Member: nancy f.
Location: martha's vineyard, ma
Date: March 30, 2003
Time: 08:40 AM

Comments

i had 14 years of sobriety from 1986-2000 and i stopped being honest with myself about my alcoholism and mental illness. i was tired of all the work i had to do and stopped doing what had been suggested to me for all those years. because i stopped being honest with myself. relocating, no meetings, broke my relationship with my God eventually led me on a 3 year self destructive route. i am back after intensive rehabs for the last 1-1/2 months and i am back to having my willingnessto surrender to that which i have no control. you dot have to do what i have done. faith is the answer, i tried to do it alone and i sit here with 13 days of sobriety.


Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: March 30, 2003
Time: 10:03 AM

Comments

Kim V here alcoholic. Nancy F welcome back and I am so glad you made it back. As far as self honesty it is the hardest kind. It is also the reason a lot of people don't make it and also why people in counseling and therapy don't get better. If I can't be honest with myself, then how will I ever be honest with my sponsor and my support system. My theory is this. If I let my support system know me and am totally honest with them, then when I start to slip back into old behaviors or something is going on with me that I don't see they will see it and confront me out of care and concern. If I keep hiding who I am nothing changes. Being honest with my self also is painful at times and takes willingness and courage and takes being accountable for myself. To me it is about growing up and moving on and healing and change. I am glad that I have learned this as it has given me a gift of true freedom from my past and has made a lot of my old fears disappear. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Mark G.
Location: Michigan
Date: March 30, 2003
Time: 11:22 AM

Comments

Thanks for sharing, Kim V and Nancy F. I too am an alcoholic. I had my first relaspe last weekend after a 5 year stretch of sobriety. I am looking for some of the same direction to finally start being honest with my self and those who love me. The relaspe came out of nowhere and can only attribute it to not going to mettings, being complacent with my recovery and not being honest with myself. Thanks for reading... M


Member: L.W.R
Location: Canada
Date: March 30, 2003
Time: 01:30 PM

Comments

Hello everyone welcome back, really glad for you all, that's awesome. yes isn't it confusing, not knowing what that "little something" is that we just can't quite get a grip on. we run to councillors, therapists, doctors, and aa and na and coda, and mabey even alcohol again, or drugs, sometimes antidepressants ((cause yes, its quite depressing to not be able to get honest)). There's really no riddle here though. its just that sometimes as a human being i DON'T WANT TO listen to the still small voice, and I WANT TO continue on doing what i'm doing and gettin what i'm gettin eh? Sadist as it may seem, i see it all the time in aa. Then i would turn around and try to get my "Sponsor of the month" to take responsibility for my choices.. "oh boo hoo, my sponsor just isn't helping me out at all, i must need a new one. Ive learned to stop doing that now, by the grace of god. and now that i have learned this, i can let go of others, when they are playin that game.. not my problem, not gonna waste time and get all codependant about that,, no thanx. good luck to the returnee's.. i'm one to, lol


Member: Robin
Location: Midwest
Date: March 30, 2003
Time: 04:45 PM

Comments

Being honest. That is something I haven't done in quite sometime. I just am not sure what the problem is. I know I can't control my alcohol no matter how I try. So what is it in my brain or body that causes me to go to it so many times. Do I enjoy public humiliation? Being in trouble with my family? Not really. So why can't I control this alcohol beast? This is my 3rd time I have come back to AA and it has only been 1 day I haven't drank. I am not too happy with myself right now. I hit my bottom when I spent this saturday morning in jail for public intox. One day at a time right?


Member: AZbill
Location: From AZbill
Date: March 31, 2003
Time: 03:03 AM

Comments

My name is Bill, and I am an alcoholic. The first time I said that openly was the first time I had spoken a truth about my self in a long long time. That was enough to complete Step One right then and there. After that it was day by day and step by step that I learned more and more about honesty, more and more about myself. What it was like? When asked a question, my first impulse was to lie no matter what. What happened? I came into AA and worked the program exactly as the first 100 did. What it's like now? When asked a question, my first impulse is to tell the truth. By the way in most cases the answer would be. "I don't know, but let's find out together" Thanks Bill az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: March 31, 2003
Time: 08:17 AM

Comments

My name is Marsha and I am an alcoholic. I am 50 and I have never been to a local meeting because I was just to ashamed of myself. It took me this long to be honest with myself that I have a problem with alcohol and no one to blame but myself. I faced the fact that I started to drink because I liked it and later started to use it to relax and then to cope with life in general. The addiction slowly gained momentum until I was getting a half-pint of vodka or a six-pack of beer in every night after work. I always visited different party stores and one day last month, I noticed that I was seeing the same people at the different stores. I think that God hit me over the head with a board that day. I am no different--I just needed help. This web site (magically) appeared, and I realized that there are people like me. Nice people that just want to quit. And for you that have succeeded in staying sober for a period of time--I see why you are so happy to say how long you have been sober. It feels so good to have this group to talk to. I had been a secret drinker for about 15 years. Today is the beginning of my 3rd day without alcohol. Thanks for listening.


