Member: Dave S
Location: Texas
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 02:23 AM

Comments

I haven't been able to go more than 2 days w/out a drink of some sort for the past year. I poured out a new bottle of vodka tonight, told my wife I was quitting. I don't think I am up to going to a "real" AA meeting yet so I am here now... telling complete strangers about my weaknesses and somehow hoping to find a friend(s) to support me. I am worried that I can't do this alone.


Member: Tami R.
Location: NH
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 08:48 AM

Comments

You cant do it alone. I tried to stop drinking on and off for 20 years. Each time with a new plan. Each plan plummeted and eventually I was drunk. Eventually I woke up in a fog, feeling like shit. You need to go to AA, it really helps ease the pain and withdrawals. Do it for your wife first and you will follow. God Bless.


Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 10:54 AM

Comments

Here are the things that were told to me when I first came to AA and that I subsequently found to be true. AA is not a self-help program. If we could help ourselves we would have no need for AA. AA is not a religious program, but is spiritual in nature. There are two aspects of AA: the Fellowship and the Program. The Fellowship is a very powerful thing and is sufficient to keep some of us sober. Most of us however are of the hopeless variety of alcoholic and to acquire and retain sobriety require the profound change, which comes from taking the Steps of AA. Being of the hopeless and real variety of alcoholic it was suggested in very certain terms that I take each and every Step in the order they are presented following the directions contained in the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous.” Furthermore, I should find someone who had taken the Steps and seemed to be living a life “happy, joyous and free” and ask that person for help. I found someone, asked and he became my “sponsor.” Together we read the Big Book and followed the directions for taking the Steps as best we could. The more experienced members of AA also suggested that I attend AA Meetings on a regular basis as often as I drank. Not only should I attend Meetings frequently, but also I should acquire and fulfill commitments at these Meetings. Wash the coffee cups (some Meetings still had glass cups at that time), make coffee, mind the literature, greet people, be a secretary or treasurer, GSR or Intergroup Rep. anything would do. Talk to people newer than I. Not only give my phone number to new comers but get their numbers and call them. Having done what was suggested I continue to do what was suggested, to the best of my ability, and my life has become wonderful. I now live “happy, joyous and free.” With diligence and willingness you can do the same. I wish whoever reads this luck in gaining and maintaining sobriety.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 11:37 AM

Comments

HI. Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. You are better off than I was Dave. I could hardly go two hours without a drink. I slept with a bottle on the floor next to my bed. What will it take to get you up to a "real" AA meeting?. We don't bite. We don't fire you for being late or leaving early. Alcoholism is not contagious, if you don't have it you cannot catch it from us. You can even sit waaayyy in the back of the room near the door for a quick escape if you wish. If you don't wish to talk and are called on, all you have to say is "I Pass". You do not have to admit you are an alcoholic. (At an open or closed meetings). Anonymity provides protection for all members from identification as alcoholics. And the best reason of all...We need you much more than you need us. Without newcomers AA would die and thus would I. Finally, all the meetings in the world, all the Steps in the world, and all the Gods in the world will not get you sober unless you want to be sober. If you get sober for any other reason than that, then once that reason ceases to exist then you reason to stay sober no longer exists. You must do this for yourself. Thank you for being a part of my sobriety today. Bill email: az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Richard S.
Location: NH
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 11:47 AM

Comments

I too am trying this alone. I've been without for 5 and 1/2 straight days and I even went through a weddding reception without a drink. I am hesitant to get to a face to face meeting or a sponsor because I don't want to bother someone else with MY problem. I know this is silly of me but I' the kind of person who doesn't like to call on anyone because I think that I will be disrupting their life.


Member: marie
Location: ca.
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 11:48 AM

Comments

Dave S: I read your post and think to myself, he really needs to go to a meeting, and yet I have been posting here for a few weeks and haven't gotten my butt to one yet!!! I, like you, post to complete strangers and I find great comfort in it - it is giving me more courage to hopefully go to one. The meeting place is only about 5 miles from my house yet I'm scared to death - I guess it's the committment I'm scared of. Les from San Diego had great advice - i haven't been able to do it alone -I have tried and even went 3 weeks with no wine and felt so good then decided I could just drink on the weekends and here I am doing it nightly again and going to soccer games, field trips with kids, grocery shopping blah blah with a hangover. I hate it and what it does to me. Keep reading at this site - people here are very non-judgemental, sympathetic, empathetic etc. Best to you.


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 12:32 PM

Comments

This is a great topic for those here who have been hesitant to go to regular meetings. Many of us want to do things alone or our own way, which never worked for me. Meanwhile memorizing the serenity prayer is a great way to begin a serious program of recovery. Whenever I am discontent, the serenity prayer helps me become “right sized”. “God, Grant Me the Serenity to Accept the Things I cannot change”. I can’t change you or anyone else. “The Courage to change the Things I can.”, I am the only thing I can change or my willingness to change. “and the Wisdom to Know the Difference”, may I stay right with God and Let God manage the rest of the world. The serenity prayer is one of the many tools AA has provided to help me remain sober, through apparent chaos.


Member: Dave S
Location: Texas
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 12:46 PM

Comments

** Marie, Richard S,AZBill, Les, Tami R: ** Thanks to everyone for the replies. It is amazing how many people in this world are impacted by alchohol. Some of you sound like you are on the same level as myself and others are more accomplished at being sober. It is somewhat comforting just knowing that you guys are out there and are so willing to respond when you see that someone else is reaching out. I AM going to pursue the meetings. I have some "recovering" friends that I will speak to very soon that can point me to a meeting place. Hang in there guys! I am going to give my best try. I will be hanging out here occasionally and hope to hear from you again.


Member: Ger N
Location: Ireland
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 01:14 PM

Comments

Its a sunday and I am here shaking, sick with a hang over, and depressed and feeling parnoid as I got mad drunk friday and saturday night. the usual weekend binge, insulted people etc. never drink before 9pm and usually save the big ones for the weekend. and I keep telling myself thats it never again, but as the week ticks on it whole pattern starts over. i think i spent most weekends the past year feeling like this. and I have been getting drunker that ever before and the hang overs worse. but people just influence you to do it easy week, "common its fun...there nothing else to do". yet it seems like nothing compared to people who drink 24/7?


Member: Sue T
Location: Georgia
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 01:40 PM

Comments

I too woke this morning with a hangover and the usual self recriminations. I really want to stop, it's killing me and starting to affect my work and life. I used to think that I wasn't hurting anyone but myself, but I know that's not true. So here I am (again)ready to do whatever it takes to stop. I know that if do the depression will also go away. I would appreciate any and all help


Member: Mark A
Location: Canada
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 01:43 PM

Comments

Ger in Ireland, I got pissed up Friday nite after swearing off booze the week before. I have doing this for 25 years. you would think I would learn. I dont think we can do it on our own. Booze is too powerful. I think we need to start looking for something else like regular meetings a new hobby anything but drinking.


Member: MikeF
Location: CA
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 01:52 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Mike from California. Looks like I'm gonna have to stop too. The wine habit has gotten out of control. I attended a few meetings, but walked out feeling like "I'm nowhere near that bad." I had a real 'lite' day yesterday, and I've promised myself to be sober at least for today. Any suggestions how to handle the cravings? They're not bad yet but they're there. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks! MikeF


Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 01:56 PM

Comments

Hey to all, Justing reading the post here and I got to tell ya, I as well am so new to this. I'm only 2 days sober and oh yeh what a struggle, my first meeting was Friday night,(I actually went!!!!) Walked in sat in back of the room and did'nt want to talk to no one, but was there just to listen. So many people just came up to me and introduced themselves to me and made me feel a lot better. When they asked if there were any newcomers I did'nt even raise my hand. Still too scared too, but believe me they could tell I was new. I even got a sponser that night with some phone numbers, and I gave them mine. I as well have a hard time trying to call anyone about my problems. But they called me. They gave me phamplets and circled the meetings for me. I went to 3 meetings Saturday, Two on my own and one with my sponser and night. She is trying to introduce me to new people and get numbers for me, she even got me the Big Book. We talk and I'm getting things off my chest, and I just met her 2 days ago!!! It took me a month to go to my first meeting sober and see what everyone was talking about these f2f meetings. I am still going thru the withdrawl symptoms of shaking to death, insomia, still don't have an appetite. But by me going to these meetings I'm not drinking yet. Its quite embarassing to go to a meeting shaking like a leaf. but I have more serious promblem than just that. I'm sure within a week or two it will stop. If I keep going to meetings, I am not drinking even though I think about it. The cravings are still hard, but I have to get myself well. and the only place is at a AA meeting for me, As much as I would like to control the situation, Its actually out of my hands!Its Scary at first but keep going, thats what they tell me. Its a lot of work, But I have faith it will turn out for the better in the end. OK, Just wanted to share! Get to meetings, If I can do it I know you can as well!!! Take care and God bless!! Keep coming back!!!


Member: Mark A
Location: Canada
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 02:02 PM

Comments

anyone in San Diego, I may be moving there soon to the National City area Any good meetings there?


Member: marie
Location: ca.
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 02:42 PM

Comments

To Mike F - any chance you're in No. Ca? FC -Way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!


Member: Tami R.
Location: NH
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 03:23 PM

Comments

The meetings are a place to realize that once the alcohol is gone, life is better. Us alcoholics are /were trapped by a lifestyle that we thought we needed to live. We forgot what sobriety was like and many of us DID like it better, but forgot it. I do get cravings from time to time but I think to myself. 1% of me wants this 99%of me wants to be sober. Sober means thinking clearly, not being strucken with doubt, fear and plague every day. BUT when we DO feel those feelings we deal with it effectively and WITHOUT booze. I for one and thanking GOD for the 12 days of sobriety I have and I KNOW I will continue as the urge to drink lessens every meeting I attend. That is WHY the meetings ARE SO IMPORTANT!!!!!!!


Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 05:25 PM

Comments

Hey you all, (((Tami R)) Congrats on 12 days.!! Keep up the good work. (((Marie, Ca))) Just go to a meeting, Its a wake up call for myself. You have to get over the fear like I did and just go! I'm sure its a better place then where your at!!! (((Mark A.))) Thousounds of meetings out here. check out a site called "www.soberplace.com" it will direct you to all meetings in the U.S If you are afraid to go by yourself we can hook up somewhere and go together!!I am barely two days sober, but need to go to meetings as much as possible. Great people out here in San Diego!!! Just let me know of your interest!!! Take care all and get to a meeting, it really ain'nt that bad, as long as your butt is in a meeting you will not be drinking. Thanks for listening!!!!


