Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 25 Apr 1998
Time: 23:23:48
wow! i'm the first in here...i'd like to welcome all new people here .... new to the site and new to recovery.... you are the most important people here....
Member: SandersW.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 25 Apr 1998
Time: 23:33:08
Hello everyone, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I just got in from our AA area Country Round-up and checked my three cyber meetings, they had already closed, so I am very sorry I missed the ending of them. This round-up has been a beautiful experience for me and one that I will remember for a long time to come. I had to leave soon as the last speaker finished, just before the aniversary cake and dance because the smoke was really getting to me. We had several people celebrating aniversaries this month from one to 20 years. Total we had 10 celebrats and this is super. They then had the sobriety count-down and we had one man there sober for 49 years so tell me this program does this program work or not. I am glad to be back and I'll wait till someone comes up with atopic and then share. Love to all, Sanders
Member: Debbie H.
Location: CoCoCountyCa
Date: 25 Apr 1998
Time: 23:35:36
It's a miracle that I'm here. Considering I don't even drink coffee. It's nice to have this place to go. I am a newcomer to the site and feel like a newcomer in my recovery many days of the year. I consider myself blessed for having 11 years clean and sober and owe it all to my relationship with my HP, whom i call "GOD" I'd like to hear about others relationship with their HP. Like...."His (her) will, not mine" Any comments...I'll be watching the site for your input. Thanks for being here. Debbie
Member: Chris B.
Location: Mansfield, Ohio
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 00:48:16
I am Chris B. alcoholic....Just finished listening to a fifth step with a guy I am sponsoring! Awesome! I have been sober 11 years and it is the first time any of my sponsees has ever done a fifth step with me...Don't know what he got out of it but I do know that like it says in the book, I definitely know my HP a little better! Man what compassion he/she must have for us alci's! My friend hasn't finished yet with the step, but is kind of long winded and I think we shall finish tomorrow. Man I love sobriety! I am really starting to feel a connection with people around me. It is amazing what two alcoholics together can accomplish what could never be accomplished alone! this is the first time I think that I have pursuaded a sponsee to even do this wonderful step. Seems like I am finally doing something right with this sponsorship thing... It is humbling to admit that I know only a little! Boy this God disclosing more to me thing is a real eye opener... Just glad to be a part of life now, and contributing so that someone else can live! Do others have problems getting their sponsees to do these steps? It is refreshing to sponsor someone who is so willing to get well. I would appreciate others comments on this...BTW this is my first time posting here. I plan on making this a regular stop! Thanks for any input...
Member: Jane
Location: Ma,
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 01:16:51
Thanks Sanders for the upbeat news of your roundup. Debbie, I am in constant contact with my HP , tho in early sobriety "felt" closer. Had those frequent lovely experiences "God-incidences" that became the bedrock of my faith. At some points even felt (him) holding my hand.
After many years of walking in faith, relying on my HP, and really surrendering and living the benefits of a surrendered life, I am missing the pink cloud of yore! My faith hasn't changed but it is a bit dry and I long for the warm fuzzies--well actually the buzz, the high of what was conversion that Jung, James and so many religions describe. My AA spiritual awakening needs a boost from some nice spiritual experiences! After much testing of the waters can truly say, however, that I TRUST the will of my HP who for me is Jesus. Trust is a very big deal and didn't come easy. It came by alotta "acting as if's" and "making a decision" of Step 3. Serenity comes in direct proportion to my willingness to surrender--now that I trust letting go of control. Love to all who walk this way, Jane.
p.s. Boy, what a shame about the smoke. No more smoking meetings out this way, thank God.
Member: Doris H
Location: Oregon
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 01:36:45
Hi to all of you, This is Doris and I am an alcoholic. What a beautiful day in the neighborhood it was today. The sun shined and so did I. (No baby yet, but her bag is getting enormous) Got some plants started and while doing that I had a great talk with the S.O. of a friend of mine. He's a very nice guy and he is in the program. He had never heard of Staying Cyber and was very glad to hear about this format and all of you. I think he will be joining us sometime, I hope so. By the way, my twin will be joining us soon as well. Her name is Delores and she is from L V. She is also in recovery. I have been listening to some tapes and reading the BB and dong my book study that way. You can do anything with a walkman. Mary, Sanders my man, Debbie and Chris, I am glad you are here tonight and I am sure there will be many others soon. Debbie and Chris, it sounds like you have had some real close contact with your higher power lately. I have too and it always comes as a nice little surprise to me when I see that he has been working in my life and I wasn't even looking. I ran into someone today that I would (1 year ago) rather have slapped than been nice to. This woman is awful and I have disliked her intensley for a number of years. She kind of sneaked up on me today and before I knew it I was being civil and even gracious to her. W O W ! ! I MEAN I really don't like her ! ! As I was leaving the business I ran into her ( not really) in I had to admit to myself that I wasn't angry, resentful, or spiteful at having seen her. I did find myself feeling a little sorry for her, it's a long story but she really is rather pitiful, and she is so alone. I also realized in my heart that I had no business judging her so harshly. Or at all for that matter. This has all been rather a shock for me today you guys, you see, I think I enjoyed hating her all those years and now I have to let it all go. I have let it all go. It does feel good. I guess IT must be working, but I do know that I have a long way to go. These steps are working on me and I guess at times I am not even aware that it is happpening. . . . . . . . Chris, what a compliment, to have another A A trust you enough to tell you all. You must feel blessed. I think your sponsee is a lucky person as well, he has you. Have a great tomorrow all of you. How are you Fayla and Amy? Love and @>---`-- cyber roses to you all, Doris
Member: Linda P.
Location: Fresno, CA, USA
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 01:40:42
Hi everyone, I am Linda an alcoholic.
Debbie H, with reference to H.P. Today my relationship with God is truly special. When I first got sober, I knew of a God, but not personal to me. After a few years of struggling in this program, thinking I could make it without seeking his guidance daily, . I found out different through a relapse experience in 1984. One day out and I was finished. I know today, without a doubt who to credit my sobriety to, that one is God. The relationship developed over the time I have been sober this time, and continues to improve with the continued practice of the 11th Step on a daily basis. It is important to have a H.P. and this program allowed me the freedom to come to an understanding of my own concept of one. Freedom in being given this perogative lead me on a quest to find one which led me to church eventually. The group was my first H.P., then the sponsor, then other members. One day I figured out that this could be insufficient if I am in the wilderness somewhere alone, and began to do alittle soul searching. Since the program suggested to be openminded, I opened a lot of doors in my search for a H.P. that could truly meet all my needs. I found a personal relationship in Christ. Since AA is not a religion, this opens doors for others to search for what is comfortable for themselves. All are welcome to AA, no matter what their believe or faith is. That is the beauty of the way this program was designed. I love AA. Thanks for bringing the H.P. topic to the Coffee Pot.
Chris B from Ohio, welcome to the Coffee Pot. Yes, I most certainly have had people that seemed as if they could not approach the steps. As long as I am willing to be there when they are ready, and give them a little prodding now and then to remind them the importance of the steps, I am doing what I can. The rest is their choice. Like you, I find working with others exhilarating. It sort of wakes me up to what is important and helps me to keep my priorities in line with respects to staying sober. 12th Step work is a way I can return what was freely given to me. I always feel grateful when I get the opportunity to be there for someone else.
Sanders I also have a lung condition that prevents me from enjoying meetings where there is smoking. I developed Asthma after I got sober. (I used to smoke 4 pks a day). My home group noticed I was unable to hang in there after 5 or 10 minutes. Before long they voted to have the group non-smoking, and I am so grateful they did.
Presently I am an Alternative GSR for my Home Group. Unfortunately I have found that this service work may be short lived since some of those meetings they allow smoking. I get awfully upset with myself and my condition when I have to walk away and leave. But I do not have a choice, my lungs just will not cooperate with me and allow me to stay without trying to do me in. This condition has caused me alienation from a lot of otherwise great meetings. This is another reason this site has been so useful to me. Thanks for your honest sharing. I shall continue to visit the coffee pot at every opportunity.
Hello Mary w., how are things going in your direction.
Love to all,
Linda P.
Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 03:34:05
it's quiet in the wheat fields now the wind has died down for the night...i'm in the busy season for my job, lots of late nites and long trips... this place( SC) helps me be grounded..there are so may wonderful people in here... last night my computer crashed and i went crazy... my special connection to AA and the world was gone... i had to deal with my expectations and character defects... the old behavior came back with intensity.... in the end i turned it over to my hp..... and went to sleep..and then this morning... my computer was back up again and all is well with my world.... ( suzanne- it was aol )... i meant it when i said that you all can email me at MWMOSTEST@aol.com .. i do this to filter out any wierdos.... but i would like to hear from you...(ie doris, linda, sanders, josh, mike w., and the rest of you too numerous to name) AA has always been like a family to me and sc is no exception.... we don't alway get along but we still love each other...
hugs,
mary w.
Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 07:36:24
Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic.
Felt I needed to share re: smoking/non-smoking controversy This issue comes up every year at my home group and is generally pretty hotly debated, fortunately we are able to put it behind us till the next year after every vote.
I will be 2yrs. smoke free this summer, God willing, I have been sober just over 20yrs. When this issue comes up I just need to "remember when", when I came into the halls all I could do was sip coffee, chain smoke, and try to listen to the speakers. Over time something must have sunk in. I am so glad that not smoking was not a prerequisite for getting sober.
I get particularly upset with those who came to the program as smokers, got sober and cleaned up their act (which is great), but then would deny that opportunity to the newcomer.
I understand that insurance regulations have forced some groups to adopt the "no smoking" policy, however, this is beyond the groups control and is unavoidable. I feel that for a group to consciously put up any barrier in front of the potential newcomer is an afront to A.A. as a whole. "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking."
I feel badly for those with medical problems which limit their attendance at smoking meetings. We need a mix of smoking and non-smoking meetings available in the community. However, I wouldn't cheer about '"no more smoking meetings out this way, Thank God!" It is that "I got mine, F You" attitude which I find disturbing.
Thank you for letting me share.
J.L.
Member: Peter MC
Location: Victoria Australia
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 08:04:12
My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic. I am also very new to the internet and all this computer business. 10 years ago I was in a place run by a little nunwho brought me books printed especially in large text to help get me reading again .I'm sitting here doing this feeling very grateful to AA, it's members and my Higher Power.
I really like what Jay said.
Member: Jenn I.
Location: Portland, ME
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 10:41:40
Here's a joke for you that I heard from the podium once. Sorry if you've heard it...
Three guys are sitting at the bar, drinking beers from mugs. The place is full of flies and all of a sudden there is a fly in each one of these guys' drinks. The first man, who is a social drinker, pushes the beer away and says, "Ugh, I'm done with THIS." The second gentleman, who is a heavy drinker, picks the fly out of his beer and keeps on drinking. The third man, who is an alcoholic, grabs the bug from his beer and shakes it, yelling, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"
Ain't it the truth?
Jenn
Member: sonny h
Location: michigan
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 10:59:07
Hi Debbie, i too have relied on my higher power whom i call God also having had a spiritual awakening, i could not have stayed sober 12years without his help also many test have occured that i have heard through meetings would have tripped up many others sobriety. My daughter needs a double lung transplant and we have to move to north carolina when the time comes , but somehow my higher power God helps me keep it in perspective one day at a time
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 11:03:45
Good Morning, I'm an alcoholic and my name is Suzanne.
Mary, I didn't realize until I read your post that what I experienced Friday night with my computer problems was that of "old behavior". Sometimes,when someone here explains something so simply, I just look at myself and think duh..Suzanne...you can be so blind sometimes. Anyway I fought with the computer for hours until I conked out. Saturday I read Fayla's post and she said a prayer for me. Good thing to, because it never entered this mind to turn it over to my higher power, consciously anyway.
So thanks to Mary and Fayla for your posts and prayer.
Suzanne H.
Member: Doris H
Location: Oregon
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 11:57:27
Hi there , it's me again, Doris and oh Ya ! I AM an alcoholic. I would like to talk about the smoking thing . . . I agree that "no barrier should be put up" and of course "the only thing required is a desire to stop drinking, but out here in Oregon we try very hard, especially in the summer, to have our meetings outdoors. Especially at the churches where many meetings take place there are at least a small lawn and People take their chairs and go outside. It works here. By the way I am a smoker and I don't at all mind going to nonsmoking meetings. If i can make it through a 12 hour plane ride without a ciggarette I CAN make it through a 1 1/2 hour meeting. And, mary W . . I want to E-mail some of you so o o o o bad but I don't know how, we haven't gotten that far in the computer class I am taking. I wish this teacher would hurry up. So far I have had two 3 hr classes and he hasn't said anything I haven't heard befor. Oh well, patience, patience. I am so impatient, thjis is good for me. About the nag, her bag went down again, some. THIS is REALLY teaching me patience. I want to see this baby so bad. I am hoping for a yellow dun or a black grullo. She is a black grullo and the daddy is a yellow dun. Both of these colors are in the same gene pool so there is a good chance. See you all later, Hi Fayla and Amy and all , , Love Doris
Member: Patti A.
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 12:46:35
Good morning. The sun is shining and we seem to finally be past El Nino! Our spring flowers are spectacular this year! I guess they like all the rain more than I.
Still struggling along with this bad back injury. I haven't even been able to sit at the computer for a few weeks and have missed you all. I have been appreciating the beauty of spring. If that isn't an expression of the Creator smiling, I don't know what is. I have been feeling distant from God, so the practice of meditating on an incredible iris or the scent of warm grass on the breeze is very helpful.
Re: smoking ... The city I live in banned smoking in all public buildings many years ago. It is shocking to go elsewhere and walk into a smoke-filled room!
Thanks for being there today.
Member: Mark B.
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 13:56:14
Mark, Dope fiend alcoholic, Damn, back when I got sober, you could tell it was an AA meeting by the smoke pouring out of the windows and the coffee fumes. Now that we've gotten so politcally correct, I wonder. Seems as though we've gotten away from experiance strength and hope and more into social commentary and not offending anybody. I guess I must have been sicker than most, probably still am, but, whether a meeting is smoking or non-smoking really doesn't matter to me. The big deal is the message carried in the meetings. Seems to me there's a part in the book that talks about the smoking issue and it's importance in the overall sceme of things when compared to the drink issue. I probably am wrong, but at least, that's what my book makes referance to. Something about the wife nagging the drinking spouse about his smoking after he gets sober, going back to the bottle, and realizing the priority of the disease in relation to his smoking. Whoa.
Mark
Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 14:11:49
well for what it's worth, i believe that there should be smoking and non-smoking meetings. i am a smoker and yes after 9 years clean and sober i can sit through a non-smoking meeting, i don't know if i would have had been able to handle it when i came in the doors. i understand that there are valued members who can't be exposed to the smoke for health reasons. and i guess honestly, if i wanted to get sober bad enough a non-smoking meeting would have worked. but i don't know if i was ready enough then. the one thing that keeps coming to my mind is the fact that as we can not be intolerant of booze (as stated in the first 164 of the BB) we can't be intolerant of smoking. what a group chooses as long as it doesn't effect AA a whole is their choice. the one thing i do know is that when i was drinking and drugging the one thing that got my back up faster than anything was someone preaching to me to quit drinking, and now it's people telling me to quit smoking that gets my dander up. i got sober for me, not because some outside force was making me.. and when i am sick and tired enough to quit smoking that will be a matter between my HP and me.
doris, i'll wait for you to learn how to email.. and if i get rid of my aol acct. before you do, you can get me through jrr... but, as of now i have had no problems with it ( other than it crashing on me).
hugs to all y'all,
mary w.
Member: Becky
Location: N.E.
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 14:17:03
We DO defend our right to bash someone else's group conscience, it seems, all under the guise of helping the newcomer. Hey, I can get thru a stressful funeral without feeling hostile that I can't smoke in church. Or in the movie theater. Anyway, didn't know this was a smoking/non "controversy". Isn't this a discussion? ( Also, the "f" stuff seems out of line.) Thought this was about Higher Power and stuff. Enjoying the sharings otherwise. Peace.
Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 14:44:21
Hello to all and love from this smokin`pat of the world, most restaurants are so smokey here, And I am from NC where the stuff was originally grown...As to my higher power I seek him daily or my life is usually not plesant, and when it is hard anyway I have him to lean on. Doris how is that baby coming? I am a preachers kid and wonder if there are any others of you out there (I have referred to myself as the prodigal preachers daughter). Putting on masks and acting can make one crazy enough to drink, huh? Miss all ya`ll, Amy GC
Member: Jane
Location: Ma.
