could take care of herself' i learned that reaching out was a pipe dream.. help wasn't really there, and very unrelible.i was never good enough, i was worthless- these and more were told to me repeatedly while my alkie parent was drunk. i was molested by a family member when i was 11, and i remember, the surprise in my moms voice while at the doctors office -"you mean she really was raped?" yes, mom was the alkie. the shame and pain and hurt forced my to build a hard shell and the emptiness grew within. i was told repeatedly when small that i was a pretty girl, so as a defense armor i eschewed the femine stuff. you know, emotions and stuff like that. (and thats why i railed at being called a piece of fluff). very early in my recovery, i did reach out, and was welcomed. but by then the shell and the defense walls were high, hard and deep. slowly, very slowly time and the steps have worn that wall down and a few cracks are opening. and now i must make an amend to ALL y'all, i opened up yesterday and when noone responded. i was so terribly hurt, more so than at most anytime in my life. and i went back to the raw hurt i had expirenced from my mom. ignored by the alkies i've come to love. please forgive me, it was not your fault, it was some old painful trash that i have carried for to d*** long. i had thought i had put it all behind me. i'm still new to all this feeling stuff. thanks for all your love and support.

there is no progress with my mom. and time and $$$ don't allow me the time that i want to spend with her. i've settled all the past trash with her along time ago to the best of my abilityand were it would not harm others. it is just so d*** hard to be so powerless through this. this started off as a letter to a couple of friends but my hp kept telling me that i need to share this here ( believe me, i sure didn't want to so vulneralbe to so many) well hp kept on me... a couple of the promises were answered today. if i have helped or reached someone somewhere it is worth all i have been through.i did recover.

hugs,

mary w.


Member: Pat M
Location: Toronto
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 23:09:27

Comments

Hi I'm Pat M and I am an alcoholic. Judyrose, I am using this website to maintain sobriety. I substituted it for meetings which, as I might have said on an earlier post weren't as warm and fuzzy as I thought they wouldlbe. I think if it wasn't for this site I would be going to meetings about once per week just to keep sobriety on the front burner. I know I don't want to drink ever again, and I must take all steps possible to maintain sobriety. When I start to find that I'm losing my grip on reality ann little previously manageable things start to become unmanageable, that is usually an indication that part of me wants to drink again so I step up the battle. I also have two daily medittation books, One Day at Time and a Hazleton book of thughts and meditations. I keep on the bedstand and one on my desk at work. All tools to fight a cunning, bafling enemy. Good luck.


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl..
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 23:21:32

Comments

Hi to all y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholid and my name is Sanders. It has been sort of a down day for me in that I took my mother up to Dothan for lunch to get her out a bit. As it all turned out, it was all a very negative experience for me on the surface in that she complained about everthing. The beef stew she had was no good, the rolls were not hot, and the tea was too sweet. I love her dearly but when her mind slips more and more each day it really hurts. She was asking who my sister was and does she have any children so her mind today was as bad as I ever remember it being and if I had been aware of how bad it was, I would have waited for a day she would have enjoyed more. Anyway we made it and she said she enjoyed it but when I got home, I was exausted. It really does me good to read the coffee pot , 12 & 12 and discussion on line and is so great to be able to HEAR everything that is said. This is a new experience for me and I like it. I think my experience has shown me that most alcoholic parents " beat themselves up " over the fact that they should have been better parents. This is a little something I received on the net but don't know where from so if it came from here, please forgive and if not I hope you enjoy it. It did me lots of good because I did beat myself up for along time. THE FIRST PARENT When ever your kids are out of cotrol, you cantake comfort from the thought that even God'somnipotence did not extend to his kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve, and the very first thing God said to them was: "Don't." "Don't what?" asked Adam. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit," said God. "Forbidden Fruit? Really? Where is it?" Adam and Eve asked, jumping up and down excitdly. "It's over there," said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw the kids having an apple break and was very angry with them. "Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the first parent asked. "Uh huh," Adamreplied. "Then why did you do it?" God asked exasperatedly. " I dunno." Adam answered. God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed, But ther is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give your children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be so hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling his children, what makes you think handling yours should be a piece of cake for you. Love to all Sanders W


Member: Jack B
Location: San Diego  Ca
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 23:23:14

Comments

Alcoholics on the internet, OUTSTANDING!


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 00:19:55

Comments

Hi, Linda an alcoholic. In reading today's posts, I realized that Mary truly was in need of special support. When I saw your post from before Mary I did not interpret you needed help. Sorry. Sometimes my reading comprehension problems get in the way. That is where F2F meetings seem easier for me to really know if someone is in trouble by picking up signals as I watch for sad faces, frowns, limp shoulders, and that tone of voice that truly clues me something is wrong with someone. I do identify with emotional abandonment issues with both parents. My father died a few years back, but before his death I went to a therapist to deal with my unresolved feelings for him. Come to the conclusion when it was all said and done that I needed to tell this man what I thought of him, but not actually to his face. It was for my own benefit that I vent and I was encouraged to do some "open chair" therapy, where I pretend he is sitting in this chair and have this heavy discussion with him of all what I felt was mistreatment. After that session, a few days later I thought to myself--hey, why should I experience this very personal conversation with this doctor watching me. So I prayed about it and drove in the hills and found this wooden arch on a hillside and stopped the car quick. It was an open gate to a healing for me. I walked through it, down that hill, and began this conversation as if Dad was right by my side, with my counselor in heaven as my witness. I talked frankly with good old Dad about his behavior while descending the hill. When I started back up the hill, the exhurstion coupled with the completion of what I had to say, and exiting that archway, I was done. My resentment was over. It was a most exhiliarating experience. When I was driving home a thought hit me. It was not important that my Father was not the man I wanted him to be, it was more important that I be the daughter to him I always wanted to be. Waiting for this man to be there for me in order to be there for him was not the answer to me being free and filled with joy. It was being the best me I could be in that relationship. His last days I spent in service at his bedside, with no further resentment, and a free and loving heart. I have no idea if this is helpful in your case. At least you know that others share in hardships with parents, and my unusual way to deal with it was my very own special experience. The BB talks about what was once used for destruction to be used for constructive use, that is our imaginations. The HP does seem to comfort when he is sought. Love you. Sorry I did not heed Jrr's message that you needed support when you obviously truly needed it.

Love to all, Linda P


Member: mary w.
Location: ks
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 00:24:20

Comments

sanders, i admire you and what you are able to do with your mom. my sisters are the ones who get to take care of mom... when the time comes and moms mind starts to go.. look for me to ask for your ESH...

hugs,

mary


Member: Mike W
Location: Eastern Montana
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 00:34:22

Comments

I'm Mike, an alcoholic. Reading the messages from Mary and Sanders brings back some feelings and memories. I had been sober for about four years and I seemed to hit a wall. I was working the steps, going to meetings, doing service work and getting more miserable all the time. I finally began to work on issues concerning the effects of growing up in an alcoholic home. Without going into specifics about what happened to me as a child, I found that even sober and working a program, I felt anxiety for no apparent reason, I had the appearance of being a sucess (high paying job, in great shape, etc,) yet felt like such a fake. As I took care of these issues by working the steps and much prayer and meditation, I finally came to a sense of peace. As a result I was able to have an extremely gratifying relationship the last five years of my Dad's life. He became very senile at the end and did not know any of his children, but I was able to just love him. My mother is still alive, but her mental faculties are quickly fading. I live 5 hours from her, so I do not have to deal with the daily stress of watching her fade. Sanders, your day with your mother sounds like a very typical day with mine. She is critical of everything and going out to dinner with her is an experience. I wish that she could change the lenses on her world view glasses these last few years of her life so she can feel the enjoyment that this program has given me. I have to remember that but for the grace of God, I could be just like her.

I am confidant that most of us that reach this program have family baggage. For me, leaving those bags was and still is some of the more challenging parts of my program. I wish each of you well and Mary, I will give a special prayer that you continue to grow and find deeper peace and serenity as you work this program.

Good night to all.


Member: Len G.
Location: dallas
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 01:09:20

Comments

very cool! Glad to FINALLY find A.A. on the internet. We have great meetings here in Dallas, but I hear cyberspace is cool, tto. ToJim: hang in there--keep coming back . Try 90meetings in 90 days. Your misery is always refundable Love, ya'll


Member: Doris H
Location: Spfd. Ore.
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 02:34:56

Comments

Good Evening everyone, My name is Doris and I really am an alcoholic and I do feel like one. By that I mean i am into a situation I cannot control and I am very frustrated and pissed. Ya know what ! The first time I saw the bumper sticker that said "shit happens" I thought it was crass, vulger and it didn't make ANY sense. Well ! it is crass . . . and vulger . . . but now it does make sense. "IT" really does happen. We are trying to care for a senior father in law and he doesn't want any part of it. I know that i am sensitive of his needs and feelings. I am probably doing too much, The old man is just getting meaner and meaner. I guess he does feel secure with me or he just doesn't care but I am the one he has chosen to dump on. I can't do anything right with him. I am thinking "There but for the grace of God go I" , Oh well, I guess we just keep on plugging along and hope for the best. Libby, the mare is taking her time. All is well and I will tell you all as soon as it's here. I hope that she waits till my sister is here next week. My sister will be here Sat am and stay a week. I can't wait. Fayla, I am sooooo glad you are feeling better. Remember, if this sponsor doesn't work out, go sponsor shopping and find another. You deserve the best, and I think you will get it. I love you. MARY W. I am so sorry I didn't respond to your cry. I am so sorry that you had to suffer the sexual abuse. Ya see Mary, I got used to it. I was always disgusted and afraid and ashamed but when it is all you know you HAVE to get usd to it. Many would think I am nuts but i think what happened to you was worse tan what happened to me. I had a twin, I was never really alone. I got used to it. You never could. Talking about it not only doesn't bother me but it brings me peace and power. If I can prevent ONE case like yours that is why I am on the planet, remember. I have so much power over this I wish i could give you some. Sure it messed me up. But, with all the exposure i have had in the last few years I can see that I am a terrific survival story. Thank God. So ! I do want to saay to you that I DO care. We all do. We all want to comfort you and protect you. That is what all the little girls inside us want I think. We want to be protected. I do that every chance I get. Once i was driving home and i saw a man beating a woman in a parking lot. i was driving a 67 Bronco. I used it like a cutting horse and ran him off and she got in and i took her away. i headed to the police dept. and she wanted me to take her home, "he's all right now that he has had a chance to cool off" she kept saying. I just drove her into the basement of the station with him chasing us. I was laying on the horn. I just dropped her off and left. I DON"T tolerate that sort of thing. I carry a gun. I know how to use it and i am liscemsed. I have a lot of common sense and I will use it to protect life. Call me a radical if you like but i will not stand for violance against someone that can't defend themselves again. Ever. I don't know why i went off on this now, I guess I am tired and frustrated, I love you all and May the Great Spirit be by your side, ~Doris~


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 02:39:01

Comments

Hi, my name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic. I'm tired, it's late for me to be here. A year ago my husband, three kids, and myself started going to family counselling. I was still drinking then. We have made alot of progress. Today I received a letter from school. My son 16 is in danger of failing 6 classes. My husband and I tried to have a conversation with him. Just to let him know that we would help him anyway we could but he had to make an effort. He blew up. He started yelling, swearing, and tried blaming us for his poor grades. He is a very self-absorbed young man. He thinks that rules should not apply to him. We tried to calm him but it didn't work. He really got out of hand. So we told him if he couldn't follow the house rules that he knew where the door was. He left. He made his choice. When the door closed, I thought I NEED A DRINK. This is the first time in 10 months. I had little thoughts, about, drinking since I have been sober but never a feeling of needing one. I am grateful to God that I am still sober. He came back about 3 hours later, his attitude hadn't changed but he needed a place to sleep. I reminded him that if he was choosing to stay that it included rules. I could see alot of pain in his face. He looked at me and said "Mom, I do try, I try really hard but then I just screw it up again" I asked him "Do you remember all the times I tried to quit drinking? over and over and how did I finally stop drinking? he answered "you asked for help" he seemed to relax as he said it. So I asked him if he would be willing to go to counselling on his own, that it is ok to ask for help. With a look on his face like he understood he said that it sounded like a good idea. This I hope and pray has been a breakthrough for him. He really is a great guy.