Member: AnnieM
Location: NY
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 05:53 PM

Comments

Hello ((everyone)), welcome to all newcomers! ((FC)) Way to go on getting yourself to meetings! ((Mike F)) There's a book called "Living Sober" (I got mine at a meeting; don't know if they're for sale in the general population) that has tips for dealing with cravings. One that comes to mind is to eat something sweet. It's usually hard and nauseating to have a beer after a hot fudge sundae. Also, "move a muscle, change a thought." Jog in place; clean the fridge (as long as there's no beer in it!); go for a bike ride; whatever. It's day 140 for me. Rarely crave a drink, but the emotional roller coaster and lack of coping skills can be rough. I do use the Serentiy Prayer when I feel I need strength to cope with a situation. I need to constantly remind myself that I can not control everything. I also need to remember that there are some things I can control, and I need to s**t or get off the pot! Whining doesn't change anything.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Howard, KS
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 07:29 PM

Comments

Hello to all, There are so many good posts going this week already. I don't have a f2f meeting within 50 miles that I know about but I'm going to check more. I think I've checked all the sources online...there's nothing listed...nothing in the phone book..etc. For now, the Serenity Prayer helps me tremendously. If you break it down sentence by sentence as someone did above and really think about what is being said..it tackles all situations! I'm thankful for this site...it's helped me to stay sober for four days now..and through a weekend no less!


Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 10:19 PM

Comments

Welcome to all, great topic for a beginners meeting, the Serenity Prayer. God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change ... (I have a gift of serenity now in accepting that I am acoholic and that will never change), Courage to change the things I can ...(I am a recovering alcoholic who does not drink today ... a change from a practicing alcoholic) and the Wisdom to know the difference (the Wisdom how to live another day sober; I keep getting from the Experience, Strength and Hope shared, from the Steps and Traditiosn and from a "Healing Power"). I first used this Serenity Prayer when I had a urge to drink, now I use the Serenity Prayer when my EGO(Edging God Out) gets a bit confused, a bit drunk usually reacting to people, places or things. Thanks, one and all for sharing, giving the Wisdom of your Experience, giving the Strength of your Experience, giving the Hope of your Experience. The giving of you (Newcomers) is indeed a beautiful "Healing Power"!!! Keep coming back.


Member:
Location:
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 10:52 PM

Comments

Hi, I haven't drank for about 2 1/2 weeks now. I've been through this terrible 'anxiety' state from going without but that seems to have subsided now. Thank God! I even went out with my sister yesterday putting up posters for her lost dog and we went to the pub for lunch and I had a soda. My feeling now is 'I don't have a problem really', but I know deep down I do and that I need to 'save my own life' and keep off alchohol. I'm a big party girl and love going to parties and having people round for drinks but deep down I know their all achoholics in their own way. My big fear is that I'll become this hell boring and bored person. Isn't that silly? No champagne celebrations etc. Any advice?


Member: John P.
Location: Tampa Bay
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 11:21 PM

Comments

To: Dave S. and Richard S. Please believe me when I say that no one here is a stranger to your situation, we have all been there. I can only speak for myself, (but I have a strong hunch that everyone on this board has suffered the same weaknesses at some point in time.) I managed to stay sober for 28 days using what I thought was my own will power and the on line meetings. (which BTW, are a great tool) I was terrified of the thought of going to a meeting. I thought I could manage without them. After work on day 28, I had a fridge full of beer and a half gallon of bourbon. I was ready to go! As I sat there staring at that unopened can of beer in my hand, I felt REAL fear... I didn't want to go back to the living hell that I was in, I had to do something. I took myself to the closest, earliest meeting I could find. The people there were great! When I left that meeting, the desire to drink was gone. It is so much easier to get through the early days of sobriety, with folks who have been through it themselves. You may not understand this, but everyone who is serious about recovery, welcomes the chance to have there lives disrupted by an alcoholic in need... Helping others is how they stay sober themselves. Since I have been going to meetings, the thought of drinking has occored to me... But there isn't a problem saying NO! It's a great feeling. and they tell me it gets better. If you really want to quit drinking, do yourself a favor and go to a meeting... you won't regret it! God Bless! John P. (47 days sober)


Member: Stacy E
Location: Kentucky
Date: October 06, 2002
Time: 11:22 PM

Comments

Hi Everybody! Dave S. and anyone else who is scared and trying to go it alone-everyone at any AA meeting felt the same way at one time. They couldn't do it alone either, thats why they're at a meeting. You don't even have to admit to being an alcoholic until you're good and ready. No one will judge you because they're all there to fight the same demons. I too, had to be persuaded by people on this site to go to a meeting and now I only regret not going sooner. Mark D., thank you for your words of comfort (again). It all turned out to be a huge miscommunication and everything is fine. I feel like an idiot but as long as all is well, thats all that matters. We alcoholics need to say the serenity prayer and meditate on it as often as possible. It reminds me to be patient with myself about the changes that I am trying to make in my life as a sober person. Alcohol gives instant gratification but its only temporary and detrimental to any situation in the long run. Sobriety is a new lease on life, so Take It Easy One Day At A Time! Love to all, Stacy.


Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 01:26 AM

Comments

My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. Dave S – You do not have to quit drinking alone. If you find that you are the type of alcoholic that many of us are, you will soon be telling yourself why it is okay for you to drink again after having said you quit. If that happens to you as it happened to me and many others, maybe you cannot do it alone. If so, please consider attending a meeting of AA to find out what happens there. Richard S – Part of my staying sober for today is to give away to others what has been freely given to me. You would do some recovering drunks a real favor by attending a meeting and asking for help. It is not a disruption to life, it is a joy and a privilege. Ger N – You don’t have to drink 24/7 to be an alcoholic or to join AA. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. I still had my family, house, 2 cars in the garage, and job when I wound up in AA. I haven’t lost those things YET. What I had lost was my soul and my ability to stop drinking. I didn’t drink 24/7, but I couldn’t go a day without deciding to drink sometime during that day. FC – Way to go! Keep doing what you are doing one day at a time! I realize that I missed some of you new here, but welcome to all! Joe joep041699@mindspring.com


Member: Jack H.
Location: Orlando
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 09:58 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, My name is Jack, and I'll always be an alcoholic. I'm not an AA newcomer, (4/13/80), but I know enough to know that I NEED YOU to help me continue to live sober. I've seen posts from several people who say "I can't stay sober". That's exactly what AA is all about. An alcoholic, like me, by definition can not control his/her drinking. If you read the steps in "How It Works", (chapter 5 in the book "Alcoholics Anonymous"), you will not find the word I. The steps begin with the word WE. At my first meeting, I was terrified. I sat way back in the corner and tried, (unsuccessfully), to keep from shaking the coffee out of the cup I had been given. When the chairperson asked if there were any newcomers, a Power greater than myself raised my hand because I did not have the necessary strength or courage to do it myself. THOSE PEOPLE SAVED MY LIFE!! For the past 22+ years WE have done what I CAN NOT do for myself. God has granted me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. I will always be an alcoholic, but that's OK because now I know how to deal with it. God has given me the courage to change the things I can. I go to meetings, even when I don't want to. I no longer live in fear and misery. God gives me the wisdom to know the difference through the words I hear at the meetings. ((FC)) -- WAY TO GO!!! I've been praying for you and others struggling to get to that first meeting. Love and sobriety to all Jack (jackh@netpass.com)


Member: Laurie
Location: Wonderous, but chilly today Canada
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 10:05 AM

Comments

The Serenity Prayer is a very powerful one and one that can help in many different aspects of our lives. Often we blame an event for why we went back drinking after a dry spell of minutes to years. Mine was often my children's behaviour. I have a daughter who would make Mother Theresa boil some times. Now I ask myself if it is something that I can change i.e. how I dicipline her or if I am allowing myself to get roped in by her bad mood to give me an excuse to pick up. There are things about her that I cannot change and I am slowly accepting this. As all parents none of us like to admit that our children aren't perfect. Things that I can change I will and things that I can't change and she needs to change on her own through natural and logical concequences will take care of themselves. So when a problem arises not only with the children but with life as a whole I think things out of whether or not this is a "fixable" situation or one that needs to run it course. No matter what the solution is I am realizing that booze is only going to make matters worse. Might make everything look a little more rose colored for a bit, but I know that won't last. As far as the comment earlier in this thread about people not being able to quit on their own, I know a few people who have quit without any outside intervention my father being one of them (10 years sober so far) and I know many who have gone through AA, rehab, on their own and court ordered who are at it again. So it is what is in your heart and how determined you are to kick the demons in the pants and drive them away that is going to make or break your recovery. Doesn't mean that AA can't help, because it can, but it can't make your decision "...to accept the things that I cannot change and the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference." Wisdom comes with time and patience. So be kind to yourselves this week and remember: "Have patience with all things but first of all with yourself." Saint Francis


Member: DaveP
Location: Pa
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 10:58 AM

Comments

Hey DaveS and RichardS, I'm in essentially the same boat that you are in.I've been battling this illness for more than 10 years yet i get nervious even thinking about attending an f2f....I continue to be mired in a self hating state of internal flagellation, even to the point of waking up in the morning so hungover and so angry with myself that i'll slap my face several times to "punish" myself, in the hope that the sting will still be there at nite so i'll remember not to take that first drink....it rarely works.When i finally had enough,(how many times have i said that?)i just got up of my butt and went two weeks ago to my first meeting in five years and my second ever. Let me tell you it was all right. People were very welcoming and supportive, but not at all intrusive or pushy. I felt very comfortable. Initially my goal was to just keep my mouth shut and listen, but when two other newcomers spoke up i did as well. Just "my names dave and i'm an alcoholic"."...I didn't even need to do that i just wanted to...it felt ok. now two weeks later have had two or three more hangovers and at least one dreaded blackout. but i'm not giving up. i'm going to try to learn from you folks and share as much as i can to become a part of this fellowship, and to be deserving of your support.if i can help others do the same that'd be great. i feel i definitely have the desire to stop drinking...i just can't seem to get there....thanks for listening.. and ChrisH, thanks for the referral.