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 14:45:39
Gee. Now that we know that second hand smoke kills, do we still defend our right to hurt others in smoke filled rooms? Who asked anyone to quit? Am I missing something? Just said thank God for non-smoking meetings where I live. Is this a friendly discussion group or what? Jane
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 16:46:35
Hi to all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I would like to make two apologies to all of you. In my post last PM I said a man had 49 years sober and this AM I was corrected, he has 48 years sober but either way the program still works if you work it. The second apology is I certainly did not intend to start a controversy about smoking or non smoking. I went back and read my earlier post and if this is what you read in that then I am sorry. I simply do and go to meetings that I can and have never asked anyone to change a meeting for me. I was a smoker and I agree that the worst thing in the world is a REFORMED smoker and I certainly do not want come come off like that. That is now a closed issue for me. You can continue if you like but it is over for me. Now the topic. have a very special relationship with a God of my understanding. Today He is a very loving and caring God. He always was but it took me a long time to discover that. It also kept Him extremly busy trying to keep me alive and safe till I could make that discovery. I found, for me, I had to make a physical surrender( step 1), a spiritual surrender (step 2 ), and then finally a spiritual commitment (step 3 ). It took me 6 years to make it to the first step and then I spent the next 5 years fighting that surrender and trying to come up with a good enough excuse to drink but I thank God today I could not find one, as I was and still am beat with alcohol. The only thing I did correctly for that five years was I kept comming back and did not drink in between. On the day I was to be "sober"(dry) five years is when God really got me and said I have been caryihg you for five years and now you have to make that choice the BB speaks about "God either is or isn't" what will my choice be. I am alive today, only because I choose to allow God into my life that day. With that choice came the committment step 3 to go through with the steps and to ALLOW GOD to change me. Believe you me this was the best decision I ever made. I had just about beat myself to death trying to COMPLY to the 4th step, but after the surrender, all was positive, and I was able to move in the steps because I was no longer doing them alone. I now had God and I now know that that is a winnig combination for me. I heard a speaker say this weekend, and I aggree with him, we have One program and it consists of 12 steps, and we are not even required to understand them, but if we are going to get sober and stay sober we have to work them. Thanks for letting me share and I love all of you and so does God and there is nothing you can do about it. Sanders
Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 17:03:35
deareast sanders, it wasn't you or anyone person that started the smoking thing..you know... give and alkie a topic and we'll run it into the ground, and then probably beat it into an unrecogizible pulp. actually i can't for the life of me, see where this discussion can go, but i can't second guess this room.
Member: Joe Barley Corn
Location: Web
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 20:22:17
Hey there I'm an alcoholic, cigarette junky, pizza freak, ice cream addict, and MORE buff here. I gave up cigarettes the same time I quit drinking. But, I don't mind smokers. I have friends at the meetings who smoke, but I don't nag them about it. This is after all AA, and I believe in singleness of purpose. But, what I hate is when I hear smokers talking about those members who practice marijuana maintenance SMOKE NIETHER, but I've smoked both. And, they are both mind altering. I remember times at sobriety in the past when I knew that smoking was altering my mind. And, if you don't think it does then try quitting for a day or two. I almost always smoked a cig just prior to getting drunk. And, the FDA is focusing on classifying nicotine as a drug and regulating it. Though they are not equal, are we going to start attacking our own credibility by arguing degrees of intoxicants and whether we are going to have a group conscience about excepting one over the other. We should stay focused on our alcoholism and stay out of any outside controversies.
I thank my H.P. for relieving me of the compulsion to drink as well as smoke cigarettes. But, I strongly agree with the tradition that says the only requirement…to stop drinking. This is AA not anything else.
Now I know some of you smokers are chomping at the bit. You want to attack my sobriety with every cliché and sound bite that you ever heard from someone with more sobriety time than you. Well, let me tell you that resentments will get you drunk, so focus on your alcohol problem and maybe someday you will be able and willing to address other areas of YOUR life: if you don't get drunk.
With that I'll just leave you with the last lines of "The Family Afterward" "First things first LIVE AND LET LIVE easy does it.
Again for those of you writhing in anger let me remind you that I'm not part of the controversy. I'm merely a spectator. And as such I've witnessed a lot of hypocrisy over the "smoking issue". Lets get over it we can have smoke breaks. But lets try keeping our own act clean instead of worrying about others. We as alcoholics can barely keep track of our own crap. But we sure like wallowing in everybody else's.
Love to all those in AA. I guess I'll find another program for my other problems (i.e. Icecream).
Member: mike w
Location: saudi arabia
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 20:39:43
hi all , mike w here, and i'm still an alcoholic.today i am clean and sober through the fellowship of aa, and a loving and tollerant hp. I didn't want to really hear about the god thing when i was a newcomer. how happy i was when you all told me that my own conception was good enough. I didn't really have much of an idea about god, so I had to look into that issue on my own, it has worked, I now pray in th am and pm, and usually in-between also. I still don't know my hp very well, but i'm on the right road, thank all of you.... I used to smoke for 20 years, now i don't smoke because i run. to me a meeting is a meeting, whether it's smoking or non-smoking. thanks for all your support and love on-line. it's been really hot here in the desert, wish i was back in the northwest (wa), but won't be long now. talk at you all late...........mike w
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 21:38:21
Hi, this is Linda, an alcoholic. I reviewed my earlier post and am unable to understand how my personal frustration over my health could have created such a rucous about something that has caused such controversy over the smoking/non-smoking issues. Doing a 10th step, I do not feel amends is needed. I only sited my experiences and frustrations concerning a medical condition and how that is effecting my ability to be of service on committees. If you took offense, then you will have to work it out for yourself. My sharing on this site is not intended for a platform for controversy. This subject is closed as far as I am concerned.
Linda P.
Member: Pat B
Location: Toronto
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 23:10:16
Hi everyone. Pat M. here....alcoholic from somewhere just outside Toronto. I remember attending an AA week-long seminar at the Adddiction Research Foundation a few years back as part of training for work. This doctor who was himself a recovering alcoholic was a guest speaker. He attended a famous clinic in Toronto for his own problem but left there determined to start his own smike free treatment center because as a doctor he knew that the leading cause of death in recovering alcoholics was tobacco related illness. His message was that he couldn't save his patients form one cause of death and ignore another. Kind of like teaching your kids to look both ways for cars but not trucks. The reaction of the tried and true AA ers was quite dramatic (which should surprise no one who has read this site's comments over the last 24 hours) They found him guilty of "deviation from the primary purpose of AA" . He took it in stride and left with no hard feelings. Lots of people I love smoke. I don't love them less and I will help them in whatever way I can when they ask for it. P.S. to Sonny H in Michigan. A special prayer for you and your daughter. My daughter has C.F. and some of our friends have had a double lung transplants and others are on the waitng list. God bless those who fill out their organ donor cards!!
Member: Rod H
Location: Nebraska
Date: 26 Apr 1998
Time: 23:12:43
Dear Debbie H Good topic If it wasn't for my higher power I would be out there right now. I have a very good consience contact with my Higher Power and I do my morning meditation every morning and Pray to do God,s will and stay out of self will. when I do everything it takes to stay sober and work the steps I am ok with my self today I recently had a very good friend invite me to a spiritual retreat in Eastes Park, there is not enough that I can say about what we learned talk about a beautiful tool to put in your tool box for step 11. the walking on the spiritaul path and finding true self is a very rewarding expierince for me. I do the centering prayer every night during my meditation. If you would like some more imput on the centering prayer, I will be back tomorrow. Thank you, God Bless.
Member: jrr
Location: Harmony on the Lake
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 00:47:48
hello all ... and happy smoke free smiles to the group... interesting how far away from the original tone in here gets.. God bless the newcomer who simply wants help .. Sanders ... stay exactly the way you are.. honest and sincere.. and always with your personal experience. And God bless the individuals with any medical ailment ... I can only thank God and AA that I have found a solution to my living problem... All cranky individuals who just rail on about their sanctimonious rights.. Keep coming Back... You may get Sober yet...
peace,love and Tolerance..jrr
Member: Amy G.C,
Location: Switzerland
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 01:28:17
Hello group, Amy the alcoholic. Sanders you have been very helpful in your candid responses. Jrr I agree about tolerance...patience has always been a character defect for me though. I get it from my dad who got impatient in the service he said, always standing in line for something. If I just miss a buss here and have to stand in the cold (happens often enough) or so I get myself into a twist. This group helps me unwind from all this here in the "land of punctuality". I do feel crancy this morning but I guess I will hold back and not rail on a poor old swiss neighbor or something. But can you always imagine trying to smile (they then are suspicious you are showing your teeth) and in your best german she has no idea what I have said because of the thick dialect spoken here. POOR ME, just kidding guys, there are good things about wherever we live, feel like sharing one to us from wherever you are in cyberland? Love to all, Amy GC
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 06:55:00
Good Morning,
My Higher Power is Jesus and I experienced a apiritual awakening that many refer to quite awhile before I became sober, which is kind of wierd I guess. But I attribute my strong desire to stop drinking to His guidance and the power stay sober to His power. He leads me to many people places and things, and many times I do not feel His presence. But I have learned that He is always there and faithful to me.
Yesterday I spent a couple hours with an 85 year old woman from my church who was just placed in a nursing home. This visit took alot of patience, which I do not have. It was very hot in there also. I had to wait for her for about a half hour and realized that my wonderful intention to do something nice was really pretty self-serving. After I talked to her for awhile and listened to how painful it is to have your freedom to go where you want taken away and to watch her try to creep around the halls in a wheelchair, I felt pretty ashamed at myself for my impatience. I also felt humbled and grateful when I got in my car and drove away, going wherever I wanted to. This is the kind of still small voice of God that you can miss easily. It is not a spiritual high, but I could still hear His voice convicting me as I walked away from that woman.
thanks for listening. Have a good day.
Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 07:20:35
I asked my HP to help relieve me of my obsession to drink alcohol, and he did. Later, I asked for help with the obsession for nicotine, and received help with it, as well. Prayer, and action on my end, have also worked with some of my worst character defects, especially intolerance of others.
In his last interview before his death, Dr. Jung was asked if he really believed in God. He replied no, because "believe" was something that you thought existed but didn't have proof of. He said he KNEW there was a God because he had proof.
Member: Renee S
Location: Florida
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 07:34:02
Hello all. I did a search and found this place. Today is my first day of sobriety. I was sober and an active member of AA for 11 years, then decided to go and do some more research for almost 5 years. I don't want to do it anymore. I asked God for help this morning and I will continue to ask for help. I don't want to ruin my life anymore. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am bloated and fat, my mind is always in a fog, I have no desire to do anything except drink and I'm not going to do it anymore. Does anyone know of any other good AA sites where I can get support, along with this site? Thanks.
Member: Jane
Location: Ma.
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 08:07:26
Thank you, Martina for your post. I was hoping to hear your thoughts on HP. The still small voice has been there for me all along; it's not a TADA but it's real. You've helped me to see this. Also had spiritual awakening before being led to AA. I think it softened me up and made willingness possible. Had been terribly resistant to all things spiritual. Took what in essence was Step 3 in utter despair and was led directly to AA! Didn't even know I was an alcoholic.
Welcome back Renee. I am praying for you as will many more on this fine network of fellow sufferers. Thank you for reminding me why I come to AA. Love, Jane
Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 08:29:48
Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic.
I would like to apologize to Becky from N.E. My use of borderline language was meant to convey an attitude and certainly not meant to offend.
For anyone else who may have been offended by my thinly vailed use of the vulgar I am sorry.
Thank you,
J.L.
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 09:34:51
HELLO FROM FAYLA, WELCOME HOME RENEE S.I WOULDNT HAVE MADE IT THIS FAR WITHOUT MY HIGHER POWER,THAT WOULD BE GOD .I WILL EMAIL EVERY ONE BACK AS SOON AS MY BOYFREIND CAN HELP ME ,I DONT KNOWHOW TO DO IT YET,HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING ALRIGHT . LOVE YOU FAYLA
Member: Doris
Location: Springfield, Ore
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 10:49:14
MY name is Doris H and i am an alcoholic. RENEE: I would say congratulations but I don't feel it is enough. Could i just borrow one of a friends room hugs and give one to you ((HUG)). I am sure that you have read all of this input and know all or most of the 'one-liners',I feel the one i want to say to you right now is ONE DAY AT A TIME. Maybe even one moment at a time.My heart is with you now and I will be thinking of you a lot. Renee, I will pray and i hope that you read these letters every time you have a bad moment. I am praying that you won't have any bad moments. ~ About this "controversy". I don't see this as a controversy. i see this as a group of intelligent adults haveing a discussion about a topic that we all have feelings on. What's wrong with 'discussion' ? We need more of it and that is why we are here. For me discussion causes intellectual stimulation and after drinking all those years and being in that fog I need all of the mantal stimulation I can get. The old 'USE OR LOSE IT' applies to me and I am beginning to know again how to USE it. We are all individuals with our own free will and independant natures and I think we can't help but disagree at times. We do all agree on the most important things. STAYING SOBER. I so love getting to know all the different personalities here. Sanders, Mr thought and intellect, Amy, the sweetie with sincerity. Fayla, a lady with a great heart,jrr, sometimes prickly but honost ,real and willing to be humble, Jane who who is so spiritual, Debbie, thought provoking and thoughtful, Doris, she can be a mess, and so many others I look forward to hearing from.I look forward to every contribution. Renee, I am loioking forward to hearing from you again. I hope that you will keep us up on how you are doing. I have been sober for 16 months, 12 days , 2 hours and 19 minutes as of right now. IT hasn't been easy. But ! I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. God bless you and try to remember why you are doing this. Love, Doris
Member: Renee S
Location: Florida
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 13:23:21
Thank you Jane, Fayla and Doris for your welcoming comments. Just got back from my first AA meeting and a fight almost broke out! I couldn't believe it! Maybe theres a message in here somewhere..yea, if I keep on drinking this is what will happen to me!
this seems like a great place, i only wish there were more because I'm going to need a lot of support. Thanks again!
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 13:28:23
does anyone know of an Alanon site that has a similar format to this one? I think the tech guys have done such a great job. Can't find an equivalent in Alanon.
Thanks
Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 15:14:29
bonnie here/alcoholic, Hi extended family, ((cliff)) ((libby)) ((fayla)) ((amy)) ((doris h)) and my wonderful brothers far from home ((Jason-beirut)) ((Mark-saudi)) ((mark-va))((sanders)) ((linda m)) ((linda p)) ((mary w)) ((glen h)) ((keithc)) ((jrr)) ((richard-ca)) ((mark b)) ((mark b)) ((john c)) ((bruce n)) ((eileen d)) ((kerry)) ((laura c)) ((glenda)) ((lesli)) ((barbara s)) ((josh)) ((gail b)) ((scott g)) ((suzanne)) ((barb c)) ((ali)) ((lori f)) ((sherri t)) ((michelle)) ((bruce m)) ((karen l)) ((vicki b)) ((patti)) ((sonny)) ((jl)) ((chrisb)) ((jane)) ((peter)) ((jenn)) ((david b)) ((annec)) ((mikec)) ((helenm)) ((michelle)) ((brucem)) ((karenl)) ((vickib)) ((adele)) ((randyd-canton-where I went to High school)) ((susies)) ((kimd)) ((debbieh)) ((jackc)) ((jim-Mo)) ((angies)) ((donc)) ((aprilh)) ((jane)) ((becky)) ((patb)) ((rodh)) ((renee)) just in to get my hugs. thanks, God Bless all who venture here. **************************************** bonzoc@webtv.net
Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 15:15:25
bonnie here/alcoholic, Hi extended family, ((cliff)) ((libby)) ((fayla)) ((amy)) ((doris h)) and my wonderful brothers far from home ((Jason-beirut)) ((Mark-saudi)) ((mark-va))((sanders)) ((linda m)) ((linda p)) ((mary w)) ((glen h)) ((keithc)) ((jrr)) ((richard-ca)) ((mark b)) ((mark b)) ((john c)) ((bruce n)) ((eileen d)) ((kerry)) ((laura c)) ((glenda)) ((lesli)) ((barbara s)) ((josh)) ((gail b)) ((scott g)) ((suzanne)) ((barb c)) ((ali)) ((lori f)) ((sherri t)) ((michelle)) ((bruce m)) ((karen l)) ((vicki b)) ((patti)) ((sonny)) ((jl)) ((chrisb)) ((jane)) ((peter)) ((jenn)) ((david b)) ((annec)) ((mikec)) ((helenm)) ((michelle)) ((brucem)) ((karenl)) ((vickib)) ((adele)) ((randyd-canton-where I went to High school)) ((susies)) ((kimd)) ((debbieh)) ((jackc)) ((jim-Mo)) ((angies)) ((donc)) ((aprilh)) ((jane)) ((becky)) ((patb)) ((rodh)) ((renee)) sorry if I missed anyone- not intentional- just in to get my hugs. thanks, God Bless all who venture here. **************************************** bonzoc@webtv.net
Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 15:36:26
((martina)) bonnie here/alcoholic, hi fam, God as I understand Him, my relationship with Him happened in degrees. sometimes I felt that He had left me until I found out that either I moved or it was just a growth period/ all I know is that if I stay sober thru everything, He will help me heal when the surrender is complete. Peace joy and serenity lives with me daily. this was not always so, this has just been for the past 3 yrs. I have had glimpses of this but this is awesome and just doesnt go away. Hang in there till the miracle happens, didnt know this was possible. I just asked my HP to see Him as He really is and I just looked for my miracles, Today I know who He is.
Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 16:58:40
Martina, here's some to explore
http://alcoholism.miningco.com/library/blchatslate.htm
http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
http://www.recovery.org/aa/meetings/online/aol-net.html
There's also some womens' EMail AA at
http://aa-intergroup.org/email.html
Finding anything may make the expression "going to any length" take on new meaning.
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 17:04:22
Thank alot Mark ! I appreciate your taking the time.
thanks to you too, Bonnie. I know what you mean by surrender and the relationship between it and peace and joy. I get there occasionally...... usually my strong will gets in the way, but thankfully, God is more dependable than I
have a great night everyone..... I have three days off from work --- grateful for small things. Spring in New England is a lovely time to not be in the office.
Member: Libby
Location: PA
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 17:20:32
Hi All! Libby and I am an Alcoholic!
Have'nt had much to post. Sometimes I feel like a robber--I have been reading the posts for 2 days and not posting anything myself. I guess I am at the bottom of the mountain hanging out with a quiet head just taking in the scenery.
Renee,my heart sings each time someone finds this site. I posted this before; I came here in pain and got support, answers and even a cyber-sponsor/friend! Like you, Renee, I am hugging the program from all angles.You are NOT alone!
I was just going to try and post something profound about God as I understand Him and erased it (Ego creeping in) I will say this from my heart; having found this posting place, meeting all you AA'rs, having the opportunity to read EVERYONE'S posts IS God in my life.Everyone God puts in my life on a daily basis, teaches me SOMETHING,good or painful.Just real glad to be here .
Thanks for listening. Love those hugs Bon!!!
Peace Libby
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 17:38:52
Hi Renee, Welcome back and you should consider yourself extreamly lucky to be able to come back. I have known lots of people who went back out to try "one more time", who died out there. I hope and pray you have become willing to go to any length to get it and if you have it will work and if you haven't, it won't. I love this program and everyone in it and it does me so much good to see someone comein or come back because that is what it is all about, staying away from a drink one day at a time. Any way you can do that is OK, but after a long time for me, I found that using the instruction book was most helpful. We call it the Big Book and it has 12 steps, which are our program of recovery... This book comes complete with the steps and the instructions for taking and living them. As I heard a speaker say this wekend, you don't even have to understand the steps, you just have to take them if you want to stay sober and I like that. In thinking back now, if I had waited till I understood everything about each step I never would have taken them as I still don't understand a lots about each one of them now but I have taken them and try to live them to the best of my ability one day at atime. Enough preaching from me Renee but I just wish I could want it for you but I nor noone else can. You have to do that for youself. We love you and I nearly forgot that I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Amy, I sent you an Email and got it back because of a different address. Love to all, Sanders
Member: ROB H.
Location: ONTARIO CANADA
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 18:48:37
HELLO EVERYONE MY NAME IS ROB H.I AM FROM CAMBRIDGE ONT.CANADA.I HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR 6 YRS.ON MAY 10.THIS IS MY FIRST VISIT TO AA ON THE COMPUTER IJUST BOUGHT ONE.THIS IS SO COOL,ISN'T IT EXCELLENT TO BE SOBER!!I LOVE AA ITS STEPS TRADITIONS AND PEOPLE.I FEEL SO GRATEFUL TO BE A PART OF THIS PROGRAM.YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG THIS IS TAKING ME TO TYPE!!AS I SIT HERE I AM LOOKING OUT MY WINDOW AT MY 4 YR. OLD BOY PLAYING AND I FEEL THE NEED TO THANK GOD AND AA FOR MY MANY BLESSINGS SINCE BEING SOBER.I BELONG TO THE BEST GROUP IN THE WORLD I'M SURE ITS THE PRESTON SCOUT HOUSE IN CAMBRIDGE ONT.WE HAVE 200 PLUS MEMBERS, WHAT A WONDERFUL BUNCH OF PEOPLE.WELL I SHOULD BE GOING NOW,I HOPE SOMEBODY REPLYS TO MY MESSAGE,REMEMBER BE HEALTHY,BE HAPPY,BE YOURSELF.ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!
Member: ROB H.
Location: ONTARIO CANADA
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 18:49:42
HELLO EVERYONE MY NAME IS ROB H.I AM FROM CAMBRIDGE ONT.CANADA.I HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR 6 YRS.ON MAY 10.THIS IS MY FIRST VISIT TO AA ON THE COMPUTER IJUST BOUGHT ONE.THIS IS SO COOL,ISN'T IT EXCELLENT TO BE SOBER!!I LOVE AA ITS STEPS TRADITIONS AND PEOPLE.I FEEL SO GRATEFUL TO BE A PART OF THIS PROGRAM.YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG THIS IS TAKING ME TO TYPE!!AS I SIT HERE I AM LOOKING OUT MY WINDOW AT MY 4 YR. OLD BOY PLAYING AND I FEEL THE NEED TO THANK GOD AND AA FOR MY MANY BLESSINGS SINCE BEING SOBER.I BELONG TO THE BEST GROUP IN THE WORLD I'M SURE ITS THE PRESTON SCOUT HOUSE IN CAMBRIDGE ONT.WE HAVE 200 PLUS MEMBERS, WHAT A WONDERFUL BUNCH OF PEOPLE.WELL I SHOULD BE GOING NOW,I HOPE SOMEBODY REPLYS TO MY MESSAGE,REMEMBER BE HEALTHY,BE HAPPY,BE YOURSELF.ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!
Member: Libby
Location: PA
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 20:21:17
Hi! Libby Just an alky surfing the web.
Hey Martina found this on the Web Ring: www.alcoholismhelp.com/help/chat.html
And this : "Ask an alcoholic what time it is and he'll tell you how the watch was made!" Made me LOL!! Hope it makes some one else laugh!
Have a peaceful night Libby
Member: Steve S
Location: Arizona
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 20:54:49
My name is Steve and Im an alcoholic please help me!!!
Member: Steve S
Location: Arizona
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 20:55:01
My name is Steve and Im an alcoholic please help me!!!
Member: Steve S
Location: Arizona
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 20:55:12
My name is Steve and Im an alcoholic please help me!!!
Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 21:16:34
Steve In Arizona: What can I do to help ? I am here and I do check this post often and I will do whatever I can. Do you mind if I ask some questions? Are you in the frame of mind where you want to quit the drinking? Do you live in a city where you can get to a re - hab ? Do you live in a place where you can go to a meeting ? If you are I suggest that you go to a meeting and sit around and find someone that you would be willing to talk to and approach them. If that person doesn't work out ask another. Sometimes you have to keep trying. YOU WILL FIND HELP ! If you look for it. This is a good place to start. The people here are very kind and will do all they can, at least I will and I shouldn't speak for anyone else. But I know them to be kind and considerate. But ! the folks around here are honost as well so I hope that you remember that. I will be checking on you and I hope you come back. I will be praying for you. I hope that you can find it in yourself to pray for yourself and try to at least read the steps and get a start on the book. It's called the BIG BOOK and you can get one by finding alcoholics anonymous in the phone book and calling. They are also good people to talk to. They will keep your secrets and give you someone to talk to in your own town. God be with you Steve. Doris
Member: Lorraine S
Location: Ontario-Canada
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 22:20:33
Steve S in Arizona, please feel free to send a message via E-mail (skitt@ican.net) , I will reply and share with you what has so freely been shared with me these last few months.
You have lots of friends who care, don't be afraid to hold out your hand, someone will grab hold of it and give a little strength to get through a minute, an hour or a day --- one day at a time!
Keep coming back Steve!
LorraineS
Member: MaryJane F.
Location: NE
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 22:45:43
I am the wife of one of your members, but can not seem to find a al-anon meeting that is like this. All I can find are the meetings that totally fill my e-mail cache and cause me harddrive problems. Could someone lead me in the right direction, to find the meeting I need, that won't over load my computer. Thank You All MJF
Member: joanne f
Location: florida
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 23:31:47
hi everone. my name is joanne f. and i too am an alcoholic. thanks to my higher power i have 6years and i have 1 day on the internet. the coffee pot is my first visit into cyberspace. i have enjoyed reading everyones comments. someone once said home is where you find yourself and for me that has been aa. thanks for being there. hope to continue to share sobriety with you all.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 27 Apr 1998
Time: 23:56:48
Hi Steve, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I would loke to welcome you to the land of sober living if you want it. We have a program that will show you how to live one day at a time without drinking and be happy about it, or it will "screw up" your drinking for life. You will never enjoy drinking again as you now know that there is a way to live without drinking. If you are serious about not drinking and feel I may be able to share and make it a little simpler for you I will be happy to do so. You can get me at sanders@wfeca.net I hope to hear from you as it is just my dog and I and I'll stay with you all night if you are serious. Good luck and God bless. Sanders
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 01:09:53
FAYLA ALCOHOLIC,STEVE GET ON YOUR PHONE AND CALL AA ,THEY WILL COME AND TALK WITH YOU ,IF YOU FEEL DESPRATE GO TO A HOSPITAL ,THEY,LL GET YOU THE HELP YOU NEED ,WE LOVE YOU ,WE KNOW WHAT IT IS TO FEEL ALONE AND SCARED ,WE HAVE ALL BEEN AT THE END OF OUR ROPE. I HOPE YOU REACH OUT ,YOU DONT HALF TO DO THIS ALONE.WE ALL LOVE YOU FAYLA
Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 01:45:25
Steve, I had to be in the gutter to see the stars in the heavens, get help through a rehab then come on line and we will be here waiting for you. Renee S. Welcome back. Doris your above discription of me was far too complimentary, I am just a drunk trying every day to be sober and not hurt people like I used to. I miss you Fayla and want to clarify my address especially for Sanders and Fayla because it is a little different than y`alls and I may have typed it in wrong. AMCAN@swissonline.ch I am like Doris about my email being flooded but with me my husband would not accept it, It does take me a long time to download the C.Pot amd my serenity and meeting enjoyment hindered by jis...jealousy? When I was in treatment my father cried when I told him I could tellmy group anything and they loved me and he said "how can you say that when you have known me all your life?" with tears in his eyes...that is the way I feel now with my husband please pray for me. Of course he does not drink and is 100 percent behind total abstinance and his mother is a member of the abstaining Blue Cross here which takes care of drunks but they are not past drinkers. Any advise? Steve be strong, I did it, anyone can. Amy GC
Member: jrr
Location: harmony on the Lake
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 03:25:35
Doris..." prickly"?.. well..could definitely been worse... much worse in fact. And AAmy thank-you for a lovely card.. what a gorgeous picture.. and thank you for the kind words. Steve.. welcome to the most successful treatment.program in the world dealing with alcoholism ..Alcoholics Anonymous . As i said earlier.. Hope is found... Here. Sanders is special cool... get in touch.. you will be glad you did. I am at SoberChef1@aol.com ----- anyone who wants to or needs to .. feel free.Not to forget , can contact me , will forward to mary w. also... so stay sober, and remember your prayers... will see you on the road back from surgery... will be the one-armed mad typist.. peace, love and Tolerance...jrr
ps---- or is that prickly typist...doris?
Member: Renee S
Location: Florida
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 06:41:04
Good morning new friends! I made it through the first night without drinking! Thanks for all of you being here, it feels like home already! (((HUGS)))
To Steve: Welcome. We will help you any way we can. I just got sober again yesterday, so we can be new together. (((hugs)))
Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 06:52:51
Hi! My name is Jay and I am an alcoholic!
Congratulations Renee, hang in there!
Steve - Welcome, please get to an A.A. meeting, whatever it takes. If you can do that let someone at the meeting know that you are new the group members will take it from there. If possible get to the meeting a little early, it is likely that you will find some of the more active members setting up the hall, let one of them know you are new, then hold on for the ride of your life.
Best wishes to you both.
J.L.
Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 10:00:53
Richard here, hang in there Steve. Remember to go to meetings if you can and don't drink in between. Same old cliche. Well, try it out. Anyway, welcome and remember the program you seem to want can be found in the Big Book. If you just read a few pages a day you will find yourself: if your an alcoholic.
Peace to all EVEN THE INTOLERANT KEEP COMING BACK.
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 11:04:56
FAYLA,HI AMY I LOVE YOU ,IAM PRAYING THINGS WILL WORK OUT FOR YOU,IAM HERE AND GOD IS TOO, AMY ,YOU WILL GET THIS WORKED OUT .I LOVE YOU AMY, LOVE FAYLA HUGS FROM KANSAS.
Member: Ray C.
Location: North
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 12:14:16
I would like to invite any and all who want to join an e-mail based meeting to do so at Openmindaa. Just send a message to us at; Openmindaa-request@majordomo.net We are a group of 41 men and women and you will NEVER find a flame war going on there. Give us a try if you like...
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 13:41:06
Hi everybody... I am home from work for a few days cleaning my house and decided to stop and take a break. Steve, keep coming back. Asking for "Help" is a good first step. Remember that you only have to worry about today. there are alot of people who care and have been there and can testify how rich and rewarding life can be sober. In fact, even being able to clean my house for hours (no hangover) and feel really good about accomplishing something and then being able to sleep well at night...... such a simple thing but one of the blessings of sobriety.
We care -- stay close and listen to everyone's suggestions.
Congratulations Renee --- and welcome.
Back to cleaning !
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 13:51:59
Hi, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders I am real happy for you Renee in that you have made it this far and hope and pray you keep doing what you are doing and continue to get better and better, cause the longer you stay away from a drink it gets "gooder and gooder." Then to Steve, I hope and pray that you have contacted AA and started to get to some meetings as that is where it happens We would like to know how you are so please tell us You can rest assured that I am praying for you also and just feel that all is going to be OK for you. Amy, I tried two more times and got both back again, so I don't know what else to try. I do hope you and your husband get your differences worked out and one thing I learned is that if BOTH of you want to work them out, you can. If only one wants to it makes it much more difficult. The first thing that came to my mind quickly was alonon. If he is willing to try it, it may help him to understand a bit more about what makes us tick even though we don't understand ourselfs very well. I will pray for you and you will get your differences worked out, I know. Love to all Sanders.
Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 14:34:47
Hi bonnie/alcoholic here, STEVE, look in your phone book for alcoholics anonymous, they will either tell you where a meeting is in your area or possibly, if you wish, they can have someone either call or visit with you that will share their experience, strength and hope with you. You have stumbled onto the biggest gift you could ever give to yourself, THIS PROGRAM. we're just a bunch of people trying to get well, we're not trying to get good. so no matter who or what you think you are please pull up a cyber chair and join us around this here coffee pot and talk with us. All of us have been where you are, all problems and no answers. the way we stay sober and get happy is by helping each other. I can't, WE can. so welcome friend.
Renee -- way to go my new friend - hi5 *************************************** bonzoc@webtv.net
Member: Renee S
Location: Florida
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 15:22:53
It's me again! I'm Renee and I'm an alcoholic. (Forgot I needed to say that!)
I'm out of work for a back injury, and because of physical therapy couldn't make it to a meeting today. :-( Was kind of scared to go back though because of the "almost fight" there yesterday! But I know I need to go anyway.
I've felt kind of "icky" today. Depressed, raw. I wish Steve would come back so I could take the focus off myself...
You guys are so loving and kind in here, I'm so glad I found you!
Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Oregon
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 15:42:21
I am Doris and I am an alcoholic ! Ya see Steve, I told you this was a great bunch. I get a lot more from here than i give i think. I have never felt as "helped" as I have right here on this A A line. Do you believe now that there are all these people here who care about you? They do you know? And it's the same at a live meeting. "LIVE MEETING? Yes, that term means a whole bunch to me. I wasn't "LIVE" till I started to go to those meetings. I wasn't anything, except maybe miserable. I know I was miserable. I certianly wasn't functioning. I can't believe it ! I lived almost 8 years in a fog. I lived two years in another state and I don't even remember most of it. WOW ! what a sicko ! But, joining this program and meeting all those wonderful sicko's like myself saved my life and I certianly didn't think anything could. I thought I was a goner. Please keepgoing to meetings. I know of people that go to 4 and 5 a day. What a great place to be when you are having a hard time. RENEE: Congratulations my dear, here is a rose for you @>---- ----- , I wish you well. You know what, I have gotten all of the coins now, up to 1 1/2 years. (actually 1 year and 4 months). BUT ! that 24 hour coin is the most special to me. I NEVER thought I would ever get through 1 day. Never. BUT ! I did. and so did you. I am proud of you. ((HUG)) I went through a program at a re - hab and I for the most part went through with the same group. I have seen some go away but the rest of us have become VERY close friends. We are starting a couples group in my home this Thurs. One of the counselors from the re - hab is our leader. It helped me so much to have these friends. Your life Will get better and better if you keep coming back. I promise and believe me I don't promise anything if I don't mean it. I have to go build a fence now so I just want to say to both of you and any newcomer , Go to A A and keep going. Find the spirituality in yourself and you find peace and power over the demon alcohol. It's probably the only way, I love you all, Doris P S Amy I tried to e - mail you and got it back. I'll try again later. I am praying for you Amy. Love abd ((HUG))
Member: Kelley C.
