Member: Kim C
Location: BC, Canada(bc_girl@mail.com)
Date: December 22, 2002
Time: 09:22 AM
Good morning ((ALL)) Kim, here...grateful alcoholic, sober for 8 days...a record in a few years! How to eliminate self pity? Yikes. A hard one, as I am VERY self centered and self involved right now. It is frustrating at times, because that is all I think about...drinking...or NOT drinking, as the case may be. I think a gratitude list...even in your mind, every day can help, even for a moment, help focus on something "good". I just about drank yesterday...but thank GOD I had a life line, and God gave me the strength to use it. I won't go into details..but for Melissa, I am abundantly grateful...for Amanda, I am SO grateful...for everyone here who has supported me in their posts and emails, I am grateful...for this site, I am grateful...for my supportive spouse...my kids...and the fact I am sober TODAY, instead of guilt ridden, GOD, I am grateful. I wish you ((ALL)) a wonderful, sober Sunday! Love and peace, Kim
Member: Stuart M
Location: Devon England
Date: December 22, 2002
Time: 09:58 AM
Hi,Stuart here,I am grateful to be sober today I think that the elimination of self pity comes to me by using the "simple kit of spiritual tools" I was offered when I came to my first meeting. Phone numbers, a Big Book,a sponsor,a meeting EVERY day (90 in 90) and a bunch of people who knew that the solution was available to me when I thought that I was excluded. I was loved back to sobriety.But, I remember that this is an illness of self and self-pity is my illness telling me that it is okay for me to walk away from recovery and back into the gates of insanity or death.(Poor me,poor me,Pour me a drink) I hope you all have a safe and sober Christmas God bless you all.
Member: janet
Location: Costa Rica
Date: December 22, 2002
Time: 10:38 AM
hi, Janet here, alcoholic. Self pity----I have lots of extra to go around if anyone wants som more!!!! Alone in a foreign country, no $$, no decorations, an 11 year old who prefers to stay at friends. No mailed in gifts from family, a 21 year old son who is hanging at pool halls of Richmond va and drinking...l shall I go on???????Beginning day 3 and it actually hurts. Coffee and back to bed for me. (and this too shall pass???right???) Love for all the support. Janet
Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date: December 22, 2002
Time: 05:14 PM
I'm Kathy and I am an alcoholic. Best way I know to eliminate self pity is to work with another alcoholic. Go to a meeting and find a newcomer that needs a sponsor or maybe just a friend. It doesn't take long to find someone worse off then you! Merry Christmas to All!
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: December 22, 2002
Time: 07:20 PM
Hi Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. This one is too easy. I had nothing to do with getting out of self. All I did was ask my maker as I understood Him..."God I offer myself to Thee--to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of bondage of self so I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always!". That says it all. Nothing fancy about it at all. Not hard to do. Do it whether you believe it will work or not. There used to be an expression in AA years ago that I haven't heard in a long time ..fake it 'till you make it. It works It really does. Do not complicate it. It don't need changing. Just do it. Bill. Email: az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: ab
Location: NM
Date: December 22, 2002
Time: 09:35 PM
I have 3 days sobriety. Am following the vitamin regimine in "7 days to Sobriety" and it sure helps with the cravings. But still need someone to talk to. Cannot go to physical meetings. I am so glad I found this site . . feel blessed. Anyone out there?
Member: Karen P.
Location: Wrightsville & Atlanta, GA
Date: December 22, 2002
Time: 11:27 PM
I'm here and willing to talk, ((ab)). I am a little over nine months sober, not an old-timer, but with a little more time under my belt. The urges to drink aren't conquered yet, but at least I'm not doing it, and they are fewer and farther between. If you'd like to e-mail me I am Poelman@msn.com
Member: Opals
Location: MI
Date: December 22, 2002
Time: 11:43 PM
((ab)) I am glad you are sober and doing ok! Why is it you can't go to meetings? Make sure you are not isolating, not good for we alcoholics. Meetings are a great resource where you get phone numbers of other people just like you who are willing to help you with the tough times, just a phone call away. I was afraid of going to meetings and even though I knew I had a problem, I refused to go because I was in control of myself and had to just tough it out. Well, that didn't work. I went on antibuse, that worked, but for a short while. Not until I broke down completely, at my bottom, did I surrender. Willing to go to any lengths to get sober, I went to my first AA meeting. That was over 6 years ago and I am still going strong and I owe it all to AA and the people at the meetings, but most of all God who gave me this gift. Everyone hang in there, it is so worth it!
Member: Stacy E
Location: Kentucky
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 01:08 AM
Self pity, yes! I think most alcoholics are prone to it. When we don't know how to cope with something, we drink or we internalize and feel depressed/sorry for ourselves. Its characteristic of who we are and something we all need to help each other with. Thats why meetings and sites like this are so important. I received my 90 days of sobriety token on the eighth of this month and my biggest problem seems to be how to deal with anger. My temper seems to be more explosive since I've STOPPED drinking and I really don't know how to handle it. I cry and throw tantrums like a child and am ashamed and mortified later. I guess when I was still drinking I would just belt down a few bloody marys until it didn't matter anymore. Now when I get angry I don't know what to do with it besides make a fool of myself. I hate it. Any words of wisdom out there?
Member: Kathleen
Location: Florida
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 01:21 AM
HI all, welcome to the new folks. Self pity will kill me faster than anything. I had ten years sober and drank again due to self pity. I now have 4plus years again and the only way I know to get out of self pity is to try to help others. Even if you are newly sober there may be something you can share with someone just walking in the doors of AA to help them, even if it's to say hello and welcome and you are not alone. Getting a sponser and working the steps was the way out of self pity for me too...rambler@atlantic.net ..keep coming back, it really does work and the big book has a chapter that tells us "How it works."....
Member: maggie t
Location: connecticut
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 01:29 AM
hi everyone, self-pity and isolation are definitely self-destruct buttons for alkies. and i know the holidays make things even harder. all i can say is if you feel down go to a meeting! most areas are having alcathons over the holiday. get involved. even if you don't want to-force yourself. i know that's what has kept me from a drink for the last 8 months. happy holidays to all!
Member: Bob R
Location: Rainbow City
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 08:34 AM
hi bob here self pity is my main problem I have to make certain choices now cut and dry change or loose my daughter I may lose her any way buut ihave choices today I canstill make adecision
Member: ab
Location:
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 09:27 AM
Karen P. Thanks for responding, 6 months seems a lot to me. Never have gone past 4 days Funny how this started, Was a teetotler until the age of 47 ( althought addicted to sugar) Then job, relationship and menopause changes all hit at once, and, living alone for the first time, I started drinking at night. Just wine, so I thought it was OK Its been 5 years now and I cannot stop drinking until passing out everynight. The large bottle of white wine does it. All attempts have failed. This thing really is bigger than me. How did it happen so fast? This book I have " 7 weeks to sobriety" is about the biological and chemical problems underlying alcohol addiction. They completely support AA and the 12 step program, but offer much needed help in biological repair. Taking their first weeks recommended dosage of vitamins and nutrition advice really does eliminate cravings. Thank God, they were always stronger than me, and now I have a way to deal with them. But now I facing all of the lonliness and terror that drinking kept hidden. Have started an exercise program, and know I will need to find activities to fill the time spent drinking, I recognize the importance of talking with others and working the program. That's why I was so grateful to find this site. Spent hours reading every word to experience the fellowship. Thank you for being there.
Member: LukeK
Location:
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 09:37 AM
Luke, here, alcoholic. Today marks 2 weeks sober for me - my longest in probably 3 years although I have gone for longer stretches without getting drunk. Self-pity is a great topic for me. Both of my parents died this year within 6 months of each other. I felt a lot of self-pity over this. I felt that at 30 years old with a young wife, this wasn't fair for me to be facing. I felt self-pity over having to see these two people who I love rot away before my eyes with cancer. I guess a certain amount of self-pity would have been appropriate but I grabbed onto it as an excuse to drink heavily. I know I must now move on. The grief will still be there but I think I am beginning to process it now in a more responsible way since being sober these last 2 weeks. I know others have gone through worse without drinking so I need to quit feeling sorry for myself. I am just so thankful for these last 2 weeks. I feel a little less guilty each day. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: ab
Location:
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 09:49 AM
Opal, Thanks for responding, Please do not judge me for not going to meetings. ( see my story above) I do not believe I am 'avoiding' them out of pride. I live in a small town and have a very politicaly sensitive position. I know all people SHOULD understand that alcoholism is a desease, and respect those who attempt to deal with it - but that is not true in the real world. Many out there still view it as a weakness. It would be used to vilify and isolate me from my peers, costing me my position and means of earning a living. This is not paranoia, but a true fact. Word always gets out about who is going to meetings, and in the past I have been surprised at the disparaging and ugly remarks that accomnpany such revelations. My only choice is to try my current method: Nutrition/Exercise/12 steps / and now, fellowship on the web. If I cannot do it this way. I will have to sell out here, and move somewhere else. But I am 55, and starting new is very difficult. I've done it 4 times, so I know. I have created a good life for myself here - if I can lick this disease. I was going downhill so fast that I know continuing means death for me, so I will move if this doesn't work, but - I can't go to meetings in this town. that's just the way it is.