Member: Kerry C
Location: TX
Date: March 31, 2003
Time: 11:13 AM

Comments

Hi Marsha, You will find that alcoholics everywhere have much in common. We all only can stay sober one day at a time. There are tools that have been given to us to accomplish that. Face to face meetings are very helpful. You might be surprised how much in common you have with people at a local AA meeting. If you can't yet drag yourself to a meeting, at least read our instruction book for life. We call it the Big Book. Here is a link to an online version of the Book. http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/index.html When you decide to get to a meeting find a female there to talk to. She will more than likely be very happy to help you understand more about AA, for her sobriety depends on it. No matter how long anyone has been sober, they can only stay sober today and then do it all over again tomorrow. You have made it past one of the hardest parts of AA, actually admitting you were an alcoholic. Take care and keep coming back it works when you work it :)


Member: Irene
Location: Canada
Date: March 31, 2003
Time: 03:20 PM

Comments

I am starting to be honest with myself. Just starting. I realize that my drinking is starting to cause some health problems, not major ones, but it is starting. I notcied this weekend that I was drinking, but couldn't get drunk. I was drinking and couldn't reason why I was drinking. I was drinking, but I wasn't enjoying it. Trying to drink more faster wasn't working. Trying a few shots straight with the beer wasn't helping. The champagne didn't kick in. Nothing. Went to bed wondering what in the hell was going on. I have wanted to quit for many years. I have tried AA in the past and it wasn't for me. Tried other methods as well, but for some reason what happened Saturday night made me take a real honest look at myself, my life and my family. Can't say that was an easy thing to do. To be honest with myself now would be to say that I want to quit drinking. I want my life back. I want my health back. I want my family back. To be honest with myself is to admit that I am the only person who can get those things back for ME. Honesty is harsh, it hurts, but it is the beginning of being able to take the step to start the healing. As Doctor Phil would say "What do YOU need to do to change this?" I know I need to stop drinking and start living.


Member: Karen P.
Location: Wrightsville & Atlanta, GA
Date: March 31, 2003
Time: 08:30 PM

Comments

Hello, I'm Karen, and I'm an alcoholic. I haven't checked in with y'all in awhile, in addition to which my sponsor is on my case about not posting. I have 13 months sober tomorrow. I appreciate the struggles of all of you who have posted. Still, tonight, I looked at what wines were on the menu at a restaurant. I am getting better at knowing I'm not going to do anything about it, and I have a choice. After the first drink I don't think I would, but looking at the menu and passing the package stores, I do. The first time I said I am an alcoholic was in a meeting. It was hard, and I'll always remember it. I am currently on the 9th step, which is also reminding me of all the reasons I don't want to take that first drink. For those of you who are at the beginning: Go to meetings, get a sponsor, read the Big Book, and things will get better. I went to meetings and drank afterward for the first three months. Then I hit my bottom, and went to detox for a week. That was a wake-up call, and I've been sober since. I'm not all that experienced in all this, and it is still one day at a time, but if I can be of help to anyone my e-mail address is Poelman@msn.com. Thanks being here, and for reminding me why I'm here.


Member: Victor
Location: NYC
Date: March 31, 2003
Time: 11:18 PM

Comments

Hi there; Victor, Alcoholic . Honesty is something I didn't comprehend the meaning of while I was drinking. I had MY version of honesty which consisted of me rewriting the truth to best suit what I was trying to accomplish, and me withholding any information that could be potentially problematic for you or I. And be honest with myself? What for? How? So when I put down the bottle, I had a long way to go before I was restored to sanity. A long long way. I had to relearn everything almost down to the alphabet. But life's alot more serene when you don't have to keep track of who you told what or wonder how are you going to keep these people apart. But when I became willing to take the hard road and listen to the accompanying music,that's when I gained admission to mankind. And it's been good and weird and bad and then good again and..liberating. Thanks for letting me share-


Member: Robin
Location: Midwest
Date: April 01, 2003
Time: 12:21 AM

Comments

I hear what you all are saying and I think I am ready to face the beast. I am an alcoholic. I have been for sometime but I need to admit it to someone. After I posted last I called the local substance recovery place to find out where there are AA meetings. I got rid of the booze in the house and I pulled out the copy of the big book that I have owned since 1991. I tried just Saturday to justify this as a lifestyle. It is something I can do I just don't drink. I can't be like other people who can drink and put it down because I am an alcoholic. Thank you for listening.


Member: Gary F.
Location: Indiana
Date: April 01, 2003
Time: 12:24 AM

Comments

Hello and thank you everyone for you comments. I have been an alcoholic for nearly half of my 48 years; next month will be my third year as a recovering alcoholic. I am so so scared that I have become complacent with my sobriety that I am trying to find the stength to be honest with myself and open my eyes to the things that have kept me sober for the past three years. There is no substitute for honesty. I will always be an alcoholic and and I coming to Early Sobriety to keep it simple and get honest with myself. My first step is to get back to AA, so here I am, and I'm looking forward to sharing with you and reading your stories and experiences.


