Despite the living example of my friend there remained in me the vestiges of my old prejudice. The word God still aroused a certain antipathy. When the thought was expressed that there might be a God personal to me this feeling was intensified. I didn’t like the idea. I could go for such conceptions as Creative Intelligence, Universal Mind or Spirit of Nature but I resisted the thought of a Czar of the Heavens, however loving His sway might be. I have since talked with scores of men who felt the same way.
My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, “Why don’t you choose your own conception of God?”
That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.
Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 12
I'm Barry and I'm an alcoholic,
I was an Athiest for many years. So for many years in and out of the rooms I shut down as soon as I heard any mention of God.
My last time in I knew it was the God part I had to get to stay alive, I remember reading the passage above in rehab, and for the first time in many years I became willing to consider a Higher Power.
Today I have a Higher Power in my life of my understanding (or non-understanding). It's not the same God of my childhood (the Christmas God). It's more along the lines of the Universal Mind above, and that works for me. But today I can also tolerate and respect other peoples concept of God, something I could never do before. AA and a Higher Power has given me this, and for that I am Grateful.
I guess the topic is, what is the Higher Power of Your understanding?
Why should I consider a God of MY understanding? Why should I limit myself to a certain and limited knowledge of a Power greater than myself? I think I cheat myself out of some great recovery when I do.
Our literature says, "God, as WE understand Him". Isn't that collectively? WE, not just I alone, but WE. When I consider this, 'tis easier to consider a God with much wider shoulders. A God who is there for everybody, not just selfish little ol' me.
I don't limit myself to my small comprehension, but rather, expand my convictions by listening to what others' say is their concept of a Power greater than themselves.
Good topic, Barry, and thanks
Happy Holy Day, to all. You are missed...
Hello everyone, I'm Catherine and I'm an alcoholic. Thanks for the topic Barry. I needed to be reminded of my own chsnged concept of a Higher Power. When I was active, I had no Higher Power or God, the drink or the drug was what I sought. Today, because of AA and all of you, that has changed. I now have a Higher Power working in my life. I gain peace and serenity knowing this. Thank you all - Happy Holidays!
Hi, I'm Donna and I'm an alcoholic. As usual, you always find what you need to hear. I am in Germany visiting my boyfriend's family (pardon the mistakes, different keyboard!) and meetings are rare. Praying is what is keeping me sober here. I never thought that me, whose higher power was alcohol (and of course, drugs), would even consider GOD. I hated God. As far as I was concerned, if there was one, he had forgotten about me. The concept of 'our own understanding' made God possible for me. When I was newly sober, I actually prayed to Orson Welles! Why not? "Anything besides yourself", I was told, and in my case, it worked. Yet, it's my responsibility to make the effort. When I feel lost, or need help, I have to realize that it is a two way street, and not get into the 'foxhole' mode of praying.
Thank you all for being here, you really helped me out here on Xmas night.
Thanks for such an important topic! Because I am new to AA and sobriety, the issue of God was one of the first things I have had to look at. It hasn't been easy. I never really looked for God before,I just assumed "He" wasn't accessible to me - that my "spirituality gene" was missing! But with this great program, a wonderful sponser, and the best home-group ever - I am stumbling towards my God. Right now, though, my sponser and homegroup are my higher-power.
what is going on here
Hi, my name is Mary an ia am an alcolholic. I gather the topic is a higher power which only seems appropriate on this special day. I came into this program this year, after trying it out about twelve years ago after rehab. I managed to be sober for one yearand the rest of the time ws spent trying to manage my drinking. The beginnig of this year, a number of things happened to start my dinking of on a ollercoaster heading downhill. I as in and out twice from A.A. this year alone, and the third time I almot didn't have th chane to be inthe program. Butby te grace of God, whom I had no faith in since my hildhood, saved me and gave an oppurtunity to live sober. It i said that you need o hit bottom before that first step is taken. My bottom was to me the lowest I can go in this lifetime and through that experience, I gained humility and humbleness, of which I have never had before. But to me the biggest difference in my sobriety today is my Higher Power, whom I call God. He has lifted the burden from my shoulders and has enabled me to be able to turn it over. I have neer before felt such calmness in my sobriety and all the spiritual miracles that has hppened t me, has happened because I wlk with God by my sie and in my heart. My sposor is very fond of saying, 'Acceptance is the Key' and that has me so much in my sbriety. It has been hard work,but having Faith has truly made my journey les frightening. As this special day of Christs birth comes to an end, le the message be one of strength, hope and faith in your Higher Power.
