Member: Nikki P
Location: memphis, tn
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 05:55 PM

Comments

Hi!! My name is Nikki, I am an alcoholic, I was sober for 15 days, and am drinking as I write, I tried has hard as I could to stop but my body and mind cried out!! I was weaker than I thought!!! I am a slave to this poison!! why!! why!! I must be functional because I can go to work, I pay my bills on time!! no one knows me would think that I am sick, I know that I am and so does God! I can't fool him, so what do I do now!! I have a beautiful home, a nice car and I am always together when I leave home... I have camoflauged my drinking so long no one knows that I can't function without it,I am afraid and ashamed to go to an aa meeting in my area because it would get out in the small community that I live, I have read all the books and know must of the symptoms, but I am afraid to face my problem openly. Honesty is the only way and I already know that but how do I do that and save face???? (ROCK BOTTOM)I have to much pride to admit that!! I probably am at that point right now for me. I am reaching out for help on this site and I know that this to is a cop out because you people don't know me!!How do I reach out to my freinds and loved ones without being an embarasment to them I need help!! and am to fearful to reach out!! How do I do this?? HELP, HELP, HELP


Member: Kim V
Location: Mars Hill, NC
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 07:29 PM

Comments

Hi Kim here alcoholic. Nicki I hear your pain and desperation. You say you live in a small community and that nobody knows about your drinking problem. That is what I thought for years, but you know what. They know. The first part of getting help is reaching out and admitting your are powerless over alcohol. All I can say is that you will do so when you have had enough pain. Chris F your going to a 18 month rehab how wonderful for you. I did that and it is a great expereince and you will have plenty of time to find a sponsor as you get toward the end of your program there. What courage you have to have taken on such an awesome journey. Darlene please don't give up. I would try so other meetings. I have found women's meetings especially great the energy is much different and finding a loving, caring sponsor is much easier in this atmosphere. Good luck. Still Powerless Kim V


Member:
Location:
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 08:20 PM

Comments

We are generally the last to know that we are alcoholic.....


Member:
Location:
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 09:20 PM

Comments

no, we are the last to accept it, we know it


Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 01:06 AM

Comments

Hi all, read everyone's post, thanks for sharing, it helps me keep on the right path. Tonight I like to talk about forgiveness! I try not to remember the past much, and put my focus on today and tommorrow. By saying the Serenity prayer each day, I know I can't change the past. But, I'll be damn if the past doesn't catch up with ya. Something I have been trying to forgive to succeed with my future, has once again to come to the surface and bite my in the butt. I have been trying to forgive my past for a long time and have been overwhelmed with success! But now, that this has resurfaced, I once again feel angry and resentfull! Old feelings are coming back, and I know this is not the right way to feel after I spent almost a lifetime trying to forget. Do I go one on one with this person early on in my sobriety? Or do I look the other way? Anyways, have a nice night and don't drink!


Member: AZbill
Location: From AZbill
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 01:36 AM

Comments

Forgive: To stop being angry at; to give up resentments against. Look it up. It also means to pardon but generally we do not have that kind of power. We do have the power to forgive. Bill; email: az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Stuart M
Location: Devon England
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 09:58 AM

Comments

Hi My name is Stuart and I am an alcoholic, sober today by the grace of God and through the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. A friend of mine says "Many meetings make it easy,few meetings make it hard and no meetings make it impossible " and I tend to agree with him. The last place I had intended ending up as I made my way through my life was at a meeting of A.A but I can assure you that the people I met at that meeting had my best interests at heart and had no intention of putting out announcements to say that the great ME had been to the meeting.I had to find a little bit of humility in the middle of all my pride and deflate my ego just enough to get through the door. It is true (my opinion) that God (as I understand Him) works through people and the people of A.A were telling me THEY were "powerless" had what I wanted,peace of mind,smiling eyes,and sobriety, most of all sobriety (I decided I wanted what they had and was willing to go to any lengths to get it). God Bless you all, Keep coming back. Stuart M


Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 11:21 AM

Comments

Hi! I'm Kathy and I am an alcoholic. Face to face meetings are very important especially in the beginning of recovery. You need to have the support that only face to face can give you. A face to face mmeting is where you will find a sponsor that can lead you through the steps which will help you stay sober. The on-line forums like this (and chatrooms) are nice but they do not take the place of talking face to face to another alcoholic.


Member: Tracy V
Location: England
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 11:25 AM

Comments

Tracy grateful alcoholic (((Nicky))) please don't be afraid of what people think or say what you really mean is that if you go to AA and don't succeed this time you will be aware of yourself i use to think people were staring and talking about me until i relised it was the disease talking to me when you are sure in your own mind nothink or no one will stop you Much Love Tracy


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake City
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 02:03 PM

Comments

Nikki: "Honesty is the only way and I already know that but how do I do that and save face?" The answer: can't be done. There is a saying in A.A.: If you save your face you lose your ass; lose your face and save your ass. It just means that when you are trying to protect what you think you will look like to others, you are worshiping a false prophet: our ego's! Nobody here, or in A.A. is going to be divulging outside these rooms anything about you as the only way they can get that information about you is by being in the meeting. They reveal the same "flaw" about themselves if they are revealing yours. Get the help from the people who can help. Those are the people who have been where you are now...ashamed and afraid. Give up the G~d's of alcohol, shame and fear, and let the G~d of acceptance and help give you comfort. You will be amazed. Whenever you are ready to be who you really are in front of others, you will be welcome. You are here doing what you are doing right now and that is a wonderful step. Good work! Keep it up. You're among friends.


Member: darlene l
Location: Pa
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 02:03 PM

Comments

HI i'm darlene, i'm an alcoholic. frist things frist.thank-you for your support. i am going to go to more AA meetings. I'm going to do whatever it takes Nikki I am 16 days sober. i know where you are at it was hard for me to admit i had a problem to my spouse, my doctor i shocked them when i said i was an alcoholic not because they didn't already know but because i said it out loud. people already know. I told my doctor and he helped me to go to a clinic where at frist i was afraid. but within a very short time i came to realize i was not alone,far from it. I found loving, caring people who shared their fears, hopes and experiences, helping me to learn to share mine with them. i thank god for leading me there. God was right there his presense was felt at every step of the way. i guess in my fear of going to an AA meeting i forgot that i'm not alone, that god goes with me, so thank-you for helping me to see that. i hope i helped you a little.


Member: Lyn
Location: Michigan
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 04:01 PM

Comments

Hi Nikki, I know what you're feeling. I lived in a small town years ago, and I know how quickly rumors spread. If it makes you that uncomfortable to go to a meeting where you live, then drive elsewhere. How far would you drive to save your life?