Member: Maggie
Location: IL
Date: April 01, 2003
Time: 08:43 AM

Comments

Good morning everyone, I'm Maggie, alcoholic. A MIRACLE has occurred in my life, I AM SOBER! Never in my days would I have thought. Mind you, I don't have great words of wisdom, but I don't need them. I awoke in a pyc. ward 5 months ago and that was it. Three treatment centers, nine detoxes later, I was a shell of bones with a dead spirit. I MEAN, DEAD! That morning I had had enough. It had nothing to do with anyone else, I was to sick to care about anyone. Admist my complete demoralization I reached out my hand and someone grabbed ahold, I have no Idea who but it doesn't matter. I chose to live at that moment. I know now that being sober is not just about drinking, it's about thinking. By the Grace of God, the compulsion to drink is gone. I have to face life with other means, namely God and A.A.. It's not always so easy but you know what they say, KEEP COMING BACK! Have a wonderful day, Maggie


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: April 01, 2003
Time: 10:22 AM

Comments

Hi All, Kelly a grateful recovering alcoholic. It is almost hard to read all the honesty here although it rang true for me. I feel like I am being privy to all your pain and personal demons. ((Maggie)) Keep up the good fight and I have been standing on the threshold of hell until I was ready to choose life. Recovery is an inside job. As someone said, AA is too much like work but for me the alternative is unbearable. I was a low bottom drunk full of denial that drank a year beyond any enjoyment into dt's and illness. What was I nuts? I kept doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I kept chasing that feeling that I did not get anymore. I could not shut my head off anymore. They talk a lot about insanity in the Big Book and boy do I know what they mean! At 6 months I am getting more honest with myself but I still have a long way to go. Now at least I know when I'm lying to myself which for me is harder to identfy then when I'm lying to others. I'm always bullshitting ME. I RUN and AVOID things rather than face them. Now that my alcohol Nikes are gone I am left feeling these things for real. Just knowing I am avoiding is not enough but actually facing them head on is the work part. I drank to BURY FEAR now I have to FEEL it which is UNCOMFORTABLE but I want to get healthy. The alternative is a go back to hell free card... No thanks. Now that I told on myself I feel better. To thy own self be true, what a concept, who thought that up? To anyone new just keep coming back. Get to an AA meeting and take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth and listen. If you think there is an easier way to stop drinking try some more controlled drinking. When you can honestly say, I'm beaten by this disease and I've had enough AA will be here for you. Just for today, Kelly


Member: Lou S.
Location: East coast
Date: April 01, 2003
Time: 03:02 PM

Comments

Hi everybody.. Lou S. Here. Alcoholic. I have been relapsing for a couple of months now was going in and out of meetings. I am sober today thanks to a friend that grabbed me by the hand and is showing me the way. I been having real bad DT's after this last time and i'm still not totally all here. But my friend says is not going to let go of me.. Thank god for friends like that. I'm still having some trouble typing but i'll keep in touch. May god bless all of you that contribute to this site it helps to read your stories.


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 01, 2003
Time: 05:23 PM

Comments

To Kerry C Thanks for your information on the Big Book web sight. I have started to read it and it really hits home. I am ending my 4th day sober and loving the feeling. Every time I feel like a beer, I go back to the part that I read about resentments and I realize what has been behind my drinking--almost in every instance. Thanks again. Marsha L


Member:
Location:
Date: April 01, 2003
Time: 05:46 PM

Comments

I didn't want to be honest with anyone when I first came around. I didn't want to tell anyone that I got drunk even when I didn't want to. Or that it wasn't fun any more but I was doing it any way. Or that my eyes were yellow when I woke up the next day. I especially didn't want to be honest about the fact that I couldn't go more than a couple of days without finding myself drunk again. I don't know why, but for some reason, I was completely honest with myself that I had to stop, that I didn't want it to be like this, and the only way was to stop. I didn't like the idea, and I wouldn't tell you that, but deep down I knew it. SuzyQ


Member: Trish K.
Location: So. Cal
Date: April 01, 2003
Time: 06:47 PM

Comments

Boy, that’s a good one. I don’t know about honesty – never have managed it completely with myself or others. Don’t really know what truth is. I seem to just exist these days with no rhyme or reason, conviction, belief, or purpose. I would really like to be joyous, happy and free and just don’t know how to let the “Truth” in and my walls of protection down. I attended a Big Book seminar (Joe and Charlie) this past weekend (hoping for enlightenment – nothing). I do believe I have discovered however that part of the “enlightenment” comes from not just reading and understanding the Big Book but living and working the Steps. I am to start working on my 4th step this week – guess just continue to go forward and hope the “spirituality” follows – seems if I wait for that internal belief, life will just continue to be “existence”. Live, Die, worm bait – there has to be more to it than that. Even work is torture – spending life wishing for the end of the day, week, month, year….. not really “living” in the moment --- having nothing to put into it and definitely getting nothing out -- what a waste. (That’s as honest as I can be right now). Do I believe in God? I honestly don’t know if I believe there is one or not. I guess I need proof – something – I grew up with church for years and asked for “enlightenment” - - NOTHING – so have given up - tired of the guilt and all the BS that goes with it and am not drawn in that direction at all. I do wish that I didn’t feel so closed off from everyone and everything. After 43 years my expectations aren’t too high that anything will change. Wish I could have been more upbeat, but truthfully that just isn’t part of me right now. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Stuart H
Location: New zealand
Date: April 02, 2003
Time: 06:15 AM

Comments

Kia ora my name is Stu and I'm a Alcoholic. I have really enjoyed the messages in all the comments I have viewed . One thing i have learnt in this program is to look for the common not the differences because it gives me strength and hope and I don't have to be alone any more.As I thought for so many years that i was a alien and so different from every one else and no one would understand where my head can take me when it was full of alcohol or drugs .I have been in this program for only 2 and ahalf yrs and i still consider myself as a new comer as i have got a long way to go. Thanck god its one day at a time. I feel for me the first 3 steps were the important ones HONESTY OPENMINDNESS WILLINGNESS. It took awhile to admit and to surrender but today i have the awareness and the courage to change.However every day is not a bed of roses i can still get full of fear and play out my charecter defects and self will run riot thats when i lose sight of this god given program and need to get to a meeting or ring my sponsor .The disire to drink has been taken away today its living life on lifes terms .Its a simlpe program but i make hard for myself. THANK GOD FOR AA and ONE DAY AT A TIME and the SERINITY PRAY