Location: Chicago
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 16:53:54
Hi, I'm Kelley and I'm an alcoholic/addict. I'm sorry I haven't been in touch lately (especially to you J. L.). I just went through a period of restlessness. I have been temporarily disabled (since December 16) since being hit by an automobile and I started to feel like I've been imprisoned for the last four months. I just wanted to get out and do something that seemed fun (or other than work or being in the house). I'm okay right now...I need to find ways to balance being able to do some of the things (very few) that I could do prior to the accident with working at home (unusual for me) from the computer. The warmer weather really served to increase my level of restlessness. So I've been asking the god/dess for help in getting motivated to do my job while finding the appropriate time for me to relax and get out and do something fun. So far, okay, but I am SO TIRED of being physically disabled. I can only hope and believe that the universe is using this time to work goodness, strength and abundance in my life. Thanks for the opportunity to share...and J. L. I am sorry I haven't contacted you for a few days. I am alive and well...thank you for your concern and support. Love in recovery, Kelley
Member: HelenM
Location: Scotland
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 17:38:04
Hi everybody, Helen the alcoholic here i've beeb away for a few days it's nice to be back and all your postings .I wish Steve would come back on we all wish him well in his search for soberiety good to speak to you all again Best wishes .Helen
Member: mary w.
Location: kiss in ks
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 18:47:58
hi all y'all, ( i did it right, right sanders?) well, i just wanted to let you know that jrr had surgery today..that was what the tough guy was alluding to... so send some healing prayers for him...
amys email address is amcan@swissonline.ch all lowercase.. at least thats how i get through to her...
my mom is slowly deteriorating.... winding down like an old clock. she gets tired just being up. and the people who are caring for her are not very good at informing the rest of us who don't live by her... it's hard being so powerless, but i keep working the steps on this.... there is one thing i know - that nothing will be made better or easier by taking that first drink....
my email is MWMOSTEST@aol.com
hugs,
mary w.
Member: Amy w.
Location: minnesota
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 19:55:36
Hi. My name is Amy. I am 25 years old. I recently completed a 6week outpatient treatment program and things seemed to be headed in the right direction. Last week was really rough and last night I went out and got really smashed. Today I am so pissed at myself! I can't believe that I am not stronger than that. I'm pretty scared that sobriety is something I'm not going to achieve. I'd appreciate any comments or advice. Amy
Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 20:14:30
Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!
For Kelley C. in Chicago: Great to have you back on-line with us. Received your card, responded by e-mail earlier. Hang in There!
To: Amy in Minn. It isn't a question or you being "strong enough". Come along with us (A.A.) and let us be strong with you. Please get to a meeting in your community and hook up with some of the women who are active in that group. This meeting is an excellent source of strength, however, for me, it is supplimental to and not a substitute for face to face meetings. You may also want to correspond with some of the women who have posted their e-mail addresses on this site (check archives, as well as the posts this week). Wishing you the best.
Thank you for letting me share.
J.L.
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 23:04:18
Hello everyone, Linda an alcoholic.
Wonderful to hear about your first day Rene. It seems incredible doesn't it? You just hang in there with the rest of us and you can make it also, one-day-at-a-time.
Amy W. I know how that feels, having to begin anew in this program. I did that stunt in 1984. It is possible to make it even after what happened, if you are honest about your alcoholic condition. That last drunk for me left me with no doubt in my mind of my desease. Hopefully that was your last drink. I was thoroughly whipped into a state of reasonableness after my drunk. Even went through a convulsion, which up to that time I had never had that happen. Hang in there tight, work the steps, get a sponor if you do not already have one, and get to lots of meetings. It all helps.
Steve, I shall keep you in my prayers. Everyone else has pretty much emphasised the same sentiments I have. There is help here if you want it. We are here for you whenever you decide to reach out for help.
Love to all,
Linda P.
Member: Laura C
Location: Beaverton,Oregon
Date: 28 Apr 1998
Time: 23:53:40
Hi!My name is Laura and I'm an alcoholic/addict. My higher power has walked with me through some incredibly hard times in my sobriety, things that only time willl heal. Thsi past weekend, a drink sounded good to me, I didn't though, I prayed and asked to be lead to the sourse of where my pain is coming from. I need to note that this is the strongest drinking thought I have had in my 4 1/2 years in recovery. I searched my soul and my HP (whom I call God) brought me back to the tools I was given when first sober. I found that I had fallen back into old behavior, very old behavior for me. My ego and false pride got in the way of me taking care of Laura in a healthy manner. Thank God AA is and always will be progress and not perfection! I have been very hard on myself for getting stuck in behavior that can be very damaging for me, it is by the grace of God that I didn't have to drink, but, I am aware that I need to use the steps, go to more meetings and the other work that my program requires of me to be at peace again. Thanks for listening
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 00:06:05
Hi everyone, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. What a night it has been so far. As I was walking in the door from my F2F meeting, the phone was ringing and it was my youngest son calling with all his problems and they could all be solved IF I could send him some money. I still find it hard to say no but I did this time as I feel he has to find his own way and I have to let him make his own mistakes. You know what to do in your head but to make your heart do it is another matter. I found out a long time ago that I can tell you exactly how to raise your kids, its mine that I have a problem with. When I finally got off the phone with him I noticed there were several messages on my answer machine and I started going through them and there was one from my mother and she was very incoherant so I called her which I do anyway each night but tonight is was much later due to the other call from my youngest son. She answered the phine and said she was OK now but that she had gotten a neighbor to take her to the emergency room because her head was swimming and she was afraid. They checked her out and said her blood pressure was out of line and medicated her and sent her home. This was all done by an OLD DR. who nearly killed her about a year ago by over medicating her. It took about three months for her regular Dr. to get her blood pressure regulated and now we have to start all over. The only difference is this time she does not want to go to her regular Dr. so please pray for me as tomorrow is going to be a rough day trying to deal with her as she can truely be a bear when she wants to be. I am very thankful she is OK now but I really need to get her back to her regular Dr. as she does not need to mix blood pressure medicines. Some people say she is "strong willed" but I say she is bull headed. I am just grateful that I am sober because if I were drinking, I would be chomping at the bit and be all up set, but I am not, I know what I have to do tomorrow and will be able to do it without getting histerical and comming unglued. That is one of the assets of not drinking. Pray for us as we will need it but everything is going to work out just the way it is suppose to. Steve, I hope you have been to a meeting by now and would really like to see you respond to some of the out pouring of love you have received from this site. It is very refreshing to me to see the "program in action" as it was in trying to help Steve. Who knows you may come back and say the one thing that may help another new person to idenify with and be able to stop drinking. That is how it works, you have to give it away in order to keep what you have. Love to all. Sanders
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 00:06:20
Hi everyone, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. What a night it has been so far. As I was walking in the door from my F2F meeting, the phone was ringing and it was my youngest son calling with all his problems and they could all be solved IF I could send him some money. I still find it hard to say no but I did this time as I feel he has to find his own way and I have to let him make his own mistakes. You know what to do in your head but to make your heart do it is another matter. I found out a long time ago that I can tell you exactly how to raise your kids, its mine that I have a problem with. When I finally got off the phone with him I noticed there were several messages on my answer machine and I started going through them and there was one from my mother and she was very incoherant so I called her which I do anyway each night but tonight is was much later due to the other call from my youngest son. She answered the phine and said she was OK now but that she had gotten a neighbor to take her to the emergency room because her head was swimming and she was afraid. They checked her out and said her blood pressure was out of line and medicated her and sent her home. This was all done by an OLD DR. who nearly killed her about a year ago by over medicating her. It took about three months for her regular Dr. to get her blood pressure regulated and now we have to start all over. The only difference is this time she does not want to go to her regular Dr. so please pray for me as tomorrow is going to be a rough day trying to deal with her as she can truely be a bear when she wants to be. I am very thankful she is OK now but I really need to get her back to her regular Dr. as she does not need to mix blood pressure medicines. Some people say she is "strong willed" but I say she is bull headed. I am just grateful that I am sober because if I were drinking, I would be chomping at the bit and be all up set, but I am not, I know what I have to do tomorrow and will be able to do it without getting histerical and comming unglued. That is one of the assets of not drinking. Pray for us as we will need it but everything is going to work out just the way it is suppose to. Steve, I hope you have been to a meeting by now and would really like to see you respond to some of the out pouring of love you have received from this site. It is very refreshing to me to see the "program in action" as it was in trying to help Steve. Who knows you may come back and say the one thing that may help another new person to idenify with and be able to stop drinking. That is how it works, you have to give it away in order to keep what you have. Love to all. Sanders
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 01:02:37
FAYLA ,I AM AN AICOHOLIC,HI SANDERS,I AM PRAYING FOR YOU MY DEAR FREIND.I KNOW JUST HOW YOU FEEL WITH YOUR SON ,I HAVE ONE IN JAIL RIGHT NOW ,AND A DAUGHTER STILL USEING IHAVE A DAUGHTER SITTING HERE ,THATS BEEN CLEAN FOR A LITTLE OVER AYEAR .WHEN SHE WAS IN JAIL SHE WAS SUPOSE TO DO AYEAR,SHE ASKED FOR A HEARING TO SEE IF SHE COULD MOVE UP HERE WITH ME ,I WAS ONLY SOBER 4 MONTHS AT THE TIME ,THEY PUT ME ON THE STAND AND ASKED ME ,WHAT WAS DIFFRENT ,OR WHAT MIGHT MAKE HER ANY DIFFERENT NOW,I TOLD THEM I HAD BEEN SOBER FOR 4 MONTHS,AND THAT THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE SHE HAD A SOBER PARENT TO RELATE TO ,THEY TOOK OFF HER HANDCUFFS,AND LET HER COME HOME WITH ME ,SHES ALSO,GOT HER LITTLE GIRL BACK WHO SHE HAD LOST FOR 2 YEARS,TO FOSTER PARENTS,BUT NOT RIGHT AT THIS SAME TIME ,WE STARTED WITH JUST GETTING TO VISIT FOR A FEW HOURS AT A TIME ,THEN WEEKENDS, AND RIGHT BEFORE SCHOOL STARTED SHE CAME HOME TO STAY,I HOPE THIS MIGHT HELP TO SHOW ,WHAT GOD AND BEING SOBER CAN DO .I LOVE YOU ALL ,SANDERS MY LOVE AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU,AND NEW AMY WELCOME ,YOU FOUND A WONDERFULL BUNCH OF DRUNKS TO GET SUPORT,AND LOVE FROM.I AM PRAYING FOR MY DEAR FREIND JRR. GLAD YOUR DOING ALRIGHT.I LOVE YOU ALL FAYLA G
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 02:16:56
I'm David and I'm a recovered alcoholic. So sorry I've been so busy that I missed one of my favorite controversies. I stopped smoking on January 31, 1984. I promised myself I would never become a nonsmoking nazi. The big book addresses the attitude I have CHOSEN to adopt. It mentions that if we were to show any anamosity towards drinking we would be less able to help when a fresh newcomer came stagering toward us from the local gin mill. Those are of course my words, if someone really wants, I'll supply page number and paragraph of my source material.
In my area we have groups that have gone so far as to have named themselves the "fresh air group." I have a feeling there is a bit of spiritual pride involved in the ever so popular game of target the smoker that we all used to be. My desire to achieve progress in this spiritual journey doesn't seem to be enough. Some of our members have aparently already achieved perfection and will be acending toward the clouds soon while the rest of us are left behind.
Member: Doris H
Location: Oregon
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 03:01:00
Steve S in Arizona, Steve, I can't get you off of my mind. I am afraid that you are afraid to come back, If you are still using that is all the more reason to come back. "If" you are still using or have used again, whatever, you don't have to worry about anyone judging you. It's 'just not done', my man. We have all been there. Or we wouldn't be here. We have all been afraid. We have all said, " I'll quit today" and didn't quit 'that' day. We've all put it off. We've all felt like failures. We've all felt desperate and lonely. I have felt suicidal. I have had the gun in my mouth. Twice! - - - But ! Here I am. Still here and doing O.K. and better all the time thanks to God and people like those on these pages. Whatever you have done I will never critisize. I've done too many things I'm not proud of myself. But ! I am not going to take those things with me forever. I can now leave them behind. You can too.So,Steve - - - Please check in and let us know how you are doing and give us a chance to help. We will try. Doris , another alcoholic in recovery
Member: Jason
Location: Beirut
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 04:45:14
Hi all from Jason the alcoholic. Sanders, for years my parents couldn't say no to me. They knew something was wrong, but I kept them away from my problems and my grades were great and I put up a pretty good facade. In the end it took some Divine intervention to end the charade-- of the sort that Jonah experienced in belly of the whale (pretty drastic stuff). In the end I woke up, although it took me another five years to sober up-- at the time I judged drinking to be the least of my problems, that God for today's insight! From a son whose loving parents couldn't say no, I think you did the right thing. I'll be praying for your mom-- mine has just come to visit me here in Beirut.
Amy GC, I miss your postings... Amy W. welcome to the group, I grew up in Minn and still have friends there... there are some great AA groups with a younger crowd in Minnetonka and Edina-- is that near you??? Peer support is so important to staying sober-- I know all too well what it's like to try and try and try to quit on one's own pitiful strength... I quit smoking and a daily cocaine addiction on my own w/o rehap and yet couldn't stay sober more that a few days at a time for nine years-- we can't think of it in terms of whether we are or are not strong enough... we have to recognize that we are sick and then stick to what works to stay sober... check out the Weekly Discussion thread-- in crisis situations you'd be surprised how the one-liners help. Find someone that you can call when you feel like drinking. Start over again today, it's as good a time as any Amy, provided you have the desire to quit. Do you have a copy of AA's Big Book? If so, read it. If not, get one and read it. Go to a meeting. Keep coming back here, we care about you and want you to get better along with the rest of us drunks.
Member: Martina G
Location: New England
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 06:55:37
Sanders, Thanks for sharing your horrendous evening with us. It helps me relate and remember that I'm not the only one. and now we can pray for you..
The saying no to your son thing is one of the hardest things in the world for me. I have the hardest time shaking off the guilt of what a lousy mother I was when my kids were small. My daughter is much better off than my son, who has alot of problems. he is living with us right now and every time he comes home I find I am still holding my breath. When he didn't live at home, every time the phone rang late, I was afriad he got arrested for a DWI or was in the hospital. It is hard to let go of this. Good for you for saying no and being strong. This area is still the hardest for me.
Member: Diane N.
Location: Washington State
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 07:24:23
Hi, my name is Diane and I am an alcoholic. A couple of days ago I found the discussion meeting and tonight, the Coffee Pot meeting.....I have 101 days of sobriety. The third day I was in treatment I got in touch with the fact that my smoking and my drinking went hand in hand. If I was doing one, I was doing the other and there was no separation between the two. So I went on the patch and now have 98 days smoke-free after 37 years.....When I came home, I knew that many meetings were smoking. I "toughed it out" for about six weeks, but finally had to stop going to the smoking meetings. I don't want to come off sounding like a martyr, but smoking is probably a slippery thing for me in my sobriety.....However if I know I really need a meeting and a smoking one is the only option, I will go. And yes, I really want a cigarette. It has been much, much harder to give up than the alcohol.....To Steve and Renee: Just keep coming back and know that you are in my prayers. (((HUGS))) to all of you. Thanks for letting me share. I emjoyed all of your sharing, too. Diane
Member: rebecca
Location: nev
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 07:53:11
hi my name is rebecca and i am an ic. steve try to figure out a way to contact Doris H. from oregon. ive been in recovery for 6 years now and to me she epitomizes how we really are supposed to care for each other. She's been there and she can still relate to what it feels like. she doesn't need to go into recovery bablble or the ever infamous slogans we sometimes use to prove we "are right where we're supposed to be." forget all that. look at Doris' note again. my mom used to tell us that if we ever said "uncle", she would beat the out of us. Asking for help is the hardest thing for me to do, but it's also the smartest hing to. you've already done thesmart hard thing, now do the easy thing. let doris and AA members like Doris help you. I bet she knows of others like her out there too. Steve, some will say that you are in their prayers, but if i were you i'd wonder what they were asking for..so at the risk of being inappropriate at a meeting i'm going to pray for you now. Heavenly father, i know as we heard steve's cry for help, that you were already responding. father, i am asking you for another miracle right now. walk up to him and show your face to him through the eyes of a fellow suferer. help us to be real with steve. fire up a in his heart to try again one more time. amen. steve---you're not the only one out there feeling like you do. maybe you can be a strength to someone else. you already have been to us by being so vulnerable to this group.thanks
Member: Laura C
Location: Beverton, Oregon
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 08:46:18
Hi! My name is Laura and I am an aalcoholic/addict. I want to express my thankfulness about everyone here. I get the feeling of some genuine friendships here, and I enjoy seeing that. I am feeling better today and grateful for my sobriety. I want to say Hi to Amy W. I hope I see more messages from you. And also to The "phantom" Steve, I found his message haunting. I remember when I was drinking and using, praying for release from my Hell and so very afraid of the road I needed to walk to get sober. My walk in sobriety has been a very hard one but I can look in the mirror and into my soul and not run from what I see, even when I make mistakes. AA helped me to find Laura. Thank you.