Member: Mike W
Location: Hillsdale, Mi. USA
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 07:13 PM

Comments

I'm an alcoholic, my name is Mike (((( Nikki)))) Try this link and Find some FTF meetings in your area !! http://www.memphis-aa.org Click on the prompt area for "New Members .. Its got a lot of good info for you.. My prayers go out to you. Mike plumbfitter2000@yahoo.com


Member: greg h
Location: tuscaloosa alabama
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 09:54 PM

Comments

NIKKI mY NAME IS GREG AND i AM AN ALCOHOLIC. you need not worry about people in you small town talking about you.."alcoholics ANONYMOUS" . you can't save face and it nothing to be ashamed of it is embarasing and hard as hell to tell a bunch of strangers that you are powerless over alcohol but humility is part of the first step of admitting it to yourself that you are powerless. At an AA meeting every single person in that room has been where you are..


Member: Eda
Location: Memphis
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 10:08 PM

Comments

Nikki, I wouldn't be so certain that nobody knows you drink. I thought that too and boy was I wrong. EVERYBODY knew. I wasn't fooling anybody. most people I knew were really happy to see me helping myself.


Member: Stacy E
Location: Kentucky
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 10:51 PM

Comments

Nikki, Before I got help I was also afraid and ashamed to go to a meeting. That would confirm that I was ill and what would people close to me think? As it turned out, they had been worried about my drinking for quite some time (of course, I thought that no one knew how much I drank) but didn't know how to approach me about it. When they discovered I had started going to AA, they were relieved and PROUD of me for realizing it was time to get some outside help before my life really began to crumble. My "bottom" wasn't as low as many others, but I'm still addicted to alcohol and I'm glad I'm in AA. Believe me, that first meeting was very frightening. I sat in the back room in the chair nearest to the door so that I could run out at any time. I WANTED to run out of the room, but stayed anyway and felt good when the meeting was over. Now, I actually look forward to going to meetings. For me its like going to a dysfunctional church. No one will judge you because they are all there for the same reason that you will be there. To get well! It takes a lot of courage to walk through those doors for the first time, but if you don't, your disease will only get stronger and will not leave you alone until it takes you for everything you've got. Possibly even your life. Please get to a meeting. Good Luck! Stacy.


Member: joe don A
Location: nova scotia canada joe_don55@hotmail.com
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 11:46 PM

Comments

joe don im an alcoholic. Nikki i had to choose be a drunk an fear people finding out or go to A A an better myself an show people i am trying to do something about my problem though A A i'v become a much better person i am better at handling my problems an i don't worry about what people think any more for i know im doing my best at being a better person in my community going to meeting means you are working at being the best you can be an theres nothing wroung with that best of luck to you an get to a meeting now joe don


Member: Birdie F
Location: Wisconsin
Date: January 20, 2003
Time: 04:11 AM

Comments

Hi all, I'm Birdie and I'm an alchoholic. 19 days sober!! I was out of the program for 4 years, thinking that I was controlling my drinking the whole time. NOT! I am so grateful to be back in these rooms. Going to face to face meetings as often as I can. Looking for a sponsor. Being in AA and working the steps is one of the few things that ever felt right in my life. Somehow to admit powerlessness brings a freedom I never knew before. I am no longer ashamed of my disease. I am grateful that there is a way to overcome it. thanks


Member: Landscape Ray
Location: Scotland
Date: January 20, 2003
Time: 05:59 AM

Comments

Nikki.p been there buddy lost it all house cars wife business dont do it my way, do what Mike W suggests and get to meets you cant do this yourself i wish you well its up to you god bless , Le Ann Q, Joe R, Sarah H,John P, Darlene well done you are great examples lots of love Ray


Member: Cindi P.
Location: Chippewa Falls, WI
Date: January 20, 2003
Time: 12:41 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Cindi P. and I am an alcoholic. My recovery started when I gave up trying to control my drinking and took direction from people who knew how to help me early in sobriety. I started going to meetings and every time someone asked me to keep coming back. I kept coming to AA meetings because that was all I could do for a couple of years. Nikki, I lost only my self-respect and worsened my health. But that was enough for me. When I drank I got worse. When I stopped drinking I could take direction on how to find sobriety and serenity at f2f meetings. Keep coming back and let us help you.


Member: robin
Location: delaware
Date: January 20, 2003
Time: 02:58 PM

Comments

nikki....like you and many others, i live in a small town...alcoholics live all over...not just in a city...you're right about small town talk...it happens...you'd be surprised about how many people know your drinking secret...and you'd be even more surprised about how many people will be supportive in helping you...if you want help, it's there to take....a short time after you take the 1st step you'll wonder why you didn't take it sooner...remember, you're not alone....this site proves that...


Member: Missy B.
Location: Front Royal, VA
Date: January 20, 2003
Time: 04:22 PM

Comments

Nikki..For about 3 months now i have been going to meetings everyday..i stopped going to meetings a week ago and i thought maybe i had this thing under control so i went out for my 21st bday friday night just for a few drinks. i came to realize that i was drinking one drink right after another..i didnt want to dance or talk to anyone bc i wanted to get DRUNK fast...ive tried to hide my problem for years thinking no one would even think of Ms. Missy having a drinking problem..but they knew. everyone knew. AA can save you now before its too late. keep your head up...all my prayers


Member: Tracy V
Location: England
Date: January 20, 2003
Time: 04:59 PM

Comments

I am 40 been drinking since i first got drunk with my first session at 14 never not got druni since then been sobr 5 days now been dry bdfore but not sober went to the docs for a check up as i feel under the weather still and have got to have a blood test tommorrow check liver levels as he thinks good chance of damage has anybody else been diagnoised with liver damage? Tracy grateful to be on here.


Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: January 20, 2003
Time: 05:43 PM

Comments

As for me, I've been too busy saving my ass to worry about saving my face.


Member: Donna
Location: Florida
Date: January 20, 2003
Time: 05:48 PM

Comments

When I first started going to meetings I ask how many I needed to go to & for how long. My sponsor said how often did you drink & how long. It took me that long to get so sick, so I am not going to get better immediately. He also said this is a spiritual program & going to meetings is where he got spiritually fed. I find that to be true for me also. Without meetings I have a tendency to forget what I am trying to do. Meeting makers make it is one of those things I hear often in meetings. I know lots don't make who don't go to meetings. I choice to go to meetings today. Love Donna


Member: Karen P.
Location: Wrightsville & Atlanta, GA
Date: January 20, 2003
Time: 09:48 PM

Comments

Nikki, one of the last things they say at my f2f meetings is, "It's okay for me to say that I'm an alcoholic and I attended this meeting, but it's not okay for me to say that you're an alcoholic or that I saw you here." Everyone there shares the same problem. I used to be afraid. Now I know that if I see someone I know we have something in common, alcoholism. Your struggle is not unfamiliar to me. But it is worth getting over it. The people who matter will be relieved and glad that you are getting help. I'm not exactly an old hand at this, so the feelings about starting out are still fresh for me. If your listening, thanks for letting me share.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: January 20, 2003
Time: 10:55 PM