Member: Pat F.
Location: California
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 10:42 AM
Hi, Pat F here - and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober (and alcohol free) for 18 days. Longest in past 18 months. The only self-pity issues I seem to have is why can't I have a drink like everybody else....I have attended 1 AA meeting (last week) and found out (along with reading and participating in this site) that there are a lot of people out there like me! Can have that 1 drink cause 1 just isn't enough. I have cravings still and thoughts (arguments really) about I'll just have one, no, yes, no.... on and on but so far I have managed to do the sane thing (with God's help) and not have that 1st deadly drink. Helping others, or being "involved" with something or someone else is the best way I know to help rid the self-pity tape recording. Thanks for a place to share. BTW I went to a meeting that was a bit away from my immediate community because I wasn't ready to possibly "bump" into someone else I knew, but after attending, it is clear to me that the folks in AA are genuine and would never cross the bounds of trust.
Member: Kelly M
Location: New Hampshire
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 12:09 PM
Hi All, ((Gage)) Thanks for the advice on speaking at a meeting. I bookmarked the page. Your right that everyone already knows where I have been. I liked how you put it when you said, "I am standing in the doorway to hell". Yes, I'm on the threshold and what is in front of me looks so much better than what was behind me. Not even alcohol could erase my pain anymore. It couldn't. My body was shutting down but not my mind. All that was left was death, jail or institutions. I chose life, life free of alcohol. It is reality and it takes work learning how to "deal" after years of anesthetizing every feeling into oblivion. (Stacy) I can relate to the anger you are experiencing. As scary as it feels you are feeling it now which is a good if not an uncomfortable thing! I actually told someone I was angry at them and why the other day and it felt damn good. I never lost my composure and I felt empowered afterwards. As for self pity I have it. It is more like a deep sorrow and a regret of my past. It feels like I am mourning my former self. That Kelly is dead and gone, cry, throw the rose on the casket and walk away. New adventures await/ Kelly 2 The sequel :) (ab) Opal gave you some good advice that I agree with because it works for me. AA works if you work it!!! I could relate with your story, the wine, the nice job, the fear of being found out. It is all "D-NILE" and that ain't just a river in Egypt!. Everyone already knows you are an alcoholic, if you don't think so just ask someone. You can keep moving and run to the ends of the earth but it will follow you. It did with me at least. I was afraid to go to meetings and now that I go I have met around 4 people from work out of 1000. They are all well respected at work and in the program. I wish I went sooner but my denial was my downfall. I had to lose it all. I'm glad your here and asking for help. This is a good place to start. Everyone have a wonderful sober Christmas. Just for today.................Kelly
Member: Gail B
Location:
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 01:58 PM
I'm Gail, an alcoholic. I'm just finishing up my 4th and 5th steps---WOHOO, I feel GREAT!!!! For me, the point of working the steps is to develop a life where I don't HAVE to drink any more. You know that wonderful release that comes with that first drink of the day...that power, that sweet rush of relief---sweet Jesus, I'M HOME!!!---for me, that rush was the measure of how profoundly screwed up and destructive my life had become. I love alcohol. I will always love alcohol. I think of all alcoholics as brothers and sisters in this great love. But as you've so beautifully pointed out in this meeting, my body has a profound reaction to it, so that once I start I just can't get enough. Alcohol, for me, was my solution to all the pain in my life. My solution was killing me, and finally I was able to see that it was the road to nothingness and an early death. I decided---thanks to this wonderful website---to try AA, and see if I could salvage something of my life. In October I went to a f2f meeting, got a sponsor, and got to work. I've been learning about the faulty thinking with which I've been living my life, and because I've been working with "broken tools" I've grown profoundly selfish, profoundly self-pitying. Self-pity=victim. Being a victim was my special niche. When I was ready---after several weeks of reading p.60-63 of the Big Book every day, and compiling lists of all the ways I was selfish each day (including all the ways I was a "victim")---my sponsor and I read the 3rd step prayer together. It was a miracle. I haven't wanted to drink since then. My father is dying, my mother is in failing health, my relations with siblings is all screwed up, I have few friends, etc. etc. etc....and I don't have to drink! I can be of service. I can be REALLY PRESENT for my family, and for others who might need me. Thank God. Sobriety is the most important thing in my life. I will do ANYTHING to build on it. I have an amends list. There are going to be some embarrassing, perhaps tough times ahead. I don't care. This is worth it. Thanks to AA, I am building a life worth living. A life where I don't HAVE to drink. It's scary. And it's worth going through. I am praying for all of us. We're in this together. I'm sorry I haven't been to this site in a couple of months. I'll try to spend more time here...this place saved my neck and booted me in the right direction. I'm thinking and praying for all of us---we who love alcohol, and reach for this mighty gift of sobriety.
Member: Rita
Location: Florida
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 04:39 PM
Self pity is a enemy. I too have. Maybe tommorrow
Member: Karen P.
Location: Wrightsville & Atlanta, GA
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 07:38 PM
I'm Karen, alcoholic. Don't have too much to say tonight, just wanted to check in. I will have my first sober Christmas this year (in many a year, anyway) and tonight I feel okay with that. I have nine months sober and had my worst drinking (and using marijuana which I hadn't had in 25 years) dream the other night. It scared me because I have been battling some urges. So far I've been winning the battle, one day at a time, with the help of a caring sponsor. (ab) I'm wondering what you're feeling about the feedback you've gotten. We are here to help you with your struggle.
Member: Janet L
Location: costa Rica
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 08:33 PM
Hi Janet here, with just a few days under my belt, came to a beach house in Flamingo, Costa Rica , and delighted they left a few presents under the tree for me and my 11 year old, and a split of champagne for new years., well hopefully wont touch that one, never did like it anyway. It's hard at Christmas, especially, in a beach town, where everyone is "expected" to drink. I am doing it ONE MINUTE at a time. Thats all I can do right now. On a funny note, the parrots here are singing Jimmy Buffet to me and calling me sexy girl!!!!! Long time since those comments!!! Love ya all. please write back. Janet
Member: ab
Location:
Date: December 23, 2002
Time: 11:08 PM
Karen, thanks for asking. Day 4 went OK, as I said, the vitamins really do take away the cravings, especially glutamine. But nothing takes away the emptyness. I am amazed at how much of my life I have handed over to that horrid stuff, alcohol. Now alone at night I am beginning to realize all of the joy and relationships and engaging activities I need to re-acquaint myself with that alcohol robbed me of. I'm glad you asked what I thought of the feedback I received. It took a while for me to realize that that person doesn't know me, she spoke harshly out of ignorance,because she only knew her own path. I'm glad it works for her, but she is presumptous in criticizing me for not going to meetings - especially since I thought I was joining a 'virtual meeting' If these cyber meetings were no more than a guise for bullying people into going to face-to-face ones,than they would be seriously misrepresentating their mission. I believe in the mission as stated and will continue to come to virtual meetings. I know this is what will work in my life now. Your first sober Christmas ! Congratulations. What will you be doing ? I can see that this is a scarey time of year for us alcoholics. I believe if I take the glutamine before i go to a Dinner I have been invited to, I'll be OK Can't hide here forever. But, it will be strange to see everyone drinking, and not to have my 'crutch' to relax me. but then, that's how this nightmare all got started.
Member: Steve F
Location: MA
Date: December 24, 2002
Time: 12:20 AM
Hi All, Steve, Alcoholic. Self pity is definitely a luxury I can't afford. As far as eliminating it goes, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, helping another alcoholic is at the top of my short list of what to do. Making a gratitude list has also been helpful. Every year since I came into the rooms of AA, something bad has happened to me. I share this only because it may benefit someone who is also going through a difficult time. In my first year, I ruptured a disc in my back. In the second year, I went through spine surgery and then, my mother died. In my third year, my father died. Then last year, I ruptured two discs in my back and I am about to undergo major spine surgery. Anyway, the point is that none of those situations would have improved had I taken a drink. Thus far, with the help of the people in AA and my Higher Power, I haven't had to take a drink since 7/4/98. So, it's been one day at a time and learning to ask others for help and making myself available to help others that has enabled me to keep trudging along. There has also been quite a bit of love and joy (much of it came as a direct result of some of the grievous things I've mentioned) in my life during these past 4-1/2 years and I've been blessed to be sober and able to feel it.
