Member: Nan D.
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 2/14/98
Time: 3:36:48 PM

Comments

Nan D. Alkie and Drugie here. This is my third time typing this out, I keep losing it. I need the patience and tolerance now. My topic is patience and tolerance because lately I have very little. Physically I have not been feeling very good, I do not know what is wrong, and neither does the doctors. I want to know whats wrong now, and I want it fixed now. I know there is tests to go thru, but like I said I have lost my patience. If I can just take a second and pray to my Higher Power for the patience and tolerance, I usually get it. It seems the more I need to pray the further away I get. I went to a 6:30am meeting this morning. I needed it, today my day seems to be going ok so far, but then again its only 11:00am. I know what to do when I get nuts, then why don't I just do it, I guess that's the alkie in me. I think I'd like to shut up now, and listen to some suggestions or comments on this subject. Love and Peace to all. Nan


Member: Bob
Location: Carolina
Date: 2/14/98
Time: 5:20:49 PM

Comments

Great topic, Nan. As for me, patience , tolerance and love are things I continue to learn and preactice on a daily basis. If I don't, I get angry and the book says that's best left to people better equipped to handle it than I. Like now, my wife wants to use the phoneso I have to be tolerant of that and get off line. Although I have more to say on this subject. Y'all take it easy and one at a time.


Member: fred h
Location: ohio
Date: 2/14/98
Time: 5:30:25 PM

Comments

fred h grateful drunk and drug addict pat. and tolerance is not one of my strong points. my old timers suggest the slogans to me. which of course i try to do my way. im so glad the God i understand today has a sence of humor and loves me enough to let me try to fix things my way.i can only see the world with my human eyes. and am still learning to see with my spirtual eyes.that happenes by a lot of prayer and meditation im sure you have been remined many times about how important meetings and fellowship are. the key for me is to act my way into better thinking not to think my way into better actions. surrender is still hard for me humble is a word i still have to learn. but God grace is a gift and it will come in his time. keep on keepin on..................


Member: Ronld L.
Location: Twain Harte, Ca, USA
Date: 2/14/98
Time: 6:01:59 PM

Comments

Just got up here in the slush but it is starting to really snow heavy. Our friend with here with her to be kids. Along with our kids, NOW they are running around trying to get out and play in the snow. In and Out, In and Out. Now my wife and her friend is going to the store and I got instruction for the cake in the oven. I will just stay close to you guys and follow your patients and tolerance so I won't try to control this situation. If I need, I brought my reading material and can go to a chat line for more fellowship. I can feel my axniety and tension going down already. Wow, I thank God that I have come to this place in my life and recovery even though I still can go crazy if I want to.....I have the choice as long as I stay close to you. Thank you


Member: Jeanette S.
Location: Las Vegas
Date: 2/14/98
Time: 6:53:54 PM

Comments

Patience and tolerance are not easy for me. I can be tolerant of others but not myself, and i can be patient with people but not institutions and money. i have been clean and sober by the grace of God for 8 years and I still need lots of work, thank you all in AA for being so patient and tolerant of me. Keep comming back


Member: Paula R
Location: Cape Cod Ma.
Date: 2/14/98
Time: 7:05:41 PM

Comments

Patience and toleraance- what a great topic. Hello all. My name is Paula and I'm an alcoholic in recovery (but not recovered)Patience and tolerance. For some reason in the last couple of days they both are eluding me. I believe I know why - I'm upset because things aren't going exactly as I think they should and that causes me distress. Of course the key words here are AS I THINK THEY SHOULD. I know better than to think this way but boy oh boy sometimes these thoughts just grab a hold of you and hang on tight. It's just that old committee in my head that wants me to listen to it. My disease is hoping it can make me so miserable that it will force me in to taking a drink. But it will not win-today anyway. The good thing about thinking this way today is I recognise how ridiculous it is for me to think I am controlling the shots in this lifetime. I have learned this since joining AA and need only to remember page 449 about acceptance. I also know now that recovery is progress not perfection and if I just let go and trust then all will be well. I sometimes think my higher power allows me to have days like these so I can remember how easily my own thinking can get me in trouble.Thanks for listening all. Have a sober evening.Thanks for the topic Nan I needed it. We get what we need even if we don't know we need it!!!!!


Member: Jack B.
Location: Oregon Coast
Date: 2/14/98
Time: 8:02:32 PM

Comments

Hi Nan, A worthy topic! In AA we so strongly emphasize " not taking a drink, one day at a time" which is true and essential to recovery (at least in my case!)that we tend to overlook that recovery takes time.When I came into AA, trailing all my "defects of character", including impatience and intolerance, amongst others, those alcoholics who had preceded me, explained that I hadn't just that week become alcoholic and that it would take TIME for me to get well. OH, HOW I HATED HEARING THAT!! But they were accurate. Prior to AA, I dealt with my impatience and intolerance by drinking,I had no other way! I'm eternally grateful to AA for showing me the better way. I'm a trudger on the "happy road of destiny".


Member: George M.
Location: Poconos, Pennsylvania  U.S.A.
Date: 2/14/98
Time: 8:02:49 PM

Comments

Hi, my name's George and I am an alcoholic.

Patience and tolerance are both directly connected to my level of acceptance.

When I become able to accept a someone or something, I become more tolerant of the situation.

Patience, when I have it, helps me to focus on what is bothering me.

The better I try to practice the principles of A.A. in ALL my affairs and the closer I stay to my H.P., the more patient and tolerant I become.

However, some things that I lose my serenity over because I'm unable to accept something, can really tast my consious contact with H.P. When that happens, I need to share it at a meeting.

For this alkie, nothing helps more than getting out of self and talking to others in recovery.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Mary C.
Location: NJ
Date: 2/14/98
Time: 10:27:51 PM

Comments

Funny you should be on this topic! been dealing with my low tolerance level for 2 weeks. took a memtal health day yesterday and was surprised to find i was depressed enough to cry at the weddint on kathy & regis and even at some commercials. seems i was dealing with depression regarding a recent family event and denying my feelings. after a few cries and vegeing out, i find that what i called intolerance was actually anger. again, denying feelings that i "shouldn't have" and they came out sideways -- anger aimed at others and back to me. just grateful i didn't have to get drunk over it.

had to get physically ill before i took time to look at me. my higher power gets my attention one way or another to get me out of my own way!


Member: TJ M.
Location: Oklahoma City
Date: 2/14/98
Time: 10:33:21 PM

Comments

Hi-I'm TJ & I'm an alcoholic. Nothing like a 13 year old to test my patience & tolerance. I tend to forget to be this way w/those I love the most, but have no trouble w/newcomers. For me its about getting out of self-this usally happens thru others in the program calling needing to share-as it happened this a.m. Also, my sponsor always tells me "You have to act your way into right thinking, not think your way into right acting" I just love hearing that from her. However, she's right & if I can just be willing to do the next right thing in front of me & keep it simple then it tends to be pretty smooth. Another tool I use is the old '1st thought, 2nd thought', especially w/my girl. I know my 1st thought is usually diseased, if I can be patient enough to wait & ask for the next right thought then the results seem to be much better. Peace TJ


Member: Dennis A
Location: Brookfield Wi
Date: 2/14/98
Time: 11:55:43 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Dennis an alcoholic and drug addict. I always like it when topics of patience and/or tolerance come up. Patiece and tolerance seems to be hardest for me with the ones I love the most- wife and kids. I have found that practicing in little things throughout the day helps me deal with with bigger thing when they come up -- waiting in a slow line or practicing courtesy on the highway. wish you all another clean and sober 24 houes.


Member: Dennis A
Location: Brookfield Wi
Date: 2/14/98
Time: 11:56:15 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Dennis an alcoholic and drug addict. I always like it when topics of patience and/or tolerance come up. Patiece and tolerance seems to be hardest for me with the ones I love the most- wife and kids. I have found that practicing in little things throughout the day helps me deal with with bigger thing when they come up -- waiting in a slow line or practicing courtesy on the highway. wish you all another clean and sober 24 houes.


Member: Pat L
Location: Kansas City, MO
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 7:42:35 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Pat, an alcoholic and druggie. I have people telling me all the time, how do I do it? Patience that is. I have been working on it for a long time. Everyday. It is a constant struggle. Personally, I don't think I have much patience, but others around me do. I am a tech support person that deals with I.D.I.O.T. errors on a daily basis. This helps me alot. I think TJM says it best, you sound just like my sponsor. Try to do the next right thing. Keep it simple and for me TAKE YOUR TIME. Do whatever slower. When I force myself to slow down, and think,think,think. It works out alot better for me. People often get anxious waiting for an answer, but taking the time out for the right answer, is better for all envolved. Thank you for letting me share. I hope I didn't run on too long. Today, be good to yourself, in slow motion.


Member: Mike P
Location:
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 8:53:25 AM

Comments


Member: Susanne F.
Location: NY
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 9:02:18 AM

Comments

Hi,my name is Susanne and I am an alcoholic. Patience and tolerance are a very good topic for me, too. Page 449 of the Big Book is my favorite! I find that when my acceptance is low, patience can go out the window. It is easier for me to be patient with others, but when I am not accepting where I am today as exactly where I am supposed to be I get impatient with myself and have less patience with others! It truly is an inside job. Keeping in touch with God in my heart helps me to be grateful and therefore patience and tolerance become easier.


Member: Susanne F.
Location: NY
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 9:03:09 AM

Comments

Hi,my name is Susanne and I am an alcoholic. Patience and tolerance are a very good topic for me, too. Page 449 of the Big Book is my favorite! I find that when my acceptance is low, patience can go out the window. It is easier for me to be patient with others, but when I am not accepting where I am today as exactly where I am supposed to be I get impatient with myself and have less patience with others! It truly is an inside job. Keeping in touch with God in my heart helps me to be grateful and therefore patience and tolerance become easier.


Member: Perry H
Location: New Orleans
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 9:28:29 AM

Comments

When my heart is filled with gratitude..

I find that patience and tolerance are also present.

Cease to be Grateful..... Cease to be Sober.

That message was brought to you by Curly... who got it from Ed A.. both are wonderful Old Timers.

An Attitiude of Gratitude , that every day sober is simply and extra that I never deserved.

Thank You God and AA


Member: Ed A.
Location: NY
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 10:45:44 AM

Comments

Hi- I'm Ed, and I'm an alcoholic. I try to apply the serenity prayer: If I can change a situation,then there's no point in my being upset. If I can't change it, there's still no point in being upset- just accept. It took me a while to learn this, but as we say, it gets easier! Just keep applying the principles one day at a time.


Member: adam b
Location: all
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 10:45:46 AM

Comments

i am cool


Member: Gail B
Location: Texas
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 11:17:45 AM

Comments

Hi, Gail, alkie. Patience and tolerance are my weakness as well. I have been known to repeat the serenity prayer every 15 minutes all day long if necessary. I find that if I truely listen to the words of the prayer as I say it, it immediately relieves my frustration with everyday life - people, places and things. I say truely listen because it's easy for me to say things I have memorized without really listening.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 12:32:08 PM

Comments

Patience, I think, is the time component of "I know what I want and I want it right now!". More and more, I'm starting to realize that what I had better want is what God wants for me, not what I think I want. It's kinda like, "okay, surprise me!".

If I'm really okay with whatever God has planned, the time frame becomes a whole lot less important. You might not be in the hurry that you think are, particularly when your will and God's will are not the same.


Member: George W.
Location: Fayetteville, NC
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 1:42:02 PM

Comments

Iam GW alcoholic and addict. As for patience and tolerance I don't know a whole lot about it. Good luck! God Bless! Thank you for letting me share today.