Hi my name is Mary K and I am an alcoholic. I've missed meetings for the past few days and really would like to share some experience strength and hope. Merry Christmas ya'll. I love the topic of HP cus I know I must maintain my spiritual condition to remain sober one day at a time.
Hi youall, I came into AA 5/4/65 very agnostic. I wanted nothing to do with God, Church, Religon or anything related. Some people suggested I use a coke machine, door knob or even a lite switch. That, I felt, was even more rediculous than anything I ever heard. I finally did settle on the my home group as my HP. It took about 8 years before I realized I needed to start working the steps they way they were set up or I could get drunk. God had been working in my life and little by little I begain to surrender my life to Him. I had already surrendered to the first step. I was powerless over alcohol. I had a spiritual experience sometime during 1973, and today have discovered a loving and caring God that had been there all the time (as I understand Him). I had spiritual blinders for so long. I still had my doubts; but, little by little He showed me the truth. For the first time in my life I read the bible thru, and discovered that our BB came from it. Bill and Bob (and wives) studied the bible daily and prayed daily. They also prayed with the new ones they brought into the program. I found much of this in reading AA Comes of Age, Pass It On (Bill's biography) The AA archives on the neet also talks about the spiritual program the early members practiced. I believe in the BB it has the story about the athiest who found his HP. Today my Hp is God and His name is Jesus Christ (same as Bill & Bob). God has kept me sober and given me a new life. Today I have a relationship with my 4 kids, 15 grandkids and wife that I never had before. I'm still growing and study the BB today like I never before. AA saved my life and led me to my HP. The chapter "We Agnostics" told me I was may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. Pg. 64 BB resentment paragraph we have not been only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. Even, Bill's friend, Dr Silkworth recognized that a spiritual experience was essential for continued sobriety. Thank u Barry for sharing and suggesting this topic. I think we are all miracles of a loving God. Once the "dregs of society", we are now eccepted again as a integral part of it. Just a little crack in the ago of ours, and God can begain His work in us. It's like, when I was a kid, during the winter we could split a large rock by drilling a small hole and the fill it with water. The water would freeze during the night, and when the warm temperature during the following day melted the ice in the hole, the rock wud split. My ego was just as hard as the rock sometimes. Still have to control it today. Step 7 in the 12 & 12 has helped me a lot. It describes "humility" and how to get it. Sorry to be so windy and thanks again for the topic. Corky F corkyf@c2i2.com Happy sober holdays.
Hi this Corky again, I just wanted to add to my previous comments that I and my wife read the bible and other spiritual literature regularely. I realized I had to find who He is, what He is and were He is. The bible was the only place I thought I could find this information (especially in the Testament). Thanks
Hi my name is Eugene, and i'am a very grateful alcholic.This is my 17th Christmas without alchol,and my 13 th Christmas sober.I spent my first few years trying to find soberity without accepting a higher power, although I believed ,I didn't accept, and belief without acceptance is like a well without water, all it can offer is hope. Today, I live life one day at time,and usually accept "thy will be done", as my golden rule. To those of you, still struggling, hang in there, and do what you have to do, but get to meetings and don't drink.God Bless and Happy New Year
From the Poconos of Pennsylvania.... I am Perry and I am a grateful recovering slowly alcoholic.
For me it goes like this:
GOD = Good Orderly Direction
When He is in my life, this is the net result! I love each and every one of you!
