Hi I'm Mark and I'm an alcoholic. I'd like to talk about honesty, Or my sometimes lack of it. It still amazes me how I tend to still lie about things to try to make myself look better. They usually arn't big things, but a lie is a lie. I do it without thinking about it at the time, and as soon as it comes out of my mouth I ask myself why I just said it. It also gives me alot of guilt, which is something I didn't have, or refused to recognise while I was drinking. I guess the reason I do it is because that is how I lived for so many years. I didn't like who I was, and I thought the only way for people to like me is I led them to believe I was something other than I was. The program tells me it's ok to be who I am today, to be honest with people, and get rid of the guilt by making amends to people who I've lied to. Thanks for being here.
Have a sober day! :)
Mark, thanks for this topic. I can definitely identify with it. For a while, I had no idea what it meant to be honest. My life was complete fantasy, and I didn't even know it!
Unfortunately, I thought I WAS honest, because I would tell you (honestly) just what I thought of you! And of course, it wasn't always exactly complimentary....
But the 4th Step got me to look at reality, MY reality, and the remaining Steps asked me to Live and Let Live, and let other people deal with their own lives. I had to be brutally honest with MYSELF before I could get anywhere with my character defects. I had to tell myself the truth.
Now, of course, it's just as they say: it's exhausting to tell all those lies and fabricate all those stories. It turns out to be easier to simply tell the truth!
Peace to all....
Thanks, Mark. The hardest thing I had to be honest about at first?It was the FIRST drink that got me drunk. I could've sworn it was number nine! Then, I stopped stealing when I was 10 -- and thought I had the whole subject licked. Fact is, I was LIVING a lie! Denial, phony, make-believe in EVERYthing.
And, for a couple of years, I dribbled little stories about my shame to members of my group until I was sure that other alcoholics used to do what I did. But we didn't have to cover up everything, we had to share and forgive and learn and grow. What a relief! The beginning of reality! I still tend to minimize my feelings, which is a painful lie in itself.
And the biggest lie I have to deal with is "I can do it alone." The moment I start isolating I know I'm lying to myself again. The truth is I need all of you all the time --- and that's the truth! My life turned around when I discovered that. When my old defects raise their ugly heads, I can be honest more quickly. Humility and stark honesty are very close to the same thing, I believe.
This is the day HP has made -- let us rejoice and be glad in it!
This is a test.
From our 12 and 12
Because our surface record hasn't looked too bad, we have frequently been abashed to find that this is simply because we have buried these selfsame defects deep down in us under thick layers of self-justification. Those were the defects that finally ambushed us into alcoholism and misery.
I still have the selfsame defect of dishonesty. I still try to hide a dishonest motive beneath awhat may appear to be a good motive.
I continue to operate a business that loses money under the self deception that it may someday be profitable.
I still attend some meetings to see who is there rather that to contribute or gain spirtuallity.
I spend money under the excuse that I know what is best for my family, when in my heart I know that it just another new thing that I want and we can not afford.
Enought of this dishonesty, and I will return to drink. I must be ever watchful and report on myself.
Alcohol can ambush me when I least expect it. Rigorous honesty is esential to continued recovery!
I'm Barry and I'm an alcoholic,
Honesty real honesty, thats a tough nut to crack My friend Ed G. always says ther are 12 attributes that make up an alcoholic, the 1st one is we are LIARS the other 11 don't matter,we lie when its easier to tell the truth, we lie to the ones we love, we lie to the ones we hate, but most of all we lie to ourselves.
The first time I heard him share that I said yea thats me how does he know? I try to be honest, but usually when its conveinient for me, and suits my needs. self serving honesty like Perry talks about. I know if I continue this pattern it will lead back to the bottle.
It's hard for me to find someone I can really be honest with about whats bothering me, That intimacy thing that was the topic a few weeks ago. I find being honest even with the little things(like when someone asks how I'm doing and I say fine,when I'm really lousy) helps alot.
I especially try not to be dishonest to myself, this disease will keep telling me I'm not an alcoholic, and to believe that would mean death.
I am greatful for this program and the people in the rooms (including this one with no walls) for reminding me on a regular basis of what I need to do to stay sober and alive
Hi. I'm Thomaz an Alki
Being honest isn't an option for me. Even when it hurts I try to be. What I can't stand is being honest when I know the people I'm dealing with are not.
Sorry I've been away so long, lost in my own self deception.
Hi I'm Cherise and I'm an alcoholic. Honesty is a great topic Mark. I am dealing with my own self honesty at this point in my sobriety. I've really tried to be honest with everyone around me, but I still find myself telling little stupid lies. The difference is I catch myself today. I actually can say "No that's a lie" I guess I feel guilty about it. A few Saturdays I spoke at a meeting and said I bought the house I'm living in when in reality we are thinking about buying it. After I spoke I felt like shit because their were alot of people I knew there and WHY??????did I lie! All I can do today is pray for God's help to do the best I can one day at a time and that progress not perfection helps me alot. But like most all the other people said the most dangerous is when I'm lying to myself. That one seems to hurt the people I love as well as myself, and can definetly lead me back to a drink. I found out recently (From my sponsor) that I've been doing that. The tricky thing is that I didn't even realize it. I felt somethings been off, but I like to pretend I'm perfect and nothings ever wrong. So I'm grateful how this program works with my HP, my sponsor and all of you to see things that I can't myself. Thanks for listening.
Hi I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic. Thank you for the topic. I really need to listen for a while. thanks for all the help!!!
Thanks for another great meeting, I needed it.
I can definitely identify with everyone.
Honesty is a great topic for me.
The meaning of the phrase rigorous honesty has changed for me. During the beginning of my journey, it meant being honest with myself about my alcoholism. But today, through some emotional pain, rigorous honesty means much more.
I have to consiously and continually try to be honest with myself and everyone else. That isn't always an easy thing to do.
For many years lieing was a built in defense mechanism that served me well- or so I thought. As I continued on my journey, these "smoothing over lies" as I like to call them, began causing me grief. My built in defenses not only quit working for me, they were attacking me. And so I learned another important lesson in sobriety.
I could no longer be the pathological lier that I was. I needed to erase those old tapes. What better way than to try to be rigorously honest in all my affairs?
Thanks again for a great topic! This is one that I always need.
Hi every one Joanie O here an alcoholic. Wow what a great meeting and topic .Honesty for me means survival at all times, I have a hard time expressing myself with others because I am afraid that they will abandon me and judge me. My greatest fear is that I will be alone and so I create deversions to by pass honesty in my life . I find if I dont watch myself I will not tell you how I feel, and so it is a continous struggle to remain honest.I find the negative questioning and judgementality of my childhood bring out the dishonesty in me. As I began to get honest I began to have more confidence in me. The hardest thing was to love my aa members enough to tell them the truth, this was the key for now I could express for me how I felt and not enable them to remain sick.I must keep an honesty check on myself daily .