Member: Russ W.
Location: Powell, WY
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 4:05:58 PM

Comments

Hi I am Russ and I am an alcoholic/addict. I think I will just kick back and read the experience, strength, and hope this week. Thanks


Member: Megan W.
Location: a university
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 6:25:31 PM

Comments

I don't have any patience or tolerance....I've neverever been in here before and I don't know what to do so I guess I'll be quiet. I'm not even totally positive I'm *really* an alcoholic or not.


Member: Megan W.
Location: Pullman
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 6:27:53 PM

Comments

Okay I guess nobody's here. Maybe I'll come back later.


Member: Sara W.
Location: Oregon
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 7:20:25 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Sara, alcoholic. Treating others the way I want to be treated helps me be patient and tolerant. Often I also recite the Serenity Prayer. It's amazing how that works in times of need.


Member: don w
Location: akeley mn.
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 8:22:41 PM

Comments

Hi I am don a gratefull recovering alcoholic...

patience and tolerance... These two can be elusive on days that my spiritual level is NON-existiant. God i am patient BUT I WANT IT NOW!!! The third step prayer , especially the part of release me from bondage of selve.. that i may better serve thee.. If i am spritually fit i am O>K> with this topic. if not It will be a bad day for don and all others...


Member: Carol G.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 2/15/98
Time: 11:31:50 PM

Comments

I can relate to the not feeling well.I have been experiencing this for the past almost 2 years of sobriety. I am so glad I found this page because it is 11:30pm and i live in a resort town which in the winter the town closes down. I have not had much patience nor tolerance with this situation. Needless to say neither does my boss have much patience nor tolerance. I do have to say my boss is an alcoholic, a dry alcoholic but indications point she is not so dry anymore. Well there is a lot of chaos in this atmosphere and I feel like I am doing something wrong. I am very frustrated and I know this will pass but it sure does stink waiting.


Member: Dwight C
Location: Weld County, CO
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 12:26:14 AM

Comments

Talk about having to practice patience; I live in the sticks, and was locked out of the house on friday. I had to drive 7 miles to get to a phone to attempt to contact a locksmith. 2 1/2 hrs later, no locksmith to be found. I had to break in. Then fix the now-broken door-jam. The anger that I experienced was intense, but I managed to control most of it through prayer This was a good learning experience for me, and I didn't think about drinking over it. For me, patience and tolerence are to be practised, and not just talked about. It seems I am better able to handle the hard stuff more easily than the little stuff. When dealing with kids, I have to remind myself to accept them where they are at this time. This can be real hard, but is rewarding. I find I am more able to tolerate new-comers than old-timers; after all they (myself included) should be better at practising these principals by now! Even after 14 yrs. unrealistic expectations still raise their ugly heads. Step 10 seems to still be the key for me to stay in balance with the rest of the world, and myself. So I guess I'll just keep coming back.


Member: RITA.R
Location: marion in.
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 12:48:22 AM

Comments


Member: Len
Location: So. Oregon Coast
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 1:08:07 AM

Comments

Hi P & T--a topic for all alkies. We are very weak on it in the beginning of our "journey of life in AA", however the help comes from the "Language of the Heart" we all express to each other as we understand what the lack of P & T can do for us. To the worst extreme, it can drive us back to drink - so by sharing, we realize once again that we are exhibiting a child like trait - which we come to associate with self-centeredness. The Big Book is replete of what can happen if we do not get over this sel-centeredness! Stinking thinking and then back to drinking! None of us want that, therefore, our sharing with each other as to how to overcome this childlike trait, is the KEY to maintaining our equanimity and the resulting serenity. Some times, we are able to talk to our sponsor or we can find some others in the program we can relate to, and a call to them can get us through the next 'self-centered crisis'. If we have to call 10 times a day, its ok, we are maintaining our sobriety and that in essence is what this program is about. To maintain our physical sobriety and the emotional, and mental sobriety will follow as we progress through the steps. Good luck, and Megan, if you are wondering if you are an Alcoholic, take the 20- question test. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Paul M.
Location: Seattle WA
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 2:57:13 AM

Comments

My name is Paul and I'm an alcoholic. Thanks for the topic, Nan. I appreciate reading/hearing about patience and tolerance. I often get caught with the, "I want it all and I want it now!" Usually, those thoughts come to me when I'm in an emotional struggle... I want to feel happy or well right now... and what do I have to do to feel it... When I'm stuck in this rut I'm usually (and gratefully) reminded that God has a plan for me and that I'm right where I need to be. That is the toughest thing to realize on a daily basis, but I keep it a one day at a time thing.

Easy does it and God bless.


Member: Ron L.
Location: Germany
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 7:55:33 AM

Comments

I'm Ron, quite alcoholic, living in a new country is a great lesson in patience and tolerance, here the cars are fast and the service is slow. I went to try to get a chap stick for my dry lips, a ten minute walk to find out the variety store is closed for the mid-day break and the pharmacy is closed for 5 weeks while the owners have a baby! The AA meetings are 2 hours long but there aren't that many per week - a really big city like Manheim has maybe 4 meetings a week. But being sober anywhere is lots better than being drunk anywhere and today I am happy and somewhat tolerant. Thanks to AA for all that and more. Peace to all.


Member: Ann A
Location: del water gap, PA
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 10:57:13 AM

Comments

hey hey..Go Nan!! I can totally relate to your feelings & your situation. I was diagnosed with a bone & muscle disease (like M.S.) with 3 months sober. The last 2 months was hospitalized for seizures and kidney stones. Patience and tolerance were not even comprehendable to me. I'm pulling out of a dry drunk since last hosp. stay. HOW? meetings, prayer, fellowship!!! Works each & every time regardless of my problem! Alcoholism..physical, mental,& spiritual disease..in that order for me. If the physical is hurting, next my alkie mind says don't go to meetins, then don't pray, & eventually pick up. I thank god for his intervention. I have the same physical problems today, but feeling 100% better mentally from meetings & prayer,,funny but that is helping me feel better physically too! Thanks to all & happy 24


Member: Paula S.                             
Location:
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 1:26:08 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Paula and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for 1 month. Because of my lack of patience and tolerance I relapsed last night after a meeting. I needed to prove to myself that since i know i have this disease i can control how much i use. I understand this is a progressive disease and i am powerless over the first drink. I need to get closer to my HP. Thanks for the support and fellowship. I need it I cant fight this disease on my own or more important my way. Take one day at a time!!


Member: Richard
Location: Here not There
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 1:42:58 PM

Comments

Feelings are valuable to emotional maturity. We are not perfect but strive for perfection towards God.


Member: Richard
Location: Here not There
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 1:43:24 PM

Comments

Feelings are valuable to emotional maturity. We are not perfect but strive for perfection towards God.


Member: Angi G.
Location: Houston, TX
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 1:49:02 PM

Comments

Hi Angi and I'm an alchololic. Wow! I needed this. I too am a "Want it all right now" person. Learning to live on my HP time is really tough for me. I pray everyday for patience and tolorance. I do know it's getting easier for me. Don't think I'll ever master it, but it's sure nice to know my HP will get me through it. Thanks for letting me share


Member: Angi G.
Location: Houston, TX
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 1:49:11 PM

Comments

Hi Angi and I'm an alchololic. Wow! I needed this. I too am a "Want it all right now" person. Learning to live on my HP time is really tough for me. I pray everyday for patience and tolorance. I do know it's getting easier for me. Don't think I'll ever master it, but it's sure nice to know my HP will get me through it. Thanks for letting me share


Member: TJ  K.
Location: Northern California
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 5:18:47 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm TJ and I'm an alcoholic in recovery. This is my first "cyber" meeting and I need all the patience and tolerance I can muster right now. I have had a lot of physical problems and it feels like God has left me.


Member: Megan W.
Location: Pullman
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 5:26:40 PM

Comments

How can you guys be sure that there *is* a Higher Power? And how can you be sure that you're alcoholics? Can you tell me if there's a test or something? I'm really confused.


Member: KAT
Location: ca
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 5:58:28 PM

Comments

Hi, Im new to this meeting and in need of lots of meetinigs now. Been in recovery for a while and struggle with Pain killers now due to different surgerys. Any helpful hints.?


Member: Steve B. alcoholic
Location: Pasadena, CA
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 6:11:15 PM

Comments

Steve B. here. Megan, I understand what u r saying, been there. I know there is a higher power, because it is by His grace that I got sober. I tried to quit many times, but did not suceed until I asked for H.P.'s help. That was a year and a half ago, and since then there have been many miracles. The most important is that I realized when I turned my life over to God it only gets better. When I try to control things it doesn't work and I get frustrated and fuzzy in the brain. My life works when I let go. There are tests available at AA meetings that ask questions regarding yourself. Only YOU can determine if you are alcoholic. I AM an alcoholic. When I got into AA I didn't think so, alcoholics have a little problem with denial. The fact that you were looking here could be a clue. Go to a live meeting and find someone you can talk to. We like to help others just as much as we like being sober! Best wishes! T.Y.G.!


Member: TJ
Location: N.CAlif.
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 6:12:09 PM

Comments

TJ, alcoholic in recovery.

Hi, I know the "pain killer" or be "killed with pain real, real well. I'm struggling with back problems and the--now loss of my son who is being kept from me by a former wife who once said "yes, I understand this, and sometimes we need the drugs." She's not saying that now! God, give me patience and understanding!


Member: JOE S.
Location: POCONOS PA. K. I. S.
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 6:39:15 PM

Comments

HI JOE S. GRATEFUL ALCOHOLIC GOOD TOPIC NAN BY THE WAY HI GENE .MY LEVEL OF PATIENCE AND TOLERANCE IS CONTINGENT ON MY LEVEL OF SPIRITUAL FITNESS.IF I LEAVE IT IN HIS HANDS IT USUALLY WORKS OUT FINE.PHYSICAL EXERCISE HELPS KEEP THE STRESS AT A MINIMUM WHICH SEEMS TO KEEP ME LESS ON EDGE. LOVE TO ALL


Member: Jane  M.
Location: Ma.
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 7:06:13 PM

Comments

Hi, everyone. I sure needed this meeting; I short one P&T these days because for the first time in many years, I have slacked off on meetings. It was a conscious decision, not the insidiousness of complacency or even laziness: I have a major resentment and no longer feel "safe" in my groups. Have tried other meetings and not finding a home. I don't have the drive to start a new meeting , so am praying for God's will and direction. Have always wondered what happens to old timers---in my case I can no longer identify with the speakers. I'm scared.


Member: Robb W.
Location: Mississauga,Ontario,Canada
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 7:28:57 PM

Comments

Hi Robb here very greatful alcoholic. Jane M. here's a perfect example of praticing patience and tolerance! Have patience that your HP will show you the way if you only let him. Have a little tolerance and an open mind at your regular meetings. I have gone to lots of meetings where I didn't relly feel *safe* but with an open mind I carried something away from each and every one. I can relate to those who mention kids. I have two boys ages 3 and 5. I only get to see them on the weekends and I really have to practice patience. I find that if I just take a few seconds (every few minutes!) and say a little prayer for help and guidance everything works out O.K. If only we could all love each other with the blind unconditional love that our children give to us... Thanks for letting me share. Wishing you all another 24 sober hours, Robb


Member: TJ
Location: N. CAl
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 8:47:03 PM

Comments

TJ, recovering alcoholic Thank You Robb and I can identify with the "unsafe" feeling associated with some meetings. I am about to go to a meeting in about an hour and I feel real scared about it. But I am going to go because---well, what's the alternative? as my sponsor always points out. Good point. Thank you God for all you people out there, sober or not! God bless you all. With Love TJ


Member: Jackie E.
Location: Cha., RI
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 10:01:06 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Jackie, a greatful recovering alkie, do, only to the grace of God. I agree, it takes spiritual arobics to make this work for me. When I don't pray, I lose my patient, which for me is another name for serenity.