Member: ab
Location:
Date: December 24, 2002
Time: 10:53 AM
Day 5. What am amazing thing to wake up sober! More alive than I've felt since I can remember. Must guard this great gift at all costs: Help others/stay on diet & exercise/work the 12 steps/keep comming to these meetings. I am convinced God brought this site to my attention. Thank you for hosting it
Member: Mike H.
Location: Arizona
Date: December 24, 2002
Time: 11:29 AM
My name is Mike and I'm alcoholic. Self-pity for me was one of those character defects that kept me apart from the joys of life. I'm very grateful to AA, which provided me with a guide (sponsor) to take me through the basic text (Big Book), answer my questions and launch me into the 12 steps that are suggested for recovery from alcoholism.Here's a section of the BB that suggests the action qwe take to be "divorced" (separated) from self-pity. "On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from SELF-PITY, dishonest or SELF-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives." I do this on a daily basis and it worked and still works better than any vitamin I ever took.As was said in a previous post from Bill --do it whether or not you believe it will work and you may be pleasantly surprised! Stay in the Solution. Love, Mike
Member: John H
Location: Manchester Uk
Date: December 24, 2002
Time: 12:10 PM
ab -these are not meetings. They are pages where people post their views and experiences. Your reluctance to go to a local meeting is fully understandable - I had the same reservations before I went to my first (5 months ago)- but even if you did meet someone you know, this is no sin, they will understand and your anonymity will be respected. Believe me, until you have sat opposite your peer group in a face to face meeting and talked man to man (and woman) you have not fully accepted that you have an incurable disease and need help. Your other methods are great, but in the long term you will find it less stressful to share in person and get to know some people who are suffering your disease. Can you get to a meeting in another town? Can you ring your local AA group and at least get someone to talk to in 'real' time on the telephone? You will be overwhelmed by the support you will get locally. May you find what you need - my prayers are for you. John
Member: JohnA
Location: Manchester (UK)
Date: December 24, 2002
Time: 01:44 PM
John A here. Just like to wish everyone that uses this web site a very sober Christmas, and thank each and every one of you for your support over the months I have been using this site. Don�t for get if Christmas day is getting to much for you, go out for a walk or phone an AA person or come and share on this web site and someone will be around for you. Don�t suffer in pain this Christmas. Help is at hand. Happy Christmas to you all. Merry Christmas reminds me of my drinking days. Thanks everyone John A.
Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: December 24, 2002
Time: 03:08 PM
I'm Gage. I'm an alcoholic. Just wanted to say congrats to all of you who are hanging in there. Believe me, if you will take the steps to the best of your ability, (even if you think your best is not good enough), before you know it you will be truly enjoying being sober and free. So, even if you are hanging on by the skin of your teeth at present, and even if you are trying not to feel sorry for yourselves but you just can't seem to help it, don't worry friends. Give yourselves this gift for Christmas and get ready -- your lives are going to be so much better. Thank you all for helping me to stay sober. Best Christmas ever to you all!
Member: PETE C
Location: Sunny cleethorpes N.E
Date: December 24, 2002
Time: 06:59 PM
HI JANET Just replying from england here.It,s my first time on the web so excuse any mistakes,My names pete .Sounds good where you are.Hows the sun?.Here,s me in boring england.Weather crap as usual.I just had six weeks working away in holland.Kept me off the booze.I had no choice as my job was unloading cargo planes and i was forced to work whenever planes landed.Are you away for xmas then?.Lucky you, Have a suntan for me ....PETE
Member: david h
Location: MD USA
Date: December 24, 2002
Time: 08:24 PM
Hi all David, Sober and grateful alcoholic here. Read some of the posts and must say that I have seen a lot of wisdom in just a few minutes. Just took my oldest kids back to their Mother and I couldn't wait to take them there. Little alkies that they are. SO anyway I was doing the backstroke in that sesspool of misery and thought well if I cant get to a meeting I'll bet I can find one with a newcommer online Guess what this site a quick prayer forgiveness acceptance and a desire to be grateful instead of a sad ass and five minutes later I'm smiling again. Heck how important is it all anyway. I havent found it necessary to drink odaat for over 13 years and I like to be HAPPY Merry Christmas to you all if thats your thing and peace and serenity to you all David
Member: Janet L
Location: c
Date: December 24, 2002
Time: 09:05 PM
Hey Pete, the weather is almost too hot 100f or so, don't know centegrade. We swam twice today, and collected shells, and enjoyed tv that we haven't had in 18 months in the mountains. Only thing is these beach towns are surfer town, retirement communities, and drinking places. Well I'm drinking coca-cola, and lemonaide from the lemon tree in the back yard. Sending you sunshine 0ver the miles. If you want to write : janet123@racsa.co.cr Merry Christmas Pete and all you guys. Love ya more than bunches of bananas. Janet
Member: Ed Z.
Location:
Date: December 24, 2002
Time: 11:05 PM
Hi,Ed Z. alcoholic. I have been full of self-pity on an off with sobriety. I was ten months sober and muyscular dystrophy caused me to walk with forearm crutches for over thirteen years. Alcohol did not and cannot give me full use of my limbs, only mismanage medication. However self-pity fits category this to shall pass. As an alcoholic I admit a problem,self-pity. I wait for the solution, acceptance. I may not like the solution but I can and do live with it. Alcoholism is a disability where I can control outcome. Step One, and a sober one Christmas to my extended family of sober drunks. Ed.
Member: Rita
Location: Florida
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 01:16 AM
If i could just get it Gratitude instead of self pity. Lonely christmas but i am not drinking. Who was it said every thing is relative? Thats how it feels today. Supports here is good but i am still a lone this christmas. I talk to my husband yesterday EX husband he has our kids. They are coming here on friday to late for santa but least i will see them. Its not self pity to want my girls with me at christmas is it? Thanks for you support.
Member: Joy V.
Location: Arizona
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 08:22 AM
Greetings all, I popped over here when I heard the topic was self-pity. Always a good one for me. My theme song for much of my life was, "Me, Myself and I." What can I say, "three's company!" It's a unholy trinity to put it mildly. Now my goal is to focus on God, others and then myself. At times self still gets in the front seat, but major progress has definitely occurred. I agree with everyone who has spoken about doing for others and service as a great antidote for self-pity. AB: I can relate totally to where you are at re meetings. When I came into the program my job made me somewhat known and there was chit-chat. Of course I got over that, I was desperate, but losing your job would be quite another matter. There are some other good program sites where you can do live chat if you're so inclined and where there are online meetings. I'm figuring it's not cool to mention them here, but if you want to email me I could share with you: rhema@theriver.com STACY: I can relate to the explosive temper. Been there, done that, created mass destruction of property and relationships and finally bottomed with THAT too. My experience, strenth and hope is that I got delivered from that hell with God's help. I worked the steps specifically relating to my RAGE. I also went to a group dealing only with that issue. Working the steps and accountabiity to others with the same trouble is a key; just as it is with alcohol or any other addiction. There's a lot of good books and resources dealing with this too. Feel free to email me (address above)it would help me too. Be blessed. I'm glad to be remembering the reason for the season and actually to be remembering anything at all! LOL! Merry Christmas to all.
Member: David H
Location: MD USA
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 10:07 AM
Well here it is Christmas Morning Started the day with my home groups annual eating and speaker meeting at 6:30 am then home to the wife and 2 of the kids for presents and cooking. Thanks to all of you for being online, if ytou think that this 1st CHristmas is good being sober you aint seen nothing yet Life will take on new meaning Pass it on Peace David H
Member: AB
Location:
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 12:23 PM
Joy V - Merry Christmas to you! it is a beautiful sober morning, and I wish you Joy. Thank you for responding, and non-judgementaly at that. I would very much like to access those web sites you mentioned, but, I cannot risk giving out my e-mail address. I am not in denial, I know I am in the fight of my life - FOR my life. I have set up the 4 part rescue plan ( Nutrition/Exercise/12 Step/Fellowship) that I am following. I have promised myself that if this doesn't work, I will sell my house leave the organization I created and move to where I can attend meetings. What I have here is NOT worth the Drunken Hell I was in. I know I am powerless over alcohoal, the Cravings were like a giant tidal wave smashing a grain of sand (me) accross a beach. I had no choice but to drink till pass out ever single night. But, I am going to give this current plan my best effort. The nutrition so many scoff at really does help with the cravings, but I am not so foolish as to think that is all I need. I know I need to repair my life and reach out to a higher power and work the steps. That's where those websites would be most helpful. I have been surprised at the judgementalism coming at me from this site, but I understand. People want what works for them and many others they know to work for me, but they do not know me or my situatioin. I decided to stay with this site until I could find something more alligned to what I need. Right now it is the best I have, and reading stories and even hearing about the topic "self pity" is all a good start for me. But I want to actually start working the 12 steps, and hope to find support on line for this. If it could feel appropriate to you to print them here, It would be helpful, but, if not, I understand and respect your situation.