Member: Stuart H
Location: New zealand
Date: April 02, 2003
Time: 06:16 AM

Comments

Kia ora my name is Stu and I'm a Alcoholic. I have really enjoyed the messages in all the comments I have viewed . One thing i have learnt in this program is to look for the common not the differences because it gives me strength and hope and I don't have to be alone any more.As I thought for so many years that i was a alien and so different from every one else and no one would understand where my head can take me when it was full of alcohol or drugs .I have been in this program for only 2 and ahalf yrs and i still consider myself as a new comer as i have got a long way to go. Thanck god its one day at a time. I feel for me the first 3 steps were the important ones HONESTY OPENMINDNESS WILLINGNESS. It took awhile to admit and to surrender but today i have the awareness and the courage to change.However every day is not a bed of roses i can still get full of fear and play out my charecter defects and self will run riot thats when i lose sight of this god given program and need to get to a meeting or ring my sponsor .The disire to drink has been taken away today its living life on lifes terms .Its a simlpe program but i make hard for myself. THANK GOD FOR AA and ONE DAY AT A TIME and the SERINITY PRAY


Member: Stuart H
Location: New zealand
Date: April 02, 2003
Time: 06:16 AM

Comments

Kia ora my name is Stu and I'm a Alcoholic. I have really enjoyed the messages in all the comments I have viewed . One thing i have learnt in this program is to look for the common not the differences because it gives me strength and hope and I don't have to be alone any more.As I thought for so many years that i was a alien and so different from every one else and no one would understand where my head can take me when it was full of alcohol or drugs .I have been in this program for only 2 and ahalf yrs and i still consider myself as a new comer as i have got a long way to go. Thanck god its one day at a time. I feel for me the first 3 steps were the important ones HONESTY OPENMINDNESS WILLINGNESS. It took awhile to admit and to surrender but today i have the awareness and the courage to change.However every day is not a bed of roses i can still get full of fear and play out my charecter defects and self will run riot thats when i lose sight of this god given program and need to get to a meeting or ring my sponsor .The disire to drink has been taken away today its living life on lifes terms .Its a simlpe program but i make hard for myself. THANK GOD FOR AA and ONE DAY AT A TIME and the SERINITY PRAY


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 02, 2003
Time: 06:35 AM

Comments

Hi Trish, Marsha from Michigan here--an alcoholic--I am beginning my 5th day without a drink. My heart goes out to you with compassion. I felt alot the way that you are feeling with kind of a flat emptiness inside. One day I was up early as usually because if you are like me, alcohol disrupts sleep, I turned on my TV and there was this old guy named Pastor Arnold Murry. He reads the Bible chapter by chapter and translates it back to the original manuscripts in the Greek and Hebrew in a manner in which anyone can understand. Maybe you can find some enlightenment here. His program is called Shepherds Chapel. He is broadcast everywhere in the US and Canada and elsewhere. This guy is not a screaming preacher and does not ask for money. His face on my TV started my trip to honesty.


Member: Maggie
Location: IL
Date: April 02, 2003
Time: 08:11 AM

Comments

Hi, Maggie again. Alcoholic. ((Marsha)), When I in the very early days of soriety (I'm only 5 months sober) I was in a hospital so I new there was no way to drink. I came home after 6 day's and I had two days t go before I entered treatment, I hung on by a hair. All I kept remembering was the last demoralizing incident that I had managed to create, I was utterly shame based. THAT kept me sober. I went for two months numb but sober. They said, "Take your body to a meeting and your mind will follow." Thats about all I could do and Guess what? I'm sober still today. Hang in there, your mind and body need lots of time to begin to understand. All you need to focus in on right now is DONT DRINK, GO TO MEETINGS, and get a SPONSOR. The rest will come if yu are willing and you take it "ONE DAY AT A TIME". My prayers are with you and all. Maggie


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 02, 2003
Time: 08:53 AM

Comments

To Maggie Thanks for your words of wisdom and encouragement.


Member: Julie P.
Location: Iowa
Date: April 02, 2003
Time: 11:15 AM

Comments

Hi, Julie here alcoholic/addict. I am having a rough couple of days, not sure what is going on-I'm 43 days clean this time and everything has been going wonderful, but the last few days have been terrible. I have been crappy with my boyfriend, less patient with my baby than usual, thinking about old friends and wanting to use. Its driving me crazy! I don't want to use really and I'm not going to but I just needed to talk about it a little bit. I guess maybe be honest with myself about how I'm feeling and what is causing this. My boyfriend has even been commenting, he said he thought I was trying to start a fight with him so I could use. At first I was sort of mad then I saw why he would think that. Poor guy he is acting the same as usual, I just seem to be reacting to everything differently. Taking everything defensively etc. I am not going to use though and going to keep praying and asking for guidance and looking at my gratitude list and hopefully this will pass soon. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know!! Much Love and God Bless!! Juliebean