Hi all Joanie O alcoholic here.Subject of Higher Power my friend and whom I have turned my will and my life over to is always there for me. He or She who ever it is is so total and so whole that nothing is too large to handle. When I need help, comfort, advice, or unconditional love my HP is there. I have learned to depend upon the decisions made and the results given if I totally let go and let it happen. My program is simple my Higher Power is as vast as the universe and I tap into the energy when ever I need it. This may be for me or to help and pray for another of this glorious fellowship. When I tap into it and I have done all the footwork my HP comes thru loud and clear. In my sobriety I have learned to listen to the sighns and the messages and this guides my life. Quiet understanding meditation and total trust has worked for me. What ever is meant to be is where it is at today. I am so grateful and happy today to be sober. Thankyou my friend Barry for an inspiring topic.May you all have a sober and spiritual new year with love Miss Joanie
Hi all Joanie O alcoholic here.Subject of Higher Power my friend and whom I have turned my will and my life over to is always there for me. He or She who ever it is is so total and so whole that nothing is too large to handle. When I need help, comfort, advice, or unconditional love my HP is there. I have learned to depend upon the decisions made and the results given if I totally let go and let it happen. My program is simple my Higher Power is as vast as the universe and I tap into the energy when ever I need it. This may be for me or to help and pray for another of this glorious fellowship. When I tap into it and I have done all the footwork my HP comes thru loud and clear. In my sobriety I have learned to listen to the sighns and the messages and this guides my life. Quiet understanding meditation and total trust has worked for me. What ever is meant to be is where it is at today. I am so grateful and happy today to be sober. Thankyou my friend Barry for an inspiring topic.May you all have a sober and spiritual new year with love Miss Joanie
Hello to all! My name is Ann Z. and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time at this meeting and I think it's wonderful, and I'm greatful to find it. I had always believed in a Higher Power even in my drinking days, but I believed he had long givin up on me. Today I believe my Higher Power had always been with me (or I certainly wouldn't be here today, for that I'm sure)and as long as I continue to seek and do his will my life will have "Good Orderly Direction" as someone had mention. Life hasn't always been easy since I got sober but I now know to whom I can turn to for help and guidence. I wish you all a blessed New Year and look forward to being a part of this meeting.
Jacquelyn G. Atlanta, GA
Hi, I am Jacquelyn. I love this topic, although I find it very personal. I've been in AA for 12 years, sober for almost 3. I did not accept a Higher Power at first. It's not that I rebelled; I just did not think it was important. I tried to do this thing by myself. And by myself, I kept getting drunk. I don't know when it happended for me, but I finally realized that there is not a Spiritual part of the program...it's the program that is spiritual. I rememeber being at a meeting during those days that I couln't put together 2o days, and seeing on the wall..."I can't do it but we can". It had an impact on me, and today I know that I can't do this thing. I do it by asking for help, and trusting and believing in GOD. I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday. I like when I can remember these holidays!!!! First time at this meeting. It's pretty cool.Peace J-
Hi everybody, my name's George and I'm a grateful alcoholic.
When I was active, I thought God turned His back on me. I used alcohol and drugs to anesthetize everything in my life, even my once abundant spirituality.
When I came "into" the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous I was spiritually and emotionally bankrupt.This fellowship and my home group awakened a spiritual part of me that I turned my back on years before. Here I came to understand that my Higher Power didn't turn His back on me. I turned my back on God.
Today, I enjoy a level of serenity that directly corresponds to my consious contact with God as we understand Him.
Thanks Barry for a very appropriate topic.
Happy Holidays and may God bless us, one and all.
Hi, Barry - that is an excellent topic. I like to talk and hear about God. That sure is a change from when I sobered up 9/28/86. At that time, God was a big and scary thing, waiting to blast me with a lightning bolt at any time. At first my sponsor described how she understood God - then she asked me if I could believe that SHE believed. Well, yeah, I could do that and hung onto that for a while. Eventually I used my home group as a Higher Power, since as a whole, they were caring, loving and kept telling me to come back. Not too many times had that been told to me before.
After a year probably, I decided that this HIgher Power couldn't be my group since they were only human. So my sponsor told me to write down what I think God would/should be like. She kept telling me He loved me, else I wouldn't have ever made it this far...so I decided to toss away that Catholic God and look around and in my heart to see if there was anything there for me.
I kept telling people, "I'm looking for God" and my husband told me, "God isn't lost - you are." And he was right. My Higher Power had been right there, looking over me and protecting me and loving me but my self-will and stubbornness kept trying to push Him away. I had to let go and REALLY do a 3rd step....