Member: janet L
Location: Costa Rica
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 12:28 PM
Hi, Janet here in Costa Rica, ((rita))) my heart goes out to you today. Hang in there and focus on those beautiful girls on Friday. It's not that much longer. I have never been away from my 21 year old son before, and he's back in the states, and miss him terribly. Sometimes he acted like he didn't give a hoot (you know Mom's stupid) but underneath the machismo he's my baby still., haven't talked to him yet. Merry Christmas to all!!!! Love, janet
Member: Joy V.
Location: Arizona
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 02:55 PM
AB: I respect your privacy; catch me over on the Coffee Pot board
Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 05:21 PM
AB you are deluding yourself only. We were ALL unique, BUT we found a commonality. The alcoholism. Ordinarily many of us would not mix, but have found acceptance of others. In the event you would like to communicate with someone here, AND not divulge your ISP or location or identy, get a free Hotmail address and use that for communicationg. The text of the book Alcoholics Anonymous is at URL http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/ You will find the twelve steps, and the basic text at this address. Best wishes, Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: Opal
Location: Smokey
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 05:53 PM
((AB)) I understand where you are at, I was there once too. You have not completely found your bottom and are still trying to find and easier, softer way to overcome your problem. Believe me I tried it all to avoid AA at all costs. I was terrified of going to meetings although I just don't know why now?? I only drank on weekends, only drank vodka, exercised more, less etc., even tried antibuse. It was all alot of song and dance to avoid admitting I was an alcoholic and attending AA. I am also married to a police officer and it would ruin him and his reputation. The Big Book says we have to be willing to go to any lengths if we want sobriety and obviously you are not there yet. I attend meetings in a different city and have made wonderful friends. You only give out as much information as you want, that is why it is anonymous. Good luck to you, read the Big Book and try to find the willingness to join us in sobriety. Merry Christmas and a sober New Year to all! Much love, Opal
Member: janet L
Location: `Costa Rica
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 06:30 PM
ok i'M JANET from costa rica and I am not sober today. news from the family, missing them too much, what whould be a good excuse for drinking 3 beers???? I'm sick, I'm sorry, and I hope you forgive me esp. bill az who has been helping me so much. I am just so sad. Janet
Member: Stacy E
Location: Kentucky
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 07:51 PM
Merry Christmas everyone! Janet, you're in my prayers. Loneliness is very dangerous for us alcoholics and probably the most difficult thing for us to deal with. Hang in there. JOY- thank you for your response. I've written down your email address and will most assuredly use it. A few people here have mentioned having taken certain vitamins that seem to be helping them stay sober. WHAT ARE THEY?! Thank you all for being here. God bless. Stacy.
Member:
Location:
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 08:20 PM
((Janet)) Many of us, myself included, have relapsed. You show great courage by admitting the slip and coming back here. Many could not do so and I am glad to see you back. Each day is a new day to begin again. I felt so bad after my relapse, the remembered pain of it was enough to get me to quite a few 24 hours. Hang in there, tomorrow is a new day! Stacy, I find vitamin B complex helps me stay calm by soothing the nerve endings. Learned that when I quite smoking, hope that helps. Love to all.
Member: Opal
Location: MI
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 08:21 PM
Sorry, forgot to sign my letter..........
Member: Opal
Location: MI
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 08:21 PM
Sorry, forgot to sign my letter..........
Member: Miranda C
Location: Vermont, USA
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 08:54 PM
Janet as Opal says many of us have relapsed, slipped, whatever you want to call it. You can count me among those. You've heard "One Day At A Time" right? That one day, the next 24 hours, can start anytime. It can start right now. What would be a good excuse for drinking 3 beers? Janet we're alcoholics, we don't need an excuse. Pick yourself up and get back on the horse. Keep coming back...
Member:
Location:
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 10:32 PM
Janet, begin again.
Member: janet L
Location: Costa Rica
Date: December 25, 2002
Time: 10:46 PM
hi janet here/ love to all who responded. still feel like a failure. I am so very sorry. Hope Bill doesn't read this
Member: Kerrie W
Location: Vancouver Island
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 12:44 AM
Hi my name is Kerrie and I am an Alchoholic. By the grace of god I am sober 4 months today. Just for today, one day at a time I have managed to get here. Yesterday was full of self pity. I may not have drank but I was full on into the old (well still not that old, cuze they still feel fairly familiar)behaviours running right towards chaos. Wallowing in self pity, gives my disease fuel for its engine. When I am feeling sorry for myself I have learned that to help another alcoholic or anyone for that matter can turn the decent to the pity pot into a acsent to a better frame of mind. Yesterday, the only beings I trusted were my cats, so I treated them to some good wet food....Wow, it is amazing how much love animals can give to us! Soon the blinds were coming up in my house, the dishes were getting loaded into the sink, and I was reaching out and calling people, and asking for help. With this I was able to stay sober for one more day. Tommorrow I may drink, but just for today I know that I have choices. I choose not to drink today. This is the best Christmas gift I have ever recieved. A sober Christmas. Blessings to all who come to these spaces for experience, strength and hope. The more you share the better I am. Someone once told me that the person with the most sobriety in the room is the person who got out of bed first. Keep coming back. You can do anything for a day.
Member: John G.
Location: North Beach, Md.
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 01:38 AM
Hi, I'm John and I'm an alcoholic. My prayers are with anyone in this program who slips. I have slipped so many times (though many will say it isn't a slip, but a conscience decision to pick up a drink)that I have many, many chips to return to the group. All I can say about slipping is that it happens to us alcoholics for a thousand reasons--but only happens when we pick up that first drink. I have prayed upon awakening, thanking God for a new day, read my reflections, called my sponsor, and still picked up a 12-pack on the way home at the end of the day. Seemed like I was doing all the right things, except staying away from that first drink. It's a mystery ... except that I wanted to drink. I have been in and out of AA for years. Got 18 months one stint. Things got worse as I drank over the years, and I ran back to AA whenever things got terrible. Then, this year, in a period of six months, (1)I ended up in the hospital for drinking on Antabuse, (2)went to a rehab in May (3) ambulance came to my house and put me in a psyche ward, and (4) went to another residential rehab. All in one year! I knew I was an alcoholic, attended AA meetings irregularly, and prayed like a madman for God to relieve my alcholism. I now have almost four months of sobriety. I have not had a sneaky suspicion that I can drink safely. And that's great, but what counts is today. I had to not only admit I was an alcoholic, I had to realize that alcohol was literally killing me. I made a decision in the depths of my heart to plunge as deeply as I could into AA. I never called my sponsor before to say "I want a drink so bad I could kill." Now I do. I have jumped into AA full time. I do whatever I have to not to pick up that first drink. I was using half measures, because perhaps the desperation wasn't there. It is now, believe me. I've tried 3/4 measures, 4/5 measures, and those don't make it either. Just keep trying. Keep going to meetings and keep admitting to the fellowship that you're having trouble understanding certain things. You will get sober, and you will find the answers you need. The worse thing you can do is give up. There are millions of people who have found the new freedom after years and years of bondage to this baffling disease. My deepest prayers are for you who are still struggling. Remember, you are not alone. God bless you. You belong with us!
Member: Gary
Location: England
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 09:04 AM
Hi everyone just read last two shares Kerrie. W.John W. Nice to know i'm not on my own, i don't mean that selfishly, just glad i'm not the only one. I'll be on here later on if both of you want a chat or i can leave my e-mail address Take Care Gary
Member: John M.
Location: Cocoa Beach, Fla
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 09:17 AM
Ah, self pity, my biggest downfall. My getting sober 53 days ago, coincided with breaking up with girlfriend of two years. After a couple of weeks, I realized I still loved her and wanted her back, but she was already dating somebody else. And that hurt a lot. This is a woman who said she had never loved anyone like she had me (and still says that) and she could take up with someone else so quickly? And to make it worse, she has called me several times to tell me how there is "something missing" in her new relationship and then allowing me to ramble on about how much I loved her and how I wanted things to be. But the next day, she would always pretend those conversations didn't happen. So of course, I was always being set back to Day 1 in my pity party. But a lot of praying and sharing with my sponsor and going to meetings is helping to ease the pain. My fifth step really helped in losing my anger toward the situation even if didn't make the pain go away. My sponsor pointed out to me that there is nothing wrong with FEELING pain or sorrow. The problems come with how we react to them (such as allowing myself to be roped over and over again into easing her pain with my words of love). Prayer does ease the pain, if only for a few hours. But I can always pray again when the pain starts to come back. And with every day, I feel stronger and I'm starting to look at all this is an excellent life lesson. And since I've been making it through all of this without drinking, I am realizing that I have a lot more emotional strength than I've ever shown in the past. Does that make the pain go away? No but it makes it easier to deal with knowing I'm gaining something from the experience. God bless all here, John M.