Member: Renee S
Location: Florida
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 10:03:26
Good morning. My name is Renee and I'm an alcoholic.
Rebecca, that was a beautiful prayer for Steve. I sure hope he sees it! :0)
Amy W.- Glad you came back here, you drank and you are mad at yourself, but jump back on the wagon and don't drink...one day at a time.
Today is my 3rd day of sobriety. I'm starting to feel a little less foggy, although I've turned into a clumsy person! Yesterday I was dropping and spilling things..it was really weird. My body has to get used to functioning without alcohol...and my mind, my spirit...etc. does too.
To Sanders: Congratulations on not enabling your son. I know how hard it is to say no to someone you love. But it is the loving thing to do.
To Doris: I lived in Eugene last year at this time, and worked at the ISP named Continet. Is this by any chance your ISP? It's a good company! A small world, too, huh?
To Diane N: Welcome! I just found this site a couple of days ago. Congratulations on 101 days of sobriety!!
I am trying to convince my boyfriend that alcoholism is not a matter of willpower and moderation. He drinks very little, and just doesn't understand addiction. Does anyone know of any websites with info on alcohol from the physical standpoint?
Good to be here. Good to be sober another day. God Bless all of my new friends, and those still suffering. (((HUGS)))
Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 11:44:26
Good Morning, My name is Doris and i am an alcoholic,Rebecca, I am sitting here crying nd I don't know why. i just read your post to Steve and I feel so helpless. We all, I think, want to think we are powerful enough to "save" someone else. We all would like to grab Steve and save him from himself. It is very hard for me to accept that I cannot do that. I guess it is my own Ego. I don't know. I just feel so sad that this young (I think) man is so lonely, so alone. I was alone for so long. I have had manifestations of nerves and stress of every kind for probably all of my life. Finally about 9 years ago i started to DRINK.,and drink hard. I knew within two weeks that I was a drunk and I had no intention to stop. I stood in my barn about two weeks after I 'really' started and said out loud to myself, "I am a f--- alcoholic". I'll never forget it. I even remember what I was wearing. Most of that pain is behind me now. It feels so good to finally get somewhere I NEVER thought I'd be. I remember what it was like to have NO hope. I guess you'd call that my bottom. But ! for so many years I had no hope. I was an incest victim from the time I was 4 until I was 18. In all those years with all the incest( and it happened almost every day) and the beatings and to say nothing of the mental ( I am having a hard time finding a word to describe this. Mental abuse is not enough. I guess i will have to say anhialation.) Of course I got pragnant. Of course I couldn't tell anyone. (This WAS the perfect fifties) I did all that alone. The baby died(mercifally) and I had to keep that secret too. I have known nothing BUT keeping secrets and now I have found a way to NOT do that anymore. I am (almost) not ashamed anymore. It has been my experience that most users have secrets. Most are ashamed. Most are afraid. Most are hiding. Me too. But! I am trying so hard to not do that anymore. I know that I am a strong woman. (At times) I have told my story in group and had two women mentally collapse. One went into a state I can't even describe. The counselor said when I wanted to stop "No, you are helping her even if you dont know it. You are helping her finally face her own monsters", I don't know but I did go on and later they both thanked me for telling. I can just hope that it did help. As you can probably tell there has been a lot of pain. I think I have finally found a way to get past it and go on with what I think is a reasonably happy life. I WANT that for all of us. I want that for steve and Renee and all the rest. At the first A A meeting I ever chaired (at 9 days sober in the re-hab) I told that story and at the end told everyone i didn't want anyone to respect my anonymity. I want this told. If anyones Aunt Matilda in maine hears this and she thinks, " I wonder what's really going on next door?" That Is Why I Am On The Planet. That , if anything, is why it all happened. I am writing a book. I do NOT keep this a secret. This treatment of me and my sister is probably what lead us to alcoholism and we are not doing that anymore either. I don't know why I went into all of this this morning and I am sure that I am taking up way too much space, but, I have found in alcoholics there usually in their past there is a common thread of some shame or abuse. I believe that when we finally start doing something about the addiction we find other inadequacies and at this time we can work on them as well. But! The only way I can do it is with honosty. When I see someone as desparete as I think Steve is I can't help but "feel his pain". I'm sorry THAT has become such a cliche, sometimes we really MEAN it. YesLaura, there are friendships here. I think it is cause we have all suffered and we would like it to stop. For ourselves and others. Doris
Member: me again
Location:
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 11:52:37
Doris here, I am sorry I took up so much space, I guess you would have to call the above a "burning desire" Thank you all for being so patient. I don't really think my story is so Special, I'm afraid that there are many like this one (men and women) and look where it got us. I better be careful or I'll write too much again. Doris
Member: Renee S
Location: Florida
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 12:17:06
Renee-alcoholic. (Hiiiii)
Doris, I don't think there are any rules on how much space you can take up on this site are there? I say take as much as you need!! And if that's not enough, we'll find you some more, somewhere!!
I was heartened by your story, it touched me deeply. I send you many many cyber-hugs!!! I was abused as a child/teen also, so (the ol' cliche again) I feel your pain too.
Keep on typin', girl! (((HUGS))) Renee
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 13:57:56
Hi to all, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I think you are a beautifulperson Doris and want you to know I am praying for you. When I see people hurt, I hurt with them, I think because I hurt for such a long time after getting into AA. I just want you all to know that my son has called back 3 or 4 times this morning, cursed me, hung up on me, and the last time called back and apoligized and told me he loved me, so that all is working out the way it is supposed to. I finally convinced my mother, after about 2 hrs., to go back to her regular Dr. and then I called and was able to get her in this afternoon. All in all I feel very good about how things have falen in to place in all areas and can't help but think of the line in the BB that says " We will intuitivly know how to handle situations that use to baffle us". I feel this is a combination of several of the promises being fulfilled for me at this time. My favorite part of that line is They will always materilize, IF WE WORK FOR THEM> I did not get what I have of this program through osmosis, I had to work for it. I'll let all y'all (plural) know how we make out when we get back tonight. Love to all and I kind of like " Figure it out is not one of our slogans" Sanders
Member: Bonnie J
Location: Bangor,PA
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 15:03:07
hi everyone. My name is Bonnie and I KNOW that I am an alcholic. This is the first time visiting this site. I had to force myself to read every line cause I get bored sitting at the computer and reading so much. But I was more afraid that I would miss the one message that would ring my bell. Doris thank you for sharing. I have been there too. But in my case there was noone, even in my homegroup that wanted to hear the details. Many people kept saying "get over it", or "just pray for release" or some other innane comment like "I know ,Ive been there" then go on to tell me how they dealt with it. What I NEEDED was to VENT my anger and frustration. I have since done that,knowing that AA's are people too, and that I needed to share with my HP.I was a member of the Keep it Simple group here in NE.PAand moved away from the area. I finally broke down after waiting 4 months to hear from some of my friends in AA.I called one of the guys and he gave me this site. At least here I can share and not feel like you All are gonna turn your backs on me and start talking to someone else. I have been sober for 6 months this time. before that I had a 1 day relapse. I had called my sponsor(who had 9 years) before I went out and told her that I had a burning desire to drink and she told me to go to a meeting and call her later.I went to a meeting all right!! at my local tavern. Boy was I sorry. The next day she called me to apologize for not being there when I needed her. It was too late. I have forgiven her but I for one, can't forget how it was. I have a feeling you will be hearing from me again. With the help of my Higher Power and some very good people, I have stayed sober 1 Day at a time! and when things get rough, I deal with what I can and leave the rest to God.As a side note, I have been reading over the names of the officers and techs of this site and I think they are all from my neck of the woods. If you are post a note to me here. Bonnie
Member: TOM S
Location: BROOKINGS OR.
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 17:39:44
HI I'AM TOM AN ALCOHOLIC FROM OREGOM.JUST GOT BACK FROM A TRIP TO MILWAUKEE WIS THE BEER CAPITAL OF THE U.S..GONE 5 DAY'S OFFERED A DRINK 49 TIMES. WHEN WILL THEY GIVE UP AND HOW CAN I HELP THEM TO STOP OFFERING??
Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 18:43:40
Hi everyone, I'm Kerry an alcoholic.
Over the years I have been offered many drinks on different occasions. My favorite reply is simply that I am alergic to alcohol. When asked further about this condition I tell them that I have a tendency to break out in handcuffs. That usually produces quite a few laughs and then I get to hear how the person who is offering me the beverage drinks in moderation, and at that I get to laugh inside. Because I NEVER KNEW MODERATION!!!! I never drank just one of anything. I was always in a state of uphoric recall of the first drink I ever had, and how good I thought it made me feel. The thing is, I could never achieve that feeling again. Always drank til my knees buckled and I blacked out. Gee, didn't everyone drink that way?? That's what I thought at the time, AA has shown me that this was definately not normal drinking. My heart goes out to those who are still suffering. I'm glad I hit bottom when I did 18 years ago.
Thanks for the honesty Doris. I have heard so many "horror" stories over the years and have been grateful for the opportunity to hear them, for they remind me that there are many miracles walking around those halls of AA. I was a "victim" too and found that when I shared about some of my experiences from the podium, I made some of the people there very uncomfortable. I think it was because either they had not dealt with their own problems or it was just that it made them hurt for me too much. I don't honestly know. I do not keep my experiences secret anymore, but I do share them on a more intimate level with my sponsee's, and that is only if they have had similar experiences. Mine was rape. Anyway, getting over the "victim" part of my story was a long process. See, I used it to feel sorry for myself and be angry at God for many years, and even in sobriety for a while. I have learned to "let it go" and have given all the anger to God, for it was not his fault. I'm the one who got in the car with a stranger. Anyway, I know that I would have been an alcoholic even if those things did not happen to me. I I had the symptoms when I was a kid, all I had to do was add the alcohol and I was off and running. That's enough from me, I've been just reading and not sharing this week. Dang it Doris, you made me do it!! HA HA Keep coming back, it works (when you work it , and even when you don't)
By the way, I knew a guy who was "addicted" to Ice Cream. He had a tab at the local 31 Flavors.
Member: KB
Location:
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 18:46:58
Tom, just keep saying no.
Member: J-man
Location: Ardsley Pa.
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 21:01:39
Hi everyone I'm J-man alcoholic, I've been reading these "cyber" pages and have decided it is time to share . I have been familiar with this program since 1978 tried to stay sober for all the wrong reasons Finally 10years later I figured (well maybe not totally I)this is the place I should be to get sober and straighten out.This would have probibly worked had I worked the program do the steps go to meetings regular not whenever I felt like it.The reason I say this is because I went out again however I am back and have been for 3yrs.4mons. Steve if you are still reading these pages you do not have feel bad today we have choices and God willing we can make these choices,and they will be to our liking. Thanks for letting me share, this is an nice place to meet.
Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 21:08:18
Heelo to a,,. Amy the alcoholic. mary was right about the lower case letters I guess, these people are picky, picky, picky. I need your prayers my friends, Jrr don`t move that arm, Fayla your post about made me cry. Love to all Amy G.C.
Member: Lorin .
Location: Way Up North !
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 22:07:27
Hi , Im Lorin and Im an Alcoholic. Iam a newcomer to the wonderful world of COFFEE POT and from what I have just read I think this is a blessing for me.I am in the process of taking a big step into the feild of ADDICTIONS and ,Iam wondering if anyone is in the same boat as me . The reason Iam asking is to get some insight to what the ground work may be both professionally and personallythrough experience.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 22:46:04
I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I'll try to make this as short as I can. I promised to let everyone know how I made out with my mother today so here goes. After a couple of hrs. talking this morning, I convinced her to let me take her back to her regular Dr. in Dothan. I then called and finally got an appointment for 3:30 this afternoon. We got to the Dr. office and waited till 5:45 before seeing him and he said she has high blood pressure when she sits and very low blood pressure when she stands and that the "window" she operates in is so narrow there is not much he can do for her. I showed him the prescription she was given last night and he said deffinately not to take that. He gave me another one for her to take and lay down when she feels one comming on. She seems to be feeling pretty well tonight but is very tired and so am I.Welcome back J Man, you should consider yourself very fortunate to be able to come back. Lots of people I have known died out there trying it one more time. Welcome back and keep comming. Amy I detect some real sadness in your posts and wish we could take it from you, but I don't believe we can so I suppose you will just have to give it to God. I am still praying for you and your husband and feel that will work out. Does getting Email cause a problem between you and your husband? If so please say so and I'll cease sending it as I think I now have your address correct. Love to all and I am so grateful for this program and all of you for being there. Sanders
Member: Tom S
Location: Or.
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 23:00:59
Thanks to Kerry and K B all input on the people who think I need to still drink is read and used. The one's that work for me are the one's that push the hardest.They will just have to take me as is sober.Amy thanks the reason I signed on is I so enjoyed you're input.
Member: Doris H
Location: Oregon
Date: 29 Apr 1998
Time: 23:26:24
Amy , I am praying and praying hard. I too detect something Big going on in your life. If there is anything I can do I will. Renee S, Sanders, Bonnie, and all the rest of you. I thank you all for your compassion. I have forgiven my father, long ago, and it was a bitch befor I got that far. HATE is a big load to tote around. I really don't hate anymore. He was sick, I wasn't. He was miserable and that is sad. He never knew a true friend. He never knew compassion. He never knew Love. He never knew God. He never LIVED. It was his loss. He is dead now and I wonder where he is . . .? My higher power, God, The Great Spirit takes care of me. Now ! if I just don't screw up his handiwork I'll be O.K. Again Amy, I am here and I am praying, Doris
Member: Amy G.C.Swit
Location: Switzerland
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 01:22:07
OK, so many people said we made the decision too fast, that I was pushing it, running from past, etc. and my husband is wonderful but he also expecs perfectionism ans I ain`t that. Please e mail me, I did get the Fla state card! Don`t you guys worry about me, I typed the last one at 3 am when I had a nature call. I am sad sometmes because it has been over a year now since I have been home. But seriously this group helps!! Love, AAmy, PS Thanks for caring!
Member: Doris
Location: Oreegone
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 01:25:26
Hi ! Gotta tell all yall a joke, (did I get it right?) . . . . . . .There were three guys sitting at a bar having a beer. They all look down and darn ! there's a fly in EVERY one of their beers. . . The first guy , who is almost a tea toteler looks down and sees the fly and says "Ugh ! a fly, and pusher the beer aside, and drinks no more. The second guy, a social drinker, sees the fly in his beer and absent mindedly picks out the fly and flicks it away and goes on s l o w l y sipping his beer. The third guy, a rip roaring alcoholic, looks down and sees there's a FLY IN HIS BEER, he gasps , fishes out that darn fly and gulps down the beer and yells at the fly , " S P I T I T OUT" ! ! ! D H , it's about time for someone to tell a joke around here don't ya think ? Sure would like to hear some more.
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 01:54:58
HELLO FAYLA ,JUST WANTED TO LET YA KNOW,IGOT ME A SPONSER TONIGHT ,HER NAME IS KATIE .I CANT WATE TO START WORKING THE STEPS,WELCOME BACK JASON I MISSED YOU. THERE IS SOMEONE IVE BEEN THINKING OF TONIGHT JOSH I MISS YOU AND I AM PRAYING FOR YOU ,DORIS GOD BLESS YOU ,I LOVE YOU. AMY GLAD YOUR BETTER ,I LOVE YOU . HI MARY YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM ME SOON,ILOVE YOU,TELL JRR MY PRAYERS AND LOVE ARE WITH HIM.BONNIE HUGS AND LOVE TO YOU ,ALL MY LOVE TO EVERYONE HERE. FAYLA G
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 03:33:10
Hi everyone, my name is Linda, an alcholic. I am drop dead tired, but just had to catch up on the postings before hitting the sack.
To Trish--if you made it on-line and have read this post, you can jumb in at anytime. Love you, and HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!
I spent the evening with this lady, my friend and sponsor, helping to work out the bugs on her computer and printer so she could join us. So hopefully she will. My life since I married 3 yrs ago has been hectic, and her and I do not see each other much.
Amy from Switzerland, I enjoy your posts. Sorry that you have been having some difficulties that are creating problems for you right now. Hang in there though, are love and prayers are with you.
Two weeks ago I joined an e-mail womens meeting (AAWomen@aol.com). This group is very organized, only 25 members to any group, Keeping meetings small keeps from having computers go down from handling too much mail. Topics are picked each week. This month I volunteered to help out with that duty. What a previlege to be of service on-line.
My husband has a heck of a time getting me off this computer, but he is happy that I have found something at home that I am interested in besides TV and crossword puzzles.
Well off to slumberland for me.
Love to all,
Linda
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 10:02:43
Good Morning. Suzanne here, still an alcoholic. Well, it is back to the specialist today. I have a list of questions for him which he probably can't answer anyway, but, oh well. It has been a busy month trying to get medical information etc. If I only get one 15 minute appointment every 6 to 12 months with this guy then I want to make good use of it. I haven't let my program slide and thank God for all of you here.. I can't get to meetings too much though and that is something I really wanted to do more..the old body just won't co-operate. There is much to my illness that has caused me some problems with my recovery.....and how I feel about it...mainly concerning Honesty. This is a longer story..I could use your prayers. I do want you to know that my sobriety is everything to me and something I am not willing to give up.
