Member:
Joanie O from PA.
Date:
9/1/97
Time:
10:21:13 AM

Comments

Happy Labor day all my AA friends My name is Joanie and I am an alcoholic. The topic for the week is fear of intamacy. I have found that fear keeps me in a stuck position many times when I need to take a risk and let others know who I am or how I feel. Sometimes I need a push to take a risk or make a change. I am amazed how good I feel whenI overcome this fear thru faith and do the action. When I get very busy with others and neglect myself by not going to meetings I lose the spark of the Higher Power and become afraid again,I cannot store this energy so I must always maintain it with my meetings. I find these thing in relaionships with other people I must maintain the spark have faith and take the risks. Letting others know that you care becomes easier the more that I do it and it helps me to feel the same energy from them. As a child I was told never to trust others in my program today I must take the risk care, express my honest feelings, and let love and friendship into my heart. If I am hurt I have at least taken the risk and tried. Life is great today because of this God given program.


Member:
Judy K in Maine
Date:
9/1/97
Time:
2:54:41 PM

Comments

Dynamite topic, Miss Joannie! I wonder if alcoholics are truly more sensitive than others? I know I've set up all kinds of protection for myself -- and I think intimacy means gut-level honesty and vulnerability -- why, I've been running away from that all my life!

The Steps keep moving me toward honesty -- that is, humility -- and caring about others -- so intimacy becomes possible. Even today, after all these years, I'm more fearful with family. I think it must be the old image thing cropping up. Anyway, when I'm open and vulnerable, it feels so good! No one seems to disapprove. Quite the opposite!

I think the fear of intimacy, for me, is the fear of loving without reservation. I just don't want to be hurt. But risk is life. I've learned how to be a sociable-isolator, if you know what I mean. Still hesitant, but willing! Ain't life grand?


Member:
Ron L.
Date:
9/2/97
Time:
7:58:34 PM

Comments

Tought topic - recently my sponsor sat me down and asked me what I believed about relationships and what I did on a regula basis in line with my beliefs. I guess I forget sometimes that it is a program of action, one day at a time. And that I need to do things every day consistent with my beliefs. I do the foot work and God does the rest. Good to be at this meeting!


Member:
Tim G.
Date:
9/4/97
Time:
10:25:20 PM

Comments

I have trouble with intamacy also. I believe it’s like Joanie said, fear and a lack of trust. Sometimes I’ll focus on the few bad experiences I’ve had with getting close to someone or letting someone inside my head and being let down. If I focused on the many wonderful relationships I’ve made with other people and God since I’ve been in the program, maybe I wouldn’t be as hesitant. I also have gotten the feeling that I have been the cause of the exact thing that I fear, someone not liking what the real me is like. I’ve had people open up to me and I’ve not responded, and then I have let them down. Fear, ego and a lack of trust have kept me from being a friend to those who have needed it and I had not been there for them.


Member:
Perry in USA
Date:
9/5/97
Time:
10:17:43 PM

Comments

The nearest thing to "intimacey" that this alky has found is the morning meeting at the Best Western. It has become a place that is safe to open up and let the real me hang out. I connect all of my comments to my alcoholism. That is because I am an alcoholic.(WoW! What a discovery!) This type of sharing seems to help me find peace throughout the day. I also enjoy this type of realtionship with my sponser. Here is the one person that gets to see all of me, " warts and all" ! I really don't care what his opinion is, I just need someone safe I can really let go of all the camoflage, acting and be the real Perry. Man, that feels so good. His absolute confidence is a must. I have trouble with this type of intimacey with my wife of 21 years, because, sometimes the stuff that comes out is used against me later, and I really hate that.

I try to be the same person wherever I go today , at work, at home and in AA or asleep.

It is a goal of mine, that I am working towards. I beleive through the practice of the 12 steps and the practice of the principals of the Twelve Traditions, I can achieve the goal of always be myself and not what I beleive you think I should be.