Member:
Location:
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 10:12 AM
Janet, your post was left on Dec.25. It's a new day. We do this thing one day at a time. Are you ready?
Member: janet
Location: Costa Rica
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 11:10 AM
Hi I'm Janet, a bona fide alcoholic residing in Costa Rica. Yes I am very ready. I am so ashamed of my behavior yesterday, did things I wouldn't do if I had not drank. I want this to be day 1. There is a meeting tonight in the next town, so I am going to beg for a ride, but embarassed to have to explain where and why. I would love to have awakened this morning without the guilt and shame and memories. I want what you have, and I;m ready to listen and follow directions. Thank you ((anon)) for asking me the question. Janet
Member: Mike H.
Location: Arizona
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 11:31 AM
Janet, There are many people with wonderful, long term sobriety in AA, that relapsed into drinking before the mental obsession was lifted from them. The Big Book even suggests to us that we go out and try some controlled drinking (pg 31),IF, we are not utterly convinced that we are alcoholic. It also says that we can NOT stay sober on our will-power; no matter how strong it happens to be. On our own, we have NO defense against the first drink (which is THE one that triggers the phenomenon of craving in alcoholics. "The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he(she) nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His(Her) defense must come from a Higher Power" (BB page 43) That Higher Power, my sponsor said, could be almost anything as long as it wasn't ME. He suggested that I use our home group as a HP. It worked... and now I have my own conception of a Power greater than myself. PLEASE don't give up(this goes for anyone trying to get sober) we love you and know that a wonderous Life awaits you.
Member: Gary
Location: England
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 11:57 AM
Hi Janet i have many horror stories when i awoke the next day but the longer you stay sober the more distant they become Keep at it Gary
Member: Gary
Location: England
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 11:57 AM
Hi Janet i have many horror stories when i awoke the next day but the longer you stay sober the more distant they become Keep at it Gary
Member:
Location:
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 11:58 AM
AB, please don't confuse 'judgement' with 'experience'. They are not the same thing.
Member: AB
Location:
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 12:00 PM
Stacy E. There is a book that has helped me very much. "Seven Weeks to Sobriety" formerly titled " Alcoholism,the Biochemical Connection" Health Recovery Center: (800) 554-9155. IF you type in "Seven Weeks to Sobriety" you will get to their web site and can read large parts of the book right there. There is a long formula for the first week's detox which honestly takes away all cravings. I have found the Amino Acid 'Glutamine' to be especially effective, however,its probably not a good idea to take it outside of the whole formula. Last night I went to a party and when I got there I asked for a glass of soda water. I went in the bathroom and added a packet I had with me of vitamins and extra glutamine. After that, I never even wanted to drink, not "just one", not "just a taste" of a very special wine someone had brought for the occasion. I simply had no desire. It was strange, watching everyone else get duller as they thought they were more interesting. However, I must reiterate, this is not a 'magic bullit'. It does take away cravings, but I am completely convinced it is not a cure for this disease, but merely alleviates some of the symptoms. It is esssential to work the 12 step program and thank God every day for your sobriety. I have also discovered that cafeene and nicotine set up your system for a fall, the cravings come back twofold. So in the past, when I would 'slip' and feel so guilty, it was often a combination of lonliness mixed with too much caffeen aned sugar that brought on powerful cravings there was no way I could control. This is such a terrible disease, fighting it takes everything we have at our disposal: Vitamins, Nutrition, 12 steps, exercise, connection with those with us on this path. Hope this has helped.
Member: barbu
Location: WI
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 01:22 PM
Self-pity...what comes to me first is not self-pity but I feel pity for my children and husband. What they had to go through. They are the ones that are entitled to self-pity. I feel guilt and remorse. But I have 4+ months in and I was sober for Christmas and what a wonderful Christmas we had.
Member: Mike H.
Location: Arizona
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 02:16 PM
barbu, Congratulations on a sober Christmas!! I understand the guilt and remorse that result from what we alcoholics put our families through; their patience "passes all understanding." Here's a paragraph that is part of Step Nine from the BB that helped me once I was ready to take step: (They are in order for a reason, I was told :-) <<< Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fill the bill at all. We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it, being very careful not to criticize them. Their defects may be glaring, but the chances are that our own actions are partly responsible. So we clean house with the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love. page 83:1>>> This comes right before the "promises" and it DOES get better - the remorse and guilt get lifted from us as we work the steps. Hang in there - When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. Stay in the Solution Love, Mike
Member: Cecilia D
Location: Chapel Hill
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 02:33 PM
Hi to all, Cecilia alcoholic here. I really messed up this Christmas. When ever I'm around family, they always seem to get me upset and I turn to my best friend(worst enemy)alcohol. I was so upset this time I hardly remember buying the bottle; next thing I knew, I was very drunk. Now, I'm full of remorse,shame, and self pity -- I'm having a real "pity party" today. I'm afraid to call my sponsor because she's been so helpful, and pleased with my progress. I just don't know what to do. I wish I hadn't falled apart, I feel so weak. Cecilia
Member: ian
Location: n/ireland
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 02:43 PM
Janet,if you find the prospect of making it through one day without a drink seems impossible,try making it to lunch time and at lunchtime try making it to tea time and at teatime try making it to bedtime,if you can make it to bed time you have done one day,don't worry about tomorrow it's another day,worry when it arrives,i am praying for you god bless
Member: Kelly M
Location: New Hampshire
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 03:41 PM
Hi All, I'm Kelly and a grateful alcoholic. I had my first sober Christmas in many years and it was awesome just to remember it. I tried to not tempt fate and avoided holiday parties this year and attended two alcothons instead. The people, meetings and food were unbelievable. I took off and attended midnight mass which left me feeling so calm inside. The cantors voice was so beautiful and hypnotic I felt total peace. I was there and I was aware, what a gift sobriety is. A good friend from AA went out and called me drunk before I could get to him. We got him parked behind the AA club and he passed out. He was 6 months sober but we could all see it coming. He stopped going to meetings and stopped working the program. Thats all it takes for a relapse. I think he will be back for a white chip though, he relapsed behind an AA meeting and tried reaching out. In the end he lost this battle but not the war. A belly full of booze and a head full of AA don't make for an enjoyable drunk. I enjoyed the shares and it makes me remember and gives me hope. For anyone struggling with relapse, don't give up! Go get a white chip, no shame... Call your sponsor and be honest and have a long talk. AA is all about honesty and it works if you work it. For everyone here that stayed sober this holiday, congratulations! Like someone on another board said, a Christmas without alcohol is like a reprieve from the ghost of Christmas past. We build sobriety link by link instead of drink by drink... :)Kelly
Member: J-Rae
Location: N.D.
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 04:21 PM
My experience has been to open the 12x 12 and read the Prayer of St. Francis. All requests there are to relieve self pity, for me. To all who are having trouble staying sober, just keep trying. There is a lady on the coffee pot who always says, "I cannot fail until I stop trying" Those words are so true. Those first days at not drinking and using are tough. Someone once told me, "You only have to go through this ONCE" Made sense to me. After I started working the steps, kept going to meetings, read my BB and the 12x12, working with my sponsor,doing service work, etc., I could do something for someone else, instead of just thinking about the woe is me stuff. You all take care and have a great 24. ~J-Rae
Member:
Location:
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 08:26 PM
Cecilia, start with what you just said about your family "making" you upset, so you drank. Not true. You got upset and then you drank. Getting drunk is something we know how to do all on our own. Staying sober is what we need others to help us with.
Member: Opal
Location: MI
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 09:44 PM
((Cecilia)) Scroll up and read what everyone wrote to Janet including myself. Tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning. You show strength and courage by coming back here and admitting what happened. Alcohol is just one part of our problem. We need AA to show us how to repair ourselves, look at the character defects that "help" make us drunk. Keep coming back and learn with us through AA how to practice acceptance of how others are and how to change the one person we can - ourselves. Love to all and congratulations on another day!