There is alot of sharing going on in the coffeepot this week, everyone is in my thoughts and prayers.

Hey, Jim D - I bet you thought the meeting was awesome. Am I right?

Night all! luv Suzanne


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA      KS
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 02:56:02

Comments

FAYLA.ALCOHLIC,LIBBY yes my boyfreind ,found the web sight on hep c ,I told TOMMY ABOUT it he asked me to have Richie copy all the info. DOWN for him he never has.I get so angry because i cant do much on this computer myself,I half to depend on him ,to get emails sent ,iam trying to teach myself ,im not doing very good ,I ONLY went to the 8th grade .AND MARY my sweet freind I can relate very well to your life ,my mom and dad were drunks too,I grew up in a home of drunks . my dad was an iron worker he brought frends home to play poker ,one man i remmber very well ,I just loved him,one night mom and dad went out partying and let him take care of me ,I WAS 4 MAYBE 5 iam not sure but he molested me ,I never told anyone,My brother and his girlfreind took me to the show ,when he went to the bathroom his girlfreind stuck her hand in my pantys there s so much ,I hope someone out there by reading mine and marys post on this subject ,will be aware of that nice man that seems to love kids ,and brothers girlfreind , may be someone you dont want to be alone with your kids,I think i understand why little kids dont tell ,somehow in our mixed up little minds we think we did something wrong ,because i feel ashamed right now ,and i know i shouldnt because i didnt do anything wrong ,I had to write this ,because your only as sick as your secrets,I LOVE YOU ALL FAYLA G


Member: Josh J.
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 05:16:42

Comments

Hi Everyone! Josh the alcoholic here. I'm off to bed soon (it's 2:15am here), I haven't been here for a while so I thought I'd let you know I'm still alive and sober (40 days, believe it or not). I haven't had a chance to read the postings yet, and I really need to get to bed soon, but I thought it was important to send out this message I got from Mike in Saudi Arabia:

Hi Josh, Mike w alcoholic here, hope all is going well and your doing things one day at a time. It's hot here in Saudi Arabia. I only have access to E-mail now, no net. The Air Force is having problems with too many people surfing the net, so they decided to just make E-mail only for us troops. So I don't have access to on-line meetings anymore. Wish I had some E-mail addresses of some of the people from the coffee pot, or stayingcyber. Maybe you could give my E-mail address out and I could have some mini-meetings. Hope your doing okay,I'm taking things one day at a time, reading the bigbook, and praying. It works. But would like to have some contact other than letters, they are so slow. thanks . hope to hear from you soon. stay sober and sane. Mike W.

If anyone wants to contact Mike, you can contact me (Josh) at joshhall@linkport.com

If this is old news, sorry! Good night and have a great 24 hours. Love & hugs, Josh


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 07:57:48

Comments

Sanders, thank you for your kids insight. I have two: a boy 23 and a girl 21. My son has been difficult pretty much since he was abut 1 year old. He is now an alcoholic and has lots of baggage. It has been most difficult sorting out where he is just another human being in need of some support and love and where, as a parent, I need to let go. One of the biggest thorns in my side is the guilt and exasperation over knowing how to relate to him. There are no easy pat answers, but it helps to remember that God gives us freedom to choose and He also loves my son more than me and know what is best for him, even if it doesn't seem best.

I also have a mother who is failing and I am trying to grab the lucid days while they last. It is hard to watch her personality change and realize that she isn't there as my mother anymore. Now I have to be the one to support her. Thanks for your example ... imagine what it would be like to deal with these things while drunk. Thank the Lord for sobriety.


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 09:06:59

Comments

Doris, I don't think you're a radical, but I do think working the steps might be a good idea for you - particularly step three.


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 10:40:17

Comments

Hello again, and thanks for the advice and caring. Did get to the meeting--not sure awesome's the word, but it definitely put a new spin on things. Small group--five to eight people--more like visiting than like therapy. Nobody crowding, nobody judging, all there for the same reason. Got some good advice about proactively chaging from a boozing lifestyle to something else. Knew one of the members--actually knew he was a member before I went--so a familiar face was welcome. I'll definitely go back--not sure about 90 meetings in 90 days, but at least a couple a week. We'll see.

Anyway, if I make it through today, that's 72 hours sober--the first, consecutive 72 sober hours in upwards of 10 years. Gonna treat myself to a milkshake, and take my gorgeous daughter out to lunch! Thanks again--this site really does make a difference.


Member: PATL
Location: KANSAS CITY,MO
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 12:43:05

Comments

Hi, this is PatL, alky, druggy.

I TRIED TO EMAIL ZANEY-Z@USA.NET 2 TIMES. PLEASE CHECK THE ADX AGAIN GETTING INCORRECT ADX.

Today I am good, at work now so I don't have time to talk. 24hrs at a time. Stay kewl and write me if ya want DIRTYFERTY@HOTMAIL.COM


Member: Michele B.
Location: East Orange, NJ
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 14:59:07

Comments

Praise the Lord. I am Michele and I am an Alcoholic. Today is a great day. The feelings passed and I understand that when you surrender defects, there is a void and I did not act out on the shortcoming and I must wait for God to do what only He can do. No human power can relieve my alchol"ISM". I am growing up in the process. Thank you all for being here. I am excited about my process today. I came to work despite myself. God is awesome.


Member: Todd B.
Location: California
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 16:31:56

Comments

I'm Todd-Alocoholic.

Hey Jim D. in Cananda: For myself I found it helpful to just go to meetings. No one there is going to force you into admitting that you're an alcoholic or anything else. It's completely up to you to decide that. You may not be. The advice I got at first was if I thought I wasn't an alcoholic maybe I should go out and try a little more controlled drinking. I took that advice and it didn't work for me.

At any rate, EVENTUALLY, I found it helpful to just go to meetings, listen to what the folks had to say, try as hard as I could to be honest with myself about my own drinking and come to my own conclusions.

Thanks everyone for being here. This is GREAT!


Member: Jackie J.
Location: Houston, Tx
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 20:03:29

Comments

Oh Miss Mary ...remember that oft used, horribly worn out line of "God never gives you more than you can handle"??? Life is full of so much unexpected-ness ... the trick is to look really close at what you view as a bad deal, and realize that God put it there for a reason ... great good does come out of tragedy. Any alcoholic in recovery can attest to that. It applies in all areas of our lives. The love and laughter of friends can carry us through much heartache while we wait to understand the "whys"...right, jrr? Remember, Mary? Signing off with peace, love, laughter and Golden Light, Jackie Jackie


Member: Pat M
Location: Toronto
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 22:13:29

Comments

Hi everyone! Pat M eh alcoholic here. Jackie J form Texas I must beg to differ with the tired old saying "God never gives us more than we can handle" If that were true there woudl be no suicides. I think that God gives us the capacity to help ourselves adn each other. You only have to visit this site to beliive that. But I'm not sure He "gives" us hardships. Why do babies die? I don't think God wanted them to learn form the experience. I've read When Bad Things Happen to Good People and I have to believe with a loving God and a random universe. He is my Father . He loves me. And when I hurt He feels my pain as I feel the pain of my children when they hurt. We as humans have unlimited capacity forr good or evil as we choose. Goodnight. Pat M. God never gave ud more than we ca ahndle, ther would be no suicides


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 23:32:27

Comments

Hi Suzanne, alcoholic.

Just a note about our elderly family members. When visiting my grandmother at the nursing home the last six years she was alive was real hard. She didn't know who we were, she repeated things every few minutes when she did talk and my kids didn't know how to handle this. One day I found a magazine article that gave a suggestion on this topic, dealing with old photos. That it was easier for our family member to recall things from the past. So the next time we visited I brought an old photo of a beautiful young woman (thought it was my greatgrandmother but wasn't sure) I showed it to my grandmother and she started talking away. It turned out this young woman was a very dear friend of my grandmothers. They met when they were 16, they worked together, socialized together etc. She went on and on. It sounded like they had a very special friendship. And guess what? She didn't repeat anything once! It was a great visit for my kids, they got the chance to experience what I had for so many years growing up and now they know why I hold so many memories in my heart. She always liked to be a storyteller. That was the last time I saw her before she died. My last memory of her, a delightful one, and she enjoyed it to, even though she didn't know who I was. Incredible.

update - My son made an appointment with the family counsellor today for Friday..I pray he makes it there.

luv Suzanne H.


Member: Keith B.
Location: Guam, USA
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 01:01:44

Comments

Hi, I'm Keith an Alcoholic. Hi everyone, it's great to read the talk on the net. It helps me hang on in Guam. Yes Jack B. there are AAs on the internet. All you have to do is say let's have a meeting, I have a Big Book! Like magic AAs flow out of the walls. "look a meeting, boy did I need this at this time". Yea we're everywhere, but nowhwere. I have to go back to work now before my Boss see's me having fun. ((((Group Hug)))) " Blessed be"


Member: Barb B. 
Location: W  PA
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 01:28:49

Comments

Hi everyone, Barb B., from PA. just wanted to comment on God doesn't give us more that we can handle. Dont't look to the bigness of your need, look to the bigness of your GOD. I don't believe He does give us more than we and He can handle together. The reason there is suicide is "lack of faith" - my sobriety is contingent upon my spiritual condition. My problems always overwhelm me when I step into fear, into tomorrow, into what is going to happen, and out of His Presence. I can become very very fearful, even suicidal, when I do this, because, now outside of His Presence, there is no hope. I have to go to that place that got me here, there either is a God or there isn't. I read something once, goes like this: My name is not "I was" I do not live in the past with all of its mistakes and regrets, My name is not "I will be" I am not in the future with all of its fears, My name is I AM, I am the God of the Present, "I AM". When i came into this program, I was taught of myself I am nothing, and that God could and would if He were sought, trouble is, sometimes, my agenda is not God's agenda, and I always have to pray for knowledge of His Will for me and the power to carry it out. Lots of times still, He lets his will be known and then I ponder wether I want to carry it out or not. I have seen that God will, let me ponder and go my way, but He is patient, and waits, and then brings about His will inspite of my stubborness. I have been praying lately for the knowledge of His will for me, and the power and with willingness and the desire for me to carry it out. Tall order, but God could and would if He were sought. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 01:34:37

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. I wanted to share on some stuff I was able to relate with on some of the posts today that I read, but realize that I am doing a lot of that lately and not talking much about what's going on with me. Lately I have experienced a truly wonderful release from inner stress that has kept me off balance and was affecting my relationship with my husband in an adverse way. He is the type of guy that expresses himself loudly, and gets very excitable if brought to anger. This has been very difficult to get accustomed to, and I was at a breaking point about a month ago. As a child I lived in a household with thunderous voices and booming sounds and was in constant fear. Somehow over the last few weeks I seem to be handing this anxiety in good stride, and suddenly realized after a few outbursts from my husband lately that I was not responding the same. I was suddenly calm, rational, not at all my usual self. In another words, I did not get on the defensive. Then tonight I was in a meeting and it was discussed about how we practice these principles in all our affairs. It came to me that my home was the last place I came to practice the principles, tolerance, patience, kindness, love, etc. For a while it had become a battle of wills, and who was right. Control issues were paramount and I was feeling smothered, depressed, withdrawn, and very unhappy. Something has changed in the last few weeks since I have been visiting this site. People here really get down to the nitty gritty of how it is. I was brought up in AA to be general in my statements, so help for me could only go so far. Seeing people respond to one another out of love on this site, and how the ladies have shared so openly in a mixed meeting of men and women, has somehow broken me free of my own restraints about sharing. More than likely I have gone overboard relating to others instead of sharing my own story on this site. When you practice repression for so many years, the pendilum is bound to swing the other direction and that is exactly what happened to me. So I shall practice a little restraint of key punching in future postings.