Member: Ken H.
Location: Ottawa Canada
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 10:09:15 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Ken and I am an alcoholic. Yes patiance and tolerance. I am presently recovering not just from alcoholism but the flu. I am a person that does not like to sit around being sick but this is God's way of slowing me down. So I am enjoying my time reading the sharing and sending e-mails to my sponsor. My sponsor has always said that patiance and tolerance was not one of my qualities but through the grace of God and the fellowship of Alcoholic Anonymous things are getting better. I hope that it will not take such drastic measures next time to slow me down. My loving wife is always trying to slow me down but... My sponsor always says if I think I am working my program very well, just let him in my house for five minutes and he will tell me if I am working my program. I hate him but love him for it. Wishing all another 24 hours. In love and service Ken H.


Member: Susan O
Location: Seattle, Wa.
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 10:36:45 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Susan and I am a recovering Alcoholic and Drug Addict. Patience and Tolerance I have very little of. I have FMS/MPS, a disease that wipes you out. I also suffered a collapsed lung (alien) in November 1997. My family of origin does not get the ramifications of what is happening in my body. They staged an intervention and said that my Xspouse, a heroin addict, who will not play by the rules (supervised visitation), should take the baby from me. I have 2 sponsors who do "get it" and understand that medication is necessary. I belong to another 12 step program for friends and families of Alcoholics.

My X claims he has 13 months and yet he has only done 2-3 UAs in since I was 6 mo. pregnant. My family of origin actually wants my X to take my son from me. I again stress that he has paid only 2 support payments since my son's birth. Now I have to hire an attorney to fight for my son.

It is overwhelming- I don't go to the AA meetings in my community because of the gossip- annonymity is a farce in Magnolia.

I've lost my desire to co mingle w/ my AA friends...they have been told falsehoods. I still have some dear friends who are in the program & support me but what really hurts is the back stabbing. LIVE & LET LIVE- I got an attorney and am putting one step in front of the other, a minute at a time. I believe we can be sober and use medication. What appears sometimes to be a "relapse" is really everyone's outside perception. I have been in the program, initially in 1988 and then again, after a relapse with my X in 1994 (no heroin, thank you) 7/11/94. My baby was born (emaculate conception) in 1995 and weighed 7/11. I have been hurt terribly by the members of AA, because of judgment, yet I cling to AA and read the BB in addition to the sister of AA (Alanon). Live & Let Live. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking...I have that desire. My old sponsor thiught anti depressants were justification of a relapse...I think not. Bill W had depression- too bad he was not in AA now, with all the specialists who can diagnose appropriately the symptoms. ADD is also rampant in my little pee brain. So is Fibromyalgia and Myofascial Pain Syndrome. The car accidents componded the problems.

I am scared and fear for the saftey of my son. When I was in the hospitals, I almost died 2 times. My family of origin was not there for me...instead my sponsors and AA friends rallied for me. This isnot a pitty pot- this is reality. I will keep in the program through this avenue. This is the first AA meeting I have attended in months. I need help and support and the internent is my Higher Power's way of keeping me in the moment. "live & Let Live"& Easy does it. I pray, some day, that I will get over the pain and hurt, both physicically and emontioally. I am working the steps but I am blue. If there are others who can relate, please contact me.

Thank you Susn O


Member: Mark D
Location: Las Vegas, NV.
Date: 2/16/98
Time: 11:37:29 PM

Comments

patience and tolerance???? Nope, don't even pray for that kinda stuff anymore......seems that every time I did, God would put something in my life to teach me a new lesson in P & T.....Today, I understand that the level of my serenity is directly proportunate to my distance from God.

And how do I know that there is a God? I don't. But if there is, I ain't it. And, I do believe there IS a God. And I have faith. And if you want to see the results of faith, just look around room.....sober drunks! Oh my what is the world coming to?

How do I know that I am alcoholic, is there a test? Well, I never once slammed back a two sixers of Pepsi just to cop a buzz.....I don't recall ever hiding a jar of peanut butter under the seat of my car. As for the test, sure there's a test. Do the 20 questions (you can find them on the web) or, just belly up to your local bar. Have a drink or two.....and walk away. This is what the Big Book tells us to do if we are unsure. As for me, I may be able to lie my way thru the 20 questions, but if I belly up to the bar today and have a drink, I might as well call off the trip to Hawaii next summer cause I ain't gonna make the plane.

btw, I'm mark and I am alcoholic....sober by the Grace of God and the program of AA since 1-4-93 if ya wanna drink, thats your biz....if ya wanna live free of the obsession to drink....that's mine write me private any time qyitkaos@anv.net thanks


Member: Randy O   
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 3:58:13 AM

Comments

RandyO, alcoholic. This is for Susan, two above,the one thing I have always heard is to "keep going to meetings" and it sounds as if you are. You know where two AA's are at is a meeting so keep coming back. I haven't had to deal with pain but briefly and it was tuff because I too am a recovering druggie, I liked junk and the like, mostly percodans. Anyway it is very hard to use those avenues of relief from pain and be around other AA's because many of them don't understand especially the "oldtimers." It really is nobody's business what you do or wether you drink and go to meetings or what. The only requirement for admission to AA is "a desire to stop drinking." You know that so stick with it.

All I can give you is my experience, strength, and hope.My hope is that I can make it through today without using and continue to string a few days together and make it a lifetime. To think that the goal of sobriety is to stay sober today is BS. The twelve-and-twelve pg. 39-40 says "Mere sobriety brought about by the admission alcoholism and the attendance at a few meetings is very good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from PERMANENT sobriety and a contented, useful life. This is just where the remaining twelve steps of the AA program come in. Nothing short of continuous action on these as a way of life can bring the much-desired result." My hope is to achieve 'the desired result' and that is contented permanent sobriety. I also hope this for many other people in recovery.

My experience is that I can't do it alone so I go to a lot of meetings not because I have to but I want to. It hurts me to hear you say that about other AA's being cold and aloof and what. It is mu experience that most everyone is sick to some degree and so I have to remember that at all times. Everyone I know in AA is sick, mentally and spiritually, some more or less than others and I have to remember that. In a perfect world......One of the great liberating lessons I have learned in AA is that what other people think of me is there business not mine. Its their problem. There are alot of meetings out there to go to so find different ones and go to them, shop around and find groups that you feel comfortable with and not they feel comfortable with you.

My strength is that "for the grace of God" I am able to attend some very good meetings here in St.Pete and I have learned that this is a Spiritual program so I work it that way. I do the things that I have been taught, work the steps, help other AA's, and pray. I truly believe that my Higher Power has haled my physicsally too! I was suffering from migraines for a while and took some percs for it. But eventually I was shown that I didn't need to take theam that God "could and would if he were sought" take any obsession from me or fullfill my needs. One thing is for sure we were not meant to use drugs to alleviate pain for very long. They will eventually kill us or lead us back to a drink which is the same.

So Susan, keep coming back and know that "it works" it has for me. Some people say " wait around for the miracle to happen" and I say "the miracle has happened don't wait around to see it or you might miss it, it's already there." A great man said "we have eyes and don't see, ears and don't hear" and I think that happens to all of us once and awhile. So look and listen, it has worked for me!

The subject was patience and tolerance and I hope you all have been so with me. Patience... I can't wait for it. Tolerance... don't give me that cr..p. But serious, when I try to find something in the dark I have to turn on the light. It's the same with all the promises in the BB. When I'm working the program and the steps I find that patience and tolerance are with me, it's not something I can force or fake. It just comes. Remember the old Chinese torture test, the little straw tude you put your fingers in and try to pull out. It's kinda like that, the more I struggle to get this thing the harder it gets. The answer is to just relax, take it easy..... and don't forget pray!


Member: steve c
Location: michigan
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 3:58:25 AM

Comments

steve c,alcoholic here. p & t is a great topic nan, I've only been in the program for a little over two months, I've since quit school(just for this semester), it seems that staying sober is a full time job. Megan-the fact that you came here to check it out, is a big step. For me, I have had a problem with drinking for about eight years, and always used excuses like-everybody drinks-that's what college life is about-etc.... But, the fact was that I couldn't control my drinking. Since I have been coming to AA, I have realized that sobriety is not simply not taking a drink today, but bettering my life. If you are unsure about whether you are an alcoholic, you can look up AA in the phone book, and go to what is called an open meeting-where you don't have to admit you're an alcoholic. I'ts a great way to find out about AA. You can get the Big Book(Alcoholics Anonymous), and read and find out if you are in there anywhere. Whether you decide you are or you're not, good luck in life and god bless. I hope everyone has a beautiful day filled with love rather than hate.


Member: Randy O   
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 3:58:58 AM

Comments

RandyO, alcoholic. This is for Susan, two above,the one thing I have always heard is to "keep going to meetings" and it sounds as if you are. You know where two AA's are at is a meeting so keep coming back. I haven't had to deal with pain but briefly and it was tuff because I too am a recovering druggie, I liked junk and the like, mostly percodans. Anyway it is very hard to use those avenues of relief from pain and be around other AA's because many of them don't understand especially the "oldtimers." It really is nobody's business what you do or wether you drink and go to meetings or what. The only requirement for admission to AA is "a desire to stop drinking." You know that so stick with it.

All I can give you is my experience, strength, and hope.My hope is that I can make it through today without using and continue to string a few days together and make it a lifetime. To think that the goal of sobriety is to stay sober today is BS. The twelve-and-twelve pg. 39-40 says "Mere sobriety brought about by the admission alcoholism and the attendance at a few meetings is very good indeed, but it is bound to be a far cry from PERMANENT sobriety and a contented, useful life. This is just where the remaining twelve steps of the AA program come in. Nothing short of continuous action on these as a way of life can bring the much-desired result." My hope is to achieve 'the desired result' and that is contented permanent sobriety. I also hope this for many other people in recovery.

My experience is that I can't do it alone so I go to a lot of meetings not because I have to but I want to. It hurts me to hear you say that about other AA's being cold and aloof and what. It is mu experience that most everyone is sick to some degree and so I have to remember that at all times. Everyone I know in AA is sick, mentally and spiritually, some more or less than others and I have to remember that. In a perfect world......One of the great liberating lessons I have learned in AA is that what other people think of me is there business not mine. Its their problem. There are alot of meetings out there to go to so find different ones and go to them, shop around and find groups that you feel comfortable with and not they feel comfortable with you.

My strength is that "for the grace of God" I am able to attend some very good meetings here in St.Pete and I have learned that this is a Spiritual program so I work it that way. I do the things that I have been taught, work the steps, help other AA's, and pray. I truly believe that my Higher Power has haled my physicsally too! I was suffering from migraines for a while and took some percs for it. But eventually I was shown that I didn't need to take theam that God "could and would if he were sought" take any obsession from me or fullfill my needs. One thing is for sure we were not meant to use drugs to alleviate pain for very long. They will eventually kill us or lead us back to a drink which is the same.

So Susan, keep coming back and know that "it works" it has for me. Some people say " wait around for the miracle to happen" and I say "the miracle has happened don't wait around to see it or you might miss it, it's already there." A great man said "we have eyes and don't see, ears and don't hear" and I think that happens to all of us once and awhile. So look and listen, it has worked for me!

The subject was patience and tolerance and I hope you all have been so with me. Patience... I can't wait for it. Tolerance... don't give me that cr..p. But serious, when I try to find something in the dark I have to turn on the light. It's the same with all the promises in the BB. When I'm working the program and the steps I find that patience and tolerance are with me, it's not something I can force or fake. It just comes. Remember the old Chinese torture test, the little straw tude you put your fingers in and try to pull out. It's kinda like that, the more I struggle to get this thing the harder it gets. The answer is to just relax, take it easy..... and don't forget pray!