Member: janet
Location: Costa Rica
Date: December 26, 2002
Time: 11:50 PM
Hi Janet here, getting ready for bed, so when my head hits the pillow day one will be past. Thank you for all of your support, thoughts, suggestions and prayers. They were felt here in my heart. Love, Janet
Member: tina k
Location: westside
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 02:07 AM
I WOULD LIKE FEEDBACK FROM NEWCOMERS PLEASE.. i have problems with RAGE. i am sober and have been for a few months, but i am still at extremes. i find that i get intensely angry, then usually either break down or hurt myself. i am scared that this will soon lose me my job, then apartment etc. i also think quite violently. if any NEWCOMERS are feeling the same as me at the moment, please share here. i feel lonely and like i'm the only one. i feel that your EXPERIENCE will help me through this. i am not needing ADVICE thankyou. thanks for your kind attention, i know this is worth it.
Member: tina k
Location: westside
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 02:08 AM
I WOULD LIKE FEEDBACK FROM NEWCOMERS PLEASE.. i have problems with RAGE. i am sober and have been for a few months, but i am still at extremes. i find that i get intensely angry, then usually either break down or hurt myself. i am scared that this will soon lose me my job, then apartment etc. i also think quite violently. if any NEWCOMERS are feeling the same as me at the moment, please share here. i feel lonely and like i'm the only one. i feel that your EXPERIENCE will help me through this. i am not needing ADVICE thankyou. thanks for your kind attention, i know this is worth it.
Member: Clayton S.
Location: SJ Ca
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 02:13 AM
The hardest thing about self pity for me is that it often comes in the form of questions I can't answer, Why Me? Why can't I drink normally? Why Do I have to drink etc. The Big Book finally gave me the answer I was craving the one that explained it to me in a way that made me understand.......Dr. Silkworth God Bless your soul, when he wrote that "men and women drink essentially because the like the effect caused by alcohol" he described me, it wasn't that I was bad or evil or defective it was an allergy, the Doctor's Opinion gave me hope when I was new and if you are new try really reading it when you feel bad it may answer some of your unanswerable questions as well..........It has worked for me for 4 years and I work in a liquor store to boot.......My obsession is lifted and I am happy to be alive.
Member: Stacy E
Location: Kentucky
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 02:23 AM
AB- Thank you VERY much for the advice and suggestions. At this point I am willing to try almost anything. My emotions are absolutely running amok these days. Along with trying to stay sober, I have been diagnosed with early, and I do mean EARLY menopause. I always thought that would be cause for celebration, but with hormones running rampant, nerves standing on end and a temper easily kindled, sometimes I think I'm going to explode. My disease of alcoholism keeps telling me that if I had just one little drink I'd feel much, much better. I'm fighting it but sometimes I think I can't handle life without alcohol. When I was drinking I would deal with unpleasant emotions by mixing a cocktail or six until I felt calmer or forgot what had me in a tizzy to begin with. Now I'm having a difficult time knowing what to DO with anger, loneliness, self-pity, frustration, etc., etc. I guess its time for a good "shrink." Nothing to be ashamed of there either. At least I know I need help to get through this s---. Anyway, I didn't mean to throw my personal problems out at everyone. I just needed to share and its easier to do so with people who aren't looking at you. Thanks for listening and may we all find peace! Stacy.
Member: Stacy E
Location: Kentucky
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 02:43 AM
Tina, your post must have appeared while I was writing mine (above). BELIEVE me, you are NOT alone!
Member: Fast Eddy
Location: Phoenix Arizona
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 05:32 AM
I would have liked to have shared my personal expeience with Tina in regards to the rage..fury...I once had, Where is the line drawn between a new comer and one who has been around for a few days?????
Member: anonymous
Location: state of confusion
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 06:24 AM
Rage=unresolved anger=unresolved guilt as a result of being powerless over others. Someone isn't doing what I want and it infuriates me that I can't change it. I am the ruler of the world and I know what is right and wrong but I don't have power to change them. I want to hurt them because they have no idea I even exist and they don't care !! Neither do I or I wouldn't want to hurt them or me. I am self-centered so get the hell out of my way. I don't want a solution, just help me justify what I do and feel. Don't tell me to take the 12 steps because anger is who I am and if I lose that then no one will notice me.
Member: Nicola P
Location: Wigan England
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 09:42 AM
Hey ppl, Nicola here, struggling alcoholic. I was lookin foreward to a nice sober christmas this year, unfortunatly it diddnt happen. Now on my first day sober and lookin foreward to many more to come. I know what your going through (tina K) I struggle from rage my self, iv got 3 broken knuckels, numerouse cuts, and a bruised reputation to show for it, only advise i can can give is try to think of why your angry before you act on it, if the reason isnt worth the mental and physical pain do something constructive instead like going for a run. Im thinking of investing in a punchbag so i can work all my rage and pent up emotions out on it instead of myself....try it, it minght work
Member: UB
Location:
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 11:19 AM
Stacy, I feel I have some understanding of what your going thru. I was a teetotler until 45 when early menopaause hit, that + suddenly living alone for the first time in my life and a new job which caused a lot of friction in town, gave me the excuse to start drinking at night alone. Very quickly it was up to a jug bottle of wine every night. blotto.I can't believe it happened so fast. the next 5 years are a blur after around 4 PM. There was no way I could stop I am truly helpless with alcohol - it is a disease that some of us have, can't handle the stuff. Back to you, I really believe menopause was a significant part of it all, you can feel so tense and out-of-control. Like you're not yourself and gotta find some way out of this strange body you find yourself in! Alcohol eases that, guess its OK for those who don't have this disease, but for us, we HAVE to find another way to deal with it. Don't underestimate the potential of menopause to undermine your sobriety if you don't deal with it directly. Have you see your OBGYN ? They can help. I sometimes wonder if the "Book" had been written by a women, instead of 2 men, menopause would have been the 13th step ! By the way, I'm no expert, I now have 8 days Sobriety, the first in 5 years. I am thrilled, but I realize I am just beginning. I don't know how to keep sobriety during menopause, because I didn't do it ! I'm sure there are others out there who have good practical advise for you. Wouldn't it make a good weekly topic for the regular meeting on this site? I don't really know how things work around here yet, so, if an old-timer thinks so as well, it might be very helpful. Read that book Stacy, it really helped me at my stage. stay in touch
Member: Kelly M
Location: New Hampshire
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 11:39 AM
Anonymous, Bravo! You nailed it and my friend to a tee. I wrote it down to give to him when ever he decides to come back to earth. We are all hoping soon but know it will be when he is ready to put the bottle down. He is upset about a situation he feels powerless over and it makes him angry. The way you put it could be him saying it exactly! Step one is all about powerlessness, alcohol and otherwise. Thanks for the message, I'll try and pass it on.....Kelly
Member: jh
Location: British Columbia
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 11:51 AM
Working away at staying sober here. Every 3 days or so, down from every day. But.....was sober for 5 weeks 3 months ago. I want to make that the norm.....tired of the wretched poison that tempts your mind and soul to go dancing with the devil. Reading about the joys of long term sobreity posted by others is inspiring. It is my deep hope that I get there too. Having someone to reach out to when temptation strikes will be a very valuable tool I have never used before. Hoping it is the hand up I need to stay sober forever!
Member: Another anonymous person in 12-Step recovery
Location: Very grateful
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 11:59 AM
It would have been convenient for me to pin my emotions on early menopause but that was not true for me. I turned out to be the sum of all my experiences and the very immature way I dealt with me and my life. For me, the anger and the selfish raging were childish ways of dealing with life and I had to learn to act like an adult. Step Four helped me with this; a good long look at who I was and how I acted gave me the power to change. This change was aided by my cooperation but was not accomplished by me alone. The alcoholic is described as 'infantile, grandiose, and immature' or words to that effect in the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions and I had to own that that was true for me. I didn't have to like it, and I didn't, I just had to accept that it was true and be open to change, and help with changing. It's not the worst thing in the world to acknowledge that I am far from perfect, it's actually been a life-changing experience and heaven knows my life needed changing. The program of AA sets a great store on personal honesty, without it no recovery is possible.
Member: Ollie K
Location: England
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 04:01 PM
Hi, Ollie here, alcoholic. Don't know if I'm even in the right place. I'm less than one day sober but I'm trying so hard. I tried to start the 12 steps on my own and it didn't work. Can you help me?
Member: April J.
Location: Sacramento, Ca.
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 06:48 PM
Hi, my name is April J. I have always thought of AA but never really persued it, until now. I want my life back! I am so ready to be alive, I found this site and I hope this is the right track. I could really use some feed back to help me on this long road. Thank you, April J.
Member: Nicola P
Location: Wigan, England
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 07:24 PM
Hi, nic here, struggling alcoholic. I was 12 days sober till this morning, since then iv had 4 botles of wine an 7 cans of stella. I want my life back, i want to b sober. Trouble is its not convenient for me to go to meetins as they are either on when im at college or i cant get to them as i have no transport as of yet. I came to this website hoping for encouragements and contacts to help me through ....please help, im desperate!!
