July 25 - 31 2010. Self-Will Run Riot.

Ta dah... today is a day of miracles... I don't believe I've ever been first on ES!!

Self-will run riot... that is just a funny turn of phrase. I picture me running around like a chicken with my head cut off. And yet, it was my own head and my own ego based thoughts that caused me to run riot. Self-centered fear, self-pity, envy, unworthiness, pride, and a million other little insidious little viruses or programs that I allowed to run my life for so long - without even knowing it.

It reminds me of the popular phrase in the 70's when computers first came out G.i.G.O. Garbage In... Garbage Out. The computer is only as good as the programming you put into it. Same is true for our minds... and when I allow MY thoughts to run the show, I'm pretty much destined for Garbage output.

So today, I do my best to run everything through my God filter and allow Him to guide me in all of my affairs.

I have a new employer who is all loving and all powerful. How freaking cool is that???

I no longer have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and continually turn to booze to help me manage it all. I am free at last... alleluia!!!

Hello all, my name is Marissa, and at this point I am here merely to observe the procedures used in a 12-step process, especially one conducted over the internet! I am working on my bachelor's degree and I am currently taking a class on Social Work and Addictions. I hope you do not mind my observation as I feel I could learn a lot from you. I wish you all luck in your endeavors. :)

Hi I am Ann, alcoholic, Not sure what that means, run riot.. I will be in and read other posts. This is my first post and I am in intensive outpatient recovery 3 days a week, but relapsed last night, thinking i could get in there again, and it would go ok. NOPE. Got up this morning went for a 4 mile walk to the gas station to buy my cup of ice, and back on again today. I will hang tight with everyone now.

((VIC)) Sounds like me absolutely. Thank God that is over.

Hello Everyone. My name is Richard and I am an alcoholic in early recovery.

Nice to have a topic from the Big Book for a change.

Newcomers are not obliged to stick to the topic. You will see from the guidelines that anything that helps you stay sober longer is OK here on the Early Sobriety forum. Just so you know.

((Jody)) How lovely to see you here. Congratulations on your 4th AA birthday and wishing you many more happy sober birthdays. I've thought of you so often and had lost your email address. I now have it from your profile.

Unfortunately I relapsed 2 months before my 5th AA birthday. I was alone overseas for 6 weeks. Lost touch with AA, no meetings, terrible physical pain, my sponsor emigrated to New Zealand and I had no Higher Power. Well Chapter 5 starts:

“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.” And I didn't THOROUGHLY follow it.

((Vic)) Nice to see some Big Book Thumping from you.

((Ann )) Welcome. Here's some more from page 62 of the Big Book about Self Will Run Riot

“Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?

Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!”

((Paul)) I had a minor but rather obvious realization to-day. Active Alcoholism is all rush.

It's a rush to get your own way, keep tidying up the chaos, rush to hide how much we are drinking, rush to get rid of the bottles (very important), and to hide them, rush to get to work and back from work if we are fortunate enough to still have a job, rush to do what you didn't do last week; wondering whether what we said on the telephone last night was (a) comprehensible (b) not offensive and © whether we remember all that was said.

Keep Coming Back !