In closing, I wish to relate this wonderful experience I had a few years back The lesson learned there was that fear could be unlearned. Attending a workshop on anger, this counselor had us bunch up into groups of 10, and pair us off in twos, gave us a mushy written letter and asked us to take turns screaming the words to our partner. It was his belief that all infants are born with two fears, one of falling, and one of loud noises. Unless we are tought differently along the way, we retain these fears all of our lives. It took me what seemed forever as I stammered and stated I could not do the exercise, flustered, embarrassed of how I would look, and how foolish all this would sound. After I did the exercise as stated, I laughed so hard. I realized that the loud voices prevented me from really listening to what others were actually saying. When the voices get loud I need to focus on the actual words spoken. I believe that is one of those lessons I placed in my hip pocket and forgot about, until recently. It was a wonderful helping tool. My husband and I have passed through our adjustment period after 3 yrs of being together. I wondered if we were going to make it. Now I feel with my change in response and attitude towards his anger, we can communicate a lot better and I am feeling more and more confident we are going to make it as a couple ODAAT. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Renee S
Location: Florida
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 06:49:34

Comments

Good morning, Renee, alcoholic.

My boyfriend doesn't think I'm an alcoholic. He said that I can have just "one drink", but I just don't know it. I say why bother with just one?

He doesn't drink much. I have never seen him drunk. He'll have one beer twice a week, that's it. My drinking didn't cause problems in our relationship, except my getting fat.

He believes that moderation and willpower are the solution. How can I stay sober with that to deal with?


Member: Libby
Location: Glenside PA
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 07:11:54

Comments

Hi Everone Libby alky Thanks Barb B. for that wonderful post of inspiration. Getting liver biopsy today- The worst part is no food no drink!! Have a great day all Peace


Member: Mike W.
Location: Eastern Montana
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 08:26:00

Comments

I'm Mike, an alcoholic. Renee, I can only tell you what happened to me under similar circumstances. I was in a treatment program after care and began dating a woman who still drank. I had been so closed up emotionally for so many years because of the chemicals I had been putting into my body. With a few weeks of no chemicals, these long buried emotions began to rise to the surface. Our relationship went way to fast and we were married after only a month of dating. The day we bought wedding rings, she stated to me that she did not think I could be an alcoholic because she had several relationships with alcoholics in the past and I did not act like them (of course I she had not seen me drunk yet). She also asked if I thought the reason I drank so much while married to my first wife was because I did not love her and now that I was truly in love I could control my drinking. This sounded great to a dry alcoholic who did not know anything about working a program. I started drinking and in two short weeks, my new wife was gone and I was in much worse shape emotionally and socially than ever before. I had to deal with the embarassment of getting a divorce after being married for less than a month, my employer was ready to fire me, and I was terrified that after being in treatment I could not quit drinking. I did return to treatment and have stayed sober.

Again, I don't have advice on how to stay sober in your circumstance except completely turn yourself over to the AA program. I do know the results that happened to me when I listened to someone else's opinion on whether I was an alcoholic or not. I wish you well in this and I will be praying for you.


Member: Tracey S.
Location: Connecticut
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 09:01:26

Comments

Good Morning! My name is Tracey and I am an alcoholic. Just came home from my first rehab experience at a wonderful place called HIGHWATCH. I was scheduled to be there for 2 weeks but ended up staying for 5 as it was one of the most positive experiences of my life. It provided a real foundation on the principals of AA and on spirituality. The transition home is a bit awkward, however. I am feeling quite lonely after being with so many people and I am feeling a bit lost since being on such a tight schedule at Highwatch. SO, after reading reflections, I got online to see where I might attend a meeting or chat with other alcoholics. I found you! I can't just pick up and go to an outside meeting as my license is suspended for two more weeks. If any of you have any words of wisdom for me regarding this transition, PLEASE SHARE! It is good to be here and today I am grateful!


Member: Tracey S.
Location: Connecticut
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 09:21:02

Comments

Hi it is Tracey again and I am still an alcoholic. Wanted to share that today is my 60th day sober and it feels so wonderful. I suppose I am still on that "pink cloud" but there is not reason for that cloud to go away is there???? I know I will up and down days but as long as I work the program - the emotional changes should be more "manageable". Reading all your comments this morning have brought me back into a good moment - it is nice to know that you are all here. If I can't rush out to a meeting beause of a ride and I start with the self-pity, the lonliness, or angry and resentment (ah, those triggers), I will get online and read your thoughtful comments..... It is a rainy day but I am smiling....

Jim D. - glad there are other "newbies" in here! Congratulations on your first meeting!


Member: Tracey S.
Location: Connecticut
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 09:25:43

Comments

Hi Tracey once more - Does anyone know of an online site for live AA chat????? Really would like to find one - thanks!


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 09:29:00

Comments

Tracey S -- Don't let transportation keep you from a meeting! Call your local AA group, they'll be glad to find you a ride. Promise. When you get to drive again, you return the favor by giving other newcomers rides. It's just the way it's done.


Member: Glen
Location:
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 09:34:00

Comments

Online stuff @

http://aa-intergroup.org/

http://www.recovery.org/aa/#onlinemeetings


Member: Tracey S.
Location: CT
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 09:48:32

Comments

GLEN - thank you so much - I will pick up the phone now for a ride today!!! Didn't realize that resource was available. And, thank you for the sites!


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 10:44:14

Comments

Hi all--72 hours sober now and feeling pretty darn good.

And a revelation. While talking to my spouse about the fact I've become an AA member (no more secrets) she disclosed she'd been fighting clinical depression for the past couple of years without telling me. Explains a lot of what's been happening, but good heavens--what have we been doing to ourselves!?!

Anybody here ever been oxygen deprived for a length of time? I was once, and when I hit the fresh air the rush of oxygen actually hurt. Clearing the air in a marriage is a little like that--coming alive again, but not a painless experience. What's that line? I hurt, therefore I am. But it's a "good" pain, and a damn fine world today.

Be well everybody, and thanks for your help.


Member: SharonT
Location: Chicago, IL
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 11:09:22

Comments

My name is Sharon, an alcoholic. Today is my second day of sobriety after many years of trying and failing. I'm very grateful that I found this internet site to talk to others like me. After the many failures of trying to get sober my way I am at the point again where I realize that I must be honest and remember my way doesn't work. Most of the time I quit going to meetings or I refused to give up old ways and old friends. I was very easily influenced or perhaps just looking for the right excuse. Lately, I just don't enjoy it as compared to having to sink to the bottom. I know the tools are there and I will make it to at least 2 meetings this week. I'm glad to be here and I will keep coming back.


Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 11:51:15

Comments

Hi there, this is Doris, alcoholic. Linds P, man ! what a letter. I will read it over and over till I get it right. I think you have helped me with things that are going on right now. Thank you so very much.See ! There really isn't anything new under the sun. I hate to sound stupid but what is ODAAT? Renee, I think you can stay sober if you WORK the program. I mean work the whole thing now. Not just part of it. He isn't very well informed or realistic. I also think he isn't very sensitive to your needs. Can't he 'just take your word for it?' Sometimes when someone wants me to do something and I have said no and they refuse to believe me I just say "Hay ! that's just the way it is" Then they know I MEAN it. My husband says that will be my epitaph, "Thats just the way it is" I realize this is the end of 'discussion' but sometimes when we REALLY MEAN it there has to be an end to discussion. Tracy I suggest you get phone number lists at the meeting that you do go to. Call people. Find someone in the same boat you are in. I wish you well. welcome and God bless you to all the "newbies". Without you there eventually would be no old timers. A few suggestions to you new people. I realized that when i quit drinking about 40 to ? ozs. of wine a day I was missing a few things. I was missing volumes of liquid. I started drinking lots of coffee and juices and water. I missed carbohydrates, I started eating those little red hot candies (I likes the Hot Tamales best). I missed FLAVOR, I made sure I enjoyed the candy and fluids I was consuming. Granted this was replacement therapy and a " crutch" but what is wrong with a crutch when you have a broken leg. Using these things didn't last forever but it did help. I think things are going to work out with my father in law, he is home now and he still refuses help but I have done everything I can and I am at peace with it now. The stress leval in our household is less and we are trying to communicate better about this and other things. The foal isn't here yet and a friend of mine that works for a vet checked on the mare last night and said I have a long wait. Not good news to an alcoholic who likes to get with it and have her own way. I am still practicing my patience. Thank you Sanders for the 'th=ought for the day that you e-mailed to me. You are truly a kind and thoughtful man. I wish you and your mother well. Gotta go , Doris


Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 12:31:06

Comments

. Dear friends, I have not written in two days and believe you me it is not because I have not been thinking about the special women of this group who had to be hurt by older people when they were young. The topic hit home hard to me, (It took me 24 hrs. To get the courage to share this) both my brothers molested me, I was the only girl and the baby. My parents always were at church. I had then problems for years a little later (mid teens to mid twenties) with the way I treated men, I was always the one to break up, for example. I could hurt one and feel justified because they would hurt me eventually anyway.. Thank goodness I got out of that cycle and began this excellent program of recovery and serenity. I have forgiven both my brothers (never to their faces) and I believe that they are Christians so hopefully HP has. All who hurt younger children or bring bad influence to them will have their day to reckon with, I believe. I love you mary, fayla and everyone else who shared in that regard. I want to say a hello to back row Milas, welcome to Tracey.... J.L., Jrr., Libby, and all others suffering physically from some form of medical work. JOSH congrats on 40 days and you are sweet to take care for the service men, you know even us ex-pats love our service men and I will contact him. JIM D We are glad you keep coming back and you are so fortunate that good has blessed your marriage with a bond of trust and a new commitment to each other!!! Renee get a new boyfriend. I am not normally so forward with advise but only YOU know if you are truy an alcoholic and why even push the limits to have to sink to the bottom first? Find a supportive partner unless you love this one ENOUGH to educate him on the disease. Doris I will write soon, where is that horse? Love to all who are still sitting on the back row like I did yesterday. The topic was hard for me to deal with but I thought through the situation and was only today able . Dear friends, I have not written in two days and believe you me it is not because I have not been thinking about the special women of this group who had to be hurt by older people when they were young. The topic hit home hard to me, (It took me 24 hrs. To get the courage to share this) both my brothers molested me, I was the only girl and the baby. My parents always were at church. I had then problems for years a little later (mid teens to mid twenties) with the way I treated men, I was always the one to break up, for example. I could hurt one and feel justified because they would hurt me eventually anyway.. Thank goodness I got out of that cycle and began this excellent program of recovery and serenity. I have forgiven both my brothers (never to their faces) and I believe that they are Christians so hopefully HP has. All who hurt younger children or bring bad influence to them will have their day to reckon with, I believe. I love you mary, fayla and everyone else who shared in that regard. I want to say a hello to back row Milas, welcome to Tracey.... J.L., Jrr., Libby, and all others suffering physically from some form of medical work. JOSH congrats on 40 days and you are sweet to take care for the service men, you know even us ex-pats love our service men and I will contact him. JIM D We are glad you keep coming back and you are so fortunate that good has blessed your marriage with a bond of trust and a new commitment to each other!!! Renee get a new boyfriend. I am not normally so forward with advise but only YOU know if you are truy an alcoholic and why even push the limits to have to sink to the bottom first? Find a supportive partner unless you love this one ENOUGH to educate him on the disease. Doris I will write soon, where is that horse? Love to all who are still sitting on the back row like I did yesterday. The topic was hard for me to deal with but I thought through the situation and was only today able . Dear friends, I have not written in two days and believe you me it is not because I have not been thinking about the special women of this group who had to be hurt by older people when they were young. The topic hit home hard to me, (It took me 24 hrs. To get the courage to share this) both my brothers molested me, I was the only girl and the baby. My parents always were at church. I had then problems for years a little later (mid teens to mid twenties) with the way I treated men, I was always the one to break up, for example. I could hurt one and feel justified because they would hurt me eventually anyway.. Thank goodness I got out of that cycle and began this excellent program of recovery and serenity. I have forgiven both my brothers (never to their faces) and I believe that they are Christians so hopefully HP has. All who hurt younger children or bring bad influence to them will have their day to reckon with, I believe. I love you mary, fayla and everyone else who shared in that regard. I want to say a hello to back row Milas, welcome to Tracey.... J.L., Jrr., Libby, and all others suffering physically from some form of medical work. JOSH congrats on 40 days and you are sweet to take care for the service men, you know even us ex-pats love our service men and I will contact him. JIM D We are glad you keep coming back and you are so fortunate that good has blessed your marriage with a bond of trust and a new commitment to each other!!! Renee get a new boyfriend. I am not normally so forward with advise but only YOU know if you are truy an alcoholic and why even push the limits to have to sink to the bottom first? Find a supportive partner unless you love this one ENOUGH to educate him on the disease. Doris I will write soon, where is that horse? Love to all who are still sitting on the back row like I did yesterday. The topic was hard for me to deal with but I thought through the situation and was only today able Amy GC


Member: Doris H
Location: Ore.
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 14:04:23

Comments

Hi everyone, Doris an alcoholic again, Bonnie and Amy, THAT NAG is in the pasture taking her sweet time and DRIVINMG ME CRAZY! I am on baby watch all the time with the video camera ready and waiting. Sure hope I don't miss it. But ! Like "they" say, anticipation is half the fun!, It is fun to have something to look forward to and ya know what? I have been going about my life fantasizing about what this baby is going to look like and I had a beautiful foal of the "right" color all conjured up in my mind and then the other day I suddenly thought - "WHAT ! ? ! This foal could come out looking like my mare did when I got her as a baby and be UGLY, and she was butt ugly. She had no neck. Her head was set onto her shoulders and she was wooly and a mess. And from that pitiful creature I now have a big, black and beautiful horse that learns the first time you show her something new. God really did answer my prayer and replace the mare that I lost and loved so much. But, i do still miss luta so terribly, she was part of my soul. MARY W and AMY and FAYLA and all of you others who had your innocense stolen I want to say that I am so sorry that this kind of thing happened to all of us. BUT ! it is over for us now. At least the action has stopped. I have found that the main thing that I lost in "IT" was trust. I keep waiting for the bad to happen. Than I can say "SEE ! ! I was right. I really can't trust anyone with "me". But by telling the story I find I can let go of little parts of it more and more all the time. I had to be invoved in a child sexual abuse litigation a few years ago when I was teaching in a Jr High school and the system did drop the ball. The police went to the home and said to the father who was molesting the little girl "We know about you now and this will stop" Then they told me that when the perpetrators are told that the buracracy knows about the activity the perpetrator stops. ""B.S. ! ! "" We all know that isn't true.( People knowing didn't stop my father and I'd day probably 20 to 30 people knew about him including the chief of police in that very small town). This child was eventually rescued from the situation but it took a long time and I had to drive past her driveway in tears every day wanting to steal her and hide her away because I knew what she was going through. But I couldn't, I had my own children to raise and I could'nt do that very well from a jail cell. All of these frustrations led me to drinking and eventually to A A and here I am now actually doing something for my life. I am a GRATEFUL alcoholic and without having become a boozer I wouldn't be building what I am now. I am working the steps (Glenn) and of course this is helping me. Where would I be without it? Gotta go, sorry I took so much space again, but when ya gotta - - - ya gotta. All my love and God be with you all, wherever you are. Doris H


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 14:45:02

Comments

Doris, mary w, Amy, Fayla and to anyone else who suffered and is still suffering from the pain that has resulted from being violated as a child. I cannot identify personally with this pain or even begin to imagine what you are going through but I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. My e-mail is Kmartsh0pr@aol.com if you want to write

luv Suzanne H.


Member: Michele B.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 15:21:56

Comments

Hello, my name is Michele and I am an Alcoholic. I want to thank and give praise to Jesus Christ who is God as I understand Him. To jason in the Middle East, I am grateful that you didn't pick up. Buckle your seat belt and enjoy the ride because where you are going sober is greater than where you've been. I love you and I will pray for you. Thank you to the woman in Missouri who shared that you are who you are because you're doing what you're doing. Now... My day is wonderful in spite of circumstance and situation it's just that God is God! That makes it wonderful and worth it for me. Linda in Florida, I can identify with your pain. I came into the recovery process with no children and I didn't see my daughter for 3 years. I ached and God did for me what I could not do for myself. They told me no matter what, don't drink and go to a meeting. Cry, scream and share the pain JUST DO NOT PICK UP A DRINK. The solution is not in the bottle it is in the steps. Take advantage of this time to work on you, physically, emotionally and spiritually. God is true to HIs word. If you have a Bible, read Isaiah 43:5-6. God did exactly that for me. Neither the Court system or I could find my daughter, and three years into recovery, she sent me a letter and a picture after God allowed me to invision her in my spirit. What I saw in the vision was identical to the picture I received. She came to live with me one year later for two years and two years after that it was God's will to let her move back with her father and grandmother. That hurt. But the grace of God, the love of the fellowship and the power of the suggested program of A.A. brought me through. I often struggle with feelings of inadequacy as a mother because my two children are in the custody of their fathers. But I do have a meaningful relationship with each of them. They visit on weekends, summers and school breaks. Hold on and wait until the miracle happens. It will happen, keep coming. If you need to talk more, e-mail me at michele.bartee@pharma.novartis.com. Love, peace and blessings to all on-line.


Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 15:41:02

Comments

Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!

I am going into the hospital tomorrow for some muscle repair work resulting from my accident last November. I woke up this a.m. around 4 very apprehensive, I asked for alot of help, fell back to sleep and woke up around 8 feeling very refreshed.

For Renee in Fla: Some years ago a female friend of mine was trying to convince me that; because I had not had a drink in 15 years (at that time), and had not been "back out" since first coming to the Program, that I really didn't know what would happen if I drank and I might be able to, after all this time. My response was, "I have never jumped of the Prudential building either, but I have a pretty good idea what would happen if I did". People who are recovering are often a threat to those who are still drinking, you may want to look at what the foundation of the relationship really is, and determine if it is a "safe" place for you to be.

For Sharon T. in Chicago: I think you answered your own question: If you "hang around" waiting for the right excuse, you'll find it. YOU NEVER HAVE TO DRINK AGAIN, EVEN IF YOU WANT TO!

For: Amy C.G.: Thank you for your thougts.

Thank you for letting me share.

J.L.


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 16:17:54

Comments

Hello to all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. My thought and prayers go out to all you ladies who have just shared your innermost selves. That took a lots of courage to do and I hope and pray you have helped yourselves some by sharing, I know I have strengthened from your sharing. God bless all of you. There has been a lots said about boyfriend or girlfriend problems by new people and I feel I must say something about it. I am sure this is going to cause lots of people to climb all over me but that is OK. I have to share it because this is my true feelings. When I first came into AA to stop drinking,22 years ago, my sponser told me if I was serious about staying sober in AA for me to stay away from the opposite sex for the first year and if by any stroke of luck, I stayed sober for the first year, then for God,s sake to give the new girl the same chance. He told me that I would have a full time job of taking care of me and certainly did not need the added responsability of a relationship. As I said, that was 22 years ago and I still believe this to be accurate and good advice today. I am yet to see this proven wrong since I have been in AA. There probably are some exceptions but everyone that I saw who started a new relationship while either or both were new wound up drunk or divorced. Till this very day if you want to see me get my dander up let me see some guy start "sniffing" around a new gal. I'll let him know real quick this is not good for him or her. I don,t want to cause lots of contoversy about this but I just don't want to see someone get drunk when it is not necessary. I just want you to re-think your choices and priorities. Love to all y'all (plural ) Sanders


Member: mike w
Location: saudi arabia
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 19:56:37

Comments

Hi everyon, mike w. here and I'm definately an alcoholic. The air force must have let down the new safeguards for a few minutes, seems I can get a meeting. I had a day off, came back and had some e-mail addresses. I'm sure this is just a lick thing that I can get on the net, maybe my hp. Well my E-mail address is runner_71192@yahoo.com so if anyone wants to E-mail me, I can use it. Glad to read your post kieth b. from Guam, I'm also in the navy (retire in aug) and currently in saudi arabia. keep it simple, glad that you have meetings there. there are at present no f2f meetings here, maybe can get some started soon, no luck as of yet. there is no alcohol here, and most of the air force are only here for 45 days. I've been here since Jan, this meeting (stayingcyber) has been a godsend......thanks HP. congrats rich v. on the 15 years, keep it up my man. Sanders, I'll E-mail you soon, I always watch for your post, you are one of the people that have what I want......!! I can only E-mail at work, so if I don't get back to you right away, don't think that I'm blowing you guys off. Thanks for the meeting, I need all the meetings I can get. for those new, all i can say is my experience, read the bigbook, go to meetings, share, and be open, honest, and willing. go to half the lengths you did to get drunk, and you'll grow in this great fellowship of AA. mike w.


Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 20:18:28

Comments

hi all y'all, just read sanders post and if you want to climb his frame you better climb mine too! this was the suggestion when i first came to the program and wish i had taken it..would have saved me a lot of misery and possibily was the root cause of my relapse. it was sound 22 years ago and was sound 11 and 9 years ago and still is today. you have quite alot to work on just saving your a** for the first year.. no need gaining a separate hp (S.O.).


Member: Joy A.
Location: Vancouver, BC
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 22:11:37

Comments

My name is Joy and I'm an alcoholic. I am presently living in Vancouver, Canada and I have a great AA foundation, lots of friends in the program and I attend a lot of different meetings.

I am getting married on May 23rd and at the end of June we are moving to Spartanburg SC. To say that I am a little nervous is an understatement. I am having to really let go and let God. I find that I must turn my life and my will over and trust that everything will be alright.