Member: bobby
Location: arizona
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 07:42 PM
Hi Nicola... you went longer than me. I was about a week and now i've dug into my parents kahlua stash.
Member: David H
Location: MD USA
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 08:23 PM
This message board is great but the one thread that runs through all the emails is this: The people that attend MEETINGS seem to stay SOBER and those that are trying to FIGURE IT OUT or ARE ATTEMPTING TO DO THE 12 STEPS ON THEIR OWN are getting drunk. Go to a meeting Find a power greater than yourself ( no not booze dummy!) Get a sponsor and utilize them! Stick with the winners! Read AA literature. Keep coming back. We have an answer to your alcoholism that will not fail, if you put as much effort into it as you do into drinking that drink. Thanks for helping me stay sober and grateful Peace David
Member: Opal
Location: MI
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 09:10 PM
David is right, please listen Ollie, Nic and Bobby. You put so much time, money and effort into drinking, why can't you put that much effort into sobriety? AA has been around for a long, long time because it works. I have never met anyone with good, contented, long term sobriety that wasn't in AA because I really believe this is our solution. I am sorry, but there is no easier, softer way to sobriety. Thank God and AA I am sober today. I wish that for all who suffer. God Bless.
Member: Rick R.
Location: Middle East
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 11:21 PM
Hi, everybody. Rick here, an alcoholic, writing from the Middle East. I am beginning my second day of sobriety. Funny--every week there is one letter that seems to touch many different people. AB, you remind me of myself. Wasn't a teetotaler, but cam from a Christian home where alcohol was not condoned. Was "happily" married until I turned 40. (Ladies, have you heard that one before?) I left to teach overseas. In one day, all my restraints and inhibitions were removed, and for the first time in my life, there were no one who disapproved of my drinking, no one who cared if I drank or not. I found myself in a truly foreign country, literally and figuratively, not knowing how I got here. I've got to make it to a meeting, but they're at a terrible time, and I have not made one yet. I am hovering around the target and will soon hit that target. Every reason not to drink, and I know a drink would only make things worse. Had a miserable night last night but know I would feel a lot worse "under the influence." My email: rickinuae@hotmail.com Starting all over again from ground zero.
Member: Corinne B.
Location: Near Sacramento, CA
Date: December 27, 2002
Time: 11:53 PM
((April)) <------- that's a cyber hug, by the way. I live about 50 miles east of downtown Sacramento, so I don't go to meetings down there. The Hotline # is 916/454-1100. If you are not comfortable calling them, please email me at corinne@d-web.com - I answered you via your request to our steering committee, but have not heard back from you, thinking maybe your email address is not receiving what I've sent. The best suggestions you will get will be to go to a meeting as soon as you can. Someone manning the phone # above will give you locations and times of meetings near your home area (Sacramento is a huge area, has about 1,200 meetings per week). This is not a self-help movement. But WE can do this together. Some have gotten sober by just doing this online, but this is such a new medium, we really don't know how successful it is to do it that way. Buy the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" as soon as you can get one at a meeting place (costs about $6.25). Look for someone at the meetings you see who has something you want that's better than what you've got - not necessarily someone you can just "relate" to. That will make more sense later on, when you stay sober 6-9 months or so. I hope this helps, and I hope you will answer my emails to you, as well. Again - I'm at corinne@d-web.com
Member: Stacy E
Location: Kentucky
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 01:13 AM
I'm afraid that some people here may have misunderstood what I was saying. I am in no way looking for excuses for my behavior. I take full responsibility for me and all that I have done. I am, however, looking to find the reasons for why I sometimes feel and act the way I do so that I may deal with it the most effectively while working the steps to recovery. Yes, anger and rage ARE immature and childish and I hate the fact that they are a part of who I am right now. So much so that I chose to speak about it with strangers on the internet rather than friends and family (they know full-well anyway). Maybe the anger and rage have, in fact been there all along, lying dormant beneath all that vodka and denial. Its just that I have only allowed myself to feel it since becoming sober. This is all new to me and I'm willing to do whatever it takes. I'm simply trying to sort things out, thats all. UB-Thank you for your kind words and thanks to everyone else for listening...again. Stacy.
Member: Kelly M
Location: New Hampshire
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 04:53 AM
Hi Stacy, The reason why you sometimes feel and act the way you do are because you are a recovering alcoholic. It is normal and it will get better with sobriety. Like you said it was probably there all along masked with alcohol. Try reading the Big Book from cover to cover and you will see yourself in the stories. Alcoholism is a disease of the mind, body and spirit. It will play with your head and emotions big time. It will kill you if you let it. It wants you DEAD. Alcohol is cunning, powerful and baffling as the BB says. It was for me and I am so grateful to be free of my mental obsession, for today that is. If I slack off on meetings and working the steps all bets are off for this drunk. I'll be banished right back to hell. For anyone new or looking for help go to the Discussion Page on this site and read this weeks topic. It is "Where would I be today without AA". It says it all. Just how bad it can get and how good it can be in recovery. You have to want to go to any lengths to get sober. Meeting makers make it. No excuses on why you can't get to a meeting. You could get to the liquor store in a blizzard barefooted couldn't you? No time? You dropped everything to make time to get a bottle before the store closed. How much time do you spend now thinking about, planning and actually drinking? Plenty I bet. No more excuses... Get off your tush and get to a meeting. If I seem abrasive I'm sorry but I would hate to see anyone end up as sick as I was with this disease. It nearly killed me so I tend to act like a MADD mother at times. I really want to help someone to not go through all that I did if I can. That is what AA is all about, one drunk helping another. Just for today don't drink.
Member: Randy E
Location: Ghana, West Africa
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 04:55 AM
HI I'm Randy and Alcholic & Addict, man I needed to say that to someone, thanks for being here. I have a little over 9 months sobriety that I gathered in Houston, Texas with the assistance of great facility and friends there. I was living in Brazil when I relapsed last year, my employer relocated me back to Houston, thru treatment and with 9 months relocated me to Ghana, West Africa. No meetings, no other Alcoholics to talk to, & on & on. Ol poor pitiful me. I have found myself dipping back in to some of my old ways here, but have not had to drink over it. I have found out Alcohol is just one of my many symtoms, lots of years I have faught this thing. I am on step 9 and through Prayer and Meditation and sights like this I can stay sober. I love each and everyone of you out there. I have to isolate here a lot to stay away from the x-pat rejeme of the craziness we seem to think we need, especially when we come in to places like this. If anyone would like an AA friend to talk to, I am in need, e-mail----mgrwhittington@compuserve.com
Member: Ron L
Location: Winnipeg. Man. Can.
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 06:22 AM
After much research and many waster hours I finally found out why Im an alcoholic with a whole raft of other obsessions....resentment,fear,hatred,jealousy, etc.etc. IT IS BECAUSE MY MOMMY PUT ME ON THE POTTY SIDEWAYS. That info.and $1:25 will get me a cup of coffee in any coffee shop that I want to go to Happy New Year
Member: Bob B
Location: Vanderbilt, Mi
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 07:43 AM
Bob, alcoholic. For anyone trully wanting to get and stay sober....get a copy of the Big Book (Acoholic Anonymous). Read it. Do what it says. If you are "precise" and follow the directions without changing them, you will get sober and stay sober if you never ever go to a meeting or talk face to face with another alcoholic. One man did it for 12 years and it is recorded in the archives of AA. Meetings are where you go to hear the above. Then it is suggested that you take the steps. This is a meeting. You can do it. Sponsors are for helping others take the steps but most never do. Most sponsors only talk about the steps but don't take them. Do it for you and do it NOW. God bless you in your efforts. With a sincere desire, cry out to the God of your understanding and he will help you.
Member: Opal
Location: MI
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 08:46 AM
Bob B. First of all I think it is wrong that you recommend here to newcomers that it is ok to never attend a meeting. Bill W. the co-founder of AA had weekly meetings and recommends them strongly in any AA literature I have read. Second, I have been around this program for over 6 years and never heard of someone who made it to 12 years by avoiding meetings. Please direct me to these 'recorded archives' Anyone in AA will tell you that time after time, when people return from a relapse they say they stopped attending meetings and that is what lead to the relapse! Meetings are hard to get to, I know for a fact from experience in avoiding meetings for many drunken years. Humility is part of the surrender needed, surrender and acceptance, of our disease and the program of AA to help us recover day by day. Meetings are recommended by the sober people in AA because they work and we have a sincere desire to help those seeking what we have, a daily reprieve from alcoholism. I sincerely hope all of you here achieve the same reprieve I have been blessed with. Do what other successful people in AA tell you, keep trying and it will come. God Bless you all and keep coming back!