Comments

Hi Tracy, How is england? It's colder than a bugger here. -10 degrees and pipes bursting all over town... Not mine thankfully! I am 40 too and drank from 13 off and on till my decline into active alcoholism 12 years ago. I have had liver problems but not Cirrosis luckily. I had high liver enzymes for two months after I stopped and a distended abdomen. I could not take my Lipitor/ cholesterol and Nexium/ acid reflux pill till last month. I also had to stay away from Tylenol and Ibuprophen and drink a lot of water. 10 glasses a day or more. My Kidneys and Bladder are what I am still having trouble with. Urinary frequency mostly and some pain. I drank wine and my urine smelled like ammonia and luckily that went away. I also had IBS/ the runs daily but that is gone too. I was a very bad alcoholic and my body was really shutting down. I was even on medicine to lessen the daily DT's. Inderal for the sweats and Lorazepam for the shakes. The insanity! I hope you have not done any permanant damage and you feel better soon. Awesome on the 5 days! Get to as many meetings as you can and get phone numbers. I picked up my 4 month chip today and it was great. I could not have done it without AA. ((Nikki)) I was in denial about my drinking. I didn't want to lose my big job, well I did and lots more. It gets worse. AA will be there when your ready. Being an alcoholic is nothing to be ashamed of, being a fall down drunk is. In small towns like where I live they all know anyway. Word of mouth. The liquor store cashier talks, the garbage man talks your friends and family talk. They already know and as others said they would be proud of you if you get help. When my Mom heard I was in AA she sent me a card thanking me! everyone have a great week and whatever don't drink. Kelly


Member: Tracy V
Location: England
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 02:32 AM

Comments

Kelly thanks for your reply i am just of to work now but glad you mentioned the amonia thing thought i was the only one oh here i go all about ME ME ME LOL (((love to you))) Tracy alcoholic


Member: Robert K.
Location: Chattanooga TN
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 04:42 AM

Comments

Robert here.Alcoholic.I've been sober 8 months and my liver enzymes still haven't returned to normal.High blood pressure,lung problems,and some nerve damage.I'm 31.Tracy you have a great incentive for staying sober.I know that if I drink again I will be dead within a year.Relapse is not in my vocabulary.Dead or alive are my two choices.Think about that Tracy.Nikki,welcome to your future.Look around carefully. Ask yourself if the opinion of some idiot who knows nothing about this disease is worth the painful,lonely death you have coming if you don't get help.I don't mean to be harsh,but this is a deadly business.As I said I have been sober only eight months and has been painful.It's also been the greatest time of my life.Life is richer than I ever thought it could be.What ever you have to do to get sober do it.It's worth it.Blessings to you all.


Member: John H
Location: Manchester UK
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 08:07 AM

Comments

Hi Tracey - Yep I've got liver probs - my enzymes were very high (which is nature's way of coping with the booze - they break it down) and the Docs can tell a lot from those levels (like how much you drink, when you gave up etc).Even 6 months after stopping there is still evidence, like fatty deposits in the liver, damage to it or, the worst, cirrhosis which is basically killing off part or all of it.If you look up Liver on the internet you'll find lots of articles. good luck to you - I'm seeing a consultant tomorrow for the same reason - but one thing's for certain, if we keep off the booze we will get better!


Member: LukeK
Location:
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 08:13 AM

Comments

Luke, here, alcoholic. I am now 43 days sober. Last night was very hard. I've slipped in other areas of my life that I have been trying to improve in. My mind and heart kept saying, 'why not just include alcohol and make it a total slip, what's the difference?' I resisted but I don't know for how long.


Member: Kathy P.
Location: Mass
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 09:28 AM

Comments

Hi, Kathy P. alcoholic, and back on day one. I had 81 days of sobriety and was just 2 days short of reaching 12 weeks. Sunday night we had a family birthday party. Someone handed me a glass of wine, and I took it. That night was "ok." I only had a few drinks and woke up feeling fine yesterday morning. I was so "successful" in fact that I decided I could try some "controlled" drinking. Well, half a six-pack and a whole bottle of wine later I knew I had failed and had to start all over again TODAY. So here I am ready to once again admit that I cannot control my drinking and ready to start over. For all of you struggling out there, believe me, it was NOT worth it! I feel crappy today. But I know that I will wake up feeling better tomorrow, and that keeps me going. It's ironic too how I made it through Thanksgiving, Christmas, my 25th anniversary, the death of a long time pet and several other events in my life without taking a drink. And I end up blowing it at a low key family dinner. Those who say alcohol grabs you when you least expect it are absolutely right! I've taken up enough time here, so talk to you all later.


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 10:12 AM

Comments

Bill P. here, certainly alcoholic. ((Kathy P.)) - Sorry to hear about your slip, but hey, you made it back! I'm 8 1/2 months sober and have been reading your posts since you came in. You're absolutely right about this disease sneaking up on you when you least expect it. Something I have done is very helpful and it might help you too. It's this - make sobriety the most important thing (the top priority) in your life. I've found that as long as I do that, everything else takes care of itself. If I pick up again, things will get worse. I know how you felt the next day. I had those hangovers for years, and I just got sick of getting my ass kicked by alcohol. I'm so glad you're back! Do you have a sponsor? I have two and that has saved my ass several times already. Take care. ((Luke K)) - Hang on! That really early sobriety can be scary. It's important that you give yourself some time to adjust to living without booze. My sponsor told me yesterday and it really helped, he said, we're really addicted to the "escape" from reality. The beer in my case was the method I used to escape. Hang on Luke, it really does get better. Take care. Bill


Member: denisem
Location: tx
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 11:13 AM

Comments

Hi I am new to this room and hope it helps. I have to stop drinking. I am at work now with a terrible hang over. I know I drink because I am so lonely. I have 3 kids and I wait until they are in bed then I drink till I fall asleep. I dont know how to quit. I have read books and tried will power and praying. Nothing has worked. The longest I made it with out drinking was 6 days. It seems if I quit then I am giving up the only thing I have left in my life that I enjoy. My husband drinks more than I do but doesnt seem to have the problems that I have. He is emotionally distant and controling, and I know he is a large part of my problem. Please any advise will be welcome

 


Member: Malvin TROCHE
Location: FLORIDA
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 12:16 PM

Comments

Hi. Is my first time doing a meeting on line. i am currently attending counseling on Altamonte.Florida. I read some of the comments. Is good to know that theres people who cares about peoples adiction. I ll be in touch. THANK U ALL


Member: Malvin TROCHE
Location: FLORIDA
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 01:09 PM

Comments

Hi. Is my first time doing a meeting on line. i am currently attending counseling on Altamonte.Florida. I read some of the comments. Is good to know that theres people who cares about peoples adiction. I ll be in touch. THANK U ALL


Member: Malvin TROCHE
Location: FLORIDA
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 01:09 PM

Comments

Hi. Is my first time doing a meeting on line. i am currently attending counseling on Altamonte.Florida. I read some of the comments. Is good to know that theres people who cares about peoples adiction. I ll be in touch. THANK U ALL


Member: Malvin TROCHE
Location: FLORIDA
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 01:09 PM

Comments

Hi. Is my first time doing a meeting on line. i am currently attending counseling on Altamonte.Florida. I read some of the comments. Is good to know that theres people who cares about peoples adiction. I ll be in touch. THANK U ALL


Member: joe don A
Location: nova scotia canada joe_don55@hotmail.com
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 01:39 PM

Comments

joe don A here recovering today i got my 6 mo. chip what a change my life has takin people notice tell me how good i look an theres more money in my pocket these days my new friends are really concerned for my well being all because i go to my meetings an share my thoughts i hope you all recieve this wonderfull feeling of relese from your addiction that i seem to be feeling an may you all have another 24 hr.s thank you for letting me share joe don A


Member: Kathy P.
Location: Mass
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 01:48 PM

Comments

Thanks for your kind words of encouragement ((Bill P.)) it means a lot to me. I will take your advice to heart to make my sobriety my top priority from now on. I don't have a sponsor because I don't attend meetings. I have been doing this mainly on will power and with some AA literature that I am fortunate enough to have. Have a great day.