I have been reading the posts here, everyday, and want you to know how special each and everyone of you are to me. I'll be back.
Luv Suzanne
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville Fl.
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 10:33:24
Good morning to all. I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. You got it Doris, I wish I were near you Fayla so I could give you and your sponser a big hug. I am so happy for you that you now have one. You just make her earn her money and use her often. Amy I am happy for you that you are just caught up in what is known as "Life". I truely hope is gets better for you as time passes. I suppose you are probably in one of the most beautiful countries in the world and envied by more people than you could imagine for being able to be there, however I can certainly identify with your feeling about home. When I first retired and came up here, I was a wreck. I left all the people I had gotten sober with and I had access to 40 to 50 meeting every day within 15 minutes of my door. Here there are only 15 meetings per week over a 50 mile area, so this really took some adjusting for me. Where I came from, we would not consider going to a meeting without our BB., but here they look at you strange if you take your book. Thi has all taken along time to adjust to and I don't believe I would have made it without my dog, Tobie. It is just she and I and I love her dearly and that is another entire story, as to why I did not enter her in the WalMart dog of the year contest. Anyway this site and all y'all, (plural) Doris, mean more to me and my sanity than you will ever know. Now for a quick joke. Up here they don't read the Grapevine much but I really look forward to it and last month there was a great joke in there I want to share. If you have seen it all ready then I am sorry but if not I hope you enjoy it. Ralph and Myrtle were fond of frequenting a local gin mill. They went in one night, and Myrtle ordered six double shots of bar whiskey. After downing the sixth, she promtly fell off her bar stool and passed out cold on the floor. As she lay there unmoving, her husband gazed down at her fondly and said, " That's Myrtle for you! She always did know when to stop." Love to all, Sanders
Member: Libby
Location: Pa
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 10:36:52
Hi All! Libby alcoholic.
Don't know that I am ready to let myself go either here on line or at mtngs. I admire those that can do that. It is not that no one knows me or that I don't share 1/1, I have been burnt by many in the program of Alcohlics Anonymous. I make 5 to 7 mtngs. wk. Have 2 sponsors and I guess that is ok for now. I'll just keep coming back!
To J-Man--- I too am glad the disease fo alcohlism did not claim your life, as you are a special man in my life.
Hope all have a great and wonderful day-- Libby
Member: Renee S
Location: Florida
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 11:31:39
Hello all, Renee, alcoholic. Day #4. Yippee! I was trying to wait until I had something inspiring to say, but it hasn't come yet! So just thought I'd check in and say "hey"!
Cyber hugs to everyone!
Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 13:12:20
Hey to all, especially Jason, Jrr, mary, Doris, Fayla, Saunders,Etc...I feel like sharing something that is bothering my sobriey. I am avoiding friends (which is a big problem Saturday cause I am to help put on a breakfast for 100),, Its the Nerves. But thank God I did not have to drink. Now I am not a complete lunatic hermit, I shopped this am, visited a friend this pm, but overall would rather be alone than always translating in my head or trying to express myself. The weather here was beautiful today (sunny but cold) and tomorrow is a national holiday so we may ski, I need the fresh air I think. Cabin fever or something. I miss all ya`ll, Amy G.C.
Member: Libby
Location: PA.
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 13:27:08
Hi! Libby Again.
Many days I feel co-existing with the human race is an effot. Is it that way for you Amy? I would just love to be comfortable in my own skin You people in AA tell me someday this will be but only if I do the "foot-work"
Renee! I am soooo glad you are here> Just reading your post took the edge off my negitivity. Thanks "Sunshine Girl"!!
Can't sit too long- Had injections in my back yesterday. And it hurt like he--!
Peace to my cyber family!
P.S. Bonnie C. Says after a time she cannot get on this post. She misses you all and if anyone would like to contact her Please look in the archives. She sends (((((HUGS)))))
Member: Michele B.
Location: East Orange, NJ
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 14:14:09
Godd afternoon to everyone. My name is Michele and I am an Alcoholic. It is wonderful to be alive and sober. I thank and praise the Lord jesus Christ who is the God of my understanding. It is amazing that the more I seek God's face and not His hands, He blows my mind. I am an alcoholic of sorts. Sort-a like liquor, sort-a like cocaine, sort-a like men, sort-a like chocolate, sort-a like fatty foods, sort-a like cigarettes and yet by the grace God, I've only had one cheeseburger today! I know that Jesus put me into AA first then when I was sixty days sober I accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior. Even though I have had a working relationship with Him for over 6.5 years, since I have suurendered in the area of relationships and have allowed Christ to be the Head of my life, the Lover of my soul, the Center of my joy, the Leader and my Heavenly Father, I have fallen in love with Him. I study the Word of God to learn more about the God of the Word. The more I learn about who Christ is and what He truly did for the world (rotten me included), I am so overwhelmed by His awesome holiness, His majestic splendor, and it is wonderful to be in a relationship with your Creator. I am finding out that Father knows best. My prayer has increased with power and I definitely believe that His Spirit abides in Alcoholics Anonymous. How do you explain millions of people once enslaved to the bottle, shackled to drugs and imprisoned in their minds not drinking and drugging one day at a time. For me it is His GRACE that allows me to receive what I don't deserve and His MERCY that keeps me from what I do deserve. I can't explain it, I didn't earn it but I do appreciate the gift of sobriety. I cherish the love that I have found in God and in the fellowship of AA. The program of AA as suggested does work. In the beginning, I worked around a few things. I was in a a number of unhealthy relationships in recovery, sleeping with unavailable men who were committed to other women, manipulating to get what I wanted, being selfish, inconsiderate and insensitive to other peoples feelings, lying, seeking to fill the God-void with cars, clothes and one at a time, one day at a time He has removed NOT improved defects of character from my life. I haven't picked up a drink since 9/28/91 but I celebrate 10/1/98, I haven't smoked a Newport since 1/2/95 and I wanted one in the meeting yesterday, I have not slept with any woman's man since 8/1996 and I have not been in a relationship since 1/16/97 and I am blessed and finding out who I am and today I am Saved, Sober, Single and Satisfied with Jesus. i would like to get married one day but I am willing to wait on the Lord because it will be worth it. God wants to give me so much more than I chase. So relax, He is definitely in charge. I am experiencing the benefits, fruits and joys of working steps 10 and 11 on a daily basis. These must be cultivated in order to grow in me. Six and a half years ago I was spiritually dead living amongst the physically alive; yesterday I went to what I thought was a park to meditate and found that it was a cemetery, but the meditation was great. Here's was the difference: With God I am spiritually alive amongst the physically dead! I want to thank all who shared their experience, strength and hope on HP. Remember, if you can see it, it's not faith! Be blessed and I love you all. Thanks for helping me to stay sober today. I could go on about God but they will ban me from the Coffee Pot and I need you guys and gals!
Member: Billy H
Location: Atlanta,MI
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 16:06:10
whats the difference between a drunk and an alcholic? An alcholic has to come to these meetings.
Hugs!
Billy H
Member: Amy W
Location: Minn.
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 16:28:43
Hi. This is Amy W., back again. I don't have much time to chat, but I want to thank everyone who responded to me. I appreciate everything and I'm hanging in there. I'm going to a meeting tonight and I confessed my slip at my aftergroup. I know now that this disease is pretty powerful and I'm not in control. Talk to everyone soon.
Member: Doris H
Location: Oregon
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 16:31:00
I am Doris and I am an alcoholic, HIP HIP HOORA for Fayla, that is great, I know that just a couple of months ago I felt so good getting a sponsor. happy Birthday Trish, job well done. Hay ! to Renee, day four is a great day, don't you wish everyone were having a day # 4. i started to say don't you wish everyone 'could' have a day #4 but ! they can, they just have to want it and ask. To Sweet Amy , you don't have to miss us, we're right here , , , with you , , , i think someone is thinking of you almost all of the time. When one is down the others rally around, and I think that is what the fellowship of A A IS ALL about. That is the only way I can keep doing it. I have to know that I have the support of those that have been in the same pit,,, ,,,alone,,,. Sometimes I still go into that pit - but I know that I am not alone, I just reach out and there you all are. Any of us can do that but it does require something from me when I need support, I DO have to reach out. I cannot expect anyone to read my mind, Hell folks Sometimes "I" can't even do that. (she said loudly) I know you are reaching, and i hope that you know that we are all reaching back. (can ya feel it?) Sanders, my man, I loved the joke ! good job. Now, I do want to say that I can relate to all that is happening concerning aged parents. We are going through the same (exact) things with my husbands father. Also the same" stuff" ? with the blood pressure. Isn't it amazing that modern medacine can't communicate and have the right hand know what the left hand is doing? I have had to finally turn into a irate consumer and be rather strong with the medical profession concerning my father in law. Now that i have done that and I have some kind of primitive status with these DOCTORS they have a little respect for me and they actually tell me what is going on. They now talk to me like I were a person and not just someone they they have to 'deal with'. I do have a great deal of respect for Doctors but i expect them to return the favor. Libby, I am trying to fine your e-mail, I want to write to you. I will try and I cant you to know, i am soooo sorry that you have to go through all that you are going through. Now ! I wantto say something ! ! I would like to give out my e-mail address but I don't feel good about it. There are so many of you that I would like to talk to privately but I just don't feel comfortable. Maybe I am paranoid. I do feel though i owe you all an apology though for not being able to give it out. You know what they say, "just cause you're paranoid doesn't mean theyre not out to get ya!" Just joking, gotta go, Love Doris PS MIchelle, your spirituality is showing, isn't it wonderful?
Member: Ralph Mc.
Location: MO.
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 16:50:37
Hello everyone, my name is Ralph Mc. from Algona Ia.This is the first time I have ever done this.I have just moved away from Algona Ia to Columbia MO.I have been sober for 6 yrs and am ready to try some cyber meetings.
Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 17:54:01
Libby, did you see the note about the WebTV people (which Bonnie is) on the other page? When this page gets too long they can't pull it up. When we get verbose it limits others.
Member: Libby
Location: Glenside PA
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 18:22:41
Libby alcoholic!
Just had a crying spell,depression I suppose Not feeling well. My Mom died a yr. ago May 8th and I am having that hurt feeling in my heart. At this moment I just don not feel a part of . Now let's see how many times did I write Feel? What came to mind as I write is"feelings are not facts". That is thanks to the discussion meeting that came to this puney brain.
Doris I would love to hear from you since soon I will be "in house" once the treatment starts for the hepc. Some say it is bad others do OK. You can get my e-mail from Bonnie C. As she is a brave one.
Thanks everyone for being here It DOES help!
May we all find some peace. Libby
Member: Libby
Location: PA
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 18:41:40
Libby Again!
Glen we must have been typing at the same time! What I neglected to mention from Bonnie is any one who would like to write her she is there to help. I can attest to the fact she gives good support and suggestions! Bonnie is AA in action. AS are the MANY MANY of you here at the coffeepot!
May God's grace continue to be. Lib
Member: Sandy A.
Location: Black Hills, SD
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 18:51:40
Sandy A., Alcoholic - welcome Ralph Mc. from MO - I got sober in Fort Dodge, Iowa - Algona used to have a annual wild game feed, white elephant auction and dance every January. It was one of the best parts about being sober in Iowa in January. Sure to miss those days - guess I need to get the people here in SD fired up to try something here just like that.
To Renee - lots of times I don't have anything wise to say - it doesn't take years, months or even days to be wise - I get lots of GOOD stuff from the new people into the program. And sometimes I talk at meetings and think that I'm not making sense - those are the meetings people come up to me afterwards and thank me for what I said.
Amy, our swis friend - your posts here are read around the clock - so someone - somewhere is always thinking about you.
Mark in Alaska - haven't heard from you this week - hope everything is OK.
Thanks for the space - celebrating sobriety ODAT!
Member: David David
Location: P.A
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 19:11:33
I'm David and I'm an alcoholic.I just came out of rehab. after three months.I have five months clean and I fel pretty good about myself. I've been coming around since 1994 and today I feel that I am walking by faith,in me,in AA and in my higher power who I call God. A good friend of mine gave me the address for this meeting and I am grateful to her and to have this means to a AA metting. God bless to all who joins in on this recovery network. .
Member: David David
Location: P.A
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 19:11:57
I'm David and I'm an alcoholic.I just came out of rehab. after three months.I have five months clean and I fel pretty good about myself. I've been coming around since 1994 and today I feel that I am walking by faith,in me,in AA and in my higher power who I call God. A good friend of mine gave me the address for this meeting and I am grateful to her and to have this means to a AA metting. God bless to all who joins in on this recovery network. .
Member: David David
Location: P.A
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 19:12:30
I'm David and I'm an alcoholic.I just came out of rehab. after three months.I have five months clean and I fel pretty good about myself. I've been coming around since 1994 and today I feel that I am walking by faith,in me,in AA and in my higher power who I call God. A good friend of mine gave me the address for this meeting and I am grateful to her and to have this means to a AA metting. God bless to all who joins in on this recovery network. .
Member: David David
Location: P.A
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 19:13:02
I'm David and I'm an alcoholic.I just came out of rehab. after three months.I have five months clean and I fel pretty good about myself. I've been coming around since 1994 and today I feel that I am walking by faith,in me,in AA and in my higher power who I call God. A good friend of mine gave me the address for this meeting and I am grateful to her and to have this means to a AA metting. God bless to all who joins in on this recovery network. .
Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 21:30:26
Dear cyber friends, I just came onto the coffee pot because I cannot sleep (it is 3 am here) my prince of a siamese let me know that it was, in his opinion, time to get up. Thank you to all who have responded to my posts. I was feeling very homesick, Saunders you are right about that. Perhaps I have mentioned to all y`all that both my parents are Methodist ministers. I love them both so much but when my mother sends me e mail I feel like I am getting a church bullitin! I want a mom not a preacher, already had a darn good one (dad). I resented my mother for going back to study just when she should be joining garden clubs, but my mother...well they broke the mold when they made her! She loves me and misses me, but sometimes It is not enough. My husband had a hard week at work but is now ready for a break. Someone mentioned that they missed my posts and that made me smile, another mentioned that my message brought them on line, so hey I must be doing something right! All you service men and others living away from sea to shining sea, hang in there, There are rough spots and adventures both. Fayla I am so glad you have a sponsor. I want to ask the physician that was in Africa with me if he will be mine but since he lives in NC it may not be possible. Gosh there are some good groups in NC for those of you who ever go there. By the way Doris I am an American but I married a swiss, therefor I am here, I am also an alcoholic (recovering ODAAT) named AAmy GC
Member: J-MAN
Location: Ardsley, Pa.
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 21:35:29
Hello J-Man I am an alcoholic Hi thank you Libby and Sanders for your welcome. There are a lot of things going on in my life today that if not for the program, my higher power (GOD) and my best friend (wife) I feel I might not want to follow the path I'm on now. January I was diagnoised with hepitites C I quit smoking on a no red meat fat free diet. Had all tests done qualify for the government study, and hopfully start my treatments next week. The waiting game is what is such a pain in the butt!!! I just had to open up and let this out, thank you for letting me i ndulge, for we know life goes on Have a nice evening thanks J-Man
Member: David T.
Location: P.A.
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 22:14:52
I am David and I am an alcoholic. I just came out of rehab. after three months. My life is good right now. I have alittle over five months clean and I feel I am walking by faith with my higher power God, and AA. I've sporatically been in AA for the past four years. I have beaten my self up for a long time, although I feel I needed to go through what I went through to get where I am today. I'm grateful my good friend told me about this AA Web Site God Bless
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 22:46:28
Helloto all. I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I am just back from the Dr. for the second time in a couple of weeks. I never did get cleared up from the last bout with my emphasema and suddenly it got worse again so I had to go back. He did basically the same he did before but just more of it with a couple of new things added this time . I surely do hope it clears up this time as it was starting to get me down and I don't like to be a "down" person. Hopefully in the next few days, I'll be my old self again. Thanks to all y'all (plural) for being there for me. You will never know how imporant these cyber meetings are to me and I love you all. Sanders
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 30 Apr 1998
Time: 22:46:52
Helloto all. I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I am just back from the Dr. for the second time in a couple of weeks. I never did get cleared up from the last bout with my emphasema and suddenly it got worse again so I had to go back. He did basically the same he did before but just more of it with a couple of new things added this time . I surely do hope it clears up this time as it was starting to get me down and I don't like to be a "down" person. Hopefully in the next few days, I'll be my old self again. Thanks to all y'all (plural) for being there for me. You will never know how imporant these cyber meetings are to me and I love you all. Sanders
Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 01:31:10
I'm David and I'm a recovered alcoholic. Damn...... J Man my sponsor has the same problem with hep that you do, just keep on breathin in and out buddy. My sponsor has been doing battle with that desease for a whole bunch of years. He's 26 years sober now, that should be a good target for you to shoot for. Oh no!! Now the advise police are going to come after me for deviating fron the one day at a time path.