What I've discovered after all these years in the program is that my sponsor and husband were right. Even though I've been around a few "24 hours", there are times I turn my back on HP. I run into the world of shadows and lose the "sunlight of the spirit".
Today, I talk to God. I had to learn how to talk and listen. God also talks to me through AAs and every once in a while, through earthlings! I have everything I need. I might think I want something, but don't always get it because it may not be good for me and HP knows better than I what I need. My thinking is what got me here in the first place so I try not to think TOO hard.
When I speak in a meeting, I ask God to speak through me. I don't try to impress people or make them think I'm special. I don't think about what I'm going to talk about when it's my turn...nope, now I ask God that if for some reason I have to open my mouth, that He takes over.
Today I'm grateful to be sober and alive. Today I'm glad to know that God is here, inside me and inside all who seek the spiritual aspect of AA. I truly believe that if someone fails to keep or even begin to have a spiritual relationship, they won't be able to be sober. We are not alone, folks...we have each other and our Higher Powers.
I pray that all who have trouble with the concept of a Higher Power have a sponsor in their lives to help, to hold their hand and let them believe.
Thank you, Barry.
My name is Swede and I'm an alcoholic, This is a great topic because it is the step I'm currently wrestling with. When I started drinking some 37 years ago God and I went our separate ways. I knew everything and praying was just throwing words to the wind. Since entering the program I've come to realize that I can't stay sober by myself. I have to have a higher power to help me. It was easy for me to accept this fellowship as a higher power because I've seen and heard the success. But everyone I've talked to in the program who has had any great length of time all seem to really be one with their HP. So I'm giving my boyhood God a try, and going back to him for help. I started out praying every morning before getting up and found out that was too distracting and my mind would wander. I now pray on my knees every morning for strength and hope, and invite God into my heart. Getting down on my knees really gets me focused on the prayer. In the evening I pray again this time for thanks in the day he has given me. I also use the Serenity Prayer whenever my mind starts to play tricks on me. Another good prayer I have found and like is the one on page 63 of the Big Book: "God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
thanks for letting me share
God Bless you for your insight and the wisedom of your comments will always be very important to me as they are honest as I understand honest. I guess I wouldn't be an alsoholic if I didn't have a problem with the third and HP and patience to wait for him to reveal his will to me so that I might live in Peace. But in any event I no longer live where a meeting can be taken for granted. You might have to drive a few mile to get one and It's nice to be able to warm up the old stove and get a cyber meeting. CHUCK
hi, i am kathy and i am an alcoholic. thank you for the topic and thank you for being here. when i came into this program, i believed in a God whom i was afraid not to believe in. now, i am not sure what or who my higher power is. but, i know that i have one. an HP whom i turn things over to daily. not everything, mind you! i am working on being less willfull. i am willing everyday to follow suggestions, pray, and let go; but it doesn't mean that i am successful at it!! praying to my HP has allowed me to be able to be less anxious and nervous about so much. and i have been able to let go of outcomes (most of the time!) this has been the best experience of my life. to know that i am not responsible for all that i thought i was. at first i thought i didn't have to anything and HP would do it all for me; than i began to understand "God will do for us what we can not do for ourselves." which help me understand to "take the action and turn over the results." i am fairly new at all of this, i have 2 and a half years sober. i love the direction i have been headed in with the faith and guidance i have gained thus far. i realize more will be revealed, but today i am not so afraid. thank you letting me share, and for all of you.
hello, everyone, i'm jack and i'm an alcoholic from northeastern washington state. i was lucky enough to have sobered up in sacramento, with an outstanding and patient sponsor, hugh, who became the first human being i ever knew that i could tell anything about myself to wiithout fear of being ridiculed. i was not agnostic, i just had such a selfish rotten personality that i had absolutely no belief in a god of any type--i guess, i thought i was equal or something....with an attitude like i had, its amazing that aa could help me.
after six months of being an off and on again member, i hit bottom, and realized that i had better work the steps or get out. between my sponsor, and several wonderful members, i found god, and have had a wonderful life for 25 years of continuous sobriety.
helen d, a wise lady told me that i should pray out loud, because my whacky mind wouldn't be able to rationalize and talk at the same time....johnny h told me to ,"fake it until I make it...", as far as finding a higher power. For months I drove around praying out loud, and faking it, I'm sure people thought I was nuts, but one day I realized that there was a power with me that was my friend, and was helping to guide my life in a positive direction. Then i reread the chapter to the agnostic, and steps 2 and 3 fell into place.