Member: Tracy V
Location: England
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 02:34 PM

Comments

Tracy alcoholic (((denise)))please have faith to stop for yourself eventually your kids will get older and will be awake with you and watching you drink i know it was alright when they were in nappies i could pretend i was ok but once they become aware well!!!and to (((luke K))) i will be thinking of you and hope you find the strenght please!!! Tracy tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 03:15 PM

Comments

Bill P. here, alcoholic ((Denise)) - I'm 8 1/2 months sober and this site has been of great help. It is no substitute for face to face meetings, but is helpful because you can always check in quickly anytime you need to. Lots of good guidance here. I can relate to your story well. I drank for thirty years until one day I noticed I had a wife and three kids (15, 12, and 8 years old now) that were really taking a lot of bullshit. I was so miserable because of my habitual drinking that I could not get any relief anymore, no matter how much I drank. Than hangovers got worse and worse. I knew I was in trouble when I arrived at the point where I would by a 12 pack of beer everyday upon leaving work and drink on the way home. Anyway, one day I decided that there must be a better way to go through life and I knew that I needed to quit drinking, I just didn't know how to quit. Ever since I found AA, I have not had to drink over anything, and my life is truly better today. If you want a better life, AA can show you the way to get out from under brutal power of alcohol abuse. Welcome, and keep coming back! ((Joe Don A)) - Congratulations on six months! That's a huge milestone in early recovery, and I know becuase I'm just a couple months beyond that. Thanks for being here and checking in. Take care. ((Malvin Troche)) - Welcome and keep coming back. This program works for those who want help! God Bless you all. Bill


Member: Terry
Location:
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 03:16 PM

Comments

Dear Nikki & Kathy. I see many similarities in your writtings and my life now. I'm on my 16th day of sobriety. It's the longest time I have gone without a drink in years. I have known for many years that I needed alcohol to "get by". The things around me are great. I have a wonderful life. But, my insides do not match how I thought I "should" feel. In moments that I thought I should feel good, I didn't and alcohol helped me feel good. I would also drink to get through hard times, things I new I should be doing, but didn't "feel" like doing them, such as work, paying bills, making calls to loved ones, even house work! I too went to this web site and called out for help 2 months ago. I read over and over how the "real" meetings were so important for recovery, and I actually got angry, because I had decided I was going to find a way to do this on my own. As long as I knew I had a problem, I wasn't in the so called "denial" stage, I should be able to rationalize my way to a sober life. Well, it didn't happen. I rationalized myself right back into drinking. First, it was a plane ride I had to go through thinking "As soon as I get over this one fear, I'll start again when I get home", then it was "As soon as I get caught up with my affairs at home", then it was "Just one last drunk with my boyfriend (who doesn't even like to drink), but I wanted to have a "going away" party for my booze. He said "fine, but if you go into hysterics like you do every month or so I'm leaving", so I decided I was just going to have fun in my last drunken stupor. But, I couldn't. I ended up crying hopelessly over the dinner he had made us. I think I realized that I was never going to quit drinking on my own. I have figured out part of the reason why I can't do it on my own. I am not the same person from day to day. I can't trust myself to remember why I made the decision not to drink. It has only been a couple of weeks now, and I vaguely remember how bad I felt, why I cried, why I went back to it, when I promised myself, over and over again I would quit. So I've been going to meetings. The people there are still strangers to me. When Nikki wrote "This is probably a cop out, because you people don't know me", It made me smile, because that is how I felt. Those people at the meetings don't know me as much as I know you. But there is something very bizarre that happens at those meetings. They seem to change the mechanics of my alcoholic thinking. Little by little my way of thinking is changing. Why or how, I do not know. But I have decided to give up wondering how the meetings work, and I just go. I go to another town, because I had the same fears as you and live in a small community. But, after my 5th day meeting in a row, I had a surge of "pride?" to be there at those meetings. What a change of attitude from being ashamed to being proud. I'm not saying I walk down town announcing that I'm an alcoholic in glee, but there are some very REAL people at those meetings. They were nothing at all as I expected. I'm not trying to talk you into going to one, I don't know how close you are to a meeting, and it's always possible that there could be some assholes at yours, but I'm just telling you what happened to me and that's what they do at those meetings. They don't tell you what to do or even what not to do. They just tell what they did.


Member: rebecca f
Location: upstate ny
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 07:52 PM

Comments

HI my name is rebecca and i'm an alcoholic. it's funny how you always hear exactly what you need to hear as long as you keep coming here. I have a little over 3 years but spent most of my time in a drug and alcohol free institution. i have gone a few days without a meeting and feel what stuart was talkin about with only going to a few meetings. i'm trying to get one going on campus, please keep me in your prayers and that this meeting works out. thanks p.s. Nikki -- the result was nil until we let go absolutely. screw what every body else might think, youre the one suffering let go of your ego and pride and you will be amazed


Member: Karen P.
Location: Wrightsville & Atlanta, GA
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 09:34 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Karen, alcoholic, and I'm lonesome tonight. I wish for once this was a real time meeting, because I'd like to be relating back and forth. I'm a little more than 10 months sober and I really don't have anything else to say just now. Doing okay and glad you're here. Don't drink no matter what! Catch you all later.


Member: Craig C.
Location: Vancouver Canada
Date: January 21, 2003
Time: 11:05 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Craig, alcoholic..and am having a real tough time dealing with sobriety. It seems that AA really is good at dealing with the non drinking part, but I find that when the drinking stops, all the other problems in life that have been camouflaged come to the surface. I realized that my marriage is in tatters, at least in my mind and since my sobriety of 3 months, I have met someone else who makes me happy. I have heard that this large lifestyle problems are not to be dealt with early in one's sobriety..but I'm wanting some advice from everyone out there if possible


Member: Mat T
Location: Germany
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 01:01 AM

Comments

Hi, Mat here, alcoholic. Slipped again, been up to 5 months, then back to controlled drinking and then binging. Hangovers, popping aspirin and rolaids all night, feel like crap all day, swear I am going to quit. Go for a few days then start trying to control it again. It is controlling me. I am on day one again. (Bill P.) I can relate to the getting beer and drinking on the way home. That shows how powerful it is when we take such risks. (Kathy P.) Hang in there. That is exactly what happens with me. I think I can try controlled drinking and then it always ends up being not-controlled and irresponsible. I don't know how people can drink socially. I just know how to get drunk. I am seeing a counselor. I have not been to any meetings. Take care all.