Member: MikeF
Location: CA
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 11:25 AM

Comments

Well, I did it. Made it one day (yesterday) without so much as a glass of wine. (Visited this board everytime I had a craving, which helped) That's my first day without booze in over 10 years. Trying for the same today. A few thoughts..1st- What a great nights sleep without alcohol in your system, not to metion the fact that I didn't wake up in the middle of the night worrying about what I did last night and whether my wife will be pissed at me in the morning. 2nd- I was worried about having shakes, which I didn't thankfully. 3rd- The cravings actually got much better as evening came, as I figured I'd made it this far I might as well go the distance for tonight. 4- Apppitite was non-existant. I had to force myself to eat dinner, which I found strange. Overall, I have to say it was an enjoyable day, even though I felt something was missing. I can see where sobriety can be fun...I don't know what today will bring, but I'm NOT giving up. Wish me luck. PS: FC..You asked... I'm in Southern California.


Member: Kimber P
Location: Tennessee
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 02:09 PM

Comments

I finally admitted I was powerless and called our local hotline. Some wonderful folks are going to help me get to a meeting tonight. I want my life back! I'm tired of telling myself, "I'm not addicted, I can quit any time I want." I now know I need help. I'm a young professional, with two beautiful children and a loving husband. I have too much to lose, and everything to gain.


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 02:44 PM

Comments

Bill P. here - Alcoholic. Mike F and Kimber P - You both sound great! To this alcoholic, that first act of giving up the struggle with booze was the moment I began to heal and have hope for recovery. This program works because of all of the "WE", God, and the degree to which each one of us is Honest, Open, and Willing (HOW). Thanks for sharing and keep coming back. I'm glad you're both here. We're right where we need to be. Peace to both of you.


Member: Kimber P
Location: Tennessee
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 03:27 PM

Comments

Thanks Bill P! I'll let you know how my first meeting goes tonight. And, as a former Michiganian (MSU, '87) it's good to have "home folk" for support! Take care, Kimber


Member: MikeF
Location: CA
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 03:42 PM

Comments

Thanks for the support, Bill P. I'm not having the greatest day today but I'm working on it. Not giving up, like I said... Sobriety was actually fun yesterday. I should go to a meeting today however.


Member: Mel
Location: Atlanta
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 03:47 PM

Comments

To the person in GA... are you anywhere near Atlanta? I go to a wonderful club house called "Triangle Club"...I would be happy to meet up with you for some coffee and then go to a meeting.... Email me if you are interested mahvelousmel@excite.com I got sober here almost 4 years ago and love so many wonderful people at this site. Love and Light, Mel


Member: Gail
Location: Washington
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 04:01 PM

Comments

I'm so grateful to have found this site. Every night for a couple of weeks I would sit down with a "glass" of wine (18 oz.)---ok, it was 2 or 3 or 4 of those glasses---to read everything on this page and on the "Coffeepot" page. I'd read until I was too drunk to follow the words on the screen, then I'd go to bed. One thing kept coming up (for me, anyway): go to f2f meetings. It took me 2 days to figure out what f2f was. Then, I was sick with fear. But every day I'd keep checking this site, and gradually I grew to really want to quit drinking. Last week I went to a face-to-face meeting. A kind woman introduced herself and sat beside me and gave me her phone number. I heard extraordinary things in the meeting I'd never heard before. There was a terrific energy in the group, and I actually laughed at a joke. Then I started crying. There was alot of laughter in the room. But me, I mostly sat there crying. It must have been obvious to everyone in the room that I was new. I didn't care. I just wanted help. After the meeting alot of people came up to me and offered their phone numbers. Someone said to get a sponsor, so I picked out someone who looks like she can handle an habitual liar and manipulator like me. I "interviewed" her, and decided she knows what she's getting into by dealing with me. So now I have a sponsor, a home group, and a list of phone numbers. I'm going to meetings every day, sometimes two a day. I haven't had time to come to this site since last Tuesday; I'm too busy going to meetings, calling my sponsor, and reading the book she's assigned me. I'm so sick of eating sugar I could puke. My emotions are all over the place. But after a week I feel so much better physically. I'm working out, and LOVE getting up in the morning without a hangover. I still cry every day. In the 20 years I've been drinking, I rarely cried. Now I'm making up for it, I guess. I'm NOT going through withdrawal again. It SUCKS. But I look forward to today. My sponsor warns me that it's going to get rocky. She says I've found a safe port in the storm right now, and she is helping me find ways to deal with the things that are going to come up. I don't know if I'll get back to this site any time soon. My days are packed with work, rest, good food, and AA. I've been told to connect with people who are "winners" in AA. My sponsor said not to worry about bothering people when I call, nor to worry what to talk about. Just use the phone. And when I babble on, I'm helping the other person, even as that person helps me. For now, that doesn't make sense, but I trust her and will go along with it. Last night I called two people I don't even know. And it turned out really well. I now have two more people I know are there for me. For once in my life I'm going to follow instructions exactly as they're given to me. I really don't want to mess this up. Gail


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 04:35 PM

Comments

((Gail)) You made my day. I actually sat here with tears in my eyes - amazed and in wonder ONCE AGAIN at the power of this program. I have heard, time and time again, that if we do not have a "home group" or a sponsor, we are short changing ourselves. Your post above hits it home once again. I needed to read it too, because with 3+ years of sobriety I have found myself slipping away, really not interested in the fellowship part of AA. Your post just brought it home to me, once again, why getting to F2F meetings and being a "part of" AA is so important. GREAT GOING and Thank you.


Member: Debbie
Location: SD
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 09:22 PM

Comments

Debbie, alcoholic . .The first part of the Serenity Prayer " . . grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change . ." to me this means, yes I'm an alcoholic. No amount of "controlling" my drinking or convincing myself that I don't have a problem will change this fact. "The courage to change the things I can . ." I can change my life and my lifestyle by staying sober. 43 days sober now. There seems to be a lot of talk about being afraid to attend a meeting. I am super, super shy, so if can go anyone can go. You seriously don't have to talk, you can come late or leave when you want to. Also, everyone there is there too!! Besides what would people say about you? "oh my gosh so-and-so is trying to make a better life for himself." One of my problems was feeling embarrassed that I have a weakness, but EVERYONE has some sort of issue, ours is apparent and can be helped by attending meeting and asking for help. Other peoples issues aren't as easy to detect. This makes me feel better. Yes I have many other emotional problems, but maintaining this huge problem immensely helps to heal my other issues and allows me to have a functional day. Thanks for "listening."


Member: Michelle M.
Location: Los Angeles
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 10:01 PM

Comments

I have been clean for 67 days now and i cant stop dreaming about dope and wanting it...when will the miracle happen and take these cravings away...I want it so bad...


Member: Karen P.
Location: Atlanta, GA
Date: October 07, 2002
Time: 10:52 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Karen, Alcoholic. Can't get to a f2f meeting and, as my sponsor said, 7 - 9 months is a hard time. I actually went to the wine section and priced a bottle of my favorite last week. Didn't buy it, so that's a plus. But you'd think I'd be over being tempted by now. It has been seven months. How do y'all cope with the urges. I invite input, and I miss my wine!


Member: Tami R.
Location: NH
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 06:33 AM

Comments

Karen, I am a wino too. Loved it, lived for it. I went to the liquor store to look for non alcoholic wine yesterday, of course they didnt have any. I walked out real fast. Its funny but the taste and idea of wine is just so glamourous to me. YET, I had the most humiliating, disgusting and horrific times when I was using it in excess. And I always ended up using it in excess. Think of the crap you went through due to it. Then it doesnt seem so glamourous. Tami R.


Member: Tom M.
Location: S. Fla,
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 06:37 AM

Comments

Michelle M. It's not the craving for the drug, it's the craving for the way it made you feel. Now, think real hard and remember EXACTLY the way it made you feel. Not the first hit, snort, boot or whatever the means of delivery was for your drug of choice but the last or the ones in the middle or wherever it was that it quit making you feel good and started making you feel sick, depressed, embarassed, scared, broke, stupid, worthless and, well you fill in the rest. If when you have your cravings, and I'm afraid if your like most of the rest of us you will from time to time, you can look past the real meaning of the craving and see what end that might bring, I'm sure you will come back to the present and be grateful. Remember God's will for you may be as simple as he or she wants you to be clean and sober hmmmmmm. Think of that when the cravings hit. Remember that you are strong and your faith is stronger. KCB.


Member: Beth H.
Location: Turtle Island
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 09:54 AM

Comments

(((FC))) You rock! And everyone else who made it to their first meeting! I still haven't been to a second meeting, because I've been drinking and ashamed. Today is day one again for me, and I don't know how I'm going to cope with the craving that I know will hit me about 4 this afternoon. I'm thinking of something I learned in a workshop for agoraphobia years ago - RIDE THE WAVE - IT WILL PASS. Just relax, let the panic/craving wash over me, then it'll be gone. Don't fight, it's like quicksand. Just float on the surface. (((Marie, Cassandra))) I'm agoraphobic also, and part of my drinking pattern is using alcohol to combat panic and anxiety. The only way I could make it through a half-hour drive was to think of the big fat drink I was gonna have when we got where we were going. But it eventually just makes it worse (there are physiological reasons for this as well as emotional). When I worry about calling (pestering) friends to help me through a craving for alcohol, I remember someone from my panic group. She was hesitant to use our phone numbers, in case we weren't home and she freaked out even more. Another woman in the group said "We're agoraphobic! Of course we're home!" LOL! Anyway, I'm going to get through the cravings with that Serenity Prayer (stuck on my fridge), a phone call or two, and some marshmallows I've been hiding from my 4 year old. Glad to have another chance at sobriety today. Laurie - where in Canada are you, if you don't mind my asking? It's a slim shot, but we might be near each other.