Member: Joseph
Location: Maine
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 8:14:17 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Joseph and an alcoholic, I used to think I was patient and tolerant and now I know I'm not. Guess I have to work on it one situation at a time. As the old saying goes "God grant me the patience but hurry"


Member: Zizi Z.
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 10:27:24 AM

Comments

I am an alcoholic and my name is Zizi. This is my first time experiencing an on-line meeting it's pretty cool. I too stopped praying for patience and tolerence but by God's grace alone, I have realized just how little I have ad have actually gained a little. Tolerance is much easier when my spiritual condition is right and I have been doing the things that I know I need to do to mantain my sobriety. It's alot easier to be patient and tolerant when things are going good in my life-just as it's easier to be grateful. I have to practice being grateful everyday regardless of what's going on around me. It is a miracle that I am clean and sober today. It is a miracle that I have not had to ingest a mind or mood altering substance in 3.5 years. But AA has given me so much-the twelve promises have come true for me. That too is a miracle!!!!! I never thought that those things could change for me!!!! Megan W. In a nutshell, an alcoholic, when he takes that first drink cannot predict 100% how many drinks he will have or what he will do that day/night. The alcohol sets up a compulsion in him to drink more-but he never really gets enough. Alcoholics do not necessarily drink everyday-but I know for me I would begin a night of drinking with the intention of getting wasted most of the time. Some times I would swear that this time-I wouldn't drink so much or pass out or act like that-but I did over and over and over!!! AA has done more than save my life. It has given me a life, a happy one, and it has changed things in me that only a higher power could have changed. AA gives you the freedom to create if you will-your own conception of God. They will never tell you how you must beleive-but if there is no God- no power greater than us-then we must be GOD. I don't want that job-I made a mess of my own life. My higher power has transformed my life. The proof is all around you- go to a live meeting-listen to a speaker tell you where they came from-and what their life is like now. It will amaze you-and you may even hear something you can relate to. Take care and email me if you'd like. jkbabson@unity.ncsu.edu. Have a wonderful-spiritual week everyone.


Member: John K.
Location: Northern California
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 12:10:10 PM

Comments

My name is John K. and I am a recovering alcoholic addict by the grace of a loving God and the program and 12 steps of AA. Just checking in to the meeting this morning and today I am going to need all the p&t God can give me! I haven't been able to see my 5 year old son in nearly a month and I miss him horribly. Don't former wives know how painful it is for us dads to be without our children also? God help her and give me the patience and tolerance to get through this day clean and sober. God bless you all! With love John K.


Member: Paul C
Location: Antioch CA
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 12:24:25 PM

Comments

Hi, Alkie Paul here. Great topic Nan. I've not given much thought to P & T until this meeting. I have very little of both. I can see how my critical nature and rude behaviour play into this. I'm growing though. And as other have written before me. ACCEPTANCE is the KEY.


Member: Judy K
Location: In God's Country, MAINE
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 1:34:15 PM

Comments

Patience and Tolerance -- whew! They are a measure of my spiritual condition -- when I'm trusting in HP, I have P & T galore -- and when I'm trusting in ME , it's all out the window!

It has occurred to me many times that serenity, surrender, patience, tolerance, trust and acceptance are all descriptions of a spiritual attitude toward one thing -- God's Will.


Member: James J.
Location: Salt Lake, Utah
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 1:42:59 PM

Comments

I am currently just learning patience. My living situation just changed abruptly, and now I don't know where I am going to go or what I am going to do. It is cold out here with snow on the ground. Now is one of those times in my life when I definately feel like giving up. I probably should get to a real meeting today. I don't really feel depressed or anxious yet, I guess what happened just hasn't hit me. I'm sure it will tonight though. Hopefully, I can find a friend to stay with. I have just gotten a little over six months clean now, and I plan on hanging in there, and just having patience and just trust my higher power that everything will all work out.


Member: John K.
Location: Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 6:39:04 PM

Comments

I'm John, an alcoholic. Working the fourth step has shown me that I have some tolerance but very little patience.

When I told my spouse this, she said "No kidding". I said "No, really...". (I had missed one of her rare displays of sarcasm). I was one of the last to know that I am an alcoholic, and no doubt I'm the last to know about many of my character defects.

This lack of patience is important information to know about myself. Now, when I feel impatient, I know that this is my feeling; it's not the fault of the person in the check-out line in front of me who has decided to pay by cheque instead of by exact change.

That's when I take a breath and say the alcoholic's prayer: 'God help me'.

The loving people in AA have helped keep me sober for six years. Talk about patience, they have had to have loads of it...


Member: John K.
Location: Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 6:39:28 PM

Comments

I'm John, an alcoholic. Working the fourth step has shown me that I have some tolerance but very little patience.

When I told my spouse this, she said "No kidding". I said "No, really...". (I had missed one of her rare displays of sarcasm). I was one of the last to know that I am an alcoholic, and no doubt I'm the last to know about many of my character defects.

This lack of patience is important information to know about myself. Now, when I feel impatient, I know that this is my feeling; it's not the fault of the person in the check-out line in front of me who has decided to pay by cheque instead of by exact change.

That's when I take a breath and say the alcoholic's prayer: 'God help me'.

The loving people in AA have helped keep me sober for six years. Talk about patience, they have had to have loads of it...


Member: Mike O
Location: Pontiac, Michigan
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 6:39:53 PM

Comments

Hi...my name is mike and I am an alcoholic..I just returned from Astoria, Oregon where I visited my Father who is dying with the last stages of emphysema. It was a sad visit, but, it also was a happy one. Something I could never have done with the drinks. Today I turned 45...again something I could never have done with the drinks..My dos is more important of a birthday to me cuz without it I could never have my belly button ones. I am very grateful to the program and all of you.


Member: Mike O
Location: Pontiac, Michigan
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 6:40:18 PM

Comments

Hi...my name is mike and I am an alcoholic..I just returned from Astoria, Oregon where I visited my Father who is dying with the last stages of emphysema. It was a sad visit, but, it also was a happy one. Something I could never have done with the drinks. Today I turned 45...again something I could never have done with the drinks..My dos is more important of a birthday to me cuz without it I could never have my belly button ones. I am very grateful to the program and all of you.


Member: jennifer D.
Location: western Pa.
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 7:23:13 PM

Comments

Hi! Jennifer/alcholic. GREAT topic Nan! I loved what MARK D. said...ditto for me. When I have a lack of P&T, I'll start to sit on my pitty-pot. This week is a good one for that! All my neighbors are NUTS, my 15 yr.old daughter has an "F" in geomatry,(I should get one in spelling), and the weather won't cooperate with my HAIR!!! The Secerinity Prayer is a way to keep me off the pitty-pot. Now if I will just grab the " attitude of gratitude ", I'll be okay and this lack of P&T should go away...IF I REALLY try. God bless all of you! Thanks! :)


Member: jennifer D.
Location: western Pa.
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 8:04:45 PM

Comments

This is Jen...again, I don't mean to be so light-hearted in my previous statement. I am truly grateful to ALL who have shared on this web site. Thinking a bit harder, my nutty neighbors, daughter's F,and my bad hair days mean NOTHING. Lots of the situations above are'nt great. My life was a living hell before AA. I have Pancreatitis (SP?); and sometimes have ALOT of pain. That's what brought me into the program. It was either sober-up, or die. I lost P&T with doctors many years ago. I have to keep it simple. Whatever God's will for me is...so I will TRY to accept it. So far, He has't let me down. I have a life that I would'nt trade for anything! Now having said that, I'll most likely get to REALLY practice a bit of P&T!!! Thanks again! :)


Member: Kevin
Location: Central Mass.
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 8:04:49 PM

Comments

Oh HOw I lack patience and tolerance. If only everyone and everything would do as I demand. All would be well. It seems that I must continuously get on my knees in desperation before I use the tools of this program. What is the deal with this disease. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Marilyn P.
Location: New York
Date: 2/17/98
Time: 8:50:43 PM

Comments

This is my first time so bear with me. I just got this computer and trying to learn everything all at once. Sound familar. I know we have to be patient and tolerant and accept the things we can't change, but sometimes we accept things we can change and that's not good. I need to have courage, a lot of courage to do that. Going to meetings on a regular basis, working the steps, and working with other alcoholics, especially newcomers, gives me the courage. Nan, I don't know if I can help but I was diagnosed with a strange treatable disease a few years ago that was linked to alcoholism. I didn't feel good at the time either. If you want more information I would be glad to share it with you and others. My sponsor thought it was an outside issue, but I might be able to help and isn't that what it's all about.

As far as finding out if you are alcoholic there are some simple questions to ask yourself. What helped me decide I was an alcoholic was when I heard that it wasn't how much I drank, what I drank, or how long I drank, but what happened to me when I drank.


Member: Barb C.
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 12:05:31 AM

Comments

Hi everyone! My name is Barb and I am an alcoholic. Patience and tolerance is always a good discussion topic for me. I find that the amount I have is directly related to how I am working my program. Someone above mentioned the fact that they always have more patience and tolerance for the big things than the little ones. So it is with me. It's always the little things that upset my apple cart. I also find that I have just as much patience and tolerance as I have gratitude. I also find that the Serenity Prayer helps a lot. The trick: to remember to use it. I am just grateful I have it today. When I was drinking I didn't even know what patience and tolerance was let alone the Serenity Prayer. Thank God for this program and thankyou for allowing me to grow a little bit today.


Member: John Z.
Location: Houston, TX
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 12:21:48 AM

Comments

Hi! John Z., alcoholic. Patience & tolerance are things I really have to work on! Self-centered alky that I am, I want what I want when I want it and get "frustrated" when I don't get it! All I have to do is remember the number of people that displayed both great patience and great tolerance of my sorry self when I was drinking and I begin to get a slight glimmer of what it is all about! The Serenity Prayer helps too; sometimes just the act of saying it (whether I mean it at the time or not) helps me to slow down enough to think! I am finding progress in this area painfully slow, but I am worlds ahead of where I was two years ago when I sobered up!


Member: duane b
Location: west allis Wi.
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 2:52:37 AM

Comments

hi, Duane an alkee

what do you do when you try soo hard and you slip (for a day becauce one more day you might be caught ) you think youve done it the wrightway and will make it. And when you don't excepet it in two min. im having a drink just to feel comfortable. It is like i feel somethig wrong with being happy about myself. I know i need power to cope with my weird feelings while trying trying to live sober!!


Member: Joanie O
Location: Portland Pa.
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 8:17:42 AM

Comments

Hi all Joanie O alcoholic here, Nan great topic patience and tolerance are spiritual qualities that I must work on myself on a daily basis .The thing that throws the monkey wrench in all of this is FEAR and that is where I have to turn it over to God. He didnt get me this far to drop me and I must examine myself and deal dailyand work it daily . There is a thing called stress that also screws everything up and until I work on stress and fear and have faith I havent started on patience and tolerance. One of my dearest friends passed away yesterday he had faith and love and joy in his daily life thru God and this program. He was finished with this life and has gone on to his reward. I will miss him I know that God needed him and I can let him go on his next journey with love to all keep comming it works if you work it .


Member: Fran P
Location: Buffalo, NY
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 9:05:52 AM

Comments

Fran, alkie here.

P & T is something I need to work on a daily basis. Having an attitude of gratitude should help with the want-it-all-now syndrome. If I'm grateful for what I have now then what I don't have looks less important. Putting things in proper perspective, my spiritual condition, acceptance and working the steps are all key to P & T as the others have said.