Member: Kim V
Location: Mars Hill, NC
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 07:01 AM

Comments

Hi Kim V here alcoholic, sober 6 1/2 years. Welcome Deneisa, Malvin and Kathy. Just wanted to share something in regard to what kathy said about her slip. On page 37 of the Big Book. It talks about Insanity. Also it talks about how this guy thought that self knowledge would keep him from drinking until her got the insane idea that if he put the whiskey in his milk it wouldn't hurt him and of course the experiment went so well he tried it again and agin til he was drunk. It says " But there was the curious mental phenonmenon that parallel with our sound reasoning there ran inevitably ran some insanely trival excuse for taking the first drink' So in other words at any time we can be defenseless against the urge to take the first drink and that is why a spiritual program and a program of action is vital to my recovery if I want to stay sober. Kathy it takes a lot of guts to come back. You have a lot of courage. Keep doing the next right thing. kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us Stillpowerless Kim V


Member: Malvin T.
Location: Orlando F.L
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 09:03 AM

Comments

i never thougt that online meetings were efective at all, today i realize how wrong i was. I been attending meetings on Apopka FL. I like it but since i learned how to do it on line I feel much more comfortable. I have almost a year sober and is great. For all of you that need a friend to talk, count on me. always put GOD people in your agenda, he is the only and great power.GOD BLESS U ALL. mtroche@maranagroup.com


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 09:40 AM

Comments

((Karen)) - Sorry to hear you were lonely last night. Do you have some phone numbers of friends (in or out of the program) you can call? They gave me phone numbers when I went the first week of meetings. I used those numbers at times when I was angry or lonely and it really helped. Loneliness is a very bad place for me. You sound good with 10 months. I've been reading your posts since I came in 8 1/2 months ago. Thanks for being here. ((Craig C.)) - Congrats on 3 months! Be very careful about making big decisions (marriage, job changes, relocations, etc.) in your first year. In early recovery, our minds are clearing, the fog is lifting and we aren't always seeing things in a well-adjusted light. Yea, all the bullshit we were escaping from or covering up with booze comes right to the surface once we stop using. This program helps us accept those realities and to find happiness in the life that we have today. The Big Book calls it living life on life's terms. Hang tough and be careful about making hard and fast judgements in your early recovery. Peace. ((Mat T)) - Thanks for checking in with us. This site is a great source of support and hope to the newcomer. Yea, driving home from work drinking every day is insane behavior, but that's what I thought was normal! Talk about sick. This disease is the only one that will tell you don't have it! It will lie to you and trick tou into believing that you don't have a problem. Thank God I came to understand and accept my alcoholism. Good luck to you and keep coming back. It works (( Kim V)) - Thanks for reminding me of the insanity illustration on P.37 of the book. For years I used to tell myself that drinking only beer and spacing the consumption out over hours would rationalize the drinking. It was all bullshit that laid upon myself. In my case, denial is a huge part of how the disease will work on me. If I go to meetings and stay connected to the fellowship, my chances of staying sober are greatly increased. The milk in the whiskey routine is a great illustration of how ridiculously we can think and rationalize ourselves into another drunk. Talk about powerless..... Thanks for being here and peace to you. Bill


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 10:54 AM

Comments

Hey Bill P., Great advice above and have always enjoyed your positive and helpful message. I can relate to your drinking on the way home from work. My slip started the same way my first time around with AA. I was in the program 6 months and stopped going to meetings and before I knew it I was sneaking drinks. In hindsight I was just not ready to end my love affair with alcohol yet. It took 6 years to hit my bottom but I am back in AA working a hard program. I am coming back slowly and I feel fuzzy like you said. I am keeping it simple for now because I don't trust my judgement yet. Heck, I have a hard time deciding what to cook for dinner never mind starting a new relationship/ taking a hostage(G). I get lonely but then I go to a meeting and the fellowship helps fill the void. Last night after the meeting two of my friends came up and asked me to speak next Monday night. I said no but they would not take no for an answer. I respect these two Ladies a lot and was told over and over when asked to speak you always say yes. I have no idea what to share, what not to share. I am not a comedian and I don't want to be depressing. I like everyone have a drunkalog but I would rather share my strength and hope. I am only 4 months sober and it has been great but my life is mostly meetings and coming back from a two year drunken binge. Any thoughts anyone on how to share for the first time? I appreciate it. Keeping it in AA... Kelly


Member: txblond3
Location:
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 11:17 AM

Comments

Hi Day 2 here and last night was my first meeting. Feeling great about the whole thing. AA is an answer to all my prayers especially my lonely ness. Good luck Kelly on sharing. I had to take speech in college and the best thing that helped me was to pick out one friend in the audience and talk to them. Then you will see lots of other friendly faces and start to talk to everyone and watch them respond to you. They have been there and want to make it easy for you. Good luck I know you can do it. I need to ask for some help. My husband doesnt want me in AA and gets mad when I talk on the phone. He drinks a lot and doesnt want me to quit. How do I deal with him? Has anyone else had this problem? Any advice? Thanks txblond


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 11:24 AM

Comments

Oops, I forgot (Kathy P), I have been reading you here for a long time and 81 days is awesome! I'm sorry about your slip. You had a near miss at Christmas but your husband grabbed the glass. This time it was too tempting as you said. I give you credit because I can't be around alcohol yet safely. I have none in my house and stay away from parties where there is alcohol. My lifestyle allows for this and I don't know yours but it helps to steer clear of alcohol in new sobriety. I'm OUT and all my friends and family know I don't drink and that I'm a recovering alcoholic. No one would pass me a glass of wine anymore than a loaded gun. I am lucky in this respect. Congratulations on day 2!!! As my Dad always said, If at first you don't succeed try, try again. I also like "Begin again". Good Luck. Kelly


Member: Tracy V
Location: England
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 12:46 PM

Comments

Hi Tracy here 7 days sober the thing is it has all happened so fast that i think maybe it will all crash down around me. I have only been to one meeting enjoyed it am going again tonight just in time me thinks. Want to go to other meetings but scared thank god for this site. ((bless you all)) tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 02:11 PM

Comments

Bill P. here, most definitely alcoholic. ((Tracy V)) - Welcome! Don't worry about anything other than today. I've learned from this fellowship we call AA that today is the only one that truly counts. Don't worry about "it" crashing down around you. If you go to meetings, read the Big Book, and stay in touch with other people in recovery, you'll be okay. Trust in this program. It works. In many ways I don't how, but it does work. Welcome again and KEEP COMING BACK!!! ((Kelly M)) - You sound really good. On the open talk, my advice would be to give people your experience with how you have attempted to apply the steps, and how that has impacted your recovery to this point. I'm working on my fourth step right now, so I'd probably stick to the first four steps. However, regardless of where we are in recovery, we can apply many of the later steps on a daily basis, even if we haven't yet worked all of the steps in succession. It's a huge opportunity for you, being asked to speak. I think it is wonderful that they have asked you to speak at this point. It says a lot of how they value your example. Thanks for being here and I know you'll do very well for the talk. God Bless. ((Kathy P.)) - Thinking of you. Keep us posted on how you are doing, okay? Peace. Enjoy this day everybody, it's the only one that counts! Bill