Member: ROBERT.F
Location: FLORIDA
Date: April 02, 2003
Time: 01:03 PM

Comments

HI MY NAME IS ROBERT AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. OK NOW THAT I GOT THAT OUT I HAVE OFFICIALY BEGUN MY ROAD TO SOBRIETY. I HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR 22 DAYS ONLY BECAUSE I GOT OUT OF JAIL YESTERDAY FOR MY SECOND CHARGE OF D.U.I IN 10 DAYS.IT WAS PROBABLY THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPEND FOR ME.I HAVE A LOT MOR TO SAY BUT, DON'T KNOW HOW TO TYPE HOPEFULLY BY THE TIME I LEARN TO CONTROL WHAT I LET TRIGGER MY DRINKING I WILL.OH YEA I FORGOT TO MENTION THE ONLY JOB I HAVE EVER HAD IS IN THE BAR AND RESTURANT INDUSTRY.I AM CURRENTLY A BARTENDER/OYSTER SHUCKER


Member: Cath
Location:
Date: April 02, 2003
Time: 08:46 PM

Comments

Hello I'm Cath and I am an alcoholic. This is the first time I have visited this site. I feel terribly alone because I can't get to regular meetings. I have not been honest with myself and others for a very long time and reading everyone else's contributions about honesty has really hit home with me. I feel like i have been living a terribly destructive life for such a long time now and I can't stand it anymore. I have cut myself off from my friends, my marriage has gone to hell and I am starting to become frightened. I am scared that I can't control my drinking and that it is destroying me. I desperately want to stop and I hope I can get some support here. Thanks for listening.


Member: MartyG
Location: Cowtown
Date: April 02, 2003
Time: 10:36 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, Marty a true alcoholic here. I enjoy reading your post, as this is my second time around. It's funny because one of my mentors, a psuedo sponsor always tells people that you don't have to relapse to remain in AA> Oh well a little late for me. Honesty with myself, others etc. is running parallel with my program. I haven't had that great awakening or ephifany if you will. It appears to me that my progress in sobriety is at a gradual pace, so is my ability to be honest. Both of these demand from me a dedication to work, a commitment to God and myself, and help from AA. As I try to do these I slowly am able to be that much more honest with things. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. It's good to hear from all of you as I am in the same boat with you. With your help I am sober today. Love one another. meg


Member: Robin
Location: Midwest
Date: April 03, 2003
Time: 12:33 AM

Comments

Robin the alcoholic here. Today is 5 days sober. In my small town people just read today's paper and my public intox was in there. Crap is a flying. How do I show strength during this trying time? I feel horrible for my husband who seems to do no wrong and doesn't want to be noticed in town for other than good stuff. I am terribly ashamed and yet I knew the day would come when I would get taken over by this little demon. I prayed alot yesterday and I prayed alot today. I have been reading the big book. I haven't been to a meeting because of my work schedule. Plus there is only one a week in my area, that is why I am here. I have read everyone's comments everyday and I feel glad that I am not alone. This probably has nothing to do with the topic I just needed to share again. Thanks for listening.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: April 03, 2003
Time: 01:39 AM

Comments

Hi Robin, Just reading before bed and your post popped up. I also made the hall of shame in the paper and know what that feels like. All I can say is (turn it around). If there is only one AA meeting in your town then be at it. You may be able to find more meetings nearby from that one. If you are actively working on your sobriety then you have nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes God gives us these little nudges or wake up calls. Shame, guilt and remorse used to be my best friends when I drank. Now I can hold my head up where ever I go. I am active in my recovery and sober and proud of myself. It shows and it is a far cry from how bad I felt all the time as a drunk. Congrats on 5 days! Take it one day at a time. To anyone new keep coming back. It does get better but not overnight. Try to get active in AA because isolation is bad for newly sober people. If I don't do one meeting a day I feel yucky. I need to interact with other alcoholics on a daily basis. I don't know why it works but it does for me. I holed up for two years in my house with my bottle so when I feel low I don't want to be home alone. I feel safer in a meeting with my friends. If I can't get to one I call a friend in the program. AA is really a 'we' program. Everyone have a great Thursday! Kelly


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 03, 2003
Time: 08:05 AM

Comments

Hi Everyone at Early Sobriety, Marsha from Michigan here. Cath, don't feel alone. I spent alot of guilt hours and days and years thinking about the destructive lifestyle that I was living. I am 50 years old and I had my first drink when I was 18. I managed to stay away from alcohol when I was pregnant for my now 30 year old daughter. I am thankful for that. I would say that I have been a heavy drinker for 12 to 15 years and have never been able to stay off it for more thatn 48 hours at a time. Well, this morning, I started my 6th day without alcohol. I am feeling a miracle in process. I had been told in the past that AA was a hoot and for just a bunch of weak, self centered losers. I know different now. Stick with this website. This is my link to self honesty. Get on the big book website too. Thanks every for being here with me. You are fantastic.


Member: Ken L
Location: RI
Date: April 03, 2003
Time: 08:11 AM

Comments

Robin, I walked into a package store (drunk) and told the clerk that I wanted to give myself up and started crying. He called the police. I was arrested, finger printed, stripped and put in jail. I was stripped because I tried to make a rope out of my shirt. Need I explain. Hang in there God loves you. He created you different than anybody else in the world. There was a reason he did that. I have more to add but not the time.