I am wondering about meetings in the area. I will be there for a visit at the end of May and will have a chance to check out the area. I plan on calling Central Office but I thought I'd put it out there in case anyone knows of meetings that they could recommend. Thanks.

Wishing Jim D. all the best. I've been around for almost 11 years and I love my life now in sobriety!!


Member: FAYLA      G
Location: GALENA     KS
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 22:22:14

Comments

FAYLA,HERE AA,I AM PROUD TO ANOUNCE THE BIRTH OF JOHNNIE TRAVIS G,BORN AT 11O4.AM 7LB 12OZ,Thats what ive been doing all night and all morning .Today sober and without a hangover,I welcomed my grandchild into this world ,JOHNNIE and i both have GOD AA and wonderful friends like you who have helped make this what it has been. LOVE FAYLA


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 23:21:31

Comments

Congradulations Fayla, I am very happy for you and the baby. I know you will find this hard to believe, but I was mjust going to write you to see why we hadn't heard anything from you. i was worried about you but you are forgiven this time but don't do this anymore without letting us know Love Ya. Sanders w.


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 23:45:48

Comments

Congratulations Fayla!

luv Suzanne H.


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 01:08:09

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Before I even read the posts this evening, I have just got to ask--where can I find "RULE 62"? I read it somewhere and can not remember which book I found it in. I have scoured over BB, 12X12, Pass-it-on, AA Comes of Age and can not seem to locate it. Anybody know? Trying to answer someone else's inquiry on another site. Thanks to anyone who can help me out. Love you all. Linda P.


Member: Doris
Location:
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 01:15:57

Comments

Fayla amd little Johnnie G - - may God bless you both. I wish you both all the happpiness in the world but Fayla I guess i don't have to wish it to you, it looks like you already have it. i don't even know what you look like and I think i can see your smile. It must be wonderful to have a baby in your life again. Again God bless you both AND, by the way, how are the parents? Is mommy doing well? Bless her too, and dad. Doris


Member: Linda
Location: CA, USA
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 02:00:10

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic.

To Doris, ODAAT is One Day at a Time. We have a club called the ODAAT also. I belong to a women's e-mail group and I have learned an awful lot of abbreviations there as well. You along with the others who have shared on such a sensitive topic in the prior postings, I can identify with, but I still am not comfortable yet to share it on line.

I want to congratulate Fayla on her grandchild. That is good news. What is even better, is this child will have a grandma who is sober and will never have to witness you drunk. Grandchildren are precious, kind of like having a second chance with kids. Messed up raising my one and only son. I did not sober up till he was 8 yrs old. Sad case because by then he was already in the drug scene and I was not aware enough in early sobriety to pick up the signals. By the time he turned 16 it was all over--he left home to live in the streets. So he has been a real heartbreaker for me. So the one granddaughter and two step-grandchildren are a real pleasure to have in my life. I get a chance with them to be a sober adult and perhaps be a good influence in their lives. Enjoying their company, loving them with all my heart when they visit, and feeling relief that the parents have all the real work to do in raising them. As for Renee, I've done that thing staying with a person who tried to sabotage my sobriety--it is not work the headache. Sobriety had to be my number 1 priority, and it was equally important to me that my partner support that effort. I dumped my guy, and I have no regrets. Now I have someone in my life that not only supports this priority, he has the same one, so we understand each other.

Anybody know where "Rule 62" is in our books or literature??? The rule pertains with "don't take yourself to seriously."

Love to all,

Linda P


Member: FAYLA    G
Location: GALENA    KS
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 02:19:41

Comments

THANKS GUYS,FAYLA ALCOHOLIC,I HAVENT heard a word from my sponser,i look at it like this ,as long as i do the footwork ,God will show me the way,I get alot of help right here.Iwas one of those who no matter what was going on,i was fine,i never was and i didnt think anybody knew it but me ,i was liveing in a self made hell so sick i was afraid to live and afraid to die.this is a story we all know and can relate to ,ijust want the newcomer to see were all pretty much the same ,every time i hear a speaker ,i hear a part of my story. someone on here asked is there any other way to stay sober, I do know of alcohlics getting sober in church and only by going to church ,I see nothing wrong with that ,I just know what works for me ,but also know a lot of men of the cloth that go to aa ,i only hope you find your way, no one can do that for you ,some one will always be there to help you all you half to do is ask , i love you ,and am here if i can help please let me know .FAYLA G


Member: KATHYF
Location: LONGVIEW, TEXAS
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 02:34:40

Comments

HI IM KATHY IM DEFINITELY AN ALCHOLIC

IM AN ALCOHOLIC, I HAVE BEEN WORKING AT TRYING TO STAY SOBER SINCE OCTOBER 2, 1997. MY SOBRIETY DATE IS 5-3-98, NOW. IM GLAD I HAVE FOUND SOMETHING ONLINE, I CAN READ WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING. I HOPE I WILL GET MORE OUT OF THESE ONLINE MEETINGS THAN I DO AT THE FACE TO FACE GROUP MEETINGS, I WAS ATTENDING. I AM OPEN FOR ANY SUGGESTIONS ANY OF YOU MAY HAVE FOR ME TO GET MORE THAN 2 MONTHS SOBRIETY, BEFORE I GO OUT AGAIN.


Member: Teresa C.
Location:
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 03:40:03

Comments

Hi there to you all. I 'm Teresa C. and I'm an alcoholic. To Linda P. from Ca., Well being in and out of the program for 14 years, I have some brain cells left and the saying that you are looking for, Rule #62 is in the 12X12 and its on page 149, It states"Don't take yourself too damn seriously". Tradition #4.

Now that I think about it, I had to dust off that book in order to find that for you. Funny thing, I found that book next to my 8 dusty A.A. books. Hmm, yep its definately time for me to start doing what I'm preaching and that is to quit pretending that I'm so self sufficient. God its so hard letting go. Congrats to Fayla G. from Galena Ks. on your brand new grandchild. Exciting is'nt it ? Life can be so wonderous.

To Doris: I really like your style. I hope to become more like you. Thank you for sharing all your innermost feelings. I cry inside for you how you can manage all and not be MAD. I know I'm crazy, but man I thought I had problems. God I pray for you to keep on staying strong and not listening to that cunning and baffling ol' shoe Alcohol.

Each and every day I can't wait to come home and read everyone's messages. I just relate with you all. You are all my very own private angels. Only an alki can understand an alki. I love you all, probably more than you'll ever know.

With sincere love, Teresa C.


Member: Teresa C.
Location: Fairbanks  Alaska
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 03:40:39

Comments

Hi there to you all. I 'm Teresa C. and I'm an alcoholic. To Linda P. from Ca., Well being in and out of the program for 14 years, I have some brain cells left and the saying that you are looking for, Rule #62 is in the 12X12 and its on page 149, It states"Don't take yourself too damn seriously". Tradition #4.

Now that I think about it, I had to dust off that book in order to find that for you. Funny thing, I found that book next to my 8 dusty A.A. books. Hmm, yep its definately time for me to start doing what I'm preaching and that is to quit pretending that I'm so self sufficient. God its so hard letting go. Congrats to Fayla G. from Galena Ks. on your brand new grandchild. Exciting is'nt it ? Life can be so wonderous.

To Doris: I really like your style. I hope to become more like you. Thank you for sharing all your innermost feelings. I cry inside for you how you can manage all and not be MAD. I know I'm crazy, but man I thought I had problems. God I pray for you to keep on staying strong and not listening to that cunning and baffling ol' shoe Alcohol.

Each and every day I can't wait to come home and read everyone's messages. I just relate with you all. You are all my very own private angels. Only an alki can understand an alki. I love you all, probably more than you'll ever know.

With sincere love, Teresa C.


Member: Libby
Location: Pa
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 05:29:37

Comments

Good Morning All! Libby Alcoholic here.

It is 5:22 am have been up since 3:30. I feel as if I have been kicked in the side by a mule. The biopsy did not go so well. It was supposed to be with some local anesthesia and I ended up in the OR. Not a pleasent trip!

Fayla e-mailed you this am-- Congrats again. Babies warm my heart. Such blessings from God.

My mind is a little mushy but I want everyone who posts here to know I pray for you all.

Have a good day Peace Libby


Member: Jane
Location: Ma.
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 08:35:32

Comments

Praying for you, Libby and all. Congrats, Fayla, on your grandchild! Good to have you back, Mike-of-the-desert. Kathy F.-we get 2 months by coming one day at a time. F2F meetings especially. And a yodel for Amy GC. Love to all, Jane.


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 09:21:02

Comments

Good Morning, Suzanne alcoholic.

Libby sorry you had problems with the biopsy. I'm praying for you. I have to have a liver biopsy, not sure when but I'm not looking forward to that at all. I get alot of different stories from people with their experience.

Linda P. thanx for sharing your story about your son. I think my almost 14 year old son is in trouble and I am not sure what it is. I have been so busy taking care of me, that I feel I have missed some "warning signs" and at the same time wondering how an alcoholic could not recognize the signs. My kids are 16, 13, and 9. I was drinking through their entire childhood, they have only had a sober mom for the past 10 months. And I don't think that has really helped them because of the ups and downs I've had with my recovery. I feel so confused sometimes. I don't know, maybe all the time. If you read a post from earlier in the week my oldest is having problems as well. It seems like I can never keep up.

If anyone wants to e-mail the address is Kmartsh0pr@aol.com

A serene 24 to all luv Suzanne H.


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 10:28:33

Comments

Hi everybodyl--96 hours sober, and looking at 120.

Yesterday's euphoria has worn off. Frankly, I feel like somebody beat me up. Thought for awhile there that I'd dry out nice and easy. No such luck.

Been reading the 12 principles, and all the e-mails, and in spite of feeling a little rocky I'm pretty sure it will be okay. For one thing I don't want to have to tell you all that I didn't make it through another 24 (is that Demon Pride?).

If anybody read my first contributions earlier this week, I was having trouble saying The Words. Today I'm reminded of what my dad, one of the old-style family doctors, used to say when prescribing a pill. He'd say "I'm not sure what you have, but take some of these. If you get better, then we'll know what it was." He was kidding, of course, but as usual there was a point.

So, the fellowship really helps, and the f2f meetings really help, and the 12 principles really help, and even if I feel a bit bruised I'm still sober.

So I guess that's what was wong. I'm Jim, and I'm an alcoholic.

Later.


Member: Doris Blue Horse
Location: Oregon
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 12:58:13

Comments

Hi there all y'all(did I get it right) Doris here, Alcoholic, Thersea C, thank you so very much for your kind words, I have told this story so many times I could do it for Bill and Hillary at any time. BUT ! I sometimes feel the urge to tell it with detail. I think God gave me a gift in making it easy. I feel I MUST try to inform people so they can no longer ignore what may be happening near them I am writing a book. It is being done in three forms so I guess there will be three books. One is the story of a horse, mine, and a desperate and lonely child, me. The toipic of incest and abuse will be addressed gently and in an appealing way as to help young people hopefully have hope and help them find a way to get help. The second will be a manual. HOW to get help. And the third is an autobiography that is the guts of my story and then how i hold society responsible for this happening and then what I think should be done about it. I guess I want to say that I am sick of talking about it and think I will try to do something about it. I am so happy to see the "new" faces. You can do it, if you WANT to. Kathy F, Jane and Jim D and all the other "newbies" remember that He is with you and you are NOT alone.We are with you too and we will give you all the support, love, power and help that we can. Libby and Jay, I wish you well and am praying for you both. Gotta go, this house does not clean itself. (Wouldn't that be nice?) Love and sobriety to you all, you people in the service and far away, we love and honor you - - Doris


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 13:48:36

Comments

Doris, I hope you can get over "blaming society" before you write the book.