Member: Robert
Location: Ohio
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 03:45 PM

Comments

((txblond3)) I don't have any experience to share other than this: 1) share this with the women in the program and keep asking for help. You will find someone who has been there before. 2) Nothing will get better in your life if you start drinking again. If that requires you to leave him (even temporarily) than it is worth it to maintain your sobriety. You have to put your sobriety above everything because we have nothing without it. The best thing my ex-wife ever did for me was to leave me. It helped me to finally look at MY drinking problem. Now I pray for her to find her way to the program too. Hope that helps but above all, listen to the women in the program who've been where you're at now. I'll be keeping you in my prayers. God bless, Robert


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bbbrrrrrrridgewaterrrrrrrrr
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 03:57 PM

Comments

Meetings: The invisible medicine. Getting a check up from the neck up. Meeting makers make it. Happy, sad or glad - hit a meeting. That's all I have to say. Thanks.


Member: Kevin C
Location: Detroit
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 05:48 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Kevin C and I'm an alcoholic. Craig C, you wrote, "It seems that AA really is good at dealing with the non drinking part, but I find that when the drinking stops, all the other problems in life that have been camouflaged come to the surface." With 6 months sobriety, I'm not "an old pro" but I am starting to learn that working the 12 steps is really about LIFE, not just putting the plug in the jug. I got "dry" with steps 1-3, but I was still miserable. I finally decided I wanted the whole package... not just chemical sobriety, but emotional and spiritual sobriety as well... the "happy, joyous and free" that I kept seeing in other AA's. For me, the key has been getting a sponsor, doing an actual written 4th step (moral inventory), admitting my defects to God, myself and another human being (5th step), committing to change (6th step), praying for wholeness (7th step), becoming willing to amend and actually making amends (steps 8 & 9), continued inventory (step 10), prayer & meditation (step 11) and spiritual awakening/carrying the message (step 12). I still have a long way to go, but since I went from my own "3 step" or "5 step" program to the 12 step program you people told me about (even the steps that scared the shit out of me), it's getting better and better. Keep coming back!


Member: Karen P.
Location: Wrightsville & Atlanta, GA
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 08:43 PM

Comments

((Bill P.)) Thanks for your comments. I'm now counting down the days to my one year chip (early March), and on the bad days I worry I will sabotage myself in order not to have to speak in front of the group when I am given my one year chip. I don't think it'll happen, but that is my fear. I am very shy in public, and almost never share in f2f meetings. That is one reason my sponsor suggested I come here, which has been good for me. Thanks for being here.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 09:31 PM

Comments

Amen Kevin C... The longer I stay in the AA program the more I feel it is as much or more of a "start living" program as it is a "stop drining" program. Bill az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Arby
Location: Oshawa Ont
Date: January 22, 2003
Time: 10:16 PM

Comments

Karen P The first time I spoke at a meeting I was scared silly. But after I spoke to the group I felt such a sense of relief that I had cleansed myself. Someone once told me that being asked to speak is not because you are some one special but may be you need it the most. The one thing you have to remember is that they have heard it all before or lived it and that they are there for the same reason you are. When you look out at the faces look at your sponsor or someone you are comfortable with and talk to them. The long timers got sober One day at a time just like you will. Keep coming back.


Member: Melanie
Location: Ohio USA
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 01:11 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Melanie an alcoholic. Lots of good shares. ((((Nikki)))If there is a meeting in your town, there are alcoholics in your town. People know you drink too much. The ones at the meetings will help you stop. (((Craig))) Before I stopped drinking, my husband was a real a**hole. I also met someone who made me happy VERY early in sobriety. Thank God we lived far apart and were separated within a week. Then the strangest thing happened. When I started to get better, my husband started getting better too! Huh?! Makes ya think doesn't it? So, here you've been this great husband for all this time and now that you're making this change, you want to share it with someone who hasn't been there for you all along. Maybe you should give your family one more chance. I'm so glad I did. (((txblond3))) Different situation than Craig. Early sobriety is often the time for really tough choices. I knew to stay with my husband because he was WITH me, not AGAINST me. Seek other women for help with this. Love and blessings to all.


Member: Curious
Location: Midwest
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 03:49 AM

Comments

Curious alkoholic. Where in the Big Book does it say that meetings keep you sober or get you sober? I read where so many in here go back out and blame everything under the sun for it. Folks, this is a deadly desease. The only way to escape death is to take the 12 steps with a sober sponsor and quit playing russian roulette with your lives and the lives of those around you. With the present thinking that meetings keep you sober, you are gambling that you can always get to one. what if you can't? Get sober like the book says. Try it, you'll like it.


Member: Debbie S
Location: San Francisco
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 07:42 AM

Comments

Hi, Debbie, alcholic here, Nikki, I agree everyone knows soooo much more than we think they do. We think we are so clever. Anyone you see there will be there for the same reasons. Now for my dilemma, recently diagnosed w/ lung cancer and having a really tough time of it. Drank over it and only have 1 week behind me, been battling with getting some time together for the past 2 years now and the most I've acheived was 6 months with the help of antabuse. I've learned alot in the program and am hoping to gain a greater acceptance, but honestly not sure it works for me. Any advice?


Member: Tracy V
Location: England
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 07:52 AM

Comments

Tracy here alkie. 7 days sober had a spritual awakening which i would have gambled my life on it not happening to me but it did the feeling was so terrific i have never felt anything like it before but i sometimes lose it from hour to hour i am frightened i am losing it does anybody undrstand. tracy,v@ntlworld.com


Member: Melissa
Location: Canada
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 10:41 AM

Comments

Hi, Tracy, if you mean that tiny window in your mind that opens enough to make you think you have a chance of staying sober and learning how to live, I know what you mean. I had that, too, in my early, early days of sobriety but it kept opening and closing (I think now that fear made it close). I think going to meetings and talking to my sponsor and working on step one were the things that kept it open, longer and longer, until enough time had passed that I started to believe that I could stay sober, if I just kept doing what I was doing. The thing for me, I found out, is that it's not all that complicated. Sobriety and faith and hope really are available to me if I just stop doubting that those things are real and possible. There is a Higher Power. It's amazing. Lots of love, and keep coming back.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 11:40 AM

Comments

HI Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. Amen Curious. The book does not say meetings keeps us sober. As a matter of fact it tells us just the opposite. (b) out of the a,b,c's "That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism" However, Bill Wilson once wrote that the sole purpose of an AA meeting is to teach and practice the principles of the program. AA is not a self help, group therapy program. We have drifted away from our primary purpose slightly... Bill az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 12:28 PM

Comments

((Curious)) I see your point - but want to point this out to you about meetings: Where do you find a sponsor? On a sponsor tree? In early sobriety, how do we know if the person we pick to sponsor us has true experiences with working the 12 Steps? Where do we get to listen and question and understand the process as it's laid out in the big book? MEETINGS. Whether it's online or F2F -WE do together what I could not do alone. Meetings are a good way of working the 12 steps with a sponsor and perhaps get a different perspective on things. Lighten up - remember Rule #62. Do you have a home group? (I don't, BTW. But I try to make a Step meeting everyweek.... ;-)*g


Member: LukeK
Location:
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 12:58 PM

Comments

Just want to say a big "thanks" for the supportive comments. They really helped me in my time of need. I'm still sober (45 days) and not feeling like I'm about to lose it. For all those thinking about giving in - just hold on - you'll feel better in a few days and then you'll be so happy you didn't give in and start the whole terrible cycle over again.