Digressing to Chuck C. once again, he suggested that love is the only proper motive for any action we might take in this life. This is because of the spiritual law that states we can only reap what we sow. In short, if we spend our time picking on Fayla for always sharing in caps someone else is going to pick on us for some other inane reason. Cap it up Fayla, its ok with me.
I've been clean and sober all day long today! That is the most important thing I've ever been able to say. I'd like to thank all y'all (plural) for being an important part of my soberiety. Especially Glen from TX and Sanders from FL. I would list some of the ladies but my wife will end up reading this post and she's a terribly jealous woman. Ok I lied, I'm just so darn self obsessed I can't seem to keep your names with me this long. Its really kinda funny the way I recognize your various writing personalities but can't seem to hang your names. Just like in a regular old f2f meeting!!
WHERE DID RICHARD GO?
Love all y'all DB
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 01:59:40
Hi everyone, Linda, an alcoholic. Just got back from attending my home group meeting. I am truly jazzed about being a part of AA and am amazed how this program has complimented the lives of so many people. Tonight was one of those birthday meetings. One gal had 21 yrs sober, that's a lot of 24 hours. In a way we were also celebrating AA tonight. When anyone of us can show others that we have lived sober for any length of time it is proof that the program of AA works when applied. After all, it is the most unnatural thing for an alcoholic not to drink. So something is working right. I can not give credit to myself. Without this process of recovery in the steps and a relationship with a God of my choice I would still be out there dying.
Sanders, sorry to hear your health has been poor lately. I can relate that my mental state suffers when I am physically sick. Diversions work best at those times, as I have no other course to take if I get housebound. Watching comedy films, reading uplifting litature, listing to my favorite music, and speaking to others on the phone during those times keeps me from getting too deep into any pitiful state. Lots of times I get into fear and these distractions get me off my sick thinking. Now that I have this mode of communication as well, that allows me another means to get out of myself. Hope you get to feeling better soon.
Rene glad to see you are still with us. Amy, it is great to see you posting again. Missed you.
Love to all, Linda P.
Member: jrr
Location: harmony on the Lake
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 03:45:14
well.. glad to see this spot was busy lately... AAmy ... you are a gem... stay the way you are and get in touch with the gals around here... you know mary w is aavailable to help... and thank-you for the lovely card.. Fayla.. stay as cool as you are. thank-you for your prayers... I am recovering from a nasty bit of shoulder surgery... had a great cutter and should be in top shape in a couple months.Suzanne... I gave you mary w address months ago.. the rest is up to you .. evidently your response to a little harangue couple weeks ago was nice bit of lipservice... get busy and you will get what others have... I promise. great to see you around still..someone mentioned 'if you can see it, it is not faith'.. Well , that is a nice opinion. However, my experience is the opposite,,, as much as I doubted the existence of this God deal... I really could not doubt the apparent belief and existence in others lives... and for this alcoholic... this blind simple faith... as per my observations in others lives and stories... confirmed my faith... you see.. the coincidences became miracles... that I witnessed and experienced in my own life... like a mustard seed,witnessing my own faith occur.. and grow... my good friend calls his God---- Milo... the omnipotent custodian from his schoolboy days.. because, Milo was definitley more powerful than he... "...as we understood him ." Thank God for that part of the step.. peace , love and Tolerance
Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 09:08:28
Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!
Having a tough time getting going this a.m., I spent my day at the hospital yesterday going through tests (it was a long, exaspirating, day).
I was very angry at myself because I was not able to complete the most important test which involved an MRI +, I was also very angry at the doctor because I felt he had misrepresented the test to me. I had told the doctor that I was extremely claustrophobic and had a problem with the traditional MRI in the past (I finally had to go to a clinic which had a "wide body" MRI machine at that time), yet he said there would be no problem with the traditional machine this time because this test would allow me to enter the machine feet first with my head exposed. This, as it turned out, was not the case. I asked for a lot of help, which sustained me throughout the day, but when push came to shove, I was unable to stay in that damn machine. (I did complete all my other tests).
The good news is that my surgeon has decided to go ahead with the surgery next Thursday anyway, the bad news is that he is working with less data than he would like with regard to the muscle damage.
Anyway, I guess I needed to vent. Welcome to all the new people who are signing on.
Thank you for letting me share.
J.L.
Member: Renee S
Location: Florida
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 09:46:04
Good morning, Renee, alcoholic.
So there was a man stuck in a flood. He was on top of his house, surrounded by water. He said a prayer; "God, if you save me, I promise I will never drink again!" A boat came along. The captain yelled out "Come aboard, I'm here to save you!" The man yelled back "That's ok, God is going to save me". Then a helicopter flew overhead. The pilot yelled down "I'm coming down to rescue you!" The man yelled back "No, don't bother, God is going to rescue me". Then another boat came by. Same thing. The man yelled "No, I'm waiting for God to save me". The flood got worse, the house was covered with water, and the man drowned. When the man got to heaven, he said "God, I prayed for you to rescue me, and you didn't. Why?" God said "I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more do you want?"
Moral of the story: God works through people, sometimes in mysterious ways. If you have turned your will and your life over to the care of God, you will be "saved" but you just might not realize it at the time.
Member: Doris
Location: Ore.
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 10:51:39
Hi ! Y'all, ( Sanders, I give up, I just can't talk southern, just lakota and american) Well, we had our first couples group here at my house last night, I think it went well but my husband was VERY quiet. Ya know, I always try to read his mood, I guess haveing been raised by a tyrant I live in a kind of fear that makes me feel defensive all the time. I always think my husband is about to leave me. He is always so pensive. And by the way I think he is a dry drunk. He did drink with me all those years though not nearly as much. When I quit he did too but with no program. He has always acted as though the only one in this family with a drinking problem was me. (And of course my 33 year old son who is not drinking but also not going to meetings) Now, on the trip to Europe my husband did drink a few times. AND I think he is having some thoughts on that. He is an extreme control freak, to the externt of being the CEO in our company,and I feel that he is trying to control me alllllll of the time. He is very critical of everything I do and he is also a perfectionist. They say I am a severe co-dependant, is his behavior co-dependant as well? He is a powerful man and it sometimes is hard to be with but I do love him very much. He's always critisizing me for NOT communicating, well! when I do tell him something I just catch hell for it anyway. After a while i just close up. We attempted to talk about this last night but I closed up again. I will work on it. It's VERY hard for me to say "_____ there is something very serious I have to talk to you about". And,9many of you ladies can relate) I cry too much. It's damn hard to communicate when you are blubbering. This sucks - I can't talk about it anymore, Gotta take the dog to the vet anyway. Amy, I tried to send you a e-mail but I think I have the wrong sddress. Renee, doing great, hang in there, I am proud of you. David ....David, welcome and enjoy your new life . . . . sober. Sanders, I hope you feel better soon. Read a Michener book, The Source is agoood one. All the rest of you, thanks and I love you.
Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 15:46:12
Hello all,
I have been gone a few days and this sure is an active site.
Renee, I liked your story. all of you who are suffering physical ailments (Jman Sanders, Suzanne, and others) hang in there. The older I get the more I cherish my health and realize that I squandered it during my younger years --- it is such a burden to have an ailing body. I guess you can really look at taking it ODAAT for the physical as well as the emotional and spiritual.
to the new comers, welcome.
I am in a terrible mood today. I was just beginning to unwind at home and now I'm back at work, bombarded by 68 email this morning. I felt immediately overwhelmed because most of them require action on my part. I found myself actually snipping at my boss and I think I really annoyed him. I think I was trying to. Don't like this frame of mind. Feels like resentment and self-pity.
Anyway, thanks for listening and for your thoughts. They help.
Member: Martina G
Location: Ct
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 16:15:47
Doris,
I meant to tell you that I can relate to the controlling husband thing. My husband has really struggled since I stopped drinking and is much more controlling now then before. I have thought alot about this and I think that when I was drinking, I was more dependent on him and he "took care of me". This doesn't work anymore and he is kind of lost. I think he tries to (unconsciously ) control me because I am not leaning on him the same way anymore. I am really a different person than I used to be. I have no idea if you are dealing with the same thing, but my husband knows that sometimes he acts like a dry drunk. When he goes to alanon, he does alot better. Anyway, my response to him can put me in the category of co-dependent right along with him. It is a difficult thing and I'm sure there are moments in his head when he wishes I were still drinking. I was more fun and he was definitely in control, because I was helpless. (or acted like I was). Oh well ---- life is a challenge....
Well gotta go. Take care and have a great week end.
Member: Randy D.
Location: Ohio
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 16:26:43
Hello there, just got off of the phone with one of my sponsees and he is coming up on five years and is going through hell at home. I wish I could help him with taking his Tenth Step on a daily basis, but I could not even help myself do it until I was ready. I am so glad that I learned to admit when I was wrong. I do not have to miserable anymore and when I see my AA friends living the hell of not working the steps I feel like preaching, but It never worked for me either. Oh well God bless him, this too will pass. Thanks
Member: Keith B.
Location: Guam, USA
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 18:27:18
I thank my HP that I found this place. I am in the Navy and sometimes can't go to the meetings due to work and that's the time I need a meeting the most. This is like having a meeting in my office. COOL. Welcome to all the newcomers, this is where you find out how to be who you are, not who you wanted to be.
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 20:41:42
Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. A few of you ladies have mentioned the controlling husband and communication difficulties. I too get emotional and overwrought when I get into an altercation. There was a lot of rage in may household growing up. Slamming cabinet doors, throwing things, stomping about the house and getting into people's faces yelling at the top of their lungs. The violent display of body language and behavior had me in a constance state of fear as a child. Anger displayed in such contempuous ways had my young mind convinced that anger was an emotion of hate, not dissapointment, hurt, or just being offended by an action or word that you did not like. So when anger crops up in our communication with each other my fear places me in that little girl phase automatically, and I am ill equipped emotionally to deal with it as an adult. It has been getting better as I practive time-out by saying something like I can see we are both upset, lets talk about this later when we are both clamed down and we can talk. Or I get into another room for a few minutes till I can get a grip of myself. There was a speaker once who said that a teenager told him there is a sound to an alcoholic home. My experience surely had that sound of choas. In recovery, I want my home to sound quiet, calm, soothing, friendly. I did tell my husband of my background and the reason I cry during our conversations. I asked him to ignore the tears, as they are an expression of fear and not sorrow. Then we move on to the discussion. It was not easy telling him my weakness. Most often he is now showing compassion and expressing himself in a different tone of voice, that helps a lot. Luckily I am married to a recovering alcoholic that understands my need to grow and is patient with me. Educating myself that I can hate what someone does, but that does not reflect that I necessarily hate them as individuals has freed me from fear of others geting anry with me. Personnally I draw a boudary when it comes to allowing myself and others to express anger. If I feel that they are communicating in a manner that I am intimidated by, or I feel as though I am in danger physically, then I do not have to stand there and take it. Retreat I find is smart under such circumstances. My definition of respect was brought out the last time we quarrelled. A mutual regard for one another and giving each other the freedom to feel differently about things helps considerable.
This is getting too long. Love to all. Linda P.
Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 22:47:28
Kerry, Alcoholic. I could'nt even get anyone to marry me when I was drinking. I used to think that was soo bad. Now I am grateful. I would have had a lot of ex-husbands, no doubt about it. I could not imagine getting sober with a partner. I met my husband at a AA meeting when I was sober for 2 years the second time around. We have been married for 14 1/2 years. Not always blissful, but always honest. We call it a co-surrender. We agree to disagree alot, and leave each other's programs alone. I mind my business, he minds his(not taking each others inventories). It's amazing and miraculous (spell?) since I could not stay with anyone more than a year prior to sobriety. He is my best friend. I have met alot of couples where only one of the people in the relationship is in the program, and they have good relationships too. Spirituality seems to be the glue that binds us together.
I'm glad you all are here!!! KCB!!
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 22:57:42
Hi, Linda an alcoholic. Just a quick thanks to Sanders for the great topic for the week at the Discussion meeting. I am presenting that same topic to the e-mail womens group I belong to. Those one-liners sure have saved a lot of us from going over the edge. Everyone, keep coming back.
Linda P.
Member: Pat M
Location: Toronto
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 23:24:44
Hi everyone! I'm Pat M (fomerly Pat B by virtue of a type-o). I remember my first AA meeting about ten years ago.It was a Friday night. I went for the wrong reasons and I drove for a good hour to find a far aqway meting that no one would recognize me in. It was a discussion group so I had to read from the Big Book and bear my soul right out of the starting gate. It wasn't easy and since I worked in a jail and I recognized a couple of people at the meeting, I thought it best to stay away. I was afraid of how being identified as a drunk might affect my ability to work, so I left vowing never to drink again if that was what it lead me to. The thing I remember most about the meeting though was the chair who said just before we left "It's a miracle that there are 12 alcoholics who are going home sober on a Friday night.: The wisdom of this kid struck me as amazing. Addicted but wise beyond his years. Well here I am about 520 Friday nights, maybe 10 AA meetings and 15 relapses and recoveries later. I've been sober since new years of this year. Easy date to remember..I am now able to look people in the eye with no shame and admit to being an alcoholic. I don't work in a jail anymore but I'm still in "the business" in probation. And oddly, the same sort of people that I ran out of that AA meeting 10 years ago to avoid have taught me a great deal. I connect better with my fellow human beings who are addicts than those who are not as we feed off each other's energy.
Thanks for the joke Renee S . It reminded me of the people God has sent to save me over the years and that I hope He has sent me to help save. To end on a less serious note, Your koke remided me about the woman walking her son by the ocean and she watches in horror as a huge wave washes him up and out to sea. She wails to God. Please God... I'll do anything if you just bring my beautiful son back to me!! The next wave washes her son right up at her feet as neat as when he left her. She looks down at him and then raises her head to God again and yells "HEY! HE HAD A HAT!!" Apologies to any who might be offended about the use of the name of God (whoever you concieve of him to be) in such a frivolous manner. Happy Friday folks
Member: Pat M
Location: Toronto
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 23:25:10
Hi everyone! I'm Pat M (fomerly Pat B by virtue of a type-o). I remember my first AA meeting about ten years ago.It was a Friday night. I went for the wrong reasons and I drove for a good hour to find a far aqway meting that no one would recognize me in. It was a discussion group so I had to read from the Big Book and bear my soul right out of the starting gate. It wasn't easy and since I worked in a jail and I recognized a couple of people at the meeting, I thought it best to stay away. I was afraid of how being identified as a drunk might affect my ability to work, so I left vowing never to drink again if that was what it lead me to. The thing I remember most about the meeting though was the chair who said just before we left "It's a miracle that there are 12 alcoholics who are going home sober on a Friday night.: The wisdom of this kid struck me as amazing. Addicted but wise beyond his years. Well here I am about 520 Friday nights, maybe 10 AA meetings and 15 relapses and recoveries later. I've been sober since new years of this year. Easy date to remember..I am now able to look people in the eye with no shame and admit to being an alcoholic. I don't work in a jail anymore but I'm still in "the business" in probation. And oddly, the same sort of people that I ran out of that AA meeting 10 years ago to avoid have taught me a great deal. I connect better with my fellow human beings who are addicts than those who are not as we feed off each other's energy.
Thanks for the joke Renee S . It reminded me of the people God has sent to save me over the years and that I hope He has sent me to help save. To end on a less serious note, Your koke remided me about the woman walking her son by the ocean and she watches in horror as a huge wave washes him up and out to sea. She wails to God. Please God... I'll do anything if you just bring my beautiful son back to me!! The next wave washes her son right up at her feet as neat as when he left her. She looks down at him and then raises her head to God again and yells "HEY! HE HAD A HAT!!" Apologies to any who might be offended about the use of the name of God (whoever you concieve of him to be) in such a frivolous manner. Happy Friday folks
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 01 May 1998
Time: 23:28:03
Him to the world, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I am finally back on line after being out all day. I feel very stupid in not checking and finding the problem sooner. I have a tech. coming in the aaAM to fix my computer. I found the problem just a few minutes ago and had been trying to fix it all day and getting more and more frusrated as the day progressed, but I kept telling myself " At least this time you did not smash it up like you used to would have done". All the problem was is the new separate phone line I had installed for the computer was bad. I connected to the old regular line and all is well. tomorrow I'll call the phone Co. and be back to full power and all this without a drink and that is a miricle. Got to go as I have to check my Email. If anyone has tried to send me mail today I did not receive it I am sure so if you would please re send. Love to all y'all ( plural ) Sanders
Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 00:56:45
Hello to all, AAmy here. Sanders I too could not get into the coffee pot all day but lines from here may be different. Welcome Keith. Thanks to all who keep me in their prayers! How are you Fayla, Richard, Jason, mary, good to hear JRR feeling up and about. Doris did the baby arrive? Name? Love to all, Amy G.C
Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 01:02:25
HI FAYLA here,drunk from ks. I WENT to a meeting tonight it was a good one.I shared more than i ever did,I was so afraid to share before, I think its alot because of all of you.I feel like one of the luckeyest Ladys alive today ,because you have touched my heart and my life.jrr glad your ok ,Libby i love you iknow the pain of the loss of a mother,and being depressed hugs to you.LOVE TO ALL FAYLA
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 01:33:57
I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. On a lighter note, and I can certainly stand it ater fighting this computer all day. Here are three shot ones I found in my Lion's Club magazine, I hope all y'all (plural) enjoy. 1-- Computers are capable of so much---they can make very fast, very accurate mistakes. 2-- The diference between a smart person and a wise one is that the smart person knows what to say, but a wise person knows whether or not to say it. 3-- A man entered his doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana stuck in his right ear. "Doc," he asked, "What's wrong with me? " "Simple," replied the doctor, "You aren't eating right. " That's it from me and I hope you enjoy them. Love to all Sanders
Member: Laura C.