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 14:49:28

Comments

Hey all, Amy GC. Glen, I love you and please don`t jump on me for saying this but many people who have been victimized do not talk about it for fear of having others think they are pointing a finger...I just mean that there are reasons, actions cause reactions, that is life. I love you too Doris and we talk about much more than who we are blaming in this coffee pot, I am so thankful for all of you. Fayla praise God for little Jonnie! Sanders you are an angel. I am being educated by my husbands 12 year old cousin these 2 weeks and she is such an inspiration. Today she practiced flute for hours, studied english for about 3 hours alone and with me, she is amazing and has so much beautiful potential. God bless all of you, ((World Hug)) Amy GC


Member: Cate F.
Location: Northern  CA
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 16:10:30

Comments

Hi there, Cate, an alcoholic here. This Coffee Pot meeting is a great place to share and to cross-talk. It warms my heart to read the postings, especially from new people like Jim D. Jim, I'm glad you made it to a meeting. Often it takes quite a while before we can hear what is really going on or identify with the common bond we share -- the obsession with alcohol and the allergic reaction to it which sets up a pattern of craving. As a supplement to the Big Book, there's a pretty good text called "Under the Influence" by James Milam, MD and Katherine Ketcham (Bantam Books). It explains the physiology that differentiates the alcoholic from the heavy drinker. No amount of self-knowledge or willpower will keep a real alcoholic from drinking. Hope we can all stick around the meetings and this web site long enough to determine whether or not we have earned our stripes as real alcoholics. The first several years were tough for me, as I too was fighting clinical depression, a painful divorce, and moving my business to a new town. (When you're a self-employed alcoholic, you have a drunken employee and a drunken boss.) I can't begin to enumerate all of the wonderful things that have happened to me since I took step one, but God has given me an educaation, a new marriage, wonderful friends, and His support through all of my self-centered BS. If anyone is having relationship problems, I'd really recommend Alanon too. My theory is that we're control freaks and drama queens and kings first, alcoholics second. We use booze and other substances to cope with our powerlessness.

Glad to be here. I'll keep coming back.


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 17:33:41

Comments

Amy, I know, and if that seemed unfeeling, it wasn't. We are alcoholics first and need to remember what the BB says about working through resentments.


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 17:59:23

Comments

Congratulations, Fayla. It must be such a great excitment to have a grandchild born.


Member: Libby
Location: PA
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 18:19:46

Comments

Hi Libby Alcoholic.

Thanks Jane and Suzanne for your prayers-- they got through. I did get to my 10 am mtng this am.It is a big Book step mtng. We were on the 1st step. How approprate for me since I take that step 100% every day.I was drugged yesterday and I get scared the allergy will get ignited--I am allergic to alcohol and drugs! Thanks again.

I too am sorry for all the pain that occured to the woman when they were children. As children we were all victims. As adults we can now claim our own lives. Thank goodness we need not be victims any longer.For me the steps provided the healing and the forgivness. May we all find peace thru Alcoholics Anonymous.

Sleepy again from the knock-out meds.

Till tomorrow Peace Libby


Member: arturo g.
Location: marietta  Ga.
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 20:03:18

Comments

do you have any spanish chat yet?


Member: Kerry B. - Alcoholic
Location: Idaho
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 21:18:33

Comments

The longer I'm sober, the less I know!! Thank God!! My soap box was put away a long time ago. Now I just share when needed. Keep it simple!!


Member: Bill W
Location: Wheaton IL
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 22:53:07

Comments

I am not the original Bill W, but I am a drunk. Sober for 9 days now and attending meetings. Anyone like to talk?


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 00:50:39

Comments

Hi to all y'all (plural) You got it Doris, I'll make a southerner out of you yet. I am very definately areal alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I just received and responded to a nice E mail from Mike W. in Saudi Arabia and he says to tell all y'all hello and to write him. I just got back from a F2F meeting and there was a lady there who was really hurting. When I see this, I hurt with them as I hurt for a long time and still do from time to time. Her problem was her grandchild was not being cared for by the parents because of alcohol. In her case it is something she really has no control over and I suppose this makes it even harder for her to be so powerless. I used to pray that God would make me become willing to surrender all of me, will and all to him and I am here to tell you, He Flat laid some hurt on me and I did in fact get to that point where I was willing to surrender it all to him. I suppose, what I am really saying is if you don't mean it, don't pray for it because God just may lay the hurt to you to make you become willing. Love to all Sanders W.


Member: David B.
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 01:26:25

Comments

I'm David, and I'm a recovered alcoholic. In my understanding of the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous step nine deals as much with granting forgiveness as it does with seeking it.

So there.

Thanx, DB


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 02:11:07

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda, an alcoholic. Took a gal I have known for years in this program out to a farewell dinner yesterday and have been feeling rather bummed out that she is leaving. We had been sponsoring each other for a long time. I am happy that she will be enjoying her retirement with her husband, sightseeing throughout the USA and CANADA, but am experiencing grief over her departure. I have encouraged her to write, but living a nomadic lifestyle, I rather doubt there will be much of that going on. A guy once said, relationships are transitory. They come and go throughout one's lifetime. Guess this is one of those things I must accept, that she will be where she is suppose to be, doing the thing she is meant to do, and at this stage in her life, that will not include me. I had to read page 449 of the BB on acceptance to see that it my attitude that needs to change.

Thanks so much Teresa C from Fairbanks, Alaska for finding "Rule 62." It is mentioned from time to time in meetings I attend, but when I ask people where it is, they can not remember. I knew it had something to do with the early struggles of AA and involved traditions. So a big (((HUG))) for finding it. This time I am going to mark it in the first leaf of my 12X12, so if anyone asks again I will know where to tell others to find it. Guess I better dust off my books also. Hope you recieved my e-mail? Looking forward to hearing from you.

Suzanne H from Ontario, Canada, thank God you are alert with your children's needs. It was ignorance and denial that kept me from looking at the problem brewing at home. I was 5 yrs sober when I finally took my head out of the sand and really saw what was happening, by then the damage was severe. I had one of those rude awakenings that all was not well at home and my marriage and relationship with my son deterioted fast. Luckily you are becoming aware early in recovery that sobriety is a first priority, but being a responsible parent follows closely thereafter. I was caught up into being of service in AA, and was so busy doing that I neglected my family. This was wrong, I carried service too far. I had a family to tend to and I failed miserably at that responsibility. They should have been better balance between service and family. I was oblivious that my son's condition of addiction even existed. I thought he was just going through teenage phases. Grades fell drastically, he began to exhibit a belligerent attitude, became physical hostile, and verbally abusive, had mood swings, chronically fatigued, and had the munchies (eating us out of house and home), sniffled a lot. When I began to see this was all too much and began a little exploration, I found seeds in his pockets of his coat, a plaint growing under his desk drawer, murine in his coat pocket--which by the way is how he got away from me being able to detect the problem for so long, and discovered that all those kids he hung around with that I thought were bad influences on him, it turned out it was the other way around. What a nightmare. Later during one of my son's early recovery experiences, he told me how he really got started--his babysitter when he was 5 or 6!!! This was just appauling to me. You can imagine how guilty I have felt for his downfall. That head of mine was in the clouds for too long. It is best to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground, than to live in the kind of fantasy caccoon I had wrapped myself in during those first years of sobriety. Life gets real. Problems happen. However if we are earnest about recover, we will look for healthy solutions to our problems--that looks like you are doing that wonderfully well for 8 months of sobriety. Sounds like your doing fine. Keep on keeping on as they say around here. Seek lots of support from your sponsor during those tough times, that really helps when life throws a curve ball.

Welcome to Kathy, Bill, and all others that are new to this site and/or sobriety. We are here for you when you need us. Libby, I will continue to lift you in prayer to HP. Take care of yourself.

Thanks for letting me share--love to all--Linda.


Member: David B.
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 02:53:39

Comments

I'm still David and I'm still a recovered alcoholic. NO this is not one of the dreaded double posts.

I was skimming some of the earilier posts and encountered one from Mike W. in which he mentioned "hitting a wall" at about four years. As alky's we tend to get terminally serious about lifes circulating problems.

In my soberiety I have had the displeasure of having to be responsible for my father after his passing. I have had to watch my brother drift into the dementia that accompanies the final stages of AIDS and prepare his remains for deposit in a deep channel just South West of San Clemente Island off the coast of Southern California

I personally have a seizure condition that was controlled for over five years. Untill 1997. During1997 I had three seperate grand mal seizure episodes. They have left me with mental blank spots that are terrifyingly similar to the dementia I saw my brother suffer from in the final stages of his ordeal with AIDS. Happily I only have to deal with them about two days a week.

So f______ what! I am an alcoholic. Being a child of the sixties I might have another problem that doesn't need to be discussed on this site. Drinking or using can only make my problems worse. The only option left for me after picking up the bottle is how quickly my life will fall completely apart.

I remember exactly where I came from. When lifes cyclical problems ( like my current financial position) start making me feel picked on I have no recourse but to bring to mind that I AM DIFFERENT FROM MY FELLOWS. The absolute worst senerio for what could happen in my life is way simple, I could be drinking and or using. Relatives could and have died, my health could and has gone to shit, my business could and in a way has taken a dump. Like I said, so what.

If I don't keep hold of this simple truth that Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me over the last sixteen and a half years, old Jose Cuervo and I have some catching up to do. Believe me it wouldn't take long to catch up all the way.

I somehow foregot to mention that during the same time that all these calamities were befalling me I also married my wife who I continue to love dearly. We have sprouted two children that make life a whole new adventure, they are now 10 and 12. Lots of great things have happened in my life but if you were to approach me and ask the standard "hey, how ya doin", I would probably begin telling you about the arthritic problem I have in my right shoulder. I am a drunk and as such I require assistance in remaining grateful for the mere fact that I'm still breathing in and out.

All ya all help me. My experiences help me. Most of all God helps me, even though I don't attend church and am not really certain whether I should call God Jesus, Allah, Mohammed, Gawd, Bill W., Bob S., or just call him and know he will hear me and take care of me. I don't believe in a capricious God. I believe in a God of forgivness and love. Period, as if I have sufficient power to define God's parameters.

I could fill the site tonight but I won't. I hope some benefit is derived from my experience in soberiety. I'm sorry to have taken so much space but I guess I needed to "hear " all this stuff again.

Thanx. Love all ya all. DB


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 06:14:46

Comments

Bill W- Congratulations on your nine days of real living. You will probably notice from reading these posts that being sober for many years doesn't mean a crises-free life. What it does mean is that you can deal with life on life's terms and not crumble. You can better accept what comes your way and even if you have a lousy day, or week or month, there is always a sober tomorrow to look forward to. And even better, you can actually grow from the bad. You can hear God's still voice and trust that even the bad has a purpose. I couldn't do any of this when I was drinking. Sometimes I feel like I still can't, but I know that God's power is greater than mine so it doesn't matter if I can't -- He can. There have been times during my sober years that I have felt like I can't cope or that I am loosing my mind or that I can't bear the pain of whatever is happening. Even so, I can't imagine how much worse it would be if you added drunk to the list. Hang in there . You will see that it is definitely worth it.