Member: joe don A
Location: nova scotia canada joe_don55@hotmail.com
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 01:19 PM

Comments

joe don here alkie ((landscape ray)) thx for the e-mail like what i see here ((bill p)) thx for the welcome nice to see its friendly here ((tracy v.)) im 6 mo.s sober an drank for 35 years so i can't excpect to get a spritual awakening over nite but i do get moments when the dissire leaves me an things are good, enjoy these moments an when there not so good work your program go to meetings get in tough with your hp do whatever it takes you'll thank yourself in the end good luck an take care joe don


Member: Also curious
Location:
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 01:29 PM

Comments

Thanks Curious... p164 "give freely of what you find and join us"... Where if not at a meeting?


Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 02:02 PM

Comments

[Honestly, I wrote the following before I read the post from “Curious”. I agree, though that meetings don’t keep me sober. Meetings are where I found what keeps me sober, however. What I found was the Grace of God and the program of AA (the 12 Steps).] === Don’t drink and go to meetings. Go to meetings and don’t drink. I was told to make a lot of Step meetings. I do. That is where I know that I will hear how people have taken the steps and how they practice the principles contained in the 12 Steps in their lives. I practice the three “R’s” by making regular step meetings on a regular basis. Repetition, Repetition, Repetition. Meetings are where I hear how others utilize what is written in the Big Book. Meetings are where I have face to face accountability for how I live my life without drinking. I want people to see me often enough that they will ask me what is going on if I don’t look okay. Meetings are where I get the message of AA, that we have had spiritual awakenings as THE result of the 12 Steps, and meetings are a major part of my carrying that message. For me, meetings are where I find the “We” of the program. The first word of the first step is “We”. We stay sober, and I am part of WE at meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you are anywhere near a face-to-face meeting, do yourself a favor and go. Joe – joep041699@mindspring.com


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 02:27 PM

Comments

((Luke K))- Thanks for letting us know you made it through the dark time. I've found those moments continue to arrive even in my sobriety, but now I have the program (and my friends here) to help me deal with it head on know that it will pass... Keep coming back, it gets better! ((Joe Don A)) - I love AA because it's the only place I've found yet where everyone wants you to succeed. Nobody is trying to get over on you and do better than you. I find the answers here, and for that I'm forever grateful. Thanks for being part of what is keeping me sober today. ((Joe P.)) - Good stuff you shared. I get good stuff from you. Thanks again, and please keep coming back. Peace.


Member: Kate S
Location: New York
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 02:27 PM

Comments

((Craig))) I really liked Kevin's feedback to you re: other issues after stopping the drinking. I struggled with the exact same things you are. Outside relationship with a more "suitable" mate, etc. Work the steps and put the woman on hold for a while. If she's really as great as you think, it can wait. There is a reason for waiting. Get clear, wait for the fog to life. Chances are, Craig, if there's a sense of urgency to it, than it's your will, not God's. This is just my humble opinion. I met a man, acted out, wanted to leave my hubby and ended up staying to work on the set of issues we already have; and not new ones. One step, one day, one relationship at a time. God bless. And yes, I still think about the man, but he would have been just another drink in disguise, Craig. I totally know where you're at, however. It's a real tough one. We are searching for God in the flesh, as my sponsor put it. Kate.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 02:30 PM

Comments

Hi Curious, I'm curious why you did not post your name. Just trying to prime the well? Afraid to stand behind your own opinion? At least Azbill agreed with you because sorry I don't. AA is a (fellowship) of men and women, not just a book. If that was all it was we would not need meetings and just study the book or go online. AA works if you work it and not going to meetings goes totally against the AA program. Read chapter 7 in the Big Book, Working With Others. It starts with, Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. I just got back from a noon meeting that really inspired me. The speaker had 31 years sobriety and was inspiring. He said that AA is a "we" program and it is all about one drunk helping another. At break I asked him how important meetings are and he said they are like an engine to a car. Without the engine the car won't move forward. I also asked him about online AA and he just laughed. He said it is the one on one interaction that makes AA work. I enjoy online AA but I use it adjunct to face to face meetings, my sponsor and my reading. I get a lot from my meetings and friends in the program. It works for me..... Kelly


Member: Robert
Location: Ohio
Date: January 23, 2003
Time: 03:01 PM

Comments

There've been alot of comments concerning what keeps us sober. My Higher Power keeps me sober. Working the steps helps me to clear away the wreckage of my past and open a path for a closer relationship with that Higher Power. I could not have done that without the help of the people in the program, whom I met at meetings. There's a line in the Big Book, can't quote it word for word, but basically what it says is that we meet often so that the next guy will have a chance at what we were so freely given. So, the meetings are, in a sence, more for the newcomer than us. The wonderful thing about the program is that when we take the actions that help the newcomer, we in turn are also taking actions which will keep us sober. Pretty cool deal. God bless---Robert


Member: Mat T
Location: Germany
Date: January 24, 2003
Time: 01:53 AM

Comments

Mat here, alcoholic. On Day 4 - again...Maybe I just won't watch the Superbowl. (Tracy V.) Hi over there in England from Over here in Germany. Yes, I understand. I have been up and down with this and it is really hard with the culture and all of my drinking friends here in Germany. Hang in there... Good luck all!


Member: Jan
Location:
Date: January 24, 2003
Time: 02:53 AM

Comments

Hi, Jan, alcoholic. I had a long and unsettling day, so this is my meeting and I appreciate it. It helps me not to feel alone and isolated in the way I think and deal with the world--when I got home I wished I could "escape the reality" of a conversation I had earlier in the day, but reading all the posts reminds me that I have abused the ability to escape reality by drinking, and that I am not alone, that I am not the only person who has used, abused and given up the "escape hatch" of alcohol. There are other and better ways of getting past bad feelings and AA helps to find and use the better ways. Thanks all.