I have enjoyed reading all the comments. They have pointed out to me what I need to do to cultivate an attitude of P & T. This is a subject that I will give much more thought to in the future. What a wonderful forum this is! Thanks.


Member: Tony G.
Location: Pequannock N.J.
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 11:29:51 AM

Comments

Hi gang, Tony G. alkie. Megan of Pullman we are here. For me patience and tolerance are very hard to get. They come out as their evil twins impatience and intolerance at the wrong time. The worse time is usually at a meeting. Someone who I find too long winded starts to speak and I shut down I forget to listen to the message and not the messager. My patience is in direct proportion to my acceptance. My tolerance is strengthened by the baggage I have dumped in coming to meetings. HP willing both will grow with that magical thing called TIME. Your friend Tony G.


Member: Patrick L.
Location: Providence, RI
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 12:17:50 PM

Comments

Hey there, my name's Patrick, and I'm an alcoholic and addict. These are topics I don't think about until someone mentions them.

I have so much more patience and tolerance than when I first came around in 1985 (I went out twice). Any secrets? I don't know, but simplifying my life has helped. I was offered 2 jobs on the same day: One had big bucks, a car, and long hours; the other was less money, low stress and close to home. I chose the latter a year and a half ago, with no regrets.

Being ill is no fun either. I have chronic depression, it takes months to find the right medication, and then it loses its strength after a year. Then it begins again. Patience? I have to accept it because I can't change it. No one ever said wisdom always makes you happy!


Member: Gene45
Location: Mt Bethel
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 4:11:02 PM

Comments

Hi everyone,Gene,acoholic here.Good one nan!!! Hi gene:) For me the patience part,is allowing god and aa to do for me what i couldnt do for myself(without the we,there would be no me!!)I know i have to do the footwork(thats a given).My patience with others is getting much better:) As far as the tolerance part goes,i had to tolerateMe!! before i could tolerate too many others. I had to and still have to accept other people for who they are,not for who i want them to be.As long as i do this on a daily basis my patience and tolerance level are good:) I also have to remember that its Gods will,not mine,and its in gods time,not mine.Im where im supposed to be,doing what im supposed to be doing to stay sober,ODAAT Thanks again Nan,Love you all,GeneS.


Member: Alice D.
Location: Greene County, PA
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 4:48:27 PM

Comments

I'm Alice and I am an alcoholic. Thanks Nan for the great topic. I am so grateful to find this site. For three weeks now I have had something to ponder while I am at home. That is good because I work at home and this meeting has given me something else to do besides "forming the committee" in my head.

Anyway, what I realize after reading all of your comments is that my P&T has everything to do with my spiritual condition and how I am working this program. I am also reminded that God has given me so many things and taken me to so many wonderful places in these last 3 1/2 years of sobriety. You know, he also took pretty good care of me when I was out there or I wouldn't be here writing this now!. So, why don't I just let him be in charge -- it works so much better.

I remeber about a year ago when I was not getting my way regarding a career change. My sponsor told me a story about acting like a baby in a crib shaking the sides, jumping up and down and screaming I WANT IT NOW! I have not forgotten that image and when I recognize that behavior, the visual picture comes to mind and I can see how ridiculous I am behaving. When I surrendered the job issue to HP I was offered a much better plan that I didn't even think of. God always gives me what I need and I am finding out it is what I want. It took coming into the rooms to even have a clue about any of this stuff and I am so grate to God and all of you for showing me the way.


Member: Pam C.
Location: Franklin, Tn
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 5:49:05 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm an alcoholic and my name is Pam. I'm grateful to be sober today. Early on a sponsor told me not to pray for paitence merely to ask for understanding and work on my acceptance. That was definetly a difficult task for this alcoholic but as usual when I did what I was told, things seem to improve. I was also told to pray for God to treat me tomorrow the way I treated others today and I would quickly learn to be humble. This to was a great gift. I consistently had to look at me today to see if I was going to have serenity tomorrow.


Member: tomh
Location: buffalo ny
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 6:42:59 PM

Comments

hi tom alki. haven't had a drink since 11-89 after accepting my my alc.was told to pray for tolarance had to,pray for almost a year still after eight years still want thing my way sometimes but loving life and staying sober a day at a time with my higher powers help say a pray,talk to another alky ,go to a meeting and tank god for another day


Member: Margaret P.
Location: Greenville, MI
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 9:16:28 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone, Margaret P./alcoholic-drug addict. Great topic. One I need right now. I moved out to the country and my meetings are far fewer than in the city. In the past week, I've attended two funerals of old-timers who have graduated from this program. Both of them I was really close to. Needless to say, I'm emotionally drained and have a 7 & 10 year old. Boy, do I need patience and tolerance. My sponsor keeps telling me it'll get better. Come to think of it, I keep telling my sponsees the same thing so I must know it will on some level! Anyway, thanks for being here when I needed you.


Member: rita r.
Location: MARION IN.
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 10:09:57 PM

Comments

MY NAME IS RITA AND I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. SOBER TODAY BY THE GRACE OF GOD AND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE JUST LIKE ME.i have been in the program qute sometime and i am still larning patience. this isnt something we ever master,its something we practice. we may improve but we never master it. i am gratefull that i am sober and am learning to live life. i can accept that i will never be perfect but i am growing. i know that there is alot being said about meds.but i beleave ishould lette doctor be the doctorand do as he says and with a right attitude and the right reason the meds wont affect me.if you really want to be sober and clean. nothing can take that away fom you.we can lean on God he will never let us down. the b.b. says God will take the desire to drink away,of course we need to do all the program says.


Member: KAT
Location: ca
Date: 2/18/98
Time: 11:17:52 PM

Comments

I enjoyed reading bout Margaret and being a mom, I struggle in sobriety with Momism and also periodic addiction. I keep remembering all that is needed for membership is a desire to stop, boy I have that hope. I laack patience to go through the jitters and uncomfortableness again. The only tolerance I feel latley is a higher tolerance for pain killers that don't get rid of the pain any more very well. Apprciate all of you on line here.


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 12:15:33 AM

Comments

Kerry, an alcoholic. At first I was very impatient and intolerant. For some one who thought they knew so much when I was "out there", I sure found out that I was wrong, and most of the time at that!! I first came to the program in 1978 and stayed "sober" for 16 months, going to meetings, talking the talk, thought I was doing everything I was supposed to, doing steps, getting active, starting meetings etc. etc. Then I got into a "relationship" with another "sober member". Anyone who has been around for awhile knows the rest of the story. We broke up, I got drunk. Know what I found out? Alcoholics have a tendancy to drink. Specially when we don't take the second part of the first step " and that our life was unmanageable". I had so much emotional pain from that experience that I, in much anguish, asked God to either strike me dead, or strike me sober!! I ain't dead yet!! March 21st it will be 18 years, one day at a time. I have had to learn to just do what is in front of me, WORK the steps, pray everyday (no major production number), and don't drink. Patience and Tolerance are just a few of the benefits of the program, and quite honestly I don't have too much to do with it, other than doing what works in the program. The rest I leave up to my HP. It really is a simple principal and program, I am the only one who can mess it up. As for medication, there are alot of people in the world who must take medication on a daily basis to live. I have never pretended to be a doctor by telling someone not to take their meds. It's really not any of my business. By the way, when I got sober the last time it was strongly suggested to me to "take the trouser's off my program" and learn how to live and be happy with myself. I did, and I got so good at it that when I did meet someone special I knew that my happiness was not his job. We have been married for 14 years, he is also on the program and we must be doing it right, we are still pretty happy with one another. Just another benefit. Thanks for being here. I love all of you.


Member: Jean S.
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 1:40:51 AM

Comments

Hi to anyone who is still reading comments. My name is Jean and I am an alcoholic if you consider a fifth of bourbon a day insanity and trying to maintain a household while behaving like that. (There is no IF really. I am joking. We are not a "glum lot". Where did I hear that?) I hope that Megan in Pullman is still checking this site, because I would like her to know how she touched my heart. If I had listened to my inner most voices in college (MANY years ago) and done something about drinking too much too often, I would have saved myself alot of time and trouble. I know it is probably not easy to not drink in Pullman. However, I am sure that there are several AA groups over there. As someone earlier suggested, go to a real meeting, meet real people in the program, make friends you can talk to. You might be surprised to find that most of us have been where you are. I will be thinking of you. Some people say, "If you wonder if you have a problem with alcohol, you probably do." Remember though, that no one can tell you you are an alcoholic. You have to decide yourself. Good luck. I have more patience than I did before I got sober. There is a reason. I wake up with gratitute every morning and ask for guidance through the day, for His will not mine, be done. Tolerance is difficult when I let the committee in my head take over during meetings when I am bored because the same person is rehashing the same old stuff and not working in the solution. This is getting better. Thanks for letting me share tonight.


Member: Jean S.
Location: Bellingham, Wa.
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 1:45:05 AM

Comments

Hi to anyone who is still reading comments. My name is Jean and I am an alcoholic if you consider a fifth of bourbon a day insanity and trying to maintain a household while behaving like that. (There is no IF really. I am joking. We are not a "glum lot". Where did I hear that?) I hope that Megan in Pullman is still checking this site, because I would like her to know how she touched my heart. If I had listened to my inner most voices in college (MANY years ago) and done something about drinking too much too often, I would have saved myself alot of time and trouble. I know it is probably not easy to not drink in Pullman. However, I am sure that there are several AA groups over there. As someone earlier suggested, go to a real meeting, meet real people in the program, make friends you can talk to. You might be surprised to find that most of us have been where you are. I will be thinking of you. Some people say, "If you wonder if you have a problem with alcohol, you probably do." Remember though, that no one can tell you you are an alcoholic. You have to decide yourself. Good luck. I have more patience than I did before I got sober. There is a reason. I wake up with gratitute every morning and ask for guidance through the day, for His will not mine, be done. Tolerance is difficult when I let the committee in my head take over during meetings when I am bored because the same person is rehashing the same old stuff and not working in the solution. This is getting better. Thanks for letting me share tonight.


Member: jeri b
Location: citrus heights, ca
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 3:45:37 AM

Comments

hi - jeri - alcoholic at 57, I've taken a giant leap in p&t in last yr or 2> Things that drove me crazy a few yrs ago just don't seem very important anymore. I do have a problem that i think many women struggle with. Defining my boundaries. Sometimes what I think is patience is really self-destructive martyrdom and it's hard to know the difference. Stasrting out my medetations by accepting everyone and everything as perfect right now just as it is EVEN MYSELF MOST IMPORTANT MYSELF REALLY HELPS!! even tho i know what a porld of difference daily meditation makes in my life, i manage to neglect it 4 weeks on end :-( not smart! A really big one i forget that goes hand in hand with p n t is gratitude - thanx fran 4 reminding me! GREAT MEETING GREAT TOPIC THANK YOU EVERYONE.


Member: JERI B
Location: CALIFORNIA
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 3:55:37 AM

Comments

OOPS:-) GUESS i NEED TO RUN MY GRAMMATIC BEFORE SENDING!


Member: John K.
Location: Northern California
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 11:44:42 AM

Comments

John K. alcoholic\addict grateful beyond describtinon this morning! Goodday! Just checking in to the meeting and asking God to give me a little patience and tolerance of my former wife who is making my life a little hard right now in that I am not being able to see my five year son right now and I miss him bad. But I'm clean and sober this morning and grateful to be a member of AA--I am one of you and you are one of me! I am an artist and it seems that my loving God is haveing me truly look closely at nature lately. I've really noticed little things like ants, spiders, and just the wonders of the tecture of bark on trees! Okay, just wanted to check in and say "God Bless All Of You" this Thursday 19,1998!