My daughter is coming home from Spain on Sunday. She has been there since Sept 4th (doing a college year) and though I visited her there for a brief time in January, it is the first time she has been so separated from me for so long. I can't wait to see her and am grateful that she will come home to a sober mother.


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 07:15:46

Comments

David, what you said (and didn't say) in both posts was so true.

Kerry, I also thought "but I know that I needed honesty when I was new, otherwise I felt that I could pull the wool over everyone's eyes and I had no respect for them." was very appropriate.


Member: Been  There
Location: USA
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 08:40:41

Comments

Friends, there is an interesting phenomenon cited in AA that often when we point the finger at others, we have 3 pointing back at ourselves. Listen to what the preacher rails about and get an idea what his/her problems might be. Have witnessed in the halls hostile crosstalk, often, not always from men, who harrass women for sharing feelings. Some of the most vociferous, it turns out, avoid working thru the painful and scarey process of healing from their own abuse! They project their anger on others and live in constant meltdown. Anger is a nessary part of "getting over it". Most folks, if allowed to go thru the process, which includes for a time--- blame. You see..little kids become big kids who just blame themselves otherwise...Forgiveness which is a grace comes in God's time. "Don't TELL" runs very deep, even among us recovering people. This is said in love, honestly. Been There and "Over It"


Member: FAYLAG
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 10:18:26

Comments

HELLO ,WITH LOVE FROM FAYLA AA. SUZANNE H.Iam praying for you and your son ,i have a son in jail right now ,because of drugs and aicohol,I aiso have a sister in the pen ,for the same reason my only sister ,I am so thankfull i am sober dealing with this ,being sober i realize being there might save there lives ,I have one daugh. who 6 months in jail woke her up ,she was supose to do a year ,they had a hearing and decided to let her come home with me ,i was only four mounth sober ,durring her days on drugs she lost her little girl for 2 years ,she started going to na after she moved here with me she started to get visits with Rita ,and one day in court the judge turned to her and told her i know without a doubt in my mind your not on drugs ,at one time i was reddy to see that you never saw your little girl agin ,he told her how proud he was of her ,and at this time shes been in the program for over ayear,shes got Rita back AND SHES THE MOTHER OF JOHNNIE TRAVIS MY NEW GRANDSON.GOD can do anything if we just let him ,I want my son out of jail ,but i also want him alive ,and GOD DOES A MUCH BETTER JOB OF TAKEING CARE OF THESE THINGS THAN I DO ,SO I TURN IT OVER TO HIH .DORIS MOTHER AND BABY ARE FINE .ALMOST FORGOT MY SON IN JAIL S NAME IS JOHNNIE ,THATS WHO SHELLY NAMED THE BABY AFTER.AS FOR THE BABYS DAD HE WAS THERE BUT THEY ARENT MARRIED. AMY .SANDERS ,MARY IM TRYING TO GET EMAILS SENT BACK,LIBBY SENT YOU ONE LET ME KNOW IF YOU GOT IT .WILL HAVE MY BOY FREIND PUT MY EMAIL ADDRESS BACK ON HERE SO IF ANYONE ELSE WANTS TO WRITE ME THEY CAN .I LOVE YOU ALL .FAYLA G


Member: FAYLAG
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 10:24:16

Comments

HELLO ,WITH LOVE FROM FAYLA AA. SUZANNE H.Iam praying for you and your son ,i have a son in jail right now ,because of drugs and aicohol,I aiso have a sister in the pen ,for the same reason my only sister ,I am so thankfull i am sober dealing with this ,being sober i realize being there might save there lives ,I have one daugh. who 6 months in jail woke her up ,she was supose to do a year ,they had a hearing and decided to let her come home with me ,i was only four mounth sober ,durring her days on drugs she lost her little girl for 2 years ,she started going to na after she moved here with me she started to get visits with Rita ,and one day in court the judge turned to her and told her i know without a doubt in my mind your not on drugs ,at one time i was reddy to see that you never saw your little girl agin ,he told her how proud he was of her ,and at this time shes been in the program for over ayear,shes got Rita back AND SHES THE MOTHER OF JOHNNIE TRAVIS MY NEW GRANDSON.GOD can do anything if we just let him ,I want my son out of jail ,but i also want him alive ,and GOD DOES A MUCH BETTER JOB OF TAKEING CARE OF THESE THINGS THAN I DO ,SO I TURN IT OVER TO HIH .DORIS MOTHER AND BABY ARE FINE .ALMOST FORGOT MY SON IN JAIL S NAME IS JOHNNIE ,THATS WHO SHELLY NAMED THE BABY AFTER.AS FOR THE BABYS DAD HE WAS THERE BUT THEY ARENT MARRIED. AMY .SANDERS ,MARY IM TRYING TO GET EMAILS SENT BACK,LIBBY SENT YOU ONE LET ME KNOW IF YOU GOT IT .WILL HAVE MY BOY FREIND PUT MY EMAIL ADDRESS BACK ON HERE SO IF ANYONE ELSE WANTS TO WRITE ME THEY CAN .I LOVE YOU ALL .FAYLA G


Member: Jim D.
Location: Canada
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 10:33:30

Comments

I'm Jim, an alcoholic.

No news is good news--5 days sober. Came close to losing it last night at a celebration of a co-worker's promotion. Not sure what stopped me, but I just couldn't make my arm raise the glass (just one CAN hurt).Weird feeling.

Still feeling crappy, but crappy-virtuous instead of crappy-suicidal. A nice change.,

Just took a half hour to read ALL these letters, extracting this lesson--humility about my afflictions. There's a lot of admirable people here, and if I'm ever tested as hard as you have been, I'll draw strength from your example. Love to all.


Member: Dennis B.
Location: Spartanburg, S.C.
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 12:01:41

Comments

Glad I found these pages, for Jim. hang in there it does get better(we get better). For me I had to stick with the winners, They know how to stay sober.


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 12:08:01

Comments

Hi to all y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Fayla you just said one off the most important things I have learned since I have been in this program. "God can do ANYTHING if we will just let HIM". I feel that more alcoholics die from the lack of knowing this or being able to accept (EGO) this one simple truth than any other thing today. I know for me EGO is what nearly killed me. Ease God Out of my life is so easy for me to do and the almighty "I" takes back over to run things. For me step 7 Humbly asked Him to remove my short comings, is simply becoming willing to ALLOW HIM to change me. For me that is what humbly asked and humility is all about. Again Fayla, I am so very happy for you and all your family that all are well and sober. Love to all Sanders


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 13:35:34

Comments

Hello world. Amy an alcoholic. First I want to say hello to Glenn, I remembered you were the one who asked me to define a certain german word a few weeks back...well anyway hello and I am thinkin`hard about what you said regarding resentments, I am trying so hard and have (my HP) who I call God been able to have a huge releif from a burden. That is great nws The other great news is that sober life can be fun. Today I had a baby shower for a girlfriend and 10 women and 5 babies came, it was so beautiful. I would never have planned and done something like that for someone when I was drinking. I thank God I can see beyond my own inadequacies (sp?). Libby I have you in my prayers, medical recovery is the worst, almost. Bless you and "gute besserung" David B you had some powerful words that also made me think about THE PRESENT and not the past., thanks. Fayla God Bless you and your grandchild, do you sing it any lulabyes? I would love to know which ones if that is not too silly a question. Jim D Bravo on not lifting the glass, get to meetings and go for it, I can promise you the sky is the limit with sobriety. This is Cindy Brady wondering where Greg and Marsha are, love especially to them and to Doris, and all...Amy GC


Member: David B.
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 13:47:01

Comments

My name is David and I am a Recovered Alcoholic. When sharing my experience, strength, and hope in my own time I generally don't find it necessary to que off other members posts in order to make a contribution.

When sharing at another member I am sufficienty respectful to use their name in my post. That is of course if they use their name.

To Been there from USA I am reasonably aware of the rumor that any one with a substance abuse problem was a victim of abuse as a child. I am here to let you know it is not true. I spent thirteen years getting drunk because I liked being drunk. There wasn't any DON'T TELL in my drinking and there wasn't any don't tell in my post from early this morning. I appreciate your opinion as to the origin of forgivness but I kinda think it is just like putting down the first drink for the first day. Aint ever gonna happen if we don't want it to. God grants me the ability to forgive whenever I ask him to.

So, Been there from USA you are forgiven for not being forthcoming enough to even let us know what your name is.


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 15:24:36

Comments

I am content and happy, you could say possibly a bit excited. Everyone here, writes there posts so well and to many it is easy to express yourself, and thankyou it helps. Getting me to understand is a whole different ballgame. I know my first priority is my sobriety but what I didn't realize was that I was letting my second priority, my family, get a little too close for comfort. I realized this when I found myself running around trying to fix everyone and everything. I forget my higher power is there. Truly old behavior. But when I remember and seek Him he is there with open arms. Then come the little miracles that I am so grateful for. So, I decided I will accept my clumsy ways. I'm here, I'm sober, I'm willing and I'm grateful. And I keep coming back. Progress, not perfection. right?

Suzanne H.


Member: David H.
Location: Nova Scotia-Canada
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 17:09:25

Comments

Have just returned from " Las Vegas" [1-week] A big THANK YOU to A.A. for being there. My WIFE & I had a great time. If anyone is familiar with the Wed. night meeting at "Harrah's, please pass on a BIG THANKS to them all.


Member: David H.
Location: Nova Scotia-Canada
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 17:10:50

Comments

Have just returned from " Las Vegas" [1-week] A big THANK YOU to A.A. for being there. My WIFE & I had a great time. If anyone is familiar with the Wed. night meeting at "Harrah's, please pass on a BIG THANKS to them all.


Member: Libby
Location: Pa
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 17:57:03

Comments

Hi All! Libby alcoholic. Thank you to everyone who kept me in their prayers.(Suzanne,Linda,Amy,Fayla, Doris)If I missed anyone you too> Had more Drs. today and thank God for AA.and all it has tought me thus far-- Easy does it, The Serenity Prayer(at least 5xs),Priciples before Personalities. That was a biggy this AM. There is a power struggle in the liver Drs. office between the nurse and the Dr. and it makes for an uncomfortable visit.So in order not to feed into it I used the 12 trad.I guess the normies or "earth people" as I call them would have flipped a digit.Now, I am not saying I was completely serene---But I did not get crappy nor short. Quite a change for me. At one point I did ask God let me see what You see----many overworked people with lots of new forms, all insurance related.Softened my attitude!

Fayla-sent you a dog joke. I'll write you over the week-end

Peace to all Libby


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 19:04:29

Comments

Mark, Dope Fiend alcoholic, I gotta remember what I was told long time ago, doesn't really matter what the other person says or thinks. It's really none of your business. The only thing I can contribute is my experiance, strength and hope. Through the years, it seems as though meetings have gotten away from that and more into diluted therapy sessions carried over from treatment centers. Oh well, I guess the old cliche of, take what you want and leave the rest still holds true". Teresa, glad to see you're back in town. Mark


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 22:28:04

Comments

Imagine an alcoholic using their own messed up mind to figure out what is wrong with their mind!! You see, when I look at self examination that way, it is clear to me that all I really have to do is keep my ears and my eyes open, and keep my mouth shut. My higher power has got all of me, I gave myself over when I surrendered alcohol and drugs. It took a long time for me to sit down and do a fourth step, because I would find MYSELF locked up in a room with MYSELF writing about MYSELF. I was in bad company to say the least. Needless to say I was on that 3rd step for quite awhile, until I could just sit down and do the chart in chapter five, very simple stuff for such a difficult person. I had to throw out that great american drama/tragedy book about MYSELF that I kept trying to write so that I could "Keep it Simple". My name is Kerry, I'm definately an alcoholic.