I'll be back, this looks like a great meeting. I'm driving up to Canada this evening to take a new man to a great meeting in B.C.
Happy new year, one day at a time!!!
Jack M.
hi my name is geoff, and i am an alchoholic. in this holiday season, i would just like to say that, without aa, i would not be alive today to type this.
for twentythree years my life was a mass of confusion, madness, drugs, lying, cheating, and doing the most base forms of human activity.
7 years ago that life ended. By the grace of god, i have picked myself up and made myself into an upstanding member of my town. by turning myself over to the care of a loving god i can be anything i choose. without doing so my choices end.
Hi my name's Monika and I'm an alcoholic. As a relative newcomer, (my date is Nov 10//96) I have kept myself stuck on step 3. I am fortunate to have a new computer for christmas and the first thing I wanted to check on was AA online. As a busy mom with full-time employment I don't always get to as many meetings as I need. Talking a higher power is exactly what I need to hear. I grew up in a very religious home and turned my back on God in my late teens. I'm now searching again. The great thing is that I'm open-minded to a higher power. I don't need to understand. I need to accept a power greater than myself. I went to my church christmas eve for communion service. My minister explained communion as not only atoning for the things we do wrong, not only for correcting the shame we feel, but also in making amends when we have allowed our relationship with God to go wrong. A wrong relationship with God. That really hit home. It doesn't matter what you call your higher power, what is important I'm learning is that you work on that relationship through prayer, mediation or whatever communication works for you. By passing things over to God and keeping it there (easier said than done). As I celebrate my second sober christmas, I'm grateful that God saw fit to save me from the insanity of alcohol. Thanks be to God. Thanks to A.A. for changing my life. Merry Christmas to all.
Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my name is Bruce. This is my first sober Christmas and I Whole-heartedly thank my HP for that. I was at a meeting not too long ago, and the speaker told a story of a priest who visited the sick. One of his visits was a very sick prostitute who was suffering with AIDS. She asked the father why he would bother wasting his time with someone so wretched. The priest noticed that she had a picture of a young girl on her nightstand and asked her,"do you love this little girl?" The sick woman replied that that was her daughter that she hadn't seen in a very long time, and that, yes she loved her with all her heart, and would do anything in her power that she could for her little girl. The priest then answered her with, "Well, God has a picture of you on His nightstand, and that is why He bothers" My God is a loving, and forgiving power. If you are having a hard time coming to terms with a HP ans you understand one, please feel free to borrow mine if you have to until you find your own. There's plenty of room on the nightstand for ALL of us. May you all be blessed with another 24 hours....
Hi everybody. My name is Anne and I'm an alcoholic. I knew in rehab that I had to get a higher power in order to stay sober. About 14 months later with 5 months of sobriety, I had a spiritual awakening. On a Thursday night, I prayed that if He existed, He'd have to show me. Two days later he did. I'll never forget it.
That led me to the next step. What to do with Him now that I accepted his presence in my life. With about 2 years sober, I learned. I read a book called "The Sermon on the Mount" by Emmett Fox. Though it's not AA-approved literature, you'll find that Emmett was quite instrumental in the beginnings of AA. There was an article about him in the Grapevine last year. The book taught me how to use God in my life; definitely along the lines of "conscious contact" stuff. Few hours go by that I don't think about him or talk to him. Someone once said that "the difference between you and God is that God knows he's not you." Yes, I used to think I knew all the ins and outs of running my life. Today, I let Him run it as much as possible. When I maintain that conscious contact, it's hard not to realize when I'm trying to take control again. One of the ways I keep my conscious contact: Make a tape of all the songs I like that could be perceived as Higher Power stuff. Ever really listen to "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel? In Him, I really do see the doorway to a thousand churches and the resolution of all the fruitless searches . . .