Member: eugenia k
Location: new jersy
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 12:38 PM

Comments

Just found this site-or more honestly was referred by VGF in GAhub. I can so relate to postshere.Have been an alcoholic for many years.Only the last few months.have started my wine drinking earlier each day.Triwd ftf meetings, butone women only really turnedme off.Had not fully stopped,but had way cut down.Was told I should not be there if I was "still drinking"I have found suchj compassion and understading inGA online meetings.W Am hoping to find same here.Aware I am in denial-blame others forcausing my anxiety that makes me want todrink.I am a 70+ age senior. The first 3 steps havee been done.Readily admit to the compulsion and have always believed in a HP--but untilnow have not been ready to turn my life complely overto God.4th step will be very hard,but this is a beginning.Thanks for listening, Love Genie in NJ


Member: Val
Location: CA
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 01:28 PM

Comments

I heard a great thing on a tape today. It was by Clancy I. AA isn't here to make you good(er). AA is here to help you feeeeel better. I really related to that and wanted to share it. I also heard a great thing in a meeting on Saturday... for those that think AA is a religeous program vs a spiritual one. Religion is for those who are afraid of hell. Spirituality of for those who have been there. I just love that. Thanks for letting me share


Member: Kimber P
Location: Tennessee
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 02:15 PM

Comments

For those of you wondering about a first f2f meeting... I went to my first last night. I wasn't overly scared - well, a bit nervious; just wondering about who/what I would see and do. I immediately felt accepted and loved. It's hard to explain it more accurately than that. No one was judging me, they were sincerely happy I was there. I didn't know anyone, but that wouldn't have mattered anyway. There was such a sense of community and understanding and peace. It was wonderful to be in such a place, with people who knew what I was dealing with. I can't wait to go to my next meeting (tomorrow night.) So....if you're still wondering, just DO IT!! As one of the folks said last night: "No matter how you feel when you walk in the door, you will, without a doubt, feel better when you leave." Hugs and love, Kimber P Sober 1.5 days


Member: Scott
Location:
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 02:21 PM

Comments

Hello all just got through reading every post on here ... all very inspiring. Well here I go again trying to stop, I keep telling myself I can do it on my own even though so far it hasn't lasted for more than 30 days. I guess I think that I can stop on my own because I have several friends who have stopped completely without AA. Anyway, if I can't stop completely, I have decided that I will go to a meeting. But I'm going to give myself a chance at it on my own first (like a week or two). Also I find that those friends who don't drink (without AA) help inspire me. Well thanks for listening ... I'm inspired by you guys and admire and have great respect for anyone who gives up drinking. God bless all of you...


Member: Michelle M.
Location: Cal.
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 04:32 PM

Comments

Val I love ur comment...that is so true...i am one of those that have been to hell and back...i mean literally hell...i seen devils and demons and it scared me to death...that is why im off dope today...So today I am very Spiritual and I pray everyday and night now...I had a taste of hell and my wild oats turned to schredded wheat...


Member: may s
Location: ky
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 04:39 PM

Comments

just read all the posts...still scared...still think i can do it by myself. small town eyerybody nkows everybody all that kind of stuff


Member: Kimber P
Location: Tennessee
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 04:52 PM

Comments

May....I felt the same way. I live in a tiny southern town. Everyone knows everyone's biz. But I was shocked...I didn't know anyone at our local meeting! But if I had, it wouldn't have mattered. That's why it anonymous. And besides....who cares? You're doing what you need to do (if you feel you're ready to get help) to take care of you. If you really don't want to go to your hometown meeting, you may be more comfortable in a town a bit away. I'm driving to the next town over tomorrow to check out their meetings, and decide where I feel most comfortable. Best to you, Kimber P PS. This web site may help....lots of posts for newcomers: http://www.e-aa.org/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi


Member: Krista P
Location: Toronto
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 05:27 PM

Comments

I've been trying to do this all on my own, since treatment, (21 days, female treatment centre) July 2001. Relasped Aug 22, 2001 and again March 2002. This last time (hopefully) being admitted to the hospital for alcohol posioning. God!! this denial thing is a hard one to get over or accept. I still keep thinking I can, via my own will power, lick this thing. I am powerless. And feeling like a failure! I grew up in an alcoholic home, dad didn't stop drinking (the weekend alcoholic) till a month before he passed away. Mom is 26+ years sober, though only attended meetings for about 2 years. She believes I should have her strength! I wish, though, I'm still struggling. I continue to attend after care, though not many meetings. I have had two work related injuries, sure, I'll use the excuse that the prescription pain medication stopped working, therefore the alcohol became my pain management tool. This is real! Though I absolutely am having a devastating time deal with the pain issue. I've isolated! I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm exhausted physically and emotionally and don't know how to get of of this rut! Relate this to the ostrich who puts his head in the sand. I don't think I'm going to get out of this feeling easily. Just the girl from CDA. I look at these posts and some little hope still exists. I once believed the glass to be half full, now it seems to be empty. Overwhelmed! Any little bit of advice, appreciated. Krista


Member: Richard S
Location: NH
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 05:30 PM

Comments

I just completed my 1st week without a drink and still without the support of a face to face. I DO want to go eventually(I read a lot of positive inputs here about them) but in the meantime and until I gather the courage, I just want to share one thing that helps me stay dry. The last time I stopped drinking for a couple of months I thought I had it licked so I experimented with one beer and ended up downing a six pack(16oz)since then,I've been drinking every day until a week ago. But what surprized me was that the first beer didn't really taste as good as I had imagined it would be so now when I get the urge, I remember how disappointed I was when I started up again the last time. Also, If


Member: Miranda C
Location: Vermont, USA
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 05:42 PM

Comments

I have several alcoholic friends who have quit drinking on their own and have stayed stopped, the longest for 12 years, the shortest for almost six. Maybe I could have stopped on my own I don't know. I do know that I didn't try hard enough to actually do so until I got involved in AA. Would it prove I was a stronger person if I had quit on my own? What difference does it make? AA meetings help me to stay stopped. So I go to meetings and do my best to "work" the steps because I want to stay sober and lead a happier, more serene life. I am not my friends and they are not me. AA helps me and what my friends do or don't do has no bearing on it for me.


Member: Richad S
Location: NH
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 07:38 PM

Comments

Krista! Just know that your not struggling alone. Your pain is ours too.


Member: Jackie, J
Location:
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 07:39 PM

Comments

I've seen A.A. do it's work, and I know in my heart of hearts, it works. Why can't it help me, today!!! Why am I so adverse to its power, and why do I continue to let it do it's damage? Do I need to hit another bottom. and can I climb out of the pit, once again? Lost in lala land!!! OK, Arizona J.C.


Member: Richad S
Location: NH
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 07:50 PM

Comments

Krista! Just know that your not struggling alone. Your pain is ours too. Blessings.


Member: Krista P
Location: Toronto
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 08:22 PM

Comments

Richard Thank you!! Everyone tells me I'm not alone! And why do I feel so utterly alone! I will never suggest you don't feel the pain! I've always been the one to feel yours, but never mine!! Thank you Richard, (my oldest brother's name, by 15 years). I need to go back and realize its not just about me!! It's about all of us!! And what we can do for each other, btw, my first post, it's not that easy for me to talk about my feeling's or issue's. I need help in opening up! Bless you to!! Just talking to me is a heart felt thing in my life. I don't want to give up just yet! I'm also signing off! Thank you for such kind words, they are too far and too few! Krista


Member: Sue T
Location: GA
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 10:29 PM

Comments

Well, I posted here Sunday sick and tired of being sick and tired. So far, so good. Made a couple of changes, like the way I go home from work (not past the beer store anymore) and I quit thinking about giving it up "forever". For the last three days when the feeling hits me on my way home from work to "just stop and buy one, who's it going to hurt? I tell myself "tomorrow" tomorrow if I still feel this way I will. And then tomorrow came and I did the same thing and it works for me. Have not been to a f2f yet but have been going to real time on line meetings and they really help. All I can do is one day at a time if I try to project into the future I get scared because what ever will I do without my old friend? So just for today, I will not drink I cannot promise any of you that I won't tomorrow but not today Thank God I haven't had to drink today


Member: Patricia H.
Location: Michigan
Date: October 08, 2002
Time: 10:46 PM

Comments

Hello all - thank you ((Marie)) for getting my butt back here to this sight. I had hit, I think Day 20, and slipped! I was so disappointed in myself, and because I also suffer from clinical depression - it threw me spinning down. I went a few days after slipping, and then slipped a couple more nights. It's difficult, and more so because not everyone in my life knows that I am trying to quit drinking. I had been at my Sister's house, helping her move in, when my Brother-in-law came in with a bottle of rum. My poison being rum and cokes for the most part - I didn't refuse. I drank 4 rum and cokes that night - went home and went to bed. I beat myself up for a couple of days and then found myself starting the self destructive behavior all over again. I am now sober again for 2 days - I hate starting over!! I want to say 22 days with a "small" lapse - but that just isn't right. It's very late (for me), so I didn't get a chance to read all the posts - but I hope your all doing well. I just needed to force myself to get back in here - and thanks to ((Marie)) for getting me going! God Bless you all!


Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 12:42 AM

Comments

Hey you all, Just wanted to thank everyone for the vote of confindence going my way of going to my meetings. Can we say two steps forward three steps back. Only latested two day without another drink, but then I was sober today. I have already missed three days of meetings due to me working alot lately! Spoke to my sponser tonight to get my butt to a meeting for sure again tomorrow! Its not as easy in the beginning as I thought it would be. But I'm still trying and am not giving hope up just yet!! So any one trying then falling into a drink, don't get discoureged! Just try again, again and again. Eventually I think we will get the bigger picture. I am finding its gonna be a lot of work on my part, but willing to learn to stay sober. I know it won't happen overnight just like my drinking. I have been posting for about a month and all of you's got me to my first meeting and keep telling me not to quit!!! So I'm trying my hardest even though I might have some slips, I will keep getting back up to bat. Thanks you all for listening!!! Peace out.


Member: marty m
Location: ca
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 02:19 AM

Comments

Hi I'm marty and I've been sober for 167 days. I have a hard time going to AA meetings especially since I am having financial problems now. I really enjoyed going to meetings when I first started my outpatient recovery program but now its beginning to wear thin. I feel like I should be dedicating my time to finding a job and going back to the real world as well as focusing on my sobriety. Because of some events that have happened to me the past two weeks I am feeling abandoned by my sober friends and support, but I am still committed to staying on the right track and not going down that dark road I used to follow. the serenity prayer I guess will help me through this troubled time I'm having. Maybe someone is feeling the way I am now and has some suggestions on how to get through it.


Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 03:11 AM

Comments

Hey there all, (((Marty M.))) I see you posted in CA. Lots of meetings going around here. When you go to your meetings if your are, ask them for A booklet for meetings, Its free and they will be happy to give it to you. If your not going to meetings check out the site "www.soberplace.com" it list all the meetings in the U.S. Don't feel abandoned, we are all here to listen and help. Keep checking back. Good luck!!!


Member: Ger N
Location: Ireland
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 08:17 AM

Comments

Still on wednesday still feel funny after my weekend binge. Have drunk since saturday night, but then again I normall stay off it during the week. Its the fri sat nite gets me, withparniod anxious hangovers for days, longer & longer. Spoke to a friend you was a very bad alcoholic and is clean a year. he told me I got the warning signs and is dropping me off a copy of the big book, he is inviting me to a meeting this week. Says it up to me if I want to go, and if I dont thats ok too. I will go! Still have a hard time accepting that fri sat nite binging is an alcoholic too. Step 1 will be hard to accept. But I want to stop, its effecting my career (did no work monday just sat at desk feeling so low). It will be a long hard road, and its like ending a relationship with the love of my life this past 10 years. I will get pleasure though from the feelings of power from being sober. Considering getting NLP too to help me stay off.


Member: Chris H
Location: KS
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 08:22 AM

Comments

The sharing that is going on here is helping me more than you all know. I'm only two days sober...not even two days till the end of this day but it makes me feel better! I keep going 3-4 days then thinking I can drink "just a couple" or I've been letting life's "stuff" give me the excuse I'm looking for to drink. Focusing on the serenity prayer is helping me to see that the things that happen that I can't change I just have to accept. That includes the fact that I'm an alcoholic. Accept it...get over it...do something about it. Thanks for the encouragement.


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 10:28 AM

Comments

Kimber P. and Mike F. - How are you two doing? Just checking in with you. I love how this program becomes deeply personal because we all want to build on sobriety. We become concerned with how each other are doing. Today I had one of those realizations, I didn't get in trouble ever time I drank, but every time I got into trouble I had been drinking. So true for me. Today I am grteful for this fellowship. It has given me hope that I did not have during my drinking career. Hope you are enjoying today, it's the only one that counts. Peace.


Member: Marie
Location: Ca
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 11:32 AM

Comments

Patricia H it's so good to hear from you!!!! I'm glad you've stopped beating yourself up and are feeling OK again. People posting here give me so much hope FC - You may have taken a few steps back, but the fact you are still trying is a testimony to your will - keep on quitting!!! I have tried off and on, my resolve keeps crumbling - my husband's very good friend from out of town is visiting us with his adorable 4 year old daughter - his wife of 7 years just passed away 3 months ago - she was 39. He is staying until Sun - I don't feel I have the strength to stop while they are here, but I am making Sun my first day of sobriety. I know everyone would probably say not to wait,to make today my first day, I just don't want to sabbatoge myself, like starting a diet on Thanksgiving day. Thanks for everyone's honest posts - even if I don't write, I read them daily - it's been such a help during this struggle.


Member: Bill R.
Location: Naples Italy
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 12:06 PM

Comments

Bill R. from Naples, Italy. Meetings are important for me. Attending live meetings provides much needed fellowship. I'm alonely person at times. It also gives me the chance to be of service to my fellows. Manypeople I meet have no clue of computers. Most importantly for me though is that attending meetings with real live alcoholics in a strong fellowshipkeeps me HONEST. I can type anything I want and not think twice. I don't have to people in the face here and tell them my stuff. In a live meetingI have to look my fellows in the face and tell them how I'm doing. There are more than words in our shares. There are feelings. There are things in our shares that couldn't possibly be stated with words. It takes another alcoholic to understand it. It helps to be there. Meetings are the center of my everyday life. AA is the center of my existence. Soberiety ROCKS!


Member: MikeF
Location: CA
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 04:10 PM

Comments

Hi all-First I want to thank Bill P for asking how I'm doing. Not 'TOO' bad...but, I've had a few in the last couple of days. I've had a rough week with family and business pressures and I KNOW there's always an excuse to drink, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it as that would just make me feel worse about myself and increase the desire for more. I am going to a f2f meeting tonight at 6pm and I'm looking forward to it. Finally admitted to my wife last night where I was going to be tonight and she said how proud she was of me. The look on her face was inspiring. Wow...what a great lady, far too much to lose to the bottle. Great little house in a fun part of L.A., nice little business, family, pets, etc. I'm gonna beat this! Thanks to all of you for your support. This site is great to drop into during the day for reassurance that we're not alone in this struggle. Also, I want to mention that I've read a number of posts here from people who are scared or too nervous to go to a f2f meeting.... Believe me, there's no one more high-strung or agouraphobic (spl?) than I am, but it's really a very comfortable place to be. Just drop in, sit in the back near the exit if that's more comfortable for you and remember that you can leave at any time. They don't lock the doors and nobody will put you down for walking out if you need too. God bless us all...


Member: Mike W.
Location: Hillsdale Mi. USA
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 07:18 PM

Comments

Mike here , Cross Addicted , And a fairly disfunctional individual, when I choose to not "Give myself to this simple program" There's no such thing as "seniority in A.A. There's just a starting line and a finishing line and "mile markers" along the way. For me I'm at my 1397th 24hr mile marker and when I started this last marathon after my last 1 year relapse I was scared, scarred, frightened, frustrated, Beaten, Battered, and bound by bright shiney handcuffs !!! I was releaved to be locked up because I new that I had allready been suffering as a prisoner of my own hand for years and it just kept getting worse until I Addmitted to myself and oters for that matter the exact Nature of my Wrongs And for me .. I had always pretty much done what i Wanted , when I wanted , as much as I wanted, I called all the shots you see, I was not going to do anything I didn't FEEL LIKE doing , I DID"NT WANT to..!!! When I Started becomimg willing to do things that were suggested to me to do, Miricles started happening !!! The spiritual life... Freedom from Alcohol by the PRACTICING of the twelve steps or Principles of A.A. IS NOT A THEORY.. You Have to LIVE it !!! I can think about getting out of this chair I'm sitting in all day but until I TAKE ACTION and DO IT.. I'm in the same spot I was an Hour ago!!! Do it afraid if you must but DO IT !!!! Get involved in this fellowship and program.. By getting involved you will Get Blessed and BE A BLESSING .. If nobody's told you yet today that they love you.. I'm telling you that I love you !!! Thanks for helping me to stay sober today . Mike W. http//Plumbfitter2000@yahoo.com


Member: Beth H.
Location: The Big Arrow
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 08:49 PM

Comments

Just about to put day 2 to bed, along with my tired self. I drank a lot of sweet orange pop today, took a lot of deep breaths, and it took everything in me to NOT go to the beer store. And here I am, still sober. Phew! A little shaky about tomorrow, but I really need to put together more than 7 days. I realized something today - maybe why I've only been able to go without alcohol 2 or 3 days in a row. If I had 10 years of sobriety, one drink would blow all that out of the water. If I only have 1 day, well, I can always start over. It's only 1 day, right? So, if I grit my teeth and keep going, eventually I'll have a bunch of hours, days, weeks sober that I won't find so easy to just throw away. Is this at odds with O.D.A.A.T.? Am I desperately deluding myself? I don't want to drink tomorrow. And I'm very afraid that I might. I feel scared and confused, not triumphant after 36 hours sober, like I thought I would be. Maybe I'm scared because I really have been well and truly beaten by King A. Afraid he'll pop up around the corner again. Geez, I'm babbling now. Anyway, LOVE LOVE LOVE to all of you, you really helped me stay sober today. And I'll be here tomorrow.


Member: Opal H.
Location: Michigan
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 10:39 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Opal and I am an alcoholic. I just celebrate 6 years on 9/30 and I am here to try and give away what I so gratefully received. Hi to Beth H. You are doing great!! Have you been back to a Face to Face meeting? Do you own a big book? All these things helped me get through the rough first weeks sober. These were not my first weeks in AA though. I went for 3 months while still drinking, used to drive to the store after a meeting! But they told me to keep coming back until I got it. I finally got so sick and tired of being sick and tired that I hit bottom, called someone I met at a meeting and somehow through the grace of God I found the surrender needed to recieve God's gift of sobriety. Let me know if you need a sponsor. God Bless.


Member: Melanie
Location: Northwest
Date: October 09, 2002
Time: 10:48 PM

Comments

Yes, hon, you are desperately deluding yourself, but don't worry, we're all nuts when we're trying to control our drinking, trying and failing, I should say. Peace comes when we stop trying to control the addiction. Pick up the phone, find a meeting and some women who can answer your questions and support you and then you will feel better, because you will start BEING better. All the luck and love in the world, Beth, and truly, it really is about taking action.


Member: Gage
Location: South
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 12:16 AM

Comments

I'm Gage and I am an alcoholic. PATRICIA H, maybe you shouldn't think of it as starting over. Just think about getting through this day without a drink. If you wake up again tomorrow, then just think of getting through tomorrow without a drink. Remember, our days really are given to all of us in the same way: one at a time. Also, remember this isn't a contest. Whoever makes it through THIS day without a drink has won today, if you ask me. Just stay honest with yourself and be grateful when you can.


Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 02:17 AM

Comments

Hey you all, Just wanted to read everyone's post tonight, thanks for sharing! I read the post daily and you help me stay sober for the moment. Quite hard for me this week, as I'm trying to stay sober. Came from a meeting tonight and got my first 24 hr staying sober chip. I't might not seem like much but it meant a lot to me. It has the serenity prayer on the back which is helpfull for me to read and keep going on. I think I'll just carrying it in my pocket for awhile and if I get a urge, I can focuse on the prayer to get me by for the time being. I'm only two days sober and battling everyday. If I did not go to a meeting tonight I fursure would have lost my mind. Being in a pleasant enviroment where everyone cares, even though we don't, helps me get thru another night!(((Mike W.))) thanks for your post! That's what I'm trying to do, Take ACTION!!!(((Beth H.))) Believe me, I'm going thru the same thing right now, Thats why Meetings are so important. If I can just stop thinking of controlling the alchohal! I know I can't by myself, even though I think I can. And people at the meeting help stop the urges for the time being. Then guess what its the next day! I survived a day without drinking!(((Marie, CA))) Just try to stop drinking while your guest are there, It might be easier to stop a little if you have company! When we are alone its harder to stop, at least for me anyways. Get yourself to a meeting, Life is changing in a more postive way for me, cause I was indroduced to people who want to help and care. PPLLEEAASSEEE, get to a meeting!!!! Anyways I rambled on enough, Have a nice night and don't drink!!!