Member: John K.
Location: Northern California
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 11:45:04 AM

Comments

John K. alcoholic\addict grateful beyond describtinon this morning! Goodday! Just checking in to the meeting and asking God to give me a little patience and tolerance of my former wife who is making my life a little hard right now in that I am not being able to see my five year son right now and I miss him bad. But I'm clean and sober this morning and grateful to be a member of AA--I am one of you and you are one of me! I am an artist and it seems that my loving God is haveing me truly look closely at nature lately. I've really noticed little things like ants, spiders, and just the wonders of the tecture of bark on trees! Okay, just wanted to check in and say "God Bless All Of You" this Thursday 19,1998!


Member: Robin W.
Location: California
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 1:02:47 PM

Comments

Hi Robin W. alcoholic. Patience and tolerance isn't easy for me. I was a police officer for 12 yrs. so I had to have alot of tolerance. I guess I look at it like the big book says, I treat people like I would a sick friend. It's funny since I got sober I have found that I have alot of patience. My Sponsor tells me on a daily basis that I need to treat others the way I want to be treated so I try to have alot of patience and tolerance with people. One of the things my Sponsor told me I'm not responsible for the actions of others. That if I do a daily 1-3 that things should go alright, well I found that she is right. 1. Admit that I am powerless over people, places and situtation. When I take control over them my life becomes unmangable. 2. Belive that God could restore my sanity. 3. If I give my will and life over to his care. These 3 steps gives me the patience and the tolerence I need because if I find myself frustrated I just do 1-2-3 and if I am not calm then I do a 4 so I could find out what is my part in this situtation. Keep it simple is my way of living today. But everyone has to find their own way and that is how I do. It may sound silly but it works.


Member: jane s
Location: NY
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 4:13:44 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Jane and I need strenth and encouragement but I do NOT want God involved with my recovery. Why involve religion? I got this way all by myself not with any help from others, I will try to fix it.


Member: Sherry T.
Location: Chicago
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 4:58:06 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Sherry, alcoholic and addict. Patience and tolerance are the never ending battle for me. Reading all these comments just helps me to remember what to do about my impatience and intolerance. Jane, we don't need religion, we just need to know that there is something more powerful than just one solitare drunk trying who is trying to stay sober and that is a Group Of Drunks, trying to stay sober, and that is what works. The group is the power greater than ourselves. I knew when I came in these rooms that these ppl had something I wanted and that I could get it (sobriety) by sticking with the group.


Member: Susan W.
Location: Cayman Islands
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 5:34:30 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Susan and I'm an alkie/addict. Patience & Tolerence is a good topic. They're not my strong points, never have been. But you know what, over the years (i'll be nine years sober this year) it has become a lot easier and I owe it all to my Higher Power and AA. To all of you out there struggling with it "Keep Coming Back" and to Megan if you're confused you're in the right place.

I work the steps 1,2, &3 every day and do my prayer and meditations every night and even though sometimes that can be tough I know as long if I do it (even if I don't do it perfectly), somehow God will make it work for me. It's a daily thing.

Another thing I do is pray for the people, places or things that make me loose my patience and tolerence. That was the hardest thing for me to do when I first came in but my sponser made me do it. Thank God.

This is my first time on the site and I look forward to more topics.

Thank you all for your comments.


Member: Alice L
Location: central Iowa
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 6:20:55 PM

Comments

Hello, I'm Alice, alcoholic. patience and tolerance are like many other traits and come easily only if PRACTICED. I take a deep breath and say the Serenity Prayer before I react to anyone or anything. It's the only way for me maintain any semblance of sanity and serenity. Thank God for those who came before me to pave the way!!


Member: GERRY H
Location: IRELAND
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 7:15:18 PM

Comments

I PRACTICE THE PROGRAMME TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY ON ADAILY BASIS THIS GIVES ME TOLERANCE AND PATIENCE


Member: Erv W.  
Location: Adams Wi..
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 8:40:20 PM

Comments

Good evening folks, my name is Erv and I'm an alcoholic.. I have alot of work to do on Patience and Tolerance.. Thanks for all of your comments.. Have a great week.. Your friend in sobriety, Erv


Member: KarenD
Location: Ohio
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 8:53:35 PM

Comments

Hi. I'm Karen and I have a desire to stop drinking. I'm probably an alcoholic, but got confused along the way as to what that term really means, but I have trouble with my life when I drink. So I'm here. Three days without a drink now...second attempt at getting sober.(the first time I decided it was other outside forces ruining my life, certainly not ME or DRINKING) I am definitely not patient. I know it sounds simple, but one day at a time is a difficult concept for me. I'm stuck on, "I can never have a drink again. I can never have fun. I can never enjoy the company of my drinker friends." I'm fixated on eternity. I want a perfect forever and I want it now. Someone once told me that God teaches you patience by making you wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. He's dealt me some hard blows as far as waiting is concerned and it's still hard for me. It's like I don't know what to do with myself from one instant to the next.


Member: Megan W.
Location: Pullman
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 11:02:42 PM

Comments

Hi...and thank you to everybody who tried to help clear up some confusion for me..Steve B. and C. and Zizi and Jean and Susan and all the others. Jean you are right it is SO hard not to drink in Pullman. FYI, Pullman is a small town home to one of the bigger party schools in the nation. Not that that's an excuse. I drank in high school too, it's just worse here.

I took your guys' advice and I took that (#&%**! 20 question test and am not pleased that the results echo the statements of my friends, that I'm an alcoholic. They even threw me an intervention not too long ago! Yay. But they're such hypocrites!! I drink with all of them, and I'M branded the alcoholic in the group? What a load of crap!! I really don't see how they could have done that to me, they totally betrayed me, don't you think? I do. I don't think I can even bear to be around those sanctimonious liars. GOD! But (gee I forget who said this. Lotsa messages...)somebody mentioned that if I thought I was an alcoholic I was. Every time that thought creeps into my head though, another thought banishes it. Like, that I'm only 19 and far too young to be an alchie. Or that it's college, Pullman no less, of course I'm going to drink. Duh. Or, who cares that I was 2 hours late to work because of a hangover. Happens to everybody. Who cares if I got arrested? Everybody does at one point, right? Things like that. But--please forgive me, I'm rambling--I think I'm kind of scared. Of myself I mean. Like, I drove some people home from a party after I swore up and down that I'd only had one beer, which is a joke, because I can't have one drink and call it quits, I just can't, and thank goodness I didn't kill anybody but what if I had? I was wasted. And it does kind of bother me that I drink so much.....but...but...see there's the but! BUT I'M IN COLLEGE...I'm supposed to drink...but..but..I always drink, hardly anybody always drinks..

I'm more than sure there's an AA somewhere around here. Buuuuut...Pullman's a small town! And I really am kind of scared. Like what if it's all a mistake and I gave up my friend Jose for nothing? And what if I get upset, what am I supposed to do, not drink? At a wedding, do I not toast the bride? At a kegger, how would I fight off the knowledge that if I grab a cup, in a short time I'd be the life of the party? What if I end up killing myself 'cause I won't stop drinking? My grandpa did and I don't want to end up like him. I am forever confused...I feel like a little kid who needs her mommy or something. I'm sorry for talking so long.


Member: Jacque R.
Location: cloud covered-Nebraska
Date: 2/19/98
Time: 11:46:57 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Jacque and I'm an alcoholic. I want some sun to shine in this blasted state and I want it NOW! Geez, do I have the winter blahs!

Jane S.--I second Sherry T's statement!

Karen D.-- Just a sec, here. I'm confused. In one sentence you say "but I have trouble with my life when I drink" and then later you say, "I can never have another drink. I can never have fun. I can never enjoy the company of my drinker friends." Does this mean that having trouble in your life is fun and that this is what you are afraid of giving up? All this fun?

Well, if the sun does get to shine this weekend, I shall be out in it. Until then I shall have to WAIT!!!


Member: Kerry B. - Alcoholic
Location: Idaho
Date: 2/20/98
Time: 1:08:50 AM

Comments

Sorry, I know to try to share once here. Forgive me this time. I'll keep it short. Megan-I was ONLY 23 when I realized there was a problem. I'll not tell you your an alkie, I will tell you that all you share sounds pretty familiar to me. I had a bad case of the "Ya Buts". Sound familiar?? Keep talkin girl!!


Member: John M.K.
Location: N. Calif.
Date: 2/20/98
Time: 7:58:43 AM

Comments

John M.K. alcoholic\addict. Goodmorning anyone who is up! I didn't sleep all night but I'm sober this morning and that feels pretty good. I used to go out to morning meetings but I just don't feel safe in the place anymore. But I have this---for now. I live in a very small town where, although we have quite a few AA meetings, the selection is somewhat limited. I am going to take advantage of the break in the rain we seem to be getting here in N. Calif. and maybe go out on my motorcycle for some breakfast. I am going to spend some time reading my Big Book today and even doing some meditation. Patience and tolerance---I can only hope others in the fellowship can have some with me! Okay, I'm going to fire this off and see what comes up. Thank You for letting me share JMK


Member: Jane  M.
Location: Ma.
Date: 2/20/98
Time: 8:34:50 AM

Comments

Hi Everyone, Jane an alchohlic. Karen, I remember all those what-if's and for- evers when I first came is 18 years ago. I learned to shut off the thought when they came into my head and force my self into one-day-at-a-time thinking. Sponsor said to "change the channels" in my head and rethink in terms of today. (Today it might be called cognitive/behavioral modification!! I have never permitted myself to dwell on "never drink again" thinking. It became "just for today I will not pick up a drink" and we'll see what happens. What happened is that I found a wonderful life without booze and without living in the regrets of yesterday and the dread of tomorrow--besides, I know that God is already there!! Megan, all your "buts" will take care of themselves by as the 12&12 says we " get out of the debating society " and give ourselves over to the miracle waiting to happen in AA, good luck!


Member: Zizi
Location: Raleigh, North Carolina
Date: 2/20/98
Time: 9:16:30 AM

Comments

Megan W. GO TO A MEETING-check it out-no one will brand you, kidnap you and there are no dues or fees. What can it hurt? It might help. Also I am sponsoring a girl who is 19. She too is in college. She struggles with all that you talk about-but she is trying to stay sober one day at a time. Hang in there. By the way "normal people" don't get arrested....no that does not happen to everyone. Take Care-We're all here to help you-that is our primary purpose. We will help you figure out if you are one of us-and if you are-we'll teach you how to not drink and still have fun.


Member: Chuck S.
Location: Cntrl WV.
Date: 2/20/98
Time: 9:33:10 AM

Comments

HI everyone,Chuck S. alkie addict here. On the topic P&T.. I'm running alittle short on the both of them,esp. with myself. This is a new exp. for me [online] However it's been a learning one.It seems as though I'm finding these pages by accident,but it's more likely HP sending me where I need to be,taking action! So here I am. It's nice to see I'm not alone,that helps me to be alittle more P&T with recovery. You all hang in there and have a clean day!! Will drop in later!