Member: Tracy V
Location: England
Date: January 24, 2003
Time: 04:21 AM

Comments

Hi Tracy, Alcoholiic,Last night was a big test 8 days sober the longest time in 9 yrs, it was my husbsnds BD and had arranged to meet friends down the pub he said we can cancell i said no lets do it. Well whilst drinking my 1st pint of coke i thought how am i going to get through this evening when in walks a couple we know but have never mixed with socially. Well the male aquintence turns out to be the type that if you look at him the wrong way he'd knock you out, so all night i am preying that he won't start only this morning that i relised i was so busy preying there'd be no trouble that i completely forgot i wasn't drinking HP at work or what!!!! So glad I woke up sober ((love to you all)) ((Mat T tell me about drinking friends LOL)) Tracy


Member: Kathy P.
Location: Mass
Date: January 24, 2003
Time: 09:31 AM

Comments

Good morning everybody, Kathy P. alcoholic for sure here. I want to start off by thanking everybody at this site who have taken the time to give me support and encouragement and to let you all know that I have blown it again! I guess I didn't prove to myself that I can't control my drinking the first time this week so I had to prove it to myself again. The good news is that I finally realize that I have gotten as much mileage out of my "will power" as I ever will. Those of you who have followed my postings know that I have been against going to meetings and have been doing this on my own. Well, no more, I hope. I called the AA hotline this morning and got the location of a women's daytime meeting on Wednesday. Now I just need the courage to show up at it! I also got out the Big Book which is another thing I haven't done in weeks and read it for a while. It sure does hit home. So wish me luck and courage, I really need all your prayers now. Thanks and happy sobriety to us all.


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: January 24, 2003
Time: 03:56 PM

Comments

((Kathy P.)) Way to go on picking up that 1000lb telephone and calling your local AA. Good for you. Might I ask, however, why you are waiting until Wednesday to hit a meeting? Why not strike while the iron is hot???? I don't know what part of Mass you are from, but I live in Bridgewater. E-mail me if you'd like to - I leave work at 5:00 p.m. and don't have a computer at home. kimtuck67@hotmail.com (3 1/2 years sober - single Mom of 2 boys - very safe! :-) )


Member: j
Location:
Date: January 24, 2003
Time: 04:55 PM

Comments

i couldn't stay sober. people kept telling me "keep coming back". it wasn't until an Elder told me, "instead of being the 'keep coming back' guy, why don't you try being the 'keep staying' guy. coming up on 53 months and been sober ever since. keep staying.


Member: H.
Location: Florida
Date: January 24, 2003
Time: 10:21 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm H. and I'm an alcoholic. I'm 18 days sober and am 'working' the meetings, Big Book, etc....but I still have yet to pick up the phone to talk to other alcoholics I meet in the rooms. Somehow I feel silly picking a number, calling, and not really saying anything. Am I being paranoid? Does telephone therapy help regardess of how many meetings I attend that day?


Member: Vic S
Location: Oregon
Date: January 24, 2003
Time: 10:56 PM

Comments

Vic alcoholic, My first online AA experience. About meetings, we learn fellowship and advise. I think the best advise we get is to get a spon-sor and do the steps. Im two days sober after ten years of doing AA and not understanding how to work the steps properly and applying them to my situation .


Member: Bob B
Location: Vanderbilt Mi
Date: January 24, 2003
Time: 11:31 PM

Comments

Bob here, alcoholic. Hi all. Was reading all the postings and see a lot of comments on what gets us sober and keeps us sober. I am reading a book my wife bought me called "BILL W. Co-founder of AA" written by Francis Hartigan. He got most of his info directly from Bill's wife. He says Bill got sober in a hospital, went to hospitals, jails, bars, all sorts of places to find drunks to help get sober which kept him sober while he took the first 12 steps. I wonder where AA would be if he had sat waiting for other drunks to show up for him to help? Where would Dr. Bob have gotten the message. Sure meetings help and the book suggests we go there to carry the message "the AA message" which is the Book. It is the program. The fellowship was formed around it initially. Wonder what happened to that concept? "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of THESE steps, we tried to carry THIS message to alcholics and practice THESE principles in all our affairs". I see "Curious' point where those that choose an "easier softer way," may end up dead because they didn't get the "MESSAGE". I got to meetings but it is God that keeps me sober as I continue to do his will "the Book". Nowhere to my knowledge does it tell us to go to meetings in place of the steps. Dr. Bob did the steps in 6 days. Check the history of AA folks and I am sure it will surprise you how many did them immediately. Why would anyone who knows alcohol will kill them pospone doing what works? Now I'm getting curious. God bless you all in your efforts to get sober.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: January 25, 2003
Time: 02:36 PM

Comments

I'm Chris--I'm an alcoholic...TO Nikki and all of the others who are afraid of meetings and being "found out"...Please just give it a chance/....At my first meeting I prayed that I wouldn't see anyone I knew...and wouldn't you know it...I saw the one person in the program who knew the most people I knew in our town...My HP has a great sense of Humor, because I think , what He wanted me to do was to get over that fear right away...For one thing, Alcoholics Anonymous is supposed to be ANONYMOUS..and anyone who is worth their salt will keep it that way...For sure there are those that won't , but if the word does get out, the people who will judge you really don't matter, and the people who love you will be so happy that you have found help. They would rather have you around than lying in a gutter or dead. It took me a while to stop being mortified when I saw someone I knew in meetings, but now I am proud of who I am and proud of them for beings there. THere are a few that I see socially now and then, and we seem to have a secret understanding that we are on ther same path. I was at a cocktail party over the holidays and saw a couple form the program ...I was by myself and it was so nice, because they offered to get me something from the bar that I could drink...Not a word was spoken about it...IT seems that God provides what we need at the right times...


Member: Rich L
Location: CT,USA
Date: January 25, 2003
Time: 10:16 PM

Comments

hi my name is Rich, I'm an alcoholic. I myself found out the hard way that i really had an illness when i hit ROCK BOTTOM last week. I have a good job and 4 beutiful kids and a fiance that loves me but all the while i let this poison kill me. I left it all last year when the holidays came about. I lived a year in hell. Shutting out the very thing that i knew was gods fait for me.I lived in fear that people didnt like me and i had to drink so that they would. I finally asked my boss for help and went to a detox. I am now back with my fiance and the kids and am living for today not for the next drink i am currently in a outpacient rehab and looking for a home group in AA. I learned alot from the people that i met in detox and got a network of phone numbers from them. I never thought i'd say it but i now have more support than i ever did when i was with my "" friends. I havent made it to a live meeting yet but i plan on it after work on monday I just needed time to get settled in at home again after living out of my car for so long. anyway thanks to all who read this for letting me share i hope you could identify somewhat. I pray for us all everynight who suffer and know it and the ones who have yet to commit to sobriety. thanks for letting me share. good luck and god bless


Member: Joan D
Location: Alberta, Canada
Date: January 26, 2003
Time: 01:27 AM

Comments

For Nikki My name is joan and I'm an alcoholic.Returning member after 4 years of "controlled" drinkingthru which I may have lost my husband of 5 1/2 years. My fear of being found out in my small community that I have only lived in stopped me from going back to AA, but my life is workth much more to me today.2 weeks sober and trying hard to work the prgram someway other than my way. Best wishes


Member: Tracy
Location: England
Date: January 26, 2003
Time: 06:22 AM

Comments

Been sober 11 days first few days great now depression big time is this normal after giving up the ole tinnies still don,t want to drink but want to get drunk why ? even though i know i will feel like shit again oh the insanity of it!! Tracy