I always try to be as honsest as I can with my Conscience Contact. At least that is a start. Practice, Practice, practice.... Love: Perry H


Member:
Perry in USA
Date:
9/5/97
Time:
10:18:58 PM

Comments

The nearest thing to "intimacey" that this alky has found is the morning meeting at the Best Western. It has become a place that is safe to open up and let the real me hang out. I connect all of my comments to my alcoholism. That is because I am an alcoholic.(WoW! What a discovery!) This type of sharing seems to help me find peace throughout the day. I also enjoy this type of realtionship with my sponser. Here is the one person that gets to see all of me, " warts and all" ! I really don't care what his opinion is, I just need someone safe I can really let go of all the camoflage, acting and be the real Perry. Man, that feels so good. His absolute confidence is a must. I have trouble with this type of intimacey with my wife of 21 years, because, sometimes the stuff that comes out is used against me later, and I really hate that.

I try to be the same person wherever I go today , at work, at home and in AA or asleep.

It is a goal of mine, that I am working towards. I believe through the practice of the 12 steps and the practice of the principals of the Twelve Traditions, I can achieve the goal of always be myself and not what I beleive you think I should be.

I always try to be as honsest as I can with my Conscience Contact. At least that is a start. Practice, Practice, practice.... Love: Perry H


Member:
Bob B.
Date:
9/6/97
Time:
12:11:13 AM

Comments

Intamacy,I could not even think about being intament with someone unless I was completely wasted.

Hi I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic. First of all I only knew intamcy as something LUSTFUL. It was not until I got into AA and started on my way to recovery,that my sponsor explained that intamcy means having absolute trust in someone.That really shocked me, I could never trust someone like that.Well through living the steps and tradtions into my life I can now have intament relationships with other people and not have a fear of being betrayed. Now don't get me wrong, there are only a few people that I can have that kind of relationship with. As I said before that I try living these principles but I'm so far off sometimes I feel like I'm going back.It is a great relief for me to know that I have some friends that I can share like and they with me. With these people I don't have to be afraid to tell you who I am.Thanks for everyone sharing.


Member:
Cherise D
Date:
9/6/97
Time:
7:54:23 AM

Comments

Hi everyone I'm Cherise and I'm an alcoholic.

I like what everyone has said so far. I was filled with fear of intimacy, but it is getting much better. For the first time I have girlfriends who I truly trust and there is no competition between us. A bunch of women who really care about each other. (Not trying to steal their boyfriends away from each other). WOW! Another area is trust for me ]I don't think after being hurt so many times that I would ever trust a man again. LOVE??? thought I knew what it was when I was out there, but I really had no clue. Today my relationship is filled with trust, friendship, honesty, and true love. I only have and realize this by being able to work the steps and principles into my daily life. By getting direction from my sponsor, but mostly by trusting in my HP. A friend of mine told me recently "You have to start your relationship over every single day!" I truly believe that. There are some days that I revert back to old thinking and thats because I lose my faith and trust and that makes me want to run or ruin my relationship, but I am getting better at finding where I am and what I need to do. Thanks for listening.


Member:
Mark B.
Date:
9/6/97
Time:
1:32:19 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Mark and I'm an alcoholic. WOW what a topic. Thank God in this program we seek progress and not perfection. This is something I still have a real problem with. Like Bob I only knew intamacy as lust, and like Cherise, love, I didn't have a clue. I didn't like what I saw in myself, forget letting another person close enough to see what's inside me, or let them see my weaknesses. I learned as a kid that when people knew your weaknesses they would use them against you. So I closed myself off, and built what I call my wall. Since I've been in this program the wall has come down a little(not much) for a few people who I am beginning to trust. I let them see some of my weaknesses, they show me theirs, we get closer, and the wall comes down a little more. You're right Miss Joanie, I have to push myself to take the risk, but it is worth it.

Have a sober Day! :)