I'll be spending New Year's Eve at the District 47 NYE party. Thanks, Barry. And everybody.
In gratitude, atroy@nni.com
thanks for being here and thanks for letting me be here. trust in god and things will be ok. don't drink and go to meetings.
Hi I'm Steve and I'm an alky enjoying my 16th sober Christmas. I first came into AA as an Agnostic. I hated the Lord's Prayer because it referred to God as a Father, and I couldn't form an image in my mind of a loving and benevolent father (mine wasn't by a long shot). The old timers smiled and said "keep an open mind". I resented that. I "found God" through the evidence of God's work - Lives changed, suffering eased and fears comforted through a personal relationship with a Higher Power.
I cannot see the wind But I can see it fill a sail And send a ship across the ocean I can feel a cooling breeze As it wafts over my body
I cannot see God But I can see God's works Healing suffering bodies Sick minds and broken spirits. And I can feel his love in my soul
With love
My name is Dal, and I'm an alcoholic from Reno, Nevada. If you were to ask ten people to describe me, you would get ten different descriptions. Some would say I was humorous, some would say I was too serious, some would say I was too extravagent, some would say I was cheap. My son would say I was a good father, my daughter would say I was a lousy father. Some would say I was a good child, some would say I was a bad child, etc. etc. The point is that they would all be right. Who then am I to think that I can put a definitive label on an all powerful God?
We are all born with a God-given, inherent knowlege of the difference between good and bad, and right and wrong. The Big Book tells us exactly where to go to look for that Power (middle paragraph, page 55). We look down deep within us. The toughest thing I have ever been asked to do is to turn my will and my life over to that Power that I cannot see, hear or touch.
Personally, if I ever believe that I actually do understand God, I will have assumed His position, and will be moving closer to rather than further away from my next drink.
joan s. 12/27/97 time: 9:04 I'M FEELING LOST. GOD AND HP ARE ONE FOR ME. I SEEEMED TO NOTICE HIS PRESENCE IN MY LIFE ABOUT 13 YEARS AGO. SOMETIMES IT SEEMS I LOSE TOUCH WITH MY HP, THAT'S WHEN I FEEL REALLY LOST. FUNNY THOUGH, I HAVE DONE SPIRITUAL GROWING THINGS LATELY BUT AM NOT SHAKING THE URGE TO DRIND, ESCAPE AND FIND HAPPINESS IN THINGS. I KNOW MEDITATING AND WRITING ABOUT THESE THINGS ARE THE ANSWER, I'VE DONE THESE LATELY YET I STILL FEEEL LOST AND DEPRESSED. HELP! THAKS FOR LISTENING
I feel lost sometimes... unable to tap into my higher power. When that happens, I go back to basics. Things I was told to do when I got sober. Things that brought me to an understanding of my concept of an HP. Somehow ( I don't have to know why), following the instructions works. If you're a beginner and don't know these instructions, they're in the AA text book ( the Big Book ) available at a live meeting, and perhaps??? on the web somewhere.
My HP is of my personal understanding - what that means to me is that I have a God that knows me personally -- everything about me and who has a good plan for me and who will never dump me in a mud puddle. Just because I have an understanding about this HP, doesn't mean my understanding is complete. That would be grandiose. I am but a thread in the tapestry my HP is weaving. I can see a few other threads, but not the whole scene.
If you feel disconnected from your Higher Power, or haven't found one yet, I might suggest that you make a gratitude list, and try to find another alcoholic to share with. Even if you're the one needing help, the alkie that you share with will be more likely to stay sober because of you.
I am a fifth generation Clarence S. My HP is Jesus Christ, as I elect to call Him. I used to be an atheist, then I went to this retreat. It was shown to me where the BB (THE BASIC TEXT) and the Good Book come together. There is a lot taken from religion....although we are not that. Before the BB, they used the GB and read from James.{see DR BOB'S BOOK]. Really helped me with my spiritualality. But, I do not judge anyone on their HP. If they have faith in that, and it works to keep them sober- not dry- then hats off. But I know who the HP is that Bill and Bob intended it to be. I just don't want to put my faith in a light bulb- burns out. A door breaks. Alcoholics can drink again if not in a fit spiritual state.