Location: Beaverton,Oregon
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 01:56:25
Hi! My name is Laura and I am an alcoholic. Thank you Doris for sharing your story. I have a hard time sharing what I have been through and am still facing. Maybe someday I will share my story here. Most of the time I find myself standing just outside of any group I bring myself to, and I watch, observing, getting a feel for safety. I feel much better this week. I love to see the new comers here and the regulars that keep this place alive. Take care everyone! Laura
Member: Laura C.
Location: Beaverton,Oregon
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 01:57:03
Hi! My name is Laura and I am an alcoholic. Thank you Doris for sharing your story. I have a hard time sharing what I have been through and am still facing. Maybe someday I will share my story here. Most of the time I find myself standing just outside of any group I bring myself to, and I watch, observing, getting a feel for safety. I feel much better this week. I love to see the new comers here and the regulars that keep this place alive. Take care everyone! Laura
Member: Maggie M.
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 02:28:41
Hi, my name is Maggie I'm an alcoholic.I'm so gratefull to seethe topic is God without whom I would be nothing and no where.The happiness and joy I experience are directy proportionate to my surrender.As I take the second place I have discovered God fills the first He does an infinitly better job than I alone. I have noticed things get easier for me. I think that must be the rewards the B.B speaks of in the promises. This is my first time in an on-line meeting ,I really enjoyed the person who shared of their forgiveness experience of the woman she admitedly loved to dislike it demonstrates the miracle and fact that this program works!I think it would be great to hear more of how it really works.To all the new guys keep coming back it works,it really works .My love goes out to all. Maggie
Member: Lyn V
Location: Melbourne Australia
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 08:11:59
Hi everyone, Lyn alcoholic, just celebrated my first anniversary and just want to say thanks to all, because without you I would still be drinking, going even more insane and basically just going deeper and deeper into my own personal HELL! Its amazing how my life has changed over the last twelve months, and for the newcomers beleive in what AA says ' it gets better'. I really am grateful for this fellowship, I now have a new way of life ahead of me, as long as I don't pick up the first drink, trust in my Higher Power and get to meetings. Just in the last few months, I find time and time again at meetings, answers or directions and explanations for coping with life without drinking. You could say that now that I have put down the drink that I am finally growing up and learning how to live life on life's terms. And I do mean live not mearly existing. I am learning about emotions,things that I used to block out, I am learning not to put up masks and barricades, I am learning that to feel pain dosen't mean that it's the end of the world but to use it to grow. I am learning to trust people, to accept people as they are and I am learning to love myself and that it's OK to be me, I am learning not to be a people pleaser and also learning that I can't change other people. The list of benefits that I have experienced since getting sober are endless as each day there is something new. But the most wonderful thing of all is that by the grace of my Higer Power who I choose to call God, by not picking up the first drink and by attending meetings and listening to all you people, that a day at a time I will remain sober and enjoy this wonderful life. Thanks for sharing, love to you all. Lyn.V
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville,Fl.
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 11:58:58
Hello to all again. I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I wish to make one last comment before this closes for the week and that is after reading each person's comments, my past observatins and conclusions were further strengthened, and I "envy" you for it. I simply cannot get over how clearly women are able to express their feelings and paint an exact picture of how they feel and where they are at the moment. I can tell you I feel either good or bad, happy or sad and that is about it for me. This is an area I have always had a problem with and noticed that women have it all over us men in this dept. I think this is why God chose them to be mothers. They have the ability to another person's feelings so much better than a man does. I think this is why women feel many times that a man is uncaring when in reality he is simply unaware that she needs a hug or praise or whatever. Those are the things that have always caused me problems in my previous marrages and as hard as I can try to change that I still don't usually see something till it hits me in the face. Thank you ladies for being you and your God given talents of feelings and intuition. I will leave you with a "ladies" story I heard from the pulpit years ago. This pastor and his wife were having a "disaggreement" over something and the husband, in his frustration, looked at his wife and said, " I can't understand how God can make something so beautiful and yet so stupid as you" at which she calmly replied, "He made me beautful so you would love me and He made me stupid so I could love you." With that the preacher rested his case and so will I. Love to all Sanders
Member: Lori S.
Location: So. Calif
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 12:01:58
Hello Sanders, I read your note in weekly topic. So here I am in coffee pot. I am off to a meeting, first one in over a year, to start the process of picking up the pieces of my soul. Hope to see you along the way.
Member: Laura C
Location: soon to be, Portland, Oregon
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 14:02:06
Hi! My name is Laura and I am an alcoholic. I didn't know I messaged twice, oooops! In less than two weels I will be moving into Portland. I am very excited about it, except the packing stuff (yuck!). Now I will be looking for meetings in the new area I will be in. I really like this site and I will try to be here more. I haven't seen Richard messaging here this week. Richard, I miss your input, I hope to see you on here again, but if not, I want you to know that your courage under fire was insparational and I understood your views. Laura
Member: Laura C
Location: soon to be, Portland, Oregon
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 14:02:39
Hi! My name is Laura and I am an alcoholic. I didn't know I messaged twice, oooops! In less than two weels I will be moving into Portland. I am very excited about it, except the packing stuff (yuck!). Now I will be looking for meetings in the new area I will be in. I really like this site and I will try to be here more. I haven't seen Richard messaging here this week. Richard, I miss your input, I hope to see you on here again, but if not, I want you to know that your courage under fire was insparational and I understood your views. Laura
Member: Suzanne H.
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 15:07:25
Hi, my name is Suzanne and I am an alcoholic.
Lyn, I too am learning to accept people for who they are and that I cannot change them. It got me thinking about my relationship with my husband. Sanders, since I have started accepting my husband for who he is, he is actually finding it easier to express his feelings to me. I say this laughing, but - I honestly thought he didn't have any. He didn't think so either. I think I had him convinced he didn't. Isn't recovery grand! A serene 24 to all!
Suzanne H.
Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 16:44:59
Hi, everyone, Linda an alcoholic. Wanted to give a warm welcome back to Teresa from Fairbanks, Alaska, hoping she has made it over to this meeting from the Discussion Meeting. There are a lot of wonderful people here that have a lot of ES&H to share. Glad your here. Visited Fairbanks, Alaska a few years back on a vacation. Mostly we explored the coastal towns. That was quite a trip--everyone had 1 headlight from driving that old Alaskan Hwy. The trees in Canada prior to crossing over into Alaska were eerie, all leaning over in all different directions--come to find out they were called drunken trees, unable to get their roots past the permafrost to anchor themselves, they had shifted as the snow and ice moved along the surface. I thought it was funny to see, and thought humorously that mother nature might have 24hr meetings for them. Ha ha. At least we have the option of anchoring ourselves down with the the basics of this program. Glad your with us. And anyone else who it new to this site. Love to all, Linda.
Member: jrr
Location: harmony on the Lake
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 17:32:19
well ... it has been a great week at the coffepot, as always.And Sanders... I am with you .. God bless the women.. for being there as an inspiration and example for this somewhat stubborn, yet getting better alcoholic.. Besides... being a tough-guy is not a trait easily put aside.. however .. through the honesty, love and patience of many an alcoholic in these rooms, including a good kick in the ass, when it was needed, by both men and women.. I have been blessed, both with the Gift of Grace, and the ability to have the opportunity to become the person I have the always wanted to be... in all areas of my life. So.. till next week.. God bless all.. peace, love and Tolerance, jrr
Member: J-Man
Location: Ardsley, Pa.
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 17:44:05
Hi everyone I'm J-Man and I am an alcoholic, I've been on call this week and just got home. I tend to agree with you Sanders on women thry have a way of making magic, and expressing themselves, I am envious of this for I find it hard for me to express let alone be in touch with my feelings other than good, bad, happy, or sad. I don't have alot more to say now jsut wanted to say alittle God bless yall (plural) J-Man
Member: Doris
Location: Oregon
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 18:01:46
Greetings all, I am Doris and I am an alcoholic. I just wanted to say good-by to this wonderful week in the cyberworld as well. This has been a super week in the coffee pot. What a bunch of feeling and caring people you all are. I do love ya ! ! And Sanders my man , You do have a charming sense of humor, and You do make me laugh, and at the same time everything you say Is So ture. Amy, I'll write you again as soon as I find your address. Fayla, I don't think I have ever met anyone quite like you. You are special, God bless you. Rebecca, thank you. Steve, how ya doin buddy? You fellas in the service and far far away, We love you and KNOW you are all special, I do have to go. I feel like I've been to a great party and I don't want to leave. You are all so wonderful, jrr: have a great weekend. Binnie and Debbie, I sure waould like to get to the two of you too, Love, prayers and may the Great Spirit be with all of you, Doris
Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 19:58:57
Dear friends, Aamy G.C. here. First I want to welcome Peter from the Innsbruck Austria meeting, I am in Switzerland about 2 hours or more. There is no english speaking AA here so I get mine on line. Doris I hope you got my correct email amcan@swissonline.ch I sure love to get mail, especially notes, e mails, letters. It helps me to know that I still exist in a world where I do not feel I make a big impact. Today I did a lot, Doris and Fayla would be proud...(you too Saunders) I went to my 100 woman breakfast which was a blessing becaue the main song was "I sing because I`m happy" Well I could not have been LESS happy to get up and go this morning but the message "his eye is on the sparrow , and know he watches over me". Just brought me to tears. As it turned out, the speaker was GREAT and uplifting. I saw several good friends and then this afternoon I cooked whole trout (4) for dinner we brought back from Denmark for my husbands parents and although his mother is so sweet and good to me, his father always has a negative remark. That`s life. I heard something this morning I want to share with the group before I say goodnight. The speaker said today you can judge a person by their friends and if that is so I am in good company. PS in the evening I even got over my genophobe enough to go with my husband to an 8 person party (non drinking) and one girl made such a big deal about her classical dance. Ballet dancers do not get mad at me but I could not help standing up right there and showing them all how to clog (mountain dance). The look of shock on those stern swiss faces was enough for a kodak moment....Love to youALL, Amy the Alcoholic (G.C.) Hello other Amy, what is your middle name? Mine is Leigh. Don`t be down on getting smashed at 6 weeks I am sure I did the same it takes some of us longer than others and thank the good Lord he gives an extra dose of patience to those who love and support us in our illlness. Sanders I am especially thinking of you and your youngest son. Tough Love, but love him...I too was a prodigal daughter once.) Lori S. and Jason, God Bless,--- keep up the great work!
Member: Teresa C.
Location: Fairbanks, AK.
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 22:33:53
Dear Strangers-- Who Are My Friends-- That I Just Haven't Gotten To Know-- Yet !!!
First and formost I would like to tell Linda P. from CA, USA that I am most grateful to you for acknowleging my letter at the AA Meeting. Thank for your sensative words. I am very happy to see that this program works, when you work it.
I have to admit that whenever I did go OUT,,, I was not working any Steps, Calling my sponcer or Going to any meetings. Funny thing isn't it? No really, each and every time I did go OUT, it was pre-planned, aqs to where I would go.
Today, I am attending Beauty School to become a hairdresser, and thus far I have everything to be thankful to God for, He has helped me to go to school everyday. I even made my first month as TOP student of the month. I'm very grateful that my car has not broke down, or that I've come to the realization that it is necessary to obtain a job also while I have I full year to go to school.
I just wanted to let everyone out there know that I am very grateful. I've been going to meetings for the last fourteen years and I've seen a lot of my freinds move and a lot of them die (most of them sober and a few not sober) And the repeaters, up here Action Jackson calls them the Golden Slippers. He calls me GS for short. Bless his heart! I know he says it to me with love.
Okay, I'll quit for now, but thank you all for your special imput and especially thanks to you who share your ES & H, not to mention your jokes which fill me with joy.
Thank you all for being you, I will continue to read your messages and promise to try to only reply 1 time a week. Thanks again from the bottom of my heart. XXXOOOXXXOOOXXX !!!
Member: Amy W.
Location: Minn.
Date: 02 May 1998
Time: 23:43:01
Hi, this is Amy W. Hope everyone is doing o.k. I just returned home from an open meeting with a speaker. I really like hearing other people talk for a change. This week was really, really rough. After I got out of treatment on Apr. 16 I thought I would be able to take on the world. Boy, was I wrong. I lasted a week and a half. That night I slipped was pretty eye-opening for me. The last thing I remember was looking at my watch and the time was 8:46 pm, and i didn't get home until after 1am. I was told the next day that i sold my pager for drugs and gave away my medallion i receive from treatment. I, also got into an argument with my cousin because I wanted to drive home, and he told me i fell over when i tried to open the car door. Whew! I know social drinking isn't going to be in my future. Now, I'm trying real hard to talk to people when I feel like drinking, something that's not easy for me to do. I really need to get a sponsor soon, however. Any hints at what i should be looking for in this person or what i can expect from them? To Jason in Beirut, thank you. I'm not close to the meetings you suggested, i recently moved from bloomington.
Member: Dirty Ferty
Location: KCMO,USA
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 01:21:21
Hello old friends, It has been along time since I have been here. I am sober. I have made alot of friends here, some write me personally. They help me, and I help them. This is the longest I think, that I have been sober. Usually, I get 90 days and of course it is either celebrate or drown my sorrows. Well, I haven't hit the bottle since before Valentines day(Feb 14th).Someone suggested I didn't coun the days, and I always had before. This time around I only have a good idea of the day I stopped. My sponsor hasn't called me in along time, and I haven't been to a meeting in along time. Normally,at 1st I jumped in to AA with both feet, head-strong, workin MY program the best I could, with a cloudy mind. My mind is getting sharper it seems, but! isn't this one of the signs for slippin? I work in a very high stress job. Technical Support for a Medical Communications software co. The reason I am here, is that this place has saved my butt more than once. After this past week, I need it bad. My brain right now is saying, have 2 or 3 shots and I could get to sleep. It's 12:16 am and the liquor stores and bars around here close at 1am (state law). I just need to make it like 44 minutes. I believe it is 24hrs at a time, but right this second it is like 10 seconds at a time. I will pray and plan my day for tomorrow. You will know if I made it if I get back online tomorrow. Thanks for being here
Member: Debbie H.
Location: COCOCounty CA
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 01:21:49
To all my coffee pot family. Debbie H. and i am an alcoholic. thank you all for sharing yourselves with me this week. I just got of a 4 day run at work and find myself enlighted by all your shares. It has taken me 2 hours to read all your comments and am grateful I was able to read them before the new week starts. There was someone asking about working in the field of substance abuse and all I can say is that God works through us and all we have to do is give it away. What a blessing it is to share our life of recovery. As for all who are working this program one day at a time. (Which I am) it's bed time for me and I haven't had to drink or drug today. Thank you God. Your support and love has been truly felt by this person tonight. Ask your HP and take the action and all our dreams will come true. Ending on this joke: A man goes into a bar and asks for 3 drinks, when they arrive he pushes the first one away. Being in AA for many years, he begins to drink the second and the third one, then he orders another 3. The bartender comes up and says "Hey you still have this one here" The man looks at the bartender and says "AA has taught me that the first one gets us drunk"Until next week. Night and angels on all your pillows. Deb H.
Member: Fayla G
Location: Galena ks
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 01:29:01
HELLO MY NAME IS FAYLA ,Alcoholic ,AMY G i am proud of you and those songs get to me too,I love you Amy ,Doris you are very special your self ,I forgot to tell you i am expecting a new grandson within the next two weeks,maybe our babys will be born on the same day ,Mine will only have two leggs .ha ha.J man glad your here .Laura i miss Richard too,Mary ,Sanders, jrr, BONNIE, LINDA P SUZANNE AND MY SWEET freind JASON .I Love you all ,LIbby Ilove you and i am praying for you, IAM TRYINGING TO GET emaills sent to everyone ,dont give up on me love fayla
Member: Bonnie C
Location:
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 02:36:19
Hi extended family, (((ROOM-HUG))) Bonnie/alcoholic here, cannot get in here with my webtv but I'm over here at Cliff the "pickle"'s house on his puter. Reading all your wonderful hearts. Hey (((Lib))) thanks for passing on my message dear friend, welcome to those who are just visiting here for the first time and to all my wonderful friends who I visit with around this here coffee pot, (love ya a whole lot) gotta go beat Cliff the "pickle" at cribbage now, pray for him. LMAO ********************************************** bonzoc@webtv.net