Member: Pete H.
Location: new york
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 05:51 AM

Comments

Hey folks, my name is Pete and I'm an alcoholic(and addict). I have just over 1 year sober now (aug 11th).I wanted to say that AA has always been there for me, no matter what.If youre just starting out, give it a chance. Things arent a bed of roses now, but I'm not living under a bridge anymore.I'm welcome at my familys home. My friends in AA don't dissappear when the booze is gone, and usually we talk about things that are a bit more serious (sometimes) than all the bulls**t that you get with using partners. Theres a million reasons why things are better. Probably the number one thing is I'm not actively destroying my life anymore.I enjoy my five year old son, I even stand a chance at starting my own business with some state help, a good chance.(And getting off disability).I would not have survived if not for AA.The minute I think I'm capable of "partying" like its my god given right again, and able to handle it, is when I have to remeber all thats happened, and with some humility, pray that I don't have to go down that road to hell again. And noone has to do it alone, people werent meant to live completely alone.It gets very painful there, and we miss too much.So god bless all and take care of your sober selves, I'll come back again and visit ya'll.


Member: chrissi s
Location: uk - milton keynes
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 06:21 AM

Comments

Hi to all It took me 12 years of yo-yoing in and out of AA to realise that AA is the easier softer way. I was really horrified by the thought of AA meetings and embarrassed at the thought of going back after all my failures. I was welcomed with open arms. Now go almost everyday, got a sponsor and am really knuckling down with the programme. I have to work for what I want. I could not go more than 24 hours without a drink before I will be 3 months sober on Saturday. My advise is get to meetings - its the best thing I did. All the identification I get with others helped me to let go of the shame of being an alcoholic. Love in the fellowship. Chrissi S chrissismall@yahoo.com


Member: Tami R.
Location: NH
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 06:33 AM

Comments

2 weeks today! I have a new outlook. Things are changing and its a miracle.


Member: Richard S
Location: NH
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 08:26 AM

Comments

Hi Tami: 9 days for me. We celebrated my wife's birthday yesterday with friends and family. Beer and wine were part of the party but I was able to abstain. Now I have lots of beer left in the fridge and wonder what to do with it. I hesitate to get rid of it because I want to be able to offer some to my friends when they stop by. After all, just because I can't control my drinking doesn't mean I should force others to abstain as well. Blessings to all of us who are on this journey to a better life.


Member: Kýrsty A
Location: turkey
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 08:38 AM

Comments

Dave. Ýt is very difficult to go to the first few meetings. Ý thought that there must be an easier softer way to stop drinking. After a couple of meetings Ý realised that going to meetings was the easier softer way. Take care.


Member: Ger N
Location: Ireland
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 08:49 AM

Comments

A friend loan me his Big Book last night. 5 days ithour a beer now! Great! Went to the shop last night and this voice in my head went ordered "Get Beers"...tempted...but I didn't...I won again. Normally thursday nite is the wram up for the weekend binge. So 1st thursday dry. Little bad voice me my head listen up because I am going to rip your heart out and beat you! Going to 1st meeting in next few days.


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 09:08 AM

Comments

Bill P., Alcoholic. Mike F. - Thanks for the reply. You sound a lot like me. I relate extremely well to newcomers because I'm one too. I'll be five months sober tomorrow. I especially relate to your comment about having too much to lose to the bottle. I have a wonderful wife of 18 years and three children. Early on, once I surrendered to the fact that I was alcoholic, someone told me that unless I sobered up for myself, and myself alone, I would be at risk to drink again. I really am in this fellowship for the sole purpose of my recovery. Now I know that as long as I work this program for myself alone, everything will work out. I have to continually "let go" of my urge to control people, places, and things. Enjoy this day, it's the only one that counts! Peace.


Member: Patricia H.
Location: Michigan
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 10:28 AM

Comments

One day at a time - One day at a time. Thank you GAGE! And thank you MARIE for keeping in contact with me! And thank you ALL for sharing and have a great sober day! GOD BLESS!


Member: ShawnC
Location: S.Jersey
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 11:22 AM

Comments

To the person who doesn't feel up to going to "real" meetings yet and sharing with strangers, then don't share, just go. when I first started going, I was scared, felt totally alone. I went to meetings, just listened.Soon I realized by just listening to stories that I was hearing all about myself. I started to feel NOT alone and I knew that this was the only way I was going to be able to stay sober. I can't do it alone. The rooms are filled with kindred spirits who have gone thru what I have and some have gone thru much worse. But they are here and willing to help. I just got a sponsor and I am starting to work the steps. This scares the pants off of me but, it;s a good scared because it is what I have wantes for a long time. I am now scared to drink, I was scared to be sober. I owe it all to going to meetings and to a very special person, my Brother. He has been sober for 15 yrs and has been a source of inspiration. I am now buikding good friendships with healthy people and I am staying sober. Thanks for listening. The serenity prayer ends with, keep coming back, it works. It's true. Peace, Shawn


Member: MikeF
Location: CA
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 01:20 PM

Comments

MikeF here - alcoholic. Went to a local meeting last night, 1st in a few weeks (3rd overall) I was really amazed by the diversity of the people there. Some obviously affluent, some not so lucky. Young and old, gay and straight, black, white, asian and hispanic but everyone seemed to have the same common thread. Although I'm ashamed to say that I had two glasses of wine before I went to the meeting to calm my nerves, I had a business meeting immediately after the meeting, ironically at my favorite bar...Drank a milk shake and ran into an old friend there I hadn't seen in 20 years. I was proud that I was able to decline his offer of a drink "No thanks, I have to drive" and had a second milk shake. (BTW...that's helped me a lot with cravings as booze tastes terrible after a thick shake) Anyway, bottom line is I AM making progress, but I'm not beating myself up over slips as that will only make me feel worse about myself and increase the desire. Does that make sense? Also, Thanks for your concern, BillP! And FC...how are you doing?


Member: Holly S
Location: Michigan
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 01:25 PM

Comments

Hello all, Holly here...alcoholic.. I have had the most amazing time lately sober. Last weekend there was an AA convention followed by a dance. I though that it was going to be the lamest thing possible known to man...I went and along with 1500 other people had a sence of fellowship that was unbelieveable...I didn't leave the dance until 2am..I've never been to a dance sober before in my life, I've never enjoyed really anthing sober for a long long time. I too was a party girl, until everything in my life started to become effected by the alcohol. After the dance when I was driving my sponsor home, I started to cry because of the profound effect that finally realizing that there is life without alcohol had on me...my sponsor looked at me and said "welcome home". So to pass on the message to those who are like myself you've come to the right place "welcome home". Plus it's a bonus to have a clear head...forgot how brilliant I am...:-)


Member: Beth H.
Location: Great White (Green) North
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 01:49 PM

Comments

Thank-you everyone so much for your comments! Especially ((Opal, Melanie, FC)). I've saved them in a Word file so when I'm not online, I can still read them for encouragement. I can't get to a meeting until Sunday, so last night I tried meditating because I still can't let go. I know I'm not getting it, and hopefully if I try different ways of talking with people and talking with my HP, something will change. On 12/18/96 I had a dream about walking on a beautiful sunset beach with a "friend" who I believe was either my HP or the healthy part of me that wants to be happy (or are they the same??). Anyway, I noticed that the sand was littered with broken beer bottles, and my feet were getting all cut up. I asked my friend why everyone else on the beach was barefoot and didn't seem to be bothered by the sharp glass. She told me that I wasn't like everyone else, and that to be safe at this beach, I had to remember to protect myself. And if I did, I could swim in the water, and it would carry away all my pain and fear. So, last night, I put on my psychic aqua-socks :) and imagined this beach. The beautiful sunset, gentle waves, etc. I sez to my HP, "Why can't this ocean take away my urge to drink? What am I doing wrong?". Nothing. I looked down, and realized that I was NOT EVEN STANDING IN THE WATER. Symbolism aside, I haven't been to a f2f meeting since my first on Sept. 15, and I ran into someone last week who recognized me and invited me to a roundup. She didn't yell at me for not coming back, she didn't quiz me on whether or not I've been drinking. I was surprised she even remembered my name. So, I guess it's time to get my toes wet again and see what happens. Thanks again all! Have another great day!


Member: Kimber P
Location: Tennessee
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 03:46 PM

Comments

Hi all! Kimber: alkie & addict Bill P, thanks for asking. I'm on 4 days now [off the pink cloud, sorry to say :) ] and have taken in 4 internet, 1 phone and 2 f2f meetings. Wish there were more hours in the day to read the big book! However, work and family are still responsibilites. And I'm so fortunate for that! Having trouble today because my migraine pills can be refilled (barbituates - the buggers that started this whole mess) and I've had a migraine for 2 days. I keep telling myself "If, in an hour, my head explodes or falls off, I will get the pills." That's how I'm getting through this day sober. Sometimes you can't do 24 hours....sometimes it's 60 minutes! Thanks for the encouragement!


Member: Kimber P
Location: Tennessee
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 03:49 PM

Comments

Hi all! Kimber: alkie & addict Bill P, thanks for asking. I'm on 4 days now [off the pink cloud, sorry to say :) ] and have taken in 4 internet, 1 phone and 2 f2f meetings. Wish there were more hours in the day to read the big book! However, work and family are still responsibilites. And I'm so fortunate for that! Having trouble today because my migraine pills can be refilled (barbituates - the buggers that started this whole mess) and I've had a migraine for 2 days. I keep telling myself "If, in an hour, my head explodes or falls off, I will get the pills." That's how I'm getting through this day sober. Sometimes you can't do 24 hours....sometimes it's 60 minutes! Thanks for the encouragement!


Member: Kimber P
Location: Tennessee
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 03:49 PM

Comments

Sorry for the double post, folks!!!


Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date: October 10, 2002
Time: 09:01 PM

Comments

Hi! I'm Kathy and I am an alcoholic. I heard this in a meeting once and found it to be true - The urge to drink will pass whether you have the drink or not. I agree that you don't have to feel like you must talk in F2F meetings. In fact, alot of sponsors will tell newcomers to "take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth". Serenity Prayer - Sometimes the only way I can determine what to accept and what to change is by trail and error. Mistakes can be opportunities to gain the wisdom to know the difference. P.S. Richard S - I would get rid of the beer in the frig. Give it to a friend (who doesn't have a problem). Your true friends will still be there whether there is beer or not.


Member: V
Location: Midwest
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 08:51 AM

Comments

First time I went to F2F meeting I realized everyone there knew all about me and my life. We drunks have it all in common. No one of us is unique. Of course I knew all about all of them as well! The feeling of community in that room was so powerful it served as my HP til I got back into direct contact. If I make it to sundown I'll have 6 mos. sober! The power of the Fellowship is a true miracle in my life. I have cravings occasionally and keep peanut M&M's on hand. One or two does the trick! Sorting out the colors even keeps my OCD side feeling useful! I had a hard time using the phone numbers; thought I'd be bothering people. Forced myself to make a call a day for a week. On five of those days my callee said: thanks, I needed to get a call today.


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 09:52 AM

Comments

Bill P, alcoholic. Mike F. - What's important is that you have the true desire to stop drinking, and that's why you keep showing up here and at F2F meetings. You'll know when you've had your "last" drink. We all have our own way of coming to terms with our alcoholism and that's okay. Once we surrender to the fact that we are alcoholic and cannot do it on our own, we're on our way. Keep us posted and I look forward to hearing from you. Kimber P. - You sound good. Hang in there with the headaches. They too shall pass. I have found that any other substance (pot and pills) are very dangerous for me and will ultimately lead me back to alcohol. As a result, I have dumped out my nest egg of pot. I don't want to go back to the drinking days, they were hell and I took a beating that I will never forget. I surrendered to the fact that I am alcoholic and my thinking will become even more twisted when I use. Thanks for being here and hang tough, you sound good. Peace to all, and enjoy this day!


Member: Ger N
Location: Ireland
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 12:26 PM

Comments

I think I caught myself in the early stages of a problem before I really went down the booze hell slope, just weekend booze hell. This is coming to my first weekend to have no booze and friday evening now, I am finding it hard. I love just to go and have a few beers tonight! Hell this is hard. I guess the freedom from killer physical and mental hangovers will be the reward, no more lying under the sheets until 4pm sat afternoon, with no desire to get up.


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 01:47 PM

Comments

((Ger N)) Friday nights were hard for me too when I first got sober. During my drinking days, Fridays were the "jumping off point" for the rest of the weekend. That's why my first home group was a Friday night meeting and for almost 10 months of sobriety I was NEVER alone on Friday nights. I had a great sponsor who went to Fridy night meetings with me and out to dinner afterward for many months until Fridays became a little easier on me. Try and think that drink through, ((Ger)). You say your feeling like you want to go "have a few beers tonight", but at the end of the post you mention "killer physical and mental hangovers...lying under the sheets until 4pm on Sat afternoon..." That's the insanity of this disease, knowing what booze does to us (even if it's "only" on the weekends) but wanting to do it anyway or thinking we can go out and have a "few" when COUNTLESS times we've proven to ourselves that a few seldom work. Is there a Friday night meeting in your area? Do you have any sober friends that you can hang out with tonight? ((Ger)) That's your disease talking to you - telling you that a "few" would be nice - when in fact 1 is too many and a 1,000 never enough. The weekends - filled with "down time" that used to be filled with booze - are sometimes hard to adjust to but you can and AA can help. Good luck to you. kimtuck67@hotmail.com


Member: MikeF
Location: CA
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 03:34 PM

Comments

MikeF here again.. alcoholic. I'm going to a f2f meeting tonight at 6pm up the street. I've done "pretty well" this week, but I want to have a clean & dry weekend so I thought a meeting would be a good way to kick it (the weekend) off. I'll be checking into this board for a lot support Sat & Sun. Wish me luck!!! I'm scared...(tear)


Member: Someone who has posted WAY too much...
Location: Here
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 03:58 PM

Comments

((Mike F.)) Meetings, meetings and more meetings. You are SO RIGHT that going to a meeting on a Friday night is a great way to kick off the weekend - and put you in a "sober mindset." Good going!!!! Keep taking those sober steps - one in front of the other - and you'll be just fine. :-)


Member: Terry
Location: NJ
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 06:25 PM

Comments

I need some advice please. It is Friday and I have been without a drink since Sunday. The problem is that I get home from work before 3pm. I miss the aft. meetings and it seems like an eternity until 7/8pm meetings. My supportive comforting husband runs a store and works a lot of evenings. I am not having much luck finding a sponsor and my nerves are shot. I keep drinking coffee and eating candy but when bedtimes comes I am so wound up I can't get to sleep. I used to take Benedryl to calm down, but I doubt that is a good idea now. All my friends and family drink and I am scared to be alone. This website is just for me. The book "Living Sober" is great also. My legs feel like rubber and any helpful hints for these early anxious days.


Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 06:52 PM

Comments

Hey to all, Sounds like a lot of you are starting out like me, its quite comforting to see I'm not the only one feeling like this. My first meeting was last Friday as well, What a tough week for me, But i think I'm on the right path. Going to work and meetings is all I'm doing right now. Meeting after meeting, but it helps me. I also am up all night cause I can't sleep still. So last night got home around 10:00 pm from a meeting, called my sponser, then called someone else for support after that, then read more of the big book, then read more post, then around 2:00 am had to get out of the house before I lost my insanity and went to the beach to think. Came home slept 2 hrs and went to work. Tonight will probably be the same thing. But I did'nt drink and that is what is important. ((Terry)) I find if I cant wait for a late meeting I try to find one sooner even if I have to drive on the other side of town. I too believe being alone is not a good thing for me right now. So get out or call someone, anything so your mind doesn't lose its insanity. Believe me, I'm so much going thru the same thing right now. Be strong and get to a meeting. Take care all and don't drink.


Member: MikeF
Location: CA
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 07:34 PM

Comments

Terry in NJ... I have a MAJOR complaint about AA and that is they encourage coffee so damn much. Frankly, the reason I started drinking booze so much was to self-medicate my nerves and personally a cup of coffee makes me so hyper I NEED a drink just to calm down. I haven't had a cup of coffee in well over two years, thankfully. I even get sick at the smell of it...ugh!!! Try a soda, a milk shake, soda water or just plain old iced tea instead. Anything's better than coffee. All it does is hype you up, making your system want more booze. Good luck.


Member: J.J.
Location: Ontario
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 08:54 PM

Comments

My husband and I are going away this week without any children. First time in more years than I care to remember. I am really nervous about this whole thing. One is that he is still drinking and I don't expect him to quit, I am still fairly new to all of this I am currently at day 41, and the thoughts of having sex without booze doesn't seem possible. Yeah it has been 41 days too without that as well. I guess I can only take everything one day at a time and pray that I don't give this an excuse to pick up again.


Member: Wise Guy
Location: where ever I am. I am
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 08:54 PM

Comments

I guess you need to find a coffee free meeting Mike. I never went to jail for drinking too much coffee.


Member: SharlaH
Location: WA
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 09:37 PM

Comments

I am here for the first time. I think this is going to be a good thing for me because everyone needs to express their feelings but not always to those around you.


Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: October 11, 2002
Time: 10:21 PM

Comments

Hey to all, (((Wise guy))) Ease up a little, this is a early sobriety forum and anyone is able to express anything they want or are feeling. This site is non-judgemental. By saying easy cracks like that you might scare the newcomer not to post. Its sooooo important that they do post and get proper feedback to get them to the next stage! Have you tried the CP forum, You will probably enjoy that better. This site is just for people scared to death trying to reach out!!! The program of AA is a "WE" program, helping each other out. So sarcasim doesn't work for us newcomers. Thanks for hearing. To all get to a meeting and PLLEEEAAASSSEEE post back. If it weren't for people like you, I would'nt have made this week. We got to remain positive not negative. Take care and Peace out!!!!


Member: anonymous alcoholic (DOS 12/12/90)
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 07:27 AM

Comments

Chronologically I am not in early sobriety, but emotionally I act like it sometimes. I really need to remember the Serenity Prayer when the proverbial stuff hits the fan, like it did this week. Well, I exaggerate slightly. What actually happened is someone mentioned something to me on the phone and then ... I took off with it! Decided that because she said thus and so then I should start thinking all this crap. On the other hand, what I COULD have done was to recite the serenity prayer a few (hundred?) times. And things probably would have gone much nicer. So...maybe next time, huh? Thanks.


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 08:36 AM

Comments

So many good posts! You newcomers help me stay sober. Face to face meetings are important. Ask yourself, would I go that far to get a drink? I would have. Why so important? Well, that is where the experience, strength, and HOPE, are! Just observing the others at the meeting convinced me that was the place to go, because they were happy and FREE. I so wanted that, and had failed so many times. Kept going back to king alcohol, and could not see how to avoid it. Not any more! AA has given me the tools, and the people in AA have become my friends, so temptation is rare for this alcoholic. When it comes up, I have a phone and many who will answer theirs and help me avoid the temptation. The disease lies to us, and we believe. (I don't have time, I'm too tired, It's too far to go, They will give me a hard time, I'll be so embarassed, it is not worth going to get sober) Just some of alcohol's lies telling me not to go to an AA meeting that I had to deal with. I refuse to listen to those lies today. I sincerely hope that many of the newcomers posting here this week do get to a point where they too can refuse to listen to those alcoholic lies going on in their head. I still get to hear them, BUT can refuse to act on them today. Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: Ger N
Location: Ireland
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 11:08 AM

Comments

Kim D, thanks for the answer to my post, it really helped me last night. I spent ages just staring at it over and over to get it into my head. The good news is that I stayed away from the booze. Up early and two hours of gym to sort me out. Great! Yes I have a friday nite AA I can get to. Thanks again, you saved my hide! Though in Ireland its very hard to find sober people on the weekend, everything is booze related.