Member: jennifer D.
Location: W. Pa.
Date: 2/20/98
Time: 10:33:44 AM

Comments

jennifer alcoholic. Meagan W. I came into the program when I was 22. I was known in L.R. Ark. as THE party animal. I got sick-was in the hospital for LONG periods of time-NONE of my drinking buddies came to visit- nor did they even care. It hurt. When I made the commitment to AA, I found out what it was like to have REAL friends that were REALLY there for me. It felt good too, because for once in my life, I learned that I was capable to care for another person. I'am 38 years old now, & have'nt had a drink or drug or any regrets sence 3/6/82. PLEASE keep coming back; & going to live meetings! Do this for yourself! Life is good ONE DAY AT A TIME. With that being said, IT'S A GREAT DAY FOR SOBERITY !!! :)


Member: mike t.
Location: pierre,south dakota
Date: 2/20/98
Time: 10:37:37 AM

Comments

Mike alcoholic here, good morning everyone. Patience and Tolerance is a great topic. I have been having a time with both of these lately. I want things done now and have it done my way. I have been to meetings and I have heard how others have managed with this topic. For me I know that I have to attend meetings, work the steps daily, read the meditation and pray throughout the day. I have found that the Serenity Prayer comes in handy throughout the day. Thanks for all of you in sharing today. Glad to be SOBER TODAY. Keep coming back it works.


Member: Mike M
Location: Manteo, NC
Date: 2/20/98
Time: 12:34:40 PM

Comments

Mike, a grateful recovering alcoholic.Great topic. For me P&T are directly tied to my serenity. I'm reminded of years ago when I went to my sponsor and whined "Al, I'm not getting any serenity." and he replied "Your getting all you deserve."

What have I been doing lately to deserve any serenity. Have I been applying G.O.D. (Good Orderly Direction) in my life. Have I taken the time for self examination(10) and prayer and meditation(11)or have I been "too busy". My son faces legal difficulties and in helping him I face serious financial impact (several thousands $) but the same loving God that I KNOW has been there for the last 17 yrs 11 mos 12 dys (but whoose counting) will continue to be there for all of us.


Member: WAYNE S.
Location: M'BORO,TN
Date: 2/20/98
Time: 12:46:21 PM

Comments

Hi Ya'll P&T No problem as long as I got what I wanted today, "yesterday." and you didn't do anything to "P" me off today, it'd be a great day. However in real life it ain't never that way. I guess that why we have the third step prayer and the serenity pray and sponsors who willingily share their experience, strenth,and hope. My first sponsor's favorite saying and now mime also; "just keep the plug in the jug"., and when you do that on a daily basis alcohol ain't a problem. My Higher Power, that I choose to call "GOD", today, has never called me up and asked for my inputs for the daily world events. That's why the 3rd step prayer reads, "Thy will be done in my life today." My name is Alcoholic and Wayne is his problem. Thanks for letting me share hope to see you all in a meeting room sometime.


Member: Lois C.
Location: Western PA
Date: 2/20/98
Time: 7:01:07 PM

Comments

I'm Lois and I'm an alcoholic. Thanks, Nan, for the topic of patience and tolerance -- a good one. Your intro struck me. I tried to read behind your lines and I sense a bit of anger -- and fear! Could these be the opposites of tolerance and patience? One of the hardest things for an alcoholic like me to do -- is -- NOTHING! And I can't tell you how many times I've heard "If you can't do anything about it today, give it to God." I sometimes waste a lot of good sober time worrying about things I can't do anything about. I'm not cured yet!

On reading the many responses to the topic I was a bit disturbed by those who don't feel "safe" at AA meetings and I wonder why. Is there some fear involved here, too? Do you go to a meeting to take -- or to give?

At one time, I belonged to -- and was active in -- a group that became a favorite meeting of the many young people who were coming to AA in the mid-80's. Talk about patience and tolerance! Many members left the group but for some reason I stayed, even though I often felt uncomfortable. I didn't think I had much to give. I missed that meeting one Tuesday night and a few days later was in a local shopping mall when a young man approached me and said "Hi!". (I could swear I never saw him before.) I asked him to refresh my memory -- how did he know me. He said he was a "friend of Dr. Bob's." Then I was astounded when he said, "You weren't at the meeting on Tuesday." WOW! It was then that I learned that there are times when all we have to do is "show up" at a meeting. I hope this was an example of attraction rather than promotion -- or even of giving instead of taking..

On another tack, I think I learned more about patience and tolerance by sponsoring others. Especially my very first sponsee. I didn't chose her, my HP did. I had to develop some patience and tolerance because I really wanted to help her, In doing so, I helped my self much more.

To all you "prospective members", I'd like to suggest the AA book, "Living Sober" and the pamphlets "This is AA" and "44 Questions." which should be available at any AA meeting ot AA central office. If you walk like a duck, and talk like a duck, you just might be a duck!

I think I'll keep coming back, cause I don't want to miss anything! AA love to all.


Member: Lori  P-J
Location: Seattle  (Spring is here)
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 12:13:05 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Lori and I'm a recovering addict and alcoholic. Nan, I really appreciate this topic of patience because of how much I can struggle over practicing this one word, "PATIENCE". Patience, has been one I've struggled with many times. I find the more I fight against what I can't accept, the more my Higher Power gives me to practice. I'm really trying one day at a time to live in the moment. The more I can do that, the easier it is to accept where I'm currently at today with my sobriety and spirituality. I really try each day to live for the moment, rather than the future and practice each step of this program with the best of my ability. Without this program and my fellow friends of AA, I would not be living today.


Member: HEIDI  F.
Location: NORTHERN CALIF
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 12:25:36 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Heidi and I'm an alcoholic. Well I was reading alot of what everyone has to share and it always make me remember that I am not alone on this great adventure. It seems to me when I'm getting all cozy in my recovery something jolts me(usually impatient and intolerent) I am not a quick learner ... But I have managed to put a few years together What I have learned that this is a spiritual program, and when I am right with God , most of my impatientce and intolornce levels are lower (I have 5 year old too) I try to go to meetings regularly and stay in touch with my sponser, and most of all help another alcoholic . Like most I have a busy life of which I'm grateful for and continually remind myself who I really am.................. Thanks for the cool thing to do on a friday nite instead of going to a bar (ha).


Member: Barb B.             
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 12:47:04 AM

Comments

hi, I'm Barb B. alcoholic from Pgh.Pa. Great topic and as always right on time. I have a 12 year old very persistent and Grandma also makes me aware of my lack of patience. My HP reminded me today these precious two as others are gifts that He puts in my life. As someone said before graditude is being sober.


Member: mary w.
Location: kansas
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 1:30:04 AM

Comments

i am mary w. and i am an acoholic/ addict.this is my first time here, and am i grateful for it!it sounds like most of pat, and tol. has been covered, like page 449, let go- let god,and i'll be honest i didn't read all,but gratitude is one of main ways i can develope patience and tolerance (i don't have the patience to spell patience!) remember we already are suffering from a very fatal disease- alcoholism. the only way we can keep it arrested is to keep the plug in the jug and go to meetings. be grateful for what you have sobriety! let god (H.P.) deal with the rest, do your footwork,but let god do the rest.


Member: John R
Location: sunny Buffalo,NY
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 1:39:46 AM

Comments

Well Heelloooo meeting online!! Just got this baby hooked up and I knew where I had to check out first...There was so many of you on the screen, I only managed to skim through but its good to see whether on-line or in a meeting in " flesh" there is still plenty of good old fashioned whining and questioning going on....Makes me feel right at HOME ! Seriously, as God as my witness,I only know this: Don't Drink,Go to a Meeting and Say a Prayer and you will not die from confusion, or lack of sleep or lack of answers or lack of a job or lack of a definition of Spirituality or any other such DEEP INTELLECTUAL pursuit instead of simply being there for the newcomer and working with a sponsor and doing the 12-steps as they are laid out in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous,nothing more ,nothing less,things will work out...As I approach my anniversary and the celebrations of other HOME GROUP MEMBERS--I am glad when I came in they (oldtimers] told me SIT DOWN AND SHUT-UP!!!and most of all...KEEP COMING BACK!!! and I did both...

God Bless and thanks for being here. And how you get patience is:WAIT


Member: Joel H
Location: East coast Malaysia
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 4:19:16 AM

Comments

I'm joel, and there's no doubt I'm an alki/drugie. Good topic Nan, I've been overseas working for nearly three years. (althoug my 8th year sober, I feel as though I'm losing it. (Dry Drunk) I haven't been to a meeting in a long, long, time. I finally got the bright idea to come here looking for all of you. I should have known you'd be here waiting. I really don't think I can't add much to what's already been said here, except to say that Patience comes by waiting (as the previous stated). I have felt like the whole thing is coming down around me lately, and then to see your topic, remedy can be apllied to my problems (work problems magnified 500% by my desease) also, let go, and let God (HP). I have been attributing my feelings of helplessness, confusion, and almost despair (at times)to homesickness, but then I remembered I only have to live one day at a time. I found you at the perfecct time, I was thinking about pulling up and going home (Louisiana). I'll stick it out another day if I can call on you when I'm up to my neck. I really need a meeting desperatly.

Separate subject (sorry): Are there any chat groups available?

One more request, I'm missing my sponser and I need him. Does anyone out there know a Fred M (over 21 years sober), grey/white hair. Last I heard he was heading out Lafayette way.

Thank you again for being here waiting for me.


Member: BARB B. 
Location: PGH. PA
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 10:40:04 AM

Comments

GOOD MORNING FELLOW AA's BARB B./ALCOHOLISM STILL. I HAPPENED TO REMEMBER THIS A.M., I HEARD ONCE, LOVE IS A CHOICE NOT A FEELING, SO I GUESS SINCE PATIIENCE AND TOLERANCE ARE BY PRODUCTS OF LOVE, WE HAVE TO CHOOSE THEM ALSO. I ALSO HAVE TO REMEMBER I CAN HELP ALL THE ALCOHOLICS IN THE WORLD BUT LOVE BEGINS AT HOME. HELLO MALAYASIA YES AA/CHATROOMS


Member: pam l
Location:
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 2:55:50 PM

Comments


Member: pam l
Location: colorado
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 3:01:43 PM

Comments

pam l here and trying to figure out this set up i'm an alkie and trying to get sober. having a real tough time and i need some help i live in a small town and there is only 1 meeting a week and it conflicts with my visit with my child. i'm fighting for my sober life and will take any advice i can get. everytime i quit drinking i have severe panic attacks which usually end up in th ER. no fun i am taking ativan from my doctor who knows what i'm going through but it's not helping. any thoughts of how to get DRY?


Member: pam l
Location: fruita co
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 3:09:05 PM

Comments

pam l here i don't know if my message got through but if anyone can help let me know.


Member: Keith S.
Location: Bronson mi.
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 3:21:28 PM

Comments

HI my name is Keith just a little advice for Pam first I was told to get down on my knees and ask God to take the desire to drink away from me also three things you need to stay sober is HOW Honesty , Openmindness,and Willingness Ill pray for you and talk more later.


Member: barb b.                   
Location: western pa.
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 3:36:19 PM

Comments

barb b./alcoholism: to Pam, get a a big book, read it, and when you do get to a meeting, get phone numbers and use them. How willing are you to go to any length to get sober? This is a life or death disease. Choose life. Follow the directions. Take suggestions. I'll pray for you.


Member: pam l
Location: fruita co
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 3:48:34 PM

Comments

i had a big book but mt house burned down in august and don't have one anymore. i was sober from jan. 97 until after the fire and then i lost it and i can't find my way back. i pray everytime i can but seems to be no help thank you for praying for me maybe you have better pull than i do. i just wish there was an easy way out of the pain i am in. the panic attacks are horrible and everytime i stop drinking i have them. could use all the help and prayer i can get thanks!!!!!


Member: Chuck S.
Location: Cntrl WV
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 3:56:54 PM

Comments

HI,I"m Chuck a recovering drunk/druggie.I want to make a comment to Pam. It's on the topic and hopefully it may help,at least it does for me when I'm willing to do it. That is,do something that relates to recovery,Anything! Go to a meeting,call someone,read recovery literature[even if it a sentence or two] or do as you did earlier get online again,"Take Positive Action" Please,remember you're NOT alone."WE CARE ABOUT YOU"!!You can also go to the coffee pot to chat with others like yourself.. Be Patient,it will work out if you allow to!!