Member: Maggie
Location: IL
Date: April 03, 2003
Time: 09:02 AM

Comments

Hi all, Maggie again. Alcoholic. Congradulations Marsha! Thats so awesome! 6 days! ((Robin)) Hang in there hon, if you don't know what to do, sit in the moment and breath.....the answer will come if you quiet your mind from all the squirlls running around up there! Don't drink JUST FOR TODAY! Have a wonderful day all. LOL, Maggie


Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 03, 2003
Time: 12:40 PM

Comments

hi Diane here 9 days sober I am a alcoholic (ounch) never really said that word out loud. I had my first drink at age 18 then stopped then had my children and after they where around 12 I started drinking a little with my husband at night then went through a wild time and almost went head first in to a diesel that scared me and stopped me only from drinking and driving which was a good thing. Then I stopped off and on many times now I am 52 and tired of how alcohol has controled my life. Like at night I would not want a phone call cause I was in my selfish drinking so I would say tell them I am asleep. It takes me from my family and make my life a living hell today is my 9th day of sobriety. Diane


Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 03, 2003
Time: 12:40 PM

Comments

hi Diane here 9 days sober I am a alcoholic (ounch) never really said that word out loud. I had my first drink at age 18 then stopped then had my children and after they where around 12 I started drinking a little with my husband at night then went through a wild time and almost went head first in to a diesel that scared me and stopped me only from drinking and driving which was a good thing. Then I stopped off and on many times now I am 52 and tired of how alcohol has controled my life. Like at night I would not want a phone call cause I was in my selfish drinking so I would say tell them I am asleep. It takes me from my family and make my life a living hell today is my 9th day of sobriety. Diane


Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 03, 2003
Time: 12:43 PM

Comments

Diane here sorry about the double post. Don't make my mistake and hit refresh hehe just close it down and re open browser thanks


Member: Ken L
Location:
Date: April 03, 2003
Time: 01:28 PM

Comments

I am an alcoholic. You think I would be able to say that by now. My mother died last Aug from cerosis of the liver. She still drank. All around her stomach was all black and blue. I can’t tell you how many embarrassing moments I have had in emergency rooms. The point is it is nor her fault that I am an alcoholic. I am starting fresh again today. So I thought I would start here. No one is bigger hypocrite than I am. I write and record Christian music while I’m drinking. I can’t stand myself anymore. I have been encouraged already from this site. I’ll check in tomorrow. Thanks to all.


Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 03, 2003
Time: 01:43 PM

Comments

hey ken good to see you, I'm new here too and have kept myself away from church cause I felt I was a hypocrite too but God loves us and today I will stay sober


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: April 03, 2003
Time: 05:20 PM

Comments

LOL Di B. Funny Story. Early in my recovery I was approached to join a church. I said, "No thank you there are too many hypocrites there. The guy said that I was absolutely right. There are a lot of hypocrites in church. But, there was always room for one more. I still do not go to church on a regular basis but I am quick to see where they are right.. :) Bill email at az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Darlene
Location: Pa
Date: April 03, 2003
Time: 11:05 PM

Comments

Hi Darlene here, alcoholic frist i want to thank everyone for their posts it made me realize something i have been dishonest from the very beginning of my recovery 3 months ago keeping a dirty little secret (if you will.) thinking what did my counselor need to know that for whats that have to do with my recovery my now i realize it's got everything to do with my recovery. so here right now i'm going to tell you my secret and tomorrow morning i'm going to tell my counselor I was raped by my brother (i was kid )in my brain i know it wasn't my fault but i've always felt dirty guilty like i could have done something to have prevented it. also my dad an alcoholic had me bare my breasts and he touched them then he told me to leave the room and than he climbed out on the roof and was going to shoot himself in the head. for a long time i wished he would have. he has been dead for twenty years and i'm still packing this shit around well not anymore this drunk is getting rid of load of shit. i feel better for having gotten that out in the light. thank-you everyone


Member: Robin
Location: Midwest
Date: April 04, 2003
Time: 01:27 AM

Comments

Robin the alcoholic here still sober. Did not die from the newspaper but did shed alot of tears of shame tonight. Thank you all Ken, Maggie and Kelly for your encouragement I needed to hear those things. I keep reading that big book and another called Living Sober. It has been enlightning and I have gotten several new ideas on how to stay sober one day at a time. Tonight I turned down my next potential lapse without offending anyone yeah. Darlene thanks for feeling open here that is not an easy thing to tell anyone. Good luck with your counselor this will give him or her some insight to you and help treat you correctly. Just keep that train of thought in your mind like you are doing "it wasn't my fault..". I hope that helps. Thanks for letting me share. Robin


Member: smiley
Location: wa
Date: April 04, 2003
Time: 04:18 AM

Comments

HONESTY,Well u have to be true to onesself before that can even take place. to admit that unlike others i have this disease. which was hard for me. if i lie to myself than im lying to everyone else who is trying to help me. realizing that i cant do this alone. that i need help. to listen and know others experiences. and i can be more honest with my self knowing that im not the only one with issues and situations. thats helped me more than i would of ever guessed. knowing that i can be honest with myself and my family as well as my group. i have been 2 wks sober once again but im going to keep at it and not give up on myself. theres only me who can control this. maybe not cure it but CONTROL it


Member: Ken L
Location: RI
Date: April 04, 2003
Time: 06:09 AM

Comments

You see Robin, I encourage you when I needed help. Crazy but it works. I could not wait to send everyone a note this morning to say I made it one day. Tonight is the Friday night my former drinking night. I remember that song “I get by with a little help from my friends”. Thanks Everyone. Got to work. Darn it.