Member: Bobby A.
Location: La Grange,Texas
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 11:18 AM

Comments

Im Bobby Im an alcoholic.I dont always do this but when my ass starts falling off I either say the serenity prayer or I think about what the serenity prayer means.In other words can I accept serenity in my present situation? can I or can I not change the situation and do I have the guts to change the situation ie my thinking,my outlook attitude etc.Like I said though I dont always do it and sometimes my attitude in certain situations is not right but it has kept me from drinking when I was just a hairs width from doing it.thanks(112 days today)


Member: Not so wise guy
Location: Still here
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 12:13 PM

Comments

A poor attempt at Humor, I apologize.. Twice because I was at someone else's computer.


Member: mike s
Location: louisville ky
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 01:06 PM

Comments


Member: mike s
Location: louisville ky
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 01:07 PM

Comments


Member: MikeF
Location: CA
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 01:44 PM

Comments

No offense taken, Wise Guy..I thought it was actually kinda funny. Sorry if my post sounded harsh. I didn't mean for it to, it's just that for whatever reason, I'm climbing the walls whenever I drink coffee and thus the desire to have a drink to calm down increases. Anyway, have a great weekend all! I'll be checking in here from time to time today and tommorrow.


Member: ccs
Location: Northeast
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 02:52 PM

Comments

Some good suggestions in early sobriety for me were......Stop drinking coffee and caffeinated sodas and stop eating candy from late afternoon on. I started sleeping better after taking that simple suggestion. DUH How come I didn't know that? Some night meetings offer decaf coffee...try drinking coffee for the FLAVOR instead of the EFFECT. Sound familiar?If I don't want to get drunk...I don't drink booze.....If I don't want to be hyper or agitated, I don't drink caffeine. Modifying this old behavior takes effort like picking up new hobbies like reading or walking...anything to divert the attention.I found that after I started eating better and sleeping more regularly that I was better able to start really working on my recovery through the steps.


Member: Mark
Location: Calgary
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 04:10 PM

Comments

HI I just got drunk again last night. I keep posting to this website to try and convince myself that i want to stay sober. But here it goes again. I know that I should not drink but I keep doing it. I guess the only remedy is to go to meetings. Does anybody out there live in Calgary Canada. If so pls drop me your email no. or phone no. and maybe we can link up at a meeting in Calgary. Pls Help


Member: Yvonne
Location: Scotland
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 05:12 PM

Comments

Mark..if you go to the Coffee Pot and ask for help, there are two people from Calgary who post there and they might be able to help you. In the meantime why don't you phone the AA helpline in your area and see where your nearest meeting is. You will often find that they are more than happy to find someone to go to your first meeting with you. Good Luck.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Howard, KS
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 05:47 PM

Comments

I've had it!! I just don't know what to do to quit drinking....no meetings anywhere around me and I'm feeling like I really need one. What shall I do???????


Member: MikeF
Location: CA
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 06:01 PM

Comments

Chris H.... At the very least stay here on this site if you don't have a local meeting...We're all real people whether we're at a f2f meeting or comunicating here on the net. Also, try doing something different from your usual routine today. Take a walk, rent a favorite movie, do some push-ups, paint the kitchen, treat yourself to your favorite dinner, anything to get your mind off booze and realize you're not alone in your cravings. I'm certianly no angel, and I slip back, but doing those things have helped me a lot. Most of all... Just be good to yourself. You come first.


Member: Nick P.
Location: Chicogo, IL
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 06:26 PM

Comments

This is for Dave S.- Dave I drank to get drunk for 12 years. It is in black and white in the big book. We could not do it alone. You need the support of other A.A. members. Even if you manage to stay sober for 6, or 7 months, maybee even years you will only be a dry drunk. It is far worse than just drinking . Thats what you will start telling yourself befor long. Alott of "old timers" say we came to A.A. to learn to stop drinking, and we learned how to live life. It's true, the longer I have been sober the more I know its true. Alcohol was only the symptom of our Alcolism. The insanity that the Alcohol caused is still there, its in our ego, arogance and pride. We need the program to become willing.


Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 06:31 PM

Comments

Hey to all, What a hard ass day, I woke up shaken and my mind is malfunctioning. Got my butt to a meeting and only have two more hours before I see my sponser and get to another meeting. Only two hours and I'm bouncing off the walls already. I don't even trust myself right now, NO I haven't drank today but the compulsion is so great right now!!!!So thats why I'm posting now just to get my mind from taking a drink today. Thanks for everyone posting, it does help someone like me just for the time being, which I surely need right this second.Anyways, thanks for listening.


Member: TamiR.
Location: NH
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 06:46 PM

Comments

Relapses: Its hard to describe but its like a 'wave' . If you let it go, get something sweet or eat something really good, that seems to take the edge off. Nothing takes the 'real ' edge off, that is why we are alcoholic. We are addicted to the effects of alcohol. BUT there are other things to help. I find if I'm tired and hungry, I seem to want a drink. SO a big chocolate bar has been helping me along with hot chocolate and popcorn.


Member: Opal
Location: Michigan
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 07:01 PM

Comments

Hi, Opal here, grateful recovering alcoholic. So many of you here are doing great!! I am so glad you are here. It takes what it takes sometimes, even going minute by minute sometimes, hour by hour. Just remember to keep doing the next right thing in front of you. At times when I began to block out alcohol's voice in my head I kept repeating "Don't think, don't drink and go to meetings". Sometimes several hundred times a day. Most of my strength came from surrendering to my Higher Power whom I choose to call God. I was able to draw from His vast strength when I need it, even now with a few 24 hours under my belt. ((Terry)) You are doing great! We all are like that when our system is detoxing, you are not going insane. You have a disease that will do anything to keep you hooked and right now it is strong. But with every sober minute, you grow stronger and it weakens. You are winning, please keep it up!! Love and God bless you all.


Member: MikeF
Location: CA
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 07:01 PM

Comments

FC...Hang in there dude.(Dude-ette?) I KNOW it's tough but it WILL pass and think how PROUD you will be of yourself tommorrow morning. Maybe it's best not to think 'day by day' but 'hour by hour' in these early stages. Again, I'm no angel and have my relapses but try and do something/ANYTHING to be good to yourself at this moment and get your mind off booze. I know, it's easy for me to say but I'm going thru the same thing. And TamiR...You are right, nothing takes the REAL edge off but we have to ride the storm out...Also, I've found "Sleepy Time" tea has helped my cravings. Somebody told me yesterday that it contains valiurm root though, the main ingrediant in Valium.


Member: Richard S
Location: NH
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 07:23 PM

Comments

I hear the word relaps a lot in posts. Like relapsing is bound to happen: almost "expected" to happen. Am I likely to weaken and succomb to the call of the bottle again? God help me to prevail. To start again would seem too much to bear. Twelve days without a drink and an eternity to go. WOW! Blessings to you and those that love you.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Howard, KS
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 07:24 PM

Comments

Thanks MikeF for your comments.....I guess I hadn't realized how "stuck in a rut" I've let myself get. I will try to shake up my routine and do some different stuff for a change and see if that doesn't help some. Of course....I'll be here every day too!!!!


Member: Opal
Location: Michigan
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 09:00 PM

Comments

((Richard S.)) Congratulations on 12 days!! Yes, you do hear of relapse in this program but that does not mean that everyone does it. I know many people who have not relapsed. I myself did relapse after 3 months, but I can right back to this program. It made me stronger in my faith and in my program. I have been sober 6 years now and haven't repeated a relapse. By the grace of God I will never go back. Don't worry about relapse, just take it day by day doing your own program. I hope I helped, stay with us, it's a great life if we are sober enough to enjoy it. Love to all,


Member: MikeF
Location: Southern California
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 10:56 PM

Comments

MikeF (Alkie) Chris H.... I'm here for ya bro..Although I'm signing off for tonight (8PM PDT)...I'm gonna just go to bed and read a book (The Michael J.Fox story, he was/is one of us BTW) and get some sleep. I'll be checking in here every couple of hours Sunday so if ya need me I'll be around tommorrow. Once again, I'm no angel by any means, but we CAN work though this together...You ARE NOT alone


Member: DON L
Location: IOWA
Date: October 12, 2002
Time: 10:58 PM

Comments

FOR (CHRIS H) THERE IS OR was a meeting in howard kansas on thur nite its called the howard group also friday severy,longton sat, moline tue, drive a little save a lot


Member: gallagher
Location: seoul, korea
Date: October 13, 2002
Time: 01:17 AM

Comments

mikef and wiseguy -- mike -- your post on coffee made me laugh like hell! it's so true though, coffee and booze really compliment each other and i feel like i'm totally addicted to both of them. i often use booze to self medicate for insomnia and anxiety and coffee to fight the dreadful affects of the hangover the day after. then again, at night, i need the beer to calm me down from the coffee. man, what a vicious circle. a lot of people going sober for the first time have a hard time falling asleep. i would DEFINITELY avoid coffee in the late afternoons/ evenings. it's really a no-brainer, even for a lot of non-alcoholics. avoid the caffeine late in the day! regardless, i've enjoyed reading all of your posts. it's helping me gather strength for my next attempt at sobriety which is supposedly tonight. i've tried a couple of times during the past 2 months and failed. i'm 29 and have been drinking pretty heavily for the past 10 years. if i could just make it through that first week and break the physical addiction, maybe it would get easier. i'm so tired of this problem. it's my dirty secret -- a lot of my friends don't even realize i drink every night. it's funny how something so life-threatening and all-consuming can be easy to hide in certain circumstances. thanks everybody for the posts. it's difficult to find meetings here and reading online is the next best thing. i went to some court-ordered meetings about 5 years ago, but was in the major denial mode, and didn't find them very useful. now, i wish i could go to a meeting. for all of you who are scared to go to a f2f meeting, don't worry. take advantage of such a great resource. "let go" of your fear. just give it a try and see what happens. i'll post again soon and let you know how my most recent sobriety project is going. good luck all!


Member: TamiR
Location: NH
Date: October 13, 2002
Time: 08:57 AM

Comments

17 DAYS. unreal. I hate alcohol. I cant believe how much TIME it took and how much it STILL takes to fight it off. I poured a bottle of brandy down the drain that I was saving for guests. It pissed me off to even see it there. I'm grateful that Im NOT a drunk anymore. That I know what I am doing , who I talk to, what I say, what I need to do, and how calm I am after that 20 year cycle has been lifted.