Right on Mark - I call it "physco babble", and I have learned pretty much to ignore it, and as you say, MIND MY OWN BUSINESS!! Sometimes, it's pretty hard to do, though. Got to keep giving those character defects to HP.

After all these years, I still can't understand why people spend thousands of dollars to pay for something that is so freely given in the rooms of AA. There are so many treatment centers now in this small town we rarely see a "Fresh One" in the rooms. Please, don't get me wrong, I know it takes what it takes, if it works, don't fix it, and I don't want to sound like I'm saying anyone who goes through treatment can't get the program. Oh boy, hope I didn't light any bonfires!!! I just miss the New newcomers here in town.


Member: marsha marsha marsha
Location:
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 23:53:17

Comments

hi cindy brady.... marsha here... been busy with work and dealing with emotional hangover.. from opening up so much. and also been busy writing people back... i was touched by all the people who wrote and with what they have shared with their ESH. thank you all for what you have shared in here. and to been there.. i don't need to know who you are or what was done to you... the fact you shared some of your ESH speaks for itself.. thank you. as to forgiving someone for the enormous wrong.. i'm not sure step 9 had that in mind.. however the letting go of the anger and pain is nessacary and to allow that person responsablity for their actions. and that would be step 5. fayla, congratulations on the new grand baby!!!


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 09 May 1998
Time: 01:06:54

Comments

Thanks Marsha, I certainly understand what it is like to have an emotional hangover. I wanted to respond to something Sanders said regarding relationships early in the program (and others)...I agree completely although I did not follow this advice. If I would have it would save me from an additional step 5, I really hurt someone I am afraid because I was not fully in recovery and began a relationship. You change SO MUCH that you were right Sanders it is not fair on another person. I heard a fellow AAer say he would not date a girl unless she had been in the program for a year. I laughed at this and thought "well too bad, I can hardly see til tomorrow less alone next year. He was right about this. As to the exceptions, I am also one of those, I met my husband in the first year of recovery and was lucky enough to have stumbled upon a man of great strength and moral character who has been a HUGE help in recovery. I think this was lucky because if he had wound up being a loser knowing me I would have followed suit...so enough on that topic. I hope you all have a beautiful weekend and will say hello early week. THANKS to all for the kind words, LOVE AMY GC


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 09 May 1998
Time: 12:04:28

Comments

Hello to all y'all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I am going to say something and I just hope and pray it is received by each of you as it is given, in love. I have been in AA for 22+ years and in that time I have seen me change in many ways. In the beginning, I was the tough alcoholic who "became an alcoholic because I drank too much for too long". That sounded very good and tough and I became a "card carrying alcoholic" by using that phrase often. Each time I would hear someone refur to page 64 of the BB that " Our drinking was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions", I would cringe inside because that did not fit my "toughness" as to why I was an alcoholic. I did not like this and knew if I were going to stay sober I was going to have to change my thinking. Thank God I finally did and today I realize I am just like everyone else in this program in that I was afraid and very insecure and that alcohol did for me, I thought, what I could not do for myself at thetime. I finally started to "peel the onion" and begain to deal with the fears and insecurities one at a time as I became aware of them, and my life has progressively gotten better. This week, there has been some extreamly intense and very personal sharing on the c. pot and I feel this is in the same catagory as explained on page 64 or "causes and conditions". I still say it takes a tremendous amount of courage and guts to do what you ladies are doing, and it will be a cold day in ____ before I put you down for it. If it is helping you to stay away from a drink then it ain't all bad and I do believe each and every one of you are for real. I will not name any names because I would leave someone out< I lost that ability to remember names and numbers with my shock treatments> But to each one of you, you have my prayers and utmost respect for what you are doing. Love in the fellowship, Sanders


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 09 May 1998
Time: 14:31:44

Comments

Sanders, thanx for sharing

Kerry B., I have been reading your posts in the archives, I can guarantee my intentions were not good ones. What I found was alot of wisdom. If you have the urge you can e-mail me Kmartsh0pr@aol.com

Luv Suzanne


Member: David B.
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 09 May 1998
Time: 15:15:53

Comments

My name is David and I am a Recovered Alcoholic.

Sanders, anybody that chooses to take your comments personally may have slightly more than a drinking problem. Your posts are perhaps the most politically correct posts on this page.

If I gave the impression that I came to the fellowship free of character defects I can only say,,, oops! I certainly brought along my share of character defects that were caused mainly by the way I reacted to life. I have had to peel the onion repetitively to get beyond being the mess I was when I got here.

But, in order to be truly honest, I really did enjoy getting shitfaced. That is as simple as I can put it.

I hope you ladies that happen to be on your own quest understand I am not trying to control what you post here. Nobody has the right to sensor another's input. In my opinion this even includes the controversial topic of singleness of purpose.

As a man (notice I didn't say as a mans man) it is impractical for me to expect myself to effectively relate to some of the ladies posts. Doesn't mean your posts aren't valid, means you are women and we are men. Thank God ! I wouldn't want any of you to change a bit. Shows that God knew what he was doing when he designed us, differences and all. If he had done differently all ya all would probably have hairier legs and bigger bicepts than me.

As a side note, I'm not really wild about mens stagg meetings either.

Wow, thanks for letting me share, DB


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 09 May 1998
Time: 16:27:15

Comments

Hi again, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Suzanne, I tried to E-mail you but it came back. I double checked the address and it is correct. Try me at sanders@wfeca.net I would like to hear from you if you care to write to me. Thanks Sanders


Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 09 May 1998
Time: 16:49:51

Comments

Sanders, I was trying to e-mail you as well. It also was returned.

Are you sure you typed a zero in Kmartsh0pr?


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 09 May 1998
Time: 18:23:48

Comments

JRR -- Are you doing ok ? We miss you !!


Member: Glen
Location:
Date: 09 May 1998
Time: 18:29:19

Comments

David B -- I know - I told someone the other day that I don't now and never have had a problem w/ alcohol. I like it too well. It was all those people that kept firing, arresting, and divorcing me that had the problem with my drinking.


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 09 May 1998
Time: 18:39:31

Comments

HELLO Everybody FAYLA alcoholic . Got a letter from my son ,whos in jail ,I was writeing him back and i thought about a poem Sanders sent me called hello God,I started writeing it and couldnt quit crying ,Johnnie is a good person,he grew up in a home with two drunk parents one now sober almost 2 years me. His dad iam sure will die drunk ,WE havent lived togeather for years ,we were great drinking buddies ,we drank up money the kids needed for food ,clothes ,they went without so much because of our drinking ,Its hard sometimes when they get in trouble ,not to feel guilty, because of the life they lived ,they didnt get to pick there parents ,if they did we would have never had any kids,Please pray for JOHNNIE, I CANT quit crying i love you be back latter.love fayla


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 09 May 1998
Time: 19:17:27

Comments

HELLO Everybody FAYLA alcoholic . Got a letter from my son ,whos in jail ,I was writeing him back and i thought about a poem Sanders sent me called hello God,I started writeing it and couldnt quit crying ,Johnnie is a good person,he grew up in a home with two drunk parents one now sober almost 2 years me. His dad iam sure will die drunk ,WE havent lived togeather for years ,we were great drinking buddies ,we drank up money the kids needed for food ,clothes ,they went without so much because of our drinking ,Its hard sometimes when they get in trouble ,not to feel guilty, because of the life they lived ,they didnt get to pick there parents ,if they did we would have never had any kids,Please pray for JOHNNIE, I CANT quit crying i love you be back latter.love fayla


Member: jrr
Location: harmony by the Lake
Date: 09 May 1998
Time: 19:44:42

Comments

well... here we are at another end of the coffepot. And once again, an exciting week of sharing, judging, glib little snippets, dissection of one anothers personal viewpoint,tears, laughter,and most of all, fellowship.Thank God for AA. I was told also it is not my business what others say,or do, it is my business to watch my own conduct, behavior and tone.No small taask for this self-centered, and character defect challenged human being.So to all who risked their collective asses to be so open and heart wrenchingly honest, in spite of almost certain critical ANALysis from those of the crew who may be RECOVERED..and do not need anymore work on themselves,I sincerely applaud you for your courage and strength to let it all hang out.. in the hope of being of assistance to another alkie.. who may be facing the same situation,now or as was my case ... when the fog cleared a bit. And as I went through the difficult and painful experience, of recalling such horrid acts done to a young lad, at the hands of a family member and close family babysitter; I can tell you this.Without the love, support and constant reassurance of fellow travelers on this road to Happy Destiny, aka, Sobriety, I most certainly would have done some serious damage to the perpetrator(s), and anyone who was fool enough to minimize the anguish I was going through... in the rooms or out. It is important to note... at 1and 1/2 years sober.. as all this crap came to show its ugly self.. and the recall was so vivid i could actually smell, hear and feel such vicious actions... my Sponsor pointed out .. I best .. somehow.. with prayer.. find forgiveness for the person(s) who had harmed me.. because if I could not... I would surely be harmed further.. by soul sickness. actual carrying out of criminal retribution upon the perpetrators; or most damaging of all... picking up a drink. And as I viciously sought to fight the abillity to forgive .. And at all costs, sought to hold on to a piece of my apparent, absolutely justifiable, self-righteous anger and resentment toward these sick, disgusting creatures.. after praying for their not-so-quick,violent, and painful demise.. in time .. Gods Grace allowed me to hurt long enough, and go through the process of trusting his love and intent for me.. that I miracluously came to allow this rage and resentful pain to be lifted.. but I had to be willing to surrender.. just as i had with my drinking ... and in time, slowly.. I have grown to use this strength, from that pointless,desolate state of being.. to be of service to others and myself..all in Gods time. No one elses, the naysayers, the snide assholes who discount personal experiences, even those few whom i have confided... some of whom try to discount the reality..So .. I am doing pretty damn good.. Glen.. through Gods Grace .. and Alcoholics Anonymous.. One day at a time...peace, love and Tolerance. jrr


Member: Dea M.
Location: Georgia
Date: 09 May 1998
Time: 22:30:03

Comments

Hello out there! Just got home from a f2f but can always use a little more meeting. Hitting a bit of depression but as we know this too will pass. I have almost 8 months "in" and am always so pleased to see new folks. I kind of feel like I am new every morning, I can never forget to do it one day at a time. Glad you are all here for me, THANKS! Hi to any "Easy Does It're" from Vilseck. I really miss ya'll but am doing good in my new home. It's great to know that AA is where ever I may be, even at home! Love ya' all!


Member: Doris & Delores
Location: Oregon
Date: 10 May 1998
Time: 00:33:10

Comments

Hello everyone, This is Doris and I am an alcoholic, still and always, I just want to say something very quick, I love you all and I am ver y busy entertaining the loveliest house guest any of you ever met. Her Delores and she is my twin. We are having fun, I ,too want to say it has been a heck of a week and it is worth every word. Where would we all be without each other. Gotta go. I am having just toooooooo much fun. We are going to a meeting together tomorrow. Sanders my man, that is where I have been. Had to go to the airport to get my sissy, I'write you later my friend. Doris - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Hello all, my name is Delores and I am an alcoholic. been traveling all day, going to bed,Delores