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 04, 2003
Time: 07:28 AM

Comments

Hi Everyone, Your stories are touching. I am glad that I found you people. This is my 7th day sober and yes it is Friday. This has been my excuse for getting loaded--well extra loaded. I have been a lucky woman in that I have never made it into the newspaper. Our local paper is such a rag that people turn to the court news first. I am truly being honest that I don't how I avoided print. I guess that only God knows. One time I drove home from a party and didn't remember it. And to Darlene; I have sad family issues too and although I didn't experience something as severe as you, my heart understands. You are right for getting it out in the open. Thanks everybody. Have a safe and sober Friday.


Member: Maggie
Location: IL
Date: April 04, 2003
Time: 08:07 AM

Comments

Hi for the third time, Maggie here. Alcoholic. Ahhhhhhh. That mean old newspaper. I made it there, lets see, 5 or 6 times? I think the saying goes, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got"! Hang in there guys, you have made the biggest step of all, admitting you are a alcoholic. Have a great weekend, LOL, Maggie


Member: Trey M
Location: TX
Date: April 04, 2003
Time: 10:40 AM

Comments

Hey - Trey here, alcoholic. I've been sober for 18 days. I've been praying for some acceptance lately. I need lots of help from others, but my pride is still getting in the way. If I'm completely honest with myself, I think that fear will start to abate. There's nothing wrong with needing help. I've tried everything I can think of to help myself, but that's what caused my relapse. What a beautiful day to be sober - no matter what's happening in the world and around me.


Member: Marsha R.
Location: CT
Date: April 04, 2003
Time: 12:04 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone, My name is Marsha and I am most definitely an alcoholic. I found this site today (thankfully) and I most wanted to hear from those in early sobriety. Thank you for remininding me why I don't want to pick up again. I don't want to be complacent, I don't want to take sobriety for granted.. but as time goes by I fear this is the case. I am psyched for all of you who are just beginning or are coming back into the fellowship. For all the hard work and struggles in early sobriety--it is so worth it. I can honestly say (topic reference.. heeh) that sobriety is THE best thing that has happened to me in my life. Blessings to all.


Member: MartyG
Location: Cowtown
Date: April 04, 2003
Time: 10:24 PM

Comments

Hello everyone.Marty here an alcoholic. Just reading the last half of the post, and see that some of us have only a few days of sobriety. That's Great!!! This got me to thinking about the power that we have to help each other. All the people that included their lenghts of sobriety we have 2978 days of sobriety. That's pretty fricking powerful in my book. Thank you all for helping me to remain sober! Love one another. meg


Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 04, 2003
Time: 11:22 PM

Comments

hey guys 10 days (YES) just had to pop in and say 10 days sober I've read all your post and find this a very helpful and encouraging site it is nice to see so many that are like me and just starting out. Before when I stopped I never looked for others to help me but realize now that we all need each other God Bless and stay sober hehe Diane


Member: Robin
Location: Midwest
Date: April 05, 2003
Time: 12:09 AM

Comments

Robin the alcoholic here 7 days sober yeah!!! Friday night is also my favorite night to cut loose. I took the day off from work tonight and went out with my husband. He has Fridays off all the time. Everything was fine. No pressure to drink. (he knows I have a problem). Lived through the public humiliation fairly well. Felt the urge to drink but I got something to eat reminded myself of last weekend and made my mind think of something else (cross stitch my favorite hobby). Surfed the web for ideas in home decorating. I HONESTLY feel better today than I have all week long. Nice to be sober. Thanks for all of ya'll's support.


Member: Bill L
Location: NW Oregon
Date: April 05, 2003
Time: 12:24 AM

Comments

Bill here, an alcoholic. Not much to add tonight, feeling like crap from some bug or another. ((Darlene)) What you have gone through at the hands of your brother and father is too much for anyone, let alone one of us drunks. Somewhere in the book it talks about things of this nature, and says that they are NOT our fault. You seem to think that there is something you could have done, but that is not the case. I hope you did talk with your counselor about this, and thank you for sharing your story with us in here. 22 months here, but the only one that counts is today. Thanks ((everyone)) for your posts.


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 05, 2003
Time: 07:30 AM

Comments

Hi Everybody, I am eight days sober today and I made it through the dreaded Friday night. Robin, isn't it great when you come out of the fog how you suddenly find the old stuff is interesting again. I went to the library and am reading again. I am still having a bit of a hard time staying asleep at night. To all of you, congratulations on your sobriety. Thanks for posting all of your experiences--both happy and sad. You are helping me so much. Thank God for you.


Member: JASON L.
Location: PENNSYLVANIA
Date: April 05, 2003
Time: 08:34 AM

Comments

hello everyone!jason l,addict/alcoholic,honesty is so very important,for me myself,and in me being sober.it really never came easily for me.i was always afraid of someone getting really upset at me,because the truth was always so hard to swallow.i figured that if i lied,at least i wouldnt have to deal with it until the truth came out,if it ever did.that was bad because then,i would lie to cover up a lie,and pretty soon,it snowballed to the point that i myself eas living the life of a lie,and i lost track of the person that i really am.it was a long and very hard road for me to find myself again,but with a little work,friends,and a lot of understanding,i am once again able to hold my head high,and say my name out loud in a crowded room,and not worry about what poeple heard about me,or what they think.thanks for letting me share.