Member: Ryan
Location:
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 09:25 AM
Hi Ryan alcoholic, self pity for me is something that can keep a person drinking for ever. I found that you must learn to deal with whatever comes up sober and strong and it turns out to be not as overwhelming as you thought in the first place. OllieK hang in there you are in the right place. Everyone else thank you for being here, and have a great sober day.
Member: UB
Location:
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 12:15 PM
Thank you all for sharing, I read ALL of this site,and a few others, every day. Today is day 9 Sobriety. I feel so great. This morning, counting my blessings, the people on this site were at the top of the list. I feel close to each and every one of you - we are all struggling. and I'm very grateful not to be alone . You all continually remind me how much work I have ahead of me, not to get overconfident, but to work one-day-at-a-time even if I seem successful now. I think I've got the first step pretty solid, on to #2. Blessings to you all
Member: April J.
Location: Sacramento, Ca.
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 12:55 PM
Hi everyone! April here. Thanks to this site I have made a solid connact some what near me. If it wern't for the internet, well I just don't know if I would have taken this very big and scarry step. I have already bought a few books (also on line :0)) The "Big Book" being one of them. I am really looking forward to this new adventure called sobrity. I do realize it won't be easy, but if I can tell compleat strangers I have a drinking problem, well, that to me was not easy! Anyway, thank you all for being there. April J.
Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 01:43 PM
I'm Gage, an alcoholic. Wishing you all much love and peace in the coming year. When I came to AA, I was completely obsessed with drinking. Good times, bad times, and in-between times, I drank. The most significant event in my life til that date was the birth of my son. Even then, I hid a pint of whiskey in my camera bag when we packed for the hospital the night before his birth -- I didn't want to get stuck there without booze. Drinking was the most natural thing in the world for me to do, so none of your stories here surprise me. I'm like Ron L in Winnepeg. If I were to know precisely what made me an alcoholic, it wouldn't change a thing. Armed with that information, I'd be no further from a drink than I was the day I came here. The question is not why am I an alcoholic, but what am I going to do about it. Since I haven't any better idea, I'm taking the steps outlined in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, and doing my best to apply the principles therein to my life. It seems to be working, as I haven't had a drink in a while. What's better than that is I haven't felt that I NEEDED a drink in quite a while either. That's the kicker. White-knuckle sobriety sucks, and it just won't last, and I have the experience to prove it. BUT white-knuckle sobriety is better than no sobriety, so wherever you are now, hang on! Start the steps -- don't "work" them, "take" them, and you may get out of the shit you're in. After that, if you want to do a study on why people become alcoholics, I'd be interested in reading it. First things first. If the house is on fire, get out! After you are safe, then if you can figure out what caused the fire. One more thing: I also have the experience of having gone back out to drink after having spent some time in AA, so I'm qualified to tell you that once it's over, it's over. Whenever you've reached the point in your drinking that you need to come here, it's over. Whatever drinking did FOR you before it started doing things TO you, you can't have it back. It's over. That's what they mean when they say that our only option is to surrender. That's step one. A good place to start. Peace. gage022501@aol.com
Member: Hopeful
Location: Soberland
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 04:07 PM
This is especially for ab, but anyone who might be interested. There is a site on the Internet that holds real time chat AA meetings, as well as an open AA chat room that is open 24hrs a day:alcoholism.about.com/mpchat.htm....I myself feel like the availability of meetings on the web has probably got alot more of us clean and sober, and for that I am grateful. Happy Holidays.
Member: Kat
Location: CA
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 04:18 PM
FYI, Opal-I have never attended a meeting and I have been sober 14 years...yes, I am an alcoholic, having almost died once. And believe this or not, I still eventually wanted to drink after having been in hospital for almost a year! True Blue Alkie. I say whatever works. :) Kat
Member:
Location:
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 04:25 PM
P.S. This is the whole web address for live AA meetings: http://alcoholism.about.com/mpchat.htm
Member: tom h
Location: michigan
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 05:41 PM
here is my post from the disscussion page, being new i did not realize there were different forums. i feel my comments are more approprtiate here. hi, tom h.-alcoholic. first time online user. very happy to have found this resource. never occured to me to search online for a meeting, but now i am here and would like to share. i was introduced to aa by the michigan court system at a very young age. i always resented being forced to go to meetings, thus never went then or the other two times in my life the court ordered me to go. 15 years later here i am! i think i am what would be called a binge alcoholic. i have been drinking 20+ years, and for about the last 7 years everytime i drink (about once a week) i get hammered and blackout. for years i have been trying to quit! i hate alcohol and everything associated with it, everytime i drink, i regret it, yet i still trick myself into thinking i can stop after a few, deep down i know i cant and have known for years. i dont know why i continue in this relentless cycle. i have been sober now for a month and a half, and thankfully have no intentions of drinking. i am not sure what made me check for an online meeting today, but i am glad i did. this is my first time back to aa in roughly 10 years and i already feel a little better. thank you for your time, hope to be back soon!
Member: AB
Location:
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 06:21 PM
hopeful in soberland Thanks for the chat site. I'll check it out right away. I appreciate your taking the time to pass it along.
Member: jan
Location: virginia
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 08:12 PM
Hi all, my name is Jan and i'm an alcoholic. I had been sober for about 4 years before I decided to drink again, and that was 2 years ago, including the fact that I drank yesterday. But not today, so that's a small miracle. When i was sober before, I learned a technique to combat self-pity, which was to argue back at the little voice that says "Why do these horrible things always happen to Meeeee??" Start with "do they ALWAYS happen, or just sometimes?" then "don't they happen to everybody else too?" After a while, the little self pity voice stopped talking, and fortunately for me, even during the past 2 years that I have been drinking it has mostly been silent. Sometimes it still amazes me when something happens that would have formerly triggered my self pity, and I check with myself emotionally and the self pity just isn't there. The other night a frozen pizza sort of exploded in the oven and instead of thinking "@#@$$, why me?" I thought, "well, next time I won't bake it directly on the rack." Miracles do happen.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 08:26 PM
Bill here, Alcoholic from Arizona. I have a daughter that got sober over 20 years ago in the Rock Church,Virginia Beach, VA. No AA meetings, No Big Book. She is now a missionary in Fiji. AA is not the only place one can get and stay sober. It is the way I chose to get and stay sober. The bottom line? No matter what highway you take, you gotta want to get sober first or it will not work. Bill email: az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Vee
Location: Midwest
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 08:26 PM
In treatment they made me make a "gratitude list" every day. Now, some months later I still do that, and esp. if I feel self-pity. Makes me feel less put-upon when things don't go MY way. Sometimes it seems there is nothing to be grateful for but a hot shower and flush toilet, but I am grateful for those simple things if I only give myself a minute to realize it. Also when I go to bed at night I am thankful for one more sober day and what little I was able to do with it; never what I expected, but always OK if I'm sober when my head hits the pillow. Thanks to all for some great shares! Happy New Year
Member: SOBER - not just DRY
Location: OHIO
Date: December 28, 2002
Time: 08:52 PM
((Kat)) thank you for your comments to Opal. ((Opal)) shame on you! You say you are sober for 6 years but I disagree w/you. You may be DRY but by no means do your "sharings" here demonstrate SOBRIETY. You are judgmental, consdensending, and outright mean-spirited. You are a poor example of what AA is all about. I have 25 years dry and 20 years sober and have never attended a f2f. Again, shame on you - you need to get on the phone right now, call your sponsor, fess up to the fake you have been all these years and beg he/she direct you somewhere that you can get SOBER. My prayers are w/you.
Member: Ed Z.
Location: Ohio
Date: December 29, 2002
Time: 02:51 AM
Hi Ed Z. sober alkie. I don't pick up a drink today and take a sip I am sober. Because I never had the first drink. A sobriety date is the last day drinking plus one day. In my humble opinion a dry period is when depression and low self esteem are in control of my mental health. Especially, and sometimes inclusive to be alcohol deprived reactions. I choose not to debate. A dry drunk is AA program related to the extent of the saying, "To Thine Own Self Be True". Please remember many of us are thin skinned working on becoming thick skinned. (Criticism rolls off of us when it hurts and we get stronger) In many ways I don't know much. I want to stay sober one day at a time. Most of the time when I feel shame a smarter attitude is pat myself on the back and smile. SOBER IS Son of A Biscuit or Beach Everything is Real. "To Thine Own Self Be True." Love My Extended Family.
Member: Kathy K.
Location: Northeast
Date: December 29, 2002
Time: 05:17 AM
Stacey - I would suggest you (and anyone else here feeling loads of anger} start keeping a daily journal. Do this with pen and paper - not on your computer. Write and write and write each day. In time you will feel less anger. There is theraputic value in transferring the thoughts from your mind to paper. This suggestion was given to me by my sponsor when I first came into AA. I'm sorta what you might call an oldtimer!