"TFTS"!


Member: Sue M.
Location: Delray Beach, Florida
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 5:00:46 PM

Comments

Hi gang! I'm Sue and I am an alcoholic. Great topic and in fact the same one from my 7 a.m. meeting today. Obviously, this was destiny. When I go out of detox, during my "interview" my outpatient counselor state "you have no patience and tolerance - you better start praying for them now and on a daily basis." I have followed that suggestion for 3.5 years and sometimes they still elude me. But progress not perfection. What I had to learn initially was that I was unable to respond to people period!! Because I was uanble to do so in an appropriate manner. I had to sit on my hands and keep my mouth closed - biting my tongue all the way. But the good news is today I can respond to people in an appropriate manner (most times), and actually walk away rather than put up a "fight". Example - when I am annoyed at a situation and start to "discuss" it, I have recently come to realize the argument is not going any where so why keep it up. Let it go! and resolve the situation. Winning the battle doesn't change what already has been - it's time to move on. And I know that initial and constant prayer for God to grant me patience and tolerance (which is incorporated every single day) has helped. Not to mentioned some new learned behaviors. But that came later. Only one being could help to acquire patience and tolerance and that being was and still is my Higher Power. One last comment to the newcomer - cyber meetings are great; however, part of the process is fellowship, and learning or relearning to interact with people that are like ourselves. Cyber meetings do not replace personal appearances and getting to know living breathing human beings and allowing them to get to know you. I was extremly intraverted preferring my company and the company of books my entire life. The hardest thing I had to do to stay sober was to extend myself to other human beings at AA meetings - BUT the important thing is IT WORKS!!!! I am not intraverted anymore.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Sue M.
Location: Delray Beach, Florida
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 5:01:09 PM

Comments

Hi gang! I'm Sue and I am an alcoholic. Great topic and in fact the same one from my 7 a.m. meeting today. Obviously, this was destiny. When I go out of detox, during my "interview" my outpatient counselor state "you have no patience and tolerance - you better start praying for them now and on a daily basis." I have followed that suggestion for 3.5 years and sometimes they still elude me. But progress not perfection. What I had to learn initially was that I was unable to respond to people period!! Because I was uanble to do so in an appropriate manner. I had to sit on my hands and keep my mouth closed - biting my tongue all the way. But the good news is today I can respond to people in an appropriate manner (most times), and actually walk away rather than put up a "fight". Example - when I am annoyed at a situation and start to "discuss" it, I have recently come to realize the argument is not going any where so why keep it up. Let it go! and resolve the situation. Winning the battle doesn't change what already has been - it's time to move on. And I know that initial and constant prayer for God to grant me patience and tolerance (which is incorporated every single day) has helped. Not to mentioned some new learned behaviors. But that came later. Only one being could help to acquire patience and tolerance and that being was and still is my Higher Power. One last comment to the newcomer - cyber meetings are great; however, part of the process is fellowship, and learning or relearning to interact with people that are like ourselves. Cyber meetings do not replace personal appearances and getting to know living breathing human beings and allowing them to get to know you. I was extremly intraverted preferring my company and the company of books my entire life. The hardest thing I had to do to stay sober was to extend myself to other human beings at AA meetings - BUT the important thing is IT WORKS!!!! I am not intraverted anymore.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Michael M.
Location: Woburn, MA
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 5:16:26 PM

Comments

Hi, I;m Mike and Alcoholic and Addict. Patience and tolerance in the past for me was always a "ism" for me. I didn't have any. As I got sober, and time went on, I had patience, but not tolerance. Today, I have a hard time with patience and tolerance.

I got married after I got Sober. Didn't meet my wife until I was sober. My wife is not an alcoholic, and is also 8 years younger than I am. I don't have patience when she doesn't understand something or doesn't remember things that I have said. I know this is not a good thing. I don't do meetings like I should. My wife will often say, "I wish you would go to more meetings and that I'm not laid back like I was. I know that is true. Is the road to recovery never ending ? I think so... Every day I grow. But do I grow positively or negatively....that's my choice of how I do things. Well this is my first time writing here, and I think I will stop here....

Thanks...


Member: Mike C.
Location: WPB, Florida
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 5:27:15 PM

Comments

Patience and tolerance are tough, but drinking is alot tougher! Broke my leg 3 weeks ago and with cast up to my groin I am having to rely on my wife a great deal, rely on my doctor, rely on others at meetings, rely on the telephone. And I can't do what I want when I want to! God works in mysterious ways and life continues to teach me some valuable lessons when I'm honest, open, and willing to look. WHAT A GIFT BEING SOBER IS! Hard to believc I threw it away after 6 yrs before and it has taken me 6 yrs (in and out, mostly out) to get back in and collect 11 mos ODAAT. Lost my patience and tolerance for others, stopped meetings, stopped prayers, and KNEW what was best for me!! LOL. Good to be back where I'm suppose to be. Recently read Ernest Kurtz book in which he quoted, "Grace is the natural expression of being in place." God bless all and thanks for this mtg and all mtgs over country.


Member: pam l
Location: fruita co
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 5:44:46 PM

Comments

hi pam thanks for eveyone's prayers, support and help. i will quit!!! i am done and i need all of everyone's support in this time. i just poured out my last bottle $12.99 from last night which i hardly touched because i had a different one which i finished. but i know i will suffer on my road to recovery but i'm trying to find my HP and i know he will help me, GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY


Member: mark d
Location: las vegas, nv
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 6:12:50 PM

Comments

Pam.....God loves you very much and so do I.....if yer having such a hard time quiting, simply quit trying to quit. Admit total and complete defeat. Admit that you are indeed powerless over alcohol. Admit that now matter how you try, that no matter how much willpower you try to muster, that no matter how much you might like to be able to quit, that it just ain't gonna happen. Ya wanna quit, heck...hit a cop! works every time. for a while. if ya wanna get sober take the steps. including the first one.

Alcohol works real good for me, all my worries soon be over. Sure am glad that God keeps doing for me what I cannot do for myself, and has been doing this since Jan 4,1993. And I thank God that I have never forgotten Step One.

It's real simple for me...I can't...He can...I'll let Him. I suggest you do the same.


Member: pam l
Location: fruita co
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 7:38:15 PM

Comments

to mark d this is pam and the shakes are starting to take hold only wish they would stop but i'm hanging if you know what i mean! one day at a time and i hope evryone doesn't mind my whining just a thought to let you all know i am not a whiner just needing help to quit. please pray for me and i will try to get a ride to a meeting somewhere tonight i won't let shame hold me back anymore. hopefully i can find my sponser again i know she's a nurse from Grand Junction and her name is Marylin anyone w/ info about her please let me know because i lost her number in our fire THANKS


Member: mary w.
Location: kansas
Date: 2/21/98
Time: 8:05:49 PM

Comments

to pam in col,--we don't quit. we stop drinking one day,one hour, one minute, or even one second at a time!!!!!!!!!!my last drink was over 9 years ago,and i still haven't quit. this disease we share is insidious. it continues to dog us even if we could get 50 years without a drink.Bravo for dumping the booze. if you can't make a meeting contact the local a.a.group and ask if someone can help you, or even drive umpteen miles to a meeting you can attend. to just say you quit implies that you still have control/power over alcohol, and most likely if you are here you do not!!! as to the person coming back from relapse, been the done that. get your own big book and work the steps! do not be hard on yourself, you just found out just how powerless you really are.O.D.A.A.T. the panic attacks will subside when you start to work the steps completely. patience and tolerance of our newcomers and our returning members is a true measure of ourselves, and also how really dry we are. hugs (because every meeting needs them)


Member: pam l
Location: fruita co
Date: 2/22/98
Time: 12:19:39 AM

Comments

pam here i'm sorry that i wasn't on the topic but i just read that you are only supposed to talk about the topic of the week i'm sorry that i stepped on anyone's toes i was only seeking help. thanks to those that offered help even though i didn't stay on the topic of the wek


Member: louis
Location: gatineau,quebec,gatineau
Date: 2/22/98
Time: 12:51:15 AM

Comments

louis a drunk.pam ,don't be sorry ,you are at the right place,and please don't be so hard on yourself,give you're self a chance and give AA a chance it works.let go ,let GOD.and you are on the topic,you need patient ,it's not always easy,but it's a simple program.for me ,today my life may not be 100% but it's 100% better then it was.keep coming back.


Member: JERRY W
Location: THOMPSON N D
Date: 2/22/98
Time: 1:08:13 AM

Comments

i'm jery a alcoholic up here in north dakota this a good topic i have work on it hard mostly with my kids it is a lot beter if i go to my meetings like i should today is ok because right now i just hit 9 years thsnks to the pople in aa and a high power love all in aa


Member: Dee H
Location: Sterling, VA
Date: 2/22/98
Time: 1:50:31 AM

Comments

Hi Family

I am Dee and I am powerless over acohol. I have been in AA for a few 24 hours and still I have problems with patience and keeping the focus on today. But You all told me to Keep coming back it does get better. I have hope that if I pray, call my sponser, go to a meeting and incorporate the steps in my life that things will get better, and they have. I am not where I want to be but thank GOD I am not where I use to be...... So I try not to be soo hard on myself when I fall short. I pray to my higher power whom I choose to call GOD and move on. PAM, it will get better just keep coming back. And with that I'll say goodnight all. Peace....


Member: DAVE B
Location:
Date: 2/22/98
Time: 1:55:44 AM

Comments

DEAR GOD THANKS FOR LETTING ME BE HERE, THANKS FOR ALL THE REST THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUVE GIVEN TO ME THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUVE TAKEN FROM ME AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU'VE LEFT ME


Member: Joel H
Location: Malaysia S.E. Asia
Date: 2/22/98
Time: 4:14:23 AM

Comments

Joel H, Alki/Druggi: Pam, by the grace of God and the fellowship of you people i'm still alive today. Do i know where you're coming from, Yes i do. THANK YOU for helping me to remember just how powerless i am over every person place, thing and situation. I've been over here for 3 years without a meeting, and GOD knows i need all of you know. Growing up in the streets of new orleans made it quicker for me to reach rock bottom then a lot of others (thanks to GOD), Today wihtout a meeting in so long, i feel as thoug i'm on a dry drunk, it's not DT's but dispair is not an exageration. Today i go into the bathroom in my office, (i'm not religious) and kneel before my GOD and pray for the kowledge of his will for me today, and the strength to carry it out. The prayer at the end of each meeting says "daily bread" not weekly, not monthly. Being who we are we pray for seconds. progress not perfection. Thank you for letting me be here, GOD knows i would die without it. I have first hand knowledge that you don't start over. you pick up where you left off. I've learned one thing very good, i cannot control my life, i cannot control anything, i cannot stop drinking. My prayer for you, is that you have reached a bottom where you know you cannot recover, only then will you allow you be at step One.

I'm praying for you.

God grant me the patience to stay here another day, if it's your will for me.

God give me gratitude, (i used to lie in bed and bask in gratitude. i've lost that, and i'm scared.


Member: pam l
Location: fruita co
Date: 2/22/98
Time: 8:55:44 AM

Comments

hi pam here and i did getTHE BIG BOOK last night i'm so grateful but the topic is patience where is mine? tolerance what the heck is that? i sure don't have any. trying but not real sure i can please pray that i can find it. was up almost all night this is my 41st BD and i don't like i never thought i'd make 30 but by thr grace of god i'm still here but in my heart i just want this over. but i know that i WILL make it and stay sober. please pray for all of us alkies.