Member: Robert F
Location: florida
Date: April 05, 2003
Time: 11:13 AM

Comments

Robert here the alcoholic bartender,but now I'm 25 day's sober.Worked last night for the first time since getting out of jail went very well. Found out just how well liked I am by my managers. All were very!! happy to see me. Also found out I have to move .So let's recap 2 d.u.i arrest in 10 day's,so far just 5 yrs suspension, loss of 50% of income from two business,and have to move, did I forget anything? I'm sure I did but I'm still sober today!


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: April 05, 2003
Time: 11:44 AM

Comments

Hi, Kelly, a really bad drunk sober by the grace of God. Congrats to everyone that made it another day! Fridays are tough on a lot of us alkies. I am the coffeemaker and treasurer for a midnight meeting on Friday night. We get a lot of night owls and people that miss going out Friday night. Earlier I went to a 7:30 speaker meeting and then out to Friendlys for ice cream with a friend. I have a really good life now thanks to AA. I have friends that like me for me. I can reach out and help another drunk. I hated Friendlys when I drank because they did not serve alcohol, why bother going there! I can relate ((Jason)) about the lies and how you always get caught. It is so much easier to be real. ((Trey)) Say the prayer, Thy will be done not mine. It helps for me because I am strong willed too. Just remember the person who entered the halls will drink again. ((Marsha)) Getting our old hobbies back is another gift. It is hard to do so many things half in the bag! I find I get a lot from helping others. Even if it is just a ride to a meeting or talking to someone on the phone that wants to drink again. Its even ok if they do end up going out again because that is their perogative. Sometime when they hit bottom they will remember AA was there for them in the past and the doors of AA swing both ways. I'm a retread myself! Well gotta run. Everyone just don't drink and have a great Saturday. Kelly. By the way. What is everyones favorite chapter in the Big Book and why? Just curious...


Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 05, 2003
Time: 12:31 PM

Comments

had to post day 11 sober and mind is clear fixing husbands shirts smaller since he and I are also on a great Diet! It's a good Day to be alive


Member: Eloi K.
Location: NE Mn
Date: April 05, 2003
Time: 12:42 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, just found this site after a long search through some really complicated ones. I feel for Robin because I too live in a small town, only I havn't made the newspaper, don't need to. I have a "good friend" to do the local reporting. Sober for over a month then a couple of slips. Sober again, hopefully with the help of God, still havn't figured out what caused the slips. I can relate to Robin because I too have a "perfect" husband who has put up with alot but is being supportive in my search for sobriety.


Member: PETE L
Location: BONDI AUSTRALIA
Date: April 06, 2003
Time: 06:03 AM

Comments

Pete,7 weeks sober after 20 years of seeing life through the haze. Life scare's me. I don't cope well with close people. It's funny, I have just spent six weeks in rehab (that i thought i didn't need), I seem to get along with most of the people there, I have been attending AA every day for the past seven weeks (missed one day)and have made conversation and relation easily with all the people I have meet. But(yes the but) when i returned home to my wife and two girls 4&6, everything turned to poo. I somehow interpreted my wifes anger, into allowing me to feel guitly ay myself for wanting to attend AA. This flipped my logic button, and ended up back in hospital (nut case stamp), now my wife say's she doesn't know if she wants me back??? I tell myself and others that its because she hasn't had any counselling and she is still angry, confused and dosn't understand alcoholism. But boy its pissing me off, resentment yep I GOT IT!! I am so damn proud that I didn't bust, but I'm so scared to even talk to her now as she continually is pushing my buttons, and to top it of I rang my Mum, and she's the same. Is it just me doing a poor me? Probably, but its better than doing a poor me another drink. Anyway the doc's have locked me up, my misses is maybe going to get some counselling. What worries me is I don't seem to care. I trust my higher power, but its hard to say that I don't need so much support from those I used to depend on. I relate so much to other people in AA thats its a stark contrast when it come to talking to my wife and close family, do I trust them? NO? Do I trust other AA's not to judge me YES. Do I trust myself NO. HELP PLEASE


Member: Ken L
Location: RI
Date: April 06, 2003
Time: 09:12 AM

Comments

Ken, alcoholic. Di B, AZbill, Robin 3 days and feeling good this morning. Thank you. I went to a men’s Christian breakfast yesterday morning. They had a group praying for people. I went up for prayer and easily for the first time in my life, (after 38 years of on and off drinking) said to that I was an alcoholic. I can’t ever remember saying it with so much ease. It was like I was almost proud to say it. Scary. I’d been to an AA meeting years ago but never went back because I didn’t think my problem was as bad as the ones who spoke. It’s like having cancer and thinking it won’t kill you. I’ve been sitting here at my computer trying to write more but since I read Pete’s comment I have been in kind of real quit and sad. I adjusted my thinking to him instead of me. All of us (Robin, Eloi, Bill, Jason, Kelly, Robert and Marsha) are on your side Pete. After 29 years of marriage, it’s not that she doesn’t stand alcoholism. In my case, I wanted to go to church for help rather than meeting. She was more afraid of me becoming a fanatical Christian than she was of me drinking. I could never figure that out. When I thought I was getting closer to my higher power to get help she didn’t like it. She didn’t like me going to AA or church. Where the H*** do I go?? I really think that my wife was using this like a loaded shot gun to get back at me for all the bad times I caused by my drinking. By the way she had plenty of ammo because my father and mother were both alcoholics. I don’t think she meant it either. Pete, if there is a higher power, then there is a lower one who is trying to ruin everything you are doing. Please hang in there. Believe it or not, you have taken my problem and helped. Thanks everone. Ken